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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:12,172 --> 00:00:13,142 Two words. 2 00:00:13,242 --> 00:00:14,167 Sex. 3 00:00:14,803 --> 00:00:15,763 Swing. 4 00:00:16,114 --> 00:00:19,532 I wanted to find a way to say, "Thank you." 5 00:00:21,991 --> 00:00:23,104 Are you currently sexually active? 6 00:00:23,204 --> 00:00:24,712 I can't talk to him about this stuff… 7 00:00:24,812 --> 00:00:25,668 Let's jump in. 8 00:00:25,768 --> 00:00:27,990 I mean, you know… I'm probably fine. 9 00:00:28,090 --> 00:00:30,198 I mean, this guy was a legitimate dating option. 10 00:00:31,140 --> 00:00:32,537 Seriously, what are we doing here? 11 00:00:32,637 --> 00:00:34,856 I should've shut it down right then. 12 00:00:35,174 --> 00:00:36,055 What do you think? 13 00:00:36,155 --> 00:00:39,270 I just didn't wanna ruin the perfect moment. 14 00:00:42,681 --> 00:00:44,555 His attempts to be romantic… 15 00:00:44,895 --> 00:00:46,006 ...always ended up... 16 00:00:47,694 --> 00:00:48,600 ...falling short. 17 00:00:51,155 --> 00:00:53,059 We all go a little crazy sometimes. 18 00:00:53,582 --> 00:00:57,427 It was like, "How to seduce a woman", by Hannibal Lecter. 19 00:00:57,785 --> 00:00:58,649 Oh, my God! 20 00:01:02,278 --> 00:01:03,518 God! I loved golf. 21 00:01:04,502 --> 00:01:05,353 Wait, no! 22 00:01:21,006 --> 00:01:22,829 I'm just gonna leave this on her dresser for her. 23 00:01:28,990 --> 00:01:30,693 Would you believe that... 24 00:01:30,793 --> 00:01:33,758 ...wasn't actually the most embarrassing part of this story? 25 00:01:38,530 --> 00:01:40,005 I met my fiance John, 26 00:01:40,105 --> 00:01:42,318 via the wonderful world of online dating. 27 00:01:44,152 --> 00:01:46,337 He was sweet, charming, and... 28 00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:48,905 -...always made me laugh. -Who's Dr Feelgood? 29 00:01:49,166 --> 00:01:50,006 You are. 30 00:01:52,542 --> 00:01:55,266 But he just didn't have the greatest sense of timing. 31 00:01:55,771 --> 00:01:56,614 Hey babe! 32 00:02:03,850 --> 00:02:04,848 John! What the hell? 33 00:02:04,948 --> 00:02:08,151 His attempts to be romantic, always ended up... 34 00:02:08,433 --> 00:02:09,543 ...falling short. 35 00:02:10,041 --> 00:02:12,993 I… thought you'd think it was sexy. 36 00:02:15,092 --> 00:02:17,393 You know, spontaneous shower sex? 37 00:02:17,493 --> 00:02:20,898 But it's hard to stay mad at someone who always had good intentions. 38 00:02:22,157 --> 00:02:26,083 Plus, his klutziness always gave me plenty of things to talk about. 39 00:02:26,183 --> 00:02:27,860 I will say this about him. 40 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:30,624 -That man can pick a good wine. -I know. 41 00:02:30,724 --> 00:02:32,277 It's one of the many things I love about him. 42 00:02:32,634 --> 00:02:34,047 Nick is my best friend... 43 00:02:34,526 --> 00:02:35,961 ...so I basically told him everything. 44 00:02:36,376 --> 00:02:38,906 I mean, everything he does, he does with me in mind. 45 00:02:39,500 --> 00:02:41,753 That's why I feel so bad when I get frustrated when things... 46 00:02:41,853 --> 00:02:43,189 -Go to hell? -Exactly. 47 00:02:43,518 --> 00:02:45,930 It's not his fault, he's just a klutz. 48 00:02:46,030 --> 00:02:47,354 Ever since we got engaged, 49 00:02:47,454 --> 00:02:50,892 John turned our sex into a major event. 50 00:02:51,535 --> 00:02:53,378 -Is it still good? -Yes! 51 00:02:55,753 --> 00:02:58,427 It's just nice to be normal, sometimes. 52 00:03:00,062 --> 00:03:01,857 I just wish he realized that, 53 00:03:01,957 --> 00:03:03,824 you know, it doesn't always have to so big and… 54 00:03:03,924 --> 00:03:05,077 Give it a break! 55 00:03:05,818 --> 00:03:07,492 You should be thrilled to be with a guy... 56 00:03:07,592 --> 00:03:09,845 ...who's willing to try new things! 57 00:03:09,945 --> 00:03:11,550 I'm willing to try new things. 58 00:03:12,488 --> 00:03:14,955 How about just a little, you know, old school, 59 00:03:15,055 --> 00:03:16,049 by the book... 60 00:03:16,643 --> 00:03:17,828 ...vintage sex? 61 00:03:18,313 --> 00:03:19,152 In a bed. 62 00:03:21,332 --> 00:03:23,824 I was expecting the answer to all my problems… 63 00:03:24,410 --> 00:03:27,202 Have you tried the sex swing thing yet? 64 00:03:27,302 --> 00:03:29,548 I forgot what a horrible listener was. 65 00:03:30,363 --> 00:03:31,239 No. 66 00:03:31,339 --> 00:03:32,393 That is tragic! 67 00:03:35,946 --> 00:03:36,818 It's that good? 68 00:03:37,135 --> 00:03:38,316 It'll change your life. 69 00:03:38,862 --> 00:03:40,013 That's a big statement. 70 00:03:40,550 --> 00:03:42,167 I was intrigued, but... 71 00:03:42,451 --> 00:03:44,716 ...I just wanted to go back to the basics. 72 00:03:44,816 --> 00:03:46,087 -Hey guys. -Hey! 73 00:03:46,187 --> 00:03:47,150 Hey! 74 00:03:47,903 --> 00:03:49,126 -Hey babe. -How are you? 75 00:03:49,915 --> 00:03:50,843 I'm all right. 76 00:03:52,244 --> 00:03:53,951 I really like Nick, but... 77 00:03:54,051 --> 00:03:55,774 ...it always made me a little nervous... 78 00:03:55,874 --> 00:03:57,242 ...when the two of them would get together… 79 00:03:57,707 --> 00:03:59,119 So... what are you two up to? 80 00:03:59,418 --> 00:04:00,319 Oh, just some girl talk. 81 00:04:00,419 --> 00:04:02,829 Because I could always tell what they were talking about… 82 00:04:03,538 --> 00:04:04,553 ...our sex life. 83 00:04:04,848 --> 00:04:05,848 Did you get the mail? 84 00:04:06,256 --> 00:04:07,902 -Oh, no, I forgot. I'll go... -No, no, no. 85 00:04:08,002 --> 00:04:09,314 I'll get it! I'm expecting a package. 86 00:04:09,414 --> 00:04:10,573 -It's cool. -Okay. 87 00:04:10,964 --> 00:04:12,601 -You guys catch up. -Yeah. 88 00:04:15,753 --> 00:04:18,030 Shower curtain back up and operational? 89 00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:21,541 That's what I was talking about… 90 00:04:21,641 --> 00:04:23,347 ...I had zero privacy. 91 00:04:23,780 --> 00:04:26,280 Let me give you a little slice of incognito. 92 00:04:27,398 --> 00:04:28,925 A little, slice of what? 93 00:04:30,397 --> 00:04:31,886 The next time you guys… 94 00:04:33,676 --> 00:04:34,842 -...you know. -Right. 95 00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:38,339 I'd suggest just generic old bed stuff. 96 00:04:40,421 --> 00:04:41,333 Really? 97 00:04:41,993 --> 00:04:47,692 You know, I know my plans didn't always work out exactly as I planned, 98 00:04:47,792 --> 00:04:48,793 but I thought... 99 00:04:49,196 --> 00:04:51,447 ...at least Alicia appreciated the effort. 100 00:04:52,211 --> 00:04:54,627 I've been killing myself trying to be so… 101 00:04:54,852 --> 00:04:56,879 ...cool and adventurous for her. 102 00:04:57,822 --> 00:04:58,727 For her? 103 00:04:59,468 --> 00:05:00,462 Yeah! 104 00:05:00,562 --> 00:05:02,556 I don't want her to get bored with me. 105 00:05:04,204 --> 00:05:05,240 I mean look at her. 106 00:05:05,340 --> 00:05:08,066 Do you have any idea how difficult it is for guys to know... 107 00:05:08,166 --> 00:05:09,272 ...what women want in the bedroom? 