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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,900
The Christmas card
we'll be giving the mayor.
2
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:08,799
"Howdy, cowpoke, you're 7"?
3
00:00:08,701 --> 00:00:11,868
You wait till Christmas Eve,
it's slim pickin's.
4
00:00:11,752 --> 00:00:14,419
But I am going to write
the best message
5
00:00:14,327 --> 00:00:15,659
so that this year
6
00:00:15,630 --> 00:00:19,531
the mayor gives me
the old "pat and squeeze."
7
00:00:19,380 --> 00:00:23,147
Uh, Paul we talked about
good touching and bad touching.
8
00:00:24,466 --> 00:00:27,299
This is bad.
9
00:00:27,198 --> 00:00:29,799
Did you set up the mayor's
holiday press appearance?
10
00:00:29,710 --> 00:00:31,876
He'll be at the u.N.
Singing Carols
11
00:00:31,807 --> 00:00:34,408
with children
from 50 different countries.
12
00:00:34,318 --> 00:00:36,851
You're flying kids in
from all around the world?
13
00:00:36,766 --> 00:00:39,299
No, I'm using a first-grade
class from Brooklyn.
14
00:00:40,930 --> 00:00:43,396
Here you go, Paul.
15
00:00:44,585 --> 00:00:47,085
"May your Christmas
be a happy one."
16
00:00:47,001 --> 00:00:50,400
Oh, he wrote "mayor"...
Instead of "may your."
17
00:00:51,323 --> 00:00:53,955
We're going funny this year?
18
00:00:53,865 --> 00:00:55,365
It's not that funny.
19
00:00:55,328 --> 00:00:57,161
Are you kidding me?!
It's huge!
20
00:00:57,107 --> 00:00:58,573
It's a pun!
21
00:00:58,538 --> 00:01:02,138
It doesn't get
any funnier than this!
22
00:01:02,003 --> 00:01:05,669
Charlie, there's a picture
of you in today's paper
23
00:01:05,530 --> 00:01:07,697
at a black-tie dinner.
24
00:01:07,628 --> 00:01:09,694
Why wasn't I invited?
25
00:01:09,631 --> 00:01:10,930
You were invited, sir,
26
00:01:10,901 --> 00:01:13,469
but you told me not to bother
you with stuff like this.
27
00:01:13,381 --> 00:01:15,548
And you know your rule
about social events...
28
00:01:15,479 --> 00:01:16,945
no models, no mayor.
29
00:01:16,909 --> 00:01:19,742
From now on,
I want to be kept up-to-date,
30
00:01:19,642 --> 00:01:22,609
even about things
I don't want to know about.
31
00:01:22,502 --> 00:01:26,136
If I'm not interested in it...
I'd better hear about it.
32
00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:29,556
Don't worry, pal.
33
00:01:29,527 --> 00:01:32,427
Mayor always gets a little weird
around the holidays.
34
00:01:32,324 --> 00:01:35,624
Bad.
35
00:02:00,389 --> 00:02:02,922
The Christmas press conference
is my favorite.
36
00:02:02,837 --> 00:02:05,204
Saying "happy holidays"
to the entire city...
37
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:07,158
that's what being mayor
is all about.
38
00:02:07,096 --> 00:02:08,562
What about the free mansion
39
00:02:08,525 --> 00:02:10,458
and running red lights
in the limo?
40
00:02:10,401 --> 00:02:11,835
On any other day, yes.
41
00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:13,932
But today,
it's all about Christmas.
42
00:02:13,865 --> 00:02:15,499
Oh, look, before I go in there,
43
00:02:15,454 --> 00:02:18,820
is there anything I don't want
to know that you should tell me?
44
00:02:18,695 --> 00:02:22,463
I'd shy away from that Rudolph
joke you've been telling.
45
00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:25,120
It might be offensive
to women...And men...
46
00:02:25,021 --> 00:02:26,755
And reindeer.
47
00:02:26,706 --> 00:02:28,506
And then Rudolph says,
48
00:02:28,454 --> 00:02:31,387
"hey, that's not the only thing
that glows."
49
00:02:32,935 --> 00:02:35,369
Okay, uh, uh, here...
here's the mayor.
50
00:02:35,287 --> 00:02:37,721
Sir, could you give us
any information
51
00:02:37,639 --> 00:02:39,440
about the shipment of toys
52
00:02:39,388 --> 00:02:41,654
that was confiscated
this morning?
53
00:02:41,580 --> 00:02:44,547
I haven't been briefed
on that one.
