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1
00:01:24,184 --> 00:01:28,019
That's egg salad.
You ordered a BLT.
2
00:01:28,054 --> 00:01:29,220
I'm sorry.
3
00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:31,990
I brought you
the wrong lunch.
4
00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:34,191
I'll give you
a free piece of pie.
5
00:01:34,227 --> 00:01:35,927
Ok. Apple is
my favorite.
6
00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:37,395
Ok. Cross
your fingers,
7
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,931
and we'll see
what you get.
8
00:01:39,966 --> 00:01:42,434
I make a mistake,
and he apologizes.
9
00:01:42,469 --> 00:01:44,469
I should
introduce him to Dan.
10
00:01:44,504 --> 00:01:46,438
Maybe it'll rub off.
11
00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:47,672
Hey, Roseanne.
12
00:01:47,707 --> 00:01:49,907
Hey, Crystal.
Want some coffee?
13
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,943
Only if you
got some made.
14
00:01:51,978 --> 00:01:54,913
Well, this is
a coffee shop, Crystal.
15
00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:57,315
Oh, well,
that would be fine.
16
00:01:57,350 --> 00:02:00,151
You know, I love the
mall after Christmas.
17
00:02:00,186 --> 00:02:02,153
The stores will
take back anything.
18
00:02:02,188 --> 00:02:04,222
I just returned
an electric wok
19
00:02:04,257 --> 00:02:06,257
that I've had
in the closet
20
00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:06,958
since 1982.
21
00:02:06,994 --> 00:02:09,627
How the hell
did you do that?
22
00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:10,695
I kept the box.
23
00:02:10,730 --> 00:02:13,198
And luckily
I could exchange it
24
00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:14,565
for one
of those machines
25
00:02:14,601 --> 00:02:17,102
that rips the hair
out of your leg.
26
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:18,136
They're very effective.
27
00:02:18,171 --> 00:02:22,773
Although they do tend
to make you cry.
28
00:02:23,343 --> 00:02:25,843
Excuse me.
29
00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:28,446
She should cry.
30
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:30,382
I bought her that wok.
31
00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:32,917
Here you go.
Eat this.
32
00:02:32,952 --> 00:02:34,151
What's this for?
33
00:02:34,187 --> 00:02:35,119
It's a tip.
34
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:36,354
But it's, like, 40%.
35
00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:38,222
When a waitress
makes a mistake,
36
00:02:38,258 --> 00:02:42,460
you shouldn't over tip
like this, Donald.
37
00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:45,397
Remember that
for next time.
38
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:48,566
Come on, dad.
39
00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:50,167
I want to see
the movie.
40
00:02:50,203 --> 00:02:52,237
Hold on there,
Babalouie.
41
00:02:52,272 --> 00:02:56,741
I want to check out
this here cute waitress.
42
00:02:57,210 --> 00:02:57,942
Excuse me.
43
00:02:57,977 --> 00:02:59,444
When you get
a minute?
44
00:02:59,479 --> 00:03:02,280
Yeah, you'll be
the first to know.
45
00:03:02,315 --> 00:03:03,314
Got a kiss for me,
46
00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:07,985
or do you want a hot poker
in the eyeball?
47
00:03:08,020 --> 00:03:09,720
Poker, please.
48
00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:12,290
Yecchh!
49
00:03:14,727 --> 00:03:18,629
So, what are
you boys up to?
50
00:03:18,898 --> 00:03:21,632
Oh, just going upstairs
to the Cineplex.
51
00:03:21,667 --> 00:03:24,235
You going to see
101 Dalmatians?
52
00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:26,103
Nah. He won't
go for that
53
00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:28,172
unless 95 of them
blow up.
54
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:29,240
On your way home,
55
00:03:29,276 --> 00:03:31,509
pick up some mushroom soup
and macaroni
56
00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:34,745
for your Dad's
favorite tuna casserole.
57
00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:36,113
Yecchh.
58
00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:36,848
I know.
59
00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:38,416
It's god-awful, isn't it?
60
00:03:38,451 --> 00:03:41,852
And especially
the way I make it.
61
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:43,321
Another Christmas
in January
62
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:44,555
with old Ed Conner.
63
00:03:44,591 --> 00:03:46,958
Same as when
I was little.
64
00:03:46,994 --> 00:03:47,892
Always traveling.
65
00:03:47,927 --> 00:03:50,328
That's how he kept ahead
of other salesmen
66
00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:52,230
who stayed home
for the holidays.
67
00:03:52,265 --> 00:03:54,966
If you're going
to gripe about your Dad,
68
00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:56,468
you got to order
something.
69
00:03:56,503 --> 00:03:58,235
Come on, Deej.
Let's go.
70
00:03:58,271 --> 00:03:59,870
See you, Crystal.
71
00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:01,005
Bye, guys.
