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1
00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:10,208
This Mother's Day thing
really bites.
2
00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:13,945
Yeah. A whole Sunday
totally wasted.
3
00:00:13,980 --> 00:00:16,147
Like her birthday wasn't enough.
4
00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:18,450
Hey, your mom works
real hard all year.
5
00:00:18,485 --> 00:00:21,453
She deserves one day
to relax and do nothing.
6
00:00:21,488 --> 00:00:24,388
What about us? We don't
get a kid's day.
7
00:00:24,424 --> 00:00:26,991
Some day, my angel,
you'll be a parent
8
00:00:27,026 --> 00:00:29,527
and realize that
every day is kid's day.
9
00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:34,132
Man, you just want to smack
them when they say that.
10
00:00:34,167 --> 00:00:37,902
I didn't park in the
driveway, like you asked.
11
00:00:37,937 --> 00:00:39,270
I cleaned the entire house,
12
00:00:39,305 --> 00:00:41,039
went shopping for
the barbecue items.
13
00:00:41,074 --> 00:00:46,745
Is there anything else I can do
while I'm queen for a damned day?
14
00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:49,347
Did you remember the beer?
15
00:00:51,018 --> 00:00:54,051
Just wait till Father's Day.
16
00:00:56,156 --> 00:00:57,655
Oh, you're here already?
17
00:00:57,690 --> 00:00:58,490
Yeah.
18
00:00:58,525 --> 00:00:59,224
Where's grandma?
19
00:00:59,259 --> 00:01:01,359
Talking to the radio station.
20
00:01:01,394 --> 00:01:03,428
Oh, of course.
Grandma...
21
00:01:03,463 --> 00:01:04,596
Wait a minute.
22
00:01:04,631 --> 00:01:06,331
Don't go to a station break
23
00:01:06,366 --> 00:01:09,166
when I'm in the middle
of my opinion.
24
00:01:09,202 --> 00:01:12,670
All right, all right.
Do it your way.
25
00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:14,004
I'm on hold.
26
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:15,573
What's the topic?
27
00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:16,708
Meat.
28
00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:20,011
This Ted from Toledo thinks
it's mean to kill cows.
29
00:01:20,046 --> 00:01:23,014
Does he want us
to eat them alive?
30
00:01:23,050 --> 00:01:25,283
That's very good.
I'll use that.
31
00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:27,418
What took you so long?
32
00:01:27,454 --> 00:01:28,253
We made three stops
33
00:01:28,288 --> 00:01:30,721
so she could phone in
her outrage.
34
00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:34,125
Jackie, you be glad
that you live in a country
35
00:01:34,161 --> 00:01:36,727
where anybody can
pull over to a Stuckey's
36
00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:38,963
and express their
freedom of speech.
37
00:01:38,999 --> 00:01:41,600
And get a nice pecan log.
38
00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:42,466
Hey, Ted,
39
00:01:42,502 --> 00:01:43,435
I am at a barbecue.
40
00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:49,640
What do you suggest we put on the grill?
Broccoli?
41
00:01:49,675 --> 00:01:51,743
When did you guys get here?
42
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,144
A couple minutes ago.
43
00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:54,379
Hold on. Danny!
44
00:01:54,414 --> 00:01:56,748
My favorite
grandson-in-law!
45
00:01:56,783 --> 00:01:57,548
Hey, kids!
46
00:01:57,584 --> 00:01:58,783
Nana Mary's here!
47
00:01:58,818 --> 00:02:01,018
You giving them what-for,
grandma?
48
00:02:01,054 --> 00:02:03,487
I'm trying to,
but the kind of people
49
00:02:03,523 --> 00:02:05,290
that call into these talk shows,
50
00:02:05,325 --> 00:02:08,993
they're not the
brightest in the world.
51
00:02:09,762 --> 00:02:11,262
- Nana Mary!
- Hi, Nana Mary!
52
00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:13,497
Wait a minute.
Hold on, hold on!
53
00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:17,802
My three gorgeous
great-grandchildren just walked in.
54
00:02:17,837 --> 00:02:20,138
And guess what?
You'll never believe it,
55
00:02:20,173 --> 00:02:24,409
but little Darlene has boobies!
56
00:03:42,488 --> 00:03:44,321
You remember
that Ethel Schneider?
57
00:03:44,357 --> 00:03:47,725
She lived in the apartment
across the hall?
58
00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:48,459
Yeah.
59
00:03:48,494 --> 00:03:50,128
The one with the rich grandson
60
00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:52,998
that would be perfect
for you, Jackie.
61
00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:54,432
That's the one.
62
00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:56,434
What about her?
