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The best thing about Thanksgiving
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00:00:02,760 --> 00:00:06,026
is there is no wrong
way to celebrate it.
3
00:00:06,028 --> 00:00:08,128
Whether you're following
old traditions...
4
00:00:08,130 --> 00:00:09,964
All right, Abby. Have fun with your mom.
5
00:00:09,966 --> 00:00:12,533
No... no, I don't want you
to put Grandma Helen on.
6
00:00:12,535 --> 00:00:15,402
No, that's the one
silver lining of divorce.
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Nothing, sweetheart.
8
00:00:17,273 --> 00:00:19,173
Just eat a lot of pie,
and I'll see you on Sunday.
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00:00:19,175 --> 00:00:22,109
[upbeat music]
10
00:00:22,110 --> 00:00:24,066
_
11
00:00:24,101 --> 00:00:26,414
? ?
12
00:00:26,470 --> 00:00:28,060
Or starting new traditions...
13
00:00:28,084 --> 00:00:33,320
So, tomorrow is Thanksgiving.
What do you want to do?
14
00:00:33,322 --> 00:00:35,522
Actually, I have a last-minute meeting
in Vancouver.
15
00:00:35,524 --> 00:00:37,424
Who works on Thanksgiving?
16
00:00:37,426 --> 00:00:39,343
Every other country besides ours.
17
00:00:39,429 --> 00:00:41,332
You would know this if you
didn't quit like a wimp
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after some minor health scare.
19
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It was a massive heart attack,
20
00:00:45,234 --> 00:00:46,433
and I didn't quit.
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I retired.
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What's the difference?
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When you retire, you get a watch.
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It was your company.
25
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I bought myself a watch.
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00:00:53,476 --> 00:00:56,243
Even if everything else
in your life changes,
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00:00:56,245 --> 00:00:59,146
there's always one tradition
that makes Thanksgiving perfect.
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[school bell rings]
29
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[all cheering]
30
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Hey, guys.
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["There She Goes" by The La's playing]
32
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? There she goes ?
33
00:01:08,858 --> 00:01:13,093
? There she goes again ?
34
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? Racing through my brain ?
35
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Okay, well, have a good weekend.
36
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So you know how I said
both of us liking Nori
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wouldn't be a problem?
38
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- It might be a problem.
- Huge problem.
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Plus, my calves are super exhausted
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from standing
ever-so-slightly on my toes.
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00:01:29,445 --> 00:01:30,727
You know what? It's gonna be good
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to take a break from
all this for four days.
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Yeah.
44
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Guess who's coming to Thanksgiving.
45
00:01:35,184 --> 00:01:36,517
Nori Sterling!
46
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? ?
47
00:01:50,176 --> 00:01:51,647
Nori's coming to Thanksgiving?
48
00:01:51,649 --> 00:01:53,349
- Mm-hm.
- My Nori?
49
00:01:53,351 --> 00:01:55,751
I m... our Nori?
I mean, not ours, but...
50
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- Nori Sterling?
- Yes.
51
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I ran into her mother
at the grocery store.
52
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She and Nori's dad have
to go to town last-minute
53
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because of a sick aunt.
54
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[whispers] Alcoholism.
55
00:02:04,762 --> 00:02:07,330
Anyway, they're leaving Nori
home with her older brother,
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00:02:07,332 --> 00:02:10,066
so I said we'd have the kids over
for Thanksgiving dinner.
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Mom, I'm not sure that's a great idea.
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I know. You're worried it's already
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a lot of pressure on me,
cooking my first Thanksgiving
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for our new family.
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Yes, that was exactly our concern.
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Well, don't worry!
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I know I'm not the greatest cook,
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but I found some amazing insider tips
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in this new magazine called
"Martha Stewart Living."
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But isn't Thanksgiving
supposed to be about family,
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to the exclusion of all others?
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Well, what could be more
in the spirit of the holiday
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00:02:34,392 --> 00:02:36,692
than inviting people who
have nowhere else to go?
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It'll be like they're the Pilgrims
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and we're the welcoming natives.
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? ?
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00:02:42,767 --> 00:02:45,001
I don't think she remembers
how that story ends.
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? ?
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00:02:54,177 --> 00:02:55,710
What is that?
76
00:02:55,712 --> 00:02:57,479
Divorce Thanksgiving.
77
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Looked into Postmating
a giant turkey leg
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00:02:59,383 --> 00:03:01,583
from Disneyland, but apparently
the driver would have to buy
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00:03:01,585 --> 00:03:04,319
an all-day pass.
Getting too complicated.
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00:03:04,321 --> 00:03:05,887
What are you talking about?
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00:03:05,889 --> 00:03:07,789
You're obviously
celebrating here with us.
82
00:03:07,791 --> 00:03:09,891
I mean, with Abby at her
mom's and your parents away
83
00:03:09,893 --> 00:03:12,494
on their annual "keep Maggie
out of the kitchen" cruise...
84
00:03:12,496 --> 00:03:14,162
Yeah, every year,
Ron gets horribly seasick,
85
00:03:14,164 --> 00:03:15,797
but he says it beats
her cranberry sauce.
86
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So it's settled. You're in.
87
00:03:17,501 --> 00:03:19,529
Are you sure about this?
I don't want to be a burden.
88
00:03:19,603 --> 00:03:21,069
You live in my garage.
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00:03:21,071 --> 00:03:23,838
Having you over for one meal
is not what makes you a burden.
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00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:25,073
Ooh, you took a shot at me.
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00:03:25,075 --> 00:03:26,207
Feels like Thanksgiving already.
92
00:03:26,209 --> 00:03:27,242
[chuckles]
93
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[jaunty music]
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00:03:30,213 --> 00:03:31,913
Happy Thanksgiving.
95
00:03:31,915 --> 00:03:33,191
What are you doing here?
