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Our neighbor Sean has begun a bid
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to ruthlessly unseat
Staten Island's rulers
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so that the crown of absolute power
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may rest solely upon his head.
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Com... Comptroller.
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What the fuck is that?
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The comptroller controls the
budget for all of Staten Island.
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I'm really proud of
my campaign platform:
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Bring the Rangers back to Staten Island.
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So, I think I'm gonna win.
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- Ah.
- Ah. Seanie.
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Typically, in a situation such as this,
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the best move is to
identify your opponents
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and then slaughter them in their sleep.
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Yeah, yeah, I wish, but, uh,
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no, we just got to get the most votes.
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- [GROWLS] - But our latest
round of internal polling
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has revealed that we have,
uh, a couple of weak spots.
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Particularly, the gay demographic.
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So we got to do something that's
gonna knock their socks off.
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Which is why we are
doing a Pride parade!
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- Right here in Staten Island.
- Yeah.
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- Looks great. - So, you two are
organizing a Pride parade?
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Yeah!
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[GUILLERMO] I'm a little skeptical.
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I've never actually been to Pride.
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But something tells me...
neither have Sean and Charmaine.
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My lesbian roommate from
SUNY New Paltz, she's gonna
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- come and do some rhythmic
gymnastics. - Oh, yeah.
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[SEAN] Oh, yeah, and my
bisexual cousin Dominic?
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- You remember him.
- Oh, I certainly do.
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He is gonna lip-synch to
some hot tunes all night long.
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- Ooh, yeah.
- Respectfully, uh, Neighbor Sean...
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- Yes. - What has this
got to do with us?
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We are very busy.
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A little bird recently
flew into my bedroom
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and I've been trying
to make him my friend.
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Yeah, well, uh, we just
wanted to consult with you guys
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considering you're members of
the LGBTQ... LMNOP community.
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And we consider you
guys heroes for that.
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Literally the gayest
things on the block.
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I like what you've been saying.
It's been very entertaining.
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But just for two
seconds, shut the fuck up.
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I know why you're here.
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You want us to grand
marshal your gay parade?
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That's a thumbs up.
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You want to start your gay
parade on our front lawn?
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That's two thumbs up.
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What are those vehicles called
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that are all brightly colored?
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- Very jolly.
- Oh...
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You mean chariots,
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dragging the corpses
of your vanquished foes.
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- We call them "floats."
- Yeah.
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- The corpses float also.
- [CHARMAINE] Yes, yes, yes.
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The fire department, the
wives, they've all signed up
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to make a big float for us.
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Really? Tell those wives to get fucked.
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- Oh.
- I'm gonna make the float.
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It'll be the most fantastic
thing you've ever seen.
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- [LASZLO CACKLES]
- [SEAN] Okay...
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That's way more than we expected.
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We just came here to see
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which one of these
T-shirts you liked better.
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Yeah, we got two choices:
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"Yas Sean!"
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And "Ay, I'm Bein' Gay Ova Here!"
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[LASZLO] We'll buy the lot.
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["YOU'RE DEAD" BY NORMA TANEGA PLAYING]
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♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪
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♪ They have no use for your song ♪
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♪ You're dead, you're
dead, you're dead ♪
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♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪
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♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone ♪
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♪ You sold out your dream to the world ♪
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♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪
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♪ You're dead and out of this world. ♪
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♪ ♪
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- Synced and corrected by naFraC -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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What is at the root
of all this pain here?
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Besides your legs being crushed, I mean.
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00:03:33,017 --> 00:03:35,407
Of course I'm still pissed
off at Nadja for crushing me
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with her vampire ass.
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I mean, look at this bullshit.
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I'm three-quarters
mechanical automaton.
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Ah, shit.
87
00:03:41,756 --> 00:03:44,541
Well, I suppose the
loss of my dolly body
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has got me thinking
about my old human body.
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I never got to use it, fully.
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- Huh?
- I never got to experience...
91
00:03:52,298 --> 00:03:54,011
carnal pleasure?
92
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- What?
- Oh.
93
00:03:55,636 --> 00:03:57,370
I think what she means is...
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- She's a virgin.
- [NADJA DOLL] Nailed it.
95
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How can you be a virgin?
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Your spirit is identical
to my own and I am...
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definitely not a virgin.
98
00:04:05,388 --> 00:04:07,757
I am a manifestation
of your ghost, right?
99
00:04:07,768 --> 00:04:10,637
Which is who you were when
you died and became a vampire.
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And at that point, you were a virgin.
101
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What about Jonas the mule dancer?
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Strictly hand stuff.
103
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I remain a virgin and
I fear I always will be.
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If there was anything, anything
I could about this, I would,
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00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:26,564
but sadly I just... I don't...
106
00:04:26,575 --> 00:04:29,852
Well, what if we swapped bodies?
107
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- Just for a day.
- What a cute little idea,
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but unfortunately that is
definitely not possible.
109
00:04:35,013 --> 00:04:36,744
Oh, no, it's possible.
110
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The swapping of spirits
and their corporeal vessels.
111
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Actually, pretty easy.
112
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- Is it?
- Oh, yeah.
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- Well.
- [NADJA DOLL] Great!
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- Great.
- Great.
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Okay! Oh... great.
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- That is just...
- Great.
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Well, great.
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[GRUNTING]
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[NANDOR] I have discovered why Guillermo
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has been avoiding me lately.
121
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He has fallen under the sway of Laszlo.
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Laszlo is jealous because of
how much Guillermo worships me.
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- Oh. There you are.
- Not now, Nandor.
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Can't you see I'm
teaching the boy science?
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- Thank you.
- But I... [STAMMERS]
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[NANDOR] He has decided
to try and impress him
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with his only impressive quality.
128
00:05:18,383 --> 00:05:19,822
- [ZAPPING]
- Ooh!
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[NANDOR] His quote,
unquote "intelligence."
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End quote.
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- Maybe I just...
- [LASZLO] No, Nandor.
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[NANDOR] I personally value
qualities that cannot be taught.
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Courage. Relentlessness.
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Being tall.
135
00:05:36,441 --> 00:05:39,835
Do you think he actually bought
that whole science lesson thing?
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Obviously.
