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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,056 --> 00:00:01,291 What's up, party people? 2 00:00:01,292 --> 00:00:03,059 Now I've been posting videos online 3 00:00:03,060 --> 00:00:04,761 for the past ten years, 4 00:00:04,762 --> 00:00:06,863 but the ones that get the most love 5 00:00:06,864 --> 00:00:08,031 is when I surprise my ex-wife, 6 00:00:08,032 --> 00:00:09,466 Ashley, on her birthday. 7 00:00:09,467 --> 00:00:12,035 - All: Surprise! - [screaming] 8 00:00:12,036 --> 00:00:14,037 Marlon! 9 00:00:14,038 --> 00:00:15,372 [chuckles] 10 00:00:15,373 --> 00:00:16,973 All: Surprise! 11 00:00:16,974 --> 00:00:18,875 [thuds] 12 00:00:18,876 --> 00:00:20,477 Marlon! 13 00:00:20,478 --> 00:00:23,380 All: Surprise! 14 00:00:23,381 --> 00:00:25,382 Marlon! 15 00:00:25,383 --> 00:00:26,483 All: Ooh! 16 00:00:26,484 --> 00:00:28,151 Oh, damn! Ooh! 17 00:00:28,152 --> 00:00:29,352 The surprise is on us, oh! 18 00:00:29,353 --> 00:00:31,321 It's like she never sees it coming. 19 00:00:31,322 --> 00:00:33,256 ? Marlon, Marlon, Marlon, Marlon, Marlon, Marlon ? 20 00:00:33,257 --> 00:00:35,225 ? Marlon, Marlon, Marlon, Marlon, Marlon, Marlon ? 21 00:00:35,226 --> 00:00:36,426 ? Marlon, Marlon, Marlon, Marlon, Marlon, Marlon ? 22 00:00:36,427 --> 00:00:41,626 Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com. 23 00:00:41,732 --> 00:00:43,767 [upbeat music] 24 00:00:43,768 --> 00:00:46,770 Ashley, come on, you're turning 40. 25 00:00:46,771 --> 00:00:48,438 You gotta celebrate! 26 00:00:48,439 --> 00:00:50,774 Me and the girls, we're gonna get drunk 27 00:00:50,775 --> 00:00:53,276 and make bad decisions in public places. 28 00:00:53,277 --> 00:00:55,278 For you! 29 00:00:55,279 --> 00:00:58,248 Yvette, as delightful as that sounds, 30 00:00:58,249 --> 00:01:00,016 this is hard birthday for me. 31 00:01:00,017 --> 00:01:02,185 I just really wanna keep it low-key. 32 00:01:02,186 --> 00:01:05,088 [horn blares] 33 00:01:05,089 --> 00:01:09,759 Who's turning 40, but still look 39 1/2? 34 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:12,429 Is it you, woman I do not care for? 35 00:01:12,430 --> 00:01:17,266 Or is it you, woman I am so happy I smashed in her 20s? 36 00:01:21,772 --> 00:01:24,874 I was hoping for a little bit lower key than that. 37 00:01:24,875 --> 00:01:27,877 Now, now, before you get mad at me being me, 38 00:01:27,878 --> 00:01:31,947 I have somebody that's been dying to meet you. 39 00:01:35,853 --> 00:01:39,122 [laughing] 40 00:01:39,123 --> 00:01:40,924 I just wanted to show him where you live 41 00:01:40,925 --> 00:01:44,193 so it'll be easier to find you in a couple of years. 42 00:01:44,929 --> 00:01:46,463 Really, Stevie? 43 00:01:46,464 --> 00:01:48,898 I'm presently unemployed. 44 00:01:48,899 --> 00:01:51,368 3 bucks is 3 bucks. 45 00:01:51,369 --> 00:01:54,904 So! What are we gonna do for Ashley's birthday? 46 00:01:54,905 --> 00:01:57,474 Marlon... I'm not playing with you. 47 00:01:57,475 --> 00:01:59,242 No, no, you made it very clear. 48 00:01:59,243 --> 00:02:01,478 You do not want a surprise party. 49 00:02:01,479 --> 00:02:03,480 Besides, startling somebody your age... 50 00:02:03,481 --> 00:02:06,383 it could lead to a heart attack. 51 00:02:06,384 --> 00:02:08,884 You're older than her, jackass. 52 00:02:10,721 --> 00:02:12,822 I know you ain't talkin'. 53 00:02:12,823 --> 00:02:14,991 What did you do on your 40th birthday? 54 00:02:14,992 --> 00:02:17,326 See "Goonies" in the movie theaters? 55 00:02:20,398 --> 00:02:23,166 You know damn well I ain't 40. 56 00:02:23,167 --> 00:02:27,337 I know who you foolin' with that black don't crack. 57 00:02:27,338 --> 00:02:30,840 But your feet sure do. 58 00:02:30,841 --> 00:02:33,176 Okay? You look 25 in the face 59 00:02:33,177 --> 00:02:36,179 but 62 in the feet. 60 00:02:36,180 --> 00:02:38,014 Your face say, "Black lives matter." 61 00:02:38,015 --> 00:02:41,250 And your feet say, "We shall overcome." 62 00:02:50,194 --> 00:02:52,428 So you could be over 40? 63 00:02:53,764 --> 00:02:56,132 I ain't telling you how old I am... 64 00:02:56,133 --> 00:02:57,300 Grim Creeper. 