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? At the end of the rainbow,there's happiness, ?
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? And to find it,how often I've tried~ ?
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? But my life is a race,just a wild goose chase, ?
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? And my dreamshave all been denied... ?
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? Why have I always been a failure? ?
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? What can the reason be? ?
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? I wonder if the world's to blame, ?
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? I wonder if it could be me?... ?
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? I'm always chasing rainbows, ?
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? Watching clouds, drifting by ?
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? My schemes are just likeall my dreams, ?
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? Ending in the sun... ?
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(firework explodes)
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? Some fellows look and find the sunshine, ?
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? I always look and find the rain ?
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? Some fellows makea winning sometimes, ?
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? I never even makea gain, believe me... ?
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? I'm always chasing rainbows, ?
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? Waiting to finda little bluebird ?
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? In vain~ ?
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(screaming)
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- (Groans)... Huh?
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Oh๏ฟฝ I'm alive! I'm alive!
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(tires screeching) *Not anymore!
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Travis: Heh. Thanks ferthe fun time, hot stuff.
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Angel Dust: Yeah, yeah, listen.Keep this discreet, you hear me?
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I can't let it get outI'm offering my services to randos on the street.
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It was a quickcash grab, ya got it?
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- Pfft...whatever you say, slut!
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(chuckles)
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- (sarcastically) Ouch, ooh, such an insult!
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Let me know when you come up withsomething creative to call me,
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ya sack of poorly packaged horse shit. (Angel Dust... you're my fav...)
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Tell the misses I said hi... (kiss) schnookums~
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- Sack of p...*Dog wines*
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*grumbling* *Dog yipping as he drives off*
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(car crashing)
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- YOINK! >:)- Hey! >:(
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- Up yours, drag show!
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*Crow caw as he is crushed*
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- (gasps) Oh my God!
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My drugs! :'(
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Damn it! >:(
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(lazers firing)
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Sir Pentious: (laughing maniacally)
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Those other cowardly sssinners dare not hinder my territorial takeover!
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A wise decision - the powerof my machines are unmatched!
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No other demon cancompare to the likesss of I!
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- Gee, that waspretty swell, boss.
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- Yeah!
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- You really showedthem what for!
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I liked when you shot themwith your ray gun.
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- I wish he'd shoot MEwith his ray gun... : (
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- ...At this rate, I will seize control of the entire
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west side of the Pentagram by day's end!
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And nothing, not a single beastin this inferno of suffering
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will be able to take back this empire from my conssstrictive grasp!
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Woo!
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*cork pops off* (Cheers M8)
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- Oh, BOY!
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- Hell will be mine,
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and everybody will knowthe name of Sir Pe--
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???: EDGELORD!
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- Pardon?! Who said that?!
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What did you just say to me, you fried chicken fetuses??? >:(
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Ssspeak up!-That wasn't us, Mr. Boss-man.
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(sizzling)
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(glass shattering)
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(trumpet faintly heard)
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(explosion)
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(hacking)
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Cherri Bomb: You looking fora fight, old man?
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Why don't you get thattinker toy BULLSHIT off my turf
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Before I SMASH it?!
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...More.
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- Oh! You want to go, Missy?Well, I'm happy to oblige!
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(evil laughter)
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Katie Killjoy: Good afternoon,I'm Katie Killjoy.
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Tom Trench: And I'm Tom Trench.
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Chaos out ofPentagram City today
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as a turf war is ragingon the west side;
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Between notablekingpin, Sir Pentious,
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and self-proclaimed spunkypowerhouse, Cherri Bomb.
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- That's right, Tom.After the recent extermination,
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many areas are now up for grabs!
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Demons all over Hellare already duking it out
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to gain new territory.
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- Those two seemto really be going at it, huh?
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- Looks like they're fightingtooth-and-nail for that hot spot.
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Tom: And I'd sure like to nailher hot spot! (pompous laugh)
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- You area limp-dick jackass, Tom!
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Or should I say... no dick?
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- Ugh... Not again!
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- Coming up next,we have an exclusive interview(Tom whining)
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with the daughter ofHell's own head honcho,(Tom still whining)
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who's here to discussher brand-new "passion project".(Still whining)
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All that and more,after the BREAK!
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...Suck it up, you little bi--
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*cuts off-air*
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Vaggie: Okay. Youremember what to say?
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*takes deep breath*
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Charlie: Yes! Let's do this!
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- Just look at me,and I'll mouth it to you.
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- Come on,Vaggie, I know what to say!
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I just feel like we needto- I don't know,
106
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make things sound moreexciting? (gasp) Oooooh!
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What if I si-- Sing a song about it?
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- You knew I was gonna say that...- Because I know you.
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But, please don't sing.This is serious!
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- Well, you know, I'm betterat expressing myself
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and my goals through song!
112
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- But life isn't a musical, hon.
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- Fine, but I have theseother ideas of what to say.
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The highlightedbits are the best parts~!
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- Uh... it's ALL highlighted.
