All language subtitles for That 70s Show - S05E25 - Celebration Day

My last American Popsicle,

washed down by my
last American grape soda.

Fez, it's sad
you're getting deported,

but this "last American" crap
is getting annoying.

My last American
chance to annoy you.

Hey, come on,
Fez, look on the bright side.

I mean, we graduate tomorrow.

You go to your country
with a high school diploma.

They'll probably make you, like,
head medicine man or something.

Eric, there is no bright side
about going back to a place

where people are
outnumbered by lizards.

I'm gonna miss you, man.

When you get there,
can you mail me a lizard?

Eric, guess what came for you.

Okay, they just send those
to me, okay?

I don't even find
those girls attractive.

No, you perv. It's the key to
our new apartment in Madison.

- Oh.
- Now we can leave tomorrow

after graduation,
like we wanted.

Great. By this time next week,

our new neighbors will be
hearing your cries of love

through our paper-thin walls.

Cries of love?
Or cries of disappointment?

Oh, I don't wanna go.

Come on, Fez. It's not like
we're never gonna see you again.

I'm sure in a couple months,
you'll be, like,

on the cover of
National Geographic.

Yeah, those bastards
are always so intrusive.

Fez, look, at least
we're going camping tonight

and we'll all be together
for our last big blow-out.

Actually, it won't be all of us.

Kelso can't make it on account
of he's got a broken face.

I don't got a broken face.

Well, you will if you keep interfering
with me getting Jackie back.

You're the one
that's interfering.

You know what?
I'm going and Jackie's going,

and you're staying home!

- No, you are.
- No, you are!

- Fine, stay home, then.
- I will!

Hey, stop it. Would you please put aside
your differences and go camping with me?

We only have a few
hours left together.

- Fine. I'll go for you.
- Good.

Now, I am off to spend the rest of my
American money on candy and porno.

- But, Fez...
- I said candy and porno!

Hey, Jackie, you're gonna love
these cookies on the camping trip.

They're sweet and tasty,
just like me.

- Kelso, this apple's
kind of like you, too.
- You mean juicy and delicious?

No, red and bruised.

Yeah? Well, these hot dogs
are like you, too, Hyde,

they're... Uh...

- Kosher.
- Yeah, kosher!

- Wait, what's kosher?
- That means
blessed by a rabbi.

Burn!

Jackie, are you sure
you wanna go camping?

These idiots are gonna be
competing over you the whole time.

Well, I am glad, Donna.

They've both jerked me around so much,
I cannot wait to watch them fight over me.

You know, if you really wanna mess
with them, you should do it with me.

Hey, talk about humiliating.

So, you guys are going to the
lake, huh? It is real fun up there.

My senior year, I set the record for
most topless rides on the rope swing.

- I wish I was going.
- Yeah, don't even
think about it, Laurie.

There are enough scary things
in the woods already.

Eric, I'm being deported, and
she's loose with the boobs. She goes.

Hey, Forman. Your mom just
got back from the loony doctor.

She got real depressed when she heard
you guys were moving to Madison, huh?

Yeah, you're telling me. Last
night she was making sounds

that were giving my
dad war flashbacks.

What a beautiful day.

I feel...
I feel like a rainbow.

Anyone else feel like a rainbow?

What happened to her?

♪ Something
touched me deep inside

♪ The day that Hyde lied

♪ So bye-bye, Mr. Steven Hyde

♪ I'm a hottie and you're
not-tie Jackie's gonna be mine

♪ She likes my brunette
Likes not your curly ass twine

♪ Oh, Jackie Burkhart,
you are so fine ♪

I wrote that just
for you, Jackie.

He didn't write that, he just
ripped it off from American Pie.

Nuh-uh, the American
Pie guy ripped me off.

- You shut up, man.
- You shut up!

Okay. I'm gonna freak everyone
out and tell my ghost story,

so go hide in the woods and
jump out when I get to the end.

You are
as wicked as you are gorgeous.

You know, it really creeps me out being
up here after what happened to those kids.

What kids?

Well, a bunch of kids, just like
us, were camping out up here,

and they disappeared.

And all the police could find
were these bloody drag marks

that led down to the lake.
It was like...

It was like something killed
them and then pulled them in.

Maybe it was
the Loch Ness monster.

No. Fez, the Loch
Ness monster's in Africa.

So, the police, like, searched
the lake with their sonar and stuff,

and when they
played back the tapes,

all they could hear in the
background was, like, a whisper.

What did it say?

"I am the Lady of the Lake.

"I am the Lady of the Lake."

