All language subtitles for THE STEPFORD WIVES (1975)

Ah, here's mommy.
Hi, mom.

Here we go.

Far away.

Oh, my.
Gonna miss you.

There you are.

Thank you.
You're welcome.

Take care, mrs. Eberhart.
Be happy.

Thank you, charley.
Come back and see us.

Good-bye, kids.
See ya.

Hey.

Let me take that.

All right.

Take care of him, will you?
He's upset.

Now, hang on to him tight so he
doesn't jump out the window.

There you are, mr. Eberhart.
I'm gonna miss you.

There you go. Thanks a lot.
Have a good trip.

All right.
Bye!

That's a terrific job
you did up there.

I'm sorry. I thought
i checked everything.

Daddy?
Huh?

I just saw a man
carrying a naked lady.

Well, that's why
we're moving to step ford.

Come on, fred!
Come on, kimmy!

Come on, fred!

Hey, they don't even have to lock the doors in step ford.

That's really something,
isn't it? Yeah.

Mr. Eberhart, what's
the story with this piece?

Upstairs in
the main bedroom.

Upstairs? Terrific.
Turn around. Yeah.

This guy's gonna kill us.

Coffee?

We're not allowed to drink anything on the job, lady,
except beer.

Come here, fred.
You want a little water?

Huh? That a boy.

Hi.

I'm carol van sant.

I, uh-- i just thought
this might come in handy.

It's a casserole.
Oh, well, that's--

that's really
very nice of you.

Uh, i'm-i'm walter eberhart.

My wife's just inside.
I know she'd like to talk to you.

Oh, no, i know
how much fun moving is.

Look, if there's anything else
you need, please call.

I just live over there.

Oh, and tell your wife you keep that as long as you want.

Bye, now.

Thank you.

She cooks as good
as she looks, ted.

What do you suppose the people are like here?
Friendly.

That was a good casserole
she cooked.

Why did we move?

We both agreed it was best.
I mean, it's best for the kids,

and, uh,

it's best for you.

I mean, you got more space here.
You can make yourself a darkroom.

It was time to move.
I got a terrific deal on this house.

And because it's safe...

and because, uh,

i can warm my ass
by a real fire.

Those are all
terrific reasons.

You, uh, ever make it
in front of a log fire?

- Not with you.
- Well, it comes with the house.

It's part of the deal.

You go sit
in those empty seats.

Now, i also do the "notes on newcomers"
column for the weekly chronicle.

You've got the copy i left in the mailbox?
Yes, thank you.

Then you know my style.
It's mainly for ladies.

So you just go right ahead
and tell me about yourself.

Well, there's nothing much
to tell, really.

Uh, what does your husband do?

- He's a lawyer.
- Lawyer.

Me, i'm a...

sort of hopeful, would-be,
semiprofessional photographer.

What do you think you'll
miss most about new york?

Oh--

noise.

Well, i don't know
who the guy was,

but i'm assuming it was
mr. Van sant.

Well, what time was it?
Mid-morning.

Way before noon.

Well, they sure start early in step ford,
don't they?

You mean the guy just-just
walked up behind her...

and he put his hands
on her boobs?

Well, how did he do it, exactly?
Was it like this?

Walter!
Or was it like this?

You're getting me all soapy.
I'm just trying to get the facts straight.

It's my legal mind.
It's your sexy mind.

Step ford has really
done things to you.

Well, i'd like to christen every room in
the house before i pay off the mortgage.

Just finish the dishes first.
Yeah.

Tell me about your day.

Well, i didn't witness any soft-core porno like you,
so it's dull by comparison.

But, uh,

i did, uh, meet some of
the other step ford commuters.

You want coffee?
Sank a.

I haven't gone shopping yet.
Regular will be all right.

They seem like
a bright bunch of guys.

I mean, they have
a nice thing going here.

They were telling me about
the men's association.

Apparently,
it's the thing to join.

It's quite an honor
to be invited to join.

- Why is it an honor?
- Why is it an honor?

Because practically every important guy in town is a member.

The commuters and townies.
I mean, everybody-- tv executives,

shrinks, the scientists,
the police chief,

the fire chief,
the head of the hospital,

the guy who runs the phone company.
So did they ask you?

- Did they ask me?
- Yes, walter.

Am i going crazy?
You keep repeating the questions.

Did they ask you?
Well, in a way, yes.

In a way you could refuse or
in a way you had to accept?

They said i had a good chance of getting in,
which i felt good about.

I have to admit though that
there's one rule that, uh,

i don't much care for,
but apparently...

it's gonna be changed in,
oh, six months or something.

What rule is that?

Well, right now,
it's strictly men only.

I give up on you.

Well, what's that
supposed to mean?

Why don't you ever once
just tell me the truth?

You pretend we decide things together,
but it's always you, what you want.

You asked me if i wanted to move out here,
and i found you'd already been looking at a house.

You asked me if i liked this place,
and i found you'd already made a down payment.

Now you're asking me about
the lousy men's association,

and it's quite obvious
you've already joined.

Why bother to
ask me at all?

I'm gonna put
the kids to bed.

Amy, come here!

Come on. Daddy is waiting.
Yes, you may.

Come on. Come on!

How much is it?
$53.13.

$53.13. Walter, wait, wait.
Walter, have you made it out?

Yeah, i just made it out.
Why?

Janet to checkout four.

Oh, my god. All right, okay.
You can ring it separately.

Okay, mrs. Sundersen.

Hold it a second,
mrs. Sundersen.

Okay, come on.
Watch it!

Oh, shit.

Oh, my god, carol.
I didn't see you.

I thought it was clear.

Oh, my god.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Oh, no,
it's nothing really.

It's just the surprise.
I-- i'm fine.

It's just my head. I--
it wasn't my fault.

I didn't mean no thin'.
It was just one of those things, you know.

No, i'm fine.

It wasn't my fault.

I didn't see the car coming.

It-it came right out.
It wasn't my fault.

It wasn't my fault.

I'm fine. I'm really fine.
Isn't that carol van sant?

Well, i think that she had
sort of an accident.

Get an ambulance
down here right away.

We had an accident.
In the parking lot.

Get it down here right away
in the parking lot!

What are you talking about?
I'm looking at-- i can see it right now.

Get it down here right away!
Don't give me a hard time!

This is all so silly.
I'm fine.

- It's not serious.
- What can i do, carol?

Tell me.
My-my groceries.

I'll take them home for you.
Could you call larson's garage?

Larson's garage.
Of course.

This is all so silly.

It's just my head. I--

oh, it's all so silly.

It-it's just my head.

You think you'd get ambulance service
better than this anywhere else?

Two hours
you'd wait in new york.

And i bet even in scars dale,
it'd take 45 minutes.

Six minutes.
Any of the rest of you wanna have an accident,

make sure you do it
right here in step ford.