63
00:03:56,469 --> 00:03:58,703
Dead.
64
00:03:58,738 --> 00:03:59,803
Oh, god.
65
00:03:59,839 --> 00:04:01,472
If the grandson's
at the funeral,
66
00:04:01,507 --> 00:04:04,609
you could wear that
scoop-necked black sweater.
67
00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:05,443
Knock it off.
68
00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:07,979
I don't want to talk about
69
00:04:08,014 --> 00:04:10,014
my love life or dead people.
70
00:04:10,050 --> 00:04:12,884
Can I talk about my love life?
71
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:13,718
Yes, fine.
72
00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:15,687
Well, you remember
that Marvin Spencer?
73
00:04:15,722 --> 00:04:19,190
He was the one with
the hot pants for me.
74
00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:21,559
Oh, yeah.
He asked you out?
75
00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:22,227
Yes, once.
76
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:24,629
Oh, we had a wonderful time.
77
00:04:24,664 --> 00:04:25,296
Yeah?
78
00:04:25,331 --> 00:04:27,598
But he never called me again.
79
00:04:27,634 --> 00:04:28,967
Why not?
80
00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:29,934
Dead.
81
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:32,703
See?
I'm... I'm leaving.
82
00:04:32,739 --> 00:04:33,471
You coward!
83
00:04:33,506 --> 00:04:34,939
Grandma, you should move in.
84
00:04:34,974 --> 00:04:38,142
We could do this
to Jackie all the time.
85
00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:40,912
Roseanne, we've been
through this before.
86
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:43,815
Suppose I didn't
like living here.
87
00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:46,283
Then you'd fit right in.
88
00:04:46,353 --> 00:04:49,220
Can I bring anything out
to the table?
89
00:04:49,256 --> 00:04:51,022
Chips or dip or something?
90
00:04:51,057 --> 00:04:54,058
No, I don't want you
to take anything.
91
00:04:54,093 --> 00:04:54,959
Just 'cause I'm pregnant
92
00:04:54,994 --> 00:04:56,828
doesn't mean I can't pitch in.
93
00:04:56,863 --> 00:04:58,896
Crystal, it's because
you eat everything
94
00:04:58,931 --> 00:05:00,931
before you get it out there.
95
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:03,701
Well, the baby's hungry.
96
00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:06,203
You keep feeding him like that
97
00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:10,274
and he'll never want to leave.
98
00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:12,777
Mary, I can't tell you
99
00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:15,780
how good it is to see you again.
100
00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:17,014
Yeah.
Me, too, sweetheart.
101
00:05:17,050 --> 00:05:18,283
You've always been gorgeous,
102
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,751
but right now
you're simply glowing.
103
00:05:20,787 --> 00:05:23,454
Why, what a nice thing to say.
104
00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:26,090
I'm glad to see that bad manners
105
00:05:26,125 --> 00:05:29,160
don't run in the family.
106
00:05:30,463 --> 00:05:32,797
Who is that, again?
107
00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:35,133
That's Crystal.
You know...
108
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,569
She married Dan's dad.
109
00:05:37,604 --> 00:05:38,536
Oh, right.
110
00:05:38,605 --> 00:05:42,273
Look, I don't like to
talk bad about people...
111
00:05:42,308 --> 00:05:43,174
Never...
112
00:05:43,209 --> 00:05:45,810
And I know she's one
of your best friends,
113
00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:48,680
but that's a sick thing.
114
00:05:50,817 --> 00:05:52,450
What are you looking at?
115
00:05:52,485 --> 00:05:56,054
I'm thinking I can help you
with your potato salad.
116
00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:58,623
No, you're trying
to steal my recipe.
117
00:05:58,658 --> 00:06:00,291
Get the hell out of here.
118
00:06:00,326 --> 00:06:03,094
Well, why won't you
give me your recipe?
119
00:06:03,129 --> 00:06:04,596
I slaved for 30 years,
120
00:06:04,631 --> 00:06:06,064
creating a perfect potato salad.
121
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:08,900
You think I'll tell
you just like that?
122
00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:11,035
Well, I am your granddaughter.
123
00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:13,104
In regards to my potato salad,
124
00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:14,505
you are nothing to me.
125
00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:16,908
And speaking of nothing,
126
00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:20,211
did you call your mother?
127
00:06:20,247 --> 00:06:22,613
I'll call her later.
128
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:26,151
You know, I don't talk
bad about anybody...
129
00:06:26,186 --> 00:06:27,018
Yeah, I know.
130
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:29,120
And I know she's your mother,
131
00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:30,288
but I never understood
132
00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:32,490
what your father saw in her.
133
00:06:32,525 --> 00:06:34,893
She's your daughter.
