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1
00:00:00,888 --> 00:00:01,888
Who read the papers?
2
00:00:04,929 --> 00:00:08,796
Not the sports...
3
00:00:08,651 --> 00:00:12,017
Not fashion...
4
00:00:11,897 --> 00:00:16,164
And not the comics.
5
00:00:16,001 --> 00:00:20,168
Guys, as city officials,
you need to be better informed.
6
00:00:20,010 --> 00:00:23,311
You gotta make time
for the gossip column.
7
00:00:24,306 --> 00:00:25,906
"City hall's own Caitlin Moore
8
00:00:25,866 --> 00:00:27,932
"is being considered
as a guest host
9
00:00:27,870 --> 00:00:29,469
on the 'live with Regis' show."
10
00:00:29,429 --> 00:00:31,395
That's crazy.
11
00:00:31,338 --> 00:00:33,571
No one can fill
kathie Lee's shoes.
12
00:00:35,347 --> 00:00:37,314
From her tv debut
on "name that tune"
13
00:00:37,256 --> 00:00:39,523
through her stint
on "good morning America,"
14
00:00:39,452 --> 00:00:42,285
she has blossomed into the
definitive woman of the '90s.
15
00:00:43,333 --> 00:00:47,366
This is "biography"
on "gay & e."
16
00:00:47,215 --> 00:00:49,849
Okay, I guess
you all read about it.
17
00:00:49,761 --> 00:00:52,060
A producer saw me speak
at a fundraiser
18
00:00:51,988 --> 00:00:54,021
and asked
if I wanted to audition.
19
00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:55,294
What do you guys think?
20
00:00:55,266 --> 00:00:56,898
I think you'd be great.
21
00:00:56,856 --> 00:00:58,256
You'd be wonderful.
22
00:00:58,225 --> 00:00:59,325
Unbelievable.
23
00:00:59,306 --> 00:01:01,939
You're awfully quiet, Charlie.
24
00:01:01,851 --> 00:01:03,285
What do you think?
25
00:01:03,252 --> 00:01:05,851
What, you'd be
singing and dancing and stuff?
26
00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:07,199
I guess.
27
00:01:07,166 --> 00:01:09,365
Tell a few jokes,
try some witty banter?
28
00:01:09,296 --> 00:01:10,530
Yeah, that's right.
29
00:01:10,506 --> 00:01:13,072
I think it would kill
the morning talk show format
30
00:01:12,988 --> 00:01:14,288
as we know it.
31
00:01:14,260 --> 00:01:15,494
You'll be w...
32
00:01:15,469 --> 00:01:16,935
you'll sparkle!
33
00:01:16,901 --> 00:01:18,368
You'll sparkle!
34
00:01:18,333 --> 00:01:20,000
I can't believe
you just said that!
35
00:01:19,956 --> 00:01:21,323
It's nothing personal,
36
00:01:21,292 --> 00:01:23,692
it's just that these tv people,
they're clever.
37
00:01:23,615 --> 00:01:25,049
They can think on their feet.
38
00:01:25,015 --> 00:01:27,782
Hey, I can think on my feet,
mister...
39
00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:30,888
Wrong...Head.
40
00:01:30,775 --> 00:01:32,775
That stings.
41
00:01:58,042 --> 00:01:59,242
We got a problem, guys.
42
00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:00,986
Construction crew
found some bones
43
00:02:00,937 --> 00:02:02,704
underneath
the West Side highway.
44
00:02:02,655 --> 00:02:06,789
For the last time,
she moved to Florida!
45
00:02:06,633 --> 00:02:08,933
They think
they're dinosaur bones.
46
00:02:08,861 --> 00:02:10,694
Paleontologists
want to excavate,
47
00:02:10,642 --> 00:02:12,575
construction workers
want to plow ahead.
48
00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:13,887
I need you two to mediate.
49
00:02:13,856 --> 00:02:16,256
You know I always love to do
extra work,
50
00:02:16,179 --> 00:02:18,479
but I have a deep-seated fear
of bones.
51
00:02:18,406 --> 00:02:21,938
I'll have the crew
rub some barbecue sauce on them.
52
00:02:21,810 --> 00:02:24,776
The fact is Stuart and I
don't work very well together.
53
00:02:24,674 --> 00:02:26,774
It's nothing personal,
it's just I...
54
00:02:26,710 --> 00:02:29,977
I detest him
with every fiber of my being.
55
00:02:29,861 --> 00:02:33,228
Hey, if you're still mad
about that trust-fall exercise,
56
00:02:33,105 --> 00:02:34,806
get over it.
57
00:02:34,761 --> 00:02:36,794
I was confused.
58
00:02:36,734 --> 00:02:40,267
What was confusing
about "catch Paul"?
