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This programme contains adulthumour
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I can make a dream life for us.
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Well, if you want a studio,you'll get a studio.
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Stauner McGregor has got a fight.
5
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You really want him to get beat?
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I'm hoping he gets that
bigdaft pirate-in-a-porno heid
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booted right aff his neck.
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Oh, my God!
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Here's your winnings.
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Cheers, Henry.
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Did I not offer to go tothat lip pumper's party
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with you in Birmingham?
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You're going to thatconference with Vincent?!
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So, it's about 2:00 in the
morning,after Darren's fight,
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00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:47,279
and the doorbell goes.
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You think it's the polis.
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Vincent's went on a bender,
caught the last flight to Spain,
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and ended up wi' his heid trappedunderneath
a waltzer in Malaga.
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Deid.
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But it's not the police.
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Laura!
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It's worse.
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Eh, I hope that isnaea suitcase there, Vonny.
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You better be selling Avon, Vonny!
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What's happening?
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Erin!
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Get down here, darling!
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Sometimes when thingsget a bit hectic at uni,
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I like to come home fora nice, quiet...
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..chill weekend.
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Erin, get out your bed!
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Eh, you want to stop shouting?!
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Alexa, play Killing In The
Name byRage Against The Machine...!
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Yes!ALEXA: Killing In The Name...
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Alexa, don't you dare. Stop.
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Laura, can I staywith you a few days?
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MOUTHS
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Of course you can.
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I'll take your bag of...GLASS CLINKING
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..all the booze.
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I just had time tograb the essentials.
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If I can just staywith you a week or so,
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just so I canfigure out what's next..
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Eh, a week or so?It was a few days a second ago.
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Henry, shush!
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Come here, darling.
47
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It'll be two or three weeks max.
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Share a house with Vonny?
49
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I'd rather share a sleepingbag
with a velociraptor.
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Rule number one - if yourbrother
and his wife split up,
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you don't take in his wife!
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Henry, maybe if Vincent
hadfollowed some more rules,
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she wouldn't be here.
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He's no' gonnae take this well.
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We don't need theirgarbage in our house.
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Where else is she supposed to go?
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I'll drive her to the Premier Inn.
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Or Dover, if need be. Ugh!
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Our house has a lot of love.
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00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:34,279
If we can spread some
of thatto Vonny for a few days,
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00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,319
it will do her the world of good.
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The only thing spreading will
beVincent and Vonny's troubles.
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Spreading like a fish supperfart
on a minibus to Blackpool.
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Have you got a wee girlfriend yet?
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No? Aw!
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I'll sort you a bed upstairs.
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Mm. Mm-hm mm...
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00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:58,479
Is Uncle Vincent's corpsein that suitcase?
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00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:00,719
Erin, you'll need to gie'Vonny your room.
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00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:02,879
She cannae sleep inwee Spunky McClunkey's bed.
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She'd need a chisel to get into it.
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HENRY CHUCKLES
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Right, well, wi' that,I bid you farewell.
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Gladiators, let's get imbibed!
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Aw...! I'm away to bed.
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Cheers!
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Vonny's got it. She's a dancer!
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It's no' hard, Mum!
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00:03:24,640 --> 00:03:26,279
Carpet. Got it, I've got it...
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Vonny staying here is
likemy dad's worst nightmare.
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This is gonnae be brilliant.
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THEY CHANT: Shots, shots, shots!
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Ah...! Ha, ha...!
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Because my branches, right?
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My branches, they just reach out!
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MUSIC: Killing In The
Nameby Rage Against The Machine
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Killing in the name of...
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THEY SNORE
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00:04:16,441 --> 00:04:21,679
Oh, remind me to take
Laurachemist-hopping someday.
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That medicine cabinetof yours is for amateurs.
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You know...
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00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:30,599
..I like to start myday by getting up early
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00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:36,239
and having a nice wee bit
ofquiet, solitary contemplation.
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00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:38,919
And now there are barefeet on the table...!
