All language subtitles for The.Book.Of.Clarence.2023.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC5.1

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[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[CHOIR VOCALIZING]

Can you spare us some coin?

So as I may get some foods,
warmth and shelter.

Anything you can spare
will be appreciated.

[HORSES NEIGH]

Out of the way, you dusty runt!

- You dongleton!
- [GRUNTS]

- Hey! Out of the way!
- What! Just...

[MARY YELLS]

What are you doing?
Benjamin, move!

[LAUGHING] Whoa!

- Run him over.
- What?

- Run him over!
- I can't just run him over!

- You can! Quick! Go!
- All right! I'll run him over.

- [HORSE NEIGHS]
- Go, you raggedy roop scoop!

[SHOUTING] Let's go!

[LAUGHS] Slowing down there,
huh, Mary?

Oh, yeah?

[YELLS] She hit me.

ELIJAH: Watch the cart, Claance!

- What?
- Watch the cart!

Come on! Whoa.

[HORSES NEIGHING]

We're going to be rich, Claance!

CLARENCE: Yes, we are,
my friend.

For two or three days at least.

Can't no man outspeed me.

"Outspeed" ain't a word, Mary!
[GRUNTS]

Gypsies!

[BOTH GRUNTING]

- [GRUNTS]
- Are you okay?

[DISTORTED] Elijah!

[GRUNTS]

[ELIJAH PANTING]

[GASPS]

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

[HORSES NEIGH]

[EXCLAIMING IN PAIN]

RUFFIAN: [SHOUTS] Grab his robe.
Grab his robe.

CLARENCE: Get off of me!

CABBAGE: Claance...

Claance...

Claance.

Cabbage. [PANTS]

You have no idea
what you cost me.

- Ah, stay down.
- [GRUNTS]

Let this be a learnings.

Get out of Gypsy territory
and never come back.

Cabbage, let's be friends.

- Like old times.
- Ta-ta, Claance.

- I need my robe.
- Pathetic.

Gypsies!

[GROANS] Get back here,
you delinquent dung beetles.

[LILTING SONG PLAYING]

What you gonna do?

Rat.

Excuse me, excuse me.
Move the goats.

Hey.

MARY: I can smell you
from here, Claance.

Good Lord!
Actually hurts my nose.

You okay, Mary?

- What?
- What?

Nothing even happened to her.

I'm the one
you should be concerned about.

Good-bye, heathens.

ELIJAH: She is so blessed.

- What is wrong with you?
- What?

I lost the race, Elijah.

And the horse.

I'm a dead man walking.

So I suggest you hitch a ride
down to Jedediah's,

beg for mercy.

We hitch a ride.

Okay, "we."

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]

[FUNKY SONG PLAYING]

ELIJAH: It's him.

CLARENCE: Jesus of Nazareth.

My God.

No, no, God doesn't exist.

They do.

Shining like stars out here,
Elijah.

Stars is an understatement.
They are the damn sun.

CLARENCE: And they're protected.
Nobody messes with them.

I want to be like that
in ten years.

I want to be like that now.

Minus the bougery.

ELIJAH: Mmm.

Is Thomas with him?

Peace be unto you, Thomas.

Peace be unto you, Thomas.

Unto you be peace, Clarence.

- Now leave me be.
- What's that supposed to mean?

It means
get away from me, disbeliever.

I believe in life itself.

You pray to a man in the sky
you've never met.

Blasphemy.

Well, introduce me
to him then. Jesus.

Let's see one of his miracles
up close and personal.

So that he may know that

my twin brother
is a man of no faith?

The peddler of stolen property?

A seller of ungodly herbs?

A nobody.

[ECHOING]

I'm not a nobody!

A man that lacks honor

is a nobody.

Just because you are twins

does not mean you're brothers,
my brother.

[INHALES SHAKILY]

My mother was literally on her
deathbed when he left home.

Yet I'm the one with no honor?

I'm not a nobody, Elijah.

I'll have some of this, please.

I knew I smelt correctly.

Peace be unto you,
Claance and Elijah.

- Unto you be peace, Zeke.
- Peace.

Where can I take you
on this fine day

before Jedediah has
you both killed?

I need you to take me to my home
so I can change clothes,

and then to Jedediah's harem.

That'll cost you five shekels
upfront for obvious reasons.

Like you being too dead
to pay me later.

ELIJAH:
How's about we give you six,

and you may use the extra
to get yourself a bath?

Okay, let's go.

[EXHALES]

[LIVELY SONG PLAYING]

GURU: This is light.

[SCOFFS] Did you
imagine it heavier?

This is a problem with y'all.

Y'all skunk always
shortin' the sack.

I would purchase
from somewhere else

- if I knew where to get it.
- [CLICKS TONGUE]

- But you don't.
- [CHUCKLES]

- CLARENCE: Hello, beautiful.
- [CHUCKLES]

[KISSES]

[SNIFFS] What's that smell?

Huh. Long story.

And what's that?

This is for you
to give to Varinia.

Mother, my Lengunweed?

It helps with the glaucomery.

[SIGHS]

Better wash
before you go see her.

I'm just trying to make sure
you don't die a virgin, son.

Oh, wow.

- I'm not a virgin.
- [LAUGHS]

What you do at night behind
that curtain doesn't count.

[BOTH LAUGH]

That is not me.
That's the local rats.

Very loud rats.

- [CHUCKLING] Okay.
- [LAUGHS]

- [CHUCKLES]
- [SNIFFS]

[SQUEAKING]

Mom, one day I'm gonna get you
out of here.

Put you in a big home.

Where you can do
whatever you want to do.

I promise you.

Home is where
you are happy, son.

And I'm happy here with you.

With a son that's barely able
to provide for you?

And another who's running amok
with some false prophet?

Thomas is following his purpose.
We have but to love him.

I have but to love you.

Son,

be the body, not the shadow.

Hold space.

Yeah, I know.

Hold space.

Okay.

Ugh, now go wash. You stink!

Mmm. I don't stink. [GRUNTS]

[SIGHS]

I do stink.

[MELODIOUS SONG PLAYING]

Whoa.

I don't really feel good
about this, Elijah.

Jedediah killing you
will feel worse.

Stop saying that.

ELIJAH: It is the truth.

- [CLARENCE GRUNTS]
- Elijah and Claance, huh?

Two rotten eggs.

Out of my way.

- [SCOFFS]
- [CHUCKLES]

Crusty Claance.

Unto you be peace, Jedediah.

Judging by
your unarranged arrival,

you most likely lack my money,

my horse,

and my chariot. Am I correct?

It's only been a few hours.

You said I had 30 days
to pay you back.

Mmm-hmm. Now it's 29 days,
22 hours,

or death.

Both of you should be aware

before I crucify you, yeah?

I'm, I'm gonna get
a little evil first.

Isn't the act of crucifixion
in and of itself evil?

You know, you make
a deal with the devil, hmm,

it's gonna cost you
a shekel. [CHUCKLES]

Now exit my place
of restitution

before I render
those 29 days to 0.

[INHALES]

Don't worry, Elijah.

I have a plan.

That is exactly
what I'm worried about.

Get out!

We're literally
on our way out.

- What do you think we're doing?
- Understand, it's redundant.

Idiot.

Repent!

For the Kingdom of Heaven
is at hand.

Everyone is welcome.

Except you.

[SCOFFS]

But am I not a child
of the Lord?

You highfalutin nincompoop.