108 00:05:09,799 --> 00:05:10,747 It's intimidating. 109 00:05:11,313 --> 00:05:13,253 I mean, between you and me. 110 00:05:13,745 --> 00:05:15,746 I definitely "out-punted" my coverage. 111 00:05:15,846 --> 00:05:16,906 If you know what I'm saying. 112 00:05:20,733 --> 00:05:25,090 Yeah… I-I don't understand your sports metaphors... 113 00:05:26,142 --> 00:05:27,773 ...but I think I smell what you stepped in. 114 00:05:28,740 --> 00:05:29,701 Yeah. 115 00:05:29,801 --> 00:05:30,746 Well, I just... 116 00:05:31,953 --> 00:05:33,989 ...I just wanna make her happy, you know? 117 00:05:34,530 --> 00:05:36,386 I just wanna do everything I can for her. 118 00:05:38,674 --> 00:05:40,086 You are the cutest! 119 00:05:40,470 --> 00:05:42,461 I heard what was saying… 120 00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:45,106 ...but trust me, I was doing her a favor. 121 00:05:45,281 --> 00:05:46,116 Okay. 122 00:05:46,416 --> 00:05:47,970 Forget everything I said. 123 00:05:49,329 --> 00:05:50,258 Two words. 124 00:05:52,421 --> 00:05:53,355 Sex. 125 00:05:54,083 --> 00:05:54,989 Swing. 126 00:05:56,133 --> 00:05:58,011 -Really? -Trust. 127 00:05:58,111 --> 00:05:59,781 Nick knew Alicia better than anyone. 128 00:05:59,881 --> 00:06:02,428 So for me, it was like having someone on the inside. 129 00:06:02,941 --> 00:06:04,169 John… 130 00:06:04,269 --> 00:06:05,402 He was like my wingman. 131 00:06:06,232 --> 00:06:07,493 -Shower honey? -Yeah, sorry. 132 00:06:07,593 --> 00:06:08,464 So we can go to dinner. 133 00:06:08,564 --> 00:06:09,675 I knew what would make her happy. 134 00:06:09,775 --> 00:06:12,836 And this time, I was determined not to mess it up. 135 00:06:14,060 --> 00:06:14,987 What? 136 00:06:15,087 --> 00:06:17,888 -Are you ready to feel about this big? -What do you mean? 137 00:06:18,281 --> 00:06:19,613 I just talked to him, 138 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:22,733 and learned that he does all this crazy sex stuff for you! 139 00:06:24,393 --> 00:06:27,207 Because he's worried, you'll lose interest in him. 140 00:06:27,594 --> 00:06:28,605 I felt terrible. 141 00:06:28,824 --> 00:06:31,658 Here, I had this great guy, killing himself trying to please me, 142 00:06:31,758 --> 00:06:32,948 and I bitched about it. 143 00:06:33,545 --> 00:06:34,962 How cute is that? 144 00:06:37,323 --> 00:06:40,431 Said something about bunting his goalie or... 145 00:06:40,957 --> 00:06:42,481 Look, he was trying to talk sports! 146 00:06:44,122 --> 00:06:46,091 I feel like such a bitch right now. 147 00:06:46,191 --> 00:06:48,147 You are such a bitch right now. 148 00:06:48,914 --> 00:06:51,120 You gotta show him something new in the bedroom! 149 00:06:51,220 --> 00:06:53,901 Make him feel like his efforts don't go unnoticed. 150 00:06:54,389 --> 00:06:55,450 Like what? 151 00:06:56,633 --> 00:06:58,155 I'll drop off a book for you. 152 00:06:59,177 --> 00:07:01,250 I think you'll find it quite eye opening. 153 00:07:01,613 --> 00:07:03,967 I was willing to try anything... 154 00:07:04,207 --> 00:07:06,532 ...to make sure John knew I appreciated him. 155 00:07:06,632 --> 00:07:08,560 I just hope he doesn't plan anything else crazy… 156 00:07:09,070 --> 00:07:10,643 ...before I can make it up to him. 157 00:07:15,995 --> 00:07:18,567 It bugged me the entire rest of the night. 158 00:07:19,125 --> 00:07:20,556 I needed to try harder. 159 00:07:21,513 --> 00:07:25,923 So the next day I decided to plan a little surprise for him instead. 160 00:07:26,309 --> 00:07:28,773 I got home early and wanted to do something... 161 00:07:28,873 --> 00:07:30,246 ...totally unexpected. 162 00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:36,369 But he beat me to it. 163 00:07:37,316 --> 00:07:38,856 I could not believe it. 164 00:07:39,644 --> 00:07:43,113 Clearly, Nick, had planted a little idea in his head. 165 00:07:46,060 --> 00:07:48,341 I had never seen anything like that in my life... 166 00:07:48,820 --> 00:07:50,907 ...but I think what shocked me the most… 167 00:07:51,694 --> 00:07:53,339 ...is that John put it together. 168 00:07:53,970 --> 00:07:57,345 I mean, he wasn't exactly a tool belt kind of guy. 169 00:07:57,779 --> 00:07:59,471 Okay… let's see here. 170 00:07:59,991 --> 00:08:02,377 God, it's like a horse's bridle. 171 00:08:03,264 --> 00:08:06,093 This was some serious hardware he installed. 172 00:08:06,968 --> 00:08:08,500 And we have vaulted ceilings! 173 00:08:08,877 --> 00:08:10,380 Who built this? NASA? 174 00:08:12,338 --> 00:08:14,132 I don't have like, half this stuff! 175 00:08:14,878 --> 00:08:19,856 I would've paid a lot of money to see him in action at the hardware store. 176 00:08:20,886 --> 00:08:21,818 Can I help you? 177 00:08:22,493 --> 00:08:23,602 Yeah… 178 00:08:24,055 --> 00:08:26,095 I'm looking for… you know, something that like… 179 00:08:26,426 --> 00:08:27,995 ...you know, kinda does this. 180 00:08:28,517 --> 00:08:31,167 And then, goes into another thing… 181 00:08:31,856 --> 00:08:33,162 ...kinda like this. 182 00:08:33,262 --> 00:08:34,218 You know? 183 00:08:34,861 --> 00:08:37,137 Like a load bearing, strength bracket? 184 00:08:37,822 --> 00:08:40,638 Like a, ball bearing, crankshaft… joint? 185 00:08:41,258 --> 00:08:43,790 You can't just go into the store and be like... 186 00:08:44,586 --> 00:08:47,832 "...Hey. Excuse me. Where's your sex swing installation kit?" 187 00:08:48,882 --> 00:08:49,907 Well, at least I couldn't. 188 00:08:50,537 --> 00:08:53,601 And-and your load is going to be attached to the... 189 00:08:54,114 --> 00:08:55,418 ...the ceiling, yeah. 190 00:08:55,689 --> 00:08:59,569 How… large a load are you, looking to support? 191 00:09:00,421 --> 00:09:02,790 Like... 140? 192 00:09:03,870 --> 00:09:05,253 Maybe? I mean... 193 00:09:06,302 --> 00:09:09,128 ...she's definitely in sha... It's in-in shape. 194 00:09:09,228 --> 00:09:11,123 Not she. That's ridiculous. 195 00:09:12,182 --> 00:09:13,025 Really John? 196 00:09:13,707 --> 00:09:14,668 One-forty? 197 00:09:15,528 --> 00:09:16,507 I don't think so. 198 00:09:17,503 --> 00:09:18,410 Well... 199 00:09:18,735 --> 00:09:20,762 ...we got a couple of options here. 200 00:09:21,212 --> 00:09:22,925 Depending on the… 201 00:09:23,365 --> 00:09:25,065 ...nature of the device… 202 00:09:25,667 --> 00:09:28,346 ...within which, your… 203 00:09:29,231 --> 00:09:31,658 ...load is gonna be suspended. 204 00:09:33,711 --> 00:09:34,744 It's for the bedroom. 205 00:09:38,730 --> 00:09:41,045 Are you talking about a sex swing? 206 00:09:42,546 --> 00:09:45,268 Why didn't you just come out and say it? 207 00:09:47,464 --> 00:09:50,538 The poor guy went through so much trouble to put this together. 208 00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:54,944 And I wanted to find a way to say, "Thank you." 209 00:09:58,584 --> 00:10:00,640 I used to take gymnastics in high school... 210 00:10:01,497 --> 00:10:03,789 ...so I didn't think it'd be a problem. 