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1
00:00:00,417 --> 00:00:00,458
[
2
00:00:00,458 --> 00:00:00,583
[ Rapid
3
00:00:00,583 --> 00:00:00,625
[ Rapid gunfire,
4
00:00:00,625 --> 00:00:00,750
[ Rapid gunfire, tires
5
00:00:00,750 --> 00:00:00,792
[ Rapid gunfire, tires squealing
6
00:00:00,792 --> 00:00:00,875
[ Rapid gunfire, tires squealing
on
7
00:00:00,875 --> 00:00:00,917
[ Rapid gunfire, tires squealing
on movie
8
00:00:00,917 --> 00:00:01,001
[ Rapid gunfire, tires squealing
on movie screen
9
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:02,377
[ Rapid gunfire, tires squealing
on movie screen ]
10
00:00:02,377 --> 00:00:04,921
Man: Hang on.
I know where we need to go.
11
00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:06,631
My God,
there he goes again.
12
00:00:06,631 --> 00:00:09,884
This doofus has been wrong
at every turn.
13
00:00:09,884 --> 00:00:11,928
[ Tires screeching,
man screaming on movie screen ]
14
00:00:11,928 --> 00:00:13,596
Okay,
random-ass car crash.
15
00:00:13,596 --> 00:00:14,723
[ Thudding on movie screen ]
16
00:00:14,723 --> 00:00:16,850
Oh, shit, he dead.
17
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,810
Wow, I was starting
to get attached
18
00:00:18,810 --> 00:00:20,687
to that character
a little bit.
19
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:23,523
[ Whispering ]
20
00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:24,607
[ Giggles ]
21
00:00:24,607 --> 00:00:25,483
What?
22
00:00:25,483 --> 00:00:27,694
[ Whispering ]
23
00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:38,163
?
24
00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:39,748
No!
25
00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:43,585
There are p-people
all around us.
26
00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:48,423
Guys, look, Tyrese
just got his son back.
27
00:00:48,423 --> 00:00:51,301
Do you even care
about supporting the arts?
28
00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:53,136
Wait, he's back now?
29
00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:54,220
I thought he was dead.
30
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:56,848
Oh, look who decided
to use her mouth
31
00:00:56,848 --> 00:00:58,725
for something
other than kissing.
32
00:00:58,725 --> 00:00:59,934
Chad.
What's up, my man?
33
00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:01,478
Anything you missed
about Tyrese,
34
00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:03,646
I will remember
to tell you after-- Chad, we're dating.
35
00:01:03,646 --> 00:01:06,149
It's perfectly normal for us
to kiss each other.
36
00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:07,400
Okay, sure, Peter.
37
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:08,485
Why don't you just get naked
38
00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:10,320
and let her squeeze
your penis?
39
00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:13,031
What?
Forget it, I can't take any more
40
00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:14,991
of this sexual horseplay.
41
00:01:14,991 --> 00:01:18,203
Oh, shit.
42
00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:21,372
Peter, be careful!
43
00:01:21,372 --> 00:01:22,290
Man: Shh!
44
00:01:22,290 --> 00:01:24,542
Calm down, sir,
it's a matinee.
45
00:01:24,542 --> 00:01:25,668
[ Candies clattering ]
46
00:01:25,668 --> 00:01:28,129
How is it still
coming out of me?
47
00:01:28,129 --> 00:01:34,719
?
48
00:01:34,719 --> 00:01:35,887
Ground rules?
49
00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:38,264
Well, since Saturday night
was basically the two of you
50
00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:39,599
starring in a porno movie,
51
00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:43,144
yeah, I have some
ground rules moving forward.
52
00:01:43,144 --> 00:01:44,729
Well,
let's just hear him out.
53
00:01:44,729 --> 00:01:46,940
Sometimes restrictions
can be constructive,
54
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:49,317
or even titillating.
Okay, first rule,
55
00:01:49,317 --> 00:01:51,861
please do not
use the word "titillating."
56
00:01:51,861 --> 00:01:52,987
It has "tit" in it.
57
00:01:52,987 --> 00:01:54,989
Also, please no baby-ish
giggling.
