Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,849 --> 00:00:02,716
Dana: So, that restaurant was amazing.
2
00:00:02,717 --> 00:00:03,615
Yeah, you know,
3
00:00:03,616 --> 00:00:06,438
I never thought of myself as
a big, um, "FOOD FOAM" guy,
4
00:00:06,439 --> 00:00:10,141
but that place has gotten
me rethinking my stance.
5
00:00:10,142 --> 00:00:12,210
Peter: It's flavored air!
I'm never going back.
6
00:00:12,211 --> 00:00:14,491
- Dessert waffles!
- Do you want to stop and get one?
7
00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:17,682
No, I'm good. You?
8
00:00:17,683 --> 00:00:21,553
Nah. I'm stuffed.
9
00:00:21,554 --> 00:00:23,188
Yeah.
10
00:00:23,189 --> 00:00:24,689
Dana: Don't be one of those women
11
00:00:24,690 --> 00:00:26,524
who's afraid to have an
appetite in front of a man.
12
00:00:26,525 --> 00:00:27,859
Just because she said "no"
13
00:00:27,860 --> 00:00:29,527
doesn't mean you have to say "no," man.
14
00:00:29,528 --> 00:00:31,229
That's not polite. That's just stupid.
15
00:00:31,230 --> 00:00:32,330
What are you afraid of?
16
00:00:32,331 --> 00:00:33,665
"Oh, I've got to break up with you, Dana.
17
00:00:33,666 --> 00:00:35,800
- You like food."
- You love waffles, man.
18
00:00:35,801 --> 00:00:38,637
Even after you eat waffles,
you want more waffles.
19
00:00:38,638 --> 00:00:40,505
- I could probably go for a waffle.
- Oh, thank God!
20
00:00:40,506 --> 00:00:41,606
- Seriously, you want to...
- [Laughs]
21
00:00:41,607 --> 00:00:43,326
Do you want to get, like, an actual meal?
22
00:00:43,327 --> 00:00:44,944
Please! What is wrong with us?
23
00:00:45,294 --> 00:00:48,078
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
24
00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:50,615
Going on a date tonight
25
00:00:50,616 --> 00:00:53,151
gonna be a super-great night
26
00:00:53,152 --> 00:00:56,354
uh, nothing rhymes with "date night"
27
00:00:56,355 --> 00:00:57,455
Let me see.
28
00:00:57,456 --> 00:00:59,124
[Vocalizes]
29
00:00:59,125 --> 00:01:00,458
"Cake fight"? That's stupid.
30
00:01:00,459 --> 00:01:02,193
[Knock on door]
[Clears throat]
31
00:01:02,194 --> 00:01:04,295
Hi.
32
00:01:04,296 --> 00:01:05,463
So dapper.
33
00:01:05,464 --> 00:01:07,165
Oh, thank you very much.
34
00:01:07,166 --> 00:01:09,007
Hey, I'm gonna grab my keys.
Then we can head out.
35
00:01:09,008 --> 00:01:09,734
- Okay.
- Okay.
36
00:01:09,735 --> 00:01:11,302
Actually, can we talk about something?
37
00:01:11,303 --> 00:01:13,138
Yeah, of course.
38
00:01:13,139 --> 00:01:15,306
- We've been dating for a while.
- Mm-hmm.
39
00:01:15,307 --> 00:01:19,511
Have you thought of the fact
that we haven't had sex yet?
40
00:01:19,512 --> 00:01:22,113
No. I mean, once or sex in
the last couple of sex.
41
00:01:22,114 --> 00:01:24,749
- [Chuckles]
- So, no.
42
00:01:24,750 --> 00:01:25,784
Okay.
43
00:01:25,785 --> 00:01:27,285
Um, this is gonna sound crazy...
44
00:01:27,286 --> 00:01:29,120
- No, I'm sure it's not.
- Mm.
45
00:01:29,121 --> 00:01:32,123
I think the universe is
conspiring against us.
46
00:01:32,124 --> 00:01:33,525
Peter: Okay, maybe a little crazy.
47
00:01:33,526 --> 00:01:35,024
If we go out and get dinner,
48
00:01:35,025 --> 00:01:36,194
then we're not gonna
make it back here.
49
00:01:36,195 --> 00:01:37,466
So I think that we should just do it now
50
00:01:37,467 --> 00:01:39,329
because we're gonna get stuck on a train,
51
00:01:39,330 --> 00:01:40,619
and then the monster from "Cloverfield"
52
00:01:40,620 --> 00:01:42,070
is going to come and attack the city,
53
00:01:42,071 --> 00:01:44,602
so we should probably
just get this... yeah?
54
00:01:44,603 --> 00:01:47,339
- Oh, all I heard was, "do it now."
- Oh.
55
00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:50,842
- This is what we should have done.
- Totally. Mm-hmm.
56
00:01:50,843 --> 00:01:52,110
We should just get it over with.
57
00:01:52,111 --> 00:01:53,778
It doesn't have to be some
crazy-romantic thing,
58
00:01:53,779 --> 00:01:55,613
- like "Love Actually."
- Yeah, of course not. Mm.
59
00:01:55,614 --> 00:01:56,815
Well, I mean, I hope it is
60
00:01:56,816 --> 00:01:58,450
a little more romantic
than "Love Actually,"
61
00:01:58,451 --> 00:02:00,318
and by that I mean, "at all romantic."
62
00:02:00,319 --> 00:02:01,586
Are you kidding? If you could film
63
00:02:01,587 --> 00:02:03,488
what's going on in my heart,
it would be "Love Actually."
64
00:02:03,489 --> 00:02:04,856
Sounds like a medical show.
65
00:02:04,857 --> 00:02:07,225
Look, everyone in that movie
behaves horribly, okay?
