All language subtitles for The.Conners.220

Ooh, look at
this apartment.

I mean, they want $1,100,
but it's worth it.

Are you kidding?

Look at the size
of that fridge.

It's tiny.

[ Sighs ]

That's a wine fridge,
Elly May.

[ Chuckles ]
[ Laughs ]

Oh, hey, look.

This place
has got one of those,

and it's got three bedrooms,
a bay window,

a fireplace,
hardwood floors,

it's in our price range.

Something's gotta be wrong.

Let me check.

Oh, yep.

Sex offender
a block away.

But he exposed himself
in a library,

so that doesn't really
affect us.

Hey, guys.

I've got a surprise.

We're going to Mexico!

Thank you, Jackie.

I was about
to tell them that.

Oh, fine, well,
you tell them

how we're going to
the border bridge in El Paso

so that Emilio
can meet Beverly Rose

for the very first time.

[ Chuckles ]

Oh, damn it.
I did it again.

Well,
this seems very sudden.

Uh, who's gonna run
the restaurant?

Oh, well, uh,
Emilio had a couple days off,

so it seemed like
a good time,

and DJ said
that he would cover for us

until we got back.

Uh, you're aware
that DJ's gonna be

doing magic tricks
for the customers, right?

You know what's great
for a restaurant?

A filthy dove
walking across your plate

while you try to eat
a tuna melt.

Gotta go. Bye.

Hey, Becky.
Yeah?

How can you afford
this trip?

Emilio's tías are paying
for the gas and hotels.

Hey, look, I know they're
putting pressure on you

to marry him
and make him legal,

but you're not really thinking
of doing that, are you?

Becky is not gonna
fake some marriage

just to get Emilio
into the country.

My God,
it would make it impossible

for her to meet
and date anybody for two years,

which is the amount of time
they have to spend

to pretend being married
to fool the government.

Why are you so wired?

I just finished off
12 2-hour energy drinks

so that I'm, uh --

I'm good to drive
for...24 hours.

It doesn't really work
that way.

They don't kick in
one after the other.

It's all
at the same time.

So now
you're just gonna be

on the verge
of having a heart attack

for the next two hours.
[ Door opens ]

Oh, my God, you're right.

That explains
the thumping in my head.

It's my heart.

Let's get on the road.

She's such
a scatterbrain.

I don't know how she makes it
from one day to the next.

Baby.

♪♪

[ Door closes ]
Dan: Thanks again

for the ride
from the grocery store.

It would've been hard

walking back
with all this stuff.

Well, I was driving
down the street

and I-I saw
this sad old man

struggling
with a couple grocery bags.

And I thought,
"Hey, there's my boyfriend...

and his face
isn't the right color."

When I get my truck
out of the shop,

my face will be the right color
all the time.

[ Laughs ]

When are you
getting it back?

As soon as I give 'em

all the money
I have left in the bank.

I may be at the point
of going to the mall

and hurling myself
down the escalator.

Well, there's nobody
in the mall.

You'll lay there for days.

Hey, uh, you wanna
catch a movie or somethin'?

I can't.
I got some stuff to do.

Uh, I'll see you later.

You don't have stuff.

Why are you trying to
get rid of me?

It's embarrassing.

I gotta go to the bank.

They're foreclosing
on the house.

Oh, my God.

Well,
why didn't you tell me?

We're a couple now.

We're supposed to be there
for each other.

You're right.

Gimme $4,000.

[ Chuckles ]

I don't have it.

But I have cleavage,
and I know how to use it.

Alright, let's go.

Better to have 'em
and not need 'em

than need 'em
and not have 'em.

[ Chuckles ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

"The Conners" is recorded

in front of
a live studio audience.

Well, thanks for coming with me
to look at apartments, guys.

Oh.
Wow!
Nice.

It's even better
than the pictures.

[ Exhales heavily ]

Look at all
the architectural details.

[ Door closes ]

You don't get this
in the newer buildings.

Oh, I love it.

I'm hungry.
How long's this gonna be?

You said we were going
somewhere to eat.

We're here.
Nobody's home.

Go to the fridge
and get whatever you want.

But before you go,
um, Darlene...

Yeah,
I think this is it.

Alright, let's do it.

Guys, Ben and I
are moving in together,

and if we get
this place,

we're legally obligated
to bring you with us!

Together.

W-Why aren't you guys
excited?

Because we've been
through this before.