You want me to baptize you to
attain good favor with our Lord

so that when you are called
to heaven, you and this Bushman

will be welcomed
with open arms?

Yes, basically.

So, Claance,

you now believe in Jesus?

Yes.

Basically.

[SHOUTS] Liar!

[GROANS]

[IN NORMAL VOICE] You
are merely trying to swindle me

by pretending
you are now righteous,

to seem that you have turned
into a believer in the hope

that Jedediah the Terrible
won't kill you?

Uh-huh?

News travels fast in Jerusalem.

You have 30 days to pay him,
or he kills you both.

Okay, John, you are magical with
this holy water stuff, okay?

I heard that
you baptized Jesus himself.

What makes him
more worthy than I?

- Blasphemous swine!
- Oh!

[SCREAMS] Stop that!

You think you won't get killed
because you're baptized?

You are not a believer.

But I like you, Claance.

In spite of your selfish ways,

there's a beautiful soul
in there somewhere.

- O-Okay. If God exists truly--
- Dear Lord,

save this sinner from himself.

Claance is dumb and stupid,

always selling his illegalities

when he could just as easily
have a regular occupation.

And now he's in trouble
with the village terror,

and he's also in love
with said terror's little sister

who he is not in the slightest
bit worthy of, I might add.

Dear Lord,

he is definitely going to get
killed by Jedediah the Terrible,

so when you finally meet him,
Lord, which is soon,

please, let him
inside heaven, Lord.

And then

kick him out!

So he shall forever know
what he's missing

because he did not know
the depth of his own idiocy

to not repent.

- Amen.
- Amen.

ALL: Amen.

Say it.

Amen.

- Uh-huh.
- [GRUNTS]

ELIJAH: Yes. Wash him.

Wash him.

- Okay, stop washing him.
- JOHN: What?

ELIJAH: You can let him up.

- He's washed. He's washed.
- JOHN: Takes a minute.

- What did you say?
- He's not that sinful.

You want me
to come and slap you?

- Could you slap it?
- JOHN: Gotta...

ELIJAH: I do not think that
the baptism worked, brother.

CLARENCE: That's because
it's all nonsense.

But hopefully it will provide
some leniency with Jedediah.

[EXHALES]

Centurions.

Hold on to that.
Don't touch it.

Give me your names
and papers of identification.

Clarence.

Elijah.

[SNIFFS] There's been a theft
in the area.

And you men fit the description
of the assailant.

Funny, my friend and I have two
entirely different descriptions.

Are you calling me
a man of untruth, peasant?

Look, why don't we settle this
once and forever?

Show us a sketch
of this assailant.

- [LAUGHS]
- [CHUCKLES]

Who are you looking for?
King Tut?

[LAUGHS]

I am Tribune Antoninus.

I've been assigned
this unruly district

to eradicate scarabs
such as yourselves.

So that is what the hieroglyphs
are all about, huh?

Eradicate us at any cost?

I will push my sword
through your esophagus

with zero compunction,

just to hear the sound
of your spinal cord crack.

So, walk away,

or your remains will be fed
to livestock within the hour.

Poetic.

And the real bad guys
get away free.

Allow me
to stretch a bit, Elijah.

Yes. Mmm-hmm.

[GRUNTS] Okay. Okay.

Thank you. You're a good man.

I think it's too extreme.

No. It's...

It's powerful.

So strong, right?

Behold! He who the cat
refused to drag in,

but entered nonetheless.

[VARINIA CHUCKLES] Okay.

Peace be unto you, Clarence.

Unto you be peace, Varinia.

How do you look so wet
with not a drop of rain outside?

Oh, I, um, just been baptized.

VARINIA: Mmm. Baptized?

- Yes.
- VARINIA: Really?

Yes, I've found faith.
[CHUCKLES]

Really? Wow.

Well, this I need to hear.

Are you okay?

You okay?

[CHUCKLES] My mother
made this for you.

It's a little soaked
from the baptism,

but it shall dry.

Oh. Give her my thanks.

[CHUCKLES] Well, I know
you didn't come here

to give me this.

What's troubling you?

Um. [INHALES] I've been
trying to better myself,

so that I may be
worthy of you.

You are
the village mischief maker.

I am not suited
to be with a man like that.

Is that why, when you look at me
your eyes turn ruby red?

I see it.

Because mine turn sapphire blue
when I look at you.

See that?

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Whatever is floating
around your head,

you yourself are not ready for.

[GROANS] 'Tis you floating
around my head, my Godqueen.

That's because your head
resides in the clouds.

- [CHUCKLES]
- With villainous crooks

and unscrupulous
men without morals.

"Villainous crooks"?
Speaking of that,

can you talk to your brother
for me?

Huh.

- What have you done now?
- I took his money

for a street race
with Mary Magdalene, okay?

And then Cabbage and those rats
ambushed me, so I lost.

And if I don't get
his money back,

I'm a dead man walking.

Hey, what I need you to do

is explain to him that I just
got baptized by John himself.

So when
he's administering his evil,

maybe he'll be more merciful.

Clarence...

Why do you always do this?

What are you trying to prove?

You need to
get your act together, Clarence.

Jedediah is going to know
your baptism is a swindle.

You know, you're one of the only
people that pronounces my name

with two syllables,
and I love it.

My brother is going to break it

into four.

Cla-re-an-cee?

I'm just trying to figure out

what it would sound like
in four syllables?

- Cla-re-an-cee? Cla--
- Mmm. That's very cute.

[MELLOW SONG PLAYING]

- BENJAMIN: Please spare some--
- No, no, no.

Make way, Benjamin.

- She's sweet.
- Goodness, she is.

Peace be unto you,
Claance, Elijah.

Unto you be peace, Zebedee.

Claance, do you have
the thing on you?

You know I do.

Splendid.

Your money will be
waiting for you

- when you leave.
- [GRUNTS]

Claance, I don't know why
you still worry about Varinia.

She's nothing like us.

It's her eyes.

They're like poetry.

Poetry which I...

I just get lost in the words.

Hmm. That's deep.

[INHALES]

Uh, Claance,
you are not floating?

Ah, you know,
gotta stay sharp,

gotta think about
how to pay back Jedediah.

Open your mind.

All right, all right,
give it to me.

[INHALES]

Whoo. [CHUCKLES]

- [GRUNTS] Elijah, you see this?
- ELIJAH: Yeah.

[BOTH LAUGH]

I do, I do.

I think you are having an idea.

I'm going to become

the 13th apostle of Jesus.

A stupid idea.

The apostles can provide us
with protection, power,

and most of all, influence.

Jedediah might allow me
to take Varinia's hand in love

if he knows this.

ELIJAH: Forget Varinia.

- But I like this idea.
- [CLARENCE CHUCKLES]

You're floating upside down,
dear child.

Deliver me the words
that elude you.

Because I know
you didn't come here

to deliver me thanks
for a headscarf. [CHUCKLES]

Clarence is a giant

- that thinks himself an ant.
- [CHUCKLES]

An eagle
that thinks he's a worm.

He can fly
if he puts his mind to it.

But instead he crawls,
thinking he's less than he is,

and I'm worried for him.

AMINA: Replace that worry
with acceptance.

Accept that Clarence
will forever venture

where no one else dares.

And get ready to jump,

because he will find that cloud
soon enough.

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

CLARENCE: Peace be
unto you, Peter.

Claance. Unto you be peace.

[DOOR OPENS]

Peace be unto all of you.

ALL: Unto you be peace.

Clarence,
I thought I told you--

Good to see you too, brother.