72
00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:05,743
Remember--go up and ask for
two children's tickets.
73
00:04:05,778 --> 00:04:08,713
Why doesn't Dan get
along with his father?
74
00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:12,183
I've always found Ed
to be a wonderful man.
75
00:04:12,218 --> 00:04:12,717
Well, me, too.
76
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,752
I get along
with him great.
77
00:04:14,787 --> 00:04:17,388
'Course, I'm
a people person.
78
00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:18,756
[Telephone rings]
79
00:04:18,791 --> 00:04:21,325
There's the phone.
Excuse me.
80
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:22,894
[Ring]
81
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:24,595
Hello, Rodbell's
coffee shop,
82
00:04:24,631 --> 00:04:27,531
home of
the quick serve.
83
00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:29,000
What?
84
00:04:29,035 --> 00:04:30,368
I can't hear you,
Darlene.
85
00:04:30,403 --> 00:04:32,470
Tell Becky
to stop screaming.
86
00:04:32,505 --> 00:04:34,839
Ok, now,
what did D.J. do?
87
00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:37,075
How could he do that?
88
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,676
He's not even home.
89
00:04:38,711 --> 00:04:43,514
All right. So, now,
where did you find it?
90
00:04:44,484 --> 00:04:47,051
Just put it in a bag,
91
00:04:47,087 --> 00:04:50,188
and I'll bury it
when I get there.
92
00:04:50,223 --> 00:04:51,956
Ok, bye.
93
00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:53,524
Problem?
94
00:04:53,559 --> 00:04:54,492
Oh, it's just D.J.
95
00:04:54,527 --> 00:04:57,996
He needs some little
friends to play with.
96
00:04:58,031 --> 00:04:59,563
Bring Lonnie
around this weekend.
97
00:04:59,599 --> 00:05:01,132
He'd love to play
with him.
98
00:05:01,167 --> 00:05:04,502
Uh, Lonnie's at his
grandma's for the weekend.
99
00:05:04,537 --> 00:05:06,203
Well, then next weekend.
100
00:05:06,238 --> 00:05:10,407
Roseanne, Lonnie is
scared of D.J.
101
00:05:11,510 --> 00:05:13,010
Oh, ok.
102
00:05:14,214 --> 00:05:15,680
At least
D.J. has a father.
103
00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:20,351
I feel bad about Lonnie
growing up without a father.
104
00:05:20,387 --> 00:05:21,920
Oh, Crystal.
105
00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:23,254
Don't get upset.
106
00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:24,088
Somewhere out there,
107
00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:28,492
there is a guy
who is perfect for you.
108
00:05:32,231 --> 00:05:34,699
Excuse me a minute.
109
00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:37,268
Hey, Donald.
110
00:05:37,303 --> 00:05:38,969
Do you like
tuna casserole?
111
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,271
Not very much, Roseanne.
112
00:05:40,306 --> 00:05:43,174
Oh, you'll eat it anyway.
113
00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:54,485
Crystal doesn't know
this dinner's a fix up?
114
00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:58,423
She thinks she's just
dropping off a fondue pot.
115
00:05:58,458 --> 00:05:59,990
Well, what's
the guy think?
116
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:03,828
You know, he's a single
guy, and we got hot food.
117
00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:05,797
That's all
he needs to know.
118
00:06:05,832 --> 00:06:07,632
Hey, put more cheese
in there.
119
00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:11,035
The regular cheese
or the stinky cheese?
120
00:06:11,070 --> 00:06:12,236
Stinky.
121
00:06:12,271 --> 00:06:15,940
Ecchh! It smells
like Dad's feet.
122
00:06:16,409 --> 00:06:19,076
Something
sure smells good!
123
00:06:21,147 --> 00:06:24,515
Hey, Darlene, put another
box of macaroni in there.
124
00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:26,550
Well, how much
should I put?
125
00:06:26,585 --> 00:06:28,552
The box says,
"serves 10."
126
00:06:28,587 --> 00:06:30,021
Well, there's
eight of us,
127
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:32,356
so two boxes
ought to do it.
128
00:06:32,391 --> 00:06:34,391
Eight? My Dad's coming.
That's six.
129
00:06:34,427 --> 00:06:37,361
I run into Crystal
at the mall today.
130
00:06:37,396 --> 00:06:37,995
Seven.
131
00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:39,096
She seemed lonely,
so I--
132
00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:41,599
you're not playing
matchmaker again, are you?
133
00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:44,736
Every time you do, it
blows up in your face.
134
00:06:44,771 --> 00:06:47,839
I fixed up your friend
Pete and his wife.
135
00:06:47,874 --> 00:06:50,174
Yeah, and they're
divorced now.
136
00:06:50,209 --> 00:06:51,676
Really?
137
00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:54,512
He would be perfect
for Jackie.
