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1
00:00:02,159 --> 00:00:04,448
[phone ringing]
2
00:00:04,534 --> 00:00:05,783
Honey.
3
00:00:05,868 --> 00:00:08,402
Hmm?
4
00:00:08,488 --> 00:00:11,071
Honey, honey, honey.
5
00:00:17,663 --> 00:00:19,213
McQuade.
6
00:00:21,083 --> 00:00:22,166
Yeah. Put him on.
7
00:00:22,251 --> 00:00:23,751
Not tonight.
8
00:00:25,588 --> 00:00:27,254
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down.
9
00:00:27,340 --> 00:00:28,973
[dramatic music]
10
00:00:29,058 --> 00:00:30,424
He's what?
11
00:00:32,512 --> 00:00:34,061
Sweet mother of God.
12
00:00:34,096 --> 00:00:36,147
His name is Josh Greenberg.
13
00:00:36,232 --> 00:00:38,732
Last week, he tried to kiss a
girl he works with named Rosa.
14
00:00:38,768 --> 00:00:40,851
She turned him down.
Now he wants to text her.
15
00:00:40,937 --> 00:00:42,236
What does the text say?
16
00:00:42,271 --> 00:00:45,523
"You up? Wanna hang?"
17
00:00:45,608 --> 00:00:48,409
I know. His finger's on the button.
18
00:00:48,444 --> 00:00:52,279
Christ. Is he drunk?
19
00:00:52,365 --> 00:00:53,697
They always are.
20
00:00:56,452 --> 00:00:58,536
Your show, McQuade.
21
00:00:58,621 --> 00:01:00,454
Josh!
22
00:01:00,506 --> 00:01:03,257
My name is Lieutenant McQuade.I just want to talk.
23
00:01:03,292 --> 00:01:05,376
Well, I'm all done talking, man!
24
00:01:05,461 --> 00:01:08,929
I know you're in a bad
spot. But use your head.
25
00:01:08,965 --> 00:01:11,966
It's 2:00 a.m.on a Saturday.
26
00:01:12,018 --> 00:01:14,268
How do you thinkthis is gonna play out?
27
00:01:14,303 --> 00:01:16,353
Rosa's gonna read that
text as a booty call
28
00:01:16,439 --> 00:01:17,771
and think you're creepy.
29
00:01:17,807 --> 00:01:19,356
Hey! Don't come any closer!
30
00:01:19,442 --> 00:01:21,058
I'll send it. I swear
to God I'll send it.
31
00:01:21,143 --> 00:01:22,943
Okay, okay, okay! You're
in control, brother.
32
00:01:22,979 --> 00:01:24,895
You're in control.
33
00:01:24,981 --> 00:01:25,946
Snipers in position.
34
00:01:25,982 --> 00:01:29,233
[suspenseful music]
35
00:01:29,318 --> 00:01:31,952
We got a clear shot.
36
00:01:31,988 --> 00:01:33,120
No.
37
00:01:33,155 --> 00:01:35,539
Hold your fire.
38
00:01:35,625 --> 00:01:37,124
Let me try something.
39
00:01:44,500 --> 00:01:48,135
I put down mine. You
want to put down yours?
40
00:01:48,170 --> 00:01:49,837
No way, man!
41
00:01:49,889 --> 00:01:52,640
That's... that's fine. That's okay.
42
00:01:52,675 --> 00:01:55,893
I'm just gonna come a little
bit closer so we can talk.
43
00:01:55,978 --> 00:01:59,179
I think you and me might have
got off on the wrong foot.
44
00:01:59,265 --> 00:02:02,566
How 'bout we start over, huh?
45
00:02:02,652 --> 00:02:05,319
You went to North Evanston High, right?
46
00:02:05,354 --> 00:02:06,687
Yeah.
47
00:02:06,772 --> 00:02:09,607
I've got a couple buddies from there.
48
00:02:09,692 --> 00:02:11,609
Go, Wolverines!
49
00:02:11,694 --> 00:02:12,993
Yeah, go, Wolverines.
50
00:02:13,029 --> 00:02:15,613
Good! Now we're talking. This is good.
51
00:02:15,698 --> 00:02:17,248
You like sports, Josh?
52
00:02:17,333 --> 00:02:18,198
What?
53
00:02:18,284 --> 00:02:20,200
I like sports.
54
00:02:20,286 --> 00:02:23,003
Football, basketball.
55
00:02:23,039 --> 00:02:26,674
I played some back in college.
I even thought about going pro.
56
00:02:26,709 --> 00:02:28,626
But my problem was, I was just never...
57
00:02:28,711 --> 00:02:29,677
fast enough!
58
00:02:29,712 --> 00:02:30,928
No!
59
00:02:31,013 --> 00:02:33,130
60
00:02:33,215 --> 00:02:36,450
[both grunting]
61
00:02:36,519 --> 00:02:39,687
No!
62
00:02:39,722 --> 00:02:42,273
[cell phone blips]
63
00:02:42,358 --> 00:02:44,525
- Yeah.
- [sighs]
64
00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:48,395
I guess I probably shouldn't
have sent that text, huh?
65
00:02:48,447 --> 00:02:51,465
[downtempo electronic music]
66
00:02:51,534 --> 00:02:52,366
67
00:02:52,435 --> 00:02:53,901
Ah!
