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1
00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:21,279
I ordered chicken,
not salmon.
2
00:01:21,315 --> 00:01:23,982
Who eats salmon
at a wedding anyway?
3
00:01:24,017 --> 00:01:27,185
I'll tell you who--
not us, that's who.
4
00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:28,820
Now I got
60 people coming.
5
00:01:28,855 --> 00:01:34,525
65. My cousin Trudy and her
family can come after all.
6
00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:40,064
Ok, so it's chicken
for 65 people.
7
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:44,569
It's no big deal. You
just add another bucket.
8
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:48,339
Roseanne, thank you for handling
these wedding preparations.
9
00:01:48,374 --> 00:01:51,142
I told you a thousand
times, Crystal,
10
00:01:51,177 --> 00:01:52,744
I'm happy to do it.
11
00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:54,445
Where were we?
12
00:01:55,715 --> 00:01:57,282
What is going on?
13
00:01:57,317 --> 00:01:59,751
Grandpa wanted
to race us from the car.
14
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:03,889
He bet us each a buck
he could win.
15
00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:09,194
Are we just going to
let him lie there?
16
00:02:09,229 --> 00:02:11,563
Oh, my god! Ed!
17
00:02:11,598 --> 00:02:12,764
Are you ok?
18
00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:15,967
It's nothing
a plastic hip won't fix.
19
00:02:16,002 --> 00:02:20,305
You should save some of that
energy for your honeymoon.
20
00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:22,006
That's some
good advice.
21
00:02:22,041 --> 00:02:23,274
Geez...
22
00:02:23,343 --> 00:02:26,544
Check out the cool
stuff grandpa got us.
23
00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:27,879
I got a bracelet.
24
00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:29,046
And look at this.
25
00:02:29,082 --> 00:02:30,115
That's
a chemistry set.
26
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,382
Every boy
should have one.
27
00:02:31,417 --> 00:02:32,717
You shouldn't
have done that.
28
00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:35,086
We could just
turn on the gas
29
00:02:35,122 --> 00:02:36,788
and blow ourselves up.
30
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:39,090
It's perfectly
harmless.
31
00:02:39,125 --> 00:02:41,359
We'll see.
32
00:02:41,561 --> 00:02:45,296
Lonnie, why don't you
show them what I got you.
33
00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:46,164
A Walkman.
34
00:02:46,199 --> 00:02:47,165
That's wonderful.
35
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:49,667
You've been wanting one
for the longest time.
36
00:02:49,702 --> 00:02:50,735
And now
I have one.
37
00:02:50,770 --> 00:02:54,172
He wouldn't take
one of those little TV's.
38
00:02:54,207 --> 00:02:56,107
Yeah, Lonnie.
You got to get into this.
39
00:02:56,142 --> 00:02:59,778
You got a guy here trying
to buy your affections.
40
00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:01,178
Let him.
41
00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:05,049
Aren't they just the
sweetest little things?
42
00:03:05,084 --> 00:03:07,385
I admit I'm
kind of a softie
43
00:03:07,420 --> 00:03:08,819
when it
comes to grand-kids,
44
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:11,122
but Lonnie's
going to be my son.
45
00:03:11,157 --> 00:03:14,125
And you got to be
tough with your boys.
46
00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:16,093
Right, Lonnie-roo?
47
00:03:16,129 --> 00:03:19,697
So, did you pick up your
bridesmaids' gowns?
48
00:03:19,732 --> 00:03:22,300
Yeah. We got them
yesterday.
49
00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:25,102
We're really honored
you asked us,
50
00:03:25,138 --> 00:03:26,371
but we'd understand
51
00:03:26,406 --> 00:03:29,407
if you'd rather honor
your adult friends.
52
00:03:29,443 --> 00:03:33,210
Don't be silly. Why would
you think such a thing?
53
00:03:33,246 --> 00:03:35,346
Because those gowns
are so dorky,
54
00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:38,249
they make us
want to retch.
55
00:03:40,620 --> 00:03:43,855
They're very nice.
