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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:17,093 --> 00:00:19,829 [sirens wailing] 2 00:00:19,896 --> 00:00:21,031 - I'm not a murderer. 3 00:00:21,097 --> 00:00:23,166 You guys have ruined my life. 4 00:00:23,233 --> 00:00:25,001 - And now we're going to make things right. 5 00:00:25,068 --> 00:00:26,069 Trust us. 6 00:00:26,136 --> 00:00:27,303 We know what we're doing. 7 00:00:27,370 --> 00:00:28,538 [guitar strums string plunks] 8 00:00:28,605 --> 00:00:29,572 [gasps] 9 00:00:29,639 --> 00:00:30,640 - Traffic ahead. 10 00:00:30,707 --> 00:00:32,275 I need a way around. 11 00:00:32,342 --> 00:00:34,778 - In half a mile, make a left and then head due south. 12 00:00:34,844 --> 00:00:35,712 - Yeah, looks right to me. 13 00:00:37,847 --> 00:00:40,050 - Noah Switzer, on the run. 14 00:00:40,116 --> 00:00:41,551 Wanted for murder. 15 00:00:41,618 --> 00:00:44,654 He's innocent until proven guilty, Chuck. 16 00:00:44,721 --> 00:00:46,956 - Charlie, get your head out of your ass. 17 00:00:47,023 --> 00:00:48,691 This is America, my friend. 18 00:00:48,758 --> 00:00:51,428 You are guilty until proven innocent. 19 00:00:51,494 --> 00:00:53,396 Live from our jobs at the Wake And Bake, 20 00:00:53,463 --> 00:00:56,299 "The Crime Dudes" podcast proudly present-- 21 00:00:56,366 --> 00:01:00,136 - The case of the murdered dead guy, guy, guy, guy. 22 00:01:00,203 --> 00:01:01,204 - Got to do the Crime Dudes' theme song. 23 00:01:01,271 --> 00:01:04,374 - Oh, yeah, yeah. - OK, yeah. 24 00:01:04,441 --> 00:01:06,176 both: ♪ Crime dudes ♪ 25 00:01:06,242 --> 00:01:07,310 - ♪ Semen and blood ♪ 26 00:01:07,377 --> 00:01:09,279 - ♪ Blood and semen ♪ 27 00:01:09,345 --> 00:01:10,380 - ♪ Evidence ♪ 28 00:01:10,447 --> 00:01:11,815 - ♪ Blood and semen ♪ 29 00:01:11,881 --> 00:01:13,183 - ♪ All over the walls ♪ 30 00:01:13,249 --> 00:01:14,517 - ♪ So much semen, we're the... ♪ 31 00:01:14,584 --> 00:01:21,157 both: ♪ Crime Dudes ♪ 32 00:01:22,192 --> 00:01:24,494 - ♪ Good, mm-hmm ♪ 33 00:01:24,561 --> 00:01:26,996 ♪ Three brothers puffin' ♪ 34 00:01:27,063 --> 00:01:30,733 ♪ And we just woke up in year 2020 ♪ 35 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:33,336 - ♪ Roll another J and forget the day ♪ 36 00:01:33,403 --> 00:01:35,905 ♪ Roll another J and get high ♪ 37 00:01:35,972 --> 00:01:38,608 ♪ Roll another J and forget the day ♪ 38 00:01:38,675 --> 00:01:41,211 ♪ Me and my brothers getting fried ♪ 39 00:01:41,277 --> 00:01:44,147 - ♪ The Freak Brothers ♪ 40 00:01:51,354 --> 00:01:52,522 - [inhales] 41 00:01:52,589 --> 00:01:53,423 [exhales] 42 00:01:53,490 --> 00:01:55,158 - Well, that was our last roach. 43 00:01:55,225 --> 00:01:57,060 We need cash, boys. 44 00:01:57,127 --> 00:01:58,094 Any ideas? 45 00:01:58,161 --> 00:02:00,163 - We could rob a bank. 46 00:02:00,230 --> 00:02:02,732 First National is open till 5:00. 47 00:02:02,799 --> 00:02:05,368 - I could do the old slip and fall con. 48 00:02:05,435 --> 00:02:07,971 The NFL says concussions are good for you. 49 00:02:08,037 --> 00:02:09,439 - Good thinking, Fred. 50 00:02:09,506 --> 00:02:11,908 Switzers are making a Costco run today. 51 00:02:11,975 --> 00:02:15,378 We can tag along, and you can crack your head open there. 52 00:02:15,445 --> 00:02:18,448 - For a fuck you in the ass big box like Costco, 53 00:02:18,515 --> 00:02:19,949 we need to up our game. 54 00:02:20,016 --> 00:02:22,852 If only I could get my hands on some super lube 55 00:02:22,919 --> 00:02:24,320 from Operation Banana Peel. 56 00:02:24,387 --> 00:02:27,690 Freddy slips on that, poof, guaranteed coma. 57 00:02:27,757 --> 00:02:29,159 - OK, I'll bite. 58 00:02:29,225 --> 00:02:31,327 What is Operation Banana Peel? 59 00:02:31,394 --> 00:02:33,596 - Top secret military weapons program 60 00:02:33,663 --> 00:02:36,499 first developed in Vietnam. 61 00:02:36,566 --> 00:02:39,202 - You and your God dang conspiracy theories. 62 00:02:39,269 --> 00:02:41,938 How about after Freddy falls I just 63 00:02:42,005 --> 00:02:43,406 run over him with a forklift? 64 00:02:43,473 --> 00:02:45,108 - Works for me. 65 00:02:45,175 --> 00:02:48,178 - Yo, Freddy, stuff this under your clothes for protection. 66 00:02:48,244 --> 00:02:50,446 - Oh, cotton candy. 67 00:02:50,513 --> 00:02:52,148 - That's asbestos. 68 00:02:52,215 --> 00:02:54,617 - I have a sweet tooth. 69 00:02:58,087 --> 00:03:00,890 - [panting] 70 00:03:00,957 --> 00:03:02,325 My computer died. 71 00:03:02,392 --> 00:03:03,793 I'm bidding on an original Shirasaya katana 72 00:03:03,860 --> 00:03:07,096 for my collection, and the auction is about to close. 73 00:03:07,163 --> 00:03:08,331 I've almost got it. 74 00:03:08,398 --> 00:03:10,099 Three, two-- 75 00:03:10,166 --> 00:03:14,103 - Ooh, licorice. 76 00:03:14,170 --> 00:03:15,171 - Oh, no. 77 00:03:15,238 --> 00:03:16,906 I lost. 78 00:03:16,973 --> 00:03:18,041 [groaning] 79 00:03:18,107 --> 00:03:19,609 - Who's that handsome fella? 80 00:03:19,676 --> 00:03:23,213 - Dr. Percy Pendragon, a rival-- 81 00:03:23,279 --> 00:03:24,948 no, enemy-- professor. 82 00:03:25,014 --> 00:03:29,452 Pardon my French, but he really steams my beans. 83 00:03:29,519 --> 00:03:31,387 - Well, you know, back where I'm from, 84 00:03:31,454 --> 00:03:33,489 steamed beans is a delicacy. 85 00:03:33,556 --> 00:03:36,426 So I don't think that's accomplishing what you want. 86 00:03:36,492 --> 00:03:38,261 - It's one thing to troll me, 87 00:03:38,328 --> 00:03:41,898 but he has no respect for ancient Japanese esoterica. 88 00:03:41,965 --> 00:03:45,602 - Well, a man who doesn't like porn is no friend of mine. 89 00:03:45,668 --> 00:03:47,971 - Where I come from, you never let 90 00:03:48,037 --> 00:03:49,339 another man push you around. 