Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:00,408
? I'm
2
00:00:00,408 --> 00:00:01,534
? I'm sorry ?
3
00:00:01,534 --> 00:00:03,328
Chad: Hate crimes
are super-horrible things,
4
00:00:03,328 --> 00:00:06,706
and I will no longer
be associated with them.
5
00:00:06,706 --> 00:00:09,876
Hopefully, we can turn
this bitch upside down
6
00:00:09,876 --> 00:00:12,545
and make it a positive thing.
7
00:00:12,545 --> 00:00:15,131
Thank you, guys,
for taking the time
8
00:00:15,131 --> 00:00:17,008
to consider this apology.
9
00:00:17,008 --> 00:00:18,093
And there it is.
10
00:00:18,093 --> 00:00:21,054
Is it okay that
it's 3 1/2 minutes long?
11
00:00:21,054 --> 00:00:22,389
I personally love it,
12
00:00:22,389 --> 00:00:25,558
but I think brevity is key
to effective Internet videos.
13
00:00:25,558 --> 00:00:27,477
Oh, no.
See, with the Internet,
14
00:00:27,477 --> 00:00:28,978
I think
the longer the better.
15
00:00:28,978 --> 00:00:31,272
You could trim a minute or two
out of the moment of silence.
16
00:00:31,272 --> 00:00:33,358
It's gonna stay the way
that it is, okay?
17
00:00:33,358 --> 00:00:35,276
Thanks for understanding.
Yeah. Uh...
18
00:00:35,276 --> 00:00:37,987
Are you pretty devastated
I'm missing school today?
19
00:00:37,987 --> 00:00:42,158
Uh, yeah, a little bit,
but I think I can manage.
20
00:00:43,243 --> 00:00:45,078
I just really hope
people like it.
21
00:00:45,078 --> 00:00:48,164
What do you think
Do you think they'll forgive me?
22
00:00:48,164 --> 00:00:49,290
I mean...
23
00:00:49,290 --> 00:00:50,709
it's a little
all over the place,
24
00:00:50,709 --> 00:00:54,629
but I can tell
your heart is in it.
25
00:00:54,629 --> 00:00:56,589
It really is.
26
00:00:57,882 --> 00:00:59,843
Post it, Chad.
27
00:01:01,386 --> 00:01:04,055
Let the healing begin.
[ Chuckles ]
28
00:01:04,055 --> 00:01:05,306
Have a good suspension.
29
00:01:05,306 --> 00:01:06,891
Thanks.
30
00:01:06,891 --> 00:01:25,034
?
31
00:01:25,034 --> 00:01:28,621
[ Laughing ] Oh, no.
32
00:01:28,621 --> 00:01:31,458
Ah!
[ Laughs ] Oh!
33
00:01:31,458 --> 00:01:32,751
What the hell
are you doing?
34
00:01:32,751 --> 00:01:35,170
I'm accidentally watching
this thing called "Frasier,"
35
00:01:35,170 --> 00:01:37,714
[laughing]
and I'm freaking loving it.
36
00:01:37,714 --> 00:01:39,674
Who made this show?
37
00:01:39,674 --> 00:01:43,011
Hey, you have a cute little day
at your job, Mom.
38
00:01:43,011 --> 00:01:44,053
You're gonna do great.
39
00:01:44,053 --> 00:01:45,638
Chad, you're suspended.
40
00:01:45,638 --> 00:01:46,890
Mom.
Hmm?
41
00:01:46,890 --> 00:01:49,601
Love you, but you're really
interrupting "Frasier" a lot.
42
00:01:49,601 --> 00:01:52,479
I'm sorry, but no devices,
starting now.
43
00:01:52,479 --> 00:01:54,397
What-- Please don't.
What are you doing?
44
00:01:54,397 --> 00:01:55,774
Please don't touch my tablet.
Please--
45
00:01:55,774 --> 00:01:57,650
Mom, that's my tablet.
Please don't touch it.
46
00:01:57,650 --> 00:01:59,402
Mom, those are my tablets.
47
00:01:59,402 --> 00:02:00,779
What are you doing?!
Gimme--
48
00:02:00,779 --> 00:02:02,864
You're not taking
my laptop, Mom!
49
00:02:02,864 --> 00:02:05,784
That is mine!
Mother! Chad!
50
00:02:06,075 --> 00:02:08,995
I live off that stuff!
What in the hell?!
51
00:02:08,995 --> 00:02:10,663
You need to
use this time
52
00:02:10,663 --> 00:02:12,540
to think about
the mistakes you made.
53
00:02:12,540 --> 00:02:14,667
Okay, fine. Then I'll just
look at the engagement
54
00:02:14,667 --> 00:02:16,252
on my TikTok apology
real quick.
55
00:02:16,252 --> 00:02:18,338
Mom! I'm just looking
at what my followers
56
00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:20,298
are engaging with me
about!
57
00:02:20,298 --> 00:02:21,424
I don't care!
58
00:02:21,424 --> 00:02:24,636
No devices, Chad,
means no devices!
59
00:02:24,636 --> 00:02:27,096
What if there's
an international emergency
60
00:02:27,096 --> 00:02:29,641
and I-- and I need
to watch the news?
