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1
00:00:00,644 --> 00:00:02,544
Are you reading
the personals again?
2
00:00:02,489 --> 00:00:05,855
Listen to this one...
"rubenesque, vivacious siren
3
00:00:05,735 --> 00:00:09,135
seeks gallant
emissary of passion."
4
00:00:09,012 --> 00:00:12,245
Hmm, fat chick
bought a thesaurus.
5
00:00:12,130 --> 00:00:13,897
Oh, my God.
6
00:00:13,848 --> 00:00:16,481
She sounds so lame.
7
00:00:16,394 --> 00:00:19,560
[COUGHING]
8
00:00:19,448 --> 00:00:21,281
You have a girlfriend,
Stuart.
9
00:00:21,230 --> 00:00:23,197
Why are you reading
the personals?
10
00:00:23,139 --> 00:00:25,239
Sometimes I just like
to call the woman
11
00:00:25,176 --> 00:00:26,909
with the most pathetic ad
12
00:00:26,861 --> 00:00:28,694
just to give her a ray of hope.
13
00:00:28,644 --> 00:00:31,944
And they gave Gandhi
the nobel prize.
14
00:00:31,825 --> 00:00:34,792
Here we go.
"Gorgeous natural blonde,
15
00:00:34,689 --> 00:00:36,723
sexy and very single.
16
00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:38,962
If you're a man,
please call."
17
00:00:40,416 --> 00:00:42,450
I think we have a winner.
18
00:00:42,389 --> 00:00:44,289
Stuart, this is totally
immature.
19
00:00:44,234 --> 00:00:47,068
Put it on speakerphone.
20
00:00:46,971 --> 00:00:49,904
I can't believe there are women
who are that desperate.
21
00:00:49,803 --> 00:00:52,303
[CELLULAR PHONE RINGS]
22
00:00:52,221 --> 00:00:54,155
Hello.
23
00:00:54,098 --> 00:00:57,265
Caitlin?
24
00:00:59,411 --> 00:01:01,878
Stuart?
25
00:01:01,799 --> 00:01:03,265
Caitlin...
26
00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:06,664
Ooh. Um... Guys, this is
just a big mistake.
27
00:01:06,539 --> 00:01:08,039
Tell me about it.
28
00:01:08,002 --> 00:01:10,769
[CHUCKLING]
Natural blonde?
29
00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:38,963
Your mother placed a
personal ad for you?
30
00:01:38,898 --> 00:01:40,798
She does this
every few months
31
00:01:40,744 --> 00:01:42,744
because she's dying for
me to find a husband.
32
00:01:42,685 --> 00:01:44,818
But I just end up getting
calls from creepy guys.
33
00:01:44,753 --> 00:01:47,453
Why don't you just tell your
mother to butt out of your life?
34
00:01:47,362 --> 00:01:49,429
Every time I do,
I end up feeling guilty.
35
00:01:49,366 --> 00:01:51,865
She's never gonna
get off my back
36
00:01:51,784 --> 00:01:53,650
until I end up
in a relationship.
37
00:01:53,598 --> 00:01:56,065
You know what?
I will just invent a lover.
38
00:01:55,984 --> 00:01:58,484
I have some experience
with that.
39
00:01:58,402 --> 00:02:01,769
She said invent,
not inflate.
40
00:02:01,649 --> 00:02:04,148
Never mind.
41
00:02:04,065 --> 00:02:06,933
Thanks, mark.
I appreciate your endorsement.
42
00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:09,135
Say hi to britt
and the kids.
43
00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:10,663
It's great seeing you.
44
00:02:10,621 --> 00:02:12,787
God, I can't stand
that guy.
45
00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:14,687
But I'm
gonna win this election
46
00:02:14,629 --> 00:02:17,763
because I am
an endorsement machine.
47
00:02:17,652 --> 00:02:20,319
Sir, your next meeting is
with the council of rabbis,
48
00:02:20,231 --> 00:02:22,697
and after that, with
the city liquor commission.
49
00:02:22,616 --> 00:02:24,483
Gotcha.
Jews, then booze.
50
00:02:24,430 --> 00:02:27,363
Stuart, my friend got me tickets
to the hottest show in town.
51
00:02:27,262 --> 00:02:28,995
You want to go with me?
52
00:02:28,948 --> 00:02:31,082
No way.
The last time you said that,
53
00:02:31,016 --> 00:02:33,450
I wound up being pressed between
a bunch of sweaty men
54
00:02:33,371 --> 00:02:35,338
listening to
a wham! Cover band.
55
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:39,380
Do you not have
my number?!
56
00:02:39,226 --> 00:02:40,725
Suit yourself, Stuart.
