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(Narrator)
History has known many liars -
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Copernicus, Goebbels,
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Saint Ralph the Liar.
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00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:16,030
But there have been none quite so
vile as the Tudor king, Henry VII.
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00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:20,671
He rewrote history to portray
his predecessor, Richard III,
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00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:26,790
as a deformed maniac
who killed his nephews in the Tower.
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00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:32,795
But the real truth is that Richard
was a kind, thoughtful man
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who cherished his young wards.
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In particular Richard,
Duke of York,
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00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:43,837
who grew into a big, strong boy.
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Henry claimed he won
the Battle of Bosworth Field,
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00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:48,876
and killed Richard III.
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00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,315
Again, the truth is very different.
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It was Richard, Duke of York, who
became king after Bosworth Field
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00:00:56,360 --> 00:01:00,035
and reigned for 13 glorious years.
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00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:02,680
As for who killed Richard III
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00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:05,149
and how Henry Tudor
escaped with his life,
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00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:09,791
all is revealed in this, the first
chapter of a history never told,
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00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:12,678
the history of The Black Adder.
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Silence, silence for the King!
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Now is the summer
of our sweet content,
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made o'ercast winter
by these Tudor clowns.
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00:02:30,920 --> 00:02:36,995
And I that am not shaped
for black-faced war... (Cheering)
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00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:41,710
...I that am rudely cast
and want true majesty...
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(Booing)
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...am forced to fight
to set sweet England free.
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I pray to Heaven we fare well
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and all who fight us go to hell!
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(All)
Hurrah!
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Absolutely, hurrah!
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Who is that?
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I know not, My Lord.
I'll ask my son.
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00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:12,078
Harry, who is that?
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00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:16,039
- Your other son, My Lord.
- It is my other son, My Lord.
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00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:19,078
Fights he with us on the morrow?
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00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:23,870
- What's his name?
- Edmund.
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00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:27,077
Edna! Fight you
with us on the morrow?
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00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:32,029
Oh, goodness, no.
I thought I'd fight with the enemy.
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00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:43,840
He won't be
anywhere near me, will he?
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00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:46,150
No, he'll be amongst the rabble.
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00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:50,279
- Oh, arrow fodder.
- Precisely.
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00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:54,830
What a little turd.
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00:03:54,920 --> 00:04:00,233
Percy, you see how the King
picks me out for special greeting?
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- No, My Lord.
- I saw it, My Lord.
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Ah! And what is your name,
little fellow?
46
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Baldrick, My Lord.
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Then I shall call you... Baldrick.
48
00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:17,274
And I shall call you "My Lord",
My Lord.
49
00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:20,955
I like the cut of your jib,
young fellow-me-lad.
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00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:24,874
How'd you like to be my squire
in the battle tomorrow?
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00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:28,157
It will be a great day
for we nobles.
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Not if we lose, Percy. If we lose,
I'll be chopped to pieces.
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My arms will end up in Essex,
my torso in Norfolk,
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and my genitalia
in a tree somewhere in Rutland.
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00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:43,435
With you at the helm, My Lord,
we cannot lose.
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We could if we wanted to.
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00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:51,350
Ah, but we won't, Percy. I shall
prove to all that I am a man.
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But you are a man.
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00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:56,958
But how shall it be proved, Percy?
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By looking up the tree in Rutland.
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00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:03,674
It shall be proved by mine enemies
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rushing to the water closet
in terror.
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- Hurrah!
- Hurrah.
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00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:11,757
A toast! Let all those
who go to don armour tomorrow
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00:05:11,840 --> 00:05:16,118
remember to go
before they don armour tomorrow!
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00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:21,839
Already, I can hear the sound
of battle ringing in my ears.
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Once more unto the breach,
dear friends, once more.
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Consign their parts most private
to a Rutland tree.
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Let "Blood, blood, blood"
be your motto!
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Slit their gizzards!
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00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:51,472
Now, I'm afraid
there's going to have to be
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a certain amount of... violence.
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But at least we know
it's all in a good cause, don't we?
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(Cheering)
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And gentlemen in London still a-bed
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shall think themselves acursed
they were not here.
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And hold their manhood cheap,
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while others speak of those
who fought with us
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00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:20,157
on Ralph the Liar's Day!
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00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:26,637
(Snoring)
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00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:37,599
(Knock on the door)
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00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:39,955
Edmund?
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00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:44,591
- Edmund!
- Oh, Mother, what do you want?
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00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:47,752
Did you want to go to battle today?