What do you need?

Well, uh, truthfully, I thought
I might become the 13th apostel.

[ALL LAUGHING]

[SNORTS AND LAUGHS]

- [SLOW CLAPPING]
- [LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

[CHAIR SCREECHES]

Huh. You must be
Judas Iscariot.

So, Thomas,

this is your brother
I hear you tell of?

He looks exactly like you

but nothing like you
at the same time.

I'm older.

- By ten minutes.
- Still older.

Anyway, if you would all
stop giggling so much,

you might come
to the realization

that it requires many of us

to spread
the gospel of the Messiah.

Now, who better than me?

I mean, I've got
the cobblestones on lock.

I, I think
I know what it takes.

Yes. You know what it takes.

But you do not possess
what it takes,

which is, um, selflessness,

generosity,

placing others' needs
before your own.

Did you put Mother's needs
before your own?

Don't tell me
I'm a bad person.

Just playing the cards
I was dealt.

You don't believe
in the Immaculate Conception.

No. No, I didn't say
I didn't believe in it.

I, I said
it's a bit far-fetched.

Blasphemy!

I don't mean
to disrespect, Peter.

That's just the thing, Clarence.
You're disrespectful.

For that reason alone,
you could never be an apostle.

It's apostle by the way,
not apostel.

Okay, Thomas,
why don't we let Jesus decide?

When does he get home?

That is not the way it works,
dear brother.

Look, if this man
wanted to change

everyone's perception of him,

he would do something like

free those slave gladiators
from Asher The Torturer.

Of course, he will be killed,

but we'll know
he's not all about himself.

PETER: Would you do it?

Who have you freed?

You would pass
judgement on this man,

and you don't even know him.

That is not what I was saying.

That is precisely
what you are saying.

- How is that what I was saying?
- Well,

- why don't you explain it to me?
- I have already explained it.

I said if he wants to become
a 13th apostle,

he should do something like

free those slave gladiators
from Asher The Torturer.

It's, it's, it's here.
Let's bring it down to here.

[ARGUING CONTINUES
INDISTINCTLY]

ELIJAH: Claance...

Claance?

Claance!

You're about to get
both of us killed

and you have the nerve
to be daydreaming?

CLARENCE: Judas said
it couldn't be done.

So I have to do it.

Stay here if that makes you
more comfortable.

ELIJAH:
When have I ever left you?

If you die, do not ever ask me
for another ride.

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

[MEN GRUNTING]

These men are all slaves?

[GRUNTING AND SHOUTING]

How is this even possible?

- How was it allowed?
- ASHER: Fight harder, slaves!

Even with wooden swords,
we aim to kill!

Who are you?

How do you wish me to react to
the news you're about to give?

Peace be unto you, Asher.

I'm Elijah.
This is my brother, Claance.

- We were sent by Judas.
- Jesus.

Jesus sent us.

- Jesus of Nazareth?
- CLARENCE: Yes.

The yeah-yeah man walking around
saying he's the Messiah?

- CLARENCE: Yes.
- What does he want with me?

Well, he insist...

He asks that you release
your slave gladiators to us.

Do you have any idea
how much that will cost me?

Yes, I know.

But you'd be able
to free your conscience.

I know
this must trouble you, brother.

Twenty slaves.

- Do you have that amount?
- No.

The idea is that
you give them to us for free,

and you free up your own mind
of all these horrors.

Does that make sense?

Men, cease!

That was easy.

I shall grant you all
your freedom right now

if you beat these two men
to death with your bare hands.

What?

Wait.

This is a little unfair.

Let us even the odds a bit.

If you can go toe to toe
with Barabbas the Immortal...

- Who?
- My best gladiator.

You beat him,

and I will release him to you.

Well, I don't believe

that that is evening the odds.

I know.

But I am going to see
a kill today.

[LAUGHS] To the arena!

[EXHALING]

[MEN SHOUTING]

So, where is Baba-baba-
ba-ba-boo-boo the Immortal?

[DOOR CREAKING]

[MEN YELLING]

There he is.

ASHER: Meet Barabbas,

the gladiator
who has never been bested.

He claims he is immortal,

and we are inclined
to believe him.

He also fancies himself
a revolutionary.

He wants to bring down Rome.

By himself!

- CLARENCE: Hmm.
- [ALL LAUGHING]

[BANGS TABLE]

If you defeat
this thorn in my side,

I'll release him to you.

[EXHALES]

ASHER: And if you think
of going soft on him, Barabbas,

I will test your immortality
with my own sword.

BARABBAS: Those
who are about to die...

salute you.

You hit me unprovoked?

CLARENCE: Uh-huh, look alive.

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

CLARENCE: Come on.

- [BOTH GRUNT]
- Ooh.

- [CROWD GROANS]
- [CLARENCE LAUGHS]

Look at this.
This is the best you got?

You can do better than-- Whoa!

[BARABBAS GRUNTS]

[CHEERING]

[CLARENCE GRUNTING]

Okay. All right.

[EXHALING]

[GRUNTING]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

What the hell?

That's a hard face.

[SWORDS CLANG]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

[CROWD EXCLAIMING]

[WHOOSHING]

[CROWD EXCLAIMING]

[CLARENCE GRUNTING]

[STRAINING]

You finish?

[THUDS]

[GRUNTS]

[ALL EXCLAIMING]

- [PANTING]
- [EARS RINGING]

[GROANS]

- [RINGING STOPS]
- [EXCLAIMING]

- [GRUNTS]
- [CLANGING]

[CLARENCE PANTING]

Where are you?

BARABBAS: Here!

- [CROWD CHEERING]
- [EXCLAIMING IN PAIN]

[CHUCKLES]

Let's finish him.

ELIJAH: Claance.
Come on, get up.

This is not the time for rest.
Get up.

[WHOOSHING]

[GRUNTS]

[YELLS]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

[ALL EXCLAIMING]

[CHUCKLES]

You're good.

You're free.

Enough!

[EXHALES]

ASHER: You cannot
have Barabbas.

Take someone else.

Is Asher The Torturer
not a man of his word?

You said I can go free.

So give me my freedom!

Give me my freedom!

You're a useless man!

After all I've done for you--

CLARENCE: I don't want him.

I came here to free
all of the slaves, not one.

You can have Barabbas

the Apparently-Not-Immortal.

He can go burden someone else
with his talk of killing Romans.

Claance, I owe you my life,
Black King.

Where'd you learn
to fight like that?

CLARENCE: Well,
your men fight by rules.

Where I'm from,
you fight to survive.

It's a big difference.

That was clever.

But beating me and killing me
are two separate things.

I am immortal.

Okay.

- [HORSE NEIGHS]
- [SHOUTS] Freedom!

[CHUCKLES]

[SLOW CLAPPING]

You actually freed a slave.

Well done, younger brother.

Ten minutes.

JUDAS: And it is none other
than the Almighty Barabbas, eh?

To be honest, Claance, I didn't
believe you had it in you.

[BOTH GRUNT]

- You fool! Get off me!
- How dare you!

Yeah. Well, that's my brother.

Now, can I become an apostle?

May I have a word, brother?

Oh. I love you, Clarence,

like I love the Lord himself.

But you'll never be
one of us.

You are destined
for nothing more than failure.

I'd stop following the Messiah

before I'd ever ask him
to allow you into our movement.

I don't even want you
to change your ways.

I don't want to be reminded
of what was.

Just disappear.

You know, Thomas...

