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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,359 This programme contains adult humour 2 00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:08,920 โ™ช You never have to feel that the night is yours alone 3 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:16,560 โ™ช Rushing through the stars Captivated by the worlds beyond 4 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:21,239 โ™ช You aren't alone 5 00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:25,560 โ™ช It's a small world and you've grown... โ™ช 6 00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:36,479 - Ah! 7 00:00:36,480 --> 00:00:40,519 - RADIO IN BACKGROUND - Ah! 8 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:45,559 Oh, I feel bloody lousy! - Do you want some eggs chopped up in a cup? 9 00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:50,639 - How come when I'm poorly, you want to make me eggs chopped up in a cup? 10 00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:55,159 - It's a cure-all. My mother and her mother could have told you. 11 00:00:55,160 --> 00:01:00,199 - It's funny the medical profession never picked up on it. - It works. 12 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:04,239 - Oh aye, I remember seeing it on ER last week. 13 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:06,719 "He's flatlining, doctor." 14 00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:10,559 "Nurse, go and chop some eggs up in a cup." 15 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:15,399 - You're not too ill to be sarcastic. - Have you seen them Lockets, Mam? 16 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:19,439 - Oh, were they yours? - Bloody hell! Course they were mine. 17 00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:24,599 They're medicinal. They're not sweets. - They're very more-ish. 18 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:27,439 I think I've got a bit of chill. 19 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:31,479 You're never out the bloody fridge. 20 00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:35,519 What's that? - It's somebody throwing stones at window. 21 00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:39,559 - They're not here already? - It's only 20 past. 22 00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:43,479 - They can piss off. I'm not opening up yet. - Who is it? 23 00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:48,519 - It'll be old Tommy with half a crown burning a hole in his pocket. 24 00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:51,119 - Oh no, it's police. 25 00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:54,319 - What? - Ah, it's Phil and Nige. 26 00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:56,679 - Bloody hell. - It's OK. 27 00:01:56,680 --> 00:02:01,719 They've given up - they're going back to the car. - I don't know. 28 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:05,959 It's no wonder crime can't crack itself. 29 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:10,999 - LOUDSPEAKER: Come on, Ken. We know you're in there. You're surrounded. 30 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:14,839 - I don't believe them two! 31 00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:18,719 - Come out nice and slowly with your hands held high 32 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:21,559 and nobody's gonna get hurt. 33 00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:24,439 LAUGHTER 34 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:29,319 You can't go Kenny, you're not fit to work. - You can't go, Mum. 35 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:31,839 - Melanie! - She's not back yet. 36 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:34,879 - Oh dear! Well... should I go then? 37 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:36,959 - Ah. 38 00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:41,879 - I'd better find me stick and I want me two pair of glasses. 39 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:44,399 Oh and I want my inhaler for stairs. 40 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:49,439 - Sherpa Tenzing didn't take that much when he went up Everest. Sit down. 41 00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:51,959 - Are you sure, Kenny? - Yeah. 42 00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:57,080 You need a break. You've been on your feet for over ten seconds now. 43 00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:10,960 - LOUDSPEAKER: Come on Ken, get a move on. 44 00:03:13,920 --> 00:03:16,439 - Come in. You're keen tonight. 45 00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:20,279 - We just took the rest of our shift off. - Right. 46 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:23,319 - Unofficially, of course. - Of course. 47 00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:27,359 - We feel we deserve it today. - Why, what's happened? 48 00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:32,919 - You know our Queen's Head drugs bust that went pear-shaped? - Aye. 49 00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:36,959 - Well the landlord, who's a dealer, got off. - Oh yeah? 50 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:40,839 - We went back today and did the job properly. - How? 51 00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:44,879 We did it our way. 52 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:47,399 - Steamed in there, coshes flowing. 53 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:52,279 - Landlord shits himself, throws his hands in the air - game over. 54 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:56,079 - We coshed him anyway. - The softly-softly approach? 55 00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:58,519 - Zero tolerance, Ken. 56 00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:01,719 - We knew he'd have hidden the drugs. 57 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:07,359 So we took him to the cellar and unfortunately, he tripped and fell. 58 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:11,399 - I've nearly done that on mine. - Ken, keep up. 59 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:14,439 - Oh, I see... zero tolerance. 