59
00:02:41,696 --> 00:02:43,430
Stuart, that was out of line,
60
00:02:43,383 --> 00:02:46,417
but Paul, you should've seen it
coming the second time.
61
00:02:46,311 --> 00:02:47,711
Get on it.
62
00:02:47,678 --> 00:02:49,711
Well, Charlie, because of you,
63
00:02:49,652 --> 00:02:52,785
Caitlin's decided
to go through with the audition.
64
00:02:52,675 --> 00:02:54,841
Just because I gave her
one honest opinion?
65
00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:56,608
What is it about women?
66
00:02:56,556 --> 00:02:59,690
Guys don't mind
hearing the truth, yeah?
67
00:02:59,579 --> 00:03:02,479
Exactly. It's like if you
asked me about that tie,
68
00:03:02,378 --> 00:03:04,945
I'd say, "are you
moonlighting down at the pier
69
00:03:04,860 --> 00:03:06,227
making balloon animals?"
70
00:03:08,138 --> 00:03:10,504
It's no big deal, right?
71
00:03:10,428 --> 00:03:13,262
Whatever!
72
00:03:17,269 --> 00:03:20,302
Uh, sir, I'm concerned
you've been working
73
00:03:20,197 --> 00:03:21,963
a little too hard lately.
74
00:03:21,914 --> 00:03:24,315
I appreciate your concern,
Carter, but I'm fine.
75
00:03:24,238 --> 00:03:25,539
Okay.
76
00:03:25,511 --> 00:03:27,177
Could you pass me a cream?
77
00:03:27,134 --> 00:03:29,467
Will you get off my back?!
78
00:03:29,393 --> 00:03:30,926
Sir, you need a vacation.
79
00:03:30,888 --> 00:03:33,354
Now, I have
an excellent travel agent.
80
00:03:33,273 --> 00:03:34,974
I'll handle the whole thing.
81
00:03:34,928 --> 00:03:36,561
I'll think about it, Carter.
82
00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:38,954
But just make sure
it's not like the time
83
00:03:38,875 --> 00:03:40,508
you took me on a gay cruise.
84
00:03:40,465 --> 00:03:43,065
Sir, it was
the staten island ferry.
85
00:03:42,978 --> 00:03:44,345
I don't care who he was,
86
00:03:44,315 --> 00:03:46,515
he should keep his hands
to himself!
87
00:03:53,861 --> 00:03:55,994
Okay, guys, let's get down
to business.
88
00:03:55,928 --> 00:03:58,328
You'll both get equal time
to make your case.
89
00:03:58,251 --> 00:04:01,518
We shouldn't hold traffic up
for a bunch of fossils.
90
00:04:01,402 --> 00:04:04,235
Done.
91
00:04:04,138 --> 00:04:05,639
Construction guy wins.
92
00:04:05,602 --> 00:04:06,968
Forget the bones.
93
00:04:06,937 --> 00:04:09,505
I was told I'd get equal time.
94
00:04:09,420 --> 00:04:12,686
And I was told this suit
could be machine washed.
95
00:04:12,569 --> 00:04:15,070
Fine, go fix the road,
but this could be
96
00:04:14,988 --> 00:04:17,888
the greatest archaeological find
of the century.
97
00:04:17,788 --> 00:04:19,755
I'm talking major media...
98
00:04:19,697 --> 00:04:21,364
cover of time...
99
00:04:21,319 --> 00:04:22,920
Newsweek...
100
00:04:22,878 --> 00:04:24,579
Fossil monthly.
101
00:04:24,533 --> 00:04:27,166
Can you excuse us for a second?
102
00:04:28,956 --> 00:04:31,423
Did you hear that?
We could be famous...
103
00:04:31,343 --> 00:04:34,675
like that guy who discovered
the dinosaur bones in Utah...
104
00:04:34,556 --> 00:04:36,489
You know,
Dr. what's-his-name.
105
00:04:36,433 --> 00:04:38,734
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
that guy, that guy.
106
00:04:38,661 --> 00:04:40,728
Yeah, I want to be
just like him!
107
00:04:40,665 --> 00:04:42,899
Paul...We're a team.
108
00:04:42,829 --> 00:04:44,495
We're a team.
109
00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:47,719
Maybe they'll name a dinosaur
after us...
110
00:04:47,602 --> 00:04:51,168
you know, a bronto-paulus
or a pterodacty-Paul.
111
00:04:51,038 --> 00:04:52,505
Bondek-asaurus.
112
00:04:52,469 --> 00:04:55,536
Ooh, a swing and a miss.
113
00:04:55,428 --> 00:04:57,428
I can't believe
you got the mayor
114
00:04:57,369 --> 00:04:59,336
to get on that plane
last night.