65 00:02:57,301 --> 00:02:59,135 You're hiding something. 66 00:02:59,136 --> 00:03:01,204 I fancy myself a bit of a sleuth. 67 00:03:01,205 --> 00:03:03,206 In college, I was a founding member of 68 00:03:03,207 --> 00:03:07,043 the Scooby Doo Mystery Solvers Club. 69 00:03:07,044 --> 00:03:09,412 It was way cooler than it sounds. 70 00:03:09,413 --> 00:03:12,649 No, it wasn't. 71 00:03:12,650 --> 00:03:14,884 Looks like I'll have to fire up the Mystery Machine 72 00:03:14,885 --> 00:03:17,053 to find out your age. 73 00:03:17,054 --> 00:03:18,221 Zoinks! 74 00:03:18,222 --> 00:03:19,556 A clue. 75 00:03:19,557 --> 00:03:21,224 A gray hair. 76 00:03:21,225 --> 00:03:23,059 Gray hair? 77 00:03:23,060 --> 00:03:25,228 Uh, this is a blonde highlight. 78 00:03:25,229 --> 00:03:26,863 [forced chuckle] 79 00:03:26,864 --> 00:03:28,297 Now, excuse me. 80 00:03:30,801 --> 00:03:32,402 - So, Ash... - Hmm? 81 00:03:32,403 --> 00:03:34,237 The big 4-0. 82 00:03:34,238 --> 00:03:37,340 What big, crazy gift you gonna get for yourself this year? 83 00:03:37,341 --> 00:03:39,309 One of them stair lift chairs that do this... 84 00:03:39,310 --> 00:03:40,910 [imitating motor] 85 00:03:40,911 --> 00:03:42,579 [laughs] 86 00:03:42,580 --> 00:03:44,247 Well, you know, Marlon, it's gonna be kind of hard 87 00:03:44,248 --> 00:03:46,916 to beat the gift I gave myself last year: 88 00:03:46,917 --> 00:03:48,918 a divorce from you. 89 00:03:48,919 --> 00:03:50,653 But seriously, Ash, what are you gonna get yourself? 90 00:03:50,654 --> 00:03:53,022 Well, actually, it's somewhat personal. 91 00:03:53,023 --> 00:03:54,424 I don't want to discuss it. 92 00:03:54,425 --> 00:03:56,626 Oh! 93 00:03:56,627 --> 00:03:58,094 I see... 94 00:03:58,095 --> 00:03:59,596 [Jamaican accent] Are you gonna go to 95 00:03:59,597 --> 00:04:03,333 the Caribbean and get your groove back? 96 00:04:03,334 --> 00:04:06,503 With a little Jamaican boy named Dexter? 97 00:04:06,504 --> 00:04:09,472 ? He's gonna pow-pow ? [shouting indistinctly] 98 00:04:09,473 --> 00:04:10,707 - ? Pow-pow... ? - Okay, okay! 99 00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:12,509 Stop it! 100 00:04:12,510 --> 00:04:15,278 It's something I've been considering for a while. 101 00:04:15,279 --> 00:04:17,113 You know, I'm just not sure. 102 00:04:17,114 --> 00:04:20,016 Y'all talking about the boob job? 103 00:04:20,017 --> 00:04:22,352 A boob job! 104 00:04:22,353 --> 00:04:24,353 We are now. 105 00:04:27,503 --> 00:04:29,739 Really? A boob job? 106 00:04:29,740 --> 00:04:31,007 You seem surprised, 107 00:04:31,008 --> 00:04:33,309 and I thought you liked surprises. 108 00:04:33,310 --> 00:04:36,079 Yeah, but do you know what kind of person you become 109 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:37,313 when you do something like that. 110 00:04:37,314 --> 00:04:40,750 A person with bigger boobs? 111 00:04:40,751 --> 00:04:43,485 Sorry, I thought you threw that out to the room. 112 00:04:44,788 --> 00:04:47,223 Now, were you even gonna discuss this with me? 113 00:04:47,224 --> 00:04:49,158 Or were you gonna show up to my house 114 00:04:49,159 --> 00:04:51,227 with them popping out your T-shirt, talking about, 115 00:04:51,228 --> 00:04:54,130 "Hello, welcome to Hooters." 116 00:04:54,131 --> 00:04:55,832 "How would you like your wings? 117 00:04:55,833 --> 00:04:58,968 Spicy, mild, or lemon pepper?" 118 00:04:58,969 --> 00:05:01,271 Maybe this is why I didn't want to discuss it 119 00:05:01,272 --> 00:05:02,906 with you, Marlon, okay? 120 00:05:02,907 --> 00:05:05,174 - It's my body. - Yes, it's your body, 121 00:05:05,175 --> 00:05:06,776 but that's our history. 122 00:05:06,777 --> 00:05:09,212 That's the road map of our memories. 123 00:05:09,213 --> 00:05:11,714 - Road map? - A road map? 124 00:05:11,715 --> 00:05:14,450 My body is a road map? 125 00:05:14,451 --> 00:05:17,419 I didn't mean like a old, weathered, pirate's map. 126 00:05:19,356 --> 00:05:22,791 You know, I meant more like a laminated one you get at AAA. 127 00:05:25,429 --> 00:05:26,996 Ashley, I meant that sweetly. 