60 00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:18,719 - He seemed a lot more willing to cooperate after that. 61 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:21,439 Took us right to his stash. 62 00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:24,599 So come on Ken, we are celebrating. 63 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:27,519 - Course we are. What do you fancy? 64 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:31,759 - Have you got champagne? - Is Dom Perignon good enough? 65 00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:35,879 - Are you taking the piss? - You started it. Whisky? 66 00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:39,719 - You got anymore of that nice malt we had last week? 67 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:42,160 - I'll have a look. 68 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:49,159 Yeah, you're in luck - there's a bit left. 69 00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:51,679 - A nice cigar wouldn't go amiss. 70 00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:56,720 - They didn't celebrate this much when they caught the Great Train Robbers. 71 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:02,919 Two nice large malts. - Are you imagining the customers now, Ken? 72 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:07,479 - Hello, Tanya love. - I don't think it'll wash with the brewery. 73 00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:10,119 - For Bill and Ben. - Oh, hiya lads. 74 00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:13,439 You all right Tanya, love? - All right? 75 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:17,319 - Have you heard any more from the brewery about this place? 76 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:20,519 - They keep asking about takings. - Blimey. 77 00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:23,119 Have you told the customers yet? - No. 78 00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:28,479 I don't want anyone ransacking this place before me. - You look worse. 79 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:33,959 - I feel like Tommy wound up. - Have you got a temperature? - Let me feel. 80 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:37,079 Oh, you meant me head. - Cheeky! 81 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:39,639 - Don't mind me! 82 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:44,479 - Hello, Winnie. - Hiya, Winnie love. I was just checking his temperature. 83 00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:46,999 - Oh, barmaid and nursemaid now, eh? 84 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:51,039 Bet you could cure him and all. - Well you never know! 85 00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:53,559 - I'll go straight up. - Right love. 86 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:56,399 Evening. - All right? How's Darren? 87 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:59,759 - He's out soon for good behaviour. 88 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:02,799 - A first time for everything. - Yeah. 89 00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:08,039 - Let's hope he stays on the straight and narrow. - Not much chance. - Why? 90 00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:10,879 - He wants to join the police. See ya. 91 00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:16,239 - She's trouble that one, Ken. - She's all right. She's not had it easy - 92 00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:19,999 son in the nick and husband on the dole. 93 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:24,039 - He's never done an honest day's work, her husband. 94 00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:28,920 - Sat on his arse waiting for handouts. Parasite, he is. A bloody parasite! 95 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:32,559 Nice cigars these, Ken. Cheers. 96 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:35,479 - Cheers, Ken. 97 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:39,919 - You can't have one. They're medicinal, they're not sweets. 98 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:44,439 - Are you poorly as well, Jean? - It's more preventative medicine. 99 00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:46,959 I don't want to end up like my Kenny. 100 00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:50,639 - I'll make a quick brew, then I'll get cracking. 101 00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:55,759 - A quick brew? You've got jobs to do. I've made a list of what you missed 102 00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:58,359 when you were here on Tuesday. - What? 103 00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:01,119 - It's on sideboard there. 104 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,640 And that could do with a wipe. 105 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:11,279 - Your arse isn't on there. You'll be having me wiping that next. - What? 106 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:16,800 - I'm surprised your hearth isn't on there. - That could do with a wipe. 107 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:23,199 I've had to do twice as much since my Kenny took bad. He's very poorly. 108 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:28,239 - I wouldn't worry about Ken. He's in safe hands now. - How do you mean? 109 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:30,759 - Nurse Tanya's sorting him out. 110 00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:35,800 She looked attentive when I walked in and caught her. - Caught her what? 111 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:39,759 - Administering a dose of TLC. 112 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:45,079 - She's just flirting. That's what barmaids do. - There's more to it, 113 00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:50,839 if what I've been told is anything to go by - a lot more. - Is there? 