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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,813 --> 00:00:05,347 (ALARM RINGING) 2 00:00:06,918 --> 00:00:12,554 ? 3 00:00:12,556 --> 00:00:15,691 BOTH: Happy birthday, Khia! 4 00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:17,559 Wait. Why are you already awake?! 5 00:00:17,628 --> 00:00:21,830 Because you guys wake me up at 3:19 on my birthday every year 6 00:00:21,832 --> 00:00:23,565 and it is terrifying. 7 00:00:23,634 --> 00:00:26,568 So, I decided to skip the heart attack this time. 8 00:00:26,570 --> 00:00:27,970 How else are we supposed to celebrate your birthday 9 00:00:27,972 --> 00:00:29,371 down to the exact minute? 10 00:00:29,506 --> 00:00:33,241 - Maybe you could just not. - Absurd. It's a Pham fam tradition. 11 00:00:33,277 --> 00:00:34,376 - All right. - Yeah. 12 00:00:34,445 --> 00:00:36,011 Ow. Ow. 13 00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:37,313 Say "cheese". 14 00:00:37,448 --> 00:00:38,646 BOTH: Cheese. 15 00:00:38,683 --> 00:00:40,448 Ah, good! 16 00:00:40,484 --> 00:00:43,919 (YAWNING) Can I go back to bed now? 17 00:00:43,988 --> 00:00:46,721 Khia, the traditional recounting of the birth 18 00:00:46,757 --> 00:00:50,058 must occur at the exact anniversary of said birth, 19 00:00:50,127 --> 00:00:51,593 down to the second. 20 00:00:51,595 --> 00:00:53,762 Fine, but I'm lying down. 21 00:00:53,897 --> 00:00:58,133 Okay. Let me take you back 16 years. 22 00:00:58,202 --> 00:01:00,469 I was eight days overdue. 23 00:01:00,538 --> 00:01:02,737 I was cranky AF. 24 00:01:02,773 --> 00:01:05,140 And your dad was at the grocery store 25 00:01:05,142 --> 00:01:06,675 when I lost my mucous plug. 26 00:01:06,710 --> 00:01:07,778 Oh, Mom! 27 00:01:07,778 --> 00:01:09,411 How does the story get grosser 28 00:01:09,447 --> 00:01:10,946 every time you tell it?! 29 00:01:10,948 --> 00:01:13,548 Wait until you hear the part about me pooping on the doctor. 30 00:01:13,617 --> 00:01:14,916 Oh, it's true. She did. 31 00:01:14,986 --> 00:01:16,085 And so did you, actually. 32 00:01:17,421 --> 00:01:20,021 So, we were on our way to the hospital 33 00:01:20,057 --> 00:01:22,157 and there was so much traffic. 34 00:01:23,294 --> 00:01:25,961 (SINGING) 35 00:01:25,963 --> 00:01:28,230 Aw, hell yeah! Leo! 36 00:01:28,365 --> 00:01:30,232 You wanna help me make some frosting? 37 00:01:30,301 --> 00:01:32,768 Not now! I'm wrapping my present! 38 00:01:32,837 --> 00:01:33,837 (ANDREW IMITATING AIR HORN) 39 00:01:33,871 --> 00:01:36,705 Wait a second! Does this mean... 40 00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:40,909 ? Your girl passed her test ? ? Your girl passed her test ? 41 00:01:41,045 --> 00:01:42,711 CAMILLE: Oh, my God. It's going to be so amazing 42 00:01:42,846 --> 00:01:44,046 when you're fully licensed. 43 00:01:44,181 --> 00:01:45,647 She could do Costco runs! 44 00:01:45,649 --> 00:01:47,382 Oh, and take Leo to swimming lessons. 45 00:01:47,385 --> 00:01:49,317 Whatever, I will do your stupid errands. 46 00:01:49,387 --> 00:01:51,219 Just gimmie the keys! 47 00:01:51,221 --> 00:01:53,354 Whoa! Pump your brakes, Ricky Bobby. 48 00:01:53,391 --> 00:01:54,723 Before I put you on the streets, 49 00:01:54,858 --> 00:01:56,925 I gotta teach you about the streets. 50 00:01:56,994 --> 00:01:58,793 Of Rockridge? 51 00:01:58,829 --> 00:02:00,662 I'm not sure if you're aware, but there's a very negative 52 00:02:00,731 --> 00:02:02,664 stereotype out there about... 53 00:02:02,733 --> 00:02:04,666 (WHISPERING) Asian drivers. 54 00:02:04,702 --> 00:02:07,402 Yes, you've mentioned it a few times. 55 00:02:07,438 --> 00:02:10,004 I've spent my whole life trying to prove those stereotypes wrong 56 00:02:10,041 --> 00:02:13,007 and avoid all the racist crap I saw my parents put up with, 57 00:02:13,044 --> 00:02:14,610 especially on the road. 58 00:02:14,612 --> 00:02:17,546 Okay, but your mom is actually a bad driver. 59 00:02:17,615 --> 00:02:19,748 Some bad drivers are Asian, 60 00:02:19,750 --> 00:02:22,684 but not all Asians are bad drivers! 61 00:02:22,820 --> 00:02:25,020 SAM: Hey, hey, hey! 62 00:02:25,155 --> 00:02:26,521 - (GASPING) - Happy birthday, babe! 63 00:02:26,557 --> 00:02:28,957 - Hi! - (LAUGHING) 64 00:02:29,093 --> 00:02:30,425 Thank you, Sam! 65 00:02:30,428 --> 00:02:31,960 Uh, whoa, excuse me. 66 00:02:32,096 --> 00:02:34,362 Have you forgotten the Phamily birthday gift rule? 67 00:02:34,432 --> 00:02:35,432 No pressies until after cake. 68 00:02:35,433 --> 00:02:37,032 Oh. 69 00:02:37,167 --> 00:02:39,768 Okay. Dad, can we do a lesson today? 