211 00:10:05,974 --> 00:10:07,788 I knew wouldn't be home for a while, 212 00:10:07,888 --> 00:10:09,089 so I decided to run out. 213 00:10:09,189 --> 00:10:11,037 Pick up her favorite bottle of wine... 214 00:10:11,285 --> 00:10:13,847 ...and have the whole mood set by the time she got home. 215 00:10:14,077 --> 00:10:15,043 Hey, John! 216 00:10:15,143 --> 00:10:16,086 Oh, hey, what's up, Nick? 217 00:10:16,186 --> 00:10:18,099 -What are you up to? -Is Alicia home? 218 00:10:18,199 --> 00:10:19,703 I brought her… a book. 219 00:10:20,596 --> 00:10:22,278 I don't think so actually. I can give it to her. 220 00:10:22,378 --> 00:10:24,017 -Oh, no, that's okay. -Oh, I don't mind. 221 00:10:25,962 --> 00:10:27,995 Well, it's kind of a surprise. 222 00:10:28,095 --> 00:10:30,120 So… can I just, leave it inside? 223 00:10:31,004 --> 00:10:32,120 Sure man, whatever. 224 00:10:35,974 --> 00:10:37,910 I'm just gonna leave this her dresser for her. 225 00:10:38,010 --> 00:10:38,848 Okay. 226 00:10:43,413 --> 00:10:49,235 I swear that thing became like a big, suspended, full body, 227 00:10:49,335 --> 00:10:50,782 Chinese finger trap! 228 00:10:56,699 --> 00:10:58,159 -Oh, girl! -Get out! 229 00:10:59,998 --> 00:11:01,161 John! 230 00:11:01,765 --> 00:11:02,670 Shut up! 231 00:11:03,349 --> 00:11:04,506 What, what, what? 232 00:11:05,113 --> 00:11:06,619 I'm not an expert on swings, 233 00:11:06,719 --> 00:11:08,680 but I don't think she was in it right. 234 00:11:09,677 --> 00:11:11,534 I told you it was gonna change your life. 235 00:11:11,634 --> 00:11:12,551 Shut up! 236 00:11:24,132 --> 00:11:25,282 Don't move, okay? 237 00:11:25,706 --> 00:11:26,678 Get out! 238 00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:28,886 Get out! Come on! 239 00:11:33,091 --> 00:11:34,162 Hi… 240 00:11:34,779 --> 00:11:36,207 -Yeah, come on. -Just... 241 00:11:36,307 --> 00:11:37,299 Okay. 242 00:11:38,420 --> 00:11:41,113 I'm afraid to ask, but did you even read the instructions? 243 00:11:42,057 --> 00:11:43,062 -Yeah, exactly. -You know what? 244 00:11:43,162 --> 00:11:45,563 I'm gonna be in the bath… getting drunk. 245 00:11:47,379 --> 00:11:50,070 It took about a month before I felt normal. 246 00:11:51,118 --> 00:11:51,983 John and I... 247 00:11:52,083 --> 00:11:54,205 We decided that having hot sex... 248 00:11:54,305 --> 00:11:56,520 ...didn't necessarily mean tearing the house down. 249 00:11:57,112 --> 00:11:58,184 And it turns out… 250 00:11:58,907 --> 00:11:59,911 ...Nick was right. 251 00:12:00,294 --> 00:12:03,507 That sex swing really did change our lives forever. 252 00:12:04,713 --> 00:12:06,961 Once we had it professionally installed. 253 00:12:14,060 --> 00:12:15,012 There's an old saying, 254 00:12:15,112 --> 00:12:19,340 something about golf being a great way to spoil a perfectly good walk. 255 00:12:20,358 --> 00:12:23,028 Well, trust me, it can screw up a lot more than that. 256 00:12:24,686 --> 00:12:25,521 Fore! 257 00:12:27,338 --> 00:12:28,688 Oh, don't worry, he didn't die... 258 00:12:28,788 --> 00:12:30,935 ...but at the time I kinda wish I had. 259 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:33,976 Pregnant? 260 00:12:34,275 --> 00:12:35,189 How? 261 00:12:36,009 --> 00:12:37,003 You see when a man... 262 00:12:37,103 --> 00:12:38,528 -...and a woman love each other... -No. 263 00:12:40,136 --> 00:12:42,902 How does a 42-year-old gynecologist... 264 00:12:43,002 --> 00:12:44,959 ...suddenly become pregnant? 265 00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:51,033 Shockingly, she did not include me in her family planning decisions. 266 00:12:51,999 --> 00:12:54,496 Doctor Blake is picking up her overflow. 267 00:12:54,596 --> 00:12:56,687 He's quite qualified, I can assure you. 268 00:12:58,811 --> 00:13:01,112 She is now a he? 269 00:13:01,449 --> 00:13:02,937 I'm not normally that cranky, 270 00:13:03,037 --> 00:13:04,989 but the only gynecologist I'd ever seen... 271 00:13:05,089 --> 00:13:07,732 ...was going to be out for three months maternity leave. 272 00:13:08,747 --> 00:13:11,596 I didn't want some strange guy seeing me naked, 273 00:13:11,696 --> 00:13:14,217 feeling me up, and then slapping me with a bill for it. 274 00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:19,961 Tessa Williams? 275 00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:22,950 Shut up. 276 00:13:23,441 --> 00:13:24,869 -Excuse me? -I'm… 277 00:13:25,371 --> 00:13:26,902 Sorry. Never mind. 278 00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:29,445 But the second Dr Blake walked in… 279 00:13:29,672 --> 00:13:32,261 ...I thought, well, "They did both go to med school." 280 00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:33,577 Well, hello… 281 00:13:33,902 --> 00:13:34,794 ...Dr Blake. 282 00:13:35,276 --> 00:13:36,177 Tessa. 283 00:13:36,277 --> 00:13:38,660 Just shaking his hand made me warm… 284 00:13:39,502 --> 00:13:40,640 ...kind of all over. 285 00:13:40,949 --> 00:13:43,762 So, 32, no problematic history. 286 00:13:43,862 --> 00:13:45,025 Are you currently sexually active? 287 00:13:45,892 --> 00:13:46,733 I know. 288 00:13:46,833 --> 00:13:48,099 It's a standard question... 289 00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,854 ...but it just seemed so personal, coming from him. 290 00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:52,580 Like, right now? 291 00:13:53,024 --> 00:13:54,822 Well, not at this very second... 292 00:13:55,217 --> 00:13:56,079 ...but in general. 293 00:13:56,433 --> 00:13:57,895 Any sexual partners? Boyfriend? 294 00:13:58,416 --> 00:14:00,059 No sexual partners. 295 00:14:00,159 --> 00:14:01,092 I'm thinking… 296 00:14:01,192 --> 00:14:02,691 ...I can't talk to him about this stuff… 297 00:14:03,258 --> 00:14:05,512 ...I mean, this guy, was a legitimate dating option. 298 00:14:06,330 --> 00:14:07,274 Let's jump in. 299 00:14:12,478 --> 00:14:13,431 I mean, you know… 300 00:14:13,694 --> 00:14:15,824 I'm... I'm probably fine. 301 00:14:16,438 --> 00:14:19,813 I should probably just postpone this until Dr Gregory has her baby. 302 00:14:20,185 --> 00:14:22,130 I'd really recommend we get through this today. 303 00:14:22,230 --> 00:14:24,698 You're already past overdue on your annual. 304 00:14:24,798 --> 00:14:25,975 So my options were... 305 00:14:26,556 --> 00:14:28,142 ...walk out and never see him again… 306 00:14:28,606 --> 00:14:29,811 ...or smile and spread them. 307 00:14:30,726 --> 00:14:31,596 Okay. 308 00:14:34,059 --> 00:14:35,051 Okay. 309 00:14:37,229 --> 00:14:39,253 If you can scoot down slightly? 310 00:14:40,650 --> 00:14:41,580 A little more. 311 00:14:42,195 --> 00:14:44,408 There I was trying to get comfortable with it all. 312 00:14:45,252 --> 00:14:47,618 And I started to wonder if male gynecologists... 313 00:14:47,718 --> 00:14:49,803 ...have a med-school trained on-off button. 314 00:14:50,454 --> 00:14:51,595 A little more this time. 315 00:14:54,572 --> 00:14:55,412 One more. 316 00:14:55,512 --> 00:14:56,375 I mean… 317 00:14:56,475 --> 00:14:59,149 ...does a degree automatically turn females into objects? 318 00:14:59,249 --> 00:15:01,299 I don't mean sexual objects. 