91 00:03:49,405 --> 00:03:50,340 - Yeah. 92 00:03:50,406 --> 00:03:52,008 It's about honor. 93 00:03:52,075 --> 00:03:54,811 Sucker punch him in the Adam's Apple and then the balls. 94 00:03:54,877 --> 00:03:56,246 [upbeat music] 95 00:03:56,312 --> 00:03:57,614 - Move it out of that seat. 96 00:03:57,680 --> 00:04:00,283 I just got a match on Jay Cat. 97 00:04:00,350 --> 00:04:05,888 - Oh, shalom to you, lox and bagels. 98 00:04:10,193 --> 00:04:12,528 - Sweetie, do you want to wipe down the cart 99 00:04:12,595 --> 00:04:14,631 with antibacterial wipes? 100 00:04:14,697 --> 00:04:16,099 - [sighs] What's the point? 101 00:04:16,165 --> 00:04:17,800 I lost the auction. 102 00:04:17,867 --> 00:04:19,202 - [whimpering] 103 00:04:19,269 --> 00:04:23,072 I do hope Daddy gets out of his funk before bath time. 104 00:04:23,139 --> 00:04:25,642 I can always tell when his heart's not in it. 105 00:04:25,708 --> 00:04:28,478 - I walked in on the two of you in the bathtub once. 106 00:04:28,544 --> 00:04:29,846 I got a question. 107 00:04:29,912 --> 00:04:31,648 Why does both of you have to be naked? 108 00:04:31,714 --> 00:04:32,715 Hmm? 109 00:04:32,782 --> 00:04:34,417 - I'm sorry, is there another way 110 00:04:34,484 --> 00:04:36,519 to take a bath, you dumb cat? 111 00:04:36,586 --> 00:04:38,588 - Thanks for helping with the shopping, boys. 112 00:04:38,655 --> 00:04:42,759 Just try not to go crazy on the free samples. 113 00:04:42,825 --> 00:04:44,093 - You got it. 114 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:45,795 [gagging] 115 00:04:45,862 --> 00:04:48,631 - I never had a family to go grocery shopping with. 116 00:04:48,698 --> 00:04:50,667 My dad's idea of bonding was shooting 117 00:04:50,733 --> 00:04:52,368 beer cans off my head. 118 00:04:52,435 --> 00:04:55,204 He missed a lot. 119 00:04:55,271 --> 00:04:56,539 - Yeah. 120 00:04:56,606 --> 00:04:58,308 Nothing like a day shopping with the people 121 00:04:58,374 --> 00:04:59,742 you care about. 122 00:04:59,809 --> 00:05:01,144 Now let's go crack open Freddy's skull 123 00:05:01,210 --> 00:05:03,146 and earn some cash. 124 00:05:03,212 --> 00:05:04,247 Everyone in position? 125 00:05:04,314 --> 00:05:05,948 Over. 126 00:05:06,015 --> 00:05:08,651 - We don't have walkie-talkies, you idiot. 127 00:05:08,718 --> 00:05:11,154 - You didn't say over, dumbass. 128 00:05:11,220 --> 00:05:12,522 Over. 129 00:05:12,588 --> 00:05:15,291 ["Mission: Impossible" theme song] 130 00:05:15,358 --> 00:05:18,227 ♪ ♪ 131 00:05:18,294 --> 00:05:20,029 - Whistle. Whistle. Whistle. 132 00:05:20,096 --> 00:05:22,799 I'm walking in the store, minding my own business. 133 00:05:22,865 --> 00:05:23,900 Whistle. Whistle. 134 00:05:23,966 --> 00:05:26,703 - And this is with two hours of rehearsal, 135 00:05:26,769 --> 00:05:27,870 ladies and gentlemen. 136 00:05:27,937 --> 00:05:29,939 He can't whistle. He just says it. 137 00:05:30,006 --> 00:05:31,074 Whistle. Whistle. 138 00:05:31,140 --> 00:05:32,608 Dumb mother fucktard. 139 00:05:32,675 --> 00:05:35,745 - Oh, no, a negligent employee 140 00:05:35,812 --> 00:05:38,281 has left beans all over the floor. 141 00:05:38,348 --> 00:05:41,150 What an unfortunate liability. 142 00:05:41,217 --> 00:05:43,252 - Ahh! 143 00:05:43,319 --> 00:05:45,121 My leg! 144 00:05:45,188 --> 00:05:47,657 My whistling days are over. 145 00:05:49,125 --> 00:05:52,328 - Try to center your head under the wheels. 146 00:05:52,395 --> 00:05:53,863 - Stop pouting about Percy. 147 00:05:53,930 --> 00:05:59,235 We're about to get 70% off a 2017 Chateau Lafite. 148 00:05:59,302 --> 00:06:00,703 It's like we're stealing. 149 00:06:00,770 --> 00:06:04,006 - It's so cheap we could cook with it. 150 00:06:04,073 --> 00:06:05,708 We would never. We would never. 151 00:06:07,310 --> 00:06:08,277 - Oh, hang on. Whoa. Whoa. 152 00:06:08,344 --> 00:06:10,313 I'm slip-slidin' on the beans. 153 00:06:10,380 --> 00:06:11,848 I can't hold her. 154 00:06:11,914 --> 00:06:14,317 I can't hear you unless you say over. 155 00:06:14,384 --> 00:06:16,185 Over. 156 00:06:16,252 --> 00:06:17,487 - Ahh! 157 00:06:19,088 --> 00:06:20,256 Ahh! 158 00:06:20,323 --> 00:06:21,591 - [gasps] Oh, my God. 159 00:06:23,059 --> 00:06:26,295 There's only one left. 160 00:06:26,362 --> 00:06:28,231 - Ahh! Ooh-hoo-hoo. 161 00:06:28,297 --> 00:06:29,832 Too slow, Switzer. 162 00:06:29,899 --> 00:06:32,435 - Percy, give me that bottle. 163 00:06:32,502 --> 00:06:33,970 - Mm-mm, don't think so. 164 00:06:34,036 --> 00:06:37,306 But do help yourself to one of the many celebrity wines. 165 00:06:37,373 --> 00:06:39,442 I hear simply awful things 166 00:06:39,509 --> 00:06:42,745 about Jeremy Piven's Entourage Meritage. 167 00:06:42,812 --> 00:06:45,214 - Hey, it's that handsome guy from the computer. 168 00:06:45,281 --> 00:06:48,518 - Oh, it never gets old watching you lose, Switzer. 169 00:06:48,584 --> 00:06:49,585 First I got your sword. 170 00:06:49,652 --> 00:06:51,421 Now I've got your wine. 171 00:06:51,487 --> 00:06:53,322 [laughs] Here you go, darling. 172 00:06:53,389 --> 00:06:57,026 - Hey, hey, Noah, you cannot let him talk to you like that. 173 00:06:57,093 --> 00:06:58,094 - Adam's Apple. 174 00:06:58,161 --> 00:06:59,495 Adam's Apple. 175 00:06:59,562 --> 00:07:01,597 - OK, let's all just take a deep breath. 176 00:07:01,664 --> 00:07:03,933 - You're not even holding that sword correctly. 177 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:07,670 A Shirasaya katana is always thrusted curved side up. 178 00:07:07,737 --> 00:07:10,840 - Please, I could totally take you in a sword fight. 