115
00:04:59,278 --> 00:05:01,178
After his 12th airport Martini,
116
00:05:01,124 --> 00:05:04,658
I was able to convince him that
the big tube was a magic castle.
117
00:05:04,529 --> 00:05:07,429
So, you, uh, still want my help
with this audition?
118
00:05:07,328 --> 00:05:09,462
Oh, definitely.
I've got to do well.
119
00:05:09,397 --> 00:05:11,264
I want to put Charlie
in his place.
120
00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:12,744
Okay.
121
00:05:12,705 --> 00:05:14,905
Let's start
with the coffee cup.
122
00:05:14,838 --> 00:05:18,338
Kathie Lee's mug
was an extension of her.
123
00:05:18,211 --> 00:05:20,510
If you can be comfortable
with the cup,
124
00:05:20,437 --> 00:05:22,571
Regis will be comfortable
with you.
125
00:05:22,506 --> 00:05:24,540
Now...
126
00:05:24,479 --> 00:05:27,145
Say hello to the cup.
127
00:05:27,056 --> 00:05:29,323
What?
128
00:05:29,251 --> 00:05:30,850
It's a performance exercise.
129
00:05:30,810 --> 00:05:31,776
Come on.
130
00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:32,731
Hello, cup!
131
00:05:32,719 --> 00:05:35,520
Hello, cup.
Hello, cup.
132
00:05:35,424 --> 00:05:37,658
Hello, cup!
Hello, cup!
133
00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:39,854
Hello, cup!
Hello, cup!
134
00:05:39,783 --> 00:05:40,783
Hello...
135
00:05:42,424 --> 00:05:44,157
don't feel bad.
136
00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:48,043
I've always found that mug
to be a little standoffish.
137
00:05:49,869 --> 00:05:51,936
You don't have to
go through with this.
138
00:05:51,874 --> 00:05:54,707
It is happening, and I want you
to be there to see it.
139
00:05:54,610 --> 00:05:55,977
Okay.
140
00:05:55,947 --> 00:05:57,913
Bye, cup.
141
00:05:59,193 --> 00:06:00,826
Next order of business...
142
00:06:00,783 --> 00:06:03,117
Regis loves a cohost
who can sing,
143
00:06:03,042 --> 00:06:05,442
and kathie Lee
had an amazing voice.
144
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:09,098
* if...They...Could...
See me now *
145
00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:10,894
* that little gang of mine
146
00:06:10,837 --> 00:06:13,770
* I'm eatin' fancy chow
and drinkin' fancy wine *
147
00:06:13,669 --> 00:06:16,936
* I'd like those stumblebumsto see for a fac *
148
00:06:16,819 --> 00:06:20,186
* the kind of top-drawer,first-rate chums I attrac *
149
00:06:20,065 --> 00:06:22,266
sir, what are you doing?
150
00:06:22,196 --> 00:06:23,930
I had the audio-visual nerds
151
00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:26,617
set up thisvideo-conferencing screen here.
152
00:06:26,524 --> 00:06:29,624
I wanted to keep an eyeon things.
153
00:06:30,978 --> 00:06:32,545
So...
154
00:06:32,506 --> 00:06:35,872
What's up?
155
00:06:35,751 --> 00:06:39,218
I'm auditioning as guest host
for "live with Regis."
156
00:06:39,093 --> 00:06:42,293
With your natural charisma,you'd be a first-rate host.
157
00:06:42,179 --> 00:06:44,979
You, Caitlin,were born to be on national tv.
158
00:06:44,883 --> 00:06:46,850
Thank you, sir.
159
00:06:55,479 --> 00:06:56,644
Stuart!
160
00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,493
He's gone.
161
00:06:59,455 --> 00:07:00,422
Oh!
162
00:07:00,410 --> 00:07:01,410
Oh, Mr. mayor.
163
00:07:01,397 --> 00:07:03,430
Oh, I forgot
that you were there.
164
00:07:03,369 --> 00:07:06,137
Well, I'm always herefor my staff, Paul.
165
00:07:06,042 --> 00:07:07,408
What's on your mind?
166
00:07:07,379 --> 00:07:09,345
Well, Stuart and I
were supposed to go
167
00:07:09,288 --> 00:07:11,488
to a photo shoot
down at the dinosaur site.
168
00:07:11,419 --> 00:07:14,453
At the last minute, he tells me
that the location has changed.
169
00:07:14,347 --> 00:07:15,647
I don't trust Stuart.
170
00:07:15,620 --> 00:07:18,219
I have the feeling
that he's trying to box me out
171
00:07:18,133 --> 00:07:20,333
so he can take the glory
all to himself.
172
00:07:20,265 --> 00:07:24,165
Stuart, where were you?!