319 00:15:01,399 --> 00:15:02,261 I mean just... 320 00:15:02,874 --> 00:15:04,304 ...objects… objects. 321 00:15:05,042 --> 00:15:05,992 Perfect. 322 00:15:06,237 --> 00:15:07,404 Alright, okay. 323 00:15:07,504 --> 00:15:11,225 I sort of took it as my duty to test his professional boundaries… 324 00:15:11,581 --> 00:15:12,715 ...you know, for science! 325 00:15:13,859 --> 00:15:18,296 Women must be falling all over themselves to be examined by you. 326 00:15:19,147 --> 00:15:21,569 Well, with the hours I put in here, 327 00:15:21,669 --> 00:15:24,354 the only women I ever meet are either contagious... 328 00:15:25,226 --> 00:15:26,886 ...or cadavers. 329 00:15:28,611 --> 00:15:30,914 A single, handsome doctor with a sense of humor? 330 00:15:31,297 --> 00:15:32,302 Yes please. 331 00:15:33,281 --> 00:15:34,569 Everything looks good. 332 00:15:34,929 --> 00:15:38,534 The test results should be back, next week. 333 00:15:39,286 --> 00:15:40,539 And he just walked out, 334 00:15:40,639 --> 00:15:43,096 like what had just happened was completely normal for him. 335 00:15:44,702 --> 00:15:47,456 And yes, I realize that it was completely normal for him. 336 00:15:47,956 --> 00:15:48,935 But it wasn't for me. 337 00:15:50,020 --> 00:15:51,260 He was so cute. 338 00:15:53,126 --> 00:15:54,301 How do I approach him now? 339 00:15:55,078 --> 00:15:56,487 He was perfect. 340 00:15:56,826 --> 00:15:58,727 Later that week, my friend Blair was over... 341 00:15:58,827 --> 00:16:03,737 ...and I was recanting the handsome doctor slash probably love-of-my-life story. 342 00:16:04,143 --> 00:16:06,440 All you have to do is just run into him again. 343 00:16:06,789 --> 00:16:10,076 -Someplace more… casual than... -My crotch? 344 00:16:10,339 --> 00:16:11,297 Exactly. 345 00:16:11,905 --> 00:16:14,224 I loved seeing Tessa excited about someone... 346 00:16:14,745 --> 00:16:16,378 It'd been a very long time. 347 00:16:16,659 --> 00:16:18,894 Maybe that's why she was so bad at the whole game. 348 00:16:19,490 --> 00:16:20,872 She was pretty awful. 349 00:16:23,459 --> 00:16:26,699 Freshly showered, new underwear, red lipstick… 350 00:16:27,203 --> 00:16:29,542 ...I was pretty much as irresistible as I'd ever get. 351 00:16:32,137 --> 00:16:34,020 You can file those away Mrs Johnston. 352 00:16:34,746 --> 00:16:35,662 Doctor Blake! 353 00:16:35,961 --> 00:16:36,953 Tessa. 354 00:16:37,466 --> 00:16:39,797 Sorry, your test results won't be in for… 355 00:16:39,897 --> 00:16:40,824 ...another week or so. 356 00:16:41,693 --> 00:16:42,907 I wasn't here for that. 357 00:16:43,007 --> 00:16:45,291 Actually I think something might be wrong... 358 00:16:45,824 --> 00:16:46,962 ...with my stomach. 359 00:16:47,709 --> 00:16:49,748 I really should've thought it through in the car. 360 00:16:50,130 --> 00:16:52,323 Well, that's not really my area. 361 00:16:52,975 --> 00:16:55,760 I'd feel so much more comfortable if you took a look at it. 362 00:16:56,491 --> 00:16:57,639 You can call me desperate... 363 00:16:58,338 --> 00:17:00,725 ...but I like to think of it as… resourceful. 364 00:17:01,308 --> 00:17:03,579 So, how're things? 365 00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:05,282 Fine. 366 00:17:06,139 --> 00:17:07,410 I'm not hearing anything. 367 00:17:07,510 --> 00:17:08,929 Have you had any problems with your bowels? 368 00:17:09,029 --> 00:17:09,868 No! 369 00:17:10,924 --> 00:17:12,659 I mean, no. 370 00:17:13,085 --> 00:17:16,111 I needed to shift this conversation away from this area… 371 00:17:16,494 --> 00:17:18,705 ...and get it more into this area. 372 00:17:18,995 --> 00:17:22,765 So… do you have anywhere you can go to relax? 373 00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:25,161 I knew exactly where this was going. 374 00:17:25,718 --> 00:17:28,857 Well I play the occasional round of golf on a Saturday. 375 00:17:29,295 --> 00:17:30,305 I love golf! 376 00:17:30,405 --> 00:17:32,675 What is it about American women and doctors? 377 00:17:32,775 --> 00:17:36,516 We work long hours indoors, so we always look ill, we're... 378 00:17:37,263 --> 00:17:38,819 ...mostly boring, 379 00:17:38,919 --> 00:17:40,904 any decent stock broker makes more money, 380 00:17:41,004 --> 00:17:43,570 and we're ethically prohibited from dating patients. 381 00:17:43,965 --> 00:17:45,531 I genuinely don't understand it. 382 00:17:46,210 --> 00:17:48,286 But I thought... what the hell? 383 00:17:48,667 --> 00:17:50,735 It's only harmless flirtations, so… 384 00:17:52,718 --> 00:17:54,110 Do you know the fairway club? 385 00:17:55,237 --> 00:17:56,544 I practically live there! 386 00:17:56,776 --> 00:17:58,884 Suddenly, the most boring sport on Earth… 387 00:17:58,984 --> 00:18:00,844 ...became a total turn on. 388 00:18:00,944 --> 00:18:01,930 Wow! Small world. 389 00:18:02,561 --> 00:18:03,808 Perhaps I'll run into you some time. 390 00:18:04,568 --> 00:18:05,540 I remember thinking, 391 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:08,735 "She obviously doesn't play golf, so it'll never happen." 392 00:18:08,835 --> 00:18:14,507 So I'm going to recommend you visit a gastroenterologist. 393 00:18:15,203 --> 00:18:16,712 And… voila. 394 00:18:18,394 --> 00:18:19,324 Thank you. 395 00:18:19,424 --> 00:18:21,465 Maybe we'll see each other out on the field sometime. 396 00:18:22,877 --> 00:18:24,572 The… golf... 397 00:18:25,367 --> 00:18:26,320 Course? 398 00:18:27,842 --> 00:18:28,787 Sounds great! 399 00:18:28,887 --> 00:18:29,731 I'd like that. 400 00:18:33,842 --> 00:18:37,322 I didn't realize how desperate you were until I saw you dressed like that. 401 00:18:38,112 --> 00:18:40,657 So, I asked Blair to join me for a round of golf. 402 00:18:40,904 --> 00:18:42,064 I'm... I'm not... 403 00:18:42,636 --> 00:18:43,595 ...I'm not desperate! 404 00:18:43,695 --> 00:18:45,636 -I'm just... -A stalker? 405 00:18:45,736 --> 00:18:47,111 It is a coincidental meeting. 406 00:18:47,514 --> 00:18:50,877 At a country club you don't belong to. 407 00:18:51,117 --> 00:18:54,932 Whatever happened to unconditional "ignore the technicalities" friendship? 408 00:18:55,170 --> 00:18:56,054 Hey! 409 00:18:56,615 --> 00:18:57,691 Don't get all... 410 00:18:58,473 --> 00:18:59,893 ...logic-y on me. 411 00:19:08,654 --> 00:19:09,754 Oh, my! Oh, my! 412 00:19:10,397 --> 00:19:11,826 A stalker and a spaz... 413 00:19:12,083 --> 00:19:13,010 ...great combo. 414 00:19:13,110 --> 00:19:14,850 -I'm so... I'm so… -excuse me! 415 00:19:15,246 --> 00:19:16,135 Sorry. 416 00:19:17,205 --> 00:19:18,121 Tessa? 417 00:19:19,176 --> 00:19:20,242 Dr Blake! 418 00:19:20,888 --> 00:19:21,759 Wow! 419 00:19:22,636 --> 00:19:24,016 We ran into each other! 420 00:19:25,848 --> 00:19:26,836 Would you like to join us? 421 00:19:26,936 --> 00:19:28,259 We were just about to head out on a round. 422 00:19:28,627 --> 00:19:30,483 Really? We were too! 423 00:19:30,583 --> 00:19:32,818 Well, why don't we just make it a foursome then? 424 00:19:33,777 --> 00:19:36,128 This is Sam. We went to med school together. 425 00:19:36,228 --> 00:19:39,979 And just like that, I was having a foursome date with my doctor. 