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00:03:33,283 --> 00:03:34,916
I thought you had plans
with your girlfriend.
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00:03:34,918 --> 00:03:38,753
Girlfriend? Oh, no, I wouldn't
call her my... Well, the nomenclature
98
00:03:38,755 --> 00:03:40,288
is somewhat undecided at the moment.
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00:03:40,290 --> 00:03:42,257
Anyway, she's out of town on business.
100
00:03:42,259 --> 00:03:44,359
Oh, that's too bad.
101
00:03:44,361 --> 00:03:47,028
So I was thinking,
Abby has a Bulls game in Boston,
102
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Richard's out of town,
so you and I could do a...
103
00:03:50,667 --> 00:03:53,034
I don't know,
let's call it "completely casual
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00:03:53,036 --> 00:03:54,302
platonic Friendsgiving"?
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- Catchy.
- Ha.
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00:03:55,972 --> 00:03:57,939
But I can't. I've got to work all day.
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[scoffs] What kind of weirdo
comes here for Thanksgiving?
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Hey, I'm here for Thanksgiving.
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00:04:01,712 --> 00:04:03,044
Yeah, and you're a weirdo, Tom.
110
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Copy that.
111
00:04:04,748 --> 00:04:06,314
So what? Come on.
112
00:04:06,316 --> 00:04:07,916
Can't take a break
for just a little bit?
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I'm sorry. I wish I could.
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Okay.
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So today, I guess, um...
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I'm one of those weirdos.
117
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Just today, Mr. 50-year-unrequited-love?
118
00:04:18,261 --> 00:04:19,594
Shut up, Tom.
119
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Copy that.
120
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[jaunty music]
121
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? ?
122
00:04:28,505 --> 00:04:30,872
Martha says to have two
or three craft options,
123
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so to be safe, I went with nine.
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My famous mashed potatoes are done.
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Good Lord, Maggie,
leave some glue sticks
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for the rest of the world.
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00:04:38,115 --> 00:04:39,781
I just want our first
Thanksgiving as a family
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to be perfect, okay?
129
00:04:41,151 --> 00:04:43,918
- It will be, sweetheart.
- [sighs]
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00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:45,253
How's the turkey coming along?
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Ah, crap.
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Making memories, boys.
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[sighs] Okay.
134
00:04:52,028 --> 00:04:53,995
Nori's going to be here any minute.
135
00:04:53,997 --> 00:04:55,830
We're gonna have to spend
the whole day with her.
136
00:04:55,832 --> 00:04:57,332
We need to figure something out.
137
00:04:57,334 --> 00:04:59,300
- Like what?
- Some ground rules
138
00:04:59,302 --> 00:05:01,136
to make sure everything stays fair
139
00:05:01,138 --> 00:05:02,470
and we don't kill each
other when she's here.
140
00:05:02,472 --> 00:05:03,872
Smart.
141
00:05:03,874 --> 00:05:05,640
Okay, uh, how about this?
142
00:05:05,642 --> 00:05:06,674
Rule number one:
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neither of us is allowed
to be alone with Nori.
144
00:05:09,379 --> 00:05:11,746
Okay, but what if one of us
has to go to the bathroom?
145
00:05:11,748 --> 00:05:13,481
Rule number two:
146
00:05:13,483 --> 00:05:15,116
in the event of a bathroom break,
we agree that
147
00:05:15,118 --> 00:05:17,285
the non-bathroom-goer
will excuse himself
148
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to do something of equal duration,
away from Nori.
149
00:05:19,457 --> 00:05:21,302
- But it can't be cool.
- Agreed. Cannot be cooler
150
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than going to the bathroom.
151
00:05:22,393 --> 00:05:24,425
This is a great set of rules.
152
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We should get a Nobel
Peace Prize for them.
153
00:05:26,129 --> 00:05:28,730
Yeah. Move over, Mikhail Gorbachev.
154
00:05:28,732 --> 00:05:31,399
I can't believe Russians
aren't the bad guys anymore.
155
00:05:31,401 --> 00:05:33,835
And they never will be again.
156
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[both chuckling]
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Happy Thanksgiving!
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Terrible sweater.
159
00:05:38,108 --> 00:05:39,541
Ha, ha! I know, right?
160
00:05:39,543 --> 00:05:41,442
Sarah always hated it, but guess what?
161
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She's not here.
162
00:05:43,346 --> 00:05:46,347
And neither is Abby. It's actually
my first Thanksgiving without her.
163
00:05:46,349 --> 00:05:48,983
I think you made the right choice,
sacrificing Thanksgiving for Christmas.
164
00:05:48,985 --> 00:05:51,670
Yeah, Christmas is
the divorced parent's Holy Grail.
165
00:05:51,755 --> 00:05:53,888
Now what do you say we start
filling up this little bad boy
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00:05:53,890 --> 00:05:55,790
with some marshmallows and yams?
167
00:05:55,792 --> 00:05:59,327
Well, actually, this year,
we're doing a low-carb Thanksgiving.
168
00:05:59,329 --> 00:06:00,895
[laughs]
169
00:06:00,897 --> 00:06:02,897
Low-carb Thanksgiving.
170
00:06:02,899 --> 00:06:04,465
Oh, God, that's not a joke.
171
00:06:04,467 --> 00:06:06,067
Ah, you won't even
notice the difference.
172
00:06:06,069 --> 00:06:08,503
- But you will have pie?
- No, but we have...
173
00:06:08,538 --> 00:06:09,804
[Italian accent] Zucchini torte.
174
00:06:09,806 --> 00:06:10,539
[laughs]
175
00:06:10,599 --> 00:06:13,441
[Italian accent] "Zucchini torte."
176
00:06:13,443 --> 00:06:15,076
Oh, god, none of these are jokes.
