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1
00:00:06,881 --> 00:00:08,109
[marching band plays distantly]
2
00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:09,634
[elevator dings]
- Okay, now remember,
3
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:12,345
we're only stopping
for 30 minutes.
4
00:00:12,387 --> 00:00:14,681
I mean, of all the
things to do in New York,
5
00:00:14,723 --> 00:00:17,851
you want to watch the
Thanksgiving Day Parade?
6
00:00:17,892 --> 00:00:19,269
It's so basic.
7
00:00:19,310 --> 00:00:21,312
Wh-why don't we just
get enslaved horses
8
00:00:21,354 --> 00:00:23,189
to pull us through Central Park?
9
00:00:24,315 --> 00:00:26,109
Now, my staff is a bit tedious,
10
00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:28,653
so we'll pop in for the parade,
and then we'll be on our way.
11
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:32,282
And that is when
the real fun begins.
12
00:00:32,323 --> 00:00:37,078
I've prepared an itinerary
of intellectual delights.
13
00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:40,206
Ugh, I cannot believe
your mother bought you
14
00:00:40,248 --> 00:00:41,541
that thing.
- Mom's cool.
15
00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:44,127
- But it completely blocks
out your surroundings.
16
00:00:44,169 --> 00:00:45,587
Although, I
understand the appeal
17
00:00:45,628 --> 00:00:48,048
since your surroundings
are usually Phoenix.
18
00:00:48,089 --> 00:00:49,883
- I wish I was in Phoenix.
19
00:00:49,924 --> 00:00:51,885
- Look, Thanksgiving is
the one time of the year
20
00:00:51,926 --> 00:00:54,346
that I get to see you.
21
00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:56,514
- You only wanted me here
'cause your girlfriend's
22
00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:59,559
in Montreal getting railed
by that found metal sculptor.
23
00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:03,188
- Okay, LaRue is the
third in our throuple.
24
00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:05,732
I enjoy that he
gives her pleasure.
25
00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:07,609
It's called compersion.
26
00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:09,069
And it'd be nice
if you could have
27
00:01:09,110 --> 00:01:11,237
a little compersion for me.
28
00:01:11,279 --> 00:01:13,448
[scoffs] Jealous of LaRue.
29
00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:16,493
[laughs] The poor oaf
doesn't even own a Kindle.
30
00:01:16,534 --> 00:01:19,704
And apparently, his
penis is extremely bulky.
31
00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:21,373
[controller clicks,
video game gun fires]
32
00:01:21,414 --> 00:01:24,584
[upbeat music]
33
00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:26,252
♪ ♪
34
00:01:26,294 --> 00:01:28,088
[crowd clamors, drums beat]
35
00:01:28,129 --> 00:01:31,007
- Okay, the next
float's a giant turkey.
36
00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:32,425
- Uh-huh.
- There's a woman waving
37
00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:34,302
on the back. It's
that Irish girl
38
00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:35,887
who plays Joan Rivers, I think.
39
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:37,722
- Oh!
- Oh, no.
40
00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:38,932
It's Christine Baranski!
41
00:01:38,973 --> 00:01:40,600
- Ooh! How's her coat?
42
00:01:40,642 --> 00:01:42,602
- She looks like
she is keeping warm.
43
00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:43,603
- Oh, good.
44
00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:45,105
- Gi-give a shout when you see
45
00:01:45,146 --> 00:01:47,732
the Panic in Needle Park float.
46
00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:49,251
- I don't think there's
gonna be one of those.
47
00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:51,361
- Fuckin' A.
48
00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:53,488
- Uh, Barb, Snoopy's coming.
49
00:01:56,908 --> 00:01:58,993
- [gasps] Oh, wow!
50
00:01:59,035 --> 00:02:00,954
And there's Santa!
51
00:02:00,995 --> 00:02:03,498
Hi, Santa!
52
00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:05,542
I guess that means
it's over. [door opens]
53
00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:08,336
Lauren, hi.
54
00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:10,463
We weren't sure you were coming.
55
00:02:10,505 --> 00:02:11,756
Is this...
- Yes.
56
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:12,966
Do-doo-da-loo!
57
00:02:13,008 --> 00:02:14,843
My son, Ginsberg.
58
00:02:14,884 --> 00:02:16,428
- Why are we in a bathroom?
59
00:02:16,469 --> 00:02:20,223
- It's the only view of
the parade from the office.
60
00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:22,851
Oswald would have had
a field day up here.
61
00:02:22,892 --> 00:02:25,270
- So wonderful to
meet you, Ginsberg.
62
00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:26,688
We've heard so much about you.
63
00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:28,857
- Really?
64
00:02:28,898 --> 00:02:30,817
- Um...
- They just started deflating
65
00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:32,902
the Woodstock balloon.
66
00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:34,654
- Well, I'll watch that.