54
00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:47,407
Uh, the confiscated toys
were illegal knockoffs
55
00:02:47,301 --> 00:02:48,969
smuggled in from overseas.
56
00:02:48,923 --> 00:02:51,423
Rest assured that Santa
is not a suspect,
57
00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:55,839
although we are questioning
several disgruntled elves.
58
00:02:55,661 --> 00:02:58,194
You should be good from here.
Sorry about that.
59
00:02:58,108 --> 00:02:59,242
Where were the toys seized?
60
00:02:59,221 --> 00:03:02,121
Kennedy...Airport.
61
00:03:02,017 --> 00:03:04,251
Again, sorry.
62
00:03:04,179 --> 00:03:05,545
What kind of toys were they?
63
00:03:05,514 --> 00:03:08,148
I got this one.
64
00:03:08,057 --> 00:03:12,390
So...Rudolph and Mrs. claus
are in a hot tub.
65
00:03:13,492 --> 00:03:15,958
Hey, Angie, let me ask you
a question...
66
00:03:15,875 --> 00:03:18,075
ever do any volunteer work
over the holidays?
67
00:03:18,005 --> 00:03:21,572
Take a look at my paychecks...
this is volunteer work.
68
00:03:21,437 --> 00:03:22,903
Watch it, Caitlin.
69
00:03:22,868 --> 00:03:24,768
Carter's gonna try
to rope you in
70
00:03:24,711 --> 00:03:27,011
to helping out
at the old fogies' home.
71
00:03:26,936 --> 00:03:29,802
Stuart was banned from
the nursing home last Christmas.
72
00:03:29,701 --> 00:03:32,834
I told them all
I was their grandson.
73
00:03:33,927 --> 00:03:37,328
I made over $400.
74
00:03:37,202 --> 00:03:39,302
Carter, I would love to help,
75
00:03:39,237 --> 00:03:42,103
but every year
I make some nice donations.
76
00:03:42,002 --> 00:03:43,601
That's how I handle charity.
77
00:03:43,558 --> 00:03:45,159
Caitlin, Caitlin, Caitlin...
78
00:03:45,116 --> 00:03:46,950
Here we go.
79
00:03:46,896 --> 00:03:49,896
Caitlin, if you want to be
charitable during the holidays,
80
00:03:49,788 --> 00:03:51,388
give your time.
81
00:03:51,345 --> 00:03:54,546
That's a far more valuable gift
than money or material things.
82
00:03:54,429 --> 00:03:57,062
So you don't want
the leather jacket I got you?
83
00:03:56,971 --> 00:04:01,639
Though leather's
a different story.
84
00:04:01,453 --> 00:04:03,086
1,000 holiday jokes,
85
00:04:03,042 --> 00:04:05,775
not one that will work
for the mayor's card.
86
00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:08,746
No, no, no.
87
00:04:11,306 --> 00:04:13,606
"Yule log."
88
00:04:13,531 --> 00:04:17,064
Paul, you don't need a joke
to get approval from the mayor.
89
00:04:16,931 --> 00:04:19,499
You have so many other qualities
that he admires.
90
00:04:19,411 --> 00:04:21,444
Like what?
91
00:04:23,256 --> 00:04:25,556
I'd go with "yule log."
92
00:04:25,481 --> 00:04:27,715
All right,
let's get the meeting started.
93
00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:29,442
I just got word
that tomorrow...
94
00:04:29,390 --> 00:04:31,190
hey, guys, sorry I'm late.
95
00:04:31,138 --> 00:04:34,405
Sir, what are you doing here?
This is just a staff meeting.
96
00:04:34,286 --> 00:04:36,985
Well, I thought
it might boost morale
97
00:04:36,892 --> 00:04:39,492
if I hung out
with you desk jockeys.
98
00:04:39,403 --> 00:04:42,236
I'm already inspired.
99
00:04:42,136 --> 00:04:45,336
Besides, this way I'm assured
to be...ln the loop.
100
00:04:45,220 --> 00:04:47,953
Don't worry, Charlie.
It's still your meeting.
101
00:04:47,857 --> 00:04:48,824
Okay.
102
00:04:48,810 --> 00:04:50,810
Well, it looks like...
103
00:04:54,277 --> 00:04:57,144
the Christmas photo op
at the u.N. Has fallen through,
104
00:04:57,042 --> 00:04:59,242
so we've got to come up
with a new idea.
105
00:04:59,172 --> 00:05:03,572
We're in crisis mode, people!