138
00:06:54,547 --> 00:06:56,080
[Doorbell rings]
139
00:06:56,115 --> 00:06:56,948
It's grandpa!
140
00:06:56,983 --> 00:06:59,917
Oh, cool. Presents!
141
00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:02,820
You coming?
142
00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:03,855
Plenty of time.
143
00:07:03,890 --> 00:07:06,690
You got to make it
tough, right, Conner?
144
00:07:06,726 --> 00:07:08,559
I want to finish
this article.
145
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:10,828
Oh, you're reading
Cosmo?
146
00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:12,563
Yeah.
147
00:07:14,835 --> 00:07:16,501
Yeeww!
148
00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:18,102
For Becky.
149
00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:19,170
Thanks, grandpa.
150
00:07:19,205 --> 00:07:20,104
For Darlene.
151
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:21,172
Thanks, grandpa.
152
00:07:21,207 --> 00:07:21,940
For grandpa.
153
00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:24,041
What did
you bring me?
154
00:07:24,076 --> 00:07:25,243
It's right here.
155
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:28,913
I got you
a set of books.
156
00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:29,813
I'm kidding.
157
00:07:29,849 --> 00:07:33,284
I'm just kidding.
It's a death ray.
158
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:34,319
Great!
159
00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:36,520
What did
you bring me?
160
00:07:36,556 --> 00:07:37,288
Hey, rosebud!
161
00:07:37,324 --> 00:07:39,390
You look younger
and more beautiful
162
00:07:39,425 --> 00:07:40,424
every time I see you.
163
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:43,995
You know, you're a lying
sack of skin, Ed,
164
00:07:44,030 --> 00:07:45,763
but I love you.
165
00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:46,831
How are you doing?
166
00:07:46,866 --> 00:07:48,265
I couldn't
be better, Rosie.
167
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,301
So where's that bum
you married?
168
00:07:50,336 --> 00:07:52,269
He's out there
in the kitchen.
169
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:54,906
I'm supposed
to go to him, right?
170
00:07:54,941 --> 00:07:57,174
I think
that's the plan.
171
00:08:01,614 --> 00:08:02,479
Dad!
172
00:08:02,515 --> 00:08:04,181
Danny boy!
173
00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:05,716
Come here.
174
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:09,520
Get you,
get you, get you!
175
00:08:11,624 --> 00:08:12,690
How's business,
dad?
176
00:08:12,725 --> 00:08:15,125
Great. I'm having
the best year of my life.
177
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:19,196
I picked up one of these
lines of fancy coffees.
178
00:08:19,231 --> 00:08:20,898
Dutch mocha,
179
00:08:20,933 --> 00:08:22,700
amaretto creme...
180
00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:25,102
Ah, here we go.
Chocolate parfait.
181
00:08:25,137 --> 00:08:27,672
We got this great
advertising campaign--
182
00:08:27,707 --> 00:08:30,508
"for the quiet moments
of your life."
183
00:08:30,543 --> 00:08:33,744
I haven't had a quiet
moment in 17 years.
184
00:08:33,780 --> 00:08:35,012
What else
you bring me?
185
00:08:35,047 --> 00:08:39,049
Just so happens, I did bring
you a little something.
186
00:08:39,085 --> 00:08:40,284
You didn't
have to.
187
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:41,853
What, Danny?
It's a gift.
188
00:08:41,888 --> 00:08:42,887
That's what you call it
189
00:08:42,922 --> 00:08:45,556
when you give somebody
something you don't have to.
190
00:08:45,591 --> 00:08:48,492
When you have to,
it's called alimony.
191
00:08:48,527 --> 00:08:50,794
Har har
har har har.
192
00:08:50,830 --> 00:08:52,196
Grandpa, you got us
videotapes.
193
00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:54,765
You don't like the
movies I picked?
194
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:57,935
We love them.
We don't have a VCR.
195
00:08:57,970 --> 00:09:00,638
Oh. We do now.
196
00:09:00,673 --> 00:09:02,506
All right, grandpa!
197
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:07,678
A VCR, Beck. The Conner family
leaps into the eighties.
198
00:09:08,781 --> 00:09:10,848
Take it into
the living room.
199
00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:12,316
I'll come
in a second
200
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:14,519
and help you
hook it up.
201
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:15,319
Thanks, grandpa.
202
00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:18,088
Yeah, now
we really love you.
203
00:09:18,758 --> 00:09:19,923
Uh, listen,
there's, um...
204
00:09:19,959 --> 00:09:22,926
There's something I got to
talk to you about.
205
00:09:22,962 --> 00:09:26,063
That's what the VCR’s
for, to soften us up?
206
00:09:26,098 --> 00:09:28,066
The VCR was
a second prize
207
00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:29,133
in a sales contest.
208
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:31,735
If I'd won first prize,
I'd be in Hawaii.
