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1
00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:23,281
I'm not spending summer
vacation at the Grand Canyon.
2
00:01:23,316 --> 00:01:24,348
No way.
3
00:01:24,384 --> 00:01:25,349
Why not?
4
00:01:25,385 --> 00:01:28,453
Think. You make us go
on some long car trip
5
00:01:28,488 --> 00:01:30,921
just so you can
look down a big hole.
6
00:01:30,957 --> 00:01:34,793
You don't want any of us
standing behind you.
7
00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:35,726
Ok, show of hands.
8
00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:38,563
Who doesn't want to go
to the Grand Canyon?
9
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:41,265
You don't want to do
anything as a family? Fine.
10
00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:43,568
We'll spend summer in
the inflatable pool.
11
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,770
Ooh, show of hands.
12
00:01:46,806 --> 00:01:47,939
Meeting adjourned.
13
00:01:47,975 --> 00:01:48,840
See you next year.
14
00:01:48,875 --> 00:01:51,175
Yeah? Where do you
think you're going?
15
00:01:51,211 --> 00:01:52,143
Basketball. Bye.
16
00:01:52,178 --> 00:01:56,147
You're doing the dishes,
or no allowance next week.
17
00:01:56,182 --> 00:01:58,250
Deal. Thanks.
18
00:01:59,586 --> 00:02:03,688
I guess a $3.00 threat
ain't what it used to be.
19
00:02:03,723 --> 00:02:04,890
Becky.
20
00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:06,457
No.
21
00:02:06,826 --> 00:02:09,327
They don't even try
to humor us anymore.
22
00:02:09,362 --> 00:02:12,330
How come I got three
kids and a husband
23
00:02:12,365 --> 00:02:15,099
and I end up doing
all the grunt work?
24
00:02:15,134 --> 00:02:19,470
The beauty is you actually
grunt while you're doing it.
25
00:02:19,506 --> 00:02:20,838
I want a dishwasher!
26
00:02:20,873 --> 00:02:23,108
Now, we've been all
through this, Roseanne.
27
00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:25,076
The kitchen wasn't
designed for one.
28
00:02:25,111 --> 00:02:26,978
You don't have
the right plumbing,
29
00:02:27,013 --> 00:02:28,846
you'd lose half
your cabinet space.
30
00:02:28,882 --> 00:02:31,415
Trust me. I'm a
professional contractor.
31
00:02:31,451 --> 00:02:32,483
It can't be done.
32
00:02:32,518 --> 00:02:36,587
Then I want you to build
me that shelf by the door.
33
00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:38,757
That's a whole other
ball of worms.
34
00:02:38,792 --> 00:02:40,525
You ain't got the
right wall studs.
35
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:43,961
The whole unit would
fall right over.
36
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:44,862
You never build me nothing.
37
00:02:44,897 --> 00:02:47,031
Hey, what about this
fabulous service porch
38
00:02:47,066 --> 00:02:49,367
I built for your
washer and drier?
39
00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:53,104
Just 'cause you got tired
of watching me do laundry
40
00:02:53,139 --> 00:02:54,372
in the rain.
41
00:02:54,408 --> 00:02:58,109
Hey, you didn't tell me the new
neighbors were moving in today.
42
00:02:58,144 --> 00:03:00,545
What's the story?
What are they like?
43
00:03:00,580 --> 00:03:01,846
I don't know.
44
00:03:01,881 --> 00:03:04,783
Like you haven't been watching
through the window all morning.
45
00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:09,286
Ok. Well, the husband Darren,
he's in advertising,
46
00:03:09,322 --> 00:03:12,690
and they have this real
cute little girl Tabatha,
47
00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:14,191
but the wife, I don't know.
48
00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:16,761
Something's wrong with her.
49
00:03:16,796 --> 00:03:19,063
I think she's a witch.
50
00:03:19,098 --> 00:03:20,131
Roseanne.
51
00:03:20,167 --> 00:03:21,432
Hi.
52
00:03:21,467 --> 00:03:22,500
Hi. Who's this?
53
00:03:22,535 --> 00:03:25,303
He's Todd. He just
moved in next door.
54
00:03:25,338 --> 00:03:27,038
He's my new best friend.
55
00:03:27,073 --> 00:03:29,007
Hi, Todd.
Nice to meet you.
56
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:30,175
Hi.
