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*THE GRAND TOUR*
Season 03 Episode 03
2
00:00:53,702 --> 00:00:55,414
Episode Title : "
Columbia Special Part 2"
3
00:01:01,245 --> 00:01:03,765
Look at that. That
is a sturdy car, that is.
4
00:01:03,850 --> 00:01:06,845
Isn't that a very popular
car with the gay community?
5
00:01:06,930 --> 00:01:08,285
Is it?
6
00:01:08,370 --> 00:01:09,925
- It's Hammond.
- That is Hammond.
7
00:01:10,010 --> 00:01:13,925
- Is that your car?
- Yes, this is my car.
8
00:01:14,010 --> 00:01:15,285
Why is your car there?
9
00:01:15,370 --> 00:01:17,205
Because that's where
the boat dropped me off?
10
00:01:17,290 --> 00:01:18,765
They got to here,
wrapped it in polythene,
11
00:01:18,850 --> 00:01:20,981
lobbed it over the side, me with it.
That's how they do it.
12
00:01:21,066 --> 00:01:23,045
What's it say on that?
"Global Auto"?
13
00:01:23,130 --> 00:01:24,222
Yeah, GAK.
14
00:01:24,308 --> 00:01:26,410
That's what they said
was the company.
15
00:01:27,808 --> 00:01:29,685
I bought it from
an English family
16
00:01:29,770 --> 00:01:32,805
- who had bought a house in Tuscany.
- Tony Blair.
17
00:01:32,890 --> 00:01:34,685
- Cherie Blair.
- Sting.
18
00:01:34,770 --> 00:01:38,285
Every single lightweight
socialist in Britain
19
00:01:38,370 --> 00:01:41,205
has been in this car.
20
00:01:41,290 --> 00:01:42,885
We're now
leaving Cartagena
21
00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:48,165
in our quest to find many
interesting animals to photograph.
22
00:01:48,250 --> 00:01:51,485
Well, shrimping and forest products
obviously, er... pays well.
23
00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:54,165
- Look at the boats out there.
- I know, that is amazing, isn't it?
24
00:01:54,250 --> 00:01:56,805
You often see that. The
most humble of commodities
25
00:01:56,890 --> 00:01:59,685
and it yields
just incredible wealth.
26
00:01:59,770 --> 00:02:01,770
Ooh!
27
00:02:03,490 --> 00:02:06,165
- - Argh!
- Turn it off!
28
00:02:06,250 --> 00:02:10,805
It is one of the most stupid
pieces of engineering ever, that truck.
29
00:02:12,207 --> 00:02:14,985
Right, Jaguars, they are
very difficult to spot
30
00:02:15,070 --> 00:02:17,845
and very, very rare.
31
00:02:17,930 --> 00:02:19,705
This is proper jungle now.
32
00:02:19,790 --> 00:02:22,565
Oh, dear.
33
00:02:22,650 --> 00:02:24,725
I think I've just
lost the exhaust pipe.
34
00:02:26,370 --> 00:02:28,025
What are we going to do?
35
00:02:28,110 --> 00:02:31,925
People could come out here for
40 years and not see a jaguar.
36
00:02:32,010 --> 00:02:34,365
Well, we could
use my trap cameras.
37
00:02:35,332 --> 00:02:37,845
- He parked his car there.
- Yes.
38
00:02:37,930 --> 00:02:39,905
- Turn it round.
- Oh, that'll mess with his head.
39
00:02:39,990 --> 00:02:42,105
So he comes down in the morning.
Imagine his face.
40
00:02:42,190 --> 00:02:43,385
He'll think he's gone mad.
41
00:02:43,470 --> 00:02:46,465
One, two, three. Move it.
42
00:02:46,550 --> 00:02:47,885
One, two...
43
00:02:47,970 --> 00:02:50,285
Did we get any pictures?
44
00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:53,325
- Right. Ah, look, there!
- That's it!
45
00:02:53,410 --> 00:02:54,625
There's his head,
there's his head.
46
00:02:54,710 --> 00:02:56,465
That's the ace of spades,
the jaguar.
47
00:02:56,550 --> 00:02:58,565
That's Saddam Hussein.
48
00:02:58,650 --> 00:03:03,005
We've now gotta go and get his
sons, Uday... and the other one.
49
00:03:03,090 --> 00:03:05,025
What was
his other son called?
50
00:03:05,110 --> 00:03:06,290
Edgar.
51
00:03:09,010 --> 00:03:10,545
With the jaguar in the bag,
52
00:03:10,630 --> 00:03:13,445
our sights were set
on the next target,
53
00:03:13,530 --> 00:03:15,845
another rare and
reclusive creature.
54
00:03:16,570 --> 00:03:18,925
The spectacled bear.
55
00:03:19,890 --> 00:03:22,765
We now have to drive
200 miles
56
00:03:22,850 --> 00:03:24,465
to find the sort of terrain
57
00:03:24,550 --> 00:03:28,105
where we're gonna be
able to photograph
58
00:03:28,190 --> 00:03:31,425
the king of spades,
Edgar Hussein.
59
00:03:31,510 --> 00:03:33,125
Paddington.
60
00:03:34,418 --> 00:03:38,425
To help pass the time, entertainment
was provided by James,
61
00:03:38,558 --> 00:03:42,533
trying to overtake trucks
in his one-litre Panda.
62
00:03:43,611 --> 00:03:46,606
Right. No.
63
00:03:46,691 --> 00:03:50,306
He can't see past them cos his
steering wheel's on the correct side.
64
00:03:50,391 --> 00:03:52,966
Cor, bloody hellfire.
65
00:03:53,051 --> 00:03:54,786
So he has to lunge out of the...
66
00:03:54,871 --> 00:04:00,026
and then there's this ridiculously
roarty noise as he sets off.
67
00:04:02,371 --> 00:04:04,486
Holy crap! Come on, car.
68
00:04:08,651 --> 00:04:11,326
Oh, my God!
69
00:04:11,411 --> 00:04:15,046
Oh-ho, I enjoyed
watching that one.
70
00:04:15,131 --> 00:04:18,066
Right, blokes, I can't keep this
lorry-overtaking up all day.
71
00:04:18,151 --> 00:04:21,646
My ring piece is gonna be in tatters.
72
00:04:22,891 --> 00:04:24,886
What is wrong
with this bloke?
73
00:04:24,971 --> 00:04:28,846
I don't know what he's been
taking, but he's all over the shop.
74
00:04:28,931 --> 00:04:31,306
He's had a lot of shrimp.
The man's a... an idiot.
75
00:04:34,931 --> 00:04:40,666
As the day wore on, the Trump truck
proved to be its usual, reliable self.
76
00:04:42,291 --> 00:04:43,906
Oh, dear.
77
00:04:43,991 --> 00:04:45,246
Oh, dear.
78
00:04:45,331 --> 00:04:47,146
That's not good.
79
00:04:47,231 --> 00:04:49,566
That is bad.
80
00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:52,531
Oh, no.
81
00:04:52,651 --> 00:04:56,366
Oh, God.
82
00:04:56,451 --> 00:05:01,146
Just had a message asking if I'd
like to go back and help Mr Hammond,
83
00:05:01,231 --> 00:05:04,646
er, mend his monster truck.
84
00:05:04,731 --> 00:05:07,086
Let me think about that.
85
00:05:08,211 --> 00:05:09,846
No, I wouldn't.
86
00:05:11,251 --> 00:05:13,006
Out you come.
87
00:05:13,091 --> 00:05:15,426
Air-conditioning radiator.
88
00:05:15,511 --> 00:05:16,806
Useless.
89
00:05:16,891 --> 00:05:19,246
Still, could be worse.
90
00:05:19,331 --> 00:05:21,346
Could be him over there.
91
00:05:21,431 --> 00:05:22,526
Yeah.
92
00:05:22,611 --> 00:05:25,526
My guess is his brakes
have failed
93
00:05:25,611 --> 00:05:28,726
and he's hooked a wheel over
there to stop it rolling back.
94
00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:33,286
Er, is this you?
95
00:05:33,971 --> 00:05:35,046
You?
96
00:05:38,731 --> 00:05:41,086
Er, yeah, that, what he said.
97
00:05:46,051 --> 00:05:47,326
Huh?
98
00:05:47,411 --> 00:05:49,126
OK.
99
00:05:49,211 --> 00:05:51,566
Gracias.
100
00:05:53,851 --> 00:05:58,286
Eventually the world's greatest
linguist got his truck going...
101
00:06:00,691 --> 00:06:03,046
and caught us up.
102
00:06:07,411 --> 00:06:12,986
And the next morning we all woke in the
pretty hill town of Villa de Leyva.
103
00:06:28,971 --> 00:06:31,466
Why have you done this
to all my trousers?
104
00:06:31,551 --> 00:06:33,586
You said you were hot.
105
00:06:33,671 --> 00:06:35,126
Well, I am now.
106
00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:49,866
It's a Sunday morning in
a Spanish-speaking country.
107
00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:52,166
It's 8:15 am.
108
00:06:52,251 --> 00:06:55,266
Chances of a trouser shop
being open...?
109
00:06:55,351 --> 00:06:57,006
Nil.
110
00:06:57,091 --> 00:06:58,206
Jeremy.
111
00:06:58,291 --> 00:07:00,326
- Morning.
- How you doing?
112
00:07:00,411 --> 00:07:02,306
Very good.
Sorry, that's not...
113
00:07:02,391 --> 00:07:05,766
James and Richard
cut my trousers up.
114
00:07:05,851 --> 00:07:08,846
Why do I have to be recognised
here, for God's sake?
115
00:07:10,851 --> 00:07:15,566
Once I'd sorted the trouser
crisis, we continued onwards.
116
00:07:17,091 --> 00:07:19,446
Me Siento Loco
117
00:07:33,051 --> 00:07:37,646
And eventually we arrived
in spectacled bear country.
118
00:07:40,171 --> 00:07:41,646
Right, now, listen.
119
00:07:41,731 --> 00:07:44,074
- Erm... - Hohoho-ho.
- There's a lot to do.
120
00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:45,566
- What?
- I don't like your trousers.
121
00:07:45,651 --> 00:07:47,626
Well, no, at least he's trying.
He's making an effort.
122
00:07:47,711 --> 00:07:49,066
You should have
gone the whole hog.
123
00:07:49,151 --> 00:07:50,546
Maybe some nice...
Hey, we're out...
124
00:07:50,631 --> 00:07:52,426
We're in the
outdoors, some nice chaps.
125
00:07:52,511 --> 00:07:54,686
Suede,
but ventilated at the back.
126
00:07:54,771 --> 00:07:57,026
And that shirt.
You've picked up that colour.
127
00:07:57,111 --> 00:07:58,726
Have you been getting advice?
128
00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:01,186
May we turn our attention to
the bears now, to Paddington?
129
00:08:01,271 --> 00:08:02,686
Your skin's flaking.
130
00:08:02,771 --> 00:08:04,806
- You should moisturise.
- It's... What?
131
00:08:04,891 --> 00:08:06,666
- You should moisturise.
- You should moisturise a little bit.
132
00:08:06,751 --> 00:08:08,546
- Why should I moisturise?
- Because your skin's flaking off.
133
00:08:08,631 --> 00:08:11,906
Because you're dry. You look like
something found in a pyramid.
134
00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:14,566
Anyway, listen,
we must turn our attention...
135
00:08:14,651 --> 00:08:17,366
- We
must turn our attention...
136
00:08:17,451 --> 00:08:18,786
"Let's have a look
at the sarcophagus.
137
00:08:18,871 --> 00:08:20,526
Argh!"
138
00:08:20,611 --> 00:08:24,346
"I'm not putting that in the
British Museum." -
139
00:08:24,431 --> 00:08:27,626
Rather than put up with
any more of this persecution,
140
00:08:27,711 --> 00:08:32,646
I insisted we saddle up and set
off to look for Paddington.