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Alex, why don't you go
change that sweater
178
00:06:16,346 --> 00:06:17,412
before we sit down?
179
00:06:17,414 --> 00:06:18,847
What? It's fun.
180
00:06:18,849 --> 00:06:20,582
Come on, it's just us. Who cares?
181
00:06:22,619 --> 00:06:23,952
Wait, it is just us, right?
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[doorbell rings]
183
00:06:25,222 --> 00:06:27,589
I may have invited a friend.
184
00:06:27,591 --> 00:06:28,890
Did you set me up on Thanksgiving?
185
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Is this a Thanksgiving setup?
186
00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:33,328
No, although you did say
you were ready to get back out there.
187
00:06:33,330 --> 00:06:34,729
Yeah, but not with some random woman.
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00:06:34,731 --> 00:06:36,097
I'll get the door.
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00:06:36,099 --> 00:06:38,800
Calm down. It's not a setup.
190
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Is it possible to turn
that sweater inside-out?
191
00:06:41,137 --> 00:06:42,337
No?
192
00:06:42,339 --> 00:06:43,605
Okay.
193
00:06:43,607 --> 00:06:44,639
Come on in.
194
00:06:44,641 --> 00:06:51,946
? ?
195
00:06:53,383 --> 00:06:54,549
Nori.
196
00:06:54,551 --> 00:06:55,516
Kelly.
197
00:06:55,518 --> 00:06:56,718
Random woman.
198
00:07:02,175 --> 00:07:03,780
Lisa!
199
00:07:03,823 --> 00:07:05,339
I'm so glad you could join us.
200
00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:07,016
Well, thank you for having me.
201
00:07:07,018 --> 00:07:08,885
I brought this bag of almonds.
202
00:07:08,887 --> 00:07:10,887
It was the only thing in
my house that was low-carb.
203
00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:11,655
[laughs]
204
00:07:11,661 --> 00:07:15,295
Lisa, this is Darryl's
business partner, Alex.
205
00:07:15,330 --> 00:07:16,359
- Hi.
- Alex,
206
00:07:16,380 --> 00:07:17,489
Lisa is a good friend.
207
00:07:17,529 --> 00:07:19,295
She also likes basketball.
208
00:07:19,297 --> 00:07:20,796
Oh, wow, so we're both fans
209
00:07:20,798 --> 00:07:22,498
of the most popular
sport in the country.
210
00:07:22,500 --> 00:07:23,666
What are the chances?
211
00:07:23,668 --> 00:07:24,634
[both laugh]
212
00:07:24,686 --> 00:07:27,703
Lisa, Alex is an inventor
who was born in Chicago,
213
00:07:27,705 --> 00:07:30,840
and, Alex, Lisa went to college
in Chicago.
214
00:07:30,842 --> 00:07:31,927
Nice.
215
00:07:32,010 --> 00:07:35,411
Chicago... is... nice...
216
00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:36,646
Mm-hm.
217
00:07:36,648 --> 00:07:38,014
? ?
218
00:07:38,057 --> 00:07:39,882
Pizza.
219
00:07:39,884 --> 00:07:41,617
Pizza is nice.
220
00:07:41,619 --> 00:07:43,386
[whispering] Oh,
this is going really well.
221
00:07:43,388 --> 00:07:45,788
[laughs nervously]
222
00:07:45,790 --> 00:07:48,024
Kelly, what are you doing here?
223
00:07:48,026 --> 00:07:49,959
Me? What are you doing here?
224
00:07:49,961 --> 00:07:52,195
You were supposed to meet
me at the airport hours ago.
225
00:07:52,197 --> 00:07:53,262
I was?
226
00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:54,664
Nah.
227
00:07:54,666 --> 00:07:56,332
I just love messing with an old man.
228
00:07:56,334 --> 00:07:58,000
We couldn't fly into Vancouver
'cause of fog,
229
00:07:58,002 --> 00:07:59,902
so I'm grounded for a few hours.
230
00:07:59,904 --> 00:08:01,093
How did you find me here?
231
00:08:01,139 --> 00:08:04,240
Well, I triangulated the coordinates
from your last text and...
232
00:08:04,242 --> 00:08:06,709
Come on. When are you not here?
233
00:08:06,711 --> 00:08:08,611
So, can I meet her?
234
00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:09,544
Who?
235
00:08:09,548 --> 00:08:10,855
I have no idea who you're talking about.
236
00:08:10,916 --> 00:08:12,134
You know what? I think... Let's leave.
237
00:08:12,184 --> 00:08:13,983
Hi. Where are you going?
238
00:08:13,985 --> 00:08:15,484
Oh, is this your girlfriend?
239
00:08:15,486 --> 00:08:17,253
Girlfriend? Did you hear that, Alex?
240
00:08:17,255 --> 00:08:18,487
We're official.
241
00:08:18,489 --> 00:08:20,289
- I am Kelly.
- Eleanor.
242
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,191
So you went to middle school with Alex?
243
00:08:22,193 --> 00:08:23,826
I need to hear all the stories.
244
00:08:23,828 --> 00:08:25,394
No, no, she doesn't have time for that.
245
00:08:25,396 --> 00:08:26,896
It's the Thanksgiving rush.
246
00:08:26,898 --> 00:08:29,198
Actually, the rush is over.
247
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:32,101
Well, I'm sure you gotta
get ready for Christmas.
248
00:08:32,103 --> 00:08:33,252
Or not.
249
00:08:33,271 --> 00:08:35,404
Do you want to hear how sweet he was,
250
00:08:35,406 --> 00:08:37,673
or a bunch of embarrassing stuff?
251
00:08:37,675 --> 00:08:40,610
I think we both know the answer to that.
252
00:08:40,612 --> 00:08:44,113
Just... [sighs]
253
00:08:44,115 --> 00:08:45,248
Nori.
