Original subtitles

[phones ringing]

[mild classical music]

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- Statewood Hospital, please hold.

Statewood Hospital, please hold.

Statewood Hospital, please hold.

Statewood, thank you for holding.

Yes, give me a moment, I'll page her, hold on.

[beeping]

Dr. Sanders, you have a call in line two.

Dr. Sanders, please pick up line two.

It's not time for your medication yet, Mary.

Go back to your room.

Now.

Now!

Will someone please pick up the lobby phone?

Thanks for holding.

Hi, yes I have the patient record you requested.

I'll bring it to you now.

[exhaling]

[phone ringing]

Roll down your sleeves and get these patients

back into their room before the evening

medication rounds please.

Hello?

Yes, I'll get her.

And next time, please call on the main line, thank you.

Back to your room, now.

Elizabeth, you have a call on the lobby phone.

[tense classical music]

- Hello?

- [Mom] Hi, Lizzy.

- Mom, please don't call me Lizzy.

- [Mom] How are you feeling?

- [Elizabeth] I have news.

- [Mom] What kind of news, Elizabeth?

- I'm going home tomorrow.

- [Mom] That's wonderful, honey.

I wish I was able to be there.

But your stepsister has a recital and your,

Richard's coaching Thomas, and,

- It's fine, Mom.

Grant's coming to pick me up.

And he's moving in.

- [Mom] Well, [clearing throat] that's, um,

Am I ever gonna meet him?

- Do you really want me to get into the reasons

why you haven't met Grant?

I said I'm going home tomorrow.

I have a new doctor.

I plan on getting well, Mom.

I wanna have a life and be normal.

- [Mom] That's great, sweetheart, but--

- No more buts.

I don't want to be upset

or have feelings of resentment towards you anymore.

Right now I just need to do what's best for me.

- [Mom] I just, I don't want you

taking your mental health lightly.

Moving in with someone is a big deal, Elizabeth.

- Mom,

Grant asked me to marry him and I said yes.

Mom.

- [Mom] Yes?

- You're not happy.

- [Mom] It's just,

I had a very different idea of what your life

would be like, but,

you can make your own choices.

- [Elizabeth] He makes me happy, mom.

- [Mom] Then that's all that matters.

Look, I'll try to make a trip up from San Diego soon.

I have to go.

But I'll see you soon.

Gotta run.

♪ Birds flying high you know how I feel

♪ Sun in the sky you know how I feel

♪ Breeze drifting on by, you know how I feel

♪ It's a new dawn, it's a new day

♪ It's a new life for me yeah

♪ It's a new dawn, it's a new day

♪ It's a new life for me

♪ Wooooo

♪ And I'm feeling good

[jazz music]

♪ Fish in the sea you know how I feel

♪ River running free you know how I feel

♪ Blossom on the tree, you know how I feel

♪ It's a new dawn, it's a new day

♪ It's a new life for me

♪ And I'm feeling good

- Hey.

Give me your bag, I'll go pack it away.

- I got it.

I'll go take a shower, put this stuff in the laundry.

- Okay.

Well, I'll be here.

Yeah, I'll give you some alone time

so you can get settled in.

Can I get you anything?

- Tea?

- Coming right up.

[clinking in kitchen]

[light piano music]

[shower splashing]

[knob squeaking]

I didn't throw it out.

I figured we could heat it up and share.

- [Elizabeth] You read my mind.

I've been craving wonton Chinese food.

- [Grant] I had a feeling you might.

Drink your tea.

[Elizabeth exhaling]

Good?

- [Elizabeth] Mhmm.

- [Grant] Feel good to be home?

- [Elizabeth] Yeah, I never want to go back to that place.

- [Grant] When do you want to go over

your new medication?

I think we should do that

before your next doctor's appointment.

- [Elizabeth] Tomorrow.

Just wanna be with you right now.

- [Grant] Okay.

[smooching sound]

- [Elizabeth] So what did your friends say

when you told them you were moving in with me?

- They said, "Can we help you pack?"

They didn't say that.

All joking aside, everyone is real happy for us.

- That's nice to hear.

I told my mom.

- How'd that go?

- It was a conversation filled

with grief and disappointment.

So all in all it went pretty good.

- Do you think she'll want to meet me

before we get married?

- I don't know and I honestly don't care.

- Come on, you care.

It's your mother, I know you care.

You can pretend to be tough all you want

but I know you better than you know yourself.

- You think you know me?

- I know so.

I know you better than you know yourself.

- Oh yeah?

- Yeah.

And you know what else?

- Yeah?

- There is no one else's plate I'd rather steal food from.

- I hate when you do that.

Why do you do that?

- 'Cause I want what you have.

[light piano music]

- [Mental Voices] He's never going to marry you.

He's never going to marry you.

Please kill yourself.

[voices talking over each other]

He's never going to marry you.

[pen clicking]

- You know, some people,

and I don't really know these people

but some people might consider that a compulsive behavior.

What do you think?

- Well, dear sir, I don't know if you know this

but I'm also obsessive compulsive

and currently on medication for it.

