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1
00:00:02,813 --> 00:00:05,347
(ALARM RINGING)
2
00:00:06,918 --> 00:00:12,554
?
3
00:00:12,556 --> 00:00:15,691
BOTH: Happy birthday, Khia!
4
00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:17,559
Wait. Why are you already awake?!
5
00:00:17,628 --> 00:00:21,830
Because you guys wake me up at
3:19 on my birthday every year
6
00:00:21,832 --> 00:00:23,565
and it is terrifying.
7
00:00:23,634 --> 00:00:26,568
So, I decided to skip the
heart attack this time.
8
00:00:26,570 --> 00:00:27,970
How else are we supposed
to celebrate your birthday
9
00:00:27,972 --> 00:00:29,371
down to the exact minute?
10
00:00:29,506 --> 00:00:33,241
- Maybe you could just not.
- Absurd. It's a Pham fam tradition.
11
00:00:33,277 --> 00:00:34,376
- All right.
- Yeah.
12
00:00:34,445 --> 00:00:36,011
Ow. Ow.
13
00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:37,313
Say "cheese".
14
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BOTH: Cheese.
15
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Ah, good!
16
00:00:40,484 --> 00:00:43,919
(YAWNING) Can I go back to bed now?
17
00:00:43,988 --> 00:00:46,721
Khia, the traditional
recounting of the birth
18
00:00:46,757 --> 00:00:50,058
must occur at the exact
anniversary of said birth,
19
00:00:50,127 --> 00:00:51,593
down to the second.
20
00:00:51,595 --> 00:00:53,762
Fine, but I'm lying down.
21
00:00:53,897 --> 00:00:58,133
Okay. Let me take you back 16 years.
22
00:00:58,202 --> 00:01:00,469
I was eight days overdue.
23
00:01:00,538 --> 00:01:02,737
I was cranky AF.
24
00:01:02,773 --> 00:01:05,140
And your dad was at the grocery store
25
00:01:05,142 --> 00:01:06,675
when I lost my mucous plug.
26
00:01:06,710 --> 00:01:07,778
Oh, Mom!
27
00:01:07,778 --> 00:01:09,411
How does the story get grosser
28
00:01:09,447 --> 00:01:10,946
every time you tell it?!
29
00:01:10,948 --> 00:01:13,548
Wait until you hear the part
about me pooping on the doctor.
30
00:01:13,617 --> 00:01:14,916
Oh, it's true. She did.
31
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And so did you, actually.
32
00:01:17,421 --> 00:01:20,021
So, we were on our way to the hospital
33
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and there was so much traffic.
34
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(SINGING)
35
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Aw, hell yeah! Leo!
36
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You wanna help me make some frosting?
37
00:01:30,301 --> 00:01:32,768
Not now! I'm wrapping my present!
38
00:01:32,837 --> 00:01:33,837
(ANDREW IMITATING AIR HORN)
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Wait a second! Does this mean...
40
00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:40,909
? Your girl passed her test ?
? Your girl passed her test ?
41
00:01:41,045 --> 00:01:42,711
CAMILLE: Oh, my God. It's
going to be so amazing
42
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when you're fully licensed.
43
00:01:44,181 --> 00:01:45,647
She could do Costco runs!
44
00:01:45,649 --> 00:01:47,382
Oh, and take Leo to swimming lessons.
45
00:01:47,385 --> 00:01:49,317
Whatever, I will do your stupid errands.
46
00:01:49,387 --> 00:01:51,219
Just gimmie the keys!
47
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Whoa! Pump your brakes, Ricky Bobby.
48
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Before I put you on the streets,
49
00:01:54,858 --> 00:01:56,925
I gotta teach you about the streets.
50
00:01:56,994 --> 00:01:58,793
Of Rockridge?
51
00:01:58,829 --> 00:02:00,662
I'm not sure if you're aware,
but there's a very negative
52
00:02:00,731 --> 00:02:02,664
stereotype out there about...
53
00:02:02,733 --> 00:02:04,666
(WHISPERING) Asian drivers.
54
00:02:04,702 --> 00:02:07,402
Yes, you've mentioned it a few times.
55
00:02:07,438 --> 00:02:10,004
I've spent my whole life trying
to prove those stereotypes wrong
56
00:02:10,041 --> 00:02:13,007
and avoid all the racist crap
I saw my parents put up with,
57
00:02:13,044 --> 00:02:14,610
especially on the road.
58
00:02:14,612 --> 00:02:17,546
Okay, but your mom is
actually a bad driver.
59
00:02:17,615 --> 00:02:19,748
Some bad drivers are Asian,
60
00:02:19,750 --> 00:02:22,684
but not all Asians are bad drivers!
61
00:02:22,820 --> 00:02:25,020
SAM: Hey, hey, hey!
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00:02:25,155 --> 00:02:26,521
- (GASPING)
- Happy birthday, babe!
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- Hi!
- (LAUGHING)
64
00:02:29,093 --> 00:02:30,425
Thank you, Sam!
65
00:02:30,428 --> 00:02:31,960
Uh, whoa, excuse me.
66
00:02:32,096 --> 00:02:34,362
Have you forgotten the
Phamily birthday gift rule?
67
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No pressies until after cake.
68
00:02:35,433 --> 00:02:37,032
Oh.
69
00:02:37,167 --> 00:02:39,768
Okay. Dad, can we do a lesson today?
70
00:02:39,903 --> 00:02:42,504
Rock and roll.
71
00:02:42,540 --> 00:02:43,639
It felt right.
72
00:02:43,774 --> 00:02:44,774
Yes! I'm going to go change.
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00:02:47,278 --> 00:02:48,710
Whoa, what are you doing?!
74
00:02:48,712 --> 00:02:50,745
I'm just vetting Sam's gift.
