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1
00:00:04,550 --> 00:00:06,126
Ray, I got great news.
2
00:00:06,161 --> 00:00:08,161
I could use some. I
just got an e-mail saying
3
00:00:08,196 --> 00:00:10,161
all my Groupons are set
to expire this weekend.
4
00:00:10,196 --> 00:00:11,836
Okay... forget all that.
5
00:00:11,871 --> 00:00:16,161
I got two tickets to a charity
dinner with the president.
6
00:00:19,161 --> 00:00:21,161
Of the United States.
7
00:00:23,161 --> 00:00:26,161
Of America. Why are you not reacting?
8
00:00:26,196 --> 00:00:27,836
I'm sorry, man... you know,
9
00:00:27,871 --> 00:00:30,496
I want to go, but me and the
president, we got history.
10
00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:32,003
History?!
11
00:00:32,038 --> 00:00:33,126
Back when I worked in Chicago,
12
00:00:33,161 --> 00:00:35,161
Barry and I played in a pickup game once.
13
00:00:35,196 --> 00:00:37,161
Words were exchanged, elbows were flying,
14
00:00:37,196 --> 00:00:39,126
punches were thrown.
15
00:00:39,161 --> 00:00:41,161
Bottom line is I beat up a president.
16
00:00:43,038 --> 00:00:44,161
Word must've got around because Iraq
17
00:00:44,196 --> 00:00:47,126
put me on their $300 bill.
18
00:00:47,161 --> 00:00:49,329
Great. Now I got to pick
somebody from my family.
19
00:00:49,364 --> 00:00:50,628
No matter who I choose,
20
00:00:50,663 --> 00:00:52,126
the other three are gonna be mad at me.
21
00:00:52,161 --> 00:00:54,161
You don't know that. Do
some sniffing around first.
22
00:00:54,196 --> 00:00:56,028
All right? One of 'em might hate politics.
23
00:00:56,063 --> 00:00:57,861
I mean, maybe the other ones had plans.
24
00:00:57,871 --> 00:00:58,836
I know I do.
25
00:00:58,871 --> 00:01:01,371
I got 72 hours to squeeze
in mountain bike riding,
26
00:01:01,406 --> 00:01:03,836
skydiving, rock climbing
and a bunch of other stuff
27
00:01:03,871 --> 00:01:06,871
that guys like to do in
erectile dysfunction commercials.
28
00:01:09,206 --> 00:01:11,206
I hope you're right. If I can't
eliminate some of these people,
29
00:01:11,241 --> 00:01:12,556
it's gonna get ugly.
30
00:01:12,591 --> 00:01:13,836
You know my family.
31
00:01:13,871 --> 00:01:15,836
There's one piece of pizza left and we'd...
32
00:01:15,871 --> 00:01:18,371
Get into a big fight and
throw that piece of pizza
33
00:01:18,406 --> 00:01:20,836
on the ground and stomp on
it so nobody can have it.
34
00:01:20,871 --> 00:01:23,871
Can't throw the president on
the ground and stomp on him.
35
00:01:23,906 --> 00:01:24,872
I did.
36
00:01:39,573 --> 00:01:42,573
~ Synced and corrected by OykuBuyuk
www.addic7ed.com ~
37
00:01:50,871 --> 00:01:53,171
Oh, Mom, don't worry
about it. We'll clean up.
38
00:01:53,206 --> 00:01:55,871
Well, not Adam, his chronic
fingertip pain is back.
39
00:01:55,906 --> 00:01:58,836
Oh, please. Chronic fingertip pain?
40
00:01:58,871 --> 00:02:01,871
It's okay, baby. We don't
have to change people's minds.
41
00:02:01,906 --> 00:02:03,639
NATHAN: So...
42
00:02:03,674 --> 00:02:05,338
TGIF, huh?
43
00:02:05,373 --> 00:02:08,122
I mean, not now. It's
gonna be Friday in three days
44
00:02:08,157 --> 00:02:10,871
but still, anybody got
any fun unbreakable plans?
45
00:02:10,906 --> 00:02:11,836
Nothing.
46
00:02:11,871 --> 00:02:13,371
You know what, I was
looking for something to do
47
00:02:13,406 --> 00:02:14,871
on Friday. If you find
anything, let me know.
48
00:02:14,906 --> 00:02:17,836
Okay... Um...
49
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:20,371
Anybody else just bored, frustrated
50
00:02:20,406 --> 00:02:22,871
and/or fed up with-with politics?
51
00:02:22,906 --> 00:02:24,388
I mean, man, no, thank you.
52
00:02:24,423 --> 00:02:25,836
I'm fed up with politics.
53
00:02:25,871 --> 00:02:28,871
If I wanted to hear a bunch
of rich old men yelling
54
00:02:28,906 --> 00:02:31,388
at each other, I'd drive
through another golf course.
55
00:02:31,423 --> 00:02:33,647
Well, I got to say, it's
kind of refreshing to hear
56
00:02:33,682 --> 00:02:35,871
from somebody who doesn't
want to waste their time
57
00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:37,388
on all this politics nonsense.
58
00:02:37,423 --> 00:02:38,836
Well, it is a waste of time.
59
00:02:38,871 --> 00:02:40,836
It's not like an Average Joe like me
60
00:02:40,871 --> 00:02:43,871
could change anything,
unless you could somehow get
61
00:02:43,906 --> 00:02:44,872
in the same room with the president.
