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1
00:00:00,910 --> 00:00:03,650
- Come on, come on, we're going to be
late! Come on! - Come on, we're late!
2
00:00:03,700 --> 00:00:08,220
Take it, take it, take the bread,
take the bread, let's go, let's go!
Come on, come on, into the car!
3
00:00:10,380 --> 00:00:11,490
Come on!
4
00:00:12,660 --> 00:00:14,490
Oh, God, come on!
5
00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:17,620
You stop it!
6
00:00:19,740 --> 00:00:20,970
Give me. Stop it!
7
00:00:21,020 --> 00:00:22,450
Don't do that to your brother!
8
00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:23,570
Give me the Bop-it!
9
00:00:24,020 --> 00:00:24,900
CHILL OUT!
10
00:00:31,020 --> 00:00:32,890
You're late! So I'm going to be late.
11
00:00:32,940 --> 00:00:34,240
Go and find your book bag.
12
00:00:35,780 --> 00:00:37,650
Where's the baby's
trousers and other shoe?
13
00:00:37,700 --> 00:00:40,130
OK, one shoe's all I can manage,
14
00:00:40,180 --> 00:00:42,060
and he said he doesn't like trousers.
15
00:00:43,220 --> 00:00:45,530
So when am I going to meet
this Debbie woman then?
16
00:00:45,580 --> 00:00:47,850
OK, it's not Debbie, it's Debbie-Louise,
17
00:00:47,900 --> 00:00:50,170
and she's not a woman, she's my partner.
18
00:00:50,220 --> 00:00:53,530
What? She went from zero
to partner in three weeks?
19
00:00:53,580 --> 00:00:55,530
Didn't even have to climb the charts?
20
00:00:55,580 --> 00:00:58,010
- What is she, Ed Sheeran?
- OK, well, you don't need to meet her.
21
00:00:58,060 --> 00:01:00,210
Course I do! She's moved in!
22
00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:01,450
She's living in your home.
23
00:01:01,500 --> 00:01:03,850
If my kids are going to be
using the same bathroom as her,
24
00:01:03,900 --> 00:01:05,090
then I want to meet her.
25
00:01:05,140 --> 00:01:07,930
- She could be a nutter.
- I don't go out with nutters.
26
00:01:07,980 --> 00:01:09,810
What are you fucking talking about?
27
00:01:09,860 --> 00:01:11,660
Of course you do!
28
00:01:16,020 --> 00:01:17,660
- Hiya!
- Hi!
29
00:01:20,300 --> 00:01:21,340
Morning.
30
00:01:24,060 --> 00:01:26,050
- You got time for a coffee?
- No, sorry.
31
00:01:26,100 --> 00:01:27,810
Couples counselling today.
32
00:01:27,860 --> 00:01:30,330
Oh, OK. Good luck with that.
33
00:01:30,380 --> 00:01:31,490
Oh, no, everything's fine.
34
00:01:31,540 --> 00:01:33,130
It's just preventative.
35
00:01:33,180 --> 00:01:35,210
We're rock solid, Jill and I.
36
00:01:35,260 --> 00:01:36,740
Although she disagrees.
37
00:01:37,820 --> 00:01:39,770
It's like physio or yoga.
38
00:01:39,820 --> 00:01:42,120
We're just doing it to
keep the marriage supple.
39
00:01:42,980 --> 00:01:44,090
Oi, Gonzalez.
40
00:01:44,140 --> 00:01:45,770
- You got time for a chat?
- No, no, no.
41
00:01:45,820 --> 00:01:48,820
I received an official
bollocking for lateness yesterday.
42
00:01:49,620 --> 00:01:50,660
Whoa!
43
00:01:51,700 --> 00:01:52,740
Who's that?
44
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:54,890
Don't touch the door.
45
00:01:54,940 --> 00:01:56,130
It's automatic open.
46
00:01:56,180 --> 00:01:59,090
It opens on its own. Don't touch the door.
47
00:01:59,140 --> 00:02:02,010
- Don't touch it! - Holy shit, it's
Ann. - Why's she got all of those kids?
48
00:02:02,060 --> 00:02:05,050
She's part of the car
pool now, for school drops.
49
00:02:05,100 --> 00:02:06,930
Car pool? Car... Why
don't we have a car pool?
50
00:02:06,980 --> 00:02:08,130
That would really help me!
51
00:02:08,180 --> 00:02:09,690
I live right there!
52
00:02:09,740 --> 00:02:11,490
If I spit now, I'd hit my window.
53
00:02:11,540 --> 00:02:13,810
I don't drive. My wife does the driving.
54
00:02:13,860 --> 00:02:15,500
I'm sans licence.
55
00:02:18,660 --> 00:02:20,450
Thought you were late.
56
00:02:20,500 --> 00:02:22,530
Hey! Ann!
57
00:02:22,580 --> 00:02:23,970
Nice big car!
58
00:02:24,020 --> 00:02:27,570
Yeah, we traded in the old
one for this flashy so-and-so.
59
00:02:27,620 --> 00:02:29,050
It's a bit hi-tech now for me,
60
00:02:29,100 --> 00:02:33,170
but I couldn't look at the Volvo
the same after I ran over the cat.
61
00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:36,490
But anyway, it means I get
to run a car pool now, so...
62
00:02:36,540 --> 00:02:39,810
Yeah. I'd love to talk to
you about that sometime.
63
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:41,250
- Hello, Claire.
- Bloody hell, Ann!
64
00:02:41,300 --> 00:02:42,530
Nice wheels!