57
00:02:40,688 --> 00:02:43,955
I was gonna take you to the
Victoria's secret fashion show.
58
00:02:43,839 --> 00:02:46,939
Charlie, you want to go with me
to the Victoria's secret...
59
00:02:46,830 --> 00:02:48,563
yes.
60
00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:56,207
You got to take me
to the fashion show.
61
00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:57,853
Why is it so important?
62
00:02:57,807 --> 00:02:59,573
I have five goals in life.
63
00:02:59,524 --> 00:03:01,725
Four of them
can happen there.
64
00:03:01,657 --> 00:03:04,524
I'm sorry, Stuart.
I already asked Charlie.
65
00:03:04,425 --> 00:03:06,759
Oh. How'd you score
tickets anyway?
66
00:03:06,684 --> 00:03:09,317
Oh, this friend of mine's kid
sister has connections.
67
00:03:09,229 --> 00:03:10,663
In fact, she's on
her way up now.
68
00:03:10,630 --> 00:03:12,764
She's always had
a crush on me.
69
00:03:12,698 --> 00:03:15,131
Used to follow me around
like a puppy dog,
70
00:03:15,052 --> 00:03:17,852
but never really had it
in the looks department.
71
00:03:17,757 --> 00:03:20,290
Hi, Paul.
72
00:03:20,207 --> 00:03:23,173
Hey ya, rhea.
73
00:03:23,071 --> 00:03:25,604
Wow, you look great.
74
00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:27,520
Here we go.
75
00:03:27,461 --> 00:03:31,328
Do you have any idea
who that is?
76
00:03:31,184 --> 00:03:33,485
Yeah, it's Joey durham's
little sister.
77
00:03:33,412 --> 00:03:36,379
That's rhea durham... a
Victoria's secret cover girl.
78
00:03:36,275 --> 00:03:39,542
She's a smoking-hot
supermodel!
79
00:03:40,507 --> 00:03:42,408
I don't see it.
80
00:03:42,352 --> 00:03:44,053
Come on, rhea.
81
00:03:44,007 --> 00:03:46,207
I'll let you tag along
with me to the canteen.
82
00:03:46,139 --> 00:03:48,605
But if any of my
buddies are there,
83
00:03:48,525 --> 00:03:51,292
you pretend you don't
know me.
84
00:03:53,966 --> 00:03:55,999
Mom?
Honey!
85
00:03:55,939 --> 00:03:59,838
Oh, this is a surprise.
What are you doing in town?
86
00:03:59,693 --> 00:04:01,826
Your cousin Marsha's
wedding is tonight.
87
00:04:01,762 --> 00:04:03,929
Marsha's getting married?
Why didn't you tell me?
88
00:04:03,862 --> 00:04:05,862
I thought it
would be awkward
89
00:04:05,802 --> 00:04:08,769
since you're the last single
girl in the family.
90
00:04:08,666 --> 00:04:10,700
I am not the
last single girl.
91
00:04:10,639 --> 00:04:12,906
What about cousin Judy
with the gland problem?
92
00:04:12,834 --> 00:04:15,401
She found someone...
a doctor.
93
00:04:16,842 --> 00:04:19,410
I wanted to spare you
the embarrassment,
94
00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:21,891
so I told everybody
that you're in rehab.
95
00:04:21,807 --> 00:04:24,740
How could you
tell people that?
96
00:04:24,638 --> 00:04:26,471
I feel so humiliated.
97
00:04:26,420 --> 00:04:27,553
What about me?
98
00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:28,767
Do you think it was easy
99
00:04:28,744 --> 00:04:31,477
pretending to put my
little girl in rehab?
100
00:04:31,384 --> 00:04:34,384
I'm sorry.
101
00:04:34,279 --> 00:04:36,646
So where's this new
boyfriend of yours?
102
00:04:36,571 --> 00:04:37,803
New boyfriend?
103
00:04:37,779 --> 00:04:39,812
Oh, look, mom, there's
something I got to tell you.
104
00:04:39,751 --> 00:04:41,718
Not another breakup.
105
00:04:41,660 --> 00:04:43,627
Why can't you hang
onto a man?
106
00:04:43,570 --> 00:04:45,971
This is just what happened
with you and John Davis.
107
00:04:45,893 --> 00:04:47,960
He had such a bright
future,
108
00:04:47,897 --> 00:04:50,530
but, no, you didn't know
how to make him happy.
109
00:04:50,443 --> 00:04:53,977
We were 11.
110
00:04:53,848 --> 00:04:55,681
Why do you always
assume the worst?
111
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,329
I'll have you know,
I didn't get dumped.
112
00:04:57,284 --> 00:04:59,450
Well, when do I
get to meet him?
113
00:04:59,384 --> 00:05:01,083
Right now.