58
00:01:54,989 --> 00:01:58,159
Let's just say no giggling
in general, actually, okay?
59
00:01:58,159 --> 00:01:59,285
I don't like it.
Oh, boy.
60
00:01:59,285 --> 00:02:00,453
There's a playfulness to it
61
00:02:00,453 --> 00:02:03,081
that really pisses me off.
Stop him.
62
00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:05,834
And no whispering to each other
in a romantic way.
63
00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:08,461
Well, sometimes
Denise's throat gets tired,
64
00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:10,213
so she has to whisper.
65
00:02:10,213 --> 00:02:13,049
Okay, I will allow
for medical whispers
66
00:02:13,049 --> 00:02:14,467
and medical whispers only.
67
00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:16,636
Maybe you could just let Peter
make his own choices.
68
00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:18,596
Oh, yeah, let's do that.
69
00:02:18,596 --> 00:02:21,224
Well, I'm-- I--
See, Denise?
70
00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:22,642
It's not going to work.
71
00:02:22,642 --> 00:02:24,894
I printed this
at a Kinko's, you guys.
72
00:02:24,894 --> 00:02:28,690
I don't have access to an air
print feature in my house.
73
00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:32,569
I went out of my way to make
this explicitly clear to you.
74
00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:34,696
If this is what it takes for us
to spend some time together
75
00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:37,949
without you constantly
bothering us, fine.
76
00:02:37,949 --> 00:02:39,868
Okay, great.
So I think it's only fair
77
00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:42,662
we split up his time
extremely randomly.
78
00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:44,998
I'll take Thursday, Friday,
Saturday, Sunday,
79
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:46,624
and you can have
the other days.
80
00:02:46,624 --> 00:02:48,626
I think it's more fair
if we alternate nights.
81
00:02:48,626 --> 00:02:50,295
You can take Friday,
I'll have Saturday,
82
00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:51,671
let's say starting
at 3:00 p.m.?
83
00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:53,840
Let's say 3:30.
84
00:02:54,799 --> 00:02:56,718
3:30 on Saturday?
85
00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:59,429
?
86
00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:00,805
Chad?
87
00:03:00,805 --> 00:03:04,184
?
88
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,352
Are you good?
89
00:03:06,352 --> 00:03:09,022
No, wait,
do I want Saturday?
90
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:11,065
Watch out
for the guy at 9:00.
91
00:03:11,065 --> 00:03:13,902
Peter, I told you, I don't know
how to do clock stuff!
92
00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:14,736
On your left.
93
00:03:14,736 --> 00:03:16,029
Well, which way is my left?
94
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,780
The side with
your birthmark, Chad.
95
00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:20,491
Oh!
Oh, yes!
96
00:03:20,491 --> 00:03:21,701
Oh! Dude!
97
00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:22,577
Yeah!
98
00:03:22,577 --> 00:03:24,204
Okay, what's next?
99
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:27,165
That was incredible, and now
it's your turn to have fun.
100
00:03:27,165 --> 00:03:28,208
Oh, thank you.
101
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:29,500
Oh, you're gonna just
102
00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:32,045
sit in the chair
for this one? Okay.
103
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:34,505
Oh, Peter, I think
my screen is wrong.
104
00:03:34,505 --> 00:03:36,549
I'm just staring
at a ravine.
105
00:03:36,549 --> 00:03:38,051
No, that's right.
106
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,886
I guess it's not even
a game then.
107
00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:43,223
It's more of just
we're watching a national park.
108
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:44,724
Oh, I feel like
I'm flying.
109
00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:47,101
And now how do you feel
about stopping this
110
00:03:47,101 --> 00:03:48,436
and doing something else?
111
00:03:48,436 --> 00:03:49,896
Oh.
Okay, Peter, you got this.
112
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:52,232
Concentrate.
113
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,399
[ Sighs ]
114
00:03:53,399 --> 00:03:55,443
I don't think we're gonna get
this tonight.
115
00:03:55,443 --> 00:03:56,736
Yes, we will, man, come on.
116
00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:59,739
This isn't just for us.
It's for the Internet, too.
117
00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:01,074
Check it.
118
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:04,869
?
119
00:04:04,869 --> 00:04:06,204
Oh!