I need you to remember...

I need you to remember

that you're the one
that left Mother and I.

- No. There's an explanation--
- Do not, do not interrupt me!

You've never appreciated
who we are

- or where we come from.
- [CLANGS]

I bet Jesus doesn't know
you have a mother

who you refuse
to acknowledge exists.

"Honor thy father

"and thy mother!"

[SOLEMN SONG PLAYING]

Knowledge...

is stronger than belief.

JUDAS: You what?

Knowledge is stronger
than belief!

You believe that God exists

b-because you know
nothing of the world,

which is why you do
the silly shit you do.

But I, I possess the knowledge.

[INHALES SHAKILY] I possess
the knowledge

that there is no God.

Which makes
every single last one of you,

every single last one,

liars!

Or fools.

- My brother, you are mistaken--
- Let's go.

ELIJAH: So what are we
going to do now?

We do not have protection
or faith to hide behind.

BARABBAS: Faith is not something
you hide behind.

You stand in front of it.

I know you don't believe
in the Lord, but he is real.

And we are his children.

That's why I never use
any derogatory term

referring to
or describing my people,

because we are better than that.

We are righteous beings.

[BARABBAS SPEAKING FRENCH]

[IN ENGLISH] I'm gonna become
the new Messiah.

What, nigga?

BARABBAS: What are we
doing here?

CLARENCE: Jesus's mother
lives there.

According to Zeke.

ELIJAH: How do you know that?

I am Zeke.
I know where everyone lives.

CLARENCE: I need to figure out
what inspires him,

where he learned
all of his little tricks.

If I get his sermons, then I can
just replicate what he does.

Think about it.

Barabbas, you pretend
you can't walk.

Elijah, you can't see.

And Zeke, you pretend
you can't whatever-the-hell.

And I'll perform the tricks.

Then I'll preach Jesus's words,
and it'll work.

It'll be golden. Trust me.

Think about all the money
they give him.

You ever seen Jesus
buy a pair of sandals?

This doesn't feel right, King.

I'm getting my life back,
Barabbas.

If Destiny won't come knocking,

then I'll put a sword
to Destiny's neck.

This isn't like stealing
honeyed wine from the Romans.

This is different.

It's gonna require massive

testicular fortitude.

Are you with me?

[SIGHS] Well, if it means
Jedediah the Terrible

doesn't kill us both,

all hail the new Messiah.

ZEKE: I don't know what house.

It should be here somewhere.

Everybody, stay quiet.
Pray they don't stop us.

CENTURION: Halt!

- [HORSE NEIGHS]
- Oh.

Identification.

We're looking for the man
they call Jesus of Nazareth.

Show me your papers.

Don't.

Don't give him anything.

What did you say, scum?

I see no scum here.

- Barabbas...
- Oi.

You approach us
without showing ID yourself?

For all I know,
you might be Jesus

disguised as a gluteus maximus.

Why do you say these words
when you know

- I'll kill you for it?
- Whoa, whoa!

Show me your identification.

Barabbas. [GRUNTS]

Move along. [CLICKS TONGUE]

[HORSE NEIGHS]

CLARENCE: Trying
to get us killed?

God did not make men to be
treated like pigs by other men.

Yes, and God did not also
make men sword-proof.

I am sword-proof.

I've been sworded many times.

Twice in my thigh,

my left arm, through my hand,

right shoulder,
and through my mouth.

That's why I'm telling you
I am immortal.

[CHUCKLES] Negro, please.

The only weak point in my body
is my heel.

That's the only way
they can kill me.

- A beautiful story.
- [CHUCKLES]

But I must make haste,
my friend.

Wait here.

I'll be back. [WHISTLING]

Peace be unto you.

Is, uh, Mother Mary here?

Is that Thomas?

[CHUCKLES] No. I'm Clarence,
his twin brother.

[MOTHER MARY CHUCKLES]

Uh, I just wanted to talk to you
about your son.

Let him through.

Come.

What do you want with my son?

Uh... My friends and I,
you know,

we wanted to get
more information a-about Jesus,

see maybe what his
in... inspirations were.

Perhaps learn
how he does all his tricks.

What tricks?

Hmm? Oh, uh, you know,

healing people,
raising people from the dead,

you know, uh, walking on water,
things like that.

His tricks.

My son has never performed
a trick in his life.

The people call them miracles,
you know.

It's just so you know
his Father is real.

You?

God.

[CHUCKLES] Okay. Um,

I just wanna know
how he does his...

illusions. How does he...

Young man. [SIGHS] If you were
a tool in my carpenter's box,

you wouldn't be the sharpest.

- MOTHER MARY: Joseph!
- [CHUCKLES]

The light in his head,
it burns a little dim.

[CLARENCE CHUCKLES]

Listen, Mother Mary, you don't
need to tell me untruths, okay?

I don't believe in God.

Nor do I intend to.

What I wanna do is find out

how, how Jesus gathers
the hope of people

so that I may do the same.

None of them are untruths,
my child.

Right.

And you were a virgin

when you found out
you were carrying child?

Ow! Ow!

That is for your sarcasm.

The word "virgin" is twisted.

Some say "un-sexed."

Some say "unmarried."

I was un-un-un,
and that is God's business.

Joseph and I were not married
when my son was born.

Okay, well...

So you are his papa?

- MOTHER MARY: No!
- This guy!

- I'm just trying--
- MOTHER MARY: No!

- The Lord is.
- Okay.

I was minding
my own virgin business,

just being a virgin,

and an angel called Gabriel
came upon me.

And said,
"Greetings, O favored one.

"The Lord is with you.

"And you will conceive
in your womb,

"and bear a son,

"and you shall
call his name Jesus."

- And you believed all of this?
- Well--

Joseph didn't believe
any of it.

But then the same angel,
Gabriel, came upon him.

CLARENCE: Okay.

And behold, my son was born.

The son of God.

[LAUGHS]

Sorry, I don't,
I don't mean to...

This is the story
you're running with?

Right?

It is the only story there is.

If you ever saw him
at any point in his life,

you would know. [GASPS]

"This is the Messiah!"

When he was eight years old,

he was making clay pigeons
on the street.

A stranger said to him,

"You should not be doing that
on the Sabbath."

Jesus apologized.

[SPEAKING HEBREW]

MOTHER MARY: [IN ENGLISH]
He clapped his hands.

And all the clay pigeons
came to life and flew away.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

He was always special.

[SOFTLY] Everyone knew it.

Okay.

You really believe this. Okay.

Well. [SIGHS] Listen, I came
here because I wanted to know

how Jesus did
all of his tricks.

But apparently,
you're gonna tell me

the same story
everyone else tells me. So I--

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
My dear, dear child,

you find faith.

Then you will find
all the answers you seek.

[CLICKS TONGUE] Okay.

Too much Lengunweed.

What a dumbass.

Let's talk about belief.

Belief will be
the undoing of all mankind.

Two gladiators face one another.

One believes
that he'll be the victor.

The other knows
he'll defeat his opponent.

Which man shall win?

Knowledge is stronger
than belief.

- ZEKE: Knowledge.
- Say it again.

Knowledge is stronger
than belief.

[LOUDER] Knowledge is stronger
than belief!

He who was once
a dirty blind bat

- is now an all-seeing eagle.
- [ALL EXCLAIMING]

- I can see. I can see!
- [LAUGHS]

- I can see!
- [UPLIFTING SONG PLAYING]

Again, knowledge
is stronger than belief!