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Is this a drawing?
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- Yes! That's the happy ending, see?
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Everyone's smilingand happy in Heaven.
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- I don't thinkit's that simple.
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Just PLEASE follow the talkingpoints we went over.
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And Do. Not. Sing.
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- Okay, fine.
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(fake British accent) I'll just have to resort
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to my impeccable improv skills!
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Hi! I'm Charlie.
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- Katie Killjoy.
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I'd say it's a pleasure to meetyou, but that would be a lie.
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You can put that away...I don't touch the gays.
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I have standards!- Yeah?
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How's, uh... how's thatworking out for ya?
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- Look, my time is moneyso I'll keep this short.
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You're not here becausewe wanted you here.
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You're here because Jeffrey couldn'tmake it for his cannibal cooking segment.
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You might be some royal big shot,but that doesn't mean shit to me.
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I'm too rich and too influentialto give a flying fuck
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About what some tux-wearingdemon "princess"
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wants to advertise!
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- But I--- So don't get cute with me honey,
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or I will fucking BURY you.
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- And we're live!
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- Welcome back!So Charlotte,
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- It's Charlie.
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- Whatever. Tell us about thisnew passion project you've been
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insistently pesteringour news station about!
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Charlie: Well... (clears throat)
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As most of you know,I was born here in Hell and,
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growing up, I alwaystried to see the good
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in everything around me.
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Hell is my home,and you are my people.
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We-- we just went throughanother extermination.
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We lost so many souls,and it breaks my heart
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to see my people beingslaughtered every year,
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and no one is even given a chance!
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I can't stand idly by
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while the place I live issubjected to such violence!
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So, I've been thinking...
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...isn't there a more humane wayto hinder overpopulation here in Hell?
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Perhaps we can create analternative way to change souls through๏ฟฝ
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redemption?
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Well, I think yes!
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So that's what this projectaims to achieve.
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Ladies and gentlemen, I'mopening the first of its kind,
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a hotel thatrehabilitates sinners!
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...You know,
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'cause hotels are for peoplepassing through๏ฟฝtemporarily...
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- Whehehaha! Is this girl fer real?
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She thinks-- you hearwhat she thinks?
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She th-- ha ha! Ohh, she's nuts.
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- I figure itwould serve a purpose,
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a place to worktowards redemption...
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Yay...?
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*eerie radio buzz*
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Cameraman: (tsk) Stupid bitch.
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- Look, every single one of you
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has something gooddeep down inside.
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I- I know you do!
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Maybe I'm notgetting through to you...
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- Oh, no...
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(snap)
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*radio click*
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? I have a dream,I'm here to tell, ?
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? About a wonderful,fantastic new hotel ?
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? Yes, it's one of a kind,right here in Hell, ?
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? Catering toa specific clientele~ ?
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- (harmonizing)
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? Inside of every demonis a rainbow, ?
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? Inside every sinneris a shiny smile, ?
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? Inside of every creepy,hatchet-wielding maniac ?
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? is a jolly, happy,cupcake-loving child~ ?
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? We can turn around, ?
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? They'll be Heaven-bound, ?
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? With just a little time down ?
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? At the Happy Hotel~ ?
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? So all you junkies,freaks, and weirdos, ?
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? Creepers, fuck-ups,crooks, and zeros, ?
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? And the fallen superheroes, ?
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? Help is here! ?
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? All of you cretins,sluts, and losers, ?
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? Sexual deviants and boozers, ?
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? And prescription drug abusers ?
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? Need not fear! ?
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? Forever again, ?
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? We'll cure your sin, ?
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? We'll make you well, ?
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? You'll feel so swell, ?
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? Right here in HELL ?
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? At the Happy Hotel~ ?
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? There'll be no more fire,and no more screams, ?
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? Just puppy dog kissesand cotton candy dreams, ?
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? And puffy-wuffy clouds~ ?
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? You're gonna be like, "Wow!" ?
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? Once you check in with meee-e-e~ ?
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? So all your cartoonporn addictions, ?
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? Vegan rants,psychic predictions, ?
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? Ancient Roman crucifixions ?
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? End right here! ?
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? All you monsters,thieves, and crazies, ?
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? Cannibals and crying babies, ?
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? Frothing mouthersfull of rabies ?
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? Fill with cheer! ?
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? You'll be complete, ?
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? It'll be so neat, ?
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? Our service can't be beat, ?
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? You'll be on Easy Street-- Yes! ?
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? Life will be sweet ?
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? At the Happy Hotel~! ?
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(crescendo)
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Yeah!
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(heavy breathing)
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(utter silence)
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- Wow...
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...that was shit!
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(laughter)
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- Booo.
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Katie: What in the Nine Circles
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makes you thinka single denizen of Hell
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would give TWO SHITS aboutbecoming a better person?!
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You have no proof that thislittle experiment even works!
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You want people to begood, just... BECAUSE?
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- Well, we have a patron already,
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who believes in our cause, andhe's shown incredible progress!