Oh!
120
00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:08,998
[ Laughs ]
I got it in the volcano!
121
00:04:08,998 --> 00:04:11,834
[ Laughs ]
That was so awesome! Oh, man.
122
00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:14,921
Dude, you know what we
haven't done in so long?
123
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,464
Spinnies?
Spinnies!
124
00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:18,132
[ Laughter ]
125
00:04:18,132 --> 00:04:21,052
Aah!
Whoa! [ Laughs ]
126
00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:22,428
Oh, my God!
127
00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:24,055
Whoa!
Oh.
128
00:04:24,055 --> 00:04:27,433
Oh, my God, we were supposed
to be in bed 30 minutes ago.
129
00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:29,727
[ Laughs ]
Oh, we're such rebels.
130
00:04:29,727 --> 00:04:31,604
The rebellion has begun.
Mm.
131
00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:35,149
Do you think your parents
are still fighting? What?
132
00:04:35,149 --> 00:04:37,568
[ Toothbrushes vibrating,
both giggling ]
133
00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:39,320
So much fun.
134
00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:40,655
Mm.
135
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:42,448
So, what time do you want me
to wake you up tomorrow?
136
00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:46,369
Mm, let's see what time my
body naturally wants to wake.
137
00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:48,162
Don't let me go past noon,
though, please.
138
00:04:48,162 --> 00:04:50,456
Got it.
Sweet. [ Spits ]
139
00:04:50,456 --> 00:04:53,334
Dude, so much fun
tonight.
140
00:04:53,334 --> 00:04:54,544
Yeah.
Yeah!
141
00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:56,629
What--
What was your favorite part?
142
00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:58,715
Hmm.
What would you say?
143
00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:02,135
Mm, we're probably gonna say
the same thing.
144
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,470
You go first.
145
00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:08,224
I guess the virtual--
Virtual reality, yes!
146
00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:09,809
[ Spits ]
147
00:05:11,894 --> 00:05:14,939
Hey, you're not gonna rinse
after you spit?
148
00:05:14,939 --> 00:05:16,274
You animal!
149
00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:18,192
My dentist says
it's healthier.
150
00:05:18,192 --> 00:05:21,446
?
151
00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:22,822
Hmm.
152
00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:31,331
?
153
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:32,915
Hmm.
154
00:05:34,083 --> 00:05:36,377
[ Humming ]
155
00:05:36,377 --> 00:05:39,130
?
156
00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:40,214
Conair.
157
00:05:40,214 --> 00:05:41,424
I love that movie.
158
00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:55,563
?
159
00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:56,856
Peter,
you want to tell me
160
00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:59,067
why in the hell
you have sex condoms?
161
00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:01,861
?
162
00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:03,571
I'm
163
00:06:03,571 --> 00:06:03,738
I'm absolutely
164
00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:05,365
I'm absolutely devastated.
165
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:08,743
Exactly how long have you
been a ho on the low?
166
00:06:08,743 --> 00:06:10,328
Chad, I didn't want you
to find them.
167
00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:13,790
Peter, for God's sakes,
there's like 50 condoms in here!
168
00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:15,917
How many goddamn penises
do you have?
169
00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:17,543
Just hear me out, Chad.
170
00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:20,296
Denise and I
haven't had sex yet.
171
00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:21,631
[ Sighs ] Thank God.
172
00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:24,926
But we've been talking about it,
and I want to be prepared.
173
00:06:24,926 --> 00:06:28,304
How could you even keep
something like this from me?
174
00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:29,722
I was worried
you'd be upset.
175
00:06:29,722 --> 00:06:31,682
Plus, I had to test out
a few different styles
176
00:06:31,682 --> 00:06:35,228
and thicknesses just to find
the most comfortable fit for me.
177
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,313
You got different kinds
of condoms
178
00:06:37,313 --> 00:06:39,148
and put them up
on your penis
179
00:06:39,148 --> 00:06:41,651
until you found the one
that impressed you?
180
00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:44,404
Mm-hmm, yeah.
Is that something every boy does,
181
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,864
or just something you do
'cause you're,
182
00:06:46,864 --> 00:06:49,951
you know,
the way that you are?
