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1
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:23,447
Come on!
You're wide open!
2
00:01:23,483 --> 00:01:26,684
Don't just stand there!
Shoot the ball!
3
00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:30,121
Shoot it! Shoot it!
It's up!
4
00:01:30,356 --> 00:01:31,623
I was watching that.
5
00:01:31,658 --> 00:01:33,958
Well, now you're watching this.
6
00:01:33,994 --> 00:01:36,093
Give me that.
7
00:01:36,563 --> 00:01:37,563
Hey, there's no way
8
00:01:37,597 --> 00:01:41,633
I'm going to be watching
Italian basketball.
9
00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:44,802
Oh, look. It's the
spokes-model category.
10
00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:46,771
YAY!
11
00:01:52,078 --> 00:01:53,177
Becky, I can't see.
12
00:01:53,212 --> 00:01:56,380
I'm sorry, Darlene.
Am I in your way?
13
00:01:56,416 --> 00:01:58,850
Well,
we got a 19-inch TV,
14
00:01:58,885 --> 00:02:01,019
and you got
a 25-inch butt.
15
00:02:01,054 --> 00:02:03,922
Well, guess we'll just
have to watch my show.
16
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:08,793
Guess I'll have to tell
mom I was watching first.
17
00:02:08,828 --> 00:02:10,962
You're such a little infant.
18
00:02:10,997 --> 00:02:12,664
You're a pezhead.
19
00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:13,331
Hey, babe.
20
00:02:13,366 --> 00:02:15,199
How long they been fighting?
21
00:02:15,235 --> 00:02:18,036
Let's see. Darlene's
almost 14 now.
22
00:02:18,071 --> 00:02:20,972
[Telephone rings]
23
00:02:21,008 --> 00:02:21,940
Hello.
24
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:22,674
Mother...
25
00:02:22,709 --> 00:02:25,410
She was watching it first.
26
00:02:25,445 --> 00:02:27,145
Yeah.
27
00:02:27,180 --> 00:02:28,613
I'd love to.
28
00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:29,547
Friday night?
29
00:02:29,582 --> 00:02:31,415
I was hoping you'd call.
30
00:02:31,451 --> 00:02:33,317
You want to buy me dinner?
31
00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:36,587
Well, gee.
What's in it for you?
32
00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:41,025
Oh, sure, I put out.
Everybody knows that.
33
00:02:41,527 --> 00:02:43,527
Darlene, what are you doing?
34
00:02:43,563 --> 00:02:46,631
Relax.
He thinks it's Becky.
35
00:02:47,266 --> 00:02:48,399
Oh, ok.
36
00:02:48,434 --> 00:02:49,233
Mother!
37
00:02:49,268 --> 00:02:50,368
I'll kill you, Darlene.
38
00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:54,372
Let's do it on video!
Sorry, got to go!
39
00:02:54,407 --> 00:02:55,740
7:30. Don't dress.
40
00:02:55,775 --> 00:02:57,275
You're dead.
41
00:02:57,311 --> 00:03:00,712
You've been on each
other's case for weeks.
42
00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:02,246
Give it a rest.
43
00:03:02,282 --> 00:03:03,214
Mother, she...
44
00:03:03,249 --> 00:03:04,449
And so did you.
45
00:03:04,484 --> 00:03:07,051
Find something to do.
Go on.
46
00:03:07,086 --> 00:03:09,987
And stop calling me mother.
47
00:03:10,957 --> 00:03:13,391
Well, thanks for your help.
48
00:03:13,427 --> 00:03:14,626
What?
49
00:03:14,661 --> 00:03:17,328
You have nothing to say
about Darlene?
50
00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:20,365
Yes. If only
she'd use her power
51
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:23,167
for good instead of evil.
52
00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:27,072
The thermostat's fixed.
53
00:03:27,107 --> 00:03:30,408
You just turn this
little doodad here,
54
00:03:30,444 --> 00:03:31,476
the basement heats up,
55
00:03:31,511 --> 00:03:34,612
ready for you to resume
your writing career.
56
00:03:34,647 --> 00:03:37,615
I don't think I'll have time
57
00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:38,883
to pursue that career,
58
00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:40,752
what with my new job.
