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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,040 --> 00:00:05,719 ♪ You never have to feel 2 00:00:05,720 --> 00:00:09,079 ♪ That the night is yours alone 3 00:00:09,080 --> 00:00:12,479 ♪ Rushing through the stars 4 00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:16,920 ♪ Captivated by the world beyond 5 00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:21,719 ♪ You aren't alone 6 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:25,760 ♪ It's a small world and you've grown... ♪ 7 00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:36,559 - Thank you, Tanya. - There you are. 8 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:44,119 - Number one or number two? - Two. - It's our anniversary. Treat yourself! 9 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:47,160 Oh, she's a gem! 10 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:56,279 I don't know what she's been eating, but she's got one or two that's been there for two days now. 11 00:00:56,280 --> 00:01:01,079 Rid of it, it floats back up again. 12 00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:03,919 - Oh... How's her mother? 13 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:07,759 - Who, Nellie? Oh, don't ask! She's getting worse. 14 00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:13,559 Her boiler packed up on Saturday. I had to sort the plumbing out. - Yeah? 15 00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:17,479 - She was half-cut. 11 o'clock in the morning! 16 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:23,639 Anyway, she makes me a tuna sandwich. I knew it was a mistake. - Why? 17 00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:30,279 Juice off into the bloody cat bowl! - Oh, no. Bloody hell! 18 00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:37,799 On the breadboard, hacking away at the tuna while she's spreading it! 19 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:43,839 Knife!" - You didn't eat it, did you? 20 00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:47,719 - I wish I hadn't, Tommy. Went through me like a Porsche. 21 00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:52,879 - Dear me... - It's the plumber I feel sorry for. He was only a young lad. 22 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:59,759 With her bloomers round her ankles! 23 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:03,479 "Don't mind me, son," she says. - Bloody hellfire! 24 00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:08,919 - She should be in a home. - You're right. Will she not go in one? 25 00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:12,000 - No... She's too proud. 26 00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:22,040 When we talked your nana into going on the big waterslide? - Her face! 27 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:27,359 - It were like Dambusters - the big bouncing bomb! 28 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:30,159 - And you were singing t'tune! 29 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:33,000 - ♪ Ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-neh... ♪ 30 00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:38,079 When she came off, she looked like a sumo wrestler! 31 00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:42,120 She was picking the cogs out of her arse for weeks! 32 00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:51,959 So, the ball's in his court, is it, then? - What? 33 00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:58,919 To him whether he wants to ring me. 34 00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:02,040 I hope he does. - Yes, so do I. 35 00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:09,119 Why don't you come away with us? We'll have a ball. - I don't know. 36 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:15,319 - Come on! You can't leave me on me own for a fortnight with Mrs Doubtfire! 37 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:18,879 - Have you seen a bag of Maltesers, Kenneth? 38 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:22,399 - What do they look like?! - Don't be funny! 39 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:28,599 - Where's your Crunchie? 40 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:34,679 - You probably ate your Maltesers. - No. I was saving them for me bath. 41 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:38,919 - I don't know. Bloody hell, Mam, what do you want me to do? 42 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:42,879 Ring Crimewatch, see if they'll do a reconstruction?! 43 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:46,719 - Don't be facetious! - Have a box of chocolates. 44 00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:49,239 - I'd set me heart on Maltesers. 45 00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:53,999 Anyway... doesn't matter, I'll go without. I'm not bothered. 46 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:58,719 - Is Worzel Gummidge coming round? 47 00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:01,599 - No, I'm not seeing him. - Good girl. 48 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:04,240 - Family bag it was, as well! 49 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:10,199 They're YOUR favourites, aren't they, Kenneth? 50 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:15,999 - I've not had 'em! Hey, Mam, see if you can help us out with this. 51 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,519 I've gone wrong 'ere. 52 00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:22,079 16 across, 4 letters. Ends in "IT". 53 00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:26,119 "Found in the bottom of a birdcage." - Grit! 54 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:29,599 - Oh, where's me rubber?! 55 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:33,839 - Don't be stupid! - She fell for the oldest trick in the book! 56 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:37,359 To the regiment! - BOTH: I wish I was there! 57 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:41,559 THEY CHEER 58 00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:44,080 MOBILE RINGS 59 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:49,239 Oh! Oh-ho... 60 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:55,319 Oh, yes! That'll do for me. - Who is it? - The mistress, Trina. She wants me to go round. 