All language subtitles for That 70s Show S06E15 1080p BluRay x264-YELLOWBiRD

Oh, hey, Donna,

about this little
celibacy kick we're on,

does that cover quickies
because I can be really quick.

Well, that's why I
call you The Flash.

That's why you
call me The Flash?

I thought it was because I
was flashy, like an entertainer.

Come on, one little one.
You can even watch TV.

Eric, we agreed to hold off
until the wedding. It's cleansing.

No, Donna, giving up
cigarettes is cleansing,

giving up sex is
reckless and irresponsible

and I think it
might cause cancer.

Hey, Jackie,
I know since you moved in

we agreed to give each other
messages as soon as possible

and in the spirit of that,
your mom called last Tuesday.

But, what? No, she
couldn't call, she's in Mexico.

They don't have phones there.

Yeah, they do.

Why would we give them phones?

My dad tried to get back
in touch with me once.

Instead of calling, he just
left a six-pack in my car.

- How did you know it was him?
- He was passed
out on the hood.

Well, I don't have anything
to say to my mom.

She ditched me three months
ago and that's all I need to know.

Man, that's really sad. It's like
a mother and daughter divided.

So, hey, what about
some second base action?

What did I tell you about
talking about the bases, Flash?

- Donna?
- He doesn't know why.

Jackie, you should cut your mom
a break. I think she's charming.

If she calls again, just tell
her I don't wanna see her.

Well, that's too bad, 'cause I
just picked her up from the airport.

And here I am.

- Mom!
- I love making an entrance.

- Be a dear and go
watch my luggage.
- Really? Thanks.

What are you doing here?

Who cares? Welcome to
my driveway, pretty lady.

I'm Eric Forman, remember me?
Big fan.

Oh, right. My toy poodle, Snowball,
almost killed you when you were six.

I was 13, but, yeah.

Ms. Burkhart, Steven Hyde,
nice to see you again.

Just thought I'd let you know that
Jackie and I are kind of dating now.

Didn't you rob our house?

Well, I was in there
a few times at night,

but I never took anything.

Ms. Burkhart!

I thought I saw gorgeous
flowing hair on bronze shoulders.

And I wasn't near a mirror,
so I knew it had to be you.

And I just run where Kelso runs.

Mom, why are you back?

It got rainy in Cabo,
so I hopped on a plane.

I wish I was a plane.

Then she could hop on me.

- And by hop on me...
- Yeah, yeah. We got it, Fez.

Wait,
let me guess, "rainy in Cabo"

is Spanish for "my rich pilot
boyfriend ran out of money."

Don't be silly.
I don't know any Spanish.

Except for
gracias and mas tequila.

- I just missed you.
- Well, I didn't miss you.

And there's the stomp and cry.

See you guys tomorrow.

Ms. Burkhart, I know you and Jackie
are working through some difficult stuff,

but may I just say, nice tan.

Yeah, it really
makes everything pop.

Yeah, I'm popping
a little right now.

♪ Hanging out

♪ Down the street

♪ The same old thing

♪ We did last week

♪ Not a thing to do

♪ But talk to you

♪ We're all all right

♪ We're all all right ♪

Hello, Wisconsin!

Why don't we ever have tea?

Well, this sounds like the
beginning of a wonderful argument.

Like the stuffing
versus mashed potatoes fight.

That turned into, "Why don't
I ever take you on vacation?"

- Why don't you ever
take me on vacation?
- Oh, crap.

Ugh! Mr. and Mrs. Forman,
I don't know what to do.

Oh!

Not this again.
Kitty, make it stop.

Now, be nice, Red.

Her mom finally
came home from her

cultural tour of Mexico's
many fine bars and cantinas.

Why did she have to go all the
way to Mexico to drink all day?

Why couldn't she be a good mom
and just do it at home like you do?

Well, that's a good question.

And you need to sit down
and talk to her about it.

You can do it here, with tea.

- We'll have tea.
- No.

