All language subtitles for That.70s.Show.S07E04.1080p.BluRay.x264-YELLOWBiRD

So, Eric, your dad's muffler
shop opens tomorrow.

That's like
the perfect job for him.

I mean, he's been
muffling you for years.

Yes, he really hates noise. I think
it's because it reminds him of fun.

Hey, at least Red
got a job he likes.

I thought I was cool
flipping burgers,

then I met the night shift guy
who's been doing it for 30 years.

He's got no eyebrows,
and he lives in his own car.

I don't wanna be that guy.

And you won't be if you follow
the plan I gave you.

Okay? We get a job
as a local weather team.

Then, go national as
morning talk show hosts,

and then,
star in our own Ice Capades.

Jackie, I've told you,
I don't capade.

- I am quitting my job though.
- Me, too.

The Department of Motor Vehicles
is not as glamorous as it sounds.

You know what
motor vehicles are?

They're cars.

Just cars.

Fez, you know what you should
do? You should be a cop, like me.

You'd go undercover
and catch foreigners.

Oh, so it's a crime
to be foreign, huh?

No, of course not.

It's a crime to do the things
that foreigners do.

Well, I, for one, love my job.

Wanna know why?

I have no job.

Yeah, it's one of the benefits
of taking the year off.

Speaking of that, how did that
all-day marathon go on the Slip 'n Slide?

Pretty good.

Except for around hour three
when I got a pretty serious owie.

Yeah, when you went in for a
juice, I slipped a rock under there.

Anyway, today
I will be chasing butterflies.

Tomorrow, I'm gonna break out
the giant bubble wand.

What'd you do? Go down the
clearance aisle at the drug store?

Yes, I did.

You'll all be happy to know you'll
be receiving goody bags containing

Fourth of July socks, corn
starch and a calendar from 1972.

Okay, I think we're nearly
set up for business.

Thanks for helping, or standing
around saying, "Ew, grease."

Oh, Steven, you already
got that muffler together?

Yeah, well, you know, metal
shop was my favorite class.

I went to, like, half of them.

You know, I need an extra
set of hands around here.

How'd you like the job?

No, Steven, you can't.

I mean, don't take this
personally, Mr. Forman,

but guys who work in muffler
shops are bottom feeders.

Jackie.

What? I said, "Don't take this
personally." What else can I do?

Jackie, I gotta take this job.
Are you kidding me?

I mean, I'm good with
my hands, I don't mind dirt,

and I have
a high tolerance for fumes.

Fine, if it makes you happy,
then I'm happy.

Steven, why is it everything that I
love about you also grosses me out?

You're so complicated.

Okay, you can start tomorrow.

But we're not driving in
together, that's too weird.

Cool.

All right, I gotta take off. Gonna
go have lunch with my new dad.

Oh. Bring a camera
and get a picture.

Steven, you don't have
any family pictures.

Well, we have some really good
ones of my mom, down at the county jail.

One full face, two profiles,
each one dated and numbered.

Oh, Steven,
you've had the hardest life.

You know, I should probably be more
generous and considerate with you.

But I am what I am.

Okay, we are going to make
this the prettiest muffler shop ever.

Really, all I wanted
was a grand opening sign.

And you've got one.

In needlepoint.

Kitty, that's so tiny.

Needlepoint is very hard work.

You never appreciate
anything I do.

You should have just
married Betty Parker.

No, no, what I meant was,
it's so tiny like your waist.

Thank you.

Eric, you wanna
hand me the manifold?

The manifold.

Manifold.

Man, I folded that.

Eric, are you ready
to help me decorate?

Yes. Now I was thinking we
could line this counter here

with red-white-and-blue bunting.

How is it that I raised a son
who knows bunting

but not manifold?

Well, maybe the problem is
that you were never around.

I was always around.

Yeah, maybe
that was the problem.

♪ Hanging out

♪ Down the street

♪ The same old thing

♪ We did last week

♪ Not a thing to do

♪ But talk to you

♪ We're all all right

♪ We're all all right ♪

Hello, Wisconsin!

Never been to a beauty salon.

I'm excited to see how
they make people beautiful.

Especially that lady over there,
that's gonna take some work.

Well, Fez, I don't know how long I'm
gonna be here, so no wandering off.

You gave me a hell of a scare
the other day at the mall.

Yeah, I'm not going anywhere.

I'm just enjoying my time
away from the DMV.

All those foreigners.

Learn to speak
garbled English, people.

Well, the last time I was
here, they were looking for help.

And they have no idea
how weird you are.

That is an advantage.

- What's the job?
- Shampoo boy.

Shampoo boy?

You mean I will get paid
to touch hair?

I used to get in
so much trouble for that.

Hey.

Don't touch me.

What're you doing, man?

What am I doing?

What are you doing with your
long, beautiful hair, you hippie freak?

That's it.

It is my destiny
to be a shampoo boy.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Is
there a job that pays you to eat pie?

No.