59
00:03:40,787 --> 00:03:42,854
You get that waitress job?
60
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:44,488
Yes. Well, it was close,
61
00:03:44,524 --> 00:03:47,425
between me and the other
woman they hired.
62
00:03:47,460 --> 00:03:51,095
It beats sweeping up
at that beauty parlor.
63
00:03:51,130 --> 00:03:53,030
I'm still working with hair,
64
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,433
only now it's in the food.
65
00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:58,903
Come here, woman.
You done good.
66
00:03:58,938 --> 00:03:59,971
Well, good, then.
67
00:04:00,006 --> 00:04:04,141
You must massage
my feet now, knave.
68
00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:08,212
And a dainty pair
of pups they are.
69
00:04:09,215 --> 00:04:11,716
I'll be working
the dinner shift.
70
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:14,552
You got to take over
around here.
71
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:15,720
I can handle it.
72
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:19,123
That means you got to
feed the kids
73
00:04:19,158 --> 00:04:20,258
once in a while,
74
00:04:20,293 --> 00:04:22,694
maintain law and order
around here,
75
00:04:22,729 --> 00:04:26,730
and keep them from
killing each other.
76
00:04:26,966 --> 00:04:29,467
Better write this down.
77
00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:32,269
Darlene's hogging the bathroom.
78
00:04:32,305 --> 00:04:34,739
She's doing homework in there.
79
00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:35,907
I need to get in.
80
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:39,176
Darlene's doing her homework!
81
00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:40,478
Oh, honey!
82
00:04:40,513 --> 00:04:44,115
Oh, it's a proud, proud day.
83
00:04:44,484 --> 00:04:46,384
You want to handle this, Dan?
84
00:04:46,420 --> 00:04:49,086
Nope. You start
your job tomorrow,
85
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:51,623
I start mine tomorrow.
86
00:04:53,159 --> 00:04:54,191
You got a job?
87
00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:56,628
Yeah, I'm working
in the restaurant
88
00:04:56,663 --> 00:04:59,564
over at, uh, Rodbell's
department store.
89
00:04:59,599 --> 00:05:02,500
The... the one in the mall?
90
00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:03,001
Yeah.
91
00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:06,437
Where I hang out
with my friends?
92
00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:07,138
Yeah.
93
00:05:07,173 --> 00:05:09,841
My mother is going to be there?
94
00:05:09,876 --> 00:05:14,045
Yeah. It's a kick
in the head, ain't it?
95
00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:15,212
You've ruined my life!
96
00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:21,051
You don't think I took the
job for the money, do you?
97
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,298
[Silverware clatters]
98
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,466
You guys behave!
99
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:47,778
Can I help you?
100
00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:49,681
Um, yeah...
101
00:05:49,716 --> 00:05:50,314
Hey!
102
00:05:50,349 --> 00:05:51,616
Have a seat anywhere.
103
00:05:51,651 --> 00:05:55,152
You guys quit flipping
them spoons!
104
00:05:56,255 --> 00:05:56,921
Coffee?
105
00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:59,256
Yeah, that'd be great.
106
00:06:00,626 --> 00:06:02,093
You know, I, uh...
107
00:06:02,128 --> 00:06:03,494
Oh, there's no cream.
108
00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:05,996
Be back in just a second.
109
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:09,433
Well, I've had worse jobs.
110
00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:15,707
Spoon.
111
00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:17,208
Spoon.
112
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:24,882
Here you go.
113
00:06:24,917 --> 00:06:25,550
Thanks.
114
00:06:25,585 --> 00:06:28,252
Would you do something
about those kids?
115
00:06:28,287 --> 00:06:29,331
They're throwing spitballs.
116
00:06:29,355 --> 00:06:33,124
I'll take care of it.
I'll be right back.
117
00:06:33,159 --> 00:06:36,360
You guys have got
to cut this out. Ok?
118
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,730
Yeah, right.
Yeah, right.
119
00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:40,732
I'm sorry, sir.
Sorry.
120
00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:42,166
Sorry.
121
00:06:42,201 --> 00:06:43,067
I'm sorry.
122
00:06:43,102 --> 00:06:45,069
You could use some help.
123
00:06:45,104 --> 00:06:46,104
It's my first day.