114
00:05:01,039 --> 00:05:03,072
Mom, this is my boyfriend.
115
00:05:03,012 --> 00:05:05,278
Whoa, whoa.
Wait a second.
116
00:05:09,279 --> 00:05:11,113
Mo-o-o-m!
117
00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:12,694
Oh.
118
00:05:15,373 --> 00:05:18,139
How was last night's meeting
with the teamsters?
119
00:05:18,045 --> 00:05:20,644
Oh, I didn't get home
till 6:30 in the morning.
120
00:05:20,559 --> 00:05:22,592
All night it was,
"you can't leave, buddy.
121
00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:24,331
Pay for another round."
122
00:05:24,281 --> 00:05:26,247
"Don't go, big guy.
Dinner's on you."
123
00:05:26,190 --> 00:05:29,657
"Stick around, chief.
Give me $100."
124
00:05:29,531 --> 00:05:31,298
Those guys love me.
125
00:05:31,250 --> 00:05:33,016
Sir, bad news.
126
00:05:32,968 --> 00:05:35,634
The teachers' union is on the
verge of endorsing Wheeler.
127
00:05:35,544 --> 00:05:37,878
If we lose them,
we're in trouble.
128
00:05:37,803 --> 00:05:40,470
Our only shot is for you to meet
with their representative
129
00:05:40,381 --> 00:05:42,648
this afternoon and get her to
change her mind.
130
00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:44,410
I'm on a roll.
Let's do it.
131
00:05:46,522 --> 00:05:49,889
Sir, you're operating
on two hours of sleep.
132
00:05:49,768 --> 00:05:53,501
That's, like, 15 hours less
than you're used to.
133
00:05:53,363 --> 00:05:55,929
Charlie, I do some of my best
work without rest.
134
00:05:55,844 --> 00:05:59,412
One time in college, I
aced my calculus final
135
00:05:59,282 --> 00:06:01,048
on one hour's sleep.
136
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:04,733
You told me you bought the
answers from Bobby Goldstein.
137
00:06:04,595 --> 00:06:07,629
On one hour's sleep.
138
00:06:08,922 --> 00:06:12,189
And then this wave came and
ripped my bikini top off.
139
00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:14,673
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Great story.
140
00:06:14,586 --> 00:06:16,186
Listen...
141
00:06:16,145 --> 00:06:18,845
I'm really busy, rhea.
I better get back to work.
142
00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:21,120
Hey, would you
autograph this picture
143
00:06:21,045 --> 00:06:23,145
of me modeling
the miracle bra?
144
00:06:23,081 --> 00:06:26,115
Fine.
145
00:06:29,158 --> 00:06:31,258
Oh, my God.
146
00:06:31,195 --> 00:06:34,095
Oh, my God, I just realized something.
You did?
147
00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:36,228
Yeah, my "p's" look
like "r's."
148
00:06:37,432 --> 00:06:40,697
No wonder everyone at the bank
keeps calling me Raul.
149
00:06:42,013 --> 00:06:44,013
After working together
for a while,
150
00:06:43,954 --> 00:06:46,286
Charlie and I realized we were
more than friends.
151
00:06:46,213 --> 00:06:47,947
I am just crazy about him.
152
00:06:47,899 --> 00:06:49,899
Hey, guys, this is
my friend rhea.
153
00:06:49,841 --> 00:06:51,941
Charlie, she got us the
Victoria's secret tickets.
154
00:06:51,876 --> 00:06:53,577
It's going to be
so much fun.
155
00:06:53,531 --> 00:06:56,298
I'll bring you backstage and
introduce you to all the models.
156
00:06:56,204 --> 00:06:59,004
Well, that sounds... ugh!
157
00:06:58,908 --> 00:07:00,975
[VOICE STRAINED]
I can't.
158
00:07:00,913 --> 00:07:04,247
Why not?
I don't like models.
159
00:07:05,335 --> 00:07:07,869
I like Caitlin.
160
00:07:07,785 --> 00:07:10,685
Besides, Charlie's got a family
wedding to go to tonight.
161
00:07:11,985 --> 00:07:14,152
Did I forget to
mention that, honey?
162
00:07:14,085 --> 00:07:16,419
Yes, you did,
muffinhead.
163
00:07:17,967 --> 00:07:19,967
Would you excuse us
for a moment?
164
00:07:21,531 --> 00:07:23,131
Family wedding?
165
00:07:23,090 --> 00:07:25,056
I can't go to a family
wedding tonight.
166
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:26,432
Why not?
167
00:07:26,399 --> 00:07:29,432
Because the models need me.
168
00:07:29,326 --> 00:07:32,092
Fine. Then you
go tell my mother.
