Original subtitles

Hey, Fiona, is The Wizard of Oz offensive to witches?

My parents were watching it last night.

It was on that Witch Heritage Month movie marathon.

And when what's-her-name got melted with water, I was like, "what?"

I mean, I've seen Fiona wash her hands.

Yeah, it's not exactly accurate.

Like, does she never take a shower?

And why'd they make her green?

Well, maybe they were making a point about the environment.

-Mm-hm. -Don't be stupid, Lianne. Come on.

This is why you need more representation in film.

I mean, whatever. I don't really care. I'm, like, barely a witch anyway.

Hey, aren't you gonna eat?

Not that hungry.

So, are you guys around this weekend?

Because I'm seriously failing chemistry, and you're way better at it.

Hard pass. You almost blew us to smithereens last time.

I did not!

Lianne, did you or did you not set my hair on fire?

-You're blushing. -What?

I'm not.

You've been crushing on Emilio for forever.

Just ask him to the dance.

I don't know.

Come on, just live a little.

Lianne, please.

Live a little.

Besides, the dance is for everybody,

not just for people who peak in high school.

I heard that, Gemma.

I know you did, Madison.

I also heard you talking about Emilio.

Thing is, is he's already going to the dance with me.

Try not to cry.

Oh, wait, can witches even cry?

Oh, yeah, I've seen Fiona cry lots of times.

Thank you, Lianne.

Nice hairy wart, by the way.

I don't know what Emilio sees in her.

Perfect features and smooth skin?

I, uh, I gotta go.

Perfect features?

-But it's true. I just-- -Are you dehydrated? Come on.

-I recommend the extra credit.

Some of you need the points.

Fiona. Everything all right?

Yeah. I, um...

Uh, I was just wondering if maybe I could do my report on someone else?

But I chose your great-aunt especially for you.

It'll be exciting to dig up your family history.

Maybe you can even find out what she was like.

Just imagine, to be a witch in the colonial era.

Yeah, thing is, she's still alive.

-Oh.

Still in Salem, actually.

Yeah, she owns a cupcake shop.

Even better, a living resource.

Fiona, you're the only witch in our whole school.

You're so lucky.

Lucky. Right.

Oh, by the way, my wife and I sent our samples in,

and we found out that we're both part-witch.

We're each one percent. Isn't that neat?

-Yeah. -We're pumped.

Doesn't mean anything, but, um...

-I'm sorry.

-Yeah, scary. -I don't think it works like that but...

-No, it doesn't. -Yeah. Okay.

-Okay. -Okay.

Hey, Fiona, hang on.

Emilio.

Um... Hi.

Hi.

So... so what's up?

Just... heading home after a long day of learning.

That's pretty crazy

that Mr. Barnett gave you your own aunt.

Yeah, but at least all I have to do is make one phone call.

Yep, that's true. Yeah, you got off easy.

-You can just relax all weekend and... -Yeah.

Speaking of which, uh, what are you doing Friday?

Yes, excuse me. Down here.

Fiona?

Sorry.

What am I doing... Friday?

How may I serve you today, Your Witchiness?

I don't need serving. Go away!

Um, I don't know. Is, is there something--

Will you go to the homecoming dance with me?

You say, if you don't have any plans, I mean.

Yes, excuse me again.

Are you quite certain you don't need anything?

Not even a curse?

I mean, I could scratch the boy's face off for you.

-No, no. Don't!

I thought you were going with Madison.

Madison? What? No.

I'm... I...

Yes.

-Yeah. I'd love to. -Yeah?

Okay, okay. Great. Great.

So I'll just... I'll pick you up at your house then.

My house.

Hi, Mom!

Hey, honey. I see you filed your claws again.

Bye, Mom!

-FIONA'Oh, hey, pumpkin. -Hey, Dad.

-Do I smell wart remover? -Bye, Dad!

I'll be working overtime to file the motion to dismiss,

so you won't be seeing much of me next week.

Or you could bewitch the judge.

Kidding. Just kidding.

We'll just have to destroy you

in Poisoned Apples to Apples next game night, hmm.

-Right, Fi? -Right.

So, I have some news.

-Is everything okay? -Yeah.

Everything's great, actually.

I just wanted to let you know

that I'm going to the homecoming dance on Friday.

With a boy.

-Oh, how nice! -A human boy?

He's coming to pick me up here,

and I need you to promise me that you will be normal.

No spells, no spider webs, nothing weird, okay?

Dad, what did I just say?

I just... I want Emilio to know that I can be normal.

Sure, sweetie.

FIONA'We'll be normal.