61 00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:58,519 She's gagging for it. - Is she? - Yeah. 62 00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:03,279 She's no stunner, Joe, but she'll have all her kit on! 63 00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:10,039 - Bloody hell! - I'm surprised they do it in her size. Still... big IS beautiful! 64 00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:13,399 - I don't get it. You've got a lovely wife. 65 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:16,919 - Yeah, I know, but she's really horny, Trina. 66 00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:23,399 - Not any worth their salt, no. 67 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:28,759 - She never wants to show her face in any of them. That suits me! 68 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:32,679 - She's not got much self-respect, has she, to do that? 69 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:36,080 - It's only a bit of fun. - It's degrading. 70 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:43,719 - When are you going to let us have them back? - Next week all right? 71 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:48,199 - Whatever. - Said I'd lend them to a couple of lads at work. 72 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:50,400 - Sound. - Cheers. 73 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:54,559 What does she look like, anyway? 74 00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:58,080 - Do you remember Benny from Crossroads? 75 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:01,999 Maltesers?! No. 76 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,519 Have you asked Ken and Mel? 77 00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:07,039 Yeah, I'm positive! 78 00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:10,879 No, I can't see anyone handing them in, Jean. 79 00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:13,399 If they do, I'll let you know. Yeah. 80 00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:15,919 All right, then. Bye! 81 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:18,759 What is your mam on about there? 82 00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:21,279 - What? - "Have I seen the Maltesers?" 83 00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:27,399 - Bloody hell! She's not onto you about it now, is she? It's like the Nuremberg trials! 84 00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:33,599 Melanie's in the dock now. - For a bag of Maltesers?! - For a family bag! This is serious. 85 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:36,159 She'll be dusting for prints now! 86 00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:39,559 Hello, Tommy. You OK? - Can't grumble. 87 00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:41,799 - Could've fooled me. - Mild, is it? 88 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:45,639 Well, it's supposed to be. - See what I mean! 89 00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:52,319 There's nothing wrong with my beer. It's good stuff! It should be on prescription at the doctor's! 90 00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:55,839 LAUGHTER 91 00:06:55,840 --> 00:06:59,399 - Don't you encourage him! ..Watch out! 92 00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:03,719 - Hey. - Dennis, bitter? - Please, Ken, yeah. 93 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:08,439 - How are things at home? Is she still not talking to you? 94 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:12,159 - No, she's talking to me, but through the kids. 95 00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:15,079 "Ask your dad if he wants gravy." 96 00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:22,840 - We've all been there, mate. ..Shamrock? - If it makes you happy. 97 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:30,159 How's your mum keeping, Ken? - Don't ask. She's lost her Maltesers now, as well as her marbles. 98 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:35,279 Without them, wouldn't we? - Oh, aye. 99 00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:40,480 - Mmm... My mum would still be dressing me if I let her! 100 00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:48,159 - Have you told him yet? - Who? - Duffy. 101 00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:53,599 About his wife playing away. - Have I, balls?! She might not be! 102 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:57,439 That bloke my mum saw her with might just be a friend. 103 00:07:57,440 --> 00:08:01,759 You're just jumping to conclusions. - You are! You started it! 104 00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:09,319 - Anyway, he's just as bad. He's off to see the mistress in a bit. - They deserve each other! - Exactly! 105 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:11,920 What about Janice? - What about her? 106 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:16,439 - I'm sure that baby's his. 107 00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:22,799 That's why she's coming in here all the time. She's in love with him. - Does he think that? 108 00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:27,520 - No, but it's obvious. You'd have to be a bloody idiot not to spot that. 109 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:31,639 - HE SIGHS 110 00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:34,280 - That's £4.20, Joe. 111 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:41,879 - Hilarious, Ken(!) 112 00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:48,639 - Do you reckon he's right about Janice? - Yeah. She's in love. She told me. 113 00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:53,199 You would have to be an idiot not to spot it. - Duffy is an idiot! 114 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,719 - No, Duffy's not the idiot. It's Joe. 115 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:58,120 - Bloody hell! 116 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:03,839 Well, I'd never have known. - No. Some men never do. 117 00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:08,559 - Um, Ken. Ken! - Hello, Ken! Notice anything different? 118 00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:12,719 - Hello, Joan. You two look smart. What's the occasion? 119 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:16,479 - Their wedding anniversary. - Is it? Congratulations! 