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1
00:00:02,038 --> 00:00:05,023
[upbeat electronic music]
2
00:00:05,108 --> 00:00:11,613
3
00:00:11,665 --> 00:00:13,331
[squeak]
4
00:00:15,218 --> 00:00:16,751
[cash register dings]
5
00:00:16,786 --> 00:00:19,671
Hey, Mike, I heard from
Rosa you guys broke up,
6
00:00:19,756 --> 00:00:21,506
and I know we haven't hung out in a bit.
7
00:00:21,591 --> 00:00:24,092
Just wanted you to know
I... I got your back, bud.
8
00:00:24,127 --> 00:00:25,927
Oh, yeah, thanks, man, appreciate it.
9
00:00:25,962 --> 00:00:28,046
Yeah, hey, you know, I know it's cheesy,
10
00:00:28,131 --> 00:00:31,466
but I brought you Josh's
patented cheer-up kit.
11
00:00:31,551 --> 00:00:34,102
Mm-hmm, sweet, could you, uh,
12
00:00:34,137 --> 00:00:36,137
bring it down and throw
it in the hot air balloon?
13
00:00:36,189 --> 00:00:37,438
Hot air balloon?
14
00:00:37,474 --> 00:00:38,640
- Mike!
- Mike!
15
00:00:38,692 --> 00:00:40,441
[chuckling]
16
00:00:40,477 --> 00:00:42,143
Thank you all so much for coming!
17
00:00:42,195 --> 00:00:44,445
Now that I am single,
I have decided to embark
18
00:00:44,481 --> 00:00:45,813
on a journey most bold:
19
00:00:45,899 --> 00:00:47,315
to have sex with every
woman in the world!
20
00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:48,650
Mike! [laughter]
21
00:00:48,735 --> 00:00:50,151
Do you really think you can romance
22
00:00:50,236 --> 00:00:52,070
the legendary mountain women of Burma?
23
00:00:52,155 --> 00:00:54,288
I shall be "mountain"
all the women of Burma.
24
00:00:54,324 --> 00:00:56,124
Huzzah! [laughter and cheers]
25
00:00:56,159 --> 00:00:58,076
Is it true you plan to visit
the queen in Buckingham Palace?
26
00:00:58,161 --> 00:00:59,911
I'll be bucking her ham palace.
27
00:00:59,996 --> 00:01:02,163
- Huzzah!
- The man's a hero!
28
00:01:02,248 --> 00:01:03,164
What a swell guy.
29
00:01:03,249 --> 00:01:04,549
Mike, I got... I got a question.
30
00:01:04,634 --> 00:01:06,884
Aren't you at all upset about Rosa?
31
00:01:06,970 --> 00:01:08,503
I mean, it seemed like
you were pretty into her.
32
00:01:08,588 --> 00:01:10,254
Look, Josh, Rosa's cool,
33
00:01:10,340 --> 00:01:12,256
but man just isn't wired for monogamy.
34
00:01:12,342 --> 00:01:14,175
I mean, do you think
cavemen were in long-term,
35
00:01:14,227 --> 00:01:15,977
committed relationships? Of course not!
36
00:01:16,012 --> 00:01:17,311
They were in sex balloons!
37
00:01:17,347 --> 00:01:18,680
I... I don't think that's right.
38
00:01:18,732 --> 00:01:21,015
Oh, sure it is. Read Dan Savage.
39
00:01:21,067 --> 00:01:22,684
Farewell, gents!
40
00:01:22,769 --> 00:01:23,685
Thank you, Yang.
41
00:01:23,770 --> 00:01:25,236
Soft hands, Yang.
42
00:01:25,321 --> 00:01:27,021
You've been using my lotion, I see.
43
00:01:27,107 --> 00:01:28,406
[chuckling] Jesus Christ.
44
00:01:28,491 --> 00:01:31,275
[triumphant fanfare]
45
00:01:33,580 --> 00:01:35,029
Should have asked Mike about the ladies
46
00:01:35,081 --> 00:01:36,364
of Lake Titicaca.
47
00:01:36,449 --> 00:01:37,331
He would have had a good one for that.
48
00:01:37,367 --> 00:01:38,950
Probably.
49
00:01:39,035 --> 00:01:40,868
So much for Columbia Journalism School.
50
00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:42,670
200K down the shitter!
51
00:01:42,706 --> 00:01:45,440
Okay, see you.
52
00:01:45,508 --> 00:01:48,459
[downtempo electronic music]
53
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54
00:01:49,429 --> 00:01:50,928
Ah!
55
00:01:51,014 --> 00:01:54,098
56
00:01:54,184 --> 00:01:56,300
[squeaks]
57
00:01:56,386 --> 00:01:57,885
58
00:01:57,937 --> 00:01:59,387
[growls]
59
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60
00:02:06,466 --> 00:02:09,807
Synced and corrected by OussLP
- www.addic7ed.com
61
00:02:12,736 --> 00:02:14,402
- Hey, Josh.