It's time to jump into action!
106
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:05,400
Paul, make a pot of coffee!
107
00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:06,738
Stuart...
108
00:05:06,705 --> 00:05:08,371
Prepare for coffee!
109
00:05:13,061 --> 00:05:17,228
Sir, I applaud your instincts
to get Paul out of the room,
110
00:05:17,066 --> 00:05:20,200
but I've got the situation
under control.
111
00:05:20,086 --> 00:05:22,119
Well, here's my idea...
112
00:05:22,056 --> 00:05:24,523
we do an event
in central park...
113
00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:26,940
me, reindeer...
the whole shebang.
114
00:05:26,856 --> 00:05:29,956
We can't get enough security
on such short notice.
115
00:05:29,844 --> 00:05:33,276
Well, how about skating
in rockefeller center...
116
00:05:33,149 --> 00:05:35,749
me, reindeer...
the whole shebang.
117
00:05:35,660 --> 00:05:37,726
Well, I like
the "shebang" area,
118
00:05:37,663 --> 00:05:40,096
but rockefeller center's
already booked.
119
00:05:40,014 --> 00:05:42,681
I see. I come in
with a couple home-run ideas,
120
00:05:42,589 --> 00:05:45,788
and you shoot them down
because you're threatened by me!
121
00:05:45,671 --> 00:05:46,972
That's not true.
122
00:05:46,943 --> 00:05:49,176
Whoa! Calm down.
123
00:05:51,392 --> 00:05:54,926
It's not you against me.
124
00:05:55,969 --> 00:05:57,369
Paul, grab Stuart.
125
00:05:57,336 --> 00:05:59,969
We're starting a splinter group
in my office.
126
00:05:59,878 --> 00:06:02,379
It's us against Charlie.
127
00:06:05,536 --> 00:06:08,270
See how rewarding
charity work can be?
128
00:06:08,175 --> 00:06:11,507
Writing checks never caused
my hands to prune up.
129
00:06:11,384 --> 00:06:12,851
Maybe we should be
130
00:06:12,815 --> 00:06:15,649
a little more concerned
with helping people
131
00:06:15,548 --> 00:06:18,882
and a little less concerned
with skin care, hmm?
132
00:06:26,228 --> 00:06:28,694
Do you really enjoy doing this?
133
00:06:28,612 --> 00:06:30,112
Of course!
134
00:06:30,073 --> 00:06:32,773
That's why I've come back here
over the last five years.
135
00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:34,312
You'll start to enjoy it, too.
136
00:06:34,269 --> 00:06:36,936
The harder the job, the more
rewarding the experience.
137
00:06:36,844 --> 00:06:39,009
Hey, I need someone
to shovel the walk
138
00:06:38,941 --> 00:06:40,708
and someone to play checkers.
139
00:06:40,658 --> 00:06:44,324
I'll take checkers.
140
00:06:44,185 --> 00:06:46,952
Gentlemen,
this is the splinter group.
141
00:06:46,855 --> 00:06:49,588
First rule of splinter group...
142
00:06:49,493 --> 00:06:53,161
you do not talk about...
Splinter group.
143
00:06:54,229 --> 00:06:55,363
Now...
144
00:06:55,341 --> 00:06:58,708
A Christmas photo op...
we need ideas.
145
00:06:58,583 --> 00:07:00,550
Paul, what do you got?
146
00:07:00,490 --> 00:07:01,624
Nothin'.
147
00:07:01,603 --> 00:07:03,236
Stuart?
Nothin'.
148
00:07:03,193 --> 00:07:05,825
Back to Paul.
Still nothin'.
149
00:07:05,735 --> 00:07:08,735
All right, now.
What's Christmas all about?
150
00:07:08,627 --> 00:07:10,661
Children...Opening presents...
151
00:07:10,598 --> 00:07:13,299
I'll give out presents
to children...
152
00:07:13,203 --> 00:07:15,171
But their parents
give them presents.
153
00:07:15,110 --> 00:07:16,310
If they don't have parents?
154
00:07:16,287 --> 00:07:18,086
Oh, that would be great.
155
00:07:20,037 --> 00:07:21,437
Oh, yes! Orphans!
156
00:07:21,405 --> 00:07:24,471
I'll show up at an orphanage
dressed as Santa,
157
00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:26,127
and I'll hand out presents!
158
00:07:26,077 --> 00:07:28,776
Here's Charlie...
act dumb.
159
00:07:34,055 --> 00:07:36,088
And the Oscar goes to...