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..where I eat food!
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00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:44,079
It won't surprise you to
hearthat I'm no' a feet person -
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and see anybody who is,they are for the watching.
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Vincent's into feet.
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I rest my case.
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Is that my Rawlplugsbetween your toes?
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It is.
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00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:01,319
And as I was lookingthrough this tool box,
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00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:04,679
I think I finally understood,for the first time,
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00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:06,240
who you really are.
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00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:09,839
All this in here is you.
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00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:11,359
You're still steamin'.
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Look. A hammer, forceful and direct,
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straight as an arrow.
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Bang! Henry.
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Everybody needs a hammer.
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00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:20,919
Here, a spirit level. Oh!
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00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:23,119
How Henry likes to live life -
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with that wee bubble...right in the middle.
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I'm surprised you didnaebreak
it open and drink it.
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Well, the day is young.
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What's this?
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It's a massager.
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ELECTRIC BUZZING
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Aw...!
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On my worktop, an' all!
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I told you I brought the essentials.
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Oh, you are kidding me on!
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Who...
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Who would go...
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..to their brother-in-law's house
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and charge up...
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MUFFLED VIBRATING
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This isnae gonnae work out.
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Right, your 12... Oh...
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Your 12 o'clock is here,Lindsay Kerr.
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Oh...!
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That face again!
133
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Is it no' about time we stucka
"condemned" sticker on that,
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like it's a dodgy gas fire?
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00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:37,559
Vincent, I know it wasa bad night last night,
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but it's time to work. Come on.
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Come on.
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Vincent!
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VINCENT HUFFS
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Fine.
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Let's go and polish another turd.
142
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Whoa, whoa, whoa.
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You're not going up theredressed
like that. Go change.
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Oh, finally. Here he is now.
145
00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:04,319
Well, well, well.
146
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Who is this gorgeous creaturewho
leaves the men in her life
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shaking at the kneesof their trackies?
148
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Is it even conceivable that
shecould be even more gorgeous yet?
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There's always a way toturn a ten into an 11.
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Pfft. 11.
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You know, wee story here,
my wife left me last night,
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and that's very convenient,actually, because I...
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..am a single man now.
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Vincent Scott from downtown!
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PHONE RINGSWee minute.
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Wait a wee minute here.
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Well, if it isnae Hen Broon'sabandoned twin.
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I know you've taken her
in,ya' backstabbing beanpole.
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Ya' Judas!
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His brother. That's howthey
joke with one another.
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I told you he would react like this.
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Aye, well, you knowwho you are, pal?
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You're Fredo.
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The Godfather,not the chocolate bar.
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Is that right? Well, I'm
down herewi' my heart broken,
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trying to fixthis poor woman's face.
167
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Trying to turn shite into gold!
168
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Don't worry, he means me.
169
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My face...is the shite.
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Well, you should have been
lookingafter me! I don't need you!
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I don't need you, pal.
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Ya' spare arse. Ya' waste
of agood heid of hair. Ya' big...
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..Jar Jar Binksy bastard!
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He called me Jar Jar Binks?
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Ah...
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Right, that's my mouth all
setnow for injecting some poison
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into that crinkle cut
crispof a forehead of yours.
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What?
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00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:50,559
Vonny, don't tell Mum,but I was thinking...
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00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:53,039
Oh! This is what yourAuntie Vonny is here for.
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00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:56,039
I was thinking about takinga
year out of uni next year.
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What do you think?Well...
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00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:03,639
..I think that you and your
weegirlfriend should grab a rucksack
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00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:06,839
and a bunch of mushies,and travel the world,
185
00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:11,159
getting tear gassed at righteousprotests,
and having casual sex
186
00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:15,359
with a string of terrible
peopleof all creeds and genders!
187
00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:17,400
Mum, what do you think?
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I'm trying to work outif my panic attack started
189
00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:25,199
at tear gas, mushies, or rucksack.
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MOUTHS
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I want our family's influenceto
be rubbing off on Vonny,
192
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not the other way round.