62
00:02:44,907 --> 00:02:47,389
Now, that would be cool.
63
00:02:47,424 --> 00:02:49,836
Nathan, what is going on?
64
00:02:49,871 --> 00:02:51,836
You are so nervous and distracted.
65
00:02:51,871 --> 00:02:53,871
You're like one of those pill-popping teens
66
00:02:53,906 --> 00:02:54,872
in the "Just Say No" commercials.
67
00:02:56,871 --> 00:02:58,836
Nathan?
68
00:02:58,871 --> 00:03:01,836
Did you say yes?
69
00:03:01,871 --> 00:03:03,836
Okay, fine. My-my boss gave me...
70
00:03:03,871 --> 00:03:07,871
Two tickets to this President
Obama dinner on Friday night.
71
00:03:07,906 --> 00:03:09,871
You're having dinner with Obama?
72
00:03:09,906 --> 00:03:11,836
What's he making?
73
00:03:11,871 --> 00:03:13,872
No, Dad, he's not making
dinner, he's speaking.
74
00:03:13,907 --> 00:03:16,836
And I... I got a plus one, so...
75
00:03:16,871 --> 00:03:18,836
I got to pick one of you, but I know that...
76
00:03:18,871 --> 00:03:21,748
Whoever I pick, the rest of
you are gonna get mad at me.
77
00:03:21,783 --> 00:03:23,713
Nathan, stop. That's ridiculous.
78
00:03:23,748 --> 00:03:25,871
Nobody's gonna be upset
about who you choose.
79
00:03:25,906 --> 00:03:27,338
I mean, what kind of jerk
80
00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:29,871
would fault a son for taking his mother?
81
00:03:29,906 --> 00:03:31,837
TOM: Hold on a second.
82
00:03:31,872 --> 00:03:34,871
What makes you so sure
he's gonna pick you over me?
83
00:03:34,906 --> 00:03:35,836
Okay, f-for the record,
84
00:03:35,871 --> 00:03:38,373
I haven't picked anyone to go with me yet.
85
00:03:38,408 --> 00:03:39,338
Oh, that's right.
86
00:03:39,373 --> 00:03:40,871
Uh, he hasn't picked anyone.
87
00:03:42,748 --> 00:03:44,836
DEBBIE: Look, if it makes it
88
00:03:44,871 --> 00:03:47,871
any easier, Adam and I are
out because of the pact.
89
00:03:47,906 --> 00:03:48,836
The pact?
90
00:03:48,871 --> 00:03:49,836
Yeah... well, when we were dating,
91
00:03:49,871 --> 00:03:52,206
we both made a vow that if one
of us couldn't do something,
92
00:03:52,241 --> 00:03:53,206
then the other wouldn't either.
93
00:03:53,241 --> 00:03:54,836
No resentment.
94
00:03:54,871 --> 00:03:55,871
That's why I've never
been down the giant slide
95
00:03:55,906 --> 00:03:56,871
at the water park.
Adam's afraid of heights.
96
00:03:56,906 --> 00:03:58,836
Well, first of all,
97
00:03:58,871 --> 00:04:01,871
I am not afraid of heights. I have vertigo,
98
00:04:01,906 --> 00:04:04,871
which is exacerbated by wind and water...
99
00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:07,871
And, secondly, this is the president.
100
00:04:07,906 --> 00:04:09,836
Are you breaking the pact?
101
00:04:09,871 --> 00:04:11,836
I'm just saying that
surely some pact that I made
102
00:04:11,871 --> 00:04:14,206
while being airlifted off
the top of a dumb water slide
103
00:04:14,241 --> 00:04:16,056
could be reconsidered.
104
00:04:16,091 --> 00:04:17,836
Okay, so there's no pact.
105
00:04:17,871 --> 00:04:19,713
So every time we go to the water park,
106
00:04:19,748 --> 00:04:21,871
I've been floating around a lazy
river dodging empty juice boxes
107
00:04:21,906 --> 00:04:23,836
and old Band-Aids for nothing?
108
00:04:23,871 --> 00:04:26,871
Wait, I-I'm sorry Adam, why
did you have to be airlifted?
109
00:04:26,906 --> 00:04:28,871
Why didn't you just climb
back down the stairs?
110
00:04:28,906 --> 00:04:30,388
I have a rare condition
111
00:04:30,423 --> 00:04:31,836
called panic paralysis.
112
00:04:31,871 --> 00:04:33,836
When I get nervous, I can't move.
113
00:04:33,871 --> 00:04:35,871
Let's just say I may have invented planking
114
00:04:35,906 --> 00:04:37,871
when I lost my virginity.
115
00:04:42,871 --> 00:04:45,338
Okay.
116
00:04:45,373 --> 00:04:47,836
Go ahead. Break the pact.
117
00:04:47,871 --> 00:04:50,871
But you just decided to
go up against the girl
118
00:04:50,906 --> 00:04:53,871
whose high school nickname
was Debbie Don't Lose.
119
00:04:53,906 --> 00:04:55,388
And you know why?
120
00:04:55,423 --> 00:04:56,871
Because Debbie...
121
00:04:56,906 --> 00:04:58,472
Don't...
122
00:04:58,507 --> 00:05:00,039
Lose.
123
00:05:02,871 --> 00:05:04,836
I'm in this game.
124
00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:06,871
I need to speak to the president.
125
00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:08,827
Our states are legalizing marijuana
126
00:05:08,862 --> 00:05:10,713
and our schools are outlawing cursive.
