All language subtitles for Here We Go s02e03 Amys Valentines Flowers.eng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,680 --> 00:00:05,240 Where are the spoons? 2 00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:08,200 I am as regular as clockwork. 3 00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:10,856 Give me a header! 4 00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:12,040 Not in the house, Amy! 5 00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:15,616 ? Here we go, here we go, here we go! ? 6 00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:17,536 - OK, off you go. - Oh, all right? - Hey! - Hey! 7 00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:19,096 ? Here we go, here we go, here we... ? 8 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:21,896 - Sorry, do you mind not? That's the car. - Stop it! Stop singing! 9 00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:24,936 OK, OK. Good luck, I hope you win, if that's what you want. 10 00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:27,136 I just want to get it over with, get home as soon as possible 11 00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:28,496 and eat a Yorkie in the bath. 12 00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:30,456 - Hashtag life goals. - Why are you wearing gloves 13 00:00:30,480 --> 00:00:31,736 if you're going to be on the bench? 14 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:34,096 I don't know, Sam. I'm nervous. I have no idea what I'm doing. 15 00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:36,936 - All right, then? - You will protect me, won't you, Robin? 16 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:39,416 - Huh? - Make sure I never have to go on the, er, lawn. 17 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:40,656 - SAM: - Lawn? - ROBIN: - The pitch? 18 00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:42,256 Yeah, don't worry, big boy. I got you. 19 00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:43,896 - OK. - I'll be your human shield. - OK... 20 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:46,496 - Off you go! Get in the car! - Come on, Paolo! 21 00:00:46,520 --> 00:00:49,656 - Well, this is it, then. Oh, God! It's coming home, I guess. - Yeah. 22 00:00:49,680 --> 00:00:52,296 - HORN HONKS REPEATEDLY. - It's coming home. It's coming home. 23 00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:53,976 Get off, get off! Stop, Oh, God! 24 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:56,336 Stop honking, you silly sod! 25 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:58,296 Hurry up, Paul. Get in the car, get in the car. 26 00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:00,416 - Yeah, I'm coming, I'm going, yeah. - OK. Aah, love you. 27 00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:02,296 - All right, OK! - Let's do this! 28 00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:04,416 - Come on, Sam. - SAM: - Yeah, I'm coming. 29 00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:07,456 - Why is Mum being so weird? - Yeah, I don't know. 30 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:09,736 They're doing an extension over there. 31 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:12,240 Yeah. Well, they've been doing that for 18 months, Mum. 32 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:15,176 Who's that...? Who's that guy? 33 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:18,056 Why have you got three isotonic drinks? 34 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:19,936 - Oh, my goodness. - God, it's massive. 35 00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:21,656 - Is it ever? - Wow. - Yep. 36 00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:24,336 It looks like - and please don't take this the wrong way, Robin 37 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:26,320 - something out of a cartoon. - Thank you. 38 00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:28,736 Is it a real diamond? 39 00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:32,736 It... Er, yes and no. It's lab grown, so it's like an IVF diamond. 40 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,936 Don't touch it. But it's... It's so sparkly, isn't it? 41 00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:37,376 - SAM: - Yeah. - It's amazing. Oh, my God, 42 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:38,576 Cherry's going to love it. 43 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:40,976 DOORBELL RINGS 44 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:42,096 Doorbell! 45 00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:43,336 Oh, I'll get it! 46 00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:45,336 - Don't touch it, please, Rach. - Well, no, it's just amazing. 47 00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:46,616 When's the proposal? 48 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,576 I'm still trying to work that bit out, actually, 49 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:51,256 - because I wanted to get a flash mob going... - Oh. - Flash mob! 50 00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:53,416 But so far I've only managed to rope in Dean and Jelson, 51 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:55,896 - so that probably wouldn't look great. - No. 52 00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:58,336 - Probably not, no. - No. - Oh, my godfathers, Paul, 53 00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:00,696 - they're absolutely amazing! - What's that, Mum? 54 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:01,976 Oh, my God! 55 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:04,616 The Valentine flowers you got for Rachel! 56 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:07,496 - Oh, wow. - Oh, yeah, they're pretty cool, huh? There's... 57 00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:09,936 Oh, no, they're not mine, mine are over there. 58 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:11,136 Who are THEY for, then? 59 00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:15,176 Erm, I don't know, the postie just dropped them off... 60 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:17,896 Oh, they're for Amy, from Maya. 61 00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:19,576 - Oh! - Oh, my God! - That's nice, innit? 62 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:22,296 - I didn't have Maya down as the romantic type. - No. 63 00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:23,896 She must be cheating on her, then. 64 00:02:23,920 --> 00:02:26,616 That is the only reason you buy a bunch that big, trust me. 65 00:02:26,640 --> 00:02:29,136 Yeah, hundy P. That absolutely reeks of guilt, actually. 66 00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:30,816 - Do you reckon? - Letter for you, Paul. 67 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:33,936 - Oh, thanks. - Amy! Amy, love! 68 00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:35,136 Where is she? 69 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:38,176 HE CHUCKLES 70 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,096 Aww, thanks, babe. 71 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:43,296 - Amy! - What? What for? - The card. - Aww. 72 00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:45,960 - Well, I didn't. That's not from me. - HE LAUGHS. 73 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:49,576 Really?! 74 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:51,496 Oh! What's all this? 75 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:53,936 "To Paul. Roses are red, violets are blue," 76 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,576 "you're too sexy to be true." 77 00:02:55,600 --> 00:03:00,376 "Be my Valentine, love and kisses from question mark." 78 00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:01,600 Oh, my God! 79 00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:04,536 ROBIN SCOFFS 80 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:06,856 I don't know, why are you asking me? I didn't send it. 81 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:09,056 - Well, who's it from? - Well, I thought it was from you. 82 00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:11,176 - Well, it's not. - A bit jelly are we, Rach? 83 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:13,656 No, not jelly. Not jelly, just confused. 