- Yeah, and it looks like it's doing one heck of a job.

What was that medication called again?

It's 250 milligrams twice a day of,

no I might not be saying this right.

It's not working, is that right?

Did I say that, it's not working?

- No, you jerk.

It's called Luvox and I think it's the only medication

that's actually working.

This is more my anxiety and my obsessiveness.

- Well did you take anything?

- No, I don't like the Ativan, it makes me itchy.

It must be some weird side effect.

- Or it's a rash.

I'm just saying.

Mm, that's lovely.

Thanks.

[clearing throat]

We need to go get your medication.

- Okay.

- It's important.

- Yes, Grant.

- Don't yes me.

You said yesterday that we'll go over your medication today.

Now I'd like to have a handle on it

before we meet with Dr. Bowman.

- Don't start with me.

- I'm not starting with you.

I just don't take your mental health lightly.

- Oh and I do?

You sound like my mother.

- I'm just saying that you should--

- Both of you think you know what to do for me, yeah?

Have you been talking?

You guys should go ahead for lunch maybe.

No?

Everyone knows what's best for me except for me, huh?

[clattering]

Yeah, fine, let's do it right now.

- Any of these treat rant and bitch syndrome?

You might want to double that dosage, I'm just saying.

I didn't mean that.

[somber music]

♪ No sign in her leaving anytime soon

♪ No sign is saying either of us sides

♪ Are in the same room

♪ If she wasn't in arm's reach

♪ I'd say she's gone and off too

♪ If it wasn't for me I'd say

♪ We'd have nothing to lose

♪ It's all in my head I know

♪ I ain't right above the neck

♪ It's all in my head, I know

♪ No one else is making air

♪ It's all in my head I know

♪ She's only everything I give

♪ It's all in my head I know

♪ Shouldn't be all right with death

♪ Always comes and goes

[phone ringing]

- Dr. Bowman's office.

Hi.

- Did you just read that whole magazine?

That was impressive.

I knew you were special, but wow.

[whispering]

- Elizabeth, I'm Dr. Bowman.

Please, do come in.

I've heard so much about you from Dr. Saunders.

It's a pleasure to finally meet you in person.

Please, have a seat.

- It's nice to meet you too.

This is my fiancee Grant.

- I'm so glad you are able to make it in safely.

It's terrible this time of day with traffic.

I see you're currently taking Haldol.

- [Elizabeth] Yes.

- And how is that working for you?

Do you feel that it's helping?

- It's awful.

Between the headaches, difficulty in peeing,

muscle stiffness, I feel like it's making me

crazier than I am.

And with all the other pills,

the dry mouth is enough to make me wanna scream.

- All very sexy side effects, I might add.

- Shut up!

- And how long have you been on Haldol?

- Um,

Dr. Sanders put me on it when I was admitted

to Statewood, so five weeks.

- And before that, I see you were on Seroquel.

Do you remember why they changed your medication?

- I was escorted out of a grocery store

for having an argument with a fireman that wasn't there.

- So you were experiencing hallucinations?

- Yeah.

Police were called and I was taken to the hospital.

- [Dr. Bowman] And is this the first time

you received inpatient treatment?

- Yes.

No, um.

I've been in and out of hospitals over the years

but it was always voluntary and more for evaluation.

- Would you say you've seen change in sudden behaviors

of recent years?

- I would say that it started getting worse

about a year ago.

Right around the time we started dating.

Lucky you.

- I see.

So I see that while you were under the care

of Dr. Saunders, he took you off Seroquel,

placed you on Haldol for schizophrenia.

But I also see that you are currently taking

Luvox for OCD and Ativan for anxiety.

- Yes.

- Other than the side effects that you mentioned,

do you feel this current combination of medication

is actually working for you?

- I hate the Ativan, it makes me itchy.

But the Haldol isn't working either.

I'm hearing voices almost every day.

I feel like the only thing that's working is the Luvox

but not 100%.

- [Dr. Bowman] And did you mention this to Dr. Saunders?

- [Elizabeth] Yes.

- [Dr. Bowman] And what did he say?

- Give it time.

I did, it's not working.

Sorry, um.

I see raccoons sometimes and I can't help but pet them.

I'm really sorry.

- That's perfectly okay, Elizabeth.

You don't have to apologize to me for anything.

Mental illness doesn't need to be treated

like a dirty secret.

This is a safe environment.

Nobody's going to judge you here.

- I want a doctor who listens to me

and not just medicates me.

- Tell me about you, Elizabeth.

- Well, I'm 30 and I'm getting married soon.

I wanna go back to work but I wanna make sure

I'm capable enough before I do.

- [Dr. Bowman] What do you do?

- I'm a book editor.

I was a book editor.

- That's stressful work.

- It can be.

You're being trusted to edit someone else's work

and if you cut too deep and make the wrong edit,

it could be bad.

- [Dr. Bowman] Yeah, I can see

how that could be challenging.

- So, what do you think, Doc?

- Yeah, what do you think?

- I think I can help you, Elizabeth.

Based on your mental health history,

I believe with the proper combination of medication

and psychotherapy, you can have a significant improvement

in your quality of life.