193
00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:34,319
How very naive.
194
00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:36,279
What's that you're doing, Jason?
195
00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:38,799
Auntie Vonny being heremeans
that my beamer average
196
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is gonnae go through the roof.
197
00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:43,239
Yous might as well run a
weescore tracker in the corner.
198
00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:45,960
Oh, are you painting your wee man?
199
00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:49,399
My miniatures, aye.
200
00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:51,439
Cool.
201
00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:53,120
Can I see your wee man?
202
00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:57,600
My miniature? Aye, aye...
203
00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:02,080
Is it...is it all rightif I hold your wee man?
204
00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:05,760
Aye, aye...
205
00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:09,559
Oh...
206
00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:11,480
Is your wee man still wet?
207
00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:13,999
Eh...
208
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:15,919
I'll just go and, eh,paint these up the stairs
209
00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:17,759
so that the fumes don'tannoy yous, right?
210
00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:20,480
THEY GUFFAW
211
00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:30,639
Oh, well, this is theatre.
212
00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:33,359
Aw, what a spectacle(!)
213
00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:35,239
I bet you would love to be there,
214
00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:37,479
dancing about witha Viking helmet,
215
00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:39,479
drinking a jug of lager.
216
00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:42,879
Aye, well, I'll take the lager,
but you'll no' catch me dancing.
217
00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:45,999
Well, you have got one of
theWest End's most celebrated
218
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:48,839
ensemble dancerssitting on your couch.
219
00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:51,439
You danced in the West
End?You've never mentioned it.
220
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:53,799
I could teach you some moves.
221
00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:56,079
Aye! Oh, come on.
222
00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:58,799
You must have noticed how Lauragets
that wee flush in her cheeks
223
00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:01,119
every time she watches Strictly.
224
00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:04,519
That wee flush could be for you.
225
00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:07,479
That wee flush could be
forthe shite you're talking.
226
00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:11,679
For Laura, a Henry that could
salsawould blow this Henry away.
227
00:11:11,680 --> 00:11:14,839
Listen, see if I saw Henry
thatcould salsa, I'd blow him away.
228
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:16,319
Wi' a shotgun.
229
00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:17,560
Come on.
230
00:11:17,561 --> 00:11:21,519
Come on, just indulge somebodyfor
once in your life, Henry!
231
00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:23,199
Vonny, I'm watching the darts!Come on!
232
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,839
Will you just piss off?!Stand up now!
233
00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:26,960
Right...
234
00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:30,439
Woo! Right, OK.
235
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,199
Maybe it would be nice, you know,
236
00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:35,519
the next time Laura drags
meup to dance at a wedding,
237
00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:38,480
if I had a couple of wee moves.Exactly.
238
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:42,440
Right, let's see whatwe've got to work with.
239
00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:49,120
Let's just feel this.
240
00:11:56,401 --> 00:12:01,199
This is supposed to be a mandancing with a woman,
241
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:03,519
not Frankenstein movinga rolled-up carpet.
242
00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:05,959
Move those hips!
243
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:09,119
Look, this is as much
hipmovement as is acceptable
244
00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:11,480
between a guy and his sister-in-law.
245
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:17,919
Oh, my God.
246
00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:19,400
Like this.
247
00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:26,599
Right, no, no, no!
248
00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:28,839
Nope. No! No.
249
00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:31,599
These hips move for Laura.
250
00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:34,279
Do you think you're gonnaestand
there like that, right,
251
00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:37,079
and I'm going to stand herelike
this, going like this? Eh?
252
00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:39,559
Do you think we're going to
beflying round this room together
253
00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:42,839
wi' me pumping awaylike this into your crotch?
254
00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:44,519
Oh, the salsa(!)
255
00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:46,999
The s...!A girl can dream.
256
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,120
I just wanted to watch the darts!
257
00:12:58,160 --> 00:12:59,839
Where's my brother?
258
00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:01,599
Where is he?