68
00:02:53,953 --> 00:02:57,071
69
00:02:57,173 --> 00:02:59,239
[squeaks]
70
00:02:59,325 --> 00:03:00,841
71
00:03:00,910 --> 00:03:02,376
[growls]
72
00:03:02,411 --> 00:03:08,719
73
00:03:09,410 --> 00:03:14,464
- www.addic7ed.com
74
00:03:19,845 --> 00:03:21,095
[exhales sharply]
75
00:03:21,180 --> 00:03:22,596
Rosa the Riveter!
76
00:03:22,682 --> 00:03:24,264
Top of the morning to you!
77
00:03:24,317 --> 00:03:26,433
Did you happen to receive the group text
78
00:03:26,519 --> 00:03:28,152
I sent over the weekend or...
79
00:03:28,237 --> 00:03:29,937
Oh. Um.
80
00:03:30,022 --> 00:03:32,906
So "You up? Wanna
hang?" was a group text?
81
00:03:32,942 --> 00:03:34,575
Yeah, yeah, no, I was merely asking
82
00:03:34,610 --> 00:03:37,277
the group I was texting if they were up
83
00:03:37,363 --> 00:03:39,246
for attending a hockey
game this weekend.
84
00:03:39,281 --> 00:03:41,615
Oh, see, I thought I
was the only recipient...
85
00:03:41,667 --> 00:03:42,783
Who else is in the group?
86
00:03:42,868 --> 00:03:45,419
Uh, Mike, my friend Mike.
87
00:03:45,454 --> 00:03:46,370
Oh! Your friend Mike.
88
00:03:46,455 --> 00:03:48,038
You know Mike?
89
00:03:48,124 --> 00:03:49,923
Well, yeah, I met him at
the food truck, remember?
90
00:03:49,959 --> 00:03:51,125
- Oh. Yeah.
- Yeah.
91
00:03:51,210 --> 00:03:52,676
So Mike's going to the hockey game?
92
00:03:52,762 --> 00:03:53,761
Y-Yeah.
93
00:03:53,796 --> 00:03:55,629
Okay, I mean, I enjoy hockey.
94
00:03:55,715 --> 00:03:56,714
Oh, good.
95
00:03:56,799 --> 00:03:58,015
- Yeah!
- Yeah.
96
00:03:58,100 --> 00:03:59,550
That sounds fun. Thanks
for organizing this!
97
00:03:59,635 --> 00:04:00,684
- Jesus, all right.
- So sweet.
98
00:04:00,770 --> 00:04:02,269
Cool, thanks.
99
00:04:02,304 --> 00:04:03,604
Dude, I'm psyched Rosa's coming.
100
00:04:03,639 --> 00:04:06,140
Yeah, this is, uh... this will be good.
101
00:04:06,225 --> 00:04:07,474
Hey, you guys!
102
00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:08,809
Both: Hey!
103
00:04:08,861 --> 00:04:10,310
Hey, Rosa, nice to see you again.
104
00:04:10,396 --> 00:04:12,062
It's nice to see you
too. What's up, Josh?
105
00:04:12,148 --> 00:04:13,063
Hey, hey.
106
00:04:13,149 --> 00:04:15,032
- Uh
- Oh! Check it out!
107
00:04:15,117 --> 00:04:16,400
No way!
108
00:04:16,485 --> 00:04:18,235
Yeah, what are the odds, right?
109
00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:20,120
I mean, everyone walking in
is wearing that jersey, so...
110
00:04:20,156 --> 00:04:21,872
Josh, take our picture!
111
00:04:21,957 --> 00:04:23,574
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we got
to get this on the 'Gram.
112
00:04:23,659 --> 00:04:26,827
-
Twins!
- Yes, hashtag, and...
113
00:04:26,912 --> 00:04:28,545
Yay. Awesome!
114
00:04:28,631 --> 00:04:29,880
Here you go.
115
00:04:29,965 --> 00:04:32,132
- Damn, we look hot. Mm.
- Oh, my God.
116
00:04:32,168 --> 00:04:33,801
Sexy. Oh, yeah, send that one to me.
117
00:04:33,836 --> 00:04:35,302
Okay. Oh, yeah, what's your number?
118
00:04:35,337 --> 00:04:37,554
Oh, it's, um, 847...
119
00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:38,889
- 555...
- Mmhmm?
120
00:04:38,974 --> 00:04:39,923
0169.
121
00:04:40,009 --> 00:04:41,508
[laughs]
122
00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:43,560
They said you could pick
whatever number you want
123
00:04:43,646 --> 00:04:44,595
at the store.
124
00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:45,979
I love that!
125
00:04:46,015 --> 00:04:47,264
What have you been up to, dude?
126
00:04:47,349 --> 00:04:49,016
Oh, this and that, staying busy.
127
00:04:49,068 --> 00:04:50,434
- Oh, he's got them.
- Yeah, I got them.
128
00:04:50,519 --> 00:04:52,986
- He's got the tickets.
- All right!
129
00:04:53,022 --> 00:04:55,856
[crowd roaring]
130
00:05:01,997 --> 00:05:03,363
[buzzer blares]
131
00:05:03,449 --> 00:05:05,249
Rosa, hey!
132
00:05:05,334 --> 00:05:07,451
I call middle seat!
133
00:05:07,536 --> 00:05:09,203
Rosa! Rosa!