124
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:49,007
The other waitress
hasn't arrived yet.
125
00:06:49,042 --> 00:06:50,875
Oh, that's a shame.
126
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:53,110
Wait a minute.
127
00:06:54,613 --> 00:06:56,647
Ta-da!
128
00:06:57,584 --> 00:07:01,085
We look like we were
separated at birth.
129
00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:02,052
[Silverware clatters]
130
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:04,088
That's your table, sis.
131
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:06,924
Jeez, they're kind
of cute, aren't they?
132
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,860
I have a couple kids
just their age.
133
00:07:09,896 --> 00:07:13,664
I think I can relate to them.
134
00:07:18,538 --> 00:07:20,138
Get out!
135
00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:36,854
When's our dinner break?
I'm starving.
136
00:07:36,889 --> 00:07:40,925
I'm not hungry at all.
I wonder why.
137
00:07:46,666 --> 00:07:47,564
Ok.
138
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:50,968
I've got Salisbury steak
and a Swiss steak.
139
00:07:51,003 --> 00:07:53,404
Who gets the Salisbury steak?
140
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:54,205
I do.
141
00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:57,242
Then you would be
the person to ask.
142
00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:59,377
Which one is it?
143
00:07:59,779 --> 00:08:01,646
Roseanne!
144
00:08:01,681 --> 00:08:03,113
Roseanne!
145
00:08:03,716 --> 00:08:06,183
Enjoy your, uh, thing.
146
00:08:07,554 --> 00:08:11,055
We're out of decaf.
I can't find any more.
147
00:08:11,090 --> 00:08:15,192
See, you just don't
know where to look.
148
00:08:17,697 --> 00:08:21,298
There. Now you're
out of regular.
149
00:08:21,734 --> 00:08:25,836
Hey! Hi, Becky.
How you doing, honey?
150
00:08:26,406 --> 00:08:30,040
Mom, come here.
Come over here.
151
00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:35,513
Mother, could that other
woman wait on us?
152
00:08:35,548 --> 00:08:37,848
No. For one thing,
she's busy.
153
00:08:37,884 --> 00:08:41,019
Then you'll just
sip sodas for an hour
154
00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:43,587
and leave her a quarter tip.
155
00:08:43,623 --> 00:08:45,189
Miss, I'm waiting here.
156
00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:47,524
Well, just a minute, all right?
157
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:51,528
Go have a seat.
I'll be right with you.
158
00:08:51,564 --> 00:08:52,596
Do me a favor.
159
00:08:52,632 --> 00:08:55,299
Don't come over acting
like my mother, ok?
160
00:08:55,334 --> 00:08:59,737
So what, then...
breast-feeding you is out?
161
00:09:03,409 --> 00:09:04,975
Oh, god.
162
00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:07,011
Miss!
163
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:09,246
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
164
00:09:11,250 --> 00:09:13,184
Ok, you ready to order?
165
00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:15,753
I'll have a cup of coffee
166
00:09:15,789 --> 00:09:18,723
and a glass of water.
167
00:09:18,758 --> 00:09:21,759
You're not going
to order any food?
168
00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:22,526
Nope.
169
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:23,627
This ain't my table.
170
00:09:23,663 --> 00:09:26,931
Do you want me to wait
on your daughter?
171
00:09:26,966 --> 00:09:28,265
She looks embarrassed.
172
00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:30,768
Yeah, I'm real
worried about her.
173
00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:33,404
All right, girls.
How you doing?
174
00:09:33,439 --> 00:09:35,139
This is weird,
Mrs. Conner,
175
00:09:35,174 --> 00:09:36,741
you serving us and everything.
176
00:09:36,776 --> 00:09:39,811
Just pretend like
it's over at our house.
177
00:09:39,846 --> 00:09:42,847
Only here they
make me wash my hands
178
00:09:42,882 --> 00:09:46,150
before I serve you the food.
179
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:48,819
Mother, that's gross.
180
00:09:48,854 --> 00:09:51,189
She's just kidding, you guys.
181
00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:52,723
Well, duh, Becky.
182
00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:54,258
Lighten up, Beck.
183
00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:57,094
Yeah. Lighten up,
Beck. Duh.