- Hey.
62
00:02:14,487 --> 00:02:18,406
Don't mind me, just filling
the old water bottle.
63
00:02:18,491 --> 00:02:21,125
I don't mind that because
I'm very pro-hydration.
64
00:02:21,211 --> 00:02:22,577
Okay!
65
00:02:22,629 --> 00:02:24,462
Hi! [laughs]
66
00:02:24,547 --> 00:02:26,130
You want to go hit
that donut truck again?
67
00:02:26,216 --> 00:02:29,751
I can't, really, right
now I... [clears throat]
68
00:02:29,836 --> 00:02:31,753
I got monthly expense reports.
69
00:02:31,805 --> 00:02:33,588
All right, well, would
have been fun to hang.
70
00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:37,508
Yeah, well, uh, sorry
to keep you hanging.
71
00:02:37,594 --> 00:02:40,094
- [laughs]
- 'Cause... [laughs]
72
00:02:40,180 --> 00:02:43,514
Oh, my gosh.
73
00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:46,768
Well, Mike and, uh, Rosa
both seem over the breakup.
74
00:02:46,820 --> 00:02:48,486
Really? Already?
75
00:02:48,571 --> 00:02:54,009
Yeah, no, he's already
off chasing girls, as per.
76
00:02:54,129 --> 00:02:55,359
- Yep.
- And, uh, yeah,
77
00:02:55,445 --> 00:02:57,111
she seems pretty good
whenever we hang out.
78
00:02:57,163 --> 00:02:58,830
Wait, you're hanging out with her?
79
00:02:58,915 --> 00:03:00,498
Yeah, well, I just mean,
like, we work together,
80
00:03:00,583 --> 00:03:02,033
so she, like, asks me to have lunch
81
00:03:02,118 --> 00:03:04,786
or texts me a funny
YouTube link or something.
82
00:03:04,838 --> 00:03:06,921
You don't think she's, like,
putting out signals, do you?
83
00:03:06,956 --> 00:03:09,540
- Definitely not, no.
- Yeah, no.
84
00:03:09,626 --> 00:03:11,509
- She wouldn't be doing that.
- No.
85
00:03:11,594 --> 00:03:12,794
- No way.
- No.
86
00:03:12,879 --> 00:03:14,345
Why would she? She's a pal.
87
00:03:14,430 --> 00:03:16,180
- That's it.
- That's it.
88
00:03:16,266 --> 00:03:17,799
Just a colleague.
89
00:03:17,884 --> 00:03:21,719
[bus departing]
90
00:03:21,805 --> 00:03:23,387
Jesus! Hey, watch where you're going.
91
00:03:23,473 --> 00:03:25,273
- Jesus... what...
- Asshole!
92
00:03:35,819 --> 00:03:36,520
The hell?
93
00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:38,459
_
94
00:03:39,873 --> 00:03:41,823
[ominous music]
95
00:03:41,875 --> 00:03:42,790
[camera shutter clicking]
96
00:03:51,634 --> 00:03:53,084
[metal creaks]
97
00:03:54,804 --> 00:03:55,720
Ah!
98
00:03:55,805 --> 00:03:56,838
[metal door slams]
99
00:03:56,923 --> 00:03:58,556
- Wearing a wire?
- No.
100
00:03:58,641 --> 00:04:01,893
I can't be too safe.
I got a lot of enemies.
101
00:04:01,978 --> 00:04:03,845
You got enemies, who? Who are you?
102
00:04:03,930 --> 00:04:07,098
They call me "Spider." You
know what a spider spins?
103
00:04:07,183 --> 00:04:08,516
[laughs] Truth!
104
00:04:08,568 --> 00:04:10,935
What... what truth is that?
105
00:04:11,020 --> 00:04:13,821
Rosa is into you, man!
106
00:04:13,857 --> 00:04:15,323
Ha-ha-ha!
107
00:04:15,358 --> 00:04:17,074
No, okay, that's a very creative theory.
108
00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:19,577
It's fun to think about.
I've done it myself.
109
00:04:19,662 --> 00:04:21,829
It has been conclusively debunked.
110
00:04:21,865 --> 00:04:23,865
All right, I tried to kiss
her, and she turned me down.
111
00:04:23,950 --> 00:04:25,700
And then she dated my best friend, like,
112
00:04:25,752 --> 00:04:27,451
I... I don't have a chance with her!
113
00:04:27,537 --> 00:04:29,754
And the CIA had nothing
to do with Dallas, ha-ha!
114
00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:31,339
- All right, I... I'm going home.
- Wait!
115
00:04:31,374 --> 00:04:33,007
You don't want to miss
the big show-and-tell!
116
00:04:33,042 --> 00:04:35,259
- Huh?
- Curtains, please, Dreyfus.
117
00:04:35,345 --> 00:04:36,377
Dreyfus?