66
00:02:07,226 --> 00:02:08,860
A guy hits on his best friend's wife,
67
00:02:08,861 --> 00:02:10,228
but everybody thinks it's okay
68
00:02:10,229 --> 00:02:12,197
because he wrote it down
on big cards? Come on.
69
00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:14,833
It's easy to be cynical, but
the heart wants what it wants.
70
00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:15,617
Well, at least it ends
71
00:02:15,618 --> 00:02:17,168
with people chasing each
other through an airport,
72
00:02:17,169 --> 00:02:18,570
so points for originality.
73
00:02:18,571 --> 00:02:22,173
I'm sorry. How should it have ended?
74
00:02:22,174 --> 00:02:24,542
Wait, are we really fighting right here?
75
00:02:24,543 --> 00:02:27,245
No, I thought this was,
like, playful banter.
76
00:02:27,246 --> 00:02:28,513
Well, it's just...
77
00:02:28,514 --> 00:02:31,583
you're making fun of my
favorite romantic movie
78
00:02:31,584 --> 00:02:33,585
right before we have sex.
79
00:02:33,586 --> 00:02:36,421
Ah. You're right.
80
00:02:36,422 --> 00:02:38,423
You're absolutely right. I'm sorry.
81
00:02:38,424 --> 00:02:41,293
It's a great movie.
82
00:02:44,430 --> 00:02:47,065
I didn't make fun of you
for your comic books.
83
00:02:47,066 --> 00:02:48,566
Oh. [Exhales sharply]
84
00:02:48,567 --> 00:02:50,301
"Graphic novels."
85
00:02:50,302 --> 00:02:53,305
[Chuckling] Okay. Graphic novels.
86
00:02:54,740 --> 00:02:57,742
All right. Wow.
87
00:02:57,743 --> 00:03:00,145
I didn't know you were, uh...
you were sitting on this.
88
00:03:00,146 --> 00:03:02,547
I haven't been sitting on that.
89
00:03:02,548 --> 00:03:05,584
It spilled out pretty fast after
I made fun of your stupid movie.
90
00:03:10,589 --> 00:03:12,257
[Sighs]
91
00:03:12,258 --> 00:03:15,126
- Do you want to still do this?
- Not really.
92
00:03:15,127 --> 00:03:16,261
- You?
- No.
93
00:03:16,262 --> 00:03:17,595
Okay, then.
94
00:03:17,596 --> 00:03:19,264
Dana: If the "Cloverfield"
monster does come,
95
00:03:19,265 --> 00:03:20,632
he's on his own.
96
00:03:20,633 --> 00:03:22,600
[Horns honking]
97
00:03:22,601 --> 00:03:25,103
- So, how was the big night with Dana?
- Oh.
98
00:03:25,104 --> 00:03:27,305
Oh, it didn't happen.
You know, no big deal.
99
00:03:27,306 --> 00:03:29,207
What? How long have you
been seeing each other?
100
00:03:29,208 --> 00:03:31,840
You know, a totally normal amount
of time where this isn't an issue.
101
00:03:31,841 --> 00:03:33,052
And we should move on to another topic.
102
00:03:33,053 --> 00:03:35,313
Told you if you waited,
things would get weird.
103
00:03:35,314 --> 00:03:36,405
Look, it wasn't my choice, man.
104
00:03:36,406 --> 00:03:38,449
Like, I was talking about that
stupid movie, "Love Actually,"
105
00:03:38,450 --> 00:03:40,451
and she got offended,
and then she revealed
106
00:03:40,452 --> 00:03:42,787
her bizarre prejudice
against graphic novels.
107
00:03:42,788 --> 00:03:44,722
- "Comic books."
- Don't you start with me.
108
00:03:44,723 --> 00:03:46,558
First off, "Love Actually"
is brilliant, okay?
109
00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:47,559
It's "Ocean's Eleven,"
110
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,127
but they're stealing each others' hearts.
111
00:03:49,128 --> 00:03:52,463
Secondly, you can't ever
criticize a woman's taste
112
00:03:52,464 --> 00:03:54,132
until after you sleep with them.
113
00:03:54,133 --> 00:03:55,466
So when did you start telling Amy
114
00:03:55,467 --> 00:03:58,169
how you really feel
about things she likes?
115
00:03:58,170 --> 00:04:02,507
I... a-a very... uh, long time ago.
116
00:04:02,508 --> 00:04:04,075
Okay. I'm-a tell you exactly
how to handle this.
117
00:04:04,076 --> 00:04:05,210
- First thing you're gonna...
- Aah!
118
00:04:05,211 --> 00:04:07,078
All right, all right, all right.
Look, enough.
119
00:04:07,079 --> 00:04:08,680
I don't need your help with
any of this, all right?
120
00:04:08,681 --> 00:04:10,348
I'm a dating Jedi.
121
00:04:10,349 --> 00:04:12,851
[Imitates energy warbling]
122
00:04:12,852 --> 00:04:14,385
That was a lightsaber.
123
00:04:14,386 --> 00:04:15,386
- Oh.
- Oh.
124
00:04:15,387 --> 00:04:18,256
Yep.
125
00:04:18,257 --> 00:04:19,977
- Oh, you forgot your...
- ah-Ba-Ba-Ba.
126
00:04:22,494 --> 00:04:24,362
- What are you doing?
- Fixing everything.
127
00:04:24,363 --> 00:04:27,332
How does Peter text?
128
00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:29,167
"Wassup, girl?"
129
00:04:29,168 --> 00:04:30,602
Yeah, that feels right.
130
00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:34,138
I mean, what else is Peter
gonna hate that I love?
131
00:04:34,139 --> 00:04:37,108
Is nothing sacred? Joni Mitchell?
132
00:04:37,109 --> 00:04:38,309
Light rain?