65
00:02:42,580 --> 00:02:44,410
How many kids can you fit in there?
66
00:02:44,460 --> 00:02:46,050
Safely? Nine.
67
00:02:46,100 --> 00:02:48,330
So you might have room for a
couple more in the car pool?
68
00:02:48,380 --> 00:02:49,850
Yeah, well...
69
00:02:49,900 --> 00:02:52,380
Oh, my God! You bought it!
70
00:02:54,100 --> 00:02:55,850
You look like a drug dealer, Ann!
71
00:02:55,900 --> 00:02:58,410
It's actually the top-rated
people carrier on Which?, so...
72
00:02:58,460 --> 00:02:59,770
You're in my spot.
73
00:02:59,820 --> 00:03:01,620
- Oh.
- Joking, but you are.
74
00:03:03,340 --> 00:03:05,930
We should definitely,
definitely catch up soon.
75
00:03:05,980 --> 00:03:08,570
- I'd love to hear more about the car pool.
- I like your hair.
76
00:03:08,620 --> 00:03:10,210
Heidi's desperate to see Darius.
77
00:03:10,260 --> 00:03:11,850
Do you want to come over for a play date?
78
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,770
We've just got a family
pass to Chessington.
79
00:03:13,820 --> 00:03:15,180
Yeah, I can't talk and drive.
80
00:03:27,620 --> 00:03:29,530
So we need to make a
new... OK, that would be...
81
00:03:29,580 --> 00:03:30,730
Amanda!
82
00:03:32,300 --> 00:03:33,580
Amanda! Amanda!
83
00:03:35,620 --> 00:03:37,860
Amanda! Amanda!
84
00:03:39,900 --> 00:03:41,940
Don't think she saw me. Amanda!
85
00:03:44,860 --> 00:03:46,260
Don't think she could hear me.
86
00:03:49,380 --> 00:03:52,770
Love, if you're hungry, just
go over and help yourself.
87
00:03:52,820 --> 00:03:54,290
No one'll notice.
88
00:03:54,340 --> 00:03:57,300
Just kick the ball by their rug
and grab a handful of crisps.
89
00:03:59,100 --> 00:04:01,730
Right, go. Off you go! Hiya.
90
00:04:01,780 --> 00:04:03,370
Oh, you came.
91
00:04:03,420 --> 00:04:04,490
Pull up a pew.
92
00:04:04,740 --> 00:04:05,730
Or a jacket.
93
00:04:05,780 --> 00:04:08,180
You can sit on my jacket. Oh, thanks.
94
00:04:09,340 --> 00:04:10,620
- Bubbles?
- Yeah.
95
00:04:14,300 --> 00:04:15,340
Oh.
96
00:04:18,060 --> 00:04:19,740
Hey, there's Ann.
97
00:04:21,060 --> 00:04:22,810
So what's been going on?
98
00:04:22,860 --> 00:04:23,980
Nothing much.
99
00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:27,810
Apart from my ex, Lee,
having a new partner.
100
00:04:27,860 --> 00:04:29,890
Not girlfriend, partner.
101
00:04:29,940 --> 00:04:32,020
Debbie-Louise, for fuck's sake.
102
00:04:33,220 --> 00:04:35,500
Who double-barrels two stupid names?
103
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:38,260
Anyway, she's welcome to him.
104
00:04:39,740 --> 00:04:42,450
All we'd do was fight, if I'm honest.
105
00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:43,740
I stabbed him once.
106
00:04:44,860 --> 00:04:48,050
Just with a spork from
a Tesco pasta salad.
107
00:04:48,100 --> 00:04:49,260
Just in the leg.
108
00:04:50,620 --> 00:04:52,170
Police got involved.
109
00:04:52,220 --> 00:04:53,820
I got a caution for sporking.
110
00:04:56,420 --> 00:04:58,250
The wanker.
111
00:04:58,300 --> 00:05:00,570
Wish I could just stay
angry with him, but...
112
00:05:00,620 --> 00:05:03,260
he looks at me with his stupid eyes and...
113
00:05:04,260 --> 00:05:05,930
.. I'm 20 again.
114
00:05:05,980 --> 00:05:08,130
And I don't have two kids,
115
00:05:08,180 --> 00:05:09,580
and it's Saturday night... Oh!
116
00:05:10,980 --> 00:05:12,020
Julia?
117
00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:14,820
What the hell?
118
00:05:18,060 --> 00:05:20,370
Sorry, babe. Do you want
to go and get a coffee?
119
00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:21,460
Yeah, all right.
120
00:05:22,500 --> 00:05:23,970
We'd love to, Ann.
121
00:05:24,020 --> 00:05:25,850
Great, I'll see you back at mine in 20.
122
00:05:25,900 --> 00:05:26,890
Wicked!
123
00:05:36,740 --> 00:05:38,090
Coffee's not too hot, is it?
124
00:05:38,140 --> 00:05:39,610
No, no, no, it's perfect.
125
00:05:39,660 --> 00:05:40,970
Ha!
126
00:05:41,020 --> 00:05:43,010
- So true.
- Yeah.
127
00:05:43,060 --> 00:05:45,330
I made that. I made all of them.
128
00:05:45,380 --> 00:05:48,680
I got terribly into driftwood
crafting after my early menopause.
129
00:05:49,300 --> 00:05:51,330
Oh, well, what you lost in the oestrogen
130
00:05:51,380 --> 00:05:53,280
you definitely made up for in hobbies.
131
00:05:55,280 --> 00:05:55,950
Oh.