173
00:07:24,019 --> 00:07:27,019
The gym.
174
00:07:26,915 --> 00:07:29,214
I was down
at the bone collector
175
00:07:29,141 --> 00:07:32,942
because you told me that's where
the paleontologists meet.
176
00:07:32,802 --> 00:07:33,768
Honest mistake.
177
00:07:33,757 --> 00:07:36,023
It's a gay bar!
178
00:07:35,951 --> 00:07:39,084
Is that lipstick
on your collar?
179
00:07:38,974 --> 00:07:40,974
I may have lipstick
on my collar
180
00:07:40,915 --> 00:07:43,115
and suffered
a minor misunderstanding
181
00:07:43,047 --> 00:07:45,113
in the men's room,
but that's okay.
182
00:07:45,052 --> 00:07:47,284
That's okay 'cause you,
Stuart bondek,
183
00:07:47,215 --> 00:07:48,682
you're gonna get yours!
184
00:07:48,646 --> 00:07:51,279
Paul lassiter is tired
of being the office joke...
185
00:07:51,192 --> 00:07:53,492
The office fool...
186
00:07:53,419 --> 00:07:55,553
The office...
187
00:07:55,488 --> 00:07:57,121
Jackass.
188
00:07:57,078 --> 00:07:58,845
Thank you.
189
00:08:01,819 --> 00:08:03,986
Walter,I like being your sidekick
190
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:07,067
because it's a kick
being by your side.
191
00:08:07,959 --> 00:08:09,559
This is all my fault.
192
00:08:09,518 --> 00:08:12,186
You know, every time
I'm honest with a woman,
193
00:08:12,095 --> 00:08:13,462
it turns out bad.
194
00:08:13,432 --> 00:08:15,566
Why?
What happened last time?
195
00:08:15,500 --> 00:08:18,400
This is it.
196
00:08:19,606 --> 00:08:21,672
Caitlin,
we're losing the audio.
197
00:08:21,610 --> 00:08:24,243
Can you adjust your Mike a bit?
198
00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:26,322
Oh, right, sorry.
199
00:08:26,255 --> 00:08:28,222
Oh, my God, she lost a button!
200
00:08:28,164 --> 00:08:29,231
I can't look!
201
00:08:29,214 --> 00:08:30,580
I'll keep you updated.
202
00:08:30,550 --> 00:08:31,950
Has anyone noticed?
203
00:08:36,214 --> 00:08:37,980
Tough to tell.
204
00:08:39,396 --> 00:08:41,995
I like this one.
Let's call her back.
205
00:08:41,910 --> 00:08:44,709
What?! They haven't even
listened to her!
206
00:08:44,614 --> 00:08:47,481
This isn't an audition!
It's a peep show!
207
00:08:47,383 --> 00:08:48,582
I know.
208
00:08:48,559 --> 00:08:50,626
It's horrible.
209
00:08:50,563 --> 00:08:52,797
Can we get a zoomon camera three?
210
00:08:56,777 --> 00:09:00,378
Charlie, you've got to talk
Caitlin out of doing that show.
211
00:09:00,246 --> 00:09:03,079
She should know that the star of
that audition was her breasts.
212
00:09:02,982 --> 00:09:05,482
You saw Caitlin's breasts?
213
00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:09,634
Why do I have to be the one
to talk to her?
214
00:09:09,473 --> 00:09:11,973
You saw Caitlin's breasts?
215
00:09:11,891 --> 00:09:14,458
She's only doing this
to prove something to you.
216
00:09:14,374 --> 00:09:16,374
Look, I'll be right beside you.
217
00:09:16,314 --> 00:09:19,347
They want me to guest host
the show tomorrow.
218
00:09:19,242 --> 00:09:21,275
I guess I killed
at the audition.
219
00:09:25,924 --> 00:09:30,091
About that...Charlie and I
need to tell you something.
220
00:09:29,932 --> 00:09:31,633
What? Me? Now?
221
00:09:31,587 --> 00:09:33,853
I'll be right there.
222
00:09:35,469 --> 00:09:38,402
Why don't we talk in my office?
223
00:09:38,300 --> 00:09:39,933
Bondek, this sounds juicy!
224
00:09:39,891 --> 00:09:41,258
Wheel me over there!
225
00:09:43,710 --> 00:09:46,676
So you made the first cut, huh?
You're gonna be live with Regis.
226
00:09:46,573 --> 00:09:47,773
I don't like to brag,
227
00:09:47,750 --> 00:09:49,817
but I guess I have
certain qualities
228
00:09:49,755 --> 00:09:51,188
the producers responded to.
229
00:09:51,155 --> 00:09:53,455
A couple.