209
00:09:31,771 --> 00:09:34,705
You wouldn't have to
put up with me.
210
00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:35,440
Geez, Dan.
211
00:09:35,475 --> 00:09:38,075
What do you want
to talk about?
212
00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:41,011
Let's wait
till after supper.
213
00:09:43,850 --> 00:09:45,416
Where are you going?
214
00:09:45,451 --> 00:09:46,751
Unload the truck.
215
00:09:46,786 --> 00:09:48,119
Is this
how it'll be
216
00:09:48,154 --> 00:09:49,720
the whole time
he's visiting,
217
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,555
you acting
like a baby?
218
00:09:51,590 --> 00:09:53,291
You hear the crack
about alimony?
219
00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:55,993
He never pays my mother
a dime in alimony.
220
00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:58,930
It's a joke. Johnny Carson
does alimony jokes,
221
00:09:58,965 --> 00:10:00,164
and you're
laying there--
222
00:10:00,199 --> 00:10:02,633
"not now, Roseanne,
Johnny's on a roll."
223
00:10:02,668 --> 00:10:05,503
He's pulling the same
stuff on my kids
224
00:10:05,538 --> 00:10:06,737
as he pulled on me.
225
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,706
He's never around,
then he thinks
226
00:10:08,741 --> 00:10:11,041
he can buy them off
with presents.
227
00:10:11,076 --> 00:10:12,643
They think
he's Santa Claus.
228
00:10:12,678 --> 00:10:13,778
So they love
their grandfather.
229
00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:17,148
That's great. They hate
everybody else, Dan.
230
00:10:17,183 --> 00:10:18,783
Give him a break.
231
00:10:18,818 --> 00:10:20,685
He helped you
with your homework,
232
00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:22,620
taught you how
to ride a bike,
233
00:10:22,655 --> 00:10:25,623
and took you
to the baseball games.
234
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:28,792
He never did any
of that.
235
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:34,031
Well, so what? He got us a VCR.
Same thing.
236
00:10:41,340 --> 00:10:43,808
Roseanne, I brought
the fondue pot.
237
00:10:43,843 --> 00:10:45,876
I hope
I'm not too late.
238
00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:47,211
You're right
on time.
239
00:10:47,246 --> 00:10:49,747
I want you to stay
for dinner.
240
00:10:49,782 --> 00:10:51,048
I couldn't impose.
241
00:10:51,083 --> 00:10:52,015
Oh, no. Nonsense.
242
00:10:52,051 --> 00:10:55,753
Are you still wearing that?
You look like hell.
243
00:10:55,788 --> 00:10:57,488
God, she's smooth.
244
00:10:57,523 --> 00:11:00,758
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
You got me!
245
00:11:00,793 --> 00:11:03,494
I'm vaporized!
246
00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:05,463
Oh, hi, Cryssie.
247
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:07,598
Hey, Ed.
How are you?
248
00:11:07,633 --> 00:11:08,866
Come on, grandpa.
249
00:11:08,901 --> 00:11:10,568
D.J., give me
just a minute
250
00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:13,971
to get my molecules reorganized.
All right?
251
00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:16,274
Ok. I'll go
kill Dad.
252
00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:20,143
Looks like we're getting
close here, huh?
253
00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:20,912
I'll go wash up.
254
00:11:20,947 --> 00:11:24,982
It's really good to see
you again, Crystal.
255
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:27,618
Roseanne, maybe Ed
would like it to be
256
00:11:27,654 --> 00:11:29,353
just him
and the family.
257
00:11:29,388 --> 00:11:30,121
Oh, nonsense.
258
00:11:30,156 --> 00:11:31,889
Quit whining.
Men hate that.
259
00:11:31,924 --> 00:11:32,923
Go in my bedroom
260
00:11:32,959 --> 00:11:35,693
and borrow some
earrings and a scarf.
261
00:11:35,728 --> 00:11:37,394
Becky, go with her.
262
00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:40,030
All right.
263
00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:44,102
You know what
the sad part is?
264
00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:46,670
She doesn't
suspect a thing.
265
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:47,671
[Doorbell rings]
266
00:11:47,706 --> 00:11:49,206
There's the groom.
267
00:11:49,242 --> 00:11:50,007
Hey, everybody.
268
00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:52,209
What are you
doing here?
269
00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:53,043
I'm hungry.
270
00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:55,645
Well, I didn't invite you
for dinner.
271
00:11:55,681 --> 00:11:59,416
When have I ever waited
for an invitation?
272
00:11:59,451 --> 00:12:00,284
[Doorbell rings]
273
00:12:00,319 --> 00:12:02,853
Get the door, Darlene,
and let him in.
274
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:05,856
Be nice to him.
He's skittish.
275
00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:06,590
Who's skittish?