- [ALL EXCLAIMING]
- I can walk!

- I can walk!
- [ALL CHEERING]

[COINS JINGLING]

Please. Cure me next.

Oh. The Lord can only commit
to one miracle a day, my friend.

I'm sorry.

Shekels. Shekels on shekels.

Shekels on shekels on shekels!
[LAUGHS]

Do you believe that a man
can rise from the ashes?

Breathe again?

Liar. It's impossible.

This man is dead.

[INHALES] I'm sleepy.

CLARENCE: O, dead one,

rise!

Open your eyes.

Open your eyes.

Elijah?

Elijah.

Elijah, speak... Elijah.

- [SCREAMS]
- Whoo!

[ALL CHEERING]

CLARENCE: You give
to the Roman man every day.

Now give to your Lord.

ELIJAH: There must be
more than 1,000 shekels here.

Brother, you can
pay back Jedediah.

You have enough here
to get your mother a new place.

You can give me some

- because you love me.
- [BOTH LAUGH]

I can get Mary Magdalene
into my tent.

CLARENCE: You are like
that round, fiery object

that constantly floats
in the sky

that none of us can stare at.

A miracle.

Look at me.

Look at me.

A miracle of creation,

and we ignore it
every single day

as we ignore
the majestic miracle

of our own existence,

which is why we still
question His existence.

Knowledge is stronger
than belief.

CABBAGE: Excrementum!

That man is a fraud!

[CHUCKLES] Cabbage.

I've known him
since I was little.

I robbed him a few times.

It's a miracle
you're still the same height.

WOMAN: Look, it's him.

The Messiah.

I've known men that own slaves.

Slaves!

Who see nothing wrong
with their actions.

How can we put such value
on human... Such...

How can we put such little value
on human life?

How can one man
own another man?

[CHUCKLES] Yet your...

I shouldn't laugh.

Laughing makes it seem...
[COUGHS]

I'm here to teach...

I am here to enlighten you.

I am...

Say it, Claance.

Commit to it.

This is why we are here.

I am your new Messiah.

[ALL CHEERING]

I am your new Messiah!

I am your new Messiah!

MAN: I believe!

This man lying
on the spirit world.

I think
he's making a lot of sense.

He's making a lot of money.

CLARENCE: Those who are...

I might have to put interest
on what he owes.

Pray to the false prophet,
if you will,

but I am your Messiah.

I need to talk to my brother.

BARABBAS: Not you.

CLARENCE: Barabbas,
let him through.

THOMAS: Peace be unto you.

Unto you be peace.

Now leave.

What are you doing?

Why is that any of your concern?

Because you're pretending
to be the Messiah.

Well, if you know
what I'm doing,

why did you ask me
what I'm doing?

Because I want to know
why you're doing it.

I'm sure you do.

So you can scribble it
in your little

- Gospel of Thomas, huh?
- [SIGHS]

How dare you come here and
tell me what you expect of me.

A man who serves
everyone everywhere,

but turns his back
on the one that birthed him.

You claim to be a man of God.

What God has you
deny your family to worship him?

Maybe it's the same God

that would have the entire world
worship him

while children die
in the streets.

- You're not a Messiah.
- You don't even talk like that.

Talking like a Roman.

You're not
a Messiah, Clarence.

And you undo everything
the real Savior is doing

by lulling people
into a false hope.

There is no Messiah.

There is no Savior.

Weren't you the one

that said that you never wanted
to see me again?

Wasn't that you?

People of Jerusalem,

I shall perform
my final miracle

by making this man vanish.

Leave.

Claance.

We did it. Look.

What is wrong?

The plan is working.

Claance.

This is what
you wanted, right?

Who am I?

[EXHALES] What have I become?

I need you
to take me somewhere.

Elijah.

This is more than
you said they're worth.

Keep the rest.

Let them go.

These are not the deeds
of an ordinary man.

They will carve your name
in history for this.

CLARENCE: Don't tell them
my name.

You heard him.

You're all free to go.

[ALL CHEERING]

ELIJAH: You cannot undo
this choice, brother.

You will lose your life.

Twenty more will live.

[EXHALES]

You're unrecognizable
underneath all of this.

Peace be unto you too, Varinia.

- What?
- [VARINIA CHUCKLES]

[EXHALES]

You look like
a purveyor of women.

Mmm. [COUGHS AND SPITS]

Can we walk?

Mmm-hmm.

[SNIFFS]

So, what's with
all this Messiah talk?

A lady came in saying
she saw you walking on water.

[CLARENCE CHUCKLES]
I can't even swim.

But I am a changed man, Varinia.

Not the same person
I was before.

Hmm.

I don't believe in change.

I believe in growth.

Tricking common folk
into believing you're the Savior

is not growing, it's lying.

I'm not compromising

the truths
I'm giving to the people

just because
miracles aren't real.

Yes, you are.

Because you yourself
don't believe it.

When you put it that way...

I started the lies

as to have your brother
stop trying to kill me.

Then I continued the lies

as to have you see
that I'm not a nobody.

I don't know
what it is about me, Varinia,

that has you think
I have no ambition.

- [CHUCKLES]
- I'm not a man without faults.

But I'm also not
a man without purpose.

In the end, I guess
we're all just what we are.

And I am spirit over sandals
in love with you.

- Clarence, I told you before--
- You're taken.

- Yeah.
- No.

[CHUCKLES] I'm not taken.
I just...

You're taken.

[SIGHS]

Listen, I don't know
who you've been speaking to,

- or who's speaking untruths--
- Place your hands on mine.

Come.

Closer.

And bow your head

and close your eyes.

Now lift your head
and open your eyes.

Slowly.

Tell me you aren't taken.

Clarence...

Meet me at the tent tonight,
okay? It'll be fun.

And I promise, no miracles.

Oh.

- What's wrong?
- Samson and Goliath. Hello!

VARINIA: Excrementum!
You should run.

I'm not afraid of them, Varinia.

Any man that follows rules
blindly is easily overcome.

Walking away
from a bad situation

doesn't make you a nobody.

When will you grow?

Now.

GOLIATH: You bastard!
Stop running!

CLARENCE: Shit.

[CHICKENS CLUCKING]

[CHUCKLES] Dingbats.

[WINDOW OPENS]

What the...

Shh.

[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMING]

- [SCREAMING CONTINUES]
- [PEOPLE CLAMORING]

[SCREAMING]

- [GRUNTS]
- [CHAIN RATTLES]

[SCREAMS]

- [CRYING]
- ELIJAH: Mary!

Mary! Hey!

- What is this?
- [CRYING]

That whore
sexes with Roman scum.

Liar!

- You dongletons!
- [SHUDDERS]

FEMALE VILLAGER: Whore!

- [MARY CRIES]
- [GRUNTING]

- Ahhh! [GRUNTS]
- [MOB CLAMORING]

- Mary.
- [SOBBING]

- Ahhh!
- [VILLAGERS CLAMORING]

[MARY CRYING]

[JESUS SPEAKING ARAMAIC]

[IN ENGLISH] Why do you

condemn this woman
and man to death?

That whore sexes the Romans.

JESUS: And you deem
this to be a sin?

- Yes.
- Yes.

JESUS: Then let he who
is without sin

cast the first stone.

But before you do...

it is Jezebel, right?

- How do you know my name?
- JESUS: Don't worry.

Soon everybody will.

Who are you to come forward
to eat at our feast?

[MOB SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

I am he who exists

from the undivided.

And you, husband.