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(Alarm clock rings)
86
00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:54,237
It's eleven o'clock!
87
00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:04,674
- M'lord?
- What is it?
88
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:09,715
- Where is this battle, then?
- Somewhere called Bosworth Field.
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(Edmund)
Ah!
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(Edmund)
Damn, damn!
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00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:20,117
First decent battle
since I've reached puberty.
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- Here we are, My Lord.
- Onward, Baldrick, to glory!
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(Swords clash and horses whinny)
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00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:39,956
Y-yes, um...
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00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:43,794
I'm not so sure
we're needed, Baldrick.
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00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:48,032
Everything seems to be going
very well, doesn't it?
97
00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:50,714
Everyone's fighting,
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00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:54,076
clearly having
the time of their lives.
99
00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:59,553
Why, some people over there aren't
fighting, they're just lying down!
100
00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:04,515
- They're dead, My Lord.
- Ah.
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Damn, I knew
I'd forgotten something.
102
00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:10,554
Would you excuse me, Baldrick?
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Your Majesty,
you've lost your steed. Take mine.
104
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:26,950
I've won the battle and saved the
kingdom. I can find myself a horse.
105
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:30,555
True, My Lord.
I'll see you at the castle.
106
00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:33,438
So be it.
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A horse!
(Whistles)
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A horse.
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My kingdom for a horse.
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Ah!
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Horsey.
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Oi! That's my horse!
113
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There. That'll teach you!
114
00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:19,479
You won't be doing that again,
will you?
115
00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:25,993
Oh, my God, it's Uncle Richard.
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Aaaaaaargh!
117
00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:32,758
What's up, My Lord?
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Oh, dear, Richard III.
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What are you going to do?
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Quick.
121
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Hold it there.
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My Lord!
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(Baldrick groans)
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Will you wait? Will you wait?
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Oh, well done.
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Where's the head?
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- I thought you had it.
- I can't carry everything!
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(Footsteps)
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00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:46,470
Percy, you brainless son of
a prostitute, where've you been?
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00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:50,917
I've just proved that I'm a man.
Look what I've found!
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00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:55,391
Oh, thank God. Put it down
and let's get out of here!
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00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:58,631
- I found it, it's mine.
- What do you mean, yours?
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I need it to prove
I killed a nobleman.
134
00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:05,037
And which nobleman, pray?
135
00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:06,838
Er...
136
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Well, it's the King, actually.
137
00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:22,912
- Lost! All is lost!
- What?
138
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:25,673
Flee! Flee!
139
00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:29,070
- Quick, let's get out of here.
- Take me too!
140
00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:31,594
Get your hands off!
141
00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:34,319
If you leave me, I'll die.
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If you don't leave me alone,
I'll kill you.
143
00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:41,628
- Come on, Baldrick!
- I'll give you money.
144
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10,000 sovereigns!
145
00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:55,711
- Mother!
- Edmund, dear. How did it go?
146
00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:59,634
Within seconds,
Henry Tudor will be at our gates!
147
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:03,156
But I'm not ready.
I haven't had a bath yet.
148
00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:05,959
Mother, Henry is our enemy.
149
00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:10,431
His men will brutally ravish you
and every woman in the castle.
150
00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:13,637
Oh, well.
I shan't bother to change, then.
151
00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:15,438
My Lord!
152
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:20,116
- What do you want?
- Listen! (Drums)
153
00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:24,398
Oh, my God. They're here already.
Run for your lives!
154
00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:28,632
- Run for the hills!
- They're coming from the hills.
155
00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:32,759
Sorry, run away from the hills!
Run away from the hills!
156
00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:36,389
If you see the hills,
run the other way!
157
00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:39,597
But they're flying
King Richard's banner.
158
00:12:39,680 --> 00:12:44,390
- That's impossible. He's dead.
- King Richard - dead?
159
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:48,029
Yes. Er... God knows how.
160
00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:54,428
Oh, dear.
That's really upset the tulip cart.
161
00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:58,274
The flags are just
a cunning trick to deceive us.
162
00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:00,635
(Baldrick)
My Lord, it's not a cunning trick.
163
00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:05,475
No, because we've seen through it.
They obviously thought it was...
164
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(Baldrick)
I don't think they thought it up.
165
00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:09,831
(Edmund)
They borrowed it?
166
00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:12,593
(Baldrick)
I don't think it's a trick at all.
167
00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:16,639
You don't think using
someone else's banner is a trick?
168
00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:17,869
(Crash)
Aah!