169
00:07:31,998 --> 00:07:34,532
I will.
I'm not afraid of her.
170
00:07:38,331 --> 00:07:39,664
[DOOR OPENS]
171
00:07:43,136 --> 00:07:46,069
I have to go rent a tux.
172
00:07:47,145 --> 00:07:49,344
Pictures are at 6:00.
173
00:07:58,472 --> 00:08:02,072
I am so lucky
to be with you.
174
00:08:01,939 --> 00:08:05,273
You look really sexy
in that tux.
175
00:08:05,153 --> 00:08:07,354
I thought you might
feel that way, so...
176
00:08:07,285 --> 00:08:08,886
[CLEARS THROAT]
177
00:08:08,845 --> 00:08:10,912
...I got us
a room upstairs.
178
00:08:10,849 --> 00:08:14,616
Charlie, I'm just pretending
for my relatives.
179
00:08:14,476 --> 00:08:16,276
Me too.
180
00:08:16,226 --> 00:08:20,226
This is a pretend key to
a $400 nonrefundable suite.
181
00:08:20,076 --> 00:08:22,076
Charlie, just stay focused.
182
00:08:22,017 --> 00:08:25,250
Sorry. I'm not used to being
with a woman who's faking it.
183
00:08:25,136 --> 00:08:27,535
Keep telling yourself that.
184
00:08:27,457 --> 00:08:29,292
I need a drink.
185
00:08:29,239 --> 00:08:32,339
There's a lot at stake here.
I don't want you drinking.
186
00:08:32,230 --> 00:08:34,431
Give me that.
Give me the drink.
187
00:08:34,362 --> 00:08:35,762
Give me the scotch!
188
00:08:35,731 --> 00:08:39,497
[GASPS]
Just put it down, dear.
189
00:08:39,358 --> 00:08:43,291
You're tearing this
family apart.
190
00:08:43,144 --> 00:08:45,811
Look, I don't want to be here
any more than you do,
191
00:08:45,721 --> 00:08:48,422
so let's try and get through the
night without any incidents,
192
00:08:48,330 --> 00:08:50,231
and my mother will
be off my back.
193
00:08:50,176 --> 00:08:51,743
Hey, Caitlin.
194
00:08:51,704 --> 00:08:53,470
Who's this guy?
195
00:08:53,422 --> 00:08:55,822
Stevie, this is Charlie,
my new boyfriend.
196
00:08:55,744 --> 00:08:57,744
Charlie, this is
my cousin Stevie.
197
00:08:57,686 --> 00:08:59,686
Can I talk to you
for a second?
198
00:09:02,618 --> 00:09:04,284
Here's the deal, porkchop.
199
00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:06,040
Caitlin's my
favorite cousin.
200
00:09:05,990 --> 00:09:09,423
If you hurt her in any way,
I will hit you so hard
201
00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:12,166
it'll knock the product
out of your hair.
202
00:09:13,467 --> 00:09:15,600
You know where
I'm coming from?
203
00:09:15,536 --> 00:09:18,869
I'm guessing a small room above
your parents' garage?
204
00:09:18,750 --> 00:09:20,383
[LAUGHS]
205
00:09:25,908 --> 00:09:27,475
[CLEARS THROAT]
206
00:09:27,436 --> 00:09:29,369
Sweet kid.
207
00:09:29,313 --> 00:09:32,613
Charlie, my mother's all alone.
Go ask her to dance.
208
00:09:32,494 --> 00:09:34,561
You know I hate dancing.
209
00:09:34,499 --> 00:09:36,265
Oh, come on.
Just one.
210
00:09:36,217 --> 00:09:38,951
Yeah, I guess
I can handle this.
211
00:09:40,226 --> 00:09:42,126
May I have this dance?
212
00:09:42,071 --> 00:09:43,138
Of course.
213
00:09:44,935 --> 00:09:47,002
MAN: Okay, party animals,
let's boogie!
214
00:09:46,939 --> 00:09:48,473
[CONGA PLAYS]
215
00:10:17,867 --> 00:10:19,967
You know, I
thought being here
216
00:10:19,903 --> 00:10:22,670
would make me feel
nervous and overwhelmed,
217
00:10:22,576 --> 00:10:25,409
but I'm strangely at peace.
218
00:10:25,313 --> 00:10:29,513
I am now certain that there is
a benevolent higher being.
219
00:10:29,353 --> 00:10:32,453
I no longer fear death.
220
00:10:32,345 --> 00:10:35,544
I felt the same way
when I saw the dalai lama.
221
00:10:35,430 --> 00:10:37,897
Grow up.
222
00:10:37,817 --> 00:10:39,017
Hey, Paul.