Would you excuse me for one moment?

- Sure. [clearing throat]

[door closing]

- Elizabeth.

I'd like to start you on a medication called Invega.

Have you been on this before?

- No.

- Here's the sample.

I'd like to start you on a low dose.

Three milligrams per day.

That way we have room to go up.

Now, for the anxiety, even though the itchiness

is a highly unusual side effect of Ativan,

I'd like you to start using Clonopin.

Once in the morning and once at night.

That should balance out the anxiousness.

Here you go.

- Thank you.

- And I'd like you to continue using the Luvox.

But I'd like to increase the dosage to 150 milligrams a day.

Once in the morning, once at night,

same as the Clonopin.

I feel very optimistic about this new stuff.

Do you have any questions for me?

- Babe, you have any questions?

- Mm, no.

- Okay, shall we make an arrangement

to see each other next week?

- Sounds good.

- And please, don't hesitate to call me

if you have any adverse side effects

or if you experience any other extreme behaviors.

- Like what?

[train horn blaring]

- You hear that?

Hear that, hear that?

Do you hear that, hear that?

The train is coming.

The train is coming.

The train is coming, the train is coming.

The train is coming, the train is coming.

The train is coming, the train is coming,

the train is coming.

The train is coming, the train is coming.

The train is coming, the train is coming.

The train is coming, the train is coming.

The train is coming, the train is coming.

The train is coming, the train is coming.

The train is coming!

[train wheels chugging]

- [Grant] Hey! Hey!

Relax!

There's no train.

- The train is coming, the train is coming!

You can't hear that?

It's so loud and getting louder!

- Hey! Listen to me!

There's no one here.

Relax!

Elizabeth!

Relax, relax, listen to me.

- Get off! Get off!

- You need to calm down!

Listen to me, stop it!

Come here, relax.

You're just hearing things!

[slapping]

Relax!

[panting]

I didn't mean that, okay?

You know I would.

I didn't mean that.

I just didn't know what else to do.

I just didn't.

[retro music]

♪ Today I met the boy I'm gonna marry

♪ He's all I wanted all my life and even more

♪ He smiled at me and gee the music started playing

♪ Here comes the bride when he walks

♪ Through the door

♪ Today I met the boy I'm gonna marry

♪ The boy whose life and dream and love

♪ I wanna share

♪ For on my hands have been the gold

♪ And tears before me

[singing muffled and water bubbling]

♪ When we kiss I get a sweet sensation

♪ This time it wasn't just my imagination

♪ Today I met the boy I'm gonna marry

♪ He's just what I'd been waiting for, oh yeah

♪ With every kiss oh, this is it

♪ My heart keeps saying

♪ Today I met the boy I'm going to marry

- Babe.

You've been in here for a long time.

Can I get you anything?

Did you remember to take your pills?

Okay.

I'll, um,

I'll give you some space.

♪ Today I met the boy I'm gonna marry

♪ He's just what I've been waiting for, whoah yeah

♪ With every kiss oh this is it

♪ My heart keep saying

♪ Today I met the boy I'm going to marry

♪ Yeah yeah yeah

- Babe, hey, hi!

Get up, it's December.

- [Elizabeth] So?

- So, I was just jogging and the lot that's normally empty

is full of Christmas trees.

So let's go get one.

- It doesn't feel like Christmas.

- It's Los Angeles, it never feels like Christmas.

So we're gonna remove this, oh look at this.

Ooh, goodness, what is going on under here?

- Okay, I'm going.

- Okay, okay.

I'm not your patient.

Please, after you.

No problem, I'm just right here.

Oh, ooh. Do you feel that?

- You are so naughty.

- There's a lot of meat in that one.

- Stop!

- It was.

But you love me though.

You do love me?

- [Elizabeth] Sometimes.

- Hey, you love me.

Ooh.

Hurry up!

So what kind of tree do you want to get?

I really like these blue green ones.

I know they're soft needles and they last longer

than most trees.

- Hey, are you okay?

- Yeah.

- Where are your parents?

- Over there.

- Wanna go stand by them?

- Yeah.

- [Grant] Cute kid.

- Yeah.

- Hey.

Where'd you go?

What you thinking about?

- Do you wanna have kids?

- Um, I haven't really given that a lot

of thought, you know.

But yeah, sure, eventually.

- Do you want to have kids with me?

- Who else would I be having kids with?

Don't be silly.

- You just never spoke about that.

And I figured because of the way that I am

you might not want to.

- Well I guess since we're talking about it now

maybe you don't want to have kids with me.

- Why is that?

- [Grant] I don't know, I was quite the unpredictable child.

I got in a lot of trouble, fights.

And I even stole from the store

in the corner of my street.

- What did you steal?

- Candy bars.

Everyday before school.

I was out of control.

Couldn't stop me.

So all I'm saying is that my genes

are probably worse than yours.

- Don't joke about that.

- Babe, we have to joke, okay?

We have to.

Otherwise we'll both go insane.

Literally.

And our kids are gonna be amazing.

You know that.

They're gonna be happy and healthy and beautiful.