133
00:04:38,310 --> 00:04:40,478
Brunch? "Oh, I'm sorry. I
can't go to brunch today.
134
00:04:40,479 --> 00:04:42,780
I'm reading my graphic novels."
135
00:04:42,781 --> 00:04:44,182
Do you mean "comic books"?
136
00:04:44,183 --> 00:04:46,651
- Thank you!
- [Cellphone vibrating]
137
00:04:46,652 --> 00:04:48,754
Your phone is trembling.
138
00:04:50,689 --> 00:04:53,224
Yeah, it's Peter.
139
00:04:53,225 --> 00:04:55,193
He's apologizing profusely.
140
00:04:55,194 --> 00:04:56,694
And for some reason,
141
00:04:56,695 --> 00:04:59,464
he's referring to himself
by his first name a lot.
142
00:04:59,465 --> 00:05:01,332
So did Tarzan.
143
00:05:01,333 --> 00:05:03,368
I don't know. Do I accept his apology?
144
00:05:03,369 --> 00:05:05,069
Oh, you can't accept it straight off.
145
00:05:05,070 --> 00:05:06,704
You've got to... you know what?
146
00:05:06,705 --> 00:05:08,673
Why don't I just handle it?
147
00:05:08,674 --> 00:05:09,841
No, don't. No, no, no, no, no, no.
148
00:05:09,842 --> 00:05:11,843
"Dear Peter, this is Dana.
149
00:05:11,844 --> 00:05:14,412
"Thanks for the apology.
150
00:05:14,413 --> 00:05:16,748
"But there's someone else
who deserves an apology,
151
00:05:16,749 --> 00:05:19,684
"and that certain someone
is Richard Curtis,
152
00:05:19,685 --> 00:05:23,521
writer and director of 'Love Actually.'"
153
00:05:23,522 --> 00:05:24,756
I'm good.
154
00:05:24,757 --> 00:05:27,258
And movie-camera emoji.
No, no! No emojis!
155
00:05:27,259 --> 00:05:29,720
Emojis are the sexy baby voice of texting.
156
00:05:29,721 --> 00:05:31,329
No, really. No emojis.
Don't do... don't.
157
00:05:31,330 --> 00:05:33,264
If you struggle, I'm
only going to add more.
158
00:05:33,265 --> 00:05:34,299
Absolutely not.
159
00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:36,100
- There. I've added a smiling poop.
- [Groans]
160
00:05:36,101 --> 00:05:38,202
[Chuckles]
161
00:05:38,203 --> 00:05:39,504
Her emoji game is on point.
162
00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:41,105
"Hey, Dana.
163
00:05:41,106 --> 00:05:44,609
"I should probably give
the movie another chance.
164
00:05:44,610 --> 00:05:47,779
Movie night with Amy and David?"
165
00:05:47,780 --> 00:05:50,615
Wink face. Sunglass face.
166
00:05:50,616 --> 00:05:52,417
Smiling octopus. Boom.
167
00:05:52,418 --> 00:05:54,719
Hey, guys, have you seen my... oh, God!
168
00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:55,853
What are you doing?
169
00:05:55,854 --> 00:05:57,108
Me, you, Amy, and Dana
170
00:05:57,109 --> 00:05:58,623
are watching "Love
Actually" tomorrow night.
171
00:05:58,624 --> 00:06:00,825
- You're welcome.
- You didn't try to stop him?
172
00:06:00,826 --> 00:06:02,101
No, as soon as he started doing that,
173
00:06:02,102 --> 00:06:03,284
I started screwing with his phone.
174
00:06:03,285 --> 00:06:04,829
Buy flowers on the way home.
175
00:06:04,830 --> 00:06:06,831
What?! Come on! [Laughs]
176
00:06:06,832 --> 00:06:08,266
Did you know about this?
177
00:06:08,267 --> 00:06:10,768
- Our reviews are... Th-Th-they're terrible.
- [Sighs]
178
00:06:10,769 --> 00:06:14,105
We are getting trashed on the yelp.
179
00:06:14,106 --> 00:06:16,307
Dad, you cannot let these
Internet comments bug you.
180
00:06:16,308 --> 00:06:18,142
Oh, no. No, no, no. I am fighting back.
181
00:06:18,143 --> 00:06:20,645
I am going to downvote this website
182
00:06:20,646 --> 00:06:23,181
just as soon as I hotlink their data bank.
183
00:06:23,182 --> 00:06:24,415
Mm.
184
00:06:24,416 --> 00:06:26,617
So many of those words
were almost right. Just...
185
00:06:26,618 --> 00:06:28,186
Did you call Dana "shorty"?
186
00:06:28,187 --> 00:06:29,320
Word.
187
00:06:29,321 --> 00:06:31,290
- Don't do that.
- I know.
188
00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:35,093
[Indistinct conversations]
189
00:06:35,094 --> 00:06:35,860
Tucker: Oh, my.
190
00:06:35,861 --> 00:06:39,130
That's a very bright book you're perusing.
191
00:06:39,131 --> 00:06:41,099
Would you like some sunglasses
to help you look at it?
192
00:06:41,100 --> 00:06:42,600
It's thematically very interesting.
193
00:06:42,601 --> 00:06:44,135
I mean, the guardians are just
194
00:06:44,136 --> 00:06:45,436
representations of society misfits.
195
00:06:45,437 --> 00:06:48,606
They're tackling racism,
sexism, xenophobia...
196
00:06:48,607 --> 00:06:51,776
and look at the jigglies
on that green girl.
197
00:06:51,777 --> 00:06:53,111
Peter wants to watch the movie.
198
00:06:53,112 --> 00:06:55,447
The least can do is read one of his c...
199
00:06:56,148 --> 00:06:57,148
graphic novels.
