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1
00:01:23,150 --> 00:01:24,783
Mother, remember when you
told D.J.
2
00:01:24,818 --> 00:01:26,684
If he got
the bathroom disgusting,
3
00:01:26,719 --> 00:01:29,120
he'd have to clean it?
4
00:01:29,156 --> 00:01:31,923
Yes. It's been spotless
ever since.
5
00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:35,627
That's because the slob's
been using our bathroom.
6
00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:36,895
Is that why I keep yanking
7
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:40,432
those huge wads of hair
out of the drain?
8
00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:41,433
One was in so deep,
9
00:01:41,468 --> 00:01:45,170
I used your toothbrush
to get it out.
10
00:01:45,205 --> 00:01:46,404
Eeeww!
11
00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:50,040
Hey, pig, quit washing
your hair in our sink.
12
00:01:50,076 --> 00:01:51,242
It's not my hair.
13
00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:52,643
Then whose is it?
14
00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:55,313
Don't worry. It's dead.
15
00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:58,183
I'm moving.
16
00:01:58,218 --> 00:02:00,719
Of all the people in the world
17
00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:02,587
to have as a role model,
18
00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:03,922
our kid picks Eddie Munster.
19
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:07,625
You thought having a
son would be great.
20
00:02:07,660 --> 00:02:09,827
Well, it would have.
21
00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:11,962
I'm going down to the Lobo.
22
00:02:11,998 --> 00:02:13,264
I'm meeting Davey.
23
00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:15,733
We're going to work up a bid
24
00:02:15,769 --> 00:02:17,368
for that Hanover development.
25
00:02:17,403 --> 00:02:19,504
You won't be too late, right?
26
00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:20,972
I don't know. Why?
27
00:02:21,007 --> 00:02:23,375
Darlene, beat it.
28
00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:28,547
Don't you remember
what day it is?
29
00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:30,982
It's Wednesday.
30
00:02:31,017 --> 00:02:32,884
Oh, yeah.
31
00:02:34,054 --> 00:02:35,820
I'll be back.
32
00:02:35,855 --> 00:02:37,556
I'll be here...
33
00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:38,723
With bells on.
34
00:02:38,758 --> 00:02:42,360
Don't you want to know how many?
35
00:02:42,395 --> 00:02:43,728
Surprise me.
36
00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:47,198
Grrr!
37
00:02:47,234 --> 00:02:49,167
Grrr!
38
00:02:49,202 --> 00:02:52,103
Don't come back all bloated.
39
00:03:11,491 --> 00:03:14,025
[Floorboard creaks]
40
00:03:14,627 --> 00:03:16,661
[Creak]
41
00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:18,696
[Creak]
42
00:03:45,192 --> 00:03:47,792
[Sniffing]
43
00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:49,727
Aha!
44
00:03:49,762 --> 00:03:52,497
A hair that isn't his.
45
00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:55,133
Oh, it's mine.
46
00:03:56,269 --> 00:03:58,069
Whew!
47
00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:05,210
[Toilet flushes]
48
00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:33,805
Good.
49
00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:41,245
Anyone seen dad this morning?
50
00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:43,748
There's a note on the counter.
51
00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:44,916
Hey!
52
00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:46,551
Hey.
53
00:04:50,089 --> 00:04:51,089
Geez.
54
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:52,624
Mom, is everything ok?
55
00:04:52,659 --> 00:04:55,860
Yeah. There's more orange
juice in the fridge.
56
00:04:55,895 --> 00:04:58,663
Hey, ma, can I have 5 bucks
57
00:04:58,698 --> 00:05:00,197
for no good reason?
58
00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:02,267
It's in my purse.
59
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,969
Something's definitely wrong.
60
00:05:05,004 --> 00:05:08,606
Yep. I should
have gone for 10.
61
00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:11,309
Hey, you got any detergent?
62
00:05:11,345 --> 00:05:14,479
Yes, I have detergent.
63
00:05:14,514 --> 00:05:16,548
I have no marriage.
64
00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:17,915
Oh.
65
00:05:17,951 --> 00:05:20,452
So where's the detergent?