132
00:05:56,700 --> 00:05:57,980
Oh, that's Claire again.
133
00:05:58,980 --> 00:06:00,290
Car pool business.
134
00:06:00,340 --> 00:06:02,130
I'm terribly popular all of a sudden.
135
00:06:02,180 --> 00:06:03,610
Annoying!
136
00:06:03,660 --> 00:06:05,410
I don't know Claire at all,
137
00:06:05,460 --> 00:06:07,730
but she's always struck
me as a bit of a user.
138
00:06:07,780 --> 00:06:09,610
That might be unfair,
but I think it's true.
139
00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:11,290
Turn your phone off.
140
00:06:11,340 --> 00:06:12,380
Yeah.
141
00:06:14,420 --> 00:06:16,290
Can I get you girls anything to eat?
142
00:06:16,340 --> 00:06:19,130
- Got a hobnob? - I don't have any
hobnobs but I can get you some.
143
00:06:19,180 --> 00:06:21,410
- I just meant a biscuit or...
- I'll go to the corner shop!
144
00:06:21,460 --> 00:06:23,010
No, no, you don't need to do that.
145
00:06:23,060 --> 00:06:25,850
Oh, it's fine, it's just two doors
down and one straight across.
146
00:06:25,900 --> 00:06:28,580
I'll be two minutes, five
minutes. I'll take the car.
147
00:06:32,980 --> 00:06:34,890
Come on, you can get in on it, too.
148
00:06:34,940 --> 00:06:37,100
I live fucking opposite the school.
149
00:06:38,700 --> 00:06:40,300
I've got to get up, my arse is numb.
150
00:06:46,380 --> 00:06:47,610
What are you doing?
151
00:06:47,660 --> 00:06:48,780
Just having a nose.
152
00:06:50,220 --> 00:06:53,820
Trying to fill my eyes with anything
that isn't a driftwood affirmation.
153
00:06:55,460 --> 00:06:57,130
Oh, God, that's creepy.
154
00:06:57,180 --> 00:06:59,170
Do you think there are
others in this range?
155
00:06:59,220 --> 00:07:00,970
What, like, you've scraped a pass?
156
00:07:04,860 --> 00:07:06,010
Oh, I love these!
157
00:07:06,060 --> 00:07:08,250
- What are you doing?
- I had one of these then I was little.
158
00:07:08,300 --> 00:07:09,410
But that's her dad!
159
00:07:09,460 --> 00:07:10,770
Huh?
160
00:07:10,820 --> 00:07:12,970
That was her dead dad's face.
161
00:07:13,020 --> 00:07:14,570
- Her dead dad?
- Yes.
162
00:07:14,620 --> 00:07:16,850
It was an impression of his
face, like a death mask.
163
00:07:16,900 --> 00:07:18,410
What do you mean? How do you know that?
164
00:07:18,460 --> 00:07:20,570
Because they had it
like that since he died.
165
00:07:20,620 --> 00:07:22,930
Well, that's stupid... What
are we going to do, Liz?
166
00:07:22,980 --> 00:07:24,010
What are we going to do?
167
00:07:24,060 --> 00:07:26,650
We have just replaced her
dead dad's face with your fist.
168
00:07:26,700 --> 00:07:28,570
We've got to fix it. What
are we going to do, Liz?
169
00:07:28,620 --> 00:07:30,530
Just, like, put your face in it.
170
00:07:30,580 --> 00:07:32,890
I don't look anything like her dead dad.
171
00:07:32,940 --> 00:07:33,980
You do a bit.
172
00:07:34,940 --> 00:07:36,450
Scrape your hair back.
173
00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:38,370
And put some glasses on,
he was a specs wearer.
174
00:07:38,420 --> 00:07:39,890
I don't have my glasses with me.
175
00:07:39,940 --> 00:07:42,140
I've got some of Charlie's. Hang on.
176
00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:45,540
Give them to me.
177
00:07:46,620 --> 00:07:48,620
You hold this. God!
178
00:07:51,020 --> 00:07:52,060
Oh!
179
00:07:56,980 --> 00:07:57,810
What are you doing?
180
00:07:57,860 --> 00:08:00,540
Just... trying to get a
better view of your garden.
181
00:08:01,780 --> 00:08:04,130
- Oh.
- Is that a little cat grave?
182
00:08:04,180 --> 00:08:06,540
No. No, it's just a...
a raised flower bed.
183
00:08:08,060 --> 00:08:09,980
The foxes dug up the cat grave.
184
00:08:26,380 --> 00:08:28,060
- Hello, Kevin.
- Amanda!
185
00:08:29,940 --> 00:08:32,170
- Are you lost?
- No, I was just passing.
186
00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:33,210
- Can I...?
- Of course.
187
00:08:33,260 --> 00:08:37,300
- Yes? - Oh, watch your clean
shoes on the dirty doormat.
188
00:08:43,140 --> 00:08:45,570
I wondered if you wouldn't
mind keeping quiet about
189
00:08:45,620 --> 00:08:47,570
seeing me at Dr Guldaguin's today.
190
00:08:47,620 --> 00:08:49,250
Oh, so you did see me, then.
191
00:08:49,300 --> 00:08:51,660
Of course I saw you,
Kevin. You saw I saw you.
192
00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:53,780
Oh, right, yeah.
193
00:08:54,820 --> 00:08:55,860
But then why...?
194
00:08:56,820 --> 00:08:58,370
Oh, yes, of course. Yes.
195
00:08:58,420 --> 00:09:01,730
Yeah, it's just that I'm, you know, er...
