All language subtitles for That 70s Show S06E09 1080p BluRay x264-YELLOWBiRD

Hey, check it out, guys,
it's Sergeant Crossing Guard.

Rough day
on the crosswalk, Sarge?

I'm not a crossing guard, Hyde,

I'm a police officer
in training.

- Read the badge.
- You mean your paper nametag?

No, I mean my badge.

This symbolizes
all the authority

of the Point Place
police department.

How'd it get ripped?

Hey! Your first case.

Get this. Tomorrow I get to go
on a ride-along in a real police car.

I get to see
all the crime as it happens.

Yeah, this town is a hotbed
for criminal activity.

Hey, let's not forget the
great ten-speed robbery of '74.

Yeah, or that
criminal mastermind

who stole my mum's garden gnome.

Guys, I have very exciting news.

I'm in a mentor programme
for little girls,

kind of like a Big Sister thing.

And there's someone here
who's very anxious to meet you.

Come here.

Isn't she cute?
I call her Little Jackie.

For the last freaking time,
my name is Colette.

I'm trying to like her,
she's just a little mouthy.

Jackie, why would you be
a Big Sister?

Well, it's a community
service project for school.

It was either this or helping
out at a senior center.

And you know how gray hair
gives me nightmares.

Can I leave now?
There's nothing to do.

Here, take these pictures of me

and put them
in order of cuteness,

from "Very cute" to "It's
just not fair she's so cute."

Lame, lamer, lamest.

I like her.

- Yeah, me, too.
- She's feisty.

Nice nametag.
Are you a garbage man?

It's a badge!

♪ Hanging out

♪ Down the street

♪ The same old thing

♪ We did last week

♪ Not a thing to do

♪ But talk to you

♪ We're all all right

♪ We're all all right ♪

Hello, Wisconsin!

Get away from me!

I bet that's the first time
you said that to a man.

Don't you walk out that door.

Don't you walk
through that door!

What the hell was that
all about?

They have been fighting
like that all morning.

Sometimes he even yells at her
in his native language.

I believe the main idea is,
she gets around.

Ah, to be young and trapped

in a loveless sham
of a marriage.

- Kitty, where's the coffee?
- I'm sorry, I almost forgot.

Since no one fixed my sink yet,

today instead of coffee,

we're having pipe sludge.

You know the doctor told me
not to do household chores.

It's either a working sink
or a dead husband.

It's your choice.

Well, Red, somebody's gotta
do something around here.

The garage needs to be painted,

the lawnmower won't start,

and I'm getting tired of
running to the hose

every time I need
a bourbon and water.

Fine, fine,
we'll let Eric do it.

Maybe if I supervise him,

he'll only screw up
half as much.

Yeah, thanks, Dad.
You know what? I got it.

Yeah. This from the kid
who gets sweaty

when he has to
change out the toilet paper.

Don't you walk back
into that house.

Don't you walk back
into the house!

Officer Kennedy?

I want you to know that even
though it's my first ride-along,

I'm not afraid to kill a man.

I just don't wanna touch him
after he's dead.

Shut it, Cadet.
Here, take care of the radio.

Cool. We each get our own
walkie-talkies?

I'd like a pepperoni pizza.

Address,
Hauling Ass Down Central.

Hey, if you wanna play games,
go join the highway patrol.

Unit 10, we've got
a 415 in progress.

- Cool. What's a 415?
- Why don't you look
in your manual?

"A canine defecating
on private property."

Cool! It's a dog crapping
on a lawn! Gun it!

A 415 is a domestic
disturbance, you chowder head.

Oh.

Damn, I always wanted to
put a dog in handcuffs.

- I want you out! Out, I say!
- It's my house!

Oh, really? Because you didn't
sleep here last night.

Or the night before that.

Or the night before that.

To be fair, Fez, her army
buddies only get a three-day pass.

- Listen to me...
- No, you listen...

Pipe down!
The neighbors are staring.

Don't mind us.
Just practicing for a show.

Take a bow and get in the house.

Whoa, it's the Five-O.
Better go hide my stash.

Comic books.
And comic book paraphernalia.

What seems
to be the problem here?

- Put that down.
- Put that down.

- No, put that down!
- Put what down?

Give me that.

Now, what seems to be
the problem here?

I'll tell you what the problem
is. I am married to a whore.

I am not a whore!

I'm just a girl
who likes a good time.

I'm sorry. I can't imagine
who would've called the police.

It's about time you showed up.