128 00:05:26,997 --> 00:05:28,831 You complain about your stretch marks. 129 00:05:28,832 --> 00:05:30,633 You know how you got those stretch marks? 130 00:05:30,634 --> 00:05:32,468 Remember when you was pregnant with Zack, we used to go out 131 00:05:32,469 --> 00:05:34,537 and get cheeseburgers and Krispy Kremes? 132 00:05:34,538 --> 00:05:36,873 And those breasts that you want to change... 133 00:05:36,874 --> 00:05:39,375 those fed my babies. 134 00:05:39,376 --> 00:05:42,312 And got us into a lot of clubs in the '90s. 135 00:05:42,313 --> 00:05:43,646 There's more to it than that. 136 00:05:43,647 --> 00:05:45,081 - But what about the kids? - What? 137 00:05:45,082 --> 00:05:46,049 Let's see what the kids think of it. 138 00:05:46,050 --> 00:05:47,383 No, Marlon! 139 00:05:47,384 --> 00:05:48,518 - Do not involve the kids! - Marley! 140 00:05:48,519 --> 00:05:50,520 Marley, listen. 141 00:05:50,521 --> 00:05:53,456 Your mommy wants to get a breast augmentation, 142 00:05:53,457 --> 00:05:56,258 and forgive my language, but that's a boob job. 143 00:05:58,028 --> 00:06:00,930 Now I want you to tell Mommy what you think about this. 144 00:06:00,931 --> 00:06:02,098 Go on. 145 00:06:02,099 --> 00:06:03,399 Go ahead. 146 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:06,035 Well, it is her body, 147 00:06:06,036 --> 00:06:08,870 and as a feminist, I support her decision. 148 00:06:10,674 --> 00:06:14,076 I knew you was going to be a hater the day you was born. 149 00:06:16,146 --> 00:06:18,881 Go on, get your little behind upstairs. 150 00:06:18,882 --> 00:06:22,051 Okay, Marlon, I'm turning 40. 151 00:06:22,052 --> 00:06:23,619 I've had two kids. 152 00:06:23,620 --> 00:06:25,822 Is it so bad that I want my confidence 153 00:06:25,823 --> 00:06:28,591 back to where they used to be? 154 00:06:28,592 --> 00:06:30,226 And she's a free agent! 155 00:06:30,227 --> 00:06:32,195 She's back here on these streets, 156 00:06:32,196 --> 00:06:35,964 and she started from the bottom, and now she here! 157 00:06:38,435 --> 00:06:41,069 I'm sorry, I don't speak club rat. 158 00:06:42,339 --> 00:06:45,775 So when I get my Rosetta Stone for ratched... 159 00:06:45,776 --> 00:06:47,010 I'll get back at you. 160 00:06:47,011 --> 00:06:49,544 Now, listen, A$AP Nappy is right. 161 00:06:51,382 --> 00:06:53,483 You're going out into the... to the dating pool 162 00:06:53,484 --> 00:06:54,617 with a new pair of floaties. 163 00:06:54,618 --> 00:06:56,419 Okay, stop. 164 00:06:56,420 --> 00:06:59,088 Guys, this has nothing to do with dating, okay? 165 00:06:59,089 --> 00:07:01,724 It's about how I feel in my own skin. 166 00:07:01,725 --> 00:07:03,793 And if I wanna get 'em, I'm gonna get 'em. 167 00:07:03,794 --> 00:07:05,695 Get what? 168 00:07:05,696 --> 00:07:08,164 Uh... 169 00:07:08,165 --> 00:07:09,966 - Donuts. - Uh-huh. 170 00:07:09,967 --> 00:07:11,601 Your mommy was debating 171 00:07:11,602 --> 00:07:14,070 whether we should get donuts or not. 172 00:07:14,071 --> 00:07:15,971 Well, I'm for 'em. 173 00:07:17,207 --> 00:07:20,075 As far as I'm concerned, the bigger the better. 174 00:07:21,779 --> 00:07:24,781 I'm never happier than when I got one in my hand... 175 00:07:24,782 --> 00:07:26,882 and one in my mouth. 176 00:07:33,690 --> 00:07:36,725 Zack, go play basketball. 177 00:07:40,764 --> 00:07:42,364 Now I want a donut. 178 00:07:44,168 --> 00:07:45,868 Listen, this is serious surgery, 179 00:07:45,869 --> 00:07:47,470 and it's dangerous. 180 00:07:47,471 --> 00:07:49,205 You know what, as the father of your children, 181 00:07:49,206 --> 00:07:50,873 I'm not gonna let you do it. 182 00:07:50,874 --> 00:07:53,910 - Let me? - Let you? 183 00:07:53,911 --> 00:07:55,011 Let me? 184 00:07:55,012 --> 00:07:56,979 Let her? 185 00:07:56,980 --> 00:08:00,081 - You don't let me do anything! - You don't let her do anything! 186 00:08:01,385 --> 00:08:02,952 You know that's right. 