57
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:34,045
Can Todd camp out in the
back yard with us next week?
58
00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:35,680
If it's ok with his folks.
59
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:38,282
Great.
Do you have to come?
60
00:03:38,318 --> 00:03:40,385
It's my tent.
61
00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:42,387
It'll be ok.
62
00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:44,956
Yeah.
I burp real good.
63
00:03:44,991 --> 00:03:45,890
Prove it.
64
00:03:45,925 --> 00:03:46,957
Well, you're on, Dan.
65
00:03:46,993 --> 00:03:48,926
Better hold on
to the table, Todd.
66
00:03:48,961 --> 00:03:51,996
You're not wearing anything
flammable, are you?
67
00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:52,997
No.
68
00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:55,133
[Doorbell rings]
69
00:03:55,168 --> 00:03:55,867
Hello.
70
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:57,202
Hi. I'm Kathy Bowman.
71
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:58,870
I'm looking for my son Todd.
72
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:00,038
Did he come over here.
73
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:01,973
You're the new
neighbor. Come in...
74
00:04:02,008 --> 00:04:06,577
[loud burp]
75
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:16,921
Uh, that was my husband.
76
00:04:16,956 --> 00:04:18,189
Oh.
77
00:04:19,659 --> 00:04:22,860
Keep your hands off him.
78
00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:25,530
Uh, so is Todd here?
79
00:04:25,565 --> 00:04:26,196
Uh, yeah.
80
00:04:26,232 --> 00:04:29,434
Hey, Todd, your mom's here!
81
00:04:32,271 --> 00:04:33,538
Hey. Hi, neighbor.
82
00:04:33,573 --> 00:04:35,606
My husband Dan,
my sister Jackie,
83
00:04:35,641 --> 00:04:38,109
that's D.J.,
and you know Todd.
84
00:04:38,144 --> 00:04:40,811
Mom, Mr. Conner's
real cool.
85
00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:42,413
Yes, I heard.
86
00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:43,113
Aw, that.
87
00:04:43,149 --> 00:04:43,915
I could have done better,
88
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:47,418
but I didn't want
to hurt the lad.
89
00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:50,388
We've got a lot
of packing to do.
90
00:04:50,423 --> 00:04:53,591
D.J. was just going
to show me his room.
91
00:04:53,626 --> 00:04:54,726
It'll only take a minute.
92
00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:58,596
While you're upstairs, show
him how to make his bed.
93
00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:00,398
All right!
94
00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:03,134
Do you want some coffee?
I've got some.
95
00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:04,869
I've got some fudge, too.
96
00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:07,739
It's nowhere near as
thick as the coffee,
97
00:05:07,774 --> 00:05:09,007
but it's pretty good.
98
00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:11,543
Well, uh, no.
No, thanks.
99
00:05:11,578 --> 00:05:13,411
Well, sit down at least.
100
00:05:13,446 --> 00:05:15,847
I can only stay a minute.
101
00:05:17,784 --> 00:05:19,450
So...
102
00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:23,955
You've been doing a lot of
work over there lately.
103
00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:26,991
I hope the workmen
didn't bother you.
104
00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:27,625
Nah.
105
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:29,394
Except for one time
they came over
106
00:05:29,429 --> 00:05:32,129
and asked us to hold it down.
107
00:05:39,205 --> 00:05:41,105
Your turn.
108
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:45,042
So, where you from?
109
00:05:45,077 --> 00:05:46,477
Oh, uh, Chicago.
110
00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:48,380
Oh, Chicago.
I love it there.
111
00:05:48,415 --> 00:05:51,215
There's so much going
on with the restaurants
112
00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:53,017
and museums and theaters.
113
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:54,719
[Achoo]
114
00:05:54,754 --> 00:05:56,320
Huh? What?
115
00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:58,822
I'm sorry.
I sneezed.
116
00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:02,694
I, uh... I'm
allergic to dust.
117
00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:12,002
I just dusted.
118
00:06:12,405 --> 00:06:15,873
That's the only thing
that makes me sneeze.
119
00:06:15,908 --> 00:06:17,908
[Achoo]
120
00:06:20,079 --> 00:06:22,913
You call that a sneeze?
121
00:06:25,818 --> 00:06:27,485
See you later, D.J.
122
00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:28,186
Bye, Todd.
123
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:29,620
Very nice meeting all of you.