You said we were going
to move to Chicago with Ben,

and that didn't happen.

One of you is gonna
sleep with Dad

and screw this up.

Well,
it is kinda my turn.

You know what,

that's not gonna happen
this time.

Go explore, have fun.

[ Scoffs ]

Yeah.

Guy. There's a guy.

There's a guy
in there.

It's okay.
I'm Cyril.

I live here.

So, feel free to, uh,
look around, but quietly.

I just got the bird
to sleep.

[ Chuckles ]

Relationships,
am I right?

Oh, uh,
you have a bird?

[ Inhales deeply ]
I'm so tired of hearing that.

No, I don't have a bird.

I'm with a bird.

We share the space.

We're equals.

So...Cyril, um...

why are you leaving
such a great place?

Originally,
there were three of us.

Uh, but Pretty Bird
passed,

and now it's just me
and Mrs. Featherbottom.

She just can't be around
all the memories.

So, how soon will you
and Mrs. Featherbottom

be leaving the apartment?

Uh, I haven't broken it
to her yet.

She's been here
since this was my mom's place.

[ Chuckles ] Yeah.

She still hasn't
gotten over her death.

[ Imitating bird ]
Wake up, Mommy.

Wake up, Mommy.

He would be so perfect
for Jackie.

[ Laughs ]

♪♪

Wow.
Wish I had a bank like this.

I took a sandwich
into my bank once,

and they wouldn't even
cash my check.

'Course,
I didn't have any money.

This ham represents
40 years of friendship.

Jim helped me buy
that house.

And the day we closed,
I brought him a ham.

Now every time
I have a problem,

I bring him a ham,
and he helps me out.

Hey, Jim!
Hey, Dan.

Oh, Mr. Potter!
[ Chuckles ]

Uh, this is Louise.
Hi.

And you remember ham.

Of course.
[ Chuckles ]

Ham was at my wedding.

[ Laughs ]
See, this is so great.

Big business
has gotten so faceless,

but you guys are just,
"Hey neighbor, got a problem.

Here's a ham."
[ Chuckles ]

Well,
you know why I'm here.

I just --
I need another month.

Or two.

Maybe three.

But I won't take four
unless you insist.

Look, Dan,
I-I'd love to help you out,

but I can't this time.

What?

Come on, Jim.
You're kidding, right?

You know they're gonna
take my house.

Yeah, I know that, Dan.
[ Sighs ]

Y-You don't think
I wanna help ya?

Hey, Dan's good
for the money.

Tell Jim about
that big apartment complex

you just bid on
over on Spaulding.

It's huge.

And the apartments
all have walls,

which is great
for a drywaller.

[ Breathily ]
Isn't that right, Dan?

That is right, Louise.

Thank you, girls.

[ Sighs ]

Look, i-i-it's not
up to me anymore.

You know,
we got bought out,

and I'm just trying to
hang on myself.

You know, they want somebody
cheaper and younger in my spot.

So they tell me what to do,
and I do it.

Well, they told you
to screw me over.

No, they told me that
you're an unacceptable risk.

They got an algorithm now.

An algorithm.

So I'm a number now.

I got some machine telling me
get out of my damn house.

My whole family's
living there!

Where are they supposed to --

[ Sighs, clears throat ]

[ Sighs ]

That's not your problem.

Thanks anyway, Jim.

I'm sorry.
Hey, tell Gail
I said hi.

[ Sighs ]

♪♪

♪♪

Look, it's your daddy!
[ Gasps ]

[ Chuckles ]
Mi amor!

Ay. Ay, que lindisima.
[ Beverly Rose cries ]

Oh. [ Chuckles ]

I can't believe
I'm actually holding her.

[ Laughs ]

She's so wonderful.

You think that's good,

you should change
some diapers.

It's transcendent.

Thank you for driving
all this way.

Oh.

Your tías were so helpful.

They even gave us little medals
with saints on them

to "take care of us."

I used one to scratch off
a lottery ticket in Missouri.

I won 10 bucks,

so shout-out
to St. Christopher.
[ Chuckles ]

We are going
to have a great day.

I can't wait to show you
Parque Central.

Oh, my mother
gave me her earrings

for Beverly Rose.
[ Gasps ]

They're real gold
with little diamonds.

These are so nice.

Uh, I'll just put them
in my ears for safe keeping

'til she turns 18.

[ Beverly Rose babbles ]

Oh, yes.
Yes, baby.