254
00:08:45,250 --> 00:08:46,482
May I take your jacket,
255
00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:48,898
while Alex, equally helpfully,
takes your bag?
256
00:08:49,020 --> 00:08:51,454
- Sure.
- Happy Thanksgiving.
257
00:08:51,456 --> 00:08:54,090
Oh, my mom said
to thank you for inviting us.
258
00:08:54,092 --> 00:08:56,192
- Oh...
- And to compliment your food,
259
00:08:56,194 --> 00:08:58,027
even though it probably
won't be any good.
260
00:08:58,029 --> 00:09:00,263
Okay, I don't think you were supposed
to say that last part.
261
00:09:00,265 --> 00:09:01,264
I was not.
262
00:09:01,266 --> 00:09:02,298
Hm.
263
00:09:02,379 --> 00:09:04,133
Well, I'm gonna go check on the turkey.
264
00:09:04,135 --> 00:09:05,434
It should be done.
265
00:09:05,436 --> 00:09:07,737
It's been almost an hour, so...
266
00:09:07,739 --> 00:09:09,772
Hey, Nori. That's a really cool shirt.
267
00:09:09,774 --> 00:09:12,908
And I like it exactly
as much as he does.
268
00:09:12,910 --> 00:09:14,310
No more, no less.
269
00:09:14,312 --> 00:09:16,178
Thanks. I love the Chili Peppers.
270
00:09:16,180 --> 00:09:17,458
Scott introduced me to them.
271
00:09:17,549 --> 00:09:19,215
I'm seeing them at the Forum next week.
272
00:09:19,217 --> 00:09:20,650
I'm a huge pepper-head.
273
00:09:20,652 --> 00:09:22,952
I can name all four band members, so...
274
00:09:22,954 --> 00:09:25,054
Scott has great taste in music.
275
00:09:25,056 --> 00:09:26,656
I pretty much like everything he likes,
276
00:09:26,658 --> 00:09:27,590
and not just music.
277
00:09:27,626 --> 00:09:29,458
I mean,
he has great taste in everything.
278
00:09:29,460 --> 00:09:31,627
Interesting.
279
00:09:31,629 --> 00:09:33,129
You know, Scott,
280
00:09:33,131 --> 00:09:35,798
I also love the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
281
00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:37,933
Yeah, man? Sweet.
282
00:09:37,935 --> 00:09:40,002
And might I just add,
Scott, those sneakers
283
00:09:40,004 --> 00:09:41,637
are super rad.
284
00:09:41,639 --> 00:09:43,606
K-Swiss, if I'm not mistaken?
285
00:09:43,608 --> 00:09:45,608
Hey, good eye, little dude.
286
00:09:45,610 --> 00:09:47,610
Who wants some cheese and crackers?
287
00:09:47,612 --> 00:09:48,678
I'd load up.
288
00:09:48,680 --> 00:09:51,681
Might be the only food
you're getting for a while.
289
00:09:51,683 --> 00:09:53,949
[soft rock music]
290
00:09:53,951 --> 00:09:55,384
I know what you're doing.
291
00:09:55,386 --> 00:09:56,886
Nori likes everything that Scott likes,
292
00:09:56,888 --> 00:09:58,439
so you're trying to
get Scott to like you
293
00:09:58,474 --> 00:09:59,855
so that Nori will like you.
294
00:09:59,857 --> 00:10:01,490
So? That's not against the rules.
295
00:10:01,492 --> 00:10:03,893
Fine, you found a loophole,
but that means
296
00:10:03,895 --> 00:10:06,462
I'm allowed to try and win
Scott's heart, too.
297
00:10:06,464 --> 00:10:08,698
You know, for the purpose of
trying to win his sister's heart.
298
00:10:08,700 --> 00:10:10,100
? ?
299
00:10:10,125 --> 00:10:13,636
Hey, Scott, can I spread the cheese
on your cracker for you?
300
00:10:13,638 --> 00:10:14,904
Let me do it, Scott.
301
00:10:14,906 --> 00:10:16,405
Let me spread your cheese.
302
00:10:16,407 --> 00:10:17,440
Hey.
303
00:10:17,442 --> 00:10:20,142
? ?
304
00:10:20,144 --> 00:10:21,677
Thank you, Wendy.
305
00:10:21,679 --> 00:10:22,912
Thank you. I already have wine, but...
306
00:10:22,914 --> 00:10:23,979
No, I'll take a little more.
307
00:10:23,981 --> 00:10:26,315
[smooth jazz]
308
00:10:26,317 --> 00:10:27,950
Thank you.
309
00:10:27,952 --> 00:10:33,823
? ?
310
00:10:33,825 --> 00:10:34,991
It's good.
311
00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:36,292
It's good.
312
00:10:36,294 --> 00:10:38,127
? ?
313
00:10:38,129 --> 00:10:41,030
[both laughing]
314
00:10:41,032 --> 00:10:45,067
? ?
315
00:10:45,069 --> 00:10:48,237
Hey, Wendy, I could go for some cheese.
316
00:10:48,239 --> 00:10:51,407
Oh, yeah, I'd... I'd love some cheese.
317
00:10:51,409 --> 00:10:53,476
Come on, Jasmine,
let's go get some cheese.
318
00:10:53,478 --> 00:10:54,944
I don't want cheese.
319
00:10:54,946 --> 00:10:57,847
Getting cheese is a three-person job.
320
00:10:57,849 --> 00:10:59,482
Let's go.
321
00:10:59,484 --> 00:11:03,753
? ?
322
00:11:03,755 --> 00:11:06,255
Hey, just so you know,
I had nothing to do with
323
00:11:06,257 --> 00:11:08,057
this cartoonishly obvious setup.