276
00:12:06,625 --> 00:12:08,492
Just this guy
from the mall.
277
00:12:08,527 --> 00:12:10,460
Nobody you know.
Nobody you'd like.
278
00:12:10,496 --> 00:12:13,297
How do you know
I wouldn't like him?
279
00:12:13,332 --> 00:12:14,631
He ain't your type.
280
00:12:14,666 --> 00:12:15,732
He's shy
and really quiet.
281
00:12:15,768 --> 00:12:19,336
I mean, he manages this
camera shop, you know?
282
00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:20,537
Whose type is he?
283
00:12:20,572 --> 00:12:23,573
He's Crystal's type.
So back off.
284
00:12:23,609 --> 00:12:24,408
Oh.
285
00:12:24,443 --> 00:12:26,810
Oh, you wouldn't want
to introduce me
286
00:12:26,845 --> 00:12:29,980
to some great guy
with a job.
287
00:12:30,016 --> 00:12:31,348
Crystal looks hot, Mom.
288
00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:33,984
We went with
the purple scarf
289
00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:35,185
and the silver earrings.
290
00:12:35,221 --> 00:12:37,487
I begged you for
those earrings.
291
00:12:37,523 --> 00:12:38,389
What is going on?
292
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:41,258
First you're on my case
about not dating
293
00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:43,294
and then
you doll Crystal up
294
00:12:43,329 --> 00:12:48,165
so she can snag some
great guy with a job.
295
00:12:48,834 --> 00:12:51,635
He's cute.
296
00:12:51,670 --> 00:12:53,770
He's not your type.
297
00:12:53,807 --> 00:12:55,606
What is my type,
Roseanne,
298
00:12:55,642 --> 00:12:57,708
some unemployed
rodeo clown?
299
00:12:57,743 --> 00:13:00,744
Uh-oh, bachelorette
number two.
300
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:03,080
Shut up, shut up,
shut up.
301
00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:03,847
Hey, Mom.
302
00:13:03,883 --> 00:13:05,683
Go shoot
your sister.
303
00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:06,484
Ok.
304
00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:09,153
I promise the next
guy is for you,
305
00:13:09,155 --> 00:13:10,921
but this one's
for Crystal.
306
00:13:11,157 --> 00:13:14,658
Pull up a chair and
set yourself a place,
307
00:13:14,693 --> 00:13:18,262
but hands off
the camera guy.
308
00:13:44,823 --> 00:13:45,756
Donald...
309
00:13:45,791 --> 00:13:48,425
I don't believe you've
met my sister Jackie.
310
00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:51,628
It's a pleasure
to meet you.
311
00:14:00,672 --> 00:14:02,073
You went
to Lanford High?
312
00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:02,974
Yes, Donald.
313
00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:05,609
Have they always been
the Fighting Tigers?
314
00:14:05,644 --> 00:14:06,810
I don't know.
315
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:09,113
Let me
go find out.
316
00:14:09,148 --> 00:14:10,380
Roseanne...
317
00:14:10,415 --> 00:14:12,983
That's 12 questions
in a row,
318
00:14:13,018 --> 00:14:14,585
in case
you're counting.
319
00:14:14,620 --> 00:14:15,586
Oh, he's just nervous.
320
00:14:15,621 --> 00:14:18,689
That's how he tries
to make conversation.
321
00:14:18,724 --> 00:14:19,924
Get him off my back.
322
00:14:19,959 --> 00:14:22,993
You begged me to fix
you up with him.
323
00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:24,995
That was before
I found out
324
00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:26,564
he was
the question man--
325
00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:29,132
what kind of car
do you drive?
326
00:14:29,168 --> 00:14:30,701
What's your
favorite soup?
327
00:14:30,736 --> 00:14:32,602
Did you do it
in here?
328
00:14:32,638 --> 00:14:35,005
I didn't design
this kitchen, Donald.
329
00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:37,374
Jackie, were you
a cheerleader?
330
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:38,109
No, Donald.
331
00:14:38,144 --> 00:14:40,811
Did you try out
and not make it?
332
00:14:40,846 --> 00:14:44,881
You know, Crystal was
on the pompom squad.
333
00:14:44,917 --> 00:14:45,916
Really?
334
00:14:45,951 --> 00:14:47,417
Oh, dear.
335
00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:49,219
Are they
your own pompons
336
00:14:49,254 --> 00:14:51,589
or does the school
provide them?
337
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:52,990
They gave them to me.
338
00:14:53,025 --> 00:14:56,593
You know, Jackie was
on the field hockey team.
339
00:14:56,628 --> 00:14:58,228
No kidding.
340
00:15:00,166 --> 00:15:02,600
Do you use a ball
or a puck?
341
00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:05,736
You know what's great
after a big dinner
342
00:15:05,772 --> 00:15:06,704
is a nice drive.