169
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(Percy)
It's only your father.
170
00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:27,999
- Who locked that bloody door?
- Richard, it's you!
171
00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:29,877
Who did you expect?
172
00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:32,269
I thought it would be Henry Tulip.
173
00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:36,319
Henry Tulip?
Have you lost your conkers?
174
00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:40,949
- So you won?
- Yes, of course. We won!
175
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:44,589
We won! Victory!
(All cheer)
176
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:48,797
So I suppose
now you want to ravish me.
177
00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:51,713
Yes, yes, in a moment.
178
00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:53,756
The woman's insatiable.
179
00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:58,470
Three cheers for good King Richard.
Hup, hup...
180
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(All)
Huzzah!
181
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:03,474
- Hup, hup...
- Huzzah!
182
00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:05,118
Huzzah!
183
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:09,955
We just need King Richard here
and the day shall be complete!
184
00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:13,157
Yes. What a pity he's dead.
185
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:17,996
What! Who told you that?
186
00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:20,230
Well, Edmund.
187
00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:24,034
Is this true?
188
00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:30,150
Er... I wouldn't know, really.
I was nowhere near him at the time.
189
00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:32,754
I just heard from someone, er...
190
00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:36,992
I mean, I don't even know
where he was killed.
191
00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:39,640
I was on the opposite side
of the field,
192
00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:43,679
nowhere near the cottage...
Not that it was the cottage.
193
00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:47,878
It was the river. But I wouldn't
know, because I wasn't there.
194
00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:52,988
Apparently, some fool cut his head
off... or killed him in some way.
195
00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:58,200
Or took an ear off. Yes, in fact,
I think he was only wounded.
196
00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:01,158
Er... or was that somebody else?
197
00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:05,392
He wasn't even wounded. Why,
did someone say he was dead?
198
00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:07,710
- Yes!
- What?
199
00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:11,509
It's true, My Lord.
I stumbled on his body.
200
00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:16,355
Oh, pardon me,
thou bleeding piece of earth!
201
00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:18,396
That's enough of that.
202
00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,436
Thank you, Harry.
203
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:23,353
Thank you, Harry!
204
00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:29,993
Yes, and we all know who did
this dreadful deed, don't we?
205
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:35,913
Yes - Henry Tudor!
206
00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:41,518
And he still roams free.
207
00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:45,195
Harry, call for silence!
208
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:48,317
Silence!
209
00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:54,711
For the King!
210
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:04,678
(All)
Long live King Richard IV!
211
00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:09,709
This day has been,
as t'were, a mighty stew,
212
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:13,110
in which the beef
of victory was mixed
213
00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:16,476
with the vile turnip
of sweet Richard slain
214
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:20,394
and the grisly dumpling
of his killer fled.
215
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:24,917
But we must eat the yellow wobbly
parts the good Lord serves.
216
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:31,872
In life, each man gets
what he deserves!
217
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:37,711
Well, come on. Let's go and kill
some more prisoners. Hup, hup...
218
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:40,792
(All)
Huzzah!
219
00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:52,469
(All three)
Hurrah!
220
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:56,394
We're safe
and I am a prince of the realm.
221
00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:58,232
Hup, hup...
222
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:00,038
- Huzzah!
- H-huzzah.
223
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:04,671
- Can you imagine the power?
- It's ours, all ours!
224
00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:07,911
- What?
- Yours, all yours!
225
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:11,675
Ah, Edmund, there you are.
226
00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:16,470
It's early, but I'd like
to sort out these battle averages.
227
00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:18,710
- Who did you kill today?
- Um...
228
00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:23,310
no one.
229
00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:27,757
no one! Oh, dear.
I'll put you down for a duck, then.
230
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:31,389
I'm afraid that takes you
out of the running
231
00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:34,790
- for the Legion Of Honour.
- Oh, I see. Sorry.
232
00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:37,474
I thought you meant
had I killed King Richard.
233
00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:40,028
What?
234
00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:42,509
What... was the question?
235
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:45,717
Who did you kill today?
236
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:50,032
Oh, I see. Er, right...
Er... Let's see.
237
00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:52,839
(He mouths)
Pedant.
238
00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:54,831
What?
239
00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:59,471
Pleasant... Pedant.
P... Peas...
240
00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:03,314
Peasants!
There were a lot of peasants.
241
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:05,595
But they don't
really count, do they?
242
00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:09,673
Only in the event of a tie.
So, how many did you kill?
243
00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:12,672
- Oh, four...