324
00:11:08,059 --> 00:11:09,825
If I had, I would've worn
my turkey pants,
325
00:11:09,827 --> 00:11:11,460
to match my sweater.
326
00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:12,828
You don't really have
turkey pants, do you?
327
00:11:12,830 --> 00:11:14,430
- Um...
- You have turkey pants?
328
00:11:14,432 --> 00:11:16,232
I do. I have turkey pants,
329
00:11:16,234 --> 00:11:17,867
yes, to go with the sweater.
330
00:11:17,869 --> 00:11:19,635
What is it about married people
331
00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:21,170
that makes them so obsessed
332
00:11:21,172 --> 00:11:22,805
with setting up their single friends?
333
00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:24,306
I don't know.
334
00:11:24,308 --> 00:11:25,574
It's like they're
starved for entertainment
335
00:11:25,576 --> 00:11:27,643
the second "Game of Thrones" ends.
336
00:11:27,645 --> 00:11:29,512
? ?
337
00:11:29,514 --> 00:11:32,081
You know what? I say...
338
00:11:32,083 --> 00:11:34,517
if they want entertainment,
let's give them a real show.
339
00:11:34,519 --> 00:11:35,785
? ?
340
00:11:35,787 --> 00:11:36,835
Should I...
341
00:11:36,921 --> 00:11:39,489
- No, you don't need your turkey pants.
- Cool, cool, thank you.
342
00:11:39,572 --> 00:11:42,792
You never told me you were the president
of the middle school inventors' club.
343
00:11:42,794 --> 00:11:44,894
I was also the vice president,
secretary, treasurer...
344
00:11:44,946 --> 00:11:46,045
And the entire membership.
345
00:11:46,047 --> 00:11:47,447
That's not true.
346
00:11:47,449 --> 00:11:49,115
Darryl came to a couple meetings.
347
00:11:49,117 --> 00:11:50,350
Because you told him
pizza would be served.
348
00:11:50,352 --> 00:11:51,484
I'm not enjoying this.
349
00:11:51,486 --> 00:11:53,152
I still don't understand
350
00:11:53,154 --> 00:11:55,154
why you two never got
together in junior high.
351
00:11:55,156 --> 00:11:56,757
Well, you know, same old story.
352
00:11:56,792 --> 00:11:57,523
Boy meets girl,
353
00:11:57,525 --> 00:12:00,727
boy spits mint into girl's mouth
in front of the entire school,
354
00:12:00,729 --> 00:12:02,328
girl loses interest in boy,
355
00:12:02,330 --> 00:12:04,444
boy loses interest in mints.
356
00:12:04,479 --> 00:12:06,169
I didn't lose interest in you.
357
00:12:06,204 --> 00:12:08,167
After he spit a mint in your mouth? Ugh.
358
00:12:08,189 --> 00:12:09,989
The other day,
he tried to take a sip of my soda.
359
00:12:09,991 --> 00:12:11,257
I almost broke up with him.
360
00:12:11,259 --> 00:12:13,626
If you didn't lose interest,
why didn't we go out?
361
00:12:13,628 --> 00:12:15,428
Because you never asked.
362
00:12:15,430 --> 00:12:16,829
I don't know what
she's talking about, because...
363
00:12:16,831 --> 00:12:19,064
? ?
364
00:12:19,066 --> 00:12:20,499
I never asked.
365
00:12:20,501 --> 00:12:22,535
Teenage boys are so pathetic.
366
00:12:22,537 --> 00:12:24,570
I haven't found older men to
be much of an improvement.
367
00:12:24,572 --> 00:12:26,238
Well, I'm finding older women to be...
368
00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:28,507
? ?
369
00:12:28,509 --> 00:12:31,477
...to be the greatest
resource this country has.
370
00:12:31,479 --> 00:12:33,479
Ah, everything is fantastic, Wendy.
371
00:12:33,481 --> 00:12:35,648
Especially the company.
372
00:12:35,650 --> 00:12:37,349
How is it that you
don't have a girlfriend?
373
00:12:37,351 --> 00:12:39,919
I guess I never went to
the right Thanksgiving.
374
00:12:39,921 --> 00:12:41,654
Can I watch "Moana"?
375
00:12:41,656 --> 00:12:43,456
Oh, but we haven't said
what we're thankful for.
376
00:12:43,458 --> 00:12:45,157
I'm thankful for "Moana."
377
00:12:45,159 --> 00:12:47,426
[chuckles]
378
00:12:47,428 --> 00:12:50,196
I'd like to make a toast.
379
00:12:50,198 --> 00:12:51,597
First, I'd like to say
380
00:12:51,599 --> 00:12:54,200
that I'm thankful for old friends,
381
00:12:54,202 --> 00:12:56,569
and new friends,
382
00:12:56,571 --> 00:12:59,472
who have the potential
to be so much more.
383
00:12:59,474 --> 00:13:02,074
Told you this would work.
384
00:13:02,076 --> 00:13:05,010
For the past eight months,
I have been wandering, adrift,
385
00:13:05,012 --> 00:13:07,012
floating through life, alone,
386
00:13:07,014 --> 00:13:08,514
but tonight,
387
00:13:08,516 --> 00:13:09,548
I see land.
388
00:13:09,550 --> 00:13:11,250
Is that from "Moana"?
389
00:13:11,252 --> 00:13:14,053
I'm thankful for friends
like Wendy and Darryl,
390
00:13:14,055 --> 00:13:17,556
the compass which guided me
to this gorgeous woman's shores.
391
00:13:17,558 --> 00:13:19,158
Well, drop anchor,
392
00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:21,894
but watch out for the riptide.
393
00:13:21,896 --> 00:13:23,195
So the waves are rough, huh?
394
00:13:23,197 --> 00:13:24,964
Uh, they can be if they...