134
00:06:36,696 --> 00:06:38,462
Company!
135
00:06:38,498 --> 00:06:39,964
Hi. Glad you
could make it.
136
00:06:39,999 --> 00:06:42,232
Where should I put
these deviled eggs?
137
00:06:42,268 --> 00:06:45,135
Out back, but don't
let Crystal see them.
138
00:06:45,171 --> 00:06:47,405
Hey, this must be Chuck junior.
139
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:48,273
Couldn't be.
140
00:06:48,375 --> 00:06:51,342
The Chuck junior I fed
and clothed for 16 years
141
00:06:51,378 --> 00:06:53,944
would never have
forgotten Mother's Day.
142
00:06:53,980 --> 00:06:54,945
Oh, ma...
143
00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:56,481
Shut up.
144
00:06:57,850 --> 00:06:58,382
Hello!
145
00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:01,185
Oh, yeah. This is
Chuck, Anne-Marie,
146
00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:03,154
and the evil Chuck junior.
147
00:07:03,189 --> 00:07:05,490
This is my grandmother Mary.
148
00:07:05,525 --> 00:07:07,691
Well, it's nice to meet you.
149
00:07:07,727 --> 00:07:08,893
Nice to meet you.
150
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:10,294
It's a real pleasure.
151
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:11,262
Yes. Me, too,
152
00:07:11,297 --> 00:07:15,867
and I want you to know
I'm not prejudiced.
153
00:07:27,747 --> 00:07:30,582
Mmm. Anne-Marie, these
deviled eggs are good!
154
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:32,584
I should have made more.
155
00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:34,885
Oh! The baby
just kicked.
156
00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:35,921
It's ok, honey.
157
00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:39,090
We're at a barbecue at
your brother Dan's house,
158
00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:42,560
and all our friends are here.
159
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:45,964
I read that you should
talk to the baby
160
00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:48,466
so he can get used
to your voice.
161
00:07:48,501 --> 00:07:50,701
He can even understand a little.
162
00:07:50,736 --> 00:07:54,305
Hey, baby, back off the buffet.
163
00:07:58,844 --> 00:08:00,411
Rosey!
164
00:08:00,447 --> 00:08:01,546
What?
165
00:08:01,581 --> 00:08:03,414
I need a big bowl.
166
00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:06,517
Uh, it's in the cupboard
next to the sink.
167
00:08:06,553 --> 00:08:07,452
Do you believe her?
168
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:10,121
She throws me out
of my own damn kitchen
169
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,690
so she can make her
secret potato salad.
170
00:08:12,725 --> 00:08:16,127
Uh-oh, we're out of coffee.
I'll make some more.
171
00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:17,861
Forget it.
This ain't work.
172
00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:19,130
If people want coffee,
173
00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:20,097
they can make it their self.
174
00:08:20,133 --> 00:08:23,767
That's just what she
says at the restaurant.
175
00:08:23,803 --> 00:08:27,038
Bonnie, how come your
husband didn't show?
176
00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:28,039
Oh, Duke couldn't come.
177
00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:31,875
He's still got 20 hours of
community service to do.
178
00:08:31,911 --> 00:08:36,347
Look at this sweater my
daughter sent me from Oregon.
179
00:08:36,382 --> 00:08:38,015
That's wonderful.
It's real pretty.
180
00:08:38,050 --> 00:08:39,161
She remembered mother's day,
181
00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:42,019
and she's all the way in Oregon.
182
00:08:42,054 --> 00:08:42,820
Oh, mom.
183
00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:44,589
- Ha ha!
- Way to go.
184
00:08:44,624 --> 00:08:46,024
There's worse things,
Anne-Marie.
185
00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:51,595
My kids all chipped in and bought
me these strawberry bath beads.
186
00:08:51,631 --> 00:08:55,133
I'm giving them out
for Halloween.
187
00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:57,968
Rosey!
188
00:08:58,004 --> 00:08:58,903
What?
189
00:08:58,938 --> 00:09:02,240
Where do you keep
the Tabasco sauce?
190
00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:05,143
In the fridge door.
191
00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:09,113
Hey, she puts Tabasco
in the potato salad.
192
00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:09,847
No way!
193
00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:13,151
I'm making myself a bloody Mary.
194
00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:17,121
I'm going long.
195
00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:20,091
Say, Dan, you might think about
196
00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:23,061
stacking those coals
like a pyramid.
197
00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:24,195
No, no, no.
198
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:27,131
This way, you get them all
with the lighter fluid.
199
00:09:27,166 --> 00:09:30,301
Stack them, you miss
the ones in the middle.