67
00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:36,031
- [laughs]
68
00:02:36,072 --> 00:02:38,992
How could deflating balloons
possibly be of interest?
69
00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:41,828
- I relate to getting the
life sucked out of me.
70
00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:43,913
- Fine, but don't dawdle.
71
00:02:43,955 --> 00:02:46,166
We're already late for
our walk at the Cloisters
72
00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:48,001
with Soon-Yi Previn.
73
00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:49,753
Hasn't she been through enough?
74
00:02:51,963 --> 00:02:55,592
- Is Ginsberg named after
Allen or Ruth Bader?
75
00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:58,845
- Well, we want him to
decide when he turns 21.
76
00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:00,472
- That's fun.
77
00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:02,891
- This will be a formative trip.
78
00:03:02,932 --> 00:03:04,851
13 is that crucial age
79
00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:07,604
when a boy finally begins
crafting his identity.
80
00:03:07,645 --> 00:03:09,731
- Hm.
- I need to get to work.
81
00:03:09,773 --> 00:03:12,067
In Phoenix, the cultural
highlight of the year
82
00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:13,860
is Cinco de Mayo at Hooters.
83
00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:16,237
- I always try to
give my daughter space
84
00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:17,614
to follow her own path.
85
00:03:17,655 --> 00:03:19,949
- He'll certainly be
carving his own path.
86
00:03:19,991 --> 00:03:23,453
Carving it right into
his papa's footsteps.
87
00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:26,706
[jazz music playing]
88
00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:29,250
- Do you want to try
some mulled wine, Fabian?
89
00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:30,960
- I refuse to celebrate
a holiday rooted
90
00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:32,962
in First People's pain.
91
00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:34,130
- Then why are you here?
92
00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:35,924
- For me, it's a
regular work day.
93
00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:37,967
- Yeah, it's a work
day for me too.
94
00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:39,386
I'm working on getting drunk.
95
00:03:39,427 --> 00:03:41,721
[chuckles]
96
00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:42,948
You didn't want to
see your family?
97
00:03:42,972 --> 00:03:44,891
- I won't throw
away my principles
98
00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:47,310
for a few rounds of
singing charades.
99
00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:48,728
Where's your family?
100
00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:50,146
- The girls are with their mom.
101
00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:51,773
They'll be with
me for Christmas.
102
00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:55,235
- [sighs]
103
00:03:55,276 --> 00:03:56,820
- We're just about to leave.
104
00:03:56,861 --> 00:04:00,156
Oh, I've got some great gossip
about Fran Lebowitz's tailor.
105
00:04:00,198 --> 00:04:03,910
Hint, hint, he goes by
the name of J.Crew Outlet.
106
00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:05,578
[laughs]
107
00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:08,289
- Okay, I'm off
to my daughter's.
108
00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:10,291
We'll be pigging
out on pumpkin bread
109
00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:12,419
and bingeing "The
Crown" all day.
110
00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:13,962
That queen...
111
00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:16,464
her staff really
respects her, don't they?
112
00:04:16,506 --> 00:04:17,799
- Nobody leave yet.
113
00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:19,676
The wine's almost done mulling.
114
00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:22,512
- Oh, I'll wait for one mug.
115
00:04:22,554 --> 00:04:25,515
And what do the Caspian
men have planned?
116
00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:28,893
- Well, the pièce de
résistance is a sushi dinner
117
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:31,271
with "The New Yorker's"
assistant copy editor
118
00:04:31,312 --> 00:04:32,731
and his circle of wits.
119
00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:35,191
A true Thinks-giving,
if you will.
120
00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:36,860
- That sounds horrible.
121
00:04:39,738 --> 00:04:42,282
- That guy Sandy said he
needed to take a whore's bath.
122
00:04:42,323 --> 00:04:43,616
- Oh, Ginsberg.
123
00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:46,327
The correct term is
"sex worker's bath."
124
00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:48,997
- Uh, i-it's called
a whore's bath
125
00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:50,457
or a Portuguese shower,
126
00:04:50,498 --> 00:04:52,792
and that's it.
127
00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:56,129
- Maybe this will
remind everyone
128
00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:59,049
of the blood this
holiday has on its hands.
129
00:04:59,090 --> 00:05:02,677
[microwave beeps]
130
00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:04,346
[gasps]
131
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:09,517
Mmm.
132
00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:15,231
- No.
133
00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:18,401
Of course I'll be okay.
134
00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:20,653
I love you.
135
00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:22,655
Hm. That was my daughter.
136
00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:25,075
She's volunteering
to spend Thanksgiving
137
00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:26,785
with a lonely older woman.
138
00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:29,162
I guess we got
our wires crossed.
139
00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:30,830
I thought she meant me.
140
00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:33,458
- Hm. Well, in the
words of Vonnegut,
141
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:34,668
"So it goes."
142
00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:37,671
Now, Ginsberg, we must be going.