They're just not us.
56
00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:46,090
Yeah. They're
more for people
57
00:03:46,125 --> 00:03:49,594
who get an allowance.
58
00:03:50,329 --> 00:03:53,798
Hey, Beck,
let's go try those on.
59
00:03:57,637 --> 00:03:59,203
Women, huh?
60
00:03:59,238 --> 00:04:01,005
Hey. Oh-ho.
61
00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:05,076
I'll bet you got a lot of
questions about women.
62
00:04:05,111 --> 00:04:05,844
I guess.
63
00:04:05,879 --> 00:04:06,977
Could we go now, mom?
64
00:04:07,013 --> 00:04:09,714
Roseanne and I aren't done
with the seating plan.
65
00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:12,150
That's fine, Crystal.
I can finish it.
66
00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:13,918
You don't know
half the people.
67
00:04:13,953 --> 00:04:16,854
That'll make it
go faster.
68
00:04:17,490 --> 00:04:18,422
Please.
69
00:04:18,457 --> 00:04:20,391
Take the boy home,
Crissy.
70
00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:21,425
You can
do that later.
71
00:04:21,460 --> 00:04:23,895
Well, if you
both think so.
72
00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:25,096
You see, Lonnie.
73
00:04:25,131 --> 00:04:26,931
I'm in there
pitching for you.
74
00:04:26,966 --> 00:04:29,100
Right.
Thanks. Bye.
75
00:04:31,871 --> 00:04:34,238
I'll see you
both later.
76
00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:40,377
Lonnie and I are going to
have a wonderful relationship
77
00:04:40,413 --> 00:04:41,979
when we get
over this hurdle.
78
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:46,918
The one where he thinks
you're the beast from hell?
79
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,186
That's the one.
80
00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:49,387
He'll come around.
81
00:04:49,423 --> 00:04:52,490
He and Crissy have been
alone for a long time.
82
00:04:52,525 --> 00:04:54,558
Now there's
this new guy.
83
00:04:54,594 --> 00:04:56,193
I've got
to try harder.
84
00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:58,062
I don't think
that's possible.
85
00:04:58,098 --> 00:04:59,230
You want
some coffee?
86
00:04:59,265 --> 00:05:02,166
No thanks. I've got
to pick up my tux.
87
00:05:02,202 --> 00:05:03,434
Hey, Danny boy.
88
00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:04,635
Hey.
89
00:05:04,670 --> 00:05:07,805
Don't worry. He's not
talking to me either.
90
00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:09,807
Why does he
hate me so much?
91
00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:11,375
I wasn't such
a bad father.
92
00:05:11,410 --> 00:05:13,845
I kept his belly full--
93
00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:15,880
way full.
94
00:05:16,182 --> 00:05:18,782
Between him and Lonnie,
I got two boys
95
00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:21,119
who won't give me
the time of day.
96
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,053
Maybe you'd do better
with daughters.
97
00:05:23,089 --> 00:05:27,424
I got a couple you can
have for a nice price.
98
00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:28,827
How much you asking?
99
00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:32,897
Oh, cool! I thought
I had to pay you.
100
00:05:32,932 --> 00:05:35,500
Your car's
out in the front.
101
00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:38,102
I'll just
walk around.
102
00:05:38,137 --> 00:05:39,504
It's cold out there.
103
00:05:39,539 --> 00:05:42,340
Even colder
in there.
104
00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:52,616
Good morning,
starshine.
105
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:57,322
Don't you think you should,
like, lighten up, Dan?
106
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,457
You betrayed me,
Roseanne.
107
00:05:59,492 --> 00:06:02,093
Don't you think
that's a tad harsh?
108
00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:05,096
I mean, I'm ordering
cocktail weenies for 60.
109
00:06:05,132 --> 00:06:07,732
I'm not turning you
over to the Nazis.
110
00:06:07,767 --> 00:06:09,667
You know I'm opposed
to this wedding.
111
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:12,003
Yes. You've made that
quite clear.