70 00:02:39,903 --> 00:02:42,504 Rock and roll. 71 00:02:42,540 --> 00:02:43,639 It felt right. 72 00:02:43,774 --> 00:02:44,774 Yes! I'm going to go change. 73 00:02:47,278 --> 00:02:48,710 Whoa, what are you doing?! 74 00:02:48,712 --> 00:02:50,745 I'm just vetting Sam's gift. 75 00:02:50,781 --> 00:02:54,316 I love you, but last year you gave Leo a teeth whitening kit. 76 00:02:54,318 --> 00:02:57,653 Okay, a birthday gift is a very sacred thing 77 00:02:57,788 --> 00:02:59,921 between giver and receiver. 78 00:02:59,957 --> 00:03:01,657 Where is the little scamp anyway? 79 00:03:01,659 --> 00:03:03,057 Supposed to be taking him to a play place. 80 00:03:03,094 --> 00:03:05,327 Yeah, about that, are you using our son 81 00:03:05,329 --> 00:03:07,463 to try and meet cute single parents or something? 82 00:03:07,598 --> 00:03:09,063 (LAUGHING) 83 00:03:09,100 --> 00:03:11,533 What, I can't hang out with my godson without ulterior motives? 84 00:03:11,569 --> 00:03:12,601 You're not his godmother. 85 00:03:12,670 --> 00:03:14,402 Not yet. 86 00:03:14,438 --> 00:03:15,838 ? 87 00:03:15,973 --> 00:03:17,972 - ? There was a time... ? - (SIGHING) 88 00:03:19,877 --> 00:03:21,543 (TAPPING) 89 00:03:21,579 --> 00:03:24,446 ? Now I'm so lost... ? 90 00:03:24,448 --> 00:03:25,680 Some weather we're having. 91 00:03:25,749 --> 00:03:26,749 Hm. 92 00:03:26,750 --> 00:03:29,084 It's been grayer than usual. 93 00:03:29,086 --> 00:03:30,886 You guys need anything else? 94 00:03:30,955 --> 00:03:32,220 No, thank you, Cathy. 95 00:03:32,289 --> 00:03:35,557 Your food tastes grayer than usual. 96 00:03:35,593 --> 00:03:38,426 Okay! All right, Cathy, Cathy. Hey, hey, hey, hey. 97 00:03:38,462 --> 00:03:40,428 Let... let's just talk over here. Let's go. 98 00:03:42,299 --> 00:03:45,433 Okay, you probably noticed that Ramesh is having 99 00:03:45,469 --> 00:03:46,702 a hard time with the Barb break up. 100 00:03:46,704 --> 00:03:47,704 Yeah, everyone's noticed. 101 00:03:47,705 --> 00:03:49,037 I'm trying to get him to talk, 102 00:03:49,106 --> 00:03:50,972 but I know he won't feel better until he talks it out. 103 00:03:51,008 --> 00:03:52,307 People just have a hard time talking. 104 00:03:52,376 --> 00:03:53,775 Like me trying to get you to open up about your mom? 105 00:03:53,777 --> 00:03:55,043 Let it go. 106 00:03:55,045 --> 00:03:57,179 Us emotionally advanced find 107 00:03:57,181 --> 00:03:59,314 indirect ways of channelling our emotions. 108 00:03:59,316 --> 00:04:02,117 Sports, road rage, mall walks. 109 00:04:02,186 --> 00:04:04,919 Emotionally advanced or emotionally repressed? 110 00:04:04,955 --> 00:04:07,189 He's not just gonna say his feelings like some chump. 111 00:04:07,191 --> 00:04:10,526 Unless he doesn't know he's talking about his feelings. 112 00:04:10,661 --> 00:04:11,993 - I gotta go to my office. Grab something. - No. No. 113 00:04:11,994 --> 00:04:13,497 - I'll be right back. I'll be right back. - No, no, no! 114 00:04:13,598 --> 00:04:15,364 Do it somewhere else! No! 115 00:04:15,733 --> 00:04:17,933 Woo! Let's go, baby! 116 00:04:18,068 --> 00:04:19,934 It's happening so fast. 117 00:04:19,970 --> 00:04:21,869 Whoa, now. 118 00:04:21,906 --> 00:04:23,905 Hold up. What do you think you're doing? 119 00:04:23,974 --> 00:04:25,340 Learning to drive. 120 00:04:25,409 --> 00:04:26,742 Not without an EVI. 121 00:04:26,877 --> 00:04:27,877 What? 122 00:04:27,878 --> 00:04:29,978 Exterior visual inspection. 123 00:04:30,014 --> 00:04:33,615 As we know, van diesel sustained a mystery injury. 124 00:04:33,651 --> 00:04:35,483 A good reminder of the hazards 125 00:04:35,553 --> 00:04:36,952 you'll likely encounter on the road. 126 00:04:37,021 --> 00:04:39,621 First step, you gotta knock on the hood... 127 00:04:39,657 --> 00:04:41,356 (KNOCKING) 128 00:04:41,425 --> 00:04:43,758 ... to make sure there's no cats hiding in the undercarriage. 129 00:04:43,827 --> 00:04:46,628 Cats! That's why you do that! 130 00:04:46,697 --> 00:04:47,863 Yeah, they like to curl up there to stay warm 131 00:04:47,865 --> 00:04:50,365 but if you start the car... (MEOWING) 132 00:04:50,401 --> 00:04:51,833 (WHISPERING) Cat murderer. 133 00:04:51,835 --> 00:04:52,835 Oh, God. 134 00:04:52,836 --> 00:04:54,703 Violent... okay. 135 00:04:54,772 --> 00:04:56,771 Cat check. (KNOCKING) 136 00:04:56,840 --> 00:04:58,373 Check. 137 00:04:58,442 --> 00:05:01,509 Next, we gotta make sure your tail pipe is clear of bananas. 