It is my destiny
to be a shampoo boy.

Hey, Mom,
guess what Hyde just told me?

If it's tawdry,
I don't wanna hear it.

No. Dad offered him a job
at the muffler shop.

And did I even get an offer?
No, like I wasn't there, too.

Like I was all sore
from hanging all that bunting.

Well, sweetie,
don't take it so hard.

Your father's always had
a soft spot for Steven.

But he loves you, too.
I just know it.

Well, you know what I think?

If Dad loves Hyde so much,
maybe he should marry him.

Honey, that's not possible. Your
father's already married to me.

No, Mom, it's an expression.

Well, it's not a very good one.

23 skidoo.
Now, that's an expression.

Yes.

That's what I should have said.

Kitty, look. I framed one of
my "Grand Opening" fliers.

Now, if the shop's a success,
I'll have a souvenir.

And if not, I'll have something
to glare at while I'm drinking.

It's a very good idea.

And you know what else
is a very good idea?

Offering Eric a job,
just like you did Steven.

Kitty, I can only afford
to hire one person.

And why can't that one person
be your very own son?

Because my very own son
can't do anything.

Now, that's not true.

Just today he caught
the most beautiful butterfly.

Well, if a giant butterfly
is tearing up the shop,

I'll call Eric.

I'm not sure I want him
to face a giant butterfly.

So, Red, we got your muffler
store flier, and I'm a little hurt.

You know, you never
asked for my input.

I mean,
I had a business of my own.

Bob, your business went under.

Yeah, but very slowly.

Well, don't feel insulted, Bob.

Red wouldn't even give
his own child a job.

If you had a muffler shop,
wouldn't you give Donna a job?

Sure, Donna knows
her way around a car.

But Eric thinks an exhaust belt

is something that holds up
your pants when you're tired.

There's no such thing
as an exhaust belt, Bob.

Well, then he thinks something
else is something else.

You know, when you start a new
business, you need a gimmick.

When I opened my store,
I rented a monkey.

People drive 100 miles to see a
monkey, 200 if he's wearing a suit.

And Bobby dressed up as Tarzan
and I dressed up as Jane.

- Remember?
- Do I?

Me Tarzan, you Jane.

That's just what I said.

Bob, I'll tell you
what my gimmick is gonna be.

Good service at a fair price.

Oh, please, leave that stuff
to the Japanese.

Hey, Jeri.

This is Fez, and he would like
to apply for the shampoo boy job.

Yeah? Why do you wanna
be a shampoo boy?

Because I love hair, on the
head, on the body, on the floor,

and if there's one on
my salad, I enjoy it more.

- Fez.
- Okay, maybe I got
a little carried away.

The one on my salad,
I can take it or leave it.

You're a little creepy.

But you're cute, so I'll test you
on one of our regular clients.

Yes. That's great, Fez.
I have complete faith in you.

- You're gonna wash
Donna's hair.
- Oh.

Um, you know, I'm kind of
exclusive with Paulette.

I can't just test him on
anyone, he seems kind of pervy.

She gets me.

Okay, fine.

But nothing other than your hands
touches nothing other than my head.

Oh, thank you, Donna.
You're not gonna regret this.

And that's the first time I
said that to a girl and meant it.

Well, thanks for lunch, man.

I gotta say,
a burger just tastes better

when it's bought for you
by your new black dad.

So, you must really
love Led Zeppelin.

That's the oldest shirt I've ever
seen on someone who wasn't a bum.

Hey, if God didn't want me
to wear it so much,

he wouldn't have
made them rock so hard.

Zep is cool, I caught them
back in '69, front row.

Whoa.

I did well with the ladies
that night.

They probably thought
I was Jimi Hendrix.

I told them I was Jimi Hendrix.

- Smile.
- Jackie,

I'm trying to have lunch here,
do you mind?

Who cares about lunch, Steven?

We need a picture of a parent
who's not under arrest.

Listen, the reason
I wanted to see you was,

I was thinking that maybe
you'd like to come work for me.

I could teach you
the record store business.

Well, I have stolen
a lot of records.

I would like to learn
why people pay for them.

You know what? I can't.
I just took another job today.

Well, quit that job.

You come work for me and we'll
kick butt at the father-son picnic.

I'll even start a father-son
picnic just so we can kick butt.

Man, that sounds really cool.
You know, I'll try and work it out.

That's what I like to hear.

Hey.

But, Steven, you're gonna need
a picture for your Christmas card.

So, Hyde, when my dad offered
you the job, what exactly did he say?

Was it like, um,

"Since I don't see my own son
here right now,

"I might as well
just give you the job."

I can't believe I got a job
from my dad and from Red.

Now I have two jobs.

It's like I'm a workaholic.

I gotta tell you, that's not the
kind of holic I thought I'd be.

Hyde, this is
really getting to you.

I mean, look at you,
you're leaning forward,

you got your sunglasses off,
you're freaking out.

Well, this is an emotional
time for my Steven.