112
00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:13,504
You're ordering
all this stuff
113
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:14,772
like what I say
means nothing.
114
00:06:14,807 --> 00:06:18,343
The wedding's going to go
no matter who plans it.
115
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,010
And Crystal's
my best friend.
116
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:22,480
I'm your husband.
I outrank her.
117
00:06:22,515 --> 00:06:24,916
You're supposed
to back me up.
118
00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:26,617
Remember--
richer, poorer,
119
00:06:26,653 --> 00:06:27,919
sickness, health,
120
00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:29,620
death, part?
121
00:06:30,790 --> 00:06:33,691
I never took
any vow to back you up
122
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:34,859
when you're
acting stupid.
123
00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:38,495
This wedding is a joke,
and you know it.
124
00:06:38,531 --> 00:06:40,732
No.
I do not know that.
125
00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:43,334
Crystal's happy,
and your dad's happy.
126
00:06:43,369 --> 00:06:44,969
That's what wedding's
are about.
127
00:06:45,004 --> 00:06:46,938
Fine.
Have a good time.
128
00:06:46,973 --> 00:06:49,573
You've got to go.
You're the best man.
129
00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:51,743
Your whole family's
going to be there.
130
00:06:51,778 --> 00:06:54,378
Your aunt Mildred's going
to dance with the band,
131
00:06:54,413 --> 00:06:59,117
and uncle Pete's going to pull
a quarter out of his nose
132
00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:00,084
like he always does.
133
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:03,121
You're not leaving me
alone with those people.
134
00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:05,422
Forget it.
You're on your own.
135
00:07:05,458 --> 00:07:08,726
There's going
to be cake.
136
00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:28,813
Ok, that's
from me.
137
00:07:33,753 --> 00:07:34,452
You slut.
138
00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:36,587
I could
never wear this.
139
00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:37,555
What would Ed think?
140
00:07:37,590 --> 00:07:41,125
There won't be enough
blood left in his brain
141
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:43,293
to think anything.
142
00:07:46,899 --> 00:07:48,632
He's a pig.
143
00:07:48,667 --> 00:07:50,435
All men are pigs.
144
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,002
Jackie, you're
just saying that
145
00:07:52,038 --> 00:07:55,540
because you don't have
a date for the wedding,
146
00:07:55,575 --> 00:07:57,141
and everyone else does.
147
00:07:57,177 --> 00:07:58,843
What's your point,
Crystal?
148
00:07:58,878 --> 00:08:03,313
Simply that you don't
have to be so bitter.
149
00:08:03,349 --> 00:08:05,082
I'm not bitter.
150
00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:06,884
Oh, no.
Of course not.
151
00:08:06,919 --> 00:08:07,618
If you excuse me,
152
00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:09,654
I have to use
the ladies' room.
153
00:08:09,689 --> 00:08:11,555
That's like the
eighth time, Crystal.
154
00:08:11,590 --> 00:08:14,659
We ought to move this
shindig into the John.
155
00:08:14,694 --> 00:08:16,361
Oh, Roseanne.
156
00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:19,963
I am not bitter.
157
00:08:20,232 --> 00:08:21,365
Give it a rest, Jackie.
158
00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:25,737
I'm looking forward to spending
time with Becky and Darlene.
159
00:08:25,772 --> 00:08:27,739
[Doorbell rings]
160
00:08:27,774 --> 00:08:31,142
Becky and Darlene
have dates.
161
00:08:33,313 --> 00:08:34,578
Darlene?
162
00:08:34,613 --> 00:08:37,148
Darlene has a date?
163
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:39,250
Now, I'm bitter.
164
00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:41,385
Anne Marie!
You made it!
165
00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:45,289
Of course. Your parties were
legends when we were kids.
166
00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:47,458
I got more
boring friends now.
167
00:08:47,494 --> 00:08:49,159
Don't keep
your hopes up.
168
00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:50,227
Anne Marie!
169
00:08:50,262 --> 00:08:52,664
Hey, Crystal!
170
00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:53,998
Congratulations!
