All language subtitles for The.Conners.308

*THE CONNERS*
Season 03 Episode 08

Episode Title: "Young Love, Old Lions and Middle-Aged Hyenas"
Aired on: January 20, 2021

We're not
gonna find any change.

We haven't had anybody over
in months.

If we do find something,

we're just taking it
from each other.

That's like robbing Peter
to pay Peter.

We all know
Peter's broke.

Why do these things
have zippers?

I guess you're supposed to
take the pillow out

and wash the cover.

- Oh!
- Oh!

Well, we haven't done it
in 32 years.

If we wash them now, all that'll
be left is the zipper.

Hey, guys.
We can't stay long.

We just got our test results in.
We're COVID‐negative.

Just came back.
Got to clean up a little,

charge our phones,
and get back to the protest.

I thought you couldn't go
because you had to go to work.

I'm only going
on my days off.

Hey, all.
I'm Josh.

No, no.
Don't make a speech.

Hey! Don't rush off.

Let your guest
sit on the couch.

Who's that guy?

I think I saw him when I went
down there to talk to Harris,

but I'm not sure
what's going on.

Something must be going on,
'cause if I'm not mistaken,

he's the first guy
she's brought home, right?

Well, I'm sure
it's just a friend.

You don't bring a boyfriend
over here

unless it's a ritual sacrifice
of some kind.

Oh, hey.

Do you know anything
about this Josh guy

that Harris brought home?

I've seen him
on her Instagram.

She was spray painting
something on a building,

and he was
holding her cans.

I love you 'cause you don't know
what that means.

The sink is backing up.

That means they're taking
a shower together.

Oh, I doubt that.

She's only known him
for a couple days.

At their age, a couple days
is all you need

to start
soaping each other up.

Uh, Mark,
can you give us a minute?

Yeah, good idea.
Otherwise I might figure out

what "soaping each other up"
means.

Grow up, Nana.

Josh is a boyfriend.

Well, alright, well, if he is, I
need to know way more about him.

Oh, I know all about
Josh's type.

Lots of hair,
lots of lies.

Not necessarily.

I've dated
a lot of bald liars.

Some of them lied
about having hair.

I'm just saying there is
a right way to do this.

First you tell the mom
how young she looks.

Then you wait until
everybody goes to sleep,

then you sneak
to the backyard

and have sex
behind the chicken coop.

A little respect...
that's all I'm asking for here.

She's 18, Darlene.

It's not the end of the world
if Harris has shower sex.

You better hope that's all
they're doing up there.

What do you think they're doing
that's worse than sex?

I'm not getting into it
with you squares.

Hey. I'm Darlene,
Harris' mom.

Oh, you're Harris' mom?
You look so young.

Oh. I'm not the type that needs
that kind of thing, but thanks.

Okay if I grab
a couple sodas, Darlene?

Oh, sure, Josh. I just
put some in the fridge.

And, you know,
while you're in there,

why don't you hang out
with Harris' aunts?

They're super curious
and fun to talk to.

Sure.

Hey.

So, uh,
sit down a minute, Josh.

That was
a quick shower.

Yeah,
Harris wanted to take hers,

and I'm just
grabbing her a soda.

Separate showers...
noted.

Squares.

Oh, you may want to fix your
water pressure, by the way.

It's somewhere in between
a trickle and a leak.

So we're to take from that
that at your house,

you have
great water pressure?

Good to know.

So, your house with
good water pressure,

uh, you live there alone,
with a roommate, or...

maybe a wife?

Yeah, I'm not married.

So you're living
with your girlfriend.

I'm sorry... boyfriend.

Uh, I live with my folks,
and it's strictly platonic.

Good.
So... you and Harris.

Camping out at
the protest together.

Are you
together‐together,

or is this
one of these, uh,

"everybody's lovin'
everybody" deals?

And that's not a judgment.

She's a freak.

You know, we're really
not into labels.

We're just hanging.
I think Harris is great.

And she's got this aura of
positivity and light around her.

Yeah.

After a couple
weed gummies.

That's not a judgment, either.
She's an alcoholic.

Harris really wanted
her soda.

What'd you guys
find out?

Did you just walk
around the house?

He's not married, he and Harris
are definitely a thing,

although they're
not labeling it,

and he and his folks have
great water pressure at home.

Oh, my God.
And they're a thing?

This is it.

This is Harris'
first real boyfriend.

What are you
so worried about?

- Let's see where this goes.
- We know where this goes.

