All language subtitles for Early Doors S01E04 1080p WEB-DL AAC2 0 H 264-BTN_track3_[eng1]

That the night is yours alone

♪ Rush and feel the stars

♪ Captivated by the worlds beyond

♪ You are alone

♪ It's a small world and you've grown.
♪

Running down Market Street, shouting
abuse, with not a stitch on!

- Stark-bollock naked! Absolutely
rat-arsed!

- Cars beeping, women screaming -
chaos, it was!

I chase him, rugby-tackle him to the
ground, but he's still going mad.

Took four of us to hold him down. By
this time, there was a crowd cheering
us on!

- Was there?
- Yeah.

It was the best stag night we've been
on.
- I'll say!

- I'm not worrying, Melanie, love. I'd
just like to know that you're safe.

Well, I'll get off now, then.

What time do you think you'll be back?

That's good. I'll be in bed. I've
already put me electric blanket on.

I'm just gonna get a bit of supper now
- something light.

OK, love. Goodnight and God bless.
I'll see you in t'morning.

Bye!

- You havin' another one?
- Yeah, go on.
- It's Friday night. We don't wanna be
out late, do we?

- We'll have another quick one here,
then we'll nip over to the Oak for
after time. Leave the car here.

- Right. Tanya! Three pints of bitter
while you're doing nowt!
- Hey, you cheeky sod!

- Anything else been happenin', lads?

- We had a drugs bust yesterday at
Wolton Avenue.
- Did you?
- Oh, aye.

Half five in the morning, this was.
- We smashed the door down, dragged
the fella out of bed,

bundled him downstairs and read him
the riot act.

We're at the sharp end. He's demanding
a warrant, we're keeping him talking,
the wife's ballistic,

plain clothes are turning the house
upside down and not having any joy!

- Did he find owt?
- His bollocks!
- We'd got the wrong house.

- There's a lot of Clarks in the phone
book.

Here you are, lads - three bitters.

You're gonna have to sort that barrel
out in a bit, Ken.
- Is that Joan causing trouble again?

- Are you havin' another one, love?
- Aye, go on.
- I'll have a bitter.

One of these days.

- More or less, yeah.
- You lying sod! You already had a
couple in here!

- But I've not had one all day!

- You'll never give up as long as
you've got a hole in your arse!
- I will.
- He hasn't got the willpower.

- Of course I've got the willpower.
I've given up a few time, me!

- £4.20, lads.

- And one for yourself, Tanya!
- Ooh, thanks.

Ta.
- Thanks.

So your girlfriend Janice has been
working hard in her new job.

When I walked in before.

Before you came in. She's invited me
down for a free session.

- I invited her to do the same thing
in Ladbrokes's doorway.
- And look where that got you, Daddy!

- Whose birthday?
- Joan and Eddie's nephew Ryan - six
years.

We're having a do for him when the pub
closes on Saturday. We've got a
magician.

- Can he do owt with the beer?

- It gets hard to know what to do for
them at that age.

- We can get you a ride in the police
helicopter if you want. Tony the pilot
does it a tenner a head.

Takes 'em up, flies over the kids'
houses, over the school, pretends to
bomb it...

that in mind.
- You get these adverts in the paper -
£60, £70!

They're only up there two minutes.
It's scandalous!
- How come you're putting the party
on, Ken?

Joan. They lost their jobs last year
when Johnson's closed down.

- You're on the scrap heap now if you
lose your job at their age.
- They had their gas cut off last
month.

They only come in here to get a warm.
- Sad, isn't it?
- That's why we take the football
cards round.

The winner gets half, but the other
half don't go to charity.

We're saving so we can get the gas put
back on before Christmas.

- It's wrong when you've worked all
your life.

Never pay a penny for the gas.

Meter. We caught a bloke a couple of
months back.
- That's a bit dodgy.

- It's a very serious offence, Ken.
- Oh, yeah. Did he go inside?
- He certainly did.

First my house, then his.
- My heating's never off now. It's
like living in a greenhouse.

- You might know him. He lives round
here.
- Who is it?
- Giro Jim.
- Bloody hell, I might've known!

