All language subtitles for Night.Court.2023.S02E07.720p.WEB.h264-EDITH

God, I hate Fashion
Week. Excuse me.

Person who looks like a
person coming through.

Really?

Usually I'm the
best-dressed one here.

I'm the "Where'd you
get that jacket" guy?

But this week I'm the "Why'd
you get that jacket" guy?

Best dressed? Only 'cause
they make me wear this.

I'm actually a style maven.

Turned my bathroom
into a second closet.

Now I use the toilet
downstairs at the Burger King.

Are you eating a
turkey leg or is that

what a regular chicken leg
looks like in your hand?

Had a lunch date
at Medieval Times.

If that wasn't bad enough, the
guy was very rude to our wench.

So getting back out
there isn't going great.

It's these day dates.

The only men free in
the middle of the day

are midlife-crisis
divorcees, single dads,

and late-in-life
college students.

I'm standing right here.

- You're cool.
- Where'd you get that jacket?

And I'm back.

You got to hang in there, Judge.

Dating in the real
world is tough.

It's certainly not a fairy tale.

- Aren't you dating a prince?
- He's a duke.

But it's nothing
like the stories.

His stepmother is lovely

and not at all threatened
by his good looks

even though my man
is fair as hell.

I know dating now is
just apps and DMs,

but sometimes I wish there
was a little more magic

to the process.

Like a mysterious man comes
knocking at your window,

and he's wet and
handsome and right there?

He's good-looking. Let him in.

Thank you.

You won't believe how
hard it is to get people

to let a strange man
climb through their window

in this city.

With that hat, I thought
you were about to dance.

My name is Martini,
like the drink.

My names's Abby,
like where nuns live.

You know, there's
something about you

that weirdly feels like we've...

Have we met before?

- Oh. Paparazzi.
- They found me. Got to go.

Is that fairy tale
enough for you?

He even left a slipper.

Doesn't count. It's not glass.

Oh! Guess it was.

Well, well, well.
Look what the cat

threw up on.

Every dry cleaner in town
is booked for Fashion Week.

Where are you
taking your laundry?

These are lesser jackets.

I'm donating them to the
charity in the cafeteria.

Wow. You're helping total
strangers instead of me, huh?

Huh. See if I ever
do you a favor again.

Let's go over the definition of
"again" and possibly "favor."

- You. You're my lawyer.
- Who are you wearing?

Don't answer that. I
already know, and I love it.

- Did we win?
- Win?

Walking into this building sort
of takes winning off the table.

It must be Erika Ellis. How
did you get out of holding?

You answered that yourself.

I'm Erika Ellis, editor of
Better Than Youmagazine.

Magazine? Well, on
behalf of everyone here,

thank you for
defeating the Internet.

Mm.

Forgive me if I'm not impressed.

Dan, what's the deal
with your dry...

Away.

Okay. Now I'm impressed.

Been trying to get people
to leave me alone for years.

You do it with two
syllables. Show me your ways.

You get these ludicrous
charges dropped,

and I'll teach you
everything I know.

Winning's gonna be tough.

I mean, you're not what lawyers

or humanity would call
a sympathetic figure.

And unfortunately, the
judge, she's a person.

The People vs. Erika Ellis.

Your Honor, the
defendant is charged

with misdemeanor assault.

Also let the record
show... mean.

Uh, Your Honor, I think
assault is a bit too much.

The victim was an exotic bird.

And who hasn't wanted to
throw a phone at a peacock?

They just think they're
so much better than us.

Your client has a history
of violent outbursts.

She's thrown phones at
Davids Beckham, Copperfield,

- and Schwimmer.
- Two out of anger

one out of love.

The defense would like
to ask for a continuance

so that I may confer
with my client.

Dan Fielding wants to spend
more time with a client?

Sure. Let's get weird.
We'll reconvene tomorrow.

Badges, leather, handcuffs.

Where have you
been my whole life?

Right here, baby.

A date with a deejay?

That at least must
have been fun.

Deejays aren't as much
fun during the day.

They're just some guy
in a deli yelling,

"Put your burger-flippin'
hands in the air!"

- Did you hear that?
- I swear I killed that possum.