200
00:06:57,149 --> 00:06:59,150
So close.
I'm gonna get it.
201
00:06:59,151 --> 00:07:01,185
Admit it. Comic books.
202
00:07:01,186 --> 00:07:04,222
Where was I? Oh, that's right.
203
00:07:04,223 --> 00:07:05,723
Kapow!
204
00:07:05,724 --> 00:07:09,327
"A delightful romp through
London and beyond."
205
00:07:09,328 --> 00:07:10,762
I mean, do you think it's possible that
206
00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:12,230
there's two movies named "Love Actually"?
207
00:07:12,231 --> 00:07:14,365
You're working way too hard at this, man.
208
00:07:14,366 --> 00:07:16,167
She just wants you to say, "you're right.
209
00:07:16,168 --> 00:07:18,369
"It's great. Everything you like is great.
210
00:07:18,370 --> 00:07:20,371
And I'm wrong about everything, Amy."
211
00:07:20,372 --> 00:07:23,174
"D-Dana." Sorry. That's a force of habit.
212
00:07:23,175 --> 00:07:24,075
Lawrence...
213
00:07:24,076 --> 00:07:27,512
Chill dude twenty two.
214
00:07:27,513 --> 00:07:29,847
Is this a stroke? Did we
just get the business?
215
00:07:29,848 --> 00:07:32,383
Peter: Oh, that's cute. He
thinks he's in the will.
216
00:07:32,384 --> 00:07:34,085
This is the guy who's been killing us.
217
00:07:34,086 --> 00:07:37,088
But I just fired off a few choice retorts.
218
00:07:37,089 --> 00:07:38,289
I have a feeling he'll think twice
219
00:07:38,290 --> 00:07:39,657
before coming at this guy again.
220
00:07:39,658 --> 00:07:42,326
I can only assume this is you.
221
00:07:42,327 --> 00:07:45,196
"Do I enter my name here?" [Chuckles]
222
00:07:45,197 --> 00:07:46,664
Turns out, that was where you entered it.
223
00:07:46,665 --> 00:07:48,800
Do not engage this guy, dad.
224
00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:50,401
It's the Barbra Streisand effect.
225
00:07:50,402 --> 00:07:52,366
You say that like I should know
what you're talking about.
226
00:07:52,367 --> 00:07:54,338
She was trying to hide the
photos of her big, fancy house.
227
00:07:54,339 --> 00:07:57,642
By engaging, she just brought
more attention to the photos.
228
00:07:57,643 --> 00:07:59,677
You see, by trying to minimize a problem,
229
00:07:59,678 --> 00:08:01,446
you're actually making it bigger.
230
00:08:01,447 --> 00:08:03,448
Disagree... just keep it
intelligent and specific,
231
00:08:03,449 --> 00:08:04,715
and you can't go wrong. Well, I did say
232
00:08:04,716 --> 00:08:08,786
some fairly specific
things about his mother.
233
00:08:08,787 --> 00:08:12,424
I think there are two b's in "gobbler."
234
00:08:13,158 --> 00:08:16,194
I thought the characters
in all the graphic novels
235
00:08:16,195 --> 00:08:18,162
were great.
236
00:08:18,163 --> 00:08:20,164
I especially liked Magnet-o.
237
00:08:20,165 --> 00:08:22,467
Magneto. Don't correct her. She's trying.
238
00:08:22,468 --> 00:08:25,136
Yeah. I mean, he's the best, right?
239
00:08:25,137 --> 00:08:26,804
Do the ends justify the means?
240
00:08:26,805 --> 00:08:30,074
Is evil in the service of good evil?
241
00:08:30,075 --> 00:08:31,442
Could he have a cooler helmet?
242
00:08:31,443 --> 00:08:33,277
To Magnet-o.
243
00:08:33,278 --> 00:08:35,446
Mag... net-o.
244
00:08:35,447 --> 00:08:37,748
Good evening, and welcome.
245
00:08:37,749 --> 00:08:41,949
November 2003... the iPhone
hadn't been invented,
246
00:08:42,154 --> 00:08:45,456
my beautiful wife was entering
her first blush of womanhood,
247
00:08:45,457 --> 00:08:46,791
and Hugh Grant was
248
00:08:46,792 --> 00:08:49,794
the Prime Minister of Great Britain.
249
00:08:49,795 --> 00:08:51,796
Did I misspeak?
250
00:08:51,797 --> 00:08:55,099
Or am I transporting us
to a different time?
251
00:08:55,100 --> 00:08:56,767
A better time,
252
00:08:56,768 --> 00:09:00,505
the time of "Love Actually."
253
00:09:00,506 --> 00:09:03,174
Without further ado. [Beep]
254
00:09:03,175 --> 00:09:06,177
Oh, wow. I mean, that's...
that's beautiful already.
255
00:09:06,178 --> 00:09:07,278
You see that?
256
00:09:07,279 --> 00:09:09,280
I-I-I didn't remember how
warm the colors were
257
00:09:09,281 --> 00:09:10,448
in this movie.
258
00:09:10,449 --> 00:09:12,116
[Inhales deeply] Now,
if I'm not mistaken...
259
00:09:12,117 --> 00:09:14,152
and correct me if I'm wrong, David...
260
00:09:14,153 --> 00:09:16,288
that's the work of Michael Coulter.
261
00:09:17,656 --> 00:09:20,292
Studying up was so worth it.
262
00:09:21,326 --> 00:09:23,694
All right.
263
00:09:23,695 --> 00:09:25,096
We did it. [Applause]
264
00:09:25,097 --> 00:09:26,397
That was, um... that was...
265
00:09:26,398 --> 00:09:27,398
Boring.
266
00:09:27,399 --> 00:09:28,466
It was touching.