343
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:09,707
Jackie, take Donald
on a nice little drive.
344
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:10,775
Roseanne...
345
00:15:10,810 --> 00:15:11,676
I know.
346
00:15:11,711 --> 00:15:13,678
You want to borrow
my Isadora Duncan scarf.
347
00:15:13,713 --> 00:15:17,515
I've got it right here
in the bedroom.
348
00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:20,751
Can I buy this
at a store?
349
00:15:20,787 --> 00:15:22,353
Hey, I promised
the kids
350
00:15:22,388 --> 00:15:24,755
I'd watch movie tapes with them.
351
00:15:24,790 --> 00:15:27,390
Oh, I'll go with you.
352
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:35,566
You work
in a camera shop.
353
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:38,069
Do you send your film
to a lab?
354
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:41,271
What kind of a lab?
A big lab?
355
00:15:41,307 --> 00:15:44,008
I want that guy
out of here.
356
00:15:44,043 --> 00:15:45,743
Tell him to leave.
357
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,277
No, I can't.
358
00:15:47,312 --> 00:15:47,945
I'll leave.
359
00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:49,180
Take him with you.
360
00:15:49,215 --> 00:15:50,046
Not on your life.
361
00:15:50,082 --> 00:15:52,716
You're not going
to believe this!
362
00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:53,650
I come in here,
363
00:15:53,685 --> 00:15:56,720
and what do I see
on this very spot?
364
00:15:56,756 --> 00:15:59,422
Crystal and Ed
kissing.
365
00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:00,858
Making out?
366
00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:03,594
Like trying
to climb each other.
367
00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:04,861
Oh, my god!
368
00:16:04,896 --> 00:16:08,098
I figure I can find
out what's going on
369
00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:10,567
if you and
the Quizmaster blow.
370
00:16:10,602 --> 00:16:13,203
Ok,
but I want details later.
371
00:16:13,238 --> 00:16:14,905
I'll call you for sure.
372
00:16:14,941 --> 00:16:16,573
What if he tries something?
373
00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:18,242
Oh, Jackie,
he's annoying.
374
00:16:18,277 --> 00:16:20,578
He's not desperate.
375
00:16:23,849 --> 00:16:26,416
[Crying]
376
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,421
What's wrong with D.J.?
377
00:16:31,457 --> 00:16:33,724
Oh,
his death ray broke.
378
00:16:33,759 --> 00:16:34,758
How did that happen?
379
00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:37,127
Oh, that's
not important.
380
00:16:37,396 --> 00:16:38,662
Ok, Donald,
I'm ready.
381
00:16:38,697 --> 00:16:41,832
Great. So where do you
want to go?
382
00:16:41,867 --> 00:16:43,801
Who's driving?
Is it far?
383
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:46,503
Oh, you'll find out
when you get there.
384
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:48,572
Thanks for coming.
Yeah, bye.
385
00:16:48,607 --> 00:16:49,406
Adult time.
386
00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:51,642
Everybody upstairs.
Go on. Run along.
387
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:52,943
Mom,
that's not fair.
388
00:16:52,978 --> 00:16:54,311
We're watching
a videotape.
389
00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:55,746
Oh, yeah.
You're right.
390
00:16:55,781 --> 00:16:56,746
There's logic for you.
391
00:16:56,782 --> 00:16:59,216
I can't wait
till I have kids.
392
00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:02,919
They'll have to do
everything I say.
393
00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:05,823
Funny how Donald and
Jackie hit it right off.
394
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,892
I thought Donald was more,
say, Crystal's type,
395
00:17:08,927 --> 00:17:10,361
but what do I know?
396
00:17:10,396 --> 00:17:13,296
Absolutely nothing,
my pet.
397
00:17:15,434 --> 00:17:17,600
So, Ed...
398
00:17:17,636 --> 00:17:18,535
Crystal...
399
00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:20,470
What's new?
400
00:17:23,408 --> 00:17:25,342
Danny,
I wanted to tell you--
401
00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:26,376
before you say anything,
402
00:17:26,411 --> 00:17:29,045
I was way out of line
before.
403
00:17:29,081 --> 00:17:30,480
Your
intentions are good.
404
00:17:30,516 --> 00:17:31,981
I was a complete jerk.
405
00:17:32,017 --> 00:17:34,085
Maybe I should
leave you alone.
406
00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:35,719
This is
a family moment.
407
00:17:35,754 --> 00:17:37,988
Please stay.
I want you to.
408
00:17:38,023 --> 00:17:39,323
Dad--
listen, Danny--
409
00:17:39,358 --> 00:17:41,425
this is really
tough for me.
410
00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:44,194
Let me get
the whole thing out.
411
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:47,264
Whatever happened
between you and Mom
412
00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:49,499
and between
you and me
413
00:17:49,535 --> 00:17:51,568
is history.