127
00:05:10,748 --> 00:05:12,871
Somebody needs to get a
message to our young people:
128
00:05:12,906 --> 00:05:15,546
More working, less twerking.
129
00:05:15,581 --> 00:05:18,836
The president doesn't
want to hear your whining.
130
00:05:18,871 --> 00:05:21,871
I'd talk to him about normal
stuff, like when he goes down
131
00:05:21,906 --> 00:05:23,388
to the kitchen for a midnight snack,
132
00:05:23,423 --> 00:05:25,147
does the Secret Service go with him?
133
00:05:25,182 --> 00:05:27,026
And does he have to put pants on?
134
00:05:27,061 --> 00:05:28,871
Dad, you're-you're not speaking...
135
00:05:28,906 --> 00:05:29,837
I need the president's ear
for one minute to talk
136
00:05:29,872 --> 00:05:31,871
about a tax credit for vegans.
137
00:05:31,906 --> 00:05:33,836
(all talking at once)
138
00:05:33,871 --> 00:05:36,371
Nobody is speaking to the president!
139
00:05:36,406 --> 00:05:38,836
It is a charity dinner, that's it!
140
00:05:38,871 --> 00:05:40,871
We're all gonna get dressed
up just to sit in our car
141
00:05:40,906 --> 00:05:42,836
for two hours 'cause
traffic's gonna be mayhem.
142
00:05:42,871 --> 00:05:45,871
Then we're gonna have to just be
in the back of a huge ballroom,
143
00:05:45,906 --> 00:05:48,871
you know, in a seat that's
not even facing the stage.
144
00:05:48,906 --> 00:05:50,871
The best view we'll have of the president
145
00:05:50,906 --> 00:05:51,871
is the reflection on our spoon.
146
00:05:51,906 --> 00:05:53,836
We're gonna be
147
00:05:53,871 --> 00:05:55,836
surrounded by a bunch
of rich, snobby people
148
00:05:55,871 --> 00:05:57,836
who are gonna be complaining
that the wine stinks.
149
00:05:57,871 --> 00:06:01,373
And it will because it's nothing
but a glorified airplane meal.
150
00:06:01,408 --> 00:06:03,871
I have half a mind just to
rip this thing up myself.
151
00:06:03,906 --> 00:06:05,871
Who even wants to go to one of these?
152
00:06:14,872 --> 00:06:15,837
NATHAN: Here's the deal:
153
00:06:15,872 --> 00:06:17,871
I've decided I don't want to be the bad guy
154
00:06:17,906 --> 00:06:19,836
with this whole presidential dinner,
155
00:06:19,871 --> 00:06:23,871
so I am leaving the
decision entirely up to you.
156
00:06:23,906 --> 00:06:26,836
Yeah. Power to the people.
157
00:06:26,871 --> 00:06:30,836
The petty, backstabbing people.
158
00:06:30,871 --> 00:06:33,206
- What if we have a big huge fight about it?
- Not my problem.
159
00:06:33,241 --> 00:06:35,140
- What if we can't choose someone?
- Not my problem.
160
00:06:35,175 --> 00:06:37,004
When do you need to have an answer?
161
00:06:37,039 --> 00:06:40,871
That one is on me. Um, I'd say by
tomorrow afternoon at the latest.
162
00:06:40,906 --> 00:06:42,888
So, good luck hashing it out.
163
00:06:42,923 --> 00:06:44,836
Call me if it gets physical.
164
00:06:44,871 --> 00:06:47,871
I'd give anything to see
somebody take a swing at Mom.
165
00:06:49,871 --> 00:06:50,837
Well, you heard him.
166
00:06:50,872 --> 00:06:54,836
We need to figure out a way to decide.
167
00:06:54,871 --> 00:06:57,871
So I guess first person to
touch the treadmill wins.
168
00:06:57,906 --> 00:06:58,836
I touched it. I win.
169
00:06:58,871 --> 00:07:00,871
Whoo! What should I wear?
170
00:07:02,871 --> 00:07:05,581
Sorry, dear, but that is not
how we're gonna decide this.
171
00:07:05,616 --> 00:07:08,171
Whatever we do, it has
to be completely fair.
172
00:07:08,206 --> 00:07:10,836
I propose that we each make
a case for why we should go
173
00:07:10,871 --> 00:07:12,871
and then we'll vote and the
person with the most votes wins.
174
00:07:12,906 --> 00:07:14,546
Oh, that'd be a great idea
175
00:07:14,581 --> 00:07:16,373
if this were the United Nerds of America.
176
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:19,836
Why don't we all just look between our legs
177
00:07:19,871 --> 00:07:24,748
and whoever can say Nathan
came from there wins.
178
00:07:24,783 --> 00:07:26,871
I might have a shot in that competition.
179
00:07:26,906 --> 00:07:27,837
Maybe I should just take you.
180
00:07:27,872 --> 00:07:30,871
You're probably the only one
who can be an adult about this.
181
00:07:30,906 --> 00:07:33,871
Ooh, President Obama? No, thanks.
182
00:07:33,906 --> 00:07:35,871
I'm a Republican.
183
00:07:37,039 --> 00:07:38,836
We're drawing names.
184
00:07:38,871 --> 00:07:40,836
Great. I don't need to
know how you got there.
185
00:07:40,871 --> 00:07:43,871
Just tell me when it's over.