184
00:09:57,997 --> 00:10:00,231
Can we just order now?
185
00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:00,898
Shoot.
186
00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:02,366
A cheeseburger, fries, and...
187
00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:04,135
How come you're here eating?
188
00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:07,938
Your dad's supposed
to be cooking for you.
189
00:10:07,973 --> 00:10:09,106
Dad said it's ok.
190
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:11,575
He's ordering pizza
at half time.
191
00:10:11,610 --> 00:10:14,345
There's a meat loaf
in the fridge.
192
00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:16,914
He must've changed his mind.
193
00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:17,514
Really.
194
00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:18,883
Could we order now?
195
00:10:18,918 --> 00:10:21,018
You'll eat what I bring you.
196
00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:25,189
Just like him, sitting
on his butt watching a game
197
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:28,359
while I kill myself
making a meat loaf,
198
00:10:28,394 --> 00:10:30,327
this time with real meat.
199
00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:32,896
Becky seems like a nice kid.
200
00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:34,765
Yeah, far as you know.
201
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:37,235
Having a family must be great.
202
00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:39,770
Just being married is wonderful.
203
00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:40,504
Are you a newlywed?
204
00:10:40,539 --> 00:10:43,975
Uh-huh. Been married
three glorious months.
205
00:10:44,010 --> 00:10:45,609
Oh, me, too.
206
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:48,179
No. Come on,
how long?
207
00:10:48,214 --> 00:10:48,912
17 years.
208
00:10:48,948 --> 00:10:53,584
Is it as great as the
day you were married?
209
00:10:53,619 --> 00:10:55,619
Oh, better!
210
00:10:55,654 --> 00:10:59,257
And it keeps getting better
and better and better,
211
00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:03,294
until one day you
wake up so damn happy
212
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:05,296
you explode!
213
00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:17,007
Darlene, you're on
my side of the room!
214
00:11:17,042 --> 00:11:20,578
The bathroom's on
your side, Gidget.
215
00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:22,647
Well, that's your problem, dork.
216
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:27,318
Hey! Knock it off
up there!
217
00:11:31,557 --> 00:11:33,223
Hey, give that back!
218
00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:34,124
Make me!
219
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:35,559
Give it back!
220
00:11:35,595 --> 00:11:37,361
It was on my side.
221
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:40,564
I don't even want it
in the room!
222
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:43,267
Ok! There it goes!
223
00:11:44,970 --> 00:11:46,203
Hey, that's my sweater!
224
00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:49,706
Yeah, well, let's
see if it can fly!
225
00:11:49,742 --> 00:11:52,943
You scuzz!
226
00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:55,213
Dad, look!
227
00:11:56,983 --> 00:12:00,951
Well, there's something
you don't see every day.
228
00:12:00,987 --> 00:12:04,488
Darlene, come on. That
was my favorite dress!
229
00:12:04,523 --> 00:12:08,025
Like I care. Ha ha!
230
00:12:08,995 --> 00:12:09,995
Look at this, Darlene.
231
00:12:10,029 --> 00:12:13,063
"Darlene Conner, junior
basketball league, 1988."
232
00:12:13,098 --> 00:12:14,565
No, no, no! MVP!
233
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:18,770
Becky, you drop that
thing, and you're dead!
234
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:21,539
Oops.
235
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:23,641
You dropped it!
Get it!
236
00:12:23,676 --> 00:12:26,810
Hey, hey! Break!
237
00:12:26,846 --> 00:12:28,346
- Ugh!
- Ugh!
238
00:12:28,381 --> 00:12:30,281
All right.
What's going on?
239
00:12:30,316 --> 00:12:32,816
I can't live with her anymore!
240
00:12:32,852 --> 00:12:34,218
She started throwing things!
241
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:37,054
You two can't
live together? Fine!
242
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,055
You don't have to.
243
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:41,658
Darlene, you're moving
down to the basement.
244
00:12:41,694 --> 00:12:42,493
What?
245
00:12:42,528 --> 00:12:44,095
Are you kidding?
246
00:12:44,130 --> 00:12:45,329
I'm sick of this.
247
00:12:45,364 --> 00:12:47,264
You do nothing but fight.