84 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:15,776 I mean, "Too sexy to be true." 85 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:17,656 It is confusing, innit? 86 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:19,536 Are you...? 87 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:21,576 Are... are you having an affair? 88 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:23,040 CHERRY GASPS 89 00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:26,376 - What?! - Because that's what it looks like. 90 00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:28,336 - Yeah. - Well, are you? 91 00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:30,536 Of course I'm not! Oh, my God! 92 00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:33,896 I could never handle that, Rachel. I'm a terrible liar. 93 00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:36,576 Oh, oh, oh - THAT'S... that's what's stopping you, is it? 94 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:39,016 I have panic attacks just thinking about things like that. 95 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:41,920 Of course I'm not having an affair! It's just stupid, isn't it? 96 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,216 Well, are there... are there 97 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:46,616 any women on your police thing, your training course? 98 00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:50,056 - Well, I mean, there's... there's one. - Aha! - Oh, hello! 99 00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:52,216 No, not "hello", Robin. 100 00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:53,736 The opposite of hello. 101 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:55,256 Goodbye. 102 00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:57,376 Well, I mean... You know, it's just Zoe, 103 00:03:57,400 --> 00:04:00,336 - you don't have to worry about Zoe. - Zoe? Oh, OK. - Zoe. Zoe. - Zoe. 104 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:03,496 - Zoe! - Zoe. So you're on first-name terms, then, with Zoe. 105 00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:06,496 Oh, Rach, it is not his fault if she fancies him, come on. 106 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:08,336 - Exactly, thank you. - Yeah. 107 00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:10,656 - Nor is it hers, by the way. - No. 108 00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:12,616 You know, she's flesh and blood, 109 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:15,256 I look pretty good in my uniform. What can I say? 110 00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:17,816 We work at close quarters, things like this can happen. 111 00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,096 - It's going to happen. - You know, 112 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:21,896 I always thought YOU'D be the one to have an affair, Rach, no offence. 113 00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:23,256 No, no, me too, none taken. 114 00:04:23,280 --> 00:04:25,296 HIGH-PITCHED: Oh, I'm not having an affair! 115 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:27,696 - That didn't sound innocent. - It IS innocent. 116 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:29,880 - What...? What is it, Granny? - Here, look. 117 00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:32,736 Aren't they all big and smelly?! 118 00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:36,256 Wow! Yeah. That puts my box of jelly babies to shame. 119 00:04:36,280 --> 00:04:38,376 Aww. You all right, hon? 120 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:40,496 - Mm. - What? Yeah. 121 00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:44,016 - What do you mean? - Done the dirty, has she? - What? 122 00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:46,416 - Oh, no. - Maya... - What's the dirty? 123 00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:47,696 Well, it's, you know... 124 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:49,656 The Dirty Gerty from number 30. 125 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,776 - Exactly. - What are you all talking about? 126 00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:54,616 Of course not. 127 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:57,336 - OK. - Oh, phew. We assumed she'd been at it as well, 128 00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:58,936 from the size of that bunch. 129 00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:01,656 - Yeah. - Yeah, well, she hasn't, so... What do you mean, "as well"? 130 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:04,216 - Ask your dad. - Nothing. She doesn't mean anything. 131 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:06,656 He has been flirting with someone from his police course. 132 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:09,616 - Oh, Paul! - I haven't! I haven't, Mum! 133 00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:10,696 There's a female cadet 134 00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:13,216 who just happens to have the hots for me, that's all! 135 00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:16,256 - Oh, my God, what's wrong with her? - Oh, ha-ha! Nothing. 136 00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:19,496 And, for the record, I have not encouraged her at all. 137 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:22,896 The infatuation is entirely one way, the poor lass! 138 00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:26,376 It does explain why you're suddenly so keen to go for a pint... 139 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:28,256 CHERRY GASPS ..and some crisps after class. 140 00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:29,776 Yeah, yeah, no... 141 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:33,296 No! That's... That's tactical, actually, I'm thinking ahead. 142 00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:35,736 - Zoe's friendly with a few guys from CID... - "Zoe." 143 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:38,496 so I thought if I get in with them now, then, you know, I can... 144 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:41,896 - Well, I'll have a couple of pints, watch some football... - Right. 145 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,936 And they might help me to become a detective once I've trained. 146 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:46,896 Football? You know nothing about football. 147 00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:49,016 Yeah, I know, I'm just fumbling around that bit. 148 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:51,736 So you're pretending that you like football. That's pathetic. 149 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:54,296 - Yeah, tragic. - Well, it's better than coming home every night 150 00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:56,616 - and watching you read your therapy books. - Oh, no! 151 00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:59,536 I'm not... I am... Well, it's a big module. I'm doing a course! 152 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,776 And I'm fitting it in with a part-time job as well 153 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:04,176 - so I'm quite busy! - Clearly! - You tell him, sister! 154 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:07,040 - Clearly. You didn't even buy me anything for Valentine's Day. - Oh. 155 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:10,056 Rach... 156 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:11,496 That's bad. 157 00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:13,216 SAM: Oh is that true, Mum? 158 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:14,680 - Er-r-r-r... - I forgot. 159 00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:18,520 - ..what is... what's your big module, Rach? - Yeah. 160 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:21,096 Um, it's just... 161 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:22,976 - Marriage counselling. - Doesn't matter. 