124
00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:31,055
I'm sure I'll see you around.
125
00:06:31,090 --> 00:06:33,491
If you need anything,
give us a call.
126
00:06:33,526 --> 00:06:34,526
Oh, thanks.
127
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,594
[Stifles sneeze]
128
00:06:38,431 --> 00:06:40,398
Man, she is a witch.
129
00:06:40,433 --> 00:06:42,633
Now... Roseanne...
130
00:06:42,669 --> 00:06:43,901
She hated my house.
131
00:06:43,936 --> 00:06:46,337
She just
sneezed... Sort of.
132
00:06:46,372 --> 00:06:48,773
She wouldn't sit down,
she wouldn't have coffee.
133
00:06:48,809 --> 00:06:52,076
She wouldn't even take two
steps away from the door.
134
00:06:52,112 --> 00:06:56,247
So she's nervous
about new people.
135
00:06:56,683 --> 00:06:58,583
Why? We're fun.
136
00:06:58,618 --> 00:07:02,620
Well, I don't... Maybe
she was a little uptight.
137
00:07:02,655 --> 00:07:03,655
A little uptight?
138
00:07:03,689 --> 00:07:07,158
Man, you couldn't drag a
needle out of her butt
139
00:07:07,193 --> 00:07:09,327
with a tractor.
140
00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:23,607
Remember, we're here
because we're neighbors.
141
00:07:23,643 --> 00:07:27,078
No, I'm here looking for dust.
142
00:07:27,647 --> 00:07:30,148
This isn't going to
be pleasant, is it?
143
00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:33,084
If I find dust,
know what I'll do?
144
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:34,151
I'll sneeze.
145
00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:37,054
Not one of them little
needle-butt sneezes neither.
146
00:07:37,090 --> 00:07:42,026
I'm going to blow a lung
all over her living room.
147
00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:44,429
Welcome wagon.
Welcome wagon.
148
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:47,699
Ohh... How
neighborly.
149
00:07:49,268 --> 00:07:51,569
Well, come on in.
150
00:07:51,604 --> 00:07:55,072
I'll just put this
in the kitchen.
151
00:07:56,542 --> 00:07:58,409
Neighborly.
152
00:07:58,444 --> 00:08:00,477
[Achoo]
153
00:08:04,016 --> 00:08:06,517
My god, Roseanne,
this is our house.
154
00:08:06,553 --> 00:08:09,953
Same floor plan, same
stairs, same archway.
155
00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:11,990
It's the exact same house.
156
00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:14,224
This is the house
I could have had
157
00:08:14,260 --> 00:08:17,995
if I would have married
somebody better.
158
00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:19,463
Thank you.
159
00:08:19,498 --> 00:08:22,132
My, uh, husband's in the study.
160
00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:24,702
I'll just go get him.
161
00:08:24,737 --> 00:08:26,337
Study?
162
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:30,774
They turned our bedroom
into a study.
163
00:08:30,810 --> 00:08:34,946
Well, you turned the
bathroom into a library.
164
00:08:37,984 --> 00:08:41,753
Look-it! You've been lying
to me for 12 years.
165
00:08:41,788 --> 00:08:42,887
What?
166
00:08:42,922 --> 00:08:44,033
That there is the very shelf
167
00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:47,591
I told you I wanted which
you says I can't have
168
00:08:47,627 --> 00:08:49,694
on account of there
wasn't the right studs.
169
00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:52,429
Whoa, stand back. That
sucker's liable to fall over.
170
00:08:52,465 --> 00:08:54,465
This place is a death trap.
171
00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:55,966
Hey there, neighbors.
172
00:08:56,002 --> 00:08:56,867
Jerry Bowman.
173
00:08:56,903 --> 00:08:59,236
Hey. Dan Conner. This
is my wife Roseanne.
174
00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:00,438
Great to meet you.
175
00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:03,340
We lived in our Chicago
apartment for nine years,
176
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:05,176
and neighbors never
brought us cake.
177
00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:07,211
Come on, let's eat.
178
00:09:08,614 --> 00:09:11,582
Man, I just can't
believe how much
179
00:09:11,617 --> 00:09:14,585
your living room
reminds me of ours.
180
00:09:14,620 --> 00:09:15,786
Well...
181
00:09:15,821 --> 00:09:20,158
Well, i-I'm not quite
finished with it yet.