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For if he knew the truth,
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that you've been turned into a vampire
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by somebody other than him,
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you'd be fucking dead by now.
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How can I put this? The boy is...
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fucked up.
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00:05:53,177 --> 00:05:55,271
Yeah, I really can't see
what's going on back there.
144
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I think it might be like a
psoriasis flareup or something.
145
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Yeah, that's exactly what it is.
Can you move them?
146
00:06:01,095 --> 00:06:02,445
Move what?
147
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Nothing. All good and proper.
148
00:06:06,638 --> 00:06:08,238
Now, what I intend to do
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00:06:08,249 --> 00:06:10,551
is carry out a few basic
experiments on the boy.
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Firstly, agility.
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Vampire super speed
test number 72, begin.
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[GRUNTS]
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[LASZLO] Vampiric turnoffs.
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[MUFFLED] I'm holding
the garlic to your face.
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Is it having any effect?
156
00:06:23,472 --> 00:06:24,661
Telekinesis.
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Concentrate on that antique
flask and make it rise.
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Patient running at normal human speed,
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slightly below normal human speed.
160
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- Lick it!
- I'd rather not.
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If you don't lick it,
I cannot diagnose you.
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Oh, that's not bad.
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00:06:38,509 --> 00:06:40,711
[LASZLO] And from that,
we'll have a better idea as to
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what kind of vampire he is, or isn't.
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I didn't ask you to squeeze one out.
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If I knew you were gonna do that,
I'd have put some newspaper down.
167
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I'm doing it.
168
00:06:48,349 --> 00:06:50,333
- Doing what? Squeezing one out?
- No.
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00:06:50,344 --> 00:06:52,285
What the blazes?
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He's clearly been
afflicted by vampirism.
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All right, you can stop there.
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But his turning has been stymied.
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Being a man of science,
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I intend to find out why.
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For this requires a systematic review
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of everything we know about vampirism.
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We must go back.
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Back to the beginning.
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Now clean that shit up.
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00:07:10,814 --> 00:07:13,382
All right, so tonight is Friday.
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00:07:13,393 --> 00:07:17,296
Otherwise known in spiritual
circles as Freaky Friday.
182
00:07:17,307 --> 00:07:20,743
And thus we are technically
able to swap your souls.
183
00:07:20,754 --> 00:07:22,652
And that's really how it works?
184
00:07:22,663 --> 00:07:24,213
- Yes.
- Okay, whatever.
185
00:07:24,224 --> 00:07:26,172
Fine. Can I just get something clear?
186
00:07:26,183 --> 00:07:27,917
My dolly is going to inhabit my body
187
00:07:27,928 --> 00:07:30,540
to use it to get completely
and utterly railed.
188
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- [NADJA DOLL] Yes, please.
- And then we will switch back?
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00:07:32,487 --> 00:07:33,894
- Correct.
- Correct.
190
00:07:34,181 --> 00:07:36,898
- [SIGHS] - Okay, so put
your hands on the orb
191
00:07:36,908 --> 00:07:38,342
and close your eyes.
192
00:07:38,515 --> 00:07:41,810
Daimes times nokti onidete.
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00:07:41,821 --> 00:07:44,657
Mugok timek orgiyam takenti.
194
00:07:44,668 --> 00:07:47,871
Toyos togom skijas antagite!
195
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[RUMBLING]
196
00:07:50,019 --> 00:07:52,021
[GASPING]
197
00:07:52,055 --> 00:07:53,973
[LAUGHING] It worked!
198
00:07:53,984 --> 00:07:55,688
It's fucking amazing.
199
00:07:55,699 --> 00:07:57,335
I'm big, bitches!
200
00:07:57,845 --> 00:08:00,518
Uh, be careful. Maybe work
your way up a little bit?
201
00:08:00,529 --> 00:08:02,724
- [LAUGHING]
- Ugh, I can't feel my feet.
202
00:08:02,735 --> 00:08:04,214
That's because you don't have any.
203
00:08:04,225 --> 00:08:06,394
- Sucks, doesn't it?
- Easy.
204
00:08:06,405 --> 00:08:09,586
I forgot how amazing it
is to have a real body!
205
00:08:09,597 --> 00:08:11,601
- Stretch first!
- Wow!
206
00:08:11,612 --> 00:08:13,146
- Oh! Oh!
- Oh, watch out!
207
00:08:13,554 --> 00:08:16,156
So, who wants to have a little bite
208
00:08:16,167 --> 00:08:18,721
of this fresh beef salad?
209
00:08:18,732 --> 00:08:21,034
Trust me, Dolly, you
don't want your first time
210
00:08:21,045 --> 00:08:22,414
to be with anyone in this house.
211
00:08:22,425 --> 00:08:24,820
These people are ran-through.
212
00:08:24,831 --> 00:08:27,500
We are going to find
you a fresh piece of ass.
213
00:08:27,511 --> 00:08:29,379
Wait for me, koukla mou.
214
00:08:29,526 --> 00:08:30,885
I'm doing it.
215
00:08:30,896 --> 00:08:33,061
I'm a real body person.
216
00:08:33,072 --> 00:08:34,933
- [CAMERAMAN] Careful!
- Oh. Oh.
217
00:08:38,105 --> 00:08:42,658
That's right. We swapped bodies.
218
00:08:42,669 --> 00:08:46,422
Huh. Looks like they're turning the GNC
219
00:08:46,433 --> 00:08:47,896
into a Jersey Mike's.
220
00:08:48,409 --> 00:08:50,769
None of you find this
interesting? Hello?
221
00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:53,416
[NANDOR] Not really. I mean,
you're kind of the same person anyway.
222
00:08:53,427 --> 00:08:55,242
So, what? You swapped. Big whoop.
223
00:08:55,253 --> 00:08:56,378
- [NADJA SCOFFS]
- [LASZLO CLEARS THROAT]
224
00:08:56,389 --> 00:08:58,761
- Talking of vampires, which I believe
you were... - [COLIN] We weren't.
225
00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:00,369
... what do we actually know about them?
226
00:09:00,380 --> 00:09:01,530
Why?
227
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,623
Uh, for...
228
00:09:04,476 --> 00:09:06,403
the purposes of the float?