183
00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:51,160
I don't know.
184
00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:52,870
I don't know either.
185
00:06:52,870 --> 00:06:55,540
Peter, I always pictured us
losing our virginities
186
00:06:55,540 --> 00:06:59,293
together in adjoining
hotel rooms in Las Vegas
187
00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:01,754
after
a freaking magic show!
188
00:07:01,754 --> 00:07:04,715
I know, buddy, I know.
I'm sorry.
189
00:07:04,715 --> 00:07:06,175
Oh. [ Scoffs ]
190
00:07:06,175 --> 00:07:09,720
Don't be sorry. [ Chuckles ]
That's crazy.
191
00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:12,640
No, I'm really happy
we talked about it.
192
00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:16,310
Yeah, I'm mostly just wanting
to make sure you're ready,
193
00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:18,438
you know,
so that you don't get stuck
194
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,815
with AIDS, HIV,
or quintuplets.
195
00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:23,484
Well, I am,
and so is Denise.
196
00:07:23,484 --> 00:07:26,028
In fact, I think tomorrow's
going to be the big night,
197
00:07:26,028 --> 00:07:28,114
so yeah.
198
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:29,907
Tomorrow?
199
00:07:29,907 --> 00:07:30,783
Yeah.
200
00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:33,619
You're so calm right now.
201
00:07:33,619 --> 00:07:38,166
I guess I'll be more excited
when it actually happens, yeah.
202
00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:41,711
Let's hope so.
Otherwise, your penis is broken.
203
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:53,890
?
204
00:07:53,890 --> 00:07:56,100
Peter, are you awake?
205
00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:58,895
?
206
00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:00,021
Peter.
207
00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:03,399
?
208
00:08:03,399 --> 00:08:04,942
Aww.
[ Chuckles ]
209
00:08:04,942 --> 00:08:14,452
?
210
00:08:14,452 --> 00:08:15,828
[ Snorts ]
211
00:08:15,828 --> 00:08:19,832
[ Chuckles ]
Sleepy little Peter.
212
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:24,712
[ Chuckles ]
213
00:08:26,297 --> 00:08:28,132
What the heck?
214
00:08:28,132 --> 00:08:31,385
[ Upbeat piano music
playing on cellphone ]
215
00:08:31,385 --> 00:08:33,513
?
216
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:36,682
Just full-out inseparable.
217
00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:39,519
It's cute.
218
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,145
Oh, yeah, that day.
219
00:08:41,145 --> 00:08:49,904
?
220
00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:51,697
Oh. Oh, God.
221
00:08:51,697 --> 00:09:03,042
?
222
00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:07,338
[ Crying ] Why is my phone
doing this to me?
223
00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:14,262
I can't put my mother
in a home.
224
00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:16,138
Maria: Well, there's no way
she's living here.
225
00:09:16,138 --> 00:09:17,098
Over my dead body.
226
00:09:17,098 --> 00:09:18,933
Maria, she fractured
her hip.
227
00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:21,561
What-- What do you
want her to do?
228
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,354
She's--
Hey, Bill.
229
00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:25,731
Hi.
Hey, Maria.
230
00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:28,025
How long were you
standing there?
231
00:09:28,025 --> 00:09:31,362
Guys were mad about mom--
mom stuff.
232
00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:34,448
No, we're fine, yeah.
We're fine. It's fine.
233
00:09:34,448 --> 00:09:36,784
For what it's worth, Bill,
I love your mom.
234
00:09:36,784 --> 00:09:41,539
Thank you.
So, I hope Maria agrees to look after her as she...
235
00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:44,000
Okay.
...slowly passes away.
236
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,294
Oh, she's--
No, that's not what's happening.
237
00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:47,962
Oh, sorry about that.
That's okay.
238
00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:50,881
Usually with old age, I feel
like injuries lead to death.
239
00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:51,966
Is everything okay, bud?
240
00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:54,176
We were about to watch
"Forensic Files."
241
00:09:54,176 --> 00:09:55,553
Everything's not okay.
242
00:09:55,553 --> 00:09:59,682
You guys are not
gonna like this.
243
00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:01,517
Getting on the bed.