248
00:12:47,299 --> 00:12:49,166
You're going to live apart.
249
00:12:49,201 --> 00:12:51,368
What do you think about that?
250
00:12:51,403 --> 00:12:52,936
You're the best, dad.
251
00:12:52,972 --> 00:12:56,274
I'll get my stuff.
252
00:12:57,643 --> 00:13:00,010
And hurry it up!
253
00:13:05,318 --> 00:13:08,252
D.J., go clean up
your room.
254
00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:09,086
Why?
255
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:11,222
I'm on a roll.
256
00:13:12,891 --> 00:13:16,460
I ought to get more kids.
257
00:13:17,096 --> 00:13:19,363
Hello, dear.
Welcome to Conner manor,
258
00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:23,433
where the children are fed,
the dishes are washed,
259
00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:25,503
and all is serene.
260
00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:28,038
And the bras and the underpants
261
00:13:28,073 --> 00:13:30,140
are all over the front yard.
262
00:13:30,175 --> 00:13:34,044
Most people would have
opted for a pink flamingo.
263
00:13:34,079 --> 00:13:35,913
Oh, that.
A minor skirmish.
264
00:13:35,948 --> 00:13:38,582
I'll have the girls
take care of it.
265
00:13:38,618 --> 00:13:42,853
I hear you totally humiliated
Becky at the mall today.
266
00:13:42,889 --> 00:13:46,991
Yeah. This job's
going to work out swell.
267
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:52,762
What was Becky doing
eating at the mall anyhow?
268
00:13:52,798 --> 00:13:54,598
She didn't want pizza.
269
00:13:54,633 --> 00:13:55,933
What about meat loaf?
270
00:13:55,968 --> 00:13:58,169
Nobody wanted meat loaf.
271
00:13:58,204 --> 00:14:01,205
Couldn't give the stuff away.
272
00:14:01,907 --> 00:14:04,207
Where are you going with that?
273
00:14:04,243 --> 00:14:07,645
I'm moving down to the basement.
274
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,513
Whose stupid idea's that?
275
00:14:09,548 --> 00:14:10,548
Mine.
276
00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:12,816
Oh. I'll
straighten this out.
277
00:14:12,919 --> 00:14:15,118
The girls wouldn't
stop fighting.
278
00:14:15,154 --> 00:14:17,254
I took care of it.
279
00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:19,857
By separating them?
I never would have.
280
00:14:19,892 --> 00:14:22,626
You told me to
take charge, I did.
281
00:14:22,662 --> 00:14:25,396
You going to overrule
everything I do?
282
00:14:25,431 --> 00:14:28,832
They're never
going to talk again.
283
00:14:28,867 --> 00:14:30,300
Honey.
284
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:36,473
How can you lay there
and stare at the TV?
285
00:14:36,508 --> 00:14:39,310
Easy. It was quiet...
286
00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:42,346
Until you got home.
287
00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:59,597
It would have been great
having our own rooms.
288
00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:02,766
I don't think
we'd be this close.
289
00:15:02,801 --> 00:15:05,102
Besides, we had fun.
290
00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:05,869
Fun? It was awful.
291
00:15:05,904 --> 00:15:09,373
You used to pour warm
water on my blanket.
292
00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:13,544
I thought I was a
bed-wetter till I was 12.
293
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:15,112
You were no perfect sister.
294
00:15:15,148 --> 00:15:18,683
You'd lock the door
when I'd stay out late.
295
00:15:18,718 --> 00:15:22,086
Daddy would get up,
and he'd talk to me.
296
00:15:22,121 --> 00:15:25,689
You started that rumor
I liked Ronny Addison.
297
00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:26,389
You did.
298
00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:29,994
I did not!
You're such a liar!
299
00:15:30,029 --> 00:15:32,596
It was written
all over your diary,
300
00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:34,798
"Ronny Addison,
I love him."
301
00:15:34,833 --> 00:15:36,466
You read my diary?
302
00:15:36,502 --> 00:15:38,101
No.
303
00:15:38,137 --> 00:15:40,204
You read my diary!
304
00:15:40,206 --> 00:15:41,238
I have to work.
305
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:44,341
Mom, I need your
employee discount card.