You Conner girls always marry
the first guys you bring home.

Roseanne did, you did,
and so did you.

No, that was
a little different.

We didn't have
a lot of options.

We were living in a run‐down,
crowded house

and we were
trying desperately

to get the hell away
from our family.

Okay, we really got to
find out about this guy.

Hey. What, you gonna
build something?

Yeah, I really need a closet
in the basement.

Uh, you know a closet is
basically a square, right?

'Cause that looks like an
optical illusion of some sort.

Clearly
I breastfed so long today,

the baby sucked out
all my brains.

Well, hey,
I'd love a project.

Shopping for
other people's groceries

isn't as fulfilling as it
sounds. -

Why don't you let me
help you build the thing?

Oh, that's sweet, Ben,

but these aren't
the hands of a carpenter.

These are
the baby‐soft hands

of a man who picks out
other people's toilet paper.

Oh‐kay. I grew up in
my dad's hardware store, okay?

I can do something simple
like a closet.

Come on. Let's go down
to the basement,

and we'll get
the right measurements.

Okay,
but don't tell my dad.

The poor guy feels like he has
to do everything around here,

so I wanted to surprise him
by having it done already.

I've always felt bad
that he wanted sons

and he had me,
Darlene, and DJ.

How are we gonna keep your dad
from seeing it?

Doesn't he go down there
once in a while?

Oh, nah.
His knees are shot.

Uh, the stairs are like
a vertical moat.

I'm so sorry, guys.

I got caught up at work.

Wow.
This looks great, Dad.

So, Josh, love your mother,
hate your mother?

That is so funny.

Josh's parents wanted to know
the exact same thing about me.

Boy, that was a tough moment.

Wow. So you, uh... you met
Josh's parents already?

Oh, yeah,
just on the phone.

Josh was telling me all about
their protest plans.

Yeah, we are ready to occupy
major financial institutions

in order to make a point

about the uneven distribution
of wealth.

Interesting, because if you
start breaking into banks,

I think the police will
enjoy the opportunity

to debate
your political beliefs

with repeated nightsticks
to the head.

That's a chance
we're willing to take.

You guys
have no idea how bad

the income inequality is
in this country.

I have some idea.

Would you like a jelly glass
for your generic cola?

Look, I understand
that you're willing

to take a chance
with your own head,

but now you're talking about
my daughter's head.

Mom, that's the only way
to get social‐media coverage.

I mean, Josh knows
what he's doing.

He's gone to
a million protests.

He's kind of a genius
at this stuff.

Mm‐hmm.
If they come at us,

we're just gonna
live‐stream it.

I have a video
of me getting hit

with a tear‐gas canister
in Philly.

There was blood everywhere.
30,000 views.

That's insane.

Mom, I know you're kind of
nervous about this,

but don't worry.

We know what we're doing.

Should probably
get going.

Gonna need this
for the tear gas.

That...

That's almond milk!

This is bad.

Harris is listening
to this kid,

and the only thing
we know about him

is that he can't wait
to get into it with the cops.

You got to go online and see if
this kid's got a death wish

or is just talking like that
to impress Harris.

With you and your sisters,

the only way
I could get information

was by giving your boyfriends
a friendly squeeze

right where the spine
meets the brain stem.

But times change.

Okay, where do you want
the shelf for your shoes?

One shelf?
I'm not Darlene.

What the hell's
going on here?

He made it
across the moat.

- Hey, Dad.
- What's that supposed to be?

Uh, a closet.
It's almost done.

All it needs is a coat of paint
and a door.

I asked Ben
to help me.

I grew up
in a hardware store.

Well, if you'd grown up in
a house and gone to school,

you would've known
you need masonry anchors.

There's cinderblock
behind that.

You can't just join it
together like this.

Well, that's one opinion,

but the way I was taught,
those screws will work.

You just have to use
the right‐sized drill bit.

You know what?
You're probably right.

I've only got 45 years
in the construction business.

What do I know about building
things in my own house?

It looks like
you've done a great job.

What are you doing?!

That took hours!

You're so tired
when you get home from work,

I thought you'd be happy
you didn't have to do it.

Well, I'm not happy
'cause now I got to redo it.

Nobody does anything in this
house without asking me first.

You know, that
doesn't prove anything.

You know? You could do that
to any closet.

Josh is full of bull.
I can't even find that

"Philadelphia blood everywhere"
thing he was talking about.

And, by the way,
never Google that.

Keep looking.

I want to be sure that
Harris is safe with him.