[ Chuckles ]
244
00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:04,478
I found these
in Peter's drawer.
245
00:10:07,356 --> 00:10:08,274
They're condoms.
246
00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:09,609
Yeah.
Yeah, I see that.
247
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,694
Unless he's doing
finger puppets,
248
00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:13,988
there's only one thing
they can be for.
249
00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:14,989
Mm.
[ Sighs ]
250
00:10:14,989 --> 00:10:16,073
Should we wake him up,
251
00:10:16,073 --> 00:10:17,325
and which one of you
wants to tell him
252
00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:18,826
he can no longer
have sex?
253
00:10:18,826 --> 00:10:20,369
Uh, sweetie.
254
00:10:20,369 --> 00:10:24,415
I know that some people
are moving a lot faster
255
00:10:24,415 --> 00:10:25,833
than other people
through life,
256
00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:27,793
but I think the best thing
you can do right now
257
00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:30,296
is just to accept
what's happening
258
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:33,007
and be happy
for your friend.
259
00:10:33,007 --> 00:10:36,886
With all due respect, where
the hell is the parenting here?
260
00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:38,137
That's not gonna happen.
No.
261
00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:41,641
Bill, you've got to lay down
the hammer, Bill.
262
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,768
I-I don't-- I don't have--
263
00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:45,186
I don't have a hammer.
I don't.
264
00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:49,023
Alright, I'll just go ahead
and let you guys get back
265
00:10:49,023 --> 00:10:50,775
to what I can only imagine
266
00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:54,695
are the final gasps
of your marriage.
267
00:10:54,695 --> 00:10:55,905
I love you guys.
268
00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:57,990
?
269
00:10:57,990 --> 00:11:00,117
Peter: Chad, you don't
have to do this.
270
00:11:00,117 --> 00:11:03,913
Denise, I know what you intend
to do to Peter's body tonight.
271
00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:06,165
You told him?
He found the condoms.
272
00:11:06,165 --> 00:11:09,627
I found...
the condoms.
273
00:11:09,627 --> 00:11:15,424
It happened very organically,
no matter what gets back to you.
274
00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:16,926
And I got to admit, at first,
275
00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:19,220
I was a little reluctant
to get on board.
276
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:20,638
Not something
we need you to do.
277
00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:25,059
But I reflected for a while
and, completely on my own,
278
00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:27,019
came to
a place of acceptance.
279
00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:29,814
This is so weird.
It's funny, I was actually doing some research,
280
00:11:29,814 --> 00:11:33,484
and it turns out today
is also the anniversary
281
00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:37,446
of the assassination
of John Kennedy.
282
00:11:37,446 --> 00:11:40,950
Come on, Chad.
So sad.
283
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:43,744
So don't be hard on yourselves,
but, yeah,
284
00:11:43,744 --> 00:11:45,246
I'm guessing
it will be impossible
285
00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:48,624
not to think of that motorcade
during all the sex parts.
286
00:11:48,624 --> 00:11:49,667
My God, please, Chad.
287
00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:51,627
I mean, the video
really shows it all.
288
00:11:51,627 --> 00:11:55,089
Darling Jackie crawling out
the back of the car
289
00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:57,133
to put her sweet husband
back together.
290
00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:58,676
He'll be done soon.
She didn't think that was
291
00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:00,928
gonna happen when she threw
on that cute little
292
00:12:00,928 --> 00:12:02,847
pink skirt suit
that morning. Chad.
293
00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:06,475
One day you're cruising on
a convertible with the top down,
294
00:12:06,475 --> 00:12:08,144
and the next--
Please stop.
295
00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:09,854
Baby, let me handle this.
Bam!
296
00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:12,231
Little John-John is
saluting your casket
297
00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:14,692
in front of
the international community.
298
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,819
Chad, if you were trying
to creep us out of having sex,
299
00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:20,281
it's not going to work,
and you were supposed to be gone
300
00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:21,282
15 minutes ago.
301
00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:22,283
Thank you, Peter.
302
00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:24,577
Whoa, message received,
Peter.
303
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:27,246
I'm sorry this is happening
on the day
304
00:12:27,246 --> 00:12:29,790
that changed
our nation forever.