I wonder if Luna would wanna go to the dance.

Luna? Like Cousin Luna?

She's arriving from England after dinner.

Luna's coming here?

Tonight?

For how long?

Just a few months.

Her parents are renovating the gingerbread cottage.

They're finally giving in and getting electricity.

We thought it'd be nice for you to have another witch your age around.

Especially Luna.

Those visits when you were little...

Up all night, giggling.

Yeah, but, um... Does it have to be this week?

You're not excited to see Luna?

No! I am.

I love Luna. She's great.

She's...

...just a little...

A little... what?

Fresh off the broomstick.

-Honey, watch the plants! -Got it, Dad!

Omnibus bene erit.

-So glad you made it safely, Luna. -Oh.

-FIONA'Hey. -Hi.

Tornado travel can be tricky overseas, huh?

Well, how else was I supposed to get here?

A magical fireplace?

Long time, cousin.

Grown a few chin hairs

-since I last saw you. -How are you?

It's good to see you, Luna.

Hmm.

So, lots to see here in the States.

I guess you'll be traveling a lot, flying around.

Oh, no. Luna's going to school with you, honey.

What?

FIONA' Yeah, we already enrolled her.

Is there a problem, Fi?

No, no.

I mean...

It's just that it's a... human school. Blah.

And, uh, I just don't want Luna to have a bad time, is all.

If it's good enough for you,

it's good enough for me.

Don't you worry, cousin.

We're going to have a grand time.

-You'll see. -Um...

Right. Suffolk.

-I'd almost forgotten about that. -It was brilliant.

And your idea, as I recall.

Hexing cows to make chocolate milk.

-Kind of a no-brainer.

The townsfolk went positively mad. What fun.

Especially the cheese makers.

Chocolate cheddar. Not good.

Aw. I can't wait to meet your friends.

Ooh, we should all go spirit chasing.

Listen, Luna.

Things are... different from when we were kids.

Obviously.

We're old enough to use our wands now.

Just imagine the power of our hexes combined.

Chocolate milk for days.

Just follow my lead. Okay?

Okay.

You're listening to BroomBro. A production of Witch Public Radio.

-Good morning, Fiona. -The only podcast dedicated

to witch founders and their lifestyle.

Today, the topic your...

You're going like that?

What's with all the make-up?

-I can't even see your witch's mark. -Aw!

Oh, don't do that.

And those shoes can't possibly be comfortable.

I'll be fine.

Maybe lose the hat.

Yeah, we have a strict dress code at school.

But it's the latest style.

You girls might wanna get a move on if you don't wanna be late.

Don't worry, Uncle Arty.

-Got a ride right here.

Brand new Windrover.

This baby will do 75 kilometers an hour.

-Faster if the wind's at her back. -Uh-uh.

No way.

I am not flying to school.

Suit yourself.

How was the walk?

Invigorating.

God, Fiona, you didn't tell us you had a cousin.

Or that she was a witch.

Of course, she's a witch, you idiot.

But we haven't met the rest of Fiona's family

because she won't let us come over.

Is that so?

Yeah.

I love your hat.

Oh, thank you.

You know what they say.

"A witch without a hat is pointless."

They think is.

That's so fun.

It's also quite versatile.

I can dress it up for a night out.

-Oh, wow.

-Wow. -Sparkly. So cool.

Or Christmas.

Christmas... So pretty!

Do you have any more cousins?

-I have none actually.

Wait, so you're saying there's no school dungeon?

Where do you keep your dragons?

I haven't seen a single ghost all morning.

Oh, look it has a friend.

Well, at least you have trolls. Hmm.

That reminds me.

Not that.

-Nope.

It's not this.

-My grandmother's. -Ooh.

Ah. Here we are.

Probably left it behind

because it didn't fit into your teeny-tiny pockets.

Are you crazy?

You can't bring wands to school, Luna.

They're dangerous.

Thought that didn't matter in this country.

Just be cool, okay?

I am cool.

Double, double toil in trouble

Fire burn, and cauldron...

-Try again.

Oh, my gosh. Look at them.

The secret to witch cuisine is plenty of garlic and... heat.

-Mmm.

Is it supposed to wriggle like that?

Early settlers traded goods with the local covens

in return for charms and protective spells.

They even adopted some witch customs.

Luna, Fiona.

Can you tell us any customs that came from witches?

Why are you asking us?

Luna.

No, no, let him answer.

Why us?

Well, because... you know.

Because... we're witches?

Luna, cool it.

I certainly didn't mean any... harm, I, I, I just thought you--

You just thought, "Let's call on the abracadabras.

