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1
00:00:00,960 --> 00:00:02,640
Feel like you're holding back, mate.
2
00:00:02,640 --> 00:00:04,960
If we're gonna put this online,
we're gonna need more from you.
3
00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:06,960
Like more arrogance in your face.
4
00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:09,960
Yeah, that's it.
That's it.
5
00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:12,640
CHEERING
6
00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:14,960
FOOTBALL COMMENTARY PLAYS
7
00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:16,480
BOOING
8
00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:17,960
'Who's that?'
9
00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:19,960
It's just the morons outside.
They think they're funny,
10
00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:22,960
making my grandma do random things,
then they put it on TikTok.
11
00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:25,160
"Scounsenancausingmayhem"
or something.
12
00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:28,960
'That's your nan? No way!
Are they live now?'
13
00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:31,960
CHEERING
14
00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:34,000
WHOOPING
15
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:37,960
Did I miss the Ronaldo? Siuuuu!
16
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:40,640
Hey, great shout with the shirt off,
Pat.
17
00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:43,160
You absolutely smashed it.
Completely silenced the Bernabeu.
18
00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:45,800
Last one now, eh, boys?
19
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:50,320
'Ooh, what's she gonna do now?'
20
00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:52,960
COMMENTARY CONTINUES
21
00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:55,960
CHEERING
22
00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:00,320
You said you were gonna get me
free bingo tickets.
23
00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:02,960
I did. I got you them
for last Saturday, lad!
24
00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:07,960
You know I go to Angie's tango class
on a Saturday. You know that, Reece.
25
00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:09,960
LAUGHING
26
00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:10,960
That's heavy, that, lad.
27
00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:13,960
Lingering beef about that quid
I took for going the shop for her!
28
00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:15,000
Let me do one. Let me do one.
29
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:16,960
If I was a professional,
30
00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:19,960
my trademark celebration
would be running into the crowd,
31
00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:21,960
putting me face
right into Reece's ma's arse
32
00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:24,960
and while I am in there,
pointing to the heavens.
33
00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:25,960
CHEERS
34
00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:43,960
Sorry to disturb your lunchbreak,
but I have sent out an email
35
00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:46,960
because it's National Diversity
and Inclusion Week.
36
00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:49,640
When's it gonna be
you leave us alone week?
37
00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:51,960
I don't care if
a Jaffa Cake identifies as a cake.
38
00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:53,800
Belongs in the biscuit tin.
39
00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:56,960
Mr Meacher and I have set up
a homework task.
40
00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:59,960
You need to pair yourselves up
with someone who is your opposite
41
00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:03,960
and experience their lives
over the next few days.
42
00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:04,960
Just sit down, Brimble!
43
00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:10,000
ALL CHANT: Sit down, Brimble.
44
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:13,160
Sit down, Brimble.
45
00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:14,960
Sit down, Brimble.
Sit down, Brimble.
46
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:18,960
On Wednesday...
you will both do a presentation
47
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:20,960
in front of the whole school.
GROANING
48
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:24,960
You'll speak about your differences
and what common ground you found.
49
00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:30,960
Embrace it. Share it.
50
00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:35,960
Celebrate it.
BOOING
51
00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:41,000
And Mr Meacher is offering a �500
prize for the winning presentation.
52
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,000
CHEERING
53
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:47,960
Who would your opposite be?
54
00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:52,000
Probably just
someone really unpopular, like...
55
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:54,960
..like her.
56
00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:58,960
God, you know, I can't be arsed
with these presentations.
57
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:00,800
I'm just not gonna win, am I?
58
00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:11,960
Oh, yous are so cute together.
59
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:13,960
Cheers, girl. And do you know what?
60
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:15,960
It doesn't matter that
he doesn't speak English
61
00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:18,960
cos I know exactly what he's saying
through his eyes.
62
00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:23,480
Like just then, he said,
"I'm going for me lunch."
63
00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:25,960
So, the Brimble just came up to you
and asked to be partners?
64
00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:28,960
Well, she asked us
if I was a practising Muslim first.