And dad - can't they have a party?

- Mum's got nowt. They just got
divorced.
- Don't talk to me about divorce!

- Oh, aye. How's yours going?

- I get a solicitor's letter every
other day.

"I want this, I want that!" She's
already got the house! What else? It's
getting silly now.
- It does.

- She pulled up outside my flat the
other day, beeping her horn in the car
that I bloody paid for!

So I goes to the window and I'm
getting the "V" sign!
- Bloody hell.

- And the kids an'all! She drives off
beeping her horn like a bloody mad
woman...

in my own bloody car!

- Hell hath no fury...
- Hell, though, innit?
- 'Course it is.

To snap her aerial off.
- Good.
- He's letting her tyres down
tomorrow.

- We'll never learn, will we?

- First time, the divorce came through
on the Friday,

Saturday morning I was down the
registry office, getting remarried!
- What was you thinking?
- I know!

It's like winning the lottery and
giving it all back!

- And you want ME to back you up? Why?
What have you told her?
- That I was out with YOU.

- So I'm your alibi again! Cheers(!)

- I'd do it for you!
- You wouldn't have to.

- Anyway, I'm bringing the wife in
tomorrow. So make sure you've got your
story sorted out.

- You've got a nerve! Out with the
mistress last night, in with the
missus tomorrow!

- Well, she's been stuck in with the
kids all week. It's only fair.

- Hey up, ding dong!
- Hello, Jilted Joe!
- All right, lads.

- Hiya! Bud, is it?
- Hiya, Tanya. Yes, please.

- Is she in?
- No, she's gone out.

- Ouch!

- - Where to?
- She's gone into town somewhere.

- Hey, Friday night on the pull!
- Another nail in his coffin!
- Gie us a break!

Yeah, leave him alone. £2.20.

Cheers.

I think she's gone for a drink with
someone.
- With that Tom Cruise look-alike she
was in with earlier?

- Ignore them, Liam.

I am doing, Tanya.
- So, where have you been, Romeo?

- The Oak.
- Plucking up a bit of Dutch courage
for coming in here?
- Aye.

- You should've left it longer if you
want her back.
- How d'you figure that out?

- You gotta be mean to keep 'em keen!

What you should've done...
- Here we go, Raj Persaud!
- If you want her back,

you're getting on with your life.

And turn your stereo up full blast.

Get one of your mates acting in the
background, shouting for you.

- She won't know you're stuck in your
bedsit in Sadsville! He's done it for
me a few times in the old days.

- Tell her you've got a couple of
tickets for a gig, ideally Clapton.
- Or Chris Rea.
- Yeah.

The tickets before you had the row.
- They were gonna be a surprise.

- Spot on!

And then you say, "I've gotta go,
babe. They're all shouting for me over
there."
- Careful, though.

Don't overdo it, Liam. You're not
Elvis.

- Then say, "Catch you later," and put
the phone down. Her heart melts.

She thinks you've gone off being Mr
Popular, but she's delighted. Why?

Cos you've managed to find a little
bit of time...

- For HER! Yeah?

- He's right. All mind games, Liam.

- Whereas really, you've put the phone
down,

turfed old Larry Olivier out, put your
chicken supper for one in the
microwave, rung your mum

and bawled your Scottish eyes out!
- She'll never know and you'll be Mr
Irresistible again!

- Here's me thinking I was gonna say
sorry.

OOH...!
- No, no, no!
- We don't wanna say that, son. You'll
end up getting yourself in a right
mess!

- Oh, I nearly forgot. There you go. A
nice video for the coach on the day
out, courtesy of the lads in Vice.

- Mary Potter And The Philosopher's
Bone!
- It's a good 'un.

Now. We're on a minibus, so there's no
video player.
- Bloody hell!

Never mind. Keep that for yourself,
Ken. We've got a list here in case you
want any more.
- Only £3 a night.

Wanted a slice as well. This is a good
'un. Number 18.

- Saturday Night Beaver.
- Classic! Flies out, that one.

Phil. I made that mistake last week.

It's crap.
- See what you think. We have to have
it back by Thursday. It's evidence in
court on Friday.