196
00:09:01,780 --> 00:09:04,570
I don't know what the word is, kind
of... high profile. Like, locally.
197
00:09:04,620 --> 00:09:06,130
Which is nuts, of course,
198
00:09:06,180 --> 00:09:09,480
because I'm actually a private
person, very discreet person and...
199
00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:12,410
.. also the type of
person that people have
200
00:09:12,460 --> 00:09:14,650
an unhealthy interest
in. You know, like...
201
00:09:14,700 --> 00:09:17,290
Nigella or Charday.
202
00:09:17,340 --> 00:09:19,330
No, of course, it's going no further.
203
00:09:19,380 --> 00:09:21,860
Jonny has huge jealousy issues.
204
00:09:23,100 --> 00:09:26,050
You know, on the one hand he
loves having an eye-catching wife
205
00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:28,300
but he cannot deal with
the attention I get.
206
00:09:29,340 --> 00:09:31,100
- Mm-hm.
- And the problem is...
207
00:09:32,100 --> 00:09:34,370
.. I bring it, every day.
208
00:09:34,420 --> 00:09:38,010
I bring it, I never let myself
down, I always look my best and...
209
00:09:38,060 --> 00:09:41,890
Johnny, of course, is like,
"Oh, who are you doing that for?"
210
00:09:41,940 --> 00:09:43,090
And...
211
00:09:43,140 --> 00:09:44,730
I'm like...
212
00:09:44,780 --> 00:09:46,410
(Well, I'm doing it for me.)
213
00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:47,730
Hey, hey.
214
00:09:47,780 --> 00:09:49,020
Come on now.
215
00:09:50,060 --> 00:09:51,050
Erm...
216
00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:52,210
Johnny's...
217
00:09:52,260 --> 00:09:54,100
Johnny's a very lucky guy.
218
00:09:55,340 --> 00:09:57,890
And every marriage has its issues.
219
00:09:57,940 --> 00:10:00,850
I just found out in counselling
that my wife finds me
220
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:04,290
less sexually attractive since
I've become a househusband.
221
00:10:04,340 --> 00:10:07,250
- She thinks I'm emasculated...
- Kevin, I can't take on your shit right now.
222
00:10:07,300 --> 00:10:09,620
No, yes, sorry. Of course. Sorry.
223
00:10:11,740 --> 00:10:12,820
Well...
224
00:10:13,740 --> 00:10:15,180
.. you can talk to me any time.
225
00:10:16,100 --> 00:10:18,090
My door is always open,
226
00:10:18,140 --> 00:10:20,300
and my mouth is always closed.
227
00:10:26,820 --> 00:10:29,850
I'm sorry, I don't feel comfortable
with you touching me like that.
228
00:10:29,900 --> 00:10:30,970
Said my wife.
229
00:10:44,460 --> 00:10:46,330
Did Charlie leave his scooter here?
230
00:10:46,380 --> 00:10:48,090
- He doesn't have a scooter.
- Yeah, he does.
231
00:10:48,140 --> 00:10:50,490
He found one in the park,
so he has a scooter.
232
00:10:50,540 --> 00:10:51,770
Well, it's not here.
233
00:10:51,820 --> 00:10:53,330
Shit.
234
00:10:53,380 --> 00:10:54,680
I bet someone's nicked it.
235
00:10:56,180 --> 00:10:57,480
Where's Debbie Does Dallas?
236
00:10:59,940 --> 00:11:01,730
It's Debbie-Louise, and she's at work.
237
00:11:01,780 --> 00:11:03,010
Where's all the kids' stuff?
238
00:11:03,060 --> 00:11:06,090
- What? - Where's all the
toys and mess and kiddie crap?
239
00:11:06,140 --> 00:11:08,050
I don't know, in their rooms?
240
00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:09,970
What's with all the cushions?
241
00:11:10,020 --> 00:11:12,170
- I like cushions.
- Since fucking when?
242
00:11:12,220 --> 00:11:13,890
You can't get angry at cushions, Liz.
243
00:11:13,940 --> 00:11:16,450
You know, you can't have strong
feelings against something
244
00:11:16,500 --> 00:11:18,810
that's designed to make your
back feel more comfortable.
245
00:11:18,860 --> 00:11:20,090
How is that not broken?
246
00:11:20,140 --> 00:11:22,090
How can Charlie play in here with that?
247
00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:24,330
And what's this shit?
248
00:11:24,380 --> 00:11:25,490
I don't know.
249
00:11:25,540 --> 00:11:26,970
It's potpourri!
250
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:30,010
There's just bowls of
potp-fucking-rri everywhere.
251
00:11:30,060 --> 00:11:32,130
She's turning our house
into a nursing home.
252
00:11:32,180 --> 00:11:33,620
Yeah, well, it's my house.
253
00:11:36,060 --> 00:11:38,770
She can't just erase all
evidence of our kids.
254
00:11:38,820 --> 00:11:40,090
I want to meet this woman.
255
00:11:40,140 --> 00:11:41,930
You set something up or I...
256
00:11:41,980 --> 00:11:43,100
I swear I'll...
257
00:11:48,380 --> 00:11:49,730
What's wrong with potpourri?
258
00:11:49,780 --> 00:11:50,810
I rather like potpourri.
259
00:11:50,860 --> 00:11:54,530
It's not the potpourri, it's the
principle behind the potpourri.
260
00:11:54,580 --> 00:11:56,770
What, you don't agree with perfumed bark?
261
00:11:56,820 --> 00:11:57,810
No, it...