134
00:05:09,288 --> 00:05:10,621
I call middle seat!
135
00:05:10,706 --> 00:05:12,873
- Oh, pardon me, sir.
- Jesus.
136
00:05:12,958 --> 00:05:14,041
- Yeah!
- Sorry. Okay.
137
00:05:14,126 --> 00:05:16,260
I'm trying to... All right.
138
00:05:16,345 --> 00:05:19,296
Yeah, I know, just...
139
00:05:19,381 --> 00:05:21,298
Sorry. I know. I'm sorry.
140
00:05:21,383 --> 00:05:23,300
This might sound stupid, but
every time I watch hockey,
141
00:05:23,385 --> 00:05:24,601
I think of Casey Jones.
142
00:05:24,687 --> 00:05:26,186
- From the Ninja Turtles?
- Yeah!
143
00:05:26,222 --> 00:05:28,055
Me too, dude!
144
00:05:28,107 --> 00:05:29,807
I totally had a nine-year-old
boner for April O'Neil.
145
00:05:29,892 --> 00:05:31,975
I had an eight-year-old
boner for Raphael,
146
00:05:32,061 --> 00:05:33,193
because he's cool but rude!
147
00:05:33,229 --> 00:05:34,394
[laughs]
148
00:05:34,447 --> 00:05:36,280
Pizza!
149
00:05:36,365 --> 00:05:37,815
What?
150
00:05:37,900 --> 00:05:41,235
Pi... the Ninja Turtles
love pizza, remember?
151
00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:42,653
They ate pizza.
152
00:05:42,738 --> 00:05:44,121
Oh, yeah, right, right, totally.
153
00:05:44,206 --> 00:05:47,958
- They ate pizza.
- Totally. Totally.
154
00:05:48,043 --> 00:05:51,328
Now it's time for the Kiss Cam!
155
00:05:51,413 --> 00:05:54,548
Whoo!
156
00:05:54,583 --> 00:05:56,967
Oh, my gosh! Oh!
157
00:05:57,052 --> 00:05:58,168
Crowd: Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
158
00:05:58,254 --> 00:06:00,587
Oh, my gosh!
159
00:06:00,673 --> 00:06:01,922
- I guess we have to.
- Yeah.
160
00:06:02,007 --> 00:06:03,140
You don't have to. You don't have to.
161
00:06:03,225 --> 00:06:06,059
Both: Mwah.
162
00:06:06,095 --> 00:06:07,594
[buzzer blares]
163
00:06:07,646 --> 00:06:09,847
Crazy.
164
00:06:09,932 --> 00:06:11,682
Hey! You guys remember Thundercats?
165
00:06:11,767 --> 00:06:13,817
That was another cartoon that existed.
166
00:06:13,903 --> 00:06:16,069
Now it's time for the Kiss Cam!
167
00:06:16,105 --> 00:06:17,938
- Uh-uh.
- What? Again?
168
00:06:17,990 --> 00:06:20,157
Crowd: Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
169
00:06:20,242 --> 00:06:21,859
Oh, my gosh!
170
00:06:21,944 --> 00:06:23,827
Oh, for [bleep] sake, what?
171
00:06:23,913 --> 00:06:25,329
I guess we have to.
172
00:06:25,414 --> 00:06:27,498
- [laughs]
- No.
173
00:06:27,583 --> 00:06:30,667
[crowd cheering]
174
00:06:30,753 --> 00:06:32,369
[buzzer blares]
175
00:06:32,454 --> 00:06:33,620
Wow. Ooh, nice lips too.
176
00:06:33,672 --> 00:06:36,340
- Thanks!
- Hey, will you move?
177
00:06:36,425 --> 00:06:38,709
- I'm sorry?
- Can I... can I sit here?
178
00:06:38,794 --> 00:06:41,712
I'm having... uh... I
need... can't see the, uh...
179
00:06:41,797 --> 00:06:43,430
Can I... can I switch seat... Yeah?
180
00:06:43,465 --> 00:06:45,132
- Oh, all right.
- Thank you. Thank you.
181
00:06:45,217 --> 00:06:46,800
- Sorry.
- No, you're welcome.
182
00:06:46,852 --> 00:06:48,802
- Hey.
- All right.
183
00:06:48,888 --> 00:06:49,970
Okay!
184
00:06:50,022 --> 00:06:51,722
- Good game.
- Yeah.
185
00:06:51,807 --> 00:06:54,191
Once again, it's time for the Kiss Cam!
186
00:06:54,276 --> 00:06:56,310
Again?
187
00:06:56,362 --> 00:07:00,614
It's like... it's like, my
God, man, like, mix it up.
188
00:07:00,649 --> 00:07:03,116
Crowd: Kiss! Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
189
00:07:03,152 --> 00:07:04,151
I'm sick of this bit.
190
00:07:04,236 --> 00:07:05,485
How did they do that?
191
00:07:05,571 --> 00:07:07,120
It's a conspiracy!
192
00:07:07,156 --> 00:07:08,872
- Well, I guess we have to!
- You don't!
193
00:07:08,958 --> 00:07:11,325
Crowd: Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
194
00:07:11,410 --> 00:07:13,327
[buzzer blares]
195
00:07:13,412 --> 00:07:15,579
[crowd cheering]
196
00:07:15,664 --> 00:07:18,048
Mm. Mm.
197
00:07:18,133 --> 00:07:21,919
[laughs] Whoo!