Better get off.

ALL: Crime won't crack itself!

I made that up! It's catchy, isn't it?

- It's a belter, that one!
- See you, Ken.
- See you soon, lads.

Hey up! All right, Liam. Come to pay
your money for the day out?

- Yeah. You all right?
- Right as ninepence, cock.

You're brave coming here. Full of ale,
are you?
- Course he is.

- Did you find anything out from
Cagney and Lacey?
- Know what a mate of theirs is doing
now?

A police helicopter - tenner a head.
- Bloody hell!
- Can you imagine?

"There's a stolen motor doing a tun up
the M60. Chase it." Balloons, sausage
rolls all over the place!

- Unbelievable, them two.
- Taxpayers money an'all.
- Don't stop you brown-nosing, though,
Ken.

- Funny, Joe(!) I'm just greasing the
wheels of industry.
- I thought I saw you greasing summat
back there.

- Is that the time? I better ring the
bell. Don't you do it, Tanya...
They'll think we're in Notre Dame!

- Last orders, ladies and gents!

- Please, God, do give Jimmy my love,

and a little kiss from me.

Oh, I still miss him.

God bless Melanie.

I hope she gets back with Liam. She's
been missing him, but please don't let
it affect my holiday.

Oh, I love it in Crete, God. It's
beautiful this time of year, as you'll
know.

And you've made the locals very
friendly. Well done.

Oh, I'm sorry I missed Songs Of Praise
on Sunday,

but I fell asleep after me dinner.

We had roast beef, Yorkshire pud and
roast potatoes, peas, carrots...

Oh, and for afters, I had little bit
of rhubarb crumble.

Ooh, it were lovely. I can't eat as
much as I used to.

Oh, where was I?

Oh, yes, Songs Of Praise. I'm sorry.

It's not as good now since they
modernised it with Aled.

Oh, I do miss Highway with Harry
Secombe.

Give him me love when you've got a
minute.

I used to love watching him stood on
some cobbled street somewhere,

outside of a church singing his little
Welsh head off. He were in t'Goons,
you know!

I'm stuck in without it!

God bless our Kenneth!

Where would I be without him?

Not in Crete, that's for sure.

Oh, he does look after me.

Ooh, and if our Melanie finally gets
to meet her real dad,

don't let him get too close, will ya?

Oh, it'd break our Kenneth's heart,
you know.

And that would break mine.

- You're not taking our advice, then?

- No, thanks.
- Don't say I didn't warn you. If she
comes in now, you'll look like
Desperate Dan.
- It's fine.

- And don't go running over to her
like a lapdog when she comes in.

Play it cool for a bit.
- He's right.

It look like you're having a great
time with us.
- That's gonna be hard.

Are, you've got no bloody chance!

- I've got even less with you two on
my side!
- We're trying to help you! This is
the voice of experience.

We know all about worming your way
back in when you've been dumped.
- I don't need your advice, lads.
- No?

Have you ever been in a situation when
you're absolutely gutted, your
girlfriend's dumped you

and come the old, "It's not you, it's
me," and you've had to talk her round?
- No.
- NO!

Phone number and you've had to wait
outside her work all afternoon?
- No.

Telling you to leave her alone and let
her get on with her life?
- No.

- No further questions.

- I don't know why they call 'em
temporary traffic lights. They've been
up there a month.

Having to keep all her cats in.

- ALL the cats? How many has she got?

- Well, she says they're company.

I said, "Nelly, I like company, but I
don't let them piss all over me
house!"

- Yeah.

She's an animal lover, Tommy.

I've nothing against that, but she's
84!
- 84!
- She can't even look after herself!

Couple of stray dogs that she feeds.
Oh, she'll let anything in.

She's got a tortoise... I say
tortoise, but I've never seen its
head.
- Have you not?

- No. I've rattled it a couple of
times, but nowt's happened.
- It's probably hibernating.

It gonna get off the mantelpiece?

- She struggles getting upstairs, so
she sleeps in the chair.
- Sits in front of the telly.

She can't get in and out of the bath,
so she doesn't bother.
- How does she keep clean?
- She doesn't.