143
00:05:37,712 --> 00:05:38,922
- Do you wanna play?
144
00:05:38,963 --> 00:05:39,923
- Ginsberg?
145
00:05:39,964 --> 00:05:41,132
- Oh.
146
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,009
Um, sure.
147
00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:44,469
Thank you, Ginsberg.
148
00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:45,679
- Only my dad calls me that.
149
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,097
You can call me Eric.
150
00:05:50,392 --> 00:05:52,560
- [gasps] Oh, my goodness.
151
00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:54,187
Is this Fallujah?
152
00:05:54,229 --> 00:05:55,689
It looks so different.
153
00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:56,898
- You've been to Fallujah?
154
00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:58,191
- A lifetime ago...
155
00:05:58,233 --> 00:05:59,609
[gasps] Look at that.
156
00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:02,946
I used to spend every
Sunday morning at that café.
157
00:06:02,987 --> 00:06:04,364
Wait, who are you?
158
00:06:04,406 --> 00:06:05,782
Oh, no, you don't, mister.
159
00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:07,325
- [chuckles]
- [gasps]
160
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,744
Eric, I sniped him!
161
00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:11,329
- Sick.
162
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:12,706
- Hm.
163
00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:17,043
- Mmm.
164
00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:18,586
Getting there.
165
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:23,883
They opened the door?
166
00:06:23,925 --> 00:06:26,928
These rats are
getting smart as hell.
167
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:29,889
To you, rats.
Happy Turkey Day.
168
00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:33,953
- I-if you... if you click
left, you can pick your guns.
169
00:06:33,977 --> 00:06:35,353
- Oh.
170
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,063
- [grunts]
171
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:39,274
Hey, Ginsberg, look.
172
00:06:39,315 --> 00:06:41,151
[chuckles] Two dads.
173
00:06:41,192 --> 00:06:42,861
[laughing]
174
00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:45,530
Do I look like Lauren Caspian?
175
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:46,823
- Sure.
176
00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:48,742
- Oh, I thought you might have
177
00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:52,120
a slightly two-dimensional
idea of me.
178
00:06:53,455 --> 00:06:56,416
Sorry, did that fall flat?
179
00:06:56,458 --> 00:06:58,293
- You've got a great
kid here, Lauren.
180
00:06:58,335 --> 00:07:01,087
- Barb, respectfully, the
day we need your approval
181
00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:02,881
will be the day
we murder-suicide.
182
00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:03,673
No offense.
183
00:07:03,715 --> 00:07:05,467
- None taken.
184
00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:10,847
- [quietly] Unbelievable.
185
00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:13,558
Barb... [scoffs]
186
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,810
Trying to steal my son?
187
00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:17,812
Send her back to Phoenix.
188
00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:20,190
- Wine's almost ready.
[elevator dings]
189
00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:21,900
- Oh.
190
00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:23,151
- What's up, turkeys?
191
00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:25,403
- Chase. You look so elegant.
192
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:26,863
- Oh, thanks.
193
00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:29,157
My parents always have a
black-tie Thanksgiving brunch
194
00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:30,909
at the Princeton Club
so they can go home
195
00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:33,536
and get quietly
drizz-unk by themselves.
196
00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:34,662
- Oh, dear.
197
00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:35,663
- Yeah.
198
00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:37,248
I'm actually kind of sad.
199
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,667
LOL.
200
00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:41,044
But there was an
oily fish appetizer
201
00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:42,504
that I thought
Sandy would be into,
202
00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:43,838
so I brought it in a CVS bag,
203
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,048
just like he likes it.
204
00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:47,509
- Mmm.
- Oh, shit, whose kid is this?
205
00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:49,552
- I'd rather not say.
206
00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:51,888
- Uh, Lauren's son, Eric,
is letting me bore him
207
00:07:51,930 --> 00:07:53,556
with my old war stories.
208
00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:54,766
- They're not boring.
209
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,035
I think they're kind of...
- Barb.
210
00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:58,770
I need to talk to you
about a work thing.
211
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,440
Find me an interview guest.
212
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:03,692
- You got it. For when?
213
00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:05,568
- Today. Ginsberg is obviously
214
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:06,861
bored out of his mind here.
215
00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:09,406
- But... it's Thanksgiving.
216
00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:11,324
- So? Get a guest
who's not American.
217
00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:13,410
Get... I don't know,
Volodymyr Zelenskyy.
218
00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:15,286
He seems fun.
- I don't think we can make
219
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:18,039
a day-of request to the
president of Ukraine.
220
00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:19,207
- Well, then get me Putin.
221
00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:21,167
I don't care, just
find me a guest.
222
00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:24,379
I want Ginsberg to
see me in my element.
223
00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:26,506
- Uh... I'll do what I can.
224
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,010
- Oy gevalt.
225
00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:31,928
Sorry to strand you with Barb.