267
00:09:28,467 --> 00:09:29,700
I-I mean it.
268
00:09:29,701 --> 00:09:31,802
I almost welled up a little
bit at the end there.
269
00:09:31,803 --> 00:09:33,804
[Voice breaking] You're
a stronger man than I.
270
00:09:33,805 --> 00:09:36,107
[Sighing]
271
00:09:36,108 --> 00:09:39,777
Dana: Finally, we're back on track.
272
00:09:39,778 --> 00:09:41,313
[Smooches]
273
00:09:43,067 --> 00:09:44,282
Is that a "let's get out of here look"
274
00:09:44,283 --> 00:09:47,452
or a "my contact is slipping" look?
275
00:09:48,353 --> 00:09:49,687
Do you wear contacts?
276
00:09:49,688 --> 00:09:52,089
No. You want to get out of here?
277
00:09:52,090 --> 00:09:53,658
- Bingo.
- Amy: I'm impressed.
278
00:09:53,659 --> 00:09:55,726
Your first big fight was
a lot shorter than ours
279
00:09:55,727 --> 00:09:56,827
when we were first dating.
280
00:09:56,828 --> 00:09:59,330
Took David two whole days to apologize.
281
00:09:59,331 --> 00:10:01,098
I wouldn't call it "apologize."
282
00:10:01,099 --> 00:10:02,767
More like "conceded."
283
00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:04,802
We should probably go, right?
[Clears throat]
284
00:10:04,803 --> 00:10:06,671
And you did... apologize.
285
00:10:06,672 --> 00:10:09,507
Well... not what I'd call it.
286
00:10:09,508 --> 00:10:11,242
Well, thank you for setting up tonight.
287
00:10:11,243 --> 00:10:12,343
Yeah, of course.
288
00:10:12,344 --> 00:10:14,312
Before you head out, let me
just run this scenario by you.
289
00:10:14,313 --> 00:10:15,680
2007.
290
00:10:15,681 --> 00:10:18,182
I'm throwing the first of
what would prove to be
291
00:10:18,183 --> 00:10:20,718
many, many successful parties.
292
00:10:20,719 --> 00:10:22,820
I made this triple-chocolate cake
293
00:10:22,821 --> 00:10:25,223
that was gonna change a few lives.
294
00:10:25,224 --> 00:10:29,424
Then David shows up...
with generic ice cream.
295
00:10:30,195 --> 00:10:31,495
[Laughs]
296
00:10:31,496 --> 00:10:32,730
[Laughs]
297
00:10:32,731 --> 00:10:35,266
You know, you say that
like a newscaster says,
298
00:10:35,267 --> 00:10:37,268
"and the bodies were never recovered."
299
00:10:37,269 --> 00:10:40,271
We're talking about cake and ice cream.
300
00:10:40,272 --> 00:10:42,807
Such a natural combination,
wouldn't you agree?
301
00:10:42,808 --> 00:10:44,508
Some people even cut out the middle man
302
00:10:44,509 --> 00:10:46,110
and get themselves an ice-cream cake.
303
00:10:46,111 --> 00:10:47,578
- I mean, I... I think...
- I wouldn't get involved.
304
00:10:47,579 --> 00:10:50,248
I was throwing a dinner party,
not a 5-year-old's birthday.
305
00:10:50,249 --> 00:10:53,084
You know what? It was
a nice gesture, okay?
306
00:10:53,085 --> 00:10:55,519
I thought ahead, and I did something nice.
307
00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:57,255
And I said "no," and you pushed.
308
00:10:57,256 --> 00:10:58,422
You threw my ice cream away.
309
00:10:58,423 --> 00:11:00,591
You threw it in the garbage
like it was garbage.
310
00:11:00,592 --> 00:11:02,593
I was surprised you didn't
take it out and eat it.
311
00:11:02,594 --> 00:11:05,596
I eat one sleeve of Oreos one
time out of the garbage,
312
00:11:05,597 --> 00:11:07,684
and then suddenly I'm a garbage monster.
313
00:11:07,685 --> 00:11:09,166
Rum raisin and triple-chocolate cake...
314
00:11:09,167 --> 00:11:10,735
how do those even go together?!
315
00:11:10,736 --> 00:11:12,403
Everything goes with everything!
316
00:11:12,404 --> 00:11:15,206
The possibilities are limitless!
317
00:11:15,207 --> 00:11:18,509
Thanks for watching the movie.
You didn't have to.
318
00:11:18,510 --> 00:11:19,844
Uh, I kind of did.
319
00:11:19,845 --> 00:11:22,079
- You kind of did.
- I kind of did.
320
00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:25,383
See, this is good. We're
already joking about this.
321
00:11:25,384 --> 00:11:28,219
We won't be fighting about
it five years from now.
322
00:11:28,220 --> 00:11:30,755
He thinks we're still gonna
be together in five years?
323
00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:31,856
Did I just propose?
324
00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:33,157
Who knew throwing a party
325
00:11:33,158 --> 00:11:35,626
would be so dangerous for a relationship?
326
00:11:35,627 --> 00:11:37,161
Yeah, Amy's a tough one.
327
00:11:37,162 --> 00:11:40,164
Yeah. Sometimes.
328
00:11:40,165 --> 00:11:41,399
Not really in this case, though.
329
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:44,201
She threw his ice cream in the garbage.
330
00:11:44,202 --> 00:11:46,437
Well, she'd been planning a party for weeks
331
00:11:46,438 --> 00:11:47,805
down to every last detail,
332
00:11:47,806 --> 00:11:50,308
and he hits a gas station
on the way home and thinks,
333
00:11:50,309 --> 00:11:53,110
"Oh, great idea... gas-station ice cream."
334
00:11:53,111 --> 00:11:54,578
Why are you having this argument?