262
00:11:57,860 --> 00:12:00,290
Look, I don't want my
kids brought up around it.
263
00:12:00,340 --> 00:12:02,370
Oh, there's Anne. Anne! Hi.
264
00:12:02,420 --> 00:12:04,490
Come and sit down. Oh, there's no chair.
265
00:12:04,540 --> 00:12:05,740
I'll get you a stool.
266
00:12:08,220 --> 00:12:11,530
I wouldn't write off all potpourri,
there's some lovely blends.
267
00:12:11,580 --> 00:12:13,220
Especially at Christmas.
268
00:12:14,220 --> 00:12:16,820
Oh, there's Amanda. Can we put
a pin in this for a minute?
269
00:12:29,860 --> 00:12:31,890
What's going on with you two?
270
00:12:31,940 --> 00:12:35,090
Oh, I'm just helping Amanda work
through something at the moment.
271
00:12:35,140 --> 00:12:36,770
Since when?
272
00:12:36,820 --> 00:12:38,060
It's private. I can't.
273
00:12:43,340 --> 00:12:44,850
You know what, I need a drink.
274
00:12:44,900 --> 00:12:46,690
Let's go to the pub tonight, get pissed.
275
00:12:46,740 --> 00:12:48,610
Forget about everything for a minute.
276
00:12:48,660 --> 00:12:50,170
Oh, no, you two go ahead.
277
00:12:50,220 --> 00:12:51,610
No, I'm burnt out by eight.
278
00:12:51,660 --> 00:12:52,810
Can't make it to Holby City.
279
00:12:52,860 --> 00:12:54,770
I don't do anything evening-based.
280
00:12:54,820 --> 00:12:56,330
What, you never go out in the evening?
281
00:12:56,380 --> 00:12:58,970
Oh, yeah, I do, I just don't... I
don't do mum stuff in the evening.
282
00:12:59,020 --> 00:13:01,370
- Mum stuff?!
- No, I just...
283
00:13:01,420 --> 00:13:03,500
Oh, you... You know what I meant.
284
00:13:04,780 --> 00:13:05,820
Anne, hi.
285
00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:08,860
Aw, hi, Anne.
286
00:13:12,260 --> 00:13:13,330
Off to meet Liz, then.
287
00:13:13,380 --> 00:13:14,410
Won't be a late one.
288
00:13:19,420 --> 00:13:20,460
Hi, Amanda.
289
00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:22,540
Yes, I can talk.
290
00:13:24,460 --> 00:13:27,260
You all right, Amanda? I can't
really make out what you're...
291
00:13:28,940 --> 00:13:30,250
Are you crying or laughing?
292
00:13:30,300 --> 00:13:31,340
I can't...
293
00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:34,660
I'm coming over.
294
00:13:38,900 --> 00:13:40,130
You can sit down, Kevin.
295
00:13:40,180 --> 00:13:41,730
No, I'm fine standing.
296
00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:43,290
It's like Churchill with the Queen.
297
00:13:43,340 --> 00:13:45,170
You haven't said anything
to Anne, have you?
298
00:13:45,220 --> 00:13:46,850
Oh, no. God, no.
299
00:13:46,900 --> 00:13:48,010
Jesus, no.
300
00:13:48,060 --> 00:13:49,100
OK.
301
00:13:51,380 --> 00:13:52,580
I'm just feeling a bit...
302
00:13:54,580 --> 00:13:56,010
It's just that...
303
00:13:56,060 --> 00:13:59,090
Johnny is on these rampages.
304
00:13:59,140 --> 00:14:00,890
His jealousy,
305
00:14:00,940 --> 00:14:02,890
it just flares up sometimes.
306
00:14:02,940 --> 00:14:04,100
Well, look, I mean...
307
00:14:05,100 --> 00:14:06,770
.. we all have our little blips.
308
00:14:06,820 --> 00:14:08,970
Ever since this thing with
Bobby he's been like this.
309
00:14:09,020 --> 00:14:10,970
Well, as I said,
310
00:14:11,020 --> 00:14:12,320
marriage is a very, erm...
311
00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:15,900
Sorry, who's Bobby?
312
00:14:19,420 --> 00:14:20,460
Well, he...
313
00:14:21,900 --> 00:14:24,290
I feel like I can trust you
with this information, Kevin.
314
00:14:24,340 --> 00:14:25,460
Of course.
315
00:14:27,420 --> 00:14:29,730
Johnny wanted to take
control of his jealousy.
316
00:14:29,780 --> 00:14:31,450
The thing is he's...
317
00:14:31,500 --> 00:14:32,780
very complicated.
318
00:14:33,780 --> 00:14:35,210
He's horribly jealous,
319
00:14:35,260 --> 00:14:38,810
but at the same time he enjoys
watching me with another man.
320
00:14:38,860 --> 00:14:40,290
Of course.
321
00:14:40,340 --> 00:14:41,650
Wha... What?
322
00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:44,700
So... Bobby is someone we
invited into our relationship.
323
00:14:46,340 --> 00:14:47,580
On a monthly basis.
324
00:14:48,820 --> 00:14:50,450
He's a squaddie.
325
00:14:50,500 --> 00:14:52,180
He drives up from Aldershot.
326
00:14:54,620 --> 00:14:56,130
And that's all I know about him.
327
00:14:56,180 --> 00:14:57,380
Mmm.
328
00:14:59,660 --> 00:15:01,220
Aldershot. Erm...
329
00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:05,940
My mum lives in Fleet, which
is very near Aldershot.