200
00:09:30,336 --> 00:09:32,503
Why don't you spray them first
201
00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:34,572
and stack them after?
202
00:09:35,174 --> 00:09:36,140
Well, no, no, no.
203
00:09:36,175 --> 00:09:38,676
See, all your fluid
evaporates if you do that.
204
00:09:38,711 --> 00:09:41,078
Trust me, it's better this way.
205
00:09:41,113 --> 00:09:41,846
I disagree.
206
00:09:41,881 --> 00:09:43,247
The way you got them,
207
00:09:43,282 --> 00:09:45,482
they're spread out,
working all alone,
208
00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:47,084
but if you stack them,
209
00:09:47,119 --> 00:09:48,753
they're working like a team.
210
00:09:48,788 --> 00:09:51,155
Well, let me ask
you something, Chuck.
211
00:09:51,190 --> 00:09:53,124
Once they're stacked
in a pyramid,
212
00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:55,659
are you going
to cook in a pyramid?
213
00:09:55,694 --> 00:09:57,494
Of course not.
You spread them out.
214
00:09:57,529 --> 00:09:59,997
If they're going
to wind up spread out,
215
00:10:00,032 --> 00:10:01,932
why not start them spread out?
216
00:10:01,968 --> 00:10:04,902
See, Dan, you don't understand.
217
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:05,903
No, I understand!
218
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:09,040
You're just arguing
in circles, that's all.
219
00:10:09,075 --> 00:10:09,740
Listen, no...
220
00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:12,076
Well, you know what I'd do?
221
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,478
The ones that didn't light,
222
00:10:13,513 --> 00:10:15,980
I'd blast them with
another shot of fluid.
223
00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:18,349
You don't know what
you're talking about.
224
00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:20,718
You blast hot coals
with lighter fluid...
225
00:10:20,753 --> 00:10:23,453
Up the stream, into
the can, and boom!
226
00:10:23,489 --> 00:10:25,790
You'll be a human torch.
227
00:10:25,825 --> 00:10:27,324
Fine.
228
00:10:30,496 --> 00:10:33,297
Dan, those burgers are
looking pretty thick.
229
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:35,333
I don't think they'll cook.
230
00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:39,003
Well, I'm going to stack
them in a pyramid
231
00:10:39,038 --> 00:10:41,038
so they'll cook as a team.
232
00:10:41,073 --> 00:10:45,175
Arnie, how come you're not
at your mother's house?
233
00:10:45,211 --> 00:10:48,679
I owe her money.
234
00:10:58,291 --> 00:10:59,624
You got to beat a 10.
235
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:02,793
I got to beat a 10.
236
00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:03,427
Queen!
237
00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:06,797
I win.
Give me the money.
238
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:08,966
Nana, I'm down $9.00.
239
00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:10,968
How about double or nothing?
240
00:11:11,003 --> 00:11:13,271
You got that kind of money?
241
00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:14,672
I'll owe you.
242
00:11:14,707 --> 00:11:16,974
No can do.
243
00:11:17,009 --> 00:11:18,742
Geez, I'm your
great-granddaughter.
244
00:11:18,778 --> 00:11:19,811
Don't you trust me?
245
00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:21,979
When we're playing
cards for money,
246
00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:23,147
you're nothing to me.
247
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:26,116
Don't even think about it!
248
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:29,053
Why can't he have
some potato salad?
249
00:11:29,089 --> 00:11:30,421
I don't like him.
250
00:11:30,457 --> 00:11:33,757
He keeps hitting on me.
251
00:11:33,793 --> 00:11:36,427
All right.
Come on, Becky, cut.
252
00:11:36,462 --> 00:11:37,828
I'm not playing.
You're cheating.
253
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:41,899
You're accusing your
Nana of cheating?
254
00:11:41,934 --> 00:11:44,368
Nana, you haven't lost once.
255
00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:46,537
So I'm due now.
Cut.
256
00:11:46,573 --> 00:11:47,505
No way.
257
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:50,074
Becky, how could Nana
cheat at cutting cards?
258
00:11:50,109 --> 00:11:53,477
It's her deck, Einstein.
259
00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:57,948
For that, you are
out of the will.
260
00:11:57,983 --> 00:11:59,684
Well, I want a new deck.
261
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:03,788
All right. I happen
to have one here.
262
00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:15,432
Ok, 1... 2... 3...
263
00:12:15,468 --> 00:12:17,167
Shoot.
264
00:12:17,203 --> 00:12:18,769
Ok, I pick first.
265
00:12:18,805 --> 00:12:20,971
I got Lonnie.
266
00:12:21,006 --> 00:12:22,406
Ok...
267
00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:24,175
Oh, geez.