226
00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:33,722
I should've rescued you earlier.
227
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:35,974
- She's interesting and nice.
228
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:38,059
- Mm, interestingly boring.
229
00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:40,562
And nice at s...
being not, uh...
230
00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:42,147
being tedious.
231
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,482
- She was a war journalist.
232
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:45,817
- Was.
[chuckles]
233
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,485
- [groans softly]
234
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,029
- Ba-ba-bap!
- Hey!
235
00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:52,157
- I'm sorry, Ginsberg,
but I cannot stand idly by
236
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:54,743
while you lobotomize yourself
with the nearest widow.
237
00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:55,744
You'll thank me later.
238
00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:56,786
- Are you serious?
239
00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:58,580
- Very. But fear not.
240
00:08:58,621 --> 00:09:02,959
I'm going to introduce
you to myVR experience.
241
00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:05,962
- What?
242
00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:08,590
- Vigorous repartee.
243
00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:11,134
[whistling]
244
00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:14,846
- We know you're boycotting
non-Indigenous holidays,
245
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:18,016
but home's just not the
same without you, Ashley.
246
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:20,810
We saved the turkey skin, but
there's no one here to eat it.
247
00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:22,604
- I wouldn't eat it anyway.
248
00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:24,314
- That's right, I'm sorry.
249
00:09:24,356 --> 00:09:27,359
You sent us that disturbing
article about factory farming.
250
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:28,360
Mom read it too.
251
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:29,486
- She did?
252
00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:30,987
- Of course, honey.
253
00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:34,407
We read all the
articles you send.
254
00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:36,159
- I miss you guys.
255
00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:38,870
- Oh, my gosh, we miss
you like a limb, honey.
256
00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,747
Tell her, Codi.
- Hi, Ashley!
257
00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:43,041
- Hi, Boo Boo.
258
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:46,086
I heard your 4-H
presentation kicked butt.
259
00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:52,467
- Um, this is actually where
I do qigong and pass gas.
260
00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:54,260
- Sorry, I... I got
to get back to work.
261
00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:55,470
Bye, guys.
262
00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:56,512
[quietly] Love you.
263
00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:01,142
- [grunting]
264
00:10:01,184 --> 00:10:04,854
[radio jingle plays]
265
00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:08,274
- You might know him as the
brilliant Dr. Gregory House
266
00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:10,318
on the show that would
eventually inspire
267
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,987
the American version
of "The Office."
268
00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:15,990
Hugh Laurie, welcome
to "In the Know."
269
00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:17,551
- Thank you, Lauren.
It's a... it's a great...
270
00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:19,119
it's a great
pleasure to be here.
271
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:20,787
- Hugh, my producer,
Barb, claims
272
00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:22,682
that she was able to book
you on such short notice
273
00:10:22,706 --> 00:10:26,418
because you and her are,
and I quote, "old friends."
274
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:29,546
Can you call her out now
for the liar that she is?
275
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:32,382
- No, I can't... I
can't do that exactly.
276
00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:35,051
Lauren, I would say
Barb and I are...
277
00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:39,222
yeah, we... we, um... we...
we go a long way back.
278
00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:41,474
And if I'm
blushing... [chuckles]
279
00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:42,684
Well, perhaps she is too.
280
00:10:42,726 --> 00:10:44,310
- [chuckles]
281
00:10:44,352 --> 00:10:45,270
- Gross.
282
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:46,604
What do you think it means
283
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:49,691
for England to finally
have a male king?
284
00:10:49,733 --> 00:10:51,484
- [laughs drily] Uh...
285
00:10:51,526 --> 00:10:54,446
- Is there sort of a
sense that "Daddy's home"?
286
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:56,281
- It-it's not
"Daddy's home" for me.
287
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:59,534
Um, it's "a bloke's home."
288
00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:00,827
A bloke's come home.
289
00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:03,329
- Right, a bloke has
wandered into our house,
290
00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:05,665
and we don't know if
he's a crazed drifter
291
00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:08,335
or whether he's one of our
mother's many boyfriends.
292
00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:09,794
- Right. That would...
293
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:11,504
yeah, that would
be closer, I think.
294
00:11:11,546 --> 00:11:14,257
- Speaking of daddies,
when I was young,
295
00:11:14,299 --> 00:11:17,177
my father would ask me to stay
in my room and play solitaire
296
00:11:17,218 --> 00:11:19,387
whenever he'd invite over
a, quote, "adult friend,"
297
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:22,265
which was his thinly-veiled
nickname for prostitutes.
298
00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:24,392
To this day, I still find myself
299
00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:26,394
sexually aroused
by a deck of cards.
300
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:28,980
What was your relationship
with your father like?
301
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,107
- Not like that.
302
00:11:31,149 --> 00:11:34,194
[conversation
continues indistinctly]
303
00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:37,072
- How long do these last?