171
00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:56,834
I'm so glad Roseanne
ran in to you.
172
00:08:56,869 --> 00:08:58,002
How long's it been?
173
00:08:58,037 --> 00:09:01,272
Since high school.
What you been up to?
174
00:09:01,307 --> 00:09:02,139
Well,
after graduation,
175
00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:05,042
there was this party at
Sarah Foster's house
176
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:08,045
where I met Rusty, who
became my first husband.
177
00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:10,814
But not until
July of that year.
178
00:09:10,850 --> 00:09:12,750
By August the spark
had flickered.
179
00:09:12,785 --> 00:09:14,985
So we split up, and
I married Travis.
180
00:09:15,020 --> 00:09:17,755
He was a whole other
can of worms.
181
00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:19,023
He was
an arc welder.
182
00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:22,460
And when we divorced, he
cut the trailer in half.
183
00:09:22,495 --> 00:09:24,729
But you know,
we remain friends...
184
00:09:24,764 --> 00:09:25,996
Do something.
185
00:09:26,032 --> 00:09:28,666
Oh, I know
what let's do.
186
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:31,468
Let's play "who
knows Crystal best."
187
00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:34,238
Ok, I'll say
the first question.
188
00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:39,977
Um...What was Crystal's
nickname in high school.
189
00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:41,479
Oh, too easy.
190
00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:43,548
Right.
That was it.
191
00:09:49,889 --> 00:09:52,022
That's not true.
192
00:09:52,058 --> 00:09:53,557
I got one. I know!
193
00:09:53,592 --> 00:09:56,594
What was playing on Gilbert
Coswell's car radio
194
00:09:56,629 --> 00:10:01,565
the night Crystal did
it for the first time?
195
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:02,834
Jackie!
196
00:10:02,869 --> 00:10:04,368
Jackie!
That was told to you
197
00:10:04,403 --> 00:10:05,569
in the strictest
of confidence!
198
00:10:05,604 --> 00:10:09,106
Hey! You got a man in
your life, and I don't,
199
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:11,275
so throw me a bone!
200
00:10:11,310 --> 00:10:13,544
Ok. Any guesses?
201
00:10:13,579 --> 00:10:17,114
You don't mean that
Rusty wasn't her first?
202
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:18,249
Yes, he was.
203
00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:19,417
Yes, he was!
204
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,252
This game isn't
fun anymore.
205
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:24,288
Ok, was it
Stairway to Heaven?
206
00:10:24,323 --> 00:10:25,022
No.
207
00:10:25,024 --> 00:10:27,457
Crystal blue persuasion?
208
00:10:27,493 --> 00:10:28,993
How about
my sweet lord?
209
00:10:29,028 --> 00:10:33,630
Well, that wasn't coming
from the car radio.
210
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:36,967
I know what it was!
211
00:10:37,002 --> 00:10:38,769
Roseanne,
don't you dare!
212
00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:39,537
Oh, Crystal.
213
00:10:39,572 --> 00:10:43,407
♪ My baby does
the hanky panky ♪
214
00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:47,111
♪ my baby does
the hanky panky ♪
215
00:10:47,146 --> 00:10:50,615
♪ my baby does
the hanky panky ♪
216
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:51,415
Ok. Ok!
217
00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:53,484
Thank you for sharing
my secrets
218
00:10:53,519 --> 00:10:55,353
with the whole
wide world,
219
00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:58,255
Roseanne and Jackie
blabbermouth.
220
00:10:59,425 --> 00:11:00,758
Uh-oh.
221
00:11:00,793 --> 00:11:02,760
Well, I'll be back.
222
00:11:02,795 --> 00:11:03,761
We're
just killing time
223
00:11:03,796 --> 00:11:07,264
till the stripper
gets here, right?
224
00:11:08,701 --> 00:11:09,333
Oh, Crystal.
225
00:11:09,368 --> 00:11:12,503
We were just
kidding around.
226
00:11:12,538 --> 00:11:13,337
We're sorry.
227
00:11:13,372 --> 00:11:15,539
Yeah.