179 00:07:10,907 --> 00:07:13,109 - I respectfully disagree. 180 00:07:13,176 --> 00:07:14,977 - Worst smack talk ever. 181 00:07:15,044 --> 00:07:18,147 - He's humiliating you in front of your wife. 182 00:07:18,214 --> 00:07:20,450 Grow a pair of balls, man. 183 00:07:20,516 --> 00:07:22,285 - I would destroy you in a duel. 184 00:07:22,351 --> 00:07:23,286 - Mm-hmm. 185 00:07:23,352 --> 00:07:24,454 Better. 186 00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:25,388 - I would parry, then repost. 187 00:07:25,455 --> 00:07:26,956 - More. More. 188 00:07:27,023 --> 00:07:29,258 - And then I'd plunge the blade deep into your heart 189 00:07:29,325 --> 00:07:32,128 and watch the light flicker out of your beady eyes. 190 00:07:32,195 --> 00:07:34,664 - Now that's what the fuck I'm talking about. 191 00:07:37,433 --> 00:07:39,068 - ♪ Dun, dun, dun, dun ♪ 192 00:07:39,135 --> 00:07:42,738 Shakshuka and homemade laffa bread. 193 00:07:42,805 --> 00:07:46,175 - Oh, somebody's got a little skip in their skedaddle. 194 00:07:46,242 --> 00:07:48,277 - Just a little thank you for pumping me up 195 00:07:48,344 --> 00:07:49,712 with Percy the other day. 196 00:07:49,779 --> 00:07:51,914 I added cayenne to this recipe. 197 00:07:51,981 --> 00:07:53,449 I've become quite the ruffian. 198 00:07:53,516 --> 00:07:55,785 [knock at door] 199 00:07:56,552 --> 00:07:58,688 - Noah Switzer, SFPD. 200 00:07:58,754 --> 00:08:00,456 We need to ask you some questions. 201 00:08:00,523 --> 00:08:01,624 - About what? 202 00:08:01,691 --> 00:08:03,759 - Your colleague, Dr. Pendragon, 203 00:08:03,826 --> 00:08:05,528 was found murdered. 204 00:08:05,595 --> 00:08:08,064 - Wait, murdered? Percy's dead? 205 00:08:08,130 --> 00:08:11,634 - They sent two po-po cars just to ask some questions? 206 00:08:11,701 --> 00:08:13,803 Yet when they find a dead cat, 207 00:08:13,870 --> 00:08:16,272 it's just a plastic bag in a garbage truck. 208 00:08:16,339 --> 00:08:18,074 - What's going on here? 209 00:08:18,140 --> 00:08:20,243 - We have eyewitnesses that say they 210 00:08:20,309 --> 00:08:24,347 saw Mr. Switzer threatened Dr. Pendragon at Costco. 211 00:08:24,413 --> 00:08:26,215 - It wasn't a threat. 212 00:08:26,282 --> 00:08:27,683 - It's not a threat? 213 00:08:27,750 --> 00:08:29,819 Hey, don't sell yourself short, big guy. 214 00:08:29,886 --> 00:08:31,254 You were an animal. 215 00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:32,889 - You getting all this down? 216 00:08:32,955 --> 00:08:35,591 - OK, I'm stepping in as Mr. Switzer's attorney. 217 00:08:35,658 --> 00:08:37,293 Noah, do not say another word. 218 00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:40,263 - He was a madman, foaming at the mouth, 219 00:08:40,329 --> 00:08:43,599 all because he wanted that sword Percy stole from him. 220 00:08:43,666 --> 00:08:46,235 - You mean this sword? 221 00:08:46,302 --> 00:08:47,270 - Yeah. 222 00:08:47,336 --> 00:08:48,704 That's the one. 223 00:08:48,771 --> 00:08:50,740 I've never seen Noah as pissed as he was 224 00:08:50,806 --> 00:08:52,174 over that there murder weapon. 225 00:08:52,241 --> 00:08:53,209 - All right. 226 00:08:53,276 --> 00:08:54,310 All right. 227 00:08:54,377 --> 00:08:56,212 I see what's going on here. 228 00:08:56,279 --> 00:08:58,481 You're trying to pin this on Noah. 229 00:08:58,548 --> 00:09:01,284 Well, sir, I have breakfast to eat. 230 00:09:01,350 --> 00:09:05,154 So either arrest him or get the fuck out. 231 00:09:07,723 --> 00:09:10,192 - I can't believe what just happened. 232 00:09:10,259 --> 00:09:11,527 - Neither can I. 233 00:09:11,594 --> 00:09:13,763 You're a terrible lawyer. 234 00:09:18,568 --> 00:09:19,902 - This is a nightmare. 235 00:09:19,969 --> 00:09:22,338 The police think my husband is a murderer, 236 00:09:22,405 --> 00:09:24,006 all because of you. 237 00:09:24,073 --> 00:09:26,676 - Do not lump me in with these three idiots. 238 00:09:26,742 --> 00:09:28,377 I wanted to rob a bank. 239 00:09:28,444 --> 00:09:31,614 - Hey, look, we're all upset, but we're all family. 240 00:09:31,681 --> 00:09:33,783 And families stick together. 241 00:09:33,849 --> 00:09:36,319 Now this ain't no time for pointing fingers. 242 00:09:37,553 --> 00:09:40,723 I said it ain't no time for pointing fingers. 243 00:09:40,790 --> 00:09:42,425 - Oh. - You got to enunciate. 244 00:09:42,491 --> 00:09:45,361 - We put up with a lot from you, the lack of bathing, 245 00:09:45,428 --> 00:09:47,263 the constant weed smoking. 246 00:09:47,330 --> 00:09:49,198 You sold my grandmother's armoire 247 00:09:49,265 --> 00:09:50,633 for a sack of mushrooms. 248 00:09:50,700 --> 00:09:52,602 - If it makes you feel any better, 249 00:09:52,668 --> 00:09:55,438 we tripped balls off those shrooms. 250 00:09:55,504 --> 00:09:57,340 - But now Noah's in jail. 251 00:09:57,406 --> 00:09:59,075 You've outdone yourselves. 252 00:09:59,141 --> 00:10:00,743 - The DA is pushing for no bail, 253 00:10:00,810 --> 00:10:02,311 but I got us a hearing tomorrow. 254 00:10:02,378 --> 00:10:03,446 - Tomorrow? 255 00:10:03,512 --> 00:10:07,049 But Noah was scheduled to feed me Kobe beef treats 256 00:10:07,116 --> 00:10:08,317 during "Jeopardy!" tonight. 257 00:10:08,384 --> 00:10:11,454 - I'll take bitch boy problems for $600. 258 00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:12,922 - Harper, leave it to us. 259 00:10:12,989 --> 00:10:15,124 We'll find the real killer and save Noah. 260 00:10:15,191 --> 00:10:17,159 - Gentlemen, to the basement. 261 00:10:17,226 --> 00:10:18,227 - No. 262 00:10:18,294 --> 00:10:19,295 You'll do nothing. 263 00:10:19,362 --> 00:10:20,796 Nothing. 264 00:10:20,863 --> 00:10:22,365 Because all you'll do is fuck things up worse. 