66
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,620
Jackie, I'm serious.
67
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:23,855
What did Dan do now?
68
00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:27,958
It's what he didn't do
in the bedroom last night.
69
00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:29,794
Well, one night.
70
00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:33,464
Wednesday night.
The night.
71
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:37,568
You're kidding.
You guys have a night?
72
00:05:37,937 --> 00:05:39,871
Yes, we have a night.
73
00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:41,338
It's not only Wednesday,
74
00:05:41,374 --> 00:05:43,641
but it's always Wednesday.
75
00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:45,275
You got a time, too?
76
00:05:45,311 --> 00:05:49,346
Yeah. 20 minutes
or until he gets a cramp.
77
00:05:49,382 --> 00:05:52,784
You should make him
wait half an hour
78
00:05:52,819 --> 00:05:54,952
after he eats.
79
00:05:57,857 --> 00:06:01,025
This has been working
for 17 years.
80
00:06:01,060 --> 00:06:03,227
Last night, he comes crawling in
81
00:06:03,262 --> 00:06:04,328
at 3:00 in the morning.
82
00:06:04,363 --> 00:06:07,732
Today I get a note
without saying he's sorry.
83
00:06:07,767 --> 00:06:09,734
So he missed one Wednesday.
84
00:06:09,769 --> 00:06:11,002
Two Wednesdays.
85
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:12,236
Ok, two Wednesdays.
86
00:06:12,271 --> 00:06:14,672
Don't worry about it, Roseanne.
87
00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:18,475
Around 14, you get numb.
88
00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:22,413
Hey, I'm not talking
about sexual frustration.
89
00:06:22,448 --> 00:06:24,281
I am.
90
00:06:24,316 --> 00:06:27,551
I think Dan's having
an affair, Jackie.
91
00:06:27,587 --> 00:06:30,388
Oh, come on. Dan?
92
00:06:30,423 --> 00:06:31,923
Why, you think he's ugly?
93
00:06:31,958 --> 00:06:32,958
You think he's stupid?
94
00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:36,527
You don't think women
want to sleep with him?
95
00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:38,329
I think there's
millions of women
96
00:06:38,365 --> 00:06:40,164
who would sleep with Dan.
97
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,400
Who? Tell me!
98
00:06:42,435 --> 00:06:44,936
You're really serious.
99
00:06:44,971 --> 00:06:47,272
Of course.
He comes in late,
100
00:06:47,307 --> 00:06:48,606
he's totally preoccupied,
101
00:06:48,642 --> 00:06:51,576
and then he's
laying there in bed
102
00:06:51,611 --> 00:06:54,179
making all these
little happy noises.
103
00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:56,247
If we're not having Wednesday,
104
00:06:56,283 --> 00:06:57,948
what's he so happy about?
105
00:06:57,984 --> 00:07:02,053
Just 'cause you guys
aren't having Wednesday
106
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:04,121
doesn't mean that he's out...
107
00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:07,725
Wednesday-ing somebody else.
108
00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:12,297
Isn't this what a man
does before he walks out?
109
00:07:12,332 --> 00:07:15,600
What are you asking me for?
110
00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:18,769
Ok, we'll go down the checklist.
111
00:07:18,805 --> 00:07:21,372
What's the first thing he does
112
00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:22,674
when he comes in?
113
00:07:22,709 --> 00:07:24,442
He goes to the bathroom.
114
00:07:24,477 --> 00:07:25,610
[Click click]
115
00:07:25,645 --> 00:07:26,844
What was that?
116
00:07:26,879 --> 00:07:29,447
Nothing.
It was no-nothing.
117
00:07:29,482 --> 00:07:30,615
That was a noise,
118
00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:33,651
like a check mark
kind of a noise.
119
00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:34,952
I just meant
120
00:07:34,987 --> 00:07:37,388
that if you want
to be suspicious,
121
00:07:37,423 --> 00:07:38,790
he could be washing up
122
00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:40,624
so you don't smell any perfume.
123
00:07:40,660 --> 00:07:46,563
I've been smelling Dan
as often as I can.
