Original subtitles

My phone is gonna die. Can I use your laptop?

Yeah, sure. Okay.

Thank you.

[Clears throat]

Wait. No.

Or I have a charger.

Should I grab the charger?

No, this is great.

Dana: What's his problem?

Is there something in his e-mail

that he doesn't want me to see?

Maybe he's seeing someone else?

Are we still allowed to see other people?

Peter: Please don't find porn. Please don't find porn.

Please don't find porn.

His home page is fantasy football.

Gaza is in crisis.

All good!

Wait! Autofill.

What are you, um... what are you looking up?

Movie times.

Okay, what starts with "M" that I might've looked up?"

"M...", "M..."

Oh, "massive"! Uh, "milf"! "Mermaids"!

Come on, Peter! You know no letter is safe!

Here, let me do that for you, yeah?

"Michael Bubl?'s Greatest Hits."

Dana: Almost wish it was porn.

So, I lent this laptop to David.

[Laptop closes]

Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.

I can't believe Lindsay Keller's

having a black-tie wedding at the Merrill.

Could you be any more bougie?

Didn't you try and book that place once for a party,

but couldn't lock it down... and why would I bring that up?

[Inhales sharply] It's the essence of bougie.

Peter: Should I admit that I don't know what bougie means?

I haven't talked to Lindsay since college.

And the only reason she's inviting us

is to rub her big fancy wedding in our faces.

Why would you waste money inviting people you don't like?

Such a man. [Chuckles] He'll never get it.

You're onto her. You don't have to go.

Let her have her own bougie wedding without you.

Oh, what? Now you're saying it?

Oh, we're going. Oh, we're going hard.

Oh, what? That "we" is me?

Yeah, well, I figured you'd be my "plus one"

since we're kind of... a thing.

Yeah, no, w-we're totally kind of a thing.

I just didn't know that "kind of things"

had to go to boring weddings.

Just relax and let it happen.

It'll be a lot easier that way.

At least that's what they say about drowning.

Look, do we have to?

'Cause I don't own a tux, you know?

And I don't have many rules,

but one of them is "never rent pants."

Well, I have something else that you...

Don't have to wear rented pants to.

- Is it sex? - Close.

It's a bunch of monks playing Tibetan music.

- Okay, that's not close at all. - Yes! No, it is!

I know it sounds really weird,

but I read this incredible review in the times.

Their chanter is really supposed to rock.

- Wow. - Amy: Yeah, I read that.

It said that he's the hole in the flute

that the universe blows through.

Mm. You two should go together.

But he's the hole in the flute

that the universe blows through.

Have fun, Peter. [Chuckles]

Thank you.

- Okay. - Best "plus one" ever.

Aw, shucks.

After the show,

we can...

Chant back to your place with...

I was going for a sex pun, but I'm falling short.

[Chuckles]

I'm "Tibetan"

I'll get lucky. [Chuckles]

Wow, that's actually really offensive to their culture.

I'm just kidding. Up top!

Heigh-ho!

We are getting bladdered tonight.

Carlos and I are on a break...

or at least that's what I think he said.

My Spanish is rubbish.

I can't tonight. Peter and I have plans.

Gay besties are a privilege, not a right, Dana Hopkins.

Don't take me for granted.

Honestly, I should be going out with you.

Peter doesn't seem super-psyched about this Tibetan concert.

The fool!

Tibetan music isn't about the sound. It's about...

- The silent spaces between the sounds. - Silent spaces between the sounds.

Well, I'm glad someone reads the times.

See, I should've just asked you.

Yes, you should have, Dana.

Maybe he wouldn't mind too much.

'Course he won't.

Yeah.

It's me.

[Laughs]

- David: Come on! Get your "D" on! - Chloe: I'm d'ing up!

- Watch out, watch out! Get in there! - Oh, no!

- [Cellphone rings] - Oh! Lebron! - Oh! Come on!

- Lebron! - Get in the game, Chloe!

- I am in the game! - [Winded] Peter in the house.

Why are you winded?

Oh, I'm playing, uh, knee basketball with my sibs.

Three-pointer!

- Peter: Rejected! - Aah!

Just to bring you up to speed, I just rejected David.

- He's, like, super easy. - Chloe: Pass it high. And it's mine.

- Dana: Would you absolutely hate me... - And it's mine.

