Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:01,235
.
2
00:00:01,769 --> 00:00:02,136
[upbeat music]
3
00:00:04,705 --> 00:00:06,440
*
4
00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:08,142
- Whoop-whoop!
5
00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:10,311
- What are you doing?
He's so peaceful.
6
00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:11,545
Just let him be.
7
00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:14,548
- Man, if I got to be awake,
he got to be awake.
8
00:00:14,548 --> 00:00:17,085
[shouts]
Yo! Old white dude!
9
00:00:17,085 --> 00:00:19,253
Black people taking over!
10
00:00:19,253 --> 00:00:22,022
Ooh.
That usually wakes 'em up.
11
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:25,293
He's not...
- No, he couldn't be.
12
00:00:25,293 --> 00:00:27,195
Hey.
13
00:00:27,195 --> 00:00:29,597
Hey, pop-pop.
Hey--ah!
14
00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:33,033
- Oh, Jonah touched a dead guy!
Jonah touched a dead guy!
15
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:36,036
[upbeat music]
16
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,938
*
17
00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:39,773
- Well, we can likely
rule out foul play.
18
00:00:39,773 --> 00:00:41,709
According to his license,
he was 87.
19
00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:42,976
Probably died of old age.
20
00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:45,413
- My great-grandma died
the same way.
21
00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:48,482
Her mom too.
Bad genes, I guess.
22
00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:50,418
- So, she just kept
the dead man's wallet,
23
00:00:50,418 --> 00:00:51,652
and we're all okay with that?
24
00:00:51,652 --> 00:00:53,121
- Finders keepers.
25
00:00:53,121 --> 00:00:56,690
- Anyway, uh, I thought
we should all gather
26
00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:59,293
as a group in sort of
a safe space
27
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:02,029
so that we can share any
feelings that we have
28
00:01:02,029 --> 00:01:03,697
about what happened.
29
00:01:03,697 --> 00:01:07,735
Um, is anyone feeling
any sadness?
30
00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:09,503
Or shock?
31
00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:11,139
Or guilt?
32
00:01:11,139 --> 00:01:13,707
There are no wrong answers.
33
00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:15,143
Yes, Garrett.
34
00:01:15,143 --> 00:01:16,910
- I guess apathy.
35
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:20,047
I don't got any feelings
about this dude.
36
00:01:20,047 --> 00:01:22,616
- Okay, uh, Garrett,
thank you for sharing.
37
00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:27,721
Um, is anyone else feeling
feelings of apathy?
38
00:01:27,721 --> 00:01:29,923
Okay, well, that's valid.
39
00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:32,260
That's va--no, it's not valid!
You know what?
40
00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:35,028
No one is leaving this room
until I see someone
41
00:01:35,028 --> 00:01:37,665
express some real G-D emotion!
42
00:01:37,665 --> 00:01:41,602
- Uh, well, perhaps
seeing a dead person today
43
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:45,506
made us all realize how fragile
the journey of life really is.
44
00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:46,874
- Thank you.
45
00:01:46,874 --> 00:01:49,610
A little cliché,
but points for effort.
46
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:52,012
All right, um,
why don't we just all
47
00:01:52,012 --> 00:01:54,182
bow our heads--
- No religion in the workplace.
48
00:01:54,182 --> 00:01:55,883
- Okay, a moment of silence.
- Nope.
49
00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:58,186
Not if you're
thinking about God.
50
00:01:58,186 --> 00:02:01,989
- Okay, Amy, could you come and
say a few secular words?
51
00:02:06,294 --> 00:02:07,995
- Um...
52
00:02:10,298 --> 00:02:14,202
Charles, uh,
wasn't just a man
53
00:02:14,202 --> 00:02:16,970
who needed corrective lenses,
54
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:20,741
he was also
not an organ donor.
55
00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:25,646
And, um, in conclusion,
he lived on Oak Street.
56
00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:26,780
- Thank you.
57
00:02:26,780 --> 00:02:29,617
- [sighs] So tragic.
58
00:02:29,617 --> 00:02:31,219
What's gonna happen
to the couch?
59
00:02:31,219 --> 00:02:32,353
- What? The couch?
60
00:02:32,353 --> 00:02:34,255
- It was the fanciest one
in the store.
61
00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:36,257
- He died on the fancy couch?
62
00:02:36,257 --> 00:02:39,126
Does that mean
it's gonna be on sale?
63
00:02:39,126 --> 00:02:40,994
- We don't have to tell anyone
somebody died on it.
