All language subtitles for The Good Life s02e05 Mutiny.eng

Ah, Jerry. You've got a straight line to the green
from there.

L'wish I had, Sir. I'm behind a tree.

You crawler!

First rule of business.
You play golf with the boss, you always lose.

I'm afraid I shall have to
hack it out from here, Sir.

Tarzan, are you playing golf with us?

They're chestnuts... l think.

Nature's very bountiful, you know?

Are those mushrooms or toadstools?

I don't know. You're meant to be playing golf,
not replenishing your larder.

That's what you think. Are those damsons?

Will you be putting at all today, Good?

Oh. Sorry. Blackberries.

Hold those, will you?

17.

Sorry.

Oh, well done, Sir. Brilliant putt.

Six for me.

You took eight!

No. Six.

Mind you, Jerry,
you've got an easy tap in for a half there.

Well, nothings safe till it's dead.

Another hole to you, Sir.

I just don't seem to be able to read these greens
like you can.

(Chuckles)

(Tom mimics Jerry)

Oh, incidentally, Jerry, Van Kampen
of Holland Plastique's coming over on Saturday.

- Oh, yes, Sir?
- Mm.

Put him up for the weekend, will you,

then bring him in on Monday,
and we'll get down to business.

- A pleasure, Sir.
- Good.

Now, then, 340-yard par four.

Yes, it doglegs round to the right.

- But with your slice...
- My what?

The way you can deliberately slice the ball,
you should have no trouble at all.

Oh, yes. Yes, of course.

- What are you taking here, Good?
- Pardon?

I said, what are you taking here?

A shotgun.

Rabbits.

The thing is, Barbara, I have rehearsed
and rehearsed until I am word perfect.

It's just that I can't remember the lines.

Margo, do get it in proportion.

This is an amateur production of
The Sound Of Music at Surbiton Town Hall,

not a command performance.

Yes, I realise that, but I am the star.

If I'm wrong, everything's wrong.

Well, what is it about this particular scene
that bothers you?

It's Miss Mountshaft's nephew.

He's playing one of Baron Von Trapp's children.

- So?
- His nose runs, Barbara.

Whenever he's on stage,
there's nowhere else I can look.

Yes, I know what you mean.

Look, would you give me
the lead-in to the song again?

Right, now the setting is
Baron Von Trapp's castle.

- Schloss, actually.
- Schloss, then.

- And Maria...
- That's me, of course.

That's you. You're in your bedroom
and there's a thunderstorm outside.

That will be Mr Wainwright
with his sheet of metal.

Of course. Now, the children, frightened by
Mr Wainwright and his sheet of metal, rush in...

Yes. Then I, as Maria, sit on the bed
with my arms round the children,

hoping desperately that that runny-nosed
little wretch is not one I have to cuddle.

Very sensible.

Now, the children go blah-blah blah-blah-blah.

No, Barbara.

I am not a devotee of Stanislavski.
I need the lines.

Right. "Oh, Fraulein. Oh, Fraulein. Oh, Fraulein.

Oh, Fraulein. Oh, Fraulein.
Oh, Fraulein. Oh, Fraulein."

- There are seven children, you see.
- Yes, I gathered that.

"Oh, Fraulein Maria,
we are frightened by the storm.

We are frightened, oh, Fraulein Maria."

Barbara, can't you give me a little more?

Oh, Margo! I've had a busy day.
I'm not up to playing seven Austrian children.

Oh, sorry, dear.
It's the director in me coming out.

A post which is totally inadequately filled
by Miss Mountshaft's brother-in-law,

who has a steel plate in his head.

Now, can you give me the last line again?

- "Oh, Fraulein Maria."
- Yes.

Then I say...

Don't be afraid of the storm, children.
Shall I tell you a secret?

Do you know what I do
when I am frightened of something?

Why! I simply think of my favourite things.

"Into song."

Yes, I won't sing, Barbara,
because I'm saving the voice for Friday.

- Right. Very sensible. Well, the lyrics, then.
- Yes.

Raindrops on noses and dewdrops on...

No, no, no!

You see, it's that child
and his wretched nose again.

Well, forget his nose.
Now, it's raindrops on roses,

- whiskers on kittens...
- Yes, whiskers on kittens,

bright copper kettles and...

- Warm.
- .warm woollen mittens,

wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings,
these are a few of my favourite things.

- Perfect.
- I think I've got it now.

- When the shark bites, when the bee stings...
Shark?

Oh, my God.
I've strayed into The Threepenny Opera.

That's it. It's going to be a total disaster!
I shall be laughed off the stage. I can't! I can't!