We're sorry, ok?
228
00:11:15,574 --> 00:11:16,174
Ok.
229
00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:17,975
Let's go
back in there.
230
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,811
Just a moment.
231
00:11:20,646 --> 00:11:21,879
What's the matter,
Crystal?
232
00:11:21,915 --> 00:11:25,183
I'm not in the mood
for a party now.
233
00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:26,483
Something wrong?
234
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,219
I'd rather
not say.
235
00:11:28,254 --> 00:11:32,389
Oh, come on, Crystal.
You can trust us.
236
00:11:33,893 --> 00:11:37,427
With the big stuff.
237
00:11:37,463 --> 00:11:40,531
I suppose I have
to tell someone.
238
00:11:40,566 --> 00:11:42,133
Roseanne, Jackie...
239
00:11:42,168 --> 00:11:43,834
I'm pregnant.
240
00:11:51,010 --> 00:11:54,078
Are you sure you're
not just late?
241
00:11:54,113 --> 00:11:55,379
I don't think so.
242
00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:56,414
I got the signs.
243
00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:59,550
I've been nauseous
and eating like crazy.
244
00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:03,521
And my doctor
said I'm pregnant.
245
00:12:03,756 --> 00:12:08,926
Well, so, uh,
are we happy or sad?
246
00:12:08,961 --> 00:12:10,294
Well, happy.
247
00:12:10,329 --> 00:12:11,562
I think it's great!
248
00:12:11,597 --> 00:12:14,331
We're happy for you,
Crystal.
249
00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:16,467
Geez, oh, wow.
250
00:12:16,502 --> 00:12:18,935
Does Ed know?
251
00:12:18,971 --> 00:12:19,603
Of course.
252
00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:21,872
Do you want
a boy or a girl?
253
00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:24,242
I've dreamed
of having a girl.
254
00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:26,243
What if it's a boy?
255
00:12:26,278 --> 00:12:28,312
Simple operation.
256
00:12:28,781 --> 00:12:31,315
Oh, Roseanne.
257
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:34,284
I can't find
my bowling ball.
258
00:12:34,319 --> 00:12:37,655
Do you know
where it is?
259
00:12:38,190 --> 00:12:40,925
Yes, it's
in the bedroom closet,
260
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,427
where it always is.
261
00:12:45,865 --> 00:12:47,464
Aw, Roseanne,
I'm so sorry.
262
00:12:47,499 --> 00:12:50,701
You two are hardly talking,
and it's my fault.
263
00:12:50,736 --> 00:12:53,771
That's pretty much
how I see it, too.
264
00:12:53,806 --> 00:12:56,507
Maybe if I tell him
about the baby,
265
00:12:56,542 --> 00:12:59,443
he won't be so upset
about the wedding.
266
00:12:59,478 --> 00:13:00,811
I don't think so.
267
00:13:00,846 --> 00:13:02,880
Well, well,
maybe it'll help.
268
00:13:02,915 --> 00:13:04,481
No, don't do that.
269
00:13:04,516 --> 00:13:05,415
Dan, listen.
270
00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:07,752
Your father and I,
we've been--
271
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,120
we were going
to tell--
272
00:13:10,156 --> 00:13:10,954
uh...
273
00:13:10,990 --> 00:13:13,957
She's pregnant.
274
00:13:23,235 --> 00:13:27,037
I told you
not to tell him.
275
00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:40,417
[Knock on door]
276
00:13:40,452 --> 00:13:41,251
Door's open.
277
00:13:41,287 --> 00:13:42,953
Danny boy.
278
00:13:42,988 --> 00:13:44,021
Come on in.
279
00:13:44,056 --> 00:13:47,591
Just throwing myself a
little bachelor party here.
280
00:13:47,627 --> 00:13:50,094
Usually the best man
makes the party,
281
00:13:50,129 --> 00:13:53,564
but you do
with what you got.
282
00:13:55,101 --> 00:13:56,767
What are you doing?
283
00:13:56,803 --> 00:13:58,235
What's it look like?