64
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:44,097
- Not disclosing
someone died on it is lying.
65
00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:45,833
I'm a man of truth, Dina.
66
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:47,335
Maybe lying's your thing.
67
00:02:47,335 --> 00:02:48,969
- Oh, you like truth, huh?
- Yeah.
68
00:02:48,969 --> 00:02:50,103
- How 'bout this truth:
69
00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:51,672
you have the hands
of a middle-aged woman.
70
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,374
- You want to play
the truth game?
71
00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:54,408
- Sure.
- Fine.
72
00:02:54,408 --> 00:02:56,310
Your podcast is a mess.
- [Dina gasps]
73
00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:58,479
- Yeah, no one wants to hear
your rambling.
74
00:02:58,479 --> 00:03:00,948
Just get to the interview.
75
00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:04,852
[rock music]
76
00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:12,159
*
77
00:03:14,094 --> 00:03:15,829
- You're loading that wrong.
78
00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:19,066
- Oh, um,
thank you, little girl,
79
00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:22,270
but I think I know
what I'm doing.
80
00:03:22,270 --> 00:03:23,271
[grunts]
81
00:03:23,271 --> 00:03:25,005
There we go.
82
00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:26,640
Just got to use a little muscle.
83
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:28,809
- Can I have one?
- Sure.
84
00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:30,444
And I don't know if you--
85
00:03:30,444 --> 00:03:34,081
- Emma, there you are.
I told--
86
00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:36,850
You loaded it wrong?
87
00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:39,553
- Wait a minute.
That's your daughter!
88
00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:41,822
- Shh! We're not allowed
to bring our kids to work.
89
00:03:41,822 --> 00:03:43,090
- Oh.
90
00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:44,525
- My sitter cancelled,
and she's hanging out
91
00:03:44,525 --> 00:03:46,294
for a couple hours, but can
you please not tell Glenn or...
92
00:03:46,294 --> 00:03:47,695
- Shh.
- Dina.
93
00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:48,896
- No, no, no, no,
your secret is safe with me.
94
00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:51,198
I'm not telling anybody.
Hi, I'm Jonah.
95
00:03:51,198 --> 00:03:54,502
- Yeah, I figured.
You're right, he is incompetent.
96
00:03:54,502 --> 00:03:56,437
- You told her
I was incompetent?
97
00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:58,839
Ba-na-na-na.
Talk about me at home?
98
00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:00,341
- [sighs]
99
00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:01,975
- I don't know if I should be
flattered or insulted.
100
00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:04,445
- Don't be flattered.
101
00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:14,322
- [whispers]
Hey, Garrett.
102
00:04:14,322 --> 00:04:17,124
I've got a shoplifter
in my crosshairs.
103
00:04:17,124 --> 00:04:18,659
- Hmm, I've taken
four breaks today,
104
00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:21,128
so I guess we both got
stuff to brag about.
105
00:04:21,128 --> 00:04:24,131
[sneaky music]
106
00:04:24,131 --> 00:04:30,871
*
107
00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:33,907
[baby cries]
- My baby!
108
00:04:37,345 --> 00:04:40,514
- Gotcha,
you gorgeous piece of garbage.
109
00:04:41,749 --> 00:04:42,783
- Did you get to the part where
he finds--
110
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:43,951
- [whines]
111
00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:45,853
- Well hurry up,
I want to talk about it.
112
00:04:45,853 --> 00:04:48,589
- Amy, can I see you
for a minute?
113
00:04:48,589 --> 00:04:53,093
- Um, wait, I have to watch
the jewelry counter.
114
00:04:53,093 --> 00:04:55,396
- Jonah?
Watch jewelry, will you?
115
00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:57,631
- Sure.
- Um, no.
116
00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:01,402
I don't think, um,
Jonah has very much experience
117
00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:04,638
with...jewelry.
118
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:08,075
- I don't have
any jewelry of my own,
119
00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:10,844
but my brothers
have some jewelry
120
00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:13,481
that I've played with.
121
00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:16,384
- Amy.
122
00:05:16,384 --> 00:05:20,388
- Um...yeah. Okay.
Uh...
123
00:05:20,388 --> 00:05:23,391
Well, I'll be right back.
Don't go anywhere.
124
00:05:23,391 --> 00:05:26,159
Stay here, and, uh,
whatever you do,
125
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:28,195
don't bring attention
to the jewelry.
126
00:05:28,195 --> 00:05:31,865
- Trust me, no one will know
the jewelry is here.
127
00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:35,403
- There is so much
I don't understand about sales.