114 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:55,479 - Yeah, but I've no time to talk, I've jobs to do. - Come here. 115 00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:59,520 Put that duster down. Here, sit down. We need to talk. 116 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:05,200 I'll make us a nice brew. Here, have a sweet. 117 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:14,119 How do you work this kettle? 118 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:19,359 Watching City tomorrow, Tommy? - Never miss when they're at home. 119 00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:22,199 - How long you been going now? 120 00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:24,879 - 50 odd years. - Oooh! 121 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:28,680 Pies that good, are they? - Yes, very funny. 122 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:32,279 - 1.98 please, Tommy. 123 00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:36,879 - Have you ever been to a football match, love? 124 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:40,319 - Are you asking me out, Tommy? - No. 125 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:44,159 - Give over! 126 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:46,239 TILL BEEPS 127 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:50,599 No, I've never been to a football match, me. 128 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:53,759 I'm not one for crowds. 129 00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:56,280 You're safe in here, aren't you? 130 00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:00,999 - Eh-up. 131 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:03,599 Here he is - Lucky Jim. 132 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:06,119 - All right, Duffy. Bitter? 133 00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:09,759 - I'll say he is. - Are you still alive? 134 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:13,399 Please, yeah. - You been shopping, love? 135 00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:15,919 - Yeah, got myself a nice bit of tea. 136 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:18,799 - Oooh heck, Jamie Oliver. - Aye, yeah. 137 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:23,759 - What you having then? - Fray Bentos pie. - You're living it large then. 138 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:28,639 - What are you having? - Fray Bentos pie. - Snap. 139 00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:34,200 - TANYA LAUGHS Shall I get the Samaritans number? 140 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:37,639 Have you heard from her, love? 141 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:42,559 - No. Spoke to her sister, though. She's filled in a few blanks. - Yeah? 142 00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:47,679 - How much? - 40 grand a year. 143 00:09:47,680 --> 00:09:50,279 - Don't say. - 40 grand. 144 00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:52,879 I'm not bothered though. 145 00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:58,079 - No need. - I'm getting on with life. That's more important than money. 146 00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:02,199 - Got to move on. It's behind me now. 147 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:04,240 Yeah. - Yeah. 148 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:09,999 - 40 grand. 149 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:13,839 - I feel terrible. I should be in bed, really. 150 00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:18,759 I'll be having a flu jab next year. - We get our flu jab at work, Ken. 151 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:21,279 - Yeah, it's compulsory now. 152 00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:26,399 They're terrified of anyone having a day off, so a nurse does us all. 153 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:30,359 - We used to look forward to a week off, full pay on the sick, 154 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:32,879 do a bit of Christmas shopping. 155 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:38,319 - Oh yeah? - And a week in January for the sales. My wife loves the sales. 156 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:43,159 A bell rings up her arse when she passes a shop with a sale on. 157 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:47,079 She reckons the more you spend, the more you save. 158 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:51,359 - That's women's logic. - She had to pay for her flu jab. 159 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:55,719 When she got to the doctors, there was a queue of pensioners 160 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:59,879 snaking right around the block. They get it for free. 161 00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:05,519 Smell was terrible apparently. - My post office is like that on Tuesday. 162 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:11,199 - What about Henry Cooper? Greedy git. How many flu jabs does he need? 163 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:16,559 - He's spoilt it for us all. He was greedy with aftershave in the '70s. 164 00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:22,000 Cassius Clay should have finished him off when he had the chance. 165 00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:27,760 Cheers, Phil. 166 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:35,159 DUFFY SIGHS 167 00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:37,679 - 40 grand! 168 00:11:37,680 --> 00:11:39,719 - Yeah. 169 00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:42,239 - I'm not bothered though. 170 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:44,280 - You said. 171 00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:52,799 I've got steak and kidney. 172 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,319 What have you got? 173 00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:57,840 - Chicken and mushroom. 