230
00:09:53,382 --> 00:09:56,249
Look, you proved to me
that you're good.
231
00:09:56,150 --> 00:09:58,850
There's no real reason to go
through with this, is there?
232
00:09:58,759 --> 00:10:00,427
Actually, there is.
233
00:10:00,383 --> 00:10:03,482
I've never told anyone
this before,
234
00:10:03,372 --> 00:10:04,973
but back in high school,
235
00:10:04,932 --> 00:10:07,732
I tried out
for "Jesus Christ, superstar."
236
00:10:07,637 --> 00:10:09,169
I practiced for weeks,
237
00:10:09,132 --> 00:10:12,033
and when I finally auditioned,
I froze up and forgot my lines.
238
00:10:11,932 --> 00:10:13,199
Did you look at the script?
239
00:10:13,173 --> 00:10:15,240
No, I pulled the fire alarm
and ran.
240
00:10:16,419 --> 00:10:18,818
Christine Scott
ended up getting the part
241
00:10:18,740 --> 00:10:20,341
and I wound up stage manager.
242
00:10:20,300 --> 00:10:22,666
Of course, I did bring
the last supper in
243
00:10:22,591 --> 00:10:23,891
53% under budget.
244
00:10:23,864 --> 00:10:26,130
I'm guessing
most of the apostles
245
00:10:26,060 --> 00:10:27,326
filled up on rolls?
246
00:10:27,300 --> 00:10:29,534
This may seem silly to you,
247
00:10:29,464 --> 00:10:32,364
but this is my chance where I
can finally prove to myself
248
00:10:32,263 --> 00:10:34,697
that I can do it...
I can be Christine Scott.
249
00:10:34,618 --> 00:10:36,685
I mean Christine Scott
back then,
250
00:10:36,624 --> 00:10:39,056
because I heard
she turned into a real whore.
251
00:10:38,978 --> 00:10:41,512
That's a beautiful story.
252
00:10:41,428 --> 00:10:44,028
I'm sure you'll be great.
253
00:11:00,137 --> 00:11:01,836
You'll be reporting to me.
254
00:11:01,791 --> 00:11:04,091
I am the top dog,
the big cheese,
255
00:11:04,018 --> 00:11:05,252
the jumbo shrimp.
256
00:11:05,228 --> 00:11:06,928
Where's Mr. bondek?
257
00:11:06,882 --> 00:11:09,249
Mr. bondek's aunt took ill
258
00:11:09,174 --> 00:11:12,540
with a sudden case
of osteoporosis.
259
00:11:13,851 --> 00:11:15,983
Paul!
260
00:11:15,918 --> 00:11:17,853
I should've known
something was fishy
261
00:11:17,795 --> 00:11:19,629
when you offered
to buy me a soda!
262
00:11:19,578 --> 00:11:22,044
We were supposed to work
together as a team, but no.
263
00:11:21,964 --> 00:11:24,398
No, all you want to do
is make me the office fool!
264
00:11:24,319 --> 00:11:26,518
Well, for once,
I'm the guy in charge,
265
00:11:26,450 --> 00:11:29,450
and you're the guy
chained to the soda machine!
266
00:11:31,987 --> 00:11:33,753
Gentlemen.
267
00:11:33,705 --> 00:11:35,038
Is there a problem here?
268
00:11:35,009 --> 00:11:36,643
No. Why do you ask?
269
00:11:36,601 --> 00:11:38,100
When you came in this morning,
270
00:11:38,064 --> 00:11:40,364
you weren't handcuffed
to a vending machine.
271
00:11:40,291 --> 00:11:42,991
Look, guys, this is
a big, high-profile project.
272
00:11:42,900 --> 00:11:46,000
If you can't work together,
I'll give it to someone else.
273
00:11:45,891 --> 00:11:46,857
Oh, no.
274
00:11:46,846 --> 00:11:48,479
No, no, no, no, no.
275
00:11:48,436 --> 00:11:50,237
We'll work together.
276
00:11:50,187 --> 00:11:55,920
You need to restock
orange crush.
277
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:07,567
This steak is delicious,isn't it, Carter?
278
00:12:07,345 --> 00:12:11,745
Would you pleasepass the salt?
279
00:12:11,576 --> 00:12:13,242
Do we have to do this again?
280
00:12:23,381 --> 00:12:26,515
Sir...lt's midnight here.
281
00:12:26,404 --> 00:12:29,503
I've worked a long day,
and this is getting ridiculous.
282
00:12:29,394 --> 00:12:31,262
Oh, Carter, relax.
283
00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:33,076
We're on vacation!
284
00:12:33,022 --> 00:12:34,288
No, you' on vacation,
285
00:12:34,262 --> 00:12:36,496
and all you've done
is sit in your room.