259
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:03,519
Well, there she is...
260
00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:05,719
..Cardi BO.
261
00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:08,520
I heard what happened. Come here.
262
00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:12,319
It's easy to look at me and think,
263
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:14,839
"She's all about thegood looks, the talent,
264
00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:17,359
"influencing the culture,"
265
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:20,159
but I'm the heart andsoul of this family.
266
00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:23,759
When there's trouble,I'm
there to pick up the pieces.
267
00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:27,359
When there's a buffet,she's
there to pick up the pieces.
268
00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:28,919
OK. OK, Colette.
269
00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:32,279
But you know what, I'm just
wantingto sit here, have a drink,
270
00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:34,359
stare at my portrait.
271
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:37,319
Stare at him? Vincent Scott MD?
272
00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:39,439
That boring bastard?
273
00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:40,879
Hey!
274
00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:42,599
That guy is a legend.
275
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:44,319
He's a balloon!
276
00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:46,519
Nae wonder Vonny's sick of him.
277
00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:49,799
Oh, of course it's terriblethat Vonny's left him.
278
00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:53,959
But on the other hand,bring on the drama.
279
00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:55,679
Do you know your trouble?
280
00:13:55,680 --> 00:13:58,479
You've lost too much of the old you.
281
00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:00,440
Mind Vinny Scott?
282
00:14:01,560 --> 00:14:03,359
Don't you say his name.
283
00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:06,559
If a woman broke up wi' Vinny,
he'd be straight out that door,
284
00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:09,599
hitting the town withouta care in the world.
285
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,319
What you saying?
286
00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:14,559
I'm saying, what you need...
287
00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:16,320
..is a Vinny night.
288
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:21,279
I don't want to hearabout Vinny nights.
289
00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:25,159
Vinny nights always ended up
wi'me getting him out the hospital,
290
00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:27,559
out the jail, or out the river.
291
00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:29,639
They were amazing.
292
00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:32,199
Oh, my God!
293
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:34,439
I can't even sitin my own living room
294
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,639
because Vonny iswatching horror films.
295
00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:38,120
Agh! Oh!
296
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,279
The last thing I'm gonnae have
297
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,719
is a woman that'sscreaming the house down.
298
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:47,280
Henry and Laura's love lifesummed up right there.
299
00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:50,560
Listen, Vonny...
300
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:55,999
That Alien? Yeah.
301
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:57,559
I was looking through your DVDs
302
00:14:57,560 --> 00:15:00,999
for Jose Mojica Marins' This
NightI'll Possess Your Corpse,
303
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:05,480
but all you had was 15Peter Kay DVDs...and Alien.
304
00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:09,320
You want some crisps?Oh, yeah.
305
00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:12,439
All right...
306
00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:14,839
Do I detect the presenceof the Xenomorph?
307
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:16,919
Mm, coorie in!
308
00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:20,119
..maybe Vonny stayinghere isnae all bad.
309
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:22,440
TV PLAYS LOUDLY
310
00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:25,759
THEY SCREAM
311
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:27,639
HENRY CHUCKLES
312
00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:30,319
But it's not great either.
313
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,599
Oh, my goodness...!
314
00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:34,519
This is wild.
315
00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:38,719
So, out of the blue,I
got a text fae Uncle Vincent.
316
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:41,319
"Jason, you're comingon a Vinny night.
317
00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:43,799
"Fud for the fud god."
318
00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:45,839
That's a Warhammer joke.
319
00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:47,679
It's genius.
320
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,759
Lock up your daughters,your sisters, your maws,
321
00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:53,359
and any sub-40-year-old grannies.
322
00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:55,959
Polis, get your handcuffsat the ready.
323
00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:59,559
Kebab shops, fling an
extragoat on that spinny pole.
324
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:01,720
It's Vinny night!
325
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:07,959
Look. It's a dance fae Fortnite.
326
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:09,239
Oh, aye.
327
00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:11,999
It'll be a fortnight before
wepull any lassies, any more of that.
