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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:08,960 (both laughing) 2 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:10,000 I thought I wouldn't see you again 3 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:11,040 unless you were in trouble. 4 00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:12,800 (laughs): Oh, I am in trouble. 5 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:14,520 Oh, you mean this kind of trouble. 6 00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:15,680 (both laugh) 7 00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:17,680 Isn't he great? He's so great. 8 00:00:17,720 --> 00:00:19,360 He's funny, he makes jokes. 9 00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:21,280 She turned around, and it was the golden one. 10 00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:24,120 -(both laugh) -You sort of needed to hear the top bit. 11 00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:26,200 -I love wordplay. -Ah, he's clever. 12 00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:28,520 -Shakespeare uses wordplay. -He says things like... 13 00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:31,000 -I've got a big case tomorrow. -He's little bit controlling... 14 00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:32,400 -Don't eat that. -...but it's manageable. 15 00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:33,760 -I'm going to. -Okay. 16 00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:35,440 -He's a feminist. -I have a sister. 17 00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:37,760 -He's unpredictable. -I'm just gonna go for a shit. 18 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:38,960 I'm ignoring that. 19 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:40,960 Actually, 20 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,160 -you want to go and have sex? -That's better. 21 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:45,120 -I'm really good at it... -He won't be. 22 00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:46,680 -I'm really good at it. -He won't be. 23 00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:48,240 He's really good at it. 24 00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:50,240 ♪ ♪ 25 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:52,280 (groans): Oh, my God. 26 00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:59,600 I'm not gonna be sick. 27 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:01,000 (sniffles) 28 00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:03,160 I'm not gonna be sick. 29 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:07,200 -Hi. -Hi. 30 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:09,560 Uh, do you need a hand with any of... 31 00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:12,080 -No, no. No. -I can at least take the bassoon, if you... 32 00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:14,880 I'm perfectly balanced, thank you. 33 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:17,680 -Big night last night? -Is it obvious? 34 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:20,360 Well, at least someone's having fun. 35 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:23,080 -Wait, I can get the bell... -No, no. I've got it. 36 00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:25,800 -Okay. -(doorbell rings) 37 00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:27,840 (grunts) 38 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:29,400 (exhales) 39 00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:31,800 -Are you going to be sick? -Nope. 40 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:33,440 She better be quick today. 41 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:35,840 I have a serious appointment later. I can't miss it. 42 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:38,160 -It's very important. -What kind of appointment? 43 00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:40,360 A serious one. Can't miss it, okay? 44 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,840 -Well, do you need me to... -I don't need you 45 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:45,680 to do anything, thank you. 46 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:47,560 Unless you can find a way 47 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:49,600 to stop this horrendous wedding from happening. 48 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:52,360 -Girls! Come in, come in. Oh. -Hi. 49 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:53,960 (chuckles): Oh, look. 50 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,080 You can just leave these things there for now, yeah? 51 00:01:56,120 --> 00:01:58,200 -You like a quick cup of tea before you start? -Oh, actually, yeah... 52 00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:00,560 -Oh, um, I have to be pretty quick today. -It's already in a pot. 53 00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:04,280 Come through. We got a tray of lovely, sweet chocolaty things, 54 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:06,680 -and our lovely friend has just dropped round. -Hi. 55 00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:08,400 GODMOTHER: Hello, darling. 56 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:10,760 -Hello. -(chuckles) 57 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:13,040 Uh, I'm gonna be sick. (chuckles softly) 58 00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:14,400 You all right? You look horrendous. 59 00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:16,240 Oh, thanks. Just a big night. 60 00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:17,840 Hello. 61 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,840 Hey. I only meant to be quick. I wasn't-- didn't need to-- 62 00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:22,960 -wasn't expecting the whole family. Wow. -(chuckles) 63 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,680 -They're being painted. Isn't that fun? -Aw, so fun. 64 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:28,120 -Um, I can come back later... Yeah. -No, no. 65 00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:30,760 -No. No. -So, come on, fill us in. 66 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:33,360 -Probably better actually that we should all hear the plan. -(chuckles) 67 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:35,360 -Right. -PRIEST: Right. Well, I just wanted 68 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:38,520 to pop in actually to say that, um... 69 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:41,600 I've been called away this weekend and I'm afraid 70 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:44,800 I won't be able to officiate at the ceremony tomorrow. 