61
00:02:29,641 --> 00:02:31,267
When do you
watch the news?
62
00:02:31,267 --> 00:02:32,644
Constantly.
Mm-hmm.
63
00:02:32,644 --> 00:02:33,728
Name three countries.
64
00:02:33,728 --> 00:02:36,856
Oh, come on.
Nobody can do that.
65
00:02:36,856 --> 00:02:38,316
What-- Mom!
66
00:02:38,316 --> 00:02:39,567
For what it's worth, Mom,
67
00:02:39,567 --> 00:02:41,653
I think these are the exact
right consequences
68
00:02:41,653 --> 00:02:42,904
for Chad's actions.
69
00:02:42,904 --> 00:02:47,659
You keep my pretty little name
out of your mouth, Niki!
70
00:02:49,536 --> 00:02:52,539
Mom! Niki just threw a waffle
at my head!
71
00:02:52,539 --> 00:02:54,833
Mm-hmm.
You're just not gonna discipline her?
72
00:02:54,833 --> 00:02:57,460
Chad.
Mom, what am I supposed to do all day?
73
00:02:57,460 --> 00:02:58,962
I'm panicking.
74
00:02:58,962 --> 00:03:00,463
Read a book?
75
00:03:00,463 --> 00:03:01,714
Go outside?
76
00:03:01,714 --> 00:03:05,385
I don't know.
Figure it out.
77
00:03:05,385 --> 00:03:06,386
Go outside?
78
00:03:06,386 --> 00:03:09,764
What am I,
a freaking golden retriever?
79
00:03:13,810 --> 00:03:14,686
Oh.
80
00:03:14,686 --> 00:03:16,062
? Okay, I'm bored
in the house ?
81
00:03:16,062 --> 00:03:17,730
? And I'm in the house bored,
bored ?
82
00:03:17,730 --> 00:03:19,566
? Bored in the house and I'm
in the house bored, bored ?
83
00:03:19,566 --> 00:03:21,401
? Bored in the house
and I'm in the house bored ?
84
00:03:21,401 --> 00:03:23,194
? And I'm bored in the house
and I'm in the house bored ?
85
00:03:23,194 --> 00:03:27,407
? Bored in the house,
bored in the house, bored ?
86
00:03:27,407 --> 00:03:29,284
? I'm bored in the house
and I'm in the house bored ?
87
00:03:29,284 --> 00:03:31,578
? And I'm bored in the house
and I'm in the house bored ?
88
00:03:31,578 --> 00:03:34,789
? I'm bored, bored, bored,
bored, bored ?
89
00:03:34,789 --> 00:03:36,124
? Bored, bored, bored ?
90
00:03:36,124 --> 00:03:38,751
? I'm bored, bored,
bored, bored.. ?
91
00:03:38,751 --> 00:03:40,670
Ugh, Niki. Nasty.
92
00:03:40,670 --> 00:03:44,674
? I'm losing my mind
in Niki's room ?
93
00:03:44,674 --> 00:03:48,678
? Bored in the house,
bored in the house, bored ?
94
00:03:48,678 --> 00:03:50,555
? I'm bored in the house
and I'm in the house bored ?
95
00:03:50,555 --> 00:03:52,891
? And I'm bored in the house
and I'm in the house bored ?
96
00:03:52,891 --> 00:03:55,977
? I'm bored, bored, bored,
bored, bored ?
97
00:03:55,977 --> 00:03:58,855
? Bored, bored, bored ?
98
00:04:01,107 --> 00:04:03,443
Chad:
[ Sobs ] Ugh!
99
00:04:04,736 --> 00:04:06,029
Chad?
100
00:04:06,029 --> 00:04:08,281
[ Water running ]
101
00:04:08,281 --> 00:04:09,574
Chad?
102
00:04:09,574 --> 00:04:11,367
Are you in here?
103
00:04:13,244 --> 00:04:15,705
Are you happy?!
104
00:04:15,705 --> 00:04:17,916
Mom, thank you for agreeing
to meet me.
105
00:04:17,916 --> 00:04:19,292
I'm gonna be straight up
with you.
106
00:04:19,292 --> 00:04:21,169
I'd like my phone back, please.
107
00:04:21,169 --> 00:04:23,004
You're not getting
your phone back.
108
00:04:23,004 --> 00:04:23,963
Ugh!
109
00:04:23,963 --> 00:04:25,548
And clearly, you can't be
left alone in the house.
110
00:04:25,548 --> 00:04:26,925
It's been two hours
since I left,
111
00:04:26,925 --> 00:04:28,259
and look how
you're acting.
112
00:04:28,259 --> 00:04:30,887
Yeah, it's called sending you
a very direct message.
113
00:04:30,887 --> 00:04:32,639
Which is why you're going
to work with Hamid
114
00:04:32,639 --> 00:04:33,932
for the rest
of your suspension.
115
00:04:33,932 --> 00:04:35,892
You want me to go
to the rug store?!
116
00:04:35,892 --> 00:04:37,268
The hell am I gonna do
in there?
117
00:04:37,268 --> 00:04:40,313
That's no place
for a young American boy!