Leave the donkey alone, eh?

- Uh...
- I smelt it on you!

No. I...

[SIGHS]

[MOB GASPS]

Come.

[PEOPLE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

GURU: Claance!

You have any Lengunweed?

Oh. I don't do that anymore.

See, I'm what
you would call graduated.

You're no Messiah to me.

You're simply
an imitator of my shine.

Remove yourself, heathen.

Heathen?

[MURMURS] This cockroach
calling me a heathen.

[SIGHS] You know,
I love the way you do that.

Just monotone.

- Claance!
-"Remove yourself."

Claance, brother.
I seen him work.

Jesus. I seen it
with my own two eyes.

- What-- Uh, okay.
- He's healed Mary's wounds

- and everything.
- Calm down.

- Listen.
- What are you talking about?

He made the stones
stop mid-air, Claance.

He stopped them,
and then dropped them,

right there in front my eyes.

- Claance, it was--
- Okay, okay.

- Elijah, you're hysterical.
- ELIJAH: I'm not hysterical.

People were screaming

-"Dirty slut!"
- CLARENCE: No, it's not real.

-"Roman love--"
- [LOUDLY] He's not...

- Why you so mad?
- He's not real.

- He's real.
- Whatever you saw...

Whatever you saw wasn't real.

It was real.

Where is he now?

I do not know.
He left with Mary, though.

If she left with the Messiah,
she's now a changed woman.

She will lose her headdress
and everything.

VARINIA: Well, should she keep
her headdress?

You came.

I arrived.

- Elijah.
- What?

Stay present.

[KISSES] Come on.

JUDAS: There is one
of the Messiahs.

He goes by the name of Claance.

But be careful.

He has one of his protectors
with him.

- [PEOPLE LAUGHING]
- Peace.

- Peace.
- [PEOPLE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

MAN: Clarence.
CLARENCE: Hey.

I'll give you the money
I owe you. I promise.

- Just give me some time.
- All is forgiven. [KISSES]

- Thank you.
- Bless you.

Somebody get this man a drink.

Ah. Thank you very much.

Thank you.

CLARENCE: Mmm-hmm.

Don't think any of this
is impressing me.

You're not impressed?

Come here.

[LIVELY SONG PLAYING]

[SONG CONTINUES PLAYING]

Claance. Claance.

- What?
- What happened?

I just kissed her.

Oh, no, Claance.

Yeah, I know.

- I know. I--
- No.

Oh, no, Claance.

She set you up.

Why, Varinia?

- I didn't know.
- [SAMSON GRUNTS]

- [CROWD GASPING]
- Ahhh! Barabbas. Elijah. Back.

WOMAN:
You can't hit the Messiah.

- Claance...
- Quiet!

Idiots.

- Leave him alone, please.
- This is me leaving him alone.

- Claance...
- [CLARENCE GRUNTS]

...do one of your miracles
to escape, hmm?

- Fly or something.
- [GROANS]

That was a good one.

You've been running around
and telling everybody

that you're the Messiah.

Preaching this false prophecy.

Yet you cannot miracle me
the money that you owe?

Men, teach this fraud a lesson.

Then your men
will die this day...

- No. Barabbas.
- ...Mr. Jedediah. Let us begin.

CLARENCE: No. Barabbas.

Those who are about to die...

salute you, King.

[GROANS]

- [GRUNTING]
- [CLICKS TONGUE]

You see the foolishness
that you've caused?

[CHUCKLES] Check the score.

No need.

All of your men
will die here tonight.

CENTURION 1: Halt!

[COUGHS]

[CENTURION 1 YELLS]

- [CENTURION 2 YELLS]
- [CENTURIONS CHANT]

We have a warrant

for the arrest

of all the self-proclaimed
Messiahs of Judaea.

That includes you, Clarence.

Over your dead body.

Ah. You must be the hero.

[CHUCKLES]

Great spirit.
Why is there always one?

Well, thank you
for revealing yourself.

So we may
get this out of the way swiftly.

[CROWD GASPING]

- [GRUNTS]
- [CROWD GASPING]

Wait for...

You darkened peasant!

That blade was Egyptian steel.

[CROWD GASPING]

- [GRUNTS]
- [HORSE WHINNIES]

- [CHANTS]
- Barabbas.

- He slapped me.
- I know. I know.

- Men don't slap men.
- I know.

- Women slap men.
- Listen to me. You need to run.

- I'm not scared of them.
- Barabbas, run.

- We're stronger than them.
- Run.

- We are superior to them.
- Run!

- [SNIFFS]
- CLARENCE: He did nothing wrong.

DECIMUS: You see that?

You see how he charges
towards me to attack me again?

You're all my witnesses.
I'm in danger of my life.

- What? He's running away.
- Hand me a spear.

- [GRUNTS]
- Let it go! Let it go!

- [GRUNTING]
- [PEOPLE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Stop him.

WOMAN: Let him go!

Run! Run!

Thank you.

[SCREAMS]

No! No!

[GROANS SOFTLY]

What an incredibly
resistant rodent.

Spear.

Aim for his legs.

No, no, no, no. No!

[SCREAMING]

CLARENCE: You bastards!

Let me go! Let me go!

- Spear.
- CLARENCE: You've stopped him.

You coward!

[BARABBAS SCREAMS]

You cowards killed Barabbas!

- [CROWD CLAMORING]
- You bastard!

Let me go.

So you killed that man
in cold blood, huh?

Centurion, retrieve my spears.

[SOBS QUIETLY]

[GRUNTS]

- [GRUNTING]
- [SPEAR CLATTERS]

What in the entire holy--

The wrong heel, motherfucker.

I am...

[CENTURION GROANS]

...immortal!

- [GRUNTING]
- [THUDS]

- [ELIJAH AND CLARENCE LAUGHING]
- [PEOPLE CHEERING]

Yes! Yes! Run!

After him!

Bring the Messiah.

Shed blood
if he doesn't come willingly.

No.

You really desire the execution
of yourself and your friends?

I cannot let you take this man.

Claance is one of the good guys.

Yes, we have
our occasional issues.

Plus, he's always
in above his head.

But to stand here
and watch you take him,

torture him,

and most certainly
crucify him...

[CHUCKLES] Well,

Roman, you must not know
who I am.

You are Jedediah the Terrible, correct?

Contrary to popular belief,
I despise the name.

Well, life is full of that
which we hate.

Take your people,
for example.

From your beliefs

to the way
the sun hits your burnt skin...

[SCOFFS]

ANTONINUS: ...I repudiate
all of you.

[SNIFFS] See, I know
the root of the problem

with those who exude
such copious amounts of hate.

[SNIFFS] It actually stems
from your self-awareness, hmm?

Knowing that you're weak.

In reality, you are
a frightened little boy,

dressed up
in a metal-plated costume.

Really?

And what is it
that I'm frightened of?

Us.

Who are truly unconquerable.

Us who, try as you may,

refuse to be defeated,

walking unwavering in hope,

while shining beneath
the rays of the sun, hmm.

Us, who cradle
this world with joy,

even though
you take everything,

everything that we have.

Us, who possess the knowledge

that there are no oppressors,
my friend.

Just weak men.

Knowledge is a great thing,
Jedediah the Terrible.

You can do
tremendous things with it.

Like having you calmly
tell your men to stand aside

solely because I possess
the knowledge that the girl

- I'm about to decapitate...
- [VARINIA GASPS]

...is your beloved
sister, Varinia.

An impressive soliloquy.