162 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,496 Oh, my God, it's just all a load of rubbish anyway, isn't it, 163 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:27,656 - Valentine's Day? - No, it isn't. 164 00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:30,576 Yeah, it's just a way to make idiots waste money 165 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:32,576 on crap poetry and dead plants. 166 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:35,976 Oh, Rachel, don't be a Valentine's Day equivalent 167 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,176 of Scrooge. 168 00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:39,816 - Well... - Romance can be very thrifty. 169 00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:43,216 - OK, Sue. - I mean, just cook him a nice meal or something, 170 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:45,096 that's what I used to do for Les. 171 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:47,536 AMY: Oh, no, please don't make Dad another beef Wellington, 172 00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:49,976 it was like trying to eat a cricket bat last time. 173 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,176 No, it wasn't! Was it? 174 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:53,576 SAM: - A lot worse, actually, Mum. 175 00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:55,176 It was a bit batty, Rach. 176 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:58,616 Look, don't... Please don't cook me anything, babe, you know? 177 00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:00,336 It'll only be - no offence 178 00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:01,536 gross. 179 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:03,656 - Er, I am a very good cook, actually. - I can be. 180 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:07,136 Look, just hire my mate, Ugly Chris, Rach. He does home bookings 181 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,736 and he used to chef for, like, Michelin. 182 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:12,376 That guy, honestly, he can cook the lot. 183 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:15,976 No, we've got one of Mum's lasagnes in the freezer. You can just defrost 184 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:18,736 - that if you want to make me something nice. - Oh, I can defrost 185 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:21,776 one of Sue's lasagnes - is that all I'm capable of, is it? 186 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:24,256 Er, best to let me do it. 187 00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:26,576 PHONE BUZZES 188 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:28,496 Oh, hello! There's Zoe now. 189 00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:30,136 - Oh! - It's not, is it? 190 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:32,496 No. Of course it's not. It's probably not. 191 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,296 - Who is it, then? - Um... 192 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:37,656 No! It's Greg, it's Greg from CID. 193 00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:40,896 Yeah, he wants to know if I want to go over there and watch 194 00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:44,096 - the England match on Sunday. - Will Zoe be there? 195 00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:46,616 Um, I... I don't know, she's in the WhatsApp group. 196 00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:48,496 - - Then, you can't go. - Whoa, Mum! 197 00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:50,136 Steady on, Rach! That's a bit 198 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:53,336 - hashtag controlling behaviour, innit? - Yeah. - Babe? - Yeah. 199 00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:55,816 - Mum, you can't really do that. - No, not cool. 200 00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:58,176 Well, then, invite them over here to watch it. 201 00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:00,136 All right. Fine. Fine! 202 00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:03,656 Well, just... just promise not to embarrass me, OK? Please. 203 00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:06,576 These people are my mates. 204 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:08,776 And is it man on or man up? 205 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:10,656 No, man on and mark up. 206 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:14,136 - Yes. - Mm-hm. - And what about Man YOU cos that's one as well, isn't it? 207 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,936 No, that's... that's Manchester United. That's not... 208 00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:19,136 You don't need that. How have they not worked out 209 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:21,336 - you hate football yet? - I don't hate it. 210 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:24,256 I just find it inane, you know? 211 00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:27,016 It's not like I have to play or anything. I just have to bluff 212 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,296 my way through the conversation. It's fine. 213 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:30,856 Oh! Oh, that's them. 214 00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:33,376 - OK, I'll get it. I'll get it. - Doorbell! - Oh, God. - It's my mates! 215 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:35,216 My mates are here! Please don't say anything. 216 00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:36,776 What? Not in front of your girlfriend? 217 00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:38,136 No... 218 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:39,176 Come on! 219 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:41,936 - ? Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land... ? - England! Forever! 220 00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:44,416 - Hiya, Jeffrey. - Greg, how are you? - Hello, nice to meet you. 221 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:46,136 Thanks for having us. The Barmy Army! 222 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:50,216 - Yeah, barmy! The army! - Brought some, er, Peter Beersleys! 223 00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:52,056 What... what's that, then? 224 00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:54,936 Beers. You know, Peter Beersley, yeah? 225 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:56,216 Ha-ha-ha! 226 00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:59,336 - Yeah! - Where we going? - First right. - In the house, thank you. 227 00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:01,976 - And this is Fozzie. - Oh, hi. - Where's your telly? 228 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,736 - It's... Well, through there. - OK. Hi. - Thank you. - Hello. 229 00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:07,376 And, well, yeah, this is, um... This is... this is Zoe. 230 00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:11,656 - Oh, right, you're... Hi. - Hi. - Hi, I'm Rachel. I'm Paul's wife. 231 00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:14,296 And I'm Sue, Paul's mum, 232 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:17,776 - and this is Sammy with the camera. - SAM: Hello. 233 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:20,576 - AMY: - Foden's starting, Jeffrey. - Oh, congratulations, Foden. 234 00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:21,776 That's... It's coming home! 235 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:24,336 - About to kick off! - Great! 236 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:26,216 Mm. Huh? 237 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:28,816 WHISPERS: - Why do they keep calling you Jeffrey? 