141
00:08:34,371 --> 00:08:36,666
I don't actually know... I've
seen a picture of these bears
142
00:08:36,751 --> 00:08:40,386
but I don't actually know how big they are.
Are they two feet or ten feet?
143
00:08:40,471 --> 00:08:43,406
I just don't know.
144
00:08:43,491 --> 00:08:46,806
Keep it diagonal, obviously,
while crossing these things.
145
00:08:47,571 --> 00:08:49,306
Oh, shite!
146
00:08:49,391 --> 00:08:51,006
Oh-ho!
147
00:08:51,091 --> 00:08:53,606
Oh-ho! Look at you
with a wheel in the air!
148
00:08:53,691 --> 00:08:56,106
Can we please try not to make
this look like it's a problem
149
00:08:56,191 --> 00:08:58,686
cos the ladies and gentlemen
will think we're hopeless.
150
00:09:00,131 --> 00:09:02,986
I tried to drive myself out.
151
00:09:03,071 --> 00:09:05,006
Which went well.
152
00:09:05,091 --> 00:09:08,106
Speed and power. -
He's just dug himself a hole!
153
00:09:08,191 --> 00:09:10,266
So I asked Hammond for help.
154
00:09:10,351 --> 00:09:12,866
But, predictably,
his pickup truck
155
00:09:12,951 --> 00:09:16,806
chose that moment to
go into one-wheel drive.
156
00:09:19,171 --> 00:09:21,126
Oh...
157
00:09:21,211 --> 00:09:23,246
Oh, dear.
158
00:09:23,331 --> 00:09:26,526
There was only one solution.
159
00:09:26,611 --> 00:09:28,066
- Could you give me a tow cos...
- No.
160
00:09:28,151 --> 00:09:29,766
No, I'm very close
to coming out.
161
00:09:29,851 --> 00:09:32,066
- Well, we know that. You've bought a Jeep.
- Yes, no, that's...
162
00:09:32,151 --> 00:09:34,486
Oh, I see.
163
00:09:37,251 --> 00:09:41,266
Every single time I open my mouth
now, you've got some reference...
164
00:09:41,351 --> 00:09:43,546
No, it's great. It's good.
165
00:09:43,631 --> 00:09:45,606
We're all friends.
166
00:09:45,691 --> 00:09:49,166
With the rope hitched up,
we were ready to go.
167
00:09:49,251 --> 00:09:51,246
So I'll give you a small tug.
168
00:09:51,331 --> 00:09:53,686
- Was that a gentle tug?
- There we go.
169
00:09:53,771 --> 00:09:57,426
And then it's down to you because I
haven't got the weight to pull you, OK?
170
00:09:57,511 --> 00:09:59,846
Here we go, three, two, one.
171
00:10:02,371 --> 00:10:04,726
- Whoa!
- Exciting.
172
00:10:06,371 --> 00:10:08,526
Yes, go on!
173
00:10:08,611 --> 00:10:11,846
- A Fiat Panda!
- Yesssss! - Yes!
174
00:10:11,931 --> 00:10:14,946
Jeremy Corbyn just pulled
Freddy Mercury out.
175
00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:17,386
It's a meeting of minds.
176
00:10:20,931 --> 00:10:23,286
I'm not sure we're
very good at fist-bumping.
177
00:10:26,371 --> 00:10:28,546
With that calamity sorted,
178
00:10:28,631 --> 00:10:33,086
Hammond got four-wheel drive
back and we resumed our mission.
179
00:10:34,371 --> 00:10:36,606
Right.
180
00:10:36,691 --> 00:10:39,486
Go on a bear hunt.
181
00:10:39,571 --> 00:10:41,266
Soon, however...
182
00:10:45,971 --> 00:10:48,046
Oh, dear.
183
00:10:50,251 --> 00:10:52,846
What's up, Hammond?
184
00:10:52,931 --> 00:10:57,406
I think something's broken
somewhere in the drive line.
185
00:10:57,491 --> 00:11:00,346
Am I now having to pull
Hammond... Oh, God.
186
00:11:00,431 --> 00:11:03,726
Right, and pull Hammond out.
187
00:11:03,811 --> 00:11:08,426
Once my pickup
had been pulled out...
188
00:11:08,511 --> 00:11:11,246
I quickly found the fault.
189
00:11:11,331 --> 00:11:13,186
Broken the half shaft.
190
00:11:13,271 --> 00:11:15,366
Ohhh!
191
00:11:15,451 --> 00:11:17,966
I think this is now
a two-wheel drive.
192
00:11:20,091 --> 00:11:23,106
Still, while there
had been a few mishaps,
193
00:11:23,191 --> 00:11:28,766
our cars were able to take us comfortably
to a suitable bear-spotting point.
194
00:11:34,891 --> 00:11:38,766
I've got a cool-box in the back of the
Jeep full of zesty, refreshing drinks.
195
00:11:39,931 --> 00:11:42,286
The temperature's perfect.
196
00:11:42,371 --> 00:11:44,926
I'm not out of breath.
I didn't have to walk here.
197
00:11:45,931 --> 00:11:47,946
However, because
the trap cameras
198
00:11:48,031 --> 00:11:49,906
had been ruined
by the jaguar,
199
00:11:49,991 --> 00:11:54,086
this time we would need to
deploy our immense patience.
200
00:12:02,011 --> 00:12:04,186
Soon, however...
201
00:12:04,271 --> 00:12:05,926
I'm bored!
202
00:12:06,011 --> 00:12:08,186
- I'm bored!
- Bored.
203
00:12:08,271 --> 00:12:11,406
Booooooored!
204
00:12:14,251 --> 00:12:18,526
So, to make life more
interesting, we kept on driving.
205
00:12:22,491 --> 00:12:25,166
Right, we go higher up
the mountain.
206
00:12:34,091 --> 00:12:40,286
This is the absolute worst terrain
for the Jeep's suspension.
207
00:12:40,371 --> 00:12:44,186
God, I'd like to meet the man who
put these big tyres on this thing.
208
00:12:44,271 --> 00:12:46,866
And I'd like to strangle him.
209
00:12:46,951 --> 00:12:49,726
Still, could be worse.
210
00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:51,446
Hole.
211
00:12:53,331 --> 00:12:56,006
Oh, dear.
212
00:12:56,091 --> 00:12:58,306
Looks like Jeremy Corbyn's
struggling a bit there.
213
00:13:02,491 --> 00:13:05,926
No, somehow he's managed to
get it back on its wheels.
214
00:13:13,011 --> 00:13:15,726
And still it goes!
215
00:13:17,091 --> 00:13:18,946
But then...
216
00:13:19,031 --> 00:13:21,246
Oh, God.
217
00:13:21,331 --> 00:13:23,686
Oh, hold on.
218
00:13:24,331 --> 00:13:26,686
Big hole there, chaps.
219
00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:30,586
- Yeah, you see that...
- Oh-ho-ho.
220
00:13:32,371 --> 00:13:34,146
That's not...
What are you on about?
221
00:13:34,231 --> 00:13:35,906
- It's massive!
- That's quite a big hole.
222
00:13:35,991 --> 00:13:38,886
- It just isn't, though, is it?
- Other than that it is.
223
00:13:38,971 --> 00:13:41,186
- Look at the size of it.
- Although... look.
224
00:13:41,271 --> 00:13:44,266
- No, that's...
- No, stop and listen to the expert.
225
00:13:44,351 --> 00:13:46,686
Cut it this way.
226
00:13:46,771 --> 00:13:51,106
Gravity gets you down there and then
you simply drive up the other side.
227
00:13:51,191 --> 00:13:54,366
Oh, Professor, how do you
work these things out?
228
00:13:54,451 --> 00:13:56,126
- You drive out.
- Look at your tyres.
229
00:13:56,211 --> 00:13:58,986
- Yeah, Hammond, that's a monster truck.
- Only two are driven.
230
00:13:59,071 --> 00:14:00,986
- It's a monster truck!
- It runs over cars.
231
00:14:01,071 --> 00:14:02,686
I've seen them do it
on the telly.
232
00:14:02,771 --> 00:14:04,866
- And they're two-wheel drive.
- They are, actually. Yes.
233
00:14:04,951 --> 00:14:09,626
They are two-wheel drive and they...
Monster trucks could easily do that.
234
00:14:09,711 --> 00:14:14,506
With Hammond refusing point blank to
help, James and I did manual labour,
235
00:14:14,591 --> 00:14:17,806
and cut away the edge
of the bank.
236
00:14:17,891 --> 00:14:20,006
Keep going, chaps, you'll
fill the hole in eventually.
237
00:14:20,091 --> 00:14:22,706
What about that then, Hammond? That's
softened it up a bit. Fancy that?
238
00:14:22,791 --> 00:14:25,706
It's easy now.
I'll do it in a Lamborghini.
239
00:14:25,791 --> 00:14:28,286
That's got rid of
that big stony bit.
240
00:14:28,371 --> 00:14:30,586
That's roughly where
your wheel's gonna go.
241
00:14:30,671 --> 00:14:32,626
Yeah, just before
the massive drop.
242
00:14:32,711 --> 00:14:35,966
Ever since your last accident,
you've lost your bottle.
243
00:14:36,051 --> 00:14:38,026
No, it doesn't require
bottle to do that.
244
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:41,006
It can't be done.
It's not the same.
245
00:14:41,091 --> 00:14:42,606
Well, you're gonna do it.
246
00:14:42,691 --> 00:14:44,066
- No, I'm not.
- You are.
247
00:14:44,151 --> 00:14:46,246
No, I'm not.
248
00:14:46,331 --> 00:14:48,686
Right, here we go.
249
00:14:50,331 --> 00:14:51,626
Gravity will
get you in a minute.
250
00:14:51,711 --> 00:14:54,526
Yes, I know gravity works.
I'm familiar with it.
251
00:14:54,611 --> 00:14:56,706
Just do it and then drive up
the other side.
252
00:14:56,791 --> 00:14:59,126
Hurry up, quicker.
253
00:15:01,051 --> 00:15:02,646
Oh, God!
254
00:15:02,731 --> 00:15:05,266
- There you go.
- Exactly as I said.
255
00:15:05,351 --> 00:15:07,626
Now drive up the other side.
256
00:15:07,711 --> 00:15:09,691
Hold on.
257
00:15:48,811 --> 00:15:51,626
I told you
this wouldn't work.
258
00:15:54,171 --> 00:15:56,098
- I've had an idea.
- What?
259
00:15:56,184 --> 00:15:58,044
You know that sort of roll
bar thing
260
00:15:58,130 --> 00:15:59,172
- he's got there.
- Yeah.
261
00:15:59,278 --> 00:16:01,162
If we get the sand ladders
from the support truck
262
00:16:01,247 --> 00:16:04,326
and lay them on that,
we could drive across him.
263
00:16:06,331 --> 00:16:10,046
- Couldn't we?
- Isambard Kingdom May.
264
00:16:10,131 --> 00:16:12,486
Hammond, we've had
a brilliant idea.
265
00:16:14,171 --> 00:16:16,346
I don't know
what they're gonna do.
266
00:16:16,431 --> 00:16:18,766
I just know
it's not gonna work.
267
00:16:23,211 --> 00:16:26,726
This weighs a tonne.
268
00:16:29,611 --> 00:16:32,526
Oh, mind my roof!
269
00:16:34,731 --> 00:16:36,966
It won't reach.
270
00:16:37,051 --> 00:16:39,626
Oh... No... Don't...
Come on...
271
00:16:39,711 --> 00:16:41,691
Ohh...
272
00:16:49,451 --> 00:16:52,106
Eventually
our magnificent bridge
273
00:16:52,191 --> 00:16:54,166
was complete.
274
00:16:59,011 --> 00:17:02,166
And James volunteered
to cross it first.