286
00:12:36,426 --> 00:12:38,426
Now, uh, this is
for your own good.
287
00:12:38,368 --> 00:12:40,967
No, no, wait...
288
00:12:40,881 --> 00:12:42,014
yes!
289
00:12:51,095 --> 00:12:55,562
Never do that to a person.
290
00:12:55,390 --> 00:12:58,256
I just want you to get out
and meet people.
291
00:12:58,158 --> 00:13:01,024
Carter, you're usedto seeing me as mayor...
292
00:13:00,926 --> 00:13:03,393
confident, outgoing,fun at parties.
293
00:13:04,808 --> 00:13:08,643
But deep down,I'm a very shy man.
294
00:13:08,499 --> 00:13:11,166
I didn't know that.
295
00:13:11,077 --> 00:13:15,643
This is the first vacationI've taken since my divorce.
296
00:13:15,467 --> 00:13:18,567
Maybe I'm just afraidto be alone.
297
00:13:18,459 --> 00:13:23,692
If you like, I'll...
Stay with you a little longer.
298
00:13:27,845 --> 00:13:29,279
I don't want you to think
299
00:13:29,245 --> 00:13:32,045
that being alone
is a completely negative thing.
300
00:13:31,949 --> 00:13:34,382
A very wise man once wrote,
"in solitude,
301
00:13:34,303 --> 00:13:38,437
a strong mind gains strength
and learns to lean upon itself."
302
00:13:38,281 --> 00:13:41,081
Of course, Henry David Thoreau
held a different...
303
00:13:40,985 --> 00:13:43,920
you know, I'm gonna goget tanked at the pool bar.
304
00:14:02,590 --> 00:14:08,090
Now here are Regis philbinand Caitlin Moore!
305
00:14:07,872 --> 00:14:09,173
Thank you very much.
306
00:14:09,145 --> 00:14:11,445
Hello, everybody,
and welcome to our show.
307
00:14:11,373 --> 00:14:13,672
Our guest host today
is New York's very own
308
00:14:13,599 --> 00:14:16,333
Caitlin Moore.
Here she is, everybody.
309
00:14:18,181 --> 00:14:21,848
Well, Caitlin,
how is everything?
310
00:14:21,713 --> 00:14:23,513
Fine.
311
00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:25,962
We got
a woman of few words here.
312
00:14:25,881 --> 00:14:27,214
She's freezing up.
313
00:14:27,186 --> 00:14:29,819
It's Christine Scott
all over again.
314
00:14:29,731 --> 00:14:31,432
That whore!
315
00:14:33,327 --> 00:14:35,160
How's the mayor?
316
00:14:35,109 --> 00:14:37,909
Oh, well, this week, he's been
more helpful than usual.
317
00:14:37,813 --> 00:14:40,114
He was out of the office
a lot and, um...
318
00:14:42,490 --> 00:14:44,357
That's pretty funny.
319
00:14:44,304 --> 00:14:46,571
What are you working on
at city hall?
320
00:14:46,499 --> 00:14:47,932
We're trying to get the Yankees
321
00:14:47,898 --> 00:14:50,232
to stop serving alcohol
after the seventh inning.
322
00:14:50,159 --> 00:14:53,092
Oh, yeah, I guess the fans get
pretty much out of control, huh?
323
00:14:52,990 --> 00:14:55,124
Fans?
I'm talking about the players.
324
00:14:55,059 --> 00:14:57,625
R
325
00:14:57,540 --> 00:14:59,373
what do you think of this girl?
326
00:14:59,322 --> 00:15:00,823
Full of moxie, isn't she?
327
00:15:00,786 --> 00:15:01,753
Yeah!
328
00:15:01,740 --> 00:15:02,707
Thank you.
329
00:15:02,695 --> 00:15:04,261
Thank you.
330
00:15:04,222 --> 00:15:05,522
That's really great.
331
00:15:05,495 --> 00:15:06,995
Nice to have you here.
332
00:15:06,958 --> 00:15:08,092
Mm, thank you.
333
00:15:08,072 --> 00:15:10,172
[ Bleep ]
334
00:15:10,108 --> 00:15:14,275
Did she just say [Bleep]?
335
00:15:14,118 --> 00:15:16,084
She did.She said [ bleep ]
336
00:15:16,027 --> 00:15:19,660
This is
so [Bleep] embarrassing.
337
00:15:19,526 --> 00:15:21,526
Did I say [Bleep]?
338
00:15:21,467 --> 00:15:23,334
This is a [Bleep] disaster.
339
00:15:23,281 --> 00:15:25,381
This is [Bleep] great.
340
00:15:25,318 --> 00:15:29,418
* if...They...Could...