Okay, pull it on out.
- Six minutes. Can you beat that?

I guess that's the friendliest accident i ever saw.
What? You know--

we may be new here,
but isn't step ford hospital that way?

No, no, no,
you're wrong. It--

no, no, you're not wrong.
The ambulance went that way, didn't it?

Mommy?

Mommy?

What is it?

What is it, sweetie?

I think teddy's
gonna cry all night.

Oh, no. Look.

He's happy. Look it.

No, that's his unhappy face.

He don't like it here.
He's gonna be crying all night.

What do you think
has upset him?

He doesn't like this room.

Oh, yes, he does.

He told me he loves it here.

He loves the quiet.

He's thinking about all the honey
he can get out of the trees here.

He told me he liked it
even better than central park,

because he can take walks
by himself...

and he doesn't have to worry
about getting lost.

He's really a step ford bear.

He really knows
his way around.

Walter?

Are you all right?

Yeah.

It's awfully late.

Everything go okay
at the initiation?

It wasn't an initiation.

This is not
a college fraternity.

They just showed me
around the place...

and they asked me if i wanted to join,
and i said yes, i did.

Good. Walter,
i was worried.

I wake up, it's
the middle of the night,

you're sitting here
alone, drinking.

Why are you sitting here?
Why didn't you come to bed?

- I'm coming to bed.
- Did anybody say something to upset you?

I'm not upset.

There's nothing
to be upset about.

Every thing's fine.
It's not fine.

I was worried.
Walter, i love you.

But you expect me
to be a mind reader.

I love you.

I really love you.

Do-do-do you know that?

I-i really do.

And i know that
i screwed this whole thing up.

You didn't wanna move here.
I know that. No. I'll get over it.

I've already gotten over it.
That's not what i'm talking about.

Do you understand that
i really love you?

Yes.

Let's go to bed.

I feel like
i'm get tin' old.

You're not getting old.

I feel like it.

Hi!

- Are you joanna eberhart?
- Yes.

The joanna eberhart?

Avid shutterbug,
ex-gothamite...

who misses the noise
of the naked city?

Yes.

Who o-hoo!

Hey! Boy,
am i glad to see you.

Hi. I'm bobby.
Bobby mark owe.

That's upward mobility
for markowitz.

I'm also an ex-gothamite who's
been living here in ajax country...

for just over a month now,
and i'm going crazy.

You see, doctor,
my problem is that...

given complete
freedom of choice,

i don't wanna squeeze
the goddamn charmin.

Anyway,
i saw your name here.

Don't think i'm--
on that? Oh, no.

Yeah. It was fantastic.
Fantastic.

Here you are. Wait a minute.
I think you got a headline.

Wait a minute.
No.

You've got a headline on this page.
Here she is.

"Eberhart moves to step ford."

I wish they'd used--
"avid shutterbug."

I knew you were fantastic.
Have i seen any of your pictures in magazines?

I know i must have.
Right? I doubt it.

I don't think so.
You're terrific. I know you are.

Eber-- i don't know,
but i think i do know you.

Anyway-- but i'm glad to have a friend.

Me too.
How do you do?

Do you want to go and have something to drink?
Eat.

Eat? Okay.
Yeah.

I got all this junk here.

Got any smokes?
Yeah.

Come on.
I dropped my best camera on my foot.

Have you really got film in those things?
Oh, yes.

I'm the very-average shutterbug.
Oh, yeah.

Listen, i really,
to tell you the truth,

ordinarily, i don't pay any attention to that newspaper...

because it's full of it.
I know.

But i saw your name,
and it stood out for some reason.

Whatever made you
choose step ford?

I didn't, walter did.
Oh, yeah, it figures.

Dave brought us here
because of land values.

He's best in bed
when the market's up.

I think i'll break
into walter's scotch.

Hey, hey, hey!

You know something?
I'm gonna like you.

Yeah. Oh.

A messy kitchen.
It's beautiful.

A home away from home.

Oh, my. Of course,
it doesn't compare to mine.

You haven't got any of
those magnificent...

peanut butter hand prints
all over your cabinets yet.

But then you're new here,
and step ford wasn't ruined in a day.

Hello, hi-c.

Hey, you want a ring-ding?
I smuggled it over the border.

- What year is it?
- '59.

A collector's item.

It'll be great with scotch.
Yeah.

Two things i always carry--
tampax and ring-dings.

And i don't even wanna think
what that means.

I'll tell you.
Thanks.

I can't figure out this berg.

It's like maids
have been declared illegal,

and the housewife with the neatest place
gets robert redford for christmas.

And believe me,
if that's the prize i'd enter,

but nobody'll tell
what the contest rules are.

Cheers.
Cheers.

- Not to mention that creepy men's association.
- Yours too?

Every night.
Dave wouldn't miss.

What do you think
they do up there?

Watch dirty movies and reminisce
about the good old days.

What good old days?

Like those good old days when
playboy used the airbrush.

Ring-dings and scotch--
great combination.

We may have
started something.

I'll drink to that. Cheers.
Totally disgusting.

Don't you like it?
I don't know which one i like the best.

You're very honest.
That's what i like about you.

It's awful.

Shit.

Hey, it's me.

I'm here and i'm on
the new projects committee.

Yeah, new projects.

How would you feel about some of the guys, uh,
meeting at our house?

Like now, tonight?

Well, okay.

Yeah, that'd be great.
I'll actually get to see you and some living people.

Give me a few minutes, huh?

We'll be along
in about 20 minutes.

Bye-bye.

She'd love it.
Good.

You're not altogether sure about step ford yet,
are you, walter?

Well, no, that's not true.
I, uh--

i think i am.
It's a-- it's a big change.

You've got to
admit that.

A change for the better,
walter.

See, i-i intend to really
fix this place up, you know.

I thought i'd, uh,

make it into sort of
a den-cum-playroom.

Maybe i'll put the pool table
right over there.

I thought i'd go to town,
really spoil myself.

Be g-g-great for the kids.

Well, who's talking
about the kids?

This is a playroom.
They ain't gonna be allowed in.

I like to watch women
doing little domestic chores.

You came to the right town.

Who is the one
who wanted tea?

Claude.

Claude ax helm.

He's the one who--
stutters.

I'm not good on names.

Why do they call you
diz?

- Because i used to work at disneyland.
- No, really.

That's really.
Don't you believe me?

No.

Why not?

You don't look like someone who
enjoys making other people happy.

It's been on the market
for about six months.

No kidding?

Your tea.
Oh, thank you.

You know, i'm-i'm really into
s-s-speech work.

W-w-words. Perhaps
we might talk about it sometime.

Yeah, certainly.
Absolutely.

Let's get you a napkin.

I hope your wife has
gotten over the accident.

It was your wife,
wasn't it?

Oh, yeah.
Yes, it was nothing.

It looked worse than it was.