118
00:04:40,313 --> 00:04:54,827
?
119
00:04:54,827 --> 00:04:55,828
What?
120
00:04:55,828 --> 00:04:59,916
Oh! There he is!
Mr. Worker!
121
00:04:59,916 --> 00:05:03,211
Hi.
Mm.
122
00:05:03,211 --> 00:05:04,712
What do you think?
123
00:05:04,712 --> 00:05:08,174
I think you straight-up
have a rug store.
124
00:05:08,174 --> 00:05:10,009
And look who else
is here.
125
00:05:10,009 --> 00:05:13,513
[ Beeping ]
126
00:05:16,975 --> 00:05:18,184
Oh, my God.
127
00:05:18,184 --> 00:05:20,144
[ Beeping continues ]
128
00:05:20,144 --> 00:05:22,563
[ Clears throat ]
129
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,527
That literally
took forever.
130
00:05:27,527 --> 00:05:29,195
Hi, Mohsen.
131
00:05:29,195 --> 00:05:31,030
Let me give you
a little tour.
132
00:05:31,030 --> 00:05:32,699
Here is
your folding chair.
133
00:05:32,699 --> 00:05:35,326
I put a Post-It Note
with your name on the back.
134
00:05:35,326 --> 00:05:38,329
"Chad."
I'm gonna have to stop you right there.
135
00:05:38,329 --> 00:05:42,041
Hamid, my life is pretty
centered around electronics,
136
00:05:42,041 --> 00:05:43,584
so you're looking
at a young man
137
00:05:43,584 --> 00:05:46,087
going through heroin withdrawals
right now.
138
00:05:46,087 --> 00:05:49,507
Then you have come
to the perfect place.
139
00:05:49,507 --> 00:05:50,842
Look around at the rugs.
140
00:05:50,842 --> 00:05:53,886
You can't even get half of
these colors on television.
141
00:05:53,886 --> 00:05:57,682
You can literally get all
of these colors on television.
142
00:05:57,682 --> 00:05:59,267
Each rug tells a story
143
00:05:59,267 --> 00:06:02,520
way better than the ones
you see on Netflips.
144
00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:05,106
Flips?
Look at this story, huh?
145
00:06:05,106 --> 00:06:07,692
Flower, squiggle,
flower--
146
00:06:07,692 --> 00:06:09,736
cliffhanger,
what's gonna happen next?--
147
00:06:09,736 --> 00:06:12,238
uh-oh, squiggle!
148
00:06:12,238 --> 00:06:13,614
And that's just the edge.
149
00:06:13,614 --> 00:06:15,533
Wait till you get
to the middle.
150
00:06:15,533 --> 00:06:17,285
Right, Mohsen?
151
00:06:17,285 --> 00:06:19,912
[ Both laughing ]
152
00:06:23,207 --> 00:06:27,336
Ooh.
The hell is funny about this?
153
00:06:28,838 --> 00:06:28,880
Chad,
154
00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:28,921
Chad, are
155
00:06:28,921 --> 00:06:28,963
Chad, are you
156
00:06:28,963 --> 00:06:29,047
Chad, are you sure
157
00:06:29,047 --> 00:06:29,088
Chad, are you sure
you
158
00:06:29,088 --> 00:06:29,172
Chad, are you sure
you don't
159
00:06:29,172 --> 00:06:29,213
Chad, are you sure
you don't want
160
00:06:29,213 --> 00:06:29,297
Chad, are you sure
you don't want some
161
00:06:29,297 --> 00:06:30,298
Chad, are you sure
you don't want some chai?
162
00:06:30,298 --> 00:06:31,382
I just made it.
163
00:06:31,382 --> 00:06:33,009
No, but if you have any
Harvest Cheddar SunChips,
164
00:06:33,009 --> 00:06:34,844
I'll have some of those.
[ Door opens ]
165
00:06:34,844 --> 00:06:37,055
Oh, Pasha, my man!
166
00:06:37,055 --> 00:06:39,640
Hamid!
167
00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:40,600
Mohsen!
168
00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:42,060
Hamid: Come, Chad,
say hello to Pasha.
169
00:06:42,060 --> 00:06:43,352
You remember my nephew?
170
00:06:43,352 --> 00:06:45,813
I absolutely have
no recollection of you.
171
00:06:45,813 --> 00:06:47,774
What's up, little man?
172
00:06:47,774 --> 00:06:50,526
You know how it is.
Ball is life.
173
00:06:50,526 --> 00:06:51,986
Gucci, gucci.
174
00:06:51,986 --> 00:06:54,197
Hamid, I need you to take
a look at this rug.
175
00:06:54,197 --> 00:06:56,616
Are you selling?
For the right price.
176
00:06:56,616 --> 00:06:59,577
Before I buy,
Mohsen must inspect it.
177
00:06:59,577 --> 00:07:00,620
You understand.
178
00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:03,122
Yes.
I just need to get my mom.
179
00:07:03,664 --> 00:07:06,209
His mom?
Yeah, let's roll it out.
180
00:07:06,209 --> 00:07:08,336
Come on, Chad.
Help me.
181
00:07:12,340 --> 00:07:14,217
Ugh.