330
00:15:11,180 --> 00:15:13,650
Tip for that neck of the woods, erm,
331
00:15:13,700 --> 00:15:16,410
there's a great tandoori, erm,
332
00:15:16,460 --> 00:15:18,010
second to naan!
333
00:15:19,100 --> 00:15:21,210
Oh, goodness! It's fine.
It's... It's... It's fine.
334
00:15:21,260 --> 00:15:22,410
- I'm so sorry.
- It's fine.
335
00:15:22,460 --> 00:15:23,570
Don't worry, just leave it.
336
00:15:23,620 --> 00:15:25,450
It's fine... Kevin...
337
00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:28,690
Er... You know, erm,
look... Look... Look...
338
00:15:28,740 --> 00:15:30,860
Many couples have, erm...
339
00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:33,250
I think.
340
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:35,730
Who am I? Erm... I mean, you look at...
341
00:15:35,780 --> 00:15:37,770
Many... Many marriages...
342
00:15:37,820 --> 00:15:39,350
Many couples...
343
00:15:39,700 --> 00:15:40,940
Ow! Er...
344
00:15:42,260 --> 00:15:43,730
I mean, the conventional...
345
00:15:43,780 --> 00:15:46,010
I mean... Who hasn't?
346
00:15:46,060 --> 00:15:47,100
Erm...
347
00:15:48,140 --> 00:15:49,450
What is a marriage?
348
00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:50,930
What is normal?
349
00:15:50,980 --> 00:15:52,530
There isn't any... Ow! Ow!
350
00:15:52,580 --> 00:15:53,880
There isn't any normal...
351
00:15:53,980 --> 00:15:54,960
Oh, my God.
352
00:15:56,500 --> 00:15:57,770
- It's Johnny. Er...
- Oh.
353
00:15:57,820 --> 00:15:59,970
Kevin, would you mind just
stepping into the garden?
354
00:16:00,020 --> 00:16:02,850
- What? Surely there's no...
- No, no, no, it's totally fine, but just...
355
00:16:02,900 --> 00:16:04,730
Would you? If you'd just
step into the garden,
356
00:16:04,780 --> 00:16:07,130
- it'd be so much easier for me.
- Oh... Oh, OK.
357
00:16:15,660 --> 00:16:18,170
- Hey, honey.
- Hey. How come you're back so early?
358
00:16:18,220 --> 00:16:21,010
Really? I do live here, you know!
359
00:16:21,060 --> 00:16:23,410
Is it such a bad thing
for me to come home?
360
00:16:23,460 --> 00:16:26,330
- Johnny, what's wrong?
- Well, I come home,
361
00:16:26,380 --> 00:16:28,610
you're not pleased to see
me, there's no kiss...
362
00:16:28,660 --> 00:16:30,850
- What are you talking about?
- What about normal couples?
363
00:16:30,900 --> 00:16:33,250
I just said how come you're
back so early? That's all I said.
364
00:16:33,300 --> 00:16:35,770
What's wrong with you? I
can't keep doing this...
365
00:16:35,820 --> 00:16:39,170
- You can't keep doing this? You're exhausted?
- What is up with you?
366
00:16:39,220 --> 00:16:40,930
I'm going outside for a cigarette.
367
00:16:40,980 --> 00:16:42,090
What?
368
00:16:42,140 --> 00:16:43,740
I'm having a cigarette.
369
00:16:44,700 --> 00:16:45,850
Johnny, why are you smoking?
370
00:16:45,900 --> 00:16:48,770
I'm smoking, because from the
moment I walk in the door
371
00:16:48,820 --> 00:16:52,810
you're busting my balls. Do we
not have a lighter in this house?
372
00:16:52,860 --> 00:16:56,540
- Oh, God! - 15,000
candles, and not one lighter!
373
00:17:35,740 --> 00:17:37,250
Let me get the first round in.
374
00:17:37,300 --> 00:17:38,620
No, no, no, let me get them.
375
00:17:39,700 --> 00:17:41,970
OK, I'll have a Cava,
376
00:17:42,020 --> 00:17:43,730
and then I'll get the next one.
377
00:17:43,780 --> 00:17:45,130
Oh, well, let's see how we feel.
378
00:17:45,180 --> 00:17:46,250
I mean...
379
00:17:46,300 --> 00:17:48,930
we may find that we're fully
quenched after this one.
380
00:17:48,980 --> 00:17:50,570
I'll just get a seat.
381
00:17:50,620 --> 00:17:51,730
Liz!
382
00:17:51,780 --> 00:17:53,490
I thought you didn't
do mum stuff at night.
383
00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:55,410
No, this is...
384
00:17:55,460 --> 00:17:58,290
this is strictly carpool business.
385
00:17:58,340 --> 00:17:59,810
Kev!
386
00:17:59,860 --> 00:18:00,980
Over here.
387
00:18:02,460 --> 00:18:03,610
I got you a drink.
388
00:18:03,660 --> 00:18:04,700
OK.
389
00:18:17,340 --> 00:18:19,580
- Yes, please, another.
- Are you all right, Kevin?
390
00:18:20,860 --> 00:18:22,260
What happened to your jeans?
391
00:18:25,500 --> 00:18:26,740
I was just climbing.
392
00:18:28,780 --> 00:18:30,570
Claire's in the house!
393
00:18:30,620 --> 00:18:32,620
Oh! The gang's all here.
394
00:18:42,380 --> 00:18:43,690
God, I love Cava.
395
00:18:43,740 --> 00:18:46,170
It's a terrific alternative.