Yeah. And you'll know when she's coming
because she screams before she kills.

Let's see if we can hear her.

I said, "Let's
see if we can hear her."

Donna,
I'm stuck in a thorn bush.

I heard her.
She's stuck in a thorn bush!

I'm kind of cold.

I'll reward whoever gets more firewood
by letting them feed me marshmallows.

I'm not gonna go running around
the woods trying to impress you.

I will.

Damn it.

I'm gonna go take
a walk down to the lake.

She's going to the lake, old
boy. That means topless rope-swinging.

Now, do you want to spend your
last hours in America eating s'mores

or watching her glorious breasts
swinging in the chilly night air?

I choose boobs.

Well, this is so strange, you know?
It's, like, our last night all together.

Yeah, it's too weird
to think about.

Let's, like, do something
to get our minds off it.

Well, here's the tent.

So, I'll tell you what. I'll go inside,
strip down and just lay there...

Let's go skinny-dipping. Meet me
down by the lake in five minutes.

Wait, so...

I have to walk all the way
down to the lake by myself?

Yeah.

That's cool.

Here you go, Kitty.
Home, sweet home.

I went into my closet to get a
jacket, I found Kitty standing in there.

I like the way
the coats felt on my arms.

Oh, yes!

Why, there you are,
my little sex muffin.

Little brother?

What the hell was that?

It's the Lady of the Lake!
She screams and then she kills!

There's Laurie. Okay.
Time to turn on the charm.

Hey, Laurie, are you naked, or
are you just happy to see me?

- Oh, my God! Fez!
- Oh, my God! Donna!

Steady, old boy.
Say something smooth.

Nice honkers!

- Get out of here!
- Hey,
you like the rough stuff, eh?

It was awful. I saw Laurie,
and everything just went blank.

And I just ran, Donna.
I just ran away.

And then I heard
these high-pitched screams,

and it was me.

Yeah? Well,
I've got bigger problems.

Fez is a good artist. He's gonna
paint me onto a nudie poster

and sell it to every gaucho in
Argentina, or wherever the hell he's from.

Eric, I'm gonna be
Miss Nude Argentina.

You know,
being here under the stars,

sitting on the grass,

makes me really
glad I'm not poor.

Check out that fire, baby.

Yeah, if there's one thing I'm good at,
it's turning a small fire into a big fire.

Man, that one
guitar-shaped log is roaring.

Is that my guitar?

Yep.
It's got a nice, warm sound.

Dead!

Hey, back off, man.
Jackie doesn't want you.

Yeah? She still has feelings
for me, and you know it!

Okay, okay, okay, stop it!
This isn't fun for me anymore!

What?
What do you mean fun for you?

I didn't say that.

Yeah, you did. All right,
what are you trying to do?

You're getting your kicks off of
watching us jump through hoops over you.

Nah,
we didn't jump through hoops.

I'm good at that,
I would have won that.

All right, I'm done with this crap,
Jackie. You choose right now, me or him.

Yeah, who's it gonna be?

- Wait. What? No. I...
- What's the matter,
you don't know?

No, I don't know!

Wow.

Drama.

I know.

For a second there, I almost forgot
about my sister's wet, naked ass. Oh, God.

Yeah, where is Laurie?
And where's Fez?

That was incredible, huh?

It was okay.

Okay's good enough for me.

Wow. Yeah, I don't know
if it's the mountain air

or the poison from that
thorn bush, but I slept great.

Oh, my God, it's almost 10:30.
We're late for graduation!

Wait, wait, guys?
Guys, where's the van?

I think it's obvious, Jackie.
The Lady of the Lake stole it!

- Why would a ghost need a van?
- What's she gonna do,
hitch a ride?

Who's gonna pick up a ghost?

And you're telling me
you can't decide between us?

Oh, my God. Fez and Laurie.

- They probably took
it to mess with us.
- Oh, man. I'm gonna kill them.

Eric, if I'm right about the Lady
of the Lake, and I think I am,

they might already be dead.

I can't believe those morons
missed their own graduation!

My whole life, I waited to hear the
Pinciotti name called at graduation.

When they skipped
from Olendorff to Stevens,

a little part of me died.

Come on.
Let's get you a hoagie.

Kitty.

We've gotta have a little conversation
about those pills you're taking.

These things? I think
they're working wonders.

You know, I didn't cry once
when Eric got his diploma.

I just smiled and
took his picture.

That wasn't Eric,

that was some skinny girl
with a Dorothy Hamill haircut.

It's not fair, Red.