304
00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:39,032
- In clock time or emotionally?
305
00:11:39,074 --> 00:11:42,160
- Mm, I don't know.
306
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:44,537
- I feel much older
after each one.
307
00:11:44,579 --> 00:11:45,413
- Let's talk music.
308
00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:48,083
You play both blues and jazz.
309
00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:50,960
What is it about white
music you don't like?
310
00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:55,590
- [chuckles] I...
311
00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:57,592
it's... obviously,
it's not true to say
312
00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,386
I don't like white music.
313
00:11:59,427 --> 00:12:01,113
Obviously, you know...
- Let me cut you off,
314
00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:02,931
wh-which I like to do sometimes.
315
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:04,599
Many scholars believe
316
00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:06,518
that Shakespeare was
not a single person.
317
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:09,604
You yourself have asserted
that the work was created by,
318
00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:12,774
and I quote, "a writer's
room full of Jews,
319
00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:16,194
a veritable Elizabethan
Sid Caesars."
320
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:17,362
Can you elaborate?
321
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:19,823
- No, Lauren, I never said that
322
00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:22,367
or anything close to it.
323
00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:23,827
- [sighs]
324
00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:25,954
- Wanna have some fun?
325
00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:27,622
- Yeah.
326
00:12:27,664 --> 00:12:29,124
[static crackles]
327
00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:31,876
[chuckles]
328
00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:33,437
- You, um... you...
you Brits are famous
329
00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:34,730
for repressing your
emotions, whereas...
330
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:35,754
[static crackles]
331
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:40,176
Sorry, um, are we having
technical problems?
332
00:12:40,218 --> 00:12:41,970
- [snickers]
333
00:12:42,012 --> 00:12:43,346
- Okay, speed round.
334
00:12:43,388 --> 00:12:45,056
Short answer
questions. Here we go.
335
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:47,017
Coffee or tea?
336
00:12:47,058 --> 00:12:48,059
- Coffee.
337
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:49,644
- Bert or Ernie?
338
00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:50,770
- Who?
339
00:12:50,812 --> 00:12:52,039
- Hugh, what should we...
[static crackles]
340
00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:53,314
What sh... [static crackles]
341
00:12:53,356 --> 00:12:54,774
Carl, are you hearing that?
342
00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:55,775
- [snickering]
- Sorry.
343
00:12:55,817 --> 00:12:56,776
We got invading frequencies
344
00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:57,736
from a neighborhood station.
345
00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,320
All good now.
346
00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:02,949
- Hugh, what should we
do about Meghan Markle?
347
00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:06,661
- I... I... I don't know
that any action is required.
348
00:13:06,703 --> 00:13:09,372
- Going green or going shopping?
349
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,126
- [sighs]
350
00:13:13,168 --> 00:13:14,252
- Doing the work
351
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,379
or doing the damn thang?
352
00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:19,924
- Going green.
353
00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:21,217
- "Sex and the City"
354
00:13:21,259 --> 00:13:22,528
or "Sex and the..."
[static crackles]
355
00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:23,553
"Sex..." [airhorn blasts]
356
00:13:23,595 --> 00:13:24,655
- This ain't your
daddy's station.
357
00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:26,890
You're listening
to 103.9 The Hawk.
358
00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:28,183
[bell dings] Awooo!
359
00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:29,517
- Carl. Carl, are
you hearing it?
360
00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:31,603
It's really...
it's overwhelming.
361
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,730
- Mm, it's not coming
through on the tape,
362
00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:35,982
so we're all good.
363
00:13:36,024 --> 00:13:37,442
- Okay.
364
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:38,943
Hugh.
365
00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:39,944
Hugh.
366
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:42,030
- Yeah?
367
00:13:42,072 --> 00:13:43,406
- Hugh.
368
00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:44,824
It's been...
- Lauren.
369
00:13:44,866 --> 00:13:46,201
- Okay, but I need to get...
370
00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:47,786
I was... I was about
to do my outro.
371
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:49,913
If we could get that clean,
that would be wonderful.
372
00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:51,623
- Okay.
- Hugh.
373
00:13:53,124 --> 00:13:54,793
But don't... don't ice me.
374
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:57,087
If I'm saying your name,
you can respond to that.
375
00:13:57,128 --> 00:13:58,505
Hugh.
376
00:13:58,546 --> 00:13:59,714
- Lauren.
- We're...
377
00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:02,467
[huffs] Okay.
378
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:05,220
It's very, very important
that I get the outro clean.
379
00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:07,472
I just wan to be
clear about that.
380
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:09,516
Hugh.
381
00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:10,975
- Lauren.
- Thank you... no.
382
00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:12,227
Damn it.
383
00:14:12,268 --> 00:14:13,603
- [laughing]
384
00:14:13,645 --> 00:14:15,397
- Damn it.
385
00:14:15,438 --> 00:14:17,023
Hugh, I value your time.