182
00:07:17,762 --> 00:07:27,313
?
183
00:07:27,313 --> 00:07:30,358
Hamid: Oh, my God.
Are you seeing this?
184
00:07:30,358 --> 00:07:31,567
Seeing what?
185
00:07:31,567 --> 00:07:34,278
Mohsen and Pasha's mom have
known each other for many years.
186
00:07:34,278 --> 00:07:38,825
They play it cool, but they have
a steamy physical history.
187
00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:42,078
She looks like
a rapper's girlfriend.
188
00:07:42,078 --> 00:07:43,871
What the hell
is he doing?
189
00:07:43,871 --> 00:07:47,708
Mohsen knows rugs better
than anyone in this world.
190
00:07:47,708 --> 00:07:49,252
He is rug savant.
191
00:07:49,252 --> 00:07:53,214
He's just gently
dilly-dallying with tassels.
192
00:07:54,674 --> 00:07:55,716
He needs his magnifier.
193
00:07:55,716 --> 00:07:57,051
Go get it from the back,
Chad.
194
00:07:57,051 --> 00:07:59,554
Right this second?
Just go!
195
00:08:00,638 --> 00:08:02,265
What's the urgency?
196
00:08:02,265 --> 00:08:15,903
?
197
00:08:15,903 --> 00:08:17,905
Operator:
911. What's your emergency?
198
00:08:17,905 --> 00:08:19,448
Thank God.
Oh, my gosh. Ma'am.
199
00:08:19,448 --> 00:08:21,659
Can you please open up
the web browser
200
00:08:21,659 --> 00:08:27,498
www.tiktok.com/chad
underscore amani underscore?
201
00:08:27,498 --> 00:08:28,833
Thank you so much.
202
00:08:28,833 --> 00:08:31,294
Sir, if you don't have
an actual emergency,
203
00:08:31,294 --> 00:08:32,420
I have to hang up.
204
00:08:32,420 --> 00:08:34,755
Oh, no, no.
It is an emergency.
205
00:08:34,755 --> 00:08:38,759
O-Obviously, if there's been
a car accident or--
206
00:08:38,759 --> 00:08:42,346
or someone's neighbor
is on fire or something,
207
00:08:42,346 --> 00:08:43,681
please put me on hold.
208
00:08:43,681 --> 00:08:46,517
Are you aware it's a federal
offense to misuse 911?
209
00:08:46,517 --> 00:08:49,145
I cannot believe
it's come to this, ma'am.
210
00:08:49,145 --> 00:08:51,606
Can I speak
to your supervisor?
211
00:08:51,606 --> 00:08:52,982
Madame, please!
212
00:08:52,982 --> 00:08:54,525
Hamid:
Chad, did you find it?
213
00:08:54,525 --> 00:08:56,277
Uh, coming!
214
00:08:56,277 --> 00:08:58,654
Shoot, I'm gonna
have to call you back.
215
00:08:58,654 --> 00:09:03,659
?
216
00:09:03,659 --> 00:09:04,785
Sorry about that.
217
00:09:04,785 --> 00:09:07,663
I-It was buried under, like,
a thousand napkins.
218
00:09:07,663 --> 00:09:09,457
We'll buy it for $800.
219
00:09:09,457 --> 00:09:11,751
What is this?
A dog bed from Costco?
220
00:09:11,751 --> 00:09:14,837
You offend me,
and you offend my mother.
221
00:09:17,465 --> 00:09:18,716
Fine. $1,300.
222
00:09:18,716 --> 00:09:21,427
Your offer is so low,
my mother is leaving.
223
00:09:21,427 --> 00:09:23,721
Damn, she's good.
$2,000.
224
00:09:25,056 --> 00:09:26,849
Okay.
225
00:09:28,017 --> 00:09:31,145
Pasha: Wonderful.
Thank you, Hamid joon.
226
00:09:35,566 --> 00:09:37,485
Xod�h�fez.
227
00:09:37,485 --> 00:09:39,195
What the hell
is going on?
228
00:09:39,195 --> 00:09:42,823
You just gave them $2,000
for this janky-ass rug?
229
00:09:42,823 --> 00:09:44,659
You could buy a house
with that.
230
00:09:44,659 --> 00:09:46,953
And you got Persian Mr. Bean
over here
231
00:09:46,953 --> 00:09:48,996
packing hundos
in his khakis?
232
00:09:48,996 --> 00:09:50,248
It's a beautiful rug.
233
00:09:50,248 --> 00:09:53,251
We can easily sell it
for thousands more. Come on.
234
00:09:53,626 --> 00:09:55,294
My God.
235
00:09:55,294 --> 00:10:00,424
?
236
00:10:00,424 --> 00:10:02,385
Okay, so are we
all done here?
237
00:10:02,385 --> 00:10:03,469
My body is tired.
238
00:10:03,469 --> 00:10:05,888
Oh, we are just getting started,
Chaddy.
239
00:10:05,888 --> 00:10:09,767
You are gonna bring this rug
back to life
240
00:10:09,767 --> 00:10:11,352
using this.
241
00:10:11,352 --> 00:10:12,853
A friggin'
baseball bat?