426 00:19:40,079 --> 00:19:41,742 And this is probably a good time to tell you... 427 00:19:41,842 --> 00:19:43,568 ...that I've only mini-golfed before. 428 00:19:44,194 --> 00:19:45,589 And there were casualties. 429 00:19:46,002 --> 00:19:47,639 Just need to stretch a little. Yeah… 430 00:19:48,726 --> 00:19:50,050 It's all about the stretch. 431 00:19:50,268 --> 00:19:51,238 As a doctor, 432 00:19:51,338 --> 00:19:54,582 I have an ethical responsibility to prevent injuries before they occur. 433 00:19:54,904 --> 00:19:55,979 And Tessa... 434 00:19:57,634 --> 00:19:59,452 ...was a bloodbath waiting to happen. 435 00:19:59,552 --> 00:20:00,367 You know, I'm beginning to think... 436 00:20:00,467 --> 00:20:02,038 ...that you're not actually a member of the golf club. 437 00:20:02,604 --> 00:20:07,849 That you maybe… bumped into me here for an ulterior motive? 438 00:20:09,851 --> 00:20:11,917 I was totally busted. 439 00:20:13,724 --> 00:20:14,945 I'm told it's the accent. 440 00:20:15,208 --> 00:20:16,943 American women love the accent. 441 00:20:17,043 --> 00:20:21,025 I don't understand why they think we Brits sound so charming and intelligent... 442 00:20:21,606 --> 00:20:23,690 ...I finished 87th in my class... 443 00:20:24,129 --> 00:20:25,848 ...out of 103 students. 444 00:20:29,249 --> 00:20:31,935 I needed to step in and save her ass. 445 00:20:32,470 --> 00:20:34,838 We're gonna let you help my friend… 446 00:20:35,547 --> 00:20:38,160 Sam and I are going to the 19th hole. 447 00:20:39,054 --> 00:20:39,890 Yeah! 448 00:20:40,210 --> 00:20:41,589 That's the clubhouse bar. 449 00:20:41,914 --> 00:20:44,192 Tessa got the looks, and I've got the game. 450 00:20:44,704 --> 00:20:45,967 We've always been a pretty good duo. 451 00:20:47,241 --> 00:20:48,675 Am I holding the racquet right? 452 00:20:49,565 --> 00:20:54,088 So you wanna grip just slightly higher on the club. 453 00:20:56,124 --> 00:20:57,130 How does that feel? 454 00:20:57,448 --> 00:20:58,377 Amazing. 455 00:20:59,437 --> 00:21:00,451 You know I... 456 00:21:00,876 --> 00:21:02,567 ...I have to admit, doctor Blake. 457 00:21:03,820 --> 00:21:05,120 I really love your accent. 458 00:21:06,256 --> 00:21:07,495 See? I told you! 459 00:21:08,254 --> 00:21:09,232 I love yours, too. 460 00:21:12,539 --> 00:21:14,962 So… do you wanna grab dinner sometime? 461 00:21:15,757 --> 00:21:18,111 -I… -Even if it's at the hospital cafeteria? 462 00:21:18,211 --> 00:21:19,245 I can't. 463 00:21:20,529 --> 00:21:21,435 I knew it. 464 00:21:23,106 --> 00:21:24,052 Oh, my god… 465 00:21:25,578 --> 00:21:26,497 ...you're married. 466 00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:28,316 No! It's not that, it's… 467 00:21:29,932 --> 00:21:31,611 ...it's just that it's… 468 00:21:33,268 --> 00:21:34,325 ...it's unethical. 469 00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:36,768 Frigging ethics! 470 00:21:36,868 --> 00:21:38,618 I can't date a patient. 471 00:21:39,482 --> 00:21:40,343 What? 472 00:21:40,434 --> 00:21:42,621 You mean like... like ever? 473 00:21:43,042 --> 00:21:43,939 Sorry. 474 00:21:44,039 --> 00:21:45,265 I could lose my license. 475 00:21:45,638 --> 00:21:49,325 The Hippocratic oath is like 2500 years old! 476 00:21:49,739 --> 00:21:51,129 It's not like I just made it up! 477 00:21:52,332 --> 00:21:53,390 But hey, if... 478 00:21:54,450 --> 00:21:56,335 ...we weren't seeing each other, professionally… 479 00:21:56,967 --> 00:21:58,030 ...I would in a second. 480 00:22:03,083 --> 00:22:04,289 Dear Dr Blake... 481 00:22:04,820 --> 00:22:06,862 ...I would like to send my sincerest thanks... 482 00:22:06,962 --> 00:22:09,828 ...for all the fine medical work you've done for me. 483 00:22:09,928 --> 00:22:13,262 But the time has come to consider other medical options. 484 00:22:14,559 --> 00:22:16,257 Respectfully, Tessa. 485 00:22:16,905 --> 00:22:20,146 Take that, conflict of interest! 486 00:22:20,246 --> 00:22:23,830 It was true watching put on the moves on this Dr Blake guy... 487 00:22:23,930 --> 00:22:27,047 ...was more entertaining than the entire fourth season of Downton Abbey. 488 00:22:27,685 --> 00:22:29,849 Plus, there's a much better possibility for sex... 489 00:22:30,485 --> 00:22:31,876 ...but I was still worried about her. 490 00:22:32,416 --> 00:22:35,155 It seems like a lot of work for a purely theoretical date. 491 00:22:35,538 --> 00:22:36,525 It's not theoretical. 492 00:22:37,619 --> 00:22:38,871 I think he might be "the one." 493 00:22:39,991 --> 00:22:40,984 Oh, Lord. 494 00:22:42,682 --> 00:22:45,520 The next day, I called his office to notify him, but he wasn't in… 495 00:22:46,211 --> 00:22:48,259 ...I had a pretty good idea of where I'd find him. 496 00:22:51,050 --> 00:22:52,201 Stop, stop, stop. 497 00:22:52,461 --> 00:22:53,324 Dr Blake! 498 00:22:53,424 --> 00:22:54,414 Hey! 499 00:22:55,456 --> 00:22:56,750 -Dr Blake. -Tessa. 500 00:22:58,137 --> 00:22:59,323 Fancy seeing you here. 501 00:23:00,072 --> 00:23:03,218 Most patients give up quick when they realize nothing's gonna happen, 502 00:23:03,318 --> 00:23:05,273 but she was persistent. 503 00:23:05,518 --> 00:23:06,567 Look, Dr Blake. 504 00:23:06,667 --> 00:23:07,998 I need to talk to you. 505 00:23:08,466 --> 00:23:11,876 We had a good run as doctor and patient, but… 506 00:23:12,664 --> 00:23:14,843 ...I think I'm gonna take my lady parts elsewhere. 507 00:23:15,284 --> 00:23:16,451 I'm sorry? 508 00:23:18,384 --> 00:23:19,889 You're fired, doc. 509 00:23:25,125 --> 00:23:26,525 Not sure what I'm supposed to do with this. 510 00:23:27,372 --> 00:23:28,455 You're no longer my doctor. 511 00:23:28,937 --> 00:23:29,783 I got that. 512 00:23:30,396 --> 00:23:32,517 So no more ethical dilemma. 513 00:23:32,796 --> 00:23:34,246 You fired me… 514 00:23:34,981 --> 00:23:36,009 ...to date me? 515 00:23:37,395 --> 00:23:39,596 For a doctor he was a little slow. 516 00:23:39,696 --> 00:23:42,462 I know you're busy, and-and I have a career too… 517 00:23:42,562 --> 00:23:44,808 but… I don't really get a lot of spare time either... 518 00:23:44,908 --> 00:23:46,452 ...and-and the time that I do have, 519 00:23:46,552 --> 00:23:48,876 I think I want to spend with... 520 00:23:52,314 --> 00:23:53,322 I was fired. 521 00:23:55,164 --> 00:23:56,957 I was well within the ethical guidelines. 522 00:24:00,403 --> 00:24:01,240 Sangria? 523 00:24:01,710 --> 00:24:02,577 Yeah. 524 00:24:05,963 --> 00:24:07,200 God, I loved golf. 525 00:24:07,659 --> 00:24:09,854 So the key is... loose... 526 00:24:11,303 --> 00:24:12,204 ...but firm. 527 00:24:12,712 --> 00:24:13,635 Gotcha. 528 00:24:13,735 --> 00:24:14,725 Grip the club… 529 00:24:15,145 --> 00:24:16,223 ...at the bottom of the shaft… 530 00:24:17,684 --> 00:24:18,975 Okay, this could take all day. 531 00:24:19,286 --> 00:24:21,676 -Do you wanna go get some brunch? -Yeah. 532 00:24:21,776 --> 00:24:23,701 I've been Tessa's wing-woman long enough... 