182
00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:23,261
Honey...
183
00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:27,265
Remember, f-for
better or for worse.
184
00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:32,937
It's a dishwasher!
185
00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:38,242
Bet you tore out
half the kitchen
186
00:09:38,277 --> 00:09:39,610
to get that sucker in there.
187
00:09:39,645 --> 00:09:41,612
Not really. I thought
there wasn't room,
188
00:09:41,647 --> 00:09:45,048
but then the contractor
slid it right in.
189
00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:47,751
Whole thing took an hour.
190
00:09:50,657 --> 00:09:52,289
Was there cake?
191
00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:55,092
Yeah. Come on,
sit down.
192
00:09:56,296 --> 00:10:01,098
Oh, uh, you know, I
don't have any coffee.
193
00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:03,834
Why don't we go over
to our house
194
00:10:03,870 --> 00:10:04,968
and I'll make some?
195
00:10:05,004 --> 00:10:08,906
Boy, I'd love to,
but I'm awfully tired.
196
00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:10,041
Oh. Uh, well, um,
197
00:10:10,076 --> 00:10:11,642
maybe we should do
this another time.
198
00:10:11,678 --> 00:10:15,312
I'm sorry. We should have
given you time to settle in.
199
00:10:15,347 --> 00:10:18,048
Yeah, yeah, we just
need time to settle in,
200
00:10:18,084 --> 00:10:20,451
but, uh, look,
thanks for coming,
201
00:10:20,486 --> 00:10:22,553
and we'll do this
another time, ok?
202
00:10:22,589 --> 00:10:24,488
Ok. Good night,
Jerry, Kathy.
203
00:10:24,724 --> 00:10:28,159
Good night, Roseanne.
Good night, Dan.
204
00:10:38,437 --> 00:10:39,403
No coffee, I'm sure.
205
00:10:39,438 --> 00:10:43,273
She couldn't wait to get
us out of her house.
206
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:44,408
Honey, honey, calm down.
207
00:10:44,443 --> 00:10:47,678
You'll feel better after
a good night's sleep.
208
00:10:47,714 --> 00:10:49,613
Like I'm going to get any sleep
209
00:10:49,648 --> 00:10:51,716
with all the noise
you'll be making
210
00:10:51,751 --> 00:10:54,451
building me that new shelf.
211
00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:58,489
I'll try to keep it down.
212
00:11:04,897 --> 00:11:06,797
I'm over at Buy 'n Bag,
213
00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:08,532
so I see Kathy walking by,
214
00:11:08,568 --> 00:11:11,602
and I'm her neighbor,
so I wave at her.
215
00:11:11,638 --> 00:11:14,838
She sees me, but
she walks right by
216
00:11:14,874 --> 00:11:15,906
like she doesn't see me.
217
00:11:15,941 --> 00:11:18,976
So I'm standing there
with my hand in the air.
218
00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:21,979
Then, you know you have
to wave at somebody,
219
00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:24,982
so I end up waving at
the produce manager.
220
00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:27,985
Now he thinks I have
the hots for him.
221
00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:32,623
I wish I could meet
a guy in management.
222
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:34,758
I just don't get it.
223
00:11:34,793 --> 00:11:36,126
Her kid plays with my kid.
224
00:11:36,162 --> 00:11:37,527
Her husband plays
with my husband.
225
00:11:37,563 --> 00:11:40,164
I don't know why she
won't play with me.
226
00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:44,568
You never used to worry about
what people thought about you.
227
00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:47,505
That's 'cause
everybody likes me.
228
00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:50,074
Ok, what does Dan say?
229
00:11:50,109 --> 00:11:52,510
He talks to that Jerry guy.
230
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,579
Well, yeah.
Well, he goes that
231
00:11:54,614 --> 00:11:57,981
she never wanted to leave
Chicago in the first place,
232
00:11:58,017 --> 00:12:00,017
and she don't like it here much.
233
00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:01,351
Big deal. Nobody
likes it here.
234
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:05,189
That's why we watch
so damn much TV.
235
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,758
Can I go now?
236
00:12:07,793 --> 00:12:08,425
I suppose.
237
00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:10,261
All right, bye.
Roseanne...
238
00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:11,229
Yeah?
239
00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:12,730
I like you.
240
00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:13,697
Oh, thanks.