265 00:10:22,431 --> 00:10:24,667 - Am I the only one getting mixed signal? 266 00:10:24,734 --> 00:10:25,735 - Fine. 267 00:10:25,801 --> 00:10:27,503 We won't go to the basement. 268 00:10:27,570 --> 00:10:31,540 Entermenay to the asementbay. 269 00:10:31,607 --> 00:10:34,176 [together] Ahh! 270 00:10:34,243 --> 00:10:36,278 - Nothing. 271 00:10:37,113 --> 00:10:39,782 - Till Noah is free, nothing else matters. 272 00:10:39,849 --> 00:10:41,550 - I'll smoke to that. 273 00:10:41,617 --> 00:10:43,152 Shit, I'll smoke to anything. 274 00:10:46,422 --> 00:10:47,790 - I feel like, no-- 275 00:10:47,857 --> 00:10:51,127 was there something we were supposed to do? 276 00:10:51,193 --> 00:10:52,461 - Holy shit. 277 00:10:52,528 --> 00:10:54,030 Look at this. 278 00:10:54,096 --> 00:10:57,066 It looks like Percy the sword stealer's wife has been 279 00:10:57,133 --> 00:10:59,435 polishing another man's blade. 280 00:10:59,502 --> 00:11:02,004 And so facto, sucking his cock. 281 00:11:02,071 --> 00:11:04,940 - OK, Mrs. P, you get yours, girl. 282 00:11:05,007 --> 00:11:07,410 - Her husband must have caught her having an affair. 283 00:11:07,476 --> 00:11:08,944 So she killed him. 284 00:11:09,011 --> 00:11:10,513 - We got to hunt down the widow Pendragon 285 00:11:10,579 --> 00:11:11,747 and get some answers. 286 00:11:11,814 --> 00:11:13,449 - Maybe she'll be at the funeral. 287 00:11:13,516 --> 00:11:16,052 - You think this broad would be dumb enough to show up 288 00:11:16,118 --> 00:11:17,820 to her own husband's funeral? 289 00:11:17,887 --> 00:11:19,255 Do you hear yourself? 290 00:11:19,321 --> 00:11:22,391 There's only one way to find out. 291 00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:26,395 Can somebody tell me? 292 00:11:28,831 --> 00:11:30,466 - Let's-- let's use a soft touch here. 293 00:11:30,533 --> 00:11:32,835 You know, you catch more bees with honey. 294 00:11:32,902 --> 00:11:34,704 - Please, this isn't my first time 295 00:11:34,770 --> 00:11:37,273 grilling a widow at a funeral. 296 00:11:37,339 --> 00:11:39,809 - Ma'am, I'm so sorry for your loss. 297 00:11:39,875 --> 00:11:41,444 - Yeah, it sucks. 298 00:11:41,510 --> 00:11:43,713 So how and why did you whack your husband? 299 00:11:43,779 --> 00:11:44,747 - Excuse me? 300 00:11:44,814 --> 00:11:45,748 - Was it for the money? 301 00:11:45,815 --> 00:11:46,782 - Of course, it was. 302 00:11:46,849 --> 00:11:47,817 - The crow's feet? 303 00:11:47,883 --> 00:11:49,185 The saggy rack? 304 00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:51,954 I bet you can't wait to cash the life insurance 305 00:11:52,021 --> 00:11:54,724 and get a tune-up for your precious boy toy. 306 00:11:54,790 --> 00:11:57,493 - Everything OK, Mom? 307 00:11:57,560 --> 00:11:58,961 - This is your son? 308 00:11:59,028 --> 00:12:02,364 - Back in our day, we called that incest. 309 00:12:02,431 --> 00:12:04,600 I don't know what y'all call it now. 310 00:12:04,667 --> 00:12:06,535 - How about motherfucker? 311 00:12:06,602 --> 00:12:08,003 [all gasp] 312 00:12:08,070 --> 00:12:09,739 - [sobbing] - No. 313 00:12:09,805 --> 00:12:10,773 Don't cry. 314 00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:12,575 Oh, Mama, I love you. 315 00:12:12,641 --> 00:12:15,077 - We might have been a teense off the mark. 316 00:12:15,144 --> 00:12:18,280 - Either that or they're going off to grief bone. 317 00:12:19,515 --> 00:12:21,016 - Hey, whatcha doing, kitty? 318 00:12:21,083 --> 00:12:24,453 - Man, I'm finding all kinds of DNA with my lady 319 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:27,957 detective kit-- stray hair, traces of blood, 320 00:12:28,023 --> 00:12:30,893 globs of mustard. 321 00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:31,961 Damn, Freddy. 322 00:12:32,027 --> 00:12:33,195 Have some decency. 323 00:12:33,262 --> 00:12:35,431 Eat that dog over a paper plate. 324 00:12:35,498 --> 00:12:36,499 - My bad. 325 00:12:36,565 --> 00:12:38,067 Oh, five-second rule. 326 00:12:38,134 --> 00:12:39,168 Darn it. 327 00:12:39,235 --> 00:12:41,170 My weenie is caught on his bracelet. 328 00:12:41,237 --> 00:12:42,538 [all gasp] 329 00:12:42,605 --> 00:12:46,642 - Jesus, Biggie, you are compromising my crime scene. 330 00:12:46,709 --> 00:12:49,712 Ah, shit. [all gasp] 331 00:12:49,779 --> 00:12:50,980 - Freddy, I'm trapped. 332 00:12:51,046 --> 00:12:53,315 This stiff's doused in Jovan Musk. 333 00:12:53,382 --> 00:12:54,884 Oh, help me. 334 00:12:54,950 --> 00:12:56,652 - Well, this is a dead end. 335 00:12:56,719 --> 00:12:59,388 - Not necessarily, my naive friend. 336 00:12:59,455 --> 00:13:01,824 Check the feds scanning the crowd. 337 00:13:01,891 --> 00:13:03,459 - They're probably just cops. 338 00:13:03,526 --> 00:13:05,661 This is a funeral for a murder victim. 339 00:13:05,728 --> 00:13:07,029 - Just cops? 340 00:13:07,096 --> 00:13:08,531 What other profession do you know 341 00:13:08,597 --> 00:13:10,833 besides Fed wears all black? 342 00:13:10,900 --> 00:13:14,336 - Judge, nun, mime, ninja, Johnny Cash. 343 00:13:14,403 --> 00:13:15,704 It's just off the top of my head. 344 00:13:15,771 --> 00:13:16,806 - Exactly. 345 00:13:16,872 --> 00:13:18,874 None. Something's fishy. 346 00:13:22,244 --> 00:13:26,048 - Hey, yours has a banana logo too, just like the dead guy's. 347 00:13:26,115 --> 00:13:27,750 Bracelet twins. 348 00:13:27,817 --> 00:13:29,819 - Oh, that's unusual. 349 00:13:29,885 --> 00:13:31,220 - Holy shit. 350 00:13:31,287 --> 00:13:34,824 The unmistakable logo for Operation Banana Peel. 351 00:13:34,890 --> 00:13:35,991 - Oh, look at the time. 352 00:13:36,058 --> 00:13:38,460 I gotta go. 353 00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:41,630 - She's leaving in a suspic-uous manner. 