128
00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:40,574
- Hiya.
129
00:05:40,574 --> 00:05:42,776
So what else did Mom
say about me?
130
00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:46,013
Aside from the general
incompetence.
131
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:48,181
- I have to go
to the bathroom.
132
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:50,518
- Oh, "Maze Runner!"
133
00:05:50,518 --> 00:05:53,687
We must chat when you get back.
I have lots of opinions.
134
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,489
- I'm a hunter.
135
00:05:55,489 --> 00:05:58,659
Some people
like to hunt elk, or deer.
136
00:05:58,659 --> 00:06:00,227
I hunt people,
137
00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:03,997
and your head
is going on my wall.
138
00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:05,899
- I didn't steal anything.
139
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:08,035
- Oh, you didn't?
140
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:09,470
Well, this was easy.
141
00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:11,238
Sorry for the mix-up,
you can go.
142
00:06:11,238 --> 00:06:14,341
Here, let me get you your purse.
Oops!
143
00:06:14,341 --> 00:06:15,643
Ha ha!
144
00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:17,811
Well, well, well, lookie what
we've got here.
145
00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:19,346
- That's mine.
I came in with it.
146
00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:21,148
- How convenient for you.
147
00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:22,850
Well...
[groans].
148
00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:25,185
I guess it's just my word
against yours then.
149
00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:27,721
[sighs] If only I had
some sort of device
150
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:30,491
right at my fingertips that
recorded your illegal activity.
151
00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:32,960
[gasps]
Oh.
152
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:34,828
If only I could
simply press a button,
153
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:36,697
and see that recording.
154
00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:38,899
Oh.
155
00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:50,210
If only that had worked.
156
00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:51,979
- I have always wanted...
- You? No, no, no...
157
00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:53,380
- A blue couch!
- Okay.
158
00:06:53,380 --> 00:06:54,615
- My home is all about--
- Hey, hey, hey!
159
00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:55,916
Okay, okay.
160
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:57,485
Y'all in Judge Garrett's
court now.
161
00:06:57,485 --> 00:07:01,054
You both want the couch.
Plead your case. Go.
162
00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:04,958
- I'm pregnant,
and I have so little...[cries]
163
00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:06,894
Where's the baby gonna sit?
164
00:07:06,894 --> 00:07:09,162
- Uh, fake cry.
165
00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:12,666
I invented fake crying.
166
00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:15,569
She was my sister!
167
00:07:15,569 --> 00:07:17,237
God...
168
00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:18,906
I just want to hold her
one more time...
169
00:07:18,906 --> 00:07:21,008
- Wow, you could be
in a Lifetime movie.
170
00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:23,711
- Thanks.
- We gonna do this the easy way.
171
00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:24,812
You want the couch?
172
00:07:24,812 --> 00:07:26,714
Whoever sits on it
the longest gets it.
173
00:07:26,714 --> 00:07:28,849
You get up, you lose.
You in?
174
00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:30,518
- Absolutely.
- Yup.
175
00:07:30,518 --> 00:07:33,654
- "It is not death
a man should fear,
176
00:07:33,654 --> 00:07:36,657
but never beginning to live."
177
00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:38,526
Marcus Aurelius.
178
00:07:38,526 --> 00:07:41,228
"I don't got no fear of death."
179
00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:43,931
Tupac Shakur.
180
00:07:43,931 --> 00:07:45,899
- Those are beautiful, Glenn.
Thank you.
181
00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:47,200
- You're welcome.
182
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:50,804
- Um, I think I need to get back
to the jewelry counter.
183
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:53,306
- Oh, sure,
get back to jewelry.
184
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,442
A man died here today.
185
00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:59,346
When I die, will it be
business as usual?
186
00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:02,950
Jewelry, cosmetics,
sporting goods, electronics,
187
00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:04,251
grocery--
- No, you're right.
188
00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:05,786
You're right, Glenn.
- Men's apparel.
189
00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:09,322
Women's apparel.
Housewares. Seasonal.
190
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:11,692
- Well, would it
make you feel better
191
00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:15,328
if we did something
for his family?
192
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:18,131
- I know a guy who makes
life-size puppets
193
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:20,568
of the deceased using
their actual hair.
194
00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:22,469
- Well, that's one idea.
Here's another one.
195
00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:24,838
What if we sent his family
a condolence card?
196
00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,907
- Oh, that's even better.
197
00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:29,376
'Cause those puppets
are pretty horrifying.
198
00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:35,115
- Hey, Emma?