198
00:07:22,004 --> 00:07:23,086
Whoo. [laughs]
199
00:07:23,172 --> 00:07:24,421
[groans]
200
00:07:24,506 --> 00:07:25,722
I think... I don't feel so good.
201
00:07:25,808 --> 00:07:27,057
I think I'm gonna split.
202
00:07:27,142 --> 00:07:28,342
- Oh, no.
- What, really?
203
00:07:28,427 --> 00:07:30,561
Yeah, I got to... got to... uh, yep.
204
00:07:30,646 --> 00:07:32,145
I think you guys should just stay put.
205
00:07:32,181 --> 00:07:33,597
- What are you talking about?
- Stay put.
206
00:07:33,682 --> 00:07:35,933
No, I'm not, uh... Yeah,
you guys do your thing.
207
00:07:36,018 --> 00:07:37,684
- All right.
- No, no, it's fine. It's fine.
208
00:07:37,770 --> 00:07:40,354
- What are you doing?
- I guess I'll sit here again.
209
00:07:40,439 --> 00:07:43,907
Now it's time for the Lonely Cam!
210
00:07:43,993 --> 00:07:46,193
[crowd cheering]
211
00:07:46,278 --> 00:07:48,862
Are you f... Really, man? What is that?
212
00:07:48,948 --> 00:07:50,581
I think you're supposed
to masturbate and cry.
213
00:07:50,666 --> 00:07:52,199
I'm supposed to what?
214
00:07:52,284 --> 00:07:54,201
Crowd: Masturbate and
cry! Masturbate and cry!
215
00:07:54,253 --> 00:07:56,870
Guess you have to.
216
00:07:56,956 --> 00:07:58,505
[buzzer blares]
217
00:08:01,270 --> 00:08:03,016
It's, like, yet another mission
218
00:08:03,380 --> 00:08:05,332
where I have to take
some guy's barrel for him
219
00:08:05,452 --> 00:08:07,374
from one part of the city
to another part of the city.
220
00:08:07,494 --> 00:08:07,982
Mm-hmm.
221
00:08:08,067 --> 00:08:09,617
It's just like, I bought
that game because
222
00:08:09,652 --> 00:08:11,202
I want to be an assassin,
not a barrel courier.
223
00:08:11,287 --> 00:08:12,903
You know what I mean?
224
00:08:13,915 --> 00:08:16,081
What's up? Yeah, totally.
225
00:08:16,167 --> 00:08:20,136
No, I... I'm sorry.
226
00:08:20,221 --> 00:08:22,888
I've been meaning to talk
to you about something.
227
00:08:22,924 --> 00:08:26,091
Oh, yeah, what, uh, what... what's up?
228
00:08:26,144 --> 00:08:27,927
It's, uh... it's about Rosa.
229
00:08:28,012 --> 00:08:30,813
Ah, Rosa, yes.
230
00:08:30,898 --> 00:08:32,898
What... what about Rosa?
231
00:08:32,934 --> 00:08:34,316
We've been kind of hanging out.
232
00:08:34,402 --> 00:08:36,602
- Mm-kay.
- And nothing has happened yet.
233
00:08:36,687 --> 00:08:39,572
- Uh-huh.
- Whatsoever, um.
234
00:08:39,607 --> 00:08:41,657
But I think there's something
really special between us.
235
00:08:41,742 --> 00:08:45,027
What? Amazing!
236
00:08:45,112 --> 00:08:47,780
That's so neat. Are you sure, though?
237
00:08:47,832 --> 00:08:49,198
Just 'cause Rosa's very particular...
238
00:08:49,283 --> 00:08:51,450
- I'm sure.
- Yeah, wicked.
239
00:08:51,536 --> 00:08:54,370
I know you used to have
a thing for her, and, um,
240
00:08:54,455 --> 00:08:57,173
before we get any further,
just wanted to check
241
00:08:57,258 --> 00:08:59,208
to make sure that you're cool with it.
242
00:08:59,293 --> 00:09:01,760
Aw, Mike, Michael!
243
00:09:01,796 --> 00:09:04,630
I... I appreciate that, but yeah.
244
00:09:04,715 --> 00:09:05,798
I'm cool with it.
245
00:09:05,883 --> 00:09:06,882
Really?
246
00:09:06,968 --> 00:09:08,517
Absolutely!
247
00:09:08,603 --> 00:09:11,770
Okay, Josh, but honestly,
if you are not cool with it,
248
00:09:11,806 --> 00:09:14,023
just say so, and I'll nip
the whole thing in the bud.
249
00:09:14,108 --> 00:09:16,475
Mi-i-i-i-i-ke!
250
00:09:16,527 --> 00:09:18,777
I'm cool with it, man. I really am.
251
00:09:18,813 --> 00:09:20,529
I'm cool with it.
252
00:09:20,615 --> 00:09:23,649
[cool jazz music]
253
00:09:23,701 --> 00:09:27,203
254
00:09:27,288 --> 00:09:30,239
So you guys like each
other and you want to date
255
00:09:30,324 --> 00:09:31,991
Well, I'm not upset
256
00:09:32,043 --> 00:09:33,492
In fact, I think that's great
257
00:09:33,544 --> 00:09:35,578
'Cause I'm cool with it
258
00:09:35,663 --> 00:09:36,996
Women:
He's cool with it
259
00:09:37,048 --> 00:09:38,664
Totally cool with it
260
00:09:38,716 --> 00:09:40,833
Women:
Yeah, he's cool with it
261
00:09:40,885 --> 00:09:42,334
Now I bet you think I'm jealous
262
00:09:42,386 --> 00:09:43,886
Well, that's something I'm above
263
00:09:43,971 --> 00:09:45,554
I'm psyched that my best friend
264
00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:47,423
Is with the girl that I...