328
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,599
Two double vodkas, please.
329
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:16,319
"Pulling lassies"? We're
no'gonnae be doing that, are we?
330
00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:19,559
Wee man...this is Vinny night.
331
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,599
We are on the randan.
332
00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:24,439
And you are the Baby Yoda...
333
00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:26,479
..to my Randandalorian.
334
00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:28,080
What about Auntie Vonny?
335
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:31,319
There is nae Auntie Vonny.
336
00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:33,719
Do you see a ring on this finger?
337
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:36,359
This isnae the great Vincent
ScottMD you're out wi' tonight.
338
00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:38,679
This...is Mad Vinny,
339
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:40,439
as seen on Crimewatch,
340
00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:42,559
as seen on Narcos.
341
00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:44,919
As seen on Fake Taxi.
342
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,839
Come on.
343
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:49,479
Oh, I'm supposed to be jealousthat
Vincent's at the dancing
344
00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:50,759
with his geeky nephew.
345
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,559
He's not geeky.He's just passionate about his...
346
00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:54,879
..wee dragons.
347
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:58,519
I was in Guys and Dolls with PatrickSwayze
at the Piccadilly Theatre!
348
00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:01,279
I know. I've never beenmore jealous of anything.
349
00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:03,519
I'll be making sure thatVincent
knows all about it
350
00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:06,319
when I'm partying with CalvinHarris
at OMNIA next weekend.
351
00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:07,839
Right, that is it.
352
00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:10,599
Next plane out that airport,
wherever it's going, I'm on it!
353
00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:12,279
Oh... Vonny!
354
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:14,759
Vonny will besitting there right now,
355
00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:18,039
curled up in her wee bed,looking at my Instagram,
356
00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:21,159
ready to go off her nut
at whoit is I'm hanging out wi' -
357
00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:26,439
and I am never a guy wholikes
to disappoint...a lady.
358
00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:28,639
Right, come on, let's getone for the 'Gram here.
359
00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:31,119
Look at that. Beautiful, beautiful!
360
00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:34,159
All right, I admit it, I admit it.
You got me, you got me.
361
00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:35,799
I'm minted.
362
00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:37,999
I'm like Jay-Z,if you're aware of him.
363
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,319
Came fae the streets, had nothing,
364
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:43,959
and now I'm like a king on a throne.
365
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:45,719
Aye, he's even got his own Beyonce.
366
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:47,079
My Auntie Vonny.
367
00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:49,399
Where is he?
368
00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:52,359
Look, I know everybodypanics about a Vinny night,
369
00:17:52,360 --> 00:17:54,639
but I loved Mad Vinny.
370
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:57,079
Get that big wallet out your pocket
371
00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:59,559
and go and buy your wee
sistera bottle of champagne.
372
00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:02,199
BOTH: It's Vinny night!
373
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:03,839
Yeah, man, you look beautiful.
374
00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:05,519
You look beautiful.
375
00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:08,159
Here, don't yous anywhere,all right?
376
00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:10,439
You firing into a married man?
377
00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:12,520
Ya' thirsty wee bastards.
378
00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:18,399
Jason! Oh, I see you, Jason!
379
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:20,120
Oh, my God.
380
00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:31,999
Look, about this affair of yours,
I've got a high sex drive an' all.
381
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:35,279
I know what you're going through.
I mean, I'm insatiable.
382
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:36,959
There is nae affair.
383
00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:39,279
But I hear what you're sayingabout
the sex drive thing.
384
00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:43,439
Me and Vonny, she's a dancer,
she'sused to 14 performances a week.
385
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:45,239
Me and Darren, same.
386
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:47,559
And sex like liquorice.
387
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,719
Liquorice? Allsorts.
388
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:53,119
We make the Kama Sutralook like the Gruffalo.
389
00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:55,719
Oh, thanks. Gruffalo ruined.
390
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:57,639
This dowdy life isn't for me, Laura.