187 00:08:02,953 --> 00:08:05,554 Coming up in here, telling her what she gon' do. 188 00:08:06,890 --> 00:08:09,791 What in The Hip-hop Wives was that? 189 00:08:12,396 --> 00:08:16,232 [hip-hop music] 190 00:08:16,233 --> 00:08:18,434 Marlon thinks he could tell me what I could do 191 00:08:18,435 --> 00:08:19,735 with my divorced-from-his-ass body? 192 00:08:19,736 --> 00:08:21,370 Stevie's blind-ass, 193 00:08:21,371 --> 00:08:23,172 talking about he saw a gray hair on my head. 194 00:08:23,173 --> 00:08:24,307 He a lie! 195 00:08:24,308 --> 00:08:25,641 And the next time he tries to 196 00:08:25,642 --> 00:08:27,643 throw me a surprise party, 197 00:08:27,644 --> 00:08:29,178 I'ma surprise his ass by not showing up. 198 00:08:29,179 --> 00:08:30,613 "How old I am..." 199 00:08:30,614 --> 00:08:32,915 How about I'm old enough to hurt your feelings 200 00:08:32,916 --> 00:08:34,884 and still young enough to get carded at the club. 201 00:08:34,885 --> 00:08:36,352 'Kay? 202 00:08:36,353 --> 00:08:37,887 Thank you, Yvette. 203 00:08:37,888 --> 00:08:42,291 You know, I love having you as a sounding board. 204 00:08:42,292 --> 00:08:45,194 That's what I'm here for. 205 00:08:45,195 --> 00:08:48,330 [engine revs, idles off] 206 00:08:53,570 --> 00:08:56,771 [leather squeaking] 207 00:09:02,746 --> 00:09:03,980 Sorry I'm early. 208 00:09:03,981 --> 00:09:07,283 But I was zipping through traffic, cutting between cars. 209 00:09:07,284 --> 00:09:09,085 But that pop-a-wheelie down the block 210 00:09:09,086 --> 00:09:11,587 really saved me some time. 211 00:09:11,588 --> 00:09:13,122 I have no words. 212 00:09:13,123 --> 00:09:15,691 Good, 'cause that's exactly how many words 213 00:09:15,692 --> 00:09:17,693 I want you to have. 214 00:09:17,694 --> 00:09:19,729 Bye, girl. 215 00:09:19,730 --> 00:09:22,098 Seriously, Marlon? 216 00:09:22,099 --> 00:09:24,567 A motorcycle? Honestly? 217 00:09:24,568 --> 00:09:26,402 Do you really think I'm gonna let you do this? 218 00:09:26,403 --> 00:09:28,571 Ha! You gonna... 219 00:09:28,572 --> 00:09:29,839 let me? 220 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:31,507 Hold up, hold up, hold up. 221 00:09:31,508 --> 00:09:33,476 You gonna let me? 222 00:09:33,477 --> 00:09:35,311 [laughs] You. Don't. Let. Me. 223 00:09:35,312 --> 00:09:36,946 Do. Anything. 224 00:09:36,947 --> 00:09:38,247 Ha! Ha! Hah! 225 00:09:38,248 --> 00:09:40,216 Hah! Huh! 226 00:09:40,217 --> 00:09:43,352 Boo! This is my body. 227 00:09:43,353 --> 00:09:45,321 It's gonna be your mangled body. 228 00:09:45,322 --> 00:09:47,590 Oh! So you admit 229 00:09:47,591 --> 00:09:50,626 that riding a motorcycle is dangerous. 230 00:09:50,627 --> 00:09:53,563 - [leather squeaks] - Is it... 231 00:09:53,564 --> 00:09:55,331 as dangerous... 232 00:09:55,332 --> 00:09:57,867 [leather squeaking] 233 00:09:57,868 --> 00:09:59,634 As elective surgery? 234 00:10:01,338 --> 00:10:04,307 Okay, I see your point. 235 00:10:04,308 --> 00:10:06,209 But if you want to have an adult conversation 236 00:10:06,210 --> 00:10:08,244 about this, we can do that. 237 00:10:08,245 --> 00:10:09,912 Fine. 238 00:10:09,913 --> 00:10:11,881 [leather squeaking] 239 00:10:11,882 --> 00:10:14,183 Let's have... 240 00:10:14,184 --> 00:10:16,084 an adult conversation. 241 00:10:18,021 --> 00:10:19,956 Are you out of your damn mind? 242 00:10:19,957 --> 00:10:21,591 Okay, we're done. 243 00:10:21,592 --> 00:10:23,059 Ashley, come on. 244 00:10:23,060 --> 00:10:24,727 I mean, even though we split up, 245 00:10:24,728 --> 00:10:26,629 we still help each other make big decisions. 246 00:10:26,630 --> 00:10:28,164 I mean, that's how we roll. 247 00:10:28,165 --> 00:10:30,166 If this is your idea of help, 248 00:10:30,167 --> 00:10:32,068 then maybe we shouldn't roll like that anymore. 249 00:10:32,069 --> 00:10:33,769 - It's like that? - Yes! And that's how 250 00:10:33,770 --> 00:10:35,238 - it's gonna be. - All right. 251 00:10:35,239 --> 00:10:36,739 That's fine with me. 252 00:10:36,740 --> 00:10:37,907 [leather squeaking] 253 00:10:37,908 --> 00:10:39,875 [muttering] 254 00:10:39,876 --> 00:10:41,476 I can't hear you! 255 00:10:43,714 --> 00:10:45,114 Too bad, you missed it. 256 00:10:45,115 --> 00:10:46,782 But if you would've heard it, 257 00:10:46,783 --> 00:10:48,584 it was something that would've made everybody go, 258 00:10:48,585 --> 00:10:51,721 "Ohhh!" 259 00:10:51,722 --> 00:10:54,823 ? ? 