275
00:17:02,251 --> 00:17:04,986
Come on, Hammond,
you must be pleased.
276
00:17:05,071 --> 00:17:07,046
No, I'm not pleased!
277
00:17:07,131 --> 00:17:08,746
First heroic thing it's done.
278
00:17:08,831 --> 00:17:10,686
First time
it's not holding us up.
279
00:17:10,771 --> 00:17:12,906
Is that looking good?
280
00:17:12,991 --> 00:17:15,346
- Looking good.
- No, it's looking ridiculous.
281
00:17:28,011 --> 00:17:29,226
- It worked.
- Yes!
282
00:17:29,311 --> 00:17:31,566
- How about that?
- Yes!
283
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:33,226
- Piece of cake.
- Oh, no fist bumping.
284
00:17:33,311 --> 00:17:35,546
- Oh, no, we don't do that, do we, yeah.
- That hurt.
285
00:17:35,631 --> 00:17:37,746
Now, though, it was my turn,
286
00:17:37,831 --> 00:17:42,046
in a car that was more than
twice the weight of the Panda.
287
00:17:45,211 --> 00:17:48,186
Hold on, I can't even see
the sand ra...
288
00:17:48,271 --> 00:17:51,086
I can't see the rail
on this side.
289
00:17:51,171 --> 00:17:55,746
Tiny, tiny bit your left.
That's it. Right, straight.
290
00:17:55,831 --> 00:17:59,306
Tiny, tiny bit to your left,
but really tiny.
291
00:17:59,391 --> 00:18:01,726
That's good.
292
00:18:05,491 --> 00:18:08,086
Right on the edge.
293
00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:09,466
Now very slowly.
294
00:18:09,551 --> 00:18:11,446
Tiny bit of left.
295
00:18:11,531 --> 00:18:13,746
- That's right, you blithering idiot.
- Right.
296
00:18:13,831 --> 00:18:15,926
Now that is... Oh.
297
00:18:16,011 --> 00:18:17,346
Stop. Stop, stop, stop.
298
00:18:17,431 --> 00:18:19,566
Stop there, stop there.
299
00:18:19,651 --> 00:18:21,046
It's gonna break.
300
00:18:21,131 --> 00:18:22,526
It's not gonna work.
301
00:18:22,611 --> 00:18:24,346
- What?
- It's not gonna work. -
302
00:18:24,431 --> 00:18:26,186
Yes, but the thing is
you've stopped me
303
00:18:26,271 --> 00:18:28,146
and there's no other way
of describing it,
304
00:18:28,231 --> 00:18:30,466
- on top of... -
- top of Hammond's car.
305
00:18:30,551 --> 00:18:32,366
Yeah, I know.
Don't jig about too much.
306
00:18:32,451 --> 00:18:34,066
Don't worry about
my truck sitting there.
307
00:18:34,151 --> 00:18:37,286
We're not worried
about your truck!
308
00:18:37,371 --> 00:18:41,346
Since Hammond wouldn't lift a finger,
even though he'd got us into this mess,
309
00:18:41,431 --> 00:18:45,486
I had to get the camera crew to
help beef up the sand rails.
310
00:18:47,531 --> 00:18:50,866
We're supposed to be making wildlife
photography look easy and comfortable.
311
00:18:50,951 --> 00:18:54,206
This isn't working.
312
00:18:54,291 --> 00:18:57,646
With the strengthening in
place, it was time to continue.
313
00:19:02,291 --> 00:19:04,346
Keep it on that.
314
00:19:04,431 --> 00:19:06,766
Exactly that line.
315
00:19:11,291 --> 00:19:13,046
Yes!
316
00:19:13,131 --> 00:19:14,206
Yeah.
317
00:19:14,291 --> 00:19:17,046
- Right, let's move on.
- Right.
318
00:19:21,291 --> 00:19:23,646
Well, they're across.
319
00:19:31,891 --> 00:19:34,566
- Oh, God.
- Why have you stopped?
320
00:19:34,651 --> 00:19:36,866
You're not gonna
believe this.
321
00:19:36,951 --> 00:19:38,406
What?
322
00:19:38,491 --> 00:19:40,846
There's a river.
323
00:19:41,971 --> 00:19:43,466
Can we go through it?
324
00:19:43,551 --> 00:19:45,886
Not in a million years.
325
00:19:57,651 --> 00:19:58,926
What are you doing?
326
00:19:59,011 --> 00:20:01,186
It's... Just round that
corner there's a river.
327
00:20:01,271 --> 00:20:02,366
- Yeah.
- Blocked.
328
00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:03,686
But you've been gone...
329
00:20:03,771 --> 00:20:05,326
So what was
the point in that?
330
00:20:05,411 --> 00:20:07,206
Well, at least it meant
your car was useful twice.
331
00:20:07,291 --> 00:20:08,746
- It was.
- Well, you ended up where you...
332
00:20:08,831 --> 00:20:10,446
We've achieved nothing,
333
00:20:10,531 --> 00:20:12,226
apart from ruining my truck
and turning it into a bridge.
334
00:20:12,311 --> 00:20:14,426
Yeah, but we needed to do
that to get back again.
335
00:20:14,511 --> 00:20:16,966
- Exactly.
- But if you hadn't gone...
336
00:20:17,051 --> 00:20:20,166
If you hadn't gone there, you wouldn't
need a bridge to get back, would you?
337
00:20:20,251 --> 00:20:22,706
We didn't know there was a
river there until we'd gone there.
338
00:20:22,791 --> 00:20:24,556
- And there are no bears.
- As this debate
339
00:20:24,642 --> 00:20:26,626
was getting us nowhere,
340
00:20:26,711 --> 00:20:30,846
we pulled an ungrateful
Hammond out of his hole,
341
00:20:30,931 --> 00:20:33,966
and found another route
up the mountain.
342
00:20:38,491 --> 00:20:41,626
I'm actually looking forward
to seeing a bear, I really am.
343
00:20:41,711 --> 00:20:45,446
I like all bears, except
polar bears, which I hate.
344
00:20:45,531 --> 00:20:48,246
They're vicious and
they eat schoolchildren.
345
00:20:49,411 --> 00:20:52,706
Joyously, we soon found
another suitable spot,
346
00:20:52,791 --> 00:20:55,886
where I discovered
I had a small problem.
347
00:20:57,211 --> 00:21:00,030
I'm still not high enough up
to see over the shrubs.
348
00:21:00,116 --> 00:21:02,116
Well, nothing we can do
about it now.
349
00:21:02,202 --> 00:21:03,866
- What?
- Shut up, nothing you can do about it.
350
00:21:03,951 --> 00:21:06,146
- I wish I was a bit higher.
- That's how high you are.
351
00:21:08,131 --> 00:21:10,486
We settled down
to wait.
352
00:21:11,171 --> 00:21:13,206
But shortly...
353
00:21:13,291 --> 00:21:15,646
And inevitably...
354
00:21:16,971 --> 00:21:19,326
- Bored.
- Me too.
355
00:21:21,491 --> 00:21:23,306
It does get boring, this.
356
00:21:23,391 --> 00:21:24,746
It's 20 minutes.
357
00:21:27,731 --> 00:21:30,106
- What was... what was that?
- That's bear noise.
358
00:21:30,191 --> 00:21:32,286
Ssh.
359
00:21:32,371 --> 00:21:34,586
- I'm not bored now.
- That is a bear.
360
00:21:37,051 --> 00:21:39,066
- It's a bear, it's a bear!
- I can't see it.
361
00:21:39,151 --> 00:21:41,406
- It's fantastic.
- It's a bear.
362
00:21:43,891 --> 00:21:45,806
- Yes, it is, it moved.
- Ssh.
363
00:21:45,891 --> 00:21:47,886
- I can see its face.
- Oh, yes.
364
00:21:52,531 --> 00:21:54,606
- I took a picture of a bear!
- Ssh.
365
00:21:59,771 --> 00:22:01,506
Why won't it come over here?
366
00:22:01,591 --> 00:22:03,726
Probably because
you're talking.
367
00:22:03,811 --> 00:22:05,386
I think we're a bit
too conspicuous.
368
00:22:05,471 --> 00:22:07,546
- We're scaring them off.
- You are.
369
00:22:07,631 --> 00:22:12,066
Your car and his car,
they're too... bright.
370
00:22:12,151 --> 00:22:14,486
I know.
371
00:22:17,771 --> 00:22:22,366
Hammond and May agreed that my
car was the quietest and most subtle.
372
00:22:23,971 --> 00:22:26,586
So they suggested
I should creep towards
373
00:22:26,671 --> 00:22:30,766
the largest flesh-eating mammal
in all of South America.
374
00:22:35,531 --> 00:22:39,526
He is coming close range. Weapon
too close for my big gun.
375
00:22:40,291 --> 00:22:42,386
He is coming!
376
00:22:42,471 --> 00:22:44,806
He is coming.
377
00:22:55,531 --> 00:22:58,646
And then, to top it all...
378
00:22:58,731 --> 00:23:00,186
Bears are shitting
in the woods.
379
00:23:00,271 --> 00:23:02,606
The bear is shitting
in the woods.
380
00:23:03,811 --> 00:23:07,026
I have now seen everything.
381
00:23:07,111 --> 00:23:10,146
Edgar Hussain is done.
382
00:23:13,371 --> 00:23:15,726
King of spades, tick.
383
00:23:19,131 --> 00:23:23,126
Smog
384
00:23:23,211 --> 00:23:27,206
We therefore got back on
the road and continued onwards.
385
00:23:42,651 --> 00:23:47,686
Finally arriving late that night
in the capital city of Bogota.
386
00:23:56,811 --> 00:23:59,166
♪ Smog! ♪
387
00:24:04,291 --> 00:24:09,686
Having had a decent night's sleep,
we convened to plan our next move.
388
00:24:10,611 --> 00:24:11,926
- Morning.
- Hello.
389
00:24:12,011 --> 00:24:13,746
What's the matter
with your face?
390
00:24:13,831 --> 00:24:15,366
- Is it not good?
- No.
391
00:24:15,451 --> 00:24:17,226
It's like being in
The Singing Detective.
392
00:24:17,311 --> 00:24:18,886
It is.
393
00:24:18,971 --> 00:24:20,546
That's bloody rude. Anyway, listen...
394
00:24:20,631 --> 00:24:22,246
Sorry, I'm briefly
mesmerised.
395
00:24:22,331 --> 00:24:23,406
- Listen.
- I'm back.
396
00:24:23,491 --> 00:24:24,666
While you were out
this morning
397
00:24:24,751 --> 00:24:26,146
buying new action
trousers, I see,
398
00:24:26,231 --> 00:24:28,846
I have got a book...
399
00:24:28,931 --> 00:24:31,746
All of Colombia's wildlife
is in this book, yeah?
400
00:24:31,831 --> 00:24:33,286
All of it.
401
00:24:33,371 --> 00:24:35,366
I've been through it.
402
00:24:35,451 --> 00:24:38,286
- Guess what there isn't?
- A hippopotamus.
403
00:24:38,371 --> 00:24:40,946
Well, so far we've
got pigeon, dog, horse...
404
00:24:41,031 --> 00:24:42,926
Donkey.
405
00:24:43,011 --> 00:24:44,466
Don't bring those up, please.
406
00:24:44,551 --> 00:24:46,246
- Um, jaguar.
- Jaguar.
407
00:24:46,331 --> 00:24:47,979
- Bear.
- Bear. - Yes.
408
00:24:48,065 --> 00:24:51,166
Condor is next.
Condor is next.
409
00:24:51,251 --> 00:24:54,046
Is there a case...
I think there is.
410
00:24:54,131 --> 00:24:56,046
For a little light
car modification?
411
00:24:56,131 --> 00:24:57,706
I agree, there is, there is.
412
00:24:57,791 --> 00:24:59,686
I think I might be
scaring them off a bit.