242
00:10:12,853 --> 00:10:14,689
Yes. Beating a rug
is the first
243
00:10:14,689 --> 00:10:18,567
but most essential step
of cleaning and restoring it.
244
00:10:18,567 --> 00:10:20,152
Look at this rug.
245
00:10:20,152 --> 00:10:21,320
What do you see?
246
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:24,365
Um, it's, like, hella dirty
and it smells like dead cats.
247
00:10:24,365 --> 00:10:28,202
Mm. Yes, Chad.
This rug is filthy.
248
00:10:28,202 --> 00:10:29,745
It is at rock bottom.
249
00:10:29,745 --> 00:10:32,081
Probably lower
than rock bottom.
250
00:10:32,081 --> 00:10:36,252
The world sees it and thinks
it's unredeemable.
251
00:10:36,252 --> 00:10:37,878
But if you look deeper,
252
00:10:37,878 --> 00:10:41,966
you can see this rug
is full of potential.
253
00:10:41,966 --> 00:10:44,635
In fact, it's beautiful.
254
00:10:44,635 --> 00:10:52,351
?
255
00:10:52,351 --> 00:10:57,231
It's the most goddamn
beautiful thing I've ever seen.
256
00:10:58,566 --> 00:11:01,694
H-Hey, do you guys mind
being little angels
257
00:11:01,694 --> 00:11:04,238
and giving me a few minutes
alone with the rug?
258
00:11:04,238 --> 00:11:08,409
I-I would love to get to know it
on a more intimate level.
259
00:11:08,409 --> 00:11:11,412
Say no more, Chad.
We are out of your hairs.
260
00:11:11,412 --> 00:11:13,122
Mohsen.
Bye, guys.
261
00:11:13,122 --> 00:11:14,040
Bye-bye.
262
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:16,208
Don't come back, okay?
263
00:11:16,208 --> 00:11:20,963
I'm really excited about what
I'm learning from you guys.
264
00:11:20,963 --> 00:11:25,926
?
265
00:11:25,926 --> 00:11:27,094
[ Bell dings ]
266
00:11:27,094 --> 00:11:29,180
Hi, there. Can I help you
find something today? Oh!
267
00:11:29,180 --> 00:11:30,806
Oh, my God.
I just want you to know
268
00:11:30,806 --> 00:11:34,518
you guys are really doing
the Lord's work in here.
269
00:11:34,518 --> 00:11:36,437
Okay. Wow.
Yes!
270
00:11:36,437 --> 00:11:38,356
Come on. Come on.
Come on.
271
00:11:38,356 --> 00:11:39,815
Ah.
272
00:11:39,815 --> 00:11:41,567
[ Line ringing ]
273
00:11:41,567 --> 00:11:43,819
Peter, come on!
274
00:11:43,819 --> 00:11:45,154
Hey, Chad.
How's it going?
275
00:11:45,154 --> 00:11:47,156
Oh, my God, Peter!
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
276
00:11:47,156 --> 00:11:48,324
Okay, listen to me.
277
00:11:48,324 --> 00:11:49,950
I need a full download
on every single thing
278
00:11:49,950 --> 00:11:52,078
that's happened on the Internet
in the last six hours.
279
00:11:52,078 --> 00:11:54,789
And thank God I remembered
your telephone number by heart.
280
00:11:54,789 --> 00:11:55,915
This is why
we did that.
281
00:11:55,915 --> 00:11:57,375
Well, there was
this baby meme
282
00:11:57,375 --> 00:11:58,709
that I was seeing
for the first time...
283
00:11:58,709 --> 00:12:00,211
[ Bell dings ]
Hamid: Chad, no.
284
00:12:00,211 --> 00:12:02,963
Peter, please be more prepared
for a call like this next time!
285
00:12:02,963 --> 00:12:04,048
How can I prepare for--
286
00:12:04,048 --> 00:12:05,466
Chad, let's go.
No, one second.
287
00:12:05,466 --> 00:12:07,343
I just have to see
the engagement on my post.
288
00:12:07,343 --> 00:12:08,928
Please, Chad.
Your mother made me promise.
289
00:12:08,928 --> 00:12:10,930
This is for
your own good, huh?
290
00:12:10,930 --> 00:12:11,931
No, no, no.
291
00:12:11,931 --> 00:12:14,809
Got you eye on the new
iPad Pro, I see.
292
00:12:14,809 --> 00:12:17,561
Yes. What a wonderful
piece of machinery.
293
00:12:17,561 --> 00:12:18,979
We can't get enough.
294
00:12:18,979 --> 00:12:20,523
Will you give us
a moment?
295
00:12:20,523 --> 00:12:22,358
No, no, no.
This is bad.
296
00:12:22,358 --> 00:12:24,485
This is bad!
Oh, no.
297
00:12:24,485 --> 00:12:27,738
Chaddy joon.
No, no!
298
00:12:27,738 --> 00:12:29,281
They hate me, Hamid.
299
00:12:29,281 --> 00:12:30,616
They freakin' hate me.
300
00:12:30,616 --> 00:12:33,619
It's okay.
It's gonna be okay.