118
00:04:36,429 --> 00:04:37,879
The mouse did that?
119
00:04:37,964 --> 00:04:41,599
8:48 a.m. today: she's
touching your arm.
120
00:04:41,684 --> 00:04:44,685
11:11 a.m.: another touch, same arm.
121
00:04:44,721 --> 00:04:48,556
12-oh-12 p.m.: different
arm, double touch.
122
00:04:48,641 --> 00:04:50,391
Are you beginning to see the pattern?
123
00:04:50,443 --> 00:04:52,643
Rosa touches my arm when
she laughs at my jokes.
124
00:04:52,729 --> 00:04:54,478
Let's talk about those jokes, Joshua.
125
00:04:54,564 --> 00:04:58,232
Let's venture down that
rabbit hole, hmm, hmm?
126
00:04:58,284 --> 00:05:01,569
Yeah, well, uh, sorry
to keep you hanging.
127
00:05:01,654 --> 00:05:04,455
[Rosa laughs]
128
00:05:04,540 --> 00:05:06,707
Aha. Where's the joke, Joshua?
129
00:05:06,743 --> 00:05:09,493
Oh, uh, I was doing a little
twist on the word "hang."
130
00:05:09,579 --> 00:05:12,830
I heard the twist, but a twist
doesn't make a good joke, hmm!
131
00:05:12,916 --> 00:05:15,549
[shouting] If you can tell me one thing
132
00:05:15,585 --> 00:05:18,920
that you said to her that
is even remotely funny,
133
00:05:19,005 --> 00:05:21,088
I will walk away from all of this.
134
00:05:21,174 --> 00:05:23,391
I will buy a suit. I
will join the rat race.
135
00:05:23,426 --> 00:05:25,309
I will sign up for the
country-club dance, ha-ha!
136
00:05:25,395 --> 00:05:26,978
All right, I think we're done here, bud.
137
00:05:27,063 --> 00:05:29,230
Wait! Solve this riddle, Joshua.
138
00:05:29,265 --> 00:05:32,900
If she's not into you,
why does she walk past
139
00:05:32,936 --> 00:05:35,069
your desk every day?
140
00:05:35,104 --> 00:05:36,771
To get more water from the water cooler!
141
00:05:36,856 --> 00:05:38,656
Get more water from the
water cooler... well, then,
142
00:05:38,741 --> 00:05:41,575
check the water cooler, man.
143
00:05:41,611 --> 00:05:44,111
Check the water cooler!
144
00:05:44,197 --> 00:05:46,998
[suspenseful music]
145
00:05:49,869 --> 00:05:51,752
Oh, my God.
146
00:05:51,788 --> 00:05:55,373
Hey, uh, Vincent, how long has
this water cooler been empty?
147
00:05:55,458 --> 00:05:57,959
That's been broken for months.
148
00:05:58,011 --> 00:06:01,045
[suspenseful music builds]
149
00:06:01,130 --> 00:06:04,932
150
00:06:04,968 --> 00:06:06,434
- Hi, Josh.
- Oh, God!
151
00:06:06,469 --> 00:06:08,469
- Hey.
- Hi.
152
00:06:08,521 --> 00:06:10,554
[both groaning]
153
00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:13,474
So I'm gonna go, uh...
154
00:06:15,144 --> 00:06:16,477
Work at my desk.
155
00:06:16,562 --> 00:06:18,696
[laughs]
156
00:06:18,781 --> 00:06:21,565
[horror music pounds thrice]
157
00:06:27,457 --> 00:06:29,123
So she wasn't filling
up her water bottle;
158
00:06:29,158 --> 00:06:30,825
that was just an excuse
for her to walk past my desk
159
00:06:30,910 --> 00:06:31,909
and talk to me.
160
00:06:31,995 --> 00:06:33,627
Rosa's into me!
161
00:06:33,663 --> 00:06:37,965
Hallelujah, the blind
man has learned to see!
162
00:06:38,001 --> 00:06:40,551
Now we're gonna blow the lid wide open.
163
00:06:40,636 --> 00:06:42,553
We're gonna take this all
the way to the Internet.
164
00:06:42,638 --> 00:06:44,138
We're gonna sing it to
the "Washington Post,"
165
00:06:44,173 --> 00:06:46,007
the AP, the CNN...
166
00:06:46,092 --> 00:06:47,008
[machine gun firing]
167
00:06:47,060 --> 00:06:48,409
Oh!
168
00:06:48,478 --> 00:06:50,011
[machine gun firing]
169
00:06:50,096 --> 00:06:51,395
[groans]
170
00:06:51,481 --> 00:06:52,313
Spider.[car screeching off]
171
00:06:52,348 --> 00:06:54,148
Spider?
172
00:06:54,183 --> 00:06:56,350
Are you okay?
173
00:06:56,402 --> 00:06:58,235
[dramatically] No!