[toilet flushes]
199
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:36,950
You--you've been in here
a while.
200
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:38,819
Is--is everything okay?
201
00:08:38,819 --> 00:08:41,421
- I'm fine.
Can you get my mom?
202
00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:43,724
- Uh, you know,
your mom is actually
203
00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:45,593
with our boss right now,
and I don't want
204
00:08:45,593 --> 00:08:46,694
to get her in trouble, so--
205
00:08:46,694 --> 00:08:47,961
- Can you please
just get her?
206
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:50,230
- Uh, you know, Emma,
whatever it is,
207
00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:52,099
you can trust me,
I promise you--
208
00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:54,702
- I got my first period!
209
00:08:58,639 --> 00:08:58,772
.
210
00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:01,174
- Hey, have you seen Amy?
211
00:09:03,611 --> 00:09:05,646
- Amy...
212
00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:13,621
- I got to get back to jewelry,
but this seems very Charles.
213
00:09:13,621 --> 00:09:14,888
- Uh, wait a sec.
214
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,890
Wait, so you detained her
without proof?
215
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,458
- There was a faulty
surveillance camera.
216
00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:22,195
- She could sue the store!
Do you remember Linda Beavers?
217
00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:25,465
She was fired for falsely
accusing someone of shoplifting.
218
00:09:25,465 --> 00:09:27,835
- Wait, Linda was fired?
- Yeah.
219
00:09:27,835 --> 00:09:30,203
- She told me the doctor said
she was too fat to work.
220
00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:32,272
- Yeah, that was just
her excuse to save face.
221
00:09:32,272 --> 00:09:33,841
- Look, I'm not
falsely accusing her.
222
00:09:33,841 --> 00:09:35,542
She did it,
I just can't prove it.
223
00:09:35,542 --> 00:09:37,077
- Okay, she hasn't
been in there long,
224
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,146
so just apologize,
and hopefully,
225
00:09:39,146 --> 00:09:40,480
that'll be the end of it.
226
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:43,116
- You want me to let her go?
I saw her do it!
227
00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:45,018
- It doesn't matter
what you saw.
228
00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:47,655
Just cut your losses
and move on.
229
00:09:47,655 --> 00:09:49,389
That's an order.
230
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:51,659
I just sounded like
my wife right there.
231
00:09:51,659 --> 00:09:53,727
- Hey, Emma,
I want you to know
232
00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:55,729
I can't find your mom,
but don't worry,
233
00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:57,665
I can handle it.
234
00:09:57,665 --> 00:09:59,667
And I'm in the Men's room.
235
00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:01,568
I want you to know,
I can't find your mom,
236
00:10:01,568 --> 00:10:03,203
but don't worry,
I can handle it.
237
00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:04,638
- Are you sure?
238
00:10:04,638 --> 00:10:07,240
'Cause my mom said you're not
that good at doing stuff.
239
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:10,110
- Did your mom ever say anything
positive about me?
240
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,845
This is not about me.
241
00:10:11,845 --> 00:10:14,181
- It is unfortunate that
242
00:10:14,181 --> 00:10:17,117
the situation arose
where you were accused
243
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:20,754
of something that,
due to circumstance,
244
00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:22,022
the proof that you did it...
245
00:10:22,022 --> 00:10:24,624
[clears throat]
Was lost.
246
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:28,729
Such that, to anyone
who wasn't there in person,
247
00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:30,397
they wouldn't know
you had did it.
248
00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:32,465
- I'm sorry,
is this an apology?
249
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,434
- Yes,
and don't say sorry to me.
250
00:10:34,434 --> 00:10:36,469
I don't accept.
- Uh, don't worry. I won't.
251
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:37,504
I'm leaving.
- Okay.
252
00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:38,906
Just need you
to sign this form
253
00:10:38,906 --> 00:10:41,174
stating that I let you go and
that you won't sue the store.
254
00:10:41,174 --> 00:10:43,110
- Anything to get away from
your polyester blend shirt
255
00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:46,079
and that stupid little ponytail
you're forced to wear.
256
00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:47,781
- Uh, the ponytail
is not forced.
257
00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:50,417
It is one of 12 approved
hairstyles for female employees.
258
00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:52,820
- Mm, well, whatever it is,
it's pitiful.
259
00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:55,288
Oh, I'm sorry.
I forgot you work retail.
260
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:57,858
Pitiful means sad.
261
00:10:57,858 --> 00:10:59,526
- I know you stole.
262
00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:02,462
- Oh yeah?
Prove it.