174 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:05,119 - I don't care how much she likes him. He's still getting over last one. 175 00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:10,319 - I'd have thought she'd have been what he needs. - You thought wrong. 176 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:13,959 Or how come he's not picked up on her hints? 177 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:16,719 - Maybe he's a bit slow on the uptake. 178 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:20,559 - He's not Forrest Gump. He just doesn't want to know. 179 00:12:20,560 --> 00:12:22,919 - That's not what Debbie reckons. 180 00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:27,719 She thinks there's some chemistry and it's starting to work. 181 00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:31,799 - She'll need a chemist if I catch her tittle-tattling. 182 00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:34,359 It's idle gossip. - I don't know. 183 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:39,320 - I do. That's the trouble with you - you listen to too much gossip. 184 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:44,639 Did she say anything else? - I don't think so. 185 00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:48,400 - You're not Mary Poppins. It won't do itself. 186 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:54,000 And you forgot your list. 187 00:12:55,400 --> 00:13:00,639 - Blimey, Duffy. - I know. Who do you know who earns 40 grand a year? 188 00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:05,879 - I've told you I don't know anyone. Will you let me get a drink? - Yeah. 189 00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:11,439 Sorry, Debs. - Half a cider? - And two cokes and two bags of crisps please. 190 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:15,479 - Kids in the car? - Yeah. Will you do a bucket of water? 191 00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:19,840 I said I'd give 'em 50p each if they cleaned it. - Good idea. 192 00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:25,319 I put some Fairy Liquid in. - Thanks. 193 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:28,159 They get bored just sat there. 194 00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:32,199 - Oh, not again. 195 00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:35,720 - Oooh, are you coming to quiz night? - What? 196 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:39,639 What does he mean, no riff-raff? 197 00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:43,719 - He don't mean you. - All right, yeah. I'll come. - Great. 198 00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:48,919 Do you know anyone else? We could form a team. - What's it in aid of? 199 00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:53,999 He's just trying to get more people in. Got the brewery on his back. 200 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:58,839 - I'll bring my cousin Nicola. Do you know Manchester Girls' Grammar? - Yes. 201 00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:01,359 - She's a dinner lady there. - Oh, right. 202 00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:05,399 We'll have a good laugh then. - She's a good laugh. 203 00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:08,440 MUSIC: "Miss You Nights" by Cliff Richard 204 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,719 There you go. 205 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:17,320 - Yeah. - And chuck it over him. 206 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:26,319 Hiya. - Hiya. He's playing that song, Joan. 207 00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:29,400 - Oh not again, Duffy. 208 00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:35,119 - Are we all having a go, Ken? 209 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:37,999 - THEY GIGGLE 210 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:40,519 You look like you're about to drop. 211 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:45,879 - I feel like I am. - Get us two more large ones before you do, will you? 212 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:49,520 - Nothing would give me greater pleasure, lads. 213 00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:57,919 - All right, Ken? - All right, Eddie? 214 00:14:57,920 --> 00:15:00,959 - I'm er... I'm on jury service, Ken. 215 00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:03,279 - Right. Congratulations. 216 00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:07,119 - I'm er.... I'm not allowed to talk about it. 217 00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:09,479 - Well that suits me. 218 00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:14,519 - Some kids from the Lowfield Road estate. - I'm not interested. - Right. 219 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:16,840 Right-ho. 220 00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:21,519 - Hello, Ken. 221 00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:26,599 - You all right, Joan? - You don't look well, Ken. Are you OK? - No. 222 00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:31,279 I'm full of flu. - Have you tried eggs chopped up in a cup? - Not yet. 223 00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:35,919 I thought I'd try medicine first. - It does work. - Not you an' all. 224 00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:40,359 - You eat it, Ken. - Oh, right. I was gonna rub it on my chest. 225 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:44,639 - I told you it was an easy mistake to make, Joan. 226 00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:49,159 - What's that smell? - Bill and Ben have brought a little weed. 227 00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:51,599 - Bloody hell! - What are they like? 228 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:55,999 - I know. - A packet of cheese and onion please, Ken. 229 00:15:56,000 --> 00:16:01,039 - Right. - And put some proper music on the jukebox while you're out there. 230 00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:03,559 You got any Bob Marley? 