260 00:10:56,917 --> 00:10:58,651 [hip-hop music] 261 00:10:59,053 --> 00:11:00,287 ? ? 262 00:11:00,288 --> 00:11:03,389 [rapid knocking] 263 00:11:04,602 --> 00:11:07,571 You need to cease and desist, Scooby Doo. 264 00:11:07,572 --> 00:11:10,107 I assume you're talking about my quest to discover your age. 265 00:11:10,108 --> 00:11:12,009 Rifling through my trash, 266 00:11:12,010 --> 00:11:13,844 trying to find my high school yearbook, 267 00:11:13,845 --> 00:11:15,579 messaging my friends on Facebook. 268 00:11:15,580 --> 00:11:17,614 Yes, and I'd already have my answer 269 00:11:17,615 --> 00:11:20,117 if it wasn't for your meddling friends. 270 00:11:20,118 --> 00:11:23,687 I will destroy everything you own. 271 00:11:23,688 --> 00:11:24,989 Joke's on you, Yvette. 272 00:11:24,990 --> 00:11:27,925 I don't own anything. 273 00:11:27,926 --> 00:11:29,760 Man... 274 00:11:29,761 --> 00:11:32,296 Ashley's not returning my texts or my phone calls. 275 00:11:32,297 --> 00:11:33,864 Mm. I get it. 276 00:11:33,865 --> 00:11:37,234 She's sending messages via troll. 277 00:11:37,235 --> 00:11:38,535 Come on, sit down. 278 00:11:38,536 --> 00:11:39,636 Help me out with this. 279 00:11:39,637 --> 00:11:41,238 Why isn't Ashley talking to me? 280 00:11:41,239 --> 00:11:43,741 Do you have any idea what it feels like for woman 281 00:11:43,742 --> 00:11:45,809 to turn 40? 282 00:11:45,810 --> 00:11:47,376 I don't! 283 00:11:50,315 --> 00:11:52,216 She's just insecure right now, 284 00:11:52,217 --> 00:11:53,650 and all that stuff you told her, 285 00:11:53,651 --> 00:11:56,353 she just doesn't need to hear. 286 00:11:56,354 --> 00:11:59,023 Yeah, you're right. 287 00:11:59,024 --> 00:12:01,992 I've been insensitive. Where is she? 288 00:12:01,993 --> 00:12:03,961 She's at Dr. Greenberg's office. 289 00:12:03,962 --> 00:12:05,262 What? Damn, woman, 290 00:12:05,263 --> 00:12:07,965 you got to tell me this type of stuff! 291 00:12:07,966 --> 00:12:10,366 I hope I'm not too late. 292 00:12:13,138 --> 00:12:15,339 Keep playing with me, Tiny Fro, 293 00:12:15,340 --> 00:12:18,008 and I will break my foot off in your ass. 294 00:12:18,009 --> 00:12:19,942 I would love that. 295 00:12:23,681 --> 00:12:26,583 The battle of the wits, not the foot stuff. 296 00:12:26,584 --> 00:12:31,855 ? ? 297 00:12:31,856 --> 00:12:33,824 Is this your first visit to a podiatrist? 298 00:12:33,825 --> 00:12:37,461 Yeah, apparently 40 years of walking in high heels 299 00:12:37,462 --> 00:12:38,796 catches up with you. 300 00:12:38,797 --> 00:12:40,931 So I need to see a foot doctor. 301 00:12:40,932 --> 00:12:43,033 Well, Dr. Greenberg will be with you in a moment. 302 00:12:43,034 --> 00:12:44,068 Great, thank you. 303 00:12:44,069 --> 00:12:46,470 Ashley! Don't do it! 304 00:12:46,471 --> 00:12:49,006 Oh, thank God I'm not too late. 305 00:12:49,007 --> 00:12:50,707 Marlon, what are you doing here? 306 00:12:50,708 --> 00:12:53,844 You don't need surgery. 307 00:12:53,845 --> 00:12:55,712 You are beautiful just the way you are. 308 00:12:55,713 --> 00:12:58,816 You know, we all have something 309 00:12:58,817 --> 00:13:00,617 that we want to change about ourselves. 310 00:13:00,618 --> 00:13:02,619 We all wish we were different. 311 00:13:02,620 --> 00:13:04,588 But that's why we're all here, right? 312 00:13:04,589 --> 00:13:06,390 No, Marlon, that's not the reason that we... 313 00:13:06,391 --> 00:13:08,724 No, Ashley, like this... this woman right here. 314 00:13:10,061 --> 00:13:12,296 Sure, she needs breast implants. 315 00:13:12,297 --> 00:13:14,431 Uh, I'm a man. 316 00:13:14,432 --> 00:13:16,066 You see? 317 00:13:16,067 --> 00:13:20,204 She doesn't even feel like a woman anymore. 318 00:13:20,205 --> 00:13:21,572 And you... 319 00:13:21,573 --> 00:13:23,574 Baby girl, why are you here? 320 00:13:23,575 --> 00:13:26,076 My arches have fallen. 321 00:13:26,077 --> 00:13:28,645 I never heard them called arches before... 