160
00:07:37,614 --> 00:07:39,714
Paul lassiter.
161
00:07:39,648 --> 00:07:41,848
What's up, gang?
162
00:07:41,778 --> 00:07:44,411
Just havin' a little powwow.
What's on your mind?
163
00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:47,287
I made a list of some possible
events for the photo op.
164
00:07:47,181 --> 00:07:49,248
Well, great!
Let's hear 'em!
165
00:07:49,183 --> 00:07:51,950
We can have you handing out
gift baskets in Times Square.
166
00:07:53,887 --> 00:07:57,054
There's a church that runs
a soup kitchen, and I thought...
167
00:07:56,939 --> 00:07:58,638
pull!
168
00:08:03,136 --> 00:08:04,737
Am I missing something?
169
00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:06,460
Gong!
170
00:08:06,410 --> 00:08:08,443
Maybe I should just
leave you guys
171
00:08:08,381 --> 00:08:11,447
to your little powwow.
172
00:08:11,337 --> 00:08:13,836
Paul, remember you asked me
for next Friday off?
173
00:08:13,752 --> 00:08:15,251
Yeah. � gong!
174
00:08:17,153 --> 00:08:19,453
*"joy to the world" playing*
175
00:08:19,377 --> 00:08:22,977
ha!
176
00:08:22,841 --> 00:08:24,342
King me!
177
00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:25,671
Well-played, Mr. kaplan.
178
00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:28,039
Thank you, Carter.
179
00:08:27,959 --> 00:08:29,293
More hot cocoa?
180
00:08:29,262 --> 00:08:30,729
Love some.
181
00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:53,147
Sir, you might want to
take a look at this fax.
182
00:08:53,068 --> 00:08:55,001
Put it on the back burner,
Charlie.
183
00:08:54,944 --> 00:08:56,477
I've got some news for you.
184
00:08:56,437 --> 00:08:58,604
The Christmas photo op
problem is solved.
185
00:08:58,535 --> 00:08:59,735
Tomorrow morning,
186
00:08:59,712 --> 00:09:02,879
I'm going to be at an orphanage
handing out toys.
187
00:09:02,763 --> 00:09:04,929
It's Christmas Eve.
When did you get toys?
188
00:09:04,860 --> 00:09:07,461
Well, now,
this is the genius part...
189
00:09:07,371 --> 00:09:10,637
we sent over the toys
that we just confiscated.
190
00:09:12,203 --> 00:09:14,303
Now, what's your news?
191
00:09:14,236 --> 00:09:17,502
Police say the confiscated toys
may be filled with drugs.
192
00:09:20,116 --> 00:09:23,617
Boy, those kids
can't catch a break, can they?
193
00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:30,712
Yeah, okay.
194
00:09:30,668 --> 00:09:33,068
Well, I just got off
with the messenger service.
195
00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:35,388
We're too late...
the toys have been delivered.
196
00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:37,308
This is a nightmare!
197
00:09:37,248 --> 00:09:39,115
Take it easy, sir.
It's not that bad.
198
00:09:39,060 --> 00:09:43,392
Charlie, I just sent orphans
a shipment of Teddy bears
199
00:09:43,223 --> 00:09:46,156
with a street value
of $6 million.
200
00:09:49,961 --> 00:09:52,362
Thank God you're back
in the saddle, Chuck.
201
00:09:52,282 --> 00:09:54,748
The mayor never saw me
for what I really am.
202
00:09:54,665 --> 00:09:57,331
A shameless kiss-ass?
203
00:09:57,239 --> 00:09:59,206
You see, you get me.
204
00:09:59,146 --> 00:10:01,180
Guys, we need ideas.
205
00:10:01,117 --> 00:10:03,885
We'll just call them,
say there's been a mix-up,
206
00:10:03,788 --> 00:10:05,621
take the toys back.
207
00:10:05,567 --> 00:10:08,601
Good, Paul... tomorrow we'll
have the mayor on the front page
208
00:10:08,491 --> 00:10:10,824
ripping toys out of the arms
of crying orphans.
209
00:10:10,747 --> 00:10:13,148
Maybe after we'll have him
down a bottle of scotch
210
00:10:13,068 --> 00:10:14,768
and pass out under the tree.
211
00:10:14,721 --> 00:10:18,487
I miss my dad.
212
00:10:18,344 --> 00:10:22,011
Why don't we just say that
the toys have drugs in them?