414
00:17:51,603 --> 00:17:53,770
Let's start over.
415
00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:56,873
That's great, son.
416
00:17:56,909 --> 00:18:03,079
I can't tell you how long I
wanted to hear those words,
417
00:18:03,115 --> 00:18:05,081
and you're right.
418
00:18:05,117 --> 00:18:11,188
We've got to start over
because, uh, ahem...
419
00:18:11,223 --> 00:18:12,956
Starting over is good.
420
00:18:12,991 --> 00:18:14,324
It's a good thing.
421
00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:15,759
As a matter of fact,
422
00:18:15,794 --> 00:18:20,197
I've been starting over
myself, because, uh...
423
00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:25,736
Crystal and I have been
seeing each other.
424
00:18:35,013 --> 00:18:36,813
What do you mean,
"seeing"?
425
00:18:36,848 --> 00:18:39,850
Well, since last
Thanksgiving, uh...
426
00:18:39,886 --> 00:18:41,151
We started
getting together
427
00:18:41,186 --> 00:18:44,254
whenever I had
a break in my schedule.
428
00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:46,156
Sorry I didn't
tell you two,
429
00:18:46,191 --> 00:18:49,960
but we didn't know
how you'd take it.
430
00:18:50,663 --> 00:18:53,430
Well,
are you happy?
431
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:54,898
Yes, I am.
432
00:18:54,934 --> 00:18:56,399
Well...
433
00:18:56,435 --> 00:18:58,402
Then...
434
00:18:58,437 --> 00:18:59,436
I'm happy for you.
435
00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:03,473
As to how Dan's
going to take it, well...
436
00:19:03,509 --> 00:19:05,642
Take it, Dan.
437
00:19:07,245 --> 00:19:10,814
You're more than 20 years
older than she is.
438
00:19:10,849 --> 00:19:12,182
I've done the math.
439
00:19:12,217 --> 00:19:13,450
You knew her as a kid.
440
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:14,517
She's grown.
441
00:19:14,553 --> 00:19:15,719
With a kid.
442
00:19:15,754 --> 00:19:16,553
We've met.
443
00:19:16,589 --> 00:19:18,221
So what do you want?
444
00:19:18,256 --> 00:19:19,256
I wanted you to know.
445
00:19:19,291 --> 00:19:22,926
I felt idiotic coming around
here without stopping by.
446
00:19:22,962 --> 00:19:24,761
We felt so sneaky.
447
00:19:24,797 --> 00:19:26,162
Now we know.
448
00:19:26,198 --> 00:19:27,698
Good.
449
00:19:28,968 --> 00:19:29,533
Dan...
450
00:19:29,568 --> 00:19:32,469
I'm going with it,
Roseanne.
451
00:19:33,072 --> 00:19:35,639
You're not upset?
452
00:19:36,542 --> 00:19:37,741
Well, to be honest,
453
00:19:37,777 --> 00:19:41,912
I feel a little bad
for Donald.
454
00:19:42,180 --> 00:19:43,547
Donald
the question man?
455
00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:46,450
Oh, I'm glad
you're good with this,
456
00:19:46,485 --> 00:19:48,351
because
we're getting married.
457
00:19:48,387 --> 00:19:50,253
That's it.
458
00:19:50,288 --> 00:19:52,055
Where are
you going?
459
00:19:52,090 --> 00:19:53,757
Somewhere else.
460
00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:56,426
Dan.
461
00:19:57,496 --> 00:19:58,295
I'm sorry.
462
00:19:58,330 --> 00:19:59,796
Get inside, Crystal.
463
00:19:59,831 --> 00:20:00,964
I'm not going.
464
00:20:00,999 --> 00:20:02,166
It's freezing out here.
465
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:05,101
We want
your blessing, Dan.
466
00:20:07,072 --> 00:20:09,373
You don't know what you're
getting yourself into.
467
00:20:09,408 --> 00:20:12,709
You're expecting a husband,
companion, a father for Lonnie.
468
00:20:12,744 --> 00:20:15,845
Forget it.
He won't be there for you.
469
00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:17,381
Dan, I love him.
470
00:20:17,416 --> 00:20:18,348
Why?
471
00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:22,119
He's kind and he's
generous and he's funny.
472
00:20:22,154 --> 00:20:25,222
He reminds me
a lot of you, Dan.
473
00:20:25,257 --> 00:20:26,123
Congratulations, Crystal.
474
00:20:26,158 --> 00:20:30,026
You figured out the exact
wrong thing to say.
475
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:31,662
Well, it's true,
you know.
476
00:20:31,697 --> 00:20:34,498
You just don't give
the man any credit.
477
00:20:34,533 --> 00:20:36,633
I've known him
all my life.
478
00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:39,069
I know exactly
what's going to happen.