413
00:24:59,771 --> 00:25:01,746
- I could make some changes.
- I'm just thinking...
414
00:25:01,831 --> 00:25:03,346
Tell you what
I could give my car...
415
00:25:03,431 --> 00:25:06,246
- A roof.
- Yeah, that's a good idea.
416
00:25:06,331 --> 00:25:08,146
There is evidence to suggest
in your flaking visage...
417
00:25:08,231 --> 00:25:11,306
Then you wouldn't look like
Michael Gambon in the '80s.
418
00:25:11,391 --> 00:25:13,566
I am Michael Gambon
in the '80s.
419
00:25:13,651 --> 00:25:16,006
Llegaron Los Peluqueros
420
00:25:18,291 --> 00:25:22,306
We then went shopping in
Bogota's massive auto district.
421
00:25:22,391 --> 00:25:27,486
20 city blocks of nothing
but shops selling car parts.
422
00:25:33,451 --> 00:25:37,266
All I really need, if I'm
honest, to make my car better,
423
00:25:37,351 --> 00:25:39,486
is some kind of ladder,
424
00:25:39,571 --> 00:25:43,426
so I get some elevation
for the photography,
425
00:25:43,511 --> 00:25:46,846
and a chair to sit on,
and a roof.
426
00:25:48,531 --> 00:25:50,466
Oh, gold dust.
427
00:25:50,551 --> 00:25:52,186
Look at that.
428
00:25:52,271 --> 00:25:54,266
That is perfect.
429
00:25:54,351 --> 00:25:59,066
So, um, can I have 20 metres?
430
00:25:59,151 --> 00:26:01,486
Vingt me...?
431
00:26:02,971 --> 00:26:04,946
That's not a good sign,
is it?
432
00:26:08,771 --> 00:26:14,126
As we went about our shopping, I
received a rather intriguing phone call.
433
00:26:15,571 --> 00:26:17,546
This afternoon?
434
00:26:17,631 --> 00:26:19,686
Sure. OK.
435
00:26:19,771 --> 00:26:21,166
All right, bye.
436
00:26:21,251 --> 00:26:22,886
Er, that was
our Colombian fixers.
437
00:26:22,971 --> 00:26:25,586
They say, um, this afternoon
they want us to try something
438
00:26:25,671 --> 00:26:30,566
which is, they say... the thing
that Colombia is most famous for.
439
00:26:33,891 --> 00:26:35,726
Yep.
440
00:26:35,811 --> 00:26:37,606
Football.
441
00:26:37,691 --> 00:26:42,546
Specifically a match between
The Grand Tour team...
442
00:26:42,631 --> 00:26:45,046
and our Colombian fixers.
443
00:26:45,131 --> 00:26:50,026
Hammond, with his gammy knee, couldn't
play, so made himself our manager.
444
00:26:50,111 --> 00:26:55,886
So, we're gonna play
a five-four-four?
445
00:26:55,971 --> 00:26:57,606
- I doubt it.
- Five-four-three?
446
00:26:57,691 --> 00:26:59,046
- Eight, nine?
- Five... Two?
447
00:26:59,131 --> 00:27:00,946
- How many on our team?
- It's eight a side.
448
00:27:01,031 --> 00:27:02,626
Three. Right, well,
we're gonna play...
449
00:27:02,711 --> 00:27:07,106
- Drop the five, then.
- Three... four.
450
00:27:07,191 --> 00:27:09,166
Three.
451
00:27:09,251 --> 00:27:10,906
With the crowd
of onlookers
452
00:27:10,991 --> 00:27:15,066
at fever pitch,
the game began.
453
00:27:17,691 --> 00:27:23,586
And since I was our biggest player,
from any angle, I was put in goal.
454
00:27:23,671 --> 00:27:26,006
Which went well.
455
00:27:34,731 --> 00:27:37,786
Also,
the ref was pretty harsh.
456
00:27:37,871 --> 00:27:40,006
What?
457
00:27:40,091 --> 00:27:41,546
How can it be handball?
458
00:27:41,631 --> 00:27:44,446
He hasn't got a hand!
459
00:27:44,531 --> 00:27:46,146
The match continued
460
00:27:46,231 --> 00:27:49,166
with some good clean tackles
from us.
461
00:27:52,571 --> 00:27:55,366
And eventually
an actual goal.
462
00:27:58,511 --> 00:28:02,706
But my goalkeeping continued
to let the side down.
463
00:28:02,791 --> 00:28:05,126
Oh, come on!
464
00:28:08,491 --> 00:28:11,066
And even though
I'd given my all...
465
00:28:11,151 --> 00:28:14,006
I've just coughed
my lungs up.
466
00:28:14,091 --> 00:28:18,346
I was eventually substituted for
our special forces security guy,
467
00:28:18,431 --> 00:28:23,106
who did well,
despite his pixelated face.
468
00:28:26,891 --> 00:28:29,367
We may as well modify our cars now.
We're not playing.
469
00:28:29,453 --> 00:28:30,506
Yeah.
470
00:28:30,591 --> 00:28:33,566
The only problem is,
nobody'll be able to film us.
471
00:28:33,651 --> 00:28:36,386
Cos they're playing football.
And they are not stopping.
472
00:28:36,471 --> 00:28:38,546
Why don't we just quietly
leave them to it?
473
00:28:38,631 --> 00:28:40,531
We'll get on with it.
474
00:28:40,679 --> 00:28:43,029
It's not as if
anyone's gonna miss us.
475
00:28:46,771 --> 00:28:49,126
Go on, Nick!
476
00:28:56,051 --> 00:28:57,826
The next morning, happily,
477
00:28:57,911 --> 00:29:02,046
the uninjured members of our
film crew were back at work.
478
00:29:03,051 --> 00:29:06,426
- Was it really six-two?
- Yeah.
479
00:29:06,511 --> 00:29:08,366
- It was.
- Yeah.
480
00:29:08,451 --> 00:29:11,026
I think the problem was they
substituted me and you too early.
481
00:29:11,111 --> 00:29:13,246
- I think so.
- Anyway, listen...
482
00:29:13,331 --> 00:29:15,166
We've now got
the film crews back,
483
00:29:15,251 --> 00:29:17,506
so let's set them to work
doing what they can do,
484
00:29:17,591 --> 00:29:19,366
and have a look at our cars.
485
00:29:19,451 --> 00:29:21,566
- OK, you have to find mine.
- Where is it?
486
00:29:21,651 --> 00:29:24,066
Yours is the one disguised as a
bush in an industrial car park.
487
00:29:24,151 --> 00:29:26,526
- I've camouflaged it.
- Well, yes, you've painted it.
488
00:29:26,611 --> 00:29:29,786
It's got roll-down netting that goes over
the windows when I'm using it as a hide
489
00:29:29,871 --> 00:29:32,826
and it has an inbuilt... Well,
it's got a raise on it as well,
490
00:29:32,911 --> 00:29:35,506
cos the one problem
I've had is ground clearance.
491
00:29:35,591 --> 00:29:36,966
- Yeah.
- What?
492
00:29:37,051 --> 00:29:38,866
You've spent two days
laughing at Hammond and me
493
00:29:38,951 --> 00:29:40,806
cos we've got cars
that have been raised,
494
00:29:40,891 --> 00:29:43,626
and how awful they are, and then
you've done exactly the same.
495
00:29:43,711 --> 00:29:47,346
As an alternative expression, rather
than "I'm going to raise my car,"
496
00:29:47,431 --> 00:29:50,286
- why not, "I'm going to ruin my car"?
- Yes.
497
00:29:50,371 --> 00:29:51,866
- What you've done is ruined it.
- Let's see.
498
00:29:51,951 --> 00:29:53,566
I've done it very subtly.
499
00:29:53,651 --> 00:29:56,466
How do you think Tony Blair and
Gordon Sting are going to feel
500
00:29:56,551 --> 00:30:00,186
when they see that you've turned
their Panda into a monster Panda?
501
00:30:00,271 --> 00:30:03,086
Very happy, actually.
That's communist camouflage.
502
00:30:03,171 --> 00:30:05,386
I got it from a picture
of a Russian tank.
503
00:30:05,471 --> 00:30:07,926
This is my idea.
PA system. I always do this.
504
00:30:08,011 --> 00:30:09,466
- It's not a PA system.
- Well, it is.
505
00:30:09,551 --> 00:30:12,646
It's a bird call
and animal call system.
506
00:30:12,731 --> 00:30:14,926
I have an iPad, other tablets
are available, in the car
507
00:30:15,011 --> 00:30:16,866
in which I can select a
number of animal noises
508
00:30:16,951 --> 00:30:19,286
and they play out of those speakers.
It's a lure.
509
00:30:19,371 --> 00:30:21,706
Well, can we move on to Hammond,
who's obviously gone...
510
00:30:21,791 --> 00:30:23,686
- If you can find it.
- Completely mad.
511
00:30:23,771 --> 00:30:26,106
I too
have gone the camouflage route
512
00:30:26,191 --> 00:30:28,486
because it's green,
as you can see.
513
00:30:28,571 --> 00:30:30,286
I've mended the half shaft
up here.
514
00:30:30,371 --> 00:30:32,066
That's the only mechanical
work I've had to do
515
00:30:32,151 --> 00:30:34,386
because other than that
it's been perfect.
516
00:30:34,471 --> 00:30:37,806
Yes, this structure here
is a hide.
517
00:30:37,891 --> 00:30:41,606
I know it is. It's a hide
on a monster truck.
518
00:30:41,691 --> 00:30:45,206
It's people that they're scared
of and they won't see any people.
519
00:30:45,291 --> 00:30:47,646
Those all drop down and in there
I've got everything I need
520
00:30:47,731 --> 00:30:50,266
because often you're sitting and
waiting a long time to take pictures.
521
00:30:50,351 --> 00:30:53,266
We've learnt that. I can
cook, eat, entertain myself
522
00:30:53,351 --> 00:30:57,146
whilst waiting to capture an
award-winning photograph of an animal.
523
00:30:57,231 --> 00:30:59,846
And this rotates
through 360 degrees.
524
00:30:59,931 --> 00:31:01,746
- I see.
- And you, because it's you,
525
00:31:01,831 --> 00:31:04,786
you put two cameras in there
to film yourself.
526
00:31:04,871 --> 00:31:07,246
Yes, that's the most
important thing.
527
00:31:07,331 --> 00:31:10,886
I love the idea that you two, I'm
afraid there's no other word, morons,
528
00:31:10,971 --> 00:31:13,506
have decided that somehow
you can camouflage your car
529
00:31:13,591 --> 00:31:15,726
so they won't be seen
by animals.
530
00:31:15,811 --> 00:31:20,486
I have already proved that mine can drive
right up to a bear, he's interested.
531
00:31:20,571 --> 00:31:22,606
Speaking of yours,
what have you done?
532
00:31:23,771 --> 00:31:26,166
Whoa, what's all that
on the back?
533
00:31:26,251 --> 00:31:28,126
That, gentlemen,
is a scissor lift.
534
00:31:28,211 --> 00:31:29,786
- What?
- It's a scissor lift.
535
00:31:29,871 --> 00:31:33,046
Simply get in that and rise
up, so then I have a...
536
00:31:33,131 --> 00:31:35,826
Oh, so you're going to be
a window cleaner. -
537
00:31:35,911 --> 00:31:40,526
The only thing this didn't really have
was proper elevation. Now I have it.
538
00:31:40,611 --> 00:31:43,146
How high does it go? -38 feet.
539
00:31:43,231 --> 00:31:45,166
- Really?
- Yes. -It'll just fall over.
540
00:31:45,251 --> 00:31:47,146
A-ha, that's why I fitted it
with outriggers.
541
00:31:47,231 --> 00:31:48,666
They're not far enough apart.
542
00:31:48,751 --> 00:31:50,326
- Or big enough.
- They slide...