396
00:18:46,220 --> 00:18:48,130
I actually think it's
nicer than champagne.
397
00:18:48,180 --> 00:18:50,090
So do I, I love it.
398
00:18:50,140 --> 00:18:53,130
Yeah. I don't like to drink
Cava around my husband though.
399
00:18:53,180 --> 00:18:54,370
He had to cut it out.
400
00:18:54,420 --> 00:18:56,920
He hasn't had a drop since
our son's christening...
401
00:18:57,620 --> 00:19:00,370
.. which is difficult,
because he really loved Cava.
402
00:19:00,420 --> 00:19:03,450
And his father loved Cava also.
403
00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:07,810
His father would drink two to three
bottles of Cava a day, at his worst.
404
00:19:07,860 --> 00:19:08,970
Which was sad,
405
00:19:09,020 --> 00:19:11,700
but it also meant he was very
easy to buy presents for.
406
00:19:19,980 --> 00:19:21,420
- Do you like Cava, Liz?
- No.
407
00:19:33,780 --> 00:19:35,460
- Jesus Christ!
- What's going on?
408
00:19:36,780 --> 00:19:38,490
- Nothing's going on.
- Yes, there is.
409
00:19:38,540 --> 00:19:39,820
What's going on, Kevin?
410
00:19:41,220 --> 00:19:43,690
I'm just dealing with some
very personal stuff right now
411
00:19:43,740 --> 00:19:46,140
that isn't even my personal
stuff, and it's just...
412
00:19:47,260 --> 00:19:49,290
It's too complicated,
Liz, I can't talk about it.
413
00:19:49,340 --> 00:19:51,860
Great, I'll just be ignored
by you AND Julia then.
414
00:19:53,380 --> 00:19:54,420
I'm in here!
415
00:19:58,260 --> 00:19:59,450
Last orders!
416
00:19:59,500 --> 00:20:02,210
I'd better make a move. I
have had such a fun evening.
417
00:20:02,260 --> 00:20:04,050
Can we just have a chat about carpool?
418
00:20:04,100 --> 00:20:06,130
Or back to mine for the after party?
419
00:20:06,180 --> 00:20:08,570
- I'm afraid I can't.
- I can't either.
420
00:20:08,620 --> 00:20:10,780
I can, actually! I'm afraid I can.
421
00:20:12,220 --> 00:20:14,500
- Liz?
- No, thank you!
422
00:20:22,180 --> 00:20:24,010
Right.
423
00:20:24,060 --> 00:20:25,460
Oi!
424
00:20:32,420 --> 00:20:34,100
Have you found the scooter?
425
00:20:36,380 --> 00:20:38,020
OK, let's get some tunes going.
426
00:20:48,620 --> 00:20:51,650
Shhh! Eh! My husband's
got an early shift, OK?
427
00:20:51,700 --> 00:20:54,290
But let's get this after party started.
428
00:20:54,340 --> 00:20:57,570
I can just stay for one, Anne.
Anne, I'm just staying for one!
429
00:20:57,620 --> 00:21:00,650
God, this is my worst nightmare come true.
430
00:21:00,700 --> 00:21:03,690
I'm surrounded by mums at night.
431
00:21:03,740 --> 00:21:07,490
I could just about handle it
on the school drop, but this...
432
00:21:15,700 --> 00:21:17,180
- Amanda.
- Hi.
433
00:21:18,460 --> 00:21:20,570
I'm sorry, I'm in my dressing gown!
434
00:21:20,620 --> 00:21:22,850
Well, we're on the phone,
so it doesn't really...
435
00:21:22,900 --> 00:21:24,660
Have you got time for a chat?
436
00:21:26,140 --> 00:21:28,090
Well, I'm not a little party at Anne's.
437
00:21:28,140 --> 00:21:32,770
- It's a bit...
- What? Anne didn't mention a party.
438
00:21:32,820 --> 00:21:36,090
That's because it's just a
little impromptu after party.
439
00:21:36,140 --> 00:21:39,050
Anne is having an after party?
440
00:21:39,100 --> 00:21:40,260
Pate?
441
00:21:41,420 --> 00:21:43,410
I made it myself. It's so simple.
442
00:21:43,460 --> 00:21:45,610
You just whizz up a liver, any old liver,
443
00:21:45,660 --> 00:21:47,420
and then throw in a dash of Tabasco.
444
00:21:49,180 --> 00:21:51,210
Now, where's our Cava?
445
00:21:51,260 --> 00:21:53,260
I think I have a nice one up behind Daddy.
446
00:22:01,460 --> 00:22:03,770
Pfft! This one, though.
447
00:22:03,820 --> 00:22:05,460
Ah!
448
00:22:15,820 --> 00:22:17,930
My phone was off, so I
must have missed your call
449
00:22:17,980 --> 00:22:19,850
that you're having a party.
450
00:22:19,900 --> 00:22:21,540
Yeah, well, it's an after party.
451
00:22:22,500 --> 00:22:24,170
And the whole deal with an after party
452
00:22:24,220 --> 00:22:26,620
is that you have to have
been at the party before.
453
00:22:28,260 --> 00:22:30,770
But you mustn't have heard
your phone when I called.
454
00:22:30,820 --> 00:22:32,940
Sorry about that, Anne!
455
00:22:54,140 --> 00:22:56,340
For fuck's sake!
456
00:23:07,060 --> 00:23:09,930
You left your jacket in my
kitchen, and Johnny found it,
457
00:23:09,980 --> 00:23:12,570
and he has completely lost it.