268
00:12:24,210 --> 00:12:27,211
Yeah, I guess I got Becky.
269
00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:33,617
Let's see.
270
00:12:35,154 --> 00:12:36,454
I don't know.
271
00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:39,290
Pick me, man.
I'm good.
272
00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:43,560
Roseanne, this is a great party.
273
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,196
We're having a good time.
274
00:12:45,231 --> 00:12:47,231
I'm glad you could make it.
275
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:48,365
I love your grandmother.
276
00:12:48,401 --> 00:12:50,901
How old is she?
She looks good.
277
00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:52,636
I don't think anybody knows.
278
00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:56,540
The only people that
ever knew are dead.
279
00:12:56,576 --> 00:13:00,110
To my wife on Mother's Day.
280
00:13:00,145 --> 00:13:01,278
Oh, shucks.
281
00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:05,216
Wait. Your husband gives you
a present for Mother's Day?
282
00:13:05,251 --> 00:13:05,882
Mm-hmm.
283
00:13:05,918 --> 00:13:08,752
I'll be right back.
Chuck...
284
00:13:09,755 --> 00:13:12,155
Too heavy to be
vacuum cleaner bags.
285
00:13:12,191 --> 00:13:15,626
It ain't like it's our
anniversary or nothing.
286
00:13:15,661 --> 00:13:16,760
Um, oven mitts?
287
00:13:16,795 --> 00:13:18,729
Would you just open it?
288
00:13:18,764 --> 00:13:19,630
All right.
289
00:13:19,665 --> 00:13:20,631
For Pete's sake.
290
00:13:20,667 --> 00:13:23,534
Oh, it's a picture
of you and the kids.
291
00:13:23,569 --> 00:13:25,636
Where's my real present?
292
00:13:25,672 --> 00:13:27,771
No, I remember the
day you took this.
293
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:31,542
You and the kids sneaked
off for a couple hours
294
00:13:31,577 --> 00:13:34,145
and I got the house
all to myself.
295
00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:35,879
That was your real present.
296
00:13:35,915 --> 00:13:36,880
Well, it's really nice.
297
00:13:36,916 --> 00:13:40,017
You think I'd forget
you on Mother's Day?
298
00:13:40,052 --> 00:13:42,219
Did you call your mother?
299
00:13:47,193 --> 00:13:50,661
Mom, I just called to
say happy Mother's Day.
300
00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:52,596
Oh, you got the robe.
301
00:13:52,632 --> 00:13:54,598
I picked it out myself.
302
00:13:54,634 --> 00:13:56,767
Thank you, dear.
303
00:13:57,136 --> 00:13:58,035
Oh, dad's fine.
304
00:13:58,070 --> 00:14:00,604
He got stuck out
of town on business,
305
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:03,173
so we're feeding
Crystal for him.
306
00:14:03,208 --> 00:14:05,776
I got a house full
of people here,
307
00:14:05,812 --> 00:14:07,545
so I got to go.
308
00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:08,345
Yeah, mom.
309
00:14:08,380 --> 00:14:09,647
Yeah, I miss you, too.
310
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,749
Listen, I got burgers cooking,
311
00:14:11,751 --> 00:14:13,117
so I...
312
00:14:13,152 --> 00:14:14,217
Yeah.
313
00:14:14,253 --> 00:14:16,754
Yeah, mom, I love you, too.
314
00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:21,058
Oh, look, D.J.'s hair
is on fire. I got to...
315
00:14:21,093 --> 00:14:21,725
Yeah, mom.
316
00:14:21,761 --> 00:14:23,260
Yeah, ma, we're real sorry
317
00:14:23,295 --> 00:14:25,428
you and dad couldn't make it.
318
00:14:25,464 --> 00:14:26,563
Yep, grandma's here.
319
00:14:26,598 --> 00:14:28,699
She's in there taking a nap.
320
00:14:28,734 --> 00:14:31,635
Yeah, uh-huh.
Jackie?
321
00:14:31,670 --> 00:14:33,637
No! No! No! No!
322
00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:36,040
Yeah, she's here.
Uh-huh.
323
00:14:36,075 --> 00:14:37,140
The kids are fine.
324
00:14:37,176 --> 00:14:39,543
Did you get
the blouse we sent you?
325
00:14:39,578 --> 00:14:43,848
No, the shoulders are
supposed to be big like that.
326
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:46,483
If you don't like it,
send it back.
327
00:14:46,518 --> 00:14:48,219
I'll get you something else.
328
00:14:48,254 --> 00:14:51,222
Don't pretend you
like it if you don't.
329
00:14:51,257 --> 00:14:52,289
It's no big deal.