Just like you.

Probably a little bratty too, but,

you can't win them all.

- What are they gonna get from you, huh?

- [Grant] Um, probably, and just off the top of my head,

probably my charisma.

And my charm, and my lovely smile.

- And your conceitedness too, maybe?

- [Grant] It's a package deal.

- What if they end up like me?

Sick.

- Listen to me, hmm.

Listen to me.

There's no one else I want to have a family with, okay?

I am prepared to share my life with you

and that means the good and the bad

and whatever happens, I don't care.

'Cause I know, if we stick together,

we can make it through anything.

You believe me?

Hmm, maybe a little bit?

I'll take that.

Come on.

Let's get this tree.

- [Elizabeth] Can you just pick one so we can go home?

[canister rattling]

- [Grant] What do you think?

[light music]

- It's beautiful.

- It's our first tree together.

It just, I wish it had a ring to go with it.

- Hey you know I don't care about that.

I've got this, it's all I need.

[exhaling]

Grant?

- Yeah babe?

- Thank you for today.

The tree, the lights, the decorations, everything.

- That's my job.

- Sometimes I wish I could run away from myself.

- Well, you can't run away from yourself.

Because then you'd be running away from me.

But I could catch you.

- Why do you love me so much?

- You remember the day after our first date?

When you called to ask me what color your eyes were?

Without any hesitation I said blue.

And your eyes are blue.

I could hear you smiling through the phone.

And then when I asked what that was all about,

that you would know if someone was truly in love with you

if they could remember the color of your eyes

after only one date.

And that was the day you became my Elizabeth Blue.

I love you, Elizabeth.

♪ what I'm dying for

- He's never going to marry you.

He doesn't want you, he doesn't want you.

He pities you.

He hates you.

He thinks you're disgusting.

He wishes you would die.

Did you hear what I said?

Elizabeth.

Look at yourself.

How could he possibly want to marry you?

You're a mess.

You're a charity case.

You're pathetic!

What's keeping him here, what's keeping him here?

You're ruining his life.

He has to watch you like a child.

He looks at you with pure repel.

What are you gonna do?

Wake up your knight in shining armor?

And then what?

Is he gonna defend your honor

and throw me out of the house?

Look at me!

Did you really buy all of that crap

about him having kids with you?

Why he insists on filling your head

with these fairy tales is totally beyond me.

I said look at me!

- He loves me, he loves me, he loves me, he loves me,

he loves me, he loves me, he loves me, he loves me.

- Love, what do you know about love?

Nothing.

Why you wouldn't just put you and him out of your misery

is totally beyond me.

I've been telling you this for years, haven't I?

You didn't listen to me when I told you

to kill yourself when you were a teenager.

You didn't listen to me when I told you

to kill yourself in your 20s.

Time and time again, I've been there

as a friend telling you to just end this life.

It's really no life at all.

But instead of taking my advice,

you get mixed up with this poor slob

who has no idea what's in store for him.

If you loved him, truly loved him,

you'd do him a favor.

Go ahead into that kitchen and slice open your throat.

But you won't do that will you?

And you know why?

It's because you're selfish and entitled.

- Stop it, you're not real.

You're not real, you're not real.

- I hate to be the one to tell you this, Elizabeth.

But I'm all you've got.

You can't trust anyone but me.

I'm the only one that's ever told you the truth.

They're all against you.

The doctors, your mother.

And even your sweet precious Grant, most of all.

I wouldn't be surprised if he's secretly planning

on leaving you.

[banging]

Do it.

Go in the kitchen, find the biggest knife you can.

Just do it.

End this hurt.

End Grant's hurt.

Don't make him suffer anymore

because of your selfishness.

Do it, do it.

[voices chattering]

Do it!

- You told me do something, so devious, so devious.

- Do it!

- Stop!

Stop!

Stop!

- Elizabeth?

Elizabeth?

- In here.

[somber music]

- Babe, babe, babe!

Hey come here.

What's wrong?

What happened, what happened?

[Elizabeth muttering]

What?

No, you're not.

Baby I promise you're not.

No you're not, I promise I need you.

I need you in my life.

[door opening and shutting]

- Elizabeth.

I'm sorry for the delay.

- Thank you for seeing me on such short notice.

- What's happened that has you feeling so unsettled?

- I saw Tim.

- Hmm.

Hmm.

From here I see,

it's been a while since you last saw

or heard from this particular hallucination.

Is that correct?

Is there anything currently happening in your life

that could have triggered this recent incident?

- Well, my fiancee moved in

and we're trying to plan our wedding.

I'm working on getting better first

so it could be perfect.

I just need it to be perfect.

- Tell me what you remember about last night.

- Bits and pieces.

And always bad though.

- Were you alone?

- Until Grant was there.

- [Dr. Bowman] Elizabeth, are you experiencing

hallucinations right now?

- No.

- Do you feel that you're a danger to yourself

or to anyone else?

- No.

Besides driving Grant crazy, but no.

- Elizabeth.

I need you to listen to me very carefully

and try to understand what I'm about to say to you, okay?