Margo, sit down! Now, come on, calm down.

- (Sobs)
- Now, look, this is just nerves. That's all it is.

I was the same when I had to play the recorder
at the school concert.

- Really?
- Yes.

If I hadn't been nervous,
I'd have flicked over the pages.

As it was, I dashed at it, knocked the stand over
and stuck the recorder up my nose.

Noses keep cropping up, don't they?

Yes, but I was only 11. You're a woman of thir...
A mature woman.

You do know it, Margo, and you'll be wonderful.
You'll see.

Thank you, Barbara.

And thank you for stopping
my hysterical outburst.

- It's just that this is so important to me.
- I know.

Look, a couple of gins before you go on,
and you'll knock them dead.

- You won't even notice the runny nose.
- I hope not.

Right, now...

- Hello, girls.
MARGO: Oh, hello.

Had a nice gossip?

- No, we played strip poker with the postman.
- Barbara!

(Chuckles)

Well, you chaps had a good round of golf?

Fair. I shot an 87.

- Tom?
- Fair. I shot two rabbits.

- Anything else?
- Blackberries, damsons, a few chestnuts.

I didn't shoot 'em, I picked "em.

I do hope Andrew wasn't offended.

- Oh, no. I let him win.
MARGO: Good.

By the way, darling,
you remember that Mr Van Kampen?

- We met him in Amsterdam.
- Oh, yes. Charming man.

One house in Hilversum and one in Delft,
incidentally.

- Nice!
- Anyway, we're putting him up for the weekend.

- We most certainly are not.
- What? Why?

4 The hills are alive with the sound of music

- Oh, my God, I forgot.
- Well, thank you very much, Jerry.

Thank you very much for forgetting
the most important weekend of my whole year.

- But I practically agreed. What am I to do?
- Tell Sir to get...

Tell him Margo's got something very important
to do, and you can't put the bloke up. Simple.

But that'd mean saying no.

Well, it would be a change
from saying yes all the time.

Tom wasn't a yes-man
when he worked for the company.

But Tom never got further than the fourth floor.

That isn't the point. He takes advantage of
you both. He treats your house like a hotel.

- Margo doesn't mind.
- Not generally, Jerry, no.

But if you deny me my crowing moment
at the town hall,

I shall never respect you again.

You're perfectly right.
I shouldn't have forgotten in the first place.

- Well, I shall just have to tell Sir no.
- Thank you very much, Jerry.

Cheer up. You're only saying no
to some pot-bellied old twit who cheats at golf.

- Yeah, and slices.
- Exactly.

Well, here's to Jerry.

- Sir Jerry, slayer of pot-bellied old twits.
- Yes.

Mind if I use your loo?

Push, push.

I still think we should've hollowed it out
and sculled home.

But if it got damp, we couldn't have burned it.

Oh, I hate you on the days you're always right.

Oh, stop moaning, or I'll trade you in for a mule.

Oh, thanks, Jerry. That's very thoughtful.
You couldn't have left early and given us a lift.

Sorry about that. I've had rather a heavy day.

- Well, did you get in to see Sir?
- Yes.

- Did you tell him about the weekend?
- Yes.

- What did he say?
- Nothing much.

Just gave me a month's notice.

Margo, will you please keep still?

- Keep still, woman!
- I'm sorry, Jerry.

These flowers they've given me -

one does not pick dahlias and chrysanthemums
in an alpine meadow.

And I'm still desperately worried
about Baron Von Trapp's lederhosen.

- Why?
- They have not been dubbined properly.

Every time he bends over, they squeak.

Darling, that's his problem.
You can't worry about everything.

No, I know, but I do.

Oh, dear, I haven't even asked
how your job hunting went today.

- Oh, I'm at full cry, don't you worry.
- Good.

- It shouldn't be too difficult to find another job.
- A piece of cake.

I must remember not to kick the mountains
as I make my entrance because they wobble.

- Is this the star's dressing room?
- Oh, Tom, Barbara, do come in.

Couldn't afford a telegram, so we made you that.

Oh, how kind.

- Shouldn't they be edelweiss?
- You see, Barbara's noticed.

I told Miss Mountshaft she should've
ordered the real thing,

but, no, plastic will do.
The whole thing is tat, tat, tat.

Awl Now, come on, Margo.

We saw some of the cast
on our way round here.

They look very, very good -
except the kid with the runny nose.

I detest that child!
With his nose running on one side

and the Baron's lederhosen squeaking
on the other, I shall go to pieces. I know I shall!