120 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,999 - 19 years today. 121 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:23,639 - The Great Train Robbers didn't get that, eh, Ken? Eh? 122 00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:26,119 - Has Oscar Wilde come in?! 123 00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:29,639 - Hey, Tommy! 19 years we've been together. 124 00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:34,119 The Great Train Robbers didn't get that, eh? 125 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:37,599 - I've heard it - millions of times! 126 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:40,119 - So what's your secret, then, Eddie? 127 00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:44,159 - Always be honest. That's the first thing. - Oh, aye? 128 00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:48,839 - And tell her you love her at least once a day. - Which is it? 129 00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:51,519 - Oh, that's the secret. - Oh... 130 00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:56,039 Just in here. > 131 00:09:56,040 --> 00:10:01,239 We might stop for some chips... - Posh and Becks, eat your heart out! 132 00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:04,999 - Is that all you're doing on your anniversary? 133 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:09,999 Coming in here, then going for a bag of chips? - Nothing wrong with that. 134 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,519 - It's hardly romantic, though, is it? 135 00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:16,119 - Show her you love her. Throw in a fish. 136 00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:21,119 - I found me bag. It were here, on the sideboard, next to me Crunchie. 137 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:25,999 Oh, it is odd! It's like the Bermuda Triangle, this house, Winnie. 138 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:30,519 Well, I've got me suspicions, but I'm not saying anything. 139 00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:33,039 Yes, I do. 140 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:35,559 They're his favourites, as well. 141 00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:40,079 He's always scoffing something. It wouldn't surprise me. 142 00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:42,639 Anyway, love, I'd better get off. 143 00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:49,479 Only Police Camera Action's on in a minute and I want to finish reading me obituaries first. 144 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:54,319 Well, sadly, there's always someone in there you know, ain't there? 145 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:57,839 Yes, and I hate wasting Christmas cards. 146 00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:00,359 OK, love, take care. Bye. 147 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,879 TV IS ON 148 00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:05,519 What are YOU grinning at? 149 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:07,119 - Nothing. 150 00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:09,639 - Have you had my Maltesers? 151 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:13,679 You know, don't you? - I don't know anything. 152 00:11:13,680 --> 00:11:16,519 - As thick as thieves, you two! 153 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:19,280 Did you hear that? Thieves! 154 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:26,479 Is "basque" Q or K? 155 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:30,519 - Q. Why? You're not going playing Scrabble with her? 156 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:37,159 - Hey, the missus is going on a conference from work soon. Can't bloody wait. 157 00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:42,039 - Are you sure she's going on a conference? - Yeah. 158 00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:48,559 - What if she's not going on a conference and she's up to the same tricks as you? 159 00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:53,759 - No way. How would Sarah face the kids with that on her conscience? 160 00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:57,919 - You tell me. You're doing the same thing, aren't you? 161 00:11:57,920 --> 00:12:02,359 - No, women mean it, don't they? It's different for blokes. 162 00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:06,759 It means nothing. They just want to play the field. 163 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:10,799 Women are different, you see. Women are like swans. 164 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:13,880 - Yes, always after your bloody bread! 165 00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:19,679 - I was telling Tommy. She's definitely lost her marbles. - Who? 166 00:12:19,680 --> 00:12:24,399 She's lost the plot completely. 167 00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:26,919 My Edith went like that. 168 00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:33,959 - Every song that comes on the radio, she thinks it's about her. It was Three Times A Lady the other day. 169 00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:40,639 She's in a world of her own. 170 00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:43,279 - She should be in a home. 171 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:49,599 Springbank on Newbridge Lane. 172 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:55,319 - Oh, was it expensive? - No. It's state-run. It don't cost a penny. 173 00:12:55,320 --> 00:13:01,359 You can make a contribution. 174 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:06,399 But you don't have to. I set up a standing order for £3 a month. 175 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:13,439 These places going, Eddie. They really looked after Edith. 176 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:17,719 Yeah, you should do. 177 00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:22,359 You'll probably see our Edith's name in the remembrance garden. 178 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:28,239 They put a little plaque up for all them that pass away in their care. 179 00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:30,759 She died in there, did she? 180 00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:35,119 < Yeah. They looked after her right up until the end. 181 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:39,719 - Must have been an upsetting time. - < Yeah, it was. 182 00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:42,359 1st June 1998, she died. 183 00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:45,959 It didn't really hit me till Christmas. 