241
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:17,201
'Course, I don't have to
live next door to you.
242
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,502
Ha ha.
243
00:12:18,537 --> 00:12:20,204
50 bucks.
What a moron.
244
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:23,674
I didn't know it was
a handicap space, ok?
245
00:12:23,709 --> 00:12:26,077
That little glow-in-
the-dark wheelchair
246
00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:28,645
didn't tip you off?
247
00:12:30,116 --> 00:12:31,382
Mom, look.
248
00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:36,420
Ohh, man. It's your
very first ticket.
249
00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:37,488
It's just beautiful.
250
00:12:37,523 --> 00:12:42,393
I'll put it up here next
to D.J.'s finger painting.
251
00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:45,129
What am I going to do?
252
00:12:45,164 --> 00:12:46,030
Pay it.
253
00:12:46,065 --> 00:12:49,333
How about if I say it
blew off the window?
254
00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:50,767
Yeah, that's a good one.
255
00:12:50,803 --> 00:12:51,902
The judge will go for that.
256
00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:56,207
Maybe it's, like, his
first minute on the job.
257
00:12:56,242 --> 00:12:59,510
Hi, mom.
Todd cut his arm.
258
00:13:00,146 --> 00:13:03,046
Oh, geez. Darlene,
get me a Band-Aid.
259
00:13:03,082 --> 00:13:04,082
What happened?
260
00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:05,049
We were playing
261
00:13:05,084 --> 00:13:07,184
down where they're building
the new supermarket.
262
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:09,954
I told you not to go down there.
263
00:13:09,989 --> 00:13:11,622
You could get hurt.
264
00:13:11,657 --> 00:13:12,924
I didn't.
265
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:17,127
Oh, man. That's a
beauty there, Todd.
266
00:13:18,164 --> 00:13:21,732
You'd better go home and
show it to your mom.
267
00:13:21,767 --> 00:13:23,767
And tell her to dress you warm
268
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,669
for the camp-out tonight.
269
00:13:25,705 --> 00:13:27,471
Bye.
270
00:13:27,506 --> 00:13:29,206
See you tonight.
271
00:13:29,241 --> 00:13:32,075
I'm not done yelling at you yet.
272
00:13:32,111 --> 00:13:33,644
Hey.
273
00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:37,013
I told you you're
not supposed to go
274
00:13:37,049 --> 00:13:38,415
to construction sites to play.
275
00:13:38,451 --> 00:13:40,083
It's dangerous.
You could get hurt.
276
00:13:40,119 --> 00:13:41,485
But Todd's never been to one...
277
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:44,155
I don't care. That's
what I told you,
278
00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:45,856
and that's what you do.
279
00:13:45,892 --> 00:13:47,758
Ok. I'm sorry.
280
00:13:47,793 --> 00:13:49,893
Ok. Go on upstairs.
281
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:52,663
I was driving you to the mall,
282
00:13:52,699 --> 00:13:54,365
so you should pay half.
283
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,500
That's 25 bucks.
284
00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:57,568
Ok, 15.
285
00:13:57,604 --> 00:13:58,936
10.
286
00:13:58,971 --> 00:13:59,737
12.50.
287
00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:02,139
Hmm... Nah, you pay
the whole thing.
288
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:03,540
Thanks a lot.
289
00:14:03,575 --> 00:14:05,375
[Doorbell rings]
290
00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:12,616
Oh, hi, Kathy.
291
00:14:12,651 --> 00:14:15,786
I was just cleaning up
a little bit.
292
00:14:15,822 --> 00:14:18,856
Todd told me he cut his arm
293
00:14:18,891 --> 00:14:20,257
at some construction site.
294
00:14:20,292 --> 00:14:23,694
Did you know they were there?
295
00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:26,197
Oh, yeah.
They just told me.
296
00:14:26,232 --> 00:14:27,998
Roseanne, I left him here
297
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:31,168
assuming you'd
keep an eye on him.
298
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:32,502
They took off on their bikes.
299
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:35,472
You allow your son
to leave whenever he wants?
300
00:14:35,507 --> 00:14:36,941
Yeah, I encourage it.
301
00:14:36,976 --> 00:14:38,242
I don't know, Roseanne.
302
00:14:38,277 --> 00:14:41,178
When my son
takes off on his bike,
303
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:43,614
I like to ask him
where he's going.