124
00:07:46,599 --> 00:07:47,564
And?
125
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:49,200
He smells like smoke.
126
00:07:49,235 --> 00:07:50,201
[Click click]
127
00:07:50,236 --> 00:07:52,670
He says he's going to the Lobo.
128
00:07:52,705 --> 00:07:55,072
It smells like smoke down there.
129
00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:57,441
[Click click]
130
00:07:57,476 --> 00:07:59,376
He can have the kids,
131
00:07:59,412 --> 00:08:01,412
but I'm keeping the house!
132
00:08:01,447 --> 00:08:03,580
Now, come on, Roseanne.
133
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:05,483
This is Dan we're talking about.
134
00:08:05,518 --> 00:08:07,952
You owe him a little trust.
135
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:10,888
Just give him another chance.
136
00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:12,290
Yeah.
137
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,458
Yeah, you're right.
138
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:15,193
Ok.
139
00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:18,095
What's the worst
that can happen?
140
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:20,698
[Click click]
141
00:08:24,737 --> 00:08:27,037
Mmm... Mmm...
142
00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:29,206
Ooh...
143
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:32,877
Ooh, HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO.
144
00:08:41,087 --> 00:08:43,554
Oh...
145
00:08:43,590 --> 00:08:45,155
Dan!
146
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:48,325
Shh! It's my wife.
147
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,028
Wake up!
148
00:08:50,896 --> 00:08:51,962
What?
149
00:08:51,997 --> 00:08:53,631
What were you doing?
150
00:08:53,666 --> 00:08:54,798
Sleeping.
151
00:08:54,834 --> 00:08:55,733
With who?
152
00:08:55,768 --> 00:08:59,937
I don't know what
you're talking about.
153
00:09:03,242 --> 00:09:04,809
Who is she, Dan?
154
00:09:04,844 --> 00:09:05,677
Who's who?
155
00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:07,144
Are you cheating on me?
156
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:08,312
Where'd you get that from?
157
00:09:08,347 --> 00:09:11,415
From laying there watching you
slobber over your pillow.
158
00:09:11,451 --> 00:09:14,818
I wonder who you're
slobbering all over.
159
00:09:14,854 --> 00:09:15,686
Nobody.
160
00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:20,257
Nobody? Then
who is mmm... Mmm...?
161
00:09:20,292 --> 00:09:22,326
All right, Roseanne.
162
00:09:23,763 --> 00:09:26,597
I've been having
a dream about...
163
00:09:26,632 --> 00:09:27,798
You know, sex.
164
00:09:27,834 --> 00:09:30,234
But I'm not cheating on you.
165
00:09:30,269 --> 00:09:31,935
It's just a dream?
166
00:09:31,971 --> 00:09:32,703
Yeah.
167
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:35,105
Are you dreaming about us?
168
00:09:35,141 --> 00:09:37,675
Sure. Why not?
169
00:09:37,710 --> 00:09:38,642
I don't believe you.
170
00:09:38,678 --> 00:09:41,245
You come in late,
crawl in my bed,
171
00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:43,014
and dream about other women.
172
00:09:43,049 --> 00:09:45,015
It's not lots of other women.
173
00:09:45,050 --> 00:09:47,184
It's just one woman.
174
00:09:48,020 --> 00:09:50,588
That did not help me.
175
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,290
The same woman every time?
176
00:09:53,325 --> 00:09:54,825
At least I'm faithful.
177
00:09:54,860 --> 00:09:55,626
Roseanne!
178
00:09:55,661 --> 00:09:58,896
Roseanne, I'm dreaming,
not cheating.
179
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:01,232
You're dreaming about cheating.
180
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:02,267
I can't help it.
181
00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:05,869
Who is she, one of those
women in your magazines?
182
00:10:05,905 --> 00:10:07,404
You think I'd go for that?
183
00:10:07,439 --> 00:10:11,976
It's a redhead at the
hardware store in the mall.
184
00:10:12,012 --> 00:10:14,178
Shut up, Dan!
185
00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:17,949
Rosie...