- Four.
244
00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:14,876
...handred.
245
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:18,509
Four handred... hand.
246
00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:22,479
Four hundred... hand fifty.
247
00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:27,873
Four hundred and fifty! That's
three times more than myself!
248
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:31,316
- I had a couple of lucky breaks.
- Nobles?
249
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:37,111
Ah, nobles... Let me see.
I think... Lord Coverdale.
250
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,270
Who fought on our side, I believe.
251
00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:44,354
I think Lord Coverdale
saw me slaying... um...
252
00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:47,955
- Warwick.
- Warwick the Wild, of Leicester?
253
00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:51,589
Yes. Pretty wild he was too.
He took some finishing off.
254
00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:55,798
Yes, I killed him myself
at one point. Anyone else?
255
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:58,838
Um... Er... Now, let me see. Er...
256
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:03,198
I'm just trying
to put names to faces.
257
00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:07,558
Well, this is the list of lords
as yet unaccounted for.
258
00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:11,189
- Roger de Runcey.
- Oh, yes, he was one of mine.
259
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:14,795
- Lord Thomas of Devon.
- Ah, yes, back-slash.
260
00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:17,792
- Lord Yeovil.
- Yes, groin job.
261
00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:23,079
This is remarkable, Edmund! Oh,
and the Bishop of Bath and Wells...
262
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:25,230
Will never walk again!
263
00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:27,959
...will conduct
the thanksgiving service.
264
00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:31,953
Oh, Bath... and Wells!
265
00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:38,639
Ah, Lord Percy. Edmund tells me
you turned up late for the battle,
266
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:43,555
so there's not much point
in asking you your score, is there?
267
00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:49,474
- Ha-ha!
- A-ha-ha! Ha!
268
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:52,199
At last, I can relax.
269
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,396
Who the hell is this?
270
00:19:56,480 --> 00:20:01,395
Ah, well, you remember that
dying man we saw in the cottage?
271
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:06,190
The one I specifically told you
not to bring back to the castle?
272
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:10,114
- That's the one.
- So what's he doing in my bed?
273
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:12,270
He claims to be a wealthy man.
274
00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:16,558
I thought if we nurse him
back to health, he may reward us.
275
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:19,950
Now, wait! I think I have an idea.
276
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:25,319
If he is a wealthy man
and we nurse him back to health,
277
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:28,358
he may reward us!
278
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:31,512
Brilliant, My Lord. Good thinking.
279
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:33,795
(Both)
Thank you, Baldrick.
280
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:35,836
Well, what would you expect?
281
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:40,277
After all, who has
the fastest brain in the land?
282
00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:42,828
Prince Edmund, Duke of Edinburgh.
283
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:46,310
Who is the boldest horseman
in the land?
284
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:48,516
- Prince Edmund...
...Duke of Edinburgh.
285
00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:51,637
Who is the bravest swordsman
in the land?
286
00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:53,597
Don't tell me.
That Earl from Norfolk.
287
00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:55,159
Prince...
288
00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:58,277
- (Both) Edmund, Duke of Edinburgh.
- Precisely.
289
00:20:58,360 --> 00:21:02,797
Or, as I shall be known
from now on...
290
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:07,396
The Black Vegetable.
291
00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:14,836
My Lord, wouldn't something like
The Black Adder sound better?
292
00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:16,990
No, wait.
293
00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:20,277
I think I have a better idea.
294
00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:26,151
What about... The Black Adder?
295
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:33,072
That one!
296
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:35,230
That pair!
297
00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:37,356
That one!
298
00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:58,555
- Very witty, My Lord.
- Thank you, Baldrick.
299
00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:03,077
- Very, very, very witty, My Lord.
- Thank you, Percy.
300
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:06,072
You're certainly wittier
than your father.
301
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:09,550
And head and shoulders
over Richard III!
302
00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:12,393
Is that supposed to be witty?
303
00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:15,517
Er... No, My Lord.
304
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:19,513
Th-that was an example
of the sort of thing
305
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:22,319
that you yourself
would not stoop to.
306
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:25,597
- Go away!
- (Both) Yes, My Lord.
307
00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:46,439
- You're still here, are you?
- Er... Yes.
308
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:55,631
Haven't I seen you
somewhere before?
309
00:22:55,720 --> 00:23:01,272
I don't know. I feel that
I've seen you before, also.
310
00:23:01,360 --> 00:23:05,273
I am Prince Edmund,
son of Richard IV.
311
00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:10,351
- Who are you?