304
00:14:43,649 --> 00:14:44,781
If he tells me
305
00:14:44,817 --> 00:14:46,650
it's a place with broken glass
306
00:14:46,686 --> 00:14:49,153
and little pieces
of metal, I say no.
307
00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:51,789
You come over here,
but only to tell me
308
00:14:51,824 --> 00:14:54,191
you're a better mom than I am.
309
00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:57,194
I always know where
my son is, Roseanne.
310
00:14:57,229 --> 00:14:59,296
Well, I've got
three kids and a job,
311
00:14:59,331 --> 00:15:01,331
and I can't be everywhere, ok?
312
00:15:01,367 --> 00:15:03,968
So I've got to trust my kids,
313
00:15:04,003 --> 00:15:05,202
and they're still alive.
314
00:15:05,237 --> 00:15:06,381
I've obviously
done something right.
315
00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:09,272
You're a better mother because
you have more children?
316
00:15:09,308 --> 00:15:12,710
Yes. I have three,
and you only have one...
317
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,144
3-to-1, get it?
318
00:15:14,179 --> 00:15:16,880
I have three, I win!
319
00:15:20,119 --> 00:15:21,619
Oh, please.
320
00:15:21,654 --> 00:15:23,687
You probably
sneak into Todd's room
321
00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:25,723
to check if he's breathing.
322
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:26,624
Yes...
323
00:15:26,659 --> 00:15:28,325
Amateur.
324
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:32,362
My son could have been seriously
injured today, Roseanne.
325
00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:35,098
We're talking about
8-year-old boys here.
326
00:15:35,134 --> 00:15:36,867
If you're going to blame me
327
00:15:36,902 --> 00:15:38,835
for everything they do
that you don't like,
328
00:15:38,871 --> 00:15:41,204
then just don't send
Todd over here anymore.
329
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:42,706
That's what I had in mind.
330
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,374
I'll go you one better.
331
00:15:44,409 --> 00:15:46,710
I'm not sending D.J.
over to your house,
332
00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:48,145
because I don't need him
333
00:15:48,180 --> 00:15:49,279
picking up your attitude.
334
00:15:49,314 --> 00:15:54,518
Oh, and just exactly
what attitude is that?
335
00:15:54,553 --> 00:15:55,485
That one right there.
336
00:15:55,521 --> 00:15:58,889
The one where you think
you're too damn good
337
00:15:58,925 --> 00:16:00,991
to live next door to me.
338
00:16:01,027 --> 00:16:02,326
Well, you're not.
339
00:16:02,361 --> 00:16:03,961
You're
some stressed-out,
340
00:16:03,996 --> 00:16:05,129
over-protective snob
341
00:16:05,164 --> 00:16:09,199
who paid way too much
for her house.
342
00:16:10,436 --> 00:16:12,336
And how do you know...
343
00:16:12,371 --> 00:16:13,870
Everybody knows.
344
00:16:13,906 --> 00:16:16,307
Look, just forget it, Roseanne.
345
00:16:16,342 --> 00:16:17,108
Forget it.
346
00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:19,176
I don't why I'm
even talking to you.
347
00:16:19,212 --> 00:16:21,645
Well, you're not!
348
00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:33,290
The police knew
the killer was insane.
349
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:38,229
At night, he would stalk
poor unsuspecting campers.
350
00:16:38,564 --> 00:16:42,500
And as he would creep up
upon their tents,
351
00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:44,535
he would whistle.
352
00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:47,003
[Whistling]
353
00:16:51,977 --> 00:16:55,546
And then he'd
hack them to pieces
354
00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:56,980
with a machete.
355
00:16:57,015 --> 00:16:58,749
Can I have machete?
356
00:16:58,784 --> 00:17:00,217
No.
357
00:17:00,253 --> 00:17:02,219
Well?
358
00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:04,421
Did they ever catch him?
359
00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:05,289
Yeah, once.
360
00:17:05,324 --> 00:17:06,324
They handcuffed him,
361
00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:10,494
but he hacked off
his own hand to escape.
362
00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:11,895
And now,
363
00:17:11,930 --> 00:17:13,830
he has a hook
364
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:16,734
which he uses
to kill his victims
365
00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:18,903
and drag their lifeless corpses
366
00:17:18,938 --> 00:17:21,472
along the bloody ground.