Same thing I say to my waxer.
186
00:07:45,871 --> 00:07:46,836
Nathan, will you do the honors?
187
00:07:46,871 --> 00:07:49,836
Come on. Just pick a piece of paper.
188
00:07:49,871 --> 00:07:51,871
No, I don't want to be
the target of your anger.
189
00:07:51,906 --> 00:07:52,836
Have Mikayla do it.
190
00:07:52,871 --> 00:07:55,871
No way! I've got a birthday coming up,
191
00:07:55,906 --> 00:07:58,388
and my biggest donors are in that bowl.
192
00:07:58,423 --> 00:08:00,871
You're just gonna have to find somebody
193
00:08:00,906 --> 00:08:01,871
among yourselves who you trust.
194
00:08:05,871 --> 00:08:07,836
NATHAN: Ray, I'm sorry
195
00:08:07,871 --> 00:08:09,871
they pulled you out of
that Groupon karate class.
196
00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:10,872
I know you were looking forward to...
197
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:13,889
Catching a fly with chopsticks.
198
00:08:13,924 --> 00:08:16,871
I actually misread the schedule.
199
00:08:16,906 --> 00:08:17,836
It was tai chi. (exhales)
200
00:08:17,871 --> 00:08:20,871
Which will come in handy if
I'm ever attacked by a snail.
201
00:08:22,871 --> 00:08:24,836
Okay, Ray, pick a name.
202
00:08:24,871 --> 00:08:26,836
One last time, I'm
begging you to reconsider.
203
00:08:26,871 --> 00:08:29,871
Okay, shut up, Adam; we've made
our decision, just deal with it.
204
00:08:29,906 --> 00:08:32,871
- And the winner is...
- Anarchy, that's what's winning out here.
205
00:08:32,906 --> 00:08:34,871
Anarchy, stupidity and...
206
00:08:34,906 --> 00:08:35,836
Adam.
207
00:08:35,871 --> 00:08:38,004
...awesomeness! (chuckles)
208
00:08:38,039 --> 00:08:40,871
Winner, winner, presidential dinner.
209
00:08:42,871 --> 00:08:44,871
Okay, you know what, maybe Adam was right;
210
00:08:44,906 --> 00:08:45,836
maybe we should've voted.
211
00:08:45,871 --> 00:08:48,871
I- I agree. Perhaps we were
too quick to shoot down
212
00:08:48,906 --> 00:08:50,388
your wonderfully democratic idea.
213
00:08:50,423 --> 00:08:51,647
Wait, wait, wait. No, we already...
214
00:08:51,682 --> 00:08:52,836
Yeah, we should do it Adam's way.
215
00:08:52,871 --> 00:08:55,871
I'm going to the dinner.
Nathan, tell them I won.
216
00:08:55,906 --> 00:08:57,004
This can't come as a shock to you.
217
00:08:57,039 --> 00:08:59,871
You know how this family changes
the rules to suit their needs.
218
00:08:59,906 --> 00:09:02,748
Pretty sure we invented "Connect Five."
219
00:09:06,871 --> 00:09:08,871
Mom, let's go. We got to decide
who's gonna see the president
220
00:09:08,906 --> 00:09:10,871
before they have another election.
221
00:09:11,871 --> 00:09:14,371
Good luck on your presentation, Tom.
222
00:09:14,406 --> 00:09:17,306
I don't need luck. I'm one of those guys
223
00:09:17,341 --> 00:09:20,206
who good stuff happens to purely by chance.
224
00:09:20,241 --> 00:09:22,836
Uh, sorry I'm late.
225
00:09:22,871 --> 00:09:24,836
I tried to land on your doorstep,
226
00:09:24,871 --> 00:09:26,871
but it's windy out there and my
shoe got caught in the oak tree.
227
00:09:28,871 --> 00:09:30,871
Not a bad adventure for 22 bucks.
228
00:09:30,906 --> 00:09:32,871
You guys jeopardized Ray's safety
229
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:33,836
by dragging him into this?
230
00:09:33,871 --> 00:09:36,871
We needed him. In case of a
tie, Ray is our deciding vote.
231
00:09:36,906 --> 00:09:38,139
Sorry, man.
232
00:09:38,174 --> 00:09:39,338
It's okay, man.
233
00:09:39,373 --> 00:09:42,122
It's interesting to see
how white families do crazy.
234
00:09:42,157 --> 00:09:44,871
Okay, we each have up to
a minute to make our case.
235
00:09:44,906 --> 00:09:47,139
Mom, why don't you go first.
236
00:09:47,174 --> 00:09:49,373
Okay. Ray, dim the lights.
237
00:09:49,408 --> 00:09:51,836
Mikayla,
238
00:09:51,871 --> 00:09:53,871
put the spot on me.
239
00:09:56,871 --> 00:09:59,871
("America the Beautiful" playing)
240
00:09:59,906 --> 00:10:01,888
November 5, 1955.
241
00:10:01,923 --> 00:10:03,836
A cold mist fell.
242
00:10:03,871 --> 00:10:06,871
In the distance, a bald eagle shrieked.
243
00:10:06,906 --> 00:10:08,836
(cawing)
244
00:10:08,871 --> 00:10:09,836
My little brother ran in,
245
00:10:09,871 --> 00:10:12,871
sweat taking over his face,
as he gave me the news.
246
00:10:12,906 --> 00:10:15,206
(high-pitched): "Sis,
President Eisenhower!