65
00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:31,960
I told her "na'am",
which is "yeah" in Arabic.
66
00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:34,960
You won't get away with that, lad.
67
00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:37,960
Aw, we should be partners, mate.
I could win this.
68
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:40,960
Diversity loves a gay.
69
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:42,960
That's one of
the most beautifully tolerant things
70
00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:47,960
you've ever said to me. Thank you.
Knob!
71
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:52,960
I'm fuming. How am I supposed
to show my acting skills
72
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:53,960
when this is who I'm put with?
73
00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:56,960
Smoked someone the other day.
A Manchester United fan?
74
00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:58,960
Oh, yeah, fucking scruff. Divvy.
75
00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:00,960
Oh, Romeo, Romeo.
Wherefore art thou, Romeo?
76
00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:03,960
Oh, sorry, he's just finishing
Pro Clubs on FIFA.
77
00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:05,800
Do you know, I feel for you, girl.
78
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:06,960
Cos you know, me and Ziad,
79
00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,960
we were practising our audition
this morning,
80
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:12,960
and you can proper get in the zone
with the right partner.
81
00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:15,960
Sir, me and Ziad,
we're gonna audition next.
82
00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:17,960
Now, he is from Libya,
so he doesn't speak English,
83
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:20,800
so we're gonna do, like,
a non-verbal audition.
84
00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:22,960
Well, that's not gonna work.
Why?
85
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:27,000
Are you racist against people
who don't speak English, sir?
86
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,960
Are you a big, bad Nazi,
are you, sir?
87
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:31,960
Why do you look so guilty, sir?
88
00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:32,960
We...
Get your kit off.
89
00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:35,000
Show us you haven't got
a swastika tattoo, sir.
90
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:41,960
Erm... Ziad,
in no way did I intend...
91
00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:43,960
Sir, he doesn't speak English.
92
00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:45,960
Oh, now
you're just a patronising racist!
93
00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:48,320
Come on, Ziad,
let's prove to the racists
94
00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:52,960
that we can show Romeo and Juliet's
connection without language.
95
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,160
Sorry.
96
00:04:57,160 --> 00:05:00,960
Baby, I'm
97
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,960
Dancing in the dark
98
00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:08,960
With you between my arms...
99
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:09,960
Down.
100
00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:19,960
OK.
101
00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:26,960
No.
102
00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:32,160
SHE GROANS
103
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,960
SHE SIGHS
104
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:44,960
SHE MOANS LOUDLY
105
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:49,960
Thank you.
106
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:51,960
IN ARABIC:
107
00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:53,960
Lucky bastard!
108
00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:56,960
BUZZING
109
00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:58,640
Dad, I'm bringing this girl over,
110
00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:00,960
but I kinda told her
I was a proper Muslim
111
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,960
so I could do
this opposites homework with her.
112
00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:05,960
Astaghfirullah! I tell you
never to bring evil white girl
113
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:07,960
to this house, Mohammed.
114
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:14,960
Your grandad's been trying to get
you in a mosque for years.
115
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:18,960
Now some girl comes along,
and you wanna pretend to be Muslim.
116
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:19,960
Are you having a laugh?
117
00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:22,960
All right.
Son, what's this girl like?
118
00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,960
And we're celebrating
Eid "al-Hadda".
119
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:30,960
Adha.
120
00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:33,960
Adha. Yeah, Dad, are you gonna help?
121
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:36,960
'Yeah. Go on, then.'
122
00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:40,960
So, like, I know you're gay,
123
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:43,960
but surely if that bird who played
Wonder Woman wanted you,
124
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:44,960
you obviously would?
125
00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:47,000
Oh, yeah, I'd completely abandon
126
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:50,960
me whole genetic and hormonal
make-up for her. Yeah.
127
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:57,960
You see, what's good is
you're gonna get to experience
128
00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,960
a progressive, modern-day
Muslim family.
129
00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:07,480
They're here. Press play.
130
00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:10,480
Astaghfirullah!
131
00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:12,960
You are a disgrace!
132
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:16,960
I shall never forgive you.
133
00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:18,960
Eid Mubarak.