These two were making
so much noise,

I couldn't enjoy my programme.

Bob, you really
had to call the police?

Sorry, Kitty, but how am I
supposed to name that tune

if I can't even hear the notes?

Okay. Well, this kid
seems to be harmless,

but since you're training, why
don't you frisk him anyway?

Sure, frisk the foreign guy.

The color of my skin
is not a crime!

Why do you have a frog
in your pocket?

It's a surprise for the ladies.

Oh! He peed on me!
That's resisting arrest.

Well, then I'm about
to resist arrest, too.

Dad, that was pretty cool how I shut
off all the water in the house, huh?

Yeah, you really instill
a lot of confidence,

muttering "lefty loosey,
righty tighty" the whole time.

Okay, let's get started.

Now, this is a wrench.

- Dad, I think I know
what tools are.
- Good.

Then grab the Philips head.

Uh, shouldn't I buy Philip
a drink first?

Come on!

We're just a couple guys having
some fun on the job, lighten up.

Get a little "lefty-loosey".

Do you even know what a
Philips head screwdriver is?

I know it's a screwdriver.

Now.

The water's off.
Why is the water off?

We gotta fix the pipes.

- But I have to use
the bathroom.
- What?

- I have to use the bathroom!
- Well, go ahead.

But you only get one flush,
so make it count.

Well, I guess I can hold it.
I just hope I don't sneeze.

- Would you sit still?
- Jackie, she's not a doll.

Well, not a good one, anyway.

I don't want a makeover. You're supposed
to be helping me with my homework.

Homework is for ugly girls.

Okay?

Pretty girls get geeky boys
to do their homework for them.

Jackie, you're supposed to do
fun stuff, like go roller-skating,

not teach her to prostitute
herself for geometry notes.

She's cool. Why can't
she be my Big Sister?

See, Donna already has a
little sister. Her name's Eric.

Okay, get under the sink and loosen
that disposal so we can get to the pipes.

Under there?

But it's all spidery.

Get under there
or you're gonna get a spider

the size of my foot in your ass.

I just realized something.

After all the years of
me helping you fix stuff,

you finally have to
hold the flashlight for me.

Lower, dumb ass!

All right, I'm in.
I'm just gonna loosen the...

Spider! Big one!
Oh, my God, it touched me!

A Brillo pad? You were
afraid of a Brillo pad?

It bit me.

Boy, somewhere down the line
I failed with you.

You know, I think it was that
one day when you were 10

and I caught you
with those dolls.

They were action figures.

I want to go to the movies.

Why? You're watching me
live my life.

It's better than any movie.

Afternoon, civilians.

Where's my frog,
you son of a bitch?

Well, the good news is
I let him loose.

And the bad news is he
hopped in front of an 18-wheeler.

Now, he dodged the first
wheel, but the last 17 got him.

Hey, did you show up
in a cop car?

Yeah. My training officer let
me take the cruiser out for a spin.

Mind if we check it out?

Fine. Just don't
touch anything.

I'll be in the bathroom taking
care of some police business.

Or as the boys down
at the station like to say,

I'll be taking a 10-100.

How would you like
to see a police car?

I already saw one when the
police took my daddy to jail.

All right. You know what? Cheer
up, or you're not getting lunch.

Jackie!

Oh, Donna, don't worry,
you're getting lunch.

Okay, you know what?

You don't have a clue when
it comes to dealing with kids.

Well, if you think you're so good
at it, why don't you give it a shot?

Okay, I will.

Come on, Colette, you've just
been upgraded to Little Donna.

What... You know what?
It is your loss

because I was gonna
let you give me a pedicure.

I can't believe they
trusted Kelso with a cop car.

I can't believe
he left the keys in it.

Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

Burn rubber, little buddy.

Hey!

You're out of soap
in the men's room.

My eagle eye catches everything.

This is so exciting.
What should we do next?

Plant some evidence?

Bust some prostitutes?

Plant some evidence in
the bust of some prostitutes?

Oh, hey, check it out.
A walkie-talkie.

Freeze! You're under arrest.

Freeze, you're under arrest!

Freeze. You're under arrest!
All right, that's the one.

This is Officer Michael
Kelso. And I'm not wearing any pants!

Am I supposed to be driving
all over the road?

'Cause I'm loaded.

My car's gone!
Somebody call the police!

Okay, that's it. I can't
fix it. I just... I can't do it.

What's the problem now?

Did the fuzzy dishtowel
jump out and attack you?