395
00:13:24,966 --> 00:13:26,599
- if they need to be.
- [chuckles]
396
00:13:26,601 --> 00:13:28,367
? ?
397
00:13:28,369 --> 00:13:30,636
Oh, yeah.
398
00:13:30,638 --> 00:13:32,271
- Mommy, the D...
- Go back to your room!
399
00:13:32,273 --> 00:13:33,439
? ?
400
00:13:33,492 --> 00:13:36,208
- Who's your friend?
- That's Kenny.
401
00:13:36,210 --> 00:13:38,571
Hey, Kenny,
you might want to shut your eyes.
402
00:13:38,606 --> 00:13:39,677
Uh-oh.
403
00:13:45,181 --> 00:13:48,014
How long until the turkey's ready?
404
00:13:48,016 --> 00:13:49,482
An hour,
405
00:13:49,484 --> 00:13:51,151
if I put it in eight hours ago.
406
00:13:51,153 --> 00:13:52,619
Well, that's not ideal,
407
00:13:52,621 --> 00:13:56,656
because the hunger is clearly
making the kids delusional.
408
00:13:56,658 --> 00:13:57,957
Sweet wallet chain.
409
00:13:57,959 --> 00:13:59,159
You've got amazing hair.
410
00:13:59,161 --> 00:14:00,293
Oh...
411
00:14:00,295 --> 00:14:01,594
I better speed things up.
412
00:14:01,596 --> 00:14:03,396
Is there anything ready?
413
00:14:03,398 --> 00:14:06,433
? ?
414
00:14:06,435 --> 00:14:08,368
We may have gotten a bit off-schedule,
415
00:14:08,370 --> 00:14:10,737
but I have one last potential
tradition to test out.
416
00:14:10,739 --> 00:14:13,306
Let's all go around and say
what we're thankful for.
417
00:14:13,308 --> 00:14:14,407
I'll go first.
418
00:14:14,409 --> 00:14:16,376
I'm thankful my dad, Maggie,
419
00:14:16,378 --> 00:14:18,578
and adorable little bro here
420
00:14:18,580 --> 00:14:21,681
could host such esteemed guests as Nori,
421
00:14:21,683 --> 00:14:23,116
and especially Scott,
422
00:14:23,118 --> 00:14:27,020
who's like the rad older brother
I never had. Cheers.
423
00:14:27,022 --> 00:14:30,390
You know, I am also thankful
that Scott is here,
424
00:14:30,392 --> 00:14:31,725
and I also think that
425
00:14:31,727 --> 00:14:34,427
he is like the older brother
that I also don't have.
426
00:14:34,429 --> 00:14:36,496
? ?
427
00:14:36,498 --> 00:14:37,997
Well, I'm thankful
428
00:14:37,999 --> 00:14:41,034
I don't have to cuddle with my Ewok doll
when there's thunder outside.
429
00:14:41,036 --> 00:14:42,368
Well, I'm thankful I
didn't start crying so hard
430
00:14:42,370 --> 00:14:45,018
during "Fievel Goes West"
that my mom had to take us home early!
431
00:14:45,074 --> 00:14:46,628
You said you wouldn't
tell anyone about that!
432
00:14:46,709 --> 00:14:48,308
And Chewie's not an Ewok.
He's a Wookiee.
433
00:14:48,310 --> 00:14:49,342
[smoke alarm beeps]
434
00:14:49,344 --> 00:14:50,243
Ah! The turkey!
435
00:14:50,245 --> 00:14:53,480
? ?
436
00:14:53,482 --> 00:14:55,215
Next year, we're taking a cruise.
437
00:14:55,217 --> 00:15:00,220
? ?
438
00:15:00,222 --> 00:15:02,859
You know, when I found out
Alex was having Thanksgiving here,
439
00:15:02,924 --> 00:15:05,825
I thought, "What a weirdo,"
but the food is fantastic.
440
00:15:05,827 --> 00:15:07,494
Oh, you're sweet.
441
00:15:07,496 --> 00:15:09,696
You two are really hitting it off,
aren't you?
442
00:15:09,698 --> 00:15:11,364
Did you think that we would not?
443
00:15:11,366 --> 00:15:13,099
No, I-I... obviously, I'm very happy
444
00:15:13,101 --> 00:15:15,568
that you like each other.
I guess I just thought that
445
00:15:15,570 --> 00:15:20,640
a meal between my girlfriend
and my girl... friend...
446
00:15:20,642 --> 00:15:24,310
there might just be the
tiniest morsel of jealousy.
447
00:15:24,312 --> 00:15:25,745
And who would be jealous?
448
00:15:25,747 --> 00:15:27,747
I don't know. You.
449
00:15:27,749 --> 00:15:29,949
Or you. Or either, or both.
450
00:15:29,951 --> 00:15:31,918
Oh, I see, you wanted us to have
451
00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:33,453
a pillow fight over you or something?
452
00:15:33,455 --> 00:15:34,788
No, no...
453
00:15:34,790 --> 00:15:36,389
Well, if that's on the table...
454
00:15:36,391 --> 00:15:38,191
What is there to be jealous about?
455
00:15:38,193 --> 00:15:39,692
I'm with Richard, you're with Kelly,
456
00:15:39,694 --> 00:15:41,261
who is amazing, by the way.
457
00:15:41,263 --> 00:15:43,797
Oh, right back at you, girlfriend.
458
00:15:43,799 --> 00:15:44,931
We're all happy.
459
00:15:44,933 --> 00:15:46,099
Yeah.
460
00:15:46,101 --> 00:15:47,066
We're all happy.
461
00:15:47,068 --> 00:15:49,269
[phone beeps]
462
00:15:49,271 --> 00:15:50,970
Oh, looks like my flight's back on.
463
00:15:50,972 --> 00:15:52,472
I gotta run.