174
00:06:58,321 --> 00:06:59,103
[phone chimes]
175
00:07:02,235 --> 00:07:03,754
_
176
00:07:04,101 --> 00:07:05,860
[laughing]
177
00:07:09,582 --> 00:07:10,865
Hey, Rosa.
178
00:07:10,950 --> 00:07:12,500
Hey, Josh.
179
00:07:12,535 --> 00:07:15,202
Do you maybe want to grab
a drink with me tomorrow?
180
00:07:15,254 --> 00:07:17,204
I'd love to.
181
00:07:17,256 --> 00:07:18,422
Cool.
182
00:07:22,225 --> 00:07:23,188
Sounds good to me.
183
00:07:23,308 --> 00:07:26,925
All right, see you
tomorrow, Rosa, bye-bye.
184
00:07:27,011 --> 00:07:28,427
It's inevitable
185
00:07:28,479 --> 00:07:31,313
[phone buzzing]
186
00:07:32,650 --> 00:07:33,599
[flustered sigh]
187
00:07:33,684 --> 00:07:35,400
Mike?
188
00:07:35,436 --> 00:07:37,102
- How's the trip going?
- Ah, cut it short.
189
00:07:37,187 --> 00:07:38,237
I'm actually heading
back home right now.
190
00:07:38,272 --> 00:07:40,188
Uh, why?
191
00:07:40,274 --> 00:07:42,524
Honestly, I just can't
stop thinking about Rosa.
192
00:07:42,610 --> 00:07:44,159
We flew through the Andes this morning,
193
00:07:44,245 --> 00:07:46,111
and all I could do was
stare at her Instagram.
194
00:07:46,196 --> 00:07:48,247
And I know I was putting on
some front like I didn't care,
195
00:07:48,282 --> 00:07:49,848
but I totally care, man.
196
00:07:49,917 --> 00:07:53,619
Oh, so, so you... you still like her?
197
00:07:53,704 --> 00:07:55,170
I don't like her, dude, I love her.
198
00:07:55,256 --> 00:07:57,422
- [speaking Chinese]
- [speaking Chinese]
199
00:07:57,458 --> 00:08:00,842
Get rid of it. We got... we got to move.
200
00:08:00,928 --> 00:08:04,263
Yeah, no, I'm, like, crazyabout her... like, obsessed, heh.
201
00:08:04,298 --> 00:08:05,797
Anyway, keep an eye
on her for me, buddy.
202
00:08:05,883 --> 00:08:07,716
- Well, uh...
- Love you, okay.
203
00:08:07,801 --> 00:08:09,551
Why'd you dump that out?
204
00:08:09,637 --> 00:08:13,005
So let me pose a interesting
hypothetical situation.
205
00:08:13,073 --> 00:08:16,224
Let's say there's a guy,
normal guy who likes a girl...
206
00:08:16,310 --> 00:08:17,309
You can't go out with Rosa.
207
00:08:17,394 --> 00:08:19,144
- She's into me.
- Nope.
208
00:08:19,229 --> 00:08:21,213
She's been flirting with
me like crazy and, like,
209
00:08:21,282 --> 00:08:23,482
we're going out for drinks, so.
210
00:08:23,567 --> 00:08:26,151
Josh, this would destroy
your relationship with Mike.
211
00:08:26,220 --> 00:08:27,119
It is a tricky one.
212
00:08:27,187 --> 00:08:28,820
It's not a tricky one!
213
00:08:28,889 --> 00:08:32,157
This is... you should not do
this. It's a horrible idea.
214
00:08:32,226 --> 00:08:34,159
Lot of... lot of moving
parts to consider.
215
00:08:34,211 --> 00:08:36,161
You're really... you're not
gonna listen to me, are you?
216
00:08:36,213 --> 00:08:39,998
At least listen to the
infallible prophet, Tiresias.
217
00:08:40,050 --> 00:08:43,719
Josh, you must abandon this quest!
218
00:08:43,804 --> 00:08:45,671
My God, Tiresias, you know, just because
219
00:08:45,723 --> 00:08:48,006
you're an ancient blind
prophet doesn't mean you have be
220
00:08:48,058 --> 00:08:49,641
such a downer all the time.
221
00:08:49,677 --> 00:08:55,230
My prophecy is written in stone!
222
00:08:55,316 --> 00:08:57,733
Are you doing that thing,
the... the blabbing hand?
223
00:08:57,818 --> 00:09:00,852
I can't see it, but I
can feel it, you know.
224
00:09:00,904 --> 00:09:02,354
We're not trying to hurt you.
225
00:09:02,439 --> 00:09:04,189
I mean, it's just coming
from a bit of, like,
226
00:09:04,274 --> 00:09:06,858
"you guys know better than I
do about my own life" place.
227
00:09:06,910 --> 00:09:08,276
- We weren't.
- No, that's not it.