213
00:10:21,873 --> 00:10:24,739
Even better, Paul...
tomorrow's headline will read
214
00:10:24,637 --> 00:10:27,637
"the mayor wishes everyone
a white, uncut Christmas."
215
00:10:29,151 --> 00:10:32,451
All right, here's the plan...
216
00:10:32,329 --> 00:10:34,929
we're gonna sneak in there
when the kids are asleep,
217
00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:36,640
take the toys,
check 'em for drugs,
218
00:10:36,587 --> 00:10:38,954
then put 'em back
before the press arrives.
219
00:10:38,877 --> 00:10:41,410
Oh, yeah, perfect... I can see
the headlines tomorrow...
220
00:10:41,323 --> 00:10:43,089
"mayor gives orphans toys."
221
00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:46,607
Actually, that works.
222
00:10:56,484 --> 00:10:59,317
Is that for me?
223
00:10:59,217 --> 00:11:00,951
Of course it is.
224
00:11:00,903 --> 00:11:03,369
Oh, look...
John Forsythe!
225
00:11:05,987 --> 00:11:07,954
Ow!
226
00:11:07,894 --> 00:11:09,662
Ow!
227
00:11:09,611 --> 00:11:11,011
Oh!
228
00:11:10,978 --> 00:11:12,778
Are you done shoveling,
Caitlin?
229
00:11:12,725 --> 00:11:14,493
Look, it's miserable out there.
230
00:11:14,442 --> 00:11:16,043
I can't even feel my hands.
231
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:17,967
Is there any work
I can do inside?
232
00:11:17,907 --> 00:11:20,241
Why don't you see if anyone
wants tea by the fire?
233
00:11:20,163 --> 00:11:22,397
Bless you.
234
00:11:25,216 --> 00:11:29,983
Excuse me, sir,
would you like some tea?
235
00:11:29,793 --> 00:11:32,760
You know what I'd love?
236
00:11:32,654 --> 00:11:35,954
Mulled cider
with a splash of Brandy.
237
00:11:35,833 --> 00:11:37,399
I don't believe this!
238
00:11:37,358 --> 00:11:39,325
You drag me here
so I could work like a dog
239
00:11:39,265 --> 00:11:41,133
while you sit here
doing nothing!
240
00:11:41,077 --> 00:11:43,910
I do plenty! I'll have you know
I put wood on that fire!
241
00:11:43,811 --> 00:11:45,911
I chopped that wood!
242
00:11:45,845 --> 00:11:47,712
I am out of here!
243
00:11:47,656 --> 00:11:49,022
Hey, Caitlin.
244
00:11:48,991 --> 00:11:50,890
Caitlin, don't leave.
245
00:11:50,834 --> 00:11:52,067
Cait...
246
00:11:53,631 --> 00:11:54,731
Caitlin!
247
00:11:54,712 --> 00:11:56,012
Aahhh!
248
00:11:55,983 --> 00:11:57,250
Oh, my God!
249
00:11:57,224 --> 00:11:58,257
Caitlin!
250
00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:00,640
Are you okay?
251
00:12:11,812 --> 00:12:15,412
Wow! I've never seen anybody
pick a lock before.
252
00:12:15,277 --> 00:12:16,810
Here you go.
253
00:12:16,770 --> 00:12:20,104
I didn't know
Wendy's made a credit card.
254
00:12:19,980 --> 00:12:22,613
I've never been
in an orphanage before.
255
00:12:22,522 --> 00:12:25,656
Yeah, we may complain
about our little problems,
256
00:12:25,542 --> 00:12:27,542
but it's nothing
like the disappointment
257
00:12:27,482 --> 00:12:29,148
these kids face every day.
258
00:12:29,102 --> 00:12:31,069
Come on...
let's steal their toys.
259
00:12:33,838 --> 00:12:35,838
Paul, what are you doing?
260
00:12:35,776 --> 00:12:37,876
Doing this for the kids.
261
00:12:37,811 --> 00:12:40,410
You know, Santa always drinks
the milk, eats the cookies.
262
00:12:40,322 --> 00:12:44,555
I'm pretty sure
he doesn't swipe...
263
00:12:44,390 --> 00:12:46,024
Tv guide.
264
00:12:45,979 --> 00:12:47,847
"Cybill tells her story."
265
00:12:47,791 --> 00:12:49,691
Give me this.
266
00:12:49,635 --> 00:12:50,834
No, no, no.
267
00:12:59,709 --> 00:13:02,543
Why are you taking
our presents, Santa claus?
268
00:13:02,443 --> 00:13:05,110
Well, um...