322 00:13:28,646 --> 00:13:31,115 but it doesn't mean you have to change them. 323 00:13:31,116 --> 00:13:32,883 Leave them in your lap. 324 00:13:32,884 --> 00:13:34,585 That's a summer hit, right there. 325 00:13:34,586 --> 00:13:36,253 ? Leave 'em in your lap, lea-leave 'em in your lap ? 326 00:13:36,254 --> 00:13:37,888 Every woman over 50 will be, like, "Hey, 327 00:13:37,889 --> 00:13:39,857 we gon' leave 'em in our lap." 328 00:13:39,858 --> 00:13:42,159 ? Leave 'em in our lap, lea-leave 'em on our lap ? 329 00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:44,695 And would you look at this? 330 00:13:44,696 --> 00:13:47,931 What in the hot mess... 331 00:13:47,932 --> 00:13:50,100 is going on? 332 00:13:50,101 --> 00:13:52,936 I mean, he needs hair plugs, 333 00:13:52,937 --> 00:13:55,572 cheekbones, definitely needing a nose job. 334 00:13:55,573 --> 00:13:57,040 He need a... a chin tuck, 335 00:13:57,041 --> 00:13:59,676 or just take this and tuck it up in your chest. 336 00:13:59,677 --> 00:14:02,479 Take this meat right there and chuck it in there. 337 00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:03,881 Look at that. 338 00:14:03,882 --> 00:14:05,883 - Marlon, please! - No, but there... 339 00:14:05,884 --> 00:14:07,684 You're not listening. 340 00:14:07,685 --> 00:14:11,054 There is beauty in this bald little weirdo. 341 00:14:11,055 --> 00:14:13,790 You look like a white Mr. Potato Head. 342 00:14:13,791 --> 00:14:16,760 You don't even need to buy your kids a Christmas gift. 343 00:14:16,761 --> 00:14:20,030 Just put your head in a box with some little shoes right there, 344 00:14:20,031 --> 00:14:24,835 and... you could save yourself $39 on Amazon. 345 00:14:24,836 --> 00:14:28,572 My point is, we have to learn to love ourselves, people. 346 00:14:28,573 --> 00:14:30,874 You don't think I have any flaws? 347 00:14:30,875 --> 00:14:32,676 - Marlon, you need to stop... - Come on, no! 348 00:14:32,677 --> 00:14:36,680 I need to make a point, Ashley! 349 00:14:36,681 --> 00:14:38,448 Okay, have at it. 350 00:14:38,449 --> 00:14:39,783 Thank you. 351 00:14:39,784 --> 00:14:41,618 Look at this, right here. 352 00:14:41,619 --> 00:14:43,120 Look at that chest. Look at it. 353 00:14:43,121 --> 00:14:45,556 I know from afar, it looks beautiful. 354 00:14:45,557 --> 00:14:48,125 Don't let me get the baby oil and the grease up on it 355 00:14:48,126 --> 00:14:50,027 and the right light angle. 356 00:14:50,028 --> 00:14:52,529 Yes, it looks beautiful, but if you look really close... 357 00:14:52,530 --> 00:14:55,432 Look at that. I have a triple nipple. 358 00:14:55,433 --> 00:14:57,100 But I'm in good company. 359 00:14:57,101 --> 00:14:58,635 Mark Wahlberg got a triple nipple. 360 00:14:58,636 --> 00:15:00,304 So does one of the kids from One Direction. 361 00:15:00,305 --> 00:15:02,105 That's why they kicked his ass out the group. 362 00:15:02,106 --> 00:15:03,840 Nobody's perfect. 363 00:15:03,841 --> 00:15:05,175 And you... 364 00:15:05,176 --> 00:15:06,476 look at the asymmetry of my buttocks. 365 00:15:06,477 --> 00:15:08,178 Look at that. 366 00:15:08,179 --> 00:15:10,347 I know one butt cheek is bigger than the other one. 367 00:15:10,348 --> 00:15:12,883 Look like two Goober candies stuck together. 368 00:15:12,884 --> 00:15:14,451 Whoo! 369 00:15:14,452 --> 00:15:17,921 And you, you're a professional. 370 00:15:17,922 --> 00:15:19,389 Look at that! 371 00:15:19,390 --> 00:15:22,659 Imagine me carrying this around my whole life. 372 00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:25,195 Have you ever seen anything like this? 373 00:15:25,196 --> 00:15:28,131 Not in a podiatrist's office. 374 00:15:28,132 --> 00:15:30,100 A what? 375 00:15:30,101 --> 00:15:31,935 Yeah, Marlon, 376 00:15:31,936 --> 00:15:34,037 that's what I've been trying to tell you. 377 00:15:34,038 --> 00:15:36,173 None of the people here felt bad about their appearance, 378 00:15:36,174 --> 00:15:38,842 at least they didn't until you showed up. 379 00:15:38,843 --> 00:15:41,812 Oh... wow. 380 00:15:41,813 --> 00:15:44,681 [hip-hop music] 381 00:15:44,682 --> 00:15:47,751 ? ? 382 00:15:47,752 --> 00:15:50,387 You are such a jackass. 