263
00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:05,733
- We're just
getting started, lady!
264
00:11:05,733 --> 00:11:07,935
I cannot physically touch you,
265
00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:10,838
but I can get very close.
266
00:11:10,838 --> 00:11:13,540
- So, the episiotomy
is when they have to snip
267
00:11:13,540 --> 00:11:15,743
the area between your vagina
and your butthole
268
00:11:15,743 --> 00:11:17,177
so that you don't
tear your peehole.
269
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:18,746
- You know,
it's not working, okay?
270
00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:20,080
I'm not getting off this couch.
271
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:22,382
- And it's all held together
by a mucus plug,
272
00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:24,952
so imagine, like,
a bag of cherry pie filling,
273
00:11:24,952 --> 00:11:26,854
but it has a hole in it,
but the hole's being blocked
274
00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:27,988
by a big ball of snot.
275
00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:30,758
- Yep, yep, miracle of life.
Get it.
276
00:11:30,758 --> 00:11:31,959
- I wonder if
I'll eat my placenta.
277
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,427
- Hey, uh, Dina?
- I'm in a hurry.
278
00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:35,929
If you want to talk,
you have to walk with me.
279
00:11:35,929 --> 00:11:38,098
- Uh, okay, this is
gonna sound crazy, but,
280
00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:39,900
do you remember
your first period?
281
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:42,069
Because--
- February 4th, 2003.
282
00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:44,137
It was a Tuesday.
Unseasonably warm.
283
00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:46,073
- Okay, so--
- I was 19.
284
00:11:46,073 --> 00:11:48,308
Late bloomer, though I've more
than made up for that since.
285
00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:49,977
My gyno says I ovulate
like a champ.
286
00:11:49,977 --> 00:11:52,645
I drop eggs hard.
- All right, uh--
287
00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:54,782
- You know my aunt was born
with two vaginas?
288
00:11:54,782 --> 00:11:55,883
Yeah, she always thought
it would help her date,
289
00:11:55,883 --> 00:11:57,084
but it didn't.
290
00:11:57,084 --> 00:11:58,485
She died alone.
Well, she will die alone.
291
00:11:58,485 --> 00:12:00,253
She's still alive.
She's only like 50 or something.
292
00:12:00,253 --> 00:12:02,055
- Okay, thanks.
293
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:04,191
Think I got
all the information I need.
294
00:12:04,191 --> 00:12:07,660
- [chuckles]
God, I'm good at flirting.
295
00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:17,004
- Hey! You! Rodriguez!
Follow me.
296
00:12:17,004 --> 00:12:18,205
What's the hold up?
297
00:12:18,205 --> 00:12:20,340
- Well, I don't like when people
snap in my face.
298
00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:22,943
I'm busy.
My name's not "Rodriguez."
299
00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:25,412
There are so many reasons.
- I need your help.
300
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,147
That shoplifter's
still upstairs.
301
00:12:27,147 --> 00:12:28,882
- Dina,
you didn't let her go?
302
00:12:28,882 --> 00:12:30,818
You heard Glenn,
you could lose your job.
303
00:12:30,818 --> 00:12:32,552
- Not if we can
get her to confess.
304
00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:34,021
- We--uh, sorry. We?
305
00:12:34,021 --> 00:12:35,555
- Look, I know
we've never been close.
306
00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:37,825
Frankly, there are a lot of
things I can't stand about you,
307
00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:40,727
but right now,
you're the only person I trust.
308
00:12:40,727 --> 00:12:43,630
- Um...no.
309
00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:46,633
- Please...I...[sighs]
310
00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:49,069
I don't want to lose my job.
311
00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:50,403
- Is this gonna take
a long time?
312
00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:51,972
- No.
313
00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:53,706
I mean, I was hoping for
a quick nacho bar fuel up,
314
00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:55,408
but we can skip that.
315
00:12:55,408 --> 00:12:56,443
I mean, unless you...
- No.
316
00:12:58,879 --> 00:12:59,012
.
317
00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:01,849
- I'm an 11-year-old girl.
Do I like pads or tampons?
318
00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:07,754
Hyp--hypothetically.
319
00:13:07,754 --> 00:13:08,889
- Oh, hey, dude.
320
00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:10,657
You want to split a pizza
for lunch break?
321
00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:12,159
- What do you know
about periods?
322
00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:14,361
- Oh, it's bleeding
from the uterus
323
00:13:14,361 --> 00:13:15,863
that's released
through the vagina.
324
00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:17,931
Happens every 28 days,
give or take a few,
325
00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:18,932
depending on the lady.