- Overture and learners, please.
- Overture and beginners, you ghastly child!

JERRY: Margo, get a hold of yourself!
- Yes, I must.

One wonders why one does it.

Margo, you'll be wonderful.

- Now, it's raindrops on roses...
4 And whiskers on kittens

There you are, you see.
You'll be a knock-out, Margo.

Don't forget, kid, Flo Ziegfeld is out front.

- Good luck, darling.
- Thank you. You've all been most kind.

Oh! Most kind.

4 The hills are alive with the sound...

Hasn't it gone quiet?

The party! Oh, my God, the party?

The moment the curtain comes down,
we three get everything ready.

- You come later with the cast and friends.
- Yes, of course. Sorry.

Thank you.

Don't trip over the mountains. Don't trip over
the mountains. Don't trip over the mountains.

I suppose we should be grateful
they're not doing it on ice.

Mind you, make it a lot funnier, wouldn't it?

Tom! Now, look, I know you. You will not laugh.

I don't care if the nuns come on in football boots,
you will not laugh!

- Stuff your hankie in your mouth.
- (Chuckles)

- Don't you think we should get to our seats?
- Show time, Jerry.

The roar of the greasepaint,
the smell of the crowd.

Oh, yes.

- You haven't found another job, have you?
- No.

Well, only a matter of time.

Once word gets round a commercial
wizard's on the market, you'll be in.

You are out of touch, Tom. I'm 42.

- At my executive level, that's practically senile.
- But you've got contacts.

The moment they hear you've got the sack,
they sort of fade away, like old soldiers.

- What sort of friends are they?
- They're not friends, they're contacts.

Contacts meet each other in pubs
and boost each other's egos with large gins,

then spend the rest of the day stabbing
each other in the back with large knives.

Oh, Jerry, come on,
there must be plenty of other jobs.

- Not these days.
- Oh.

Oh, poor old Jerry.

It's all right, Barbara. I can still walk.

Don't worry. I'll be all right.

A bad time to get lumbered
with the expense of a first-night party.

The trouble is I've got a last-night party
to pay for as well.

- Oh, blimey! When's that?
- Tomorrow. They're only having two nights.

I mean...

.that was The Sound Of Music, wasn't it?

Possibly.

I only asked because at one time I thought
they'd wandered into the Folies Bergeres.

You mean the sunrise scene where all the nuns
realised they were in see-through habits?

Yes.

I never really believed in them after that.

- Why did Margo sing Maria?
- It's the name of the character she's playing.

I know it is, but I thought
the song came from West Side Story.

- It did.
- Oh.

It struck me as rather odd at the time.

I don't think anything would have struck me
as odd by then.

No.

Still, one can't expect an amateur production
to be perfect, can one?

TOM: Not after tonight.

Is the Mayor incontinent?

I don't know. Why?

Well, he kept popping out.

Probably just a music lover.

- Poor Margo.
- (Door bangs)

- Oh, smiles on. Here they come.
TOM: Look out. Quick, quick!

JERRY: Margo, bravo!

Good evening.

Where...? Where's the crowd?

Nobody's coming.

- Well, really!
- Oh. Oh!

Oh, well, let them do what they like.

The show had a few gremlins in it,
but nothing that can't be...

But you, Margo, you were...
l said to you, didn't I, Barbara?

- Yes, you did. And I said...
- And I'll say it again.

A few mistakes agreed,
but all in all you were really...

really... you were...

Bloody awful.

Margo!

Well, I was.

Oh, come on. You can't take all the blame.
The rest of the cast were awful as...

As well. You were going to say "as well".

No, no.

Oh, Margo, look, what leading lady
could possibly do her best

playing opposite a bloke with squeaky trousers?

It was bad enough four rows back,
let alone on stage.

Somebody should have taken him out
and oiled him.

And to have a conductor with his arm in a sling -
his conducting arm, I might add!

And see-through nuns!

Exploding footlights.

(Tom laughs)

(Barbara giggles)

No, I'm sorry. Everything you say is true.
But the fact remains that I was the leading lady.

I could have saved that show.

Instead of which, I gave a performance
that plumbed the very depths of ineptitude.

I 'am right, aren't I?

- Yes, you were terrible.
- Thank you, Tom.

Why did you sing Maria from West Side Story?

You tell me.

The state I was in, I might just as easily
have sung the Soldiers' Chorus from Faust.

Well, there's always tomorrow night.

- There isn't. We've been taken off.
- (Tom snorts)

You were only on for two nights.

The Mayor said we were giving the borough
abad name.

What about the people with tickets?