Well, the next time I lay
eyes on you, you die.

Bring him.

- WOMAN: Oh, no!
- [GRUNTS] Get your hands off me.

He's okay. He's okay.

Claance is a survivor.

[CRIES]

[PEOPLE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Where is he?

Bring in the prisoner!

You don't always have to shout.

MAN 1: Messiah!

[PEOPLE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Messiah!

[PEOPLE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

This is him?

You are he?

Depends on who "he" is.

- Clarence?
- Clarence.

Clarence, this new Messiah.

My name's Clarence.

But I'm no Messiah.

[PEOPLE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

CLARENCE: Admittedly,
I've broken some laws.

I grow and sell Lengunweed

and things I steal
from the Romans,

including that
quite delicious honeyed wine.

And there's a girl...

Oh-ho. Isn't there always?

CLARENCE: I suppose.

But this girl

didn't see me as I see her.

So I took a deal
with her brother,

and that deal went sour.

And he said that
if I didn't pay him

in 30 days, that he'd kill me.

So I came up with a plan
to become a Messiah.

As you do.

And show everyone,
including my brother,

that I'm not a nobody.

And hopefully
get the girl that I...

I loved.

And?

Did you get the girl?

No. I didn't get the girl.

I got this trial.

MAN 2: Liar! He's the Messiah.

- No, no, I'm not.
- MAN 3: He's the Messiah!

- Stop that.
- Quiet!

CLARENCE: Stop.
It was all just silly tricks.

It was tricks. It wasn't real.

[SIGHS]

My lies
just spiraled out of control.

You see, you've left me
in a tad of a predicament.

I've had instructions
straight from Rome

to crucify
all these so-called Messiahs.

"Mess" being the operative
syllable in that word.

You, however, claim to be
guilty only of the crime

of loving a woman that does not
in turn love you back.

- Is that right?
- Precisely. Yes, Your Honor.

Unfortunately for you,

you also confess
to the crime of fraud.

To being a charlatan.

A purveyor of lies
and narcotics.

You're an animal who preys
on the despair of the poor,

who abuses their trust in you
for your own ill-gotten gains.

You are confessing
to those crimes, are you not?

Well, damn.
When you put it like that...

- [CHUCKLES]
- MAN 4: Liar!

[CROWD CLAMORING]

What are you doing?

Silence!

You've gone and displeased
your people, Clarence.

- But I think you're still lying.
- No.

I think, you believe
you are the Messiah

but you lie now
to save your own hide,

so you can return out there

and stir up
a widespread rebellion.

That's not true. That is...

That could not be
further from the truth.

Really?

Why don't we go find out?

- Bring him to the flooding tank.
- What?

What? No.
Wait, wait, wait. Wait!

I'm not the Messiah!
I'm not the Messiah!

I'm not the Messiah!

Wait. Stop!
Decimus, I'm not...

[SHUSHES]

PONTIUS: Right.

My problem is that
I don't believe in your god.

I do believe, however, that
you people should be allowed

to see for yourselves.

See that there is no Messiah,

that there is no Savior,

and that your god is a myth.

A product only
of your denial of the fact

that all of your lives,

your miserable little lives,

belong to Rome!

Clarence, if you'll be so kind
as to walk on water

right across this pool here
into my welcoming arms.

If you manage it,

I'll be the first Roman
to join the Church of Clarence.

I can't walk on water.

I can't even swim.

PONTIUS: I figured as much.

Okay, uh,

once I fall in,
then you'll let me free?

Once you die from drowning,
you'll be free to go. Proceed.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[SIGHS]

[SNIFFS]

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

Don't cry.

It's okay.

[SNIFFS]

- [BREATHING HEAVILY]
- [RUMBLING]

[WATER SPLASHING]

[CROWD GASPING]

[LAUGHS] What?

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit. [GRUNTS]

[CONVERSING INDISTINCTLY]

Oh. This is crazy.

Messiah!

- Messiah!
- Messiah!

WOMAN: Messiah!

CLARENCE: I'm not a Messiah!

No, I'm not.
It's some kind of trick.

What is this?

Restrain him!

No! Hey!

All right! All right!

[LAUGHING]

I wouldn't have let you drown.

But now I have to crucify you.

- [GATE OPENS]
- [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

THOMAS: Peace be
unto you, Clarence.

Unto you be peace, Thomas.

Are you well?

I could be better.

CLARENCE: As could we all.

THOMAS: I saw you walk on water.

CLARENCE: That was God.

THOMAS: So you believe?

CLARENCE: No, no,
I don't believe.

I know.

I'm sorry, Thomas, truly,

that everything
turned out this way.

No, no, you don't apologize.

Clarence, I'm sorry.

For... [INHALES SHARPLY]

For never taking you seriously.

I'm sorry for leaving home
and abandoning Mother.

If I'd have been
more of a brother,

you would've never ended up
in a place like this.

CLARENCE: Hmm.

This is exactly
how it's supposed to be.

[SNIFFLES] Brother,
please forgive me.

I love you, brother.

I love you.

JESUS: That which
is hidden from you

will become clear to you.

For there is nothing hidden...

that will not become manifest.

[OBJECT CLINKING]

One of you negroes is a canary.

An information revealer.

Which one is it?

- Let me kill him.
- Yes.

The one who dips
Mary Magdalene's bread

into the gravy.

[APOSTLES SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

We must love our enemies

and pray for those
who persecute us.

This is not our cause.

It's our time to strike.

We are revolutionaries.

Not pacifists.

No! [SHOUTS]

JESUS: Your will is at battle
with your conscience.

The sin in you does not want you
to consume the bread.

- No!
- You are wrong.

While the good in you

wants to confess.

You have become soft, Jesus.

Listen to me.

I am...

I don't even like
Mary's cooking.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

She uses too much garlic.

[GRUNTS]

[WHIMPERING]

[CRIES] Stop it.

No.

[CRIES QUIETLY]

[MOANS]

It's the gravy, man.

[CHUCKLING] It's the gravy.

It cancels out the garlic.

Mmm.

Now, this does not mean
I betrayed anyone.

- [DOOR OPENS]
- [PONTIUS WHISTLING]

- [CHAINS RATTLING]
- [CONTINUES WHISTLING]

[STOPS WHISTLING]

Now I hope

this is nothing sexual.

I've been looking at the statues
all day. I'll tell you.

I completely understand why
the Romans are always so angry.

[LAUGHS] I like this man.

I do, I like you.

Which is why if you give me
Jesus of Nazareth,

I will let you walk free.

Excuse me?

You know, he has them believing
that all men are born equal.

It's a disturbing thought,
I know.

You, however...

You lust for power and wealth,

position.

You long to be somebody.

Give me the location of Jesus
and I will give you more coin--

1,000 shekels.

[LAUGHING]

- You are funny. Don't be--
- 2,000 shekels.

30 silver coins or death.
Your choice.

Well, I'd rather take silver
than death, obviously.

But I'll have you know,

Jesus is not his real name.

Do continue.

His name is

Judas Iscariot.

Yeah. He told everyone
to overthrow Rome.

- [CHUCKLES]
- I said...

[EXHALES]

- ..."No!"
- Oh. [CHUCKLES]

"I'd never overthrow Rome."

-"I love Rome."
- [LAUGHS]

"My best friend's Roman."

Judas is not the Messiah.

He's already working for us.

[KISSES]

You're not the one we want.
Take the deal.

You're just a placeholder
until we have the man himself.

I won't give him up.