383 00:15:50,388 --> 00:15:51,788 All right. 384 00:15:51,789 --> 00:15:53,290 Look, I'm sorry it took me so long 385 00:15:53,291 --> 00:15:55,559 to understand what you really needed to hear. 386 00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:58,528 But Ash, I just think you're beautiful, 387 00:15:58,529 --> 00:16:00,330 and you don't need surgery. 388 00:16:00,331 --> 00:16:02,332 Ugh! 389 00:16:02,333 --> 00:16:04,635 And this is why you're a jackass. 390 00:16:04,636 --> 00:16:07,671 You told me all the reasons you don't think I should do it. 391 00:16:07,672 --> 00:16:11,642 But have you once listened to how it is I feel? 392 00:16:11,643 --> 00:16:13,510 No. 393 00:16:13,511 --> 00:16:15,178 It's like the surprise parties, Marlon. 394 00:16:15,179 --> 00:16:16,580 Come on. 395 00:16:16,581 --> 00:16:18,415 You gotta admit, 396 00:16:18,416 --> 00:16:20,384 you secretly loved those parties. 397 00:16:20,385 --> 00:16:22,252 Surprise! 398 00:16:22,253 --> 00:16:23,887 I don't. 399 00:16:23,888 --> 00:16:25,422 I only acted the way I did 400 00:16:25,423 --> 00:16:27,190 because this is the first huge life decision 401 00:16:27,191 --> 00:16:28,458 you're making without me. 402 00:16:28,459 --> 00:16:30,160 I wanted to be there for you. 403 00:16:30,161 --> 00:16:32,228 To be a part of your decision. 404 00:16:36,768 --> 00:16:38,835 So how do you wanna be there? 405 00:16:38,836 --> 00:16:42,139 Do you wanna be there as, uh, my ex-husband? 406 00:16:42,140 --> 00:16:44,775 Or do you wanna be there as my best friend? 407 00:16:44,776 --> 00:16:47,210 Because I'm 40 years old. 408 00:16:47,211 --> 00:16:50,213 And I'm single for the first time since I'm 22, 409 00:16:50,214 --> 00:16:51,748 and it's scary. 410 00:16:51,749 --> 00:16:54,718 And what I need is my best friend. 411 00:16:54,719 --> 00:16:56,553 One who listens. 412 00:16:56,554 --> 00:16:58,755 'Cause you know Yvette don't listen to anybody. 413 00:16:58,756 --> 00:17:00,757 Ms. Wayne? 414 00:17:00,758 --> 00:17:02,491 Dr. Greenberg will see you now. 415 00:17:12,670 --> 00:17:15,405 So... 416 00:17:15,406 --> 00:17:18,709 how's everybody feeling? 417 00:17:18,710 --> 00:17:21,243 ? ? 418 00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:24,109 Ah. 419 00:17:24,478 --> 00:17:25,545 I got your text. 420 00:17:25,546 --> 00:17:29,794 Seems you've cracked the case, Sherlock Homie. 421 00:17:31,388 --> 00:17:32,655 Why, yes, I did. 422 00:17:32,656 --> 00:17:34,123 See, Yvette, 423 00:17:34,124 --> 00:17:36,125 some sleuths have keen powers of observation, 424 00:17:36,126 --> 00:17:40,996 but what I have is absolutely nothing going on in my life. 425 00:17:40,997 --> 00:17:42,665 One click... 426 00:17:42,666 --> 00:17:44,833 and your age is all over social media. 427 00:17:44,834 --> 00:17:46,669 [chuckles] 428 00:17:46,670 --> 00:17:49,905 Well, I've done my own research, Stevie. 429 00:17:49,906 --> 00:17:51,206 And I have some information 430 00:17:51,207 --> 00:17:53,609 you wouldn't want anyone to know. 431 00:17:53,610 --> 00:17:56,111 Especially Marlon. 432 00:17:56,112 --> 00:17:57,780 See, my girl down at the bank, 433 00:17:57,781 --> 00:17:59,782 she showed me a statement for a certain 434 00:17:59,783 --> 00:18:02,217 Stephandre Jamal Noggle. 435 00:18:02,218 --> 00:18:04,053 Mm! Turns out Nana Noggle 436 00:18:04,054 --> 00:18:07,523 has been doing some deposits ever since you were seven. 437 00:18:07,524 --> 00:18:09,058 That money's not for spending, 438 00:18:09,059 --> 00:18:11,727 that's Nana's special Christmas Club money. 439 00:18:11,728 --> 00:18:15,064 Well, it's damn sure enough for you to be out of Marlon's 440 00:18:15,065 --> 00:18:16,665 and living on your own. 441 00:18:16,666 --> 00:18:18,967 I promised my Nana I wouldn't spend that money 442 00:18:18,968 --> 00:18:20,636 unless I hit rock bottom. 443 00:18:20,637 --> 00:18:22,638 You're homeless and unemployed. 444 00:18:22,639 --> 00:18:24,206 You're there, boo! 445 00:18:24,207 --> 00:18:27,742 Oh, you have no idea how low I can go. 446 00:18:32,415 --> 00:18:36,018 Okay, well, I, too, have composed a text. 447 00:18:36,019 --> 00:18:39,188 And I am one click away... 448 00:18:39,189 --> 00:18:42,024 from sending it to Marlon. 