We're telling them that the chandelier is unsafe.

It probably is after tonight.

I spoke very briefly to Miss Mountshaft
after the performance.

Do you know what that stupid woman said?

She said, "Never mind, Mrs Leadbetter,
that's show business."

I nearly struck her.

Let's celebrate. I mean, let's have a drink.
This'll cheer us all up. Champagne.

- Margo?
- No, thank you, Jerry.

- Barbara?
- Um, no, not at the moment, thanks.

Tom'?

Er... er... not for me, no.

Oh. Oh, well...

- There's lots of food.
- Yes, there is, isn't there?

Oh, come on, Margo, cheer up. A little disaster
at the town hall isn't the end of the world, is it?

Of course not. It was a little production
by little people in a little town hall.

Well, that's all right, then.

It isn't. The thing that really depresses me
Is that I have been totally selfish.

I was so besotted by this fiasco that I never gave
a thought to the really important thing,

which is Jerry losing his job.

Hey, that's all right, darling.

- Getting the sack isn't a tragedy.
- All the best people do it. Look at Ted Heath.

I'd sooner not!

- Well, Wedgie, then.
- Worse! (Chuckles)

I'm not a fool, Tom. I'm an executive's wife
and I know very well, if I take the time to think,

that Jerry is not simply going to walk
into another job.

- Are you, Jerry?
- No, it doesn't look like it.

It's all my fault. If I'd entertained Mr Van Kampen
in the first place, you'd never have got the sack.

There was never any question of that.

This show was important to you.

Yes, it was, and look what a total waste of time
it turned out to be.

That's not the point. I may have been engaged
to the company, but I am married to you.

Oh, Jerry!

Well, goodbye, all.

- Please, don't go.
- No, don't go.

All right, tell you what. You start that end,
I'll start this end and we'll meet in the middle.

Jerry and I'll do the same with the champagne.
The last one to pass out will do the washing up.

No, I think I'll go to bed, if you don't mind.

- Good night.
TOM: Good night, Margo.

Jerry?

No, I think I'll be off too.

Well, tuck in.

- You don't mind letting yourselves out, do you?
- No, of course not, no.

- Night, Jerry.
- Night, Jerry.

(Door shuts)

You know the pigs are constipated
and there's no fuel for the generator?

(Dials number)

Yes.

You know we've got grey aphids
in the Brussels sprouts?

Yes.

We aren't half lucky.

I know.

- Who are you phoning?
- I'm trying to get Jerry his job back.

- How?
- Just leave it to me, please.

- How? What?
- Shush, shush!

Hello, Sir? Ah, Tom here, Sir.

Tom Good.

Yes.

Look, Sir...

Well, this is all very pleasant, Tim.

- Tom.
- Tom.

Ah. Nothing like a log fire, hm? (Chuckles)

- Tell me, where do you buy your logs?
- We don't.

We wait till the trees fall over from
Dutch Elm Disease, and haul them home.

Haul? Oh, I see.
You've got your own lorry, have you?

- Not exactly. It's a trolley with four pram wheels.
- Oh.

Here we are. We call this the peapod express.

Ah, homebrew.

Be careful. It's very powerful.

My dear Tim, I have drunk tequila in Mexico
City,

schnapps in Berlin and sake in Kyoto.

- Cheers!
TOM: Cheers.

My God!

Told you. Well, now, you may have thought
this was a social gathering,

but in fact I do have an ulterior motive.

I know. You want me to give Jerry his job back.

Yes. All right, I do.

- Why should l7
- I'll tell you.

But first of all, let me say this. You're not a fool,
and I'm not going to treat you like one.

I'm not going to waste time
going all around the houses

to find some infinitely subtle way
to influence your decision.

- I'm just going to come straight to the point.
- When?

But let me add this.

I used to work for you, and I walked out, right?

So now we're just two ordinary blokes, right?

I'm not going to beat about the bush.
I'm just going to say what I think.

Yes. But what is it?

Jerry's a nice bloke.

Any more wine?

Well, Jerry is a nice bloke.

So?

- Well...
- Well, what?

Nice blokes shouldn't be sacked
for putting their wives before their jobs.

Oh, I think that's for me to decide.

Anything else?

Yes. Lots.

Barbara?

Yes. Yes, actually, I do have something to say.

Why don't you think of the woman in this?
Think of Margo.

99 times out of a hundred, she's been
the unofficial hostess for your company.

It's like United Nations next door sometimes.

I mean, she entertains
Russians, French, Belgians.

If you said there were 50 Eskimos
coming for dinner,

she'd be trying to buy whale blubber.