We're in Mexico.
[ Chuckles ]

♪♪

[ Sighs ]

Hey.
Is my dad around?

We saw the greatest apartment
yesterday,

and it's super
close by.

We gotta tell him.

Yeah, I brought him some beer
to celebrate.

You know, it's not every day
your little 43-year-old girl

leaves the nest.

Uh...

That's great, you guys.

Uh, look,
before you tell your dad,

I gotta give you
a heads-up.

He's in trouble
with the mortgage.

The bank's gonna
take the house.

Well, he talked to Jim,
right?

He brought the ham?

Yeah.

Yeah,
it didn't work.

He owes four grand.

Four grand?!

How the hell did he get
that far behind?

[ Sighs ] I don't know.

You know,
work's been slow.

Sometimes things
just pile up on ya.

He's too proud
to tell you,

but I thought
you should know.

Damn.

Just never ends
for you guys.

One of your ancestors
mess with a witch or somethin'?

I'm not gonna let my dad
lose his house.

I hear ya.

Maybe we could, you know,

sell some more ads
for the magazine,

put together a few bucks.

Or...we use our deposit money
for the new apartment

to bail him out.

[ Chuckles ]

Where are we supposed to go?

Well, we could live here --
I mean, just for a while --

and help
with the mortgage payments

just until
he gets back on his feet.

Look, Darlene,
I know you love your dad,

and so do I,

but it's not gonna be
for a little while.

Um, he is a 65-year-old
construction guy,

and he's not just gonna suddenly
start making more money.

Look, I-I'm sorry.
My dad needs me.

Darlene.

Look, I don't want to
live here, okay?

We finally agreed
to move in together

so we can start
our own life.

Now, what, you're gonna
make me the bad guy

'cause I don't wanna
move into your childhood home?

Look,
we can't lose this house.

It will kill my dad.

And every memory
I have is here.

Staying up all night,
fighting with Becky in our room,

teaching DJ
how to sled down the stairs

on a piece of cardboard.

I mean, this is the last place
I saw my mom alive.

I don't want some other family
moving in here

and erasing
all those memories.

Hey, look,
those memories are in you.

They are not
in this house.

Now, I know that
this is hard for you,

but it is not the kids' job
to rescue the parents

at the expense
of their own lives.

You can't save everybody.
[ Scoffs ]

Yeah, of course
you feel that way now,

but eventually, your parents
will need help, too,

and I will do
whatever it takes.

But you won't have to,

because my parents
have paid off their house,

they have a fat pension
and long-term health insurance.

Well, tell those
arrogant bastards

to get over here,
grab a bucket,
and start bailing,

'cause the Conners
are going down!

♪♪

That was really fun.

The people here
are so nice,

and I noticed
the tequila's so cheap!

The people here
are so nice

because the tequila's
so cheap.
[ Laughs ]

Well, I'm glad
I didn't come here

when I was a drunk.

I would've died.

Hey, you being a drunk
wasn't all bad.

We made
a beautiful baby.

Yeah, we did.

Uh, well,
I guess we gotta go.

[ Sighs ]

Goodbye, Beverly Rose.

There you go.

Yes.

I might not be there
to watch you grow up...

[ Click ]

...but I promise to FaceTime you
as much as I can.

Te amo, mi amor.

Que dios te bendiga.

This won't be the last time
you see her.

I'll come back, like,
every few months.

No, you won't.

You can't afford to,
and I understand that.

I will.

You'll see.

Bye, Emilio.

So, do you wanna
get married?

♪♪

If you're looking
for the ice cream,

it was full of
all those weird ice crystals,

so I made the kids
eat it.

Holy crap.

What happened?

[ Sighs ] A guy owed me money
for a drywall job,

and he wouldn't pay me
in full.

We negotiated,

and we thought
the best way to settle it

was to punch each other
in the face.

I got 200 bucks out of it,
though.

Whoa.

What's the other guy
look like?

Oh, about 6'1",
brown hair,

pretty good-looking,
'til he had the broken nose.

Dad, you can't go around
beating people up

who owe you money

just to keep the bank
from taking the house.

Damn it, Louise shouldn't have
told you that.

Well, I'm glad she did.

I want to help you out.

You already help me out!

I don't see anybody else
around here

filling up old water bottles
with gas station hand soap.

I'm talking about
the mortgage.

You don't have the money.