326
00:13:18,932 --> 00:13:20,400
They all snowflakes.
327
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,135
So was that a no for pizza?
328
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,971
- I don't think
I'm hungry anymore.
329
00:13:23,971 --> 00:13:25,672
- Whoo, I am.
330
00:13:26,874 --> 00:13:28,876
- So how, exactly, are we
getting her to confess?
331
00:13:28,876 --> 00:13:30,911
- We're going classic
good cop, bad cop.
332
00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:32,345
- Like they do in the movies?
333
00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:34,481
- Trust me.
I've been doing this for years.
334
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:35,782
This'll work.
335
00:13:35,782 --> 00:13:38,018
- Okay, good cop, bad cop.
336
00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:42,589
- Hey, there,
this is my bestie, Amy.
337
00:13:42,589 --> 00:13:45,592
Be careful of her,
she's a little unstable.
338
00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:49,729
- Um...
[clears throat].
339
00:13:49,729 --> 00:13:51,364
Listen up, dirt bag.
- Ow.
340
00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:54,534
- Do you need
some water or a mint?
341
00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:55,602
God, you're just so pretty.
342
00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:56,970
- Are you gonna let me go,
or what?
343
00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:59,672
- I want to,
but Amy here is a maniac.
344
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:01,909
She's loco.
345
00:14:01,909 --> 00:14:06,446
- [thick accent] Uh, yeah, loco!
Loco 'bout bustin' perps!
346
00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:08,248
[growls]
347
00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:14,387
- Oh, hey, um, I've decided
to take up a collection
348
00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:16,123
for the dead fella's family.
349
00:14:16,123 --> 00:14:18,025
Maybe you guys could, like,
take this around
350
00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:19,826
and get the other employees
to donate?
351
00:14:19,826 --> 00:14:22,662
- Got it.
- Money for the dead guy.
352
00:14:22,662 --> 00:14:24,797
- Mm-hmm. Oh.
- Great.
353
00:14:26,934 --> 00:14:28,801
- Should I just put it...
354
00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:31,138
- Yeah, just, you can
set it down.
355
00:14:31,138 --> 00:14:32,505
Good.
356
00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:35,708
- You know that's the couch
he died on.
357
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:39,546
- Okay, Uncle Jonah's back.
358
00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:40,981
Gross.
359
00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:43,483
Please pretend I did not just
call myself "Uncle Jonah."
360
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:44,684
- Did you get something?
361
00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:46,954
- Yep, these are colorful.
Oh!
362
00:14:46,954 --> 00:14:49,789
And this one has a girl playing
soccer on the cover.
363
00:14:49,789 --> 00:14:51,658
- I just want
whatever's easy to use.
364
00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:54,694
- I got to be honest, none of
these really look easy to use.
365
00:14:54,694 --> 00:14:56,964
- My cousin Ricky
started out shoplifting.
366
00:14:56,964 --> 00:14:59,499
Now he's bangin' out
license plates in some prison
367
00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:02,635
trying to avoid a big guy
named Crazy Eyes.
368
00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:05,538
- Crazy Eyes is a character
in "Orange is the New Black."
369
00:15:05,538 --> 00:15:08,341
- Crazy Eyes is a character
in every prison in America,
370
00:15:08,341 --> 00:15:10,110
ladrona puta.
371
00:15:11,211 --> 00:15:12,445
- Is she okay?
372
00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:13,580
I don't understand what's
happening.
373
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:15,015
- It's boxing.
374
00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:16,849
- Okay, listen
Rizzoli and Isles,
375
00:15:16,849 --> 00:15:18,185
I'm not confessing to anything,
376
00:15:18,185 --> 00:15:20,887
especially not to two
minimum-wage morons.
377
00:15:20,887 --> 00:15:21,989
- I'm sorry, what?
378
00:15:21,989 --> 00:15:23,890
- Hey, sweetie,
you seem stressed.
379
00:15:23,890 --> 00:15:25,192
Do you want a back rub?
- No, no, no, no, no.
380
00:15:25,192 --> 00:15:26,593
Who do you think you are?
381
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,595
You can't just walk up in here,
start calling us morons.
382
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:32,032
- Amy, forget it, okay?
This clearly isn't working.
383
00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:34,467
Guess you're free to go,
courtesy of one broken camera
384
00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:35,502
in the makeup department.
385
00:15:35,502 --> 00:15:38,005
- Wait.
You saw her in makeup?