186
00:10:17,984 --> 00:10:19,083
I don't even know her.
187
00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:21,819
I don't know why
I'm dreaming about her.
188
00:10:21,854 --> 00:10:24,288
I just am.
I can't help it.
189
00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:25,722
It's late.
We're both tired.
190
00:10:25,758 --> 00:10:28,125
Let's talk about this tomorrow.
191
00:10:28,161 --> 00:10:29,293
Oh, you can't wait
192
00:10:29,328 --> 00:10:32,629
to get back to sleep, can you?
193
00:10:32,665 --> 00:10:35,166
Well, you're hitting
the couch, buddy!
194
00:10:35,201 --> 00:10:36,033
Roseanne.
195
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:39,737
And take your little
tramp with you!
196
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:46,310
Aw, come on, Roseanne.
It didn't mean anything.
197
00:10:46,345 --> 00:10:50,514
What if I had dreams every
night about the same guy
198
00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:54,518
and we were going at it
like sex maniacs?
199
00:10:54,554 --> 00:10:57,155
I'd say take lots of naps.
200
00:10:57,190 --> 00:11:00,524
You love the gutter, don't you?
201
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:02,092
No, Roseanne, Jackie's right.
202
00:11:02,128 --> 00:11:04,929
I think it's just
normal and healthy.
203
00:11:04,964 --> 00:11:09,434
Why, I, too, have dreams
of a carnal nature.
204
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:11,368
I'm not ashamed to say
205
00:11:11,404 --> 00:11:15,706
that they are often volcanic
in their intensity.
206
00:11:15,742 --> 00:11:19,543
Are they about
the same guy every time?
207
00:11:19,579 --> 00:11:20,378
Usually.
208
00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:21,111
Who?
209
00:11:21,146 --> 00:11:22,646
Oh, never you mind.
210
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:25,483
Oh, come on. Who?
211
00:11:26,018 --> 00:11:28,719
Pat Sajak.
212
00:11:28,754 --> 00:11:31,222
Oh, my god!
213
00:11:31,257 --> 00:11:34,225
And you will be
surprised to know
214
00:11:34,260 --> 00:11:37,695
that he's a very tender lover
215
00:11:37,731 --> 00:11:41,999
with a virile and
wiry little body.
216
00:11:45,471 --> 00:11:47,071
We don't have the hours
217
00:11:47,106 --> 00:11:50,141
to deal with your
many problems, Crystal.
218
00:11:50,176 --> 00:11:52,910
Can we just deal
with my problems now?
219
00:11:52,945 --> 00:11:54,145
So anyway, you're saying
220
00:11:54,180 --> 00:11:56,480
that you never, ever
have these dreams?
221
00:11:56,515 --> 00:12:00,351
Yeah, but my dreams
are always about Dan.
222
00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:01,852
Oh, that's so romantic.
223
00:12:02,122 --> 00:12:05,422
Of course he looks like
Sean Connery, you know,
224
00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:09,593
and he has that accent,
but I know it's Dan.
225
00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:10,629
You're such a hypocrite.
226
00:12:10,663 --> 00:12:12,830
You can dream
about Sean Connery,
227
00:12:12,865 --> 00:12:16,667
but Dan can't dream about
some cute little redhead?
228
00:12:16,702 --> 00:12:19,103
I said it's not Sean Connery!
229
00:12:19,138 --> 00:12:21,105
Hey, Roseanne, cup of coffee.
230
00:12:21,140 --> 00:12:25,242
We're trying to have a private
conversation here, Carl.
231
00:12:25,277 --> 00:12:26,410
What did I say?
232
00:12:26,445 --> 00:12:27,912
I said,
"cup of coffee."
233
00:12:27,947 --> 00:12:29,680
I got a mall to protect.
234
00:12:29,715 --> 00:12:32,716
I'm not here to yak
about bikini wax,
235
00:12:32,751 --> 00:12:36,687
though I've given
a few in my time.
236
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:41,859
One coffee to go!
237
00:12:42,528 --> 00:12:45,896
Aren't you going to introduce
me to your friends?