305
00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:33,127
One last thing.
306
00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:34,420
It's pretty commonly known
307
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:37,047
that the first time
can definitely hurt.
308
00:12:37,047 --> 00:12:39,675
Oh, my God.
So if that happens,
309
00:12:39,675 --> 00:12:41,302
Peter, there's no shame.
310
00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:43,512
Tell her it's hurting
and tell her to stop.
311
00:12:43,512 --> 00:12:46,932
Um, I don't think
that's how it works.
312
00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:49,477
Peter, this is no time
for machismo.
313
00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:50,728
You're a modern man.
314
00:12:50,728 --> 00:12:52,271
Pull out if it hurts.
315
00:12:52,271 --> 00:13:07,161
?
316
00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:08,621
Stop it!
Stop having sex!
317
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:09,747
Get out of her!
318
00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:12,708
Uh, Chad, we haven't
gotten to that yet.
319
00:13:12,708 --> 00:13:15,628
Oh, thank God.
[ Sighs ]
320
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:20,800
Well, then, allow me to calmly
tell you we are not ready.
321
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,343
What does that mean?
What do you mean "we"?
322
00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:27,264
Neither of us are ready
for that stage of our lives.
323
00:13:27,264 --> 00:13:31,143
And I'll let you know
when we are.
324
00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:34,188
You'll thank me later, Peter.
This is for your own good!
325
00:13:34,188 --> 00:13:36,023
Chad,
you can't flush those!
326
00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:39,193
?
327
00:13:40,694 --> 00:13:40,736
Chad,
328
00:13:40,736 --> 00:13:40,778
Chad, you
329
00:13:40,778 --> 00:13:40,861
Chad, you can't
330
00:13:40,861 --> 00:13:40,986
Chad, you can't throw
331
00:13:40,986 --> 00:13:41,028
Chad, you can't throw
condoms
332
00:13:41,028 --> 00:13:41,070
Chad, you can't throw
condoms down
333
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:41,153
Chad, you can't throw
condoms down a
334
00:13:41,153 --> 00:13:42,488
Chad, you can't throw
condoms down a toilet.
335
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:44,782
What were you thinking?
I'mma be real with you, Bill,
336
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:46,450
I was at an emotional 10.
337
00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:47,743
I was not thinking.
338
00:13:47,743 --> 00:13:51,580
And obviously, I'm so sorry
I won't be able to reimburse you
339
00:13:51,580 --> 00:13:53,332
for any of those damages.
340
00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:55,417
Okay, um,
Peter and Denise,
341
00:13:55,417 --> 00:13:59,839
I hope that this didn't
ruin your special day.
342
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:01,799
Wait,
do your parents know?
343
00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:03,467
[ Sighs ]
This is so creepy.
344
00:14:03,467 --> 00:14:05,636
Oh, no, no, no, sweetheart,
it's very natural,
345
00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:07,847
and, please,
if you guys need more condoms,
346
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,890
we are more than happy
to buy you some.
347
00:14:09,890 --> 00:14:13,269
Appreciate it, but I think
we'll pass on that.
348
00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:16,230
Alright, um,
let's give them some space.
349
00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:19,483
Yeah, this is fun.
[ Clears throat ]
350
00:14:19,483 --> 00:14:21,110
Thanks, you guys.
Mm-hmm.
351
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:23,320
Chad,
why are you doing this? I don't know.
352
00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:24,947
Come-- Come on,
there has to be a reason.
353
00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:26,198
I don't know.
You have to know.
354
00:14:26,198 --> 00:14:29,326
Because, Peter, once you
start having sex,
355
00:14:29,326 --> 00:14:30,536
you're probably
never gonna stop
356
00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:32,538
and then I'll never
see you again.
357
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:35,624
Oh, buddy.
358
00:14:35,624 --> 00:14:38,294
I'm-- I'm sorry
you feel that way.
359
00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:39,795
I'm never gonna
leave you behind.
360
00:14:39,795 --> 00:14:41,589
Are you kidding me
right now, Peter?
361
00:14:41,589 --> 00:14:44,592
Uh--
I'm the one you should be saying sorry to.
362
00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:47,052
Okay.
Uh, I'm sorry.