134
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:22,960
Apologies for my wife's behaviour.
Er, she is practising seclusion
135
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:28,320
from public observation and
had the audacity to show her feet.
136
00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:29,960
I still see your toeys.
137
00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:34,800
Dad, it's Eid, and
women celebrate with us. Remember?
138
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:38,960
You're right.
She may join us for five minutes.
139
00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:44,480
Mum!
140
00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:49,960
NOISE FROM PHONE
141
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:52,960
I thought you wanted me to teach you
how to be more earnest in life?
142
00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:54,960
I am earnest, me.
143
00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:57,800
Today, I taught Miss Prescott
that if she had an OnlyFans,
144
00:07:57,800 --> 00:07:59,960
I'd defo subscribe.
145
00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:03,960
Why, when you've already made
your mind up about me?
146
00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:04,960
So just put a slide up saying,
147
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:07,960
"The difference between me and Reece
in ten years."
148
00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:11,640
Then photoshop a pic of you
in a suit with a �50 note,
149
00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:14,960
snorting cocaine
off Jacob Rees-Mogg's bum cheeks.
150
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:17,960
Then me, in a pair of
Reebok Classics, looking chavtastic,
151
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:20,960
standing outside the job centre
with me 13 kids.
152
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:22,960
Christopher, I'm home.
153
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:24,960
What are you doing that for?
154
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:27,000
You don't seem to care
about doing any work.
155
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,960
Are you even going to uni or
is that a bit too grown-up for you?
156
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:32,960
Lad, I'm starting
a joinery apprenticeship as soon as.
157
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:35,960
I'll be earning
a decent wage for a nice house
158
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:37,960
whilst you're sucking off
the manager of Lidl,
159
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:40,960
desperate for a job cos
you're 50 grand in debt after uni.
160
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:42,960
Then who'll be the grown-up one?
Christopher!
161
00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:44,960
TURNS THE VOLUME UP
What are you doing that for?
162
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:46,960
I don't know. It's funny, innit?
163
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:48,960
I just want her to think that
we're shagging.
164
00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:50,960
Turn it off!
165
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:53,960
What are you doing? Get off me top!
166
00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:58,960
Come 'ead!
167
00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:05,960
OPERA MUSIC
168
00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,960
MOANING FROM PHONE
169
00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:21,800
GROANING FROM PHONE
170
00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:23,640
You boys are certainly throwing
yourselves
171
00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:25,320
into this get to know each other
homework.
172
00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:28,960
Soz, Pat.
Chrissy's a bit of a squealer.
173
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:30,000
SQUEALS
174
00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:36,960
It is great that
you all eat from the same plate.
175
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:40,960
It's uniquely intimate. So bonding.
176
00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:43,960
I have something for you.
177
00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:46,800
SHE LAUGHS
178
00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:56,960
Erm...
179
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:01,960
Mohammed, why is she looking
so confused, huh? Is she not happy?
180
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:04,160
You said the mahr for the marriage
had been agreed.
181
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:06,960
Yeah.
182
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:08,960
It's such an honour to welcome you
to our family,
183
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:10,960
you know,
as my future daughter-in-law.
184
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:12,000
Sorry, what?
185
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:13,960
He's always wanted to control
the woman.
186
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:16,480
You have. You have.
187
00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:19,960
Remember when you were a little boy?
You used to take that Barbie.
188
00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:20,960
He'd say, "You're my wife.
189
00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:23,960
"You're my wife,
and I'm gonna hide your passport,
190
00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:26,320
"tie you to a radiator."
It was so cute. It was so funny.
191
00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:27,960
You can't say that!
192
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,320
Sorry, I think
there's been a misunderstanding.
193
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:32,960
I am not here to be Mo's wife.
194
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:37,000
I-I am here to learn
about your religion.
195
00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:44,320
Would you please excuse him, just
while he prepares the main course?
196
00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:49,960
BLEATING
197
00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:50,960
What's he playing at?
198
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:57,960
We will now begin
our Eid Qurbani celebration.