184 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:50,839 - Well, they do say that Christmas is the time you really miss 'em. 185 00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:53,359 - Oh, it's not that, Eddie. 186 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:56,200 I'd not cancelled me standing order. 187 00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:05,879 Of crisps for Nan to take her mind off the Maltesers. - What's she like? 188 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:12,719 - Dad, don't say anything, but it was me that ate the Maltesers. I was starving. - Oh, I know. 189 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:19,359 - How? - The wrapper was floating about in the toilet after you had your bath. - Oh? - I fished it out. 190 00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:23,880 - Thanks for not saying anything. - That's got to be worth one. 191 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:32,440 And I hope that was just a couple of Maltesers that was floating about with it. - Dad! 192 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:37,999 - I'll get these, love. Don't you worry(!) 193 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:42,559 Carol Smillie's kitchen's far more important than this. 194 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:45,599 Open up! It's a raid! 195 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:51,919 It'll be Phil and Nige with your hat. - What hat? - The one you left up their arse last time they were here. 196 00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:56,439 - Don't push it. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. - Ooh! 197 00:14:56,440 --> 00:15:01,279 I bet you I would. 198 00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:06,319 Me there again. - You all right, Ken? 199 00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:08,840 - As right as ninepence. 200 00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:13,239 Usual, lads? - Thanks, Ken. 201 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:18,679 Just a quick one. - Bitter and a Coke, Tanya... Just finishing? 202 00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:21,279 - We don't finish till midnight. 203 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:27,839 - We're on our way to a woman's house. She's been burgled. We'll have these, then rush round there. 204 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:35,639 - They got in while she was at work. - She's making a list of what's been stolen. One less job for us. 205 00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:39,279 - I hate writing. - Give her time to stop crying. 206 00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:44,199 Plain-clothes lads'll dust for prints. It's all a bit pointless. 207 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:51,239 - We'll go through the motions, but you feel like doing them for wasting police time. - We'll not get anyone. 208 00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:56,039 - If the robber hasn't nicked it! 209 00:15:56,040 --> 00:16:00,640 - Thank you. 210 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:07,759 - We can't cope any more, Ken. There's too much on our shoulders. 211 00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:14,679 Right. We need more beat coppers, not pen pushing in the office. 212 00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:19,200 Our here in the bloody thick of it. Cheers, Ken. Good health. 213 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:22,760 - Can you put Mummy back on now? 214 00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:27,799 Aye, love, yeah. So, I'm gonna be quite late. 215 00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:34,839 We'll have to get a new one. 216 00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:37,399 I don't know what's wrong with it. 217 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:40,039 Joe's had a look at it, though. 218 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:42,560 I'll put him on. 219 00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:46,479 - Hi, Sarah. Are you all right? 220 00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:50,039 Yeah, I think it's the... starter motor 221 00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:52,599 or the alternator, you know. 222 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:57,119 Charge doesn't seem to be getting through to the engine. 223 00:16:57,120 --> 00:17:00,959 Yeah. Anyway, I'll have a look best I can. 224 00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:04,600 Yeah. I'll put Duffy back on. All right? 225 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:10,519 - Anyway, don't wait up for us. 226 00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:15,399 Oh, you haven't, have you? Bloody hell, that's me favourite. 227 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:17,919 That's bad luck, innit? 228 00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:20,480 I'll microwave it when I get in. 229 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:26,520 You put your feet up and have a few glasses yourself. 230 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:32,559 Yeah, you're right. Just one of them things. Can't be helped. 231 00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:33,999 Yeah. 232 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:35,039 Anyway... 233 00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:37,559 happy birthday, love. 234 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:40,919 OK, I'll see you in the morning, then. 235 00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:42,080 Bye. 236 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:45,399 What? 237 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:51,559 - All sorted for the day out next Saturday? - Oh, they might put an extra shift on for the match. 