I should go and see her.
I should've done it before. She'd like that.

Shall we make a start?

Is it all right
if joanna sits in?

Definitely.
I'm sure she's got a lot to contribute.

Oh, uh,

you want me to get you
a more comfortable chair, hon?

No, it's okay.

My drink.

Excuse me.

Well, we all know what we're here for,
so who's gonna be the first genius?

Well, how about the, uh,
c-c-christmas toys...

for the under--
for the poor kids?

For christ's sake, claude,
it's only may.

Yeah, well, uh, i-i guess it's a little early
to start thinking about christmas.

I'm frankly more interested
in the over privileged kids.

Like, my son hated camp,
so naturally charmaine won't hear of him going back.

What's he gonna do all summer
besides drive me batty?

I thought we might try
a tag sale here this year.

Put a tag on all his toys,
we'll make a fortune.

That's a good idea.

I mean we-- everybody's got something
around the house that they don't need.

We can sell the--
barn dance.

Barn dance? A barn dance?
That went out in the '40s.

I think a barn dance
would be a good idea.

Well, i'd like it anyway.

Wait a minute.
You're talk in' about a square dance, aren't you?

Is that what you mean?
A square dance?

Hey, hey, wait. Anybody
ever heard of a cake walk?

What's a-- a cake walk?
Yeah, a cake walk.

It's a dance.
Well, it's a terrific way to raise money.

A cake walk is not a dance.

It's a thing where, uh,
all the women bring over cakes.

And then you draw this circle on the floor,
and you got numbers.

Look, could we just get back
to the original subject?

I brought up the possibility
of a tag sale.

You think we could go through with that or not?
Tag sale?

I thought we talked about that.
Nobody said whether they were for or against it.

He said something about a barn dance.
You wanna do a barn dance or--

we even suggested the possibility
of putting the barn dance...

and the tag sale together
at the same time.

Well, you have a better idea
about the town,

more than i do.
I would go for the sale,

because you can get in
somebody's garage--

i have to tell you that we've always
run the club democratically,

and we've always-- claude?
You are full of crap.

It's not my fault,
because-- claude!

And i wanna tell you that
i'm kind of disgusted...

about the way you guys are
handling yourselves at this meeting.

Come on, ed.
We're just trying to get some ideas for you.

I think you ought to appoint me chairman.
I'll run the whole thing.

If you'd run the whole thing,
you're gonna alienate everybody in this town.

And if i can't do it,
my wife charmaine will.

Excuse me.
Let me see if i kind of get the consensus of all this.

You really are more interested in one kind of
big event rather than a lot of little ones?

Is that-- is that fair to say?
Is that what you're--

i mean,
a tag sale and all that nonsense is really not appropriate.

You want something big because we
have a real need here for some--

well, you know,
i think this has been a very successful meeting, don't you?

I think we've got enough things
that we can present to the meeting.

When is the next meeting?
I'm gonna go check on the children.

Excuse me.
It's after--

are you still driving that big lincoln?
Yeah.

You should've traded it in
years ago.

If you drive the way you talk,
you're gonna have a lot of accidents.

I'll tell you that.

Anybody else want a nightcap?
Yeah, get me a decent brandy, will ya,

instead of this
cooking sherry.

In case you're wondering
what i've been doing.

You're not the ike mazzard,
are you?

I'm afraid so.
Oh, no.

Walter, tell him. I'm just awful on names.
You'll have to forgive me.

I used to gawk at all those girls in those magazines.

You blighted my adolescence,
you know that.

I thought i blighted
your adolescence.

I can't get over this.
Is this for me?

- Keep it.
- Keep it? I'll insure it.

Thank you so much.
My pleasure.

Here you are, ike.
Thanks.

See what you missed?
Oh. Oh, yeah.

It's-- it's very good...

around the eyes.

You've been a long time.

I'm just, uh,
clearing up some things.

I just can't stand to come down in the
morning to a bunch of filthy ashtrays.

Well, what do you think?
Nice bunch of guys, huh?

You serious?
You have to be kidding.

You wouldn't have given those bores
the time of day back in manhattan.

I mean, okay,

i was pleased to get this and he was quite sweet,
but the rest--

well, i don't happen to agree.

Walter, you must agree. My god,
they're worse than your senior partners.

New projects committee.
They ought to start by working on themselves.

Well, that's your opinion.
Well, of course it's my opinion. Who else sat there?

Where's your sense of humor?

They were dummies. I mean, take el president e,
that graduate of disneyland.

Well, he just happens to be
a ph.d from berkeley.

He runs a multi million-dollar
corporation.

What do they make,
sleeping pills? Look, this isn't me,

and what you're saying
isn't you.

You're putting me on.
No.

No.

Look, this-this is step ford.
It's not new york.

These are the people we have to live with,
and-and they suit me.

Are you gonna be around later?
Okay, bye. Yeah.

Listen, marie,
you wanna go for a swim later? Marie? Huh?

Oh, yes, i'd love that.
Thank you very much.

All right. Hey, i haven't forgotten your drink.
Where is my wine?

Hi, walter. Hey, diz, how are ya? 48000:36:34,1000 -->
00:36:36,855 i'm fine. How are you? Nice to see you.

Good to see you.
Dave, good to see you. Yeah.

Ed is having a hell of a time down there with bobby.
Give him a hand, will you?

Okay, sure,
we'll go down and give him a hand. Good.

Get some drinks down to the pool right away.
Come on.

Mm-h mm!

Can you believe all this?

For a bachelor, old diz
must be quite a catch.

What do you say we go home and change?
Like, put on fancy dress?

Absolutely not.

Hello.
How are you? Hello.

- Fine, thank you.
- Lovely party.

Yes.

Did you get a look
at the food?

How about photographing it for
a "save the children" poster?

Like walter says, it's all so dazzling.
Why don't i like it?

I mean, i like it. It's perfect.
How could you not like it?

I just don't like it.
Am i making any sense?

Hi.
Well, hi, you two.

You want to come and meet some people?
Why not?

We're not proud.
Oh, you haven't got a drink.

I must get you a drink.

Good shot.

All right, who's first?
I got a medium-well--

don't use the tongs.
Use that, will you?

What is that?
Is that a medium--

that's a medium.
That's a rare.

Mmm!

I'll just die if
i don't get this recipe.

I'll just die if
i don't get this recipe.

I'll just die if
i don't get this recipe.

Walter?
Take over, will you?

How many of these
have you had?

Don't you know you can't
handle this stuff?

Don't you remember
what this stuff does to you?

I'll just die if
i don't get this recipe.

Why the hell do you
do this in public?

We'll-we'll just go
and get a little coffee.

Well, it was
this problem i had.

You see,
i-i couldn't handle it.

It was out of control.

I guess that's one of the reasons ted moved us to step ford.

The drinking was
getting so bad and...

he blamed the city
and all its pressures.

I knew i shouldn't
have touched the stuff.

But i did, and i'm sorry
i ruined it all.

- You don't have to apologize, carol.
- Not to us.

We just felt that it was important
that you two understand,

you being the newest
in step ford.

We didn't want you getting
the wrong opinion.

"We"?
Who is "we"?

Oh, well, ted, naturally,

and ike was there and--

he's so old and smart.

After i'd sobered up some,
we asked him and--

you mean the men made you
come and apologize like this?

Oh, no.

No, i wanted to, really.

All they did was sort of
confirm my feelings.

Well, why don't you
come in?

Oh, no.
No, i've gotta get back.

I-i've seen charmaine,
and, uh--

well, i--
i ought a get back.

Incredible.

Absolutely unbelievable.

If i was forced to apologize
every time i got smashed,

i'd spend my whole life
wandering around saying,

"i'm sorry, i'm sorry,
i'm sorry."

That is a lady
that could use some help.

I told you i...
messed a little bit with women's lib in new york.

Didn't we all?

I'm not contemplating
any maiden form bonfires,

but they could certainly
use something around here.

Oh, yeah.
You game?

I'm game.

Boy, am i game!

Wow!

Gee, it sounds like fun.

But i've got three kids,
and the oldest is six.

And that doesn't leave me with
a whole lot of extra time.

We really understand,
marie,

and we're not after you
to change your whole life style.

But doesn't it ever
bother you that...

the most important organization
in step ford is sexually archaic?

Ar-- archaic?

Old-fashioned.
Out-of-date.

Does it ever bother me?
Nope.

I've never been much
of a joiner, i'm afraid.

I guess it's because i've just been so busy,
what with baking and all that.

This isn't any kind of a lifelong commitment we're after.

We just want to see if
there's any interests...

for some kind of activities
in step ford, that's all.

Well, there isn't
any interest here, joanna.

I know i shouldn't say this,
but i just love my brownies.

I'm sorry.
I just can't waste my spare moments on something like that.

But you do go out
sometimes, don't you?

Go out?
Of course i go out.

I'm out now, aren't i?

Which one do you like?

Oh, uh--
i don't think either one.

This is who? Cornell.
Husband owns the pharmacy.

She works there sometimes.
What i'd give for her chest.

Uh, there's this thing they've invented.
It's called knocking.

Oh, doesn't interest me.
I'm a natural-born barge r.

Hey.
Oh, yes. Yes.

Oh, yes.

Nobody's ever touched me
the way you touch me.

Oh, you're the best, frank.

Oh, god, are you the best!

Oh, there!

Oh, god!

God, are you the best.

You're the king, frank.

Oh, you're the champion,
frank!

Oh, you're the master!

Is this the right place?
Must be.

Last house on snowflake lane.
You're sure now?

We don't wanna strike out again.
"Oh, god, frank!

I'm sure! I'm sure!" Wasn't that awful?
All your fault too.

I know, but this time
i got us an invitation.

Listen, her name's
charmaine wimp iris.

We were buying our kids' shoes and i got to talking,
and she said,

"come on over.
It sounds interesting."

The way we've been bombing out,
i consider that a triumph.

She said her court's in the back.
- Okay.

Game! Five-one.
Let's change.

Okay.
God, this is fun.

No!
Oh, that was great.

I haven't played
in such a long time.

Oh, you're good.
You're really good.

I can tell that.
You're just out of practice.

Really?
Hey, didn't you think she was terrific?

I thought you
were terrific.

Oh, well, listen.

Play at my place any time you want.
I really mean that.

Ginny fisher used to play,
but she finked out on me.

The only competition i've got left are two
teenage boys with permanent erections.

- Send them to my place.
- Are you kidding? I'd be lost without 'em.

We'll give you some lessons.
I'll give you a lesson.

No. Come on. I need the workout.
Thank you, nettie.

Isn't nettie marvelous?

A german virgo.
Their thing is to serve.

Oh! That's why
we won the war.

Well, girls,
i-- i didn't get you here on false pretenses.

I'm interested. I'm no fanatic,
but i'm really interested.

Actually, we moved here
about two months ago,

and ed joins this
men's association.

Believe me, i know that
it's unfair and sexist.

But frankly, anything that gets him
out of the house nights is fine with me.

If we could get a consciousness-raising group going,
you'd come?

- What?
- A consciousness-raising session.

A bitching session,
you mean. Sure.

Like a shot, i'd come.

You wouldn't believe what
ed tries putting me through.

He has a rubber suit
made for me in england.

How about that,
sports fans?

What is a rubber suit?

I'm, uh, an accent freak.
I'm not sure why.

Probably on account of-- i don't-- i don't
know if you noticed or not, but i stammer.

When you were young,
you mean.

No, no.
I still do.

It's just i work extra hard
to control it.

Now, here.

I want you to write down
every place you've ever lived,

from when you were born
until now.

And this is just
standard vocabulary.

See, it's just
straight through the alphabet.

"A": 'aback', 'abandon'.
Like-like that.

And, uh, this here's
easy to operate.

Just push the switch
and talk into it.

I think i can manage that,
but... what's this for?

- Just a lifelong hobby.
- Don't touch it.

See, once i get
enough samples,

i aim to feed them all into
a computer and program it.

What i'll get back is an instant
geographical rundown on a person.

I really think it'll be more important
than fingerprints in police work.

That's very interesting,
claude.

But it's too much work.

We step ford wives are busy, busy, busy.
You know, like your wife.

Is he going
to take your fingerprints?

No, sweetie.
Just like your wife.

Bobby and i tried to involve her
in one of our projects,

but she had
too much ironing.

Maybe you could convince her.
Kit sundersen too.

If they could find the time for me,
i could find it for you.

Isn't this, uh,
kind of blackmail, joanna?

It's what made this country
great, claude.

Usually we, uh,
start out bitching,

but maybe if we're lucky we can get
into something more constructive.

Anybody
have any questions?

Well, good.
Then we might as well get started.

Fine. Terrific.
Who wants to go first?

Talk about anything.

Sex, money, our marriages.

Anything at all.

Well, how about if i start?

Right, yes.

Well...

i think there are times when walter cares
more about the law than he does about me,

and that can hurt.

I don't think that, uh--

i don't think that, uh,
ed ever loved me.

I mean,

he married me
because i looked right.

It made a big impression
on the other tv executives...

for his wife to look
like i look.

God knows
he's given me things.

I'm not complaining
on that score, but, uh,

he never loved me.

I didn't bake anything
yesterday.

It took me so long to get
the upstairs floor to shine,

i didn't have any time
to bake.

Well, you don't have to bake, kit.
There's no law.

Hell, ed's lucky if i remember
to keep him in white bread.

Easy-on spray starch.

Really?
It must save me half an hour a day at least.

You'll never run short of time again.
I guarantee it.

I've just been tempted so many times to try easy-on.

I'm not trying to be
a leader or anything,

but we're not supposed to delve
quite so specifically into housework.

Easy-on's really that good,
is it?

Is it that good?

Well, if time is your enemy,
make friends with easy-on. That's all i can tell you.

It's so good that
if ever i became famous...

and the easy-on people asked me
would i do a commercial,

not only would i do it,
i'd do it for free.

That's how good it is.

Holy cow.

I think i'll, uh,
take fred for a walk.

Fred? Where is he?
Did he get out again?

No. I said i was going
to take him for a walk.

Oh.
You're going out?

No, i'm going to walk him
around the bathroom.

You just keep doing
whatever you're doing.

I'm very fond of you.

Well, i'm fond of you too.

Fred!

Freddie!
Wanna go for a walk?

Fine, walter, just fine.

Fred!

Fred!
Come on back here!

Now, don't give me
a hard time!

Fred!

Fred?

Fred, come here.

Sorry about that, lady.
I really didn't mean to frighten you.

Oh, it's mrs. Eberhart.
Yes.

And you did frighten me.

Once again, mrs. Eberhart,
my apologies.

But this is
a pretty quiet town.

A lot of very nice houses
like your own.

People have valuable things.
We have to be careful.

See that old mansion
over there?

It's a landmark building.
I didn't know that.

Some railroad tycoon
built it in 1870.

Before the men's association took it over,
it was a wreck.

Now the association's got a restoration
committee to try and fix up what was ruined.

So we have to be
very careful.

We can't let people
just walk around at night.

One of the reasons
i moved from the city...

was so i could
walk around at night.

Well, certainly you and fred
can walk around at night.

But i'd stick
a little closer to home.

Really,
mrs. Eberhart,

this isn't the best place
for you to wander around.

I see.

Thank you. Good night.
Good night.

Come on, ed.
Let me drive.

You're in no fit state,
okay?

All right?

Just lie back and relax.

You okay?

All right, here we go.

Joanna.

Joanna?
What?

Come over here.

Is that right, dear?
That's lovely, honey.

All right, ladies?
Got everything you want?

- Oh, yes, thanks.
- Have a good day.

Thanks so much.

I was trying to tell you.
Yes, what was that about?

That was frank.
Frank?

The house. Remember?
That was frank. That was mrs. Frank.

Oh, god,
there frank, yes.

Oh, i remember.
I remember.

Oh, god. Yeah.
Now how about that for a step ford twosome?

Oh, god, yes.
Uh, wait a minute. Okay.

We're going the wrong way.
I have to go this way.

Cleaners.
Yes.

Hi. Hi.
Hello.

Have you heard?
It's just spreading like wildfire.

A black family's moving into town.
Oh.

Think that's good?
I think it's good.

Well, i don't know if i think it's
good so much as i think it's natural.

Considering, well, i mean, after all,
we are the most liberal town around.

- Step ford?
- Liberal?

Well, sure.
We had the first chinese restaurant in fairfield county.

- Ah, yes.
- And we had the first women's club...

to ask any of those
liberation ladies...

to come lecture.
There are no women's clubs here.

There was.
I went to a meeting once.

There must have been
50 of us there.

Well, where the hell
are they?

Some of them moved away.
But i guess most of them just plain got bored.

I know i did.

There we are.
Off you go.

We disbanded,
oh, years ago.

We weren't accomplishing
anything useful.

You mean useful
like doing housework?

I like to see my home
looking nice.

Look, we found this
at the library.

Listen, carol,
it says you were president of that club.

I only took the post
because nobody else would.

Please explain to me.
What you're into, is it enough?

Well, enough for me maybe's not enough for you, joanna.

But, well, you see,

ted's doing really well
in his scientific research now.

I give him a good home.
I really think that helps.

The kids are doing the best
they've ever done in school.

And i'm here all the time.

Well, i know
that helps too.

I'm really off the booze,

and god knows
that's better.

It's none of your business,
but our sex life is better too.

Look, i'm sorry to disappoint you,
but i'm happy.

I'm happy.

You know, maybe
we're the crazy ones.

Don't say that.
We're not.

Are you sure?
We're fine.

Okay.
We are fine.

Hi. How'd it go?
What?

Oh.
Well, he hated them.

I must say
i was inclined to agree.

I don't know what made me take them.
But still--

did the girls bring fred over when-- when they came?

Not that i know of. Oh, shoot.
And he has no license. Nothing.

Could i leave the kids here while i go look for him?
Sure. I'll go with you.

Jay, will you
take care of the kids?

Okay!

I'll be right back.
All right, mommy.

We'll find him.
Tell me more about what that fink said in the gallery.

Fred! Fred!

Did you see what i saw?
You found him?

No.
Back at charmaine's.

Oh, my god!

You see, ed hated tennis.
But he never said a word.

All he wanted to do
was to please me.

Well, i want
to please him now.

And, boy,
am i ever going to.

You see, we spent this weekend at
this beautiful little inn in vermont.

Just ed and me, you know,
talking things through.

We parked merrill with some friends,
the fishers,

and we had
the most terrific time.

I can't get
my mind operating.

- Oh. Besides, i'm just swamped with work.
- Work?

Oh, yes.
I fired nettie.

Yeah, it was-- it was just the being alone with ed that did it.

All i ever thought about
before was just me.

Well, i'm here to tell you
that's all over now.

Ed's always hankered after
a heated swimming pool.

And now
he's going to get it.

I've been doing a little research, okay?
And a lot of thinking.

And i know what i'm going to say is gonna sound crazy,

but if you laugh at it,
i swear to god i'm gonna be sick.

Okay, you remember hearing about the texas tranquilizer?

It was in time.
I cut it out.

Wait a sec.
Sit down.

October 4, 1971.
'71, right.

It's about why there are almost no murders in el paso.

This scientist has this theory that there's
something that comes from the water in el paso.

It comes from deep wells,
and it's got some chemical tranquilizer in it.

And, well, read.

See, dallas is over
two times as big as el paso.

But that year, there were
over 242 murders in dallas,

and there were only
13 in el paso.

Joanna.
Joanna, i think that's what's going on in step ford.

I think there's
something in the water...

that turns us into hausfraus, drones,
whatever you want to call it.

Charmaine's changed,
carol van s ant's changed...

and so have all those
other women's club members.

Well i--
i suppose it's possible.

It can't all be coincidence.

Look at all those places.

Electronics. Computers.
Aerospace junk.

And labs.
Who knows what?

They must all be dumping
their chemical garbage...

into step ford river.

And it could be
making its way to us.

Listen, the 6:00 news
scares me every night.

I don't see what's
so far out about my theory.

All right,
why don't we write the state environmental agency...

and have them check
the water in the reservoir?

Ah, government agencies.
I've worked for them, joanna.

And if they're way above average or any good at all,

they'll manage to lose a letter
if you send it to them.

They teach courses
in misfiling at those places.

You know what
i think we ought to do?

I think we ought to take a sample of the water ourselves...

and then get it
to a trustworthy chemist.

The trouble is i don't know anybody except,
you know,

guys at that stinking
men's association.

I lost my virginity
to a trustworthy chemist.

Ha ha!
No kidding!

Did he do it on blue cross?

His name was raymond chandler.
Oh, gosh.

And we had a gag, a sort of a stupid,
private thing going.

I used to ask him why he didn't talk like he wrote.

He wasn't a bit hard-boiled,
and he hated any sort of violence.

But i kept it going.
Some nights i wouldn't let him touch me...

until he told me
the plot of his next novel.

Which was, of course,
the big sleep.

Sometimes,
it nearly drove him crazy.

Isn't it funny the things you do when you're in love?

We were both seniors at nyu.
And it wasn't just passion. It was love.

Why didn't you marry him?

I don't know.

Maybe we took the joke too far.
Maybe the fun went out of it.

I thought walter was going
to become perry mason.

So it was farewell, my lovely.
Did you ever see that?

Anyway, i think
if i look in the phone book...

and this guy's still in new york,
then he's our man.

Are you out of your mind?
No.

I can't just call him up and say, "hi.
I used to be joanna in galls.

You deflowered me 12 years ago.
Would you check my water?"

The final gas chromatograph
readings will be coming in in a minute.

Thank you so much for this, ray.
Oh, don't be silly.

Long time.
Twelve years.

- You married a dentist, wasn't that it?
- Lawyer.

Are you happy?

- Yes, very.
- Good. Good.

- Are you married?
- Going on nine years.

Mm.
And, yes, very.

Here's the report you ordered,
mr. Chandler. Thank you, elizabeth.

Well, i can say
right off the bat that, uh--

you got water in your water.

Now, what can i
tell you girls?

I mean,
i wouldn't want to drink too much of it, but, uh,

it's water.
Can't you be more specific?

Yes. But in order to do that,
i'd specifically have to know...

what it is
i'm trying to find.

I mean, there's nothing here.
Look at that.

Well, can-- can you go any further
in confirming my suspicions?

I'm sorry.
Uh, about what?

The women in step ford
love housework,

and i thought there might be something in the water.

- Where did you find her?
- It's not funny.

- No, it isn't.
- All right, you're right. Look, that was rude of me.

Mrs., uh--
mark owe.

Mark owe.
I can tell you categorically...

that there's no such thing
as a cleaner compeller.

If there was,
i would, uh, patent it myself,

make a million bucks,
win the nobel prize...

and retire.

I guess we're going.
I'll see you outside.

I'm sorry.
Tell her that. Yes.

Hey, we blew it,
didn't we?

I don't know, raymond.
It's hard to be smart.

Yeah.

Bye-bye.

I don't care
what anybody says.

I'm not going to end up like one of those pan scrubbers.

I'm getting the hell
out of step ford.

I'll ask dave tonight,
and we'll move.

Hey, hey, hey,
you too.

You can't break up
a team like us.

We're the best thing to happen
since laurel and hardy.

- Will you think about it?
- Zoom...

zoo t suit, zulu.

And that's that, claude.

I finally finished.

When was that?

Walter, would you move?

Mm-h mm.

No, no, no.
I didn't mean--

- what? What did i say?
- I meant move. Leave step ford.

But we just
got to step ford.

Hey, are you
that unhappy?

Is it everything you expected?

Well... no.
No, it's not.

But i just didn't want to be the first one to admit it.

You know,
i'm the one that wanted to come here in the first place.

You think the--
you think the men are dull.

Well, i think
the women are too.

You're right. I agree with you.
That's why i want to move.

Yeah, but the area sure is nice though,
you know.

And it's perfect
for the kids.

Well, maybe nor wood
or east bridge.

Okay, let's move.

You mean it?
That's all there's to it?

I just had to ask?
Shouldn't we at least fight or something?

Well, i don't want
to move tonight, joanna.

I mean, what is it, june already?
And i got all this work piled up here.

Jesus, i--
okay, i tell you what.

Why don't you look around,
and we'll figure on moving in august.

That way the kids can get settled
in before school starts, and--

oh, why are you-- hey, these papers are all in sequence,
you know.

You're crushing mr. Ziegler's will.
I'll make you a beneficiary.

Well, i guess mr. Ziegler
could wait a little while.

Do you mean it?
We can move? Yeah.

Oh, walter.

Oh, walter,
you're really sweet. Mm.

Girls, i think,
after four houses,

i'm getting
to know your taste.

This may be it.

He's an i.t.t. v.p., transferred to panama,
probably to start a revolution.

Oh.

Oh, there'll be at least
eight lonely ladies...

in east bridge center
for a while.

I don't know how he got away with it so close to home.

Oh, my. Listen, i'll go in first.
You stay here.

They gave me the key,
but you never know what you'll walk into.

Thanks.

Oh, mrs. Kirgassa,
i love you.

Oh, she's fat and lovely. She's got a big mouth,
and i love her. What a treat.

When i told dave we were house hunting,
he nearly jumped out of his skin.

He threatened
to cancel the plaza.

What is the plaza?

Oh, i forgot.
I'm supposed to ask you...

if you will take our kids and the dog
so dave and i can have a weekend,

our annual weekend,
at the plaza.

It's to commemorate the time he
took a young virgin to the theater...

and faked her
up to his room.

Hell, i had
to lose it sometime.

- The coast is clear. Come on, girls.
- Right.

Anyway, will you do it for me?
Do what?

Take care of the kids
and the dog for the weekend?

Oh, i know it's just a horrible thing for you to think about,
isn't it?

Forget it. No.
Yes, it is. But okay.

You will? The girls, at least,
will love having the dog.

Ever since
dear old fred departed,

they've been after me to get another one.
Yes.

I don't know about walter though.
What do you mean?

Well, you know,
walter hates noise.

Hey, there's a dog
under the table.

Honey, could i have some more coffee, please? Yes.

Charlie is--
charlie is under the table.

Could i have some more coffee, please?
Quit it!

How many pancakes are you going to give-- here.
Thank you.

Come on, charlie.

Joanna!

Yeah?

Look, i played monopoly with them.
I didn't pass "go." I didn't collect.

I've played backgammon,
i've played scrabble with the goddamn kids.

They're in the kitchen now.
What do you want me to do?

Walter, you've had seven years of college.
Use your brains.

I'm sorry,
but i'm onto something.

I think maybe
it's the best i've ever done.

And i want to stick with it.
But how do i amuse them?

I amuse them
seven days a week.

They know all
the sesame street songs.

Have a sing-along.

A sing-along.
Jesus.

Mr. Atkinson, i've been
at these since saturday,

just about nonstop,
because i had to get them...

into some sort of shape
for you to see.

Because i think
they're an improvement.

And you've
got to think so too.

I'm doing
all the talking, i know.

But these are my little girls,
and those are someone else's.

My best friend's
little boys.

And you've just got to tell me.
Am i crazy?

Aren't they good?

Please say something.
I don't care.

No, i do care.
Don't say anything bad.

These are, um,
really quite good.

You're not just saying that because
you're frightened i might be a crazy lady?

Clearly you are a crazy lady.

But clearly again,
these are nice.

Wait a minute.

You said good.
"Really quite good," you said.

Good is better than nice.
Y-you're not changing your mind, are you?

No.
The results are lovely.

Don't get upset again.
Lovely is better than good.

But, um,
what fascinates me is...

what is it
you want from it all?

Do you know?

I want... somewhere,

someday, someone to look at something and say, "hey,
that reminds me of an in galls."

In galls was my maiden name.

I guess i want to be remembered.
Yes, don't we all.

Bobby, it's me!
Kitchen!

I've just come from atkinson in new york,
and he loves my stuff.

Well, not loves, maybe,
but he's genuinely interested in my work.

The gallery
for photographers.

That's wonderful, joanna.

If you're going to tell me
you don't like this dress,

i'm sticking my head
right in the oven.

Dave bought it for me for the weekend.
He spent a ton on me.

How about the shape?

Padded uplift bra.

It's true what
they say in the ads.

Oh, joanna,
dave turned me loose in bergdorf's,

and i went mad.
Bobby--

at the plaza,
some guy tried picking me up in the lobby.

You know how long it's been
since that happened?

Of course,
i did look terrific.

Bobby, you're not at the plaza now.
So why are you wearing all that makeup?

I mean, you never even used to clean your kitchen,
much less wear makeup.

Admit it, joanna.
I was a joke.

Dave works hard
all day long.

And what does he
come home to? A slob.

Bobby,
it's gotten to you now.

No thing's got me.
I just want to look like a woman...

and keep my house
looking decent too.

You're just like charmaine.
Will you stop.

And you're not going to leave step ford either,
are you?

Leave step ford? Good schools,
low taxes, clean air.

No.
You're right.

Shall i make us
a nice pot of coffee?

No, no.
I've really got to go now.

Stop by anytime.
I'll be here.

My, god! Look out!

Okay, so you're upset.

So you pass a school bus and you-- and you dent the wagon.

Bobby mark owe buys a new bra,
and i've got to pay for a new mailbox for the van s ants.

So what?
So what are you talking about, joanna?

Why can't you understand?
Her kitchen was sparkling. Yeah.

So you said. But, look,
i hate to come on like the heavy,

but what's that got to do
with you going crazy?

It wasn't just that.
It wasn't just anything. She's changed!

And stop telling me
i'm crazy!

- Are you two fighting?
- No.

We don't like it
when you fight.

Look, we're not fighting.
We're just-- just talking. Now, come on, you guys.

Go on outside, all right?

Oh, boy.
That's really terrific.

This is really
terrific for them.

I remember when my mother and
father used to yell at each other.

I-i-i just didn't want them to have to go through this.
Well, neither do i.

I'm sorry. I said i'm sorry about the car.
But i was panicked and upset.

Oh, look, that's no big deal.
It's the rest that bothers me.

Just try to look at it
from my point of view, joanna.

Walter, i just want to say one thing to you.
Bobby really has changed.

Believe me,
everything in her house looked like a tv commercial.

Well, good! Good!
She had to clean it sooner or later.

It looked like
a goddamn pigsty!

I-i mean,
when are things gonna start sparkling around here?

That's what i'd like to know. I mean,
just look at the way my kids are dressed.

Ragamuffins.
Gee z, i work 80 hours a week.

I live in a great house and my kids
look like they belong on welfare.

Look, if you paid a little
more attention to your family...

and a little less to your goddamn picture
taking-- i'm getting out of step ford.

I'm getting us a house now.
And if it's hard on you, tough.

And if it's hard on the kids,
i'll just ease up on my goddamn picture taking...

and stay around the house,
and believe me, they'll survive.

That's what i'm talking about, walter,
is surviving.

Okay! All right! I mean,
i'll take a loss on this great house if i have to.

But there's one condition
or we don't go anywhere.

You-- you see somebody.
You get some help. You see a psychiatrist.

I'm fine.
I don't need to see anybody.

You say you're fine. But me,
i'd-- i'd like another opinion.

Because i'm not too anxious
to move to east bridge...

and after four months there be told by
my sweet wife we've got to move again...

because she doesn't like the way her
new neighbors keep their houses clean.

Look, i'm not asking
anything unreasonable.

And i don't like asking it.

But-- but you want me
to disrupt our lives...

for the second time in a couple of
months on some fixation you've got.

That's the unreasonable part.
You've got to see that.

Look... you and me, we--

we don't have
to fight about this.

We're gonna move.
It's-- it's only a few more weeks.

Look...

it doesn't have to be
anything dramatic.

There's a couple of topnotch guys right here in town.

Just talk to one of them.
They'd see you.

But i wouldn't see them.

If i see anybody,
i'll find my own.

I'm here at
my husband's insistence.

We moved to step ford with our children, oh,
a few months ago.

Before that,
we were in manhattan.

And now i want to move out.

You see, i have nothing
against the general area.

But the women in step ford just seem
to be on a different wavelength.

Well, that all seems
very straightforward.

And your husband wants you
to see me because?

He feels i'm being...
irrational.

He says there's
no certainty i'd like...

east bridge or someplace
like that any better.

And he doesn't want to spend his life
moving from one house to another.

Yes. Understandable.

But step ford, i know,
has a reputation for being unsocial.

So i also understand
why you might be unhappy there.

I'd be unhappy there.
Any move is traumatic.

And a city-to-suburbs move for a woman
with interests other than purely family...

can seem like
a jaunt to siberia.

What would you think of if i said westport, connecticut?

Writers. Artists.

Now you have no reason to know this,
but truro, massachusetts,

is sort of an elephant's graveyard for psychoanalysts.

Perhaps step ford is heaven
for the house and garden type.

One person tells another--

some don't like it and leave.
Others that do like it, arrive.

I mean, westport didn't
always have writers.

They didn't breed
from the original pair.

I understand.

Well, i'm not surprised.
You're obviously a very bright woman.

What does surprise me is that you
have come all this way to talk to me...

and then you
don't talk to me.

I think the men
are behind it.

What men?

All of them.

All of them
in the association.

My husband. Everyone.

The women don't--

can't arrive in step ford
loving housework.

They change once they get there.
I think the men make them change.

How would they do that?

I don't know.
They-- they--

oh, jesus!
It's so awful.

If i'm wrong,
i'm insane.

And if i'm right,
it's worse than if i'm wrong.

I don't know what they do exactly.
They-- they draw our pictures,

and they tape our voices...

and the women
all look neat and pretty.

There's a man. He's-- he's a druggist.
He runs the pharmacy.

And he's nothing.
He's nothing.

But his wife
is just breathtaking.

And once, by mistake,
i happened to hear them making love.

And she was carrying on incredibly,
like he was some kind of god's gift.

And charmaine changed in four months
and ripped up her tennis court.

And bobby, my best friend, changed in four months.
And that's what convinced me.

That's how long
four months.

And i don't know
what's going on.

I just know some thing's wrong,
and my time is coming.

You're terribly frightened,
aren't you?

Can you sleep? Well, that's easy.
We can take care of that.

And we'll see a lot of each other,
and you can talk some more.

See, it's unfortunate,
but i have to go away for a couple of days.

It's something i can't put off at this short notice.

But when i'm back,
we'll talk. No!

No, you don't
want to talk or what?

I won't be here when you get back.
Don't you see?

It's going to happen before then.
Don't ask me to explain it. I just know.

There'll be somebody
with my name.

And she'll cook and clean like crazy,
but she won't take pictures,

and she won't be me.

She'll--

she'll-- she'll be like one of those robots in disneyland.

All right, now listen.

I'll give you a prescription
which you have filled.

Then you gather up your children and you get the hell away!

Don't tell your husband. Don't tell anyone.
Just go wherever you feel safe.

Now, do you have family?
They're dead.

Well, just drive
and stop someplace.

And in a few days,
i'll be back on the 10th,

you ring me,
i'll come to you and we'll sort this thing out.

Now how does that sound?

They're not here.

- Where are they?
- I told you. They're not here.

They're with friends.
They're fine.

Amy? Kim?

Which friends?

They're fine.

How was your visit?
Did she fix you up?

Walter, i'm taking
the children away.

Where are they? Are they at bobby's?
Look, look, they're just--

they're fine. I told you. Now, look,
we don't want you to get upset again.

Now just go on upstairs
and lie down--

don't talk to me like that.
I don't want to lie down. I want my children.

Joanna, go upstairs
and lie down, now!

Don't tell me
what to do, you bastard!

Ah h!

Joanna!
Walter! Oh h!

Joanna,
open this goddamn door!

All right, you just
stay in there then.

You just stay in there.

Cornell, buddy.
Yeah, this is walter.

Look, i had some trouble.
So what do i do?

Yeah, yeah.
Well, i don't know.

I don't know, but-- but i think it's all right.
No, she's upset.

She's really upset.

So she ran upstairs.

Yeah.

Well, she's--
she's in her room. Mm-h mm.

Yeah.
Yeah, i-i-i think it's-- i think it's odd.

Oh, it-- it is?

Well, what should i do?
I'll just stay home.

Why, look at you.
For heaven's sakes.

Bobby. Bobby, listen.

You need a fresh perked
cup of coffee.

I don't want any coffee.
I just want my children. Well, they're not here.

Dave's working late,
so i shooed my boys off with friends...

so i could give myself a chance to do some real cleaning.

Whoever told you kim and amy were here?
No one. No one.

But the night they changed you,
i kept your kids. It just seemed logical to me.

Changed me? What's that mean?
I don't know. I really don't.

Bobby, stop it!
Look at me!

Say i'm right.
You are different.

Your figure's different, your face,
what you talk about, all of this is different.

Yes. Yes.
This, it's wonderful.

Why don't you change your mind and have a cup?
What does "archaic" mean?

Archaic?
I don't know. Yes.

Think! You used to know.
When we went to marie ax helm's and she was ironing,

she didn't know,
but you did.

Did i?
Well, i forgot.

How do you want it?

It wasn't on
the word list, was it?

This is a new blend
and very mild.

Do you take cream?
Look, i bleed.

Oh, that's right.
You take it black.

When i cut myself,
i bleed.

Do you bleed?
Why, look at your hand.

No, you look.
Joanna.

How could you
do a thing like that?

How could you
do a thing like that?

How could you
do a thing like that?

When i was just
going to give you coffee.

When i was just
going to give you coffee.

When i was just
going to give you coffee.

I thought we were friends.

I thought we were friends.

I was just going
to give you coffee.

I was just going
to give you coffee.

I thought we were friends.

I thought we were friends.

I thought we were friends.

How could you
do a thing like that?

I thought we were friends.

She must have sneaked out
when i was on the telephone.

Listen, walter,
it's going to be okay.

The phones are jammed,
the alarm is out...

and the roads
are blocked off.

Everybody's out looking for her.
So don't panic.

Are you okay?

Okay, listen,
i'll be-- i'll be back. All right?

I want my children!

Where are they? Where are they?
Where are my children?

I want them.

Association.

Mommy!

Mommy!

Mommy!

Mommy!

Mommy!

Mommy!

Mommy!

Mommy!

Mommy!

Mommy!

Hello, joanna.

Mom--

quite a lot of worry
you caused everybody.

Poor walter's
very concerned.

Where are my children?

The first time i met you,
i knew you were a good mother.

Oh, they're quite safe.

Having a lovely evening
with charmaine.

She was thrilled
to have them.

What have you got there?

Oh, no. No, you're
not going to need that.

It's nothing like that at all.
You've got quite the wrong idea.

You've had the wrong idea
all the time.

It's nothing
like you imagined.

Just, uh, another stage. Think about it like that,
and there's nothing to it.

Why?

Why?

Because we can.

We found a way of doing it
that's just perfect.

Perfect for us
and perfect for you.

You're a very good subject.
Perhaps the best we've had.

You were brighter than most.

Do you mind
if i make a call?

See, think of it
the other way around.

Wouldn't you like some perfect stud
waiting on you around the house?

Praising you?
Servicing you?

Whispering how your sagging flesh was beautiful,
no matter how you looked?

Excuse me.

Every thing's fine.

Yeah, just as i said.

Aren't i always right?

Yes, i'll take it from now.
Everybody can go home.

Well, that's all there is.

So why don't
we get it over?

You know,
you hurried us a little.

We weren't quite ready for you,
if you want to know the truth.

Oh, no!

Oh, god!

Hi, kit. How are you?
Hello, marie ann.

It's hard.
What am i supposed to do?

Melinda,
what do you want?

I don't want to spend my entire day in the supermarket.

Look, we'll get
a nice dinner at home.

Why-- why don't you
give it a chance?

Hello, marie.

Hello, charmaine.

Hi, carol.

Hi, charmaine.

Hello, carol.
Hi, pat.

Hi, bobby. Hello, carol.
How are you?

Fine.
Good.

Hello, bobby.

Hello, joanna.
How are you?

I'm fine. How are you? I'm fine.
How are the children?

They're fine.
And yours? Fine. Fine.