247
00:10:15,241 --> 00:10:16,871
He's driving through town!"
248
00:10:16,906 --> 00:10:18,871
I couldn't believe it.
249
00:10:18,906 --> 00:10:19,836
Our small town?
250
00:10:19,871 --> 00:10:21,004
We ran through the streets
251
00:10:21,039 --> 00:10:22,871
as fast as we could to get there.
252
00:10:22,906 --> 00:10:24,871
Ike's coming! Ike's coming!
253
00:10:24,906 --> 00:10:26,373
15 seconds!
254
00:10:26,408 --> 00:10:27,139
What?!
255
00:10:27,174 --> 00:10:27,836
13.
256
00:10:27,871 --> 00:10:29,371
Okay, I'll-I'll skip the part
257
00:10:29,406 --> 00:10:30,871
where I get chased by a dog.
258
00:10:30,872 --> 00:10:32,004
When we got there,
259
00:10:32,039 --> 00:10:33,836
the cars were driving so fast
260
00:10:33,871 --> 00:10:36,206
that we could barely hear a distant horn.
261
00:10:36,241 --> 00:10:36,871
Toot, toot.
262
00:10:36,906 --> 00:10:38,171
Time.
263
00:10:38,206 --> 00:10:39,871
(sighs) I didn't get to meet him.
264
00:10:39,906 --> 00:10:40,836
50 years of regret.
265
00:10:40,871 --> 00:10:41,871
Please vote for me and...
266
00:10:41,906 --> 00:10:45,871
God bless America!
267
00:10:46,871 --> 00:10:48,871
Her time was up. Disregard
that last sentence.
268
00:10:48,906 --> 00:10:50,871
The confetti did not
happen. Dad, it's your turn.
269
00:10:51,871 --> 00:10:53,836
Ray, lights.
270
00:10:53,871 --> 00:10:55,836
A reason you should vote for me
271
00:10:55,871 --> 00:10:59,039
is that I'll ask the questions
we all want the answers to.
272
00:10:59,074 --> 00:11:01,581
"How many carry-ons are you allowed
273
00:11:01,616 --> 00:11:03,373
to bring on Air Force One?"
274
00:11:04,871 --> 00:11:07,039
"What country is your second favorite?"
275
00:11:08,871 --> 00:11:11,836
"Do you still get mail for George Bush?"
276
00:11:11,871 --> 00:11:14,871
"How much is the electricity
bill at the White House?"
277
00:11:14,906 --> 00:11:17,004
"Is it included in the rent?"
278
00:11:17,039 --> 00:11:22,039
And, then, uh, I repeat that
for all the other utilities.
279
00:11:22,074 --> 00:11:23,972
Debbie, you're up.
280
00:11:24,007 --> 00:11:26,439
(clears her throat)
281
00:11:26,474 --> 00:11:28,836
Ladies and gentlemen,
282
00:11:28,871 --> 00:11:30,871
I would like to present
to you a combination
283
00:11:30,906 --> 00:11:32,871
of home video and security footage
284
00:11:32,906 --> 00:11:34,836
from July 13, 2003.
285
00:11:34,871 --> 00:11:36,455
(helicopter whirring on video)
286
00:11:36,490 --> 00:11:38,004
Just promise we won't do anything
287
00:11:38,039 --> 00:11:40,871
the other person can't
or doesn't want to do.
288
00:11:40,906 --> 00:11:42,373
No resentment. Promise.
289
00:11:42,408 --> 00:11:43,836
I promise!
290
00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:45,455
Okay, it's a pact.
291
00:11:45,490 --> 00:11:47,039
(helicopter whirring)
292
00:11:48,748 --> 00:11:50,748
Don't forget my shoes in the cubby!
293
00:11:51,871 --> 00:11:53,836
(Debbie stops video, clears her throat)
294
00:11:53,871 --> 00:11:57,871
And I didn't... forget
his shoes from the cubby.
295
00:11:57,906 --> 00:11:59,871
I rest my case.
296
00:12:02,039 --> 00:12:04,836
Well, Adam, I guess you're up.
297
00:12:04,871 --> 00:12:08,581
Okay. I refuse to do
this exercise in futility
298
00:12:08,616 --> 00:12:10,243
because I know that even if I win,
299
00:12:10,278 --> 00:12:11,871
you'll just go back on your words
300
00:12:11,906 --> 00:12:13,581
and change the rules again.
301
00:12:13,616 --> 00:12:14,836
And since I know
302
00:12:14,871 --> 00:12:16,836
that none of you are
gonna vote for me, anyways,
303
00:12:16,871 --> 00:12:20,871
I'd like to use my time to argue
why you three should not go.
304
00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:23,827
Liar! Liar!
305
00:12:23,862 --> 00:12:26,748
Pants on fire.
306
00:12:29,871 --> 00:12:31,836
You may use the remainder of my time
307
00:12:31,871 --> 00:12:34,371
to reflect on how you've
betrayed not only me,
308
00:12:34,406 --> 00:12:36,871
but the entire notion
of democracy. Thank you.
309
00:12:39,871 --> 00:12:41,871
Okay, we're good. Let's vote.
310
00:13:09,871 --> 00:13:11,871
I'll tally the votes.
311
00:13:14,871 --> 00:13:16,871
Adam.
312
00:13:18,871 --> 00:13:20,871
Adam.
313
00:13:23,871 --> 00:13:26,871
The majority vote, the person
going to see the president
314
00:13:26,906 --> 00:13:27,871
with me is...
