All language subtitles for That 70s Show - S05E19 - Bring It on Home

It's the A-bomb!
Duck and cover!

I bet Eric's
trying to sneak out.

Red, Red, wait, wait.
What if it's a burglar?

What's a burglar
gonna steal from us?

My Shirley Temple figurines.

Oh, I knew I shouldn't have
told Liz Anderson about them.

Her nephew's been
in jail, you know.

Oh!
Look at this. Some guard dog.

You know, we could be trampled
by Mongolians,

this thing wouldn't
even wag its tail.

Hey.
I heard a scary noise.

Good God. Are you nude?

No.

I'm wearing my toga.

- There it is again.
- That's it,
I'm getting my bat.

All right, calm down. It's probably
just Steven trying to sneak out.

What if it's not Steven?
What if the burglar has Steven?

Well, then we'll try to talk
him into taking Eric, too.

- Okay, let's do this.
- Look at him.

Bare-assed and
holding a plastic bat.

That's your son, Kitty.

What kind of burglar
robs people on a weeknight?

Doesn't he have a job to go to
in the morning?

- Jackie?
- What the hell?

- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God!

Forman, are you naked?

♪ Hanging out

♪ Down the street

♪ The same old thing

♪ We did last week

♪ Not a thing to do

♪ But talk to you

♪ We're all all right

♪ We're all all right ♪

Hello, Wisconsin!

Who the hell do
you think you are,

bringing a girl into my house
in the middle of the night?

And right in our basement. We keep
our Christmas decorations down there.

Baby Jesus was watching.

I told you to look
where you were going.

But what idiot leaves a Lego
set right in front of the door?

You knocked over
my space command center?

I spent three
hours building that.

All right. Now what is
going on in my basement?

Jackie's been sleeping here
the last couple of weeks.

Couple of weeks? This is not
the Playboy Mansion, you know.

- Look, nothing was going on.
- Nothing was going on?

Space command
centers were ruined!

Would you please go
put some pants on?

This is where I eat.

Jackie's only been staying here

'cause her dad's in jail and
her mom's still not back yet.

Steven! That's private.

Your mom's not back yet?
You told me she came home.

Look, can we not talk about this?
I'm fine. Okay? Everything is fine.

- But if you need a place...
- No, no, no. I don't need anything.

Look, I'm only here 'cause...

I am such a tramp.

So, I should just go home
and try to control my dirty urges.

Jackie, you're not going home.
There's nobody there.

All right, look, Jackie, tonight
you can sleep in Laurie's room,

and then tomorrow, we'll
track down your floozy mother.

Honey, do you have any idea
where she might be?

Well, the last postcard I got had a picture
of some guy with a bone through his nose.

What is that, like, Tennessee?

Hey, Donna, this just in.

Your weirdo
boyfriend sleeps in the nude.

Yeah, so? I do, too.

Oh, yeah!

Oh, I can see it now,

and it is glorious.

Excuse me.

Jackie, I can't believe
your parents are gone.

I'm so sorry.

Okay, everybody needs to
stop worrying about me. I'm fine.

I mean, how could I not be?

Mrs. Forman did my hair and
made me smiley-faced pancakes.

Eric, this house is like a shabby
hotel with really great service.

Oh, hey, while you're visiting,

here's my Lego set and a picture
of the space command center.

Okay? Get building.

And I swear to God,

if my three-man escape pod doesn't
fit the star bay, heads are gonna roll.

I have a question.

If Hyde was in Hyde's bed,
and Jackie was in Hyde's bed,

what exactly was
going on in said bed?

- Nothing. She needed a place to sleep.
- "Needed a place to sleep?"

Well, a bed is an interesting
choice, now, wouldn't you say?

Oh, shut up, Michael. It's
not like we were doing it.

Oh, come on, Jackie.

You can't sleep in the same bed
with someone and not be doing it.

I've fallen asleep not doing
it and woken up doing it.

And that's why they won't
put him to sleep at the dentist.

Guys, I don't know
what's going on with Nina.

I keep asking to meet her parents,
but she keeps making excuses.

It's probably the same reason I
won't let you meet my parents.

I mean, she's afraid you're gonna
say something weird and embarrass her.

Oh, please. I'm a hot-looking,
smooth-talking, frisky-assed son of a bitch.

Hey, Fez.
Right there. That's like...

That's like a really
weird thing to say.

Yeah, I mean, we're used to
you, but, dude, you're weird.

I mean, and for Nina to
let you meet her parents, I...