301
00:12:33,619 --> 00:12:35,413
Mohsen! Not now!
302
00:12:35,413 --> 00:12:36,914
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
Mohsen!
303
00:12:36,914 --> 00:12:38,290
Come on. Let's go.
Come on.
304
00:12:38,290 --> 00:12:41,001
Let's get you
out of here. Oh, God.
305
00:12:45,047 --> 00:12:47,383
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
306
00:12:47,383 --> 00:12:51,470
?
307
00:12:51,470 --> 00:12:54,014
Aaaahhh!
308
00:12:54,014 --> 00:12:55,433
? I ain't never had
a limit ?
309
00:12:55,433 --> 00:12:59,395
I! Hate! This! Rug!
310
00:12:59,395 --> 00:13:00,438
Ugh!
311
00:13:00,438 --> 00:13:02,815
? Everybody want to bounce ?
312
00:13:02,815 --> 00:13:05,025
? Nobody playing the position ?
313
00:13:05,025 --> 00:13:06,819
? Unh, oh, you thought
it was... ?
314
00:13:06,819 --> 00:13:09,447
I have never seen anyone,
man or beast,
315
00:13:09,447 --> 00:13:11,198
hit a rug like that.
316
00:13:12,324 --> 00:13:14,702
Dusty-ass loser!
317
00:13:14,702 --> 00:13:16,829
Persian rug!
318
00:13:16,829 --> 00:13:19,039
? We on the move now ?
319
00:13:19,665 --> 00:13:21,750
? We on the move ?
320
00:13:24,587 --> 00:13:27,756
Now it's time for you
to learn how to wash a rug.
321
00:13:27,756 --> 00:13:30,426
First, we must use
the power washer
322
00:13:30,426 --> 00:13:32,636
to rid the fibers
of debris.
323
00:13:32,636 --> 00:13:34,138
She is
a high-pressure weapon
324
00:13:34,138 --> 00:13:37,850
and can be deadly
if not used correctly.
325
00:13:37,850 --> 00:13:40,478
Be careful.
I once saw my cousin Reza
326
00:13:40,478 --> 00:13:43,439
bruise the tip of his doo-doo
with this thing.
327
00:13:43,439 --> 00:13:48,027
Pretty sure it's just a normal
hose shaped like a gun, Hamid.
328
00:13:48,027 --> 00:13:51,447
[ Motor running ]
329
00:13:51,447 --> 00:13:53,324
Oh.
330
00:13:55,159 --> 00:13:58,078
Watch the years of dirt
float away.
331
00:13:58,078 --> 00:14:01,499
You are turning back
the hands of time.
332
00:14:02,541 --> 00:14:03,667
Oh, my God!
333
00:14:03,667 --> 00:14:05,503
This is the most
satisfying thing
334
00:14:05,503 --> 00:14:08,881
I've ever done
in my entire life.
335
00:14:08,881 --> 00:14:10,758
Holy shit!
336
00:14:10,758 --> 00:14:13,260
This carpet was dirty!
337
00:14:13,260 --> 00:14:15,513
Are you guys
seeing this?
338
00:14:15,513 --> 00:14:19,225
?
339
00:14:19,225 --> 00:14:20,684
Chad: Whoa.
340
00:14:21,894 --> 00:14:25,022
You see how beautiful
the pattern is now?
341
00:14:25,022 --> 00:14:26,232
Wow!
342
00:14:26,232 --> 00:14:27,233
Look at that.
343
00:14:27,233 --> 00:14:30,486
I was so judgmental
on this thing before.
344
00:14:30,486 --> 00:14:31,862
The pattern is
a language.
345
00:14:31,862 --> 00:14:34,907
It tells us where the rug
was made and who made it.
346
00:14:34,907 --> 00:14:36,659
Each rugs takes months
to make,
347
00:14:36,659 --> 00:14:39,245
and it can last
for hundreds of years,
348
00:14:39,245 --> 00:14:42,581
passed down from generation
to generation.
349
00:14:42,581 --> 00:14:46,377
Look at all the beauty it has
underneath this cat piss.
350
00:14:46,377 --> 00:14:48,295
[ Rap music plays ]
351
00:14:48,295 --> 00:14:50,089
Whoo!
352
00:14:50,089 --> 00:14:51,882
[Indistinct] Stop.
353
00:14:51,882 --> 00:14:54,635
Rrow! Rrow! Rrow!
354
00:14:54,635 --> 00:14:56,595
Whoa! [ Laughs ]
355
00:14:56,595 --> 00:14:58,806
? That's right
I'm another decoy... ?
356
00:14:58,806 --> 00:15:01,183
Oh, you're so clean.
357
00:15:01,183 --> 00:15:02,142
Yes!
358
00:15:02,142 --> 00:15:04,853
Turn, turn.
I'm turning, I'm turning.
359
00:15:04,853 --> 00:15:08,107
Are you ready to see
the fruits of your labor?
360
00:15:08,107 --> 00:15:13,821
?
361
00:15:13,821 --> 00:15:15,531
Holy...
362
00:15:15,531 --> 00:15:17,533
hot diggity dog!
363
00:15:17,533 --> 00:15:19,910
She's gorgeous.