We checked
all the records,

every one of
his social‐media accounts.

We didn't find anything weird.
Give it up.

Oh, you stupid old women.

If you want to know
about someone,

you don't look at
what they post.

Everybody lies.

You got to look
at their parents

or at their idiot friends
who drunk‐post.

That's where
you'll get the truth.

Here's his dad.

Ohh. Whoa. Look.

T‐That's his house.

Doesn't look very big,
but it's really nice.

That's not a house.
That's a yacht.

They have a yacht!

Any idea what
crawled up Dad's butt?

He just went off on me.

Who cares?
Look at this yacht.

Are we looking at
buying one?

Because things changed a lot
in the past hour.

He isn't a psychopath!
He's rich!

- Who's rich?
- Josh and his family.

Look.

Oh, his dad's
pretty good‐looking.

And his mom's got "first wife"
written all over her.

I bet he's looking
to trade up.

He's too old for you,
Becky.

Besides, I'd actually
kill that woman for him.

Let's check out
his drunk friends.

Wow.

Looks like Josh didn't lie
about doing a lot of protests,

but he's also been doing
a lot of ladies.

Oh, yeah, look.

Here's a picture of him
blocking bulldozers

in the Amazon rainforest
with a hot Brazilian girl.

And here's another one
three months ago

where he's protesting
the Keystone Pipeline

with his arm around a girl
from the Sioux Nation.

Oh, my God!
This is ridiculous!

He has a girl
for every cause.

This guy is just using Harris
as his poverty poster girl,

and when he's done
with this protest,

he's gonna dump her,
and it's gonna destroy her.

I got to go down there.

Oh, poor Harris.

Making a bad choice
can ruin your life.

Hey, check out if, uh,
Josh's dad is an activist, too.

Yeah, see if he's into

rescuing single broke mothers
from their basements

and releasing them to run free
in sprawling mansions.

Ahh.

Dad, take a break.

You can't build my closet
in one day.

If I leave this half‐finished,
you and the beard farmer

are just gonna
go back down there

and screw things up
even worse.

We were just trying to take
something off your plate.

Think you know
what happens

when somebody tries to
take something off my plate.

I don't get it.
Why did you get so angry?

Because I don't want Ben
doing stuff for me

'cause you think I'm too old
to do it myself.

I didn't say old.
I said "tired."

I know what you meant.

I don't like seeing you

working yourself to death
to prove a point!

Instead of being out here,

you should be on the couch
with Louise having a beer

or... or working on your bike
having a beer or...

having a beer
and planning your next beer.

Or having
a bunch of beers

and building a closet
to see how it turns out.

Oh. Beer.

Harris?

Harris?

Mom.
What do you want?

Listen, I found some stuff out
about Josh on the Internet

that I think
you need to know.

You looked him up?
That is really creepy.

No, it wasn't me.
It was Jackie and Becky.

With a technical assist
from Mark.

Did you
know that Josh is rich?

Shh!

Yes, I know that
his parents have money.

So what? He's more committed
than anyone here.

Yeah, of course he is,
because if he gets arrested,

then Daddy, accompanied by his
new girlfriend, Jackie or Becky,

bails him out
and wipes his record clean.

If you get arrested,
you're on your own.

What are you talking about?
Of course he would help me.

I'm his girlfriend.

Alright.

Here's the thing.

Josh has a different girl
for every cause, alright?

So this is about
class struggle,

so you're the poor white girl
that gives him street cred.

Wow.
You are so messed up.

I don't care that
he had other girlfriends.

You're just trying
to dig stuff up

because you don't think a guy
like Josh could like me for me.

No, I just want you to know
who Josh really is.

I don't want you to get
your heart broken.

Well, how do you know
he's gonna break my heart?

Maybe I'll break his heart.

Yeah, that doesn't
happen for us.

We're done talking.

Wait. Harris.

You have no idea
how bad this can hurt.

Yeah, you're right.

I have no idea
about a lot of things

because you're always hovering
around me trying to protect me.

Just leave me alone
and let me feel things.

You don't have anything
to teach me.

I mean, you screwed up
your entire life.

I don't want to be
anything like you.

So just go home,
smother Mark,

and know that
I don't need you anymore.

Wow.

Uh, okay.

You know what? I hope you have
a wonderful life with Josh.

I hope that you guys
get married,

and I hope you have
a beautiful baby

that kicks you in the heart
just like you just did to me.

And you know what?
If you don't get married,

at least let Richie Rich
knock you up.

You think of your family
for once!