228
00:09:08,362 --> 00:09:10,078
- We don't want you to get hurt.
- Yeah.
229
00:09:10,164 --> 00:09:12,331
You know, 'cause when
you get hurt, we're hurt.
230
00:09:12,366 --> 00:09:14,199
- Yeah, that's right.
- That's fair.
231
00:09:14,251 --> 00:09:16,368
You know, we feel it, and I
don't want to go through that.
232
00:09:16,453 --> 00:09:18,003
Thanks, guys.
233
00:09:18,038 --> 00:09:19,955
Look, I would love
to say, "Go for Rosa,"
234
00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:23,208
but I can't because the
gods have been super clear
235
00:09:23,260 --> 00:09:24,676
that this will end in doom.
236
00:09:24,745 --> 00:09:26,294
Believe me, you don't want doom.
237
00:09:26,380 --> 00:09:28,046
And we don't want doom for you.
238
00:09:28,132 --> 00:09:30,716
Neither of us do, so come on, kiddo!
239
00:09:30,801 --> 00:09:32,601
This is some straight
talk from the Ti-ster.
240
00:09:32,686 --> 00:09:35,103
You got to abandon this quest.
241
00:09:35,189 --> 00:09:37,723
- Well said.
- Yeah, thank you.
242
00:09:37,775 --> 00:09:40,192
- To good friends...
- Mm-hmm.
243
00:09:40,227 --> 00:09:42,277
And good decisions.
244
00:09:42,363 --> 00:09:44,062
- That's a very loaded toast.
- Well.
245
00:09:44,114 --> 00:09:46,615
So you gonna listen?
246
00:09:46,700 --> 00:09:48,734
- Yeah, maybe you're right.
- Mm.
247
00:09:48,786 --> 00:09:51,036
Maybe you're right.
248
00:09:51,071 --> 00:09:51,987
[Mexican music playing]
249
00:09:52,072 --> 00:09:53,238
Mmm!
250
00:09:53,290 --> 00:09:54,740
Mm.
251
00:09:54,792 --> 00:09:55,741
Thank you.
252
00:09:55,826 --> 00:09:56,992
[smacking lips]
253
00:09:57,077 --> 00:09:58,460
[laughs]
254
00:09:59,663 --> 00:10:02,964
Tart. Sour apples.
255
00:10:03,050 --> 00:10:04,716
- More margaritas?
- Ayya.
256
00:10:04,752 --> 00:10:06,001
Ay-ya!
257
00:10:06,086 --> 00:10:07,502
[laughs]
258
00:10:07,588 --> 00:10:08,720
Ay-ya!
259
00:10:08,756 --> 00:10:09,755
[laughs]
260
00:10:09,807 --> 00:10:11,890
Sorry, sorry.
261
00:10:11,925 --> 00:10:14,059
Rosa, oh, no, no, no,
before you say anything...
262
00:10:14,094 --> 00:10:15,260
- Oh, my God!
- Before you say anything...
263
00:10:15,345 --> 00:10:16,261
No, no, no, no.
264
00:10:16,313 --> 00:10:17,929
What are you doing here?
265
00:10:17,981 --> 00:10:19,765
I saw on Instagram
that you're at this bar,
266
00:10:19,817 --> 00:10:21,600
and I... I missed you so much, I just...
267
00:10:21,685 --> 00:10:23,318
You really shouldn't have.
268
00:10:23,404 --> 00:10:25,270
Wait a second, are you,
like, with somebody?
269
00:10:25,322 --> 00:10:26,822
[imitating Mexican music]
270
00:10:26,907 --> 00:10:28,356
Josh?
271
00:10:28,442 --> 00:10:29,691
Um, hey... hey.
272
00:10:29,777 --> 00:10:31,410
- Wha... are you kidding me?
- Shh!
273
00:10:31,445 --> 00:10:33,945
Last night when I was
baring my soul to you,
274
00:10:33,997 --> 00:10:36,498
that whole time you were
skeezing and feeling up on Rosa?
275
00:10:36,583 --> 00:10:38,283
There's a lot of moving parts...
276
00:10:38,368 --> 00:10:40,786
- Unbelievable, man!
- There's a lot of moving parts.
277
00:10:40,838 --> 00:10:41,787
[dishware breaking]
278
00:10:41,839 --> 00:10:44,589
Right, okay, uh...
279
00:10:44,625 --> 00:10:46,341
We told him to abandon this quest.
280
00:10:46,427 --> 00:10:49,127
Honey, if I had eyes, I'd roll them.
281
00:10:49,213 --> 00:10:50,495
[thunder cracks]
282
00:10:52,112 --> 00:10:53,959
Mike! Wait, just let me explain.
283
00:10:54,079 --> 00:10:55,533
Look, there's nothing to explain!
284
00:10:55,653 --> 00:10:57,797
I... I told you I loved
her, and you betrayed me.