So what was the difficulty
with one single Dutchman last weekend?

Well, I mean she has her own life too,
for heaven's sake.

I think I'll have a drop more of that, if I may.

All right, maybe this'll do it.

- I was your top designer at JJM, wasn't [?
- Yes.

You take Jerry back, I'm willing to take on
any freelance work your fellows can't handle.

This is a contradiction of terms
of the way I lead my life,

and I don't do it lightly.

You don't have to.
I've found a better designer than you.

But Jerry is a nice bloke.

There you go.
You charge your whole argument with emotion.

It's just a waste of time.

I'm a businessman.

As a businessman, the one thing that might
sway me would be if you were to tell me

that Jerry was the kind of efficient executive
that I need.

- Well, he is.
- I know.

That's why I've decided to keep him on.

- What?
- I may have been a bit liverish when I fired him.

But putting the fear of God into one's executives
never does them any harm.

If he's learned his lesson,
I'm quite prepared to reinstate him.

Then why do you watch us wriggle and squirm
when you've already decided? Are you a sadist?

No, I just thought
that you might like to give Jerry the news.

I'm certainly not going to approach him
personally.

I thought I might use you
as a kind of filter system.

This isn't a sewage farm.

- Will you tell him or not?
- Yes, all right. I'll tell him.

Good. Well, I think I'd better be going.

- Thanks for the drink.
- Oh, not at all.

Thanks for making us better people.

Just tell me one thing, would you?

When you say:
if Jerry has learned his lesson,

you mean if he crawls back, licks your boots
and says sorry for being a naughty boy?

Yes, I suppose I do in so many words.

Cor. And just what the hell
do you give him back in exchange?

18,000 a year, an expense account
and a company car.

Good night.

No, James, no.
It's not that I particularly want to leave JJM.

No, it's just that one likes to keep
the old ear to the ground, you know?

What? Oh, you've heard.

Yes. Yes, all right, James, put it like that.
Yes, I do want a job.

No. No, of course not.

No, well, it's just a thought.

Well, see you around some time, James.

Yeah, and to Margaret. Yes, you must both...

- (Dialling tone)
- I do hope you get dysentery soon, James.

Oh, well, so much
for James and Maggie Preston.

At least we won't have to listen to any more
of those interminable stories about her womb.

I'm beginning to realise
what it must have been like to have the plague.

Even that social climber Veronica Naismith
cut me dead in the hairdresser's today.

- I hope you cut her back.
- I certainly did.

Her auburn rinse
is no longer a secret in Surbiton.

Tom and Barbara
are the only real friends we've got.

I'm beginning to see that. It's just a shame
they don't have any influence or money.

I'm afraid we're heading for a recession.

Well, we'll be able to economise
on Christmas cards anyway,

the number of people we've cut off our list.

I've been thinking about having to economise,
Jerry.

In fact, I've already made a start.

Bless you.

Well, you know Mrs Pearson
comes in five days a week to clean?

- Yes.
- I've told her that from now on, it'll only be three.

Thank you, Margo.

It's Ma and Pa Kettle from next door.
Can we come in?

- Yes, of course, Tom and Barbara.
- Have a drink?

Oh, yes, please. I could use one.

- Who's been ruffling your feathers?
- The Marquis de Sade.

- Who?
- Sir. Andy.

You've no idea how close I came
to letting him have it with that bottle.

- When?
- Just now.

- We tried to persuade him to take Jerry back.
- Oh, that was kind.

You'll never know how near he came
to ending up in my effluence digester.

- Never mind. Thanks for trying.
- You can have your job back any time you like.

- What?
- Jerry!

Just make your public confession,
a couple of hours on the ducking stool,

- sack cloth and ashes for a month.
- What a cheek!

He's got a lot to learn yet, that man, a lot to learn
about people, that man, I can tell you.

- Got a lot to learn about Jerry.
- Right.

- If he really thinks that Jerry will simply...
- Hello, Sir.

Yes. Jerry here.

Yes!
Yes, I say, awfully decent of you about this, Sir.

Very decent indeed.

Yes, yes. Oh, I absolutely agree, Sir.

Andrew and Felicity must come to dinner soon.

As Margo says,
you must come round to dinner soon.

Well, any time you like, Sir.
Open house here, you know that, Sir.

Shall we go and play with our chickens?

JERRY: Saturday? That'll be fine. Yes.

How many? Eight?

Yes, bring them all along.

All Japanese? How interesting.

I've always wanted to cook seaweed.

Margo says she's always wanted
to cook seaweed. Yes.

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