138 00:05:01,579 --> 00:05:02,579 What? 139 00:05:04,348 --> 00:05:06,648 LEO: Part-time nun pulls out a machine gun from under 140 00:05:06,684 --> 00:05:08,984 her robes and takes out a pirate ship! 141 00:05:09,053 --> 00:05:10,986 And your parents let you watch this? 142 00:05:11,121 --> 00:05:13,789 Only the first five seasons. Then it gets dark. 143 00:05:13,791 --> 00:05:15,457 Sam, hey. 144 00:05:15,526 --> 00:05:16,658 Xavier, hi. 145 00:05:16,727 --> 00:05:20,262 Okay, buddy. Have fun out there. 146 00:05:20,397 --> 00:05:21,663 I'm good. 147 00:05:21,699 --> 00:05:26,334 Winnie, do you remember Sam from a couple weeks ago? 148 00:05:26,403 --> 00:05:29,037 - And... - My darling son, Leo. 149 00:05:29,172 --> 00:05:31,840 Aw, you can go play. Go. 150 00:05:31,975 --> 00:05:34,208 (CHUCKLING) 151 00:05:34,245 --> 00:05:35,610 Sam, I am so glad you could hang out. 152 00:05:35,646 --> 00:05:38,680 There are not a lot of moms our age in this industry. 153 00:05:38,815 --> 00:05:41,416 It's just so nice that we don't have to explain 154 00:05:41,452 --> 00:05:42,484 everything to each other. 155 00:05:42,553 --> 00:05:44,453 Yeah. Exactly. 156 00:05:44,588 --> 00:05:47,622 Hey, I heard your firm just landed that big telecom account. 157 00:05:47,625 --> 00:05:50,225 - Congratulations! - Yeah. Aw. 158 00:05:50,227 --> 00:05:52,093 Telecom, am I right ? 159 00:05:52,129 --> 00:05:53,595 (XAVIER LAUGHING) 160 00:05:53,597 --> 00:05:54,963 What are you up to these days? 161 00:05:55,098 --> 00:05:58,099 Um, just freelancing mostly. 162 00:05:58,135 --> 00:06:01,503 And hanging out with this scamp. (CHUCKLING) 163 00:06:01,638 --> 00:06:03,104 That is so nice. 164 00:06:03,140 --> 00:06:04,140 And you're how old? 165 00:06:04,141 --> 00:06:06,240 Twelve. Skipped a few grades 166 00:06:06,277 --> 00:06:08,510 'cause my IQ is off the charts. 167 00:06:08,512 --> 00:06:11,913 They actually studied me to make a new chart. 168 00:06:11,982 --> 00:06:13,515 Oh, wow! 169 00:06:13,650 --> 00:06:15,851 Your mom must be so proud. 170 00:06:15,986 --> 00:06:17,786 Are you, Mother? 171 00:06:17,855 --> 00:06:20,755 Mm! Mm-hm. Mm-hm. 172 00:06:22,726 --> 00:06:24,592 Fasten your seatbelt, depress the brake, 173 00:06:24,628 --> 00:06:26,862 press the button, release the parking brake, 174 00:06:26,864 --> 00:06:28,764 check your rear-view mirror, your side mirror, 175 00:06:28,899 --> 00:06:31,333 check your blind spots, check your rear-view mirror again. 176 00:06:31,335 --> 00:06:33,301 Then, and only then may you gradually 177 00:06:33,436 --> 00:06:35,470 and slowly ease into the roadway. 178 00:06:35,539 --> 00:06:37,405 Okay, but you're not going to do the whole rigmarole 179 00:06:37,441 --> 00:06:38,940 every single time you drive! 180 00:06:38,942 --> 00:06:40,408 I do! 181 00:06:40,444 --> 00:06:41,612 Well, what if you're trying to escape a hoard of zombies?! 182 00:06:41,612 --> 00:06:43,277 Camille, we've talked about this. 183 00:06:43,314 --> 00:06:45,747 Those movies with fast zombies aren't realistic. 184 00:06:45,783 --> 00:06:47,215 We got time. 185 00:06:47,351 --> 00:06:50,152 All I'm saying is that part of driving is being flexible. 186 00:06:50,154 --> 00:06:52,354 While also being hypervigilant and alert! 187 00:06:52,489 --> 00:06:54,088 The tiniest mistake and bam! 188 00:06:54,124 --> 00:06:57,559 You're a bad Asian driver! 189 00:06:57,628 --> 00:06:59,060 Yeah, because people are the worst, 190 00:06:59,063 --> 00:07:01,162 but it's not her responsibility to make 191 00:07:01,198 --> 00:07:03,064 racist jerks not be racist jerks! 192 00:07:03,067 --> 00:07:04,900 But if you had the choice between her dealing with that 193 00:07:04,902 --> 00:07:06,634 and not dealing with that, what would you choose? 194 00:07:06,670 --> 00:07:08,436 That's not a choice we have! That's the world we live in! 195 00:07:08,472 --> 00:07:12,040 Anyways, since when is being a good driver ever a bad thing? 196 00:07:12,175 --> 00:07:15,376 Just tell me who I should listen to, okay? 197 00:07:15,412 --> 00:07:16,812 Okay. 198 00:07:16,947 --> 00:07:18,045 - Okay. - Um... 199 00:07:18,082 --> 00:07:19,247 How about this? 200 00:07:19,249 --> 00:07:21,716 We'll both teach you using our own approach 201 00:07:21,719 --> 00:07:22,850 and see which one works. 202 00:07:22,886 --> 00:07:26,621 Oh! Driving teacher battle. 203 00:07:26,690 --> 00:07:28,390 It's on! 204 00:07:28,392 --> 00:07:30,258 Time for some music. 