269
00:13:05,019 --> 00:13:07,518
These presents are broken,
270
00:13:07,434 --> 00:13:10,333
so I'm taking them back
to my workshop, my dear.
271
00:13:10,230 --> 00:13:13,130
I'll fix them up there
and then bring them back here.
272
00:13:13,027 --> 00:13:15,161
That's from "the grinch."
273
00:13:15,093 --> 00:13:17,460
Oh, you've seen that?
274
00:13:17,382 --> 00:13:20,748
Who ate all the cookies?
275
00:13:20,624 --> 00:13:23,357
Santa.
276
00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:25,228
I think
I better call the police.
277
00:13:25,168 --> 00:13:27,235
No, no need for that.
Just go back to bed.
278
00:13:27,171 --> 00:13:30,305
When you wake up,
you can open your presents.
279
00:13:30,190 --> 00:13:32,823
But I can't go to sleep
without a bedtime story.
280
00:13:32,732 --> 00:13:35,066
I got a great Christmas story
right here.
281
00:13:42,936 --> 00:13:45,636
"From modest beginnings
in Memphis, Tennessee,
282
00:13:45,542 --> 00:13:47,609
"to fame and fortune
in Hollywood,
283
00:13:47,544 --> 00:13:49,811
cybill Shepherd
has seen it all."
284
00:13:52,535 --> 00:13:56,368
"Now you can see cybill
in her syndicated talk show,
285
00:13:56,221 --> 00:13:59,422
"'men are from Mars,
women are from Venus.'
286
00:13:59,305 --> 00:14:01,372
consult your local listings."
287
00:14:01,306 --> 00:14:03,040
The end.
288
00:14:02,991 --> 00:14:06,858
Cybill has been through so much.
289
00:14:06,710 --> 00:14:09,277
Shhh. Let's take her
to her room
290
00:14:09,189 --> 00:14:10,989
and get out of here.
291
00:14:14,370 --> 00:14:17,969
We want a story, too.
292
00:14:17,834 --> 00:14:20,533
Okay.
293
00:14:30,643 --> 00:14:34,310
"This week
on e! 'Celebrity homes, '
294
00:14:34,171 --> 00:14:37,771
Jeff goldblum's
Santa fe getaway."
295
00:14:38,971 --> 00:14:40,870
Thank you.
296
00:14:40,814 --> 00:14:44,147
Caitlin, I'm sorry
you bumped your head.
297
00:14:44,024 --> 00:14:47,557
At least the snow
kept the swelling down.
298
00:14:47,425 --> 00:14:48,659
Thanks, Carter.
299
00:14:48,633 --> 00:14:51,967
That totally takes my mind
off the frostbite.
300
00:14:51,842 --> 00:14:54,509
I'm also sorry
about the way I behaved.
301
00:14:54,418 --> 00:14:57,585
I give you this big lecture
about volunteering,
302
00:14:57,469 --> 00:15:00,902
and I spent the whole day
playing board games and gabbing.
303
00:15:00,774 --> 00:15:02,841
I did nothing for these people.
304
00:15:02,776 --> 00:15:03,843
Nothing?
305
00:15:03,825 --> 00:15:05,592
You talked to us
306
00:15:05,541 --> 00:15:08,541
and played games with us,
like you do every year.
307
00:15:08,433 --> 00:15:10,600
You're our favorite.
308
00:15:10,532 --> 00:15:12,365
What about me?
309
00:15:12,311 --> 00:15:14,745
I shoveled the damn walk.
310
00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:17,197
Who cares
who shoveled the walk?
311
00:15:17,111 --> 00:15:20,111
I haven't been out that door
in eight years.
312
00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:22,502
Honey, we appreciate
what you did,
313
00:15:22,419 --> 00:15:24,220
but if you really want to help,
314
00:15:24,167 --> 00:15:26,767
just spend some time with us
the way Carter does.
315
00:15:26,678 --> 00:15:28,911
That's all I have to do
to make you happy?
316
00:15:28,839 --> 00:15:30,071
Yes!
317
00:15:30,047 --> 00:15:31,747
Great!
I'm up for anything.
318
00:15:31,700 --> 00:15:34,199
Good... I have all
the "Jerry Lewis telethons"
319
00:15:34,115 --> 00:15:35,615
on videotape.
320
00:15:35,578 --> 00:15:39,211
Let's start at 1984
and work our way up.
321
00:15:39,074 --> 00:15:43,374
Actually, I think
I'll shovel the walk some more.