306
00:15:44,376 --> 00:15:47,144
I'm trying to work.
Give me a minute.
307
00:15:47,179 --> 00:15:51,949
Jackie, can I borrow
a credit card?
308
00:15:51,984 --> 00:15:53,183
What for?
309
00:15:53,219 --> 00:15:55,519
I saw this great stereo system.
310
00:15:55,554 --> 00:15:58,456
It's 1,000 bucks,
so I use mom's ID,
311
00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:01,859
get 20% off, then
return it full price.
312
00:16:01,894 --> 00:16:03,560
I do that five times,
313
00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:06,998
and I can afford
the system for real.
314
00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:09,166
Not bad, huh?
315
00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:11,469
Darlene, that's illegal.
316
00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:13,337
How would you know?
317
00:16:13,373 --> 00:16:16,506
What, am I sitting
here in a clown suit?
318
00:16:16,542 --> 00:16:20,644
Forget about it,
Darlene. Run along.
319
00:16:20,679 --> 00:16:22,646
We're always going to be poor.
320
00:16:22,681 --> 00:16:27,885
Now, she'd need a receipt
for that, right?
321
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:31,021
See?
There you go. See?
322
00:16:31,057 --> 00:16:32,089
See what?
323
00:16:32,124 --> 00:16:35,092
Darlene walked right by
Becky, didn't say nothing.
324
00:16:35,127 --> 00:16:36,260
What's the big deal?
325
00:16:36,295 --> 00:16:38,562
Because normally
when she'd walk by,
326
00:16:38,597 --> 00:16:42,132
she'd look at Becky and
she'd go, "hi, geek,"
327
00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:45,402
and then Becky would go,
"drop dead, butch."
328
00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:46,703
They'd have a relationship.
329
00:16:46,738 --> 00:16:50,240
Did you ever wonder that maybe
what's really bugging you
330
00:16:50,275 --> 00:16:54,945
is that Dan decided to put
them in separate rooms,
331
00:16:54,980 --> 00:16:55,813
not you?
332
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:58,048
That is ridiculous.
333
00:16:58,084 --> 00:17:00,851
No. I might be on
to something here.
334
00:17:00,886 --> 00:17:04,387
Somebody else is calling
shots on your turf.
335
00:17:04,423 --> 00:17:05,555
You don't like that.
336
00:17:05,591 --> 00:17:10,393
Damn! I just may
make detective yet.
337
00:17:10,429 --> 00:17:14,631
And you also may be the
first cop in history
338
00:17:14,666 --> 00:17:17,735
to ever pay for a cup of coffee.
339
00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:20,804
You're hopeless, Roseanne.
340
00:17:20,839 --> 00:17:23,040
What am I supposed to do,
341
00:17:23,075 --> 00:17:25,775
let Dan do whatever he wants?
342
00:17:25,811 --> 00:17:27,611
Do you trust Dan?
343
00:17:27,646 --> 00:17:29,646
Do I have to?
344
00:17:29,682 --> 00:17:32,182
Let him do what
he thinks is right.
345
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:34,051
But what if I just...
346
00:17:34,086 --> 00:17:37,654
You asked him to take
over, so let him!
347
00:17:37,690 --> 00:17:40,257
Let somebody else do it.
348
00:17:40,292 --> 00:17:41,224
I can't.
349
00:17:41,260 --> 00:17:44,695
You always have to
be the strong one.
350
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:48,498
I don't know how to be weak.
351
00:17:50,002 --> 00:17:52,002
Wait a minute.
352
00:17:52,037 --> 00:17:53,436
You're weak.
353
00:17:53,472 --> 00:17:56,073
Teach me.
354
00:17:58,643 --> 00:18:00,110
[Sigh]
355
00:18:03,448 --> 00:18:04,514
Hi, babe.
356
00:18:04,549 --> 00:18:05,582
Hi.
357
00:18:05,617 --> 00:18:06,182
Hey, mom.
358
00:18:06,218 --> 00:18:07,417
What's he doing up?
359
00:18:07,453 --> 00:18:10,253
We made a deal.
D.J. Did the dishes.
360
00:18:10,289 --> 00:18:12,389
I'm letting him stay up.