...if I took Tucker to "Tibetan Dreamscapes."

Hate you?! I would love you!

To take Tucker.

I totally saved it.

Dana: He totally saved it.

So, uh, you want to come over after?

Are you asking me over for a sleepover?

Because...

You know, then we're definitely

kind of a thing.

Oh! Moving too fast! Can't breathe!

[Chuckling] Yeah, okay. All right. I'll talk to you later.

All right. Bye. Whew!

Uh, so, while this this four-foot trophy

seemingly is impressive to an adult,

you can see from this child's perspective

it may actually be very overwhelming.

- Ohh. - Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Oh, hey, dad.

Father!

You're holding a basketball,

and you're two feet away from a rim.

- Ugh. - I'm not here to judge.

I'm here to get the room ready for poker night.

[Sighs]

Handcrafted regulation-size table, kids,

carved from a single mighty oak.

Cost me a pretty penny.

But if past performance is any guide,

I think I'll make it back pretty quickly.

Interns, heave.

Think we got to let him win again?

Of course we do.

[Indistinct conversations]

Jameel!

Hey! David!

[Chuckles] Hey, long time.

Yeah.

- Hey, how's Amy? - She's great.

I'm actually just stopping by

so I can take her out to dinner,

you know, surprise her.

Yeah, w-well, she's not here.

I've been covering for her for a couple of weeks now.

Oh.

She didn't tell me anything about that.

Although, there is the distinct possibility

that I just tuned her right out.

[Chuckling] You know what I'm saying?

No, I-I don't know what you're saying.

I respect your wife.

Yeah, no, I respect my wife.

[Inhales deeply] I respect your wife.

Yeah, well, while you're out "respecting" my wife,

can you tell her to let me back in the damn house

so I can see my kids?

Yeah, you didn't miss much.

No.

This took a turn, Jameel.

I'll be honest.

Okay.

Wow.

Those monks sure got you revved up.

[Both chuckle] That's probably the first time

anyone's ever said that sentence.

I wish I could say that was the case.

No, actually, it was... it was really amazing.

- Yeah? - Mm-hmm. The lead guy comes out,

and he starts with this really, really intense first song.

It was like,

"bongggg."

- "Bonggggg." - Sounds like a...

"bonggggg."

Wow. That is super cool.

Probably wasn't your thing.

No, no, it sounds like something I would totally be into.

Mm.

They were here one night only, right?

- Yeah, you're safe. [Chuckles] - Hmm.

Okay, quick recap...

someone else did all the hard work,

and I just had amazing sex.

What sort of black magic have I wielded?

Oh, that does remind me...

I think that Friday

there's something you might like.

How do you feel about jazz?

- Utah? - Quartet?

Right, yeah. Of cour...

oh, I love that stuff. [Chuckles]

He hates it. And her comes the...

But my dad...

[Sighs]

...he's throwing this poker game on Friday.

I know. It's like a tradition.

And it's totally real.

Yeah, well, I mean, if you really...

if you really can't go, I can just...

I can ask Tucker.

No, I mean, I could cancel.

Aww. Yes, you could.

If there's scatting, I will murder someone.

Don't crack first.

Be strong.

Yeah, I'll just ask Tucker.

Dana!

I'm a wizard! You sure?

- [Chuckling] Yeah. - Yeah?

You don't mind "tuckin'" it.

You have a name for it already?

Yeah.

I'll tuck it.

All right. Up top.

Whoo.

I really didn't mean that "whoo." [Sighs]

Guys, I'm telling you,

this "Dana-pooling" program I've got worked out with Tucker,

it's kind of amazing.

What? Like carpooling?

So in this analogy, the girl you're dating is a car?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Let me try and put it in more, uh, uh, polite terms.

Tucker has the daily commute with heavy traffic,

and I get to joyride all night.

Now, this is poker talk.

When the female uprising happens,

I'll remember this day.

Am I right, Beth?

Please don't involve me.

Okay.

Oh, well, look, I'm just screwing around.

The point is, Tucker does all the boring stuff, right?

And I still do plenty of things with Dana.

And best of all, it leaves you plenty of time

to lose your money to your card-shark father.

Two pairs, suckers.

I don't know how you do it, dad.

David? Hmm?

Oh, whatever. Fold. [Sighs]

I just can't stop thinking about why Amy's

not going to her spin classes.