322
00:15:45,430 --> 00:15:47,831
I think I'll help her.
323
00:15:51,596 --> 00:15:53,062
Where's Charlie?
324
00:15:53,026 --> 00:15:55,393
There's no way
I can hand out these toys.
325
00:15:55,315 --> 00:15:58,182
He said he has a plan, and he'll
be right back... just cover.
326
00:15:58,080 --> 00:15:59,613
Okay.
327
00:15:59,573 --> 00:16:03,441
Well, let's have another
"holding your breath" contest!
328
00:16:03,293 --> 00:16:06,260
Billy won the last one
with two minutes.
329
00:16:06,153 --> 00:16:08,087
Where is Billy?
330
00:16:09,872 --> 00:16:12,372
What are you smiling about?
331
00:16:12,287 --> 00:16:14,754
I just came up with a zinger
for the mayor's card.
332
00:16:14,672 --> 00:16:15,937
You ready?
333
00:16:15,911 --> 00:16:18,278
"On the foot of city hall,
334
00:16:18,199 --> 00:16:20,433
you're the big mistletoe."
335
00:16:20,361 --> 00:16:23,328
What do you think?
336
00:16:23,221 --> 00:16:24,587
What do you think I think?
337
00:16:24,556 --> 00:16:27,389
Oh, God, I wrote it in pen!
338
00:16:27,289 --> 00:16:28,956
Sorry I'm late.
339
00:16:28,911 --> 00:16:30,811
Where did you go?
340
00:16:30,754 --> 00:16:33,420
I went to the police station
and picked up Clyde.
341
00:16:33,328 --> 00:16:35,027
He's a drug-sniffing dog.
342
00:16:34,981 --> 00:16:37,481
Keep doing what you're doing.
Everything's covered.
343
00:16:37,397 --> 00:16:39,497
Okay...
344
00:16:39,431 --> 00:16:41,098
Let's hand out some toys!
345
00:16:41,052 --> 00:16:43,718
Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay!
346
00:16:43,626 --> 00:16:46,993
Okay, first up...
"to Timmy, from Santa."
347
00:16:46,868 --> 00:16:48,434
Timmy, here.
348
00:16:48,394 --> 00:16:49,794
Ho-ho-ho...
349
00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:51,660
But first, as per tradition,
350
00:16:51,604 --> 00:16:54,704
we will wave the present
in front of Clyde the reindeer
351
00:16:54,592 --> 00:16:56,492
for a Christmas blessing.
352
00:16:57,960 --> 00:16:59,260
This one's clean.
353
00:16:59,232 --> 00:17:01,998
Timmy, merry Christmas!
Ho-ho-ho!
354
00:17:01,901 --> 00:17:03,601
"To Bonnie, from Santa."
355
00:17:03,554 --> 00:17:05,222
Bonnie!
356
00:17:06,606 --> 00:17:09,439
Bonnie.
357
00:17:09,339 --> 00:17:11,973
What'd I give you?
What'd I give you?
358
00:17:11,883 --> 00:17:13,682
Oh, easy-bake oven!
359
00:17:13,630 --> 00:17:15,763
Oh, I used to love...
360
00:17:17,254 --> 00:17:22,120
watching my sister bake
while I played sports.
361
00:17:21,925 --> 00:17:24,959
Let's speed this up, huh?
362
00:17:24,849 --> 00:17:26,682
This one's clean.
363
00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:29,097
Merry Christmas, Carlos!
364
00:17:29,013 --> 00:17:30,713
Ho-ho-ho!
365
00:17:30,666 --> 00:17:32,766
And finally, "for Cindy."
366
00:17:32,701 --> 00:17:33,934
Ah, Cindy.
367
00:17:37,054 --> 00:17:39,655
We gotta keep this one.
368
00:17:39,566 --> 00:17:41,399
But I want my present!
369
00:17:41,345 --> 00:17:43,446
Trust me, you don't want
to open this box.
370
00:17:43,380 --> 00:17:45,113
Why? What will I get?
371
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:48,298
15 to 20.
372
00:17:48,179 --> 00:17:50,912
This is
the worst Christmas ever!
373
00:17:50,817 --> 00:17:52,249
What's going on, Charlie?
374
00:17:52,215 --> 00:17:53,515
Okay...
375
00:17:53,487 --> 00:17:55,487
The truth is...
376
00:17:55,426 --> 00:17:57,426
the truth is...
377
00:17:57,364 --> 00:18:01,097
That Christmas
isn't about presents and toys.