284
00:13:58,270 --> 00:13:59,603
I'm nursing this beer,
285
00:13:59,638 --> 00:14:01,939
and I'm watching
a dirty movie
286
00:14:01,974 --> 00:14:05,409
through all those
little squiggly lines.
287
00:14:06,045 --> 00:14:09,279
Why don't you just
pay the 4 bucks?
288
00:14:09,315 --> 00:14:10,380
They'll unscramble it.
289
00:14:10,416 --> 00:14:15,285
Then they'll know I'm in
here watching a dirty movie.
290
00:14:16,255 --> 00:14:18,055
Grab a beer.
You'll need it.
291
00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:23,260
In two minutes, you'll
have a hell of a headache.
292
00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:29,699
So, to what do I owe
this great honor?
293
00:14:30,736 --> 00:14:33,237
Dad, I know
Crystal's pregnant.
294
00:14:33,272 --> 00:14:34,771
Oh.
295
00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:36,007
Heh heh.
296
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:39,310
She wasn't supposed to tell
anybody till after the wedding.
297
00:14:39,345 --> 00:14:43,214
Are you doing this because
you have to get married?
298
00:14:43,249 --> 00:14:45,316
No, no.
299
00:14:45,351 --> 00:14:47,651
Oh, that's gross.
300
00:14:49,822 --> 00:14:51,255
Danny, you're right.
301
00:14:51,290 --> 00:14:52,456
I have to get married.
302
00:14:52,491 --> 00:14:54,425
Because Crystal's
the best thing
303
00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:57,228
that's happened to me
in a long time.
304
00:14:57,263 --> 00:14:59,530
And what about the baby?
305
00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:02,466
He's fine with this.
306
00:15:02,935 --> 00:15:05,136
You're making
a mistake, dad.
307
00:15:05,171 --> 00:15:07,638
What am I
supposed to do,
308
00:15:07,673 --> 00:15:08,906
cancel this wedding?
309
00:15:08,941 --> 00:15:11,442
Let Crystal
raise a kid alone?
310
00:15:11,477 --> 00:15:12,843
No.
311
00:15:12,878 --> 00:15:14,845
What are you saying?
312
00:15:15,614 --> 00:15:17,681
Maybe you should wait.
313
00:15:17,716 --> 00:15:18,682
Wait for what?
314
00:15:18,717 --> 00:15:21,885
You got no business
raising a kid.
315
00:15:21,887 --> 00:15:22,653
Why?
316
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:24,354
You know damn well why.
317
00:15:24,389 --> 00:15:27,057
I don't want
to watch it again.
318
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:28,926
You're gonna be on the road.
319
00:15:28,961 --> 00:15:31,629
He'll grow up just like I did.
320
00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:32,796
Without a father.
321
00:15:32,832 --> 00:15:35,699
Crystal will suffer
like Mom did.
322
00:15:35,735 --> 00:15:38,301
It's not about Crystal
and our baby.
323
00:15:38,337 --> 00:15:39,669
It's about you and me.
324
00:15:39,705 --> 00:15:43,107
How I screwed up
your life.
325
00:15:43,142 --> 00:15:43,841
Look at you.
326
00:15:43,876 --> 00:15:46,777
You got a nice family,
you own a business.
327
00:15:46,812 --> 00:15:48,345
How can you forgive me?
328
00:15:48,380 --> 00:15:50,580
Name one thing
you did for me
329
00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:52,649
that took time
instead of money.
330
00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:54,318
Fine,
I am a rotten father!
331
00:15:54,353 --> 00:15:57,020
I am a rotten father!
332
00:15:57,056 --> 00:15:58,489
Ok?
333
00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:01,391
Dan, I'm tired of this!
334
00:16:01,426 --> 00:16:02,960
Ok, I made mistakes,
335
00:16:02,995 --> 00:16:05,029
with you
and with your mother,
336
00:16:05,064 --> 00:16:07,330
but I got
a second chance.
337
00:16:07,366 --> 00:16:10,334
I thought that you would
want to help.