- I'm not important.
312
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:12,635
You mean you're not rich?
313
00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:15,712
Yes, I'm incredibly rich.
314
00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:18,519
I'm a very wealthy, um...
315
00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:22,832
...modest person,
who wishes to remain nameless.
316
00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:24,751
You'd better be rich.
317
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:28,833
Get your money together,
get better and get out of my bed!
318
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:39,834
Oh, yes, very fetching.
319
00:23:41,360 --> 00:23:43,669
Aaargh!
320
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:48,870
And hello to you.
321
00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:54,518
(In high-pitched voice)
Hello. Goodness me.
322
00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:59,628
I hadn't expected
to see you... like this.
323
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:04,748
- Sitting down, you mean?
- Yes, that's right. Sitting down.
324
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:07,957
Goodness, look,
you're sitting down.
325
00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:12,670
Good Lord, I haven't seen
you sitting down since...
326
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:14,318
Yesterday?
327
00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:17,472
Was it only yesterday? Good Lord.
328
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:22,714
Um... Er... Well...
How was your battle?
329
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:24,950
Fine. Someone cut my head off,
330
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:29,511
but apart from that it went
swimmingly. How are you, Edna?
331
00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:32,398
- Edmund.
- Your father said Edna.
332
00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:33,754
No...
333
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:38,197
So, Edna, you loathsome
little fairy maggot, how are you?
334
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:42,637
How very kind of you to ask,
Your Majesty.
335
00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:44,676
I'm very well.
336
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:48,719
And it's very good to see you,
because, frankly...
337
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:53,112
- Yes?
- Well, frankly, er...
338
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,668
Gosh, you look well.
339
00:24:55,760 --> 00:25:00,231
Frankly, what? Spit it out,
you horrid, little, scabby reptile.
340
00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:06,555
Um... Well, frankly,
everyone thought you were dead.
341
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:09,234
Well, frankly, I am.
342
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:14,197
(Knock at door)
Do come in.
343
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:17,192
- No, don't come in!
- Why not?
344
00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:21,876
- Have you got someone in there?
- Um... Not as such.
345
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:24,713
- Is it a woman?
- No.
346
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:26,950
- Is it a man?
- Um...
347
00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:33,948
Um... Yes, it is.
348
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:36,679
You hesitated, Edmund.
349
00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:39,194
It's not a sheep, is it?
350
00:25:39,280 --> 00:25:43,592
- It certainly isn't a sheep.
- Well, then, let me in.
351
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:47,719
So farewell, Edna.
You'll be seeing me later.
352
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:53,434
Um... Have, er...
353
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:55,954
Have you got transport?
354
00:25:56,040 --> 00:26:00,158
Perhaps you'd like
to borrow my horse again.
355
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:03,994
I mean... not that
you've borrowed it before.
356
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:06,548
Coming.
357
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:18,237
Are you all right, Edmund? You look
as if you've just seen a ghost.
358
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:21,790
Hurry up, anyway.
You're expected at the banquet.
359
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:24,917
Look, um... Mother, er...
360
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:31,189
You won't tell anyone about
my oversleeping this morning?
361
00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:36,035
Would I? Do I tell people that your
brother Harry is scared of spoons?
362
00:26:36,120 --> 00:26:40,477
Or that your father
has very small private parts?
363
00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:43,909
Mother!
364
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:47,231
(Edmund)
Baa! Ba-aa-ah.
365
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:50,073
Oh, Edmund.
366
00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:53,994
It's the lying I find so hurtful.
367
00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:56,913
Baa-aaa.
368
00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:07,993
We'll slit it right up here!
369
00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:10,514
So sorry I'm late.
370
00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:14,149
Hold! You dare sit there, boy?
371
00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:17,710
Would you insult
King Richard's ghost?
372
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:20,155
Um... No.
373
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:22,674
No, sorry.
374
00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:27,436
Yes, find your own chair,
you smelly little dog's pizzle.
375
00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:37,558
How many prisoners
have you got, Harry?
376
00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:39,790
I'm not Harry, I'm Richard.
377
00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:43,316
- Send a brace to my room.
- (Harry) Do you want them hung?
378
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:46,437
- Hello?
- I want to practise my backhand!
379
00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:49,796
After the way
you slaughtered Lord Stanley!
380
00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:51,279
Hello!
381
00:27:51,360 --> 00:27:56,559
- Oh, I wish Uncle Dickie was here.
- Don't Dickie me, duckie.