449 00:18:42,025 --> 00:18:44,093 - You wouldn't. - Wouldn't I? 450 00:18:44,094 --> 00:18:46,929 [spaghetti western-type music] 451 00:18:46,930 --> 00:18:50,232 ? ? 452 00:18:50,233 --> 00:18:52,234 - Ugh! - [laughs] 453 00:18:52,235 --> 00:18:54,103 You don't get to be my age 454 00:18:54,104 --> 00:18:55,604 without learning a thing or two 455 00:18:55,605 --> 00:18:57,940 about digging up dirt, 456 00:18:57,941 --> 00:19:01,076 Stephandre. 457 00:19:01,077 --> 00:19:03,545 [chuckling] 458 00:19:03,546 --> 00:19:05,614 You'd make a mighty fine addition 459 00:19:05,615 --> 00:19:08,083 to the Scooby Doo Mystery Solvers Club. 460 00:19:08,084 --> 00:19:10,918 We're looking for a black Velma. 461 00:19:12,522 --> 00:19:16,624 You know damn well I'm a Daphne. 462 00:19:17,527 --> 00:19:19,962 ? ? 463 00:19:19,963 --> 00:19:21,630 [car lock beeps] 464 00:19:21,631 --> 00:19:22,798 There she is. 465 00:19:22,799 --> 00:19:24,266 There's the birthday girl. 466 00:19:24,267 --> 00:19:26,135 Hello, Evel Knievel. 467 00:19:26,136 --> 00:19:27,269 Where's your bike? 468 00:19:27,270 --> 00:19:28,570 I got rid of it. 469 00:19:28,571 --> 00:19:30,272 Motorcycles are dangerous, 470 00:19:30,273 --> 00:19:33,742 and that leather suit gave me a terrible case of junk funk. 471 00:19:33,743 --> 00:19:35,277 I didn't need to hear that. 472 00:19:35,278 --> 00:19:36,979 Hey, we're besties. 473 00:19:36,980 --> 00:19:38,614 We're supposed to listen to everything. 474 00:19:38,615 --> 00:19:40,282 And support each other. 475 00:19:40,283 --> 00:19:41,984 So if... 476 00:19:41,985 --> 00:19:43,652 you decide to get your surgery, 477 00:19:43,653 --> 00:19:45,287 I just want you to know that I'll be there for you. 478 00:19:45,288 --> 00:19:46,822 So, hey... 479 00:19:46,823 --> 00:19:48,657 let's go get some tit-tays. 480 00:19:48,658 --> 00:19:51,059 [chuckles] Oh, my God! 481 00:19:51,060 --> 00:19:52,995 You know what, if you were listening, 482 00:19:52,996 --> 00:19:54,296 you would know that I had never said 483 00:19:54,297 --> 00:19:56,565 I wanted some tit-tays, okay? 484 00:19:56,566 --> 00:19:58,333 I was only thinking about it. 485 00:19:58,334 --> 00:20:00,936 But then you started actin' a fool so... 486 00:20:00,937 --> 00:20:02,271 I had to double down. 487 00:20:02,272 --> 00:20:04,673 All right, well, whatever you decide, 488 00:20:04,674 --> 00:20:06,842 just know that I'll be there for you. 489 00:20:06,843 --> 00:20:08,143 Thank you. 490 00:20:08,144 --> 00:20:10,012 Um... 491 00:20:10,013 --> 00:20:12,014 but why are you standing in my driveway? 492 00:20:12,015 --> 00:20:14,149 Um, because I just want to see your face 493 00:20:14,150 --> 00:20:15,617 as you walk into the kitchen. 494 00:20:15,618 --> 00:20:17,119 - Damn it, Marlon! - [chuckles] 495 00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:19,621 Come on. Be a sport? 496 00:20:19,622 --> 00:20:21,790 Fine! 497 00:20:21,791 --> 00:20:22,691 I hate you! 498 00:20:22,692 --> 00:20:24,092 I hate you more. 499 00:20:24,093 --> 00:20:25,694 - And you know what? - Yes? 500 00:20:25,695 --> 00:20:27,162 - This is the last one. - Last one. 501 00:20:27,163 --> 00:20:29,198 - For real! - For real. 502 00:20:29,199 --> 00:20:30,932 - Let's get this over with. - Go on. 503 00:20:35,004 --> 00:20:37,338 Surprise. 504 00:20:39,876 --> 00:20:42,644 There is no surprise. 505 00:20:42,645 --> 00:20:44,712 From now on, I'm listening. 506 00:20:47,717 --> 00:20:50,886 Happy birthday. 507 00:20:50,887 --> 00:20:52,955 BFF? 508 00:20:52,956 --> 00:20:54,723 Best Friends Forever? 509 00:20:54,724 --> 00:20:57,124 Or Black, Fabulous and Forty. 510 00:20:58,962 --> 00:21:01,897 I will take it. 511 00:21:01,898 --> 00:21:03,965 Happy birthday. 512 00:21:06,069 --> 00:21:09,037 - Birthday sex? - No. 513 00:21:09,038 --> 00:21:10,911 Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com. 514 00:21:10,961 --> 00:21:15,511 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 35594

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