229
00:09:06,414 --> 00:09:09,577
Oh, I see. Boy stuff.
Vroom, vroom. Carry on.
230
00:09:10,414 --> 00:09:12,950
Vampires. The first thing that
comes into your head. Anybody.
231
00:09:12,961 --> 00:09:16,528
Oh, uh, they tend to
form insular social units
232
00:09:16,539 --> 00:09:19,475
and not let perceived
outsiders join the group.
233
00:09:19,930 --> 00:09:22,240
Like I said, what do
we know about vampires?
234
00:09:22,251 --> 00:09:26,017
Vampires always go soft after two pumps.
235
00:09:26,028 --> 00:09:27,565
It's a classic vampire thing.
236
00:09:27,576 --> 00:09:29,826
- Uh... - What about
the one where if you
237
00:09:29,837 --> 00:09:32,522
drop a bunch of rice
in front of a vampire
238
00:09:32,533 --> 00:09:34,449
he has to count every single grain?
239
00:09:34,460 --> 00:09:37,207
No, I, too, have heard that
before. But I think it's cack.
240
00:09:37,218 --> 00:09:39,911
- Hmm, but there again, it might not be.
- [NADJA] Isn't there a thing
241
00:09:39,922 --> 00:09:42,824
that if you throw a
vampire's shoe into the river,
242
00:09:42,835 --> 00:09:43,958
you have to follow it?
243
00:09:43,969 --> 00:09:45,110
Oh, yes, true.
244
00:09:45,121 --> 00:09:47,578
Don't be silly, it's not a shoe.
245
00:09:47,589 --> 00:09:48,957
It is a sock.
246
00:09:49,021 --> 00:09:52,283
Come on, this is classic
Vampire 101 shit, guys.
247
00:09:52,294 --> 00:09:55,190
Well, the only way I'm gonna find
this out is if I put it to the test.
248
00:09:55,201 --> 00:09:56,263
Come on, Gizmo.
249
00:09:56,274 --> 00:09:58,543
Oh, and me. I'd like to come, too.
250
00:09:58,952 --> 00:10:00,154
I don't think so.
251
00:10:00,165 --> 00:10:02,803
No, you-you should
probably stay with Sean
252
00:10:02,814 --> 00:10:04,916
and help him with the
float, for the parade.
253
00:10:04,927 --> 00:10:06,669
Or talk to your bird in-in your room.
254
00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:09,015
I'm not speaking to
Matthew at the moment.
255
00:10:09,896 --> 00:10:11,310
All right, fine.
256
00:10:11,321 --> 00:10:13,275
I know when I'm not wanted.
257
00:10:13,376 --> 00:10:15,119
And this is not one of those times.
258
00:10:15,130 --> 00:10:16,798
Come on, boys!
259
00:10:18,834 --> 00:10:21,269
[NADJA] So, I thought there's
no better place for my Dolly
260
00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:24,710
to find some piping-hot
strange than speed dating.
261
00:10:24,721 --> 00:10:26,901
Hello, everyone. I'm a virgin.
262
00:10:26,912 --> 00:10:28,612
I already regret this.
263
00:10:28,623 --> 00:10:31,005
I used to be dead,
and then I was a ghost,
264
00:10:31,016 --> 00:10:33,497
and then I was a doll, and now...
265
00:10:33,508 --> 00:10:36,150
I am human once more. [LAUGHS]
266
00:10:36,161 --> 00:10:37,496
How about you?
267
00:10:38,915 --> 00:10:40,851
- I'm in sales.
- Ooh.
268
00:10:40,862 --> 00:10:42,555
Mud huts or livestock?
269
00:10:42,566 --> 00:10:43,575
- I like him.
- [BELL RINGS]
270
00:10:43,586 --> 00:10:46,339
My dowry is really cheap.
271
00:10:46,350 --> 00:10:50,686
Just one large goose and before
you can even slit its throat,
272
00:10:50,766 --> 00:10:53,951
- boom, I'm your wife.
- Oof. - [BELL RINGS]
273
00:10:53,962 --> 00:10:57,081
How do you feel about taking
the virginity of a dead ghost?
274
00:10:57,092 --> 00:10:58,192
It's your lucky night.
275
00:10:58,203 --> 00:10:59,206
- Ugh.
- [BELL RINGS]
276
00:10:59,217 --> 00:11:01,161
- Oh, dear.
- You like? Woo!
277
00:11:01,172 --> 00:11:02,535
[LAUGHING] Opa!
278
00:11:02,568 --> 00:11:04,805
Ela! This is a mating dance
279
00:11:04,816 --> 00:11:08,399
because I have selected
you to be my mate.
280
00:11:08,410 --> 00:11:09,682
Look how wide I am.
281
00:11:09,693 --> 00:11:11,414
Please, no physical touch.
282
00:11:11,425 --> 00:11:13,222
Fuck off, lady! [SPITTING]
283
00:11:13,233 --> 00:11:14,956
Okay. All right. You
are out of here. Come on.
284
00:11:14,967 --> 00:11:16,474
What? No, I was just doing a date.
285
00:11:16,485 --> 00:11:17,748
Yes, thank you, remove us.
286
00:11:17,771 --> 00:11:18,814
- Come on.
- Oh.
287
00:11:19,192 --> 00:11:21,027
[LASZLO] Commence the test.
288
00:11:22,969 --> 00:11:25,353
Absolutely no urge to count the rice.
289
00:11:25,364 --> 00:11:27,578
I don't know what Colin
Robinson was talking about.
290
00:11:27,589 --> 00:11:30,717
Another vampire myth
proved to be nonsense.
291
00:11:30,728 --> 00:11:33,394
But just before I
attend to other duties...
292
00:11:33,405 --> 00:11:34,655
- Yes.
- One.
293
00:11:34,666 --> 00:11:35,717
- Two. Four.
- Three.
294
00:11:35,728 --> 00:11:36,729
- Five.
- Six.
295
00:11:36,740 --> 00:11:37,999
Maybe we should move
on to the next test?
296
00:11:38,010 --> 00:11:39,143
Shut up. Seven.
297
00:11:39,154 --> 00:11:40,923
- Eight. Ten.
- Nine. Eleven.
298
00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:45,581
All right, next up is
vampires can triple jump?