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00:02:50,781 --> 00:02:54,316
I love you, but last year you
gave Leo a teeth whitening kit.
76
00:02:54,318 --> 00:02:57,653
Okay, a birthday gift
is a very sacred thing
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00:02:57,788 --> 00:02:59,921
between giver and receiver.
78
00:02:59,957 --> 00:03:01,657
Where is the little scamp anyway?
79
00:03:01,659 --> 00:03:03,057
Supposed to be taking
him to a play place.
80
00:03:03,094 --> 00:03:05,327
Yeah, about that, are you using our son
81
00:03:05,329 --> 00:03:07,463
to try and meet cute
single parents or something?
82
00:03:07,598 --> 00:03:09,063
(LAUGHING)
83
00:03:09,100 --> 00:03:11,533
What, I can't hang out with my
godson without ulterior motives?
84
00:03:11,569 --> 00:03:12,601
You're not his godmother.
85
00:03:12,670 --> 00:03:14,402
Not yet.
86
00:03:14,438 --> 00:03:15,838
?
87
00:03:15,973 --> 00:03:17,972
- ? There was a time... ?
- (SIGHING)
88
00:03:19,877 --> 00:03:21,543
(TAPPING)
89
00:03:21,579 --> 00:03:24,446
? Now I'm so lost... ?
90
00:03:24,448 --> 00:03:25,680
Some weather we're having.
91
00:03:25,749 --> 00:03:26,749
Hm.
92
00:03:26,750 --> 00:03:29,084
It's been grayer than usual.
93
00:03:29,086 --> 00:03:30,886
You guys need anything else?
94
00:03:30,955 --> 00:03:32,220
No, thank you, Cathy.
95
00:03:32,289 --> 00:03:35,557
Your food tastes grayer than usual.
96
00:03:35,593 --> 00:03:38,426
Okay! All right, Cathy,
Cathy. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
97
00:03:38,462 --> 00:03:40,428
Let... let's just talk
over here. Let's go.
98
00:03:42,299 --> 00:03:45,433
Okay, you probably noticed
that Ramesh is having
99
00:03:45,469 --> 00:03:46,702
a hard time with the Barb break up.
100
00:03:46,704 --> 00:03:47,704
Yeah, everyone's noticed.
101
00:03:47,705 --> 00:03:49,037
I'm trying to get him to talk,
102
00:03:49,106 --> 00:03:50,972
but I know he won't feel
better until he talks it out.
103
00:03:51,008 --> 00:03:52,307
People just have a hard time talking.
104
00:03:52,376 --> 00:03:53,775
Like me trying to get you
to open up about your mom?
105
00:03:53,777 --> 00:03:55,043
Let it go.
106
00:03:55,045 --> 00:03:57,179
Us emotionally advanced find
107
00:03:57,181 --> 00:03:59,314
indirect ways of
channelling our emotions.
108
00:03:59,316 --> 00:04:02,117
Sports, road rage, mall walks.
109
00:04:02,186 --> 00:04:04,919
Emotionally advanced or
emotionally repressed?
110
00:04:04,955 --> 00:04:07,189
He's not just gonna say his
feelings like some chump.
111
00:04:07,191 --> 00:04:10,526
Unless he doesn't know he's
talking about his feelings.
112
00:04:10,661 --> 00:04:11,993
- I gotta go to my office. Grab something.
- No. No.
113
00:04:11,994 --> 00:04:13,497
- I'll be right back. I'll be right back.
- No, no, no!
114
00:04:13,598 --> 00:04:15,364
Do it somewhere else! No!
115
00:04:15,733 --> 00:04:17,933
Woo! Let's go, baby!
116
00:04:18,068 --> 00:04:19,934
It's happening so fast.
117
00:04:19,970 --> 00:04:21,869
Whoa, now.
118
00:04:21,906 --> 00:04:23,905
Hold up. What do you think you're doing?
119
00:04:23,974 --> 00:04:25,340
Learning to drive.
120
00:04:25,409 --> 00:04:26,742
Not without an EVI.
121
00:04:26,877 --> 00:04:27,877
What?
122
00:04:27,878 --> 00:04:29,978
Exterior visual inspection.
123
00:04:30,014 --> 00:04:33,615
As we know, van diesel
sustained a mystery injury.
124
00:04:33,651 --> 00:04:35,483
A good reminder of the hazards
125
00:04:35,553 --> 00:04:36,952
you'll likely encounter on the road.
126
00:04:37,021 --> 00:04:39,621
First step, you gotta
knock on the hood...
127
00:04:39,657 --> 00:04:41,356
(KNOCKING)
128
00:04:41,425 --> 00:04:43,758
... to make sure there's no
cats hiding in the undercarriage.
129
00:04:43,827 --> 00:04:46,628
Cats! That's why you do that!
130
00:04:46,697 --> 00:04:47,863
Yeah, they like to curl
up there to stay warm
131
00:04:47,865 --> 00:04:50,365
but if you start the car... (MEOWING)
132
00:04:50,401 --> 00:04:51,833
(WHISPERING) Cat murderer.
133
00:04:51,835 --> 00:04:52,835
Oh, God.
134
00:04:52,836 --> 00:04:54,703
Violent... okay.
135
00:04:54,772 --> 00:04:56,771
Cat check. (KNOCKING)
136
00:04:56,840 --> 00:04:58,373
Check.
137
00:04:58,442 --> 00:05:01,509
Next, we gotta make sure your
tail pipe is clear of bananas.
138
00:05:01,579 --> 00:05:02,579
What?
139
00:05:04,348 --> 00:05:06,648
LEO: Part-time nun pulls
out a machine gun from under
140
00:05:06,684 --> 00:05:08,984
her robes and takes out a pirate ship!
141
00:05:09,053 --> 00:05:10,986
And your parents let you watch this?