367
00:17:23,242 --> 00:17:25,742
What happened to the machete?
368
00:17:25,777 --> 00:17:27,978
You can't have one!
369
00:17:28,013 --> 00:17:31,548
Anyway, he was last
spotted here in Lanford.
370
00:17:31,584 --> 00:17:34,084
The police have been
searching for days...
371
00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:35,552
[whistling]
372
00:17:35,587 --> 00:17:37,120
What was that?
373
00:17:37,156 --> 00:17:37,754
What?
374
00:17:37,789 --> 00:17:38,956
That's the whistling killer.
375
00:17:38,991 --> 00:17:42,493
Don't make a sound.
We'll be safe in here.
376
00:17:42,528 --> 00:17:43,126
Aah!
377
00:17:43,162 --> 00:17:44,061
Aah! It's the hook!
378
00:17:44,096 --> 00:17:47,130
Mom, I thought you
were supposed to bring us
379
00:17:47,165 --> 00:17:49,933
something to eat.
380
00:17:54,707 --> 00:17:56,506
Thanks.
381
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,975
Did we
scare you, D.J.?
382
00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:00,277
Yeah. He was scared
383
00:18:00,312 --> 00:18:03,046
you would hurt the hook guy.
384
00:18:03,081 --> 00:18:04,381
Well, carry on.
385
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:05,516
All right, where was I?
386
00:18:05,551 --> 00:18:08,519
I still don't get why
Todd couldn't be here.
387
00:18:08,554 --> 00:18:11,154
Well, I'm here, and
we're having fun, right?
388
00:18:11,189 --> 00:18:12,790
Yeah, but he's my best friend.
389
00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:15,226
Well, you guys got
into trouble together.
390
00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:17,494
So when can we
play together again?
391
00:18:17,529 --> 00:18:19,864
When you can prove
you won't do it again.
392
00:18:19,899 --> 00:18:23,300
How can we do that if
we can't play together?
393
00:18:23,335 --> 00:18:25,235
Hang on a minute.
394
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:29,406
You're here.
395
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:32,209
Yeah, and I heard.
396
00:18:32,245 --> 00:18:33,944
Rosey.
397
00:18:33,979 --> 00:18:35,146
If I go over there,
398
00:18:35,181 --> 00:18:37,948
that's like admitting
I was wrong,
399
00:18:37,983 --> 00:18:39,416
and I wasn't wrong.
400
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:40,817
Do it for the kids.
401
00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:44,455
Oh, cut the telethon crap, Dan.
402
00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:48,825
Geez, I have to go
over there and eat crow?
403
00:18:48,861 --> 00:18:51,862
You'll be the better person.
404
00:18:52,898 --> 00:18:54,064
Oh, all right.
405
00:18:54,099 --> 00:18:56,267
Well, tell him another story.
406
00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:58,536
I'll be right back.
407
00:18:59,205 --> 00:19:00,937
Did I ever tell you
about the killer
408
00:19:00,972 --> 00:19:04,741
who carried his own head
around in a bowling bag?
409
00:19:04,776 --> 00:19:06,577
No.
410
00:19:12,017 --> 00:19:13,483
I'm a better person.
411
00:19:13,519 --> 00:19:14,951
I'm a better person.
412
00:19:14,986 --> 00:19:17,887
Hope I don't kill her.
413
00:19:23,629 --> 00:19:25,429
Roseanne.
414
00:19:25,464 --> 00:19:26,430
Hi.
415
00:19:26,465 --> 00:19:31,468
Um, I came to invite Todd
to D.J.'s camp-out.
416
00:19:31,503 --> 00:19:34,237
Well, I don't know.
417
00:19:34,273 --> 00:19:39,075
Well, I'm sure that we both
said things that we regret.
418
00:19:39,110 --> 00:19:40,444
I, uh...
419
00:19:40,479 --> 00:19:44,114
I meant what I said.
420
00:19:46,652 --> 00:19:49,085
Ok. Uh...
421
00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:50,520
I regret...
422
00:19:50,556 --> 00:19:53,323
What I said, ok?
423
00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:56,393
Uh... Like,
424
00:19:56,428 --> 00:19:58,928
D.J. really likes Todd,
425
00:19:58,964 --> 00:20:00,630
and to be quite frank,
426
00:20:00,666 --> 00:20:03,367
D.J. doesn't have
that many friends.