238
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:47,932
Yes. That's
my sister Jackie
239
00:12:47,967 --> 00:12:49,834
and my girlfriend Crystal.
240
00:12:49,869 --> 00:12:52,102
Crystal, Jackie, this is Carl.
241
00:12:52,137 --> 00:12:53,403
He's a big loser.
242
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:56,807
Would you like cream, Carl?
243
00:12:56,843 --> 00:12:58,408
Yes, thanks.
244
00:12:58,444 --> 00:13:02,646
Hey, are you the sister
who's a cop?
245
00:13:02,682 --> 00:13:04,615
Yeah, but I'm off the force.
246
00:13:04,650 --> 00:13:07,184
Got hurt in the line of duty.
247
00:13:07,219 --> 00:13:10,454
Really? That's great.
248
00:13:11,423 --> 00:13:14,224
God, I hope to get hurt someday.
249
00:13:14,259 --> 00:13:17,661
You like guns?
I got some beauties at home.
250
00:13:17,697 --> 00:13:21,565
Maybe we can get together
and kill something.
251
00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:23,968
What?
252
00:13:24,003 --> 00:13:26,770
What's good for you...
Friday, Saturday?
253
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:27,404
Never.
254
00:13:27,439 --> 00:13:30,875
Ok, good.
We'll leave it open.
255
00:13:31,343 --> 00:13:34,144
Well, see you, ladies.
256
00:13:34,179 --> 00:13:34,845
Um, Carl.
257
00:13:34,881 --> 00:13:38,749
Don't call him back here.
258
00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:40,117
Yeah?
259
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:42,886
You say you know
everyone in the mall.
260
00:13:42,921 --> 00:13:44,521
It's my job, Roseanne.
261
00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:46,457
Well, there's this woman...
262
00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:48,659
I know her.
263
00:13:48,694 --> 00:13:51,028
She works at Fillmore's
hardware store,
264
00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:52,529
a little redhead.
265
00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:54,331
Roseanne, just let it drop.
266
00:13:54,366 --> 00:13:57,534
I want to know what she's
got that I ain't got.
267
00:13:57,569 --> 00:14:00,638
Marge Dolman?
What about her?
268
00:14:07,112 --> 00:14:08,179
No way. No.
269
00:14:08,214 --> 00:14:11,248
Ain't there somebody
else that works there,
270
00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:13,684
some cute little foxy thing?
271
00:14:13,719 --> 00:14:15,852
Nope. She's it.
272
00:14:21,727 --> 00:14:23,594
Damn.
273
00:14:23,629 --> 00:14:26,530
She's cute!
274
00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:33,582
Why is he dreaming about her?
275
00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:35,072
She could be younger.
276
00:14:35,107 --> 00:14:36,607
Yeah.
Maybe that's it.
277
00:14:36,642 --> 00:14:37,675
You think so?
278
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:40,444
Yeah. You're much
older than she is.
279
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:43,280
You could be her mother.
280
00:14:43,315 --> 00:14:47,450
I'm going to pretend you
didn't say that, Crystal.
281
00:14:47,486 --> 00:14:49,086
Me, too.
282
00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:52,456
Is anyone going to
tell me what's going on?
283
00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:53,290
No.
284
00:14:53,325 --> 00:14:55,760
Ok. I get it.
285
00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:58,095
I'm out of here.
286
00:15:01,267 --> 00:15:03,567
Call me.
287
00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:08,872
I'm going to go over
and talk to her.
288
00:15:08,907 --> 00:15:09,607
No, don't!
289
00:15:09,642 --> 00:15:11,375
She's Dan's dream woman, Jackie.
290
00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:15,446
I want to see
what it is about her.
291
00:15:16,882 --> 00:15:19,250
Hi. I'm your waitress
Roseanne Conner,
292
00:15:19,285 --> 00:15:23,420
Dan's wife and mother
of his three children.
293
00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:25,956
Can I order now?
294
00:15:25,992 --> 00:15:27,725
Yeah.