533 00:24:23,801 --> 00:24:25,484 ...to know when to fly off on my own. 534 00:24:25,584 --> 00:24:27,751 Take all the time you need. 535 00:24:28,247 --> 00:24:29,079 And hey… 536 00:24:29,404 --> 00:24:30,993 ...I had a doctor to work on too. 537 00:24:31,648 --> 00:24:34,015 Does this count as… our first date? 538 00:24:37,856 --> 00:24:38,740 What is it? 539 00:24:39,602 --> 00:24:41,401 Terrible timing is all. 540 00:24:42,873 --> 00:24:44,486 And here it comes… 541 00:24:44,586 --> 00:24:46,531 What? Is-is there like a... 542 00:24:46,986 --> 00:24:49,976 ...a statute of limitations that says you have to wait a month... 543 00:24:50,327 --> 00:24:52,080 ...after you get fired to date a patient or something? 544 00:24:52,180 --> 00:24:55,066 It's just that my stint here is… done. 545 00:24:55,166 --> 00:24:57,180 -I'm heading back to Texas. -What? 546 00:24:57,503 --> 00:24:58,434 Texas? 547 00:24:58,695 --> 00:25:02,260 That white, pasty skin would last 15 minutes in Texas. 548 00:25:02,441 --> 00:25:04,093 It was a four-month program... 549 00:25:04,855 --> 00:25:06,214 ...and as of yesterday... 550 00:25:06,976 --> 00:25:07,924 ...it's done. 551 00:25:08,024 --> 00:25:08,971 When do you leave? 552 00:25:09,323 --> 00:25:10,264 Tonight. 553 00:25:11,447 --> 00:25:12,417 Oh, come on! 554 00:25:13,794 --> 00:25:15,324 There was only one thing left to do… 555 00:25:22,281 --> 00:25:24,046 We should go somewhere other than the fairway. 556 00:25:31,497 --> 00:25:32,389 Tessa. 557 00:25:46,812 --> 00:25:50,799 The fresh air, the warm sun on our kind-of partially naked bodies, 558 00:25:50,899 --> 00:25:54,284 the complete panic that we might never see each other again… 559 00:25:54,384 --> 00:25:58,389 ...it was sexy and exciting and spontaneous. 560 00:26:00,604 --> 00:26:01,574 Fore! 561 00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:06,149 But… 562 00:26:06,534 --> 00:26:07,671 Doctor... Dr Blake? 563 00:26:07,771 --> 00:26:09,115 At first I thought, 564 00:26:09,215 --> 00:26:11,717 maybe it was little too much for the good doctor to handle? 565 00:26:11,817 --> 00:26:12,851 D-Dr Blake? 566 00:26:12,951 --> 00:26:13,846 Excuse me? 567 00:26:16,673 --> 00:26:19,901 Did you see a maxi-fly… 3 come around here? 568 00:26:22,970 --> 00:26:23,857 There it is. 569 00:26:29,161 --> 00:26:30,023 Do... 570 00:26:30,555 --> 00:26:31,573 ...do you need a doctor? 571 00:26:32,031 --> 00:26:32,884 No. 572 00:26:33,592 --> 00:26:34,544 I got one. 573 00:26:36,270 --> 00:26:40,081 So, he had a slight concussion and missed his flight… 574 00:26:40,181 --> 00:26:42,502 ...I'd like to say he changed his mind and stayed with me. 575 00:26:42,602 --> 00:26:43,549 But he didn't. 576 00:26:43,649 --> 00:26:45,285 We did the long distance thing at the start. 577 00:26:45,657 --> 00:26:47,269 Then Tessa joined me in Texas. 578 00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:49,206 We got married on a golf course. 579 00:26:49,306 --> 00:26:51,688 And a year later, we celebrated Blair and Sam's wedding. 580 00:26:52,307 --> 00:26:53,335 I love golf. 581 00:27:04,073 --> 00:27:06,125 I've always been a big time skeptic… 582 00:27:07,309 --> 00:27:09,055 ...I grew up believing ghosts... 583 00:27:09,155 --> 00:27:11,171 ...were just something people just made up.... 584 00:27:11,271 --> 00:27:12,232 Oh, my God! 585 00:27:12,332 --> 00:27:13,846 …until I experienced it for myself. 586 00:27:23,011 --> 00:27:25,105 So… you guys broke up? 587 00:27:25,831 --> 00:27:29,137 Well… I don't know if it constitutes as a breakup. 588 00:27:29,744 --> 00:27:31,441 We were only dating for like three weeks. 589 00:27:31,541 --> 00:27:35,473 I've known my best friend, Carrie, my entire life. 590 00:27:35,573 --> 00:27:36,741 Okay what was it this time? 591 00:27:37,166 --> 00:27:40,061 You didn't like the way he pronounced the "T" in "exactly?" 592 00:27:40,161 --> 00:27:43,537 He preferred spicy brown mustard over the original? What? 593 00:27:44,198 --> 00:27:46,701 She's the only person that can call me out on my BS. 594 00:27:46,801 --> 00:27:50,546 I just felt like we didn't have very many similar interests. 595 00:27:50,646 --> 00:27:53,729 You met in a Dental Assistant Kickball League. 596 00:27:53,917 --> 00:27:56,026 What other similar interests do you need? 597 00:27:56,126 --> 00:27:57,014 Like football. 598 00:27:57,114 --> 00:27:59,462 He was a huge fan and I knew nothing about it. 599 00:28:00,019 --> 00:28:02,085 So? He could have taught you. 600 00:28:02,829 --> 00:28:03,821 What am I supposed to do? 601 00:28:03,921 --> 00:28:06,577 Just pretend to like something because the guy I'm dating does? 602 00:28:07,190 --> 00:28:08,396 Yes! 603 00:28:08,718 --> 00:28:12,341 Do you think I go camping with Troy because I like it? 604 00:28:12,441 --> 00:28:15,413 Do you think my bare ass enjoys squatting, 605 00:28:15,513 --> 00:28:17,144 praying there's no poison ivy, 606 00:28:17,244 --> 00:28:21,522 while being on constant alert for cannibal Hillbillies while doing my business? 607 00:28:22,201 --> 00:28:23,474 I pooped in a hole! 608 00:28:23,805 --> 00:28:26,169 Carrie had been married for 2 years, 609 00:28:26,269 --> 00:28:29,574 and was on my case to find... 610 00:28:30,154 --> 00:28:31,178 ..."the one." 611 00:28:31,523 --> 00:28:32,785 It's what we all do... 612 00:28:33,098 --> 00:28:36,119 ...pretend to love the dumb stuff that our men are into. 613 00:28:36,219 --> 00:28:37,291 And they do it for us. 614 00:28:38,434 --> 00:28:41,933 I can promise you Troy would rather wax his testicles... 615 00:28:42,033 --> 00:28:44,159 ...than go to another ballroom dancing class. 616 00:28:44,259 --> 00:28:45,692 But guess where we'll be tomorrow? 617 00:28:46,517 --> 00:28:48,538 Learning the Waltz, that's where. 618 00:28:49,576 --> 00:28:50,452 That was true. 619 00:28:50,607 --> 00:28:56,361 I had a tendency to run away when things got too serious in relationships. 620 00:28:56,778 --> 00:29:00,118 But, I was finally at that point in my life where I was… 621 00:29:00,857 --> 00:29:01,835 ...looking for love. 622 00:29:03,620 --> 00:29:04,697 What? 623 00:29:05,141 --> 00:29:07,184 I'm just picturing you squatting over a hole... 624 00:29:07,284 --> 00:29:09,076 -...cursing at Troy... -Yeah. 625 00:29:09,176 --> 00:29:12,857 ...looking out for the Texas machete massacre guy. 626 00:29:13,685 --> 00:29:15,868 Sorry, it's actually chainsaw massacre. 627 00:29:16,408 --> 00:29:18,720 I think it's rude when people interrupt. 628 00:29:19,236 --> 00:29:20,112 But… 629 00:29:20,533 --> 00:29:22,102 when I looked up, I was like… 630 00:29:23,788 --> 00:29:24,897 ...interrupt away! 631 00:29:25,742 --> 00:29:27,053 Sorry, didn't mean to eavesdrop. 632 00:29:27,153 --> 00:29:30,499 I don't usually go for the goth types, but… 633 00:29:30,821 --> 00:29:33,287 ...there was just something about this guy. 634 00:29:33,452 --> 00:29:37,635 I mean, obviously I knew it was Texas chainsaw massacre. 635 00:29:37,735 --> 00:29:42,370 I was just saying machete 'cause it's a much more… effective weapon. 636 00:29:42,470 --> 00:29:43,664 You know… it's quieter… 637 00:29:43,764 --> 00:29:45,816 ...you can sneak up on the co-eds better. 