299
00:11:45,592 --> 00:11:46,946
- Ah.
- What does that even mean?
300
00:11:46,957 --> 00:11:48,458
I'll show you what it means.
301
00:11:51,987 --> 00:11:53,150
One.
302
00:11:53,522 --> 00:11:54,923
Two.
303
00:11:54,957 --> 00:11:57,138
Three! See?
304
00:11:57,149 --> 00:11:59,941
- Oh.
- Yo, Laz. What you doing up there?
305
00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:01,251
Oh, hi, Sean.
306
00:12:01,262 --> 00:12:03,553
Um, just checking out your float.
307
00:12:03,564 --> 00:12:04,699
Looks fantastic.
308
00:12:04,710 --> 00:12:06,346
- [SEAN] Good night.
- See ya.
309
00:12:06,357 --> 00:12:09,182
[GUILLERMO] So, two small
jumps, and on the third jump,
310
00:12:09,193 --> 00:12:11,930
- jump real high, like Mario.
- Mario who?
311
00:12:11,941 --> 00:12:14,371
Why bother with fancy
jumps when you can just fly?
312
00:12:14,382 --> 00:12:16,678
- Flying does have its limits.
- Oh, really?
313
00:12:16,689 --> 00:12:18,091
A vampire can only ascend as high
314
00:12:18,102 --> 00:12:19,903
as the lowest cloud in the area.
315
00:12:20,237 --> 00:12:22,706
Well, I think that is
more of a Laszlo thing
316
00:12:22,717 --> 00:12:24,179
than a vampire thing.
317
00:12:24,190 --> 00:12:26,918
Really? Well, how high can you fly?
318
00:12:27,588 --> 00:12:29,243
Outer space.
319
00:12:29,254 --> 00:12:31,488
- Write that down.
- Maybe not write that down,
320
00:12:31,498 --> 00:12:33,095
on the account of it being...
321
00:12:33,106 --> 00:12:34,139
bullshit.
322
00:12:34,150 --> 00:12:37,303
I get it, you have never
flown to outer space.
323
00:12:37,314 --> 00:12:39,948
- No. - For some, it is
a little too scary.
324
00:12:39,959 --> 00:12:41,092
But not for me.
325
00:12:41,263 --> 00:12:43,832
That's why I've done it many times.
326
00:12:43,865 --> 00:12:47,545
I mean, you know,
I've flown up like really high.
327
00:12:47,556 --> 00:12:51,253
Now, have I technically
flown to outer space?
328
00:12:51,264 --> 00:12:54,198
No. But there's no
reason why I couldn't.
329
00:12:54,209 --> 00:12:56,999
I mean, I don't have to breathe
oxygen or any shit like that.
330
00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:59,212
So, yeah.
331
00:12:59,322 --> 00:13:01,649
I did not lie.
332
00:13:01,660 --> 00:13:05,286
I am essentially the
king of outer space.
333
00:13:05,297 --> 00:13:06,994
Of course you are, Major Tom.
334
00:13:07,005 --> 00:13:08,440
Enough of that nonsense.
335
00:13:08,451 --> 00:13:10,720
Find me a river I can toss my sock into.
336
00:13:10,731 --> 00:13:12,268
You know what?!
337
00:13:12,361 --> 00:13:15,781
I think I might just fly
to outer space right now!
338
00:13:15,792 --> 00:13:18,733
Not you or you can stop me.
339
00:13:18,744 --> 00:13:20,208
Or you!
340
00:13:20,219 --> 00:13:23,288
So, good luck with your shitty
little science experiments,
341
00:13:23,299 --> 00:13:25,850
because I'm going to outer space!
342
00:13:25,861 --> 00:13:27,959
Well, speed dating was a bust.
343
00:13:27,970 --> 00:13:31,061
But there is one person in the
house the doll is horny for.
344
00:13:31,072 --> 00:13:32,572
I don't like this decision,
345
00:13:32,583 --> 00:13:35,201
but since we all F each other
all the time here anyway,
346
00:13:35,212 --> 00:13:36,678
I can't be a hypocrite.
347
00:13:36,689 --> 00:13:38,346
- Right?
- Nope.
348
00:13:38,380 --> 00:13:40,253
So, let me get this straight.
349
00:13:40,264 --> 00:13:44,206
Nadja Doll, who's currently
in Real Nadja's body
350
00:13:44,217 --> 00:13:46,185
wants to have sex with me?
351
00:13:46,219 --> 00:13:47,555
- Uh-huh.
- Yep.
352
00:13:47,566 --> 00:13:50,489
And Real Nadja, who's
currently inhabiting
353
00:13:50,522 --> 00:13:54,443
Nadja Doll's body is... fine with this?
354
00:13:54,454 --> 00:13:57,386
- Mm-hmm. - And-and you're
not gonna kill me after...?
355
00:13:57,396 --> 00:13:59,665
- No!
- I'm open to it, I-I just...
356
00:13:59,676 --> 00:14:01,882
I don't want it to
affect our friendship.
357
00:14:01,893 --> 00:14:04,125
- [NADJA] What friendship?
- Oh, no, we don't really like you that much.
358
00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:06,627
- I-I wouldn't say we are friends.
- No.
359
00:14:06,638 --> 00:14:09,228
Okay, then why do you want to doink me?
360
00:14:09,239 --> 00:14:10,594
- [EXCLAIMS IN GREEK]
- [LAUGHING]
361
00:14:10,605 --> 00:14:12,842
- This guy doesn't understand
women at all. - Oh, dear.
362
00:14:12,876 --> 00:14:15,503
Hey, Gray Boy.
I'm offering it to you on a plate.
363
00:14:19,469 --> 00:14:22,406
The information I've gathered
today has revolutionized
364
00:14:22,417 --> 00:14:25,853
my entire conception vampire kind.
365
00:14:25,864 --> 00:14:27,087
[GUILLERMO] I just don't
see how that's gonna speed
366
00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:29,885
- the process of turning me.
- Patience, dear boy. Patience.
367
00:14:29,896 --> 00:14:31,823
Now, give me your arm.
368
00:14:34,032 --> 00:14:37,239
Ah, just as I hypothesized.