543
00:31:50,411 --> 00:31:51,706
How much does it weigh, that?
544
00:31:51,791 --> 00:31:54,386
I've added half a tonne.
545
00:31:54,471 --> 00:31:56,866
And there's something else
I've done.
546
00:31:56,951 --> 00:31:59,686
Oxygen is fitted
for my engine.
547
00:31:59,771 --> 00:32:01,986
- Why do you need oxygen?
- Because we're going very high.
548
00:32:02,071 --> 00:32:04,186
- Well, 38 feet.
- No, 15,000 feet.
549
00:32:04,271 --> 00:32:06,586
More, actually.
Nearly 16,000 feet.
550
00:32:06,671 --> 00:32:08,206
- Really?
- Why?
551
00:32:08,291 --> 00:32:10,246
Condors. They're in the sky.
552
00:32:10,331 --> 00:32:11,666
Yes, but they fly
above the ground.
553
00:32:11,751 --> 00:32:14,406
Yes, I know, but in order to catch
up to them, we must go high.
554
00:32:14,491 --> 00:32:17,386
You can't catch up with them and just,
just photograph them in the face.
555
00:32:17,471 --> 00:32:20,626
I'm telling you, you want a
condor, we've gotta go high.
556
00:32:20,711 --> 00:32:22,406
Oh, my God.
557
00:32:22,491 --> 00:32:24,386
- What?
- I've seen it as well.
558
00:32:24,471 --> 00:32:25,726
What, my roof?
559
00:32:25,811 --> 00:32:27,866
That the only piece of fabric
you could find to make a roof?
560
00:32:27,951 --> 00:32:30,126
- What is that?
- It's wild life.
561
00:32:30,211 --> 00:32:32,066
That's for a nursery
or something, isn't it?
562
00:32:32,151 --> 00:32:33,286
- I mean...
- Mate!
563
00:32:33,371 --> 00:32:34,906
It'll keep the sun
and rain off my head.
564
00:32:34,991 --> 00:32:36,806
- The rain?
- Well, it'll keep the sun off.
565
00:32:36,891 --> 00:32:39,306
It's a really nice installation.
That is a quality job as well.
566
00:32:39,391 --> 00:32:41,186
You've really...
that is crap.
567
00:32:41,271 --> 00:32:43,566
So I've got oxygen
for the altitude
568
00:32:43,651 --> 00:32:45,446
- which we're going to.
- Yeah.
569
00:32:45,531 --> 00:32:47,906
- That'll stop my face disintegrating.
- It won't.
570
00:32:47,991 --> 00:32:52,206
- And that means I can photograph birds.
- It won't.
571
00:32:52,291 --> 00:32:56,706
As it was another 200-mile
drive to reach condor country,
572
00:32:56,791 --> 00:33:00,406
we decided to
get cracking immediately.
573
00:33:02,411 --> 00:33:04,026
It's Raining Men
574
00:33:04,111 --> 00:33:07,826
♪ Hallelujah,
it's raining men ♪
575
00:33:07,911 --> 00:33:09,606
♪ Amen ♪
576
00:33:09,691 --> 00:33:10,986
♪ I'm going to go out... ♪
577
00:33:14,091 --> 00:33:16,946
♪ I'm gonna let myself get ♪
578
00:33:17,031 --> 00:33:19,106
♪ Absolutely soaking wet ♪
579
00:33:19,191 --> 00:33:22,366
- Have you two done this?
- Yeah.
580
00:33:22,451 --> 00:33:24,186
Think of it as advertising.
581
00:33:24,271 --> 00:33:25,886
Advertising what?
582
00:33:25,971 --> 00:33:27,166
Well, yourself, mate.
583
00:33:27,251 --> 00:33:29,666
We... I... You need to
work on your presentation.
584
00:33:29,751 --> 00:33:30,986
You look like crap.
585
00:33:31,071 --> 00:33:32,806
How do I turn it off?
586
00:33:32,891 --> 00:33:34,626
The instructions
are all on the screen.
587
00:33:37,091 --> 00:33:39,666
Mate,
it's a brilliant icebreaker.
588
00:33:39,751 --> 00:33:41,966
♪ Mother Nature ♪
589
00:33:42,051 --> 00:33:45,406
♪ She's a single woman too ♪
590
00:33:45,491 --> 00:33:51,286
♪ She took off to heaven and
she did what she had to do ♪
591
00:33:51,371 --> 00:33:53,506
I can't...
I can't hear myself think!
592
00:33:53,591 --> 00:33:55,686
♪ ...every angel ♪
593
00:33:55,771 --> 00:33:58,606
♪ And she
rearranged the sky ♪
594
00:33:58,691 --> 00:34:00,366
♪ So that each and every... ♪
595
00:34:00,451 --> 00:34:02,146
The fact is, Jeremy,
people who wouldn't give you
596
00:34:02,231 --> 00:34:04,406
a second look are looking.
597
00:34:06,211 --> 00:34:09,486
Yeah, sorry.
598
00:34:09,571 --> 00:34:11,426
Where are the speakers
in this bloody thing?
599
00:34:11,511 --> 00:34:13,426
Oh, God, they're moulded!
600
00:34:13,511 --> 00:34:16,286
♪ The temperature's rising ♪
601
00:34:16,371 --> 00:34:19,286
No, I can put up
with this no more.
602
00:34:19,371 --> 00:34:22,146
I don't know much about
engineering, as you know,
603
00:34:22,231 --> 00:34:27,406
but I do know that if you rip enough
wires out, you can mend anything.
604
00:34:27,491 --> 00:34:30,806
♪ Tonight for the first time...
605
00:34:30,891 --> 00:34:33,306
♪ At just about
half-past ten ♪
606
00:34:33,391 --> 00:34:36,646
That's better.
607
00:34:36,731 --> 00:34:38,306
Ah, now the music's stopped,
608
00:34:38,391 --> 00:34:42,726
I have uncovered a small
problem with my modification.
609
00:34:42,811 --> 00:34:46,226
- What's that?
- Quite a lot of rattling.
610
00:34:52,891 --> 00:34:56,146
I don't wanna speak too soon, but I
think my big wheels are working.
611
00:34:56,231 --> 00:34:59,946
The car is going along, they're
not rubbing on anything.
612
00:35:00,031 --> 00:35:02,006
The ride's still reasonable.
613
00:35:02,091 --> 00:35:04,446
Llegaron Los Peluqueros
614
00:35:06,931 --> 00:35:12,686
As we left Bogota, and picked up
speed, my mods became even more annoying.
615
00:35:14,371 --> 00:35:16,686
Sit-rep, and it's not good.
616
00:35:16,771 --> 00:35:20,826
I mean, yes, I can't hear the rattling
from the scissor lift any more,
617
00:35:20,911 --> 00:35:24,506
but only because the roof
is flapping like a bastard.
618
00:35:24,591 --> 00:35:28,286
And, steering's
worryingly light,
619
00:35:28,371 --> 00:35:30,066
cos all the weight's
at the back.
620
00:35:30,151 --> 00:35:34,166
Also, the rear tyres now
never catch on the arches.
621
00:35:34,251 --> 00:35:36,266
Apart from then.
622
00:35:36,351 --> 00:35:38,546
And then.
623
00:35:41,051 --> 00:35:44,246
And in the Panda, things
weren't that great either.
624
00:35:46,851 --> 00:35:49,306
I'm starting to hear some
alarming noises from my car,
625
00:35:49,391 --> 00:35:52,506
so I thought I'd share them with you.
626
00:35:52,591 --> 00:35:55,966
There's one of them.
627
00:35:56,051 --> 00:35:58,086
It's almost as if the wheels
have moved on the hubs
628
00:35:58,171 --> 00:36:00,226
and are starting to touch little
bits of the arches. -
629
00:36:00,311 --> 00:36:02,846
Can you hear that?
630
00:36:02,931 --> 00:36:07,946
To try and stop the roof flapping, I've
put my monopod here, to keep it all taut.
631
00:36:08,031 --> 00:36:10,966
And that hasn't worked.
632
00:36:11,051 --> 00:36:12,706
Rattling, tyre noise.
633
00:36:12,791 --> 00:36:14,426
Flapping.
634
00:36:14,511 --> 00:36:16,106
Yeah. Yeah.
635
00:36:16,191 --> 00:36:18,286
Bad.
636
00:36:18,371 --> 00:36:20,726
Still, could be worse.
637
00:36:23,051 --> 00:36:25,206
Oh, cock.
638
00:36:25,291 --> 00:36:26,526
Right, this is quite bad.
639
00:36:26,611 --> 00:36:28,346
What's happened
on all those windy bits,
640
00:36:28,431 --> 00:36:30,306
as the car leans to one side
and the other,
641
00:36:30,391 --> 00:36:33,726
is that the bigger tyre has
rubbed against the filler pipe,
642
00:36:33,811 --> 00:36:35,646
from the cap here
down to the tank,
643
00:36:35,731 --> 00:36:38,846
and it's made a little hole in
it and the fuel is gushing out,
644
00:36:38,931 --> 00:36:41,506
which is why I was getting a bit
stoned as I was driving along.
645
00:36:41,591 --> 00:36:44,626
I thought it was just altitude,
but it was actually petrol fumes.
646
00:36:44,711 --> 00:36:49,166
So what I'm gonna do is, er, drain
the tank down by about half,
647
00:36:49,251 --> 00:36:51,266
so the level is below
that bit of the pipe.
648
00:36:51,351 --> 00:36:55,086
I will patch up that hole,
put the fuel back in
649
00:36:55,171 --> 00:36:57,686
and then I'll put
the proper wheels back on.
650
00:37:01,251 --> 00:37:03,986
While May did...
what he just said,
651
00:37:04,071 --> 00:37:07,846
Hammond and I hoovered up
some animal pictures...
652
00:37:12,331 --> 00:37:14,726
Oh, yeah.
653
00:37:16,251 --> 00:37:18,086
I got it.
654
00:37:18,171 --> 00:37:23,526
In terrain that was becoming
absolutely spectacular.
655
00:37:34,251 --> 00:37:38,126
It's the variety of Colombia
that staggers me most of all.
656
00:37:38,211 --> 00:37:40,566
One minute you're in
what looks like Japan.
657
00:37:41,651 --> 00:37:44,006
Then it's
the Yorkshire Dales.
658
00:37:44,731 --> 00:37:47,126
Then it's Austria.
659
00:37:47,211 --> 00:37:49,686
Then it's California.
660
00:37:49,771 --> 00:37:53,986
It's like the greatest hits of
the world all in one place.
661
00:37:54,071 --> 00:37:56,966
I mean, Jesus,
look at that now.
662
00:38:09,371 --> 00:38:11,826
Eventually
we were all reunited,
663
00:38:11,911 --> 00:38:17,646
and, at my insistence, we began
the long climb to 16,000 feet,
664
00:38:17,731 --> 00:38:20,006
where I knew
the condors would be.
665
00:38:23,771 --> 00:38:25,666
I cannot wait to see a condor
666
00:38:25,751 --> 00:38:31,026
because they are one of the
most superb creations on Earth.
667
00:38:31,111 --> 00:38:34,486
They just are magnificent.
668
00:38:34,571 --> 00:38:39,666
They can stay at 18,000 feet all
day, maybe flap their arms once.
669
00:38:39,751 --> 00:38:41,411
Once.
670
00:38:41,531 --> 00:38:44,666
Right, gentlemen, we're
passing 10,000 feet now.
671
00:38:44,751 --> 00:38:48,046
Er, how's your
temperature gauges?
672
00:38:48,131 --> 00:38:50,486
Mine's getting hot,
really hot.
673
00:38:51,811 --> 00:38:54,806
Er, weirdly,
my car isn't overheating,
674
00:38:54,891 --> 00:38:56,806
but it is producing
some steam
675
00:38:56,891 --> 00:38:59,746
because I think maybe the cap
isn't perfectly sealed
676
00:38:59,831 --> 00:39:02,666
and the ambient pressure
is going down.