71 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,400 Oh, Christ. 72 00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:53,920 Why? 73 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,920 My brother is ill. 74 00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:58,520 So I have to go and see him. 75 00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:01,120 Well, what is he ill with? 76 00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:03,160 A lorry. 77 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:07,520 -Accident. -Right. 78 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:09,480 Oh, God. 79 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:11,440 -Is he all right? -He's-he's... 80 00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:15,480 he's in a bit of a state, to be honest. 81 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:17,320 But, uh... 82 00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:20,360 I just can't do it. 83 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:21,760 Can't do it. 84 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:24,600 GODMOTHER: Well. 85 00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:27,840 Well. 86 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:32,360 Oh, this is gonna be spectacular. 87 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:36,920 You... poor man. 88 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:38,920 Well, of course you must go. 89 00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,680 -Really? -Uh, really? 90 00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:43,600 GODMOTHER: Of course. Family first. 91 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:44,800 Always. 92 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:46,680 Family first. You must go, 93 00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:49,080 get straight to him. Just send me through the details 94 00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:51,480 of what you've worked out so far and we'll sort something out. 95 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:53,680 Oh, I put out the feelers for somebody else and... 96 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:55,040 Well, uh, I think we might have to... (stammers) 97 00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:56,360 Don't even think about it. 98 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:58,360 This is much more important. You must go. 99 00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:00,560 -Go, go, go. -Okay. Well-well, thank you so much 100 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:02,760 -for your understanding. -DAD: Oh, well-well, sure, sure, sure. 101 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:06,640 PRIEST: And all the best, and, uh, I'll see you again. I'm-I'm sorry. 102 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,680 -GODMOTHER: Oh, good-bye, darling. Good luck. -Have a great day. 103 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:11,360 -PRIEST: Bye. Bye-bye. Bye. -(door closes) 104 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:14,960 GODMOTHER: What a... cunt! 105 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,240 -What a cunt! -DAD: (stammers) Please don't... 106 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:19,440 GODMOTHER: Bastard! Fucking bast-- Don't touch me! 107 00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:21,240 Christ, I need to paint! I need to paint now! 108 00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:24,000 -Send them away! -Uh... 109 00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:29,200 -I think you should, uh... -Yes. Okay. 110 00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:32,240 -Bye, Dad. -Bye, Dad. 111 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:40,200 Well, that solves that problem. 112 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:42,200 God, I'm relieved for him. 113 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:45,800 -You all right? -Yeah, I'm just late for the café. 114 00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:47,360 Right. 115 00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:49,440 (choir singing) 116 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:04,240 -Oh, my God! -Oh! Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. 117 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:07,640 -Jesus. How long were you there? -Literally, t-three seconds. 118 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:10,320 (sighs) 119 00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:11,920 You can't just cancel a wedding. 120 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:13,520 -I don't have a choice. -But you have the dress. 121 00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:15,880 (both chuckle) 122 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:18,360 I ca-- I can't. I can't. I can't. 123 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,600 -Listen, I just need to say... -No, no, no. I know what you're... 124 00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:23,360 -I don't want to know. -No, I don't think you do know what I'm gonna say. 125 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:37,480 Please don't come to the church again. 126 00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:43,680 I mean that... 127 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:46,520 with the greatest of compliments. 128 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:58,400 (choir singing) 129 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:03,080 (groans) 130 00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:05,680 I'd strongly advise taking out the insurance. 131 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:07,880 -Uh, the problem is... -I can deal with it. 132 00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:10,520 -The, um, uh... (stammers) seven foot tall. -I can deal with it. 133 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:13,560 -It's a very large armchair, so he couldn't even... -Can't deal with it. 134 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:15,680 ...feel the chinchilla, so, you know, 135 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:17,200 -suffocating underneath him. -(chuckles) 136 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:19,320 It's Tuesday, Joe. 137 00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:21,360 No, it's Chatty Wednesday. 