Now the best thing that you can do

is to ignore the voices and hallucinations at all costs.

Don't make friends with them, don't talk to them.

Don't even acknowledge them.

Even if they're nice to you.

We don't want you to engage with any

of the hallucinations.

It could potentially worsen your state of mind.

Now I understand how well these hallucinations

may feel when they're happening.

But they're not.

And you're gonna have to try your best

to try and tune them out.

Turn the TV up extra loud.

Listen to music with headphones on.

Call someone, anybody.

Anything at all to distract yourself

till the episode passes.

- Do you know how scary it is

when you don't know if life is real?

Sometimes I feel cursed.

Like I'm living in a bad dream that I can't wake up from.

[somber music]

My relationship is suffering.

He says it's not but, I don't believe him.

I want to believe him.

And I don't want him to stop loving me

because of this.

I can't stop loving because of this.

I'm so tired.

- Elizabeth.

Love is a very strong emotion.

It cannot be forced or created out of thin air.

Some people believe we can't even teach others

to love us.

Love is something that can only come naturally.

And it finds us when we are ready for it.

But only after we learn to love ourselves.

Love is not a dream that you have to be afraid

to wake up from either.

Real love, unconditional love is possibly

the greatest achievement that we have as human beings.

And it's also often the most elusive.

And because of that, we can often find ourselves

clinging to our idea of love.

Our perception of it.

But when we find love, true love,

it comes with unconditional circumstances.

And a love like that cannot be broken by anything.

Including mental illness.

It can only make the love you share stronger.

[somber music]

- [Elizabeth] Thank you, Dr. Bowman.

I wanna get better too.

And I won't be afraid anymore.

- That's the right approach, Elizabeth.

'Cause life is about choices.

You have to choose for yourself.

And the fact that you desire to get well

shows that you're a fighter

and you will not let this illness overcome you.

[sniffling]

Shall we take a look and see where we're at

in terms of medication and dosing?

- Yeah.

[exhaling]

[phone ringing]

I thought you said you couldn't make it.

- I thought you said it was important.

You ready to go?

Come.

- [Dr. Bowman] I'm going to need you

to be very honest with me.

Are you skipping your doses?

- [Elizabeth] No, not at all.

- [Dr. Bowman] Good.

I'm going to prescribe a medication called Saphris.

It's a dissolvable tab that comes

between five and 10 milligram doses.

Now it's very effective.

And it's generally well tolerated.

Now if you happen to have an episode

similar to the one that you had last night,

simply place the tab under the tongue

and it can act very quickly to diminish

all voices, hallucinations and disruptive thoughts.

- [Elizabeth] It sounds too good to be true.

- [Dr. Bowman] It's all a process.

[somber piano music]

[sobbing]

- This'll probably be the last time I pet you.

See the doctor gave me some new pills.

If I take them, I won't see you anymore.

It's all okay.

- [Grant] Babe, you okay?

- [Elizabeth] Mhmm.

Just trying to decompress a little

and read my magazine.

- [Grant] Oh you mean the one that you stole?

- [Elizabeth] I didn't steal it, I borrowed it.

- [Grant] Are you finally getting excited

about wedding stuff?

- [Elizabeth] I don't know, maybe a little.

- [Grant] Maybe a little, yeah.

Why, I like it.

It gives me hope.

- [Elizabeth] Why is that?

- [Grant] Because it makes our future seem

full of memories and old experiences.

Full of life.

I'll see you later.

- [Elizabeth] Where are you going?

- [Grant] I'm going for a run.

- [Elizabeth] Didn't you just go for a run?

- [Grant] Yeah, but you read bridal magazines and decompress

and I jog, so.

I'll see you later.

[kettle whistling]

[knocking]

- Grant, did you forget your keys?

- [Mom] It's your mother.

- Mom, what are you doing here?

- Well, your stepfather had some business in town

so I thought I'd take a ride up and surprise you.

- Yeah, well I'm surprised.

Can I get you anything?

- [Mom] Oh, no I'm fine.

Are you alone?

- What does that mean?

- [Mom] Why I simply meant is there anyone here?

- No.

- [Mom] Where's Grant?

- He went for a jog.

- Your hair got longer.

- I know, I was actually thinking of cutting it.

- Oh no, don't do that.

You look so beautiful.

- Hi, Mom.

- Let's put some makeup on you and go shopping, Lizzy.

- You know I hate when you call me Lizzy.

- What happened to you, honey?

When are you gonna get out of this rut

and get back into living, for Christ's sake?

- Rut?

I see someone's still in denial, mom.

- Denial?

[laughing] I'll tell you who's in denial, Lizzy.

A Christmas tree, we're Jewish.

- No, you're Jewish, mom.

Daddy was Catholic and so is Grant

and we like Christmas.

- Okay, do not mention your good for nothing father to me.

- [Elizabeth] Don't say that about him.

- Oh clearly you've forgotten who raised you

after he walked out on us.

- Forgot?

How could I when you constantly remind me

what a terrific single parent you were?

- If you weren't living in your little make believe world

maybe you would have noticed.

- That's what you think this is, make believe?