238 00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:55,519 - It's getting worse! - You had a minibus-full. - Half full. 239 00:17:55,520 --> 00:18:00,759 Ring the garage and ask for a bike. 240 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:02,479 - THEY LAUGH 241 00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:07,519 - You know what we'd rather be doing. - Yeah, I know. - We'll do our best. 242 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:11,439 - I read about that break-in at the jeweller's. 243 00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:18,279 - They'll be in the Costa del Sol, them jewels now. 244 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:22,919 - We know who did it. - He slipped through the net again. - Who was it? 245 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:26,439 - Magpie Maguire. Who else? - What's happened? 246 00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:33,919 She told us when his next job was. 247 00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:40,679 The store manager. - Bloody hell. 248 00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:47,719 Him banged up. - What happened? 249 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:54,759 But he'd not said where. 250 00:18:54,760 --> 00:19:01,279 We didn't tell the station. They'd have sent plain clothes lads. We wanted the glory. 251 00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:08,079 "Magpie does bird." 252 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:09,919 - Magpie! 253 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:14,239 - Anyway, on the night of the job, we staked the house out. 254 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:20,399 - Couldn't miss Eurotrash. 255 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:27,639 - No, no. - Our cover was nearly blown early on. - How come? - We were sat in the car, waiting to pounce, 256 00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:30,439 inconspicuous, just blending in. 257 00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:36,359 The pizza delivery boy beeped his horn! - How stupid is that? 258 00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:41,319 - He brought him thin and crispy, when he'd ordered deep pan! 259 00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:46,359 - Good job we're not relying on pizza to catch criminals. - Bloody useless. 260 00:19:46,360 --> 00:19:53,759 - Magpie didn't clock us. At 11.30, the house goes dark, off goes the portable, we're on red alert. 261 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:57,439 - So, two o'clock comes and goes. Still nothing. 262 00:19:57,440 --> 00:20:05,119 A start. Not a clue where we were. 263 00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:10,239 - Woke up the whole neighbourhood. 264 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:15,479 Ken. With the tinnies and that... 265 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:18,079 we went out like a light. 266 00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:21,919 - It was our fault, Ken. I'll say it myself. 267 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:25,880 It was very unprofessional. VERY unprofessional. 268 00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:33,639 - Hey, Tanya, listen to this. And you lads. 269 00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:38,319 - You know Jimmy No Neck, don't you? - Who? 270 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:42,359 He walks around like he left his coat hanger in. 271 00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:45,239 Oh, yeah. You know him, Tanya. 272 00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:49,559 Plays darts for the Oak. Deaf as a post. 273 00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:53,599 - Oh, I know who you mean. - What about him? 274 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:58,159 It's not him. It's his mate Sammy. Minicab driver. 275 00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:05,439 - I think I know who you mean. - He had that arranged marriage. - No, this isn't an Asian bloke. - He isn't. 276 00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:11,599 His mum's just bossy. She sorted it all out for him cos he didn't want to leave home. 277 00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:17,039 Him? - Get to the bloody point, Joan! 278 00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:23,079 We were chatting in the post office queue and he said something that struck a chord with us. - Yeah. 279 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:25,759 I was thinking for days. 280 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:30,199 - We thought, "Yes, Sammy, you're right." - What was it, Joan? 281 00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:37,039 - You know, before the millennium... - Yeah, come on. - ..we had 1999, 1960, 1940, 282 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:41,079 - 1901, whatever. - Yeah. Well? 283 00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:47,999 - But now we call it two thousand and one, two thousand and two, etc. - So bloody what? 284 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:52,439 - Twenty... - ..o-one. 285 00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:54,839 Twenty-o-two, twenty-o-three. 286 00:21:54,840 --> 00:22:00,119 We didn't call it one thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine, 287 00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:04,239 so what are we doing it now for? He's got a point. 288 00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:08,399 - Is that it? Bloody hell! - Oh, I'm going for a piss. 289 00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:15,439 You come back? - No. I'm definitely stopping on my own. - Right-oh. 290 00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:16,960 - LAUGHTER 291 00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:31,399 - We'd better get round to this break-in at this woman's house. 292 00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:36,079 - Bye. - Try to beat the plain-clothes lads to the biscuit tin. 293 00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:38,999 - ALL: Crime can't crack itself! 294 00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:43,919 - It never wanes, does it? See you, Ken. - Cheers. See you, lads. 295 00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:46,879 The dozy gits! 296 00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:48,919 - SIREN WAILS 297 00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:53,759 What's tickled you? - Holmes and Watson - they are bloody useless. 