386
00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:19,025
Do you value my time?
387
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:20,318
- I certainly do, yes.
- Okay.
388
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,654
Then please, we just
need to get it clean.
389
00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:25,156
Make sure you respond, but just
not when I'm doing my outro.
390
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:26,157
Okay?
- Okay, okay.
391
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:27,951
- Okay. Hugh.
- Lauren.
392
00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:30,120
- Thank you so much...
393
00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:35,166
For being on the show.
394
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,293
We appreciate...
395
00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:41,273
Well, are you gonna respond?
396
00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:42,382
I don't understand.
- Oh.
397
00:14:42,424 --> 00:14:44,551
I, too, appreciate
the opportunity
398
00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:46,219
to appear on your
show, and... and...
399
00:14:46,261 --> 00:14:48,304
- And that's our show.
400
00:14:48,346 --> 00:14:52,267
This has been a
banquet of connections,
401
00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:54,894
emotions, thoughts,
and feelings.
402
00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:58,023
- It certainly...
- Thank you.
403
00:14:58,064 --> 00:14:59,232
Thank you.
404
00:14:59,274 --> 00:15:01,776
[both laughing]
405
00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:04,487
So what'd you think?
406
00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:07,032
- I loved it.
- Ah!
407
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:08,908
Wasn't it scintillating?
408
00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:10,744
Look, I know we missed
tapas with Herman,
409
00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:13,913
but we can nosh with a
pansexual geologist any time.
410
00:15:13,955 --> 00:15:17,417
I thought you'd rather get to
see your dad do what he do.
411
00:15:17,459 --> 00:15:18,960
- No, no, no, no, it's Carl.
412
00:15:19,002 --> 00:15:20,420
He's so funny.
413
00:15:20,462 --> 00:15:22,297
He should have his own
TikTok or something.
414
00:15:22,339 --> 00:15:24,716
- [chuckles] Preaching
to the choir, little man.
415
00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:27,010
You should see his
impression of your dad.
416
00:15:27,052 --> 00:15:28,136
- Wh... pardon?
417
00:15:28,178 --> 00:15:30,388
- Oh, come on, Carl. Do it!
418
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:32,140
- I should probably
go check on my...
419
00:15:32,182 --> 00:15:33,141
- [chanting] Do it...
420
00:15:33,183 --> 00:15:35,101
[together] Do it, do it!
421
00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:38,980
- [chuckles] Imitation is the
sincerest form of flattery.
422
00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:40,857
Go ahead, Carl.
423
00:15:40,899 --> 00:15:43,234
- Okay, this is Lauren
ordering takeout.
424
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:44,527
[clears throat]
425
00:15:45,904 --> 00:15:48,823
[as Lauren] I revere
your beautiful culture.
426
00:15:48,865 --> 00:15:51,076
But if there is a hint
of spice in my pad Thai,
427
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:52,660
I will press charges.
428
00:15:52,702 --> 00:15:53,912
[laughter]
429
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:55,163
- Oh, my God.
430
00:15:55,205 --> 00:15:56,873
That is so good.
431
00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:58,541
- You're a thespian, Carl.
432
00:15:58,583 --> 00:16:01,002
- You're literally
Frank Caliendo, dude.
433
00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:03,672
- He even got the way
your vowels sound wet.
434
00:16:03,713 --> 00:16:05,757
- A common parrot can
do an imitation though.
435
00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:07,759
[chuckles] African
Grey Beard...
436
00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:10,595
not because you're
African American...
437
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,389
or that you have a gray beard.
438
00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:14,557
I would never call you
African Grey Beard.
439
00:16:14,599 --> 00:16:15,433
- [sighs]
440
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,018
- Now, if you'll excuse us,
441
00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:20,230
Ginsberg and I are due
at Sushi Damo by 6:00.
442
00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:22,691
- Can we just eat turkey
like regular people?
443
00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:24,984
- Caspians are
anything but regular.
444
00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:26,903
The quotables and
limericks you hear tonight
445
00:16:26,945 --> 00:16:28,780
will be what you bring
back to the literal
446
00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:30,824
and cultural desert
where you live.
447
00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:32,367
- I don't wanna go.
448
00:16:32,409 --> 00:16:33,969
- We've already missed
3 of the 19 courses.
449
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:36,204
And I, for one, refuse
to miss course five.
450
00:16:36,246 --> 00:16:38,456
The sous-chef pinches
you while you eat.
451
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:39,708
Get your coat, Ginsberg.
452
00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:41,268
- [mimicking Lauren]
Get your coat, Ginsberg.
453
00:16:41,292 --> 00:16:42,460
We shan't waste our day
454
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:44,295
with the lowest
common denominator.
455
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:45,422
- That's enough.
456
00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:46,965
- Look at me.
457
00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:49,092
I read big, awful books,
458
00:16:49,134 --> 00:16:51,886
and I watch movies that
are homework from hell.