Unless he was faking it,
which would be so him.

It's just me. I was
hiding from the press.

But I fell asleep on what
I thought was a pillow

and now know is a possum.

Now I recognize you.

You're Martini Toddwallis, the
famous British fashion designer.

You probably know me from my
revolutionary concept show,

"Anything Can Be Pants."

You know, I've always had an
idea for a shirt that's pizza

so when you spill pizza
on it, no one's the wiser.

That's incredible.

Not the idea, but what
your... your mouth is doing.

You mean smiling?

I don't see a lot of
that in my line of work.

You're different than
most girls I know.

You're... You're upbeat.
You make eye contact.

You haven't snorted any cocaine
this entire conversation.

- I'll snort...
- when something's really funny.

Have you seen that commercial

where the guy stops us from
turning into our parents?

It's so real.

You'reso real.

Would you like to have
dinner with me tonight?

She'd love to.

Till then.

Why did you say yes for me?

Because I was
worried you'd say no.

And this guy's into you.

I mean, he is charming and cute.

But it just feels like we're
from two different worlds.

He's from high fashion,
and I'm from "hi" fashion.

Well, that's what
makes it so exciting.

Take me and the duke.
I never owned a castle.

He owns so many, one
of them is just mazes.

Doesn't he figure them out?

I said my man was fair as
hell, not smart as hell.

- What's that?
- It's my dry cleaning.

I need help, and I know
you have a hook-up.

Everyone's heard you brag about
that dry cleaner you got off

for using federally banned
chemicals, which he still uses.

- And that's why he's so good.
- That's why he so good.

Why would I do this?

Do it or I'll haunt you.

I'll sleep outside
your apartment.

You think I won't?

Does this look like a woman
with anything left to lose?

- All right. Fine. I'll do it.
- Just get out of here.

I have a meeting with a client

who could actually
do something for me.

Oh, my.

You do need my help.

Trying to enjoy a
quiet moment alone,

and that hussy throws her
sweat-soaked pantyhose at you.

Story of my life. Damn
this likable face.

But I've got great news for us.

I dug up some dirt
on the peacock.

It has priors.

It bit three NBC executives

for using its likeness
without consent.

You do good work.

Okay. Here's a taste.

You want to be left alone?

What? I've worn
sunglasses before.

You've put on sunglasses,
but you've never worn them.

They're the same tint as
my shih tzu's Escalade.

No.

- Wow!
- Mm-hmm.

You've closed up a
whole new world for me!

You win my case

and I'll show you the
city's invite-only subway

and a secret Billy Joel concert
with no between-song patter.

It's all I want.

You stick with me,

you'll never have to
deal with another person

in this city again.

Hey, doll, I'm running the
Dress to Progress table.

We donate clothing
to former convicts.

Is this your...

Okay. Terrific.

Damn it. Olivia's dry cleaning.

Oh, I think that's the wrong...

Hello. I
need to get in there.

It'll just take a second.

I don't get it.

Models are known for walking,
yet none of you move.

Anyone named Chloe, I need
you in the cafeteria now.

How did you do that?

Hold on. Someone's
talking to me.

Oh, my God. It's the headset.

He's like a New
York 7. Manitoba 12.

So, would you rather live in
the clouds or under the sea?

Ooh. Can I vote land?

I always dream about
dressing mermaids.

I've always hated legs.
They're just so redundant.

- Let's do one at the same time.
- Okay.

If you could go back to
any historical time period,

when would you go?

- Dinosaurs.
- Dinosaurs.

If you could invite
anyone to a dinner party,

who would it be?

- Dinosaurs.
- Dinosaurs.

Back-to-back matches!

Let's eat to that.

Oh.

You wanted to do the romantic
feed-each-other thing.

I'll get you on the next one.

You know, this is the most
fun I've had on a date

- in a long time.
- Yeah. Me too.

Actually, I've never
had a date in a-a, uh...

W-What do you call this?

- A cafeteria?
- Oh.

Sounds like a disease
that cafes get.

Your world is so fascinating.

So is yours.

You know, ever since
the pizza shirt,

I came up with lasagne
sweater and spaghetti socks.