458
00:23:12,620 --> 00:23:13,900
What?!
459
00:23:15,780 --> 00:23:17,820
How did he know it was my jacket?
460
00:23:19,060 --> 00:23:20,940
Your name is stitched in it, Kevin.
461
00:23:23,180 --> 00:23:24,580
Shit!
462
00:23:26,420 --> 00:23:28,660
Shit, shit, shit!
463
00:23:31,740 --> 00:23:33,060
Shit!
464
00:23:34,180 --> 00:23:36,650
What a great night. Thanks, Anne.
465
00:23:36,700 --> 00:23:41,570
God, I just really need to
switch off from work and kids
466
00:23:41,620 --> 00:23:43,490
and school, and carpools.
467
00:23:43,540 --> 00:23:46,970
Any decision on the carpool?
Would just really help me out.
468
00:23:47,020 --> 00:23:49,100
God, yeah, sorry! I
gave the spot to Claire.
469
00:23:50,300 --> 00:23:53,730
- What? - Yeah, I gave a spot to Claire,
that's why we were out for a drink.
470
00:23:53,780 --> 00:23:56,970
Oh, right! It's just that's
also why I was out for a drink.
471
00:23:57,020 --> 00:24:00,050
Oh, I thought... I mean...
472
00:24:00,100 --> 00:24:02,250
I thought you just wanted
to go out for the fun of it.
473
00:24:02,300 --> 00:24:04,650
Come on, Anne! I was very,
very specifically there
474
00:24:04,700 --> 00:24:06,970
to talk about carpool, and
do you know what's more?
475
00:24:07,020 --> 00:24:08,050
You knew that, Anne,
476
00:24:08,100 --> 00:24:10,330
so you've actually just
been stringing me along.
477
00:24:10,380 --> 00:24:14,170
You're a real carpool tease.
478
00:24:14,220 --> 00:24:17,100
Not cool, Anne! Not cool at all.
479
00:24:20,860 --> 00:24:22,300
Cheers, Anne.
480
00:24:24,460 --> 00:24:26,130
- That was rude.
- What?
481
00:24:26,180 --> 00:24:28,570
- I'm not a fan of Anne, but come on.
- Yeah, well, I'm tired.
482
00:24:28,620 --> 00:24:31,170
No, no, you're on the
make the whole time, Julia.
483
00:24:31,220 --> 00:24:34,090
The only reason you're here tonight
is because you wanted something.
484
00:24:34,140 --> 00:24:36,850
- No! Well, yeah...
- Are we even friends?
485
00:24:36,900 --> 00:24:39,330
- What? - Are we friends?
- Of course we're friends!
486
00:24:39,380 --> 00:24:40,930
I see you every day.
487
00:24:40,980 --> 00:24:43,250
I see more of you than I
see some of my bridesmaids.
488
00:24:43,300 --> 00:24:45,370
Yeah, but you never ask me
to do anything with you.
489
00:24:45,420 --> 00:24:47,530
- That's not true.
- I'm your day friend, Julia.
490
00:24:47,580 --> 00:24:49,650
Not an evening friend. I'm a mum friend.
491
00:24:49,700 --> 00:24:51,410
I'm a convenience.
492
00:24:51,460 --> 00:24:54,210
I asked you to come for a drink
tonight because I needed to talk
493
00:24:54,260 --> 00:24:55,770
with a fucking mate, and instead,
494
00:24:55,820 --> 00:24:58,420
you chose to hang out with
an emotional storm drain.
495
00:25:00,940 --> 00:25:02,690
I'm an emotional storm drain?
496
00:25:02,740 --> 00:25:04,530
- No.
- Shit.
497
00:25:04,580 --> 00:25:05,970
Does anyone like me?
498
00:25:06,020 --> 00:25:07,890
Yes. People like you.
499
00:25:07,940 --> 00:25:09,970
I like you. Liz...
500
00:25:10,020 --> 00:25:11,410
Amanda likes you.
501
00:25:11,460 --> 00:25:12,890
Amanda doesn't like me.
502
00:25:12,940 --> 00:25:14,610
She doesn't give a flying poo about me.
503
00:25:14,660 --> 00:25:17,210
She just wants people around
her who can kiss her arse.
504
00:25:17,260 --> 00:25:19,860
And I've kissed every square
inch of that flat arse.
505
00:25:22,500 --> 00:25:25,730
Anne, you're drunk, and
you're embarrassing yourself.
506
00:25:25,780 --> 00:25:28,340
If I were you, I'd take myself
to bed and sleep it off.
507
00:25:33,340 --> 00:25:36,570
I may be drunk, but at least I know
how to unclench my flipping bum hole
508
00:25:36,620 --> 00:25:37,970
and have a good time!
509
00:25:38,020 --> 00:25:39,650
Did you just push me?
510
00:25:39,700 --> 00:25:41,770
- No.
- How dare you?
511
00:25:41,820 --> 00:25:44,810
- OK, let's not get violent.
- After everything I've done for you.
512
00:25:44,860 --> 00:25:46,690
You started this.
513
00:25:55,060 --> 00:25:57,210
After everything I've done for you!
514
00:25:57,260 --> 00:25:59,890
I was your friend when
no-one was your friend!
515
00:26:06,340 --> 00:26:08,660
Amanda's having threesomes
with a squaddie!
516
00:26:19,100 --> 00:26:21,290
Right, well, I can't top that, so I'm off.
517
00:26:21,340 --> 00:26:24,250
- Thanks for a great evening, Anne.
- Do you want to share a taxi, or...?
37686
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