677
00:39:02,751 --> 00:39:03,766
Yeah.
678
00:39:03,851 --> 00:39:05,826
Why does he say
ambient pressure?
679
00:39:05,911 --> 00:39:08,166
Why not just pressure?
680
00:39:13,491 --> 00:39:15,186
Soon we entered the clouds,
681
00:39:15,271 --> 00:39:17,146
and pulled over
to photograph
682
00:39:17,231 --> 00:39:20,206
something else we thought
Amazon might like.
683
00:39:22,691 --> 00:39:25,046
The humming bird.
684
00:39:27,531 --> 00:39:30,506
Sadly, though, to attract these
wonderful little things,
685
00:39:30,591 --> 00:39:32,986
we had to take
drastic measures.
686
00:39:40,411 --> 00:39:42,766
You know when wildlife
photographers tell you
687
00:39:42,851 --> 00:39:44,506
- how they got the shots?
- Yeah.
688
00:39:44,591 --> 00:39:48,226
I bet they never ever say, "And
then we wore scarlet lipstick."
689
00:39:48,311 --> 00:39:51,606
No. I've never
seen it mentioned.
690
00:39:51,691 --> 00:39:55,226
They also wouldn't say that if you want
the birds to come up really close,
691
00:39:55,311 --> 00:39:58,766
you need to put a plastic
flower in your mouth.
692
00:40:10,531 --> 00:40:13,526
Oh, that one's lovely.
Look at that, look at that.
693
00:40:22,611 --> 00:40:25,746
They are absolutely
beautiful, aren't they?
694
00:40:25,831 --> 00:40:27,046
Shit!
695
00:40:27,131 --> 00:40:29,486
I've gotta get further away.
696
00:40:32,531 --> 00:40:34,886
You got it?
697
00:40:36,051 --> 00:40:37,926
Epic.
698
00:40:38,011 --> 00:40:41,166
I've gotta say, of all the
things we've ever done,
699
00:40:41,251 --> 00:40:42,806
that's kind of
up there, really.
700
00:40:42,891 --> 00:40:44,826
- Yeah, it's beautiful.
- I think that might be my favourite.
701
00:40:44,911 --> 00:40:47,666
And now we've done one of
the world's smallest birds,
702
00:40:47,751 --> 00:40:52,406
it's time to carry on going
up, and one of the biggest.
703
00:40:52,491 --> 00:40:54,506
- What?
- We've got to get the condor, haven't we?
704
00:40:54,591 --> 00:40:57,566
They weren't condors?
705
00:41:02,491 --> 00:41:07,966
We continued on Jeremy's
journey up into the heavens.
706
00:41:08,051 --> 00:41:12,586
Right, we're at something like 11 and a
half thousand feet. We're still climbing.
707
00:41:12,671 --> 00:41:15,286
Car is definitely
struggling now.
708
00:41:15,371 --> 00:41:20,286
The engine burns a mixture of
oxygen and petrol, mainly oxygen.
709
00:41:20,371 --> 00:41:23,306
The oxygen is going down, so
you can't burn as much petrol,
710
00:41:23,391 --> 00:41:25,566
so the engine develops
less power.
711
00:41:27,171 --> 00:41:29,946
I'll have to go for second.
712
00:41:30,031 --> 00:41:32,366
Climb, Pepe!
713
00:41:33,211 --> 00:41:35,506
Keeping an eye
on temperature.
714
00:41:35,591 --> 00:41:37,766
It is working extra hard.
715
00:41:37,851 --> 00:41:39,626
It might just pass
a critical level
716
00:41:39,711 --> 00:41:42,146
at which this car can't
suck in enough oxygen
717
00:41:42,231 --> 00:41:44,826
to mix with fuel to burn.
718
00:41:44,911 --> 00:41:48,726
And then
I'll run out of steam.
719
00:41:48,811 --> 00:41:53,946
The good thing is that while my
colleagues were painting their cars,
720
00:41:54,031 --> 00:41:57,446
I was fitting mine
with oxygen tanks.
721
00:41:57,531 --> 00:41:59,226
So when I start to
really struggle,
722
00:41:59,311 --> 00:42:03,926
I shall simply feed pure O2
to the engine, and me.
723
00:42:06,891 --> 00:42:09,226
Oh, my God.
724
00:42:09,311 --> 00:42:11,686
Come on.
725
00:42:11,771 --> 00:42:14,666
Hammond, how are things
in your monster truck?
726
00:42:14,751 --> 00:42:18,866
Not brilliant. It's gone very
wheezy and it's getting very hot.
727
00:42:18,951 --> 00:42:22,206
We've just passed
14,000 feet now.
728
00:42:22,291 --> 00:42:24,646
Really running out of power.
729
00:42:25,891 --> 00:42:28,226
Switching to oxygen
for the engine.
730
00:42:28,311 --> 00:42:32,066
There we are, two clicks.
731
00:42:32,151 --> 00:42:34,426
Right, watch this.
732
00:42:36,811 --> 00:42:39,606
Kick-down is restored.
733
00:42:39,691 --> 00:42:41,586
That's profound,
the difference.
734
00:42:44,371 --> 00:42:48,726
Leading my breathless colleagues,
we continued to climb...
735
00:42:50,931 --> 00:42:55,086
and soon found ourselves
on a volcano.
736
00:43:01,931 --> 00:43:05,246
Last erupted in the 1980s
737
00:43:05,331 --> 00:43:08,166
and killed 25,000 people.
738
00:43:09,571 --> 00:43:13,606
I've never seen anywhere
with fewer animals in it.
739
00:43:13,691 --> 00:43:15,946
Condors live here,
I'm telling you.
740
00:43:16,031 --> 00:43:18,526
They come
and get volcano mice.
741
00:43:18,611 --> 00:43:22,946
You're destroying our cars, you've got
oxygen for you and your car only,
742
00:43:23,031 --> 00:43:27,046
and we can see nothing!
743
00:43:27,131 --> 00:43:31,686
Hammond did seem to have
a point, as no condors appeared.
744
00:43:33,331 --> 00:43:36,746
Nothing for it,
we've gotta go higher
745
00:43:36,831 --> 00:43:39,166
to find Colin Condor.
746
00:43:39,891 --> 00:43:42,246
Come on, hurry up, follow me.
747
00:43:45,491 --> 00:43:48,266
This is it,
this is all I've got.
748
00:43:48,351 --> 00:43:54,006
Foot is flat to the floor,
the temperature is flying up.
749
00:43:54,091 --> 00:43:57,206
I've just been told
we're at 15,500 feet.
750
00:43:59,451 --> 00:44:01,806
Oh, God,
not another steep one.
751
00:44:08,451 --> 00:44:10,326
Yes!
752
00:44:10,411 --> 00:44:14,086
My plucky little Panda,
however, was coping rather well.
753
00:44:15,211 --> 00:44:18,166
Oh, ho-ho-ho.
754
00:44:18,251 --> 00:44:20,646
Until it broke down.
755
00:44:21,991 --> 00:44:24,286
Bollocks!
756
00:44:24,371 --> 00:44:27,166
Um, I've got
a completely dead battery.
757
00:44:29,771 --> 00:44:33,026
Right, James, I'm gonna try
and push-start you with this.
758
00:44:33,111 --> 00:44:34,646
I'll be gentle.
759
00:44:34,731 --> 00:44:37,866
OK, please push me with
the bumper, not the wheels.
760
00:44:37,951 --> 00:44:40,286
I'm sure you realise that.
761
00:44:42,211 --> 00:44:43,446
Whoa!
762
00:44:43,531 --> 00:44:45,906
Hammond, you've put
my window through.
763
00:44:45,991 --> 00:44:47,526
Oh, there is a God!
764
00:44:47,611 --> 00:44:50,746
I'm gonna back up to amuse
myself looking at this.
765
00:44:50,831 --> 00:44:52,206
Reverse!
766
00:44:52,291 --> 00:44:53,586
Yeah, but you've
become disconnected
767
00:44:53,671 --> 00:44:55,606
on your back bumper
on one side.
768
00:44:57,891 --> 00:45:00,666
Oh, God, now mine's died
and it's boiling.
769
00:45:00,751 --> 00:45:03,046
Whoa, that's proper boiling.
770
00:45:03,131 --> 00:45:07,586
My only option was to try and keep
some air flowing through the radiator.
771
00:45:07,671 --> 00:45:10,006
So I set off once more.
772
00:45:15,251 --> 00:45:17,251
Errr...
773
00:45:21,371 --> 00:45:24,646
It's swimming through ash,
that's the problem.
774
00:45:26,011 --> 00:45:29,246
It's now getting hotter than
ever and I don't like this edge.
775
00:45:33,211 --> 00:45:35,926
That shat me up a bit.
776
00:45:43,291 --> 00:45:47,186
Clarkson, how much further is it
to this "No picture opportunity"?
777
00:45:47,271 --> 00:45:52,246
Not much further now. Only
a couple of... Oh, a bit.
778
00:45:53,051 --> 00:45:54,846
He doesn't know.
779
00:45:54,931 --> 00:45:58,586
But then I saw
exactly the sort of ridge
780
00:45:58,671 --> 00:46:02,366
condors use to keep aloft.
781
00:46:02,451 --> 00:46:06,246
To reach it, though, we'd
have to turn off the track.
782
00:46:07,211 --> 00:46:10,566
Now let's show those two
what the Jeep can do.
783
00:46:12,811 --> 00:46:15,166
There you go, there you go.
784
00:46:20,091 --> 00:46:23,106
No, I can't get up there.
785
00:46:23,191 --> 00:46:25,886
That simply doesn't work.
786
00:46:25,971 --> 00:46:28,326
It's like talcum powder.
787
00:46:35,931 --> 00:46:38,806
No. Stuck again.
788
00:46:40,611 --> 00:46:42,966
Come on. Come on, Jeep.
789
00:46:43,851 --> 00:46:46,206
Yes, you little beauty.
790
00:46:55,251 --> 00:46:57,606
Uhh.
791
00:47:02,371 --> 00:47:06,726
Um, I may have overreached
myself a little bit.
792
00:47:06,811 --> 00:47:08,186
Oh, look at all the condors.
793
00:47:08,271 --> 00:47:10,906
I can see they're everywhere.
794
00:47:10,991 --> 00:47:14,206
It doesn't work.
Let's face it.
795
00:47:14,891 --> 00:47:17,806
I've had a brilliant idea.
796
00:47:17,891 --> 00:47:22,226
Let's just get off this dusty
bit and set our hides up there.
797
00:47:22,311 --> 00:47:24,011
Yes.
798
00:47:28,451 --> 00:47:30,806
So, we drove off the dust...
799
00:47:33,571 --> 00:47:36,926
found a new
likely-looking spot,
800
00:47:37,011 --> 00:47:39,066
and when the clouds
had lifted,
801
00:47:39,151 --> 00:47:43,206
we set about getting ready
to do photography.
802
00:47:47,531 --> 00:47:52,426
The idea of the netting is it
stops the shine on the windows.
803
00:47:52,511 --> 00:47:54,706
Very visible to animals.
804
00:47:54,791 --> 00:47:56,771
Oh.
805
00:47:58,051 --> 00:48:00,406
There was some
on this side as well.
806
00:48:03,171 --> 00:48:06,226
- Right, it's ready.
- You're going up in it?
807
00:48:06,311 --> 00:48:07,986
Well, why would you not?
808
00:48:08,071 --> 00:48:09,966
Well, I can see one reason.
809
00:48:10,051 --> 00:48:11,306
You see the maximum weight?
810
00:48:11,391 --> 00:48:13,326
159kg.
811
00:48:13,411 --> 00:48:15,586
- What's...?
- Well, you're not going anywhere, are you?