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- Oh? And who might THAT be?
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- Oh, just someonenamed... Angel Dust!
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- The porn star?- You fucking would, Tom.
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In any case, that's noteven an accomplishment.
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I'm sure you can getthat hooker to do anything
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with enoughbooger-sugar and lube!
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- Oh, I beg to differ. He's been behaved, clean,and out of trouble for two weeks now.
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- Breaking news!
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- We are receiving word
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that a new player hasentered the ongoing turf war!
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Let's go to the live feed.
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- (laughter)
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- Oh shit.
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- "Oh shit" indeed!
256
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:32,500
It looks like the onewho just joined the battle
257
00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:36,893
is none other than (gasp) porn actor Angel Dust! *Angel... why?!*
258
00:12:36,893 --> 00:12:39,655
What a juicy coincidence!
259
00:12:39,660 --> 00:12:42,100
You must feel reallystupid right now.
260
00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:44,120
- (both) Ha-ha-ha-ha!
261
00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:45,800
- ? Ratings~! ?
262
00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:47,880
- (gasp) DON'T LOOK AT THIS!
263
00:12:47,884 --> 00:12:51,726
- Well, it sure looks likeyour little project is dead on arrival.
264
00:12:51,726 --> 00:12:54,920
Tell us, how does it feelto be such a total failure?
265
00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:56,860
(laughter)
266
00:12:57,060 --> 00:13:00,740
- Yeah, well... how does it feelthat I got your pen, huh?!
267
00:13:00,740 --> 00:13:01,620
B I T C H
268
00:13:01,620 --> 00:13:02,680
(menacing chord)
269
00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:04,980
Heh-heh... oops.
270
00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:08,200
(monstrous roar)
271
00:13:08,260 --> 00:13:10,300
Cherri Bomb: Hey! Thanks for the backup, Angie.
272
00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:12,060
Angel Dust: Hahaha, you kiddin'?
273
00:13:12,060 --> 00:13:14,760
This is the best actionI've seen in ages.
274
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:16,180
- Where you been anyway?
275
00:13:16,180 --> 00:13:18,020
I thought you upand died or some shit.
276
00:13:18,020 --> 00:13:22,576
- Oh, I wish. I've been stayingat this crappy hotel on the other side of town.
277
00:13:22,580 --> 00:13:26,040
Some broads are letting mestay rent-free if I play nice.
278
00:13:27,700 --> 00:13:29,540
(groans) Y'know, no fights,
279
00:13:29,540 --> 00:13:33,340
no pranks, no "problematiclanguage"-- Her words, not mine.
280
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:37,640
These crazy bitches are no fun!I've been clean fer two weeks!
281
00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:40,859
- Holy shit.- ...Well, sorta clean.
282
00:13:40,859 --> 00:13:43,378
Just clean as you can getwhile doing a shitload
283
00:13:43,380 --> 00:13:45,440
of Bolivian marching powder!
284
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,380
Ooh! Harder, daddy~
285
00:13:49,780 --> 00:13:50,460
(gasp) Son?!
286
00:13:52,340 --> 00:13:53,720
(train horn)
287
00:13:54,460 --> 00:13:55,840
(hisses furiously)
288
00:13:55,940 --> 00:13:58,080
You whores have no class!
289
00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:02,440
In war, the side rememberedis the side with the most ssstyle!
290
00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:05,780
- Or the side that ain't dead!- Speakin' of style,
291
00:14:05,780 --> 00:14:07,980
is your hat, like,alive or somethin'?
292
00:14:07,980 --> 00:14:12,196
- Oh! Well, that's none of yourgoddamn businesss! Now is it?
293
00:14:12,196 --> 00:14:15,117
- Would that make your hatthe top and you the bottom?
294
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:17,220
- Ooooooh!
295
00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:20,600
- I'm going to blow you to bitsss!!
296
00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:23,920
- Hmm. Kinky.- Oh, not like that! Pervert!
297
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:30,040
Not so cocky now, are we?
298
00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:32,900
- Y'know, you really gotta watchwhat comes outta your mouth.
299
00:14:33,020 --> 00:14:35,800
I've been making these sex jokesthe whole-- TIME!
300
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:38,240
And it's obviousyou ain't catchin' on.
301
00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:40,680
I mean, it's just SAD!
302
00:14:41,210 --> 00:14:43,826
- So, think you're gonna getin a lot of trouble for this?
303
00:14:43,826 --> 00:14:45,760
- Eh, what's one littlebrawl gonna cause?
304
00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,840
*alarm blaring in background*
305
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,320
- WHY WONT ANYONE HELP ME?!
306
00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:52,476
- Glad you haven't changed.
307
00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:55,080
You know you're myfavorite guy to party with.
308
00:14:55,260 --> 00:14:56,880
- You know it, sugar tits.
309
00:14:56,900 --> 00:15:00,460
- You ready to finish this?- Born ready, baby.