330
00:14:52,324 --> 00:14:55,692
Just send it back,
and we'll exchange it.
331
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:56,827
No, it's no problem.
332
00:14:56,863 --> 00:15:00,231
If it was a problem,
I would tell you.
333
00:15:00,266 --> 00:15:01,899
I would.
334
00:15:01,934 --> 00:15:03,300
I would.
335
00:15:03,335 --> 00:15:05,102
I would.
336
00:15:05,604 --> 00:15:08,305
Oh, Jackie just came in.
337
00:15:08,340 --> 00:15:09,539
No!
338
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:12,576
Hi, mom. Hi.
How you doing?
339
00:15:12,611 --> 00:15:14,611
Mm-hmm. How's dad?
340
00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:15,345
Good.
341
00:15:15,381 --> 00:15:18,582
Well, uh, my love to everybody.
342
00:15:18,617 --> 00:15:20,450
Uh... Actually, no.
343
00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:22,953
I'm not seeing anybody
right now.
344
00:15:22,989 --> 00:15:24,188
I hate you.
345
00:15:24,223 --> 00:15:25,889
Heh heh heh heh.
346
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,924
Um, no, we broke up.
Yeah.
347
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:29,993
Well, it just didn't work out.
348
00:15:30,029 --> 00:15:31,695
Yeah, I know you liked him,
349
00:15:31,730 --> 00:15:35,699
but then, you didn't have
to sleep with him.
350
00:15:36,969 --> 00:15:39,036
Yes!
351
00:15:39,071 --> 00:15:41,405
I'm kidding, mom.
352
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:44,008
Yeah, I'm sorry.
353
00:15:44,043 --> 00:15:45,942
I'm sorry.
354
00:15:45,978 --> 00:15:47,611
I'm sorry.
355
00:15:47,646 --> 00:15:50,080
Uh, no, don't have a job yet.
356
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:52,082
There's just nothing
that I like.
357
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:54,651
I know exactly
how old I am, mom.
358
00:15:54,686 --> 00:15:56,453
I don't know why you do this.
359
00:15:56,489 --> 00:16:00,457
She knows exactly what
to say to make me nuts!
360
00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:02,492
Give me the phone.
361
00:16:03,695 --> 00:16:06,062
Hello, Beverly, dear.
362
00:16:06,098 --> 00:16:07,598
It's your mother!
363
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:11,235
Yes, and the same
to you, sweetheart.
364
00:16:11,270 --> 00:16:11,968
Yes.
365
00:16:12,004 --> 00:16:13,904
No, it didn't come.
366
00:16:13,940 --> 00:16:15,706
No, it didn't come.
367
00:16:15,741 --> 00:16:18,309
Oh, really?
A houseplant?
368
00:16:18,344 --> 00:16:20,344
No, no, it didn't come.
369
00:16:20,379 --> 00:16:24,281
It came. I put it
on Marvin's grave.
370
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,416
Well, don't worry about it.
371
00:16:26,451 --> 00:16:28,618
It's the thought that counts,
372
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:32,389
especially since
I didn't get it.
373
00:16:33,792 --> 00:16:37,294
Tell me, Beverly, how's
that nice husband of yours?
374
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:41,465
Is he still reading
those funny magazines?
375
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:45,703
Beverly, perhaps you should
show him more affection.
376
00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:49,906
You know, let him talk
once in a while.
377
00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:51,241
You know how it is.
378
00:16:51,276 --> 00:16:53,943
Men that age
often get their heads turned
379
00:16:53,979 --> 00:16:57,213
by younger,
more attentive women.
380
00:16:57,249 --> 00:16:58,182
The next thing you know,
381
00:16:58,217 --> 00:17:02,486
the wife is out
shopping for a cat.
382
00:17:03,555 --> 00:17:05,623
No. No, dear.
383
00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:09,192
No, I did not
mean anything by it.
384
00:17:09,228 --> 00:17:11,461
It's just that you never know.
385
00:17:11,497 --> 00:17:12,997
I didn't say you...
386
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:15,332
She's the best.
387
00:17:19,672 --> 00:17:24,041
♪ It's so hard to find
a personality ♪
388
00:17:24,076 --> 00:17:27,011
♪ with charms like
yours for me ♪
389
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,679
♪ ooh ooh eee ♪
390
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,614
♪ ooh ooh eee ♪
391
00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:32,315
♪ ooh ooh eee ♪
392
00:17:32,351 --> 00:17:33,784
Bring it home, Chuck.