223
00:10:38,994 --> 00:10:40,661
Hey ya, rhea.
224
00:10:40,617 --> 00:10:43,450
Oh, God, it's time to
get this over with.
225
00:10:43,354 --> 00:10:45,287
If you break
up with her now,
226
00:10:45,230 --> 00:10:47,664
there's gonna be a lot of
screaming and crying,
227
00:10:47,585 --> 00:10:50,218
and I don't want the models
to see me like that.
228
00:10:50,131 --> 00:10:52,264
Paul, I'm so glad you came.
229
00:10:52,198 --> 00:10:55,299
After the show, you have to
come with me to the Plaza.
230
00:10:55,190 --> 00:10:57,689
The models are having
a hot-tub party.
231
00:10:57,608 --> 00:11:01,841
Sorry.
Don't have my swimsuit.
232
00:11:01,681 --> 00:11:04,447
Look, rhea,
we have to talk.
233
00:11:04,353 --> 00:11:09,086
This thing between you and me,
it's never gonna happen.
234
00:11:08,903 --> 00:11:10,137
Why not?
235
00:11:10,112 --> 00:11:13,079
There's no razzmatazz,
no zip-a-Dee-doo-dah,
236
00:11:12,976 --> 00:11:14,809
no bing, bang, boom.
237
00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:16,757
You're saying there's
no chemistry?
238
00:11:16,699 --> 00:11:18,665
You lost me.
239
00:11:18,608 --> 00:11:19,908
Look...
240
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:23,146
I like you as a friend,
but that's it.
241
00:11:23,030 --> 00:11:25,831
It's never gonna go
any further.
242
00:11:27,071 --> 00:11:29,005
I'm sorry.
243
00:11:28,948 --> 00:11:31,714
[STUART CRYING]
244
00:11:31,621 --> 00:11:33,355
Poor kid.
245
00:11:33,308 --> 00:11:35,674
[CRYING]
246
00:11:40,371 --> 00:11:44,904
Sir? This is Elsa kirkpatrick,
head of the teachers' union.
247
00:11:44,731 --> 00:11:46,697
Miss kirkpatrick,
mayor Winston.
248
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:48,540
Pleased to meet you.
249
00:11:49,693 --> 00:11:50,927
Sir, are you okay?
250
00:11:50,903 --> 00:11:52,437
I'm fine. Why?
251
00:11:52,398 --> 00:11:54,165
You just shook
Stuart's hand.
252
00:11:54,117 --> 00:11:56,650
I thought that gal
had a manly grip.
253
00:11:56,566 --> 00:11:58,766
Sir, this is
a key endorsement,
254
00:11:58,698 --> 00:12:01,165
and you need to be
at the top of your game.
255
00:12:01,085 --> 00:12:03,585
Maybe we should reschedule this
for after you've had a nap.
256
00:12:03,503 --> 00:12:05,970
Nonsense.
So, where shall we begin?
257
00:12:05,890 --> 00:12:07,689
Mr. mayor, if
you want our endorsement,
258
00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:09,972
you're gonna have to listen to
my union's list of demands.
259
00:12:09,898 --> 00:12:11,864
Sounds riveting.
260
00:12:11,807 --> 00:12:14,508
[THINKING] If I stay awake,it will be a miracle.
261
00:12:14,417 --> 00:12:16,983
What we need are new textbooks,
smaller classroom sizes...
262
00:12:16,899 --> 00:12:18,398
Pay attention.
263
00:12:18,361 --> 00:12:20,229
...better-educated
teachers, and better pay.
264
00:12:20,176 --> 00:12:22,210
Maybe she's sayingsomething interesting.
265
00:12:22,148 --> 00:12:23,582
Because the
core curriculum...
266
00:12:23,548 --> 00:12:24,982
Oh, jeez.
267
00:12:24,948 --> 00:12:26,948
...better-educated
teachers, and better pay...
268
00:12:26,890 --> 00:12:28,856
I just need a3-second power nap.
269
00:12:28,799 --> 00:12:30,732
...the better their
test scores...
270
00:12:30,676 --> 00:12:32,775
I'm gonna put my handover my eyes
271
00:12:32,712 --> 00:12:34,645
and pretendI'm concentrating.
272
00:12:34,588 --> 00:12:37,189
Statistics show that the more
students read...
273
00:12:46,490 --> 00:12:48,389
...the better
their test scores
274
00:12:48,335 --> 00:12:51,335
and the greater their chance of
going on to a higher education.
275
00:12:54,476 --> 00:12:56,942
He certainly seems to like
what you're saying.
276
00:13:01,718 --> 00:13:05,252
Okay, your Uncle Fred just
pulled me into a conga line.