315
00:13:27,906 --> 00:13:28,888
Adam.
316
00:13:28,923 --> 00:13:29,836
Yes!
317
00:13:29,871 --> 00:13:31,836
We all voted for Adam?
318
00:13:31,871 --> 00:13:33,836
No. I-I only voted for him,
319
00:13:33,871 --> 00:13:35,871
because I thought everybody
would vote for one of you two.
320
00:13:35,906 --> 00:13:37,888
Well, that's what we all thought.
321
00:13:37,923 --> 00:13:39,871
I kind of liked his presentation.
322
00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:41,836
Okay, fine, we'll revote.
323
00:13:41,871 --> 00:13:43,871
This time, nobody vote for Adam.
324
00:13:43,906 --> 00:13:45,871
RAY: Okay. If I may...
325
00:13:45,872 --> 00:13:48,373
I think... Uh-oh. I got to go! Oh...!
326
00:13:51,871 --> 00:13:54,836
NATHAN: Okay, no, there's no revote.
327
00:13:54,871 --> 00:13:56,371
The booths are closed. You had your chance
328
00:13:56,406 --> 00:13:57,871
and you blew it; now I'm stuck with Adam.
329
00:13:57,906 --> 00:13:58,888
You don't want me there.
330
00:13:58,923 --> 00:13:59,836
No, because I don't want
331
00:13:59,871 --> 00:14:02,713
to spend the entire night
listening to you complain
332
00:14:02,748 --> 00:14:04,871
about your sprained eyelids,
or your belly button fatigue,
333
00:14:04,906 --> 00:14:05,836
or ghost tongue syndrome.
334
00:14:05,871 --> 00:14:08,871
Yeah, GTS. All right, you know what?
335
00:14:08,906 --> 00:14:10,836
Forget it.
336
00:14:10,871 --> 00:14:12,836
I don't even want to go, all right?
337
00:14:12,871 --> 00:14:15,371
I'm not about to force
someone to have dinner with me.
338
00:14:15,406 --> 00:14:17,836
I had enough of that growing
up with an anorexic cat.
339
00:14:17,871 --> 00:14:22,871
You see, this is why I couldn't
trust you guys to handle this.
340
00:14:22,906 --> 00:14:25,871
Us? You're the one who
should have made the decision.
341
00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:27,871
Yeah, instead of making
us do your dirty work.
342
00:14:27,906 --> 00:14:29,888
Fine. You want me to choose?
343
00:14:29,923 --> 00:14:31,871
I'll choose. I'm taking Dad.
344
00:14:31,906 --> 00:14:33,004
Really?
345
00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:34,871
Thank you, son.
346
00:14:34,906 --> 00:14:36,836
Wait. Dad?
347
00:14:36,871 --> 00:14:38,836
You picked Dad?
348
00:14:38,871 --> 00:14:40,836
NATHAN: Yeah, of course I'm taking him.
349
00:14:40,871 --> 00:14:43,373
Look at him. The man checks
the mailbox five times a day.
350
00:14:43,408 --> 00:14:44,836
He's got nobody to talk to.
351
00:14:44,871 --> 00:14:47,871
Telemarketers have him
on a do-not-call list.
352
00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:49,137
I mean, poor guy.
353
00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:51,524
I mean, he needs something to
spice up his miserable life.
354
00:14:51,559 --> 00:14:53,041
Miserable?!
355
00:14:53,076 --> 00:14:54,489
Screw you!
356
00:14:54,524 --> 00:14:56,154
And for your information,
357
00:14:56,189 --> 00:14:58,189
I'm the happiest I've ever been.
358
00:14:58,224 --> 00:14:59,154
Every day I wake up
359
00:14:59,189 --> 00:15:03,154
to the sweet sound of not your mother.
360
00:15:03,189 --> 00:15:05,189
Keep your plus one. I don't need your pity.
361
00:15:05,224 --> 00:15:07,189
Fine. You know what? I thought that Debbie
362
00:15:07,224 --> 00:15:08,206
deserved to go, anyway.
363
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:09,189
Deb, what do you think?
364
00:15:09,224 --> 00:15:10,154
You in?
365
00:15:10,189 --> 00:15:12,154
(sighs) Thank you, Nathan.
366
00:15:12,189 --> 00:15:15,189
You know, I was hoping all
along that you would ask me...
367
00:15:15,224 --> 00:15:17,154
So I could say no.
368
00:15:17,189 --> 00:15:19,189
NATHAN: Wait. Now you're not going?
369
00:15:19,224 --> 00:15:21,154
I was never going.
370
00:15:21,189 --> 00:15:23,189
See, I made a pact with my husband,
371
00:15:23,224 --> 00:15:24,864
and I plan on keeping it.
372
00:15:24,899 --> 00:15:27,189
Really? You would turn
down the president for me?
373
00:15:27,224 --> 00:15:29,189
Of course I would.
374
00:15:29,224 --> 00:15:30,189
I love you.
375
00:15:33,189 --> 00:15:35,154
Almost as much as I'm gonna love
376
00:15:35,189 --> 00:15:38,189
holding this over your
head for the next 30 years.
377
00:15:38,224 --> 00:15:41,189
My other high school
nickname. Debbie Don't Drop It.
378
00:15:51,524 --> 00:15:54,356
So...
379
00:15:54,391 --> 00:15:57,154
Last?