354 00:13:41,697 --> 00:13:45,000 Let's follow her. 355 00:13:45,067 --> 00:13:47,069 - 43 bucks in his pocket. 356 00:13:47,136 --> 00:13:49,271 Mm, mm, mm. He won't be needing that. 357 00:13:49,338 --> 00:13:50,105 [chuckles] 358 00:13:50,172 --> 00:13:53,075 [suspenseful music] 359 00:13:53,142 --> 00:13:59,982 ♪ ♪ 360 00:14:02,985 --> 00:14:04,787 - Ahh! 361 00:14:04,854 --> 00:14:06,121 - Come on, guys. 362 00:14:06,188 --> 00:14:08,724 Her car's got to be around here some--ahh! 363 00:14:08,791 --> 00:14:11,727 [dramatic music] 364 00:14:11,794 --> 00:14:13,462 ♪ ♪ 365 00:14:13,529 --> 00:14:14,930 - Do you think she's OK? 366 00:14:14,997 --> 00:14:16,465 - Well, I can see her large intestine. 367 00:14:16,532 --> 00:14:18,901 So she's pretty fucking far from OK. 368 00:14:18,968 --> 00:14:20,236 - [coughing] 369 00:14:20,302 --> 00:14:23,739 - Her chest is still heaving, which I know 370 00:14:23,806 --> 00:14:25,341 shouldn't be turning me on. 371 00:14:25,407 --> 00:14:27,576 - Don't worry. You're gonna make it. 372 00:14:27,643 --> 00:14:28,811 Did that sound sincere? 373 00:14:28,878 --> 00:14:30,012 Because I was lying. 374 00:14:30,079 --> 00:14:31,747 - Take this. 375 00:14:31,814 --> 00:14:34,149 It gets you into Percy's lab. 376 00:14:34,216 --> 00:14:38,187 You'll find answers there. 377 00:14:38,254 --> 00:14:41,090 - The Banana Boys are knocking off witnesses one by one. 378 00:14:41,156 --> 00:14:43,025 To Percy's lab! 379 00:14:43,092 --> 00:14:44,793 - Only $18. 380 00:14:44,860 --> 00:14:46,862 Still living in a man's world. 381 00:14:46,929 --> 00:14:48,464 Well, not living. 382 00:14:48,530 --> 00:14:49,498 You dead. 383 00:14:49,565 --> 00:14:52,501 - The scariest part is the showering. 384 00:14:52,568 --> 00:14:54,703 - Oh, God. - It's low-flow, Harper. 385 00:14:54,770 --> 00:14:55,938 Low-flow. 386 00:14:56,005 --> 00:14:57,673 - You just hang in there, OK? 387 00:14:57,740 --> 00:14:58,774 We're going to get you out. 388 00:14:58,841 --> 00:15:01,010 - She's right. There's zero physical evidence 389 00:15:01,076 --> 00:15:02,778 tying you to this crime. 390 00:15:02,845 --> 00:15:05,681 - In his darkest hour, Noah Switzer's family 391 00:15:05,748 --> 00:15:07,349 has not yet abandoned him. 392 00:15:07,416 --> 00:15:09,618 Never have I seen such a supportive wife 393 00:15:09,685 --> 00:15:11,453 or smoke-show lawyer. 394 00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:12,855 - I mean, my God. 395 00:15:12,922 --> 00:15:14,924 What a hot piece of ace. 396 00:15:14,990 --> 00:15:16,225 - Holy smokes. 397 00:15:16,292 --> 00:15:17,960 - And we're not going to discount the wife 398 00:15:18,027 --> 00:15:19,428 is also a hottie slam piece. 399 00:15:19,495 --> 00:15:21,897 She is a little older, but frankly, 400 00:15:21,964 --> 00:15:23,832 Charlie, I prefer that. 401 00:15:23,899 --> 00:15:26,368 - I kind of like when, you know, the meat starts to age. 402 00:15:26,435 --> 00:15:29,405 It's like a good steak, a dry rub. 403 00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:33,108 - It's a real dry, dry, dry, dry, dry, dry rub. 404 00:15:33,175 --> 00:15:35,077 - I might have to go have a dry rub. 405 00:15:35,144 --> 00:15:36,445 - A-yo. [both chuckling] 406 00:15:36,512 --> 00:15:37,646 - Are you talking about jerking off? 407 00:15:37,713 --> 00:15:39,315 - Yes, I am. 408 00:15:39,381 --> 00:15:42,785 - You sure it's a good idea to let these guys cover our case? 409 00:15:42,851 --> 00:15:44,586 - Public opinion is everything. 410 00:15:44,653 --> 00:15:46,789 And this podcast has a serious following. 411 00:15:46,855 --> 00:15:48,257 - Eighth-ranked p-cast. 412 00:15:48,324 --> 00:15:50,693 And the Bay City's Bowling Alley is where 413 00:15:50,759 --> 00:15:52,928 you want to get your roll on. 414 00:15:52,995 --> 00:15:54,196 Ask for the Crime Dudes discount 415 00:15:54,263 --> 00:15:56,265 and enjoy one free shoe rental. 416 00:15:56,332 --> 00:15:57,666 - Left shoe is free. Right shoe available 417 00:15:57,733 --> 00:15:58,834 for additional charge. 418 00:15:58,901 --> 00:16:00,936 - I didn't do this. 419 00:16:01,003 --> 00:16:02,604 How can they put me in here? 420 00:16:02,671 --> 00:16:05,240 - A desperate plea from a desperate-- 421 00:16:05,307 --> 00:16:08,210 man, is there a killer deal at Walter's Wing Shack. 422 00:16:08,277 --> 00:16:10,012 We'll never tell you what's in our sauce. 423 00:16:10,079 --> 00:16:12,348 And you don't want to know. 424 00:16:15,417 --> 00:16:16,785 - Check out the symbol. 425 00:16:16,852 --> 00:16:18,053 [electronic beeping] 426 00:16:21,256 --> 00:16:24,393 - Clear. Squirt. Squirt. 427 00:16:28,630 --> 00:16:31,300 - Oof! 428 00:16:31,367 --> 00:16:33,569 Wow. That's a lot of dildos. 429 00:16:33,635 --> 00:16:35,604 - Well, a collector's gonna collect. 430 00:16:35,671 --> 00:16:38,407 - The man's a degenerate. 431 00:16:38,474 --> 00:16:41,443 - Whoa, banana mustard. 432 00:16:41,510 --> 00:16:44,179 Fancy. 433 00:16:44,246 --> 00:16:46,015 Tastes like gasoline. 434 00:16:46,081 --> 00:16:48,617 Very fancy. 435 00:16:48,684 --> 00:16:52,254 - He must keep his sensitive file somewhere else. 436 00:16:52,321 --> 00:16:54,957 Look around for a mimeograph machine or a microfiche. 437 00:16:55,024 --> 00:16:58,460 - Or we could just type "dildo" into the password. 438 00:16:58,527 --> 00:16:59,695 We in. 439 00:16:59,762 --> 00:17:01,997 - Open that folder that says "security footage." 440 00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:06,402 - Almost...almost. 