Just a quick wash with a flannel in
front of the kitchen sink in the
morning and that's it.
- It's a shame.

- I say flannel... Dishcloth, really.

- We took her out for dinner last
Saturday to the Three Bells. It was
dead busy, wasn't it?

- Yeah.
- Bloody hell!

Know?
- Kids wrote it on her door!

- Big letters.
- Mindless!

- Me dad was very particular.

He'll be spinning like a top now.

- Smashing bloke, he was.
- Big City fan, he was, like you.

- Was he?
- Yeah, she's got all the match
programmes in the bedroom.

Some of 'em go back to the '40s! I'll
take you round.
- No, Joan. No, thanks.

- No, no. I see your point.

Rancid.

Another, my love?
- Yeah.

- All that trance dancing and blowing
whistles. What's all that about?
- That's what happens in Ibiza.

Over everyone?
- It's just having a good time.
- It's not a good time!

It's having a bath!
- You lot don't know what having a
good time is!

- 'Course we dae!
- Do you balls! I bet you've never
even heard Oops Upside Your Head.
- What?
- See what I mean.

DJs nowadays, they get money for old
rope!

It's like what's-his-name - him who
Zoe Ball married, the jammy get!
- Fat Boy Slim.
- That's the clown.

Paid a bloody fortune for playing
records to those idiots.

They'll dance to any old shite.
- And they do.
- There's no skill in that.

- The man's a genius. You havnae got a
clue.
- Who hasn't got a clue? Have you done
any DJ-ing?
- No.

- Well, I have. I'll tell you a thing
or two about DJ-ing.

Dance to anything. I've had to get 'em
up when they don't wanna dance,

when they're too full from the buffet.
- Hey, hey, he's right!
- 'Course I'm right. I earn MY money.

Do you know what our secret is?
- On you go.
- You've gotta pace the evening.

Baby? by the Human League - let the
gateau settle. Then...

pick up the pace with Lessons In Love,
Level 42.

Send the girlfriend round with pieces
of paper for requests.

Ones - Get Off Your Prick You Shit.

They start chanting it when they're
bladdered. That's proper DJ-ing.
- Sounds like it.
- And then...

you've gotta pick the night up with a
few party games.

Peak with Let's Do The Time Warp Again
or Come On Eileen!
- Classic Dexy's.
- Correct.

Then, slow it right down for the
smoochies.

Three Times A Lady - The Commodores,

Wonderful Tonight by the master...

- Eric!

- Correct.
- A girl in your arms and a fun-sized
Mars bar in your pocket.
- The erection section.

Hey, finish off with them all in a
circle -

You'll Never Walk Alone,

New York New York, I Am Sailing.

- I don't know. Work just dried up.

- Not seen your name on here, Debbie.
Are you having a go or what?

There's only two left. 40p. What's
that to a woman of your means?

- What do I win? If it's money AND a
night with you, I'll have a go.

Only win a tenner.
- Go on, but just the one.
- Bloody hell, Ivana Trump!

Put your initials there.

Need any help?
- Hey, cheeky!

To Ibiza. You could be the next big
thing.
- Don't take the piss, son.

Place to go for the whole family!

You used to dump the nippers in a
kids' club and you didn't see 'em for
a fortnight. Superb.

- - That's no' ma fault.
- They're not still having a go.
- Apparently, I have ruined Ibiza.

Been.
- Don't go now. He's ruined it.

- Ken's off to Crete again in a couple
of weeks.
- On his own?
- No, I doubt it.

Her hanky out.
- How do you mean?

Shouldn't wear!
- No!
- You're joking!

On his bed!

Shh!
- Bloody hell! Mummy's little soldier!

- Are you havin' a last one? You can
win a Charlie tonight.

I tell you what,

you finish it off and Joan can reveal
the winner.

- Aye, go on, then.

- Now then, the fun never ends in the
Grapes!

We have the lovely Joan about to
reveal the winner on the football
cards!

And then, to give a nice cash prize of
ten whole pounds to some lucky winner.

And you never know, you might even get
a little kiss, eh, Joan?

- If I've won, put it back in.