338
00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:12,269
But you don't.
339
00:16:12,304 --> 00:16:15,139
Crystal and I will
do it by ourselves.
340
00:16:15,174 --> 00:16:18,242
And I'm not going to
apologize to you anymore,
341
00:16:18,277 --> 00:16:21,478
because you'll never
let me off the hook.
342
00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:24,381
Now, if you
don't mind...
343
00:16:25,518 --> 00:16:28,452
You're bringing
my party down.
344
00:16:46,405 --> 00:16:47,938
Ready.
345
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,008
Oh, I know.
346
00:16:51,043 --> 00:16:53,210
Jackie,
get on that table.
347
00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:54,612
I'll get up here.
348
00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:56,614
Crystal,
just walk under here
349
00:16:56,649 --> 00:16:59,550
and stick your arms
through.
350
00:17:00,986 --> 00:17:01,985
Roseanne,
351
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,288
I just want you
to know
352
00:17:04,323 --> 00:17:07,291
how grateful I am
for all your help.
353
00:17:07,326 --> 00:17:10,194
Jackie, I appreciate
your help, too,
354
00:17:10,229 --> 00:17:11,495
but not as much.
355
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,964
You're welcome,
Crystal.
356
00:17:13,999 --> 00:17:15,399
Oh, I'm sorry,
Jackie.
357
00:17:15,434 --> 00:17:18,435
It's just
I'm so nervous.
358
00:17:20,806 --> 00:17:21,905
So, Roseanne,
359
00:17:21,940 --> 00:17:24,875
did you speak to Dan
this morning?
360
00:17:24,910 --> 00:17:27,844
No. I was sleeping
when he left.
361
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:31,915
Just won't be the same
without him.
362
00:17:31,950 --> 00:17:34,852
Crystal,
you look beautiful.
363
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:37,354
You look
absolutely radiant.
364
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,256
Uh-oh.
365
00:17:39,291 --> 00:17:39,956
What?
366
00:17:39,992 --> 00:17:43,260
I have to use the potty.
367
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:16,660
Can't believe we have
to wear this crud.
368
00:18:16,695 --> 00:18:19,296
It's only a few hours.
You'll live.
369
00:18:19,331 --> 00:18:23,400
But we can't duck the
photographer the whole time.
370
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,769
There's a photographer?
371
00:18:26,705 --> 00:18:29,173
Come on, D.J.
372
00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:31,909
This is not a race.
373
00:18:53,365 --> 00:18:55,766
Nice tux.
374
00:18:56,669 --> 00:18:58,168
Ready?
375
00:19:10,215 --> 00:19:11,147
Nice tux.
376
00:19:11,183 --> 00:19:12,415
Yeah, I've been getting
377
00:19:12,451 --> 00:19:16,453
a lot of compliments
on it lately.
378
00:19:36,141 --> 00:19:39,510
I feel so bloated.
379
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:44,114
Who could have foreseen,
decades ago,
380
00:19:44,149 --> 00:19:48,619
when a younger Ed
met a 12-year-old Crystal,
381
00:19:48,654 --> 00:19:49,886
that years later,
382
00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:51,288
they would
be standing here,
383
00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:53,857
ready to enter
into holy matrimony.
384
00:19:53,892 --> 00:19:57,060
You didn't foresee that,
right?
385
00:19:58,030 --> 00:19:58,829
Good.
386
00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:00,330
Then let's proceed.
387
00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:03,733
What is marriage?
388
00:20:23,255 --> 00:20:26,423
You probably think you're better than me
389
00:20:26,459 --> 00:20:27,991
'cause you're married.
390
00:20:28,026 --> 00:20:29,092
Well, you're not.
391
00:20:29,127 --> 00:20:32,129
I could be married if I wanted to be.
392
00:20:32,164 --> 00:20:37,034
There's far more to life than being married.
393
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:43,674
Marriage is one more way for men to enslave women.
394
00:20:43,709 --> 00:20:46,944
So get out of the cave, Crystal.