277
00:13:05,123 --> 00:13:08,590
He's a sweet man. I don't know why
he never settled down with a woman.
278
00:13:08,464 --> 00:13:11,264
I do.
279
00:13:11,168 --> 00:13:13,302
MAN: Hey, we got time
for one more song.
280
00:13:13,237 --> 00:13:15,370
How 'bout we get Caitlin's
new boyfriend out here
281
00:13:15,305 --> 00:13:18,205
to lead us in
the chicken dance?!
282
00:13:18,105 --> 00:13:20,805
That's it.
I'm out of here.
283
00:13:20,714 --> 00:13:22,582
Charlie, the wedding's
almost over.
284
00:13:22,527 --> 00:13:24,961
Let me leave with one
shred of dignity.
285
00:13:24,882 --> 00:13:26,882
Don't make me
chicken dance!
286
00:13:26,824 --> 00:13:28,623
Did you just raise
your voice to her?
287
00:13:28,573 --> 00:13:30,873
Because maybe if you need
more volume,
288
00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:32,967
you should speak
into the microphone.
289
00:13:32,901 --> 00:13:34,467
I don't want to fight.
290
00:13:34,428 --> 00:13:36,929
I don't blame you.
You know why?
291
00:13:36,846 --> 00:13:38,680
I'm crazy.
292
00:13:38,629 --> 00:13:41,295
Really?
You hide it well.
293
00:13:44,292 --> 00:13:46,524
This is getting ridiculous.
Tell your mother the truth.
294
00:13:46,455 --> 00:13:49,055
It's working perfectly.
We're almost in the clear.
295
00:13:48,969 --> 00:13:50,802
Unless you're open
and honest with her,
296
00:13:50,750 --> 00:13:52,717
you'll never have a decent
relationship.
297
00:13:52,659 --> 00:13:54,960
Please. The last time you
talked to your parents,
298
00:13:54,887 --> 00:13:56,587
you were in a holding cell.
299
00:13:56,542 --> 00:13:58,375
I had one call.
300
00:13:58,324 --> 00:13:59,890
I chose them.
301
00:13:59,850 --> 00:14:01,384
That's love.
302
00:14:02,492 --> 00:14:04,191
There's my boy.
303
00:14:04,146 --> 00:14:07,678
Charlie, be a lamb and get me
a diet coke the way I like it.
304
00:14:07,550 --> 00:14:09,650
With vodka
and no diet coke?
305
00:14:09,586 --> 00:14:12,053
[LAUGHS]
Yes.
306
00:14:13,564 --> 00:14:16,331
Caitlin, it makes me so happy
to see you with Charlie.
307
00:14:16,237 --> 00:14:18,838
Now I can go home and not
worry about you.
308
00:14:18,751 --> 00:14:21,150
Mom, you never had
to worry about me.
309
00:14:21,073 --> 00:14:23,373
You had nothing.
You were alone.
310
00:14:23,300 --> 00:14:25,933
And let's face it...
not getting any younger.
311
00:14:25,846 --> 00:14:28,579
But now you have Charlie.
312
00:14:28,486 --> 00:14:30,354
Mom, wait.
313
00:14:30,300 --> 00:14:32,767
There's something I have to
tell you about Charlie.
314
00:14:32,687 --> 00:14:35,586
Don't tell me you're blowing
it with him, too.
315
00:14:35,487 --> 00:14:37,854
Why can't you get
your life together?
316
00:14:37,778 --> 00:14:39,244
That's it.
317
00:14:39,210 --> 00:14:41,076
I am sick of you
putting me down!
318
00:14:41,023 --> 00:14:44,590
I like my life, and I am not
gonna lie about it anymore!
319
00:14:44,460 --> 00:14:47,594
I was never dating Charlie.
I'm single.
320
00:14:47,482 --> 00:14:49,949
You hear that everyone?
Single!
321
00:14:49,869 --> 00:14:52,269
I haven't had sex
in 8 months.
322
00:14:52,191 --> 00:14:53,891
Motorcycle injury.
323
00:14:53,846 --> 00:14:55,479
[CLEARS THROAT]
324
00:14:55,437 --> 00:14:58,570
Should be good to go
by Christmas.
325
00:14:58,460 --> 00:15:00,626
This is not the time
or the place.
326
00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:01,859
I don't care.
327
00:15:01,831 --> 00:15:04,399
It's time for this family to
stop lying about everything.
328
00:15:04,314 --> 00:15:07,614
Mom, you told everyone
dad was sick, but admit it...
329
00:15:07,497 --> 00:15:11,163
he's in Vegas blowing the rest
of grandpa's money.
330
00:15:11,027 --> 00:15:13,360
And cousin Marsha,
you're a beautiful bride,
331
00:15:13,286 --> 00:15:15,253
but we all know
you're pregnant.