His new daddy and his substitute
daddy are in a tug-of-war for his heart.

Whoa, I thought we established
that Hyde doesn't have a heart.

It was, no heart,
no brain, no courage.

I'll just have to tell Red
I can't take the job.

I mean, he'll understand.

Wait, I'm the scarecrow?

He's the one
who gets set on fire.

Oh, yeah, that's me.

Steven, I have
a little surprise for you.

Pretty nice, huh?

They already had a bunch of
patches that said "Steven."

But I had a "Hyde" one custom-made
'cause I know that's what you prefer.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Custom-made?

He once got me a hat that said
"Erin" because it was "close enough."

Uh, thanks, Red,
this is really cool.

Yeah, well,
you can buy your own pants.

Hyde, why didn't
you say anything?

Because he is torn
between two daddies.

Look, Steven, when you're in
a moral quandary, do what I do.

Okay?
Put on some Donny Osmond,

close your eyes
and ask yourself one question.

Who's richer?

Okay, Fez, this is your station.

Donna, here's my pepper spray,
just in case.

You owe me.

Okay, let's see what we have
to work with here.

Fez!

Shouldn't you be doing
something with soap and water?

Oh, so you want it
wet and soapy.

Fez, I just want my hair washed.

Oh, so you wanna call the shots.

Don't do the silly "want" stuff.

- Oh, so you want it silent?
- Fez.

Okay, okay. Showtime.

Now, you are about to
experience some feelings.

My advice is, give in to them.

Hey, come on in, look around.

Heck, take a muffler
if you like.

Tom, I'm just kidding.

Don't touch anything
you're not gonna buy.

WB, surprised to see you here.

Well, I just wanted to see why Steven
would take a job at a muffler shop

instead of working for me
in an office

with air-conditioning
and a pension plan.

I guess white folks
are just weird.

And he didn't even think about
offering me the job, did he?

Oh, well, honey, he just
didn't think you were a good fit.

It's called Forman & Son.

It doesn't say whose son.

- What the hell are you doing?
- What?

It's your first day on the job
and you're drinking?

This is not summer camp,
you know.

There's drinking at summer camp?

Look, if you're not responsible
enough to handle yourself,

then obviously
I made a big mistake.

I hope there's another job out
there for you because you're fired.

My dad told you he offered me
a job, didn't he?

What?

No. What?

'Cause I've heard you
fire a lot of people,

and I've never heard you saying,

"I hope there's another job
out there for you."

You say, "I hope my foot
doesn't get stuck in your ass."

Or, "Don't let my foot get stuck in
your ass on the way out the door."

Or the classic, "I'm gonna
stick my foot in your ass."

Listen, get out of here.

Thanks, Red.

You're such a softy.

Are you lurking
behind everything?

Well, it's the only way I get
to see your real emotions.

So, I guess you have a job
to offer Eric, after all.

Yeah, well, I guess I could
teach Eric something about cars.

Maybe if I told him they were
called space mobiles, he'd take to it.

Hey, Eric.

How'd you like to work for me?

Here? With you?

Wow, Dad, that would mean a lot.

Then it really
would be Forman & Son.

- So, you'll take the job?
- Hell, no.

Good.

I mean, I don't wanna work.
This is my year off.

Then why did you complain
all day about not getting the job?

Oh, well, Mom, I just wanted
to get invited to the dance.

I mean, I didn't want to dance.

Hell, I don't even know
any of the steps.

Honey, you are
a wonderful dancer.

Hey, man.

Is that job still available?
'Cause Red just fired me.

- Sure. Job's yours.
- Cool.

- When do I start?
- How about Monday?

Ooh, Monday's are
gonna be tough for me.

I find I'm fresher if I start
my work week on a Tuesday.

Say, sometime after lunch?

I'll see you Monday at 9:00.

Let's call it 10:00.

Jackie, Jackie.

Fez shampooed my hair.

And you were able to untie
yourself and get away?

No, Jackie,
his hands were amazing.

At one point, it was like
he had five extra fingers.

Well, Donna, he is foreign.
He might.

Ladies.

Hi, Fez.

Well, it's official.
I am shampoo boy.

The word on the street is,

you need to smoke a cigarette
after this boy lathers you up.

I'm the one who said that.

Fez, did you get taller?

Well, I'm gonna
make an appointment.

But I'm not using the
same sink as the old ladies.

Oh, you'll use the sink
I tell you to use.

Okay, Fez.

Wow.

Hey, Red. This is going great.

Ah, yeah, it's going okay.

But can you imagine
how great it would be going

if he'd used the midget catering
company I told him about?

Yeah, well, thanks, Bob,

for not forcing some cockamamie
gimmick down my throat.

Hey, I'd never do that.

Kelso, plan's off.
Get it out of here.

We got him for three more hours.

I'm gonna see if
I can teach him how to drive.

There's a butterfly
in the backyard. I'm on it.

Okay, he's
after me. He's after me.

Crap, that just made him mad.