441 00:17:06,468 --> 00:17:08,470 - Wait. That's a traffic light too. 442 00:17:08,537 --> 00:17:09,972 - What, are you blind? That's just a pole. 443 00:17:10,039 --> 00:17:11,273 - No, no. It's part of the light. 444 00:17:11,340 --> 00:17:14,309 See? There's a little sliver there. 445 00:17:14,376 --> 00:17:16,245 - Whoo-hoo! We're in. 446 00:17:16,311 --> 00:17:18,080 - OK, here's the security footage 447 00:17:18,147 --> 00:17:19,348 from the time of the murder. 448 00:17:20,549 --> 00:17:23,419 Whoever walks in next is the killer. 449 00:17:23,485 --> 00:17:24,720 [gasping] - Whoa. 450 00:17:24,787 --> 00:17:27,489 - Oh. 451 00:17:27,556 --> 00:17:29,191 - Holy shit! 452 00:17:29,258 --> 00:17:30,793 - Do you know what this means? 453 00:17:30,859 --> 00:17:32,795 - No, but I know who does. 454 00:17:32,861 --> 00:17:35,631 Siri, what does this mean? 455 00:17:35,697 --> 00:17:38,267 - It means Noah's a murderer. [dramatic musical sting] 456 00:17:38,333 --> 00:17:40,169 And you ain't even holding a phone. 457 00:17:40,235 --> 00:17:42,471 - Eh, this thing's dead anyway. 458 00:17:45,874 --> 00:17:48,544 [dramatic music] 459 00:17:50,746 --> 00:17:52,981 [tires screeching] 460 00:17:53,048 --> 00:17:54,650 [together] Happy birthday. 461 00:17:54,716 --> 00:17:57,419 ♪ Aye yi yi yi ♪ 462 00:17:57,486 --> 00:18:00,022 ♪ It is the policeman's birthday ♪ 463 00:18:00,089 --> 00:18:03,692 ♪ [mumbling] ♪ 464 00:18:03,759 --> 00:18:07,129 ♪ Because it's the policeman's birthday ♪ 465 00:18:07,196 --> 00:18:08,464 - What the hell are you guys-- 466 00:18:08,530 --> 00:18:12,101 OK, OK, birthday boy, you hit the piñata first, 467 00:18:12,167 --> 00:18:13,435 then it's your buddy's turn. 468 00:18:13,502 --> 00:18:15,571 - I didn't know it was your birthday. 469 00:18:15,637 --> 00:18:16,672 - That's hurtful. 470 00:18:16,738 --> 00:18:18,107 I remember yours. 471 00:18:18,173 --> 00:18:19,241 - [grunting] 472 00:18:19,308 --> 00:18:21,343 [tires squealing] 473 00:18:21,410 --> 00:18:23,779 - Wait a minute. My birthday's in July. 474 00:18:23,846 --> 00:18:27,216 [dramatic music] 475 00:18:27,282 --> 00:18:28,984 - Why are you doing this? 476 00:18:29,051 --> 00:18:30,352 - Because you're family. 477 00:18:30,419 --> 00:18:32,221 And because we feel a little bad 478 00:18:32,287 --> 00:18:33,789 for making you kill that guy. 479 00:18:33,856 --> 00:18:35,724 - But I didn't do it. 480 00:18:35,791 --> 00:18:39,161 - Noah, this is no time for lies and deception. 481 00:18:39,228 --> 00:18:40,629 We're taking you south to the border, 482 00:18:40,696 --> 00:18:43,799 where you live out the rest of your days as a woman. 483 00:18:43,866 --> 00:18:45,167 - Uh-huh, uh-huh. 484 00:18:45,234 --> 00:18:48,704 - We found a very reputable Mexican dentist 485 00:18:48,770 --> 00:18:51,340 who's willing to do the gender reassignment surgery. 486 00:18:51,406 --> 00:18:53,509 - He'll lop off your cock and give you 487 00:18:53,575 --> 00:18:54,676 a free teeth whitening. 488 00:18:54,743 --> 00:18:57,112 - You're getting the full Caitlyn Jenner. 489 00:18:57,179 --> 00:18:59,348 [dramatic music] 490 00:18:59,414 --> 00:19:01,917 - Oh, my God. 491 00:19:01,984 --> 00:19:04,153 - [gasps] 492 00:19:04,219 --> 00:19:05,787 - Dang it. We're out of gas. 493 00:19:05,854 --> 00:19:08,590 - Whose responsibility was filling the tank? 494 00:19:08,657 --> 00:19:09,892 - Kitty. 495 00:19:09,958 --> 00:19:11,260 - Bitch, I don't have thumbs. 496 00:19:11,326 --> 00:19:12,728 [sirens wailing] 497 00:19:12,794 --> 00:19:14,963 - Corre, corre, Los Federales. 498 00:19:15,030 --> 00:19:15,998 - What does that mean? 499 00:19:16,064 --> 00:19:19,134 - It means, "Run, the cops." 500 00:19:19,201 --> 00:19:21,937 - Those motherfuckers. 501 00:19:22,004 --> 00:19:24,706 - It appears Noah Spitzer's mariachi accomplices 502 00:19:24,773 --> 00:19:26,708 have abandoned him on the I-5... 503 00:19:26,775 --> 00:19:30,579 - Percent off any Stiffy brand erectile dysfunction 504 00:19:30,646 --> 00:19:34,316 medications when you use the promo code Chuck and Charlie. 505 00:19:34,383 --> 00:19:36,685 - Don't let your hoggy get soggy. 506 00:19:36,752 --> 00:19:39,555 I take four every day to maintain a constant erection. 507 00:19:39,621 --> 00:19:40,656 - Smart. 508 00:19:40,722 --> 00:19:42,324 [sirens wailing] 509 00:19:43,859 --> 00:19:46,161 - Oh, they hit him with six tasers, 510 00:19:46,228 --> 00:19:50,432 an amazing remarkable show of restraint from the SFPD. 511 00:19:50,499 --> 00:19:53,635 - Ladies, you two can writhe around on the ground 512 00:19:53,702 --> 00:19:55,837 like that with the Clitty, 513 00:19:55,904 --> 00:20:00,475 an all-new personal massager from the makers of Stiffy. 514 00:20:00,542 --> 00:20:02,144 - As always, proudly manufactured 515 00:20:02,211 --> 00:20:04,880 in the great state of Delaware. 516 00:20:05,414 --> 00:20:06,348 - I'm done. 517 00:20:06,415 --> 00:20:08,417 You're out, all of you. 518 00:20:08,483 --> 00:20:11,153 My husband's going to rot in prison forever. 519 00:20:11,220 --> 00:20:12,588 - You seem angry. 520 00:20:12,654 --> 00:20:15,190 Why don't you make us a snack and we'll talk about it? 521 00:20:15,257 --> 00:20:17,693 - Harper, please, you got to understand, 522 00:20:17,759 --> 00:20:20,495 we were just trying to help out our durn family. 523 00:20:20,562 --> 00:20:24,233 - You are not our "durn family." 524 00:20:24,299 --> 00:20:26,602 Not now. Not ever. 525 00:20:26,668 --> 00:20:28,303 - That's what women do. 526 00:20:28,370 --> 00:20:30,038 They blame you for their husbands leaving 527 00:20:30,105 --> 00:20:31,306 when they get too old. 528 00:20:31,373 --> 00:20:33,175 Seen it a million times. 