138 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:23,400 No, it's Quiet Tuesday. It's Chatty Wednesday. 139 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:25,200 Well, it was a very small chinchilla... 140 00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:27,800 No, can we just stop chatting, just for a second please, Joe? 141 00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:30,040 -(singing stops) -(chatter stops) 142 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:32,320 Joe, I... 143 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:34,320 (chatter resumes) 144 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:37,120 (bell jingles) 145 00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:39,600 Hi. 146 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:41,760 -You okay? -Uh, yeah. 147 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:44,280 Are you okay? You look like something bad's happened. 148 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:46,920 Do I? I thought I was looking jolly. 149 00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:48,680 Oh. Um, why? 150 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:51,000 I've been offered a new job. 151 00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:53,520 Oh. Congratulations. 152 00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:57,400 Well, I just wanted to say goodbye. 153 00:06:57,440 --> 00:06:59,200 And to give you this. 154 00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:01,120 Thanks. 155 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:05,480 -It's a guinea pig. -It's a hamster. 156 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:06,680 Thanks. 157 00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:08,280 (phone vibrating) 158 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:10,680 Mm. Oh, sorry, it's my sister. 159 00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:12,240 She's a bit mental. Do you mind if I...? 160 00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:14,040 Sure. I wasn't gonna stay, so... 161 00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:15,560 -Claire? -CLAIRE: Something's happened. 162 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:17,080 (crying): Something awful has happened. 163 00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:20,320 -What? -I can't... I can't breathe. 164 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:22,200 Well, where are you? Do you need me to come? 165 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:23,960 No, no, I just, I fucked it up! 166 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:26,240 I fucked everything up! Can you come? 167 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:28,520 Oh, yeah. B-But I have to close the café, but I could-- 168 00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:30,160 -Just tell me where you are. -No, don't close. 169 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:31,560 I'm so sorry. (stammers) 170 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:33,720 I-I can look after the place if you like. 171 00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:35,720 -Really? -Well, I don't start till Monday. 172 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:38,280 -Wait. Why...? -I just like it. 173 00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:39,960 -Ok-Okay. -(Claire continues crying) 174 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,040 Could you give Hilary and, um, uh... 175 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:43,720 -No, don't bring Hilary. -Stephanie. 176 00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:46,160 ...Stephanie, some cucumber at 2:30? 177 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:47,600 -Who's Stephanie? -Great, thanks. -(keys jingle) 178 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:49,280 Um, Claire, just tell me where you are. 179 00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:51,600 -What the hell has happened? -No, just come! I need you to... 180 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:56,200 (exhales) 181 00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:57,560 Tell the truth. 182 00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:59,440 -It's horrendous. -It's horrendous. 183 00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:01,160 -It's modern. -Don't lie! 184 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:03,720 -I'm not. -I look like a pencil. 185 00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:05,400 (laughs): You... you don't look like... 186 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:07,600 -Don't laugh. -It's okay. 187 00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:10,160 It's not okay! I'm gonna lose my job. 188 00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:11,600 You won't lose your job. It's cool. 189 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:13,840 -It's not cool! -It's edgy. 190 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:15,600 -Oh, fuck off! -No, it's chic. 191 00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:18,040 -It's unsalvageable! -Claire, it's French. 192 00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:21,840 -Really? -Yes. 193 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:26,880 Have you been drinking? 194 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:30,520 Oh, he gave me champagne before he ruined my life. 195 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:32,160 That's how they get you. 196 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:34,400 Did you go to Anthony? 197 00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:37,520 -Claire. -I know. 198 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,080 What?! You remember what happened to me?! 199 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,760 I honestly thought it was the last time I was gonna see him. 200 00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:45,320 -Um, I mean, that's awful, but if I... -His little face was just... 201 00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:46,880 Anthony! 202 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,360 -Is this what you asked for? -No, of course not. 203 00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:50,640 He's just a bastard. 204 00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:54,520 Right, fuck it. 205 00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:56,600 -What? -Come on. 206 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:58,280 No, no! It's all right! 