199
00:10:57,960 --> 00:11:01,800
The ritual slaughter of a goat.
200
00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:08,480
Would our guest of honour...
like to perform the sacrifice?
201
00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:13,960
Erm... No, I respect your religion,
but I would rather not.
202
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:17,800
Well, then,
Cutthroat Mo takes the reins again.
203
00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:20,320
That's what we call him cos
when he was five, he was a natural,
204
00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:22,640
real thirst for blood.
205
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:23,960
Hm, so murderous.
206
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:27,960
Mum. Dad, that is no longer
a tradition we follow.
207
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,960
Dad!
208
00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:33,960
Just... Yeah, just give me a second.
Sorry.
209
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:35,960
LAUGHING,
BLEATING
210
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:38,960
Yous aren't funny!
211
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:41,960
Cutthroat Mo strikes again.
212
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:59,320
Sir, why are you only seeing
lads and girls audition?
213
00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:01,960
Are you a homophobe
as well as a racist?
214
00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:03,000
Romeo and Ricardo for the win.
215
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:04,960
Ted makes a great point,
216
00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:07,960
and we need to be more inclusive
with the languages for Ziad.
217
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:10,960
I've popped an Arabic translation
I found in the WhatsApp group.
218
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:13,480
Maybe Mo and Ziad
would like to audition as a pair?
219
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:18,960
Erm... Yeah. Sound.
220
00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:27,960
IN ARABIC:
221
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:09,960
Yeah.
222
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:25,960
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
223
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:33,960
Classic Shakespeare.
224
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:38,000
Conflict... to resolution.
Fantastic, boys.
225
00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:44,960
Oh, there you are, mate.
Listen, I really need your help.
226
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,960
Reckon you've got any pictures
of Pat when she was younger?
227
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:52,480
Cos I'm seeing hallmarks
of a decent bum, you know.
228
00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:53,960
I'm only messing.
229
00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:56,800
Though if you had any, I'd probably
wanna look out of curiosity.
230
00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:58,960
But anyway, you know Reece's ma?
231
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,960
That really shy and retiring woman?
232
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:07,960
Mate, swear down. We were in the
canteen, brought me over Alphabites,
233
00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:10,960
gave me a wink and I looked at them
and I realised,
234
00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:14,960
if I moved them round, it spelt out,
"I want you, Con."
235
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:16,960
I had to use the "O" more than once,
236
00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:18,960
but that's just a mistake
on her part.
237
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:21,960
That wasn't a coincidence. There's
a lot of things that could spell.
238
00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:24,960
No, mate, secret code.
239
00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:26,000
SIGHS
240
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:29,960
Proper torn now, lad.
Cos it's banter.
241
00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:34,960
But it's not banter because...
I wanna do it.
242
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,640
Just, Reece is me mate.
243
00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:40,960
You should go for it.
244
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:43,960
Well, if this week at school
has taught us anything,
245
00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:46,960
it's to be your authentic self,
and people should accept that.
246
00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:51,480
Yeah. And my authentic self wants
his head right up Jodie's arse.
247
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:55,640
Nice one, lad. I'll see you later.
248
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:04,000
Aye, pilgrim,
lips that they must use in prayer.
249
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:08,960
Oh, then, dear saint,
let lips do what hands do.
250
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:11,960
Saints do not move,
though grant for prayers' sake.
251
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:14,960
Then move not
while my prayer's effect I take.
252
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:21,960
Nah, no, I'm not havin' this, me.
Right in me face like that.
253
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:26,160
I'm back tomorrow.
You're dead, you sweaty lizard.
254
00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:36,640
HE SPEAKS
ENGLISH WORDS SLOWLY
255
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:40,960
Oh, my God, he's still pretending.
256
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:42,960
And here's me telling Aims
we don't need to vet you
257
00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:43,960
cos I know you'll pass.
258
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:45,960
I vetted you anyway
because she's my mate,
259
00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:47,960
and something about you is dodgy.
260
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:48,960
In a non-racist way.
261
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:52,800
We did the usual background check of
all your socials for any scandals,
262
00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:54,960
looking at your internet history
to make sure
263
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:56,960
you're not a perv
and no naughty shoes.