812
00:48:15,671 --> 00:48:19,126
- Well, the camera is quite heavy.
- No... OK, it's the camera.
813
00:48:23,891 --> 00:48:25,891
Bye!
814
00:48:30,011 --> 00:48:33,026
This is a lot higher than
it looked in the brochure.
815
00:48:33,111 --> 00:48:34,706
I wouldn't like that.
816
00:48:34,791 --> 00:48:37,126
That's really horrible.
817
00:48:39,211 --> 00:48:42,126
Keep going till the end bit drops out.
818
00:48:42,211 --> 00:48:43,826
- Why don't you two...
- Yes?
819
00:48:43,911 --> 00:48:45,266
Get in your cars.
820
00:48:45,351 --> 00:48:46,446
- Yes?
- OK.
821
00:48:46,531 --> 00:48:49,306
And can I just reinforce
one thing?
822
00:48:49,391 --> 00:48:51,986
- What?
- Silence is key.
823
00:48:52,071 --> 00:48:54,406
Agreed.
824
00:49:04,891 --> 00:49:07,026
That ridge up there
looks promising.
825
00:49:07,111 --> 00:49:08,486
Right.
826
00:49:10,751 --> 00:49:12,766
Where is it?
827
00:49:12,851 --> 00:49:15,366
No, no, no, back a bit, back.
828
00:49:15,451 --> 00:49:18,786
I can't go back. I'll have
to go all the way round.
829
00:49:18,871 --> 00:49:21,086
I can hear it from up here.
830
00:49:24,811 --> 00:49:26,866
Right, that one there, stop.
831
00:49:26,951 --> 00:49:28,931
Got it.
832
00:49:33,691 --> 00:49:36,046
Think I'll make a coffee.
833
00:49:37,291 --> 00:49:38,966
Sorry.
834
00:49:39,051 --> 00:49:42,546
Then it was May's
turn to disturb the peace.
835
00:49:46,291 --> 00:49:47,586
What is that?
836
00:49:47,671 --> 00:49:49,266
It's a bird call.
837
00:49:49,351 --> 00:49:52,766
It's a duck!
838
00:49:52,851 --> 00:49:56,806
Moments later, though,
there was an even worse noise.
839
00:49:57,571 --> 00:49:59,106
Oh, God.
840
00:49:59,191 --> 00:50:00,646
Jesus!
841
00:50:00,731 --> 00:50:02,346
If only there was
something tall and metal
842
00:50:02,431 --> 00:50:04,366
that would attract
the lightning.
843
00:50:05,891 --> 00:50:10,286
Not wishing to be
fried, I quickly descended.
844
00:50:10,371 --> 00:50:13,686
And then we all tried to
outrun the storm...
845
00:50:15,971 --> 00:50:17,946
which didn't work.
846
00:50:24,131 --> 00:50:26,966
Jesus Christ!
847
00:50:27,051 --> 00:50:30,206
We're 250 miles
from the equator,
848
00:50:30,291 --> 00:50:33,206
we're on a volcano
in a severe hailstorm.
849
00:50:37,851 --> 00:50:40,806
How much hail is there
in the sky?
850
00:50:40,891 --> 00:50:43,246
There's hail coming in now.
851
00:50:45,531 --> 00:50:48,606
It's bouncing in
through the back.
852
00:50:48,691 --> 00:50:51,126
Still, we got some
great condor photographs.
853
00:50:52,491 --> 00:50:55,086
Oh...
look at this now.
854
00:50:55,171 --> 00:50:57,786
Life in the Jeep was hideous.
855
00:50:57,871 --> 00:50:59,851
Oh, God.
856
00:51:00,971 --> 00:51:04,046
Ah, ah...
857
00:51:04,131 --> 00:51:07,306
Ice right down
the back of my neck.
858
00:51:07,391 --> 00:51:09,326
Oh...
859
00:51:09,411 --> 00:51:11,586
I've just put all the ice
down the back of my seat.
860
00:51:11,671 --> 00:51:13,166
Oh, bollocks!
861
00:51:13,251 --> 00:51:15,586
Richard was very sympathetic.
862
00:51:15,671 --> 00:51:17,806
Oh, dear.
863
00:51:17,891 --> 00:51:20,246
Oh, that is a lot of snow.
864
00:51:23,211 --> 00:51:27,566
Oh, joy. Joyous moment.
865
00:51:29,651 --> 00:51:32,146
Mercifully, though,
the storm passed,
866
00:51:32,231 --> 00:51:38,486
so we drove down the rough and icy
mountain track, long into the night.
867
00:51:43,451 --> 00:51:45,826
And the next morning
woke for a rethink
868
00:51:45,911 --> 00:51:49,726
in a makeshift
camp on the edge of a town.
869
00:52:07,611 --> 00:52:08,966
What are you doing?
870
00:52:09,051 --> 00:52:11,166
I told you condors
live down here.
871
00:52:11,251 --> 00:52:14,626
Living? It was living up there
and it's had engine failure,
872
00:52:14,711 --> 00:52:16,086
and it's crashed here.
873
00:52:16,171 --> 00:52:17,906
Doesn't matter how
it got here. Fact is, it is
874
00:52:17,991 --> 00:52:20,486
and I've got the pictures of
it. That means we're done.
875
00:52:20,571 --> 00:52:22,386
You can't put that...
876
00:52:22,471 --> 00:52:25,106
on an Amazon screen saver.
877
00:52:25,191 --> 00:52:26,446
Why not?
878
00:52:26,531 --> 00:52:29,766
Well...
879
00:52:29,851 --> 00:52:31,926
It's lost quite a lot
of its majesty.
880
00:52:32,011 --> 00:52:35,226
But it's a condor, and that means we're
finished, that's it. We're done.
881
00:52:35,311 --> 00:52:37,366
James,
I've got a condor shot.
882
00:52:37,451 --> 00:52:38,786
Have you?
Have you done it?
883
00:52:38,871 --> 00:52:41,266
That is the final one.
It's a condor, in camera,
884
00:52:41,351 --> 00:52:43,926
finished, out of here.
885
00:52:45,571 --> 00:52:46,986
Hammond was wrong, though.
886
00:52:47,071 --> 00:52:49,926
We still had
one more animal to find.
887
00:52:50,011 --> 00:52:52,366
The one that didn't
make any sense.
888
00:52:53,051 --> 00:52:55,286
The hippopotamus.
889
00:52:55,371 --> 00:52:59,846
Right, listen, this is
obviously some kind of town.
890
00:52:59,931 --> 00:53:03,126
I am a journalist,
and a bloody good one.
891
00:53:04,091 --> 00:53:05,926
So why don't I pop into town
892
00:53:06,011 --> 00:53:09,646
and see if I can find out anything
about this hippopotamus story?
893
00:53:21,451 --> 00:53:25,246
My hide did not do
well on that drive last night.
894
00:53:29,251 --> 00:53:32,026
No, I can see that,
and neither did my camera.
895
00:53:32,111 --> 00:53:36,406
No, it's, um, fogged up, I
think, is the technical term.
896
00:53:36,491 --> 00:53:39,706
My car actually
fell over in the night.
897
00:53:39,791 --> 00:53:41,926
I know nothing about it.
898
00:53:42,011 --> 00:53:45,426
Once we'd parked,
I set about doing journalism.
899
00:53:47,451 --> 00:53:49,586
This is like being back on
the Rotherham Advertiser.
900
00:53:49,671 --> 00:53:52,006
Except this is nothing
like Rotherham.
901
00:53:53,731 --> 00:53:55,986
- Buenos dias.
- Buenos dias.
902
00:53:56,071 --> 00:53:58,406
Hippopotamus.
903
00:54:00,051 --> 00:54:01,386
Hippopotami?
904
00:54:01,471 --> 00:54:03,486
Gracias.
905
00:54:03,571 --> 00:54:06,046
Nobody knows, nobody knows.
906
00:54:06,131 --> 00:54:08,226
Having drawn
a journalistic blank...
907
00:54:08,311 --> 00:54:09,526
Excuse me.
908
00:54:09,611 --> 00:54:12,366
I decided
to do art instead.
909
00:54:17,011 --> 00:54:18,386
Hippopotamus.
910
00:54:18,471 --> 00:54:21,026
- What?
- Hippopotamus.
911
00:54:21,111 --> 00:54:24,806
Yes. Where?
912
00:54:27,131 --> 00:54:29,626
What's that? Got a Spanish-speaking
cameraman, where is he?
913
00:54:29,711 --> 00:54:31,026
What's that mean?
914
00:54:35,851 --> 00:54:37,386
They are here.
915
00:54:37,471 --> 00:54:39,806
They are here?
916
00:54:39,891 --> 00:54:42,146
Where are they?
917
00:54:46,611 --> 00:54:51,686
Having got the information,
I went back to my colleagues.
918
00:54:52,331 --> 00:54:53,766
Any joy?
919
00:54:53,851 --> 00:54:55,286
More than.
920
00:54:55,371 --> 00:54:59,766
I have heard the most
astonishing story.
921
00:54:59,851 --> 00:55:02,726
Apparently there was
this guy in Colombia
922
00:55:02,811 --> 00:55:06,846
who had a business exporting forest
products all around the world, OK?
923
00:55:06,931 --> 00:55:09,186
Really, really successful.
So successful,
924
00:55:09,271 --> 00:55:12,286
he bought himself
some pet hippopotamuses.
925
00:55:12,371 --> 00:55:15,006
- Who was he?
- Pablo someone or other.
926
00:55:15,091 --> 00:55:16,906
Anyway, the police shot him.
927
00:55:16,991 --> 00:55:19,606
- Why?
- I don't know.
928
00:55:19,691 --> 00:55:22,946
They shot him and after he was
dead, his hippopotamuses escaped.
929
00:55:23,031 --> 00:55:26,406
Yeah? And they've been living
in the wild and breeding.
930
00:55:26,491 --> 00:55:29,466
So there are hippopotamuses
here and they are wild
931
00:55:29,551 --> 00:55:31,346
and I know where they are
932
00:55:31,431 --> 00:55:34,326
and they're only 120km away.
933
00:55:34,411 --> 00:55:36,606
- Well, we're in.
- Let's do it.
934
00:55:36,691 --> 00:55:38,306
- Finish your coffees.
- That's excellent.
935
00:55:38,391 --> 00:55:39,826
That is staggering news.
936
00:55:39,911 --> 00:55:41,586
The only thing is,
for this 120km,
937
00:55:41,671 --> 00:55:44,306
would either of you mind
if I modified my car?
938
00:55:44,391 --> 00:55:46,566
By unmodifying it.
939
00:55:52,051 --> 00:55:54,346
Having all
unmodified our cars,
940
00:55:54,431 --> 00:55:56,626
I decided
that before moving out,
941
00:55:56,711 --> 00:55:59,606
there was a small job to do.
942
00:55:59,691 --> 00:56:04,806
Right, I've borrowed something from
Hammond to annoy May.
943
00:56:14,491 --> 00:56:16,846
Soy Un Hombre
944
00:56:26,931 --> 00:56:31,266
Seeing that little New Labour Fiat
Panda with its Brexit sticker on.
945
00:56:34,371 --> 00:56:39,506
That is like putting an I-heart-Mexico
sticker on the back of Donald Trump's Beast.
946
00:56:39,591 --> 00:56:41,926
I mean, his car, not...
947
00:56:44,771 --> 00:56:50,406
We were now on the last
75 miles of our 1300-mile trek
948
00:56:50,491 --> 00:56:56,246
through what had turned out to be one of
the world's most incredible countries.
949
00:56:58,131 --> 00:57:03,046
If you were to combine Canada
and Russia and Australia,
950
00:57:03,131 --> 00:57:05,426
you still wouldn't have
the variety,
951
00:57:05,511 --> 00:57:08,786
in terms of terrain and
temperature and wildlife,
952
00:57:08,871 --> 00:57:11,706
that we've seen on this...