205 00:07:30,260 --> 00:07:31,993 (SIGHING) 206 00:07:32,129 --> 00:07:34,328 - (MUSIC PLAYING) - That's... 207 00:07:34,365 --> 00:07:36,798 No! No music! That was a test! 208 00:07:36,933 --> 00:07:39,434 You need access to all your senses at all times! 209 00:07:39,436 --> 00:07:41,436 I'll drive us to a lot where you can practice! 210 00:07:41,438 --> 00:07:42,938 Oh, my God. 211 00:07:47,044 --> 00:07:48,276 ANDREW: Vehicles are weapons. 212 00:07:48,345 --> 00:07:51,079 The power of life and death is in your hands. 213 00:07:51,214 --> 00:07:54,549 You're always one tiny mistakes away from complete catastrophe. 214 00:07:54,585 --> 00:07:57,118 Seatbelt, ignition, 215 00:07:57,121 --> 00:07:59,020 brake, parking brake, 216 00:07:59,056 --> 00:08:00,288 shift gears, 217 00:08:00,424 --> 00:08:02,490 side view mirror, rear-view mirror, 218 00:08:02,559 --> 00:08:04,626 blind spots. 219 00:08:04,761 --> 00:08:06,360 Um, and rear-view. 220 00:08:06,397 --> 00:08:07,962 (CLAPPING) All right. 221 00:08:08,031 --> 00:08:11,098 Now take your foot off the brake and give it a little gas. 222 00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:14,503 Brake! 223 00:08:14,638 --> 00:08:15,770 (HORN HONKING) 224 00:08:15,773 --> 00:08:17,839 You're learning. 225 00:08:17,875 --> 00:08:19,106 Next time just... 226 00:08:19,143 --> 00:08:20,143 (HORN HONKING) 227 00:08:20,210 --> 00:08:22,145 - What do I do?! - Just follow the steps... 228 00:08:22,146 --> 00:08:23,146 Seatbelt... 229 00:08:23,180 --> 00:08:24,779 (HORN HONKING) 230 00:08:24,782 --> 00:08:29,050 She is learning to drive, you monster! 231 00:08:29,086 --> 00:08:30,652 See? All drivers are nightmares! 232 00:08:30,654 --> 00:08:32,387 They're all trying to kill you! 233 00:08:32,389 --> 00:08:34,723 Okay, Dad. I... 234 00:08:34,725 --> 00:08:36,791 I need a change of energy. Mom, you're up! 235 00:08:36,794 --> 00:08:38,693 Just out. 236 00:08:42,365 --> 00:08:45,333 And they just have the most delicious macarons. 237 00:08:45,335 --> 00:08:46,401 Oh, yeah. It's incredible. 238 00:08:46,536 --> 00:08:47,735 Some of the best French food I've ever had. 239 00:08:47,805 --> 00:08:50,071 It can't be better than that place in Paris. 240 00:08:50,207 --> 00:08:51,339 Right, Mom? 241 00:08:51,408 --> 00:08:54,142 Where did we have that perfect caf� cr�me? 242 00:08:54,277 --> 00:08:55,943 Ooh! You've been to France? 243 00:08:55,979 --> 00:08:57,045 Oui. 244 00:08:57,114 --> 00:09:00,415 Super! Quel �tait ton caf� pr�f�r� ? 245 00:09:00,550 --> 00:09:03,384 (LAUGHING IN EXAGGERATED FRENCH ACCENT) 246 00:09:03,420 --> 00:09:06,321 I have an identical twin brother. 247 00:09:06,456 --> 00:09:08,156 I'm the good looking one. 248 00:09:08,158 --> 00:09:09,624 (LAUGHING) 249 00:09:09,626 --> 00:09:10,926 Luca is his name. 250 00:09:10,928 --> 00:09:13,094 Leo and Luca, that's us. 251 00:09:13,096 --> 00:09:14,663 For real twins. 252 00:09:14,665 --> 00:09:17,331 - Leo, what are you doing here? - LEO: Jojo? 253 00:09:17,367 --> 00:09:18,633 Who's this? 254 00:09:20,137 --> 00:09:22,570 Um... my mother! 255 00:09:22,606 --> 00:09:24,039 That's not your... 256 00:09:24,041 --> 00:09:25,840 (WHISPERING) Blink twice if you need me to call someone. 257 00:09:25,876 --> 00:09:30,445 ? 258 00:09:30,580 --> 00:09:33,348 Cricket? Really? 259 00:09:33,350 --> 00:09:35,650 Don't these games usually last days? 260 00:09:35,686 --> 00:09:37,985 Yup! Five beautiful days of yelling out our emotions. 261 00:09:38,021 --> 00:09:41,256 Chris Hawthorne's last test match before he retires. 262 00:09:41,391 --> 00:09:43,458 ANNOUNCER: This is going to be a monumental occasion. 263 00:09:43,593 --> 00:09:47,062 The most beloved cricketer in recent memory. 264 00:09:47,064 --> 00:09:48,089 He is beloved, but everything's gotta come 265 00:09:48,198 --> 00:09:50,198 to an end sooner or later, you know? 266 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,199 And it's important to talk about those things when they do. 267 00:09:52,236 --> 00:09:53,335 So, you do. 268 00:09:53,337 --> 00:09:55,537 He plays with his whole heart. 269 00:09:55,539 --> 00:09:59,474 If only everyone could say the same. 270 00:09:59,476 --> 00:10:01,676 Tell me about it. 271 00:10:01,678 --> 00:10:03,945 No, seriously though, like, tell me about it. 272 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:05,380 (CLEARING THROAT) 273 00:10:05,382 --> 00:10:06,948 ANNOUNCER: Here comes the ball. It's a spin to... 274 00:10:06,984 --> 00:10:08,416 Oh, he hits it! He flicks it over midwicket! 275 00:10:08,552 --> 00:10:12,420 And it... no! It's caught. Oh no! 276 00:10:12,489 --> 00:10:14,155 How very disappointing. 