395
00:20:46,979 --> 00:20:51,048
This is the 20th--what?
396
00:20:52,118 --> 00:20:53,117
Oh, ok.
397
00:20:53,152 --> 00:20:57,387
You're going to throw the bouquet now!
398
00:20:57,422 --> 00:20:58,288
Come on.
399
00:20:58,323 --> 00:21:00,257
Wait up. Wait.
400
00:21:01,660 --> 00:21:02,626
Oh.
401
00:21:02,661 --> 00:21:03,560
Oh.
402
00:21:03,595 --> 00:21:04,894
Congratulations, daddy and mommy.
403
00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:08,265
I hope you're as happy
together as Rosey and me.
404
00:21:08,334 --> 00:21:09,433
Now say something nice.
405
00:21:09,468 --> 00:21:12,636
I'm real happy about my little brother.
406
00:21:12,671 --> 00:21:15,104
He can use any of my toys,
407
00:21:15,140 --> 00:21:18,408
except for my Lincoln logs
and Jerry Mahoney dummy.
408
00:21:18,444 --> 00:21:19,710
But really, um...
409
00:21:19,745 --> 00:21:22,512
I'll be there for you, dad.
410
00:21:22,548 --> 00:21:25,449
I'll always be there for you.
411
00:21:25,484 --> 00:21:27,250
Cake!
412
00:21:29,621 --> 00:21:30,587
2, 3.
413
00:21:30,622 --> 00:21:33,723
Congratulations, Crystal and grandpa.
414
00:21:33,759 --> 00:21:35,392
And Crystal.
415
00:21:36,362 --> 00:21:38,628
We love you guys.
416
00:21:39,431 --> 00:21:44,134
Well, first I'd like to say congratulations,
417
00:21:44,169 --> 00:21:45,902
uh, you guys.
418
00:21:45,937 --> 00:21:47,070
And, uh, Crystal,
419
00:21:47,106 --> 00:21:49,573
you're part of our family now.
420
00:21:49,608 --> 00:21:51,941
You're like my mother-in-law,
421
00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:55,912
so you got to call before you come over
422
00:21:55,947 --> 00:21:57,614
so I can clean up.
423
00:21:57,649 --> 00:21:59,716
Don't come over that often.
424
00:21:59,751 --> 00:22:01,084
But seriously, though,
425
00:22:01,120 --> 00:22:03,553
I'm really happy for you guys,
426
00:22:03,589 --> 00:22:07,491
and, you know, I'm happy for you.
427
00:22:07,526 --> 00:22:09,792
Congratulations.
428
00:22:09,828 --> 00:22:11,628
Ok, cut.
429
00:22:13,064 --> 00:22:16,600
That's good, that's good.
430
00:22:19,904 --> 00:22:23,973
I don't have anything else to say.
431
00:22:41,827 --> 00:22:43,459
Congratulations.
432
00:22:43,495 --> 00:22:46,330
Ok, there, I said it.
433
00:22:47,233 --> 00:22:50,900
Anyways, congratulations, Crystal and Fred.
434
00:22:50,936 --> 00:22:52,169
What?
435
00:22:52,204 --> 00:22:53,837
No, his name's Fred.
436
00:22:53,872 --> 00:22:54,771
It's Fred.
437
00:22:54,806 --> 00:22:55,905
Are you sure?
438
00:22:55,941 --> 00:23:00,944
Anyways, congratulations, Crystal and Ed.
439
00:23:01,647 --> 00:23:03,413
Embarrassing.
440
00:23:03,482 --> 00:23:06,483
Crystal, this is dedicated to you.
441
00:23:06,518 --> 00:23:07,451
Here it comes.
442
00:23:07,486 --> 00:23:11,521
♪ My baby does the hanky-panky ♪
443
00:23:11,557 --> 00:23:15,592
♪ my baby does the hanky-panky ♪
444
00:23:15,627 --> 00:23:20,497
♪ my baby does the hanky-panky ♪
445
00:23:23,802 --> 00:23:26,770
Are we going to let her lie there?
30565
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