265
00:09:47,508 --> 00:09:51,510
Know from work and consider a friend.
266
00:09:51,562 --> 00:09:53,145
Women:
He's cool with it
267
00:09:53,180 --> 00:09:55,180
I'm... I'm really happy for you guys.
268
00:09:55,233 --> 00:09:57,683
Women:
Totally cool with it
269
00:09:57,735 --> 00:09:59,568
I'm cool with it
270
00:09:59,654 --> 00:10:02,154
[rimshot]
271
00:10:02,189 --> 00:10:03,439
You believe me now?
272
00:10:03,524 --> 00:10:05,157
Totally! Thanks, man!
273
00:10:05,192 --> 00:10:06,358
Got to get the oysters.
274
00:10:06,444 --> 00:10:07,359
I read online that they are
275
00:10:07,445 --> 00:10:08,861
the best in the city.
276
00:10:08,946 --> 00:10:10,079
- Okay, oysters it is.
- Yeah, kind of a big...
277
00:10:10,164 --> 00:10:11,330
[drumroll]
278
00:10:11,365 --> 00:10:12,865
All right. [clears throat]
279
00:10:12,950 --> 00:10:13,866
Oh, my God.
280
00:10:13,918 --> 00:10:16,252
[cool jazz music]
281
00:10:16,337 --> 00:10:17,536
Ah!
282
00:10:17,622 --> 00:10:20,089
283
00:10:20,174 --> 00:10:23,092
I see you two are out
for a romantic night
284
00:10:23,177 --> 00:10:24,510
While I'll be going home now
285
00:10:24,545 --> 00:10:26,211
To watch some "Seinfelds" alone
286
00:10:26,264 --> 00:10:27,763
But I'm cool with it
287
00:10:27,848 --> 00:10:29,548
Women:
He's cool with it
288
00:10:29,634 --> 00:10:31,133
Have a wonderful time
289
00:10:31,218 --> 00:10:33,135
Women:
Make it the
night of your lives
290
00:10:33,220 --> 00:10:34,720
It's cool
291
00:10:34,805 --> 00:10:35,721
Thanks, man.
292
00:10:35,806 --> 00:10:37,556
Thanks, Josh.
293
00:10:37,608 --> 00:10:40,476
Good stuff, girls. Okay,
let's get out of here.
294
00:10:40,561 --> 00:10:42,394
No, I never really knew
my biological father.
295
00:10:42,446 --> 00:10:44,647
- Was that hard for you?
- Of course!
296
00:10:44,732 --> 00:10:48,734
I can't imagine. I mean, my dad was...
297
00:10:48,786 --> 00:10:51,654
I'm so cool with it,
it's like I'm made of ice
298
00:10:51,739 --> 00:10:55,157
Have you guys had
sex yet? I don't care
299
00:10:55,242 --> 00:10:56,825
Women:
He's cool with it
300
00:10:56,911 --> 00:10:58,627
But have you, though?
301
00:10:58,713 --> 00:11:00,245
Women:
Not that it matters
302
00:11:00,298 --> 00:11:01,747
-
He's cool - Have you, though?
303
00:11:01,799 --> 00:11:02,915
We're in the middle of something.
304
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:04,166
Yeah.
305
00:11:04,251 --> 00:11:05,217
Oh, yeah, understood. Sorry.
306
00:11:05,252 --> 00:11:06,752
- Thanks.
- Yep, sorry.
307
00:11:06,804 --> 00:11:08,837
All right, listen, okay,
that was a disaster.
308
00:11:08,923 --> 00:11:09,838
I want nice, tight snaps.
309
00:11:09,924 --> 00:11:10,923
My mom is awesome.
310
00:11:11,008 --> 00:11:12,474
Snaps you can eat off of.
311
00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:14,593
[snoring]
312
00:11:14,679 --> 00:11:16,679
[wheels squeaking]
313
00:11:20,434 --> 00:11:21,400
[cool jazz music]
314
00:11:21,435 --> 00:11:23,602
Ah! [sighs]
315
00:11:23,688 --> 00:11:26,438
Here's a little bit
of a hypothetical
316
00:11:26,524 --> 00:11:29,491
What if I were to say that
I'm no longer cool with it?
317
00:11:29,577 --> 00:11:31,076
Women:
Just
throwing it out there
318
00:11:31,112 --> 00:11:34,330
Not that that's actually
how I feel, but if...
319
00:11:34,415 --> 00:11:36,332
women:
Would you stop dating?
320
00:11:36,417 --> 00:11:37,583
No.
321
00:11:37,618 --> 00:11:40,619
I mean, we're kind of a thing now.
322
00:11:40,671 --> 00:11:42,287
Yeah! Yeah, no, that's... that's...
323
00:11:42,340 --> 00:11:44,707
Yeah, that's what I thought, okay.
324
00:11:44,792 --> 00:11:47,259
- Cool.
- Cool.