I'm telling you, this
messy-eater market is huge.

You know, I have to admit,
ever since I made the world

forget everything
we know about pants,

I've been cursed with
terrible designer's block.

It's like having to lift
a thousand-pound weight

with my mind and my
mind doesn't have hands.

Oh, no. They're back.

I got you.

Hey, hey, hey. Chalamet
went that away.

- You saved me.
- Oh.

How can I... ever repay you?

I think this is the
part where we...

Mm!

Ooh.

Ahh.

Sigh.

Did you just say "sigh"?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, my God! You had sex.

I did!

I did. It really was
like a fairy tale.

It was magical. He made
my dry spell disappear.

Knock, knock. I
brought you flowers.

Is that right?

I've never dated
a girl like you.

I just assumed you didn't
want a pack of cigarettes.

- Martini, last night was...
- Incredible.

You gave me the
mind hands to lift

the thousand-pound weight
of my designer's block.

You cracked your designer's
block because of me?

Does that make me a muse?

So, what did I inspire?

A total reimagination...
of your robe.

You're better than this
plain black frock, Abby!

Would you do me the honor of
being the future of fashion?

I'd love to.

I do have some
modeling experience.

You know those "before"
pictures at the orthodontist?

Those don't just happen.

Thank you, my muse.

Doesn't this seem a
little weird to you?

The day after a fling usually
involves breakfast in bed

and finding your bra.

But this guy wants to
make new clothes for you

so you can save his career.

I'm an inspiration,
and it's romantic!

He's my Prince Charming, and
he's building me a ball gown,

for work.

Call me old-fashioned,

but I think that's the job
for the birds and the rats.

Wyatt, you got something
from Amazon Prime.

- Ooh. That was quick.
- Check it out, Gurgs.

The solution to all my problems.

They listen to
people in headsets.

Jean-Paul needs you on 12.

Have either of you seen Olivia?

This dry cleaning
represents the last favor

I ever have to do for anyone,
thanks to these babies!

I haven't seen Olivia,

but I am seeing a lot of
people dressed like her.

Maybe she's a trendsetter.

Or... I accidentally donated
her dry cleaning to charity

and I'm holding what I assume
is the clothes of a dead lady.

You're gonna meet that lady

when Olivia finds out
you lost her clothes,

'cause she's gonna murder you.

And it looks like
she's been practicing.

Hey, Olivia.

Y-You got some
coat on your blood.

An animal-rights activist
threw paint on me.

- Tell me those are my clothes.
- Oh, yes.

Y... And you owe me $87.50.

- Judge, court's about to start.
- Why aren't you dressed?

I was about to put
on Martini's design,

which is fabulous...
I think. I don't know.

Maybe you could tell
me why it's good.

Mm. I get it.

It's hard for normies to
appreciate high couture.

That man does not like you.

It's bad, right? Why
would he do this?

Maybe he's nota prince.

Is he still a frog?

But I kissed him. I
really kissed him.

This isn't a fairy tale anymore.

If it is, it's one of
those weird German ones

where you're gonna
be baked into a pie

and I'm gonna have to eat you

'cause the troll
turned me into a goat.

- Good news.
- Erika Ellis is in the courtroom.

W-Why aren't you dressed?

Marty, there's something
I need to tell you.

I need to tell you
something first.

Tonight you're not just
rescuing my career.

You're... You're
rescuing my soul.

Come on, people. It's showtime.

I need you in your looks,
serving face and wor-king it!

God, I love this headset.

Uh, hold off on court. The
judge isn't even dressed.

Is that connected to anything?

Jean-Paul needs me on 12.

Tell me it's gonna
look better on.

- It's gonna look better on.
- Okay.

It does not look better on.

Oh, G... Is this
what you're wearing?

I told you to dress down so
we could garner some sympathy.

Well, these shoes do not
exactly match this jacket.

There's nothing more tragic!

What is he doing here?
Give me something to throw!

- Stop. Stop. Just... Just...
- Come here. Sit down. Sit down.

Do not let that bird
get into your head!

Go. Go. Now, look.

We have got this in the bag.

And I know that the prosecution
has been afraid of you

ever since... I...