479
00:20:39,104 --> 00:20:41,138
A year from now you'll be
lonelier than ever,
480
00:20:41,173 --> 00:20:42,339
and you'll be married.
481
00:20:42,374 --> 00:20:46,543
You won't even have the clowns
Roseanne sets you up with.
482
00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:47,977
I'll take that chance.
483
00:20:48,013 --> 00:20:49,212
Then I'm done talking.
484
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:51,281
Dan, it can't
be like this.
485
00:20:51,317 --> 00:20:53,616
Whether you like it
or not,
486
00:20:53,652 --> 00:20:54,651
I'm marrying
your father,
487
00:20:54,686 --> 00:20:59,722
and, well, I'll kind of
be like your mother.
488
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:04,495
I want your blessing.
489
00:21:05,897 --> 00:21:07,598
I'm sorry, Crystal.
490
00:21:07,633 --> 00:21:08,999
Well, then,
Dan Conner,
491
00:21:09,034 --> 00:21:12,469
you don't get
your coat back.
492
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:16,940
Thanks, Mom.
493
00:21:26,318 --> 00:21:27,317
More coffee?
494
00:21:27,353 --> 00:21:28,251
Whole pot.
495
00:21:28,286 --> 00:21:29,486
Pour it on me.
496
00:21:29,521 --> 00:21:31,555
Anything you say,
dearest.
497
00:21:31,590 --> 00:21:32,922
You know,
a lesser man
498
00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:35,559
would have come back
in for his coat.
499
00:21:35,594 --> 00:21:37,894
I didn't want
to see my father.
500
00:21:37,929 --> 00:21:42,065
We got to figure out
how to deal with this.
501
00:21:42,100 --> 00:21:42,999
Deal with what?
502
00:21:43,034 --> 00:21:46,336
We buy a gift and show
up at the wedding.
503
00:21:46,372 --> 00:21:48,938
I think I'll buy her
an electric wok.
504
00:21:48,974 --> 00:21:51,274
I'm not going
to the wedding.
505
00:21:51,309 --> 00:21:52,509
Yes, you are.
506
00:21:52,544 --> 00:21:53,577
You're the best man
507
00:21:53,612 --> 00:21:55,612
and I'm
the matron of honor.
508
00:21:55,647 --> 00:21:57,347
We'll walk down
that aisle
509
00:21:57,383 --> 00:21:58,448
just like old times,
510
00:21:58,484 --> 00:22:02,586
only this time we
need a wider aisle.
511
00:22:03,922 --> 00:22:06,490
Oh, yeah?
Who decided all this?
512
00:22:06,525 --> 00:22:07,457
My best friend Crystal
513
00:22:07,493 --> 00:22:10,260
asked me to help plan
her wedding,
514
00:22:10,295 --> 00:22:11,595
and I said yes.
515
00:22:11,630 --> 00:22:12,529
What are you, crazy?
516
00:22:12,564 --> 00:22:14,965
You know this thing's
a mistake.
517
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:15,698
No, I don't, Dan.
518
00:22:15,734 --> 00:22:19,369
I see two people who
obviously love each other.
519
00:22:19,405 --> 00:22:22,139
They're just looking
for some support
520
00:22:22,174 --> 00:22:24,141
from their family
and friends.
521
00:22:24,176 --> 00:22:26,309
You're not doing this,
Roseanne.
522
00:22:26,344 --> 00:22:28,545
You know,
you're really sexy
523
00:22:28,581 --> 00:22:32,082
when you attempt
to be assertive.
524
00:22:32,117 --> 00:22:32,816
I'm serious.
525
00:22:32,852 --> 00:22:34,818
You're not going,
neither am I,
526
00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:37,520
and that's
an end to it.
527
00:22:39,458 --> 00:22:41,458
No, it ain't.
528
00:22:52,737 --> 00:22:54,004
Do you like the pie?
529
00:22:54,039 --> 00:22:55,638
It's apple, my favorite.
530
00:22:55,674 --> 00:22:58,041
What's your favorite pie?
531
00:22:58,077 --> 00:22:59,776
Your coffee hot enough?
532
00:22:59,811 --> 00:23:01,811
I hate cold coffee.
533
00:23:01,847 --> 00:23:04,047
I come here every day.
I work here.
534
00:23:04,083 --> 00:23:06,049
What do you do?
535
00:23:06,085 --> 00:23:08,385
I'll bet
you're good at it.
536
00:23:08,420 --> 00:23:14,023
I sell cameras
right here in the mall.
537
00:23:14,059 --> 00:23:17,594
Oh, that must have hurt.
538
00:23:17,630 --> 00:23:19,129
You need an aspirin?
539
00:23:19,164 --> 00:23:21,098
Anybody
got an aspirin?
540
00:23:21,133 --> 00:23:27,738
You want regular
or buffered?
35883
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