369
00:14:37,250 --> 00:14:39,885
You skin has some of the
properties of a vampire,
370
00:14:39,896 --> 00:14:43,390
yet you are still able to
walk under the rays of the sun.
371
00:14:43,851 --> 00:14:45,741
So, does that mean I'm a day walker?
372
00:14:45,752 --> 00:14:48,533
- Am I like Blade?
- Yeah, you're exactly like Blade.
373
00:14:48,625 --> 00:14:50,007
Fuck off.
374
00:14:50,104 --> 00:14:51,798
Now, sit still.
375
00:14:51,809 --> 00:14:53,351
Ow. Okay.
376
00:14:53,362 --> 00:14:55,130
A little of that on my arm.
377
00:14:55,695 --> 00:14:56,811
Add my special light.
378
00:14:56,822 --> 00:14:58,095
[SIZZLING]
379
00:14:58,106 --> 00:14:59,688
Starting to sting.
380
00:15:00,082 --> 00:15:02,323
Getting a bit more painful.
381
00:15:02,884 --> 00:15:04,552
[GRUNTS] Fuck.
382
00:15:04,805 --> 00:15:06,007
That's fascinating.
383
00:15:06,018 --> 00:15:07,371
So fascinating!
384
00:15:07,382 --> 00:15:10,842
Right. Strip off, cock ahoy,
and get on the running machine.
385
00:15:10,853 --> 00:15:14,511
- Wait, what?
- I need three gallons of your sweat for science.
386
00:15:14,813 --> 00:15:19,246
Mind if I put on some
music to get us in the mood?
387
00:15:19,257 --> 00:15:21,368
- Mm.
- ["ANTS MARCHING" BY DAVE MATTHEWS BAND PLAYS]
388
00:15:21,379 --> 00:15:23,399
Woo! Ooh, yeah.
389
00:15:23,410 --> 00:15:24,937
Love it. Mmm.
390
00:15:24,970 --> 00:15:26,138
I really can't decide
391
00:15:26,171 --> 00:15:27,858
whether it's weirder if I'm here,
392
00:15:27,869 --> 00:15:28,940
or not here.
393
00:15:28,973 --> 00:15:30,011
Same.
394
00:15:30,022 --> 00:15:31,789
- And he comes in. [CHUCKLES]
- Ooh.
395
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,593
Oh, it's happening. Oh, boy.
396
00:15:33,604 --> 00:15:36,559
- I'm gonna kiss you.
- [NADJA DOLL] Okay.
397
00:15:36,621 --> 00:15:38,288
- I-I can't.
- Oh.
398
00:15:38,299 --> 00:15:39,972
- I'm sorry. Don't get me wrong.
- [MUSIC STOPS]
399
00:15:39,983 --> 00:15:41,784
I like how fucked-up this is.
400
00:15:41,817 --> 00:15:45,059
I-I really like how fucked-up this is.
401
00:15:45,070 --> 00:15:48,223
I just... I think I'm only
attracted to you in doll form.
402
00:15:48,279 --> 00:15:50,196
- I get that.
- Are you kidding me?!
403
00:15:50,207 --> 00:15:53,172
Sorry, Nadja. Daddy
likey what Daddy likey.
404
00:15:53,183 --> 00:15:54,952
Dolly bae, maybe we can try again
405
00:15:54,963 --> 00:15:56,264
in another hundred years or so.
406
00:15:56,298 --> 00:15:58,066
But I have barely gotten to do anything.
407
00:15:58,099 --> 00:15:59,797
I haven't even used this yet.
408
00:15:59,808 --> 00:16:01,669
Come on. "Swap back" time.
409
00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:03,358
I'm not going anywhere.
410
00:16:03,369 --> 00:16:04,805
I just need to mention now
411
00:16:04,838 --> 00:16:08,291
that I cannot force a
spirit to leave a vessel.
412
00:16:08,302 --> 00:16:09,443
What the fuck?
413
00:16:09,454 --> 00:16:10,832
Sassy leaving dance.
414
00:16:10,843 --> 00:16:12,244
- Ooh.
- No. Bitch.
415
00:16:12,277 --> 00:16:14,413
- Come back. - Yeah, there was
no way I was gonna tap that.
416
00:16:14,446 --> 00:16:16,247
If it's so hard to swap us back,
417
00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:17,950
why did you swap us in the first place?
418
00:16:17,983 --> 00:16:22,452
Wait, so you're saying you can't
make a spirit leave a vessel,
419
00:16:22,485 --> 00:16:26,761
but could you put two
spirits in the same vessel?
420
00:16:26,772 --> 00:16:29,830
Oh. I don't see why not.
421
00:16:29,841 --> 00:16:31,122
Oh...
422
00:16:31,133 --> 00:16:33,095
♪ ♪
423
00:16:33,633 --> 00:16:36,103
[LASZLO] After a distillation process...
424
00:16:36,114 --> 00:16:40,013
It gives me no pleasure to
lather my skin in Gizmo's sweat.
425
00:16:40,024 --> 00:16:42,159
Yet, I have reason to believe
426
00:16:42,170 --> 00:16:44,762
it contains extraordinary powers.
427
00:16:44,773 --> 00:16:46,284
Powers that enable a vampire
428
00:16:46,295 --> 00:16:48,628
to walk under the shining rays...
429
00:16:48,639 --> 00:16:49,765
of the sun.
430
00:16:49,776 --> 00:16:52,246
If my calculations aren't correct,
431
00:16:52,301 --> 00:16:54,769
I could be a lump of coal in seconds.
432
00:16:54,780 --> 00:16:57,250
Ha! But you only live once.
433
00:16:57,469 --> 00:16:59,506
Holy shit! That is bright.
434
00:16:59,517 --> 00:17:00,910
- [POWER TOOLS WHIRRING]
- There you go.
435
00:17:01,033 --> 00:17:02,940
This is amazing.
436
00:17:02,951 --> 00:17:04,422
- Oh, hell yeah, Laz.
- Ha ha!
437
00:17:04,456 --> 00:17:08,286
There's so much heat on our
campaign now, it's unbelievable.
438
00:17:08,297 --> 00:17:12,608
Paul Shaffer's limo driver
reposted our flyer on Instagram.
439
00:17:12,619 --> 00:17:16,176
You have the most beautiful skin.