277 00:10:14,157 --> 00:10:16,424 Disappointing, indeed. 278 00:10:16,426 --> 00:10:20,495 I mean he had all his hopes and dreams for today. 279 00:10:20,564 --> 00:10:21,996 All dashed away. 280 00:10:23,700 --> 00:10:27,435 How does that make you feel? 'Cause I feel pretty bad. 281 00:10:27,437 --> 00:10:29,771 It does make one think. 282 00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:33,441 I, too, had hoped and dreamed 283 00:10:33,443 --> 00:10:35,844 for a chocolate croissant. 284 00:10:35,979 --> 00:10:37,511 Cathy, do you have one? 285 00:10:37,548 --> 00:10:38,847 Coming up. 286 00:10:38,982 --> 00:10:40,782 ANNOUNCER: What a take indeed. 287 00:10:43,386 --> 00:10:44,986 Thought you said this would work. 288 00:10:45,022 --> 00:10:46,721 - Never said that. - Well, it didn't. 289 00:10:46,790 --> 00:10:48,590 Now, we just gotta get in there and dig deep. 290 00:10:48,625 --> 00:10:49,693 - No. No, we don't. - Yup. 291 00:10:49,693 --> 00:10:50,858 Oh, oh! 292 00:10:50,928 --> 00:10:52,527 We can role-play. 293 00:10:52,662 --> 00:10:54,629 - No. - Yes, yes. 294 00:10:54,698 --> 00:10:55,930 Come on, Cathy. You gotta jump on board. 295 00:10:55,966 --> 00:10:57,134 You gotta do this. It's for Meshy. Meshy needs us. 296 00:10:57,134 --> 00:10:59,067 - Fine. - Yes! 297 00:10:59,069 --> 00:11:00,568 But I'm not calling him "Meshy." 298 00:11:00,604 --> 00:11:02,070 Okay, okay. Fine. 299 00:11:02,139 --> 00:11:05,072 CAMILLE: So, my approach is more intuitive. 300 00:11:05,108 --> 00:11:08,943 You have to see yourself as an extension of the car. 301 00:11:08,946 --> 00:11:11,813 Person and machine, together as one. 302 00:11:11,815 --> 00:11:13,214 How you feel? 303 00:11:13,216 --> 00:11:15,316 Like I should stick to taking the bus. 304 00:11:15,319 --> 00:11:16,751 I don't want you to be afraid. 305 00:11:16,820 --> 00:11:18,619 I want you to be brave. 306 00:11:18,655 --> 00:11:21,222 Like a fearless road warrior. 307 00:11:21,224 --> 00:11:22,224 ANDREW: Ooh! 308 00:11:22,225 --> 00:11:25,292 (BOTH LAUGHING) 309 00:11:25,329 --> 00:11:27,062 Oh, hell no. Okay. 310 00:11:27,064 --> 00:11:29,096 - No. - I've got this. 311 00:11:29,132 --> 00:11:31,298 What? Dad! N-No! 312 00:11:31,335 --> 00:11:34,702 Hey! It's my daughter's sixteenth birthday 313 00:11:34,738 --> 00:11:36,303 and she's learning how to drive. 314 00:11:36,340 --> 00:11:38,373 I'd like you to think back to the first time 315 00:11:38,508 --> 00:11:40,108 you did something, and how you'd feel 316 00:11:40,177 --> 00:11:42,176 if someone was laughing at you. 317 00:11:42,245 --> 00:11:46,848 I think both of y'all got some work to do on your empathy! 318 00:11:46,983 --> 00:11:48,482 Stupid skater boys! 319 00:11:49,987 --> 00:11:53,187 Oh, my gosh. Launch me into the core of the sun. 320 00:11:53,256 --> 00:11:55,190 Okay, well, now that your dad has had his moment, 321 00:11:55,325 --> 00:11:56,991 - let's get out of here. - ANDREW: Whoa! 322 00:11:56,994 --> 00:11:58,727 I don't know. 323 00:11:58,862 --> 00:12:00,761 No. You are a road warrior! 324 00:12:02,099 --> 00:12:04,598 You're perpetrating a hate crime, you dinks! 325 00:12:04,635 --> 00:12:06,935 Oh! I don't know! You guys should drive! 326 00:12:07,070 --> 00:12:09,437 Just believe! Road warrior! 327 00:12:09,439 --> 00:12:13,274 (SCREAMING) 328 00:12:13,343 --> 00:12:16,411 I'm doing it! I'm dri... I'm driving! 329 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:19,080 CAMILLE: A little tighter on the next turn, but great! 330 00:12:19,116 --> 00:12:21,082 Now drive us home, birthday girl. 331 00:12:21,217 --> 00:12:25,687 Yeah, so Leo's biological parents are Camille and Andrew, 332 00:12:25,689 --> 00:12:28,622 but recently we formed a platonic throuple. 333 00:12:28,659 --> 00:12:30,758 Wherein I take on parenting duties on the weekends. 334 00:12:30,827 --> 00:12:34,829 So, we get Leo and his twin brother Luther... 335 00:12:34,898 --> 00:12:36,097 - Luca. - Loofa. 336 00:12:36,166 --> 00:12:38,033 ... to call me Mom, 337 00:12:38,168 --> 00:12:39,367 because it avoids confusion and-and... 338 00:12:39,502 --> 00:12:42,036 And then I get to feel involved. 339 00:12:42,039 --> 00:12:43,371 Right, Leo? 340 00:12:43,506 --> 00:12:45,907 I don't think she's buying it, Sam. 341 00:12:45,976 --> 00:12:49,778 I mean, what even is a mother anyway, you know? 342 00:12:49,913 --> 00:12:51,746 It takes a village to raise a child, 343 00:12:51,815 --> 00:12:53,180 and mothers can come in all forms. 