Well, you know what,
I'll -- I'll sell my car,

and I'll take the bus.

I'll get a second job.

I'll go back to the casino.

I will do whatever it takes

so that we don't
fall behind again.

No,
you're not doing that.

Your dad's right.

You're not doing that.

We're doing that.
[ Sighs ]

Now, together,
Darlene and I have enough

to pull you
out of the hole,

and then, you know,
we'll take over the mortgage.

No, you won't.

Mark told me
about the apartment.

I'm not taking
your deposit money.

I will not be a burden
on you kids.

No, you're not a burden.

I mean, you always
figured out a way

to keep this roof
over our heads.

It's our turn now.

The bank's
not taking my house.

You're not
taking my house.

I will figure
something out.

Don't be so stubborn,
Dan.

Look, we're helping ya,
and that's that.

I already kicked
a couple asses today.

Don't make me kick yours.
Boop!

That was a hero moment

that was
super unsatisfying.

Not to me.

Thank you.

Hey, you don't think
he's crazy enough

to let the bank
come for the house

instead of
taking our help?

Well, you know,

we've got a little time
to work on him

before the eviction.

He's probably got about
[Clears throat] six months

before the house sells
at auction.

Now, that's
when the sheriff comes

and grabs your dad,

drags him out
kicking and screaming.

And, of course, if he has
any weapons in the house,

it could end up being
a SWAT situation.

And as I understand it,
if the guy has a shot,

he'll take the shot.

Uh, your "everything
is gonna be alright" speech

needs some work.

♪♪

iHola, mi familia!

Hey!
Oh!

How was Mexico?

It was good.

I dropped Jackie off
at home.

God, that woman can talk.

Oh, she was going on and on

about how she used to date
Dr. Seuss back in the day,

40 years ago,

but he would never reveal
his true identity.

She claims she did him
on a plane.

She swears she did him
on a train.

Heeey!
Hey.
Hey, welcome back, Becky.

Hey, Beck.

Hey!
Mm.

How was the trip?

Yeah,
how's Emilio doing?

Uh,
he's changed a little bit.

Um, he's married now.

Sorry, Becky.

Don't be.

He's married to me.

What the hell
are you talking about?

Uh...I don't know.

I saw Emilio
with Beverly Rose,

and I thought,

how would I feel
if I couldn't see her?

And I then I said,
"Don't look back,

don't look back,
don't look back."

And then I did...

and then I married him.

Wow.

So, he's moving in?

Relax.

He has to stay in Mexico
for two years

while we pretend
we're in a real marriage.

Then he can get a waiver
to come back.

Oh, you better be
damn careful.

You're breaking the law.

They could
throw you in jail.

Ooh, diamonds.

If you go to jail,

I can wear those earrings

to keep 'em safe
while you're gone.

♪♪

[ Taps on window ]

Hola, Becky.

What are you doing here?

Once I held Beverly Rose,
I realized

I didn't want to miss
any more of her life.

Emilio, the point of us
getting married

was so you could
come back legally

and be part of
Beverly Rose's life.

If they catch you here,
you'll be banned forever.

You're supposed to be
in Mexico.

Check it out. I am.

Here is me in Juarez

celebrating 2021
with my New Year's glasses.

Here's me in Juarez
gaining a little weight

in the winter of 2021

and then taking off the weight
in the summer.

It's a good thing
you took off the weight,

because you're gonna have
to run from immigration

when they catch you here!

Go now!

It's late!

There's no traffic!

I'll be fine.

I'll be staying
with my tías.

But right now, I really want
to see Beverly Rose.

Okay.

But you showing up here
without telling me is wrong.

This lack of communication

does not bode well
for our fake marriage.

♪♪

Bienvenidos. Bien--

Uh, uh, uh, uh,
quick question.

Is this where
you're teaching your kids

how to appropriate
somebody else's culture?

Yeah, I'll bet you can't wait
to get home,

"talk in an accent,"

put those sombreros
down on the ground,

dance around them while
your kids shake the maracas.

You know who can't afford
those maracas --

the kids that make
the maracas.

Yeah, keep walkin'.

Bienvenidos.

[ Chuckles ]

Oh, classic. Piñatas.

You gonna take those home

to your little entitled
white-kid family?

Alright, go ahead.

Shout "Ay-yi-yi,"
beat the burro with a stick.

Latinos come
in all colors.

We're Mexican, dumbass.

Ohh.

[ Inhales sharply ]