382
00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:04,433
Tonight, honoured friends,
383
00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:09,071
we are gathered
to celebrate a great victory
384
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:12,118
and to mourn a great loss.
385
00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:15,112
A toast to our triumph!
386
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:17,111
(All)
Our triumph!
387
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:19,589
And I raise a royal curse
388
00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:23,719
upon the man who slew Richard,
our noble king!
389
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:26,268
It was him!
390
00:28:26,360 --> 00:28:29,670
- Oh, my God!
- Quiet at the end!
391
00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:32,991
- Whoever it was...
- It was Edna!
392
00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:35,469
...wherever he be...
- He's there!
393
00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:39,792
...he shall be struck down!
- Do it, you oaf, he's there!
394
00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:42,110
- It wasn't me!
- Who said that?
395
00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:44,077
The idiot who killed me.
396
00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:47,391
- I didn't.
- Well, then, who did?
397
00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:50,472
- It was Edmund who interrupted.
- Hang him!
398
00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:53,518
- Aargh!
- I will have silence!
399
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:59,788
Another toast.
To dead King Richard.
400
00:28:59,880 --> 00:29:02,678
Oh, my God.
401
00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:07,311
- Gentlemen.
- (All) King Richard!
402
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:11,188
Thank you very much for nothing.
Thank you so much.
403
00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:14,113
That's the last you'll see of me.
404
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:17,510
Not that you've
seen much of me anyway.
405
00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:25,476
Now that we have silence, we shall
continue the desecration ceremony.
406
00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:30,395
Produce the portrait
of the pretender, Henry Tudor.
407
00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:33,916
(Booing and hissing)
408
00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:39,673
Oh, my God!
409
00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:53,317
- Good evening.
- Where's Henry Tudor?
410
00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:57,791
Baa-aaa.
411
00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:01,918
Where is he? Where is he!
412
00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:07,071
Whoo-oo.
413
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:21,313
Thank you so much.
414
00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:40,476
(Wailing)
415
00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:50,075
- Oh!
- Hail!
416
00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:51,639
- Hail!
- Hail!
417
00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:55,269
- Ruler of men.
- Ravisher of women.
418
00:30:55,360 --> 00:31:00,070
- Slayer of kings!
- Be gone, hideous crones.
419
00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:03,789
- Be not amazed.
- Be not overcome with fear.
420
00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:06,110
Be not paralysed with terror.
421
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:12,432
Why have you lured me here,
you loathsome drabs?
422
00:31:12,520 --> 00:31:14,715
We bear good news.
423
00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:18,759
What news could
such repulsive harbingers convey?
424
00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:21,798
Today has brought misfortune.
425
00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:26,192
- But one day...
- (All) Oh, glorious day!
426
00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:30,637
- One day...
- (All) Oh, happy day!
427
00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:34,039
Yes?
428
00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:37,476
(All)
You shall be King!
429
00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:39,710
Really?
430
00:31:39,800 --> 00:31:41,631
Yes.
431
00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:43,870
Your Majesty.
432
00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:47,669
Well, that is good news, isn't it?
433
00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:53,073
God be with you,
you snaggle-toothed vultures.
434
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:55,151
History - here I come!
435
00:31:57,080 --> 00:32:00,834
# The sound of hoof-beats
'cross the glade
436
00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:04,879
# Good folk,
lock up your son and daughter
437
00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:08,873
# Beware the deadly flashing blade
438
00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:12,350
# Unless you want to end up shorter
439
00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:14,431
# Black Adder
440
00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:16,476
# Black Adder
441
00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:20,519
# He rides a pitch-black steed
442
00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:24,354
# Black Adder, Black Adder
443
00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:28,877
# He's very bad indeed
444
00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:33,078
# Black, his gloves of finest mole
445
00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:37,073
# Black, his codpiece made of metal
446
00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:41,153
# His horse is blacker than a vole
447
00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:44,835
# His pot is blacker
than his kettle
448
00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:48,833
# Black Adder, Black Adder
449
00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:52,708
# With many a cunning plan
450
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:57,112
# Black Adder, Black Adder
451
00:32:57,200 --> 00:33:01,352
# You horrid little man! #
452
00:33:02,840 --> 00:33:05,195
He wasn't as I expected.
453
00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:07,475
I thought he was very rude.
454
00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:11,314
I thought Henry Tudor
would be better looking.
455
00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:14,233
Yes, not so Jewish.
456
00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:17,392
More like that man
who rode by before.
457
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:23,436
- We've done it again!
- You silly witches!
34087
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