361
00:18:12,424 --> 00:18:13,023
A deal!
362
00:18:13,059 --> 00:18:14,992
Let's go make some coffee.
363
00:18:15,027 --> 00:18:17,895
It will be impossible
to get him up,
364
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:21,465
and that's going to
ruin my whole day!
365
00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:22,500
It'll be ok.
366
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:25,636
Why would he let
D.J. Do the dishes?
367
00:18:25,671 --> 00:18:27,438
It's covered with filth!
368
00:18:27,473 --> 00:18:29,773
Breathe! Ok.
369
00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:33,344
Roseanne, I know the
dishes are a mess.
370
00:18:33,379 --> 00:18:34,511
I'll do them.
371
00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:37,447
Now, Dan, if D.J.
Promised you
372
00:18:37,483 --> 00:18:39,182
he would do the dishes,
373
00:18:39,217 --> 00:18:42,585
when is he ever going to learn?
374
00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:44,154
Oh, my god!
375
00:18:44,189 --> 00:18:45,122
Breathe!
376
00:18:45,157 --> 00:18:47,590
I want to go do the dishes.
377
00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:49,393
Roseanne, let him do it.
378
00:18:49,428 --> 00:18:53,930
Give Dan the power
over the dishes.
379
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:56,433
But he does a lousy job.
380
00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,535
You do a lousy job.
381
00:18:58,570 --> 00:19:00,136
He's going to leave spots!
382
00:19:00,172 --> 00:19:03,574
You're going to watch
Dan do the dishes
383
00:19:03,609 --> 00:19:05,476
and not do anything!
384
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:07,077
You understand?
385
00:19:14,020 --> 00:19:14,985
Want me to dry?
386
00:19:15,020 --> 00:19:19,956
I'm going to leave them
in the rack to air dry.
387
00:19:19,991 --> 00:19:21,625
Spots.
388
00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:23,060
Spots.
389
00:19:23,095 --> 00:19:24,528
I can't find blankets.
390
00:19:24,563 --> 00:19:26,997
Where do you keep them?
391
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:28,332
Ask your father.
392
00:19:28,367 --> 00:19:30,233
Good, good.
393
00:19:30,269 --> 00:19:30,934
Dad?
394
00:19:30,969 --> 00:19:33,036
You going to bed already?
395
00:19:33,071 --> 00:19:34,371
Bed? I'm doing math.
396
00:19:34,406 --> 00:19:35,472
It's freezing down there.
397
00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:39,676
You didn't come up here
because you were cold.
398
00:19:39,711 --> 00:19:41,111
Yeah, I did.
399
00:19:41,147 --> 00:19:43,547
You're using that as an excuse
400
00:19:43,582 --> 00:19:47,117
to go back to your
old room, true?
401
00:19:47,153 --> 00:19:48,153
No.
402
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:50,354
Are you making me move back?
403
00:19:50,389 --> 00:19:54,057
I am just over here
breathing with aunt Jackie.
404
00:19:54,092 --> 00:19:56,393
You can stay in the basement
405
00:19:56,428 --> 00:19:59,329
as long as you
want... if you want.
406
00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:01,898
It's kind of lonely down there,
407
00:20:01,934 --> 00:20:04,267
and I would move back upstairs,
408
00:20:04,303 --> 00:20:07,370
but Becky's going
to say I miss her
409
00:20:07,406 --> 00:20:09,306
and "dweeb dweeb
dweeb dweeb."
410
00:20:09,341 --> 00:20:13,377
I'll tell you what. Why
don't you blame it on me?
411
00:20:13,412 --> 00:20:17,114
Tell her I said the
basement was too cold.
412
00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:18,782
All right.
Thanks, dad.
413
00:20:18,817 --> 00:20:19,516
Anytime.
414
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:21,818
Becky, dad's making me
move back.
415
00:20:21,853 --> 00:20:25,155
Get your crap off my crap!
416
00:20:26,291 --> 00:20:27,958
Thank you, thank you.
417
00:20:27,993 --> 00:20:29,192
No applause.
418
00:20:29,227 --> 00:20:33,463
Yeah, right. Like you
planned she would get cold.
419
00:20:33,498 --> 00:20:34,297
Rosie, Rosie, Rosie.