344 00:12:53,216 --> 00:12:56,051 Biological and otherwise. I mean, have you seen pose? 345 00:12:56,186 --> 00:12:59,387 Um, if you'll excuse me. My actual daughter needs me. 346 00:12:59,389 --> 00:13:01,856 What's a throuple? 347 00:13:01,858 --> 00:13:06,928 ? 348 00:13:06,930 --> 00:13:11,266 Oh, it's okay. I'm... I'm getting the hang of this. 349 00:13:11,268 --> 00:13:13,001 Honestly, I rule at this. 350 00:13:13,136 --> 00:13:15,536 I should open my own driving school. 351 00:13:15,572 --> 00:13:18,072 Yeah, we should. 352 00:13:18,075 --> 00:13:19,674 Team effort. 353 00:13:19,809 --> 00:13:22,343 Yeah, the me in team. Eh. 354 00:13:22,412 --> 00:13:24,378 ANDREW: Brake! Brake! Brake! 355 00:13:29,786 --> 00:13:32,554 Camille! This is your fault and yours alone! 356 00:13:32,556 --> 00:13:34,289 Oh, no. It's just a sign. 357 00:13:34,424 --> 00:13:35,756 ANDREW: Just a sign? 358 00:13:35,792 --> 00:13:38,359 It's shaped like a child so you don't run over it! 359 00:13:38,395 --> 00:13:39,693 You told me to turn tighter! 360 00:13:39,730 --> 00:13:40,895 Oh she definitely did. 361 00:13:40,964 --> 00:13:42,830 I didn't mean that tight, and you, cut it out. 362 00:13:42,899 --> 00:13:44,265 Hey, I'm just pointing out who was in the front seat 363 00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:45,400 when this happened. 364 00:13:47,471 --> 00:13:48,570 - It's just... - Oh... oh, my God. 365 00:13:48,572 --> 00:13:50,371 Oh, my gosh! 366 00:13:50,507 --> 00:13:53,441 Worst birthday ever! 367 00:13:53,443 --> 00:13:56,243 Khia! You can't flee the scene of an accident! 368 00:13:56,279 --> 00:13:58,646 - It's so sad. - He broke his foot. 369 00:13:58,648 --> 00:14:00,781 - I'm writing a note. - It's not even a useful sign 370 00:14:00,817 --> 00:14:02,783 and I'll fix it. And I have. New sign. 371 00:14:07,056 --> 00:14:08,789 (CLEARING THROAT) 372 00:14:08,825 --> 00:14:11,058 (BANGING) 373 00:14:11,128 --> 00:14:13,928 (GROANING) You're so stubborn! 374 00:14:13,930 --> 00:14:16,130 It's like it's your way or no way. 375 00:14:16,133 --> 00:14:17,799 Do you even believe in me? 376 00:14:17,934 --> 00:14:18,934 Cathy? 377 00:14:18,935 --> 00:14:20,334 What?! 378 00:14:20,336 --> 00:14:23,738 It seems like there's been some misdirected anger. 379 00:14:23,740 --> 00:14:25,940 When I'm in emotionally stressful scenarios, 380 00:14:26,009 --> 00:14:28,009 I find that role playing helps. 381 00:14:28,078 --> 00:14:30,445 Well, I don't need help! I'm an island! 382 00:14:30,447 --> 00:14:31,745 She said she's an island. 383 00:14:31,782 --> 00:14:34,215 No, no, no! Hey! Let's just try it! 384 00:14:34,251 --> 00:14:35,816 Let's just try it. 385 00:14:35,852 --> 00:14:38,953 If you must know, 386 00:14:38,989 --> 00:14:42,023 that was really about... 387 00:14:42,092 --> 00:14:44,158 My mom. 388 00:14:44,194 --> 00:14:45,960 Great, that is great. 389 00:14:45,996 --> 00:14:48,763 Ramesh, you mind playing her mom? 390 00:14:48,898 --> 00:14:49,931 Oh, I really... 391 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,000 Mom! 392 00:14:51,134 --> 00:14:52,567 All my life I feel like I haven't 393 00:14:52,636 --> 00:14:55,102 lived up to your expectations. 394 00:14:57,107 --> 00:14:59,340 Like when I dropped out of college and moved away. 395 00:15:02,445 --> 00:15:03,677 Mom? 396 00:15:03,713 --> 00:15:06,047 Ah, yes. Um... 397 00:15:06,116 --> 00:15:09,917 Well, I suppose that's simply because I wanted the best 398 00:15:10,053 --> 00:15:11,118 for your future. 399 00:15:11,188 --> 00:15:12,853 Is that all you have to say for yourself? 400 00:15:12,889 --> 00:15:14,689 Um, and... 401 00:15:16,459 --> 00:15:20,328 I suppose I can be overbearing, but... 402 00:15:22,732 --> 00:15:24,932 I have a gentle heart, 403 00:15:25,068 --> 00:15:29,003 and you leaving smashed that into a million pieces. 404 00:15:29,072 --> 00:15:32,807 I poured so much into this relationship and you just left! 405 00:15:32,809 --> 00:15:34,541 Well, I had to do what was good for me, 406 00:15:34,578 --> 00:15:36,010 even if it was hard for you. 407 00:15:36,046 --> 00:15:38,146 You didn't even give me a chance to win you back! 408 00:15:38,148 --> 00:15:39,380 You want me to be happy, right? 409 00:15:39,515 --> 00:15:43,017 I... yeah, of course. 410 00:15:43,019 --> 00:15:46,954 (MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS) 411 00:15:46,990 --> 00:15:49,023 I'm still sad about Barb. 412 00:15:49,025 --> 00:15:51,458 I'm mad at my mom. 413 00:15:51,494 --> 00:15:53,561 You see? Do you see?! 414 00:15:53,563 --> 00:15:57,498 Doesn't it feel good for your hearts to just talk about it? 415 00:15:57,534 --> 00:16:00,034 You mad genius. You manipulated me. 416 00:16:00,070 --> 00:16:02,837 For your own good, I'm sorry. 