- That's enough of that.

Come on, love, get on with it.
- Have you won again, Ken?

- CHEERING

- Joseph, do you know how much that
hurts me?

Who is it? Let's have a look.

West Ham - WC. Who's that?

- CROWD: HEY!

- ALL: I wish I was there!

Let's have the money over here, then.
- Let's hear it for Bill Cupon!

- Get the beer in, Bill, you tight
sod!

- I'd check that for foreign coins.
There's bound to be a few in it.

CROWD: OH...!

- There's no need for that, Bill.

You was right, Joe. Some shithouse did
win it.

Be warming his jim-jams.
- Stop it!

- Find your way home now. Do your
talkin' while you're walkin'. Come on,
lads, finish off now.
- Ken...

are we all right for after time?
- Not tonight. Early night tonight.
- Is Mummy tucking you in?
- Enough!

- See ya.
- Goodnight, gorgeous!

Don't forget to come and see me at
work.
- OK.

- Come on, drink up. I'm goin' on me
holidays in a fortnight.
- I bet his mummy's packed his
sailor's suit.

- Don't, lads!

- Hi, Dad, I'm back!
- Hi, love. You've got a visitor.

- LOUD FORCED LAUGHTER

- You're the man, Liam. Top lad.

- ..Oh, hey, I tell you what...

we've missed you!

- All right, Mel! Didn't see you
there.
- All right!

What a great night this fella's given!
- Oh, yeah.
- Ooh...

- Hi, Mel.

- Hiya.

- Fancy seeing you here.
- Yeah. Fancy seeing you!

- Did you have a good night?
- Yeah, thanks.

- Who with?
- Lindsay and Kate.

- Superb. How are they? Are they all
right?
- Yeah, they're all right.
- Did you get a taxi home?

- Yeah.

- On your own?

- Yeah.

- ♪ You know I can't smile without you

♪ I can't smile without you

♪ I can't laugh and I can't sing

♪ I'm finding it hard to do anything

♪ You see I feel sad when you're sad

♪ I feel glad when you're glad

♪ If you only knew what I'm goin'
through

♪ I just can't smile

♪ Without you! ♪

CHEERING

- You better come through.

- ♪ Love lifts us up where we belong

♪ Where the eagles fly

♪ On a mountain high... ♪

Come on, everybody, party's over!

And you, Tommy! Better hurry up or
your mates will lock the gates back at
the cemetery!

- Hey, go on, Tommy! Down your pint!

- See you, Joan, love.

Ta-ra, now.
- See you later.
- See you, Eddie.

- Can you see to the stragglers,
Tanya? I'm goin' up.
- Are you not having a drink?
- No, love.
- Go on.

- Have a drink with these two, if you
like.
- Nice one.
- Good lad.

- Don't forget the curtains. I'm off.
I've got the drain man coming first
thing.
- She'll be OK.

- I know.
- Have a drink. She'll be OK with
Liam.

- Yeah, have a drink. She'll be safe.
The machine's working in the gents!

- Hey!

- I know... I've been an idiot and...

I know I should've said to you about
the trip right at the beginning...

about you going on that trip

to the daft strip club, but I know...

- All right, you two? How are the
peace talks goin'?

You made up yet?
- We haven't had much time to
ourselves!
- Well, it's getting late, in't it,
Liam?
- Dad!

- Plenty of time for talking in the
morning.
- I don't believe you, Dad!

- All right. Well, don't be long. I've
gotta be up early tomorrow.

Goodnight and God bless.

- Sorry about that, Liam.
- It's all right.

- I'm not mad about you going on the
trip, but you should've told ME first.
- I know.

I know and I'm sorry. I never found
the right moment and I'm really,
really sorry.

- All right, then.

- Hey...

..I've really missed you, you know.

- Have you?
- Aye...

RUNNING WATER

HIGH-PITCHED WHISTLE

RUNNING WATER STOPS

I've realised...

RUNNING WATER STARTS AGAIN

I've realised that I really do love
you.

BREAKING WIND

Subtitles by Carla Rossi BBC Broadcast
- 2003

E-mail us at subtitling@bbc.co.uk