231 00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:06,039 - HE LAUGHS LOUDLY 232 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:09,999 - They're off their bloody tits! - โ™ช We're jamming 233 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:15,239 - โ™ช I want to jam it with you 234 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:20,200 - LAUGHTER 235 00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:25,440 - โ™ช We're jammin', we're jammin'... โ™ช 236 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:31,239 - Yeah, that's fine. Have you done grill pan? 237 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:36,520 - I'm just gonna do it now. - Let me know when you think it's done. 238 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:43,239 - It needs doing each time it's used. 239 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:48,199 - We can't afford to have you round every time we have a bacon butty. 240 00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:52,200 - You could do with an extra pair of hands full-time. 241 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:58,319 Maybe if Ken up took with Tanya, it wouldn't be so bad. - Rubbish! 242 00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:03,079 We had extra hands with his first wife. Look how that turned out. 243 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:06,359 - You didn't have much time for her. 244 00:17:06,360 --> 00:17:08,959 - No, I were right not to, wasn't I? 245 00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:12,399 - The pair of you never hit it off. 246 00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:17,239 - She were an ungrateful mare. I put a roof over their heads 247 00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:22,079 and all I asked for was a bit of involvement in the wedding. 248 00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:26,919 That wasn't too much to ask for, was it? - No, you're right. 249 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:33,679 It must have hurt hearing her say, "Anyone would think it was that nosey old bat's wedding." - It did. 250 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:38,719 - But how was she to know you were on the other extension? 251 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:44,119 - I just wanted to be part of it. But after I heard that, I thought, 252 00:17:44,120 --> 00:17:48,959 "Keep out of it, Jean. Leave them to it. We'll see how it turns out." 253 00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:52,839 And I were right. It were absolute rubbish! 254 00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:55,360 - You enjoyed the honeymoon, though. 255 00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:06,559 - 40 grand? - Yeah, that's what he said and that's just in one year. 256 00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:10,120 - It doesn't seem right. Are you sure? 257 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:14,479 - Positive. I'm not bothered, though. What do I care? 258 00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:17,199 - I wonder how much that is a week. 259 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:19,919 - ยฃ769.23. 260 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:23,519 - That's more than I've had all my life. 261 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:27,559 - And he's got a top car - a four-wheel drive Merc. 262 00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:30,759 It's only X reg though. - A nice car. 263 00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:34,999 I saw one on Top Gear. Clarkson was drooling over it. 264 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:38,479 Yeah - very roomy. 265 00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:42,159 - Has he got kids? - Yeah - mine. 266 00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:48,599 - Oh yeah. Sorry, Duffy. - Let's hope they're putting their muddy feet all over his back seat - 267 00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:53,479 like they did in my Punto. - They're not cheap them cars. 268 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:57,719 - 29,995 in good condition according to Glass's Guide. 269 00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:02,079 - Our house didn't cost that much, did it, Joan? 270 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:06,319 When I bought my first house in 1953, it cost ยฃ450. 271 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:09,039 - It just shows you. Where was it? 272 00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:13,559 - Hibbert Street, round corner. - Have you lived here all your life? 273 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:19,159 - Not yet. - Anyway, balls to it. I'm not bothered how much money he has. 274 00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:24,120 He can have all the money in the world. It can't buy you happiness. 275 00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:29,320 Has anyone seen my pie? 276 00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:34,439 - Have you heard about Giro Jim? - Yeah! - What's he done? 277 00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:37,999 - You know the Social are on at him to get a job. 278 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:42,559 - He comes out in a rash every time he goes past the job centre. 279 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:47,119 - He told the Social, he's a problem with his eyes. - He hasn't. 280 00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:51,200 - He said, "I just can't see myself working." 281 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:58,399 - Anyway, they'd had enough, so they find him a job at the Regent cinema. 282 00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:03,559 They said he had to take it or stop his benefits. - He wouldn't like that. 283 00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:05,759 - He had to take it. 284 00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:09,799 - He soon got a bollocking for nicking the pick and mix. 285 00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:16,039 They tell him to go up the ladder outside and put the new title up. You know those big red letters? 