295
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,326
I'll have a bacon, lettuce,
296
00:15:29,361 --> 00:15:30,460
and tomato sandwich,
297
00:15:30,495 --> 00:15:31,995
but not in that order.
298
00:15:32,031 --> 00:15:34,698
Mayonnaise on the bread,
299
00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:35,332
tomato,
300
00:15:35,367 --> 00:15:36,700
then lettuce, then bacon.
301
00:15:36,736 --> 00:15:39,903
Whole wheat toast,
lightly toasted.
302
00:15:39,938 --> 00:15:42,506
Wait. Put the Mayo
on the side.
303
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:44,174
In fact, put everything
on the side.
304
00:15:44,209 --> 00:15:48,412
I'll put it together.
You won't get it right.
305
00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:52,416
Ok.
306
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,019
Well?
307
00:15:56,055 --> 00:15:57,988
Well, she's not just cute.
308
00:15:58,023 --> 00:16:00,957
She's got a great personality.
309
00:16:11,103 --> 00:16:14,905
So, dad, rode the sofa
again last night, eh?
310
00:16:14,940 --> 00:16:16,073
Mm-hmm.
311
00:16:16,108 --> 00:16:18,042
What's with you and mom?
312
00:16:18,077 --> 00:16:19,376
You guys never sleep apart.
313
00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:22,746
No problem. I just fell
asleep watching TV.
314
00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:24,448
Two nights in a row?
315
00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:25,749
Shut up, Darlene.
316
00:16:25,785 --> 00:16:27,717
Come on. We're
not little kids.
317
00:16:27,753 --> 00:16:30,654
If you and mom are
having serious problems,
318
00:16:30,689 --> 00:16:32,222
you owe us the truth.
319
00:16:32,258 --> 00:16:33,258
And enough lead time
320
00:16:33,292 --> 00:16:36,193
to let us decide
who to live with.
321
00:16:36,228 --> 00:16:37,595
[Doorbell chimes]
322
00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:40,196
I'll get it. Ohh.
323
00:16:44,870 --> 00:16:46,470
Uhh.
324
00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:50,608
Hi, Danny.
325
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:52,410
What are you doing here?
326
00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:54,978
I waited until
your wife drove away.
327
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:57,381
I wanted to see where you lived.
328
00:16:57,417 --> 00:16:58,516
Here it is.
329
00:16:58,551 --> 00:16:59,216
Bye.
330
00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:01,184
We don't need a new religion.
331
00:17:01,220 --> 00:17:02,619
We already have one.
332
00:17:02,654 --> 00:17:05,055
Mind if I use the phone?
333
00:17:05,090 --> 00:17:07,757
Ooh! Is this
your little boy?
334
00:17:07,793 --> 00:17:09,927
Aren't you adorable?
335
00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:10,962
Yep.
336
00:17:10,996 --> 00:17:13,864
You must get all your good
looks from yo' daddy.
337
00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:16,133
She's just here
to use the phone.
338
00:17:16,168 --> 00:17:17,534
There it is.
339
00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:19,203
Hurry.
340
00:17:20,005 --> 00:17:21,771
Did you see that?
341
00:17:21,807 --> 00:17:23,940
I can't believe it.
342
00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:24,474
What?
343
00:17:24,509 --> 00:17:26,543
Dad, she was flirting with you.
344
00:17:26,578 --> 00:17:27,811
What are you talking about?
345
00:17:27,846 --> 00:17:30,180
That religion lady
was coming on to you.
346
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:31,849
You're crazy!
347
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,150
Dad, she winked at you.
348
00:17:33,185 --> 00:17:37,888
"You must get all your
good looks from yo' daddy"?
349
00:17:37,923 --> 00:17:39,657
That doesn't mean anything.
350
00:17:39,692 --> 00:17:41,425
♪ Dad's got
a girlfriend ♪
351
00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:42,859
Wait till mom finds out.
352
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:45,028
That's it.
Everybody goes to school.
353
00:17:45,063 --> 00:17:47,531
Is that lady my new mom?
354
00:17:47,566 --> 00:17:48,598
Yeah.