142
00:05:11,121 --> 00:05:13,789
Only the first five
seasons. Then it gets dark.
143
00:05:13,791 --> 00:05:15,457
Sam, hey.
144
00:05:15,526 --> 00:05:16,658
Xavier, hi.
145
00:05:16,727 --> 00:05:20,262
Okay, buddy. Have fun out there.
146
00:05:20,397 --> 00:05:21,663
I'm good.
147
00:05:21,699 --> 00:05:26,334
Winnie, do you remember
Sam from a couple weeks ago?
148
00:05:26,403 --> 00:05:29,037
- And...
- My darling son, Leo.
149
00:05:29,172 --> 00:05:31,840
Aw, you can go play. Go.
150
00:05:31,975 --> 00:05:34,208
(CHUCKLING)
151
00:05:34,245 --> 00:05:35,610
Sam, I am so glad you could hang out.
152
00:05:35,646 --> 00:05:38,680
There are not a lot of moms
our age in this industry.
153
00:05:38,815 --> 00:05:41,416
It's just so nice that
we don't have to explain
154
00:05:41,452 --> 00:05:42,484
everything to each other.
155
00:05:42,553 --> 00:05:44,453
Yeah. Exactly.
156
00:05:44,588 --> 00:05:47,622
Hey, I heard your firm just
landed that big telecom account.
157
00:05:47,625 --> 00:05:50,225
- Congratulations!
- Yeah. Aw.
158
00:05:50,227 --> 00:05:52,093
Telecom, am I right ?
159
00:05:52,129 --> 00:05:53,595
(XAVIER LAUGHING)
160
00:05:53,597 --> 00:05:54,963
What are you up to these days?
161
00:05:55,098 --> 00:05:58,099
Um, just freelancing mostly.
162
00:05:58,135 --> 00:06:01,503
And hanging out with
this scamp. (CHUCKLING)
163
00:06:01,638 --> 00:06:03,104
That is so nice.
164
00:06:03,140 --> 00:06:04,140
And you're how old?
165
00:06:04,141 --> 00:06:06,240
Twelve. Skipped a few grades
166
00:06:06,277 --> 00:06:08,510
'cause my IQ is off the charts.
167
00:06:08,512 --> 00:06:11,913
They actually studied
me to make a new chart.
168
00:06:11,982 --> 00:06:13,515
Oh, wow!
169
00:06:13,650 --> 00:06:15,851
Your mom must be so proud.
170
00:06:15,986 --> 00:06:17,786
Are you, Mother?
171
00:06:17,855 --> 00:06:20,755
Mm! Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
172
00:06:22,726 --> 00:06:24,592
Fasten your seatbelt, depress the brake,
173
00:06:24,628 --> 00:06:26,862
press the button,
release the parking brake,
174
00:06:26,864 --> 00:06:28,764
check your rear-view
mirror, your side mirror,
175
00:06:28,899 --> 00:06:31,333
check your blind spots, check
your rear-view mirror again.
176
00:06:31,335 --> 00:06:33,301
Then, and only then may you gradually
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00:06:33,436 --> 00:06:35,470
and slowly ease into the roadway.
178
00:06:35,539 --> 00:06:37,405
Okay, but you're not going
to do the whole rigmarole
179
00:06:37,441 --> 00:06:38,940
every single time you drive!
180
00:06:38,942 --> 00:06:40,408
I do!
181
00:06:40,444 --> 00:06:41,612
Well, what if you're trying
to escape a hoard of zombies?!
182
00:06:41,612 --> 00:06:43,277
Camille, we've talked about this.
183
00:06:43,314 --> 00:06:45,747
Those movies with fast
zombies aren't realistic.
184
00:06:45,783 --> 00:06:47,215
We got time.
185
00:06:47,351 --> 00:06:50,152
All I'm saying is that part
of driving is being flexible.
186
00:06:50,154 --> 00:06:52,354
While also being
hypervigilant and alert!
187
00:06:52,489 --> 00:06:54,088
The tiniest mistake and bam!
188
00:06:54,124 --> 00:06:57,559
You're a bad Asian driver!
189
00:06:57,628 --> 00:06:59,060
Yeah, because people are the worst,
190
00:06:59,063 --> 00:07:01,162
but it's not her responsibility to make
191
00:07:01,198 --> 00:07:03,064
racist jerks not be racist jerks!
192
00:07:03,067 --> 00:07:04,900
But if you had the choice
between her dealing with that
193
00:07:04,902 --> 00:07:06,634
and not dealing with that,
what would you choose?
194
00:07:06,670 --> 00:07:08,436
That's not a choice we have!
That's the world we live in!
195
00:07:08,472 --> 00:07:12,040
Anyways, since when is being
a good driver ever a bad thing?
196
00:07:12,175 --> 00:07:15,376
Just tell me who I
should listen to, okay?
197
00:07:15,412 --> 00:07:16,812
Okay.
198
00:07:16,947 --> 00:07:18,045
- Okay.
- Um...
199
00:07:18,082 --> 00:07:19,247
How about this?
200
00:07:19,249 --> 00:07:21,716
We'll both teach you
using our own approach
201
00:07:21,719 --> 00:07:22,850
and see which one works.
202
00:07:22,886 --> 00:07:26,621
Oh! Driving teacher battle.
203
00:07:26,690 --> 00:07:28,390
It's on!
204
00:07:28,392 --> 00:07:30,258
Time for some music.
205
00:07:30,260 --> 00:07:31,993
(SIGHING)
206
00:07:32,129 --> 00:07:34,328
- (MUSIC PLAYING)
- That's...
207
00:07:34,365 --> 00:07:36,798
No! No music! That was a test!
208
00:07:36,933 --> 00:07:39,434
You need access to all
your senses at all times!
209
00:07:39,436 --> 00:07:41,436
I'll drive us to a lot
where you can practice!