325
00:11:47,294 --> 00:11:49,545
- Well, good night!
- Good night, man.
326
00:11:49,630 --> 00:11:51,630
[whispering] All right,
come on, this way.
327
00:11:51,682 --> 00:11:53,716
Mr. Cranky Pants is not a showbiz fan.
328
00:11:53,801 --> 00:11:56,051
- It's 3:00 in the morning!
- Okay, come on.
329
00:11:59,190 --> 00:12:00,639
[grumbling] Jesus.
330
00:12:00,691 --> 00:12:03,058
Knock, knock. Sorry, uh...
331
00:12:03,144 --> 00:12:06,145
The door... the door, um, is
it locked from the outside?
332
00:12:06,230 --> 00:12:07,363
Does someone lock you in every night?
333
00:12:07,448 --> 00:12:09,281
No!
334
00:12:09,316 --> 00:12:10,482
'Cause we're having a
hell of a time opening...
335
00:12:10,568 --> 00:12:12,034
Just push it! Push it. It's a door.
336
00:12:12,119 --> 00:12:13,786
- Is it a push-and-lift?
- I'm so tired, man!
337
00:12:13,821 --> 00:12:15,154
- Push-and-lift?
- I don't know!
338
00:12:15,206 --> 00:12:16,238
- Okay, fine.
- It's a door.
339
00:12:16,323 --> 00:12:17,656
I'm tired, please.
340
00:12:17,708 --> 00:12:19,708
You know, you [bleep] live here, so...
341
00:12:19,794 --> 00:12:21,326
You've been in here a million times.
342
00:12:21,412 --> 00:12:24,880
I live here. Jesus Christ, man.
343
00:12:24,965 --> 00:12:26,215
So is it... is it a push-and-lift?
344
00:12:26,300 --> 00:12:27,166
Come on!
345
00:12:31,035 --> 00:12:33,235
Did, um... did Mike send
you that Evite that he made
346
00:12:33,287 --> 00:12:35,538
for Rosa's birthday party with the...
347
00:12:35,573 --> 00:12:36,989
with the Ninja Turtles?
348
00:12:37,075 --> 00:12:38,491
It was so cute.
349
00:12:38,576 --> 00:12:41,243
Yeah, yeah, he sent it
to me. I received it.
350
00:12:41,329 --> 00:12:42,795
You gonna go?
351
00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:47,049
Ah, meh, I don't know.
352
00:12:47,085 --> 00:12:48,584
Really?
353
00:12:48,669 --> 00:12:49,885
What do you want? They're a couple.
354
00:12:49,921 --> 00:12:51,670
They're, like, actually a couple now.
355
00:12:51,756 --> 00:12:53,556
And, uh,
356
00:12:53,591 --> 00:12:58,144
I know I'm supposed to
be cool with it, but, uh,
357
00:12:58,229 --> 00:13:00,262
yeah, it's hard... it's hard
for me to be around them.
358
00:13:00,314 --> 00:13:02,515
Yeah, no, totally. I get that.
359
00:13:04,652 --> 00:13:06,769
- Can I give you some advice?
- Oh, shit.
360
00:13:06,821 --> 00:13:08,738
Yeah, do it.
361
00:13:08,773 --> 00:13:10,523
The only way you're gonna get over Rosa
362
00:13:10,608 --> 00:13:12,491
is to try to find someone new.
363
00:13:12,577 --> 00:13:16,245
Yeah, maybe you're right.
364
00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:17,613
[bass music thumping]
365
00:13:17,698 --> 00:13:20,332
It was so, so, so fun.
366
00:13:20,418 --> 00:13:23,002
And then, on the drive
home, we found a dude
367
00:13:23,087 --> 00:13:24,620
selling fireworks on
the side of the road.
368
00:13:24,705 --> 00:13:26,088
I bought the biggest one.
369
00:13:26,124 --> 00:13:27,790
It's called the Teddy Blows-evelt.
370
00:13:27,875 --> 00:13:30,593
Gonna set it off at midnight
to celebrate this little cutie.
371
00:13:30,628 --> 00:13:32,711
Wow, Mike, this is a really...
372
00:13:32,797 --> 00:13:34,513
this is a really awesome party.
373
00:13:34,599 --> 00:13:36,549
- This is a really awesome lady.
- Babe!
374
00:13:36,634 --> 00:13:38,267
Hey, baby.
375
00:13:38,302 --> 00:13:41,187
What's up, party people?
376
00:13:41,272 --> 00:13:42,772
Oh, good, you made it.
377
00:13:42,807 --> 00:13:45,691
Actually, we made it.
378
00:13:45,777 --> 00:13:47,359
[dramatic musical sting]
379
00:13:47,445 --> 00:13:53,115
Liz, meet my new girlfriend, Bosa.
380
00:13:53,151 --> 00:13:55,785
Bosa? Nice to meet you.
381
00:13:55,820 --> 00:13:58,821
[guttural groan]
382
00:13:58,873 --> 00:14:00,406
[chuckles]
383
00:14:00,491 --> 00:14:02,908
[laughs] Isn't she great?
384
00:14:02,994 --> 00:14:04,910
[softly] Yeah.
385
00:14:04,996 --> 00:14:06,495
- Let's go get a drink.
- Yeah, you got it.
386
00:14:06,547 --> 00:14:07,546
- Yeah.
- Stay put.