See me now *
341
00:15:29,263 --> 00:15:31,563
* that little gang of mine
342
00:15:31,491 --> 00:15:34,624
* eatin' fancy chow
and drinkin' fancy wine... *
343
00:15:34,514 --> 00:15:36,480
wait, wait...
344
00:15:36,423 --> 00:15:39,789
she may pull out of this.
345
00:15:47,017 --> 00:15:50,717
Lassiter... Australian for dork.
346
00:15:50,582 --> 00:15:52,515
Hey, look,
the reporters are here.
347
00:15:52,458 --> 00:15:54,625
Let's give them a look at us
in action.
348
00:15:54,559 --> 00:15:57,125
Hey, Indiana bones...
What's the update?
349
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,606
It's slow going
on that third vertebra.
350
00:15:59,522 --> 00:16:02,522
We have to be careful
not to break the skeleton.
351
00:16:02,417 --> 00:16:03,984
What, are you kidding me?
352
00:16:03,945 --> 00:16:05,378
I saw "Jurassic park."
353
00:16:05,345 --> 00:16:08,545
You couldn't bring those things
down with bazookas.
354
00:16:10,086 --> 00:16:12,353
What my partner here is saying
355
00:16:12,281 --> 00:16:15,548
is we'd like to see some results
before we're extinct.
356
00:16:15,431 --> 00:16:18,098
Zing! Boom! Boom!
357
00:16:18,008 --> 00:16:21,841
Guys, I think we may have
a little problem.
358
00:16:21,699 --> 00:16:24,233
Yeah, yeah,
we got a little problem.
359
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:27,116
The problem is
I don't see a giant dinosaur.
360
00:16:27,014 --> 00:16:29,647
So you take your little brush
and your little hammer
361
00:16:29,558 --> 00:16:31,324
and get back in the hole.
362
00:16:32,995 --> 00:16:36,328
Okay, it was bad,
but it wasn't that bad.
363
00:16:36,209 --> 00:16:38,842
What are you drinking out of
that cup that you talk to?
364
00:16:38,754 --> 00:16:39,887
You're right.
365
00:16:39,868 --> 00:16:40,901
It was a disaster.
366
00:16:40,886 --> 00:16:42,353
There's no use pretending.
367
00:16:48,235 --> 00:16:51,502
Congratulations!
368
00:16:51,386 --> 00:16:53,252
Oh, get off it!
I was the worst!
369
00:16:53,199 --> 00:16:54,500
What's the big deal?
370
00:16:54,472 --> 00:16:56,805
You don't want to host the show
anyways.
371
00:16:56,731 --> 00:16:58,065
It's not the show.
372
00:16:58,035 --> 00:17:00,536
It's that I got another chance
and I choked,
373
00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:01,853
just like in high school.
374
00:17:03,026 --> 00:17:04,792
It's not like high school.
375
00:17:04,744 --> 00:17:06,077
You didn't freeze.
376
00:17:06,049 --> 00:17:08,082
You just swore 50 or 60 times.
377
00:17:10,312 --> 00:17:11,278
You're right.
378
00:17:11,267 --> 00:17:13,168
I never should've done this.
379
00:17:21,003 --> 00:17:22,237
Regis? Excuse me.
380
00:17:22,212 --> 00:17:23,678
Hi. Charlie Crawford.
381
00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:27,511
Charlie, yeah, listen...
coffee, light, no sugar...
382
00:17:27,367 --> 00:17:30,334
And bring me a cruller, too,
will ya?
383
00:17:30,231 --> 00:17:31,964
No, I'm from city hall.
384
00:17:31,917 --> 00:17:33,349
Oh, yeah.
385
00:17:33,317 --> 00:17:36,084
Hey, this must be
about my helicopter permit
386
00:17:35,990 --> 00:17:37,356
for my apartment.
387
00:17:37,326 --> 00:17:39,460
No, I...
I work with Caitlin Moore.
388
00:17:39,394 --> 00:17:41,494
She's really upset
about the show.
389
00:17:41,430 --> 00:17:44,430
I was hoping maybe you can
give her a call, you know,
390
00:17:44,326 --> 00:17:46,658
invite her back,
give her another try?
391
00:17:46,585 --> 00:17:48,152
Charlie, no problem.
392
00:17:48,112 --> 00:17:49,179
Sure.
393
00:17:49,162 --> 00:17:50,528
Really?
394
00:17:50,498 --> 00:17:53,132
I'll invite her back.
And you can have my job.
395
00:17:53,044 --> 00:17:55,744
And why don't we replace gelman
with a monkey?
396
00:17:55,653 --> 00:17:56,954
Hey.
397
00:17:56,926 --> 00:17:57,959
Okay?
398
00:17:57,945 --> 00:17:59,878
I was just hoping for the call.