459
00:16:51,928 --> 00:16:53,138
- Ginsberg!
460
00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:56,224
- I got Ginsberg's mom
pregnant in a hot tub.
461
00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:58,601
She read a feminist
poem, and I jizzed,
462
00:16:58,643 --> 00:17:02,564
and through some sick miracle,
Ginsberg was conceived.
463
00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:04,733
- Oh, kiddo, you
shouldn't know that.
464
00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:06,651
- It was a natural hot springs.
465
00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:09,738
- We're gonna go to a raw fish
Thinks-giving with strangers
466
00:17:09,779 --> 00:17:12,699
because everything I do
has to be interesting...
467
00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:14,451
- Ginsberg...
- Even though hardly anyone
468
00:17:14,492 --> 00:17:16,870
pays attention to me,
and the ones who do...
469
00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:18,830
- That's enough!
- Just think I'm lonely!
470
00:17:18,872 --> 00:17:20,206
And sad!
471
00:17:20,248 --> 00:17:22,792
And lame!
472
00:17:33,762 --> 00:17:37,682
- Uh, everyone else could see
that little boy too, right?
473
00:17:42,145 --> 00:17:44,272
- [sobbing]
474
00:17:44,314 --> 00:17:46,274
- The sound you
make when you weep
475
00:17:46,316 --> 00:17:48,443
is giving me a migraine.
476
00:17:48,485 --> 00:17:50,320
- My son hates me.
477
00:17:50,362 --> 00:17:52,197
- No. I hate you.
478
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:54,115
Your son is just angry with you.
479
00:17:54,157 --> 00:17:55,825
- No, I suck.
480
00:17:55,867 --> 00:17:58,620
I suck so bad.
481
00:17:58,661 --> 00:18:01,748
- Stop making that
sound, you bitch.
482
00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:03,583
- I didn't think
you used that word.
483
00:18:03,625 --> 00:18:05,460
- I usually don't.
484
00:18:05,502 --> 00:18:08,838
Do you want me to listen, or
do you want me to solve it?
485
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,965
- Mm, solve it?
486
00:18:11,007 --> 00:18:14,469
- Stop trying to get
Ginsberg to be like you.
487
00:18:14,511 --> 00:18:16,471
You don't even like being you.
488
00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:18,264
- I love being me.
489
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:20,934
No! Please, please.
490
00:18:20,975 --> 00:18:22,644
Okay, tell me what to do.
491
00:18:22,686 --> 00:18:24,604
- Just be a dad.
492
00:18:24,646 --> 00:18:27,691
Be a normal, boring dad.
493
00:18:27,732 --> 00:18:29,484
- I don't know how to be boring.
494
00:18:29,526 --> 00:18:31,027
- Wrong, bitch!
495
00:18:31,069 --> 00:18:33,530
You areboring.
496
00:18:33,571 --> 00:18:35,782
So am I. That's
why I hate you.
497
00:18:35,824 --> 00:18:37,784
You're like a magic
mirror that shows me
498
00:18:37,826 --> 00:18:40,995
what a sweaty fraud I am.
499
00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:42,747
I mean, look at us.
500
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:46,209
I'm staging a
protest for nobody,
501
00:18:46,251 --> 00:18:49,879
and you're dragging your
son to get mercury poisoning
502
00:18:49,921 --> 00:18:53,675
with nerds who
don't even like you.
503
00:18:53,717 --> 00:18:56,344
And for what? [sighs]
504
00:18:59,014 --> 00:19:00,932
We're still boring, Lauren.
505
00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:04,477
Now we're just boring and alone.
506
00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:10,275
- So wh-what do I
do with Ginsberg?
507
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:12,027
- I don't know.
508
00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:15,947
Just try to enjoy
the things he enjoys.
509
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:18,742
- Hmm.
510
00:19:18,783 --> 00:19:21,870
His pleasure is my pleasure.
511
00:19:21,911 --> 00:19:25,331
Of course... compersion.
512
00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:27,542
Fabian, thank you.
513
00:19:27,584 --> 00:19:29,169
[sobs]
514
00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:31,713
- Stop crying, you little bitch.
515
00:19:31,755 --> 00:19:34,049
- [continues sobbing]
516
00:19:34,090 --> 00:19:37,177
[jazz music playing]
517
00:19:44,559 --> 00:19:47,103
- ♪ We've come
too far together ♪
518
00:19:47,145 --> 00:19:49,689
♪ To throw it all away ♪
519
00:19:49,731 --> 00:19:52,317
♪ 'Cause right here
in my heart, girl ♪
520
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:54,861
♪ Forever you will stay ♪
521
00:19:54,903 --> 00:19:58,073
♪ 'Cause, baby, you're the one ♪
522
00:19:58,114 --> 00:20:01,284
♪ That keeps me hanging on ♪
523
00:20:05,288 --> 00:20:06,748
- Hello?