393
00:17:33,819 --> 00:17:37,220
♪ What's your name ♪
394
00:17:37,256 --> 00:17:40,890
♪ what's your name ♪
395
00:17:40,926 --> 00:17:42,893
♪ shooby doo bop
wa dah ♪
396
00:17:42,928 --> 00:17:47,698
♪ ooh wee ooh ooh ♪
397
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:48,632
Yeah!
398
00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:49,966
All right.
399
00:17:50,002 --> 00:17:52,303
Yeah!
400
00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:57,408
Ugh, this is gross.
Let's go watch TV.
401
00:17:58,544 --> 00:18:00,010
Any requests?
402
00:18:00,045 --> 00:18:01,912
Yeah, I... I do
have one.
403
00:18:01,947 --> 00:18:04,148
You know that song?
Ok...
404
00:18:04,183 --> 00:18:05,983
♪ Michael, row
the boat ashore ♪
405
00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:09,186
Play something Roseanne
doesn't know the words to.
406
00:18:09,221 --> 00:18:11,388
Like that's going to stop me.
407
00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:13,590
Don't you listen to her.
408
00:18:13,625 --> 00:18:16,727
You have a beautiful voice.
409
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:19,596
Play something else, Dan.
410
00:18:19,631 --> 00:18:21,798
♪ I don't like you... ♪
411
00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:23,633
Yeah, that's good.
412
00:18:23,669 --> 00:18:26,036
♪ But I love you ♪
413
00:18:26,072 --> 00:18:32,676
♪ seems that I'm always
thinking of you ♪
414
00:18:32,711 --> 00:18:34,111
♪ ooh ooh ooh ♪
415
00:18:34,146 --> 00:18:37,447
♪ oh, you do me badly ♪
416
00:18:37,483 --> 00:18:39,350
♪ I love you madly ♪
417
00:18:39,385 --> 00:18:44,388
♪ you really got
a hold on me ♪
418
00:18:44,423 --> 00:18:47,758
♪ I don't want you ♪
419
00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:50,261
♪ but I need you ♪
420
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:53,663
♪ don't want to kiss you ♪
421
00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:55,799
♪ but I need to ♪
422
00:18:55,834 --> 00:19:01,205
♪ oh, oh, whoa,
you do me wrong now ♪
423
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:02,706
♪ my love is strong now ♪
424
00:19:02,741 --> 00:19:07,477
♪ you really got
a hold on me ♪
425
00:19:07,513 --> 00:19:13,984
♪ I said, you really
got a hold on me ♪
426
00:19:14,019 --> 00:19:17,788
♪ baby, I love you ♪
427
00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:20,791
♪ and all I want you to do ♪
428
00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:25,095
♪ is just hold me,
hold me ♪
429
00:19:25,130 --> 00:19:27,298
♪ hold me ♪
430
00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:29,600
♪ hold me ♪
431
00:19:29,635 --> 00:19:37,635
♪ you really got
a hold on me ♪
432
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,811
Man!
433
00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:42,646
YAY!
434
00:19:42,681 --> 00:19:45,449
- YAY!
- That was great!
435
00:19:49,788 --> 00:19:51,021
I love you, Nana.
436
00:19:51,056 --> 00:19:51,888
I love you, too,
437
00:19:51,923 --> 00:19:54,691
and if your mother
gives you a hard time,
438
00:19:54,726 --> 00:19:55,925
you call me.
439
00:19:55,961 --> 00:19:57,127
You got it.
440
00:19:57,163 --> 00:19:58,328
Goodbye, honey.
441
00:19:58,364 --> 00:20:02,700
Ok, little wise-ass,
I'm going to say goodbye.
442
00:20:02,735 --> 00:20:04,534
I'll see you soon.
443
00:20:04,569 --> 00:20:07,971
You bet you will.
You owe me 112 bucks.
444
00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:12,076
Can't you even stay
for a cup of coffee?
445
00:20:12,111 --> 00:20:12,776
No, no.
446
00:20:12,811 --> 00:20:14,744
I have to go right now.
447
00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:18,549
Sex talk radio is on
in five minutes.
448
00:20:18,584 --> 00:20:22,319
If I don't call, they worry.
449
00:20:23,789 --> 00:20:25,922
Well, Roseanne,
everything was beautiful.
450
00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:29,292
Come on, let's get it over with.
451
00:20:29,328 --> 00:20:30,527
What?
452
00:20:30,562 --> 00:20:33,530
What you ask me
every time we visit.
453
00:20:33,565 --> 00:20:34,464
You always say no.
454
00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:36,533
I might say yes sometime.
455
00:20:36,568 --> 00:20:38,669
Nah, you're just setting me up.
456
00:20:38,704 --> 00:20:39,836
How do you know?
457
00:20:39,872 --> 00:20:41,538
I know what you're doing.