355
00:17:48,633 --> 00:17:51,969
Go on. Scram.
Get a job.
356
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,605
How could you do this?
357
00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:57,741
Oh, Danny, don't be mad.
358
00:17:57,776 --> 00:18:00,077
This is my home, my family.
359
00:18:00,112 --> 00:18:04,814
Oh, come on, Danny.
I need you now.
360
00:18:05,450 --> 00:18:07,150
I said no.
361
00:18:07,186 --> 00:18:09,219
I am not asking, Danny.
362
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:10,854
I am taking.
363
00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:12,322
Ooh!
364
00:18:16,862 --> 00:18:18,495
Dan!
365
00:18:19,865 --> 00:18:20,531
I knew it!
366
00:18:20,566 --> 00:18:23,033
No, Roseanne.
This is a mistake.
367
00:18:23,068 --> 00:18:26,202
You bet it is!
368
00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:27,971
No!
369
00:18:28,007 --> 00:18:29,707
No, don't!
370
00:18:29,742 --> 00:18:31,441
Don't shoot!
371
00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:34,912
No! Don't shoot! No!
372
00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:35,846
Dan,
373
00:18:35,881 --> 00:18:38,581
you want to wake up
the whole house?
374
00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:39,983
Geez, that was a bad one.
375
00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:43,486
What, you and Marge
have a little tiff?
376
00:18:43,522 --> 00:18:44,621
Who?
377
00:18:44,656 --> 00:18:48,558
Your dream girl from the
hardware store, Marge Dolman.
378
00:18:48,593 --> 00:18:51,328
That's her name?
379
00:18:51,363 --> 00:18:52,896
Marge Dolman?
380
00:18:52,931 --> 00:18:56,300
Yeah. She came over
to the restaurant today.
381
00:18:56,335 --> 00:18:58,202
I thought she was cute,
382
00:18:58,237 --> 00:18:59,370
but Jackie and Crystal
383
00:18:59,405 --> 00:19:02,239
both thought you
could do a lot better.
384
00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:05,042
Great. You told
Jackie and Crystal.
385
00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:06,610
Well, I have to know.
386
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:10,548
I'm trying to figure out
what you see in her.
387
00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:12,349
Is she sexier than me?
388
00:19:12,385 --> 00:19:13,016
No.
389
00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:14,918
Does she make you laugh?
390
00:19:14,953 --> 00:19:15,719
No laughs.
391
00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:17,520
Is she better than me?
392
00:19:17,556 --> 00:19:20,323
I'm thirsty. You thirsty?
393
00:19:20,726 --> 00:19:22,392
Well, help me out, Dan.
394
00:19:22,427 --> 00:19:25,896
Ok, if you were dreaming
about somebody like,
395
00:19:25,931 --> 00:19:27,530
oh, say, Kathleen Turner,
396
00:19:27,566 --> 00:19:30,934
then I'd just go,
"ok, he's a pig,"
397
00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:32,169
but this woman...
398
00:19:32,204 --> 00:19:34,938
I mean, I just don't get it.
399
00:19:34,974 --> 00:19:37,841
I don't know.
I hardly know her.
400
00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:39,609
I want something
at the hardware store,
401
00:19:39,645 --> 00:19:43,246
she knows exactly where
it is, what to charge me.
402
00:19:43,282 --> 00:19:44,148
So when you leave,
403
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:46,850
you're getting exactly
what you want?
404
00:19:46,886 --> 00:19:48,619
I got to lay down for this.
405
00:19:48,654 --> 00:19:50,054
Ok, doc, I hated my father,
406
00:19:50,089 --> 00:19:52,489
and I wanted to marry
my mother. Go.
407
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:56,926
What is it that she
does in these dreams?
408
00:19:56,962 --> 00:19:59,363
Stop it!
409
00:19:59,398 --> 00:19:59,963
No, come on!
410
00:19:59,998 --> 00:20:02,499
I want to know what she does
411
00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:04,701
in the dreams that's so great
412
00:20:04,736 --> 00:20:08,839
so I can, you know, do that.
413
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:10,440
It's personal.