310
00:15:00,460 --> 00:15:06,600
(collective screaming)
311
00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:08,280
*crow cawing*
312
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:11,520
*car engine revving*
313
00:15:11,620 --> 00:15:20,880
(car window winding up and down)
314
00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:25,280
What?
315
00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:27,060
- "What"? "What"?!
316
00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:28,620
What were you doing?!
317
00:15:28,620 --> 00:15:30,560
- (sigh) I owed mygirl buddy a solid!
318
00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:32,600
Isn't that a"redeeming quality"?
319
00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:33,920
Helping friends with stuff?
320
00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:37,880
- Not with turf wars thatresult in territorial genocide!
321
00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:40,400
- Eh... you win some, you losea few hundred.
322
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:41,500
(laughter)
323
00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:43,820
It wasn't that bad anyway.
324
00:15:44,620 --> 00:15:45,120
*knife thrown*
325
00:15:46,300 --> 00:15:46,800
*growling*
326
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,040
- Oh, come on! I had to!
327
00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:50,980
My credibility was on the line.
328
00:15:50,980 --> 00:15:53,060
I mean, what kind ofreputation would I have
329
00:15:53,060 --> 00:15:55,260
if people found outI was trying to go clean?
330
00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:57,480
It just throws outmy entire persona.
331
00:15:57,740 --> 00:16:00,280
- Your credibility??What about the hotel's?
332
00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:03,320
Your little stunt made uslook like a fucking joke!
333
00:16:03,620 --> 00:16:06,480
- No, no, no, babe.Jokes are funny.
334
00:16:06,490 --> 00:16:09,620
I made you look, uh...sad.
335
00:16:09,620 --> 00:16:10,920
And pathetic!
336
00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:12,420
Like an orphan,
337
00:16:12,420 --> 00:16:13,780
with no arms...
338
00:16:13,780 --> 00:16:15,000
Or- or legs...
339
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,620
Uh๏ฟฝ oh! With Progeria!
340
00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:20,800
Great! Now I'm bummedthinking about it!
341
00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:22,120
This thing have any liquor?
342
00:16:22,123 --> 00:16:25,120
- Can you please just TRYto take this seriously?
343
00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:28,840
- Fine, I'll try. Just don't getyour taco in a twist, baby.
344
00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:31,440
- Was that you tryingto be sexist, or racist?
345
00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:33,080
- Whatever pisses you off more.
346
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:35,200
Is there seriouslyno liquor in here?
347
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:37,600
- I'm gonna kill him.- Too late, toots.
348
00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:40,440
Wait, would that make me double-dead?
349
00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:43,720
Where exactly do I go,to Double Hell?!
350
00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:45,460
Hahahahahaha!
351
00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:49,060
Sorry. You're stuck with me,bitch. Get used to it.
352
00:16:49,060 --> 00:16:51,300
- Arrgh! Com๏ฟฝ mierda, malparido hijo de-(Eat shit, bastard son of a-)
353
00:16:51,460 --> 00:16:53,940
- Listen, who caresif some jackoffs got hurt?
354
00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:56,440
Most of them are ugly freaks.Look around,
355
00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:58,200
you got a buncha fukkenharlequin babies down here.
356
00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:02,080
- You're one to talk.- Hey! This body is flawless!
357
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:03,620
Everyone wants some of me,
358
00:17:03,620 --> 00:17:05,940
and I got the creepyfan letters to prove it.
359
00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:08,080
Arrgh!
360
00:17:08,220 --> 00:17:10,860
That was really uncool,y'know, Angel.
361
00:17:10,860 --> 00:17:13,016
- "Uncool"?!After THAT train wreck,
362
00:17:13,016 --> 00:17:16,395
there is no way ANYONE is gonnawant to stay at the hotel!
363
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:19,660
All thanks to you,and your selfish bullshit!
364
00:17:19,882 --> 00:17:22,440
- Does that mean I don'thave a free room anymore?
365
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,300
(tsk) Ah well, shucks. (snap)
366
00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:30,456
- Hey, come on. We don'tknow if things are over yet.
367
00:17:30,460 --> 00:17:33,600
Try to relax, Vaggie.I- It'll be okay!
368
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:37,700
(car engine running)
369
00:17:45,980 --> 00:17:46,480
(Vaggie groans)
370
00:17:55,900 --> 00:17:57,780
- It's probablya good idea to get
371
00:17:57,780 --> 00:18:00,560
some actual food inthis place. Y'know,
372
00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:03,100
to feed all the wayward soulsyou got in here.
373
00:18:03,100 --> 00:18:04,280
(laughing)
374
00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:06,580
(laughing dying down)
375
00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:08,220
eh-
376
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:25,320
- Hey Mom!
377
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:30,140
Um.... I know I keepcalling, and, uh, you must be busy...
378
00:18:30,140 --> 00:18:31,900
really๏ฟฝ busy.
379
00:18:32,020 --> 00:18:36,860
But, um,the interview didn't go well, and๏ฟฝ
380
00:18:36,860 --> 00:18:40,560
I don't know if I'mgoing to make a difference.