Where's she going?

What the heck is she lying about?

No. No, no, no, no, no.

It's not that, okay?

She would never cheat on me.

Whatever her flaws...

and she has none,

in case she's somehow listening to this...

- she's always been honest. - Look, son, it's...

it's completely understandable that you're upset.

Thanks, dad.

I'm sure it's, um... it's nothing.

Oh, it's... it's... it's definitely something.

Yeah, the false alibi is the surest sign

of a torrid, usually a very physical,

very sexual affair.

Okay, more dealing, less helpful parenting.

Oh, I didn't see you get home last night.

Late one?

Yeah, the concert went long, and then I went over to Peter's.

Did Peter like it?

I took Tucker. Again?

Are you bummed your "plus one" keeps bailing on you?

No, you know, actually, not that much.

It's kind of nice to go to an event

with a guy who actually claps at the end

instead of yells, "I'm awake!"

[Door closes]

Morning, babe.

So...

How was your spin class last night?

Sure it wasn't as exciting as your poker game.

Oh, we'll get to my poker game.

What was your pump-up song?

Taylor Swift, "Shake It Off."

- Cooldown song? - Beyonc?, "Drunk In Love."

- Song for the big hill in the middle? - No song... just sit there, pedal,

and think about what they've done.

Well, well, well.

You've just got all the answers, don't you?

Does role playing get super weird when you're married?

[Sighs]

I think David's figured out

I haven't been going to spin class.

Mm-hmm.

I've, um, secretly been taking dance lessons.

Why?

I never considered you... that bad of a dancer.

That's 'cause you've never seen me dance.

For years, I've been finding ways

of getting out of dancing in public.

No, we went clubbing in, uh... in Myrtle Beach.

When you passed out,

and we had to carry you home in a recycling bin?

[Gasps] Wait.

You roofied me to get out of dancing.

[Chuckling] Please.

I put some cough syrup in your raspberry cosmo.

You've always been a lightweight.

Okay, so why now?

Mm, just always felt guilty about it, you know?

He loves dancing.

And I thought the wedding would be the perfect opportunity

to, like, surprise him with my new moves.

Hmm.

And plus I just want to shove them in Lindsay's stupid face.

The last time I danced was when she caught me

practicing the "cha cha slide" one night,

and she has never let me live it down.

The "cha cha slide." That's the one that goes...

slide to your left

Oh, it's just so easy for you.

Aw, Amy.

Yeah, that's the one.

Slide to your right

take it back, y'all, now

- one hop this time, ha

- one hop this time

- how low can you go?

- how low can you go?

- Can you go down low?

- can you go all the way?

- All the way to the floor?

- all the way to the floor?

- Can you bring it to the top?

- And again!

Right foot now

There is an exhibit tomorrow that looks amazing.

Yeah.

You sure you don't want to tuck it?

Yeah, I can tuck it.

Ah, tuck it!

Slide to the left

slide to the right

Tucker, is this art,

or is this actually a fire alarm?

Tucker: I have no idea.

Let's just "ooh" and "ah" like we get it.

- Freeze!

- Or...

Everybody clap your hands

[Alarm blaring] [Rhythmic clapping]

Come on, y'all

- Hey. Hey. - check it out, y'all

Did I know you were coming over?

I was gonna surprise you,

but it looks like you're already going somewhere.

Yeah, there's this really great cooking class,

but I didn't think it was gonna be your thing,

so I was just gonna...

- Tuck it. - Yeah, tuck it.

Hmm.

- Whoo! - Yeah.

Yeah, but you can walk me to the cab.

- Reverse!

- Oh, you mean it?

- Yeah. - slide to the left

- slide to the right

- No, yeah, it's, uh, totally fine.

I understand. Mm-hmm.

No, and I got work I got to do here anyway.

So, yep.

Tuck it.

[Trophies clattering]

All good!

That was a big one.

No, no, listen, man, listen, I'll be the first to admit,

Dana-pooling... it's got its perks,

but we've totally fallen behind on "Scandal,"

and that's... that's unacceptable.

And now she's doing stuff with Tucker

that I wouldn't mind doing.

I mean, they went to a '90s party.

Could've gone as Vanilla Ice.

I know all the words to "Ninja Rap."

Ethan: I'm 13, dude. I just want to kill zombies.

I don't care about any of this.