You truly believe your Messiah's
life to be that valuable?

Even if I thought
he was a beggar,

I'd die
before I give him up to Rome.

Well, then death it is.
Take him away.

Is there anything we can do
for Claance?

I have spoken to my father
about it.

He has not yet answered me.

He will.

Soon.

Come.

[BENJAMIN GRUNTS]

Please spare us some coin

so I may buy me some food,
warmth, shelter.

Anything you can spare will--

[GASPING]

[BREATH TREMBLING]

[GRUNTS]

[SIGHS]

Peace be unto you.

And also to you.

[SIGHS]

TALITHA: Varinia...

Claance will be okay.

It's not his story
to die on the cross.

BENJAMIN: Excuse me?

[SNEEZES]

[SMACKS LIPS] Excuse me.

I wish to be made clean.

We can rebuild him.

[UPBEAT SONG PLAYING]

[BENJAMIN LAUGHS]

[HESITATES] Sister?

- [TALITHA SIGHS]
- [GLASS BREAKING]

TALITHA: He looks...

He looks just like Jesus.

[SCOFFS] You haven't
even seen Jesus.

His essence.

- Look at him. Pure and white.
- Oh. Mmm.

- Okay.
- So trustworthy.

See?

[FUNKY SONG PLAYING]

[SIGHS]

- [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
- This?

WOMAN: Wow.

Look at him.

[COINS CLINKING]

CENTURION: Looks like
another false Messiah.

[MOUSE SQUEAKING]

VARINIA: Clarence.

Clarence, are you okay?

Guess it's too late for me
to change now, huh, Varinia?

- Clarence...
- Why would you set me up?

VARINIA: Set you up?

My brother
had his men following me.

- That's how they found you.
- But then why did you run?

I ran because... [SIGHS]

I lose myself
when I think of you.

And look where we've ended up.

[SIGHS] Varinia, I don't even
know what I was thinking,

trying to be in a relationship
with you. [CHUCKLES]

- I was crazy.
- No.

That wasn't crazy.

You're perfect, Varinia.

- [SNIFFLES]
- Perfectly who

you're supposed to be.

That perfect girl
who lives nearby

that you can just
never get close to.

Your perfect smile...

Your perfectly shaped eyes...

Your perfectly--

Perfectly yours.

[CHUCKLES]

Perfectly too late.

- I am to be crucified, Varinia.
- No.

- Yes.
- Claance, look at me.

- No.
- Yes.

[BREATHES HEAVILY]

- Clarence. [SOBS]
- It's okay.

[KISSES]

GUARD: [GROANS] That's enough.
VARINIA: No, wait!

GUARD: Your time's over.
VARINIA: Get off of me!

- Get your hands off of me!
- [GATE OPENS]

- [GATE SHUTS]
- [GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION]

[SOBS SOFTLY]

[PEOPLE SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

Ahhh! [GRUNTS]

[GROANS]

[GRUNTING]

- Ahhh!
- [PEOPLE CLAMORING]

[CLARENCE GRUNTING]

[GROANING]

- [GRUNTING]
- [PEOPLE SHOUTING]

Elijah, no.

- [WHIP CRACKS]
- [GROANS]

Back. Stay back.

[GRUNTING]

- [GUARD GRUNTS]
- [SCREAMS]

- No, please!
- [GROANS]

- Son.
- [PANTING]

Mother.

Hold space.

[GRUNTING]

- GUARD: Come on!
- [CROWD EXCLAIMING]

They always take our babies!

They always take our babies!

[SPITS]

[CROWD SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMING]

Claance!

[GRUNTING]

Cabbage. Cabbage, listen to me.

We learned!

- Let go.
- No!

- Let go.
- [GRUNTS]

[CLARENCE GROANS]

Claance... Get off!

Claance! Ahhh!

- No! Claance!
- Ahhh!

[SCREAMS]

[PEOPLE SHOUTING]

[CLARENCE GROANS]

[GROANING SOFTLY]

- Do you hear your Messiah?
- [CLARENCE GROANS SOFTLY]

He begs for the mercy of Rome!

Tell me, Messiah.

Where is your god? Hmm?

Where is he?

BARABBAS: [WHISPERS]
Claance! Claance!

- No!
- [PEOPLE SHOUTING]

[SCREAMING]

[GROANING]

[PANTING]

[GRUNTING]

- [SHOUTS]
- CLARENCE: Ahhh!

- [WHIP CRACKS]
- Ahhh!

May God be with you, Claance.
[SOBS SOFTLY]

May God be with you, Claance.

PETER: My Lord,
I don't understand it.

- We can leave.
- We are to wait here, Peter.

Judas will give me up.

For 30 silver coins.

They will arrest me
in three days.

It is then I will be crucified.

- [APOSTLES SOBBING]
- This is why I was sent here.

- [HAMMERS]
- [SCREAMING]

[DECIMUS WALKING]

- [HAMMERS]
- [SCREAMING]

- [DECIMUS WALKING]
- [GROANING]

- [HAMMERS]
- [SCREAMING]

[MUFFLED GROANING]

[GROANING]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[CENTURIONS GRUNTING]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[GRUNTS]

[COUGHING]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[SIGHS]

[GRUNTS SOFTLY]

[BREATH TREMBLING]

[SIGHS]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Humans...

God's only mistake.

[BREATHES HEAVILY]

Lord, forgive them,
for they know not what they do.

BENJAMIN: Oh, please.

[GROANS]

I've got a prayer for you.

Dear Heavenly Father,

please kill all these people.

Fire and brimstone
will suffice.

But where possible,

give them lava. [GROANS]

Especially that prick
painting me.

We're all just men and women.

Most of us have no idea
what we're doing.

By the time we figure it out,
it's too late.

I have spent my entire life

witnessing the cruelty of man.

Those who had plenty

did not even spare me
one drop of water.

I have literally had the clothes
lifted from off my back.

[SCOFFS]

I've been one of those men.

And for that
I'm truly, truly sorry.

I've been a victim
of my own ignorance.

That's just it.

We need enlightenment.

Not punishment.

Well, good luck with that.

[ELIJAH SNIFFLES]

- [CRYING QUIETLY]
- You can look at me, brother.

[SNIFFS]

[SIGHS] It's okay.

[SIGHS]

[BREATH TREMBLING]

My friend...

My brother...

This cannot be the end.

[SNIFFLING]

Please tell me
you have a plan.

[SOBBING QUIETLY]

This cannot be
the end, Clarence.

I'm happy to hear you say
my name with two syllables.

[CRYING]

My brother, I'm so scared.

No need to be scared.

We've got God with us.

All of us.

[CABBAGE CRYING]

Barabbas was right.

You are a king.

[CRIES]

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

Pierce him with this.

He will not live the hour.

- [CLARENCE GROANING]
- [CROWD GASPING]

[VARINIA CRYING]

[COUGHS]

[GASPING]

[COUGHING]

[GROANING]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Find your way
back to me, son.

Find your way
back to me, son.

[MELODIOUS SONG PLAYING]

[RUMBLING]

Rise, Clarence,

son of Amina.

[GASPS]

[BREATHING SHAKILY]

You were a man of no faith,

yet freed the slaves
at your own peril.

You did not believe in me,

then came to know

I am the resurrection
and I am the life.

The one who believes in me
will live even though they die.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

My Lord.

[CHUCKLING]

[BREATH TREMBLING]

[EXHALES SHAKILY]

[UPLIFTING SONG PLAYING]