285
00:10:57,883 --> 00:10:59,132
Wait a second, it's not like you had
286
00:10:59,184 --> 00:11:01,301
some special claim on her.
287
00:11:01,386 --> 00:11:02,552
You... you had your chance!
288
00:11:02,637 --> 00:11:03,853
And what happened? You blew it.
289
00:11:03,939 --> 00:11:05,889
Oh, my God, that is it, man. Let's go!
290
00:11:05,974 --> 00:11:06,856
- You want to go?
- Yeah.
291
00:11:06,942 --> 00:11:07,974
All right, let's go.
292
00:11:08,059 --> 00:11:09,025
[rock music]
293
00:11:09,110 --> 00:11:12,145
I summon Ultra Mike!
294
00:11:12,197 --> 00:11:16,032
I summon Ultra Josh!
295
00:11:17,285 --> 00:11:19,819
[both yelling]
296
00:11:19,905 --> 00:11:21,120
[whooshing]
297
00:11:21,156 --> 00:11:23,489
Red stone activation.
298
00:11:23,575 --> 00:11:25,909
[plays Ocarina scale]
299
00:11:25,994 --> 00:11:27,877
Melody recognized.
300
00:11:27,963 --> 00:11:30,914
301
00:11:30,999 --> 00:11:33,082
[levers gnashing]
302
00:11:33,168 --> 00:11:34,834
[buttons beeping]
303
00:11:34,886 --> 00:11:38,554
304
00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:40,006
[ominous music]
305
00:11:40,091 --> 00:11:42,892
[robots powering up, people screaming]
306
00:11:46,815 --> 00:11:49,015
Sweet mama.
307
00:11:49,067 --> 00:11:51,067
Fighting robots!
308
00:11:51,152 --> 00:11:52,568
[people screaming]
309
00:11:52,654 --> 00:11:54,938
No!
310
00:11:55,023 --> 00:11:58,524
I will destroy you, Ultra Josh.
311
00:11:58,576 --> 00:12:01,778
You are the one who
will become destroyed.
312
00:12:01,863 --> 00:12:04,364
At any moment, these two
enemies will unleash a barrage
313
00:12:04,449 --> 00:12:08,167
of violence that will
destroy them and the city.
314
00:12:08,203 --> 00:12:10,536
She wasn't your girlfriend anymore, man.
315
00:12:10,622 --> 00:12:11,838
Still a huge betrayal!
316
00:12:11,873 --> 00:12:13,206
You want to talk about betrayal?
317
00:12:13,258 --> 00:12:15,258
I was on track with Rosa
318
00:12:15,343 --> 00:12:18,011
until you showed upand did your whole
319
00:12:18,046 --> 00:12:19,712
"cool guy Mike" routine
320
00:12:19,798 --> 00:12:23,383
to overshadow me like you always do.
321
00:12:23,468 --> 00:12:25,018
Wait, what are you talking about?
322
00:12:25,053 --> 00:12:26,602
Here comes the violence.
323
00:12:26,688 --> 00:12:27,770
[robot gears turning]
324
00:12:27,856 --> 00:12:28,805
Destruction!
325
00:12:28,890 --> 00:12:30,974
[birds chirping]
326
00:12:31,059 --> 00:12:34,060
It's always been that
way, man; it's always been
327
00:12:34,145 --> 00:12:36,229
"awesome leader" Mike and
328
00:12:36,314 --> 00:12:37,981
"kid brother" Josh
329
00:12:38,066 --> 00:12:39,565
who never gets the girl.
330
00:12:39,617 --> 00:12:41,734
Whoa.
331
00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:45,071
[sentimental piano music]
332
00:12:45,123 --> 00:12:47,957
[robot gears turning]
333
00:12:51,413 --> 00:12:57,750
Dude, I had no idea you werefeeling all this pain.
334
00:12:57,802 --> 00:13:01,587
Why didn't you just unburdenyourself and tell me?
335
00:13:01,673 --> 00:13:05,425
Because you're my best
friend, Ultra Mike.
336
00:13:05,510 --> 00:13:08,594
And I guess that's whyI bottled it all up,
337
00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:12,315
because I'm scared to
death of losing you.
338
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:13,316
Shoot your lasers!
339
00:13:13,401 --> 00:13:15,268
Let's go!
340
00:13:15,353 --> 00:13:20,573
I feel the same way
about you, Ultra Josh.
341
00:13:20,608 --> 00:13:21,574
[whooshing]
342
00:13:21,609 --> 00:13:23,326
[crying]
343
00:13:23,411 --> 00:13:26,612
[Martin Courtney's "Awake" playing]
344
00:13:26,698 --> 00:13:31,150
If the past is past
is just the point
345
00:13:31,219 --> 00:13:32,785
[whooshing, buttons beeping]
346
00:13:32,871 --> 00:13:34,787
[crying]
347
00:13:34,839 --> 00:13:42,545
If you're pastthe point of trying
348
00:13:42,630 --> 00:13:46,766
And what will be will be
349
00:13:46,801 --> 00:13:50,970
350
00:13:51,022 --> 00:13:56,476
And I just need
you here with me
351
00:13:56,528 --> 00:13:59,695
You know what?