You will someday, blue team leader.

You will someday.

Come on, cha-cha now, y'all

[Indistinct conversations]

Oh, my God.

[Car alarm blaring] Oh!

[Retches]

- [Samba music plays] - These hips, they're dead.

Oh.

Why don't you tell me how you really feel?

- [Laughs] - This is not the time for jokes, Amy,

- with two days until the wedding. - Okay.

Your rhythm, it's an insult to Brazil.

Oh. [Sighs]

Now dance.

Yeah.

A tall, handsome, gay man has stolen my "kind of a thing"

[Door closes]

[Strums guitar]

Whatcha singing about?

[Peter sighs]

Well, I'll tell you what I'm not singing about...

Episode seven of "Scandal."

And apparently,

O. Pope had a major "aha" moment tonight.

How was the chamber orchestra?

[Chuckles] It was kind of boring.

But, um, Tucker stood up

and yelled "free bird!" At the intermission.

It was kind of funny.

Oh, what a scamp that Tucker is, huh?

What's this now?

You're okay with all this, right?

I mean, uh... Tucking it, that was your idea.

Actually, I think that was your idea.

I just came up with, like, a really badass name for it.

[Sighs] Look, it's fine.

You had a good time with your friend,

and I'm happy about that,

and we're just gonna have just as good a time

at the wedding.

So we're good.

[Inhales deeply]

Why is your face doing that?

I kind of...

I totally asked Tucker.

Are you... seriously?

I already rented a tux.

You did?

Yeah.

No, every time I brought it up,

you just kept talking about how much you hated weddings.

Well, yeah, come on. Everybody hates weddings.

You have to sit through a boring ceremony.

You have to small-talk with old people

that you're not even related to.

I don't hate weddings.

So I invited Tucker.

I mean, you shouldn't have to do anything

that you don't want to do.

Yeah, I mean, you're right, I guess.

Yeah. So don't worry about it.

I'll tuck it.

Yeah, sure.

Tuck it.

Whoo.

Peter: If he watches "Scandal" with her, I'll kill him.

[Latin music plays, woman vocalizing]

Oh, my God. Look at this place.

What's the theme here, trashy with a touch of hideous?

I'm pretty sure the theme is two loving souls

coming together to celebrate the sanctity of marriage.

I'm gonna hit the bar.

And I'm hitting on the bartender.

[Chuckles]

[Chuckles] Oh, my God. Here comes Lindsay.

Fake smiles in...

Three, two, one...

- Lindsay! - Hi!

Oh, my God! Hi!

You guys!

You look amaze.

Dana: "Zing"... just add the "zing."

You know, I still can't believe

you married the guy who broke his pinkie

at the foam party on spring break.

What a memory on you.

Oh, he sure hits it hard, doesn't he?

Is everything okay?

Oh, yeah. I like a guy who can hold a drink.

- [Gags] - Oh.

[Chuckles]

And who's that guy with him?

Oh, that's Dana's date. He's handsome and British.

She's doing really great, Lindsay.

I'm doing great? You're doing great.

We're doing great.

Oh, I am so happy to hear that.

Oh, FYI...

the deejay goes on in 30 minutes,

so let me know when you want to dance,

and I'll clear the floor so no one gets hurt.

J.K.!

[Both laugh]

So good to see you guys.

You.

- You okay? - [Sighs]

Yeah.

You okay?

Tucker is great, and we've had so much fun,

but being here and seeing everybody together,

I kind of just wish I was with the person I was dating

and not my gay best friend.

[Sighs]

Oh, boy. Bad news.

I'm afraid that your hopes are swirling down the drain

because I have a... [imitates toilet flushing]

...flush.

Good joke, dad. Every time, it's a good joke.

Hold on.

Full house.

Huh.

Hey, did you happen to forget

who lets us out early on Fridays?

I screwed up.

Just fold your winning hands like the rest of us.

No, I screwed up with the Dana-pooling thing.

It's starting to backfire.

I mean, she was just doing the boring stuff with Tucker,

and now they're doing everything together.

'Course they are. He's a total delight.

Now they're having a blast at a wedding together

while I'm stuck here playing poker

with a couple of jokers.

- Hey, hey, hey. - Whoa. Calm down.

No, no, no, seriously.

Somebody forgot to take the jokers out of the deck.

- Oh, boy. - Okay, Greg, you're out.