364
00:15:19,910 --> 00:15:21,954
Wow.
365
00:15:21,954 --> 00:15:23,080
And to think,
366
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:26,792
you guys basically
almost threw this thing away.
367
00:15:29,169 --> 00:15:31,547
$6,000?!
368
00:15:31,547 --> 00:15:33,674
Go ahead.
Put it on.
369
00:15:38,053 --> 00:15:40,931
[ Sighs ]
Look at the little guy.
370
00:15:40,931 --> 00:15:42,266
He doesn't even know
that today
371
00:15:42,266 --> 00:15:44,810
is the first day
of the rest of his life.
372
00:15:44,810 --> 00:15:45,894
[ Kettle whistles ]
373
00:15:45,894 --> 00:15:49,189
My chai! Come on.
Let's celebrate.
374
00:15:49,189 --> 00:15:50,858
I'll be right there.
375
00:15:50,858 --> 00:15:56,655
?
376
00:15:56,655 --> 00:15:58,699
You're a special little rug.
377
00:15:58,699 --> 00:16:05,372
?
378
00:16:05,372 --> 00:16:06,457
Ah, welcome, welcome.
379
00:16:06,457 --> 00:16:08,500
Let us know
if you need help.
380
00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:10,127
Thank you.
381
00:16:10,127 --> 00:16:16,925
?
382
00:16:16,925 --> 00:16:18,427
Oh, my God.
Look at this one.
383
00:16:18,427 --> 00:16:21,388
It would be perfect
in our den.
384
00:16:21,388 --> 00:16:22,723
The hell is a den?
385
00:16:22,723 --> 00:16:25,059
I don't know.
It's kind of loud.
386
00:16:25,059 --> 00:16:30,105
No. I think it pairs nicely
with all our ethnic artifacts.
387
00:16:30,105 --> 00:16:32,107
Oh, God.
388
00:16:32,941 --> 00:16:35,819
[ Clears throat ]
It's not for sale.
389
00:16:36,487 --> 00:16:38,113
Really?
It has a price tag.
390
00:16:38,113 --> 00:16:39,907
Well, [chuckles]
that's a mistake.
391
00:16:39,907 --> 00:16:42,868
This rug's not for sale.
You guys have a great day.
392
00:16:42,868 --> 00:16:44,411
Bye.
What's going on?
393
00:16:44,411 --> 00:16:46,163
Janie: We were interested
in buying this rug.
394
00:16:46,163 --> 00:16:49,124
And he keeps telling us
it's not for sale.
395
00:16:49,124 --> 00:16:50,501
Chad:
'Cause it's my rug.
396
00:16:50,501 --> 00:16:53,045
Tell them it's my rug
and it's not for sale.
397
00:16:53,045 --> 00:16:54,630
Eh, Mohsen?
398
00:16:54,630 --> 00:16:57,758
Can you show these people
some other options?
399
00:16:57,758 --> 00:17:00,636
- Mm-hmm.
- Mohsen will help you.
400
00:17:00,636 --> 00:17:03,180
Chad:
Get rid of them, Mohsen.
401
00:17:04,890 --> 00:17:07,726
[ Sighs ]
What's wrong, Chaddy joon?
402
00:17:09,269 --> 00:17:10,646
What's up?
Talk to me.
403
00:17:10,646 --> 00:17:13,315
I don't want those people
to have this rug, okay?
404
00:17:13,315 --> 00:17:14,650
Please get rid of them.
405
00:17:14,650 --> 00:17:16,068
Why are you saying
these things?
406
00:17:16,068 --> 00:17:18,529
I'm speaking from the heart,
and my heart is pissed off
407
00:17:18,529 --> 00:17:21,156
and does not want them
to go home with this rug.
408
00:17:21,156 --> 00:17:23,450
Chad, you must
set this rug free.
409
00:17:23,450 --> 00:17:25,536
I don't want to.
I love it.
410
00:17:25,536 --> 00:17:27,955
So I'm gonna instead
suffocate it
411
00:17:27,955 --> 00:17:29,373
and not let go of it, ever.
412
00:17:29,373 --> 00:17:31,166
No, that is not
what you must do...
413
00:17:31,166 --> 00:17:33,335
That's what you do
when you love things.
414
00:17:33,335 --> 00:17:34,712
No, you set them free.
415
00:17:34,712 --> 00:17:35,879
Please get rid of them.
416
00:17:35,879 --> 00:17:37,756
Why?
Because.
417
00:17:37,756 --> 00:17:40,008
She used the word
"ethnic."
418
00:17:40,008 --> 00:17:41,218
That can't be good.
419
00:17:41,218 --> 00:17:43,011
That means she probably
takes her shoes off
420
00:17:43,011 --> 00:17:44,346
when she comes home.
It's good.
421
00:17:44,346 --> 00:17:47,057
I don't want her putting her
nasty-ass feet on this rug
422
00:17:47,057 --> 00:17:48,100
that I love so much!
423
00:17:48,100 --> 00:17:49,393
They seem like
very nice people.
424
00:17:49,393 --> 00:17:52,896
They're not nice!
They're jacking my rug!