440
00:17:16,187 --> 00:17:18,813
Yeah, I use Charmaine's foot cream.
441
00:17:18,824 --> 00:17:20,215
What do you think about the float?
442
00:17:20,226 --> 00:17:21,493
H-How's that coming along?
443
00:17:21,504 --> 00:17:23,506
The float? Oh, it's fantastic.
444
00:17:23,540 --> 00:17:25,259
I've been working on it noon and night.
445
00:17:25,270 --> 00:17:26,543
Now, do me a favor.
446
00:17:26,576 --> 00:17:29,219
Could I borrow a beach chaise?
447
00:17:29,230 --> 00:17:31,093
- Beach chaise?
- I promise it's for the float.
448
00:17:31,104 --> 00:17:33,338
Something that one might
sit out in the sun on.
449
00:17:33,349 --> 00:17:35,105
What the fuck is a beach
chaise? Is that French?
450
00:17:35,116 --> 00:17:37,141
They're lawn chairs, Seanie.
Yeah, we got lawn chairs.
451
00:17:37,152 --> 00:17:38,291
Thank you very much, very kind.
452
00:17:38,302 --> 00:17:39,743
- Now I want to go to the beach.
- Did you see my sign?
453
00:17:39,754 --> 00:17:41,522
- Then go to the beach.
- [LAUGHS]
454
00:17:41,556 --> 00:17:44,224
♪ ♪
455
00:17:44,257 --> 00:17:45,725
Yes.
456
00:17:45,759 --> 00:17:47,627
[CACKLING]
457
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:51,860
Fetch that!
458
00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:53,706
- Hey...
- [LAUGHING]
459
00:18:03,459 --> 00:18:05,226
Ooh.
460
00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:09,506
[LAUGHS]
461
00:18:11,047 --> 00:18:13,216
[BIRD CAWING]
462
00:18:15,139 --> 00:18:16,139
[HISSING]
463
00:18:16,150 --> 00:18:17,475
- [NANDOR] Hello there.
- [GASPS]
464
00:18:17,486 --> 00:18:18,929
Master, what are you...
465
00:18:18,940 --> 00:18:20,411
Why are you awake?
466
00:18:20,422 --> 00:18:21,990
[NANDOR] I decided to get up early,
467
00:18:22,001 --> 00:18:24,966
to prepare for my upcoming
journey to outer space.
468
00:18:24,977 --> 00:18:26,360
What? You're not really thinking about
469
00:18:26,393 --> 00:18:27,699
going to outer space, are you?
470
00:18:27,710 --> 00:18:29,248
Yes. It turns out there are things
471
00:18:29,259 --> 00:18:33,330
that I can do that your
little teacher Laszlo cannot.
472
00:18:33,908 --> 00:18:38,462
I know that you've become
enamored with his intelligence,
473
00:18:38,473 --> 00:18:42,296
but it is not intelligence
that got mankind to outer space.
474
00:18:42,307 --> 00:18:45,634
It took brute strength and gumption.
475
00:18:45,645 --> 00:18:48,776
These are clearly things
that do not interest you.
476
00:18:48,787 --> 00:18:52,673
Wait. Are you going to outer
space just to impress me?
477
00:18:52,684 --> 00:18:53,767
Sorry, what?
478
00:18:53,778 --> 00:18:56,901
Am I doing this to impress Guillermo?
479
00:18:56,912 --> 00:18:57,968
[SNORTS]
480
00:18:59,654 --> 00:19:00,890
Yes.
481
00:19:01,770 --> 00:19:05,200
Esti toraiti nokti onidete.
482
00:19:05,211 --> 00:19:08,448
[NADJA] Now, Colin Robinson came up
with an actually not horrible idea
483
00:19:08,459 --> 00:19:11,466
of having his soul put into my real body
484
00:19:11,477 --> 00:19:14,280
to convince my Dolly spirit to leave.
485
00:19:14,291 --> 00:19:16,844
Neves daugite!
486
00:19:16,855 --> 00:19:18,989
[RUMBLING]
487
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:25,098
Huh. Look at that, I guess it worked.
488
00:19:25,109 --> 00:19:26,640
[GASPS] I know what you're trying to do.
489
00:19:26,651 --> 00:19:29,248
You're trying to smoke me out,
you tricksy little bitches.
490
00:19:29,282 --> 00:19:30,649
Well, eat skata.
491
00:19:30,682 --> 00:19:32,930
Because I actually quite
like this new company.
492
00:19:32,941 --> 00:19:35,474
Oh, I think I'm gonna go
just read my newspaper.
493
00:19:35,485 --> 00:19:37,610
No, I want to go practice cartwheels.
494
00:19:37,621 --> 00:19:40,571
No, I want to go finish my blog
about being a male feminist. No!
495
00:19:40,582 --> 00:19:42,361
Oh, nice going, dipshit.
496
00:19:42,372 --> 00:19:43,373
Push him over.
497
00:19:44,783 --> 00:19:46,169
[NADJA DOLL] No, let me go!
498
00:19:46,180 --> 00:19:48,918
It is almost time for my ascent.
499
00:19:48,929 --> 00:19:52,628
Thanks, guys, for lending me
the itty-bitty baby cameras.
500
00:19:52,639 --> 00:19:53,669
Cute.
501
00:19:53,702 --> 00:19:56,645
Hi, it's Nandor here.
502
00:19:56,656 --> 00:19:57,979
And here.
503
00:19:57,990 --> 00:20:01,494
We do not go to outer
space because it is easy,
504
00:20:01,505 --> 00:20:03,841
we go because it is hard.
505
00:20:03,852 --> 00:20:06,191
Taking off in three...
506
00:20:06,202 --> 00:20:09,086
- And because it will be fun.
- In two...
507
00:20:09,097 --> 00:20:10,580
- I hope.
- And one...
508
00:20:10,591 --> 00:20:14,294
Liftoff!
509
00:20:14,305 --> 00:20:19,892
I am approximately 20
feet above the backyard.
510
00:20:20,085 --> 00:20:23,546
Roger, over and out, good buddy.