381
00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:42,920
I don't know what I'm doing.
382
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:45,820
I could really usesome advice, Mom.
383
00:18:45,820 --> 00:18:50,260
I... I think Dadwas right about me.
384
00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:56,180
(cry-chuckle) Uff. Eh, anyway, I'll stoptalking before this gets long.
385
00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:58,820
Love you. Bye.
386
00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:06,740
(knock)
387
00:19:07,220 --> 00:19:10,600
(rhythmic knocking)
388
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:20,140
Hell--
389
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:21,980
--lo!
390
00:19:22,700 --> 00:19:24,580
Charlie: Hey Vaggie?- What?
391
00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:26,920
- The Radio Demonis at the door...!
392
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:28,920
- What?!- Uh, who?
393
00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:32,560
- What should I do?- Uh- well, don't let him in!
394
00:19:35,820 --> 00:19:37,860
- May I speak now?- You may...
395
00:19:37,860 --> 00:19:39,880
- Alastor! Pleasure to bemeeting you, sweetheart.
396
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:42,000
Quite a pleasure!Excuse my sudden visit,
397
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:44,280
but I saw your fiascoon the picture show,
398
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:47,200
and I just couldn't resist. What a performance!(audience cheering)
399
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:50,940
Why, I haven't been that entertainedsince the stock market crash of 1929!
400
00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:52,380
(haughty laughter)
401
00:19:52,380 --> 00:19:53,840
...So many orphans.
402
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:57,240
Vaggie: Stop! Right! There!Cabr๏ฟฝn, hijo de perra! (Bastard, son of a bitch!)
403
00:19:57,240 --> 00:20:01,480
I know your game, and I'm notgonna let you hurt anyone here,
404
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:04,300
you pompous, cheesy,talk-show shitlord!
405
00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:07,280
- Dear, if I wantedto hurt anyone here...
406
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:08,540
...I WOULD HAVE DONE SO ALREADY.
407
00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:09,040
...I W?OULD HAVE๏ฟฝ ?D?O?N?E SO ALR?E?ADY.
408
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:09,540
.?.?.I? ?WO?UL?D ?H?A?V?E? ?DON?E ?S?O ALREA?DY?.
409
00:20:09,540 --> 00:20:10,040
.?..I? ?W?O??U???LD? ??H??A??VE?? ?D๏ฟฝ?O?N?E? S?O? ?A?L??RE?A?D??Y?.??
410
00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:10,540
.??..I? ??W?O?U?L?D? ??H??A?V?E ??D?ON??E?? ??SO?? ??A?L?R?E??๏ฟฝA???D?Y?.??
411
00:20:10,540 --> 00:20:11,040
.??.??.???I?? ??W???O??U?L?D? ??H๏ฟฝ?A?V?E? ??DO??N???E? ???S??O?? A๏ฟฝL??R?E??A??D?Y.??๏ฟฝ
412
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:11,540
.???.????.????I??? ??W??O?U?????L?????D?? ??H๏ฟฝ?A????V????E???? ?????D?O????N????E?? ?????S๏ฟฝO?? ๏ฟฝA??L????R?E???A???D???Y????.?????
413
00:20:11,540 --> 00:20:12,040
.??.?????.???I๏ฟฝ?? ????W?????O????U??๏ฟฝ??L???D?? ??๏ฟฝH???A????V๏ฟฝ??E??? ?????D???O??๏ฟฝN????E?? ????S??O?? ?????A???L???R?????E????A????D???Y????.????
414
00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:12,540
.????.?.?????I? ?????W????O??U???L????D????? ?????H???A????V?????E??๏ฟฝ ???D??O?๏ฟฝ???N????E?? ????S???O??? ??A??L?????R???E??A????D???Y????.??
415
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:16,200
- ...No, I'm here becauseI want to help!
416
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:19,540
- Say what now?- Help! (laughing)
417
00:20:19,540 --> 00:20:23,040
Hello? is this thing on?Testing, testing.
418
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:25,040
Microphone: WellI heard you loud and clear!
419
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:28,960
- Um, you want to help with...?
420
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:32,200
- This ridiculous thingyou're trying to do; this hotel!
421
00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:34,020
I want to help you run it.
422
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:36,240
- But... why?
423
00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:38,960
- Hahaha! Why doesanyone do anything?
424
00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:41,520
Sheer, Absolute BOREDOM
425
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:44,260
I've lacked inspiration for decades.
426
00:20:44,260 --> 00:20:47,620
My work became mundane,lacking focus...
427
00:20:47,620 --> 00:20:48,900
...AIMLESS! (crash)
428
00:20:48,900 --> 00:20:53,200
I've come to crave a NEW form of entertainment!Hahaha!
429
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:56,160
- Does getting intoa fist fight with a reporter
430
00:20:56,220 --> 00:20:57,880
count as entertainment?