210
00:07:41,438 --> 00:07:42,938
Oh, my God.
211
00:07:47,044 --> 00:07:48,276
ANDREW: Vehicles are weapons.
212
00:07:48,345 --> 00:07:51,079
The power of life and
death is in your hands.
213
00:07:51,214 --> 00:07:54,549
You're always one tiny mistakes
away from complete catastrophe.
214
00:07:54,585 --> 00:07:57,118
Seatbelt, ignition,
215
00:07:57,121 --> 00:07:59,020
brake, parking brake,
216
00:07:59,056 --> 00:08:00,288
shift gears,
217
00:08:00,424 --> 00:08:02,490
side view mirror, rear-view mirror,
218
00:08:02,559 --> 00:08:04,626
blind spots.
219
00:08:04,761 --> 00:08:06,360
Um, and rear-view.
220
00:08:06,397 --> 00:08:07,962
(CLAPPING) All right.
221
00:08:08,031 --> 00:08:11,098
Now take your foot off the
brake and give it a little gas.
222
00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:14,503
Brake!
223
00:08:14,638 --> 00:08:15,770
(HORN HONKING)
224
00:08:15,773 --> 00:08:17,839
You're learning.
225
00:08:17,875 --> 00:08:19,106
Next time just...
226
00:08:19,143 --> 00:08:20,143
(HORN HONKING)
227
00:08:20,210 --> 00:08:22,145
- What do I do?!
- Just follow the steps...
228
00:08:22,146 --> 00:08:23,146
Seatbelt...
229
00:08:23,180 --> 00:08:24,779
(HORN HONKING)
230
00:08:24,782 --> 00:08:29,050
She is learning to drive, you monster!
231
00:08:29,086 --> 00:08:30,652
See? All drivers are nightmares!
232
00:08:30,654 --> 00:08:32,387
They're all trying to kill you!
233
00:08:32,389 --> 00:08:34,723
Okay, Dad. I...
234
00:08:34,725 --> 00:08:36,791
I need a change of
energy. Mom, you're up!
235
00:08:36,794 --> 00:08:38,693
Just out.
236
00:08:42,365 --> 00:08:45,333
And they just have the
most delicious macarons.
237
00:08:45,335 --> 00:08:46,401
Oh, yeah. It's incredible.
238
00:08:46,536 --> 00:08:47,735
Some of the best French
food I've ever had.
239
00:08:47,805 --> 00:08:50,071
It can't be better than
that place in Paris.
240
00:08:50,207 --> 00:08:51,339
Right, Mom?
241
00:08:51,408 --> 00:08:54,142
Where did we have that
perfect caf� cr�me?
242
00:08:54,277 --> 00:08:55,943
Ooh! You've been to France?
243
00:08:55,979 --> 00:08:57,045
Oui.
244
00:08:57,114 --> 00:09:00,415
Super! Quel �tait
ton caf� pr�f�r� ?
245
00:09:00,550 --> 00:09:03,384
(LAUGHING IN EXAGGERATED FRENCH ACCENT)
246
00:09:03,420 --> 00:09:06,321
I have an identical twin brother.
247
00:09:06,456 --> 00:09:08,156
I'm the good looking one.
248
00:09:08,158 --> 00:09:09,624
(LAUGHING)
249
00:09:09,626 --> 00:09:10,926
Luca is his name.
250
00:09:10,928 --> 00:09:13,094
Leo and Luca, that's us.
251
00:09:13,096 --> 00:09:14,663
For real twins.
252
00:09:14,665 --> 00:09:17,331
- Leo, what are you doing here?
- LEO: Jojo?
253
00:09:17,367 --> 00:09:18,633
Who's this?
254
00:09:20,137 --> 00:09:22,570
Um... my mother!
255
00:09:22,606 --> 00:09:24,039
That's not your...
256
00:09:24,041 --> 00:09:25,840
(WHISPERING) Blink twice if
you need me to call someone.
257
00:09:25,876 --> 00:09:30,445
?
258
00:09:30,580 --> 00:09:33,348
Cricket? Really?
259
00:09:33,350 --> 00:09:35,650
Don't these games usually last days?
260
00:09:35,686 --> 00:09:37,985
Yup! Five beautiful days
of yelling out our emotions.
261
00:09:38,021 --> 00:09:41,256
Chris Hawthorne's last test
match before he retires.
262
00:09:41,391 --> 00:09:43,458
ANNOUNCER: This is going
to be a monumental occasion.
263
00:09:43,593 --> 00:09:47,062
The most beloved
cricketer in recent memory.
264
00:09:47,064 --> 00:09:48,089
He is beloved, but
everything's gotta come
265
00:09:48,198 --> 00:09:50,198
to an end sooner or later, you know?
266
00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,199
And it's important to talk
about those things when they do.
267
00:09:52,236 --> 00:09:53,335
So, you do.
268
00:09:53,337 --> 00:09:55,537
He plays with his whole heart.
269
00:09:55,539 --> 00:09:59,474
If only everyone could say the same.
270
00:09:59,476 --> 00:10:01,676
Tell me about it.
271
00:10:01,678 --> 00:10:03,945
No, seriously though,
like, tell me about it.
272
00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:05,380
(CLEARING THROAT)
273
00:10:05,382 --> 00:10:06,948
ANNOUNCER: Here comes the
ball. It's a spin to...
274
00:10:06,984 --> 00:10:08,416
Oh, he hits it! He
flicks it over midwicket!
275
00:10:08,552 --> 00:10:12,420
And it... no! It's caught. Oh no!
276
00:10:12,489 --> 00:10:14,155
How very disappointing.
277
00:10:14,157 --> 00:10:16,424
Disappointing, indeed.
278
00:10:16,426 --> 00:10:20,495
I mean he had all his
hopes and dreams for today.