378
00:18:00,956 --> 00:18:03,655
Sometimes
during the holiday season,
379
00:18:03,562 --> 00:18:06,429
we forget
about what's truly important...
380
00:18:06,328 --> 00:18:10,694
friends and fam...lliarity,
381
00:18:10,523 --> 00:18:12,223
and the holiday spirit.
382
00:18:12,175 --> 00:18:14,642
You know, Cindy,
383
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:17,726
sometimes
the best Christmas gifts
384
00:18:17,611 --> 00:18:19,977
are the ones you can't buy.
385
00:18:19,898 --> 00:18:21,165
Here, Cindy,
386
00:18:21,139 --> 00:18:23,472
you can share my gift.
387
00:18:23,396 --> 00:18:25,195
And mines, too.
388
00:18:25,144 --> 00:18:27,377
Thank you, Santa.
389
00:18:27,305 --> 00:18:29,537
Ah, you're welcome, Cindy.
390
00:18:29,466 --> 00:18:31,066
Hey!
391
00:18:31,024 --> 00:18:33,757
Why don't we all go outside
and have a snowball fight?
392
00:18:33,661 --> 00:18:35,327
Yay! Yay! Yay!
393
00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:37,015
Ho-ho!
394
00:18:36,966 --> 00:18:38,834
Ho-ho-ho!
395
00:18:38,778 --> 00:18:42,345
Ho-ho-ho-ly crap!
That was a close one!
396
00:18:42,212 --> 00:18:45,579
Nice work, sir.
That was an amazing speech.
397
00:18:45,453 --> 00:18:47,287
Ah-h, I guess it was okay.
398
00:18:47,234 --> 00:18:48,933
Okay?! It was great!
399
00:18:48,886 --> 00:18:51,219
Two of the reporters
were crying.
400
00:18:51,143 --> 00:18:55,009
Three, but one of 'em
had her own stuff going on.
401
00:18:54,862 --> 00:18:57,261
I don't know
how you do it, sir.
402
00:18:57,181 --> 00:19:00,682
You have this ability
to speak to an audience
403
00:19:00,550 --> 00:19:03,183
and make each person feel like
you're talking just to them.
404
00:19:03,093 --> 00:19:05,560
Yeah, I can handle the details,
405
00:19:05,476 --> 00:19:07,576
but I could never do
what you do.
406
00:19:07,510 --> 00:19:09,777
I guess that's why
you're the mayor.
407
00:19:09,704 --> 00:19:12,270
I've always found
public speaking
408
00:19:12,182 --> 00:19:15,483
easier than talking
with a person one-on-one.
409
00:19:15,361 --> 00:19:18,728
I just can't deal
with the awkward silences...
410
00:19:18,603 --> 00:19:22,203
So I end up blurting out
something inappropriate.
411
00:19:22,067 --> 00:19:23,401
Oh.
412
00:19:23,371 --> 00:19:25,071
Yeah.
413
00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:33,819
I have a low sperm count.
414
00:19:33,701 --> 00:19:38,167
Well, maybe Santa
can bring you more.
415
00:19:37,991 --> 00:19:39,658
Oh.
416
00:19:39,613 --> 00:19:42,146
What do you say
we join the snowball fight?
417
00:19:42,060 --> 00:19:43,860
That's a good idea.
418
00:19:43,807 --> 00:19:45,108
Ho-ho-ho!
419
00:19:50,006 --> 00:19:52,338
I saw that, Paul!
You're a dead man!
420
00:19:52,262 --> 00:19:55,362
Ah, come on, Charlie...
it's all in good fun.
421
00:19:55,250 --> 00:19:58,617
Stuart, you're fired!
422
00:20:00,462 --> 00:20:02,629
I've lost confidence
in this mistletoe thing.
423
00:20:02,561 --> 00:20:05,460
I'll switch my name
with Stuart's.
424
00:20:05,358 --> 00:20:07,624
Merry Christmas, everybody!
425
00:20:07,550 --> 00:20:09,550
Here you are, sir.
Ah.
426
00:20:12,317 --> 00:20:14,784
Oh, Stuart's
right in the middle.
427
00:20:14,702 --> 00:20:19,768
"On the foot of city hall,
you're the big mistletoe."
428
00:20:19,565 --> 00:20:22,832
It's a pun! It doesn't get
any funnier than that!
429
00:21:22,001 --> 00:21:24,434
Sit, ubu, sit. Good dog.
430
00:21:24,484 --> 00:21:29,034
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