529 00:20:33,242 --> 00:20:34,376 - And take this too. 530 00:20:34,443 --> 00:20:36,878 - [groaning] 531 00:20:37,679 --> 00:20:40,949 - Why these motherfuckers always land on top of me? 532 00:20:41,016 --> 00:20:42,884 And why do you have a boner? 533 00:20:44,786 --> 00:20:47,756 - Only a guilty man would escape to Mexico 534 00:20:47,823 --> 00:20:49,891 and hide for the rest of his life 535 00:20:49,958 --> 00:20:53,028 after receiving a full Caitlyn Jenner 536 00:20:53,095 --> 00:20:55,330 and Tijuana teeth whitening. 537 00:20:58,000 --> 00:20:59,668 [light music] 538 00:20:59,735 --> 00:21:01,703 - So we're living in a Costco now? 539 00:21:01,770 --> 00:21:04,072 Fuck y'all. - I used to love coming here. 540 00:21:04,139 --> 00:21:07,909 But now everywhere I look, it reminds me of the Switzers. 541 00:21:07,976 --> 00:21:09,711 - And how we don't live with them anymore. 542 00:21:09,778 --> 00:21:11,647 - And how Noah's a murderer. 543 00:21:11,713 --> 00:21:13,515 - And they got all-you-can-eat hot dogs 544 00:21:13,582 --> 00:21:15,450 in the dumpster out back. 545 00:21:22,958 --> 00:21:25,994 - Wow. That's a slippery mustard. 546 00:21:26,061 --> 00:21:27,896 - Freddy, where'd you get that mustard? 547 00:21:27,963 --> 00:21:30,399 - Oh, I got it from Percy's lab. Remember? 548 00:21:30,465 --> 00:21:32,301 He had all sorts of funny condiments. 549 00:21:32,367 --> 00:21:33,602 - Oh, my God. 550 00:21:33,669 --> 00:21:35,203 This isn't mustard. 551 00:21:35,270 --> 00:21:38,740 It's a highly toxic chemical weapon. 552 00:21:38,807 --> 00:21:41,376 - Well, it tastes great on a dumpster dog. 553 00:21:41,443 --> 00:21:42,778 - Eureka! 554 00:21:42,844 --> 00:21:43,745 I figured it out. 555 00:21:43,812 --> 00:21:45,547 Gentlemen, to the courtroom. 556 00:21:45,614 --> 00:21:46,782 - Give me five. 557 00:21:46,848 --> 00:21:49,051 I just decanted this glass of Piven. 558 00:21:49,117 --> 00:21:51,420 Where them cheese cubes at? 559 00:21:52,854 --> 00:21:55,490 - What, if anything, did you learn while conducting 560 00:21:55,557 --> 00:21:57,959 your "Crime Dudes" podcast? 561 00:21:58,026 --> 00:22:00,195 - Don't spill bong water on your tape recorder. 562 00:22:00,262 --> 00:22:01,963 - My mom said she was sorry. 563 00:22:02,030 --> 00:22:03,699 - And I forgave her. 564 00:22:03,765 --> 00:22:06,968 - Stop this sham of a scam of a shame of a frame. 565 00:22:07,035 --> 00:22:08,370 [all gasp] 566 00:22:08,437 --> 00:22:11,106 - These charges are lame, but we ain't game 567 00:22:11,173 --> 00:22:13,141 to play the b-b-b-blame game. 568 00:22:13,208 --> 00:22:17,279 - I ain't got a rhyme, but Noah didn't do no criminal act. 569 00:22:17,346 --> 00:22:18,613 [gavel banging] - Order. Order. 570 00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:20,349 Who the hell are these freaks? 571 00:22:20,415 --> 00:22:21,783 - You must remember us. 572 00:22:21,850 --> 00:22:24,986 We grew weed out of Fat Freddy's asshole. 573 00:22:25,053 --> 00:22:26,555 - Gone now. 574 00:22:26,621 --> 00:22:28,357 - Well, there's something hanging out of there. 575 00:22:28,423 --> 00:22:29,758 - That's a poo-poo. 576 00:22:29,825 --> 00:22:31,326 - They were just leaving, Your Honor. 577 00:22:31,393 --> 00:22:32,761 They're nobodies. 578 00:22:32,828 --> 00:22:35,163 - We can't leave. We have evidence. 579 00:22:35,230 --> 00:22:38,967 Judge, I ain't an educated man, but my cat is. 580 00:22:39,034 --> 00:22:40,102 May she approach? 581 00:22:40,168 --> 00:22:42,671 - Your Honor, if this is some kind of stunt... 582 00:22:42,738 --> 00:22:45,073 - Oh, this isn't some kind of stunt. 583 00:22:45,140 --> 00:22:46,141 Oh, my bad. 584 00:22:46,208 --> 00:22:47,542 I emphasized the wrong word. 585 00:22:47,609 --> 00:22:49,644 I meant to say some kind of stunt. 586 00:22:49,711 --> 00:22:52,147 - Judge, please, you ain't got nothing 587 00:22:52,214 --> 00:22:53,615 to lose by listening to us. 588 00:22:53,682 --> 00:22:56,752 But Noah could lose everything if you don't. 589 00:22:56,818 --> 00:23:02,958 - This is highly irregular, but a man's life is at stake. 590 00:23:04,292 --> 00:23:05,293 - Frederick. 591 00:23:05,360 --> 00:23:06,695 - This isn't a murder case. 592 00:23:06,762 --> 00:23:08,864 It's a classic slip and fall. 593 00:23:08,930 --> 00:23:10,265 I should know. 594 00:23:10,332 --> 00:23:12,033 I've done it so many times, because I'm a common man. 595 00:23:12,100 --> 00:23:14,703 Objection. Confusing the witness. 596 00:23:14,770 --> 00:23:16,938 - Dr. Pendragon also slipped and fell. 597 00:23:17,005 --> 00:23:20,909 Not for a shakedown or insurance fraud like Fred, 598 00:23:20,976 --> 00:23:24,613 but because he stepped into a puddle of his own homemade 599 00:23:24,679 --> 00:23:28,950 super lube, then accidentally stabbed himself. 600 00:23:29,017 --> 00:23:30,218 Pardon me, ma'am. 601 00:23:30,285 --> 00:23:34,423 Do you mind lifting your nose up off of my finger? 602 00:23:34,489 --> 00:23:37,592 You seem to be running a low fever. 603 00:23:37,659 --> 00:23:39,995 - As proof, I will demonstrate at risk 604 00:23:40,061 --> 00:23:42,831 of great personal injury to Freddy. 605 00:23:42,898 --> 00:23:45,066 Grease the floor, will you? 606 00:23:45,133 --> 00:23:47,569 My associate will now demonstrate 607 00:23:47,636 --> 00:23:50,639 with the Big Bertha extra-girthy cock 608 00:23:50,705 --> 00:23:52,073 in midnight blue. 609 00:23:52,140 --> 00:23:54,609 - That's one hell of a dildo. Hijole. 610 00:23:54,676 --> 00:23:56,478 - Freddy, look alive. Cock. 611 00:24:04,986 --> 00:24:07,289 - Noah is a sword expert and would 612 00:24:07,355 --> 00:24:10,025 never stab a man that way. 613 00:24:10,091 --> 00:24:15,430 A Shirasya sword soft sword is always thrusted curve side up. 614 00:24:15,497 --> 00:24:17,132 [all mumbling] 615 00:24:17,199 --> 00:24:19,501 - Well, I for one would call that reasonable doubt. 