I think what Kelso's
trying to say, is that

maybe you don't make
the best first impression.

Like, remember the first time
you met my parents?

- Mom, Dad, this is Fez.
- Well, hello there.

He did what?

Yeah, and then it actually got
even more disturbing.

Get this creepy bastard off me!

Man, I never heard that story.

Wait, so how was Forman's mom?

Well, at first she
was giving me nothing,

but by the end
she was giving me something.

Yeah, she's spunky!

- Man, I'd kiss your mom.
- Oh, my God.

How could Jackie's mother
abandon her only child?

I have half a mind
to take this public.

We could go on Donahue.

No.
Go on Carson, he's funnier.

One time, the animal guy was on,

and his parrot dooked
right on Johnny's head.

Dad, I think you're
missing the point.

We need to find Jackie
some place to stay, you know?

Where she won't be all alone.

I can get her a room
at the hotel I work at.

No, Jackie is not staying in a hotel.
We have an empty room right here.

Kitty, every time we have an empty room,
you wanna fill it up with a stray child.

You're like the old
lady who lived in a shoe.

Did you just call me "old"?

Okay.
Okay. Here's what I think.

Oh, hey, everybody!
Mr. Nude has an opinion.

I'm sure we're all interested
in what Mr. Nude has to say.

Floor's all yours,

Mr. Nude.

Never mind.

Well, I guess he was just
thinking about being nude.

What is wrong with you people?

There is nothing funny
about a teenage girl

whose mother abandoned her.

You know, we're all Jackie's got.
We can't just turn our backs on her.

Donna, you're right.

You tell Jackie
she can stay with us.

What? No.
No, she can't stay with us.

- Sure. She can stay
in your room with you.
- But...

Oh, you're all
gonna pay for this!

I can't believe my dad's making
me ask Jackie to move in with us.

This is gonna be a nightmare.

"Donna, where's your spirit?"

"Donna, you're still hungry?"

"Donna, your lumberjack head
is blocking out the sun."

You know, I'm not too big,
all right? She is too small.

Okay, just for the record,

I don't sleep nude
for any disgusting reason.

I'm just a hot sleeper.

Okay, I'm not a hot sleeper.

I'm 17 years old, okay? I sleep
right next door to the girl I love.

Things occur to me, okay?

If I'm already nude, you know,
I mean, it just saves time.

Guys, Nina agreed
to let me meet her parents.

And to seem completely normal,

I've come up with the perfect
opening line for Nina's mother.

"Hello, Mrs. Bartel, I can see
where Nina gets her lovely ass."

You're so weird, man.

You know what?
There's a way around that.

I'm gonna make you so beautiful,

that Nina's parents don't notice
how freaking weird you are.

Being beautiful, that's
how I get away with stuff.

Except my problem is,
I gotta tone it down,

'cause otherwise the
chick's mom gets interested.

Then we got a big problem.

Now, let's make you man-pretty.

Okay. I've been thinking
about what to do with Jackie,

and I think we're overlooking
the mobile home option. Okay?

You could park her
right in the driveway,

and we'll all know she's safe
in her own little steel box.

Donna, what... You have to
let her stay with you. Come on.

- She's your best friend.
- - She's not my best friend.

Well,
then, who's your best friend?

Oh, crap!
How the hell did that happen?

Oh, look. Mr. Nude is helping.

Mr. Nude, huh? That was
my nickname in college.

Dad, you didn't go to college.

Didn't stop me from
getting a nickname.

Uh-huh. So, are you all
gonna be here for this?

'Cause I don't think Jackie's
gonna be cool with that.

Well, Steven,
everybody needs support.

Like this one time, I left the
supermarket in a really bad mood,

and then I met these very
nice people, the Hare Krishnas.

They sang me a song,
they gave me some rice.

It was just
the little pickup I needed.

You know, if I hadn't had to make
dinner, I might've gotten into their van.

Yeah, those freaks
were hassling me once, too,

so when they weren't looking,
I stole five boxes of Thin Mints.

Kelso, those were Girl Scouts.

Whatever, man.
They were pushy.

Here comes Jackie.

Well, I think this
is a big mistake,

so when this blows up in your
face, don't come looking for me.

I'll be busting up
Forman's space station again.

Jackie. Jackie, Donna has
something she wants to ask you.

Donna.

So,
Jackie, we were all thinking

that you might come
stay with me for a while,

since you're having
such a hard time right now.

God, I am so sick of this!
I don't have hard times!