335
00:11:54,579 --> 00:11:56,080
Just calm yourself down.
336
00:11:56,081 --> 00:11:58,215
Look at his super-cute face.
337
00:11:58,216 --> 00:12:00,651
All I'm saying is that it's
the thought that counts.
338
00:12:00,652 --> 00:12:03,187
You know who says, "it's
the thought that counts"?
339
00:12:03,188 --> 00:12:04,088
People that don't really
340
00:12:04,089 --> 00:12:05,423
put a whole lot of thought into anything.
341
00:12:05,424 --> 00:12:06,590
It's the people
342
00:12:06,591 --> 00:12:08,426
that give back-rub coupons
on Valentine's day.
343
00:12:08,427 --> 00:12:11,095
Oh, God. Shut mouth, have sex.
Shut mouth, have sex!
344
00:12:11,096 --> 00:12:13,297
Cake and ice cream. Damn it!
345
00:12:13,298 --> 00:12:15,633
Everybody loves cake and ice cream.
346
00:12:15,634 --> 00:12:17,134
Not Amy, though, and it was her party.
347
00:12:17,135 --> 00:12:18,269
Come on. We are doing this again.
348
00:12:18,270 --> 00:12:20,104
No. No, we're not. We're gonna get a cab.
349
00:12:20,105 --> 00:12:21,593
And we're gonna go home,
and we're gonna have sex.
350
00:12:21,594 --> 00:12:23,507
- Can you... no! What does this mean?
- It doesn't mean anything. Taxi!
351
00:12:23,508 --> 00:12:25,743
Why can't we manage to sleep
together without getting in a brawl?
352
00:12:25,744 --> 00:12:27,678
People who don't like each
other manage to have sex.
353
00:12:27,679 --> 00:12:30,614
People that don't know each
other manage to have sex.
354
00:12:30,615 --> 00:12:32,149
I don't think it means anything, all right?
355
00:12:32,150 --> 00:12:33,150
Fights are contagious.
356
00:12:33,151 --> 00:12:34,819
We just caught Amy and
David's fight, all right?
357
00:12:34,820 --> 00:12:36,320
It's the universe.
358
00:12:36,321 --> 00:12:38,823
It's contagious. It's bad seafood.
359
00:12:38,824 --> 00:12:43,024
It's a thousands things. Maybe it's us.
360
00:12:43,128 --> 00:12:46,097
All right, maybe it is.
361
00:12:46,098 --> 00:12:48,065
Yeah, maybe this isn't supposed to happen.
362
00:12:48,066 --> 00:12:52,266
We seem to go well
together in so many ways.
363
00:12:52,571 --> 00:12:55,540
But we always find ourselves back here.
364
00:12:57,442 --> 00:12:59,411
Here's your taxi.
365
00:13:06,518 --> 00:13:08,753
[Car door closes]
366
00:13:17,629 --> 00:13:20,765
Why do swimming trophies
always make you so sad?
367
00:13:20,766 --> 00:13:23,234
No, it's not that, although we can agree
368
00:13:23,235 --> 00:13:26,137
their fish-like mastery
of water is unnatural.
369
00:13:26,138 --> 00:13:27,405
Oh, it's terrifying.
370
00:13:27,406 --> 00:13:29,007
- I don't trust the way they move.
- Mnh-mnh.
371
00:13:29,008 --> 00:13:30,441
No, it's just this thing with Dana.
372
00:13:30,442 --> 00:13:32,143
I don't think it's gonna work out.
373
00:13:32,144 --> 00:13:33,677
Oh. Yeah, but you're a dating Jedi.
374
00:13:33,678 --> 00:13:35,079
[Chuckles]
375
00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:37,415
I don't know. Use the force
to solve all your problems.
376
00:13:37,416 --> 00:13:40,251
Well, I resign as a dating Jedi.
377
00:13:40,252 --> 00:13:43,187
And plus, that shows a
total misunderstanding
378
00:13:43,188 --> 00:13:44,789
of the way the force works.
379
00:13:44,790 --> 00:13:46,123
Do you want my advice or not?
380
00:13:46,124 --> 00:13:48,793
Because I know what the problem is.
381
00:13:48,794 --> 00:13:49,860
- You do?
- Mm-hmm.
382
00:13:49,861 --> 00:13:52,863
Okay, then. Lay it on me.
383
00:13:52,864 --> 00:13:56,567
Here's the deal. You guys
are self-sabotaging.
384
00:13:56,568 --> 00:13:58,602
You're letting these small things blow up
385
00:13:58,603 --> 00:14:00,438
so you can avoid the larger issue.
386
00:14:00,439 --> 00:14:03,441
This relationship feels different.
387
00:14:03,442 --> 00:14:05,443
I mean, sex isn't just sex.
388
00:14:05,444 --> 00:14:08,345
It's a step on the road to commitment.
389
00:14:08,346 --> 00:14:10,147
So you're both looking for an excuse
390
00:14:10,148 --> 00:14:12,783
to not have to take that
step because, once you do,
391
00:14:12,784 --> 00:14:14,486
there might be no coming back.
392
00:14:17,155 --> 00:14:18,456
[Imitates explosion]
393
00:14:18,457 --> 00:14:21,125
[Chuckles]
394
00:14:21,126 --> 00:14:23,561
That is, uh... that's very wise.
395
00:14:23,562 --> 00:14:25,496
[As Yoda] Help you, I did.
396
00:14:25,497 --> 00:14:27,498
- No, no.
- [Normal voice] Uh, went for Yoda.
397
00:14:27,499 --> 00:14:29,734
- Swing and a miss.
- [Chuckles]
398
00:14:32,237 --> 00:14:33,437
- Dad?
- Hi.
399
00:14:33,438 --> 00:14:35,272
You've got to stop posting
back and forth with this guy.