264
00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:59,800
And you only just passed that one,
by the way.
265
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:01,000
You've been added, lad.
266
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,960
Yeah, you have.
So, don't you ever speak
267
00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:06,960
to either of us again in English...
268
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:11,960
SPEAKS ARABIC
269
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:13,960
Come back.
270
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:21,000
So, what was Reece like as a kid?
271
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:24,960
He struggled.
272
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:30,640
Wasn't his fault.
He had a lot to deal with.
273
00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:32,960
We didn't have any heating.
274
00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:37,800
Sometimes, the only food
we could afford was 9p Netto beans.
275
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:38,960
I'm sorry.
276
00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:42,960
Sometimes, I had to send him
out into the street to steal
277
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:47,960
other people's hubcaps and...
when we were really desperate...
278
00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:50,160
I had to shove him
through people's cat flaps,
279
00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:52,960
to break into their houses.
He was only four years old.
280
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:54,960
HE SIGHS
281
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:56,960
Well, I see now
why he is the way he is.
282
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:08,640
I'm winding you up, soft arse.
283
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:10,960
Never mind
what you see on the telly.
284
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:13,960
We're not all sitting round,
eating crack out of a bin bag.
285
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:17,960
Look, I suppose you can say...
286
00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:21,960
..that it's only ever been
me and him.
287
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:26,960
So, I'm very proud...
of the man that he's becoming.
288
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:32,960
Oi, oi, here he is.
Here's that tenner, son.
289
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:34,960
Ah! Nice one, Mum.
290
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:35,960
Oh, so you can bend down?
291
00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,960
Well, in that case, you can go
and pick up your dirty plate
292
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:41,960
and put it in the dishwasher,
lazy arse.
293
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:44,960
Right, I'm off to work.
Give us that tenner back.
294
00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:49,960
Nice one. G'wed.
See you later. Love you. Love you.
295
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:56,640
I think it's really great you're
so committed to your schoolwork.
296
00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:02,960
Bet your mum would have been
dead proud of you.
297
00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:09,000
Hey, Connor came onto me ma
last night.
298
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,960
Nah, it's not funny, lad.
He told me you told him to do it.
299
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:12,960
He actually did it?
300
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:16,480
What did you say that to him for?
301
00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:20,960
Nah, banter's funny.
But nobody treats me ma like that.
302
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:26,960
You're lucky if
I even do this presentation later.
303
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:28,960
Though I suppose
we can tell everyone
304
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:32,960
how we're so different, then, cos
one of us is proper disrespectful.
305
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,960
APPLAUSE
306
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:40,960
Good afternoon to you all.
307
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:45,000
Here at Allsbrooke, we are proud
to promote a school culture
308
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,960
that values diversity.
309
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:48,960
So, without further ado,
310
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:52,960
first up, we have Connor and Ted.
311
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:54,960
It's mad cos...
312
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:56,960
CHUCKLING
313
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:58,960
..I love girls' arses,
314
00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:02,960
and he loves lads' arses, don't you?
315
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:04,160
Kieran and Lewis.
316
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:10,960
Our main differences are,
he benches 270...
317
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:13,160
I bench 275.
318
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:15,960
And if you look,
they're not really that different.
319
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:20,960
Mine and Kieran's common ground is
we both generally love a good scrap.
320
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:25,160
We'll batter anyone who wants it
and batter them again if needs be.
321
00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:28,960
Just slightly different in shape.
322
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:32,960
So, maybe me and Ted aren't
that different, either.
323
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:34,800
HE SOBS
324
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:35,960
APPLAUSE
325
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:40,640
But we're most similar...
cos we're both humans,
326
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:42,960
and humans make mistakes.
327
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:48,960
I bet any one of them sound lads
there on that picture made mistakes.
328
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:55,160
Will you?
329
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:56,480
Is that a pebble?
330
00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:58,960
Lewis, are you messing?
331
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:00,960
It's not about the mistake.
332
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:02,960
I want someone that'll push me
out of me comfort zone.