399
00:17:59,821 --> 00:18:02,121
Caitlin is really upset
about the show.
400
00:18:02,048 --> 00:18:03,948
She's been dreaming of this day
401
00:18:03,894 --> 00:18:06,461
ever since Christine Scott
got all the glory
402
00:18:06,376 --> 00:18:08,775
and she got stuck
making the last supper.
403
00:18:08,699 --> 00:18:10,066
It's a chick thing.
404
00:18:10,035 --> 00:18:13,768
Look, the only thing that's
gonna make her feel better
405
00:18:13,630 --> 00:18:15,363
is a phone call from you.
406
00:18:15,317 --> 00:18:16,751
What is it, Charlie?
407
00:18:16,717 --> 00:18:18,350
You want a piece of me?
408
00:18:18,307 --> 00:18:19,708
N-n-not really, no.
409
00:18:19,676 --> 00:18:20,843
Why not?
410
00:18:20,821 --> 00:18:23,554
You afraid you might
get your dress dirty, Alice?
411
00:18:23,463 --> 00:18:24,895
You don't want to poke me.
412
00:18:24,862 --> 00:18:26,929
Don't want to poke you?
413
00:18:26,867 --> 00:18:28,367
Why not?!
414
00:18:28,331 --> 00:18:29,997
All right.
415
00:18:29,954 --> 00:18:33,321
You better phone a friend.
416
00:18:38,448 --> 00:18:40,649
Hey...
417
00:18:40,581 --> 00:18:42,214
What happened to your face?
418
00:18:42,171 --> 00:18:45,805
I got into a massive fistfight
with Regis philbin.
419
00:18:45,672 --> 00:18:46,938
Did he bite you?
420
00:18:46,912 --> 00:18:49,112
Actually, in all the confusion,
421
00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:51,311
I think I might have
bit myself.
422
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:54,173
Guess who just called me
about the show.
423
00:18:54,071 --> 00:18:56,138
The fcc?
424
00:18:56,077 --> 00:18:57,143
Regis philbin!
425
00:18:57,127 --> 00:18:58,493
He said I was great!
426
00:18:58,462 --> 00:19:01,128
I was, quote,
"a breath of fresh air."
427
00:19:01,039 --> 00:19:03,406
So I guess this is
all over now, huh?
428
00:19:03,330 --> 00:19:04,797
This isn't all over
429
00:19:04,763 --> 00:19:06,962
until you say,
"Caitlin is entertaining."
430
00:19:06,894 --> 00:19:09,094
Caitlin is entertaining.
431
00:19:09,026 --> 00:19:10,159
And, "from now on,
432
00:19:10,140 --> 00:19:12,273
I'll keep my opinions
to myself."
433
00:19:12,207 --> 00:19:14,974
From now on,
I'll keep my opinions to myself.
434
00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:16,247
And, "in the morning,
435
00:19:16,218 --> 00:19:18,817
I usually stuff a tube sock
down my pants."
436
00:19:20,226 --> 00:19:22,760
I kne it!
437
00:19:24,521 --> 00:19:26,221
Thanks, Charlie.
438
00:19:28,784 --> 00:19:33,418
Hey, you got Regis philbin
to call Caitlin.
439
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,240
You're like
a knight in shining armor
440
00:19:35,181 --> 00:19:36,414
defending the fair maid.
441
00:19:36,389 --> 00:19:38,689
Don't sissy up my fistfight.
442
00:19:40,494 --> 00:19:43,628
Well, I think what you did
for Caitlin is wonderful.
443
00:19:43,517 --> 00:19:45,150
I'm not looking for praise.
444
00:19:45,108 --> 00:19:48,241
Bottom line is when philbin left
there, he knew who was boss.
445
00:19:48,130 --> 00:19:49,097
Yeah, right.
446
00:19:49,084 --> 00:19:50,451
By the way, Carter,
447
00:19:50,422 --> 00:19:54,589
how do I get a permit
for a [Bleep] helipad?
448
00:20:00,189 --> 00:20:02,523
You are about to witness
the realization
449
00:20:02,448 --> 00:20:04,649
of a major achievement
for New York.
450
00:20:04,581 --> 00:20:06,980
This would not have been
possible
451
00:20:06,903 --> 00:20:09,869
without the tireless efforts
of visionaries
452
00:20:09,767 --> 00:20:12,034
who so often go without credit.
453
00:20:11,962 --> 00:20:15,628
I am, of course, referring
to myself and Mr. lassiter.
454
00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:20,715
Let's take a look
at our dinosaur.
455
00:21:18,638 --> 00:21:21,104
Sit, ubu, sit. Good dog.
456
00:21:21,154 --> 00:21:25,704
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