286 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:19,839 - Aye. - It's the new Clint Eastwood film showing. - Yeah. 287 00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:24,679 - He thinks he'll have a laugh, so as he's spelling out Clint's name, 288 00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:29,280 he puts the L against the I so they're touching and leave's it. 289 00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:34,279 Do you get it? 290 00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:36,880 - Oh, yeah! Yeah! 291 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:48,759 - I saw a documentary about Eastwood on the Biography Channel. 292 00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:52,360 According to some, Giro had it spot on! 293 00:20:56,800 --> 00:21:01,599 - So did he get the sack? - Course he did. He was made up about it. 294 00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:06,999 He's back on the dole and back in the boozer all day. - He's a case. 295 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:12,039 - We went past the Regent on Saturday, they were showing that Willy Wonka. 296 00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:16,280 With my eyesight, I thought Giro had got his job back! 297 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:25,399 Hiya. - Hiya Joe. - Hiya. 298 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:28,479 - I'm doing jury service, Joe. 299 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:31,399 - Oh, right. - Don't ask me about it. 300 00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:34,680 - Right, OK. Guinness please, Tanya. 301 00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:40,719 - I must say everybody's being very understanding about my jury service. 302 00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:45,520 - Yeah. - What with me not being able to say anything about it. 303 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:50,880 Aren't they? - No. 304 00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:54,159 What's that smell? 305 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:56,959 - You mean Tommy? - No, the other one. 306 00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:59,799 Musical Youth passing the dutchie. 307 00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:02,479 Good job there's no cops about! 308 00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:06,599 Are you coming to the quiz night next week, Joe? 309 00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:11,999 What's he on about - "No riff-raff?" - I said that. - We were a bit offended. 310 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:14,639 - I thought he wanted to get people in. 311 00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:17,279 Ignore it. Have your drink, Joe. 312 00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:20,719 Joe, you're going up in the world. 313 00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:25,159 - How do you mean? - We saw your wife in Sainsbury's. 314 00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:29,519 - ALL: Oooh! - She's probably buying organic veg. 315 00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:32,039 What were you two doing there? 316 00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:35,479 We go a lot, don't we Eddie? - Yeah. 317 00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:40,399 - - You shop in Sainsbury's? - We don't shop. We read the papers. 318 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:44,439 - They're miles from the till, so nobody bothers you. 319 00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:46,959 We have a right good browse. 320 00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:51,799 - We don't push it - we only read the headlines and the telly pages. 321 00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:55,319 - We're there half an hour. - To see what's on TV? 322 00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:58,959 - Joan's got to write it down. - Bloody hell! 323 00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:01,479 - I'll see you soon, lads. - Ken. 324 00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:06,519 - You're not driving, are you? - Are we balls? - Driving? Use your loaf, Ken. 325 00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:11,279 Imagine the stink that'd cause if we got caught drink-driving. 326 00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:15,239 Do you wanna finish that off? - I'll stick with this. 327 00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:19,119 - If you were any squarer, you'd be an Oxo cube. 328 00:23:19,120 --> 00:23:21,639 Right, let's get that kebab. 329 00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:24,160 - Cheers, Ken. - See you, take care. 330 00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:30,919 - And don't forget, Ken - smoking kills. - Pair of Clints. 331 00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:33,439 - LAUGHTER 332 00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:38,519 What's going on? - It's John and Yoko giving peace a chance. - I could hear. 333 00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:40,759 You look lousy. - I feel it. 334 00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:45,439 - Why don't you lie down? I'll look after down here. - Would you? 335 00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:49,319 - Yeah. Go on, get yourself off. - Are you sure? - Yes. 336 00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:55,200 - Aren't you lovely, you? - Go and have a lie down, Ken. - Thanks, love. 337 00:23:57,480 --> 00:24:02,519 - Will you be all right? - Yeah, I've checked the till. - You cheeky sod! 338 00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:05,480 THEY LAUGH 339 00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:14,919 How many times do I have to reassure you, Duffy? Of course they will be. 340 00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:20,799 - Do you honestly think so? - Kids don't change overnight. - I hope not! 341 00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:25,959 - If they've put feet-marks on your back seat, they'll put them on his. 342 00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:31,199 - Thanks, Joe. - He's right, Duffy. - She's wiped me out, you know? 343 00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:33,239 - How do you mean? 344 00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:36,719 - It's just a shell now, our house. No furniture. 