207 00:08:58,320 --> 00:08:59,280 FLEABAG: Come on. 208 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:02,000 CLAIRE: Oh. Slow down! 209 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:07,000 Hey! 210 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:08,960 -No. No! -Anthony. 211 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,640 That is exactly what she asked for. 212 00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:12,480 No, it's not. We want compensation. 213 00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:14,040 -Claire? -I've got two important meetings 214 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:16,880 -and I look like a pencil. -No! 215 00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:18,720 Don't blame me for your bad choices. 216 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:20,040 Hair isn't everything. 217 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:22,120 (chuckles): Wow. 218 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:23,520 What? 219 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:25,880 Hair is everything. 220 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:27,960 We wish it wasn't, so we could actually think 221 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,160 about something else occasionally, but it is. 222 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:32,440 It's the difference between a good day and a bad day. 223 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:34,960 We're meant to think that it's a symbol of power, 224 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:36,280 that it's a symbol of fertility. 225 00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:38,440 Some people are exploited for it and it pays your fucking bills. 226 00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:40,440 Hair is everything, Anthony! 227 00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:43,840 Show her the reference. 228 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:48,480 Claudia, bring me the bin. 229 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:06,760 If you want to change your life, change your life. 230 00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:09,160 It's not gonna happen in here. 231 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:11,160 -Sorry, Anthony. Sorry. -Sorry, Anthony. 232 00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:13,760 -I didn't mean for it to turn out like that. -I'll see you next week. 233 00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:15,640 (exhales) 234 00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:17,400 You got any cigarettes? 235 00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:19,040 -No. -Good. 236 00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:24,000 -Thank you for being there. -It was cathartic. 237 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,640 -At the hospital. -No, it's okay. 238 00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:28,520 Shame you didn't get to keep that doctor. 239 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:29,880 (chuckles) 240 00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:34,160 I'm sorry you lost it. 241 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:40,480 I just... felt... relief. 242 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:46,240 I didn't want my husband's baby. 243 00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:48,240 Isn't that awful? 244 00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:55,280 I haven't even asked you how you are. 245 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:57,400 -How are you? What's going on with you? -(chuckles) 246 00:10:57,440 --> 00:11:00,920 Um... I met someone. 247 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:02,840 -What? Really? -Yeah. 248 00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:04,800 Oh, my God. That's amazing. 249 00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:06,200 What does he do? 250 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:08,160 He's a priest. 251 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:10,200 (choir singing) 252 00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:24,040 Is it...? 253 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:27,720 -Yeah. -Oh, my God. 254 00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:29,640 Yeah. 255 00:11:29,680 --> 00:11:31,240 -You are joking. -No. 256 00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:34,480 (laughing) 257 00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:36,040 (Fleabag laughs) 258 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:39,040 -I'm sorry. -I know. 259 00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:40,840 It's just... 260 00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:43,320 -I'm sure-sure it's very complicated. -Yes. 261 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:45,320 -But it's just... -It's very painful. 262 00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:47,240 -You're a genius. -(laughs) 263 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:49,320 You're my fucking hero. 264 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:50,880 Claire? 265 00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:52,840 -Is that you? -Oh, God. 266 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,120 -Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God. -Oh. 267 00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:55,440 -Claire! -Klare! 268 00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:57,120 -Hi. -Oh, my God. 269 00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:59,200 -Claire, I love your hair! -Oh. 270 00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:01,440 (chuckles) Claire. 271 00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:04,200 It's so cute and edgy and cool. 272 00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:05,520 -(laughs) -Oh. Thank you. 273 00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:07,320 Like superstar. Pop star. 274 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:08,840 (both laugh) 275 00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:11,880 Listen, these penguins are taking me 276 00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:14,840 to this new, amazing London music thing. 277 00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:16,200 -Are you free? -Oh. 278 00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:17,600 -Yes. -You want to come? 279 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:20,840 Oh, I... I have to take my stepson his bassoon. 