427
00:20:03,402 --> 00:20:06,269
Well, maybe that
has something to do
428
00:20:06,304 --> 00:20:10,240
with the attitude with
which he was raised.
429
00:20:11,610 --> 00:20:15,945
Well, now, that's
something to chew on.
430
00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:21,551
So, can Todd come?
431
00:20:21,587 --> 00:20:25,221
Roseanne, I just wish
I could be sure
432
00:20:25,257 --> 00:20:26,956
that when Todd is over there,
433
00:20:26,992 --> 00:20:29,125
he's receiving the same
kind of supervision
434
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:31,561
he would be getting
here at home.
435
00:20:31,597 --> 00:20:36,767
Ok, hey, I personally
guarantee his safe return.
436
00:20:38,804 --> 00:20:41,238
Well, as long as you're...
437
00:20:41,273 --> 00:20:45,442
Admitting that you are wrong.
438
00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:56,153
Fine.
439
00:20:59,025 --> 00:21:00,657
Ok.
440
00:21:00,692 --> 00:21:04,127
I'll just see
if Todd wants to go.
441
00:21:04,162 --> 00:21:05,162
Todd...
442
00:21:05,197 --> 00:21:07,096
Bye.
443
00:21:08,734 --> 00:21:10,099
Well, you know, Kathy,
444
00:21:10,135 --> 00:21:11,335
just 'cause we're neighbors
445
00:21:11,370 --> 00:21:13,904
doesn't mean we
have to like each other.
446
00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:14,972
No, we don't.
447
00:21:15,007 --> 00:21:17,141
We don't even have to pretend.
448
00:21:17,176 --> 00:21:18,008
Oh, I know.
449
00:21:18,044 --> 00:21:22,345
But we shouldn't
take it out on the kids.
450
00:21:23,182 --> 00:21:25,482
Fine.
451
00:21:25,517 --> 00:21:28,018
Ok.
452
00:21:28,420 --> 00:21:30,753
Good night, Roseanne.
453
00:21:31,690 --> 00:21:34,158
Good night, needle-butt.
454
00:21:39,097 --> 00:21:41,231
Thanks for helping
carry this in.
455
00:21:41,266 --> 00:21:42,399
Oh, no problem, neighbor.
456
00:21:42,434 --> 00:21:45,268
What do you think
about Lanford, Jerry?
457
00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:47,003
I think it's great.
458
00:21:47,039 --> 00:21:49,072
Yeah.
459
00:21:49,742 --> 00:21:52,075
You know what
I like best of all,
460
00:21:52,110 --> 00:21:53,276
I mean, honest?
461
00:21:53,312 --> 00:21:56,613
For the first time in my life,
462
00:21:56,649 --> 00:21:58,215
I own a tree.
463
00:21:58,250 --> 00:21:58,915
Wow.
464
00:21:58,950 --> 00:21:59,883
No, listen,
465
00:21:59,918 --> 00:22:02,319
I'm going to let you
in on something.
466
00:22:02,354 --> 00:22:03,087
This morning...
467
00:22:03,122 --> 00:22:04,688
Kathy and Todd
were still asleep...
468
00:22:04,723 --> 00:22:06,656
I went out in the yard
469
00:22:06,692 --> 00:22:08,725
in my robe and slippers,
470
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:10,327
and... honest to god...
471
00:22:10,362 --> 00:22:12,429
I hugged my tree.
472
00:22:12,465 --> 00:22:14,698
I'm just...
473
00:22:14,733 --> 00:22:19,403
I wouldn't tell that story
down at the lodge, Jerry.
474
00:22:19,605 --> 00:22:20,437
Gee, that looks good.
475
00:22:20,472 --> 00:22:24,441
That looks just like
the one in my house...
476
00:22:24,476 --> 00:22:26,943
Like... like exactly.
477
00:22:26,978 --> 00:22:27,844
Yeah, I know.
478
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:31,448
Roseanne saw it there.
Now I have one.
479
00:22:31,483 --> 00:22:32,415
Oh.
480
00:22:32,451 --> 00:22:34,184
Sorry.
481
00:22:34,219 --> 00:22:35,552
Aw, you're new here.
482
00:22:35,587 --> 00:22:36,953
But in a small town
483
00:22:36,988 --> 00:22:39,989
when one man remodels,
all men suffer.
32495
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