464
00:15:52,474 --> 00:15:54,040
I will let you know as soon as I land.
465
00:15:54,042 --> 00:15:55,575
I'll get you some pie to go.
466
00:15:55,577 --> 00:15:58,788
Oh, no, that's okay,
but I will be contacting you
467
00:15:58,814 --> 00:16:02,382
for those pictures of teenage Alex
in his frosted-tips phase.
468
00:16:02,384 --> 00:16:04,317
Hey, let's not wait
till next Thanksgiving
469
00:16:04,319 --> 00:16:05,652
to do this again.
470
00:16:05,654 --> 00:16:07,187
Oh, let's never do this again.
471
00:16:07,189 --> 00:16:08,888
[scoffs] Good-bye.
472
00:16:08,890 --> 00:16:10,290
Number two is before
number five on the list.
473
00:16:10,292 --> 00:16:11,724
But you did the...
474
00:16:11,726 --> 00:16:12,906
I know what you guys are doing.
475
00:16:12,961 --> 00:16:15,429
Did you really think your stupid plan
was going to work?
476
00:16:15,521 --> 00:16:16,920
- Nori, listen, we can explain.
- We can explain.
477
00:16:16,922 --> 00:16:18,688
Explain what? You're obviously
478
00:16:18,690 --> 00:16:20,223
just trying to get Scott to
give you his extra ticket
479
00:16:20,225 --> 00:16:21,792
to the Red Hot Chili Peppers concert.
480
00:16:21,794 --> 00:16:22,893
- Extra ticket?
- Yeah, that's exactly
481
00:16:22,895 --> 00:16:24,027
what we were doing.
482
00:16:24,029 --> 00:16:25,228
Definitely nothing stupider.
483
00:16:25,230 --> 00:16:26,430
Well, you better back off.
484
00:16:26,432 --> 00:16:28,031
I've been sucking up to Scott
485
00:16:28,033 --> 00:16:30,052
and agreeing to his
dumb opinions for weeks.
486
00:16:30,087 --> 00:16:31,601
That ticket is mine,
487
00:16:31,623 --> 00:16:33,289
and if you try to fight me for it,
488
00:16:33,291 --> 00:16:36,292
you will lose.
489
00:16:36,294 --> 00:16:38,995
? ?
490
00:16:38,997 --> 00:16:41,197
I thought this would go without saying,
491
00:16:41,199 --> 00:16:43,199
but when wooing a woman,
492
00:16:43,201 --> 00:16:44,601
don't woo the brother.
493
00:16:44,603 --> 00:16:46,736
The woman's the one you want to woo.
494
00:16:46,738 --> 00:16:52,075
? ?
495
00:16:52,077 --> 00:16:53,710
New tradition. We're going out.
496
00:16:53,712 --> 00:16:59,782
? ?
497
00:16:59,784 --> 00:17:03,953
- Mm.
- Mm.
498
00:17:03,955 --> 00:17:05,755
- You like it?
- I do. I love it.
499
00:17:05,757 --> 00:17:08,024
[whispering] I think they
really like each other.
500
00:17:08,026 --> 00:17:10,126
I think I want to be sick.
501
00:17:10,128 --> 00:17:11,127
[Alex and Lisa giggling]
502
00:17:11,129 --> 00:17:12,695
Mm.
503
00:17:12,697 --> 00:17:13,696
I think they're buying it.
504
00:17:13,698 --> 00:17:15,131
Totally.
505
00:17:15,133 --> 00:17:16,499
Look, they're about to come back.
506
00:17:16,501 --> 00:17:18,434
- Do you trust me?
- I think so.
507
00:17:18,436 --> 00:17:20,803
- Just go with this.
- Okay.
508
00:17:20,805 --> 00:17:24,007
Okay, we've got zucchini torte...
Oh, my god!
509
00:17:24,009 --> 00:17:26,609
[gasps]
510
00:17:26,611 --> 00:17:28,711
- Oops, sorry.
- This is so embarrassing.
511
00:17:28,713 --> 00:17:31,314
Oh, God, we must look
like a couple of teenagers.
512
00:17:31,316 --> 00:17:33,850
But I just can't get enough
of this wonderful woman.
513
00:17:33,852 --> 00:17:35,919
Both: Noses, noses, noses!
514
00:17:35,921 --> 00:17:37,553
Noses, noses, noses.
515
00:17:37,555 --> 00:17:39,489
Somehow that is grosser
than actual kissing.
516
00:17:39,491 --> 00:17:42,225
Shh! We wanted this.
517
00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:43,927
Kind of.
518
00:17:43,929 --> 00:17:45,995
I know we have only but just met,
519
00:17:45,997 --> 00:17:48,331
but when you know, you know.
520
00:17:48,333 --> 00:17:50,733
What are you saying?
521
00:17:50,735 --> 00:17:51,935
Lisa,
522
00:17:51,937 --> 00:17:53,903
whatever your last name is,
523
00:17:53,905 --> 00:17:54,871
I love you.
524
00:17:54,873 --> 00:17:56,072
Oh!
525
00:17:56,074 --> 00:17:57,640
Will you marry me?
526
00:17:57,642 --> 00:17:59,442
Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes!
527
00:17:59,444 --> 00:18:00,977
- Oh, goodness!
- Yes, yes!
528
00:18:00,979 --> 00:18:03,446
All right, all right. We get it.
529
00:18:03,448 --> 00:18:04,914
You guys are messing with us.
530
00:18:04,916 --> 00:18:06,549
[laughs] Thank you, thank you.
531
00:18:06,551 --> 00:18:09,252
[laughs]
532
00:18:09,254 --> 00:18:12,956
Just a little payback for a blind setup
on Thanksgiving.
533
00:18:12,958 --> 00:18:16,025
I would be pissed at you guys
if I wasn't so thankful that was fake.