458
00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:43,374
Oh, for crying out loud!
459
00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:44,941
Grandma, come live with us.
460
00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:48,345
It won't be a burden.
We'll make room. Ok?
461
00:20:48,381 --> 00:20:51,714
No! She's got
to say it.
462
00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:54,384
You're nothing to her, see.
463
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:55,585
All right.
464
00:20:55,621 --> 00:20:57,521
Well, we all love you, grandma.
465
00:20:57,556 --> 00:21:00,023
Come live with us, ok?
466
00:21:01,059 --> 00:21:02,059
No, thanks.
467
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:03,827
I knew it.
468
00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:06,963
Well, come here.
469
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:10,400
D.J.,
Nana's leaving!
470
00:21:12,404 --> 00:21:13,504
Hello, you.
471
00:21:13,539 --> 00:21:17,307
Sweetie pie, you're going to
come and visit me. Promise?
472
00:21:17,343 --> 00:21:18,741
You have to go?
473
00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:19,543
Uh-huh.
474
00:21:19,578 --> 00:21:20,210
How come?
475
00:21:20,245 --> 00:21:21,878
Your mother really doesn't
476
00:21:21,914 --> 00:21:24,314
want me around here.
477
00:21:24,349 --> 00:21:26,149
You're a horrible old lady.
478
00:21:26,184 --> 00:21:27,717
That's true, and just think...
479
00:21:27,752 --> 00:21:33,123
In 40 years, you are going
to be exactly like me.
480
00:21:33,959 --> 00:21:39,930
Well, I guess that gives you
something to look forward to.
481
00:21:54,747 --> 00:21:56,713
♪ We're going to
the freak show ♪
482
00:21:56,749 --> 00:21:58,681
♪ we're going to
the freak show ♪
483
00:21:58,717 --> 00:22:02,318
♪ we're going to
the freak show tonight ♪
484
00:22:02,354 --> 00:22:03,821
♪ it don't cost no money ♪
485
00:22:03,856 --> 00:22:05,722
♪ 'cause it ain't
so doggone funny ♪
486
00:22:05,758 --> 00:22:09,593
♪ we are going to
the freak show tonight ♪
487
00:22:09,628 --> 00:22:10,794
♪ it's free ♪
488
00:22:10,830 --> 00:22:11,562
Yee-hee!
489
00:22:11,597 --> 00:22:12,729
♪ It's a show ♪
490
00:22:12,765 --> 00:22:13,530
♪ it's a show ♪
491
00:22:13,566 --> 00:22:16,766
♪ to get in
don't take any dough ♪
492
00:22:16,801 --> 00:22:18,668
♪ hey, it don't
take no money ♪
493
00:22:18,703 --> 00:22:20,404
♪ 'cause it ain't
too doggone funny ♪
494
00:22:20,439 --> 00:22:23,640
♪ we're going to
the freak show tonight ♪
495
00:22:23,675 --> 00:22:24,307
Hee-haw!
496
00:22:24,543 --> 00:22:26,843
Look at my little idiot son!
497
00:22:26,878 --> 00:22:28,211
He's a-dancin'.
498
00:22:28,247 --> 00:22:29,045
I put him up on the bar
499
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:32,015
to do that
for pickled eggs last week.
500
00:22:32,050 --> 00:22:34,251
We got Roy Clark
comin' out next,
501
00:22:34,286 --> 00:22:35,485
the Hee-Haw honeys,
502
00:22:35,521 --> 00:22:38,855
the Dallas Cowboy
cheerleaders...
503
00:22:39,124 --> 00:22:41,924
And the national
in-breeding finalists.
504
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:43,993
They're coming to ya!
505
00:22:44,029 --> 00:22:45,695
♪ We're going
to the freak show ♪
506
00:22:45,730 --> 00:22:47,197
♪ we're going
to the freak show ♪
507
00:22:47,232 --> 00:22:50,534
♪ we're going to
the freak show tonight ♪
508
00:22:50,536 --> 00:22:51,368
Hee-haw!
509
00:22:51,403 --> 00:22:52,443
♪ It don't cost no money ♪
510
00:22:52,471 --> 00:22:54,371
♪ 'cause it ain't
too doggone funny ♪
511
00:22:54,406 --> 00:22:56,706
♪ we're going to
the freak show tonight ♪
512
00:22:56,741 --> 00:22:58,441
♪ going to
the freak show ♪
513
00:22:58,477 --> 00:23:00,210
♪ going to
the freak show ♪
514
00:23:00,246 --> 00:23:03,213
♪ tonight ♪
515
00:23:03,249 --> 00:23:06,083
Heeeee!
34649
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