238 00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:30,816 Yeah, that's banter, Mum. 239 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:33,736 You know, it's like the Peter Beersley thing, 240 00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:37,616 there's a lot of banter, so I'm Jeffrey because they... they probably 241 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:40,856 found that I was a former Olympic archer, so, er, 242 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:42,456 Jeffrey Archer. 243 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:45,080 - Are you sure they don't just think your name's Jeffrey? - Mm. 244 00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:47,776 Is the skank here, then? 245 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:49,656 Eh? No, she's not a skank! 246 00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:52,216 Don't you dare defend her. You're on thin ice, you are. 247 00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:55,016 Well, no, she didn't... she didn't seem like a skank 248 00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:57,416 - on first impressions. - England! - Hi, Ames, how's it going? 249 00:09:57,440 --> 00:10:00,256 - England time! - Hi, Robin's weird friend. - Dean. 250 00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:02,960 - Yeah, I know your name. - All right, darling? Oh, snap! 251 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:06,840 Oh. Sort of. This is the women's team. 252 00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:10,896 - Oh. - So... - I actually like women's football. 253 00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:13,176 No need to say "actually". 254 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:14,736 No need to say women's. 255 00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:16,720 I... like 256 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:19,016 football. 257 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:21,360 - There you go. - Oh, checks out. 258 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:24,376 England! 259 00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:27,536 - Greg! - Oi, oi! Here they are. - Hey! 260 00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,776 - Grab a bib, then. - Yeah. 261 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:32,696 - All right? - Ready to get huge, fellas? - Just a bit, just a bit. 262 00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:35,616 - Always. - It's coming home! It's coming home. - All right? 263 00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:39,296 - Oh, there's a coffee van and all! - Oh, yeah? - Is there? 264 00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:42,616 - Nice! - Now, Paul, I made you some honey sandwiches 265 00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:45,616 and a pot of jelly, just in case you get peckish. 266 00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:50,136 Jelly?! I don't think Michael Owen eats jelly before he plays football. 267 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,496 You're on the bench. It doesn't matter, does it? 268 00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:54,936 Yeah, but even so, can you not use my old lunchbox, please? 269 00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:57,616 - I'm not eight any more. - All right, then, I'll take it back. 270 00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:00,776 - No, no, don't. I mean, I'll have it. - What? 271 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:02,536 All right, babe? 272 00:11:02,560 --> 00:11:05,256 Oi, Sam, make sure you're filming when we're playing, OK? 273 00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:08,000 - I've got a bit of a surprise planned. - Oh, yeah? What is it? 274 00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:12,416 - Huh? Ha-ha! Look at that! - Oh, wow. 275 00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:14,736 I'm going to do it as a goal celebration. 276 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:17,056 - That is quals, mate. - Yeah. - That's pure quals. - I know. 277 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:19,016 What about if you don't score? 278 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:21,256 Er 279 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:23,016 - I hadn't thought of that. - Mm. 280 00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:24,576 - Oh. - Oh, you'll slot, mate. 281 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:26,816 The Slot Machine? Slotbot 3000? 282 00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:28,896 Don't worry about that. He slots when he wants. 283 00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:30,216 Yeah, slot when you want, mate. 284 00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:33,536 - Oh, God. - What? - I've got honey all down me. 285 00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:36,416 Oh, well, that doesn't matter. It's only on your bib. 286 00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:40,336 Mum, this is not a food bib! This is a sports bib 287 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:42,696 for the football game. This is my uniform. 288 00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:44,576 Oh, hi, guys. 289 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:48,896 OK, here we go. You, er... you cool to start off, then, Jeffrey? 290 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:51,016 Er, no, no. 291 00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:53,536 No, I don't want to play yet, thanks. 292 00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:55,136 - What? - I'm just going to... 293 00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:57,336 - I'm happy on the side bench. - OK. - That's my position. 294 00:11:57,360 --> 00:11:59,016 That's what "start off" means, Dad. 295 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:02,536 - Oh, yeah, as in I'll start OFF and stay off... - Yeah. - Right. 296 00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:05,456 - ..I think cos I'll be the substitute. - OK. 297 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:08,216 What? Not for the whole tournament. 298 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:09,656 Well, ideally, yeah. 299 00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:11,456 Right, come on, then, guys. Let's do this! 300 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,656 Yeah, come on! Let's go! It's coming home! 301 00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:15,976 Oh, God, you're massively overusing that phrase, Dad. 302 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:19,176 - Yeah, I know I am, I'm nervous. - Yeah. - Use this one, please, ref! 303 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:21,256 Yes, football time! 304 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:25,680 Chez? Cherry! Cherry! Can you just stop selfie-ing, babe? Watch a sec. 305 00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:29,920 - Cherry! - Man on, man on! 306 00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:34,400 - Oh! Keeper! - Unlucky, Robin! - Don't worry, babe. 307 00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:37,136 - Come on, yeah? - Cherry! 308 00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:39,336 Argh! 309 00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,536 Cherry! Cherry! Cherry! 310 00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:44,056 - Argh! - No, don't dink it! - Go on, Ron. 311 00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:47,216 Oh! Cherry! Cherry, this time. 312 00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:48,816 Oh! 313 00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:50,616 - Argh! - Oh, Robin! 314 00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:53,056 - I leant back, brother. - Yes, yes, you leant back. 315 00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:54,096 Yes, yes, yes. 316 00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:56,816 Yes, I'm free! Pass it! Pass it! Please pass it! 317 00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:58,536 - Don't pass it! - Pass it! 318 00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:01,496 - Ah! - Suck on that! 319 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:04,976 - Slam, bang. Go on, Zo! - Well done. - Yes, yes, yes! 320 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:08,216 - Go, CID! - You've already got a goal! 321 00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:10,096 Yellows! 