279
00:10:20,564 --> 00:10:21,996
All dashed away.
280
00:10:23,700 --> 00:10:27,435
How does that make you feel?
'Cause I feel pretty bad.
281
00:10:27,437 --> 00:10:29,771
It does make one think.
282
00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:33,441
I, too, had hoped and dreamed
283
00:10:33,443 --> 00:10:35,844
for a chocolate croissant.
284
00:10:35,979 --> 00:10:37,511
Cathy, do you have one?
285
00:10:37,548 --> 00:10:38,847
Coming up.
286
00:10:38,982 --> 00:10:40,782
ANNOUNCER: What a take indeed.
287
00:10:43,386 --> 00:10:44,986
Thought you said this would work.
288
00:10:45,022 --> 00:10:46,721
- Never said that.
- Well, it didn't.
289
00:10:46,790 --> 00:10:48,590
Now, we just gotta get
in there and dig deep.
290
00:10:48,625 --> 00:10:49,693
- No. No, we don't.
- Yup.
291
00:10:49,693 --> 00:10:50,858
Oh, oh!
292
00:10:50,928 --> 00:10:52,527
We can role-play.
293
00:10:52,662 --> 00:10:54,629
- No.
- Yes, yes.
294
00:10:54,698 --> 00:10:55,930
Come on, Cathy. You gotta jump on board.
295
00:10:55,966 --> 00:10:57,134
You gotta do this. It's
for Meshy. Meshy needs us.
296
00:10:57,134 --> 00:10:59,067
- Fine.
- Yes!
297
00:10:59,069 --> 00:11:00,568
But I'm not calling him "Meshy."
298
00:11:00,604 --> 00:11:02,070
Okay, okay. Fine.
299
00:11:02,139 --> 00:11:05,072
CAMILLE: So, my approach
is more intuitive.
300
00:11:05,108 --> 00:11:08,943
You have to see yourself
as an extension of the car.
301
00:11:08,946 --> 00:11:11,813
Person and machine, together as one.
302
00:11:11,815 --> 00:11:13,214
How you feel?
303
00:11:13,216 --> 00:11:15,316
Like I should stick to taking the bus.
304
00:11:15,319 --> 00:11:16,751
I don't want you to be afraid.
305
00:11:16,820 --> 00:11:18,619
I want you to be brave.
306
00:11:18,655 --> 00:11:21,222
Like a fearless road warrior.
307
00:11:21,224 --> 00:11:22,224
ANDREW: Ooh!
308
00:11:22,225 --> 00:11:25,292
(BOTH LAUGHING)
309
00:11:25,329 --> 00:11:27,062
Oh, hell no. Okay.
310
00:11:27,064 --> 00:11:29,096
- No.
- I've got this.
311
00:11:29,132 --> 00:11:31,298
What? Dad! N-No!
312
00:11:31,335 --> 00:11:34,702
Hey! It's my daughter's
sixteenth birthday
313
00:11:34,738 --> 00:11:36,303
and she's learning how to drive.
314
00:11:36,340 --> 00:11:38,373
I'd like you to think
back to the first time
315
00:11:38,508 --> 00:11:40,108
you did something, and how you'd feel
316
00:11:40,177 --> 00:11:42,176
if someone was laughing at you.
317
00:11:42,245 --> 00:11:46,848
I think both of y'all got some
work to do on your empathy!
318
00:11:46,983 --> 00:11:48,482
Stupid skater boys!
319
00:11:49,987 --> 00:11:53,187
Oh, my gosh. Launch me
into the core of the sun.
320
00:11:53,256 --> 00:11:55,190
Okay, well, now that your
dad has had his moment,
321
00:11:55,325 --> 00:11:56,991
- let's get out of here.
- ANDREW: Whoa!
322
00:11:56,994 --> 00:11:58,727
I don't know.
323
00:11:58,862 --> 00:12:00,761
No. You are a road warrior!
324
00:12:02,099 --> 00:12:04,598
You're perpetrating a
hate crime, you dinks!
325
00:12:04,635 --> 00:12:06,935
Oh! I don't know! You guys should drive!
326
00:12:07,070 --> 00:12:09,437
Just believe! Road warrior!
327
00:12:09,439 --> 00:12:13,274
(SCREAMING)
328
00:12:13,343 --> 00:12:16,411
I'm doing it! I'm dri... I'm driving!
329
00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:19,080
CAMILLE: A little tighter
on the next turn, but great!
330
00:12:19,116 --> 00:12:21,082
Now drive us home, birthday girl.
331
00:12:21,217 --> 00:12:25,687
Yeah, so Leo's biological
parents are Camille and Andrew,
332
00:12:25,689 --> 00:12:28,622
but recently we formed
a platonic throuple.
333
00:12:28,659 --> 00:12:30,758
Wherein I take on parenting
duties on the weekends.
334
00:12:30,827 --> 00:12:34,829
So, we get Leo and his
twin brother Luther...
335
00:12:34,898 --> 00:12:36,097
- Luca.
- Loofa.
336
00:12:36,166 --> 00:12:38,033
... to call me Mom,
337
00:12:38,168 --> 00:12:39,367
because it avoids confusion and-and...
338
00:12:39,502 --> 00:12:42,036
And then I get to feel involved.
339
00:12:42,039 --> 00:12:43,371
Right, Leo?
340
00:12:43,506 --> 00:12:45,907
I don't think she's buying it, Sam.
341
00:12:45,976 --> 00:12:49,778
I mean, what even is a
mother anyway, you know?
342
00:12:49,913 --> 00:12:51,746
It takes a village to raise a child,
343
00:12:51,815 --> 00:12:53,180
and mothers can come in all forms.
344
00:12:53,216 --> 00:12:56,051
Biological and otherwise.
I mean, have you seen pose?
345
00:12:56,186 --> 00:12:59,387
Um, if you'll excuse me.