417 00:16:02,906 --> 00:16:04,972 Okay, Ramesh, 418 00:16:05,008 --> 00:16:07,508 do you wanna talk about Barb? 419 00:16:07,510 --> 00:16:10,844 And Cathy, do you want to 420 00:16:10,881 --> 00:16:14,715 talk about your mom? Let's have a chat. Okay. 421 00:16:14,784 --> 00:16:18,586 ? 422 00:16:18,721 --> 00:16:20,921 ? I've been talking to... ? 423 00:16:20,957 --> 00:16:23,991 Seen any giant holes I can climb into? 424 00:16:24,060 --> 00:16:26,260 It wasn't that bad. 425 00:16:26,296 --> 00:16:29,663 Okay, maybe not the best way to spend your birthday. 426 00:16:29,699 --> 00:16:32,266 Happy birthday, by the way. 427 00:16:32,302 --> 00:16:33,302 Thanks. 428 00:16:35,138 --> 00:16:37,605 Remember when we use to fantasize about being 16? 429 00:16:37,740 --> 00:16:39,674 Driving cars, being free? 430 00:16:39,743 --> 00:16:41,075 The fantasy was wrong. 431 00:16:41,144 --> 00:16:42,144 I'm sorry. 432 00:16:42,145 --> 00:16:45,012 My parents had my anxiety on 1000 433 00:16:45,081 --> 00:16:47,081 and I can't close my eyes without seeing 434 00:16:47,083 --> 00:16:50,084 that gingerbread massacre. 435 00:16:50,153 --> 00:16:51,552 They really freaked you out, huh? 436 00:16:51,621 --> 00:16:53,755 No, I wasn't at first. 437 00:16:53,757 --> 00:16:57,358 Then Dad said that the car was a murder weapon 438 00:16:57,493 --> 00:17:01,228 and Mom was like, "you're a warrior!" 439 00:17:01,230 --> 00:17:03,564 It was just intense! 440 00:17:03,566 --> 00:17:06,300 Andrew and Camille intense? 441 00:17:06,303 --> 00:17:07,502 (LAUGHING) 442 00:17:07,637 --> 00:17:08,903 I'm glad you're laughing, 443 00:17:08,972 --> 00:17:11,705 but I'm not the one you should be telling all this to. 444 00:17:11,741 --> 00:17:13,374 And, you know, if you change your mind, 445 00:17:13,410 --> 00:17:17,111 I'm at a school. It's so much better. 446 00:17:17,113 --> 00:17:18,146 My dad tried teaching me 447 00:17:18,148 --> 00:17:21,248 and we lasted all of three minutes. 448 00:17:21,284 --> 00:17:23,784 (BOTH CHUCKLING) 449 00:17:23,853 --> 00:17:24,853 Thanks. 450 00:17:24,854 --> 00:17:26,120 I hope your birthday gets better. 451 00:17:26,189 --> 00:17:28,723 ? 452 00:17:28,792 --> 00:17:31,726 ? Whoa, everybody wakes up ? 453 00:17:31,795 --> 00:17:33,594 ? Oh ? 454 00:17:33,663 --> 00:17:35,896 ? 455 00:17:35,932 --> 00:17:38,933 I'm sorry about all the drama, kiddo. 456 00:17:39,002 --> 00:17:40,668 I met Xavier last time we went bowling. 457 00:17:40,803 --> 00:17:42,870 She's a lawyer I really want to network with, 458 00:17:42,939 --> 00:17:45,039 and so when she assumed you were my kid 459 00:17:45,174 --> 00:17:47,275 I just kind of went with it. 460 00:17:47,277 --> 00:17:50,078 Hm. The road to hell, am I right? 461 00:17:50,213 --> 00:17:51,479 Tell me about it. 462 00:17:51,548 --> 00:17:53,881 So, when she DM'd me about meeting up again I thought 463 00:17:54,017 --> 00:17:55,750 I couldn't let the opportunity get away. 464 00:17:55,819 --> 00:17:58,486 And I should have explained it, but then I felt weird 465 00:17:58,555 --> 00:17:59,954 asking you to lie for me. 466 00:17:59,956 --> 00:18:02,623 Next time ask. 467 00:18:02,759 --> 00:18:04,625 I love lying. 468 00:18:04,627 --> 00:18:07,194 Cool. 469 00:18:07,196 --> 00:18:10,297 But I feel like I should tell your parents that you said that. 470 00:18:10,299 --> 00:18:12,033 You wanna get out of here? 471 00:18:12,168 --> 00:18:13,234 Yeah. 472 00:18:13,236 --> 00:18:14,469 Sam! 473 00:18:14,604 --> 00:18:18,439 Oh, Xavier. Hi. I am so sorry. I... 474 00:18:18,508 --> 00:18:19,707 Text me next time you're near the office 475 00:18:19,842 --> 00:18:21,375 and we'll grab a coffee. 476 00:18:21,378 --> 00:18:25,713 Wh... oh. Yeah. Okay. Great. Um... 477 00:18:25,848 --> 00:18:27,448 I was pretty sure you'd never want to speak to me again. 478 00:18:27,583 --> 00:18:29,117 You know, when I was starting out, 479 00:18:29,252 --> 00:18:32,653 I used to try to schmooze with lawyers at the health club. 480 00:18:32,689 --> 00:18:35,322 Tore my Achilles pretending I knew how to play squash. 481 00:18:35,392 --> 00:18:37,057 - (CHUCKLING) - I get your hustle. 482 00:18:37,093 --> 00:18:38,826 It's hard out here. 483 00:18:38,828 --> 00:18:41,328 Thank you. 484 00:18:41,398 --> 00:18:45,266 Yeah. I'm always looking for people who are willing to go the extra mile. 485 00:18:45,335 --> 00:18:46,900 Maybe you'll be a lawyer someday. 