298 00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:56,479 They couldn't catch a cold! 299 00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:58,599 - TANYA LAUGHS 300 00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:00,439 - Ahem. 301 00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:05,000 A pint of bitter and a Guinness and black, please, Ken. 302 00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:12,519 Oh, still up there, Ken. - Eh? - Temporary traffic lights on Samuel Street. 303 00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:16,559 Still up there. - Aye. - Bloody nuisance they are. 304 00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:22,599 I've worked a way round them, though, you'd be pleased to know. - I'm delighted. 305 00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:27,439 - I did a recce yesterday before the evening traffic arrived. - Oh, aye? 306 00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:32,279 - Never thought I'd make so much use of me stopwatch. - £4.60, Eddie. 307 00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:34,400 - Oh, yeah. 308 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:41,719 Anyway, like I said, I've worked out the best way round 'em. 309 00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:44,279 The thing to do... - Hang on. 310 00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:48,839 Joe and Duffy's just asking me what's going on up there. 311 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:53,679 They'd be glad of a tip. - Oh, right. 312 00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:59,719 - Them temporary traffic lights you asked about. Eddie's your man. - What? - Tell them. 313 00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:04,559 - The way round, lads. You know the bottom end of Hesketh Street? 314 00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:11,400 From the top end of Piper Street? - Hey, look at Tommy. 315 00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:17,880 I don't believe it! What's up with him? 316 00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:38,080 ♪ Oh, the good life 317 00:24:40,280 --> 00:24:45,280 ♪ Full of fun, seems to be the ideal... ♪ 318 00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:52,319 - That's fine. 319 00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:54,919 Yeah. I'll see you then, then. 320 00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:57,320 Me too. 321 00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:01,920 Thanks for ringing, then. Bye. Bye. 322 00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:06,759 - Are you all right, love? 323 00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:09,679 - That was me dad, me real dad! 324 00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:15,759 - I thought it was. - He's agreed to meet me! - Oh, Melanie. - Next Saturday! 325 00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:20,279 I feel funny. I can't believe it's going to happen! 326 00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:24,959 - Where are you going? - To tell Liam. He'll be delighted! 327 00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:29,200 - Will you bring me a bag of Maltesers on your way back? 328 00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:35,599 - That's the roundabout on Samuel St and the Royal Bank of Scotland. 329 00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:38,159 - ♪ The good life... ♪ 330 00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:43,079 - That's Joan's mother's house. You don't need to know about that. 331 00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:45,600 There's the bugbear. 332 00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:48,239 Temporaries. 333 00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:50,559 Now, if you were... 334 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:52,879 - Dad! - What? 335 00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:59,559 What is it, love? - He's just been on the phone and I'm meeting him this Saturday. - Who? - Me real dad! 336 00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:02,080 - Oh, brilliant! 337 00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:09,799 What did he say? - I can't remember. 338 00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:14,159 I sort of froze. I'm meeting him for a drink next Saturday. 339 00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:21,199 - You've wanted this for a long time, haven't you? - Yes. I'm going to tell Liam. He'll be chuffed. 340 00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:25,639 Bye, Dad. I'll see you when I get back. - All right. 341 00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:28,280 I'll wait up for you. 342 00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:33,440 - ♪ Like the heartaches 343 00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:40,680 ♪ When you learn you must face them alone 344 00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:48,359 ♪ You won't really... 345 00:26:48,360 --> 00:26:51,200 ♪ Fall in love... ♪ 346 00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:55,720 ♪ For you can't take the chance... ♪ 347 00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:00,879 - Tanya, tell me... 348 00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:03,520 - MUSIC DROWNS CUSTOMERS' CHAT 349 00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:10,200 ♪ ..don't try to fake romance... ♪ LAUGHTER ECHOES ROUND HIM 350 00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:15,319 ♪ It's the good life 351 00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:21,880 ♪ To be free and explore the unknown 352 00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:29,520 ♪ Like the heartaches 353 00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:36,640 ♪ When you learn you must face them alone 354 00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:44,359 ♪ Please remember 355 00:27:44,360 --> 00:27:47,400 ♪ I still want you 356 00:27:49,120 --> 00:27:53,400 ♪ And in case you wonder why 357 00:27:55,920 --> 00:27:58,480 ♪ Well, just wake up 358 00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:07,479 ♪ Kiss the good life goodbye. ♪ 359 00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:10,000 HE SOBS 360 00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:29,599 Subtitles by Susan Mason and Dorothy Moore BBC Broadcast 2003 361 00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:32,760 E-mail us at subtitling@bbc.co.uk 31162

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