333
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:03,960
She's had you off!
334
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:04,960
You're not me Romeo.
335
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:09,160
LAUGHTER
336
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:10,960
Fuck off!
337
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:14,960
CHANTING
338
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:18,320
I asked Mo's parents to tell me
a Muslim prayer
339
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:24,960
So, if you could please all join me
in a call to Salah.
340
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:27,960
No, no...
341
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:34,160
Sal-ah, la-la-la-la.
342
00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:36,960
Is this real?
343
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:39,480
I can't believe he said that to her.
344
00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:44,960
If he's good enough for you...
he's good enough for me.
345
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:48,640
AUDIENCE: Sitting in a mosque
That's where I wanna be
346
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:55,960
La-la-la-la-la
347
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:59,960
If he's good enough for you
He's good enough for me.
348
00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:03,000
OK. OK...
349
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:06,960
OK.
350
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:12,960
And now for the final pairing,
we have Reece and Christopher.
351
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:19,000
There were many differences
I experienced when being with Reece,
352
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:22,160
but in truth,
I started to understand them.
353
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:26,960
I now understand that a family
can abuse each other non-stop
354
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:28,960
but love each other very much.
355
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:33,640
And I think love was our
common ground, a love for our mums.
356
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:35,960
LAUGHTER
357
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:39,960
You all laugh,
but you love your parents, too.
358
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:42,960
It's just Reece has got the balls
to show it.
359
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:45,960
He always sticks up for her,
and he always defends her.
360
00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:49,960
I remember
a time I was out with my mum,
361
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:54,960
and... these idiots my age
were... harassing her,
362
00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:58,960
saying idiotic things about her...
363
00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:00,960
and I did nothing.
364
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:04,960
So, I guess
our biggest common ground was
365
00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:06,800
our fondness for our mums.
366
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:09,960
I just wish
I'd shown my fondness more.
367
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:14,960
Show your loved ones you care...
before it's too late.
368
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:22,960
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
369
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:31,960
I think we have our winners.
370
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:35,320
Lad, we're loaded!
371
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:37,960
Do you reckon we try and get tickets
for the Liverpool game?
372
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:48,960
Good afternoon, everyone.
373
00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:51,960
This... is the moment
we've all been waiting for,
374
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:55,960
the moment we announce
the cast of the school play.
375
00:22:55,960 --> 00:23:00,320
You see here at Allsbrooke,
character is destiny,
376
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:04,960
and playing the characters
of Romeo and Juliet are...
377
00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:07,960
Who-a-a-a-a!
378
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:11,960
..Aimee and Christopher.
CHEERING
379
00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:28,960
But soft, what light
through yonder window breaks?
380
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:34,800
It is the east.
And Mia-Louise is the sun.
381
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:37,320
Do one, you liar.
382
00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:40,480
Look, when we first met,
you assumed I didn't speak English,
383
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:41,960
and you seemed to like
that about me,
384
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:45,000
so I played along because...
cos you are so beautiful.
385
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:48,960
I-I wanted to tell you the truth,
386
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:50,960
but you kept talking
about our eyes communicating.
387
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:53,960
I was afraid you'd think
our connection wasn't real.
388
00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:58,960
But it is.
Because it's not about our mouths.
389
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:00,960
It's not even about our eyes.
390
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:03,960
It's about our hearts.
391
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:10,800
Well, just give me a sec, then.
392
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:17,960
PHONE PINGS
393
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:27,960
Pass the ball, lad.
KNOCK ON DOOR
394
00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:31,480
I found these on the kitchen table.
395
00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:33,960
It's two tickets for Friday
off Mo's ma.
396
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:36,480
You can take one of your bessies
from Angie's tango class.
397
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:37,960
I wanna squash this beef, Pat.
398
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:40,960
I'm sick
of always looking over me shoulder.
399
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:43,960
Oh, get in!
'What a goal!'
400
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:45,960
Siuuu!
401
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:47,960
Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com
402
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:51,960
Siuuu!
403
00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:05,960
Siuuu!
404
00:25:06,010 --> 00:25:10,560
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