I would tear off my skin if I didn't have to play

make believe anymore.

- You call it what you like, I call it make believe.

You always needed attention

and this is the way you got it.

And you know what, I did do my best.

You think it was easy after your father left?

All those day to day worries?

I had no job, I had no car, I had no money.

- Yeah, no man.

And I hate to break it to you.

But your best is the only thing that's make believe here.

- What exactly does that mean?

- Nothing except that maybe

you forgot to ask some questions.

- To whom, Elizabeth, you?

- Yes, me!

You know a parental figure would have been nice.

Someone who asked their kid if maybe

something's going on inside their head

and expressing some concern.

That maybe I wasn't quite right.

Oh what the hell would you know about that?

You were so wrapped up in your own needs

you couldn't be bothered by my suffering.

Don't smoke in my apartment!

- Your apartment?

Oh god, unbelievable.

Who do you think pays for this apartment?

- Oh don't start with that.

- Between this place and all the extra health insurance

and all those fancy doctors you think you need.

- Stop, oh.

- I mean what do you think, your disability check

covers all that?

And you know what?

Don't you dare point your finger at me, young lady.

You are the reason your father walked out

in the first place.

All your neuroses and all your fits

and all your constant crying!

I should have slapped you!

I wanted to but I didn't!

- I was sick!

- Your father would have beaten you

within an inch of your life if he'd stayed one more day.

You are the reason that your father left

and never looked back!

- You can't keep blaming me for that!

Okay, you don't think I remember?

I remember all your mood swings and screaming

and how you sat at that kitchen table

and smashed his watch with a hammer

and how you tore apart our living room furniture

in a fit of rage?

Don't you remember that?

Oh wait, how could you when all you did

was mask your own issues with a cheap bottle of wine?

Or is it something stronger now?

By the smell of your breath I'd say Jack and Coke.

Am I right?

- You always did like to make me look

like a bad person.

- Yeah you keep living in your fantasy world

where your hair doesn't move

so you don't have to take responsibility for your actions.

- My actions? My actions?

- Do you think I enjoy coming home

and you not being there?

Constant men in and out of the house

as you took applications for a new husband?

All you had to do was love me after daddy left.

But you sat high and mighty in that pedestal,

looked down at me with disgust

from my mental issues and you think I made them up?

They stem from you.

- Oh you keep telling yourself that!

- Shut up!

Shut up and listen to me for once!

You know what?

I'm not gonna let you make me feel bad anymore.

I know I'm a mess.

But I'm getting better.

And I don't need you to pretend

to take care of me anymore.

Or be my mother.

Or even my friend.

I'm done.

[somber music]

- Elizabeth, we can't leave things like this.

- Okay, things have always been like this.

And there is nothing good here, there never was.

I love you.

But you should go.

Your new family needs you, I don't.

[door opening]

Hey.

- Hey you.

[smooching]

I am exhausted.

What are you doing sitting in the dark?

Should I be concerned?

- [Elizabeth] No, I'm good actually.

- Okay.

- [Elizabeth] My mom was here.

- Here, like in the apartment here?

- Mhmm.

- [scoffing] when?

- She showed up about 20 minutes after you left.

Where were you for so long?

- I lost track of time.

I mean who cares, tell me what happened?

- We said everything we had to say.

I feel like I got closure.

Real closure going all the way back

to when I was in love with Ken.

Do you think that's possible?

- Sometimes we hold on to things

that we know are not good for us.

Because we're afraid of what will happen

if we let go.

But when we finally do it's like this,

this weight lifted off our chest

and we're truly free.

It's a good thing, trust me.

Sorry I wasn't here.

- [Elizabeth] No it's better that you weren't.

I don't think I could have said everything I did

with you here.

- You're amazing, you know that?

Absolutely amazing.

- You smell.

- I smell?

You're gonna ruin that sweet moment to tell me I smell?

Yeah, I'ma take a shower.

But you know what, you should come with me.

- Sorry mister, and you know what kind of girl

do you think I am?

- A naughty one I hope.

So I'll drop a pin on your GPS

and that way you'll be able to find me, okay?

♪ In the morning

♪ In the morning

♪ And the lover

♪ Smiling for me

♪ While she's falling

♪ While she's falling

♪ Man I must have been blind

♪ To carry on such

♪ For most of my life

♪ These days I'm hanging around

♪ You're out of my heart

♪ And out of my town

- Hey.

What's going on with you, you look tense.

I know you're going to try on wedding dresses right now.

I thought you were excited.

- I am excited.

- Yeah?

- Just my anxiety, babe.

- Did you take your Clonopin?

Good girl.

You know what, just take out your pills.

Yeah, take them out.

- Why?

- Just take them out.

Now give them a shake.

[rattling]

Shake it one more time.

You feel that?

Oh, oh.

I can't even control it.

- You're so stupid I hate you.

- Am I embarrassing you?

- Yeah.

- A little bit? - A little bit.

- Well I made you smile, didn't I?

And you don't hate me, you love me.

- [Elizabeth] That's it.

- [Grant] There it is.

Looks um, expensive.