380
00:15:57,189 --> 00:15:58,689
Mom, don't give me...
381
00:15:58,724 --> 00:16:00,456
You picked me last.
382
00:16:00,491 --> 00:16:02,189
Well, look, just...
383
00:16:02,224 --> 00:16:03,154
Last?
384
00:16:03,189 --> 00:16:04,189
Mom, do you want the ticket or not?
385
00:16:04,224 --> 00:16:05,899
(yelling): Last?!
386
00:16:07,189 --> 00:16:10,154
Fine. I'll just go by myself.
387
00:16:10,189 --> 00:16:12,189
All I wanted to do was
make everybody happy,
388
00:16:12,224 --> 00:16:14,154
but that is impossible,
389
00:16:14,189 --> 00:16:15,689
'cause you people can't be happy
390
00:16:15,724 --> 00:16:16,956
until somebody is miserable.
391
00:16:16,991 --> 00:16:18,590
Well, now I'm miserable.
392
00:16:18,625 --> 00:16:20,155
And that makes you happy.
393
00:16:20,190 --> 00:16:23,154
And-and then that makes me happy.
394
00:16:23,189 --> 00:16:25,189
But my happiness makes you miserable again.
395
00:16:25,224 --> 00:16:27,154
And the cycle repeats itself.
396
00:16:27,189 --> 00:16:30,189
And that's how white families do crazy.
397
00:16:43,189 --> 00:16:45,154
Nathan Miller.
398
00:16:45,189 --> 00:16:47,356
Okay. Here you are, but
we can't let you enter
399
00:16:47,391 --> 00:16:49,524
until all members of
your party are present.
400
00:16:49,559 --> 00:16:51,154
Oh, it's-it's just me.
401
00:16:51,189 --> 00:16:52,864
But we have you down for a plus one.
402
00:16:52,899 --> 00:16:55,189
Yeah, but the thing is,
everybody refused to go with me
403
00:16:55,224 --> 00:16:56,154
'cause they thought I was crazy.
404
00:16:56,189 --> 00:16:58,190
Why did they think you were crazy, sir?
405
00:16:58,225 --> 00:17:00,189
Oh, just 'cause my plan.
406
00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:05,189
You had a plan... sir?
407
00:17:05,224 --> 00:17:07,154
Oh, I had a great plan.
408
00:17:07,189 --> 00:17:09,189
I was gonna have my family
do the dirty work for me,
409
00:17:09,224 --> 00:17:11,189
and they all insisted
that I pull the trigger.
410
00:17:11,224 --> 00:17:13,189
Sir, do you want to come with me, please?
411
00:17:13,190 --> 00:17:15,524
There's been some kind
of misunderstanding here.
412
00:17:15,525 --> 00:17:18,189
I can't believe how much the
government knows about people.
413
00:17:18,224 --> 00:17:19,706
I mean, I get that you might know
414
00:17:19,741 --> 00:17:20,965
about what schools I went to,
415
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:22,154
but the fact that you know
416
00:17:22,189 --> 00:17:24,689
that my first kiss was with
Julie Porter. That's amazing.
417
00:17:24,724 --> 00:17:27,189
Your first kiss was with your
sister's Raggedy Ann doll.
418
00:17:27,224 --> 00:17:28,189
Julie was your first human kiss.
419
00:17:28,224 --> 00:17:30,189
Are there cameras in...?
420
00:17:30,224 --> 00:17:31,206
Everywhere.
421
00:17:31,242 --> 00:17:32,189
- Even in the...?
- Everywhere.
422
00:17:34,189 --> 00:17:35,190
I'm sorry. I'm a little
turned around down here.
423
00:17:35,225 --> 00:17:36,707
Which was is it back to the dinner?
424
00:17:36,742 --> 00:17:38,189
Just head straight down the corridor,
425
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:39,706
take a left past the bathroom.
426
00:17:39,741 --> 00:17:41,049
You'll find a service elevator.
427
00:17:41,084 --> 00:17:43,136
Take that to the mezzanine. Yup.
428
00:17:43,171 --> 00:17:45,189
Roger that. POTUS is on the move.
429
00:17:45,224 --> 00:17:46,322
I'll secure the building.
430
00:17:46,357 --> 00:17:49,066
Okay, and can I just use that bath...?
431
00:17:49,101 --> 00:17:50,154
Forget it. I'll figure it out.
432
00:17:50,189 --> 00:17:52,689
For the record, I rocked
Julie Porter's world,
433
00:17:52,724 --> 00:17:55,189
and she's got Raggedy
Ann to thank for that.
434
00:18:05,066 --> 00:18:06,154
(knocking)
435
00:18:06,189 --> 00:18:08,154
AGENT: Sir, I'm gonna need to ask you
436
00:18:08,189 --> 00:18:10,189
to finish what you're
doing in there and exit.
437
00:18:10,224 --> 00:18:12,066
It's a matter of national importance.
438
00:18:12,101 --> 00:18:13,189
I just got in here.
439
00:18:13,224 --> 00:18:15,154
You again?!
440
00:18:15,189 --> 00:18:17,189
I thought I told you to
go up to the ballroom.
441
00:18:17,224 --> 00:18:18,189
Sorry. I've been drinking water all day.
442
00:18:18,224 --> 00:18:19,322
I don't want my face to be puffy
443
00:18:19,357 --> 00:18:21,189
in case I took a picture
with the president.