387
00:14:07,632 --> 00:14:09,465
Don't eat any garbage.
388
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:11,801
- Okay, Josh...
- Yes?
389
00:14:11,836 --> 00:14:13,219
Doesn't Bosa remind you of someone?
390
00:14:13,304 --> 00:14:17,590
Huh. Uh, Dame Angelina Jolie?
391
00:14:17,675 --> 00:14:20,176
- She looks a lot like Rosa.
- She looks nothing like Rosa.
392
00:14:20,261 --> 00:14:22,228
- Josh!
- Dr. Orloff?
393
00:14:22,313 --> 00:14:24,263
Your Rosa clone is malfunctioning.
394
00:14:24,348 --> 00:14:26,182
I tried to create what you asked.
395
00:14:26,234 --> 00:14:29,568
But she's a monster.
396
00:14:29,654 --> 00:14:32,438
I'm so sorry.
397
00:14:32,523 --> 00:14:34,523
- Josh!
- Yeah?
398
00:14:34,575 --> 00:14:36,358
- Really?
- What?
399
00:14:36,444 --> 00:14:37,827
Okay, I know you're stuck on Rosa,
400
00:14:37,862 --> 00:14:39,862
but cloning her is not the solution.
401
00:14:39,914 --> 00:14:42,198
I am not stuck on Rosa.
402
00:14:42,250 --> 00:14:44,950
That's always been my type:
brown hair, brown eyes,
403
00:14:45,036 --> 00:14:50,372
genetic sequence AAAAAGCTGCCCTAAAA.
404
00:14:50,424 --> 00:14:53,092
Look, the point is, we're really happy.
405
00:14:53,177 --> 00:14:55,094
[labored breathing]
406
00:14:55,179 --> 00:14:57,046
Kill...
407
00:14:57,131 --> 00:14:58,931
me.
408
00:14:59,016 --> 00:15:00,683
Shit.
409
00:15:00,718 --> 00:15:04,186
No, no, no, no. No, no,
oop, oh, okay, no, no.
410
00:15:04,222 --> 00:15:06,772
- No, no, no.
- [snarling]
411
00:15:06,858 --> 00:15:07,940
- Yield!
- [snarls]
412
00:15:08,025 --> 00:15:09,058
Yield!
413
00:15:09,143 --> 00:15:10,643
Can I get a whiskey, please?
414
00:15:13,895 --> 00:15:17,227
Hold up! Yo! Listen up, everybody.
415
00:15:17,313 --> 00:15:19,146
I just want to say something real quick.
416
00:15:19,231 --> 00:15:21,365
And I am not just saying this
because it's her birthday.
417
00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:24,201
But, Rosa, you are the kindest,
418
00:15:24,236 --> 00:15:27,955
smartest, funniest, sexiest babe
419
00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:28,989
I have ever met.
420
00:15:29,075 --> 00:15:30,624
Crowd: Aww!
421
00:15:30,709 --> 00:15:33,077
So here's to my little Choo-Choo
422
00:15:33,162 --> 00:15:35,662
from your big ol' loose caboose.
423
00:15:35,748 --> 00:15:37,081
Happy birthday, Rosa.
424
00:15:37,133 --> 00:15:38,882
All: Happy birthday, Rosa!
425
00:15:38,918 --> 00:15:40,751
Happy birthday.
426
00:15:40,836 --> 00:15:42,836
[moaning]
427
00:15:42,922 --> 00:15:44,721
Whoa, Josh, Josh!
428
00:15:44,757 --> 00:15:46,557
[slurring] Wait, wait, wait, whoa, whoa.
429
00:15:46,592 --> 00:15:49,093
[clattering on glass]
430
00:15:49,178 --> 00:15:50,811
Everybody!
431
00:15:50,896 --> 00:15:52,930
Today is also my girlfriend's birthday!
432
00:15:53,015 --> 00:15:54,348
Bosa!
433
00:15:54,433 --> 00:15:57,234
She was born this
morning in a centrifuge!
434
00:15:57,269 --> 00:16:00,104
And she loves me, and I love her,
435
00:16:00,189 --> 00:16:01,488
and everybody loves her.
436
00:16:01,574 --> 00:16:04,575
So from... to my... to my, uh,
437
00:16:04,610 --> 00:16:07,911
hoppy, floppy bunny rabbit
438
00:16:07,947 --> 00:16:12,616
from... from your
chunky little carrot man,
439
00:16:12,701 --> 00:16:15,452
happy birthday, Bosa!
440
00:16:15,504 --> 00:16:18,205
[all mumbling] Happy birthday, Bosa.
441
00:16:18,290 --> 00:16:22,092
Kill me.
442
00:16:22,128 --> 00:16:24,511
There's a lot to love about Bosa,
443
00:16:24,597 --> 00:16:28,048
and I don't just mean her
pretty face or her giant hand.
444
00:16:28,134 --> 00:16:29,633
And... and... and I'll tell you
445
00:16:29,685 --> 00:16:31,301
the thing I like about her the most:
446
00:16:31,387 --> 00:16:33,187
she's definitely not the kind of person
447
00:16:33,272 --> 00:16:35,856
that would go out with your best friend
448
00:16:35,941 --> 00:16:37,975
after giving you every indication
449
00:16:38,060 --> 00:16:39,359
that she wanted to kiss you.