332
00:15:17,869 --> 00:15:22,602
And Uncle Fred... you're not fooling
anyone with Jeffrey, your live-in chef.
333
00:15:24,995 --> 00:15:27,396
Here's your diet coke.
334
00:15:27,319 --> 00:15:30,286
That... Is vodka.
335
00:15:36,514 --> 00:15:38,781
I have never been so insulted
in my entire life.
336
00:15:38,709 --> 00:15:40,276
This man is fast asleep.
337
00:15:40,236 --> 00:15:43,670
No, he's not.
He's deep in thought.
338
00:15:43,546 --> 00:15:46,346
Uh, he's deciding how big a
raise to give your union.
339
00:15:46,250 --> 00:15:48,651
[SNORES]
340
00:15:48,572 --> 00:15:52,639
You heard him...3%.
341
00:15:52,486 --> 00:15:54,953
This is ridiculous,
and I'm leaving.
342
00:15:54,873 --> 00:15:56,773
Ohh. There goes the election.
343
00:15:56,719 --> 00:15:58,686
Well, good day,
gentlemen.
344
00:15:58,628 --> 00:16:00,995
Looks like we'll be giving
our support to Wheeler.
345
00:16:00,919 --> 00:16:02,586
Wait.
346
00:16:02,541 --> 00:16:05,007
Miss kirkpatrick,
I have something to say.
347
00:16:06,009 --> 00:16:08,775
When my great-grandfather
came to New York,
348
00:16:08,682 --> 00:16:11,516
he was an immigrant
with two simple dreams...
349
00:16:11,419 --> 00:16:14,652
to educate his children
and to live on fifth Avenue.
350
00:16:15,905 --> 00:16:18,838
As it turns out,
he bought on park, but...
351
00:16:18,737 --> 00:16:21,037
His other dream came true,
352
00:16:20,964 --> 00:16:23,697
because the quality of the
public schools in this city
353
00:16:23,605 --> 00:16:25,271
was the best in the world.
354
00:16:25,227 --> 00:16:26,860
And it can be again.
355
00:16:26,818 --> 00:16:29,818
Well, that's a nice story, but
what are you proposing to do?
356
00:16:29,713 --> 00:16:31,980
I know the average class size
is 34 students.
357
00:16:31,909 --> 00:16:33,642
We're gonna lower it
to 25.
358
00:16:33,595 --> 00:16:37,262
And I know that you've had
the same textbooks since 1986.
359
00:16:37,128 --> 00:16:39,427
We're gonna get you
some new ones.
360
00:16:39,354 --> 00:16:42,855
And I know that the meatloaf
that they serve on Tuesdays
361
00:16:42,728 --> 00:16:46,127
can be a little dry.
362
00:16:46,004 --> 00:16:48,970
We're gonna get you gravy.
363
00:16:48,868 --> 00:16:51,402
I am impressed.
364
00:16:51,318 --> 00:16:54,617
Not with the gravy, but with
all the other proposals.
365
00:16:54,500 --> 00:16:57,134
Mayor Winston,
you have our endorsement.
366
00:16:57,046 --> 00:16:59,345
I look forward
to working with you.
367
00:17:00,768 --> 00:17:02,668
Sir!
Sir, that was amazing.
368
00:17:02,613 --> 00:17:05,346
Yeah, you really had us
worried for a second.
369
00:17:05,255 --> 00:17:08,722
Well, guys, this old pro is
still on top of his game.
370
00:17:08,596 --> 00:17:12,196
Just wait till you see me
with the teachers' union.
371
00:17:19,010 --> 00:17:22,578
Charlie...
372
00:17:22,447 --> 00:17:24,380
I'm sorry I put you
through this.
373
00:17:24,325 --> 00:17:26,692
Is there any way I
can make it up to you?
374
00:17:34,029 --> 00:17:36,196
Your hotel room.
375
00:17:36,130 --> 00:17:40,329
Does it have
a nice, big shower?
376
00:17:40,169 --> 00:17:42,136
Yes, it does.
377
00:17:42,078 --> 00:17:43,911
Great.
378
00:17:43,860 --> 00:17:46,260
Then go take a cold one.
379
00:17:47,489 --> 00:17:48,888
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
380
00:17:53,852 --> 00:17:57,451
No one leaves this room until I
get an explanation. [DOOR OPENS]
381
00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:59,353
Charlie, can you come out
here for a second?
382
00:18:00,660 --> 00:18:02,794
Well, I'd love to stay
and help solve this,
383
00:18:02,729 --> 00:18:05,028
but this sounds
like official city business.
384
00:18:04,956 --> 00:18:06,856
Mr. bondek, what's
the problem?