386
00:15:38,005 --> 00:15:39,139
- Yeah.
387
00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:40,373
- Well, you know,
the cameras in accessories
388
00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:41,574
also cover makeup.
389
00:15:41,574 --> 00:15:43,376
- [gasps]
I just realized.
390
00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:44,677
If we pull the footage
from accessories,
391
00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:45,812
we've got our proof!
392
00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:46,846
- Yeah, that's
what I was saying.
393
00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:48,715
- And you're going down,
thief!
394
00:15:48,715 --> 00:15:51,218
- Enjoy prison!
395
00:15:55,922 --> 00:15:59,026
- [laughs]
- Oh, boy.
396
00:15:59,026 --> 00:16:00,460
It's a heated competition.
397
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:03,363
- I think you're just
supposed to open it
398
00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:05,032
from--or--nope, I broke it.
399
00:16:05,032 --> 00:16:08,035
Nope. Yep.
That can't be right.
400
00:16:08,035 --> 00:16:11,371
It's soft.
Oh, this one looks easy.
401
00:16:11,371 --> 00:16:13,440
That--it travels.
That one's a traveler.
402
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:15,408
Uh...
403
00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:18,178
Emma, look through the crack.
404
00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:21,781
I'm a mummy!
Ahh!
405
00:16:21,781 --> 00:16:24,284
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'll be right out.
406
00:16:24,284 --> 00:16:26,319
I'm helping a little girl.
407
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:29,056
- Can't wait to see you bust
that filthy bitch to hell.
408
00:16:29,056 --> 00:16:30,957
- You can drop the bad cop act.
- It's not an act.
409
00:16:30,957 --> 00:16:32,892
I genuinely hate this lady.
410
00:16:32,892 --> 00:16:35,828
- Nice.
Oh, here we go.
411
00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:45,238
.
412
00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:47,807
- Everyone here at Cloud 9
is so, so sorry
413
00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:54,281
to have inconvenienced you,
and we are willing to
414
00:16:54,281 --> 00:16:56,949
do anything to make it right.
415
00:16:56,949 --> 00:17:00,487
- Here are some coupons.
Uh, 25% off air fresheners.
416
00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:01,688
- Ooh.
417
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:03,823
- Uh, buy one,
get one free toothpaste.
418
00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:06,626
And, um, and a free slushie.
419
00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:08,095
But, you know what,
something tells me
420
00:17:08,095 --> 00:17:09,962
you're not a slushie girl,
so I'll just keep that.
421
00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:11,531
- Let me be clear.
422
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,100
You have two options.
423
00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:15,368
You can either fire
this dum-dum right now,
424
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:17,937
or I can go home,
call your corporate offices,
425
00:17:17,937 --> 00:17:19,206
and make them fire her.
426
00:17:19,206 --> 00:17:20,773
- Okay, let's just
talk this through.
427
00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:23,310
It was one mistake.
- I'm leaving.
428
00:17:23,310 --> 00:17:24,944
I can't waste
another minute of my life
429
00:17:24,944 --> 00:17:27,980
with you back-country idiots.
430
00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:32,018
- Okay, I'm just gonna say it:
431
00:17:32,018 --> 00:17:34,754
I like her less than I like
other people.
432
00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:36,123
["Somewhere Over The Rainbow"
plays]
433
00:17:36,123 --> 00:17:40,393
- * Somewhere
over the rainbow *
434
00:17:41,694 --> 00:17:43,563
- I can't believe
I'm gonna lose my job.
435
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:47,400
I just upgraded all of the trash
cans in my apartment.
436
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,569
Stupid, Dina, stupid!
437
00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:53,240
- Relax, things have a way
of working out.
438
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,442
- Oh, I'm sure
you'll be happy with me gone.
439
00:17:55,442 --> 00:17:57,244
You can turn this place
into some sort of
440
00:17:57,244 --> 00:17:59,412
deranged religious cult.
441
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:02,515
[alarm blares]
442
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:06,786
- Well, well, look who
didn't feel like
443
00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:10,157
paying for their copy of
"Barney's Great Adventure."
444
00:18:10,157 --> 00:18:12,825
- That's not mine, someone else
must have put it there.
445
00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:16,196
- Now, let me be clear.
446
00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:17,897
You have two options.
447
00:18:17,897 --> 00:18:20,967
You can report Dina
to corporate while I report you
448
00:18:20,967 --> 00:18:22,535
to the police,
449
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:27,274
or we can agree that sometimes
good people make mistakes,
450
00:18:27,274 --> 00:18:30,277
and put this
whole darn thing behind us.