My actual daughter needs me.
346
00:12:59,389 --> 00:13:01,856
What's a throuple?
347
00:13:01,858 --> 00:13:06,928
?
348
00:13:06,930 --> 00:13:11,266
Oh, it's okay. I'm... I'm
getting the hang of this.
349
00:13:11,268 --> 00:13:13,001
Honestly, I rule at this.
350
00:13:13,136 --> 00:13:15,536
I should open my own driving school.
351
00:13:15,572 --> 00:13:18,072
Yeah, we should.
352
00:13:18,075 --> 00:13:19,674
Team effort.
353
00:13:19,809 --> 00:13:22,343
Yeah, the me in team. Eh.
354
00:13:22,412 --> 00:13:24,378
ANDREW: Brake! Brake! Brake!
355
00:13:29,786 --> 00:13:32,554
Camille! This is your
fault and yours alone!
356
00:13:32,556 --> 00:13:34,289
Oh, no. It's just a sign.
357
00:13:34,424 --> 00:13:35,756
ANDREW: Just a sign?
358
00:13:35,792 --> 00:13:38,359
It's shaped like a child
so you don't run over it!
359
00:13:38,395 --> 00:13:39,693
You told me to turn tighter!
360
00:13:39,730 --> 00:13:40,895
Oh she definitely did.
361
00:13:40,964 --> 00:13:42,830
I didn't mean that tight,
and you, cut it out.
362
00:13:42,899 --> 00:13:44,265
Hey, I'm just pointing out
who was in the front seat
363
00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:45,400
when this happened.
364
00:13:47,471 --> 00:13:48,570
- It's just...
- Oh... oh, my God.
365
00:13:48,572 --> 00:13:50,371
Oh, my gosh!
366
00:13:50,507 --> 00:13:53,441
Worst birthday ever!
367
00:13:53,443 --> 00:13:56,243
Khia! You can't flee
the scene of an accident!
368
00:13:56,279 --> 00:13:58,646
- It's so sad.
- He broke his foot.
369
00:13:58,648 --> 00:14:00,781
- I'm writing a note.
- It's not even a useful sign
370
00:14:00,817 --> 00:14:02,783
and I'll fix it. And I have. New sign.
371
00:14:07,056 --> 00:14:08,789
(CLEARING THROAT)
372
00:14:08,825 --> 00:14:11,058
(BANGING)
373
00:14:11,128 --> 00:14:13,928
(GROANING) You're so stubborn!
374
00:14:13,930 --> 00:14:16,130
It's like it's your way or no way.
375
00:14:16,133 --> 00:14:17,799
Do you even believe in me?
376
00:14:17,934 --> 00:14:18,934
Cathy?
377
00:14:18,935 --> 00:14:20,334
What?!
378
00:14:20,336 --> 00:14:23,738
It seems like there's been
some misdirected anger.
379
00:14:23,740 --> 00:14:25,940
When I'm in emotionally
stressful scenarios,
380
00:14:26,009 --> 00:14:28,009
I find that role playing helps.
381
00:14:28,078 --> 00:14:30,445
Well, I don't need help! I'm an island!
382
00:14:30,447 --> 00:14:31,745
She said she's an island.
383
00:14:31,782 --> 00:14:34,215
No, no, no! Hey! Let's just try it!
384
00:14:34,251 --> 00:14:35,816
Let's just try it.
385
00:14:35,852 --> 00:14:38,953
If you must know,
386
00:14:38,989 --> 00:14:42,023
that was really about...
387
00:14:42,092 --> 00:14:44,158
My mom.
388
00:14:44,194 --> 00:14:45,960
Great, that is great.
389
00:14:45,996 --> 00:14:48,763
Ramesh, you mind playing her mom?
390
00:14:48,898 --> 00:14:49,931
Oh, I really...
391
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,000
Mom!
392
00:14:51,134 --> 00:14:52,567
All my life I feel like I haven't
393
00:14:52,636 --> 00:14:55,102
lived up to your expectations.
394
00:14:57,107 --> 00:14:59,340
Like when I dropped out
of college and moved away.
395
00:15:02,445 --> 00:15:03,677
Mom?
396
00:15:03,713 --> 00:15:06,047
Ah, yes. Um...
397
00:15:06,116 --> 00:15:09,917
Well, I suppose that's simply
because I wanted the best
398
00:15:10,053 --> 00:15:11,118
for your future.
399
00:15:11,188 --> 00:15:12,853
Is that all you have
to say for yourself?
400
00:15:12,889 --> 00:15:14,689
Um, and...
401
00:15:16,459 --> 00:15:20,328
I suppose I can be overbearing, but...
402
00:15:22,732 --> 00:15:24,932
I have a gentle heart,
403
00:15:25,068 --> 00:15:29,003
and you leaving smashed
that into a million pieces.
404
00:15:29,072 --> 00:15:32,807
I poured so much into this
relationship and you just left!
405
00:15:32,809 --> 00:15:34,541
Well, I had to do what was good for me,
406
00:15:34,578 --> 00:15:36,010
even if it was hard for you.
407
00:15:36,046 --> 00:15:38,146
You didn't even give me
a chance to win you back!
408
00:15:38,148 --> 00:15:39,380
You want me to be happy, right?
409
00:15:39,515 --> 00:15:43,017
I... yeah, of course.
410
00:15:43,019 --> 00:15:46,954
(MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)
411
00:15:46,990 --> 00:15:49,023
I'm still sad about Barb.
412
00:15:49,025 --> 00:15:51,458
I'm mad at my mom.
413
00:15:51,494 --> 00:15:53,561
You see? Do you see?!
414
00:15:53,563 --> 00:15:57,498
Doesn't it feel good for your
hearts to just talk about it?