616 00:24:19,568 --> 00:24:21,970 - Not even close, counselor. 617 00:24:22,037 --> 00:24:24,473 - Well, that was a swing and a miss. 618 00:24:24,539 --> 00:24:25,941 Y'all have a pleasant afternoon. 619 00:24:26,007 --> 00:24:28,076 - Wait. I will now prove the existence 620 00:24:28,143 --> 00:24:30,345 of a top secret government weapons program. 621 00:24:30,412 --> 00:24:31,413 Look at the floor. 622 00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:32,614 Where's the lubricant? 623 00:24:32,681 --> 00:24:35,016 Vanished, just like in Percy's office. 624 00:24:35,083 --> 00:24:36,852 Why napalm a village when you could 625 00:24:36,918 --> 00:24:40,055 blanket it in more lube than a Palm Springs' pool party? 626 00:24:40,121 --> 00:24:43,825 This is clearly the work of Operation Banana Peel. 627 00:24:43,892 --> 00:24:46,661 - Your Honor, may we approach? 628 00:24:48,163 --> 00:24:50,298 both: [whispering] Sir, they assembled...top secret 629 00:24:50,365 --> 00:24:51,366 Banana Peel. 630 00:24:51,433 --> 00:24:53,902 We gotta let these idiots go. 631 00:24:53,969 --> 00:24:56,538 - You will disregard all video and fingerprint evidence 632 00:24:56,605 --> 00:24:58,106 and all witness testimony. 633 00:24:58,173 --> 00:25:00,208 - What? That's my entire case. 634 00:25:00,275 --> 00:25:01,977 - Then you don't have one, counselor. 635 00:25:02,043 --> 00:25:06,381 Mr. Switzer, all charges against you are dismissed. 636 00:25:06,448 --> 00:25:07,749 You're free to go. 637 00:25:07,816 --> 00:25:10,185 And I'm free to go to happy hour. 638 00:25:10,252 --> 00:25:13,054 $1 margaritas. 639 00:25:13,121 --> 00:25:16,758 [all cheering] 640 00:25:16,825 --> 00:25:19,561 - Well, if you all are done with this, 641 00:25:19,628 --> 00:25:21,096 I'll just submit it into evidence, 642 00:25:21,162 --> 00:25:27,068 evidence being a polite way of saying my pu-say. 643 00:25:28,770 --> 00:25:31,740 - Ah, the sweet San Francisco air. 644 00:25:31,806 --> 00:25:34,075 Smells like freedom. 645 00:25:34,142 --> 00:25:37,345 - Smells like saltwater and hobo dookie to me. 646 00:25:37,412 --> 00:25:38,380 Oh, shit. 647 00:25:38,446 --> 00:25:39,714 That's Jeremy Piven. 648 00:25:39,781 --> 00:25:41,983 - I have no idea what just happened. 649 00:25:42,050 --> 00:25:44,653 - My advice, just take the win, Gretch. 650 00:25:44,719 --> 00:25:46,555 - You three goofs. 651 00:25:46,621 --> 00:25:47,856 I don't know what to say. 652 00:25:47,923 --> 00:25:49,257 - Say you missed us. 653 00:25:49,324 --> 00:25:50,292 Come on. 654 00:25:50,358 --> 00:25:51,560 You know you did. 655 00:25:51,626 --> 00:25:52,994 - We missed you. 656 00:25:53,061 --> 00:25:53,828 - Enough. 657 00:25:53,895 --> 00:25:55,397 We saved OJ's ass. 658 00:25:55,463 --> 00:25:57,065 Let us move our shit back in. 659 00:25:57,132 --> 00:26:01,803 - Well, I mean, I suppose the Switzer household wouldn't 660 00:26:01,870 --> 00:26:03,371 be the same without you. 661 00:26:03,438 --> 00:26:07,142 - I always say family is like a box of chocolates. 662 00:26:07,208 --> 00:26:09,377 You never know what you're gonna get. 663 00:26:09,444 --> 00:26:11,846 - That was from a movie about a mentally challenged person. 664 00:26:11,913 --> 00:26:13,815 - Hey, that's my story. 665 00:26:13,882 --> 00:26:15,350 Somebody stole it. 666 00:26:15,417 --> 00:26:17,319 - Your underpants are like a box of chocolates. 667 00:26:17,385 --> 00:26:19,387 You got to learn how to wipe. 668 00:26:19,454 --> 00:26:20,822 [laughter] 669 00:26:20,889 --> 00:26:22,891 - A family is reunited. 670 00:26:22,958 --> 00:26:25,560 A man who might be innocent is free. 671 00:26:25,627 --> 00:26:27,762 - Tune into "Crime Dudes" next week 672 00:26:27,829 --> 00:26:29,564 when we'll reveal the shocking truth 673 00:26:29,631 --> 00:26:33,134 behind Operation Banana Peel. 674 00:26:33,201 --> 00:26:35,337 [muffled yelling] 675 00:26:35,403 --> 00:26:39,140 [dramatic music] 676 00:26:39,207 --> 00:26:40,575 - ♪ Boop boop boop boop boop boop ♪ 677 00:26:40,642 --> 00:26:42,944 - ♪ Crime Dudes ♪ - ♪ Crime Dudes ♪ 678 00:26:43,011 --> 00:26:46,481 - ♪ Solving crimes of murdered dead guys ♪ 679 00:26:46,548 --> 00:26:47,949 - ♪ Crime dudes ♪ 680 00:26:48,016 --> 00:26:49,851 - ♪ I found a knife and blood on the floor ♪ 681 00:26:49,918 --> 00:26:53,688 - ♪ Remember when we had to scrape semen off the wall ♪ 682 00:26:53,755 --> 00:26:57,025 - ♪ I blocked it out, but now that you mention it, I do ♪ 683 00:26:57,092 --> 00:26:58,360 - ♪ Crime Dudes ♪ - ♪ Evidence, evidence ♪ 684 00:26:58,426 --> 00:27:00,061 - ♪ Semen ♪ - ♪ Evidence, evidence ♪ 685 00:27:00,128 --> 00:27:01,563 - ♪ Crime Dudes ♪ 686 00:27:01,630 --> 00:27:03,398 ♪ Lots of... ♪ both: ♪ Semen, semen ♪ 687 00:27:03,465 --> 00:27:07,502 ♪ Crime Dudes ♪ 688 00:27:07,569 --> 00:27:08,837 - ♪ Semen and blood ♪ 689 00:27:08,903 --> 00:27:10,639 both: ♪ Semen and blood ♪ 690 00:27:10,705 --> 00:27:12,040 ♪ Blood and semen ♪ 691 00:27:12,107 --> 00:27:15,210 ♪ Mixed together like cement ♪ 692 00:27:15,276 --> 00:27:16,144 - What? 693 00:27:16,211 --> 00:27:19,114 both: ♪ Crime Dudes ♪ 694 00:27:19,180 --> 00:27:20,548 ♪ ♪ 695 00:27:20,615 --> 00:27:23,385 ♪ Roll another J and forget the day ♪ 696 00:27:23,451 --> 00:27:25,120 ♪ Me and my brother's getting fried ♪ 697 00:27:25,186 --> 00:27:28,390 - ♪ The Freak Brothers ♪ 698 00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:32,990 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 48728

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