You teach your children
how to walk, to use a fork,

to look both ways
before crossing the street,

and then one day you realize, all you're
doing is teaching them how to leave.

We should never
have potty-trained him.

Listen, Kitty. We did the
kid thing and it was great,

but now I'm looking forward to
it just being the two of us again.

This is our time,
let's enjoy it.

You're right, Red.
I don't need those.

Whenever I feel like I'm on the
verge of a nervous breakdown,

I'll just come and talk to you.

And I'll just give
you one of these.

Wow. What a great day.

Not only did we get
to miss our own graduation,

but we got to ride home
in the back of a pig truck.

Yeah,
when it went around a corner,

one of those pigs almost
went to third base on me.

You know what?
I need a shower.

Hang on.
You're not going anywhere.

- You haven't given
us an answer yet.
- Yeah, who's it gonna be?

You know what? I can't
talk about love right now.

The bottom of my jeans
have something brown on them!

Where the hell have you been?

I have waited 18 years
for my graduation picture.

I want you all back
here at 5:00 sharp,

in your caps and gowns,
ready to say "cheese."

Is that clear?

- Fine.
- Fine.

Yes, Mom.

Hey? What kind of a moron
leaves the keys in the ignition?

When I put the keys in my pocket, it
distracts from my natural bulge. God!

You guys, I've been thinking
about Steven and Michael all day,

and I don't know who to pick.

Face facts, Jackie. There's
only one good man in this town,

and, well, he's leaving.

Eric, this is really hard.

I mean, okay, I know I love Steven
because he's smart, and he's deep,

and when we have a
conversation, he makes me think,

which used to give me a
headache but now I really like.

- So, go with Hyde.
- Yeah, but Michael.

Oh, Michael is so beautiful!

And you spend a lot more time looking
at someone than you do talking to them.

Again, go with Hyde.

No, but,
Donna, you don't understand.

Look, I know in a lot of ways I
need Steven, but Michael needs me.

And it's nice to be needed.

You know what, Jackie?
In order to help you,

and, well, just to speed
this thing up, I, uh...

I think you should just take everything
and toss it aside, and ask yourself,

who do you love the most?

You're right. You're right.
That's what I should do

- because I'm...
- No, no. Not here. Not here.

Yeah, that's... Yeah.

More dishes? I thought
we already loaded these.

You had to bring
the Millennium Falcon.

Son, here's 10 bucks for gas.

No way. Thanks.

Well, I just wanna make sure
that you get out.

I mean, that you get,
um, all the way there.

Okay, guys, I made a decision.

So, who's it gonna be? Tall
and hot or short and kosher?

Would you shut
the hell up and let her talk?

Okay, look, I had to ask
myself a really hard question.

Who do I love most? I mean,
and the answer was so obvious.

It was staring me in the face
the whole time.

The person I love most is me.

I love me most.

You choose you?

Look, if I could run across the
beach into my own arms, I would.

Wait, what...
So where does that leave us?

I'll figure that out after I
spend the summer by the pool.

I feel this will be a lot
clearer when I'm much tanner.

What a bunch of crap, man.

You know, freaking girls.

If it wasn't for the soft skin, the
legs, the eyes, the long fingernails,

the butts and the boobs,
I wouldn't even talk to them.

All right, all right, picture time.
Everybody get in front of the car.

Hey, Forman, I got you a plant
for your new apartment,

but, um, I can't give it to
you in front of your parents.

Okay, here we go. One, two...

- Guys,
I have something to tell you.
- Just talk while you pose.

Kitty, be sure to get me in the background
loading the last bunch of Eric's crap.

- Oh, man.
- Okay, here we go. Smile!

Okay, tell them, Laurie.

I married Fez so he could stay
in the country!

You did what?

Don't worry, Daddy. I don't
love him, I was just bored.

Yeah, but we will
be sleeping together.

You... Oh.

Ooh.

- Dad, are you all right?
- Uh, yeah. I'm fine.

I'm just... My arm hurts.

Red. Red, you're all clammy. Red,
I think you're having a heart attack.

No, open your eyes.
He's having an arm attack.

Michael. Michael, get a chair.
Laurie, call an ambulance.

Okay. Hang in there, Dad.

- Kitty?
- Yes, Red?

If I don't make it,

kill the foreigner.

So, Red's gonna be okay, huh?

Yeah, he's doing better, but they're
gonna be at the hospital for a while.

- Hey, you got
the letter for your folks?
- Yes.

I told them I'm married
and I'm not coming home,

and that people have landed
on the Great White Head.

Yeah, that'll get there.