425
00:17:52,896 --> 00:17:54,523
They're problematic!
426
00:17:54,523 --> 00:17:55,482
Chad.
427
00:17:55,482 --> 00:17:57,609
[ Footsteps departing ]
428
00:18:00,654 --> 00:18:02,614
Hamid: Chaddy?
429
00:18:04,116 --> 00:18:07,161
Congratulations on selling
the sexiest rug
430
00:18:07,161 --> 00:18:09,455
I've ever
laid my eyes on.
431
00:18:09,455 --> 00:18:12,291
Get those Benjamins,
I guess.
432
00:18:12,291 --> 00:18:14,376
We didn't sell it.
433
00:18:15,210 --> 00:18:18,422
What the hell
are you talking about?
434
00:18:18,422 --> 00:18:22,259
No one's gonna buy the rug
because... it belongs to you.
435
00:18:22,259 --> 00:18:25,304
Mohsen and I want to
give it to you.
436
00:18:25,304 --> 00:18:28,432
W-What?
Seriously?
437
00:18:28,432 --> 00:18:30,434
Mohsen,
is he being serious?
438
00:18:30,434 --> 00:18:31,852
Mm-hmm.
439
00:18:31,852 --> 00:18:34,271
Oh, my God.
He's telling the truth.
440
00:18:34,271 --> 00:18:36,273
But what about
your Benjamins?
441
00:18:36,273 --> 00:18:39,693
You busted your rump
on this bad boy.
442
00:18:39,693 --> 00:18:41,779
I've never seen you
work so hard.
443
00:18:41,779 --> 00:18:44,448
It's yours.
You earned it.
444
00:18:45,491 --> 00:18:47,493
[ Voice breaking ]
Thank you so much.
445
00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:50,621
This is the freaking best
not-electronics gift
446
00:18:50,621 --> 00:18:52,289
I've ever gotten!
447
00:18:52,289 --> 00:18:55,042
Or... just tossing it
out there--
448
00:18:55,042 --> 00:18:58,170
if you prefer,
you can have 10% of the sale,
449
00:18:58,170 --> 00:19:00,047
which comes to $600.
450
00:19:00,047 --> 00:19:02,216
Take all the time
you need to decide.
451
00:19:02,216 --> 00:19:04,051
Let's do the money thing.
I'll do that.
452
00:19:04,051 --> 00:19:06,053
Thanks God.
That couple is still out there.
453
00:19:06,053 --> 00:19:08,347
Mohsen, go get them
before they leave.
454
00:19:08,347 --> 00:19:12,476
?
455
00:19:12,476 --> 00:19:17,231
It really means a lot to me
that you know I love money.
456
00:19:19,733 --> 00:19:22,653
Real quick, since you
sent him in there--
457
00:19:22,653 --> 00:19:24,947
does he speak English?
458
00:19:24,947 --> 00:19:26,824
He does not.
459
00:19:29,368 --> 00:19:31,912
Peter, just let me know.
Ready? Ready.
460
00:19:31,912 --> 00:19:33,205
What's up, everyone?
461
00:19:33,205 --> 00:19:36,041
I got your guys' feedback
on my apology video,
462
00:19:36,041 --> 00:19:38,335
and the feedback was
"We hate this."
463
00:19:38,335 --> 00:19:42,214
So, I'm gonna pivot, and now
check out this new content.
464
00:19:42,214 --> 00:19:44,508
Let's crank this bitch up.
465
00:19:44,508 --> 00:19:47,928
[ Dance music playing ]
466
00:19:47,928 --> 00:19:49,805
Ah!
[ Crashing ]
467
00:19:49,805 --> 00:19:52,474
Peter, did-- did you get that?
468
00:19:52,474 --> 00:19:53,767
Someone drew a dog
469
00:19:53,767 --> 00:19:55,519
with luscious human breasts
on this sign,
470
00:19:55,519 --> 00:19:58,105
and while we could all agree
that's hilarious,
471
00:19:58,105 --> 00:20:00,148
it's getting hosed.
472
00:20:00,148 --> 00:20:08,365
?
473
00:20:08,365 --> 00:20:09,533
It fell off.
474
00:20:09,533 --> 00:20:11,827
Peter, look! Does it look like
I'm peeing?
475
00:20:11,827 --> 00:20:13,036
[ Laughs ]
476
00:20:13,036 --> 00:20:17,374
?
477
00:20:17,374 --> 00:20:20,168
Exclamation point [chuckles]
for my name.
478
00:20:20,168 --> 00:20:22,296
This car is absolutely filthy.
479
00:20:22,296 --> 00:20:24,590
Let's give it a little wash.
480
00:20:24,590 --> 00:20:26,091
?
481
00:20:26,091 --> 00:20:28,176
[ Glass shatters,
car alarm wails ]
482
00:20:28,176 --> 00:20:29,344
Oh.
483
00:20:29,344 --> 00:20:32,139
Drop the camera!
I can't pay for this!
484
00:20:32,139 --> 00:20:33,140
?
485
00:20:33,140 --> 00:20:35,601
[ Man singing
in foreign language ]
486
00:20:35,601 --> 00:21:08,300
?
487
00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:12,900
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