280 00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:22,880 I mean, I wish I could. 281 00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:26,720 Well, I leave tomorrow. 282 00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:28,960 -So... -Oh. 283 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,240 I'll take the bassoon. I've got it. 284 00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:32,800 (chuckles) I'll take it. 285 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:35,400 -Oh, um, no, he's expecting me to. -No, no. 286 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:37,800 No, just-just tell Jake it's with me at the cafe. 287 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:39,200 -Honestly, it's fine. -Oh. 288 00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:41,360 Hey, I don't want to get in the way of your family days. 289 00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:42,960 -(all laugh) -No, I'll take it. 290 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,720 Please get in the way of her family days. (chuckles) 291 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:47,960 Just tell Jake I've got it. 292 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,000 No biggie. 293 00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:53,000 Bye, Claire. Bye, Klare. 294 00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:54,200 Bye, Klare. 295 00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:57,080 I can't believe your hair. 296 00:12:57,120 --> 00:13:00,440 -(both laugh) -It's so chic and cute. 297 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,440 -It's all the things. -CLAIRE: Really? 298 00:13:02,480 --> 00:13:04,440 -(Klare speaks Finnish) -(both laugh) 299 00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:06,400 KLARE: Goes so well with your top. 300 00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:08,360 -(laughs) -Oh, thank God. That's so sweet of you. 301 00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:10,160 Honestly, I've had such a day with it. 302 00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,080 -KLARE: Yeah, all right. (laughs) -Yeah. 303 00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:15,640 FLEABAG: Oh, fuck. 304 00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:17,200 ♪ ♪ 305 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,360 Sorry. 306 00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:24,640 Well, that was exhausting. (chuckles) 307 00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:26,240 The new guinea pig. 308 00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:28,080 -Hamster. -He's in with Hilary. 309 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:31,640 They shared the cucumber, okay? Which was quite sweet. 310 00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:33,360 Oh. Thanks. 311 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:34,560 Well, I'd say anytime, 312 00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:36,320 -but, uh... -You have a new job. 313 00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:38,520 Yeah. I will be back, though. 314 00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:41,920 My wife would love Chatty Wednesdays. 315 00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:44,000 -Love them. -Oh. 316 00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:46,880 (clears throat) Oh. You have a visitor. 317 00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:49,600 -He said he knew you, so I let him wait in there. -Oh. 318 00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:50,960 Oh. 319 00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:54,840 Pleasure doing business with you. 320 00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:56,920 Bye. 321 00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:02,840 He took the pinny. 322 00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:05,800 (bell jingles) 323 00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:07,920 -Ugh. -Hey! 324 00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:10,920 -He's gonna make a bassoon joke. -Is that a bassoon in your hand 325 00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:12,520 or are you just pleased to see me? 326 00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:14,440 Would you say that to your son? 327 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:16,840 When he has his bassoon, sure. 328 00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:19,440 But... (laughs): he's never pleased 329 00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:21,400 -to see me, so... -Doesn't even make sense. 330 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:23,680 Why would a bassoon in my hand... 331 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:25,960 -Like a dick in your hand. -Oh, right, so if I was walking towards you 332 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,520 with an amputated dick in my hand, 333 00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:28,760 you'd think I was horny. 334 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,280 Well, I'd assume that you had been. 335 00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:32,880 Certainly wouldn't put it past you to chop a dick off. 336 00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:35,320 (sighs) Put the guinea pig down. 337 00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:37,880 -Where is she? -Why? 338 00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:40,280 Well, she was meant to have dropped that off, 339 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:41,680 and she's not at the office. 340 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:43,200 Well, I don't know where she is. 341 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:45,360 So you just... found that, huh? 342 00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:48,080 Mm. Please don't hurt the guinea pig. 343 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:52,840 I would never hurt the guinea pig. 344 00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:54,680 I wouldn't do that. 345 00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:59,080 Here we go, sweetie. Go in here. 346 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:04,160 -Oh, that's fucking adorable. -Are you sure we should even be talking? 