322 00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:13,376 - It's hopeless. - Close him down! - Close him down, someone! 323 00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:17,336 - Energy. - Energy! - Right, well, I'm bored now. - Yeah? - Get tight! 324 00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:20,416 Get... Exactly. Get tight and... 325 00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:21,776 I mean, what was that? 326 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:23,496 - Good ball. - Lovely ball. 327 00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:25,616 England! Oh. Er... 328 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:26,696 Oh. 329 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:29,976 - All right, Mum. That's a bit much. - Yeah, I'm eating onion rings, babe. 330 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,856 - All right, forget it. - Argh! - Oh, well, don't... Oh, come on! 331 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,576 - Pathetic. - Isn't it? 332 00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:35,696 - Pathetic. - Isn't it? 333 00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:39,416 - I mean, they are overpaid idiots, frankly. - Yeah. 334 00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:42,056 - Lovely legs, though. - Mm. 335 00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:43,416 Lovely everything. 336 00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:47,056 Oh, yeah, yeah? What's your type, then, Zoe? 337 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:48,776 - Marcus Rashford. - Right. 338 00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:53,200 All day long. I would grind his bits to butter, given the chance. 339 00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:57,776 Yeah. Well, he is too sexy to be true. 340 00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:59,176 Don't! 341 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:01,416 Do you like older men, Zoe? 342 00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:04,136 Beard, father... 343 00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:05,696 Oh, referee! 344 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:08,216 - Huh? - What? - Referee? - What? What about him? 345 00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:11,856 Well, I'm just thinking about all of, you know, his past stuff. 346 00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:15,816 I mean, get... Bloody hell, get some glasses, ref, isn't it? 347 00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:17,360 Ah. 348 00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:21,920 - Huh? - Jeffrey, any chance of getting some more Hernan Crispos? 349 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:27,456 - He means crisps, Dad. - Crisps! Yeah. - Yeah, I've got some canapes coming, 350 00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:30,256 - actually... - Rach? - ..and, yeah, some salmon puffs. 351 00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:32,576 - Can't see the telly. - Sorry, yeah, sorry for taking up space 352 00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:34,576 - in my own house. - Do something with it! 353 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:37,976 Yeah, do something, for good... I mean, score a goal at least. 354 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:40,176 I mean, why don't they bring Grealish on? 355 00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:43,040 - He is on. - Take him off, then. Make a change. 356 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:46,856 - I didn't know you were a football fan, Paul? - Huh? 357 00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:48,576 Football fanatic more like. 358 00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:50,296 - Yeah. - Who do you support? 359 00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:52,376 Liverpool, the Reds. 360 00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:56,296 Yeah, my mother's family are from there, so... 361 00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:59,056 Yeah, no, cut me open and I bleed 362 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:01,496 - red. - Yeah, we all do. 363 00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:04,976 - Yeah. - Who's your favourite player, then? - What, of all time? - Yeah. 364 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:08,216 - John Barn. - Barnes, John Barnes. 365 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:10,496 John Barnes, definitely. 366 00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:13,256 - Here, you should join our five-a-side team. - Oh, yeah, defo. 367 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:16,336 - Keep talking, what's this? - Oh, my dentist has got this five-a-side 368 00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:19,336 - charity tournament thingy next weekend, so... - Ooh! - ..If you want to 369 00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:22,336 - put a team together, we've only got me and Robin so far. - Hell, yeah, 370 00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:24,776 me and Fozzie used to have our own CID team a few years back 371 00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:27,816 - until we lost a couple of players. - Well, let's reform it! 372 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:31,336 Jeffrey and I can plug the gaps in CID no problem. Right, Jeffrey? 373 00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:35,416 - Just a bit. Yeah, I'd love that. - Yes! - Yeah, game on! - Hey! 374 00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:38,496 - Let's do it! - Yeah, I should just say, though, I'm not that good. 375 00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:39,776 You know, I'm no Ben Fogle and... 376 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:41,936 - MOBILE BUZZES. - ..you know, maybe I should be 377 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,656 - a spare or something, you know. - Sub. - Spare? - He means sub. 378 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:47,376 - Er, substitute, yeah. - Ben Fogle? - Yeah. - Hey, Maya, can you hear me? 379 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:50,856 - Didn't he play for Everton? - I mean... - Maya? Oh, hang on, 380 00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:53,576 - I'll go outside. - If she is doing the dirty, she is well good 381 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:57,896 - at hiding it. - Mm. Well, I wouldn't blame him for flirting with 382 00:15:57,920 --> 00:16:01,936 someone else anyway. I have been neglecting him a bit recently. 383 00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:04,376 Do not victim blame yourself, babe! 384 00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:06,216 - OK. - This is not your fault. 385 00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:10,696 Right, yeah, well, I know, but I shouldn't have forgotten. 386 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:15,496 - Valentine's Day. You know, um... - Yeah. - ..That's a bad sign according 387 00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:18,536 to all the marriage counselling books I've been reading. 388 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:21,336 - Oh, my... - Oh, dear. - Oh, for... 389 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,376 Yeah, you know... 390 00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:24,816 Oh! 391 00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:28,296 In fact, Cherry, can I have the number of 392 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,896 - is it Ugly Chris, the chef? - Yeah, sure. 393 00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:33,856 Do you know, he is single at the moment as well? 394 00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:37,056 - No, I don't want to go out with him. - Oh, I thought you wanted to have 395 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,576 a, like, revenge affair. 