- [Elizabeth] You know I found it in a bridal magazine.

- [Grant] Do you want me to go in with you?

- [Elizabeth] No, I'm fine.

Plus it's bad luck if you see me in a dress.

- [Grant] I don't think it's gonna be a tragedy

if I see you in a dress.

- [Elizabeth] Do you think we need another thing

for me to obsess over?

- [Grant] Good point, enough said.

No seeing you in a dress till the big day.

I won't even ask again.

- [Elizabeth] Okay, I'm going in.

- [Grant] All right, I'll be back here in an hour.

You got this, okay?

- [Elizabeth] Okay, go, go.

- [Grant] You'll be fine.

[smooching]

[light piano music]

- Hello.

- Hi.

- Hi, you must be my two o'clock.

- I am, I'm Elizabeth.

- Hi Elizabeth, I'm Jane.

It is so nice to meet you.

Welcome to our little shop.

- Thank you, it is so beautiful.

- Thank you.

- And you're so pretty.

- Oh, you're so sweet, thank you.

Well are you shopping alone today

or will someone be joining you?

- No, just me.

I sent my fiancee away but he'll be back

in an hour to get me.

- Wonderful, that's plenty of time.

It's always better when the man shows up

at the altar instead of the fitting room.

At least that's my opinion anyway.

Can I offer you something to drink?

- No, I'm great, thank you.

- Okay, well then let's get started.

Let's find you a dress.

Right this way.

This your first time shopping for dresses?

- Yeah.

- Oh, you are in for a treat. [laughing]

- You look well, Elizabeth.

- Thank you.

I feel good.

- [Dr. Bowman] That's great news.

Have you had any other hallucinations

since our last session?

- [Elizabeth] Just one.

I saw a raccoon in my bathroom but it passed quickly.

- Well, that tells me that the Invega is working.

And how's your anxiety been?

- It comes and goes.

I had a really bad argument with my mom the other day.

- [Dr. Bowman] Very sorry to hear that.

- No, it was good.

I knew it helped me get past some stuff

and cleared my mind.

- Sometimes when we confront something or someone,

that's been a source of stress in our lives,

it can often cause us to refocus on ourselves.

What do you have there?

- I went wedding dress shopping today.

And the lady in the store was really nice.

She gave me this number to a wedding chaplain.

- That was nice of her.

So other than the raccoon, and a bit of anxiety,

you haven't had any other episodes?

- No.

And then things with Grant have been much better.

And that feeling I was having of him leaving me,

it passed.

- That's good.

And have you been taking the Saphris?

- No, not yet.

I didn't feel the need to.

And like you said, the Invega must be working.

- I'm sure it is.

But I would like you to take the Saphris tonight.

10 milligrams.

- [Elizabeth] I thought that was for

when I was having a really bad episode.

- Well that's correct.

But it's also preventative.

Considering the occurrence with Tim is fairly recent,

then followed by the argument with your mother,

we'd rather be safe than sorry.

These type of situations could often lead

to relapse due to stress.

Why not nip it in the bud now?

- Nip it in the bud, I like that, okay.

I'll see you next week?

- That sounds good.

- [Elizabeth] Dr. Bowman, thank you for everything.

- [Dr. Bowman] It's my absolute pleasure, Elizabeth.

You are a bright, warm, young woman.

And I want nothing more than to get you back

to living a full productive life.

Now I want you to call me tomorrow

after you've taken the Saphris

and tell me how you feel, okay?

- [Elizabeth] Okay.

- [Grant] Babe, can you come to bed?

- In a sec.

Fuck, cherry flavor my ass.

Time to start living.

- [Grant] Elizabeth.

- Yeah?

- [Grant] Why do we never open the futon?

- Guess, before you I just got used to living alone.

We'll open it tomorrow, I promise.

- [Grant] I love you, Elizabeth.

- I love you too.

[light music]

♪ At last

♪ My love has come along

♪ My lonely days are over

Grant?

♪ And life is like a song

♪ Oh yeah yeah

♪ At last

♪ The stars above are blue

Grant?

♪ My heart was wrapped up in clovers

♪ The night I looked at you

♪ I found a dream

♪ That I could speak to

♪ A dream that I can call my own

♪ I found the thrill to rest my cheek to

♪ A thrill that I have never known

♪ Oh yeah yeah

♪ You smile

♪ You smile

♪ Oh and then the spell was cast

♪ And here we are in heaven

Grant?

♪ For you are mine

- Sometimes we hold on to things

that we know are not good for us.

Because we're afraid of what will happen if we let go.

[glass shattering]

[somber music]

But when we finally do, it's like this

this weight lifted off our chest.

And we're truly free.

It's a good thing, trust me.

- Grant asked me to marry him and I said yes.

- [Dr. Bowman] Elizabeth, I need you to listen to me

very carefully and try to understand

what I'm about to say to you, okay?

The best thing that you can do

is to ignore the voices and hallucinations at all cost.

Don't make friends with them, don't talk to them.

Don't even acknowledge them even if they're nice to you.

We don't want you to engage with any of the hallucinations.