415
00:15:57,534 --> 00:16:00,034
You mad genius. You manipulated me.
416
00:16:00,070 --> 00:16:02,837
For your own good, I'm sorry.
417
00:16:02,906 --> 00:16:04,972
Okay, Ramesh,
418
00:16:05,008 --> 00:16:07,508
do you wanna talk about Barb?
419
00:16:07,510 --> 00:16:10,844
And Cathy, do you want to
420
00:16:10,881 --> 00:16:14,715
talk about your mom?
Let's have a chat. Okay.
421
00:16:14,784 --> 00:16:18,586
?
422
00:16:18,721 --> 00:16:20,921
? I've been talking to... ?
423
00:16:20,957 --> 00:16:23,991
Seen any giant holes I can climb into?
424
00:16:24,060 --> 00:16:26,260
It wasn't that bad.
425
00:16:26,296 --> 00:16:29,663
Okay, maybe not the best
way to spend your birthday.
426
00:16:29,699 --> 00:16:32,266
Happy birthday, by the way.
427
00:16:32,302 --> 00:16:33,302
Thanks.
428
00:16:35,138 --> 00:16:37,605
Remember when we use to
fantasize about being 16?
429
00:16:37,740 --> 00:16:39,674
Driving cars, being free?
430
00:16:39,743 --> 00:16:41,075
The fantasy was wrong.
431
00:16:41,144 --> 00:16:42,144
I'm sorry.
432
00:16:42,145 --> 00:16:45,012
My parents had my anxiety on 1000
433
00:16:45,081 --> 00:16:47,081
and I can't close my eyes without seeing
434
00:16:47,083 --> 00:16:50,084
that gingerbread massacre.
435
00:16:50,153 --> 00:16:51,552
They really freaked you out, huh?
436
00:16:51,621 --> 00:16:53,755
No, I wasn't at first.
437
00:16:53,757 --> 00:16:57,358
Then Dad said that the
car was a murder weapon
438
00:16:57,493 --> 00:17:01,228
and Mom was like, "you're a warrior!"
439
00:17:01,230 --> 00:17:03,564
It was just intense!
440
00:17:03,566 --> 00:17:06,300
Andrew and Camille intense?
441
00:17:06,303 --> 00:17:07,502
(LAUGHING)
442
00:17:07,637 --> 00:17:08,903
I'm glad you're laughing,
443
00:17:08,972 --> 00:17:11,705
but I'm not the one you
should be telling all this to.
444
00:17:11,741 --> 00:17:13,374
And, you know, if you change your mind,
445
00:17:13,410 --> 00:17:17,111
I'm at a school. It's so much better.
446
00:17:17,113 --> 00:17:18,146
My dad tried teaching me
447
00:17:18,148 --> 00:17:21,248
and we lasted all of three minutes.
448
00:17:21,284 --> 00:17:23,784
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
449
00:17:23,853 --> 00:17:24,853
Thanks.
450
00:17:24,854 --> 00:17:26,120
I hope your birthday gets better.
451
00:17:26,189 --> 00:17:28,723
?
452
00:17:28,792 --> 00:17:31,726
? Whoa, everybody wakes up ?
453
00:17:31,795 --> 00:17:33,594
? Oh ?
454
00:17:33,663 --> 00:17:35,896
?
455
00:17:35,932 --> 00:17:38,933
I'm sorry about all the drama, kiddo.
456
00:17:39,002 --> 00:17:40,668
I met Xavier last time we went bowling.
457
00:17:40,803 --> 00:17:42,870
She's a lawyer I really
want to network with,
458
00:17:42,939 --> 00:17:45,039
and so when she assumed you were my kid
459
00:17:45,174 --> 00:17:47,275
I just kind of went with it.
460
00:17:47,277 --> 00:17:50,078
Hm. The road to hell, am I right?
461
00:17:50,213 --> 00:17:51,479
Tell me about it.
462
00:17:51,548 --> 00:17:53,881
So, when she DM'd me about
meeting up again I thought
463
00:17:54,017 --> 00:17:55,750
I couldn't let the opportunity get away.
464
00:17:55,819 --> 00:17:58,486
And I should have explained
it, but then I felt weird
465
00:17:58,555 --> 00:17:59,954
asking you to lie for me.
466
00:17:59,956 --> 00:18:02,623
Next time ask.
467
00:18:02,759 --> 00:18:04,625
I love lying.
468
00:18:04,627 --> 00:18:07,194
Cool.
469
00:18:07,196 --> 00:18:10,297
But I feel like I should tell
your parents that you said that.
470
00:18:10,299 --> 00:18:12,033
You wanna get out of here?
471
00:18:12,168 --> 00:18:13,234
Yeah.
472
00:18:13,236 --> 00:18:14,469
Sam!
473
00:18:14,604 --> 00:18:18,439
Oh, Xavier. Hi. I am so sorry. I...
474
00:18:18,508 --> 00:18:19,707
Text me next time you're near the office
475
00:18:19,842 --> 00:18:21,375
and we'll grab a coffee.
476
00:18:21,378 --> 00:18:25,713
Wh... oh. Yeah. Okay. Great. Um...
477
00:18:25,848 --> 00:18:27,448
I was pretty sure you'd never
want to speak to me again.
478
00:18:27,583 --> 00:18:29,117
You know, when I was starting out,
479
00:18:29,252 --> 00:18:32,653
I used to try to schmooze with
lawyers at the health club.
480
00:18:32,689 --> 00:18:35,322
Tore my Achilles pretending
I knew how to play squash.
481
00:18:35,392 --> 00:18:37,057
- (CHUCKLING)
- I get your hustle.
482
00:18:37,093 --> 00:18:38,826
It's hard out here.
483
00:18:38,828 --> 00:18:41,328
Thank you.
484
00:18:41,398 --> 00:18:45,266
Yeah. I'm always looking for people
who are willing to go the extra mile.