363
00:14:47,052 --> 00:14:48,721
Forget it.
I don't want a sorry.
364
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,764
I wanted to have sex
with my boyfriend
365
00:14:50,764 --> 00:14:52,308
without getting
repeatedly cock blocked
366
00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:55,060
by his co-dependant
best friend.
367
00:14:55,060 --> 00:14:57,354
No, Denise, wait.
Just leave her.
368
00:14:57,354 --> 00:14:59,565
Get off me, Chad.
369
00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:01,734
You did not just jostle me
right now.
370
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:05,779
[ Both grunting ]
371
00:15:09,116 --> 00:15:10,367
Stop!
372
00:15:11,368 --> 00:15:14,246
Freakin' rip your head
off your body!
373
00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:16,415
Don't suffocate me!
374
00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:18,292
Do not suffocate me!
375
00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:22,796
[ Both continue grunting ]
376
00:15:22,796 --> 00:15:24,548
Get off of me!
377
00:15:24,548 --> 00:15:25,966
What is wrong with you?!
378
00:15:25,966 --> 00:15:30,137
[ Both breathing heavily ]
379
00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:38,771
You need to leave.
380
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:40,314
Fine.
381
00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:46,737
?
382
00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:50,866
Aah! Dumbass stupid slippery
foot pedals!
383
00:15:50,866 --> 00:15:52,743
?
384
00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:54,119
[ Grunts ]
385
00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:57,539
Chaddy,
is everything okay?
386
00:15:57,539 --> 00:16:01,418
No, and I don't want
to talk about it!
387
00:16:01,418 --> 00:16:04,171
Of course.
I'm here if you need me.
388
00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:08,342
Aah! How could I leave
my rook exposed?
389
00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:10,219
- Rookie mistake.
- Rookie mistake!
390
00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:14,139
[ Laughs ]
Oh, that killed me, literally.
391
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:17,434
Oh, Mohsen, 45 years
of playing chess with you
392
00:16:17,434 --> 00:16:19,103
and it never gets old.
393
00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:20,604
[ Indistinct ]
394
00:16:20,604 --> 00:16:37,121
?
395
00:16:37,121 --> 00:16:39,581
My God.
396
00:16:39,581 --> 00:16:47,548
?
397
00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:49,675
Excuse me, missus.
398
00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,677
Can you open this case?
399
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:54,888
I'm ready
to make my selection.
400
00:16:54,888 --> 00:16:58,142
It's actually for someone
pretty special, not me.
401
00:16:58,142 --> 00:17:01,478
If you have
any recommendations...
402
00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:03,355
No.
Okay.
403
00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:06,233
Feels like I'm playing
penis roulette here.
404
00:17:08,485 --> 00:17:10,446
[ Sighs ]
405
00:17:12,364 --> 00:17:16,035
Do you by any chance have one
that says "for his pleasure"?
406
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:20,205
It's really him that I'm trying
to create pleasure for.
407
00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:21,832
That's gonna be no condom.
408
00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:23,792
[ Chuckles ]
409
00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:25,669
Love that.
[ Chuckles ]
410
00:17:25,669 --> 00:17:28,380
I'll just get
a little medley.
411
00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:32,009
Alright.
I'm assuming these are all very affordable.
412
00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:33,302
Thank you for your help.
413
00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:34,261
Yeah.
414
00:17:34,261 --> 00:17:37,598
?
415
00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:38,724
Not sure of these relate,
416
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:40,976
but let's go ahead
and throw those in, too.
417
00:17:40,976 --> 00:17:42,811
Do I hand them to you here?
418
00:17:42,811 --> 00:17:46,356
Uh-- Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
419
00:17:47,274 --> 00:17:48,776
You got this.
420
00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:53,697
Did your turtle
really get run over?
421
00:17:53,697 --> 00:17:54,948
To be honest, no.
422
00:17:54,948 --> 00:17:56,867
Misha is thriving.
423
00:17:56,867 --> 00:17:59,453
But I did say that
to get you to come here.
424
00:17:59,453 --> 00:18:00,996
Please follow me.
425
00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:04,792
Well, I just wanted to apologize
to you guys
426
00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:08,879
for being a real jerk-off
and a bad friend.