385
00:18:06,801 --> 00:18:09,701
We're checking out underwear
models on the Internet.
386
00:18:11,384 --> 00:18:13,750
I better look into that.
387
00:18:17,237 --> 00:18:19,538
Did you have
to air out dirty laundry
388
00:18:19,465 --> 00:18:21,298
in front of
the entire family?
389
00:18:21,247 --> 00:18:23,113
Face it, mom.
390
00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:25,761
We had a lot of skeletons
in the closet... And one Uncle.
391
00:18:25,670 --> 00:18:27,636
Well, you humiliated me.
392
00:18:27,579 --> 00:18:30,111
Look, I'm sorry I did it
at Marsha's wedding,
393
00:18:30,029 --> 00:18:32,029
but I'm not sorry
about what I said.
394
00:18:31,969 --> 00:18:34,036
I want you to accept me
for who I am.
395
00:18:33,974 --> 00:18:35,375
I want the same from you.
396
00:18:35,342 --> 00:18:36,542
What are you talking about?
397
00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:38,353
Oh, come on, Caitlin.
398
00:18:38,301 --> 00:18:40,368
We both know that
you don't approve of me.
399
00:18:40,305 --> 00:18:42,439
Everything you've done
in your life
400
00:18:42,374 --> 00:18:44,307
has been to
reject who I am.
401
00:18:44,252 --> 00:18:46,452
That's not true.
402
00:18:46,383 --> 00:18:48,116
Oh, please.
403
00:18:48,070 --> 00:18:51,470
I married young,
I didn't have a career,
404
00:18:51,347 --> 00:18:53,613
I never lived on my own.
405
00:18:53,542 --> 00:18:57,242
I know you don't respect the way
I've lived my life.
406
00:18:57,106 --> 00:18:59,006
Mom, I think your life
is great,
407
00:18:58,952 --> 00:19:00,919
and I'm doing the best
I can with mine.
408
00:19:00,861 --> 00:19:03,061
But if we're gonna have
any kind of relationship,
409
00:19:02,993 --> 00:19:05,325
we both have to accept
that we're different people.
410
00:19:05,251 --> 00:19:06,518
And that's okay.
411
00:19:06,492 --> 00:19:10,425
You know, I'm not very
good at expressing myself,
412
00:19:10,279 --> 00:19:12,945
but after you
left the wedding,
413
00:19:12,855 --> 00:19:15,722
I wrote down
how I feel about you.
414
00:19:19,506 --> 00:19:22,040
"Successful, intelligent,
415
00:19:21,956 --> 00:19:25,023
"independent,
beautiful woman
416
00:19:24,915 --> 00:19:29,381
who loves traveling,
homemade pasta, and yoga."
417
00:19:29,211 --> 00:19:32,111
Mom, this sounds
like a personal ad.
418
00:19:32,010 --> 00:19:35,110
I hope so. It's running
in the post tomorrow.
419
00:19:35,002 --> 00:19:39,035
You know, it's too bad you and
Charlie aren't dating.
420
00:19:38,883 --> 00:19:41,184
You know, I have excellent
instincts,
421
00:19:41,111 --> 00:19:43,844
and... He's a real keeper.
422
00:19:45,087 --> 00:19:46,888
Stuart, move your head.
423
00:19:46,838 --> 00:19:48,504
[LAUGHING]
424
00:19:50,878 --> 00:19:53,512
I can't see the boobs!
425
00:19:53,424 --> 00:19:54,990
[LAUGHING]
426
00:19:54,951 --> 00:19:56,185
Let's go this way.
427
00:20:02,175 --> 00:20:04,708
Hey, Paul, we're watching the
Victoria's secret fashion show.
428
00:20:04,624 --> 00:20:07,058
Whoa, who's the girl
in the sexy Teddy?
429
00:20:06,978 --> 00:20:09,779
Paul, that's rhea.
That's the girl you rejected.
430
00:20:09,683 --> 00:20:11,350
You're kidding?
431
00:20:11,306 --> 00:20:13,106
I turned down a supermodel?
432
00:20:13,056 --> 00:20:15,356
Oh, my gosh, how many guys
can say that?
433
00:20:15,283 --> 00:20:18,982
Yeah! I win!
I am the winner!
434
00:20:18,847 --> 00:20:19,980
Yeah!
435
00:20:19,961 --> 00:20:21,527
Wait for it.
436
00:20:21,487 --> 00:20:24,088
Oh-h-h, God!
437
00:21:22,159 --> 00:21:23,358
Sit, ubu, sit.Good dog.
438
00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:24,559
(BARKING)
439
00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:27,028
Moo.
440
00:21:27,078 --> 00:21:31,628
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