396 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:41,776 Er, no, I don't. 397 00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:43,776 And even if I did, I wouldn't pick someone called. 398 00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:46,176 - Ugly Chris, would I? - Oh, no, he's hot, though. 399 00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:48,616 - Oh, right, is he? - Yeah, smoking hot. 400 00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:51,976 We call him Ugly as a joke because he isn't. 401 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:53,976 Oh! 402 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,496 - Oh, that's funny. - Yeah. - Is it? 403 00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:56,976 - Yeah. - Yeah. 404 00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:00,496 Well, I was meant to cook the Wellington thing for Paul 405 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,096 - and I do tend to overcook things a bit. - You do, yeah. 406 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:05,296 - It'd have to be a secret, though. - Of course. 407 00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:09,656 - I need Paul to think I made it, ideally, and Amy. - Yep. - OK. 408 00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:12,320 Oh! Something's happening. 409 00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:16,376 A goal! A headed goal! 410 00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:18,256 Everything all right, Sammy? 411 00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:21,576 - Yeah, I think we just scored, Granny. - Oh, fab! 412 00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:25,976 - Oh, we scored, Amy! A goal. - Uh-hm. - Off the post and then in! 413 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:30,256 - The post? The bar, you mean? - Amy? - The bar! Off the bar and then in! 414 00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:32,160 - Are you all right, love? - Yep. 415 00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:37,016 OK, one more game and we win this thing. 416 00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:39,936 We'll start with the same formation, OK? Narrow in defence, 417 00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:43,496 - wide in attack. Keep it tight and talk to each other. - Always. 418 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:46,296 SHOUTING 419 00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:48,920 It's coming home! Yeah! 420 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,536 Come on, yellows! 421 00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:00,880 - Ah! - He's done you. Great save, Fozzie. 422 00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:05,176 - CID forever! - Paul, on you come, mate. 423 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,936 - No, I'm all good, thanks. - Come on, mate. I'm breathing out my arse 424 00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:10,296 - here. - No, I can't come on, Dean. 425 00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:12,336 - I'm eating my jelly. - What? 426 00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:14,736 - So... - Right. - Oh, good effort! 427 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,120 Unlucky! 428 00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:18,856 - Man YOU! - What? What? 429 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:21,656 I mean man on. Sorry, man on. 430 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:23,576 No, no, no, no, no. 431 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:25,616 Oh, Deano! Oh, Deano. 432 00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:27,816 Oh, and there... and there you have it. 433 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,656 Come on, heads up. It's OK. 434 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:33,056 Come on, boys. 435 00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:34,320 And girls. 436 00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:36,856 Zoe, sorry. 437 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:38,496 Keep your heads up. 438 00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:41,120 What did she do, then - Maya? 439 00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:44,696 I know you binned the flowers. 440 00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:46,880 Oh, no, nothing. 441 00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:50,536 Just, they were getting old, that's all. 442 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:54,120 Oh, Amy, she did do the dirty, didn't she? 443 00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:58,200 No, it's nothing like that. 444 00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:03,296 She just hasn't told her parents about me. 445 00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:05,016 She said she had, ages ago. 446 00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:08,136 Turns out they don't even know she's gay, so... 447 00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:10,080 Do you want me to talk to them? 448 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:14,216 Um, I think... definitely not. 449 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:18,456 Because Les didn't tell his parents about me, you know, 450 00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:21,376 for years, and we weren't even gay. 451 00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:22,640 Right. 452 00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:24,936 Why not? 453 00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:30,296 - Oh, well... Oh, they were snobs. - They didn't want him 454 00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:33,120 marrying a working-class girl from the north, did they? 455 00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:37,960 But it turned out well in the end, 456 00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:41,040 so give her time. 457 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,896 Thanks, Granny. 458 00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:48,136 - Oh! - Chez! Chez, watch me. - Hang on a sec. - Go on, Rob. Go, go, go! 459 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:50,456 - Cherry, eyes on me! - Yes, Robin! Hang on a sec. - You're in! 460 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,136 Pass it! 461 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:53,816 CHEERING 462 00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:55,936 Cherry! Yeah! 463 00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:59,976 - Cherry? Where are you? I can't see! - Over here, Robin! I'm here! 464 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,496 - Robin! - Cherry! Will you marry me? 465 00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:05,176 - Yes! Yes, I will! - Oh, babe! 466 00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:07,736 - Oh! Oh, no! - Robin? 467 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:10,696 - You all right, babe? - Up you get, then, Rob! 468 00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:14,496 - Oh, Robin. - It's like an egg, isn't it? - Oh, don't touch it, babe. 469 00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:18,536 OK, so, Robin's not allowed back on for a bit 470 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:21,496 cos of some woke health and safety concussion nonsense. 471 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:23,736 - Well, in case he has brain damage. - That, yeah. 472 00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:26,136 - It was a good goal, though, weren't it? - It was a brilliant goal 473 00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:28,296 - from my fiance. - It was a golden goal. 474 00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:31,816 - Yeah, so, Jeffrey, you're on. - Er... er... hang on. 475 00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:34,376 - Um, Greg... - No, look, come on, sit at the back with me. 476 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:37,376 - You'll be golden. - No. - You can do a shift in defence, right? 