953
00:57:11,791 --> 00:57:15,126
absolutely epic journey.
954
00:57:45,891 --> 00:57:49,906
But of course, we wouldn't have
been able to see any of that
955
00:57:49,991 --> 00:57:51,806
without our cars.
956
00:57:51,891 --> 00:57:54,246
Felicidad
957
00:58:05,171 --> 00:58:09,746
Let me just remind you that
this is a small, 49 horsepower,
958
00:58:09,831 --> 00:58:13,386
one-litre utility hatchback.
959
00:58:13,471 --> 00:58:16,206
It is a humble car.
960
00:58:16,291 --> 00:58:19,766
And yet that humility
is actually its strength.
961
00:58:19,851 --> 00:58:22,886
Because it's done everything
the other two cars have done.
962
00:58:22,971 --> 00:58:26,666
It's climbed the same mountains, it's
driven along the same rutted tracks,
963
00:58:26,751 --> 00:58:29,606
it's forded
the same small rivers.
964
00:58:29,691 --> 00:58:32,166
It's absolutely brilliant.
I love it.
965
00:58:36,731 --> 00:58:39,106
On this trip, the camera
and production teams
966
00:58:39,191 --> 00:58:43,966
have lost six almost new
Toyota Land Cruisers.
967
00:58:45,131 --> 00:58:48,246
Hammond has lost
a half shaft.
968
00:58:48,331 --> 00:58:52,366
May's lost most of his
electrics and a starter motor.
969
00:58:53,771 --> 00:58:55,746
But this... nothing.
970
00:58:55,831 --> 00:58:59,086
Nothing has gone wrong.
971
00:58:59,171 --> 00:59:01,986
It's taken everything that
Colombia could throw at it.
972
00:59:02,071 --> 00:59:04,646
Temperature extremes,
altitude extremes,
973
00:59:04,731 --> 00:59:06,186
roads like
you wouldn't believe
974
00:59:06,271 --> 00:59:09,086
and it's just gone,
"Yeah? What?"
975
00:59:10,691 --> 00:59:12,686
Yes, it's desperately
uncomfortable
976
00:59:12,771 --> 00:59:14,346
and if you hit
a pothole hard enough,
977
00:59:14,431 --> 00:59:17,826
it would put your spine through
the top of your skull.
978
00:59:17,911 --> 00:59:20,646
But, and this is
more important,
979
00:59:20,731 --> 00:59:25,526
I liked it when we got here
and I like it even more now.
980
00:59:27,811 --> 00:59:30,166
It has a sturdy heart.
981
00:59:36,571 --> 00:59:40,886
I do realise that James Bond
doesn't drive a monster truck.
982
00:59:40,971 --> 00:59:44,146
Nobody in a suit, in fact, has
ever driven a monster truck.
983
00:59:44,231 --> 00:59:46,966
They're not... cool.
984
00:59:47,051 --> 00:59:51,946
You could argue, as the other two have,
that they're moronic and stupid.
985
00:59:52,031 --> 00:59:54,726
Or you could argue
that they're fun...
986
00:59:54,811 --> 00:59:58,246
Cos that's what they are. They're
built to make you smile.
987
00:59:58,331 --> 01:00:01,486
And what amazes me is that even
with the modifications done to it,
988
01:00:01,571 --> 01:00:02,946
all of which
have made it worse...
989
01:00:03,031 --> 01:00:07,326
It's too tall, too wide,
too slow. It overheats.
990
01:00:07,411 --> 01:00:10,026
Still it's done everything
the other two cars have done,
991
01:00:10,111 --> 01:00:12,106
which makes it the best,
992
01:00:12,191 --> 01:00:14,526
easily, in my opinion.
993
01:00:15,211 --> 01:00:17,686
Oh, my car's gone again.
994
01:00:17,771 --> 01:00:19,746
My car has just died again.
995
01:00:19,831 --> 01:00:22,646
I'm pulling over.
996
01:00:22,731 --> 01:00:26,466
Had you just done a piece to
camera saying what a great truck it was?
997
01:00:26,551 --> 01:00:28,886
I may have done.
998
01:00:31,011 --> 01:00:32,091
Yeah.
999
01:00:34,291 --> 01:00:37,806
Eventually the Trump
truck was back in business.
1000
01:00:40,131 --> 01:00:44,166
And soon we were close
to our final destination.
1001
01:00:48,331 --> 01:00:52,366
Right, this apparently is the
area where the businessman lived.
1002
01:00:52,451 --> 01:00:54,906
And if you go down
his escape road here...
1003
01:00:54,991 --> 01:00:56,666
- His what?
- Escape road.
1004
01:00:56,751 --> 01:00:59,486
He built it
in case the police came.
1005
01:00:59,571 --> 01:01:00,926
And so he could get away.
1006
01:01:01,011 --> 01:01:02,866
- It wasn't very good, then.
- No, it wasn't.
1007
01:01:02,951 --> 01:01:07,846
Anyway, if you go down it, there's a
pool where the hippos are now living.
1008
01:01:08,491 --> 01:01:10,026
Target acquired.
Let's do it.
1009
01:01:10,111 --> 01:01:12,126
- Let's do that.
- Hippos!
1010
01:01:17,531 --> 01:01:20,206
So, a quick dash
down the escape route...
1011
01:01:21,251 --> 01:01:24,246
to the water,
grab a shot of a hippo.
1012
01:01:28,571 --> 01:01:30,626
Yes, viewers,
about a kilometre to go
1013
01:01:30,711 --> 01:01:33,826
and I haven't been run over
by a monster truck.
1014
01:01:35,411 --> 01:01:37,766
I'm absolutely delighted.
1015
01:01:38,971 --> 01:01:40,546
Hammond,
I can only see you behind me.
1016
01:01:40,631 --> 01:01:42,966
Can you see Clarkson
behind you?
1017
01:01:43,811 --> 01:01:46,486
No. Just looking for him.
1018
01:01:46,571 --> 01:01:51,726
At that moment, though, we were
distracted by what lay in front of us.
1019
01:01:56,411 --> 01:01:58,586
That is a pond!
1020
01:01:58,671 --> 01:02:00,826
That's a pond.
1021
01:02:00,911 --> 01:02:03,246
Yes.
1022
01:02:05,211 --> 01:02:06,886
- We're in with a shout here.
- What?
1023
01:02:06,971 --> 01:02:08,946
Well, that looks like a hippo
sort of pond, doesn't it?
1024
01:02:09,031 --> 01:02:11,306
Who put that..
Did you put that on my car?
1025
01:02:11,391 --> 01:02:13,406
- What?
- That sticker?
1026
01:02:13,491 --> 01:02:15,106
No, I thought you did
when you did your mods.
1027
01:02:15,191 --> 01:02:17,286
- Don't be ridiculous.
- Well, I was surprised.
1028
01:02:17,371 --> 01:02:19,026
It's a strong statement
for you but...
1029
01:02:19,111 --> 01:02:21,046
You did that at that
fuel stop, didn't you?
1030
01:02:21,131 --> 01:02:23,546
- No, it's been there since your mods went on, mate.
- No, it hasn't.
1031
01:02:23,631 --> 01:02:27,026
You shout it loud and proud. I
wouldn't let your friends see it.
1032
01:02:27,111 --> 01:02:29,686
Anyway, important business
to be done.
1033
01:02:31,091 --> 01:02:32,546
Rather than wait for Jeremy,
1034
01:02:32,631 --> 01:02:33,986
we decided to be ready
1035
01:02:34,071 --> 01:02:36,966
in case our
final target appeared.
1036
01:02:59,731 --> 01:03:01,731
Hammond...
1037
01:03:09,291 --> 01:03:11,291
He-he-he.
1038
01:03:13,771 --> 01:03:16,966
Martha Hussein,
you are in my sights.
1039
01:03:23,771 --> 01:03:26,126
Look at his big fat face.
1040
01:03:34,851 --> 01:03:37,206
Yes!
1041
01:03:38,451 --> 01:03:41,266
- Well, that's it.
- That's tremendous.
1042
01:03:42,911 --> 01:03:45,366
Hippopotamus!
1043
01:03:45,451 --> 01:03:47,046
Photos of a hippo.
1044
01:03:47,131 --> 01:03:49,606
- Congratulations.
- Well done, us.
1045
01:03:49,691 --> 01:03:52,766
I say we've done it.
We've done it. Where's...
1046
01:03:52,851 --> 01:03:54,586
I know, I've been
worrying about that.
1047
01:03:54,671 --> 01:03:56,166
Well, if it gets here,
1048
01:03:56,251 --> 01:03:57,826
you realise that'll be
the first time
1049
01:03:57,911 --> 01:03:59,346
any car
on any of these trips
1050
01:03:59,431 --> 01:04:01,766
has ever got to the end
without a single fault.
1051
01:04:01,851 --> 01:04:03,286
Nothing's gone wrong with it.
1052
01:04:03,371 --> 01:04:05,006
That's about the only time
that's ever happened.
1053
01:04:05,091 --> 01:04:06,279
- The car, get to the end,
- You're right.
1054
01:04:06,364 --> 01:04:07,524
It hasn't broken at all.
1055
01:04:07,610 --> 01:04:09,945
That's a record.
1056
01:04:11,251 --> 01:04:13,546
You don't think he fell off
that little scary bridgy bit?
1057
01:04:13,631 --> 01:04:15,606
I don't know.
1058
01:04:15,691 --> 01:04:18,426
He overcooked it because it's near the end.
And tried to do some...
1059
01:04:18,511 --> 01:04:20,786
- Hang on a minute, is that...?
- It is.
1060
01:04:20,871 --> 01:04:26,066
Oh, brief moment of elation
followed by plummeting depression.
1061
01:04:29,531 --> 01:04:31,386
- Where have you been?
- Welcome.
1062
01:04:31,471 --> 01:04:33,306
I've been mending my camera.
1063
01:04:33,391 --> 01:04:35,246
- You don't need it.
- What?
1064
01:04:35,331 --> 01:04:37,626
We've done it, mate. We've got
shots of a hippo. It is done.
1065
01:04:37,711 --> 01:04:39,866
- We've finished. We've done it.
- Behold the hippo.
1066
01:04:39,951 --> 01:04:41,386
We got shots
of a hippo just then.
1067
01:04:41,471 --> 01:04:43,086
Came out
a couple of minutes ago.
1068
01:04:43,171 --> 01:04:45,106
- So that's the end?
- That is the end. -Job done.
1069
01:04:45,191 --> 01:04:48,346
And we've got through the whole programme
without once mentioning cocaine.
1070
01:04:48,431 --> 01:04:50,206
Oh.
1071
01:04:50,291 --> 01:04:52,806
James, we said
before we came out here,
1072
01:04:52,891 --> 01:04:54,466
we weren't going to use
the c-word.
1073
01:04:54,551 --> 01:04:56,746
We were going to be
the first people ever
1074
01:04:56,831 --> 01:04:59,426
to go to Colombia
and not talk that.
1075
01:04:59,511 --> 01:05:00,566
Sorry.
1076
01:05:00,651 --> 01:05:03,166
It just slipped out.
1077
01:05:03,251 --> 01:05:04,986
And on that terrible
disappointment, it's time to end.
1078
01:05:05,071 --> 01:05:07,666
We hope you enjoy looking at
the photographs we've taken.
1079
01:05:07,751 --> 01:05:10,126
- They won't.
- Well, some of them are quite good.
1080
01:05:10,211 --> 01:05:12,106
- Well, one or two of them are good.
- No.
1081
01:05:12,191 --> 01:05:14,546
Well, whatever.
We'll see you very soon.
1082
01:05:14,631 --> 01:05:15,846
Goodbye.
1083
01:05:15,931 --> 01:05:18,286
Smog
1084
01:06:03,131 --> 01:06:05,486
♪ Smog ♪
82396
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