431
00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:01,600
- Ha-ha-ha! It's thepurest kind, my dear.
432
00:21:01,660 --> 00:21:04,760
REALITY! TRUE PASSION!
433
00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:07,367
After all, the world is a stage,
434
00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:10,834
and the stage is a worldof entertainment!
435
00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:14,430
- ...So, does this meanthat you think it's POSSIBLE
436
00:21:14,430 --> 00:21:16,160
to rehabilitate a demon?
437
00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:20,100
- (laughter) Of course not!That's wacky nonsense.
438
00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:23,160
Redemption... oh,the non-existent humanity!
439
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:25,840
Nononono... I don'tthink there's anything left
440
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:27,640
that could save suchloathsome sinners.
441
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:29,600
The chance given wasthe life they lived before,
442
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:31,720
the punishment is THIS!
443
00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:33,340
There is no undoingwhat is done.
444
00:21:33,340 --> 00:21:37,120
- So then why do you want to help meif you don't believe in my cause?
445
00:21:37,300 --> 00:21:41,040
- Consider it an investmentin ongoing entertainment for myself!
446
00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:43,320
I want to watch the scumof the world struggle
447
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:45,440
to climb up thehill of betterment,
448
00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:48,580
only to repeatedly tripand tumble down
449
00:21:48,580 --> 00:21:52,520
into the fiery pit of failure...
450
00:21:53,060 --> 00:21:55,040
- Rrrrrright...
451
00:21:56,100 --> 00:21:59,600
- Yes, indeedy! I see bigthings coming your way,
452
00:21:59,660 --> 00:22:01,560
and who betterto help you than I?
453
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:04,380
- I-so uh what's the dealwith Smiles over there?
454
00:22:04,700 --> 00:22:06,620
- Wait, you've neverheard of him before?
455
00:22:06,622 --> 00:22:08,140
You've been here longer than me.
456
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:09,900
The Radio Demon?
457
00:22:09,900 --> 00:22:12,540
One of the most powerfulbeings Hell has ever seen?
458
00:22:12,820 --> 00:22:14,840
- Eh, not big on politics.
459
00:22:15,140 --> 00:22:15,920
- Ugh.
460
00:22:15,940 --> 00:22:19,380
Decades ago, Alastor manifestedin Hell.
461
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:25,100
Seemingly overnight, he began to topple overlords whohad been dominant for centuries.
462
00:22:25,100 --> 00:22:29,480
That kind of raw power had never beenharnessed by a mortal soul before!
463
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:32,960
Then, he broadcast his carnageall throughout Hell,
464
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:36,140
just so everyone couldwitness his ability!
465
00:22:36,140 --> 00:22:39,720
Sinners started callinghim "The Radio Demon"...
466
00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:41,380
...as lazy as that is.
467
00:22:41,380 --> 00:22:45,280
Many have speculated whatunimaginable force enabled him
468
00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:49,300
to rival our world's mostancient and destructive evils.
469
00:22:49,300 --> 00:22:51,220
But one thing's for sure.
470
00:22:51,220 --> 00:22:53,760
He's an unpredictablesource of danger,
471
00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:58,160
a wicked spirit of mystery,and a violent monster of chaos,
472
00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:01,160
the likes of which we can'trisk getting involved with,
473
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:03,840
unless we want to end up ERASED.
474
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:05,160
- Ya done?
475
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:07,920
He lookslike a strawberry pimp!
476
00:23:08,300 --> 00:23:10,040
- Well, I don't trust him.
477
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:13,140
- To be fair, do you trustany man? Any men?
478
00:23:14,180 --> 00:23:15,400
Men?
479
00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:19,140
- Charlie, listen to me...You can't believe this creep.
480
00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:24,340
He isn't just a happy face.He's a deal maker. Pure evil!
481
00:23:24,340 --> 00:23:27,780
He can't be redeemed! And ismost likely looking for a way
482
00:23:27,780 --> 00:23:29,840
to destroy everythingwe're trying to do.
483
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:34,260
- I... eh- we don't know that.Look, I know he's bad
484
00:23:34,260 --> 00:23:37,300
and I know he probablydoesn't wanna change.
485
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:40,760
But the whole point of thisis to give people a chance,
486
00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:43,060
to have faith things will be better.
487
00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:46,360
How can I turnsomeone away? I can't.
488
00:23:46,360 --> 00:23:48,980
It goes againsteverything I'm trying to do.
489
00:23:48,980 --> 00:23:50,820
Everything I believe in.
490
00:23:50,820 --> 00:23:55,120
Just, trust me.I can take care of myself.
491
00:23:55,123 --> 00:23:59,227
- Charlie, whatever you do,do not make a deal with him. (radio humming)
492
00:23:59,227 --> 00:24:02,782
- Don't worry. I picked upone thing from my dad:
493
00:24:02,782 --> 00:24:05,960
"You don'ttake shit from other demons!"
494
00:24:06,540 --> 00:24:10,080
Okay... so, Al,you're sketchy as fuck,
495
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:13,080
and you clearly see whatI'm trying to do here as a joke.