Why does this
always happen here?

We're in a recession, there
are vacant lots all over the place.

Well, you can go
stand in a vacant lot.

We're having a tea party,
with crumpets.

I'll find out what they are
and we will have them.

Okay, but I don't know if I
can look my mom in the eye.

I mean, I never thought I'd
say this, but there comes a point

when a person is too tan.

Wow, check out this new police academy
they're sending me to in Waukegan.

It's got its own pool.

Oh, man, if I had known
it was gonna be this nice,

I'd have burned down
the old one a lot sooner.

Kelso,
I'm really going to miss you.

Who's gonna take my
lunch money and tease me

and pull down my
pants in front of girls?

I'll be taking over.

Hey, you're still gonna
drive me up there, right?

Oh, man. Well, Jackie has got
this heavy thing with her mom,

I know she's gonna
wanna talk about it a lot.

So, yeah, I'll drive you.

Hey, since Donna cut me off

I took the money that I would have
spent on a romantic dinner for two

and bought me
a gross of bottle rockets.

Take that, Pinciotti.

Bottle rockets, all right.
Fez, start running.

No, wait, I got a better idea.

After we drop him off, let's
stop off at the dairy farm,

scare the hell out of some cows.

Ooh, I love cows.

They're the one animal
I can run faster than.

No, no, let's go
before you drop me off.

That big spotty one
needs an attitude adjustment.

Hell,
man, it's gotta be at night.

Look, I've launched so much
stuff at those cows during the day,

I swear they recognize my car.

I can't believe you guys
are going without me.

Those cows will never know
what hit them.

And even after it hits them,

they still won't know.

Because they're cows.

Okay, here. Red. Try this tea.

It'll make you feel British.

Mum's the word, Governor.

Kitty, this is America. We
bomb countries that drink tea.

Well, that's because coffee
keeps us awake all night,

and we wake up in such a bad
mood, we have to bomb someone.

Oh, oh!
I bet that's Jackie's mom.

I still don't think we
should get involved in this.

As far as I'm concerned,
this is between Jackie

and her ditsy lush of a mom.

Hi, you must be Red.
I'm Pam Burkhart.

It's Pam.

You made tea.

- Oh, I love tea.
- So do I.

Wipe your chin, honey,
you got some drool.

Thank you both so
much for doing this.

You know, when you are
as beautiful as I am,

it's hard to know
who your real friends are.

I'm sorry that you
have to go through that.

I'm just hoping that Jackie and
I figure out a way to get along.

Well, you've got your low-cut,
getting-along sweater on, so...

I bet that'll help.

Hi, honey.

Hi, and by "hi" I mean "not hi,"

because I'm not talking to you,
even though I'm talking now.

So I'm just gonna stop
talking, starting now.

Dang it, starting now.

And now.

This is awkward.

Why don't I tell a story about
something charming I did in Mexico.

I'd love to hear it.

Okay, well, there was this
woman on a beach in Cozumel,

and normally I wouldn't talk to
someone who had such bad skin.

But she was selling the
cutest hair clips, so, here.

You know, I'd tell you
this doesn't fix anything,

but I'm not talking to you.
Oh, shoot!

Starting now.

Yeah, nice try, Mrs. Burkhart.

Damn, these are cute.

Look, Jackie, when your father
got into trouble, I panicked.

But that doesn't mean
I stopped caring about you.

Jackie, if you seriously don't
want these, can I have them?

Mom, a good time
to tell me you cared about me

was the day
Daddy went to prison.

Not two months later in a postcard from
La Cantina Cucaracha in Guadalajara.

Isn't it nice to get postcards?

Okay, fine.

Jackie, look. I know that you've
got hostile feelings towards me,

but I'm your
mother and I love you.

And I promise I'll
never leave you again.

- I believe her.
- Me, too.

Kelso.

You leave for the police
academy tomorrow,

shouldn't you be packing
gasoline and matches

so you can burn
that one down, too?