352
00:13:59,781 --> 00:14:02,231
We can't let this thing
with Rosa get between us.
353
00:14:04,486 --> 00:14:06,386
Our friendship's more important.
354
00:14:06,454 --> 00:14:07,904
You're right, man.
355
00:14:07,989 --> 00:14:09,822
So I guess there's only one solution.
356
00:14:09,874 --> 00:14:13,159
[exhales] We let her decide.
357
00:14:13,211 --> 00:14:16,662
One shall stand. One shall fall.
358
00:14:16,714 --> 00:14:20,666
Rosa, who is it going to be?
359
00:14:20,752 --> 00:14:23,669
I don't want to date
either of you morons!
360
00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:24,637
Oh.
361
00:14:24,706 --> 00:14:26,089
Huh.
362
00:14:26,174 --> 00:14:27,640
You've been fighting over me all day,
363
00:14:27,675 --> 00:14:30,176
and it is extremely
patronizing, let me tell you!
364
00:14:30,261 --> 00:14:32,945
I mean, Josh!
365
00:14:33,014 --> 00:14:34,397
I'm not attracted to you!
366
00:14:34,482 --> 00:14:36,015
Oh.
367
00:14:36,067 --> 00:14:38,484
I tried to make it work!
Your head is really big!
368
00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:40,570
You're a nerd!
369
00:14:40,655 --> 00:14:42,321
And, Mike!
370
00:14:42,357 --> 00:14:44,073
You scare the shit out of me!
371
00:14:44,159 --> 00:14:45,324
Okay.
372
00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:47,360
And these stupid robot suits?
373
00:14:47,412 --> 00:14:50,363
[grunting mockingly]
374
00:14:50,415 --> 00:14:52,165
Hit each other or something!
375
00:14:58,423 --> 00:15:00,039
[blows raspberry]
376
00:15:00,091 --> 00:15:02,341
Yeah.
377
00:15:02,377 --> 00:15:04,210
All right, um.
378
00:15:04,262 --> 00:15:07,463
You want to get, like,a smoothie or something?
379
00:15:07,549 --> 00:15:11,017
Yeah, I could [bleep]
with a smoothie right now.
380
00:15:11,052 --> 00:15:13,636
I'm doing a lot of goji berries
lately; you ever try those?
381
00:15:13,721 --> 00:15:16,889
Yeah, no, they keep coming
up in my Twitter feed.
382
00:15:16,975 --> 00:15:19,525
What are goji berries?
383
00:15:19,561 --> 00:15:23,479
I guess they're, like, some
kind of berry, or something.
384
00:15:23,565 --> 00:15:27,066
I just have to say this is
a sad day for robot fighting
385
00:15:27,118 --> 00:15:28,367
and for this city.
386
00:15:28,403 --> 00:15:29,986
[laughing]
387
00:15:30,071 --> 00:15:32,989
You are a fiend for new berries.
388
00:15:33,074 --> 00:15:34,740
Let's go get some smoothies, pal.
389
00:15:34,792 --> 00:15:38,077
[rock music]
390
00:15:43,533 --> 00:15:44,448
[knocking]
391
00:15:48,504 --> 00:15:50,671
Oh.
392
00:15:50,707 --> 00:15:52,006
Josh.
393
00:15:52,041 --> 00:15:53,958
Hi... how you doing, Spider?
394
00:15:54,043 --> 00:15:57,712
- Well, you know, pretty bad.
- Yeah.
395
00:15:57,797 --> 00:16:01,015
- 12 bullets to the chest.
- Jesus.
396
00:16:01,050 --> 00:16:04,051
- Baker's dozen down below.
- Ugh.
397
00:16:04,137 --> 00:16:09,357
But it's all worth it
because you and Rosa
398
00:16:09,392 --> 00:16:12,310
are finally together as a couple.
399
00:16:12,395 --> 00:16:16,564
Yeah... that... uh... that
didn't actually work out.
400
00:16:16,649 --> 00:16:18,783
[very weak moaning] What?
401
00:16:18,868 --> 00:16:22,036
Yeah, but Mike and I are friends again!
402
00:16:22,071 --> 00:16:23,154
Who the [bleep] is Mike?
403
00:16:23,239 --> 00:16:24,739
That's my best friend.
404
00:16:24,791 --> 00:16:28,826
Well, that's kind of a
happy ending, I guess.
405
00:16:28,912 --> 00:16:30,878
Mr. Spider, your test
results came in, and, uh...
406
00:16:30,914 --> 00:16:32,580
- Uh
- Huh?
407
00:16:32,632 --> 00:16:34,632
I'm afraid you're definitely gonna die.