345 00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:40,759 All I've got left in that kitchen now are bare cupboards. 346 00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:45,119 - Bloody hell, it's Old Mother Hubbard. - What do you sit on? 347 00:24:45,120 --> 00:24:48,719 - A deckchair out the shed. She forgot about that! 348 00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:53,000 - Put your towel on it in case she comes back for it(!) 349 00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:57,239 - Anyway... 350 00:24:57,240 --> 00:25:00,239 Right, I'm off. - What's up? 351 00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:02,999 It's six o'clock. - You've only been in a bit. 352 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:07,839 - I know, but I've realised what I'm becoming and I don't like it. 353 00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:11,119 Your eyes glaze over when I pour my troubles out. 354 00:25:11,120 --> 00:25:13,559 It's not fair on you. 355 00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:15,400 - Here, here. 356 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:19,479 - This is not a pub for losers. 357 00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:22,239 - GLASS SMASHES 358 00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:27,639 - That'd be the easy thing to do - come here feeling sorry for myself, 359 00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:29,839 but that won't happen. 360 00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:34,759 Duffy's been to the bottom and he doesn't like what he sees. 361 00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:38,279 There's only one way left for me to go now... 362 00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:40,320 and that... is up. 363 00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:45,039 - See you tomorrow, Duffy. - All right. - Half-five? 364 00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:49,039 - Yeah. You're all going to see some changes in me. 365 00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:51,719 - You've said! - I can only apologise. 366 00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:54,879 The next time you lot see me... 367 00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:56,920 I'll be a new man. 368 00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:12,240 Has anyone got a tin opener? 369 00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:22,359 - Ken. 370 00:26:22,360 --> 00:26:24,879 - Are you decent? 371 00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:27,399 - Yeah. - Shall I come back then(?) 372 00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:29,879 KEN LAUGHS 373 00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:35,919 - Thank goodness for that, I thought it was my mam with some eggs chopped up in a cup. 374 00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:38,319 - How are you feeling? 375 00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:41,239 - Shocking. My head's banging. 376 00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:44,239 Who's looking after the till? 377 00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:46,759 - I've locked it. - Good girl. 378 00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:49,439 - Don't you worry about downstairs. 379 00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:52,479 I've phoned in work, taken a couple of days off. 380 00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:54,679 I'll look after the pub. 381 00:26:54,680 --> 00:27:00,199 - You can't do that! Ring them back. You can't waste your holidays on me. 382 00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:04,719 - No, I'm still getting paid! Told them I've caught the flu off you. 383 00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:07,239 - You haven't, have you? - Hmm. 384 00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:11,879 - What did they say? - Said to have a couple of days in bed, so budge up! 385 00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:14,399 - You've got a pub to run! 386 00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:16,919 - You'll have to make it up to me. 387 00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:20,959 - I will. - You'll have to take me out, treat me like a lady. 388 00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:23,799 Well... till you get me home! 389 00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:26,879 - They'll be three-deep at that bar now. 390 00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:31,399 - You'll be lucky, there's only five in. - They might have formed a queue. 391 00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:33,919 - All right, I'm going. 392 00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:37,959 You get some rest, but think on about what I've said. 393 00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:40,000 - I will. 394 00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:44,080 - Sweet dreams. 395 00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:58,079 - Aye, aye, captain! Where've you been hiding?! 396 00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:00,639 - โ™ช Rushing through the stars 397 00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:05,400 โ™ช Captivated by the worlds beyond 398 00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:10,080 โ™ช So far, unknown 399 00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:14,079 โ™ช Floating in the car 400 00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:18,080 โ™ช Past the gates of Must Destroy dot com 401 00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:23,239 โ™ช You aren't alone 402 00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:24,679 โ™ช It's a small world 403 00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:27,520 โ™ช And you've grown. โ™ช 34588

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