477 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:40,616 - Um, I mean, not traditionally. - Stay tight, hold them up, no shots, 478 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:43,176 - hit them on the counter, OK? - Right, er, exactly. And where is 479 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,736 - the counter? - What? - Sorry. - You'll be fine. 480 00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:49,376 Right, yeah. Sorry, guys! Guys, I should just, um... I should just 481 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,496 say, um, full disclosure before we start. 482 00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:54,496 I mean, you've probably noticed this anyway, but I am 483 00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:58,456 - how can I put this? - Bobbins, sadly. 484 00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:00,576 Yeah, yeah, we're all past our best, mate. 485 00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:04,656 No, I'm not... I've never... I've never actually played it before, 486 00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:06,960 football, is the thing. 487 00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:12,976 Are you winding me up? You've never even played? 488 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:14,856 SHOUTS: - Then, why did you join the team, then?! 489 00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:18,216 You're right. Exactly. I shouldn't have done. 490 00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:20,736 I guess I've... I've always wanted to be in the CID 491 00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:24,256 and I thought that being in a team with you now might help. 492 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,896 It doesn't, it doesn't work like that. 493 00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:29,696 No, yes, I know, I know, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. 494 00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:32,616 - How bobbins are we talking? - Oh, the maximum. 495 00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:34,136 As bobbins as can be. 496 00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:38,296 I don't think I've ever kicked a football before. 497 00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:42,416 I'm better with my hands, you see. Hence the archery. 498 00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:44,296 Your what? What? 499 00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:47,416 - Archery. I'm a former Olympic archer. - Oh, are you? 500 00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:49,576 Yeah, I thought you knew that because of the... 501 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:50,936 Just go in goal, you'll be fine. 502 00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:54,936 OK, yeah, yeah. So, Fozzie, you come out. Jeffrey goes in there. 503 00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:56,216 In goal?! 504 00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:58,016 Yeah. Now. Let's go. 505 00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:01,976 - Oh. And I can use my hands, right? I can use my hands? - Yes! 506 00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,296 And my feet? I can use my feet?! 507 00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:06,936 - It's coming home. - Nothing fancy, yeah? Just keep it tight. 508 00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:09,816 - Go on, Paolo! - It's coming home, it's coming home... - Good luck, Dad. 509 00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:11,536 It's coming home. 510 00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:14,896 Come on, Jeffrey! Come on! 511 00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:18,160 - Ah! - OK, yeah, yeah, that's fine. 512 00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:21,256 - Ah! - Oh, my God. 513 00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:23,616 - Well in, Jeff! - Come out! Come out! 514 00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:25,376 All right, good. 515 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:27,136 Ah! Not too close, not too close! 516 00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:29,016 Well done, Paul, yes! 517 00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:31,256 - Nice one, Dad! - Well done, Paul! 518 00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:33,056 Well done, Jeffrey. 519 00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:35,480 Who's on him? Who's on him?! Deano! 520 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:39,656 - Good tackle, good tackle. - Aargh! 521 00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:42,296 - Aargh! - Oh, my God, Dean! Dean! 522 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:46,936 - Oh, ref! He fouled me, ref! - Oh... - You can't be serious! 523 00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:50,536 - ..he's got the red one out. - He fouled ME! - It's the red one. 524 00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:53,096 - That's outrageous. - He fouled ME, ref! - Is your face OK, Dean? 525 00:22:53,120 --> 00:22:56,216 - Yes, Paul. Of course my face is all right. - Well, you were holding 526 00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:59,376 - your face. - That's everything that's wrong with the modern game, that is. 527 00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:02,736 Is there any way we can... sort this out? 528 00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:04,616 Come on, Paolo! 529 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:06,536 If you don't save this, we're out. 530 00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:08,416 We believe in you! 531 00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:11,640 You're saving this. Do you understand me, Jeffrey? 532 00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:14,736 Yeah. I mean, I'll try. 533 00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:16,816 - And succeed. - Sure. 534 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:19,920 - Just pick a side and throw yourself at it, yeah? - Yeah. 535 00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:22,976 Come on, Dad. You've got this. 536 00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:24,656 Love you, Paolo! 537 00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:25,896 What's happening? 538 00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:28,296 - It's a penalty, babe. - Oh, no. 539 00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:31,216 - Come on, Jeffrey! - Oh, my God, I can't watch. 540 00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:32,320 Come on! 541 00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:36,496 PAUL YELPS 542 00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:38,656 CHEERING 543 00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:41,216 Pick it up, Jeffrey! 544 00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:43,536 - Jeffrey! - Oh! 545 00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:45,536 I'm sorry! 546 00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:49,096 You idiot! You only had to pick it up, you useless goon! 547 00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:51,376 Don't you talk to him like that! 548 00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:55,616 You've lost us the whole thing, Jeffrey. You big sack of old shit. 549 00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:57,856 Paul! My name is Paul! 550 00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:00,176 Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul... 551 00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:02,296 Sammy, Sammy, help me get him up. 552 00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:04,056 Oh, you're all right. 553 00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:05,616 Right in the peanuts! 