No, I don't need gasoline
to burn stuff down.

All I need is these two hands
and a lack of adult supervision.

Anyway, I'm not going. I
decided I didn't wanna be a cop.

But, Kelso, I thought you wanted
to impress the mother of your child

and give your
life a purpose and...

Pull over girls for
speeding while foxy.

No, I got my reasons.

I mean, I don't wanna leave when things
are going so good for me and Brooke.

Plus, blue isn't
a very good color for me.

What, are you crazy? You
take blue to a whole new level.

All right,
let's go blast some cows.

Whoa, all you talk about is being a cop,
you haven't focused on anything this hard

since you thought you heard
your name on Led Zeppelin II.

It's in there.

In Whole Lotta Love he
clearly sings, "Kelso lotta love."

Kelso, I'm gonna make sure
you become a cop.

Yeah. We're not gonna let
you throw your life away.

I don't care about that.

Look, I got a few things
pending downtown

and I need
someone on the inside.

Jackie, just go see your mom.

She chose you over golden
sunsets, frozen margaritas...

Man, why aren't we down there?

Donna, you don't get her.

Because you'll never understand

the intoxicating quality of getting
anything you want with your looks.

Look, she's just here till
she finds a new meal ticket.

I don't believe
that for a minute.

I think she came back to be with
you, not to find some lonely rich guy.

Your mother is a lovely woman.

Donna, Pam and I are gonna
catch a movie.

It's my first
American date in months.

Your mother is
a gold-digging tramp.

I can't believe my mom is
going out with your Bob of a dad.

What, he's not good enough?

Ah! So you see it, too.

Look, I expect her to go after
a cool rich guy like

Jack Nicholson or a Bee Gee.

Your dad is cheesy
and corny like nachos.

Well, then no wonder
your mom is after him.

- She'll touch
anything from Mexico.
- Oh, hey!

You take that back right now
or I will pull your hair really hard.

Oh, yeah.

Eric, not now.

Look, I'm sorry, Donna, but you cut
me off and I always thought it was lame

when Kelso said that
girl fights were sexy

but now I can see
that he was very right.

So you, hair pull.
You, shirt rip.

You better go talk to your mom.

You better go talk to your dad.

Hmm.

I overplayed my hand
there a little bit.

Hey, come on, buddy.
Time to go to cop school.

- I don't believe this.
- I know.

King-size pillows in a twin-size
bed, why didn't I think of that?

Man, he just split on us.

Yeah, he's definitely gone.
I guess we just leave then.

That's not fair.
You guys made leaving sounds.

Come on, Kitty, enough
with the silent treatment.

I didn't say that I like tea
because Pam is pretty.

I said that I like tea
because you were kind enough

and courageous
enough to open my eyes

to a whole new
world of hot beverages.

Which is just one of the millions
of things that you have done

to improve my life
over all these years.

So now I'm old.

Mr. Forman, will you please
talk some sense into my dad?

Last night he went on a date
with Jackie's mom.

Oh, you hear that, Red? Looks
like your girlfriend is stepping out.

Donna, Pam is just what
I've been looking for.

I've loved pretty women
and I've loved smart women.

And I'm going back to pretty.

Dad, don't you think
it's a little suspicious

that she just got back and
she's already latched on to you?

I'm a very cute man, Donna.

Bob, this is clearly upsetting
Donna. How can you date her?

Yeah, how can you date her?

- What does that mean?
- What?

You emphasized "her" like there's
something special about "her."

I just said what you said.

But you must have missed it,

because I was on my way
outside to mow the lawn.

Oh, man, I can't believe Donna
is serious about this celibacy thing.

Fez, how do you cope
with not getting any?

I think you know how I cope.

When you don't
see me, I'm coping.

Hey, he tried to get away again
so I had to use his stun gun on him.

Yeah, it didn't hurt, though.

Done it to myself so many
times, I barely feel it anymore.

Okay, just get in the car.