524
00:20:06,790 --> 00:20:08,708
- [breathes deeply] I know.
525
00:20:08,750 --> 00:20:10,085
It's time to go to sushi.
526
00:20:10,126 --> 00:20:12,420
I'll be down in a second.
527
00:20:12,462 --> 00:20:15,090
- I... I thought maybe
we could stay here.
528
00:20:17,175 --> 00:20:18,051
- Why?
529
00:20:18,093 --> 00:20:19,427
- Well, I was thinking maybe
530
00:20:19,469 --> 00:20:22,347
we could play that killing
game that you like.
531
00:20:23,807 --> 00:20:25,350
- You won't like it.
532
00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:28,436
There aren't any
jazz critics in it.
533
00:20:28,478 --> 00:20:31,147
- Well, if it's... if
it's okay with you, Eric,
534
00:20:31,189 --> 00:20:33,525
I-I'd like to at least try it.
535
00:20:41,324 --> 00:20:43,493
Oh. [gasps]
536
00:20:43,535 --> 00:20:47,622
Oh, my goodness, this
is very realistic.
537
00:20:47,664 --> 00:20:49,124
[laughs]
538
00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:50,917
[splutters] And I
have to be a soldier?
539
00:20:50,959 --> 00:20:52,836
There's no diplomatic option?
540
00:20:52,877 --> 00:20:54,629
- Yeah, you gotta
be a s-soldier.
541
00:20:54,671 --> 00:20:56,339
You're in the war.
542
00:20:56,381 --> 00:20:57,841
- I'm in the war.
543
00:21:01,845 --> 00:21:04,222
Ha. Ha.
- Oh, thank God.
544
00:21:04,264 --> 00:21:06,808
We were worried you'd come
up here to kill yourself.
545
00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:07,976
Lauren's not dead, guys.
546
00:21:08,018 --> 00:21:09,352
He's playing a game.
547
00:21:11,062 --> 00:21:13,440
- Mmm, mulled to perfection.
- Oh. Ah.
548
00:21:13,481 --> 00:21:15,066
- Oh, look out.
- Oh, goodness!
549
00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:16,484
Someone's attacking.
550
00:21:16,526 --> 00:21:17,986
ISIS! Or is it?
551
00:21:18,028 --> 00:21:19,362
[laughs] Is it the fog of war?
552
00:21:19,404 --> 00:21:20,864
- [laughing] Dad!
553
00:21:20,905 --> 00:21:21,865
- Whoa!
- You don't have
554
00:21:21,906 --> 00:21:23,533
to move around so much.
555
00:21:23,575 --> 00:21:26,953
- I... I hate to say it, but
I'm enjoying the violence.
556
00:21:26,995 --> 00:21:28,747
I like to kill.
557
00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:30,165
Ah.
558
00:21:31,583 --> 00:21:33,376
Grenade!
559
00:21:33,418 --> 00:21:34,418
- Oh.
560
00:21:35,587 --> 00:21:36,588
- [screams]
561
00:21:36,629 --> 00:21:38,048
[all gasp]
- Dad!
562
00:21:43,845 --> 00:21:45,472
- I'm alive.
563
00:21:45,513 --> 00:21:48,850
- [sighs] Woodstock
has saved us again.
564
00:21:48,892 --> 00:21:51,686
First in '69, then in '99,
565
00:21:51,728 --> 00:21:54,731
and now, in 2019.
566
00:21:54,773 --> 00:21:57,984
- Sandy, it's 2023.
567
00:21:58,026 --> 00:22:00,779
- [breathes deeply] Mm.
568
00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:03,406
[singing beautifully]
♪ Sometimes I wonder ♪
569
00:22:03,448 --> 00:22:08,411
♪ If I'm ever gonna
make it home again ♪
570
00:22:08,453 --> 00:22:12,707
♪ It's so far and out of sight ♪
571
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:20,840
♪ I really need
someone to talk to ♪
572
00:22:20,882 --> 00:22:26,882
♪ And nobody else knows
how to comfort me tonight ♪
573
00:22:30,350 --> 00:22:33,853
♪ Snow is cold ♪
574
00:22:33,895 --> 00:22:37,982
♪ Rain is wet ♪
575
00:22:38,024 --> 00:22:40,568
♪ Chills my soul ♪
576
00:22:40,610 --> 00:22:46,032
♪ Right to the marrow ♪
577
00:22:46,074 --> 00:22:50,912
♪ I won't be happy
till I see you ♪
578
00:22:50,954 --> 00:22:53,039
♪ Alone again ♪
579
00:22:53,081 --> 00:22:57,460
♪ Till I'm home again
and feeling right ♪
580
00:23:06,636 --> 00:23:09,305
Joe Biden was born in Kenya!
581
00:23:09,355 --> 00:23:13,905
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