391
00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:59,959
I should be rockingup and down Carnaby Street
392
00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:01,639
in a Galliano jumpsuit.
393
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,959
Not paying a horrible
wee manseven quid a fortnight
394
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:06,399
to clean my wheelie binswith a hosepipe!
395
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:08,239
Vonny, maybe just take a breath.
396
00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:10,479
Down in London,I was a person of note.
397
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:13,239
The only thing of note about me
uphere is I don't wear pyjama bottoms
398
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:16,079
to the supermarket.I should never have left!
399
00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:19,359
Vonny, those are Henry's trainers.
400
00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:22,679
Everything that got my bloodpumping
was in London, Laura!
401
00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:24,399
The dance, the West End,the parties!
402
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,040
It's what I lived for!
403
00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:30,799
And my one taste of failure...
404
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:33,159
..I ran.
405
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:35,080
I ran away.
406
00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:39,240
ALL SHOUT: Here we go!
407
00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:43,119
Get that down you.
408
00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:45,519
Shake it, shake it, shake it!Woo!
409
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:48,439
THEY CHANT: Ajay! Ajay! Ajay!
410
00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:50,279
Ajay.
411
00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:52,439
Ajay?
412
00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:54,599
That's 25 minutes he lasted.
413
00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:57,079
That's a record for the big man.
414
00:19:57,080 --> 00:20:00,199
PHONE CHIMESOh, what's this?
415
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:01,959
Oh...
416
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:05,519
There you go, there's
a messagefae an amazing woman
417
00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:07,799
who genuinely cares about me.
418
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:09,239
Auntie Vonny?
419
00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:10,439
No.
420
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:11,839
Eilidh.
421
00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:13,439
My wee Eilidh.
422
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:14,999
She's coming here to meet me.
423
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:17,160
Magic. Fire in.
424
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:21,359
Wait, what?Fire in.
425
00:20:21,360 --> 00:20:23,319
I don't want to fire into Eilidh.
426
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:26,439
Come on, Vinny, stopyanking the lassie's chain.
427
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:29,079
It's obvious what yous both want.
428
00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:32,719
See if that is what thiswhole
family thinks of me,
429
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:34,599
then maybe I'll just...
430
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:36,879
..be the bad guy then, eh?Dae it!
431
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:38,840
Or are you too much of a shitebag?
432
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:48,759
Jason, go and get your AuntieColette
a vodka and orange.
433
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:50,880
She just saved another marriage.
434
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:55,679
Do I want Vincent and Vonnyto split up? No.
435
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:58,759
They two big-heided snobby
bastardsare perfect for each other.
436
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:00,999
But when somebodyis at a cliff edge,
437
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,959
sometimes you need togie' them a hard push,
438
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:06,599
and then they'll find outwhat they really want.
439
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:08,999
That's, like, the exact
oppositeof what you should do
440
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,160
to a person at the edge of a cliff.
441
00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:16,079
I was humiliatedwhen that show closed.
442
00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:20,239
The press saidthat my choreography...
443
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:22,640
..was lumpen.
444
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:25,719
Lumpen, Laura.
445
00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:27,919
Me, lumpen!
446
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:31,599
But, Vonny, people say horriblethings
about We Will Rock You,
447
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:33,919
and that's the best musicalI've ever seen.
448
00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:36,039
But what are you supposedto do when you fail?
449
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:38,359
You get back up,you dust yourself off,
450
00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:41,079
you slip on your Giuseppe
Zanottis,and you go again.
451
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:43,199
Is that shoes?Shoes. Got you.
452
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:45,399
When my mother ran away,
453
00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:48,119
I told myself thatI would never be a runner.
454
00:21:48,120 --> 00:21:50,639
But when that show flopped,
Vincent convinced me that
455
00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:52,559
I was amazing regardless.That's lovely...
456
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:54,079
No, it's bullshit.
457
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:56,799
Because he made it easy for
meto pretend to myself that I was
458
00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:59,559
heading back up the road to start
anew life with the man that I loved,
459
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:01,040
but the truth is...