I can't believe you said
you failed with me.

Oh, come on.
That was a joke.

You know, like, "A priest
and a rabbi walk into a bar,"

or "I failed with you."

- Do you really think that?
- No, not completely.

I mean... Maybe you're not
good at fixing stuff.

But you stayed behind from
school to help the family out.

And that's admirable.

Yeah.

Yeah, it is.

Some might say it's the greatest
gift a son could give his father.

No, the greatest gift
a son could give his father

is a Heisman Trophy.

Look, you've tortured yourself
enough for one day.

- Let's just pack it up
and call the plumber.
- No, no.

Look, I can fix some things.

Boba Fett's jetpack doesn't
just glue itself back on.

You know what? I'm gonna
fix the lawnmower. Right now.

Now, why would you wanna
embarrass yourself like that?

I mean, I'll be standing there
and you'll be standing there,

and the mower won't work,

and I'll say something mean
and claim it's a joke.

I'm gonna fix that lawnmower.

I'm gonna fix
the hell out of it.

And when I'm done, you're
gonna be able to race that baby

at the Indy 500.

Now, look, Son,
just so you know,

the lawnmower's the red thing
with the wheels on it.

Yeah? Well, not for long!

More news after this.

You know, if a white man
had stolen that car,

it'd be all over that news.

Fez, not having
every cop in Wisconsin

looking for us
is probably a good thing.

Shut up, whitey.

Has anyone seen Little Jackie?

- No. Why?
- Never mind.

Oh, my God.
You lost Little Jackie?

No, I didn't lose Little...
Jackie!

We're playing hide-and-seek
and she's really, really good.

Oh, so you look for her,
but when you play with Fez,

you let him sit
in the closet all day.

I cannot believe you, Donna.

You said I didn't know what I
was doing, and look at what you did.

Okay, are you going to
help me find her or not?

Well, I'm gonna have to.
I mean, this is serious.

If we don't find
that little girl,

I'm gonna get, like,
half-hour detention.

Okay.

Where's my cop car?

You know what?
I'm gonna count to three.

And before I'm done, you'd
better tell me where it is.

One, two...

Two-and-a-half.

Three.

No, you can't say "three".
That's not how it works.

Did my frog know how it worked
when he saw that tire coming?

His tiny green life flashing
before his eyes?

Guys, come on, you can't
just take somebody's car

without asking permission.

And especially since I kind of
took it without asking permission.

- What?
- You stoled it?

I was supposed to be watching it

while my training officer
got a haircut.

They're gonna have
my paper badge for this.

Mom, Dad, come quick!
I fixed it! I fixed it.

It was like God had control
over my hands.

- Let me... Let me start it for you.
- Eric, don't.

I've seen you use a wrench.

If you went lefty-loosey instead
of righty-tighty, we could all die.

- Let me just
put this in the garage.
- Wait, but, Dad...

No, no, honey, honey. Your
father's right. It's not safe.

We'll let Bob start it later.

What did you do?

Why? Why?
Why is it always my house?

You really wanna know, or
you wanna just keep yelling?

I wanna keep yelling.

I don't care whose fault it is.

Just get that thing
out of here now!

Yes, sir.

All right, everybody. Show's
over, let's go in the house.

Dad, the lawnmower. I fixed
the lawnmower, you've gotta see.

Kelso, wait!

Hey, look, Fez,
just like your frog.

Well, it was broken anyway.

No, it wasn't.

I fixed it.

Mom, you believe me, don't you?

Of course I do, honey.

I believe that you believe
you fixed it.

Why are you in my seat?

This automobile has not moved.

Wait, you didn't ask me that.

Did you touch anything?

Because if you did,
you are in big trouble.

No, I can assure you,
everything is exactly as you left it.

Hey, Kelso, did you get
the cop car back

before your boss found out
you stole it?

Okay, that...
I can explain that.

Where am I?

I can't explain that.

Socket wrench.

Drives the spaceship.
Sits next to the hairy guy.

Han Solo.

Flathead screwdriver.

I know this. Guy with
the breathing problem.

"Guy with the breathing problem."
This is Darth freaking Vader.

Seriously, Dad, if you don't
know the Dark Lord of the Sith,

the most hated enemy
of the Jedi warrior,

then I guess somewhere
down the line I failed with you.

Marker.

Oh! He peed on me!

That's resisting arrest.

That's resisting arrest.

Put that down.

Give it to me!

Give me that.

God.