400
00:14:35,273 --> 00:14:38,709
Oh, he just has this irrational
obsession with attacking us.
401
00:14:38,710 --> 00:14:40,377
What did we do to anger him?
402
00:14:40,378 --> 00:14:43,247
Well, you wrote, "I swear
on everything holy,
403
00:14:43,248 --> 00:14:46,217
I will find you and destroy
everything you love," so...
404
00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:48,085
And now we're crossing into the bad place.
405
00:14:48,086 --> 00:14:50,354
Oh, well, chill dude did
say one nice thing.
406
00:14:50,355 --> 00:14:52,189
He compliments the beautiful sales rep
407
00:14:52,190 --> 00:14:54,091
with the sultry voice... Chloe.
408
00:14:54,092 --> 00:14:55,693
Oh. [Chuckles]
409
00:14:55,694 --> 00:14:57,561
Dad, if you're determined
to do the crazy thing
410
00:14:57,562 --> 00:14:59,096
of confronting this guy,
411
00:14:59,097 --> 00:15:01,599
then you should probably
have one of us go along.
412
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:02,666
It should be me.
413
00:15:02,667 --> 00:15:04,568
Oh, it doesn't matter anyway.
414
00:15:04,569 --> 00:15:06,804
He's got no real information online.
415
00:15:06,805 --> 00:15:08,539
He's a ghost.
416
00:15:08,540 --> 00:15:10,641
[Sighs] Just track his habits
by his number of check-ins,
417
00:15:10,642 --> 00:15:12,610
reviews by days of the week,
418
00:15:12,611 --> 00:15:17,015
and check any exterior photos
for reflections in windows.
419
00:15:18,283 --> 00:15:20,485
This is what I do.
420
00:15:22,187 --> 00:15:25,122
Tucker: Which brings us
to "Bridge to the Bronx"
421
00:15:25,123 --> 00:15:27,858
a novel by Michael Chessler.
422
00:15:27,859 --> 00:15:31,529
We shall see. Now, where is he on this?
423
00:15:31,530 --> 00:15:33,130
Do we have a...
424
00:15:33,131 --> 00:15:35,266
Word count? _
425
00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:37,468
He's short.
426
00:15:37,469 --> 00:15:40,405
His say his word count was
600,000, but off the bat... _
427
00:15:42,407 --> 00:15:45,075
...that is probably a little less,
428
00:15:45,076 --> 00:15:47,344
so let's check in with Michael _
429
00:15:47,345 --> 00:15:49,847
about where he is on the word count
430
00:15:49,848 --> 00:15:51,282
because that needs to be delivered _
431
00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:55,853
by the end of the month before
we can get this to press. _
432
00:15:55,854 --> 00:15:58,155
[Indistinct conversation]
433
00:15:58,156 --> 00:16:02,259
Now, my main problem is
with chapter four, _
434
00:16:02,260 --> 00:16:06,460
down on the middle of paragraph three. _
435
00:16:06,948 --> 00:16:09,667
_
436
00:16:09,668 --> 00:16:13,037
So, halfway down, he's
uses the word "soon."
437
00:16:14,539 --> 00:16:17,141
Now, I'm not really...
438
00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:18,777
[Indistinct conversation]
439
00:16:20,545 --> 00:16:23,515
You made the cards from the movie.
440
00:16:24,766 --> 00:16:25,583
_
441
00:16:25,584 --> 00:16:28,853
Oh. [Chuckles] _
442
00:16:29,788 --> 00:16:32,556
She's smart. _
443
00:16:32,557 --> 00:16:34,359
She's really smart.
444
00:16:34,861 --> 00:16:36,627
_
445
00:16:36,628 --> 00:16:39,430
I don't know if that's a good idea.
446
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:44,201
'Cause I don't finish work for a long time,
447
00:16:44,202 --> 00:16:45,769
so it should probably happen right now.
448
00:16:45,770 --> 00:16:47,605
I'm gonna...
449
00:16:47,606 --> 00:16:50,374
Going home sex... six.
450
00:16:50,375 --> 00:16:52,076
Going home sick.
451
00:16:52,077 --> 00:16:54,645
It's about bloody time!
452
00:16:54,646 --> 00:16:57,748
[Smooches]
453
00:16:57,749 --> 00:16:59,851
Straight people. [Laughter]
454
00:17:03,822 --> 00:17:05,656
[Coughing] Lawrence.
455
00:17:05,657 --> 00:17:09,126
Chill dude.
456
00:17:09,127 --> 00:17:12,262
All right, he's got to be here.
He eats here every day.
457
00:17:12,263 --> 00:17:15,433
Okay, he just posted.
He's here right now.
458
00:17:20,772 --> 00:17:23,107
Lawrence chill dude twenty two?
459
00:17:23,108 --> 00:17:25,333
Who wants to know?
460
00:17:25,334 --> 00:17:26,366
[Scoffs] William Cooper,
461
00:17:26,367 --> 00:17:28,445
owner and proprietor of
Cooper and Sons Trophies.
462
00:17:28,446 --> 00:17:31,682
"Owner" and "proprietor" are synonyms.
463
00:17:31,683 --> 00:17:33,450
Enchant?, boo.
464
00:17:33,451 --> 00:17:34,551
Hard pass.
465
00:17:34,552 --> 00:17:36,286
So, what do you want?
466
00:17:36,287 --> 00:17:39,123
Look, just tell me one thing. Why?
467
00:17:39,124 --> 00:17:40,724
What did we ever do to you?
468
00:17:40,725 --> 00:17:42,726
- You made a trophy for my karate class.
- Yeah?
469
00:17:42,727 --> 00:17:45,095
Rough seams, skewed lettering.
470
00:17:45,096 --> 00:17:46,330
You mailed it in.