496
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:14,400
But I don't.
497
00:24:14,740 --> 00:24:16,640
I think everyonedeserves a chance
498
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:20,400
to prove they can be better, soI'm taking your offer to help.
499
00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:23,280
On the conditionthat there be no...
500
00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:25,460
tricks or voodoostrings attached.
501
00:24:25,900 --> 00:24:28,180
- So it's a deal then?
502
00:24:28,460 --> 00:24:32,060
(wind howling)
503
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:36,740
- Nope! No shaking.No deals. I... hmm...
504
00:24:37,500 --> 00:24:40,820
...As Princess of Hell,and heir to the throne,
505
00:24:40,820 --> 00:24:45,120
I-uh, hereby order thatyou help with this hotel...
506
00:24:45,120 --> 00:24:47,240
...for as long as you desire.
507
00:24:50,980 --> 00:24:52,900
Sound fair?- Hmm...
508
00:24:52,900 --> 00:24:55,240
...fair enough.- Cool beans...
509
00:24:55,520 --> 00:24:57,240
(Alastor humming"You're Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile")
510
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:00,280
- Smile, my dear!
511
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:03,440
You know you're neverfully dressed without one!
512
00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:07,100
(humming continues)
513
00:25:07,340 --> 00:25:09,120
So where is your hotel staff?
514
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:12,200
- Uh... well...
515
00:25:12,380 --> 00:25:15,900
Ho-ho-ho, you're goingto need more than that.
516
00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:18,820
And what can you do,my effeminate fellow?
517
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:19,900
- I can suck ya dick.
518
00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:21,040
- HA!
519
00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:21,680
NO.
520
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:22,560
- Heh, your loss.
521
00:25:23,360 --> 00:25:25,040
- Well this just won't do!
522
00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:29,160
I suppose I can cash in a fewfavors to liven things up.
523
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:31,600
(whimsical jingle)
524
00:25:42,360 --> 00:25:43,460
(party horn squeaks)
525
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:46,180
This little darling is Niffty!
526
00:25:46,180 --> 00:25:49,180
- Hi, I'm Niffty.It's nice to meet you.
527
00:25:49,180 --> 00:25:51,780
It's been a while sinceI've made new friends...
528
00:25:51,780 --> 00:25:53,060
Why are you all women?
529
00:25:53,060 --> 00:25:54,040
Have any men here?!
530
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:55,060
I'm sorry if that's rude.
531
00:25:55,060 --> 00:25:56,800
Oh man! This place is filthy!
532
00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:58,280
It really needs a lady's touch,
533
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:00,480
which is weird becauseyou're all ladies, no offense.
534
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:04,640
Ohmigosh, this is awful!Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.
535
00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:05,240
(gasp)
536
00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:06,320
NOPE.
537
00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:09,300
???: Ha! Read 'em and weep, boys.
538
00:26:09,380 --> 00:26:12,240
Ful--wooooooah
539
00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:13,320
The hell?
540
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:15,860
What the fuck is this?
541
00:26:15,860 --> 00:26:16,980
(furiously) YOU.
542
00:26:16,980 --> 00:26:20,251
- Ah! Husker, my good friend,glad you could make it!
543
00:26:20,260 --> 00:26:23,100
Don't you "Husker" me,you son of a bitch.
544
00:26:23,100 --> 00:26:25,560
I was about to winthe whole damn POT!
545
00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:26,580
- Good to see you too.
546
00:26:26,580 --> 00:26:27,080
*Face palm*
547
00:26:27,180 --> 00:26:29,160
- What the hell do you wantwith me this time?
548
00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:31,180
- My friend, I am doingsome charity works,
549
00:26:31,180 --> 00:26:34,160
so I took it upon myselfto volunteer your services!
550
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:35,000
I hope that's okay.
551
00:26:35,540 --> 00:26:37,000
- Are you shittin' me?
552
00:26:37,140 --> 00:26:39,780
- Hmm. No, I don't think so.(audience laughter)
553
00:26:39,780 --> 00:26:42,940
- You thought it would besome kinda big fuckin' riot
554
00:26:42,940 --> 00:26:44,960
just to pull me outta nowhere?
555
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:46,900
You think I'm somekind of fuckin' clown?!
556
00:26:47,780 --> 00:26:50,640
- Maybe!(audience laughter) - I ain't doin' no fuckin' charity job.
557
00:26:51,120 --> 00:26:53,260
- Well, I figured you wouldbe the perfect face
558
00:26:53,260 --> 00:26:55,932
to man the front deskof this fine establishment!(audience applause)
559
00:26:55,932 --> 00:26:58,708
With your charming smileand welcoming energy,
560
00:26:58,708 --> 00:27:01,020
this job was made for you!
561
00:27:01,260 --> 00:27:05,020
Don't worry, my friend. I canmake this more welcoming...
562
00:27:05,020 --> 00:27:07,180
...if you wish.