347 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:05,800 Aren't you supposed to be getting me arrested 348 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:07,800 -or something? -(sighs) 349 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:09,880 Wow. (chuckles) 350 00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:12,360 She really tells you everything, doesn't she? Hmm. 351 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:15,280 Cute tables. 352 00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:18,120 -Oh, Jesus, Martin. -Fuck off! 353 00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:25,360 You... are the problem, you know that? 354 00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:31,000 You are the problem in my perfect, awful life. 355 00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:33,240 I haven't seen you in a year. 356 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:37,880 And yet still, off she runs, into the night, for you. 357 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:43,240 I can't even get the woman pregnant, and then you come in, 358 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:45,520 showing off about your miscarriage. 359 00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:47,920 Like, you didn't even want the one you had. 360 00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:50,920 I was just trying to make her feel better! 361 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:52,840 (stifled chuckle) 362 00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:56,840 (phone vibrating) 363 00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:58,640 Give me your phone. 364 00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:01,400 -No. -Give me your phone! 365 00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:02,720 (chuckles): No. 366 00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:06,440 Is she leaving me? 367 00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:08,560 (quietly): I hope so. 368 00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:12,600 Don't let her leave me. 369 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:17,720 Don't let her leave me, please. 370 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:20,040 (panting) 371 00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:24,080 I hope she doesn't come home tonight. 372 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:27,720 (laughs) 373 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:30,280 Ah! Cashmere, cashmere, cashmere. 374 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:32,760 I will take you down, fucker. 375 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:34,120 I will take you down, fucker. 376 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:37,120 (scoffs, chuckles) 377 00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:38,320 Fuck you! 378 00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:40,520 -Fuck you! -Fuck you! 379 00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:44,760 -Fuck you! -Fuck you! You better start sleeping with a lawyer! 380 00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:46,120 I'm already sleeping with a lawyer! 381 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:48,520 Yeah?! Lucky lawyer! 382 00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:50,320 (panting) 383 00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:52,040 -(bell jingles) -Shit. 384 00:16:57,520 --> 00:16:59,520 (sighs) I better call my lawyer. 385 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,160 (sighs) 386 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:02,880 You know that feeling when the hot misogynist 387 00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:05,160 who might not be a misogynist is turning up at your house 388 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:06,440 for the second time in 48 hours 389 00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:07,800 to give you nine orgasms you don't want 390 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:09,720 just to do something to get your head out of the fact 391 00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:11,440 that the only person you want to see in the world 392 00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:12,880 -is the priest that you... -(doorbell buzzes) 393 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:14,320 (sighs) 394 00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:16,320 So you pick yourself up, cover yourself in coconut oil, 395 00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,240 and hope he doesn't notice that you haven't shaved your... 396 00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:21,400 -(thunder rumbling) -Hey. 397 00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:26,560 Your sister gave me your address. 398 00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:28,520 Are you on your way out? 399 00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:30,960 Oh, no, I just, I just got in. 400 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:32,800 I've only got underwear under this coat. 401 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:35,000 Okay, good. Can I come in? 402 00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:36,560 Yeah. Sure. 403 00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:45,800 -It's nice. -Ah, thank you. 404 00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:47,640 Uh... 405 00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:53,440 -Water? -No, thanks. I want to keep a clear head. 406 00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:56,200 Uh, I've changed my mind about the wedding. 407 00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:58,680 I can't let them down like that. 408 00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:00,640 And apparently no one else will wear the outfit. 409 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,320 -Oh, that's good of you. -You gonna take off your coat? 410 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:06,800 Um... no, no, I'm good. I'm a bit chilly. 