I'd guess the '80s.

What did you do?

Why is there a courthouse full
of ex-cons wearing my clothes

and I look like Huey
Lewis' business manager?

So, I'll admit that this
is partially my fault.

I realize now that there is
a downside to absolute power.

You want your $87.50 back?

What I want is to rip
out these shoulder pads

and beat you with them!

You know what? You didn't have
to wear the shoulder pads.

They make the outfit.

You will make this up to me.

All rise. The Honorable
Abby Stone presiding

in an original piece

from the Martini Toddwallis
spring 2024 collection,

Anything Can Be a Robe.

Own it. Own it.

I'm owning it.

I'm owning it.

You'll note the feather accents
from the finest Italian pigeons,

drawing inspiration from
the Grim Reaper's cloak,

hearse drapes, and, of
course, Hefty Cinch Saks.

And I'm the one on trial?

The People vs. Erika Ellis.

Counselor, what are you wearing?

You really want
to play that game?

Fair enough.

The victim has yet to
emotionally recover,

but has bravely agreed
to appear today.

- The victim?
- That thing should be on trial,

and then grilled
and put on a salad!

Calm down.

Listen. No one talks
to me like that.

You were a nobody
when I met you.

And that goes double
for the big, dumb bird!

Enough of this.

Order. Order! Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.

Lost it in the folds.

I think you're molting

and he sees you as a threat.

Why is it looking
at me like that?

Oh! No! No! No, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no!

Save the robe!

All right. Guess I'm
tasing a peacock.

I'd have to imagine
this helps my case.

I'm sorry, Judge.

I feel a little
responsible for all this.

Oh, that's all right, Gurgs.

It's not every day
you tase a peacock.

You were bound to hit
me a couple t-t-times.

I meant encouraging
you to date Martini.

Oh, no. That was exciting.

I think it's pretty clear
we're not the perfect fit.

I feel exactly the same way.

Sorry. I was hiding again.

The paparazzi are really
out of control now

because everybody loved my look.

I loved it first.

Abby, we're from two
different worlds.

But I'll never forget
the lesson you taught me.

You shouldn't dress
a person like a bird

when there's a bird in the room.

We weren't meant to last.

I guess that's why Disney
movies are only 87 minutes long

and mostly singing.

Till we meet again.

Guess I'm back on the apps.

After all this, maybe I'll
appreciate a lunch date

asking me to "take the Caesar
salad to the next level!"

Suit yourself.

I was gonna introduce
you to some hot dummies

at the Vogueparty.

Like we could get
into the Vogueparty.

Can I be your plus-one?

Our car is downstairs.

I just need to stop
at the Apple Store.

My shih tzu needs a new phone.

We're celebrating my acquittal.

You didn't kill that
peacock, did you?

Well, I didn't do anything.

Can I come with you
to the Vogueparty?

I know how to vogue, so I'm
all set with icebreakers.

Away.

Hey, I'm going to that
party. I'm a muse!

- Oh, good.
- Some of my suits are still here.

Look at her up there,
styled with a paisley scarf.

Don't worry. We're gonna
get you out of here.

So my very last act in
helping another human being

is gonna be stealing
from a charity.

Is it morally wrong? Yes.

Are we still gonna do it? Yes.

Don't you worry. I
got this covered.

Hi... Tiff.

I'd like you to
meet Olivia Moore,

the woman who has made all
of these dreams come true

with her incredibly
generous donations.

We were wondering who
our mystery hero was.

Everyone, come meet our angel!

- Oh!
- You just made this impossible.

There's no way I can
ask for my stuff back.

- Congratulations.
- You've just become a diversion.

Ms. Moore, do you have
any wisdom to impart

as these women start
their next chapter?

Well, what can I say
other than you're welcome

for giving you that purple
blazer with the gold buttons?

Now, I know that this city
can make you red with anger.

Mm. Now that you're free, well,
what you really deserve is

salmon... not gross pink

light-orangish-pink,
uh, perfectly cooked,

d-double-breasted salmon.

Secret subway's leaving!

Before I go, I'd be happy
to donate this suit.

I think these women have
been through enough.

Right.