485
00:18:45,335 --> 00:18:46,900
Maybe you'll be a lawyer someday.
486
00:18:49,372 --> 00:18:52,540
How much money did you make
when you were a full time lawyer?
487
00:18:52,609 --> 00:18:55,008
Oh, that's a rude question.
488
00:18:55,045 --> 00:18:57,345
I know, but how much?
489
00:18:59,415 --> 00:19:00,415
A lot, Leo.
490
00:19:02,052 --> 00:19:03,518
CAMILLE: Do you think the
stars should be bigger?
491
00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:04,619
Much bigger.
492
00:19:04,754 --> 00:19:06,020
Okay, yeah. We're going
to have to start again.
493
00:19:06,022 --> 00:19:08,222
Add more exclamation
marks. Okay, grab me the...
494
00:19:08,291 --> 00:19:09,957
- You're home!
- Be chill.
495
00:19:12,862 --> 00:19:14,328
You're home.
496
00:19:15,698 --> 00:19:18,032
Khia, I'm sorry.
497
00:19:18,034 --> 00:19:19,034
I pushed too hard.
498
00:19:19,168 --> 00:19:20,868
We pushed too hard.
499
00:19:20,937 --> 00:19:23,905
I know that you didn't mean
to, but you two made everything
500
00:19:23,907 --> 00:19:26,374
a million times worse,
501
00:19:26,376 --> 00:19:28,175
and because of that,
502
00:19:28,311 --> 00:19:30,778
I'm... I've decided
I'm never driving again.
503
00:19:30,913 --> 00:19:32,045
What?! No.
504
00:19:33,917 --> 00:19:35,049
I scratched Van Diesel!
505
00:19:35,184 --> 00:19:36,184
What?!
506
00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:37,785
You said it was a mystery accident!
507
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,786
Yeah, why would you lie about that?
508
00:19:39,823 --> 00:19:41,522
Because I didn't want to
play into the stereotype!
509
00:19:41,591 --> 00:19:43,090
It was my first accident ever!
510
00:19:43,092 --> 00:19:45,226
You ripped a side mirror off
going through a drive thru.
511
00:19:45,361 --> 00:19:46,394
Didn't count. Those angles are busted.
512
00:19:46,529 --> 00:19:47,529
And the bumper in the snow bank?
513
00:19:47,630 --> 00:19:50,864
But everyone makes mistakes.
514
00:19:50,900 --> 00:19:53,935
The important thing is
that you get back in the car
515
00:19:53,937 --> 00:19:56,471
and you try again. Giving
up is never the answer.
516
00:19:56,606 --> 00:19:59,673
Your dad is right, but
there's no rush either.
517
00:19:59,742 --> 00:20:01,609
We'll be ready when you're ready.
518
00:20:01,611 --> 00:20:04,745
Okay, well, when I am ready,
could you guys pitch in
519
00:20:04,747 --> 00:20:06,580
to get me professional driving lessons?
520
00:20:08,017 --> 00:20:10,083
Yeah, of course, we can swing that.
521
00:20:10,120 --> 00:20:14,288
And because you totally
ruined my birthday,
522
00:20:14,290 --> 00:20:16,957
can I open presents early?
523
00:20:16,993 --> 00:20:17,993
(CHUCKLING)
524
00:20:19,863 --> 00:20:21,795
Ooh, from Sam.
525
00:20:21,831 --> 00:20:23,630
(CHUCKLING)
526
00:20:23,666 --> 00:20:26,300
(GASPING) A tiny glass.
527
00:20:26,302 --> 00:20:28,402
Oh, Khia, this is awkward,
528
00:20:28,404 --> 00:20:30,037
but that's actually a shot glass.
529
00:20:30,173 --> 00:20:31,372
Oh, she's messing with us.
530
00:20:31,441 --> 00:20:33,741
Yeah. Dad, it says "day drunk" on it.
531
00:20:33,876 --> 00:20:36,243
Thank you, Auntie Sam.
532
00:20:36,312 --> 00:20:39,380
This is going away for
another three years.
533
00:20:39,382 --> 00:20:40,715
Cake anyone?
534
00:20:40,850 --> 00:20:46,320
?
535
00:20:46,322 --> 00:20:48,122
- I'm so excited for you.
- Me too.
536
00:20:48,124 --> 00:20:50,124
Mannix said that this was
the best driving school.
537
00:20:50,259 --> 00:20:51,392
- Oh!
- Mannix?
538
00:20:51,394 --> 00:20:52,860
Y'all are talking again?
539
00:20:52,995 --> 00:20:54,929
I think so? Maybe?
540
00:20:54,998 --> 00:20:56,330
I don't know.
541
00:20:56,332 --> 00:20:58,432
Baby steps. Have fun, Khia.
542
00:20:58,434 --> 00:20:59,600
Okay. Oh, don't wait up!
543
00:21:02,672 --> 00:21:04,640
- Oh, man, he's Asian?!
- Andrew!
544
00:21:04,641 --> 00:21:05,641
My bad.
545
00:21:05,675 --> 00:21:06,807
I gotta unpack that later.
546
00:21:06,876 --> 00:21:07,876
Hm.
547
00:21:07,911 --> 00:21:09,476
(KNOCKING)
548
00:21:09,512 --> 00:21:10,512
Good!
549
00:21:11,881 --> 00:21:15,616
Aw, we really traumatized her.
550
00:21:15,751 --> 00:21:16,751
Yeah.
551
00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:19,620
ANDREW: I blame my parents.
552
00:21:19,656 --> 00:21:20,888
Oh, I blame you.
553
00:21:21,023 --> 00:21:23,023
Yeah, that makes sense.
554
00:21:23,059 --> 00:21:25,025
?
555
00:21:25,075 --> 00:21:29,625
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