Okay, I know what's
going on with my dad.

Oh, yeah? Oh, so what's buggin'
"Old man wall anchors"?

He's getting older and he
doesn't want to be replaced.

Ah.

And then you come in here
with your hardware store

and your
marshmallowy hands...

and you're a threat.

But I know
how to fix it.

Just go tell him
you suck at building things.

But I don't suck
at building things.

I know that.

You just need to admit
you need his help.

But I don't need his help.

I know that!

You and I both know
that's not true.

I mean, you're great at
pretty much everything.

Oh.

You're amazing.

Stop.

But you know
the male ego.

You got to tell 'em
what they want to hear,

and they'll do
whatever you want.

Right.

I know.

- Some guys, right?
- Yeah.

I just thought
I'd tighten that up

before I got back
to the closet.

Wow! Well,
this is fantastic.

Okay, now that I see
what you've done here,

I think
you were right about

how to connect the frame
to the wall.

It's not just about
connecting the walls, Junior.

I‐It's about the kind of
materials you're using,

- the hardware.
- Right.

Although, I‐I think that is the
hardware that many people use,

and there's nothing wrong
with the materials I chose,

but that's not the point.

The point is that...

I really should've realized
with all of your experience

that I should've
consulted you on this.

Damn right.
If you'd have come to me,

you wouldn't have made
so many mistakes.

Eh, well, again,

I don't know if I'd call 'em
mistakes so much as choices,

but, look, I'd really like
to work with you,

you know, maybe
even learn at your feet.

- Don't patronize me.
- No.

- I'm not an idiot.
- Come on.

Look, I'm... I'm not trying
to replace you, man.

I couldn't possibly.

You know a hundred times more
than I ever could.

And, look,
this is your house,

so if you want to keep
doing everything around here

after a hard day's work,
then that's your call.

You're damn right it is.

You know what?
Maybe I did overreact.

It's just I've always been

the lion at the head
of the pride around here.

And... you start doing stuff
I'm supposed to be doing,

and suddenly there's
a hyena in the pack.

Wait. Wouldn't I just be
the... the young lion

if you're the old lion?

Why do I have to
be the hyena?

You just are.

Here's what
we're gonna do.

From now on, I'm gonna try
to let you do most of the work,

and I'll supervise.

I'll be the old lion laying out
in the sun eating the antelope.

Well, that's a way.

But I was thinking that
we could work together,

and, that way,
we both win.

No.
I'm gonna let you win.

I'm gonna go ahead
and finish the closet,

and I'm gonna let you do

the thing I don't trust
anybody else to do.

The roof.

It's kind of bitter cold
and the roof is slippery.

You don't have to
say that to make me feel better.

I've made my peace
with this.

Ah, let's see.

Grab yourself a ladder,
bucket of sealer,

and a rope to tie yourself
around the chimney.

And fix the roof.

It's pitch black. You want me
to go and do it right now?

Oh, gosh, no!

Make yourself
a sandwich first.

You could take it
up there with you.

How'd it go? Is she gonna
get rid of that guy?

Nope. Total fail.

She's gonna hand him
her heart on a platter

and let him eat it
with his silver spoon.

And she basically told me that
she's got no use for me anymore.

I'm keeping her
from living her life,

and she wants to
feel her feelings.

Oh, God. I remember
that conversation.

We never had
that conversation.

No.
We had it with Becky.

You never wanted
to feel anything,

and we were good with that.

God.
This is so brutal, Dad.

How do I just stand by

and watch my kid
walk into traffic?

She's a strong kid.
She'll be okay.

Well, you know,
if she thinks

she's gonna come running
back to me heartbroken

so I can love her up

and tell her that
everything's gonna be okay,

she's got
another thing coming.

Oh, she'll definitely
come running back.

You promise?

Oh, yeah.

Thanks.

Did you call Ben
a hyena?

I thought
he should know.

So, uh,
how are your parents?

I saw they're vacationing
separately.

Stop. Can't you see
you're embarrassing Josh?

He didn't come here
to be grilled.

He came here to keep it real
with some po' folk, right, Josh?

Hey, Harris, go grab me
a little moonshine

outta the garage
for your peepaw.

Sure. Don't take
any crap from them.

You have
a nice smile, son.

Hard to do that
without a head.

If the time comes when you
and my granddaughter break up,

you better
treat her right.

To show you I'm not
just a vengeful old guy,

I'll give you
a piece of advice.

Keep those two
out of your house.

They're after your father.

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