It could potentially worsen your state of mind.

Now I understand how real these hallucinations may feel

when they're happening but they're not.

And you're gonna have to try your best

to try and tune them out.

Turn the TV up extra loud.

Listen to music with headphones on.

Call someone, anybody.

Anything at all to distract yourself

until the episode passes.

[somber music]

- [Elizabeth] Do you know how scary it is

when you don't know if life is real?

Sometimes I feel cursed, like I'm living

in a bad dream that I can't wake up from.

My relationship is suffering.

He says it's not but I don't believe him.

I want to believe him.

And I don't want him to stop loving me because of this.

[sobbing]

I can't stop loving because of this.

I'm so tired.

- [Mom] I thought you said she was making progress.

- She is.

But the type of schizophrenia that Elizabeth has

is very uncommon and can manifest its symptoms

in many ways including a change in her perceptions

that could influence her sense of reality.

In her particular case, this not only includes

hearing voices that are not there

or seeing something that's not actually present.

She also has tactile hallucinations

that could create a sensation of physical contact.

In addition, she has the type of symptoms

that are consistent with the diagnosis of OCD.

Now all these symptoms at once

can lead to severe distress and be very disabling.

With all these medical conditions to manage,

it's going to be very challenging.

And it's going to be very important

that we have an effective treatment plan in place

and that we stick with it.

- So what does that mean?

- Mrs. O'neil,

- Excuse me, O'neil was her father's name.

I'm remarried now so please call me Carol.

- Of course.

Carol.

Your daughter's mental health is,

it's severe in nature.

Stress, let alone a traumatic incident

can easily trigger a psychotic episode.

- I'm sorry Dr. Bowman, I really don't understand

what any of this means.

- The first appearance of the hallucination

that Elizabeth came to identify as Grant

seems to have coincided with the death

of her father last year.

Now although the medication eliminated her hallucinations

including the one of Grant,

it uncovered a deeper emotional

and psychological detachment.

- Did Elizabeth ever mention to you

that she started speaking to her father again

just before he died?

- No, she never mentioned that to me.

- Yeah.

They were very close.

Just before we split.

Every Sunday he would order Chinese food

and they would watch movies all day.

He'd tell her stories.

And she's laugh.

And he even told her once that one day,

some wonderful guy like some stupid knight in shining armor

would come and marry her.

And she said I hope he's just like you, daddy.

[somber music]

He'd call her his little Lizzy Blue.

- [Dr. Bowman] I'm so sorry, Carol.

- Now what?

- Dr. Saunders and I think it's best

that Elizabeth remain here in Statewood.

Hopefully after time and proper treatment,

Elizabeth will be able to break free of the notion

that she lost the love of her life.

- Is this my fault?

- Carol, here at Statewood we don't judge.

We're simply here to help.

- [Nurse] Hi, Elizabeth.

How are you feeling today, sweety?

Can I get you anything?

Maybe a cup of water.

- What are you doing?

- Nothing, I was just gonna put something

in the TV for Elizabeth.

Is there anything in particular you wanna watch?

- You can put anything you want on the TV, Jane.

Or turn it off all together.

It won't make a difference either way.

All she ever does is sit there,

write in that notebook and flip

through that bridal magazine.

Look, I know you're new here.

But you can't give too much to the patients.

You won't survive the job.

Now I need you to start prepping the evening medications.

Rounds start in 30 minutes.

♪ Somebody get some flowers

♪ Somebody get a ring

♪ Somebody get a chapel and a choir to sing

♪ Somebody get an organ to play

♪ 'Cause somebody's getting married today

[upbeat music]

♪ Somebody get a preacher

♪ Somebody bake a cake

♪ Somebody get some shoes and rice and presents today

♪ Somebody get a sweet negligee

♪ 'Cause somebody's getting married today

♪ Wedding, wedding ,big and bulky wedding

♪ Somebody get champagne

♪ Sombody rent a room

♪ Somebody get the lovely bride

♪ And somebody get the

♪ Somebody get the, somebody somebody

♪ Somebody, somebody

♪ Somebody get this wedding under way

♪ Somebody getting married today

[applause]

- [Elizabeth] Grant asked me to marry him

and I said yes.

- [Grant] I love you Elizabeth Blue.

[somber guitar music]

♪ Lying there's a rainbow

♪ But it ain't no pretty sight

♪ I seen all the colors

♪ Only one in front of my eyes

♪ The color of green

♪ A color so lonely

♪ The color of

♪ green

♪ A color so hungry

♪ A color of

♪ Passing room

♪ And that empty bed for two

♪ And I see red there and orange

♪ Thinking all of this ends all over you

♪ All on you all I'm seeing

♪ Green

♪ A color so lonely

♪ The color of

♪ Green

♪ A color so hungry

♪ The color of

♪ And has eaten me, eaten me away

♪ Away

♪ Second place

♪ The same as no place

♪ No place

♪ And does he tell me, he tell me

♪ Away

♪ Away, away

♪ True love ain't true

♪ Well now fades

♪ It fades, it fades away too

♪ Green

♪ A color so lonely

♪ A color of

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