You know, you guys
can take me to the academy

but as soon as
you leave, I'm gone.

All right, Kelso, that's it.
I haven't had sex in weeks,

Fez is in a drought not seen
since the Great Dust Bowl.

We are tightly wound.

So, you better tell us
what your real problem is

or we're gonna
freaking throttle you.

I will tear you
apart like a lion.

Okay, look,
I don't wanna tell you guys

because I'm afraid
you're gonna make fun of me.

Kelso, of course we're gonna
make fun of you.

All right, fine. You know what, it's
like I'm going to a new school, okay?

And I'm worried that I'm not
gonna be able to make friends.

First off, I'm so much better
looking than everyone else.

The only reason you guys
are friends with me

is because you met me
before I blossomed.

Man, you should be worried about
something that could actually happen,

like handcuffing
yourself to a horse.

Look, Kelso, here's the thing,

you've stolen my stuff
and you've burned my stuff.

You've even groped my stuff.

But I still hang out with you
because you are a great guy.

Come on,
you're Michael Kelso, right?

You're bullet-proof.

Yeah, man, you're right.
I am bullet-proof.

- All right, let's get going.
- All right.

Hey, by the way, you're
not actually bullet-proof.

- Where do you
think you're going?
- To the backyard.

No, I'm going to the backyard.

Whatever.

Don't give me that dirty look and
say, "Whatever." That is my thing.

- Oh, my God.
- Hot tub.

Mom, what are you doing in
there with that wet, hairy man?

And why are you wearing
a white swimsuit? It's winter.

Bobby and I are
just having a soak.

Bobby?

When did we get
a hot tub, Bobby?

Me and Pammy were out shopping
and I saw it so I bought it.

Even got the good one
with the euphoria jet.

I love it in here.

If you put salt around the rim it
would be like being in a giant margarita.

Hey, what the hell, right?
Yeah.

I have all this extra money and
Pammy here helped me spend some.

Yeah, that's her specialty.

You shut up about my mom.

- Thank you, Jackie.
- I wasn't defending you, okay?

This is just really weird.

Can you both at least put your
hands up where I can see them?

Enough, all right?

I like Pam and she likes me.
We're both adults.

So if you two can't handle it,
that's too bad.

Now go inside.
You're ruining our soak.

This soak is over.

Then we'll go inside.

Dad, are you naked?

How else am I gonna
try the euphoria jet?

Okay, I know we both have
different reasons

for wanting our parents
to stop seeing each other.

Like, I hate your mom
and your mom's a tramp.

But we have to join forces and do
everything we can to break them up.

Now, I'm with you, Donna.

All the couples I've broken up
before were just training till now.

This one's not for popularity
or to make another girl cry,

it's for my beautiful mom and
your mayonnaise-loving dad.

- How's it going, girls?
- Not good.

We just saw Bob
and Pam in a hot tub.

- Bob and Pam are in a hot tub?
- Pam's in a hot tub?

There, you did it again and this
time you didn't even say, "Bob."

- Yes, I did.
- No, you didn't.

Yes, I did.

And you would have heard it, too,
if it hadn't been for all that damn tea.

You know, I fought a war to
keep that crap out of this country

and you had to
bring it into my house

and you call
yourself an American. Ha!

Okay, I'm all set, so...

- Here I go.
- Kelso, you're gonna do great.

But, hey, just in case,

I packed some extra cookies in
your lunch to help you make friends.

Oh, I ate the cookies.

Try to find
a friend who likes carrots.

Okay, well...

Guess this is it.

Hey, give those cows hell, boys.

Hey, Kelso...

I love you!

- Shut up.
- I love you, too, Kelso!

- Just quit it.
- I love you the most!

We were just kidding.

So was I, so was I.

I can't believe
there were no cows, man.

Yeah, what are we gonna do
with all these bottle rockets?

Fine, I'll be the cow.

But this time,
count all the way to ten.

You got it buddy.

- One...
- Ten!