I'm Jackie Burkhart.

I got voted head cheerleader by the
largest margin in cheerleader history.

Okay? I have a wonderful life.

Yeah, but, Jackie, your dad's
in prison, and your mom...

Well, yeah, I'm sorry, Donna,

but you're just not popular
enough for me to live with.

I'm not popular enough?

I was doing you a favor
'cause I felt bad for you.

Well, don't, okay? I don't need
to be your good deed for the day.

Fine. There's the door.

Don't let it hit your popular
little butt on the way out.

Fine.

Well, that was pretty hot.

...and that is how you make
a canoe out of banana skins.

Oh!

They love me, see? There's
nothing to worry about.

- Great,
then we should get going.
- Oh, oh, don't go.

Oh, it's such a pleasure having
someone so exotic in our home.

We're so happy that Nina
has made a friend of you, Fez.

Well, maybe it's because I'm so
handsome, and not at all creepy.

And, by the way, I see
where Nina gets her lovely ass.

Hey, I was talking to you, Mr.
Bartel.

Oh, my!

Honey, you are really
broadening your horizons.

Having a friend like this is gonna
look great on your college application.

Yes, we always enjoy
meeting Nina's friends.

Oh, you keep calling me her "friend."
Don't you mean, her "boyfriend"?

Boyfriend?

- What's so funny?
- Oh,
you can't be her boyfriend.

- Why not?
- Because you're... What's the word, honey?

- Different?
- Okay. Different.

Oh, I see.

- You mean, "not white."
- Fez, no.

I think I'll be leaving now.
Good day.

- Fez, wait...
- I said, "Good day."

And by the way, I hope
you do not have a good day.

And then when I asked her to live with
me, she said I'm not freaking popular.

Am I not on the radio all
the time as "Hot Donna"?

Okay? There are "Hot Donna"
posters all over town, objectifying me.

Is Jackie being objectified?
No!

She only said that 'cause you
embarrassed her in a room full of people.

It was like a damn telethon in there.
The only thing missing was Jerry Lewis.

So, what, it's my fault
'cause I didn't ask her right?

Okay.
How about when your mom left?

Think about how you would've felt if
you walked into a roomful of people,

everyone's talking about how sad
your life is, and how much they pity you.

Yeah, I guess I get that.

I'm just saying that
Jackie needs a place to stay,

and it'd be really cool

if maybe you could ask her in a
way that doesn't make her feel bad.

Fine.

But she didn't have
to call me unpopular, okay?

Unpopular girls don't get free
Slurpees from Tommy at the 7-Eleven.

Donna, two years ago, Tommy tried
to jump a school bus on his moped.

He didn't make it, and now he
gives everyone free Slurpees.

So, you see, Jackie, the reason I
asked you to stay with me before,

is because,
well, you were right.

I am unpopular.

Go on.

I'm too tall,

and... And red hair is gross.

And, well,
if I don't do something soon,

my unpopularity is
gonna follow me to college,

unless you help.

Please come stay with me.

Jackie,

help
me be more like you.

Well, as long as everybody
knows I'm doing it for you,

I'll do it.

Great.

Hey, Donna. Thank you.

You're welcome.

Okay. First things first.

If you wanna be more popular,
you're gonna have to break up with Eric.

What?

You know, I have been called many
names since coming to this country,

but I have never been
treated like that before.

You know, Fez,

unfortunately, there are
some people in this world

that are gonna judge you
on the color of your skin,

or your funny accent,

or that girlie
little way you run.

But you know what?
You're not alone.

Why do you think
the Martians won't land here?

'Cause they're green, and they know
people are gonna make fun of them.

You said it, brother.

I just wish there was someplace in
the world where prejudice didn't exist.

Well, that's Canada.

Yup, good old Canada.

They don't make
generalizations about people

'cause they're too busy
playing hockey, or getting drunk,

or putting maple
syrup on their ham.

- Fez, we need to talk.
- Hey! He might not
be from this country,

but he's beautiful, damn it!

Nina, our relationship is over.
My self-respect demands it,

and there's nothing you can
say to make me change my mind.

Fez, my parents are jerks,

and I wanna get back at them
by doing it with you on their bed.

Except that. Thanks, Kelso.

Fire! Fire!

- What are you doing?
- Well, look at this.

Mr. Nude is still nude.

- You're nuts.
- Wow.

Strong words from Mr. Nude.

We're doing this every night
until you put on some bottoms.

Fire!

Fire!