638 00:29:46,226 --> 00:29:47,219 Fair point. 639 00:29:47,319 --> 00:29:49,448 But come on, don't you think there's something like extra intimidating... 640 00:29:49,548 --> 00:29:50,564 ...about the idea of getting killed... 641 00:29:50,664 --> 00:29:53,931 ...by this huge hulking gas-powered power tool? 642 00:29:55,207 --> 00:29:56,122 Totally. 643 00:29:56,222 --> 00:29:59,345 It was the most disturbing form of flirting... 644 00:29:59,445 --> 00:30:01,319 ...I had ever been a part of. 645 00:30:01,620 --> 00:30:02,706 So you like horror films? 646 00:30:03,451 --> 00:30:06,247 Lori, loves horror! 647 00:30:07,043 --> 00:30:08,019 Poop in the hole, Lori. 648 00:30:08,119 --> 00:30:09,280 Just so you know… 649 00:30:09,675 --> 00:30:12,595 ...I hated horror movies. 650 00:30:12,695 --> 00:30:14,532 I love movies of… 651 00:30:15,593 --> 00:30:16,944 ...the horror variety. 652 00:30:17,948 --> 00:30:20,098 If I'd only known then. 653 00:30:20,198 --> 00:30:22,071 Cool. Can I... get you another drink? 654 00:30:22,685 --> 00:30:24,243 Actually my friend and I are... 655 00:30:28,222 --> 00:30:29,218 Sure. 656 00:30:29,721 --> 00:30:30,661 I couldn't believe my luck! 657 00:30:31,041 --> 00:30:33,620 The most beautiful girl who had ever spoken to me, 658 00:30:33,720 --> 00:30:35,323 and she was into horror films. 659 00:30:35,699 --> 00:30:37,289 No way! You have seen Ghost Omen? 660 00:30:37,754 --> 00:30:39,103 Of course I have! 661 00:30:39,351 --> 00:30:40,242 No. 662 00:30:40,342 --> 00:30:41,212 I hadn't. 663 00:30:41,312 --> 00:30:42,117 And you liked it? 664 00:30:42,217 --> 00:30:45,477 Okay, I'm not gonna go as far as to say it was my favorite movie that year, 665 00:30:45,577 --> 00:30:47,412 because that one movie was released. 666 00:30:47,512 --> 00:30:48,623 You know, the one with the kid? 667 00:30:49,009 --> 00:30:50,407 -Pre-school Hell? -Yes. 668 00:30:50,507 --> 00:30:51,602 -Yes. -Thank you. 669 00:30:51,702 --> 00:30:53,651 Yes! Pre-school Hell. 670 00:30:54,311 --> 00:30:55,590 Faking it was easy. 671 00:30:55,869 --> 00:30:59,352 There's just a handful of horror cliches to pick from. 672 00:31:00,451 --> 00:31:01,494 Everyone is an idiot... 673 00:31:01,904 --> 00:31:05,506 ...the little kid is possessed, and sex will get you killed. 674 00:31:05,968 --> 00:31:07,589 Can I take you on a date this week? 675 00:31:08,911 --> 00:31:11,384 I think… that would be great. 676 00:31:11,857 --> 00:31:13,230 I figured, "Hey." 677 00:31:13,745 --> 00:31:15,098 "What's the harm in playing along?" 678 00:31:15,587 --> 00:31:17,584 Once we spent time together, 679 00:31:17,684 --> 00:31:19,222 he'd get to know the real me. 680 00:31:23,764 --> 00:31:27,043 So you hate iced coffee because you drink it too fast. 681 00:31:27,703 --> 00:31:29,808 Well, I'm glad we got that out in the open right away. 682 00:31:30,074 --> 00:31:32,140 Now, we have no secrets moving forward. 683 00:31:33,046 --> 00:31:34,040 Exactly! 684 00:31:34,708 --> 00:31:35,831 So tell me about your family. 685 00:31:36,109 --> 00:31:37,465 -Siblings? -Two. 686 00:31:37,683 --> 00:31:38,731 Two. 687 00:31:39,010 --> 00:31:41,486 Jason made me feel really comfortable. 688 00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:43,558 It was a nice change. 689 00:31:43,854 --> 00:31:46,058 She's one of those people that makes you feel like there's... 690 00:31:46,341 --> 00:31:47,806 ...no one else in the room. 691 00:31:48,667 --> 00:31:51,631 We talked for so long, that we, completely lost track of time. 692 00:31:52,328 --> 00:31:53,382 Oh, shoot! We better go! 693 00:31:53,886 --> 00:31:55,993 We… still have like an hour's drive to get to the film. 694 00:31:56,388 --> 00:31:57,772 An hour? Where are we going? 695 00:31:58,165 --> 00:31:59,058 You'll see. 696 00:31:59,158 --> 00:32:00,349 Funny thing was… 697 00:32:00,807 --> 00:32:02,723 ...I wasn't even a movie fan. 698 00:32:02,823 --> 00:32:05,018 I guess… I was just trying to... 699 00:32:05,454 --> 00:32:07,786 ...as Carrie would say, "Poop in the hole." 700 00:32:17,064 --> 00:32:19,332 There was only one thing in the world... 701 00:32:19,432 --> 00:32:22,258 ...I hated more than horror movies… 702 00:32:22,895 --> 00:32:23,800 ...clowns. 703 00:32:25,536 --> 00:32:26,906 Oh, look at all the blood! 704 00:32:27,811 --> 00:32:29,536 Welcome to hell! 705 00:32:30,039 --> 00:32:31,556 And that was just the first date. 706 00:32:32,518 --> 00:32:36,251 I underestimated just how into horror Jason was... 707 00:32:38,122 --> 00:32:39,243 ...but I really liked him. 708 00:32:39,378 --> 00:32:42,949 So, maybe I'd learn to… like… 709 00:32:44,090 --> 00:32:44,982 ...horror? 710 00:32:45,781 --> 00:32:47,473 She heard the voice again... 711 00:32:48,315 --> 00:32:50,358 ...this time it was in the hallway. 712 00:32:51,046 --> 00:32:52,587 It was getting closer… 713 00:32:53,142 --> 00:32:57,705 ...she heard the nails scrape against the walls! 714 00:32:58,758 --> 00:32:59,831 Every single date… 715 00:32:59,931 --> 00:33:04,601 ...had something to do with either a serial killer or an evil spirit. 716 00:33:04,701 --> 00:33:07,070 You have summoned the pig man on her! 717 00:33:07,798 --> 00:33:08,953 It was fun. 718 00:33:09,399 --> 00:33:10,927 If peeing your pants a little... 719 00:33:11,249 --> 00:33:12,945 ...is your kind of fun. 720 00:33:14,588 --> 00:33:17,136 But I guess I felt like it was my own fault... 721 00:33:18,119 --> 00:33:19,331 ...and I had to see it through. 722 00:33:19,932 --> 00:33:21,129 It's been two months, 723 00:33:21,229 --> 00:33:22,600 how can I possibly tell him now? 724 00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:24,206 I'd made my bed. 725 00:33:24,470 --> 00:33:25,607 And now... 726 00:33:26,150 --> 00:33:27,719 ...I was gonna get murdered in it. 727 00:33:28,034 --> 00:33:30,145 He's gonna find out sooner or later. 728 00:33:30,245 --> 00:33:32,072 Yeah, but he's gonna think our entire relationship... 729 00:33:32,172 --> 00:33:33,251 ...is based off a lie. 730 00:33:33,351 --> 00:33:36,072 Your entire relationship is based on a lie. 731 00:33:36,957 --> 00:33:38,183 She kinda had a point. 732 00:33:38,457 --> 00:33:42,350 But... the whole thing was also kinda her fault in the first place. 733 00:33:42,450 --> 00:33:43,312 And the sex? 734 00:33:44,733 --> 00:33:46,124 We haven't really gotten there yet. 735 00:33:46,590 --> 00:33:47,790 It's been two months! 736 00:33:47,890 --> 00:33:51,068 Well we're not all morally disturbed as you, Carrie. 737 00:33:53,016 --> 00:33:55,926 Besides I was thinking… this Friday will be the night. 738 00:33:56,299 --> 00:33:57,678 I was kind of old-fashioned. 739 00:33:57,942 --> 00:33:58,960 And... 740 00:33:59,510 --> 00:34:01,262 ...I didn't like to make the first move. 741 00:34:01,362 --> 00:34:02,368 Oh, my god! 742 00:34:02,635 --> 00:34:03,711 I know what you should do. 743 00:34:03,999 --> 00:34:05,093 This is so perfect. 744 00:34:05,390 --> 00:34:06,446 Date night... 745 00:34:07,007 --> 00:34:07,949 ...sex night… 746 00:34:08,460 --> 00:34:09,540 ...in a cemetery. 