They'll have the answer.

They know everything. They're magic."

Makes me sick.

I mean, honestly, you call this teaching?

I voted for a witch in the last election.

-Urgh, what a nightmare.

Still, it's kind of wild there's two witches in school.

It's horrifying.

You remember seventh grade

when Fiona magically made bugs fly out of everyone's hair?

Oh, right. The great lice incident.

They were moths, actually.

And I was pulling wings out of my hair for days.

Oh, she's such an embarrassment.

Definitely.

Hey, where are you hurrying off to?

Out of the way, warthog.

Uh...

Hey, what did you just say?

Luna! Stop it!

You let her talk to you like that?

Let go of me!

Try a curse on for size, you brat.

Luna! Stop!

-Boo.

Hope you're ready for the dance, Fiona.

It's gonna be wicked.

What?

I wasn't really going to curse her.

Well, all right, maybe just a little pig's tail.

I didn't ask for your help, Luna.

All I asked was for you to be cool, but no, you just...

you had to go and embarrass me.

In front of the whole school.

-Embarrass you? -Yes!

Why'd you have to go and be such a...

Such a witch?

Why can't you all just... be normal?

Hey.

Hey.

You look very pink.

I mean in a good way.

-Fi, I--

Well. Saved by the bell, eh?

Yeah.

Wow. You...

You look beautiful.

Thanks. You look beau...

I mean, you look great, too.

All right, all right, enough with the googly eyes.

Bye, Dad. Bye, Mom.

Be back by midnight, or I'll turn you both into pumpkins.

-I mean it, I actually will.

-Have a good time.

-Honey. -Hmm?

Take off the tracking spell.

Fine.

Oh, here she is.

Oh, my God!

How about a photo?

Make a memory?

Let's just go dance instead.

You don't want a picture with me?

No! No, no, no, no, that's not it.

I, I really, really want a picture with you.

It's just that I...

'cause I have crazy sensitive eyes and, you know, the flash and...

I wanna remember every minute of this.

Thanks for asking me.

Thanks for saying yes.

-So, sensitive eyes.

Yeah, my whole life.

No camera flashes, headlights.

Sunlight's a killer.

They're nice eyes.

What's happening?

What is it, a power surge?

-What's going on?

Cockroaches!

Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.

Why are bugs falling from the sky?

Is it your cousin?

What? No, she's not even here!

Then, is it you?

I can't believe you'd ask me that.

But... Fiona, who else could it be?

Hang on. Everybody, just calm down.

I didn't do it.

Wait, Fi...

Why did you say that?

Oh, my God, there's one on your shoulder!

Oh, my God.

Get them off!

They're literally everywhere!

What are you doing here?

I was feeling terrible about how we left things.

I came to apologize.

I'm the one who should apologize.

I felt so alone, Luna.

I tried so hard to fit in, but it didn't matter.

No matter what I do,

all they'll ever see me as is... a witch.

Love...

I had the blessing of growing up surrounded by witches and warlocks.

But you... you're under a different kind of pressure.

It's not easy, being one of a kind.

I should have remembered that.

You know what?

If they're gonna see the witch...

then let them see the witch.

No more hiding.

Now, shall we go back in there and turn everyone into slugs?

Oh, yeah.

Come on.

EMILIO Hey, are you okay?

I was looking for you everywhere, and I... whoa.

You look good.

I mean, you always look good, but...

Wow.

All right.

I like him.

Me too.

We were scared and...

And weren't thinking straight, which is no excuse.

We're thoughtless and stupid.

I was thoughtless. You were stupid.

You were both thoughtless and stupid.

You're supposed to be my best friends.

We are your best friends.

We won't let you down again.

Can you ever forgive us, Fi?

Aw, still friends even after Fiona ruined the dance.

Real sweet.

But you're not fooling anyone.

Hey, Madison.

Remember that time I made bugs fly out of your hair?

Well, that was a mistake.

I didn't have control over my powers yet.

But you?

You have control over your ugly personality.

And I'm not gonna let you make the rest of us as miserable as you are.

It was Madison?

Now, I don't know about you.

But I came here to dance.

Omnibus bene erit.

Wow.

Whoa.

Are we still in the gym?

Yes, Lianne, we're still in the gym.

Wanna try another shot at a dance?

You're quite sure you've driven a broom before?

I'm a witch. How hard can it be?

Yeah, it's ridiculously hard.

I'll figure it out.

What?

I...

I don't feel alone anymore.

You were never alone.

Come on.

-Hold on tight.

Watch the tree. Watch the tree.