554 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:07,536 Oh, really? Come on, brother. I got you, I got you. 555 00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:09,096 Up you get. 556 00:24:09,120 --> 00:24:10,936 - Goodness. - Oh, I need a poo. 557 00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:14,456 - Do you want my cold pack? A poo?! Yeah, put them on there. - Oh! 558 00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:17,496 Hello? Mum, we're back! 559 00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:21,936 - Oh! OK. So, you have to go. Right now. - OK, yeah. Just remember to let 560 00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:25,096 - it stand for, like... - I'll let it stand. - ..15 minutes. - You'll have to 561 00:24:25,120 --> 00:24:28,016 - go out the back. Don't let them see you. - I think Dad's out there. - Oh! 562 00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:31,176 Agh! Oh, God. OK. No, down here. Out the front. Go, go. Can you run? 563 00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:33,176 Can you run? Quick, quick, quick. 564 00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:36,856 Oh, my God! OK, up the stairs. Hide, hide, hide! 565 00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:39,536 - Don't tell them about this. - I don't know what THIS is. - Hey! 566 00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:41,496 - Ah, you're back! - Oh, I'm sore. 567 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:43,856 - Oh, my gosh. Great. How did it go? - You're being weird. 568 00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:46,336 - Why are you being weird? - I'm not being weird. - We lost. 569 00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:48,416 - Aww. - And he got a ball to the balls. - Oh. 570 00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:51,616 - And Robin and Cheryl are engaged. - Oh, my God, it's all happening. 571 00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:53,816 And I think it's fair to say Zoe doesn't fancy Dad. 572 00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:56,296 - What? - Yeah, she couldn't have been the one that sent me that card. 573 00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:59,096 - She didn't even know my name was Paul! - What card? 574 00:24:59,120 --> 00:25:02,056 - Where are you going? Where are you going? - The Valentine's card, Mum. 575 00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:04,856 You know, the one that says, "You're too sexy to be true." 576 00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:07,576 - No. - Yeah. - That was from me! 577 00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:09,376 It... What?! 578 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:11,376 Oh, my God, that's tragic. 579 00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:14,280 - Well, I thought you'd figure it out! - I mean. 580 00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:18,816 Mum, you're not supposed to send your son a Valentine's Day card. 581 00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:20,576 That's just weird! 582 00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:23,216 Well, we used to do it all the time, back in the day. 583 00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:26,896 Yeah, it was weird then as well. I'm a grown man! 584 00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:29,856 I shouldn't be eating jelly and I certainly shouldn't be 585 00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:32,216 - receiving love letters from my mother! - No-one's MAKING you 586 00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:35,176 - eat jelly. - Well, at least you know he's not having an affair, Mum. 587 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:39,176 - Of course I'm not because I'm a loser. I'm a pathetic old loser. - Aw. 588 00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:42,496 No, you're not old, Paul. Not really. 589 00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:46,096 - Or a... or a loser! - And I won't make a detective, I can tell you that 590 00:25:46,120 --> 00:25:48,856 - now. - Why are you going upstairs? - Because I'm sweaty! - Well, I don't... 591 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:51,296 Maybe come down. Do it later. Change... change downstairs. 592 00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:54,776 - The football clothes make me sad. - Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, no. 593 00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:57,776 What's wrong with you? You're acting so weird. I don't get it. 594 00:25:57,800 --> 00:25:59,016 Oh! 595 00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:00,480 Oh, my God! 596 00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:03,720 Are YOU having an affair? 597 00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:06,416 What? 598 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,576 No, no! 599 00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:12,496 No? There's a man hiding in our wardrobe, Rachel! 600 00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:14,936 Maybe you WILL be a detective after all, Dad. 601 00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:16,736 UGLY CHRIS: - Hey. 602 00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:20,176 - Hello, there. - Don't greet him, Mum! 603 00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:22,056 What the hell's going on? 604 00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:24,816 This is Ugly Chris. He's Cherry's friend. 605 00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:27,696 - OK. I mean, that guy's not ugly. - No way. 606 00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:30,336 No, he's an absolute dreamboat! 607 00:26:30,360 --> 00:26:35,056 Yeah, no, Cherry calls him Ugly Chris as a joke because he's not. 608 00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:36,576 Tell him. 609 00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:39,160 Yeah, I didn't know she called me that, actually. 610 00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:41,576 Well, she does. 611 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:46,336 He's a chef, he's making beef Wellington for you, from me. 612 00:26:46,360 --> 00:26:50,256 I wanted you to think I'd made it, that's why he's here 613 00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:52,296 and in there. 614 00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:53,520 Right. 615 00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:57,616 - We should probably get it out the oven now, Rach. - Yeah, no, sure, 616 00:26:57,640 --> 00:27:00,056 - thank you so much. - OK. - Thank you, Ugly Chris. - Cheers. 617 00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:01,560 I'll lay the table. 618 00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:05,616 Wait for me, Ugly Chris! 619 00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:06,936 Sorry. 620 00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:08,776 You are not a loser. 621 00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:10,416 I mean, you won me, didn't you? 622 00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:12,200 - Yeah. - Yeah. 623 00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:17,296 - Thanks, babe. I love you. - I love you, and happy Valentine's. 624 00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:20,456 You're both way too dull to have an affair anyway. 625 00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:23,816 - Yeah, that's true, that's true. - Yeah. And I did win 626 00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:27,496 the Men's Archery Field Championships in 2007, so... 627 00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:31,656 - Yep. - Come on, Sammy. It's coming home! Huh? 628 00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,776 MUSIC: Let's Go by The Routers. 629 00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:35,840 ? Let's go! 630 00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:38,880 ? Let's go! 631 00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:42,320 ? Let's go! 632 00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:45,760 ? Let's go! 633 00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:49,080 ? Let's go! 634 00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:52,440 ? Let's go! 635 00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:55,800 ? Let's go! 636 00:27:58,120 --> 00:27:59,160 ? Let's go! ? 637 00:27:59,210 --> 00:28:03,760 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 51655

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.