534
00:18:16,027 --> 00:18:17,660
I thought you wanted us to get together.
535
00:18:17,662 --> 00:18:19,329
Yeah, that went out the window when
536
00:18:19,331 --> 00:18:21,030
you let him eat a green
bean off your chin.
537
00:18:21,032 --> 00:18:22,699
[laughter]
538
00:18:22,701 --> 00:18:24,500
Well played, well played.
539
00:18:24,502 --> 00:18:27,870
? ?
540
00:18:27,872 --> 00:18:29,372
Well, tonight was a total bust.
541
00:18:29,374 --> 00:18:31,140
Much like the first Thanksgiving,
542
00:18:31,142 --> 00:18:32,542
our first Thanksgiving
together was ruined
543
00:18:32,544 --> 00:18:33,743
by the hottest girl in school.
544
00:18:33,745 --> 00:18:36,145
Okay, look, Justin.
545
00:18:36,147 --> 00:18:38,448
It wasn't Nori that ruined Thanksgiving.
546
00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:39,816
It was us.
547
00:18:39,818 --> 00:18:42,051
Yeah, you're right.
548
00:18:42,053 --> 00:18:44,387
Tonight, I really saw a side
of myself I didn't like.
549
00:18:44,389 --> 00:18:47,724
Yeah, and I really saw a side of you
I didn't like, either.
550
00:18:47,726 --> 00:18:51,194
But maybe, I was also kind of
being a little bit of a jerk.
551
00:18:51,196 --> 00:18:53,629
You said it was okay that I liked Nori,
552
00:18:53,631 --> 00:18:57,133
but I don't want that to mean
we're competing against each other.
553
00:18:57,135 --> 00:18:59,869
Yeah. I mean, Nori's great, but...
554
00:18:59,871 --> 00:19:02,839
you're my brother,
and I'm thankful you are.
555
00:19:02,841 --> 00:19:04,941
Let's agree that whatever happens,
556
00:19:04,943 --> 00:19:06,576
we won't let girls come between us.
557
00:19:06,578 --> 00:19:07,577
Deal.
558
00:19:07,579 --> 00:19:09,212
Bros before girls.
559
00:19:09,214 --> 00:19:12,715
Man, if that rhymed,
it would be perfect.
560
00:19:12,717 --> 00:19:14,083
Bye, guys. Thank you.
561
00:19:14,085 --> 00:19:17,854
Hey. Just gonna walk her out.
562
00:19:17,856 --> 00:19:19,155
Okay, so we both agree that
563
00:19:19,157 --> 00:19:22,191
a low-carb Thanksgiving
is fundamentally un-American, right?
564
00:19:22,193 --> 00:19:24,861
Yeah, I feel like we have to report them
to Homeland Security.
565
00:19:24,863 --> 00:19:26,229
[laughs]
566
00:19:26,231 --> 00:19:27,797
- Can I admit something?
- Yeah.
567
00:19:27,799 --> 00:19:31,034
We're fake engaged.
We can't keep secrets.
568
00:19:31,036 --> 00:19:32,902
The thing is, uh...
569
00:19:32,904 --> 00:19:34,604
that was my first kiss
since the divorce.
570
00:19:34,606 --> 00:19:36,372
Oh, my God,
I'm sorry I attacked you like that.
571
00:19:36,374 --> 00:19:39,475
No, no, having my first kiss
be a joke kiss
572
00:19:39,477 --> 00:19:41,778
actually took the pressure off.
573
00:19:41,780 --> 00:19:43,046
I had a lot of fun hanging
out with you tonight.
574
00:19:43,048 --> 00:19:44,147
Yeah.
575
00:19:44,149 --> 00:19:46,816
You almost made up for
Wendy's vegan zucchini torte.
576
00:19:46,818 --> 00:19:48,065
Nothing can make up for that torte.
577
00:19:48,153 --> 00:19:50,053
You're right.
You didn't even come close.
578
00:19:50,055 --> 00:19:51,254
[laughs] Who has
Thanksgiving without pie?
579
00:19:51,256 --> 00:19:54,157
I don't know. [laughs]
580
00:19:54,159 --> 00:19:57,060
[romantic music]
581
00:19:57,062 --> 00:20:00,363
? ?
582
00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:01,998
We can never give Wendy and Darryl
583
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,766
the satisfaction of knowing
that this worked.
584
00:20:03,768 --> 00:20:05,301
Deal.
585
00:20:05,303 --> 00:20:12,608
? ?
586
00:20:13,845 --> 00:20:15,378
Well, what do you think?
587
00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:17,880
If I'm being honest,
588
00:20:17,882 --> 00:20:20,383
this might be the best
pie I have ever tasted.
589
00:20:20,385 --> 00:20:22,351
Thank you.
590
00:20:22,353 --> 00:20:24,520
And if I'm being honest,
591
00:20:24,522 --> 00:20:26,122
I was a little jealous.
592
00:20:26,124 --> 00:20:29,992
? ?
593
00:20:29,994 --> 00:20:32,028
Best Thanksgiving ever.
594
00:20:32,030 --> 00:20:35,245
There's no wrong way to
celebrate Thanksgiving.
595
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:37,567
Whether you spend it with old friends...
596
00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:39,135
New friends...
597
00:20:39,137 --> 00:20:43,806
? ?
598
00:20:43,808 --> 00:20:47,443
Or family, both old and new,
599
00:20:47,445 --> 00:20:50,313
you can't go wrong, as long as you have
people you care about.
600
00:20:50,315 --> 00:20:52,982
? ?
601
00:20:52,984 --> 00:20:55,918
Oh, and pie. You gotta have pie.
602
00:21:22,241 --> 00:21:24,262
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603
00:21:24,312 --> 00:21:28,862
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