511
00:20:27,658 --> 00:20:30,583
♪ Love is love ♪
512
00:20:31,515 --> 00:20:32,949
[CHEERING AND WHOOPING]
513
00:20:33,048 --> 00:20:34,316
Go, Rita!
514
00:20:35,190 --> 00:20:36,446
[WHOOPING]
515
00:20:36,457 --> 00:20:40,217
Thank you, Rita the
lesbian roommate. And I love
516
00:20:40,228 --> 00:20:42,606
the LGBD...
517
00:20:42,616 --> 00:20:44,472
etcetera community.
518
00:20:44,483 --> 00:20:45,844
- Q.
- [SEAN] And the Qs.
519
00:20:45,855 --> 00:20:48,697
Which brings me to tonight's guests
520
00:20:48,708 --> 00:20:51,683
who are gonna help us
kick off the festivities.
521
00:20:51,694 --> 00:20:55,496
They are what Staten
Island is all about.
522
00:20:55,507 --> 00:20:57,390
- [CHEERING]
- They're immigrants.
523
00:20:57,423 --> 00:20:59,428
They're big-time gays.
524
00:20:59,439 --> 00:21:02,194
- [CHARMAINE] Big-time!
- [SEAN] Super duper gay.
525
00:21:02,227 --> 00:21:03,608
- [CHEERING]
- All right, yeah, Okay.
526
00:21:03,619 --> 00:21:05,881
Without further ado, come on out, guys!
527
00:21:05,892 --> 00:21:07,466
[CHEERING]
528
00:21:07,477 --> 00:21:09,479
Hey, it's Laz!
529
00:21:09,490 --> 00:21:10,634
[LASZLO] Yes!
530
00:21:10,667 --> 00:21:12,193
What the hell happened
to your face, man?
531
00:21:12,203 --> 00:21:14,007
Just caught a bit of
sun, do you like it?
532
00:21:14,018 --> 00:21:15,596
- The bloody mirror...
- You idiot.
533
00:21:15,607 --> 00:21:18,095
- Okay.
- Hey, say hey if you're gay.
534
00:21:18,106 --> 00:21:19,198
[ALL] Hey!
535
00:21:19,209 --> 00:21:21,299
Come on, let's have a clap for gay!
536
00:21:21,310 --> 00:21:22,708
[APPLAUSE]
537
00:21:22,719 --> 00:21:26,004
Let me tell you something, this
fella tries to kiss me all the time.
538
00:21:26,015 --> 00:21:27,890
- That's right!
- [LASZLO] He does.
539
00:21:27,901 --> 00:21:31,685
Right, I'm not the only grand
marshal of this gay parade.
540
00:21:31,696 --> 00:21:32,996
Nandor.
541
00:21:33,007 --> 00:21:35,218
- Now, where is Nandor? What?
- Laszlo.
542
00:21:35,229 --> 00:21:36,391
He's busy doing...
543
00:21:36,402 --> 00:21:37,404
He's what?
544
00:21:38,763 --> 00:21:42,357
- So, I'm very high up now.
- [WIND HOWLING]
545
00:21:42,368 --> 00:21:44,436
At least five miles.
546
00:21:44,790 --> 00:21:47,699
I'm getting a little light-headed.
547
00:21:47,732 --> 00:21:49,331
[JET ENGINES APPROACHING]
548
00:21:49,342 --> 00:21:52,478
Oh, it's a fucking plane.
549
00:21:53,852 --> 00:21:55,273
Hi, plane.
550
00:21:55,307 --> 00:21:57,107
[WHOOSHING]
551
00:21:57,141 --> 00:21:59,109
[LASZLO] All right,
all right, all right.
552
00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:02,515
Let's welcome the most beautiful
girl I know and I've ever met.
553
00:22:02,526 --> 00:22:04,981
My good lady wife Nadja. Come on.
554
00:22:05,014 --> 00:22:07,602
- Oh, she's right here. I've got her.
- I'm here.
555
00:22:07,613 --> 00:22:11,635
Quiet, crone! Hello, everyone.
Thank you all so much for coming.
556
00:22:11,646 --> 00:22:14,013
- [GRUNTS] - [MAN] What the
hell's wrong with her?
557
00:22:14,024 --> 00:22:15,289
Whoa.
558
00:22:15,323 --> 00:22:17,315
- [CROWD GASPING]
- Seriously, it means a lot to us.
559
00:22:17,325 --> 00:22:18,814
- [SCREAMING]
- [MAN] Oh, shit.
560
00:22:18,825 --> 00:22:20,159
You put acid in my beer again.
561
00:22:20,193 --> 00:22:21,484
[NADJA DOLL] Shut up, Colin Robinson!
562
00:22:21,494 --> 00:22:22,785
- [GRUNTING, STRAINING]
- Holy shit.
563
00:22:22,795 --> 00:22:24,350
Woo! Being gay!
564
00:22:24,361 --> 00:22:26,238
- [COLIN] My turn again.
- [NADJA] What the fuck is happening?
565
00:22:26,249 --> 00:22:29,213
Okay, so that's what happens
when you put two souls in one body.
566
00:22:29,224 --> 00:22:30,223
Good to know.
567
00:22:30,234 --> 00:22:32,533
[SCREAMING]
568
00:22:32,544 --> 00:22:36,635
Why did Guillermo make me do this?
569
00:22:36,646 --> 00:22:40,582
It fucking sucks!
570
00:22:44,120 --> 00:22:45,922
I did it.
571
00:22:45,968 --> 00:22:48,162
I fucking did it.
572
00:22:48,173 --> 00:22:50,553
I'm in outer space.
573
00:22:51,103 --> 00:22:53,010
Fuck you, Laszlo.
574
00:22:53,021 --> 00:22:55,046
Fuck you, Guillermo!
575
00:22:55,057 --> 00:22:58,664
I made it to outer space!
576
00:22:58,675 --> 00:23:03,796
It really makes you reflect
on how small we all are.
577
00:23:04,471 --> 00:23:05,685
Wait...
578
00:23:06,019 --> 00:23:07,878
No, no, no.
579
00:23:07,889 --> 00:23:11,458
[SHOUTING]
580
00:23:11,670 --> 00:23:16,141
[SCREAMING]
581
00:23:16,152 --> 00:23:18,153
♪ I'm gonna go out ♪
582
00:23:18,208 --> 00:23:23,584
♪ And let myself get
absolutely soaking wet ♪
583
00:23:24,056 --> 00:23:26,485
- Let's go.