444
00:18:21,224 --> 00:18:23,706
PRESIDENT OBAMA: Problem in here, Mike?
445
00:18:23,741 --> 00:18:25,965
AGENT: No, sir. Just trying to remove
446
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,189
an individual from the stall, sir.
447
00:18:28,224 --> 00:18:29,189
Well, don't rush the man.
448
00:18:29,224 --> 00:18:30,189
Take your time, sir.
449
00:18:30,224 --> 00:18:32,206
I can wait.
450
00:18:32,241 --> 00:18:34,154
Thank you, sir.
451
00:18:34,189 --> 00:18:36,189
So, how are you doing tonight?
452
00:18:36,224 --> 00:18:39,206
Me? Uh... uh, you know.
453
00:18:39,241 --> 00:18:42,154
The same old, same old.
454
00:18:42,189 --> 00:18:46,066
Just making small talk with
the leader of the free world.
455
00:18:46,101 --> 00:18:47,189
Guess you're gonna have an exciting story
456
00:18:47,224 --> 00:18:48,706
to tell your date.
457
00:18:48,741 --> 00:18:50,154
Oh, uh, it's just me.
458
00:18:50,189 --> 00:18:53,154
I- I couldn't get anybody
to come with me tonight.
459
00:18:53,189 --> 00:18:57,189
Really? Well, I'll have to
look at my poll numbers again.
460
00:18:57,224 --> 00:19:00,154
Oh, no, no, no. It was my family.
461
00:19:00,189 --> 00:19:02,189
I was just try... I was
trying to make everybody happy,
462
00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:04,189
and I ended up pissing everybody off.
463
00:19:04,224 --> 00:19:06,206
Welcome to my world.
464
00:19:06,241 --> 00:19:08,154
Are you about done?
465
00:19:08,189 --> 00:19:10,154
He's being nice, but you're pushing it.
466
00:19:10,189 --> 00:19:11,357
PRESIDENT OBAMA: Don't
peek at the man, Mike.
467
00:19:11,392 --> 00:19:12,322
We're getting flack
468
00:19:12,357 --> 00:19:13,691
for spying too much as it is.
469
00:19:13,726 --> 00:19:16,154
That's funny.
470
00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:18,127
You know, if there's one thing
471
00:19:18,162 --> 00:19:20,031
I've learned since taking office,
472
00:19:20,066 --> 00:19:21,489
it's that you can't make everybody happy.
473
00:19:21,524 --> 00:19:25,189
From healthcare to which
hip-hop artist you befriend.
474
00:19:25,224 --> 00:19:27,155
Oh. Yeah, you're right, sir.
475
00:19:27,190 --> 00:19:30,189
It's impossible to make everybody happy.
476
00:19:30,224 --> 00:19:32,524
And you know what? I'm done trying.
477
00:19:32,559 --> 00:19:34,154
Hold on.
478
00:19:34,189 --> 00:19:36,066
Just because you can't make someone happy
479
00:19:36,101 --> 00:19:37,154
doesn't mean you shouldn't try.
480
00:19:37,189 --> 00:19:40,189
Trying to achieve the
impossible, that's America.
481
00:19:40,224 --> 00:19:42,154
It's why we're great.
482
00:19:42,189 --> 00:19:44,189
Oh, that's good. Mike, write that down.
483
00:19:44,224 --> 00:19:45,874
I'm gonna say that tonight.
484
00:19:45,909 --> 00:19:47,524
Thank you, Mr. President.
485
00:19:47,559 --> 00:19:49,489
Any time.
486
00:19:49,524 --> 00:19:51,031
So, uh, are we close,
487
00:19:51,066 --> 00:19:53,189
or do I need to draw up
an exit strategy for you?
488
00:19:53,224 --> 00:19:55,189
Oh. Uh, no, no, no. Yeah, I'm good.
489
00:19:55,224 --> 00:19:57,031
Actually, sir,
490
00:19:57,066 --> 00:19:59,189
do you mind doing me one more favor?
491
00:20:02,189 --> 00:20:03,154
What is this? Toilet paper?
492
00:20:03,189 --> 00:20:05,691
Mom, when you're in a
bathroom, you make do.
493
00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:07,899
Just read it. I think you'll like it.
494
00:20:09,189 --> 00:20:12,689
"Dear Carol, as you can see,
495
00:20:12,724 --> 00:20:16,189
I'm also a fan of cursive."
496
00:20:18,189 --> 00:20:20,189
"Love, Barack Obama."
497
00:20:20,224 --> 00:20:22,154
(giggles)
498
00:20:22,189 --> 00:20:23,656
"Debbie, your brother told me
499
00:20:23,691 --> 00:20:26,940
"how you honored your
pact with your husband.
500
00:20:26,975 --> 00:20:30,189
I wish the North Koreans
had your integrity."
501
00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:34,154
"Adam, we all have fears.
502
00:20:34,189 --> 00:20:36,189
Get your butt down a water slide."
503
00:20:38,189 --> 00:20:43,189
"Tom, the electric bill for
the White House is about..."
504
00:20:43,224 --> 00:20:44,189
(sneezes)
505
00:20:45,189 --> 00:20:47,189
Oh, damn it.
506
00:20:47,224 --> 00:20:49,154
"Barack Obama."
507
00:20:49,189 --> 00:20:51,189
~ Synced and corrected by OykuBuyuk
www.addic7ed.com ~
508
00:20:51,239 --> 00:20:55,789
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