450
00:16:39,445 --> 00:16:40,978
All right. Good speech, bro.
451
00:16:41,030 --> 00:16:43,530
Thanks, bro! Radical!
452
00:16:43,616 --> 00:16:45,232
Catch a wave, dude!
453
00:16:45,317 --> 00:16:47,401
Hey, Josh! It's not cool, man.
454
00:16:47,486 --> 00:16:49,786
Oh, really, was it not? Was it not cool?
455
00:16:49,822 --> 00:16:51,655
Was it not cool? Well,
I'll tell you something.
456
00:16:51,740 --> 00:16:53,373
What you guys are
doing isn't cool either.
457
00:16:53,459 --> 00:16:55,576
We asked, and you said
you were cool with it.
458
00:16:55,661 --> 00:16:58,829
What was I supposed to say?
459
00:16:58,914 --> 00:16:59,963
I'm leaving.
460
00:16:59,999 --> 00:17:01,465
Bosa!
461
00:17:01,500 --> 00:17:03,083
Oh my God! She's got a firework!
462
00:17:03,169 --> 00:17:05,669
She's got a what?
463
00:17:05,754 --> 00:17:08,272
The Teddy Blows-Evelt. Get down!
464
00:17:08,340 --> 00:17:11,925
[firework explodes]
465
00:17:12,011 --> 00:17:15,179
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
466
00:17:15,264 --> 00:17:16,930
Good night, sweet clone.
467
00:17:17,016 --> 00:17:19,983
- I'm so sorry, Josh.
- Ah, it's okay.
468
00:17:20,019 --> 00:17:22,019
She really hated being alive.
469
00:17:22,104 --> 00:17:24,021
Yeah.
470
00:17:24,073 --> 00:17:25,155
So long, Bosa X.
471
00:17:27,993 --> 00:17:29,359
Bosa X?
472
00:17:29,445 --> 00:17:31,578
Oh, yeah, she's the one you met.
473
00:17:31,664 --> 00:17:35,199
The, uh... the rest of them
didn't really work out so good.
474
00:17:35,251 --> 00:17:36,867
Yikes.
475
00:17:36,952 --> 00:17:39,620
So, uh, what's gonna happen
with you and Mike and Rosa?
476
00:17:39,705 --> 00:17:42,589
I don't know; they're
still pretty angry at me,
477
00:17:42,675 --> 00:17:44,424
which I understand.
478
00:17:44,510 --> 00:17:47,544
My behavior was less than perfect.
479
00:17:47,630 --> 00:17:50,264
Yeah, they'll get over it.
480
00:17:50,349 --> 00:17:52,933
And guess what. So will you.
481
00:17:53,018 --> 00:17:53,967
What about me?
482
00:17:54,053 --> 00:17:56,136
Ah! Dr. Orloff.
483
00:17:58,774 --> 00:18:02,192
I will never get over my
crimes against God and nature.
484
00:18:02,228 --> 00:18:04,811
I put shame upon myself
and all of science.
485
00:18:04,897 --> 00:18:06,363
Why did you do it if
you hate it so much?
486
00:18:06,398 --> 00:18:09,066
For money. Word of advice.
487
00:18:09,118 --> 00:18:11,401
Do not send your kids
to private schools.
488
00:18:11,453 --> 00:18:13,904
Yeah. Yeah.
489
00:18:13,989 --> 00:18:16,823
Listen, guys, let's...
let's go get a beer.
490
00:18:16,909 --> 00:18:18,659
- That's a good idea.
- Yeah. I'll pay.
491
00:18:18,744 --> 00:18:19,993
I'm not having beer right now.
492
00:18:20,079 --> 00:18:21,962
I'm on this low-carb thing.
493
00:18:22,047 --> 00:18:23,830
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, right.
494
00:18:23,916 --> 00:18:26,633
Well, I'm sure they can,
yeah, find something for you.
495
00:18:26,719 --> 00:18:28,252
Yeah, we'll... yeah.
496
00:18:28,337 --> 00:18:30,837
Thanks, guys. You really
are my best friends.
497
00:18:30,923 --> 00:18:35,425
Should auld
acquaintance be forgot
498
00:18:35,477 --> 00:18:40,314
And never brought tae mind
499
00:18:40,399 --> 00:18:45,102
Should auld acquaintancebe forgot
500
00:18:45,154 --> 00:18:50,073
And auld lang syne
501
00:18:50,109 --> 00:18:54,911
For auld lang syne, my jo
502
00:18:54,947 --> 00:18:58,165
For auld lang syne
503
00:18:58,250 --> 00:19:00,334
I... I can't afford this!
504
00:19:00,419 --> 00:19:01,835
I thought you guys were non-union.
505
00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:03,120
We're in Actors' Equity.
506
00:19:03,205 --> 00:19:04,231
You're all Equity?
507
00:19:04,351 --> 00:19:06,976
If one of us is Equity, then
it's an Equity production,
508
00:19:07,096 --> 00:19:09,194
and we're all owed Equity compensation.
509
00:19:09,958 --> 00:19:11,012
Even the drummer?
510
00:19:11,541 --> 00:19:14,268
All he did was play one
beat over and over again.
511
00:19:14,388 --> 00:19:16,631
I don't make the rules, daddy-o.
512
00:19:16,751 --> 00:19:18,850
[rimshot]
513
00:19:18,900 --> 00:19:23,450
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