563
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:12,460
- What? You think you can buy mewith a wink and some cheap booze?!
564
00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:14,360
Well, you can!
565
00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:18,340
- Hey! hey! Hey-hey-hey!No, no bar! No alcohol.
566
00:27:18,340 --> 00:27:21,240
This is supposed to be placethat DISCOURAGES sin!
567
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:25,120
Not some kind of now-brothel... man cave--
568
00:27:25,120 --> 00:27:28,720
- Shut up! SHUT! UP!We are keeping this.
569
00:27:29,120 --> 00:27:31,360
- Hey.- Go fuck yourself.
570
00:27:31,360 --> 00:27:32,960
- Only if you watch me~
571
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:35,880
- Oh my gosh!Welcome to the Happy Hotel!
572
00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:38,000
You are going to LOVE IT HERE!
573
00:27:38,360 --> 00:27:40,780
- I lost the abilityto love years ago.
574
00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:43,300
- So, what do you think?
575
00:27:43,300 --> 00:27:45,720
- This is amazing!(party horn)
576
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:47,800
- It's... okay.
577
00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:48,620
- Hahaha!
578
00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:52,180
This is going to bevery entertaining!
579
00:27:52,180 --> 00:27:54,180
(radio starting up)
580
00:27:55,900 --> 00:27:57,960
? You have a dream, ?
581
00:27:57,969 --> 00:28:00,120
? You wish to tell, ?
582
00:28:00,120 --> 00:28:01,500
? And it's just laughable, ?
583
00:28:01,500 --> 00:28:03,280
? But hey, kid, what the hell! ?
584
00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:06,460
? 'Cause you're one of a kind, ?
585
00:28:06,460 --> 00:28:08,240
? A charming demon belle! ?
586
00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:11,120
? Now, let's give theseburning fools a place to dwell! ?
587
00:28:11,120 --> 00:28:12,100
Take it, boys!
588
00:28:15,380 --> 00:28:16,660
- Ha-ha!- Boo!
589
00:28:16,660 --> 00:28:20,080
? Inside of every demonis a lost cause, ?
590
00:28:20,080 --> 00:28:23,200
? But we'll dress 'emup for now with just a smile! ?
591
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:24,260
- ? WITH A SMILE! ?
592
00:28:24,260 --> 00:28:26,280
- ? And we'll chlorinate this cesspool ?
593
00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:28,000
? with someold redemption flair, ?
594
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:30,940
? And show these simpletonssome proper class and style! ?
595
00:28:30,940 --> 00:28:32,800
- ? CLASS AND STYLE! ?- ? Oh! ?
596
00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:34,220
? Here below the ground, ?
597
00:28:34,220 --> 00:28:36,200
? I'm sure your plan is sound! ?
598
00:28:36,360 --> 00:28:38,600
? They'll spend a little time~ ?
599
00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:40,260
? Down at this Hazbin Ho- ?
600
00:28:42,340 --> 00:28:42,840
(crash)
601
00:28:45,660 --> 00:28:48,000
Sir Pentious: Ha! Well, well, well.
602
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:51,340
Look who it isharboring the striped freak!
603
00:28:51,340 --> 00:28:53,720
We meet yet again, Alastor!
604
00:28:53,980 --> 00:28:55,080
- Do I know you?
605
00:28:56,100 --> 00:28:58,080
- OH, yes you do!
606
00:28:58,660 --> 00:29:02,440
And this time, I havethe element of... surprise!
607
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:04,919
AH HA HA!
608
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:08,320
I'm so evil! NYE-HA-HA-HA!
609
00:29:08,660 --> 00:29:10,740
Whoa... whoa... whoa... oh...
610
00:29:10,740 --> 00:29:12,420
Whoooa!
611
00:29:12,420 --> 00:29:15,560
(screaming, egg shells cracking)
612
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:16,640
(slam)
613
00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:17,900
Argh! That hurt!
614
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:22,440
(tortured screaming)
615
00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:25,920
(Egg Bois howling)
616
00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:36,580
(explosion)
617
00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:44,080
...Well, I'm starved!Who wants some jambalaya?
618
00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:46,760
My mother once showed mea wonderful recipe for jambalaya!
619
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:48,820
In fact, it nearlykilled her! Ha-ha-ha!
620
00:29:48,820 --> 00:29:50,920
You could say the kickwas right out of Hell!
621
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:52,880
Oh-hoho, I'm on a roll!
622
00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:57,420
Yes sir, this is the start of somereal changes down here!
623
00:29:57,420 --> 00:29:59,220
The game is set.
624
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:01,140
Now...
625
00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:04,700
...STAY TUNED.
626
00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:06,660
(low chuckling)
627
00:30:06,660 --> 00:31:27,240
(Rocking Credits)
628
00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:33,600
(ground burning)
629
00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:37,200
(limbs rattling)
630
00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:40,100
Now will you shoot mewith your ray gun?
631
00:31:40,150 --> 00:31:44,700
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