414
00:20:10,475 --> 00:20:12,810
I'm your wife.
I wash your shorts.
415
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:14,444
You can tell me.
416
00:20:14,479 --> 00:20:16,013
I can't.
417
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:16,914
Oh!
418
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:20,583
Well, would it help any
if was to tell you
419
00:20:20,619 --> 00:20:24,421
that I got some needs, too?
420
00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:27,457
Like what?
421
00:20:27,492 --> 00:20:28,692
I asked you first.
422
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:30,327
I asked you second.
423
00:20:30,362 --> 00:20:32,362
You tell me.
424
00:20:32,397 --> 00:20:33,763
All right.
425
00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:39,036
All right.
In the dream...
426
00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:41,404
She treats me like I'm...
427
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:44,942
Some kind of
irresistible sex toy.
428
00:20:47,813 --> 00:20:48,878
Get out of here!
429
00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:53,450
I'm so glad I got that
off my chest.
430
00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:56,019
That's what you like?
431
00:20:56,054 --> 00:20:57,387
Go away!
432
00:20:57,423 --> 00:20:58,488
No, Dan.
433
00:20:58,523 --> 00:21:01,058
I mean, how come we can do it,
434
00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:03,193
but we can't talk about it?
435
00:21:03,228 --> 00:21:06,896
Maybe you think we're
in some kind of a rut.
436
00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:10,968
Maybe you want to
try something new.
437
00:21:14,472 --> 00:21:15,371
Well...
438
00:21:15,407 --> 00:21:17,574
Maybe we could forget
about Wednesdays
439
00:21:17,609 --> 00:21:23,446
and try to be a little more, you know...
Spontaneous.
440
00:21:23,481 --> 00:21:25,182
Ok, fine.
441
00:21:25,217 --> 00:21:26,416
Now, this is great.
442
00:21:26,451 --> 00:21:28,852
See? We're talking.
It's great.
443
00:21:28,888 --> 00:21:30,453
What else?
444
00:21:30,489 --> 00:21:30,954
That's it.
445
00:21:30,989 --> 00:21:34,091
Uh, what does she do
in the dream?
446
00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:36,460
Roseanne, this is
really tough for me.
447
00:21:36,495 --> 00:21:39,329
I know, but it's healthy, honey.
448
00:21:39,364 --> 00:21:40,663
Please?
449
00:21:40,699 --> 00:21:42,932
Come on. Tell me.
450
00:21:50,409 --> 00:21:52,375
Dream on!
451
00:22:04,689 --> 00:22:05,388
Here!
452
00:22:05,423 --> 00:22:08,091
Oh! He loves me.
He loves me not.
453
00:22:08,127 --> 00:22:09,726
One more, Roseanne.
454
00:22:09,762 --> 00:22:10,894
He loves me.
455
00:22:10,929 --> 00:22:13,096
Oh, lookee, lookee, lookee!
456
00:22:13,132 --> 00:22:15,031
Oh, please, please, please.
457
00:22:15,067 --> 00:22:16,966
Please, please, please, please.
458
00:22:17,002 --> 00:22:19,770
Please, please, please, please.
459
00:22:19,805 --> 00:22:20,805
Hi, Marge.
460
00:22:20,839 --> 00:22:21,505
Oh, god.
461
00:22:21,540 --> 00:22:23,440
I wanted to say thanks,
462
00:22:23,475 --> 00:22:26,643
and I'll take it from here.
463
00:22:26,678 --> 00:22:28,311
Ok.
464
00:22:28,347 --> 00:22:32,215
What did you think
I was going to say?
465
00:22:32,250 --> 00:22:33,183
I don't know.
466
00:22:33,218 --> 00:22:35,385
You're capable of doing
anything at any time.
467
00:22:35,421 --> 00:22:39,756
Yes. Crazy, impulsive,
spontaneous...
468
00:22:39,792 --> 00:22:41,358
Get in here.
469
00:22:41,393 --> 00:22:43,727
Roseanne, we're in an elevator!
470
00:22:43,762 --> 00:22:46,797
So? Hurry up.
30213
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