451
00:18:30,277 --> 00:18:31,878
- Fine.
452
00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:34,281
But I'm never stepping foot
in this dump again.
453
00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:37,984
- And God grants us
another miracle.
454
00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:40,953
Have a heavenly day.
455
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:43,390
What?
- Did you plant that?
456
00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:46,593
- Dina, I'm a man
of truth and principle,
457
00:18:46,593 --> 00:18:48,561
so how can you
even ask me that?
458
00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:51,564
- Understood.
459
00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:53,900
- It was me. I did it.
I saved you.
460
00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:56,769
You owe me so hard!
So hard!
461
00:18:56,769 --> 00:18:58,571
Yeah! I lied!
462
00:18:58,571 --> 00:18:59,672
- See that?
In the back corner?
463
00:18:59,672 --> 00:19:01,040
You see the little family
over there?
464
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:02,809
Kill 'em. Blow 'em up.
465
00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:04,577
- Here you are.
466
00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:07,214
I'm sorry I was gone so long.
467
00:19:07,214 --> 00:19:08,648
What'd you do all day?
468
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:11,083
- Uh, we mostly played
video games.
469
00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:12,252
It was fun.
470
00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:14,221
- Wow.
- Yep.
471
00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:15,755
- Good job.
472
00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:18,090
Thanks for, uh,
keeping an eye on her.
473
00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:21,060
- It was easy.
She's a great kid.
474
00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:23,095
- Yeah, she is.
475
00:19:23,095 --> 00:19:24,731
[gunshots]
476
00:19:24,731 --> 00:19:25,932
[groans]
477
00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:28,635
- Jonah taught me
how to use a maxi pad.
478
00:19:28,635 --> 00:19:31,671
[groans]
479
00:19:33,306 --> 00:19:36,309
- Thank you all
for gathering to help me
480
00:19:36,309 --> 00:19:39,346
honor and remember...
481
00:19:40,447 --> 00:19:42,449
Charles Maynard Rand.
482
00:19:42,449 --> 00:19:45,252
- Why do we have
to destroy the couch?
483
00:19:45,252 --> 00:19:47,787
- Well, for one thing,
it's a wonderful way
484
00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:49,822
to memorialize a man.
485
00:19:49,822 --> 00:19:51,624
- Plus, I looked up
the store policy.
486
00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:53,826
If a death occurs on
any display furniture,
487
00:19:53,826 --> 00:19:54,927
it has to be destroyed.
488
00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:56,596
Who knew?
- I knew.
489
00:19:56,596 --> 00:19:59,632
Same thing happened at the
Kirkwood store a few months ago.
490
00:20:00,933 --> 00:20:03,169
- Jonah?
- Right.
491
00:20:09,942 --> 00:20:13,446
- We didn't know Charles,
but he chose to spend
492
00:20:13,446 --> 00:20:17,617
the last few
moments of his life with us.
493
00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:22,221
Charles, may your soul...
494
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:25,958
or non-denominational
life force, I guess,
495
00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:30,330
be lifted by
the non-gender-specific
496
00:20:30,330 --> 00:20:36,303
arms of a loving
entity or non-entity--
497
00:20:36,303 --> 00:20:39,138
- Hey. Just once?
498
00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:40,840
Knock yourself out.
499
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,509
- Jesus Christ!
500
00:20:42,509 --> 00:20:47,847
The hands of Jesus Christ,
who saves us from our sins
501
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:50,550
with his precious blood, and
welcomes us as little lambs...
502
00:20:50,550 --> 00:20:54,053
- Hey.
Thanks for helping me out today.
503
00:20:54,053 --> 00:20:57,023
- Yeah, I got your back.
504
00:20:58,991 --> 00:21:00,693
- I know you brought your
daughter into work.
505
00:21:00,693 --> 00:21:02,562
I got to write you up.
You get it.
506
00:21:02,562 --> 00:21:05,798
- We give you the love,
and we take away the evil!
507
00:21:05,798 --> 00:21:08,335
Amen!
508
00:21:08,335 --> 00:21:11,203
[exhales]
What a day!
509
00:21:11,203 --> 00:21:13,139
- How much gas
you put on that thing?
510
00:21:13,139 --> 00:21:17,744
- None, and that fabric is
supposed to be fire-retardant.
511
00:21:17,744 --> 00:21:19,412
- Okay, uh...
- Wow.
512
00:21:19,412 --> 00:21:22,148
- God bless us all,
and let's get out of here.
37079
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof