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1
00:00:01,300 --> 00:00:03,600
Look at the flowers
Caitlin's boyfriend sent her.
2
00:00:03,529 --> 00:00:06,328
I've never seen
such beautiful arrangements.
3
00:00:06,234 --> 00:00:08,900
She must have really
given it up last night.
4
00:00:08,812 --> 00:00:09,779
Hey!
5
00:00:09,767 --> 00:00:12,101
I'm right here!
6
00:00:14,065 --> 00:00:16,331
Doesn't tom know
that women don't really care
7
00:00:16,261 --> 00:00:18,194
about silly gifts
like flowers?
8
00:00:18,139 --> 00:00:21,206
How are you single?
Tom is romantic.
9
00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:23,801
In fact, he's on his way up
with a surprise for me.
10
00:00:23,710 --> 00:00:26,578
I'm pretty sure it's those
U2 tickets I've been hinting at.
11
00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:27,612
Hi, honey!
12
00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:29,994
Hey, I see
you got the flowers.
13
00:00:29,918 --> 00:00:31,484
I've got
one more surprise for you.
14
00:00:31,445 --> 00:00:33,246
You've been
dropping hints all week
15
00:00:33,197 --> 00:00:35,663
about seeing a certain group
of irishmen?
16
00:00:35,584 --> 00:00:37,684
Tom, you didn't.
I most certainly did!
17
00:00:37,621 --> 00:00:38,988
I got us front-row seats
18
00:00:38,959 --> 00:00:42,158
to Seamus O'Reilly's epic
musical about the potato famine.
19
00:00:42,046 --> 00:00:45,814
"The sterile soil"?
20
00:00:45,675 --> 00:00:49,276
Surprise!
21
00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:17,313
Good morning, Paul.
What's that?
22
00:01:17,254 --> 00:01:20,287
My divorce
has been finalized.
23
00:01:20,182 --> 00:01:23,316
My marriage is over.
I'm gonna grow old alone.
24
00:01:23,206 --> 00:01:26,939
Why does this upset you now? You and Claudia
haven't been together for two years.
25
00:01:26,804 --> 00:01:29,971
Legally we were together.
Now my inability to keep a woman
26
00:01:29,860 --> 00:01:33,693
has been officially recognized
by the state of New York.
27
00:01:35,621 --> 00:01:38,588
You and tom got the big
potato show tonight?
28
00:01:38,486 --> 00:01:41,420
What do you wear
to something like that...
29
00:01:41,320 --> 00:01:43,153
a strapless
burlap sack?
30
00:01:43,102 --> 00:01:44,969
Tom may not take me
to cool concerts,
31
00:01:44,916 --> 00:01:46,584
but he's reliable
and stable,
32
00:01:46,541 --> 00:01:48,408
and that is what
I'm looking for.
33
00:01:48,355 --> 00:01:49,854
Caitlin, I know you.
34
00:01:49,819 --> 00:01:52,153
You think you're happy
with a 4-door buick,
35
00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:54,980
but what you really want is
the Porsche turbo convertible...
36
00:01:54,881 --> 00:01:58,848
5-speed, all leather,
jet-black finish,
37
00:01:58,701 --> 00:02:02,202
cruising on the road
on a cool summer day.
38
00:02:02,075 --> 00:02:03,375
Are we still talking
about me?
39
00:02:03,349 --> 00:02:05,983
I don't think so.
40
00:02:05,895 --> 00:02:08,529
Hello, everyone!
Oh, listen, don't forget
41
00:02:08,442 --> 00:02:12,842
I'm guest bartending tonight at the Callahan
tavern fundraiser for the playground project.
42
00:02:12,675 --> 00:02:14,509
Sir, I didn't know
you could bartend.
43
00:02:14,459 --> 00:02:16,425
How you think I paid
my way through college?
44
00:02:16,369 --> 00:02:18,768
Your dad?
Correct...
45
00:02:18,692 --> 00:02:21,859
who inherited his money
from my grandfather,
46
00:02:21,749 --> 00:02:24,649
who made a fortune
during prohibition
47
00:02:24,550 --> 00:02:28,450
bootlegging whiskey,
which is served in... Bars!
48
00:02:28,306 --> 00:02:29,872
So, go ahead.
Test me.
49
00:02:29,834 --> 00:02:31,701
Uh, what's in
a mai tai?
50
00:02:31,649 --> 00:02:34,315
A mai tai?
[SCOFFS]
51
00:02:34,227 --> 00:02:38,760
Well, it's got, uh...
It has, uh...
52
00:02:38,588 --> 00:02:41,554
What are you, a woman?
Drink a beer!
53
00:02:47,565 --> 00:02:49,899
Four cold ones.
54
00:02:49,825 --> 00:02:52,259
I want you guys
to get tanked tonight.
55
00:02:52,181 --> 00:02:56,714
And remember...
it's for the kids.
56
00:02:56,541 --> 00:02:59,541
To... Our love.
57
00:03:00,999 --> 00:03:03,532
Hey, buddy!
Enjoy it while you can.
58
00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:06,017
Today you're kissin'
like lovebirds.
59
00:03:05,934 --> 00:03:09,733
Tomorrow, you're depressed
in a bar, harassing strangers.
60
00:03:09,594 --> 00:03:12,527
To your health!
61
00:03:12,427 --> 00:03:15,160
Paul, I know
what you're going through.
62
00:03:15,069 --> 00:03:16,569
I've had someone
I love leave me.
63
00:03:16,534 --> 00:03:19,133
This isn't the story about
the time your cat, tinkers,
64
00:03:19,049 --> 00:03:20,982
got run over
by an ice cream truck?
65
00:03:20,926 --> 00:03:22,392
No.
66
00:03:22,359 --> 00:03:23,793
What happened?
67
00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:24,927
I was a junior
at Harvard.
68
00:03:24,906 --> 00:03:27,239
No, no, no.
I mean with tinkers.
69
00:03:27,165 --> 00:03:29,098
Did the truck, like,
pancake him or what?
70
00:03:29,044 --> 00:03:33,411
My boyfriend and I had organized
a reception for Michael dukakis.
71
00:03:33,246 --> 00:03:37,079
I went to a party
for dukakis back in college.
72
00:03:36,939 --> 00:03:39,872
It was in New York,
not Boston.
73
00:03:39,771 --> 00:03:41,205
It's kinda hazy.
74
00:03:41,172 --> 00:03:42,739
I remember mine.
75
00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:47,333
Oh, God, that was a terrible night.
I had been planning it for months.
76
00:03:47,156 --> 00:03:50,457
As members
of the dukakis generation,
77
00:03:50,340 --> 00:03:52,307
we can change the world.
78
00:03:52,250 --> 00:03:53,817
Under his presidency,
79
00:03:53,779 --> 00:03:56,145
Americans will finally
embrace the metric system
80
00:03:56,070 --> 00:04:00,170
and will travel across country
by solar-powered monorail.
81
00:04:00,018 --> 00:04:01,650
[APPLAUE]
82
00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:05,509
Great speech, hon.
You're tops.
83
00:04:05,365 --> 00:04:06,899
Thanks, Doug.
84
00:04:06,862 --> 00:04:09,929
Now, the governor should
be here soon. When he arrives,
85
00:04:09,822 --> 00:04:12,622
we should all be discussing
his campaign proposals.
86
00:04:12,528 --> 00:04:15,628
Britney and Chad Stevens
will discuss welfare reform.
87
00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:20,320
Beth and Chad Roberts
will discuss ozone protection.
88
00:04:20,136 --> 00:04:23,470
And April and Chad mcdougal
will discuss tax reform.
89
00:04:23,351 --> 00:04:24,584
Aaaaah!
90
00:04:26,025 --> 00:04:28,558
An entire beer...
all over my new outfit!
91
00:04:28,476 --> 00:04:30,910
The guy has the nerve
to say to me, "sorry about that.
92
00:04:30,832 --> 00:04:32,499
"Why don't we go back
to my place
93
00:04:32,455 --> 00:04:34,622
BOTH: And get you out
of that sweater?"
94
00:04:37,454 --> 00:04:40,487
Maybe it was Boston.
95
00:04:40,382 --> 00:04:41,982
[GASPS]
96
00:04:45,125 --> 00:04:47,925
She digs me.
97
00:04:47,831 --> 00:04:49,631
I can't believe
that was you.
98
00:04:49,581 --> 00:04:51,481
I thought you went
to Michigan.
99
00:04:51,428 --> 00:04:53,861
I did my freshman year,
but I got kicked out.
100
00:04:53,784 --> 00:04:56,116
Then I tried Miami,
but that didn't work...
101
00:04:56,044 --> 00:04:57,444
too close to the beach.
102
00:04:58,749 --> 00:05:02,583
Next was Arizona...
Or was it Alabama?
103
00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:08,636
Paul, you need to stop
feeling sorry for yourself.
104
00:05:08,459 --> 00:05:10,126
I bet there are plenty
of women here
105
00:05:10,083 --> 00:05:11,816
who'd love to meet
a guy just like you.
106
00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:13,770
Take her,
for instance.
107
00:05:13,711 --> 00:05:15,678
She looks nice.
108
00:05:15,621 --> 00:05:17,321
I don't know.
109
00:05:17,276 --> 00:05:18,610
Come on, Paul.
Look at you.
110
00:05:18,582 --> 00:05:20,149
You're still
wearing your ring.
111
00:05:20,110 --> 00:05:22,711
I guess I just
got used to it.
112
00:05:22,624 --> 00:05:23,958
You need to move on.
113
00:05:23,930 --> 00:05:26,230
Now, go over there
and be yourself.
114
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:27,225
Be myself.
115
00:05:27,209 --> 00:05:28,408
Be yourself.
116
00:05:28,386 --> 00:05:30,920
Okay. All right.
Be myself.
117
00:05:30,838 --> 00:05:34,938
Hello, I'm Paul lassiter,
international restaurateur.
118
00:05:34,785 --> 00:05:36,752
Can I buy you
a drink?
119
00:05:36,695 --> 00:05:39,829
I'd like that, but I'm with
a friend who just got dumped,
120
00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:41,852
and I probably shouldn't
leave her alone,
121
00:05:41,788 --> 00:05:43,988
but the guy you're
with is kinda cute.
122
00:05:43,921 --> 00:05:45,688
Does he have
a girlfriend?
123
00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:47,640
Not likely.
124
00:05:50,319 --> 00:05:52,486
Then I got kicked out
of Syracuse.
125
00:05:52,420 --> 00:05:53,921
Then northeastern...
126
00:05:53,885 --> 00:05:57,351
which is in the same town
as Harvard.
127
00:05:57,228 --> 00:05:59,695
Where I wandered
into your party.
128
00:05:59,615 --> 00:06:01,081
Oh, lucky me.
129
00:06:01,048 --> 00:06:03,448
If memory serves,
you thought I was pretty cute.
130
00:06:03,371 --> 00:06:05,505
Oh, please!
I spent the entire night
131
00:06:05,441 --> 00:06:08,007
trying to keep you
from disrupting my party.
132
00:06:07,924 --> 00:06:09,224
You didn't belong.
133
00:06:09,197 --> 00:06:11,463
Hey, I fit in
just fine.
134
00:06:14,321 --> 00:06:17,355
Come on, come on.
Alternative energy sources.
135
00:06:17,250 --> 00:06:19,551
Chad.
Solar power.
136
00:06:19,479 --> 00:06:21,813
Britney.
Windmills.
137
00:06:21,740 --> 00:06:24,773
Already been said.
Drink.
138
00:06:24,669 --> 00:06:26,801
ALL CHANTING:
Drink! Drink! Drink!
139
00:06:28,615 --> 00:06:30,682
[CHEERING]
140
00:06:30,620 --> 00:06:32,021
What are you doing?
141
00:06:31,990 --> 00:06:34,723
Spicing up
your discussion group.
142
00:06:34,631 --> 00:06:36,732
I don't know who you are,
but this function is
143
00:06:36,669 --> 00:06:38,869
for serious supporters
of Michael dukakis.
144
00:06:38,802 --> 00:06:40,636
What makes you think
I'm not serious?
145
00:06:40,585 --> 00:06:44,084
Cold fusion. Cold fusion is not viable.
Double chug.
146
00:06:43,959 --> 00:06:46,892
ALL CHANTING:
Drink! Drink! Drink!
147
00:06:46,791 --> 00:06:48,626
I'm here because
I want to meet dukakis,
148
00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:50,641
but he's not showing up
for another hour.
149
00:06:50,580 --> 00:06:52,714
What do you say you and I
take off and shoot pool?
150
00:06:52,649 --> 00:06:54,916
I have a boyfriend,
and even if I didn't,
151
00:06:54,846 --> 00:06:58,046
I would never leave here with you.
I understand.
152
00:06:57,934 --> 00:07:02,400
You prefer straight-arrow, button-down
type guys. You're uptight.
153
00:07:02,231 --> 00:07:05,732
You want to go outside and get
a better view of the Charles?
154
00:07:05,606 --> 00:07:07,673
I don't even
know your name.
155
00:07:07,611 --> 00:07:10,744
Charles.
156
00:07:10,635 --> 00:07:12,102
I am not uptight.
157
00:07:12,068 --> 00:07:14,068
Okay. You're not.
158
00:07:14,010 --> 00:07:16,943
You remind me
of a young Geraldine ferraro.
159
00:07:16,843 --> 00:07:18,709
Really?
160
00:07:18,658 --> 00:07:20,758
Who invited you
anyway?
161
00:07:20,695 --> 00:07:21,662
Hi, honey.
162
00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:23,750
I don't believe we've met.
163
00:07:23,687 --> 00:07:25,854
I'm Caitlin's boyfriend,
Doug smuckers.
164
00:07:25,789 --> 00:07:28,655
Schmuckers?
Smuckers.
165
00:07:30,436 --> 00:07:33,269
The dress code requires
a sport coat. You should leave.
166
00:07:33,174 --> 00:07:35,007
Okay. Fine.
167
00:07:34,956 --> 00:07:38,756
Let me tell you something,
Doug, I'm gonna miss you.
168
00:07:40,623 --> 00:07:42,789
Hey! Is
hydroelectric power good?
169
00:07:42,724 --> 00:07:45,624
Yeah,
but you pointed. Drink!
170
00:07:45,525 --> 00:07:47,924
ALL CHANTING:
Drink! Drink! Drink!
171
00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:51,240
Let me guess
what happened.
172
00:07:51,191 --> 00:07:52,757
You both agreed
to meet later
173
00:07:52,719 --> 00:07:54,719
on top of the
empire state building.
174
00:07:54,660 --> 00:07:57,094
Sir, that's
"an affair to remember."
175
00:07:57,016 --> 00:07:59,716
Ah. It was very entertaining.
176
00:07:59,626 --> 00:08:04,160
You might think of spicing up
your story a bit.
177
00:08:03,988 --> 00:08:07,821
So that just
leaves Everest and k2,
178
00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:13,313
and I will have climbed
the world's seven tallest peaks.
179
00:08:13,092 --> 00:08:15,358
Wow. That is amazing.
180
00:08:15,289 --> 00:08:18,855
Ah! You just need
a good sherpa.
181
00:08:18,726 --> 00:08:22,459
Uh, so, Debbie,
what are you into?
182
00:08:22,323 --> 00:08:25,657
Tall, handsome men
who shave their head.
183
00:08:27,353 --> 00:08:29,653
Paul, let's go get
some drinks.
184
00:08:29,581 --> 00:08:31,881
But it's their round.
Paul.
185
00:08:33,465 --> 00:08:35,965
Two white wines.
186
00:08:35,884 --> 00:08:37,717
You didn't tell her
I was gay, did you?
187
00:08:37,667 --> 00:08:39,800
I don't like
to label people.
188
00:08:39,736 --> 00:08:42,037
Well, I've got
to tell her.
189
00:08:41,965 --> 00:08:44,264
Things are going really well
with me and Tiffany.
190
00:08:44,193 --> 00:08:46,627
If you tell Debbie you're gay,
they're gonna go home.
191
00:08:46,549 --> 00:08:49,249
You're the one who wanted to
help me get over this divorce.
192
00:08:49,159 --> 00:08:52,626
Fine. But I'm not
happy about this.
193
00:08:52,501 --> 00:08:54,235
Here we go, ladies.
194
00:08:54,189 --> 00:08:56,189
Thank you.
Thank you.
195
00:08:56,130 --> 00:08:58,164
So, Carter...
196
00:08:58,104 --> 00:09:00,171
We've heard a lot
about Paul.
197
00:09:00,110 --> 00:09:01,610
What are your interests?
198
00:09:01,574 --> 00:09:03,674
I like the theater,
the ballet.
199
00:09:03,611 --> 00:09:04,778
[CLEARS THROAT]
200
00:09:04,758 --> 00:09:09,125
Football, beer, cars,
breasts.
201
00:09:11,601 --> 00:09:13,335
So what did happen next?
202
00:09:13,289 --> 00:09:15,755
Dukakis was due
to arrive any minute.
203
00:09:15,675 --> 00:09:17,343
I was poised,
as usual.
204
00:09:17,300 --> 00:09:19,966
Good evening,
governor dukakis.
205
00:09:19,878 --> 00:09:23,245
Oh. Too formal.
206
00:09:23,125 --> 00:09:26,291
[SEDUCTIVE VOICE]
Hello, Michael.
207
00:09:26,180 --> 00:09:29,048
Too sexy.
208
00:09:28,951 --> 00:09:31,117
[COCKNEY ACCENT]
'Ello, guvna.
209
00:09:31,051 --> 00:09:32,886
Too British.
210
00:09:32,834 --> 00:09:36,535
I need someone to help me
set out more wine.
211
00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:39,600
Um... Excuse me.
Are you available?
212
00:09:41,907 --> 00:09:43,107
I knew you'd come around.
213
00:09:43,085 --> 00:09:45,384
I thought we asked you
to leave.
214
00:09:45,313 --> 00:09:46,513
I'm wearing a sport coat.
215
00:09:46,490 --> 00:09:48,490
A century 21 jacket?
216
00:09:48,433 --> 00:09:51,633
Yeah. Any interest
in selling this place?
217
00:09:53,208 --> 00:09:55,341
Any interest in going out
with me tomorrow night?
218
00:09:55,277 --> 00:09:56,443
Are you kidding?
219
00:09:56,423 --> 00:09:58,889
No, that's cool.
A girl like you
220
00:09:58,810 --> 00:10:01,643
would never want to go
to an aerosmith concert anyways.
221
00:10:01,548 --> 00:10:03,481
Aerosmith?
I love them.
222
00:10:03,425 --> 00:10:05,159
Really? You?
223
00:10:05,114 --> 00:10:10,480
Yes! Despite what you might
think, I-I... Often rock.
224
00:10:10,270 --> 00:10:12,137
I don't know what
you're still doing here,
225
00:10:12,084 --> 00:10:14,451
but the governor's going
to be here any moment.
226
00:10:14,377 --> 00:10:16,310
Why don't you and I
step outside?
227
00:10:16,255 --> 00:10:19,522
I don't know, Doug.
It is cold and flu season.
228
00:10:19,406 --> 00:10:20,939
Oh, that's it.
229
00:10:24,531 --> 00:10:25,932
My God!
230
00:10:25,900 --> 00:10:28,301
Dukakis is here!
231
00:10:36,533 --> 00:10:38,199
So dukakis got punched.
Big deal.
232
00:10:38,156 --> 00:10:41,023
How much damage
could Dougie have caused?
233
00:10:40,925 --> 00:10:43,758
Yeah, it's broken.
234
00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:47,660
This is bad.
235
00:10:47,579 --> 00:10:50,779
Word gets out the governor got punched
by a kid, he'll look like a wimp.
236
00:10:50,667 --> 00:10:53,333
Now, we'll need a way
to toughen up his image.
237
00:10:53,245 --> 00:10:56,412
Excuse me. Isn't governor dukakis
going to an army base tomorrow?
238
00:10:56,301 --> 00:11:00,468
Yes. Why don't you get a
picture of him riding a tank?
239
00:11:00,313 --> 00:11:01,879
That's brilliant!
240
00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:03,930
Let's go.
241
00:11:03,909 --> 00:11:05,976
Wait, you have
the wrong man!
242
00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:07,349
Caitlin, do something!
243
00:11:10,339 --> 00:11:12,573
I hope you're happy.
244
00:11:12,504 --> 00:11:14,671
I have been planning
this party for six months,
245
00:11:14,605 --> 00:11:15,739
and now it's ruined!
246
00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:16,854
The party's not ruined.
247
00:11:16,834 --> 00:11:19,400
We've still got
drinks and music
248
00:11:19,317 --> 00:11:21,517
and a healthy
male/female ratio.
249
00:11:21,450 --> 00:11:23,849
Excuse me, but the answer
to every problem
250
00:11:23,773 --> 00:11:25,307
is not drinking
and sex.
251
00:11:25,270 --> 00:11:27,669
So why don't you take
your "animal house" act
252
00:11:27,593 --> 00:11:30,193
over to pine oak college,
where the girls are easy?
253
00:11:30,109 --> 00:11:32,375
First of all,
don't judge me.
254
00:11:32,304 --> 00:11:34,971
And secondly,
is pine oak on the green line?
255
00:11:34,884 --> 00:11:37,784
Wait. Wait, I'm telling you
we can have a good time here.
256
00:11:37,685 --> 00:11:41,118
A young democrat society is not
interested in your kind of fun.
257
00:11:40,995 --> 00:11:42,696
Attention, everyone!
258
00:11:42,651 --> 00:11:46,284
Who wants to hand out
campaign leaflets in the square?
259
00:11:46,153 --> 00:11:47,852
And who wants to stay here
260
00:11:47,808 --> 00:11:50,041
and drink and dance
and try to hook up?
261
00:11:53,250 --> 00:11:55,484
I win.
262
00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:57,148
I can't believe you ruined
263
00:11:57,103 --> 00:11:59,803
the most important night
of my college life!
264
00:11:59,713 --> 00:12:01,713
It wasn't my fault.
265
00:12:01,655 --> 00:12:04,988
Settle down, you two.
Here. Have a drink.
266
00:12:06,271 --> 00:12:09,472
Mmm! Oh!
It's a little strong.
267
00:12:09,359 --> 00:12:12,426
I poured for three seconds
just like the book says.
268
00:12:12,319 --> 00:12:13,419
Here. Watch.
269
00:12:13,401 --> 00:12:15,802
One... Two...
270
00:12:15,725 --> 00:12:18,191
Mr. mayor? Where'd
you put the olives?
271
00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:19,379
Uh, next to the vermouth.
272
00:12:19,354 --> 00:12:20,588
Thanks.
273
00:12:20,564 --> 00:12:22,564
No problem.
And three.
274
00:12:24,224 --> 00:12:26,458
God, it's so great
to meet normal guys.
275
00:12:26,389 --> 00:12:27,589
Don't you think so,
Deb?
276
00:12:27,568 --> 00:12:30,401
I totally agree.
277
00:12:30,305 --> 00:12:32,705
It's so hard to find a decent,
single man in this city.
278
00:12:32,628 --> 00:12:34,295
[CHUCKLES]
Tell me about it.
279
00:12:34,253 --> 00:12:35,418
I mean...
280
00:12:35,398 --> 00:12:37,898
Tell me about it.
281
00:12:37,818 --> 00:12:39,317
Paul, can I get you
another beer?
282
00:12:39,282 --> 00:12:40,515
Can I bring back
something?
283
00:12:40,492 --> 00:12:42,692
I'll tell you what you
can bring back...
284
00:12:42,624 --> 00:12:44,023
that sweet behind
of yours.
285
00:12:43,993 --> 00:12:45,393
Ha ha!
You got it goin' on, baby.
286
00:12:45,362 --> 00:12:47,061
You got it up top,
you got it down below.
287
00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:49,517
You gotta get me
the hell out of here.
288
00:12:49,437 --> 00:12:51,036
What's the problem?
289
00:12:50,997 --> 00:12:54,230
The problem, Paul, is she wants
to do me like homework.
290
00:12:54,116 --> 00:12:57,449
Just give me 15 more minutes,
then you can tell her.
291
00:12:57,330 --> 00:12:58,998
15 minutes!
292
00:12:58,955 --> 00:13:00,288
Just stick
to small talk.
293
00:13:00,259 --> 00:13:02,993
Don't give her any
opening to make a move.
294
00:13:02,903 --> 00:13:05,569
All right. I'll try.
We're back!
295
00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:09,113
Oh, does anything taste better
than a gin and tonic?
296
00:13:08,982 --> 00:13:11,182
How about this?
297
00:13:13,312 --> 00:13:17,078
Anyway, you ever been
to the himalayas?
298
00:13:16,940 --> 00:13:18,306
Terrific Mountain.
299
00:13:18,277 --> 00:13:20,844
Keep going with your story.
I'm on the edge of my seat.
300
00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:23,927
If I'm gonna keep telling
this story, I'll need a drink.
301
00:13:23,817 --> 00:13:25,049
Give me a Cosmopolitan.
302
00:13:25,025 --> 00:13:27,493
Cosmopolitan?
That has, uh...
303
00:13:27,414 --> 00:13:32,247
What are you, a woman?
Have a beer!
304
00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:35,295
After Doug was kicked out, I
decided to have a few cocktails
305
00:13:35,181 --> 00:13:36,781
to cheer me up.
306
00:13:36,740 --> 00:13:39,208
Great party, Caitlin.
307
00:13:39,129 --> 00:13:40,328
Shut up!
308
00:13:45,335 --> 00:13:46,803
You want some help
with that?
309
00:13:46,769 --> 00:13:50,802
Why? Do you have some fancy,
frat-boy way to open it?
310
00:13:54,058 --> 00:13:55,657
You think you're so cool
311
00:13:55,618 --> 00:14:00,118
with your spiky jacket
and your leather hair.
312
00:13:59,948 --> 00:14:02,215
But guys like you
have no idea
313
00:14:02,143 --> 00:14:06,910
what they want to do with their lives,
and there is nothing cool about that.
314
00:14:06,728 --> 00:14:09,461
And I suppose you have
everything all figured out?
315
00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:11,671
As a matter of fact,
I do.
316
00:14:11,599 --> 00:14:12,865
After graduating,
317
00:14:12,839 --> 00:14:16,406
I'll marry Doug, we'll both work
in the white house
318
00:14:16,278 --> 00:14:20,477
for president dukakis, we'll
have one son... Douglas Jr...
319
00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:21,888
he'll be
an accomplished pianist,
320
00:14:21,849 --> 00:14:24,549
captain of the debate team. You
know what else he'll be doing?
321
00:14:24,459 --> 00:14:27,159
My son's homework?
322
00:14:27,069 --> 00:14:30,636
You're just jealous
because you have no future.
323
00:14:30,508 --> 00:14:32,608
I may not have my future
all figured out,
324
00:14:32,545 --> 00:14:34,945
but at least I'm not wasting
the best years of my life.
325
00:14:34,868 --> 00:14:36,968
What are you
talking about?
326
00:14:36,905 --> 00:14:39,872
Have you ever thought of doing
something without a plan?
327
00:14:39,770 --> 00:14:42,071
Like blowing off class
and going to the beach?
328
00:14:41,999 --> 00:14:44,199
Or jumping in your car
and driving all night,
329
00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:45,599
not knowing
where you're going?
330
00:14:45,564 --> 00:14:47,230
You're gonna wake up
one day
331
00:14:47,188 --> 00:14:49,355
in your perfect house
with your perfect life,
332
00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:51,723
and you're gonna realize
that you never lived at all.
333
00:14:51,645 --> 00:14:55,011
So I guess this is where I'm
supposed to say you're right,
334
00:14:54,892 --> 00:14:57,259
and how desperately
I wish that just once
335
00:14:57,184 --> 00:14:59,617
I could let my hair down
and do something crazy.
336
00:14:59,539 --> 00:15:01,472
No, I was just saying
that...
337
00:15:04,633 --> 00:15:07,633
Awesome!
338
00:15:07,529 --> 00:15:09,696
I'm not done.
339
00:15:12,113 --> 00:15:13,313
Caitlin!
340
00:15:13,292 --> 00:15:15,125
Doug!
341
00:15:15,074 --> 00:15:16,774
Crawford!
342
00:15:16,729 --> 00:15:19,130
Schmuckers.
343
00:15:21,282 --> 00:15:22,714
Doug.
344
00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:33,567
So that's the story.
You happy?
345
00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:38,074
It's your fault
Doug dumped me.
346
00:15:37,898 --> 00:15:39,998
What did I miss?
347
00:15:39,935 --> 00:15:43,735
I was gonna ask you
the same thing.
348
00:15:43,597 --> 00:15:45,897
Why don't we get out of here
and go back to my place?
349
00:15:45,825 --> 00:15:47,425
My roommate's out of town.
350
00:15:47,384 --> 00:15:48,985
Uh, I-I'm sorry.
351
00:15:48,945 --> 00:15:51,445
I really have to
tell you something.
352
00:15:51,364 --> 00:15:55,664
Oh, God. I'm coming on
too strong, aren't I?
353
00:15:55,503 --> 00:15:58,436
It's just that my boyfriend
left me for a guy.
354
00:15:58,335 --> 00:15:59,668
He did?
355
00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:00,740
Yes!
356
00:16:00,723 --> 00:16:03,556
He was gay the whole time
and lied about it.
357
00:16:03,460 --> 00:16:05,328
Every time I think about it,
358
00:16:05,275 --> 00:16:08,209
I just want to hunt him down
and strangle him!
359
00:16:08,108 --> 00:16:10,541
Would you excuse me
for just a second?
360
00:16:12,533 --> 00:16:13,766
Paul!
361
00:16:13,743 --> 00:16:15,409
Pardon me.
362
00:16:15,366 --> 00:16:19,399
Listen, I think I'm gonna
take a pass on Tiffany.
363
00:16:19,249 --> 00:16:21,016
She's not floatin'
my boat.
364
00:16:20,968 --> 00:16:23,968
We're just not clickin'
like you and Debbie.
365
00:16:23,865 --> 00:16:25,999
Not clicking? You wanna know
what was clicking?
366
00:16:25,934 --> 00:16:28,601
Debbie's tongue
against the roof of my mouth!
367
00:16:28,513 --> 00:16:31,114
I can't believe I
did this for nothing!
368
00:16:31,028 --> 00:16:33,127
You didn't do this
for nothing.
369
00:16:33,064 --> 00:16:35,698
Tiffany may not be
the right girl for me,
370
00:16:35,612 --> 00:16:38,779
but I got back out there.
That's what I needed.
371
00:16:38,668 --> 00:16:40,167
I owe that all
to you.
372
00:16:40,132 --> 00:16:41,932
Thanks, Paul.
373
00:16:41,883 --> 00:16:45,716
Hey! I guess I won't be
needing this anymore.
374
00:16:45,575 --> 00:16:47,676
Well, good for y...
375
00:16:47,613 --> 00:16:50,880
hey, can I borrow that
for a second?
376
00:16:50,764 --> 00:16:53,397
Yeah.
377
00:16:54,903 --> 00:16:57,636
Debbie, I, uh...
378
00:16:57,545 --> 00:17:02,746
I don't know how to say this,
but, um... Well...
379
00:17:02,543 --> 00:17:03,709
You're married?
380
00:17:03,688 --> 00:17:05,522
Yes.
381
00:17:05,472 --> 00:17:07,571
So you're cheating
on your wife?
382
00:17:07,508 --> 00:17:09,575
While she's home
baking cookies,
383
00:17:09,514 --> 00:17:12,381
you're here trying to ignite
some tawdry love affair?
384
00:17:12,283 --> 00:17:14,250
I'm afraid so.
385
00:17:14,193 --> 00:17:16,594
That is such
a turn-on!
386
00:17:24,922 --> 00:17:26,855
How can you still
be mad at me
387
00:17:26,799 --> 00:17:29,100
for something that happened
14 years ago?
388
00:17:29,028 --> 00:17:31,928
I've managed to put
that night behind me.
389
00:17:31,829 --> 00:17:34,130
That's because
you can't remember it.
390
00:17:34,058 --> 00:17:36,924
That does help.
391
00:17:36,828 --> 00:17:38,394
I'm not mad at you.
392
00:17:38,355 --> 00:17:41,355
Reliving that night
made me realize
393
00:17:41,252 --> 00:17:42,951
that you were right.
394
00:17:42,907 --> 00:17:45,274
Doug wasn't
the guy for me.
395
00:17:45,199 --> 00:17:48,433
And I kissed you because I
was looking for a way out.
396
00:17:48,319 --> 00:17:51,286
You dated a stiff 14 years ago.
It's all in the past.
397
00:17:51,184 --> 00:17:54,550
No, no, no. I have repeated this
pattern my whole life.
398
00:17:54,431 --> 00:17:57,431
I've always gone for guys
who are safe and reliable,
399
00:17:57,328 --> 00:17:59,361
even when I knew
I wanted more.
400
00:17:59,302 --> 00:18:00,435
I'm pathetic.
401
00:18:00,416 --> 00:18:02,382
You're pathetic?
402
00:18:02,326 --> 00:18:03,825
I've hit on you
in three decades,
403
00:18:03,789 --> 00:18:05,889
and all I've gotten
is two kisses.
404
00:18:05,827 --> 00:18:06,793
No, I'm serious.
405
00:18:06,782 --> 00:18:08,782
I'm afraid I'm
with tom right now
406
00:18:08,724 --> 00:18:10,991
for the same reasons
I was with Doug.
407
00:18:10,921 --> 00:18:13,354
Tom is a solid guy.
408
00:18:13,277 --> 00:18:16,409
If I was critical of him earlier,
it's because I was a little jealous.
409
00:18:16,300 --> 00:18:19,234
The only two guys that aren't
going to kiss a girl tonight
410
00:18:19,133 --> 00:18:20,567
are me and Carter.
411
00:18:24,959 --> 00:18:28,426
Strike that.
412
00:18:28,302 --> 00:18:30,068
You know what, Charlie?
413
00:18:30,021 --> 00:18:34,454
For three decades of work,
you get a kiss.
414
00:18:34,287 --> 00:18:37,153
All those years and all I get
is a peck on the cheek?
415
00:18:42,818 --> 00:18:46,518
Thanks.
Have fun with tom tonight.
416
00:18:46,383 --> 00:18:49,250
I will.
417
00:19:01,058 --> 00:19:03,625
Caitlin?
Uh... Tom!
418
00:19:03,542 --> 00:19:06,442
Charlie.
Schmuckers. Tom.
419
00:19:07,774 --> 00:19:09,475
We gotta hustle
to make our show.
420
00:19:09,430 --> 00:19:12,963
By the way...
Change of plans.
421
00:19:12,837 --> 00:19:15,770
Oh, my God!
U2 tickets!
422
00:19:17,134 --> 00:19:20,834
You didn't really think I was gonna
take you to that play, did you?
423
00:19:20,699 --> 00:19:22,432
We gotta hurry.
I'll get us a cab.
424
00:19:29,549 --> 00:19:30,982
See you Monday.
425
00:19:30,949 --> 00:19:34,350
Yeah. See ya.
426
00:19:38,685 --> 00:19:40,253
[SIGHS]
427
00:19:40,213 --> 00:19:42,380
Sir. I need a beer.
428
00:19:42,314 --> 00:19:44,348
A beer?
What are you, a...
429
00:19:44,288 --> 00:19:45,755
wait, I know that one.
430
00:19:51,610 --> 00:19:54,310
Well, Mike, I like
the minimum wage increase
431
00:19:54,220 --> 00:19:56,320
and the paid
family leave program,
432
00:19:56,258 --> 00:19:59,124
but your idea
for inner-city tax credits
433
00:19:59,027 --> 00:20:01,426
has already been said.
Drink!
434
00:20:05,555 --> 00:20:10,555
ALL CHANTING:
Drink! Drink! Drink!
435
00:20:10,556 --> 00:20:15,456
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
436
00:20:15,457 --> 00:20:17,891
- [MAN] Sit, ubu, sit. Good dog.
- [BARKING]
437
00:20:17,892 --> 00:20:20,359
Moo.
438
00:20:20,409 --> 00:20:24,959
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