420
00:20:34,332 --> 00:20:37,701
She didn't come up here
because she's cold.
421
00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:38,802
The basement's heated.
422
00:20:38,837 --> 00:20:42,338
She needed an excuse
to return to her room.
423
00:20:42,374 --> 00:20:45,709
I'm surprised you
didn't pick up on that,
424
00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:47,511
but not everyone can be
425
00:20:47,546 --> 00:20:50,113
as perfect a parent
as Dan Conner.
426
00:20:50,148 --> 00:20:54,118
Oh, I'm truly humbled
by your magnificence.
427
00:20:54,153 --> 00:20:55,586
As am I.
428
00:20:55,621 --> 00:20:56,687
And you know?
429
00:20:56,722 --> 00:21:00,657
I think I'll let these dishes
wait until the morning.
430
00:21:00,693 --> 00:21:02,358
Ladies.
431
00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:03,727
I'm amazed, Roseanne.
432
00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:07,197
You stayed back. You
let Dan handle that.
433
00:21:07,232 --> 00:21:09,232
May I do the dishes?
434
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:10,867
You've earned it.
435
00:21:10,903 --> 00:21:12,870
Thank you.
436
00:21:19,011 --> 00:21:20,043
Oh... Say, sis.
437
00:21:20,079 --> 00:21:24,748
You might want to turn the
heat in the basement up
438
00:21:24,783 --> 00:21:27,217
with that thermostat there.
439
00:21:29,721 --> 00:21:32,355
You little sneak!
440
00:21:32,391 --> 00:21:33,924
Thank you, thank you.
441
00:21:33,959 --> 00:21:35,959
No applause.
442
00:21:40,632 --> 00:21:44,134
Remember how you taught
me to put lipstick on?
443
00:21:44,169 --> 00:21:47,037
Not on the lips,
around the lips,
444
00:21:47,072 --> 00:21:50,674
so it wouldn't smear
when I got kissed.
445
00:21:50,709 --> 00:21:52,509
God, you were stupid.
446
00:21:52,545 --> 00:21:54,144
I trusted you.
447
00:21:54,213 --> 00:21:57,514
Well, you were no angelic
little sister yourself.
448
00:21:57,550 --> 00:21:58,716
What did I do?
449
00:21:58,751 --> 00:22:00,950
I start going out with Dan,
450
00:22:00,986 --> 00:22:04,254
and you tell him
you're my daughter.
451
00:22:04,290 --> 00:22:05,388
God, he was stupid.
452
00:22:05,424 --> 00:22:09,059
And what about your
imaginary sister?
453
00:22:09,094 --> 00:22:12,429
My imaginary sister?
You made her up.
454
00:22:12,464 --> 00:22:13,663
Oh, yeah. Well...
455
00:22:13,699 --> 00:22:16,099
If she was my imaginary sister,
456
00:22:16,135 --> 00:22:18,601
she was your
imaginary sister, too.
457
00:22:18,637 --> 00:22:21,571
Yeah, but she'd
only talk to you.
458
00:22:21,606 --> 00:22:24,608
That's because she
hated you, Jackie.
459
00:22:24,643 --> 00:22:26,176
Roseanne.
460
00:22:26,211 --> 00:22:28,511
It was all I could do
461
00:22:28,547 --> 00:22:30,547
to keep her from killing you.
462
00:22:30,649 --> 00:22:34,351
Admit it. You were the
rottenest sister ever born.
463
00:22:34,386 --> 00:22:39,089
I don't believe I have to
sit here and take that...
464
00:22:39,125 --> 00:22:42,225
And neither do you, Vanessa.
465
00:22:42,260 --> 00:22:44,327
Very funny.
466
00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:45,595
Don't say that, Vanessa.
467
00:22:45,630 --> 00:22:46,897
You'll hurt her feelings.
468
00:22:46,932 --> 00:22:49,900
She likes wearing
her hair like that.
469
00:22:49,935 --> 00:22:52,802
Just grow up, ok?
470
00:22:53,705 --> 00:22:55,272
Hey!
471
00:22:55,307 --> 00:22:58,708
What'd she say about my hair?
472
00:23:03,949 --> 00:23:05,949
Spoon
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