408
00:16:34,717 --> 00:16:35,917
Oh.
409
00:16:35,969 --> 00:16:37,668
Well.
410
00:16:37,754 --> 00:16:41,222
I got you... uh... a... a gift bag, uh.
411
00:16:41,257 --> 00:16:42,974
Oh, no, you don't have to do that.
412
00:16:43,059 --> 00:16:47,311
Yeah, yeah, there's, uh,
some, uh, rocky road ice cream,
413
00:16:47,397 --> 00:16:51,399
and, um... a bear, so.
414
00:16:51,434 --> 00:16:54,235
Well, look, Josh, the
only gift that I need
415
00:16:54,270 --> 00:16:58,439
is your friendship and your
presence in the room right now.
416
00:16:58,491 --> 00:17:00,858
Josh?
417
00:17:00,944 --> 00:17:02,243
Josh?
418
00:17:02,278 --> 00:17:03,577
[heart monitor flatlines]
419
00:17:03,646 --> 00:17:05,997
[laughter]
420
00:17:06,082 --> 00:17:08,800
Ah, you guys, this
has been a crazy year.
421
00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:10,146
- Yeah.
- Crazy.
422
00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:12,453
- Wow.
- Crazy year.
423
00:17:12,538 --> 00:17:15,623
We fought; we loved;
we laughed; we learned.
424
00:17:15,708 --> 00:17:17,291
You know, guys, it wasn't always easy...
425
00:17:17,377 --> 00:17:18,342
Mm-mm.
426
00:17:18,428 --> 00:17:19,844
But we did it together.
427
00:17:19,929 --> 00:17:21,963
We were together every step
of the way this entire year.
428
00:17:22,015 --> 00:17:23,631
Mm-hmm.
429
00:17:23,683 --> 00:17:24,966
And that's how the four
of us got through it.
430
00:17:25,018 --> 00:17:26,100
You're right.
431
00:17:26,135 --> 00:17:27,685
It's been so great, Tiresias.
432
00:17:27,770 --> 00:17:29,520
Yeah, thanks for always
being there for us.
433
00:17:29,605 --> 00:17:31,305
Oh, speaking of being always there me,
434
00:17:31,357 --> 00:17:33,107
what do you think I should text?
435
00:17:33,142 --> 00:17:34,976
Oh! Um, how many dates is this?
436
00:17:35,061 --> 00:17:36,477
Three... okay, four,
437
00:17:36,529 --> 00:17:37,979
but the first one we
just made out in a bar.
438
00:17:38,064 --> 00:17:39,530
Hmm.
439
00:17:39,615 --> 00:17:41,282
Okay, well it should
be clever but romantic.
440
00:17:41,317 --> 00:17:42,650
Dick pic, bro.
441
00:17:42,735 --> 00:17:44,702
Or how about... how about
this, how about you just text,
442
00:17:44,787 --> 00:17:48,322
"Hey, this is Tiresias.
Want to grab a coffee?"
443
00:17:48,374 --> 00:17:49,824
Oh, simple, direct.
444
00:17:49,909 --> 00:17:52,126
The gods are saying it might work.
445
00:17:52,161 --> 00:17:53,494
Hey.
446
00:17:53,546 --> 00:17:54,462
Hey, you're pretty good at this.
447
00:17:54,497 --> 00:17:55,663
Yeah.
448
00:17:55,715 --> 00:17:57,798
Yeah, I'm getting better.
449
00:17:57,834 --> 00:18:01,002
It's good to seethat look in your eye
450
00:18:01,054 --> 00:18:04,722
I've been a-driftingfor a long, long time
451
00:18:04,807 --> 00:18:08,142
I guess you left
me drying high
452
00:18:08,177 --> 00:18:11,228
But that's the way it goes
453
00:18:11,314 --> 00:18:15,766
Hey, honey, don't,don't let it tear you apart
454
00:18:15,852 --> 00:18:19,687
You only did what
you meant to do, now
455
00:18:19,739 --> 00:18:23,157
It's just the game of the heart
456
00:18:23,192 --> 00:18:27,361
Somebody wins,everybody else loses
457
00:18:27,447 --> 00:18:30,364
[Donald Cumming's "Game
of the Heart" playing]
458
00:18:30,416 --> 00:18:38,172
459
00:18:38,499 --> 00:18:41,823
Synced and corrected by OussLP
- www.addic7ed.com
460
00:18:42,178 --> 00:18:45,930
After the lights go down
461
00:18:46,015 --> 00:18:49,817
Everything gets worked out
462
00:18:49,886 --> 00:18:53,437
Everything gets worked out
463
00:18:53,523 --> 00:18:56,307
Everything gets
worked out, hey, honey
464
00:18:56,427 --> 00:18:59,204
Don't let it tear you,let it tear you apart
465
00:18:59,254 --> 00:19:03,804
Repair and Synchronization by
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