460
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:03,960
..I ran away.
461
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:07,640
And you're about to run again.
462
00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:12,879
I couldn't waituntil work on Monday.
463
00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:15,199
I just had to see Vincent.
464
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:17,239
Oh.
465
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:18,759
There she is.
466
00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:21,839
Come on, let's get a weephotie together. Come on.
467
00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:24,359
For the Gram, for the Gram,for the Gram...
468
00:22:24,360 --> 00:22:25,759
Beautiful. Right, hold on.
469
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:27,640
Just let me post this the now.
470
00:22:30,360 --> 00:22:32,959
I knew that if I posted that photo,
471
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:34,599
after everything that had happened,
472
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:36,799
it would be game over.
473
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:38,599
But here's the thing...
474
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:40,879
..I'm no' a bad guy.
475
00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:43,559
I'm no' Vinny any more.
476
00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:46,360
Nae matter what the restof the family thinks.
477
00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:49,959
Eilidh...
478
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:52,159
Right, Eilidh, Eilidh...
479
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:55,079
Before you say anything, right,I just...
480
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:58,839
I just want to tell you
thatI think the world of you.
481
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:02,599
I do. Hiring you was
thebest decision I ever made.
482
00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:06,760
You make coming into workevery
day an absolute joy.
483
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:10,439
I love you, wee yin.
484
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:12,960
Vincent, I love you, too.But...
485
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:18,559
Just in case, right,I've caused any confusion -
486
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:22,759
I love you, but I don'twant to make love to you.
487
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:26,439
Oh, thank God. And I know.
..I know that's never an easy thing
488
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:29,359
for any woman to hear faeVincent Scott. No.
489
00:23:29,360 --> 00:23:32,759
That's exactly what I wantedto hear, Vincent.
490
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:34,319
Really? I'm delighted.
491
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:36,039
It's actually a weightoff my shoulders.
492
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:38,919
All right, all right, you're happy.
But I have to say this.
493
00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:41,639
I've poured so much of myheart into our business.
494
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:43,439
I was ashamed of your behaviour.
495
00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:46,599
It's not appropriate to
calla customer's face a shite.
496
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,359
Eilidh, I'm...I'm...
497
00:23:48,360 --> 00:23:49,799
I'm sorry.
498
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:51,999
But I'm always Team Vincent.
499
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:54,919
I wanted to see tonightto give you this.
500
00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:57,439
I really think you need it.
501
00:23:57,440 --> 00:23:59,000
It's my...
502
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:04,040
Come here.
503
00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:09,399
I guarantee Vincent will have
beenposting on Instagram all night
504
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:12,159
a succession of photos
of himwith some bit of stuff.
505
00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,399
Well, you're not wrong.
506
00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:17,439
Some bit of stuff, all right. Ugh!
507
00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:18,840
It's you.
508
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:26,239
CAR HORN BEEPS
509
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:27,800
Your Uber's here.
510
00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:35,999
I don't know what I'm gonnaesay to Vonny, right,
511
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,519
but I need to win my wife back.
512
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:41,079
He's a good boy, my big brother.
513
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:43,399
Here we go. Taxi! Taxi!
514
00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:45,799
Oh! Oh! Oh, ya'...!
515
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:47,599
Sake, man!
516
00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:49,279
We'll walk it, we'll walk it.
517
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:51,159
Easy. Naw. I'm gonnae run.
518
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:53,159
I'll race you. Colette, no...
519
00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:55,079
Colette...
520
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:58,599
Get her, get her, get her.
You all right? You all right?
521
00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:01,119
She's alive, she's alive.
..I'm all right, I'm all right.
522
00:25:01,120 --> 00:25:03,759
I have...I have missed you, Colette.
523
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:07,079
Here, grab a hold of her. Graba hold of her.
Right, right, right.
524
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:09,359
Right, should we no'just phone my dad?
525
00:25:09,360 --> 00:25:12,599
We cannae phone your dad, no'
afterall the things I said about him.