Subhas, you're in.

Are you that surprised she asked Tucker?

Did you even tell her you wanted to go?

No, but I strongly hinted that I wouldn't hate it.

Just get off your ass and go to the wedding already.

Aah! I don't know.

I mean, she's already there. The ceremony's probably over.

- That'd be weird, right? That'd be weird. - I mean...

Son, if you really care about her,

it's never too late to get the girl.

Trust me,

that's the one good thing I know about relationships.

Yeah, thanks, dad, but, I mean, I...

that is, until you've had a child with your next wife.

Then it is too late.

Yeah, well, the takeaway here, though, is go to her.

Right. Go to her.

Yeah, I'm gonna do... I'm gonna do that.

I'm gonna... I'm gonna go to her.

Now.

Are we gonna sit around and gossip like girls,

or are we gonna play poker?

You're right, Subhas.

Sorry, Subhas.

So come on up, now, let's get started

- just don't leave me brokenhearted

- Hey, there, stud.

Come on, let's get started

Hey. Look what I'm doing.

You're just teasing me with your smoking-hot body?

No, I'm dancing. [Chuckles]

Sort of.

You hate dancing.

No, I don't hate dancing. I'm bad at it.

That's why, for the past three weeks,

I've been taking dance lessons.

[Chuckling] That's what you've been doing?

All the lies about the spin class

and that Russian himbo I saw you with?

Oh, my God. You thought I was cheating on you. Babe.

- Close your eyes

- A little bit. [Chuckles]

- Give me your hand, darling

- I have to say, though,

that this is a much, much happier ending.

- Do you feel my heart beating?

- My lady.

Me lord.

No, it's this hand. Yeah. Yes.

Do you feel the same?

- Am I only dreaming?

- [Both laugh]

Why would you go to all this trouble?

- Is this burning

- 'Cause you love dancing, and I love you.

- An eternal flame?

- God, you're sweet. You know that?

I believe

- it's meant to be, darling

- Deejay: And after that couple finishes,

the bride and groom will have...

- I watch you when you are sleeping - ...The second first dance of the wedding.

You belong with me

My God.

- Do you feel the same?

- She has the rhythm of a weather vane.

- Am I only dreaming?

- We'll show them how it's done later.

Peter: I think that's my job.

Or is this burning

You look gorgeous.

- An eternal flame?

- Peter, you look so handsome.

- Say my name

- Doesn't look like a rental.

Well, I have two pockets full of old mints that say different.

- A whole life

- You're so lucky you can rent a tuxedo.

- So lonely

- They don't make them this trim and tall.

- And then you come and ease the pain

- Dude.

I'll leave you two.

- I don't want to lose this feeling

- [Chuckles]

What are you doing here?

Well, I screwed up.

I mean, I shouldn't have pushed you on Tucker.

I... but you know what I realized...

...Is that having a miserable time with you...

- Give me your hand

- ...Is a whole lot better

than having a wonderful time without you.

- Do you feel my heart beating?

- 'cause I'm with you.

I should've canceled on Tucker...

...When you brought up the wedding.

- Do you feel the same?

- I have a great time with Tucker.

- Am I only dreaming?

- I have a better time with you.

Well, consider this my application...

...For the position of your official "plus one."

Does that mean that our "kind of a thing" is like...

is like a thing...

Thing?

Let's make it simple.

How about I'm just your boyfriend?

I'll have to think about it.

Yes.

- That was fast. - That was fast.

Do you feel the same?

What do you say?

- Am I only dreaming?

- [Chuckles]

- You know how to do this? - Nope.

Perfect.

An eternal flame?

Close your eyes

- give me your hand

- And after this couple finishes,

the bride and groom will have the third...

- Do you feel my heart beating?

- ...First dance of the wedding.

Do you understand?

Do you feel the...

Left foot, left stomp, cha-cha real smooth

turn it out

- to the left

- Not bad!

- Take it back now, y'all

- Not bad? Great.

- One hop this time

- Hey, Lindsay.

Right foot, left stomp

- left foot, left stomp

- Check this out.

- Cha-cha now, y'all

- [Thud]

We're takin' it to the floor.

- Last time to get funky

- It's part of it.

Takin' it to the floor.

To the right now

- [Thud] - to the left

take it back now, y'all

one hop this time

one hop this time

Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0