471
00:17:46,331 --> 00:17:47,901
What's that?
472
00:17:47,902 --> 00:17:50,134
- Uh, well, I thought you'd be older and...
- Don't... um...
473
00:17:50,135 --> 00:17:51,335
World's biggest [Bleep]
474
00:17:51,336 --> 00:17:53,504
I apologize.
475
00:17:53,505 --> 00:17:55,673
Don't. Solid construction.
476
00:17:55,674 --> 00:17:57,675
Your passion shines through.
477
00:17:57,676 --> 00:18:01,876
All right, look. Will you please
take down your bad reviews?
478
00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:03,647
Sure... if she goes to homecoming with me.
479
00:18:03,648 --> 00:18:05,182
- It's done.
- What?!
480
00:18:05,183 --> 00:18:06,183
Hmm?
481
00:18:06,184 --> 00:18:07,518
You can pick me up at 8:00.
482
00:18:07,519 --> 00:18:10,120
What do I have going on that's so great?
483
00:18:10,121 --> 00:18:11,956
[Imitates rocket]
484
00:18:13,224 --> 00:18:14,825
Hi, honey.
485
00:18:14,826 --> 00:18:16,093
Nothing, just working.
486
00:18:16,094 --> 00:18:18,262
Wait a second. I wasn't
doing anything wrong.
487
00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:20,597
[Chuckling] You're good.
488
00:18:20,598 --> 00:18:24,234
I, um, brought something for you.
489
00:18:24,235 --> 00:18:27,538
What? Cake and ice cream?
490
00:18:27,539 --> 00:18:29,373
[Gasps] Wait a second. Is this a trap?
491
00:18:29,374 --> 00:18:31,175
This feels a lot like a trap.
492
00:18:31,176 --> 00:18:33,143
Although I am excellent
at setting traps, no.
493
00:18:33,144 --> 00:18:34,478
This isn't one.
494
00:18:34,479 --> 00:18:37,147
I was talking to Dana, and I realized why
495
00:18:37,148 --> 00:18:39,583
I got so upset about the
ice cream at that party.
496
00:18:39,584 --> 00:18:41,385
I was worried it meant
497
00:18:41,386 --> 00:18:44,521
I didn't have the same
tastes as my future husband.
498
00:18:44,522 --> 00:18:47,191
You knew all the way back then
499
00:18:47,192 --> 00:18:48,859
that I was gonna be your future husband?
500
00:18:48,860 --> 00:18:51,362
I knew the moment we met.
501
00:18:56,201 --> 00:18:58,269
Aww.
502
00:18:59,337 --> 00:19:01,171
But also, wow, that is a
real son-of-a-bitch move.
503
00:19:01,172 --> 00:19:03,207
I can see why you got so pissed.
504
00:19:03,208 --> 00:19:05,209
My blood is like literally boiling!
505
00:19:05,210 --> 00:19:07,611
Aw, that was good ice cream.
506
00:19:07,612 --> 00:19:09,480
I accept your implied apology.
507
00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:11,015
Thank you.
508
00:19:13,251 --> 00:19:14,551
Can you get it out of the trash, please?
509
00:19:14,552 --> 00:19:16,386
It's $14, and I-I just got my nails done.
510
00:19:16,387 --> 00:19:17,554
[Sighs]
511
00:19:17,555 --> 00:19:19,723
You garbage pig!
512
00:19:19,724 --> 00:19:21,459
Come on! [Laughs]
513
00:19:30,235 --> 00:19:32,102
Dana: Yeah, it was.
514
00:19:32,103 --> 00:19:35,205
But honestly, enough with
the stupid note cards.
515
00:19:35,206 --> 00:19:37,207
[Laughs]
516
00:19:37,208 --> 00:19:39,343
That was the worst part of the movie.
517
00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:42,346
Yes! Thank you!
518
00:19:42,347 --> 00:19:43,680
Oh, God.
519
00:19:43,681 --> 00:19:46,517
Now I can finally say what
I've been wanting to say.
520
00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:49,253
So glad this is over with.
521
00:19:49,254 --> 00:19:51,255
I mean... No. [Sighs]
522
00:19:51,256 --> 00:19:54,258
Maybe you should stay
quiet a little longer.
523
00:19:54,259 --> 00:19:57,261
Yeah, I think I'm gonna
go back to shutting up.
524
00:19:57,262 --> 00:19:59,430
Okay.
525
00:20:05,670 --> 00:20:07,070
William: Relationships are funny things.
526
00:20:07,071 --> 00:20:09,206
Aah. Sometimes, you realize right away
527
00:20:09,207 --> 00:20:11,709
- you found your perfect match.
- [Both laugh]
528
00:20:14,112 --> 00:20:18,415
And sometimes, it's not exactly right,
529
00:20:18,416 --> 00:20:21,752
but it's not the end of the world.
530
00:20:21,753 --> 00:20:25,355
And sometimes, you're not
sure if it's right or not,
531
00:20:25,356 --> 00:20:27,191
but you're willing to at
least try to see things
532
00:20:27,192 --> 00:20:30,227
from someone else's perspective.
533
00:20:30,228 --> 00:20:34,498
Yeah, relationships are funny things,
534
00:20:34,499 --> 00:20:36,066
but I'll say this.
535
00:20:36,067 --> 00:20:38,735
[Keyboard clacking] Based
on my recent experience,
536
00:20:38,736 --> 00:20:42,936
I never want my relationship
with Victor's halal cart to end.
537
00:20:44,075 --> 00:20:46,810
Top-notch falafel.
538
00:20:46,811 --> 00:20:49,747
Five stars.
539
00:20:50,959 --> 00:20:58,793
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
540
00:20:58,843 --> 00:21:03,393
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
39712
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