526
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:15,159
I said... I said hewas Jar Jar Binks.
527
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:16,639
You said what?!
528
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:18,759
Come on. Keep moving.Vincent.
529
00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:20,319
Vincent, get in!
530
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:22,439
THEY CHEER
531
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:24,559
Come on, hurry up. Get in!
532
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:27,879
To the rescue!Come on, come on.
533
00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:29,679
Right, get us to Vonny.
534
00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:31,679
And get us up...
535
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:33,600
Get...get us to Vonny.
536
00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:38,559
Heroic rescue?
537
00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:40,520
Just call it Henry night.
538
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:44,720
Oh, please be here,please be here...
539
00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:51,519
I've always had the gift of the gab.
540
00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:56,999
But I've never had to find the
rightwords as much as I do right now.
541
00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:59,199
Right...right...
542
00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:02,799
Vonny... You talked me intogiving up on my dream.
543
00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:07,119
Actually, maybe I should justshut
up and listen for a change.
544
00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:09,679
You sold me on thisidea of coming home
545
00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:12,039
and starting the Vonny ScottSchool Of Dance.
546
00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:14,719
And it's nice to have a polyestersweatshirt
with your name on it.
547
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:17,239
But that was never my dream!
548
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:20,039
My dream was to be the bestbloody choreographer
549
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:22,919
that the West End had ever seen!
550
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:25,880
And I've been hating myselffor giving up on that!
551
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:29,759
And I've been resenting you, a lot,
552
00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:31,879
for making giving up so easy.
553
00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:33,440
RETCHING
554
00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:36,560
So, here it is, Vincent.
555
00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:41,799
If I decided that next week,
556
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:44,479
or next month, or next year,
557
00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:48,000
that the West End hadn't
seenthe last of Vonny Scott...
558
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:52,119
..would you be there by my side?
559
00:26:52,120 --> 00:26:54,479
Vonny...
560
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:57,919
..you honestly think thatI'm
going to let some other guy
561
00:26:57,920 --> 00:27:02,239
in a midnight blue Dolce &
Gabbanatuxedo take the place of...
562
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:06,319
..Mr Vonny Scott on the night
you goand collect your first Olivier?
563
00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:09,160
Darling...I adore you.RETCHING
564
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:13,479
I just want to...RETCHING
565
00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:18,199
I just want to be the manyou deserve me to be.
566
00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:20,239
I'm so sorry for how I've been.
567
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:21,919
Vincent...
568
00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:24,559
..I love you.
569
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:26,759
But we're going to have
towrap up this happy wee ending
570
00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:29,079
cos your sister's spewing
inthe gutter over there.
571
00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:30,959
COLETTE RETCHESSorry.
572
00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:33,119
We tried not to ruin it.
573
00:27:33,120 --> 00:27:35,360
Keep going...!
574
00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:47,279
Right, hold on. Sideways.
575
00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:49,279
Yous dancing?
576
00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:51,399
Naw. We were wrestling.
577
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:52,999
Let's see yous, then.
578
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:55,639
You ready?
579
00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:57,639
HENRY HUMS
580
00:27:57,640 --> 00:27:59,520
Wahey! Wahey!
581
00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:03,319
Welcome home! Wahey!
582
00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:05,079
All right?
583
00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:07,079
I'm gonnae be offmy work for a while.
584
00:28:07,080 --> 00:28:08,599
I'm actually looking forward to it.
585
00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:11,799
I'm sure if we keep him occupied,he'll be fine.
586
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:15,560
Stir the dry rice intothe buttery onions.
587
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:18,159
I'll boil the rice first...
588
00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:20,239
Stir the dry riceinto the buttery onions!
589
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:22,639
Your turn.My turn for what?
590
00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:24,919
Wipe his arse. Oh, man...
591
00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:27,439
Who knows what'sgoing on at that house?
592
00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:29,480
I cannae wait to find out.
593
00:28:29,530 --> 00:28:34,080
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