411 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:13,920 I've sacrificed a lot for this life. 412 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,320 You know? I've given a lot of things up. 413 00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:19,920 -Um, so, uh... -(doorbell buzzes) 414 00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:23,800 (doorbell buzzes) 415 00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:28,560 Do you want to get that? 416 00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:31,680 Oh, no. I don't like opening the door to people I don't know. 417 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:33,880 -(doorbell buzzes) -HOT MISOGYNIST: I'm back! 418 00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:35,520 (doorbell buzzes) 419 00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:37,800 Look, if-if... if there's someone 420 00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:40,280 you need to see or-or let in or... 421 00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:42,320 No, honestly, honestly, it's fine. 422 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:49,320 (sighs) 423 00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:51,800 -When I was a child, I... -(doorbell buzzes) 424 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:53,080 -HOT MISOGYNIST: Milady! -Yeah, I'm just-- 425 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:55,720 -(doorbell buzzes) -I'll just be, um... 426 00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:00,240 -HOT MISOGYNIST: So, you're in trouble again, huh? -Oh, my God, listen. 427 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:03,880 -You can't come in. -Okay, you want to do it on the doorstep. 428 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:06,760 Uh, no, my priest is here, and he really needs some guidance. 429 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,240 What? Is he okay? 430 00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:11,640 FLEABAG: No, I'm hoping he's having an emotional crisis. 431 00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:13,520 HOT MISOGYNIST: Shall I wait? You said you wanted to see me. 432 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:16,000 Yes, I did want to see you, but now I don't want to see you. 433 00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:18,320 HOT MISOGYNIST: Did I do something wrong? You seemed to like what I did. 434 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,080 -FLEABAG: I did. -I'm really good at it. 435 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:21,400 FLEABAG: Yes, I know you are. Yeah. 436 00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:23,400 -I'm really good at it. -Yeah, I know you are. 437 00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:25,400 -I'm really... -Okay, you're really good at it. 438 00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:27,280 -Well, clearly I'm not if you don't want it. -Oh, for God's sake. 439 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:30,000 -You're the best sex I've ever had. -What? 440 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:31,080 You're the best sex I've ever had. 441 00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:32,440 Really? 442 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:35,560 Honestly, you... you made me come nine times. 443 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:37,680 Honestly? 444 00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:40,240 -(chuckles softly) -Cool. 445 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,080 (chuckles) Do you want me to go? 446 00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:43,440 Yeah. Okay. 447 00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:44,480 I could take this somewhere else. 448 00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:46,040 Oh, okay, good. Good for her. 449 00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,520 Nine times. 450 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,320 You're a saint. 451 00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:55,320 (door closes) 452 00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:57,320 -I'm sorry. -That's okay. 453 00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:59,040 -That was... -I won't ask. (chuckles) 454 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:03,200 -Nine times? -I just had to get rid of him. 455 00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:05,040 Sure. 456 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,560 I can't be physical with you. 457 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:12,320 We can't even wrestle? (chuckles) 458 00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:14,680 (laughs) 459 00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:18,320 No, priests have sex, you know. A lot of them actually do. 460 00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,320 They don't burst into flames; I googled it. 461 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:21,800 I can't have sex with you 462 00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:23,640 because I'll fall in love with you. 463 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,800 And if I fall in love with you, 464 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:29,200 I won't burst into flames, but... 465 00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:32,000 my life will be fucked. 466 00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:34,280 We're gonna have sex. 467 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,560 I'm supposed to love one thing. 468 00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:39,560 -Oh, my God, we're gonna have sex. -For fuck's sake! Stop that! 469 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:45,080 I don't think you want to be told what to do at all. 470 00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:46,800 I think you know exactly what you want to do. 471 00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:48,560 If you really wanted to be told what to do, 472 00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:49,800 you'd be wearing one of these. 473 00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:51,560 Women aren't actually allowed... 474 00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:53,000 Oh, fuck off! I know! 475 00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:54,440 (chuckles) 476 00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:06,440 We're gonna have sex, aren't we? 477 00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:17,000 -Yeah. -Yeah. 478 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,560 Okay. 479 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:45,040 -I... -Oh, whoa, okay. 480 00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:46,760 -Uh... -Listen, I had a... 481 00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:48,800 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. 482 00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:00,600 (choir singing) 483 00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:16,480 (gasps) 484 00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:20,640 (panting) 33080

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