747 00:34:10,857 --> 00:34:11,841 What? 748 00:34:12,242 --> 00:34:13,964 -No. -Why not? 749 00:34:14,532 --> 00:34:16,419 Who the hell has sex in a graveyard? 750 00:34:17,360 --> 00:34:19,196 Weirdos like your boyfriend. 751 00:34:19,376 --> 00:34:21,718 I should've shut it down right then. 752 00:34:21,818 --> 00:34:23,226 Seriously, think about it. 753 00:34:23,326 --> 00:34:26,183 It will be the greatest thing that ever happened to him. 754 00:34:26,644 --> 00:34:27,569 Okay. 755 00:34:27,987 --> 00:34:29,835 We climax with sex in a cemetery… 756 00:34:30,241 --> 00:34:31,365 ...and then, 757 00:34:31,465 --> 00:34:34,163 I tell him that I wanna put this whole horror thing... 758 00:34:34,263 --> 00:34:36,366 ...behind us and he agrees. 759 00:34:37,434 --> 00:34:38,916 How did I ever think... 760 00:34:39,228 --> 00:34:40,700 ...this was a good plan? 761 00:34:45,542 --> 00:34:46,621 What are we doing here? 762 00:34:47,711 --> 00:34:48,766 Just… come on. 763 00:34:49,834 --> 00:34:52,638 I don't know, I thought maybe I'd read things wrong. 764 00:34:53,111 --> 00:34:55,759 I was sure this was going to be the night we were gonna... 765 00:34:56,704 --> 00:35:00,361 ...you know… but then she drags me to a graveyard. 766 00:35:01,192 --> 00:35:02,647 Seriously, what are we doing here? 767 00:35:04,337 --> 00:35:05,435 What do you think? 768 00:35:08,923 --> 00:35:11,975 I knew that my surprise was a big hit right away. 769 00:35:13,247 --> 00:35:14,608 That's the moment I remember thinking… 770 00:35:14,708 --> 00:35:18,192 Lori's like really, really into horror. 771 00:35:21,211 --> 00:35:22,458 You are incredible. 772 00:35:25,468 --> 00:35:26,709 I'm glad you liked it. 773 00:35:26,927 --> 00:35:28,711 I was about to break the news... 774 00:35:29,408 --> 00:35:30,333 ...when… 775 00:35:30,433 --> 00:35:33,065 God, I can't believe we're in tune on so many levels. 776 00:35:34,515 --> 00:35:35,515 Yeah… 777 00:35:37,137 --> 00:35:40,448 I just didn't wanna ruin the perfect moment. 778 00:35:41,439 --> 00:35:42,648 It just went so well, 779 00:35:42,748 --> 00:35:44,655 I-I didn't want to get into it then and there. 780 00:35:44,755 --> 00:35:47,370 Well, now you realize you never can. 781 00:35:47,694 --> 00:35:48,564 You're in too deep. 782 00:35:49,342 --> 00:35:50,923 No, I'm not. 783 00:35:51,619 --> 00:35:52,727 You absolutely are. 784 00:35:53,099 --> 00:35:55,426 This is the emo grave that you have dug... 785 00:35:55,526 --> 00:35:57,142 ...and now you have to lie in it. 786 00:35:57,775 --> 00:35:58,894 Really? 787 00:35:59,627 --> 00:36:00,762 He's taking me out tonight. 788 00:36:01,429 --> 00:36:04,971 Put on the wig and push up those pasty white boobs, Elvira. 789 00:36:05,447 --> 00:36:06,479 Carrie had a point... 790 00:36:07,270 --> 00:36:09,093 ...the longer I waited to tell him... 791 00:36:09,669 --> 00:36:10,796 ...the harder it would be. 792 00:36:15,109 --> 00:36:16,661 -Hello. -Hello. 793 00:36:21,771 --> 00:36:22,937 Where are we going? 794 00:36:23,873 --> 00:36:25,712 Just relax… and trust me. 795 00:36:26,090 --> 00:36:27,011 I figured, 796 00:36:27,111 --> 00:36:29,523 you can't give someone bad news... 797 00:36:29,623 --> 00:36:31,244 ...while wearing a blindfold. 798 00:36:33,135 --> 00:36:34,211 I'll come clean… 799 00:36:34,525 --> 00:36:35,750 ...after the surprise. 800 00:36:36,028 --> 00:36:37,446 Alright, just come this way. 801 00:36:38,150 --> 00:36:39,930 We were obviously outside… 802 00:36:40,817 --> 00:36:42,050 ...so I told myself... 803 00:36:42,687 --> 00:36:44,218 ..."Maybe we're having a picnic?" 804 00:36:44,558 --> 00:36:45,408 At night. 805 00:36:46,279 --> 00:36:49,376 I know… I was in complete denial. 806 00:36:51,253 --> 00:36:52,860 The year was 1942, 807 00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:55,316 and a young lady named Janet was in love. 808 00:36:55,416 --> 00:36:57,773 She met Donald at a USO dance... 809 00:36:57,873 --> 00:36:59,592 ...they soon fell madly in love... 810 00:37:00,170 --> 00:37:01,517 ...and were married in the spring... 811 00:37:01,617 --> 00:37:04,104 ...before Donald was shipped off to war in the South Pacific. 812 00:37:04,651 --> 00:37:08,054 It started off as a sweet innocent story… 813 00:37:08,452 --> 00:37:09,556 ...like the Shining... 814 00:37:10,386 --> 00:37:11,650 ...the Exorcist... 815 00:37:12,103 --> 00:37:13,514 ...Paranormal Activity. 816 00:37:14,445 --> 00:37:15,820 But Donald never returned home. 817 00:37:16,229 --> 00:37:18,864 Upon hearing of her husband's demise... 818 00:37:19,813 --> 00:37:21,064 ...Janet took her own life. 819 00:37:21,567 --> 00:37:24,665 She cut her wrists in the home that she and her husband purchased... 820 00:37:24,765 --> 00:37:26,670 ...before he was deployed for war. 821 00:37:27,366 --> 00:37:28,243 A home... 822 00:37:28,941 --> 00:37:31,239 ...that she is still said to dwell within… 823 00:37:31,657 --> 00:37:35,592 It was like, "How to seduce a woman" by Hannibal Lecter. 824 00:37:38,990 --> 00:37:41,565 The home that Janet and Donald shared in this lifetime. 825 00:37:42,205 --> 00:37:43,512 I just want you to know... 826 00:37:44,441 --> 00:37:45,445 ...how much you mean to me. 827 00:37:45,545 --> 00:37:47,241 And how much the other night meant to me. 828 00:37:48,640 --> 00:37:51,098 And I have never met anyone like you, Lori. 829 00:37:52,279 --> 00:37:53,413 Of course. 830 00:37:53,513 --> 00:37:54,870 What could I expect? 831 00:37:55,229 --> 00:37:56,602 I created this monster. 832 00:38:02,354 --> 00:38:03,424 Are you crazy? 833 00:38:04,270 --> 00:38:06,170 We all go a little crazy sometimes. 834 00:38:07,453 --> 00:38:08,393 What does that mean? 835 00:38:08,879 --> 00:38:09,967 Oh, come on, it's from Psycho. 836 00:38:21,063 --> 00:38:24,306 Who wants to have sex in a haunted house? 837 00:38:25,292 --> 00:38:27,212 How was he not scared? 838 00:38:30,357 --> 00:38:31,437 I was so terrified... 839 00:38:32,178 --> 00:38:33,904 ...I wasn't even sure that I'd be able to… 840 00:38:34,375 --> 00:38:35,371 ...perform. 841 00:38:41,911 --> 00:38:44,293 It was pretty hard to concentrate... 842 00:38:44,723 --> 00:38:47,279 ...so I decided to keep my eyes closed, 843 00:38:47,379 --> 00:38:50,613 and just imagine we were in some swanky hotel room. 844 00:38:50,713 --> 00:38:53,428 I... almost started getting into it. 845 00:38:53,528 --> 00:38:54,947 That was until… 846 00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:57,398 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 847 00:38:58,699 --> 00:38:59,561 Lori? 848 00:39:03,975 --> 00:39:04,954 Lori? 849 00:39:05,224 --> 00:39:06,271 Lori? 850 00:39:14,204 --> 00:39:15,131 New blanket. 851 00:39:17,084 --> 00:39:19,395 Once we got home I told Jason the truth. 852 00:39:19,652 --> 00:39:22,614 And we realized we were just trying to one-up each other. 853 00:39:23,377 --> 00:39:27,173 So now, the scariest thing we watch is a political documentary. 854 00:39:28,402 --> 00:39:29,518 They're terrifying. 61161

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