- ♪ It's raining men ♪
584
00:23:26,496 --> 00:23:28,007
♪ Hallelujah ♪
585
00:23:28,018 --> 00:23:30,053
♪ It's raining men ♪
586
00:23:30,086 --> 00:23:31,172
♪ Amen ♪
587
00:23:31,183 --> 00:23:34,479
- She does have a beautiful voice, though.
- ♪ We're gay, you're gay ♪
588
00:23:34,490 --> 00:23:37,283
- [SOBBING]
- Okay, who's ready for a parade?
589
00:23:37,294 --> 00:23:41,452
[CHEERING]
590
00:23:41,929 --> 00:23:43,664
[SCREAMING]
591
00:23:43,698 --> 00:23:44,755
[MICROPHONE FEEDBACK SCREECHES]
592
00:23:44,766 --> 00:23:46,655
- What the fuck?
- What the blazes?
593
00:23:46,801 --> 00:23:48,391
[GROANING]
594
00:23:48,402 --> 00:23:51,704
- Oh, my God. [COUGHS]
- [CHARMAINE] Sean, are you okay?
595
00:23:52,626 --> 00:23:55,261
- Master, are you all right?
- [PANTING]
596
00:23:55,272 --> 00:23:57,161
Well, well, well...
597
00:23:57,172 --> 00:24:01,345
If it isn't Mr. Vampires
Can't Go to Outer Space.
598
00:24:01,356 --> 00:24:02,747
Guess what.
599
00:24:03,053 --> 00:24:04,755
[GASPING]
600
00:24:04,886 --> 00:24:09,707
Hey, I just went to outer space!
601
00:24:09,718 --> 00:24:11,703
Turn around, I-I want
to see what's happening.
602
00:24:11,714 --> 00:24:13,019
No, I'm looking.
603
00:24:13,030 --> 00:24:15,362
Again, who's ready for a parade?
604
00:24:15,373 --> 00:24:16,921
[CHEERING]
605
00:24:18,694 --> 00:24:21,030
♪ It's raining men ♪
606
00:24:21,063 --> 00:24:22,429
♪ Hallelujah... ♪
607
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:24,662
- How gay is this?
- [SEAN] We're bringing back the Rangers.
608
00:24:24,673 --> 00:24:26,074
Remember to vote Rinaldi!
609
00:24:26,085 --> 00:24:28,237
- ♪ It's raining men... ♪
- Damn it, Colin.
610
00:24:28,248 --> 00:24:29,956
No, I'm dancing.
611
00:24:30,651 --> 00:24:32,996
- ♪ It's raining men ♪
- [OLD-TIMEY HORN HONKING]
612
00:24:33,007 --> 00:24:36,577
♪ It's raining men, hallelujah ♪
613
00:24:36,610 --> 00:24:38,979
♪ It's raining men ♪
614
00:24:38,990 --> 00:24:40,313
♪ Amen ♪
615
00:24:40,324 --> 00:24:41,609
- [WHOOPING]
- ♪ It's raining men... ♪
616
00:24:41,620 --> 00:24:44,694
I went to space!
617
00:24:44,705 --> 00:24:46,032
[SHOUTING, CHEERING]
618
00:24:46,043 --> 00:24:47,933
We're proud, we're so proud.
619
00:24:47,944 --> 00:24:49,400
[WHOOPING]
620
00:24:49,411 --> 00:24:51,155
♪ Hallelujah... ♪
621
00:24:51,188 --> 00:24:53,112
- [SEAN] We're doing it!
- [CHARMAINE WHOOPS]
622
00:24:53,123 --> 00:24:55,852
♪ It's raining men ♪
623
00:24:55,863 --> 00:24:58,684
♪ Tall, blonde, dark and lean ♪
624
00:24:58,695 --> 00:25:01,898
♪ Rough and tough and strong and mean ♪
625
00:25:01,932 --> 00:25:03,482
♪ It's raining men, come on... ♪
626
00:25:03,493 --> 00:25:06,157
I was hoping I'd meet some
little green buddies up there.
627
00:25:06,168 --> 00:25:08,003
[NADJA] Yes, my darling.
Give it to her good.
628
00:25:08,037 --> 00:25:10,172
- Oh, hi, Guillermo. Hoo-hoo!
- Oh!
629
00:25:10,205 --> 00:25:11,686
Oh, ho, ho!
630
00:25:11,697 --> 00:25:13,466
- Gather round, everyone.
- Oh, yes.
631
00:25:13,477 --> 00:25:15,283
Nope, nope, I'm not staying for this.
632
00:25:15,294 --> 00:25:16,307
- [NADJA] Prude!
- Are you sure?
633
00:25:16,318 --> 00:25:18,989
Am I hitting the spot, Colin Robinson?
634
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:22,285
Oh, yeah. Nah, that's fine. Just fine.
635
00:25:23,046 --> 00:25:24,984
♪ I wish I didn't want you ♪
636
00:25:25,017 --> 00:25:27,019
♪ I wish I didn't need you ♪
637
00:25:27,053 --> 00:25:30,022
♪ But, baby, I'm stuck on you ♪
638
00:25:31,236 --> 00:25:33,204
♪ Don't know how you do it ♪
639
00:25:33,215 --> 00:25:35,151
♪ You really put me through it ♪
640
00:25:35,161 --> 00:25:39,066
♪ It must be the devil's work you do ♪
641
00:25:39,077 --> 00:25:41,136
♪ I wish I didn't want you ♪
642
00:25:41,147 --> 00:25:42,989
♪ I wish I didn't need you ♪
643
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:45,836
♪ But, baby, I'm stuck on you ♪
644
00:25:47,131 --> 00:25:48,949
♪ I don't know how you do it ♪
645
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:50,996
♪ You really put me through it ♪
646
00:25:51,007 --> 00:25:55,180
♪ It must be the devil's work you do ♪
647
00:26:04,198 --> 00:26:06,839
♪ The devil's work you do. ♪
648
00:26:08,585 --> 00:26:13,585
- Synced and corrected by naFraC -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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