427
00:18:08,879 --> 00:18:11,965
And to make it up
to you guys...
428
00:18:11,965 --> 00:18:16,178
I want you to have your sexual
intercourse in my bedroom.
429
00:18:16,178 --> 00:18:18,847
What?
I figured you probably don't want to do it
430
00:18:18,847 --> 00:18:20,057
at Peter's house now,
431
00:18:20,057 --> 00:18:23,268
and my family's at Niki's
dumbass basketball game.
432
00:18:23,268 --> 00:18:28,690
So, yeah, there's a beach towel
and some vegetable oils.
433
00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:30,567
Hmm.
It's canola.
434
00:18:30,567 --> 00:18:31,693
It's not organic.
435
00:18:31,693 --> 00:18:34,154
Wow, Chad, you really
put in some effort here.
436
00:18:34,154 --> 00:18:35,531
I really did.
437
00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:36,782
Check this out.
438
00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:39,910
You can get those signs
to say anything you want now.
439
00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:42,204
I picked the word
that is what we're gonna--
440
00:18:42,204 --> 00:18:43,288
is happening in here.
441
00:18:43,288 --> 00:18:45,207
Chad, this is, you know,
really sweet,
442
00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:48,001
but I don't think Denise wants
our first time to be on--
443
00:18:48,001 --> 00:18:50,504
It's great.
It's perfect, let's go.
444
00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:52,005
Okay, guess
we're doing this.
445
00:18:52,005 --> 00:18:54,675
Okay, Denise is horned up.
446
00:18:54,675 --> 00:18:56,426
Oh, I almost forgot.
447
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,139
Those are for you.
448
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,431
Oh. Thanks, Chad.
449
00:19:01,431 --> 00:19:04,685
And this is for you.
450
00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:07,187
"Her pleasure,"
so it's probably scented
451
00:19:07,187 --> 00:19:11,733
or has little shapes
or sparkles you might like.
452
00:19:11,733 --> 00:19:15,529
As insane as this all is,
I can tell it's coming
453
00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:19,199
from a good place,
so thanks, Chad.
454
00:19:19,199 --> 00:19:20,242
Thank you.
455
00:19:20,242 --> 00:19:23,203
Are you sure you want us
to have sex on your bed?
456
00:19:23,203 --> 00:19:24,246
Very sure.
457
00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:25,873
Go to town on each other.
458
00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:28,458
I welcome it.
459
00:19:28,458 --> 00:19:31,253
Will you text me
when it's done?
460
00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:33,130
You got it.
461
00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:36,383
Ugh. [ Chuckles ]
I don't know why I'm nervous.
462
00:19:36,383 --> 00:19:38,260
Mm.
463
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:39,845
Thanks again.
464
00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:42,347
You're welcome.
465
00:19:42,347 --> 00:19:43,765
Be good to him.
466
00:19:43,765 --> 00:19:50,105
?
467
00:19:50,105 --> 00:19:53,442
So, uh, we just, uh--
Yeah.
468
00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:54,818
Yeah.
Okay.
469
00:19:54,818 --> 00:20:01,700
?
470
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:02,951
Love you.
471
00:20:02,951 --> 00:20:04,036
Love you, too.
472
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:21,011
?
473
00:20:22,012 --> 00:20:24,139
Oh, shoot.
474
00:20:24,139 --> 00:20:28,477
You guys, I left my phone
in there.
475
00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:30,979
?
476
00:20:30,979 --> 00:20:32,105
Sorry!
477
00:20:32,105 --> 00:20:40,030
? I got hoes calling
a Young Sheck Wes's phone ?
478
00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:41,490
? Phone ?
479
00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:46,620
? Where's Ali
with the mother... dope? ?
480
00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:48,789
? With the mother... dope? ?
481
00:20:48,789 --> 00:20:50,040
? Dope? ?
482
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:52,376
? With the mother... dope? ?
483
00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:53,460
? Dope? ?
484
00:20:53,460 --> 00:20:55,796
?
485
00:20:55,796 --> 00:21:01,760
? Young Sheck Wes,
I do it on the go ?
486
00:21:01,810 --> 00:21:06,360
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