486 00:18:49,372 --> 00:18:52,540 How much money did you make when you were a full time lawyer? 487 00:18:52,609 --> 00:18:55,008 Oh, that's a rude question. 488 00:18:55,045 --> 00:18:57,345 I know, but how much? 489 00:18:59,415 --> 00:19:00,415 A lot, Leo. 490 00:19:02,052 --> 00:19:03,518 CAMILLE: Do you think the stars should be bigger? 491 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:04,619 Much bigger. 492 00:19:04,754 --> 00:19:06,020 Okay, yeah. We're going to have to start again. 493 00:19:06,022 --> 00:19:08,222 Add more exclamation marks. Okay, grab me the... 494 00:19:08,291 --> 00:19:09,957 - You're home! - Be chill. 495 00:19:12,862 --> 00:19:14,328 You're home. 496 00:19:15,698 --> 00:19:18,032 Khia, I'm sorry. 497 00:19:18,034 --> 00:19:19,034 I pushed too hard. 498 00:19:19,168 --> 00:19:20,868 We pushed too hard. 499 00:19:20,937 --> 00:19:23,905 I know that you didn't mean to, but you two made everything 500 00:19:23,907 --> 00:19:26,374 a million times worse, 501 00:19:26,376 --> 00:19:28,175 and because of that, 502 00:19:28,311 --> 00:19:30,778 I'm... I've decided I'm never driving again. 503 00:19:30,913 --> 00:19:32,045 What?! No. 504 00:19:33,917 --> 00:19:35,049 I scratched Van Diesel! 505 00:19:35,184 --> 00:19:36,184 What?! 506 00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:37,785 You said it was a mystery accident! 507 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,786 Yeah, why would you lie about that? 508 00:19:39,823 --> 00:19:41,522 Because I didn't want to play into the stereotype! 509 00:19:41,591 --> 00:19:43,090 It was my first accident ever! 510 00:19:43,092 --> 00:19:45,226 You ripped a side mirror off going through a drive thru. 511 00:19:45,361 --> 00:19:46,394 Didn't count. Those angles are busted. 512 00:19:46,529 --> 00:19:47,529 And the bumper in the snow bank? 513 00:19:47,630 --> 00:19:50,864 But everyone makes mistakes. 514 00:19:50,900 --> 00:19:53,935 The important thing is that you get back in the car 515 00:19:53,937 --> 00:19:56,471 and you try again. Giving up is never the answer. 516 00:19:56,606 --> 00:19:59,673 Your dad is right, but there's no rush either. 517 00:19:59,742 --> 00:20:01,609 We'll be ready when you're ready. 518 00:20:01,611 --> 00:20:04,745 Okay, well, when I am ready, could you guys pitch in 519 00:20:04,747 --> 00:20:06,580 to get me professional driving lessons? 520 00:20:08,017 --> 00:20:10,083 Yeah, of course, we can swing that. 521 00:20:10,120 --> 00:20:14,288 And because you totally ruined my birthday, 522 00:20:14,290 --> 00:20:16,957 can I open presents early? 523 00:20:16,993 --> 00:20:17,993 (CHUCKLING) 524 00:20:19,863 --> 00:20:21,795 Ooh, from Sam. 525 00:20:21,831 --> 00:20:23,630 (CHUCKLING) 526 00:20:23,666 --> 00:20:26,300 (GASPING) A tiny glass. 527 00:20:26,302 --> 00:20:28,402 Oh, Khia, this is awkward, 528 00:20:28,404 --> 00:20:30,037 but that's actually a shot glass. 529 00:20:30,173 --> 00:20:31,372 Oh, she's messing with us. 530 00:20:31,441 --> 00:20:33,741 Yeah. Dad, it says "day drunk" on it. 531 00:20:33,876 --> 00:20:36,243 Thank you, Auntie Sam. 532 00:20:36,312 --> 00:20:39,380 This is going away for another three years. 533 00:20:39,382 --> 00:20:40,715 Cake anyone? 534 00:20:40,850 --> 00:20:46,320 ? 535 00:20:46,322 --> 00:20:48,122 - I'm so excited for you. - Me too. 536 00:20:48,124 --> 00:20:50,124 Mannix said that this was the best driving school. 537 00:20:50,259 --> 00:20:51,392 - Oh! - Mannix? 538 00:20:51,394 --> 00:20:52,860 Y'all are talking again? 539 00:20:52,995 --> 00:20:54,929 I think so? Maybe? 540 00:20:54,998 --> 00:20:56,330 I don't know. 541 00:20:56,332 --> 00:20:58,432 Baby steps. Have fun, Khia. 542 00:20:58,434 --> 00:20:59,600 Okay. Oh, don't wait up! 543 00:21:02,672 --> 00:21:04,640 - Oh, man, he's Asian?! - Andrew! 544 00:21:04,641 --> 00:21:05,641 My bad. 545 00:21:05,675 --> 00:21:06,807 I gotta unpack that later. 546 00:21:06,876 --> 00:21:07,876 Hm. 547 00:21:07,911 --> 00:21:09,476 (KNOCKING) 548 00:21:09,512 --> 00:21:10,512 Good! 549 00:21:11,881 --> 00:21:15,616 Aw, we really traumatized her. 550 00:21:15,751 --> 00:21:16,751 Yeah. 551 00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:19,620 ANDREW: I blame my parents. 552 00:21:19,656 --> 00:21:20,888 Oh, I blame you. 553 00:21:21,023 --> 00:21:23,023 Yeah, that makes sense. 554 00:21:23,059 --> 00:21:25,025 ? 555 00:21:25,075 --> 00:21:29,625 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 39006